YELLOW

Yellow

“GIRL! Make sure na samahan po mo ’ko mamaya na imeet ’yung pinagbilhan ko ng pusa. You decide na rin if it’s healthy or not! I don’t understand ’yung mga nakasulat sa papers baka pala fake lang ’yon or what. Ayoko ng ma scam pa ulit!” She shouted.

Napalayo ako sa phone ko dahil sa pagsigaw niya. Nag f-face time lang kami pero kung makasigaw akala mo malayo kami sa isa’t isa. Eh sobrang lapit naman ng phone niya sa bunganga niya.

“Wow, nasaan ang doctors fee ko?” I’m now a Veterinarian.

After ilang years, I graduated rin. My journey is not easy! And I dont recommend to be in a relationship while studying medical course talaga.

Slightly, depressing. Oh, wait. Hindi lang slightly. Depressing talaga siya. Sobrang naapektuhan ang lahat saakin because of that.

Hindi ko naman gine-generalize na possible na lahat ay magkakaroon ng experience just like mine pero a daily reminder lang for me na don’t date when you’re in the medical course.

And I’m glad na nalagpasan ko rin ang hell na ’yon. I feel like I’m traumatized and ayaw na muling mangyari ’yon.

“Ano ba ’yan! Hindi ka na nga pumunta sa party ko tapos wala pang gift! Then now sisingilin mo ’ko ng doctor’s fee?! Sino ang dapat mahiya saatin, Dear?”

I rolled my eyes. “Eh kasi nga—” I’m really busy talaga right now.

Dahil maraming gawain dito sa clinic. And ’yung reason naman kaya hindi ako nakapunta sa birthday party niya ay may 2 schedule ako ng surgery syempre uunahin ko ang patient ko kaya ayun hindi na ako umabot sa party niya.

She sighed. “Shh, Please. Kahit ngayon lang promise hindi na kita guguluhin. Help mo lang ako with this. If naging vet lang ako I’ll not ask for your help din naman. Saka ilang beses na ako na scam ’di ba? Besides last hangout natin last 3 months pa. I miss you friend..”

Napakamot ako noo ko. “You know that I’m busy—”“

“Lagi nalang busy! Ako rin naman busy lalo na nag tuturo ako! Pero kapag gusto may paraan at kapag ayaw you have many dahilan. It’s weekend naman kahit naman mag half day ka nalang muna. Oh kaya wala bang papalit sa’yo?”

I scanned my schedule. More on check ups and vaccine lang naman ang gagawin ngayon. And hindi naman sobrang burden if aalis ako ngayon.

“Fine! I’ll call Doc Ja nalang para makipag palit ng shift. Alam mo namang hindi pwede umalis ang doctor sa clinic! I’ll wait for her sana pumayag. Mag dasal ka na d’yan.”

Kalaunan ay pumayag na rin si Doc Ja—my college friend na makipag palit saakin ng shift for a while.

Kaya eto nandito kami ngayon SM clark. Dito nila napili mag meet up. They are from Madaluyong pa. So imagine the stress of the cat. Poor baby.

“Ano ba do you know their face? Ang init—init bakit kasi rito sa parking lot? Talaga ba?”

“Ihh. Oo wait ka lang! Papunta na then sa loob na tayo!” She looked stress habang ilang beses ni c-call ang kameet up niya.

We waited for like atleast 20 minutes pa bago sila tuluyang dumating.

“I’m really—really sorry. Na traffic kami!” napatingin ako sa lalaki na kababa lang from their fortuner na tumakbo papunta rito.

Pinanliitan ko ’to ng mata dahil He looks familiar to me.

His eyes seems really familiar.

“Hello, it’s okay! I know how traffic talaga. Where’s the cat?” tanong ni Kyla.

Tinignan ko rin ito at wala naman siyang hawak-hawak kaya napaangat ang kilay ko.

He clapped. “Ay oo nga pala! Nasa car, my brother will bring her here.”

Nawala ang attention ko sakanila nang biglang mag ring ang phone ko. Doc Ja is calling.

“Hello, yes, doc?”

“Wala ’yung record ni Chichi dito even on our computer —he’s a toy poodle. Sabi ng fur parents niya may record na raw sila dito. They asking for a discount sa 5in1 vaccine and grooming dahil nabigyan daw ng voucher pero I can’t even see their records.”

“Ah yes, doc! I know them. ’Yan ’yung kasabay ni Summer—’yung dog na may blood parasite na sinasabi ko na nabubura ’yung ibang records no’n.”

“Oh, okay sige. Vineverify ko lang since she asked me to call you rin.”

“Okay, doc! Sorry ang hassle pero thank you so much!”

“No worries, ingat!”

“Omg! Ang cute!” napatili si Kyla kaya naman agad akong nag angat ng tingin sa lalaking papalapit na buhat-buhat ang cat.

But imbes na sa pusa ako mapatingin ay sa nagbubuhat sakaniya.

And akala ko sa libro lang ang ganitong eksena pero sa isang iglap nag flashback lahat ng maikling alala namin.

Bumabagal ang tibok ng puso ko—bumagal ang takbo ng oras pakiramdam ko nag slow motion sila habang papalapit saakin.

I know how cliche it is. Pero isa sa mga gusto kong mangyari noon ay ’yung magkita kami muli.

It’s him. My yellow, Niko.

After almost 4 years, we met in person.

I gulped. Napatingin ako sa mukha niya. Kahit pa na ilang beses ko lang siya nakita, kahit pa madalas sa picture ko lang siya nakikita. I knew it’s him.

He looks more matured now. Hair style changed and it suits him more. And damn! I don’t know how to explain this kung sobrang gwapo niya sa picture—napaka gwapo niya rin talaga sa personal. As in “MAS GWAPO” Kim Jaewon ang peg!

He looks like an actor—an artist. D-mn. I’m not even kidding. I’m not being OA. I know he cause me pain—I mean I did also cause him pain and even though I’m already healed. I always dream to see him again—in person.

“Ang cute naman ng baby na ’yan! Shai, look oh. Kainis!”

Hindi nag aangat ng tingin saakin si Niko. Nakatingin lang siya kay Kyla at sa pusa. Hindi siya nakangiti—he looks so serious. I can’t read what’s going on in his mind.

“By the way guys, this is my friend, Shaire. She’s a vet! Pwede pabigay nalang ’yung mga paper ni Mocha.”

“Here.” inabot saakin ni Niko ang paper.

Blanko ang mga expresyon niya. I’m not surprise. Maybe hindi rin niya naman ako naalala.

Alam kong binaon niya na sa lupa ’yung alala naming dalawa. I bet he’s cringing right now kung maalala niya man na ako ang nakausap at nanloko sakaniya sa bumble.

“Ah, si Marianne pala ang vet nila. What a small world. I know her. She’s my friend,” I said while looking at Mocha’s record.

“Really?! Yes, reccomended vet siya saamin,” sambit ng Kuya ni Niko. Now, I know why He looks familiar dahil naalala ko na noon ay lagi ko ’tong iniistalk para tignan if may updates do’n about kay Niko.

“Anyhow, ano you guys wanna grab some food muna or nagmamadali kayo?” aya ni Kyla.

“Not really!”

“Yes, we’re in hurry!”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Kyla dahil sabay ang pagkasabi ng magkapatid pero magkasalungat.

And as expected si Niko ang tumutol.

“Kuya, I’ve already told you that I need to fetch Ahia.”

Who’s that? His new girl? Ahia sounds familiar? Wait— ’yun ba ’yung girl na nakikita kong kaklase niya before na sobrang pretty?

And the girl that I saw on his post? The girl that he’s talking about on his poem account?

So, I’m right. They are in relationship..

---

-2024-

Chapter 01

Shaire Brigh

I JUST got home from a busy day of school and meetings. My social battery is dead and words can’t explain how exhausted I am. Lalo na sunod-sunod ang mga exam ko simula last month sa lahat ng vet subject and nakikisabay pati ang minors. No rest talaga.

Tumingin ako sa wrist watch ko and it’s already 8pm na. Umuwi ako ngayon sa bahay from our dorm dahil need ko rin palaba ’yung white uniform ko na hindi kayang linisin ng laundry shop.

Sobrang kapit kasi ng ink ng pen na natapon sa pans ko at ang super MOM ko lang kayang makaalis no’n. I’m currently taking Doctor of Veterinary Medicine kaya grabe ang struggle ko everyday with my white uniform. Lalo na I’m very clumsy person kaya hindi maiiwasan na lagi ako madumihan. Syempre we need to look decent and clean because we’re future doctors.

Midway through my resting, the sound of a notification from my phone disrupted my focus. With haste, I navigated to check the message. And it’s a group chat. My Highschool friends are keep calling me na pala.

Nag aaya na naman sila na makipag hangout. Naamoy yata nila na nandito ako sa bahay kaya sakto naman na nag aaya sila ngayon.

Medyo malayo kasi ang University ko from our house kaya nag d-dorm nalang ako. Every friday ako umuuwi or minsan kapag kinakailangan talaga. Iba-iba rin kaming university na pinapasukan kaya bihira na lang nalang kami lumabas magkakaibigan.

GROUP CHAT : (SHAIKYRY)

Ry (Dog):

@Shaire! Ano na teh reply ka naman. Saan ka?

Kyla (Koala):

Why don’t you call her? Imessage mo siya. Alam mo namang ’di nag o-online ’yan.

Ry (Dog):

Ayaw nga sagutin naka DND na naman tayo or mute. Shaire! Bilis na. Sunduin ka namin! Shaire tara na, last na lang ’to. Broken kasi ang friend natin. Bilis na!

Shai (Cat):

Bakit na naman ba?

Ry (Dog) :

Ayun finally! Let’s hangout! Broken si Kyla eh. Kaya iinom tayo ngayon.

Shai (Cat):

I can’t drink may class ako bukas. But sunduin niyo ko sa house right now. Mag aayos lang ako.

I’m so tired and walang-wala na talaga laman ang social battery ko but since kailangan kami ng kaibigan ko ay hindi ako makakatanggi and besides I kinda miss them.

I don’t know nga lang if totoo ang sinasabi nila or what. Minsan kasi dinadahilan lang nila ’yon para sumama ako sakanila but I have no choice I need confirm pa rin if she’s fine lalo na alam ko na marami talaga siyang problema sa guy niya. Hindi rin naman ako matatahimik if hindi ko malaman na okay lang siya.

Because of my busy schedule ngayon college bihira lang din naman kaming mag hangout tatlo kaya naman madalas akong tumatanggi sa mga araw na inaaya nila akong lumabas kasi kung hindi ako pagod ay madalas may exam ako at kailangan kong reviewhin.

Minsan hindi talaga tugma ang schedule namin o kaya may kanya-kanya kaming lakad dahil may iba rin naman kaming friends lalo na ngayong college kasi nagkahiwalay-hiwalay na kami pero masasabi ko na sila ’yung uuwian kong friends sa kahit anong mangyari. They are my homie.

I ready myself na. Nagpahinga lang ako saglit—siguro 5 minutes at pagkatapos ay mabilis akong kumilos kasi I know in a blink of an eye ay mag b-busina na sila sa labas ng bahay.

And hindi nga ako nagkakamali after 15 minutes. “Ate! Nandyan sina Kuya Ry!” sigaw ng bunso kong kapatid.

“Sabihin mo wait lang pababa na!”

Nagmadali akong kumuha ng bag at inilagay doon ang wallet at ang phone ko. Hindi ako masyado nag suot ng magarbong damit. I’m wearing simple short and a hoddie.

“Bakit ganyan suot mo?” I smirked when I enter the back seat. Kasi alam ko naman na gano’n ang ibubungad nilang tanong saakin.

Nakita ko kasi ang suot nilang nakapang “ready to party”

I’m expecting na mag aya talaga sila na mag clubbing dahil na rin sa nangyari but since I don’t have energy at all ay mas mabuti pang unahan ko na sila.

“Hays! Wala na akong allowance! Let’s just go to the coffee shop or mag samgy nalang tayo and after that tambay nalang sa CGC saka tayo bumili ng jack daniel kaysa mag clubbing.”

“Eh gusto nga ni Kyla na mag bar ngayon, eh.” Giit ni Ry

I made a face. “Teh, hindi naman tayo makakapag kwentuhan do’n. We need to console her syempre. Need natin magkwentuhan at chikahan saka na tayo mag bar. Sige na, pagod din ako. Kung ayaw niyo magbuset ako dito buong gabi ay huwag tayo mag clubbing.”

“Fine!” sabay na sigaw nila kaya napailing-iling nalang ako. Alam kasi nila na madalas hindi maganda timpla ko kapag pagod ako at nag b-buset talaga ako ng sobra kasi nga wala na talaga akong energy kaya ang ending au sira ang lakad namin.

Hindi naman sa pagiging KJ pero I really can’t na talaga. Gusto ko naman makisama pero once kasi wala ka na talagang energy makipag socialize hindi na mapipigilan sarili mo na hindi magsungit para tumigil sila.

Sobrang understandable naman nila kasi ako ang bunso sakanila dalawa. Bestfriends ko sila since highschool. Nagkahiwalay lang talaga kami nung nag college kasi si Rye nag nursing siya. Kami ni Kyla hindi talaga kami magkahiwalay—kung baga kambal kami kahit saan sinusundan niya ako. Dati kaklase ko si Kyla sa vetmed kaso nag shift siya in one week palang dahil hindi niya na kinaya—yes gano’n talaga siya kahirap lang if it’s not really your passion kaya ngayon napunta talaga siya sa totoong passion niya which is maging PE teacher.

We went to korean town sa Clark para after daw ay tatambay nalang kami sa CGC para do’n mag chill. We decide to eat nalang sa korean restaurant nearby.

“Ano ba kasi ang nangyari?” I asked saka ako kumain ng kimchi.

I’m so hungry na nga.

She started to make kwento na sa lahat ng nangyari sakanila nila nung guy na kinaiinisan ko rin well noong una palang talaga ayoko na siya kasi ilang beses niya ng sinasaktan si Kyla. Walang ligawan na nagyayari—kahit ilang months na sila na nag uusap. Almost a year na rin pero walang ligawan at mas lalong walang balak siyang tanungin nung guy kung gusto ba nila ilevel up ang relationship nila.

Inshort, wala naman talagang plano ’yung guy sakanilang dalawa. Hindi ito committed. Gusto lang niya ’yung presence ni Kyla—’yung idea na nag uusap na sila but hindi naman siya kayang panagutan ng lalaki.

Eh si Kyla, grabe mag mahal ’yan. Saksi ako ilang heart break ang napagdaanan niya. She’s ready na actually naghihintay na nga lang siyang tanungin nung guy but wala talaga.

“Eh bakla naman kasi yon! Naamoy ko kauri ko no saka halatang-halata na hindi ka naman i-pupursue kasi at the first place ay nung sinabi mong crush mo siya ilang araw lang ay gusto ka na rin? Eh samantalang kakaamin niya lang na crush niya ’yung lalaking nagkakagusto sa’yo? Teh baka gusto ka lang niya agawan or saktan kasi nga nagkakagusto sa’yo ’yung crush niya.” sambit ni Ry na nag g-grilled ng samgy.

Noong una rin talaga naisip ko ’yan. Medyo na weirduhan din talaga ako. Kasi ang pagkakaalam ko naging magkaibigan muna sila—so ’yung guy open about his sexuality na bisexual ’to. Last kasi na kwento ni Kyla may nagkakagusto sakaniya and ang masaklap pa ay gusto din nung crush niya ’yung nagkaka crush sakaniya. Hindi ba magulo ’yon? Literal na love triangle but 2 guys ang involved.

Tapos ang ending nalaman na namin na naguusap na sila nung guy. Nireject niya ’yung nakakagusto sakaniyang lalaki para sa lalaking ’yon eh hindi naman malinaw ang intention ng lalaking itago natin sa pangalang Martin.

“Hindi naman..” ayan na naman siya pagtatangol niya na na naman.

Hindi ako nagsasalita kasi iniingatan ko rin naman ang sasabihin ko dahil alam kong mahuhurt si Kyla lalo na hindi ito ang first time na may nagyari sakaniya na ganitong-ganito rin ang scenario.

She has a type. Bisexual and feminine guys but ang ending nasasaktan lang din siya.

“Eh siya nga ’yung gusto tapusin na ’di ba samantalang wala naman kayo,” sabi pa ni Rye.

“Yeah.”

I sighed. “Ang kapal talaga ng mukha ng Martin na ’yan. Nasabi ko naman sayo at first place na ayaw ko siya kasi sino ba namang matinong lalaki na gusto ka pero iniiwan iwanan ka at kung makakapit sa ibang babae  wagas dahil wala naman malisya kasi friend daw sila and BI siya. I mean dapat he’s unsure about his sexuality—or if not ready sa relationship huwag siyang magpaasa at gumamit ng tao. G-go talaga ang animal na ’yon.” ayan na hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko hanggang sa matapos kami kumain at nag tambay na kami sa CGC rant ako ng rant about Martin.

Humigop ako ng JD at naupo sa camping chair. “Girl, don’t settle for less. I don’t know bakit ka ganyan eh maganda ka naman, may kotse, mayaman, matalino, and faithful–what I mean is nowadays type ka nang mas nakakarami or like Ideal girl ka nila. Eh ’di hamak naman na marami ka pang mahahanap na iba na kapantay mo and worth it to risk ’yung tipong bibigay same energy na binibigay mo. It doesn’t matter naman ano ang estado niya if he’s rich in love, why not ’di ba?

“Naisip ko na ’yan pero ang hirap naman kasi maghanap. Hindi naman gano’n kadali lalo na sa ganitong panahon. Gustong-gusto ko naman, eh.”

“Anong mahirap? Minsan nga mas okay pa ’yung mga nakikilalang stranger kaysa sa mga nakikita mo araw-araw. Sabi ko kasi sayo mag download ka na ng bumble daming gwapo do’n kung ’yun lang naman ang hanap mo. And sometimes do’n mo pa makakasalamiha ’yjng mga lalaking faithful and kaya kang mahalin,“sambit ko.

Bumble is a dating app na madalas ginagamit ngayon ng mga kabataan o ng mga single people.

Though I’m encouraging her to use it pero syempre date at your own risk. Yes, madalas naman talaga na sa dating app may mga true love na mahahanap pero syempre hindi maiiwasan ang trauma, mga bastos, at ’yung mga lalaki o babae na mapanamantala. In general.

Kaya use at your risk. Alam mo na ang tama at sa mali. Since it’s a dating app—para itong sugal. Kung tataya ka ba o hindi? O kung mananalo ka ba o hindi?

Syempre kikilalanin mo ng maigi ang mga nakikila mo lang sa online kasi mahirap na sa panahon ngayon. Lagamak ang krimen.

“Sanay na sanay si anteh oh! Kala mo naman may mabuting dulot ’yang bumble!” pangaasar ni Ry.

Well I’m using bumble when I’m bored and I didn’t expect na makikilala ko rito first boyfriend ko and we’ve lasted for almost 4 years, he’s faithful and hindi naman cheating ang issue ng paghihiwalay namin sadyang hindi namin kinaya ang LDR and ako na mismo ang nakipag break sakaniya since hindi siya nag g-grow when he’s with me lagi niya akong ginagawang center ng life niya.

I often use this app kapag feel ko need ko na makipag socialize and so what ever basta kapag na f-feel ko ready ako to landi ayun I’ll download it and kapag may mga nagustuhan ako sakanila ay papayag akong lilipat kami sa IG.

And so far, okay naman ang experience ko sa na ’to. But ako kasi ’yung tipong mabilis mauubusan ng energy at sobrang bilis tamarin na makipag usap kaya madalas ginoghost ko sila at ’yung iba nagiging palamuti nalang sa follower list ko.

After my first boyfriend, wala ng sumunod na iba. Pure landian lang—hanggang talking stage pero wala ako naging karelasyon na kahit sino sakanila one thing na rin siguro na masyado akong busy sa vet school and hindi rin kasi talaga gano’n kaganda ang ugali ko.

I admit how red flag I am. Sobrang feel ko ang swerte ko sa first boy friend ko no’n dahil He can handle me. Okay na sana, eh. Kaso hindi siya nag g-grow na. Lagi nalang niya akong pinipili.

I mean yes nakakatuwa naman talaga na malaman na mahal niya ako at lagi pipiliin araw-araw pero what about him? Paano ang sarili niya? Napapabayaan niya ng dahil saakin? He always choose me more than himself or even his career. Hindi siya umaalis ng pwesto niya and at the end nagiging draining saakin kung baga hinihila ko siya pataas at minomotivate pero mas pinipili niya na mag pabigat.

Matutuwa ba ako na marami siyang sinacrifice lalo na sa career because He loves me? It’s always hunting me. It makes me guilty.

And now I’m fully healed naman na wala rin naman na akong contact sakaniya and I bet he’s happy na rin.

Minsan okay naman ako pero madalas dry na ako makipag usap eh since it’s getting to know each other stage madalas nagsasawa na sila kaya gano’n. Very nonchalant ako lalo na nung na sa first relationship ako pero I’m glad na partner ako sa sobrang clingy na guy kaya marami rin akong natutunan sakaniya.

“You know naman na hindi ko alam paano gumamit ng app na ’yan ’di ba? Naguguluhan ako saka hindi ko hilig ’yung chat-chat na ’yan!”

“Naturuan na kita dati ’di ba?” this is not the first time na tinuruuan ko siya mag bumble. Matagal na. Every break up na pinagdadanan niya sinasabihan ko siya na mag bumble or mag dating app pero isang araw lang siya tumatagal.

“I forgot na! You know naman nga na I’m so mahina when it comes to that ’di ba? Saka ang scary kasi!” ngumuso ito.

“Ano-ano na naman tinuturo mo teh! Alam mo namang walang alam sa technology si Lola.” natatawang usal ni Ry kay Kyla kaya naman sinapok siya nito.

“Wow huh! Edi kayo na mga lalakero!” inirapan niya kami.

“Akin na phone mo download natin bumble.” inilahad ko ang kamay ko ngunit umiling lang ito.

“Nahihiya ako baka kasi may kakilalang makakita saakin tapos sabihin nila na pakalat-kalat ako sa dating app! Nakakahiya kaya dinedelete ko lagi account ko. Last time nakita ko prof ko nando’n!”

“Jusko ang arte mo! Edi paano ka makakahanap ng bago kung ganyan? Hanap-hanap ka ng lalaki saamin eh ayaw mo naman gumawa ng paraan,” sambit ni Ry. He’s right.

“ ’Yung sa’yo nalang teh,“ sabi niya saakin pero umiling lang ako.

“Baliw, edi ako ang ginusto nila. Eh ikaw nga nakikipag date at hindi naman ako. Ano ’yon? Mukha ko ilalagay ko? Paano ka makakahanap ng genuine love niyan?”

“Basta ako ayoko!”

Napa face palm ako. “Tss, sige na nga! Gagawa nalang akong paraan.” nagkwentuhan lang kami hanggang sa pumatak na ang ala una ng madaling araw ay napagdesisyunan na namin na umuwi na.

Dahan-dahan akong pumasok sa bahay dahil baka magising pa ang parents ko. Napatalon ako nang may makita akong anino sa kitchen.

“Saan kayo galing? Oras na.” si Mama.

“Ah, eh si Kyla po kasi broken. Sa Clark po kami galing.”

“Oras na. Sa susunod umuwi ka ng maaga alam mo namang ’di ako nakakatulog ng kulang kayo. Sige na mag pahinga ka na. Goodnight, I love you.”

Kahit 4th year college na ako ay medyo mahigpit pa rin talaga si Mama ko saamin—I mean sobrang higpit sadyang sobrang mahal lang kami.

Dali-dali akong pumunta sa kwarto ko at agad na humiga sa kama. I installed bumble and create my profile. Ginamit ko munang profile ay si Seulgi at nag add ako ng mga pictures ng cat ko.

Ayoko na rin kasi ilagay ’yung picture ko baka naman kasi magkaroon ng misunderstanding. Obvious naman na si Seulgi ’to and ilalagay ko naman sa bio ko ang pakay ko.

KYLA• 22

“First pic is Seulgi, second is my cat Shoomai and the third one—swipe right if you wanna know. I’ll reto someone.”

Nang matapos kong iset up ang account ko ay mabilis akong naligo it took 30 minutes bago ako natapos and when I checked my account higit 150 na agad ang nag swipe right.

Kaya randomly na rin akong nag swipe para magkaroon na ng kamatch— ’yung tipong satingin ko type at bagay ni Kyla. Magkaiba kami ni Kyla ng type gusto mga feminine and clean, maputi, at pogi syempre. And I’m glad na may iilang nag match.

You and Enrico matched!

Me:

Hello!

Enrico:

You’ll reto someone?

Me : Yup, give it a try! I’ll send her picture and some her traits. Tell me if you want her or not.  I’ll interview you first din.

Enrico : Whoah, I’m nervous. Job interview ba ’to? Lol.

Sobrang dami kong nakausap. Hindi lang si Enrico more than 50 pa ang nakausap ko and yes kinaya ng energy ko ’yon for my friend pero 10 lang ang pinili ko na bigyan ng IG ni Kyla dahil inaalam ko pa ang mga ugali nila and syempre I’m asking din sa opinion ni Kyla.

Napangisi ako nang biglang mag call si Kyla saakin. “What? Are you happy na?”

“Girl! I’m fcking tired and sleepy! Almost 5am na! Tama na please sobrang dami nila! Sabi mo sampu lang bakit andaming nag f-follow at chinachat ako. I only need one. What the hell ka!” pag h-hysterical niya.

Just like me— hindi rin niya kaya na makipag chat-chat na gano’n. Pero she’s worst! Nakikipag landian naman ako kahit papaano pero siya talaga legit na hindi alam kung paano.

“I know but alam kong picky ka. So mamili ka nalang okay? I love you my friend! Goodluck!“natatawa kong sambit at pinatay ang phone.

Nagising ako sa alarm ng phone ko. I have 11 am class today kaya naman tumayo na ako.  Chineck ko ang phone ko at agad naman akong natuwa nang makitang nag cancel ng class ’yung isang doctor!

Chineck ko ang bumble at higit 300 na nag swipe right. And since nakahanap naman na si Kyla ng mga lalaki ay inalis ko ang bio. At akmang d-delete ko na ay ewan ko bakit may nagtulak saakin na huwag muna.

I’m kinda bored din since wala pa akong gagawin. Sinubukan kong i verified ang account ko. I know naman na hindi ma v-verified dahil mukha ni Seulgi ang nakalagay doon but I didn’t expect na biglang nagkaroon ng blue check.

Verified confirmed!

“Wow, so kamukha ko si Seulgi? natatawa kong sambit sa sarili ko kasi bigla talaga nag verified.

Well, I’m chinita pero double eyelids naman and hindi rin naman ako sobrang puti na animo gatas. I’m not petite too. Sakto lang ang katawan ko but I have thick thigh and big boobs. Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang pero always akong napupuri dahil maganda ang katawan ko. Sabi nga nila every woman’s dream pero to be honest na i-insecure pa rin naman ako.

Si Seulgi ’yung sobrang idol ko. Sobrang perfect ng mukha niya for me. She’s so cool and sobrang talented. Kung magkakaroon man ako ng next life sana mukha niya ang mapunta saakin. Kaya I looked up to her talaga. She’s my ultimate girl bias. She’s too perfect. She’s so talented kaya stan her! Stan RedVelvet.

Dahil nawala na ang antok ko ay nag s-swipe right ako ng mga bet-an ko. Wala naman akong plano na makipag date. Na b-bored lang kasi ako and wala naman akong any plans for today. Dahil nakapag review naman ako para sa exam namin this friday.

And dahil naka verified and sobrang convincing na parang ako nga si Seulgi kaya umabot ng higit 500+ ang nag swipe right na.

So namili ako ng mga type hanggang sa inabot na ako ng gabi.  Nakikipag chat ako and hanggang do’n lang. Wala akong plano na ilipat sila sa IG dahil bored lang talaga ako.

And besides iba ang pagkatao ng account na ’to. Pinaghalong Kyla at Seulgi. Hindi ko rin naman binibigay ’yung true identity ko except nalang siguro sa way na pag c-chat ko and sa kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. Ayun ang hindi ko maitatago.

Nikolo• 23

Avid cat owner

_<

I don’t know but sobrang nag init ang pisnge ko habang tinitignan ang mga picture niya pati ng cat niya. He’s so cute! Her picture are aesthetically pleasing. He looks clean and very mabango.

Oh my god. Definitely my type! Kaya naman walang ano-ano ay agad ko ng iniswipe right. i think it kyit ite

You and Niko matched!

Napa “whoah” ako nang makita na naka swipe right din pala siya saakin kaya agad kami nag match. Since girls ang nag f-first move sa bumble ay agad ko na siyang chinat.

Malakas kasi ang loob ko mag first move dahil hindi ko naman mukha at pangalan ang nakalagay sa profile ko, eh.

Me : Wow, cat lover <3

Naghilamos lang ako saglit and I did my night skin care routine. After that ay nagmadali na akong humiga para maging comfortable.

And I got a reply from Niko.

Niko:

Yeye. You a cat lover yourself? sorry for the late reply btw was ig.

Me:

Yes, I have 4 cats! Drop yours..

Niko:

Ig means “In game” but if you want my instagram sure. “Niko.viz” Damn! Wow. You have a lot.

Nabitawan ko ang phone ko dahil sa sobrang hiya. Ang akala ko hinihingi niya instagram ko what the f-ck omg! Bakit hindi ko naisip na ‘in game’ ang ibig sabihin no’n. Halata naman sa sentence niya.

Ano ba ’yan nakakasira ng image! Sa sobrang hiya ko ay—ibinaling ko muna ang atensyon ko sa iba. Agad kong inistalk ang binigay niyang account kaso naka private. Nakita ko lang is ’yung icon niya sa IG. Na nakaupo sa sports car.

Omg, I smell richness.

Hindi ko naman siya if-follow no.

Me:

My bad! Yeah, what’s your cat’s name? Mine, Shoomai, Shoopao, Shooman, and Shooju :))

Niko:

Omfg, that’s so adorable. Mine are Tofu, Arie, Blair, Sash, and Akari the other 4 are newborn kitties.

Me:

Oh really!! That’s a lot grabe! Are you going to sell them or keep? I hope keep haha.

Niko:

I’ll only keep 2 of ’em sadly. I can’t take care of all of ’em haha.

Me:

Well, you’re right. Surely there is someone who can take care of them naman haha. What breed?

Niko : Yeah. Persians all of ’em. not pure tho.

Me:

Oh pleaseee, so adorable! Hehe how much do you sell them? I always wanted to get persian. I think they are compatible with Bristish short-hair breed.

Niko:

I think they are yeah. Though. I’m still not sure how much I’ll sell ’em. I’ll definitely let you know first.

I don’t know but I’m smilling like an idiot na omg. Ang c-cute ng cats niya and I really want to buy one. Kaso alam mo naman hindi na ako papayagan ni Mama dahil sobrang dami ko ng alaga dito sa bahay.

I have 4 cats and 8 dogs. May fishes din ako and birds. Kaya galit na galit na Nanay ko dahil mukha ng Zoo ang bahay.

Me:

Thank you! Please let me know. Where are you from pala?

Niko:

I go home to Pasig on vacations since my family stays there. But I got a place in QC just near my college.

Napangiwi ako. Manila boy. I bet he like partying? Marami na akong nakausap na mga ganito and most of them wants hook up only or like one night stand and I hate that so much. Hindi ko naman sila ginegeneralize pero kasi marami sakanila gano’n ang gusto.

Me:

Oh, I see! I’m from Pampanga. So your cats are staying with you in QC?

Niko:

Nope they’re in Pasig sadly. I only ever see them when I head back but that’s usually on weekends and stuff so it’s chill.

Me:

Same! I’m staying at dorm near my college. Sa bahay din sila nag stay.

Niko:

Ah, I see. But if you don’t mind me asking. What are you up to these days Ky? Curious to know more about you :>

Napangiwi ako dahil tinatawag niya akong Ky. ’Di ko rin naman na talaga ma c-change ’yung name. Kaya tuloy name ni Kyla ang nakalagay pero okay lang naman wala rin naman na akong iplano ichat siya ulit. Hanggang ngayon gabi lang ito kasi may pasok na ako busy na ako.

Me:

I don’t have class today. And kinda bored and wanna take a break with my acads kaya I want to talk with the strangers. How about you?

Niko:

Literally out here looking for my ideal type of girl in bumble xD. And you pass with flying colors.

Hindi ko na napigilan at tumawa ako ng pagkalakas-lakas. Taray naman ni cutie ang galing mambola. Well, hindi na ako magtataka bakit I pass with flying colors. Si Seulgi ba naman gamit kong profile eh malamang maiinlove ’to.

Me:

Heh, really? That makes me flutter huh! Baka you make bola lang.

Niko : No no for real you look pretty cute in your photo so yeaa. My bad, if I caught you off guard there xD.

Me:

You really got me there, Niko. But the fact na you’re a cat lover. YOU PASS WITH FLYING COLORS also.

Niko:

Ay, I’m glad you think so too. Anyhow, since we’re in the topic as well. What are you looking for from a guy? If you dont mind me asking.

Me:

Physically, looks doesn’t matter to me as long as Dude is clean. I want someone who can handle me. I’m very bad and hot tempered. Wbu?

Niko:

Interesting-as much as I want to know the things that make you mad I’ll answer this first. To be blunt I usually base of my interests to physical traits. Well, 80% I’d say. But the whole attitude/demeanor does become a HUGE factor especially when we’re talking about people I become close with.

Nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Mas pumukaw ang atensyon ko sa sinabi niya sa mga naunang sentence.

Sa totoo lang hindi naman talaga ako nag b-base sa mukha ng 80%.  Eh siguro nasa 10% lang then the rest sa panloob na anyo na. Masasabi ko na kasama ako sa mga tao na mas matimbang pa rin kung paano ako mahalin ng tunay.

I want someone na i-itreat ako ng ayos ’yung kaya akong ihandle na kahit anong mangyari. I know there’s no thing such a “perfect “ but I want someone na gusto na nasakaniya ang mga good traits bonus nalang physical traits sa totoo lang.

Meaning, he’s interested with me dahil kay Seulgi. Hindi ko rin naman masisi siya kasi kahit ako kung makita ko ang mukha ni Seulgi dito sa bumble handa ako mag astig-astigan para lang makuha siya.

Me:

Oh, somehow I agree with u, especially in the last sentence :>>

Niko:

Great. So what are things that trigger your temper? Only if you like to share.

Me:

I don’t mind.

Huminga ako ng malalim at iniisip kung ano ba talaga ’yung mga bagay na ikinagagalit ko. And nag base nalang din ako sa mga past experience ko.

Me:

Maybe because I’m always stress in acads? I don’t like clingy people—I mean the OA one. Then, I don’t know how to make suyo, so I don’t like matampuhin and sensitive guy (when infact I’m sensitive also) like please be careful with your words. Don’t say bad things about me please. Don’t say the “word” that will shatter my heart pero if ako na ang nagsalita ng masakit or when I’m mad and can’t control my self ay okay lang dapat.

Kailangan mo ’kong intindihin. Kailangan mong mag adjust.

I know naman it’s toxic.

Really am not the ideal girl that every dude wants.

Niko:

I’m not some every dude thoo (well I’d atleast what to think so :p

I get that yeaa. I also don’t like the overly attached people. It becomes intoxicating. I’m also the type who values my alone time since I easily drain my social battery.

So it’s good to know that you’re the type that might respect some you know—silence, space and some balance I guess in relationships.

Napataas ako ng kilay at napatango-tango sa sinabi niya. Oh well magkakasundo rin naman pala kami kahit papaano.

Me:

Oh finally found my pips!

Yess, there’s nothing wrong with silence and space.

Sometimes you just need to take a break and relax.

Niko:

Yeah. Most see that kasi as getting tired of a relationship or your interests towards them dwindled na or something. It’s a hassle thing to think about. but yeah.

Me:

Exactly! They thought kasi if we choose the space. The love will fade away…immediately.

Niko:

See I’m already slowly falling for you na for having such an open mind.

Napahawak ako sa pisnge ko. Ano ba ’tong lalaking ’to? Mukhang mabilis ma fall? But looking at his picture. Sobrang intimidating niya. Parang ang sungit and cold. ’Yung tipong hindi ako papansin kapag chinat ko siya using my real account.

Me:

Really huh?

Niko:

Anyways. It’s pretty late.-. You plan on sleeping yet? I mean I totally don’t mind talking with you the whole night :>

Me:

Yes, I’m actually sleepy na, e. I enjoy talking to you! Have a nice sleep. ><

Niko:

Yeah no biggie. Just message  me whenever you wanna talk. Nightyy, Ky!

Pinatay ko ang phone ko para makapag pahinga na—pero ilang minuto akong paikot-ikot sa kama ko ay hindi ako mapakali at nawala ng parang bula ang antok ko kaya naman inopen ko ulit and chineck ang binigay niyang ig.

Marami siyang followers almost 1k pero naka private. And napansin ko na gamit niya pala ang whole name niya sa display name.

Nikolo Salcedo.

So agad kong sinearch ito sa facebook. Again, naka private ang facebook account niya. But visible ang profile picture. He looks good! Para siyang latino?

Nikolo Eres Salcedo

Oh so that’s his full name? It sounds expensive—I mean ’yung old rich name.

May 400 lang siyang friends. Kaya naman niclick ko nalang ang “POST” at do’n ko nakita ang mga nakatag sakaniyang picture ng family niya.

Damn, he’s really my type! Not gonna lie pero sobrang gwapo niya. He’s tall and ’yung face niya sobrang perfect! I don’t how to explain this—sabi ko hindi naman talaga ako attracted ng sobra sa physical traits pero oh my god sobrang gwapo niya.

Pero parang rich guy talaga siya. Kahit mga old pics niya—nung baby siya. No jeje era? Seryoso ba ’yon? He’s so clean and gwapo! Parang ang bango-bango.

Nakita ko rin ang mga account nga family niya. Seeing his family. Parang sobrang strong ng aura nila. They look friendly pero parang i-judge ka nila? Kasi halata mo na mga mayayaman sila.

Nag s-scroll ako—and wait what? May lahing lim siya? Chinese siya? Or what? Parang ang complicated naman kilala na ang mga Lim ay nasa Asia’s rich family.

Isa-isa ko rin inistalk family niya. They owned a lot of businesses.

Anyway, I don’t care. Hindi naman magiging kami ni Niko kaya walang magiging problema. I’ll ghost him naman. Bukas na bukas.

I don’t think we’re match! Lupa ako. Lupa.

Chapter 02

Shaire Brigh

READY  for a long weekend—this week has been so stressful for me. Grabe ang nararanasan kong stress sa university. Mahirap at sunod-sunod ang mga exam ko.

Lalo na sa Pharmacology at Pathology. Nagsabay-sabay ang mga major kaya eto sobrang upos na upos na ako.

I feel like I’m dying. But it’s long weekend! I deserve to watch kdrama and enjoy my time. Minsan lang magka ganitong time sulitin ko na muna bago ang mag review.

And talagang ginugol ko ang time ko para makapag pahinga. We all deserve deep nourishing rest. Baka bumigay na katawan ko if patuloy pa rin ako mag aaral sa rest day ko.

Buong araw lang ako nagbasa ng libro at nanood ng mga dramas. At nang tumungtong ang gabi ay nakaramdaman na ako ng sobrang pagka bored dahil marami-rami na rin akong napanood.

Nag scroll ako sa phone ko kung ano ang pwedeng gawin. And nakita ko na hindi ko pa pala na nabura ang bumble. Napatingin ako sa mga message and sobrang dami ko palang nakachat but Ignore all of them at ang binuksan ko ang kay Niko.

He only sent “Morning” 3 days ago.

Napangiwi ako. I expect na if-flood message niya ako. Pero hindi na rin ako dapat magtaka, he’s gwapo and halata namang siya ang hinahabol-habol ng girls. Kaya hindi niya na kailangan mag papansin saakin kasi panigurado he got a lot of girls.

Me:

Good eve!

Nag e-expect ako na matagal o baka hindi na siya mag reply but nagulat ako nang biglang mag vibrate ang phone ko and he replied agad.

Niko:

Hello, Ky! How are you?

Me:

Got so busy! Kaya I have no time to use this app tho. How are you?

Niko:

I’m better because I’m talking to you na. xD. No worries! Any plan for tonight?

Me:

Haha, really huh? Nothing much naman. I’ll rest up lang. What about you?

Niko:

Prepping for our fam trip in baler.

Me:

Oh, wow! Take care.

Niko:

Thank you. Btw. Mind If I request something from you?

Me:

Sure, what’s that?

Niko:

Mind sending me more pictures of you?

Kikiligin na sana ako kasi nag chat siya agad and mukhang masaya naman siyang nag message ako pero eto na naman siya.

Napairap ako sa kawalan at binack nalang ang message. Nag scroll ako sa tiktok ng ilang minuto at nang mabored na ulit ako ay binalikan ko na naman ang message niya.

I don’t know why.

Niko:

It’s fine if you’re not comfortable.

Me:

No worries ! (Sent picture)

Nag send ako ng picture ni Seulgi na medyo epic para tignan ko if mat-turn off siya. Actually sa halos lahat ng sinend kong pic sakaniya ay epic si Seulgi pero sobrang ganda niya pa rin kaya I doubt din na ma t-turn off siya nang dahil dito.

Niko:

You’re such a cutie :>

Me:

LOL THANKS.

See? ’Di ko alam ano ibig sabihin niya. He sounds sarcastic. Tss, mukha lang talaga gusto ng lalaking ’to. Pwes! Kung ganiyan pala gusto mo pagbibigyan kita.

Niko:

What would you guess about me that isn’t on my profile?

Me:

Idk help.

Niko: A foodie? (A food connoisseur?? Idfk if that’s even a word.

Me:

Oh, so you’re foodie huh?

Niko:

I love food ig. Well.. not as much as I love my cats. But it’s up there .

Me:

What do you like to eat usually? Like preferred cuisine or go to comfort food?

Niko:

I never say no to salmon. Some Japanese cuisine is the safest way to please me. As for go to comfort food. Tuna with ketchup is like 🕺✨🤙🏻🟢 for me.

Me:

Ofcourse, who could say no to salmon haha. Omfg! What combo is that? Sounds weird ha!

Niko:

You HAVE to TRY IT. Literally life changer. If you are feeling adventurous go buy some century tuna (corned flakes) and some ketchup (Heinz) then boom!

Me:

I’m really curious ’bout the taste but I don’t know I feel weird haha. Maybe, I’ll try it later.

I prefer century tuna with lemon and onion only T^T

Niko:

Woah, won’t that be sour tho .-. Even I haven’t try that. Yeah they think it’s weird but well don’t worry you can take it slow hunny.

Me:

Nooo it’s not sour, it taste heaven! I swear. Really? Or at least the calamansi with century tuna?

Niko:

Nada -.- Fine if you try my combo I’m willing to try yours i guess haha.

But I dont think the calamansi/lemon will beat my ketchup tho tbh :>

Me: Alright, deal!

Really huh? What about the ketchup and sinigang combo? Have u tried it?

Niko:

Wut ._. No way- and here I thought I was adventurous Bro won’t that just turn into afritada or something?

Hindi niya alam ang century tuna with onion and calamansi? Rich kid talaga. Ano ba ’yan, ambilis niya baguhin ang mood ko. Natawa tuloy ako nang sobrang lakas. He’s cute! He sounds scared. He’s kinda weird pero I like it. F-ck, nakaka enjoy naman kausap ’tong lalaking ’to!

Me:

Haha, they said it’s a good combo tho. I haven’t try it yet but I’m just really curious too.

Niko : Welp.. sadly im not. I’m more afraid of what will happen to my taste buds after T_T

Me:

But to be honest I don’t think I have any weird combo. Pickles deep with cheese~really good!

Niko:

Now that’s weird and good mhm 😋 Btw- Were you born here in the Philippines or something?

Napakamot na ako sa ulo ko. Oh my god, ayan na po. Ang ganda na ng usap namin eh pero ayan na nagtatanong na siya ng mag personal question. Dapat ko bang ituloy? I’m really bored right now and medyo na lighten up niya ang mood ko so I guess ipagpapatuloy ko na?

Me:

Yeah, I was born here. But I’m a half korean.

Niko:

Nice :)

Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. Bakit kaya ganito mag response ito? Hindi ko maunawaan ano pinapahiwatig niya. Halata bang nagsisinungaling ako? Sobrang obvious ba?

Me:

Btw—are you still studying? What course and year?

Niko:

Graduating. Computer Science In UP Diliman.

Me: Oh wow.

Napangiwi ako—halata namang matalino ’tong lalaking ’to. Kaya ko ba makipag sabayan? I guess malalaman niya rin naman agad na ng c-cat fish lang ako lalo na computer sciences course. Baka I locate ako nito at ipatumba.

Niko:

Nah.. not really .-. Im planning on shifting soon maybe.. who knows. Anyhow, hbu?

Me: Veterinary Medicine.

Niko:

I assumed soo hehe. Where are you studying in?

Me:

Why? Do you have plan na ba what course? PSAU, here in Pampanga. Since this is the only vet school here in Pampanga. But I always wanted to study in Manila but my mom didn’t let me :)

Niko:

Yeahh I’m like looking into Visual Communications under fine arts. Well- it would be a struggle for you here in Manila since you know.. the traffic activity here is just crazy. You also don’t know what could happen, so yeah I can’t blame your mom.

Me:

Yeah, I think it suits you well! That’s truee! Do you live alone ba?

Niko: Currently I do since I stay in a place left by my tita who went to states. But that wasn’t the case during my first year in college. I did condo with my 4 highschool mates and we shared expenses and stuff.

Was fun at the beginning but like- things started to become a hassle cause like everyone showed their true colors. What I mean by that was their life ethics. The way they carry themselves without relying on caretakers and stuff.

Basically they barely could do any chores and stuff. Like simple cooking or cleaning the dishes. Literally- acted like their yaya for 6-7months. T_T

Sobra cute and gwapo at the same time ng typing niya lalo kapag gumagamit siya ng emoticon. Like hindi mo talaga ineexpect na gagamit siya ng gano’n kasi he looks cold. Ganito talaga mga bet ko eh. Haha.

Me:

Is it better? It’s fun and peaceful to live alone! Not until you go home, tired and still need to prepare dinner?

Niko: It is. Super duper but you get lonely fast lol pa-sad boy haha but yeah. I do love the fact that I got the place for my self.

Me:

That’s true! I chose to live alone too. Dati, nag d-dorm ako sa University, so suffocating lalo na if you have kasama na mga annoying.

Niko: Mhm :)) sorry btw if I overshared a bit. I just seemed comfortable to tell you that much I guess.

Me:

Nooo, I’m glad nga that you shared those thing hehe I’m happy.

Niko:

Great just let me know if you get uncomfortable na okay?

Anyhow, I’m just literally lazing around rn. So feel free to ask me some stuff.

Me:

So, what do you do in your free time? Like your hobby?

Niko:

Usually read books, play games, go to trainings for football. and just learn stuff to cook I guess.

Me:

Oh, I see. Any favorite genre?

Niko:

For books? I tend to read stuff on self development, some anime stuff or cook books i guess.

As for videogames- I would say rpg or games like minecraft I don’t know on stuff where I can build I guess.

I didn’t expect na sobrang comfortable niyang mag kwento. I think he really like me? I mean si Seulgi pala. Kasi parang sobrang ganado niyang magkwento—kasi kung hindi niya talaga gusto si Seulgi hindi naman siya makikipag kwentuhan ng ganito.

Hays, not gonna lie ’di ko na rin talaga alam ang sasabihin bigla na naman akong tinatamad.

Me:

Ahh, that’s cool!

Niko:

Ahu. How about you? What do you do in your free time?

Me:

I don’t think I have free time tho.

Niko:

Well- in between your schoolworks. There’s gotta be right hahaha.

Me:

Oh well—I do like writing and reading novels.

Niko:

Ohwow you write stuff? Like.. for your self? Not for like schoolwork or something?

Me:

Uhmm, for myself? I write poem and novels, e. I love writing love story or smthg. Haha. Very romantic kasi talaga ako.

Niko:

Yeah that’s pretty rare- the only time I ever write stuff is when I’m tasked to for schoolwork. You know- essays/research thesis and stuff.

Me:

Oh haha yeah. But these days I stop writing, e. Since I’m too busy with my readings -.-

Niko:

That’s tragic. Would love to read one of your novel pieces. maybe next time. I also draw btw. maybe I’ll draw you too if I find the time. What brought you to bumble anyways? Aside from looking for strangers to talk to.

Hindi ko na namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako at hindi na nasagot ang huling chat niya. Nagising ako nang hindi na chineck ang bumble ko kasi wala naman na akong energy talaga makipag usap.

I did some chores. Gumawa rin ako ng iilang transes para sa mga exam ko next week. Hanggang sa inaaya ako ng mga college friends ko na makipag hangout. Nagpunta kami sa Cat cafe dito sa Angeles.

“Alam mo, Shai. Feel ko talaga gusto ka ni Andrei,” pangaasar saakin ng mga friends ko.

“Oo nga dikit ng dikit. Sobrang papansin sa’yo,” pangagantong pa ni Marianne.

“As if naman papansinin ko siya ang sahol ng ugali.” naiirap kong sambit.

’Yung section representative kasi namin sobrang sama ng ugali pero dikit naman ng dikit saamin. Back stabber kaya kalalaking tao and feeling elite kaya ayan tinakwil ng group of friends niya.

Grabe manira ’yan. Lagi ako ang target. Ewan ko kung papansin o sadyang mainit lang dugo niya saakin.

“By the way guys, need natin mag sleep over next week ha. Malapit na practicals. Review tayo and discuss natin each thing para mas maintindihan natin,” usal ni Ja.

I’m super lucky to have them in my college life. Actually sobrang nahihirapan talaga ako sa course na ito.

I do have failing exams pero na s-survive ko because of them. Hindi naman nila ako pinapakopya pero sila ’yung tipong kaibigan na kapag may hindi ka alam ituturo talaga nila sayo hanggang sa maintindihan mo.

Mahigpit din sila sa pag r-review kaya madadamay talaga ako. Hilaan kami pataas. Walang lamangan— walang paunahan. Gusto nila sabay-sabay kami aangat at walang naiiwanan.

Kaya it’s important na makahanap ng tunay na kaibigan lalo na sa college era natin. Kasi we can’t survive alone talaga. We need guidance or support sytem kahit papaano.

Kinahapunan—nang makauwi ako ay umidlip lang ako dahil sa sobrang pagod at nagising ng alas dos ng madaling araw kaya ang ending na bored na naman ako at binuksan ang bumble.

May last message pala si Niko pero hindi ko nareplyan ng buong araw.

Niko:

That’s tragic. would love to read one of your novel pieces. maybe next time. i also draw btw. maybe ill draw you too if i find the time. what brought you to bumble anyways? Aside from looking for strangers to talk to.

Me:

Hello sorry, I got busy again! I hangout with friends.

Niko:

No worries!

Hindi ko namalayan na napangiti na naman ako ng biglang maka received ako ng message mula sakaniya. Parang always tambay ’to sa bumble? Kahit ganitong oras sobrang bilis niya pa rin mag reply. Marami kaya siyang kausap o ako lang?

Me: Hmmm,  I’m actually not sure. But maybe relationship? Friends? Or what idk. Ikaw ba?

Niko: I won’t deny a girlfriend :) but it started as a dare from friends haha. I honestly don’t know what I’m after at the end of it xD.

Me:

Ohhh, so when did you start using this app ba?

Niko : When you chat me? Around 20th of November?

Me: Oh recently huh? So how was it? May nakausap ka na ba?

Niko; Aside from you ? Yeah a few. Pretty chill I guess. How about you?

Me : Last week? Kasi I’m helping a friend to look for a date. Like she doesn’t know how to use this app Kaya she asked me if I can help her.

Niko:

Haha that’s cool xD How did it go for her.

Me:

I don’t know. Walang news haha. Baka getting to know each other pa rin.

Niko:

Btw im in baler rightnow. Soooooo, I might be delayed in some of my reply. Let’s try the questions game. Send me and I’ll try to answer.

Me:

Do you think you’re a friendly person?

Niko:

Hmm. That’s a hard one. Okay then—my answ— damn my phone fell anyhow i was gonna sayyy “Nah”

Me:

LOL. Haha, sorry! Okay, what’s your fav color?

Niko:

No, it’s cool I like it haha a bit of spice. It’s like super cold where I’m at rn. I like red. also what about being “friendly” do you mean? is it like the casual not looking for a fight person or the I wake up in the morning to shit dropped my phone again—

Napahalagakpak ako ng sobra dahil sa ginagawa niya. Sobrang cute niya ano ba ’yan! I know na sinasadya niya but still adorable grabe gusto ko nalang siyang yakapin at kagatin—oops.

Me:

I mean in general.

Niko:

Get mad at  ppl. Yeah I think I’m open to people but in r— just suspect that i drop my phone when I cut off

Me:

Ano ba ’yan Niko! Haha.

Niko:

Just kidding around. Okay eto. Totoo na. I don’t go out of my way to make friendships? If you get it idk. I’m not rude-I think.

Me:

Ah, Okay! Gets naman kahit ang gulo-gulo mo. Haha. What’s your latest guilty pleasure?

Niko:

Sorry. Well most recent was me devouring 6 chicken sandwhich. and it is HUGE. I think i gained like 12k calories and i dont CARE :>

Me:

Slay! That’s a lot!

Niko:

💅

Me:

What about your pet peeves?

Niko:

Hmm. Can’t think of my biggest one but one thing on my mind rn is bad breath oral care ig? I don’t know. Anything specific you wanna hear?

Me:

‪Bad hygiene gotta be my biggest pet peeve ‬too. Uhmm, abt attiude?

Niko:

I hate loud ppl. My ears ring and i just wanna hurt something that’s a joke.

Me:

Wow? A joke.

Niko: I think— I’m kidding I’m not physical, please dont get the wrong idea.

Huminga ako ng malalim. Ano bang pinagsasabi ng lalaking ’to? Hindi ko siya nagegets ha. Ganito pa ang talaga ang aircon humor? I need to pretend that I understand him.

Me:

Sooooo, do you have any toxic traits you’re not proud of?:

Niko:

Being prideful I think I’m a sore loser sometimes but I dont cause tantrum and stuff. I just .-. dont talk to you for a bit then I’ll sleep it off and ask what’s for breakfast idfk hahaha.

Napakunot ang noo ko dahil parehong-pareho kami. Simula nang mag start kamimag usap ay parang laging tugma ang ugali namin. Wala pa yata akong mahanap na butas bukod sa aircon humor niya na ’di ko magets.

Me:

Why are we exactly the same in so many things???

Niko:

What do you mean.__.? Ma’am, you’re da one asking hahaha but one thing I know is that if we’re the same then ur kewl too me thinks I’m cool.

Me:

Yeahhh, we’re cool sir. It’s like I found my guy version.

NEXT, How do you hope people describe you?

Niko:

Don’t fuck with him. He’ll fuck you up kinda guy I don’t know. Jk. the uhh—food guy?

Me:

What? Ano ba talaga? Haha.

Niko:

I always cook for my friends and prepare stuff when we get together so maybe that yeah.

Me:

Not cat huh?

Niko:

Hmmmm I’m known as the avid cat owner. but I’s hope to be described for my effortsss i guess. I treat people i like the way I treat my beloved cats.

This guy is really gwapo and very cute ang personality. I wonder tuloy bakit nandito siya sa dating app? I mean bakit mas pipiliin niya ang dating app eh since taga UP naman siya paniguradong marami namang maganda do’n?

Me:

So eto, next question—are you ready na ba?

Niko:

For a new relationship? Let me drink the alcohol infront of me and answer you in a bit.

Me:

Hahaha! And have you been in a relationship na ba?

Niko:

Long story.

Me:

Too personal, but how was your last relationship?

Niko:

I don’t mind telling you. She—well *He now. They uh became a lesbian and we kinda cut off our 5 year streak and I got so..

Me : Woww, I didn’t expect that.

Niko : Do you want to see how they looked like?

Me:

If it’s okay, why not?

Niko:

I don’t mind. (Sent a photo) Haha, idk y chose such a formal pic of her haha hold on let me scour the inner demons of my device. (Sent a photo) .-. welp I don’t know why still got her stuff in my phone.

Ibig sabihin hindi ka pa move on? Or tinatamad ka lang mag delete. I wanna ask him about it pero ’wag nalang baka he find me very nosy.

Me:

Wow, Dang! So Gorgeous.

Niko:

Right..

Napaupo ako sa kama ko habang tinitignan ang ex niya. Sobrang pretty as in. She’s like a baddie! Parang asian baby girl? Sobrang ganda talaga.

I feel insecure tuloy. Alam ko na bakit siya nag b-base talaga itsura kasi ang gaganda ng ex niya? Bakit nga naman siya mag s-settle sa mga potato looking na katulad ko?

Niko:

but ig they preferred women not that i’m against it or anything it’s just hard to accept in my part- it felt like i lacked something etc I don’t f-cking know.

Me:

Ofcourse, that’s tough. pretty gals like pretty gals.

Niko:

Sad! :< I’m not a pretty gal.

Me:

Cute gal like you anyways. I’m cute gal. oopsss.

Niko: Gotdam. Pfft—you’re cute you know. I really like your personality. I also think so too that you’re like a female version of me and it’s terrific.

Me:

True!

Nikolo:

Do you mind if you send me another pic of you. I promise to settle the deal with… this .-. by answering your question from earlier.

You can also rest assure that I’ll be sincere about this. Alcohol just makes me extra 5x honest  hahaha.

Napangiwi ako. Ofcourse what do I expect? This is a dating app eh malamang talaga nag b-base lang ang nakakarami sa picture.

I don’t know anong sumapi saakin at nanguha ako ng sobrang cool na picture ni Seulgi sa Pinterest.

Me:

(Sent a photo)

Niko:

I’ll have you as my girlfriend if you don’t mind me. I’m ready :))

Nahirinan ako sa sariling laway dahil sa sinabi niya. Wait—wait hindi sa pag t-tripan ko siya ayoko naman ng sirain ang momentum niya para sabihin na it’s a prank at lahat na hindi talaga ako ’yun? Ano ’to go with the flow nalang ba ako? Help, I don’t know what to do.

Me:

Well, so then what’s your thought about LDR muna?

Niko:

If it’s temporary I’m fine. I’m quite busy with my college life too. But I’m willing to go out of my way to travel to pampangga if you asked me to haha.

Me:

Are you even serious about this? It feels to Surreal idk whyyyy. I never been in a relationship so Idk.

I need to lie about this one kasi first of all  hindi naman ako si Kyla and second mas lalong hindi ako si Seulgi. So ayokong malaman niya ang ibang personal information ko. I’m kinda scared.

Niko:

Oh that’s pretty normal and I can’t blame u It’s just how things are especially with our generation I bet it all feels so quick and it feels like accepting another set of obligations and stuff but i assure you as long as I know I’m reserved for you then I’ll be chill about it and willing to wait for you.

Oh my god. He’s really into it na. Ano gagawin ko? Hindi ko naman intention na paasahin siya? Pero ayoko naman ng iwan siya sa ere ngayon?

Me:

Yesss, you are. And I like you tbh. You’re exactly my type e.

Niko : I’m really happy thanks Then there’s no point for me to use this app then :p Is it okay for you if we switched to talking in IG? Or messenger Imma delete my acc for bumble since I already found what I was looking for xD

Me : Sure! I’ll follow you nalang.

Niko:

Alright see u there, pretty.

Chapter 03

Shaire Brigh

I’M JUST LOOKING at his pictures dahil I followed him na kaya nakapasok na ako sa account niya—ofcourse I made a dummy account.

Parang I’m not ready to reveal myself pa. I’m enjoying his accompany. Habang tumatagal ay medyo nag e-enjoy na akong kausap talaga siya.

I mean I admit it. I’m attracted to his physical looks and I like how soft he is.

Ginamit ko ’yung mga account ko noong 2019 na pang RP pa para hindi halata. Chinange name ko lang. And pinalabas ko na I’m a private person kaya no post. ’Yung mga shares post ko lang ay around 2018-2019 na hindi ko na binura para mas kapani-paniwala.

Well siya rin kasi mukha lang din lowkey. Chineck ko ang facebook niya wala namang ibang post. ’Yung mga tags lang sakaniya ng family niya ang nakikita ko. Dito naman sa IG may 10 pictures siya and then may mga higlights din mostly cats, food, and drawing niya lang.

’Di ko na alam if ilang beses ko na ’to sinabi pero sobrang gwapo niya talaga. Swak na swak talaga siya sa type ko.

Niko:

Ploop- What’s your name again in messenger sorry?

Me:

Kyla Acciel

Niko : Alright, I added you. Guess we’re here. What do you feel?

Napasinghap ako. Sa dating app once na binigay mo na ang social media account mo. Meaning makikipag landian ka na sakanila or minsan way ’to para sa sabihan na yes ready akong magkaroon ng katalking stage and it’s you.

Me:

Still processing.

Niko:

Yeah, honestly I’m trying to act all chill and cool about it now. but like inside it’s 🕺💥✨🤙🏻🥰🧈🎃👌⚫️ Weird—but I’m happy.

And since then we started talking na. When he’s asking me to send picture naghahanap ako sa pinterest ng sasakto kunwari sa gusto niya. If like morning maghahanap ako ng morning picture ni Seulgi.

Hindi naman gano’n kahirap dahil may pinterest naman. Isang click ko lang ay lalabas na lahat ng picture ni Seulgi.

Well he’s not into Kpop or koreans kaya siguro hindi niya kilala si Seulgi. Kasi obvious naman na ’yung mga sinesend kong picture ay korean vibes. What I mean is alam mo naman mga selfie sa ibang bansa fresh. ’Yung lighting ibang-iba.

Kaya hindi ko rin ineexpect na mabubuking niya ako kaagad. Kasi kung may iseya dapat una palang ay binasag niya na ang kalokohan ko.

Hindi ko rin naman namamalayan na na eenjoy ko na rin ang ginagawa kong ’to. Kahit busy kasi ako—or minsan gabi lang kami nag uusap ay siya ’yung tipong lalaki na willing to wait and hindi na b-bored kahit gaano pa ako katagal.

He’s not makulit ’yung tipong mag dedemand ng time ko kasi nag uusap na kami. Hindi niya rin akong pinepressure about the meet up so I guess I’m good.

Habang tumatagal medyo nagbabago naman ang first impression ko sakaniya which is ’yung parang ang sungit ng vibe niya na parang you can’t reach him. Na ang tipo lang ay maganda at mayaman na kauri niya.

I’m starting to see his soft and clingy side too. I don’t know if pinapakita niya ’to dahil ang akala niya ay magkalevel kami.

Niko:

Gyeongseong Creatures is so damn good. I’m in love with Chae-ok. But. I’m more inlove to you—oppps.

Me : I told yah! Sus, mas gusto nga si Chae-ok saakin.

Niko:

Oh, well yeah. like her but I like you the most, Ky. Chae-ok is fictional and you’re my reality.

Napangisi ako habang nakatingin sa phone ko. He’s really goofy! He doesn’t watch k-drama pero nag recommended kasi ako ng mga k-drama so papanoorin niya raw. And here he is so cute while making kwento.

And he also suggested to me to watch anime dramas and movies.

Niko:

Ky—you knew about this. Grabe naman ang ending ng Gyeonseong Creatures.

Me:

Hahaha! But still good naman ’di ba? It’s an open ending, I think there’s season 2 kasi. Pero overall it was good and sad…

Niko : THERE WILL BE. There has to be. Chae-ok’s mother has regenerative ability and I can’t accept that chae-ok just dies off D-mn, kainisss super kilig na ’ko ehh.

I burst out laughing. Sa ilang weeks palang namin pag u-usap na a-addapt niya na agad ang way ng pagsasalita ko.

Gusto ko ngang hawaan ng humor ko. Kaso parang hindi pa rin niya na gegets minsan.

Niko:

Pero grabe rin l’m like soo addicted na to Jang-Tae he’s sooo cool uGh. I want to watch more kdramas. I think you made me addicted to kdramas na. I haven’t watched that much yet pero l’m soo excited for more. Is 100 Days My Prince good? I’m thinking of watching it?

Me:

Yes yes ofcourse! It’s Kyungsoo. He’s a good actor and its a giggly warm hearted romance plot. Sobrang bias kasi fav ko si Kyungsoo, if you have time you can watch his other drama or movie. Pero the best for me ’yung bad prosecutor. And swing kids haha.

Niko:

Okay, listing these down. You know while I was watching kdrama earlier- I wanted someone to hug haha.

Me:

Aigoo, I wish I can give you a hug rn.

Niko:

So hard kaya to watch kdramas haha laging romance. I mean I like it naman. I just keep thinking of you after- lol.

Me:

I feel you, it’s so comfy and cozy siguro when you’re watching a movie with someone you like no.

Niko:

I like cuddles. So for sure would like that. Spooning hugs! Problem lang. Baka hindi na ako maka tayo sa sofa. l’Il probably just laze around all day hahaha.

Me:

Haha same!

No sugar coating, pero this is the reality sa mga dating app. Lalo na rin panahon ngayon. More on chats na talaga ang pag uusap para magkamabutihan.

Minsan nga kahit hindi pa nagkikita ay na f-fall na. O ’di naman kaya ay dito na sila nagliligawan hanggang maging mag jowa at mag break na rin without seeing each other.

Madalas marami na b-biktima ng internet love. Hindi biro ang sakit nito. Sa totoo lang mas masakit nga ito.

Niko:

I want to meet you irl. Pero both of us are busy as it is .-.

Me:

There’s a perfect for that kasi.

Niko:

Yeah. Got a question.

Me:

What?

Niko:

Do you prefer if we call each other something? I don’t know maybe like babe or uhhh hmmmz my SUNSHINE? hahahaha.

Me:

I’m cool with it.

Niko:

You choose. I follow.

Me:

Sunshine pala huh.

Niko:

That’s…. a joke Imagine tho if we did call each other sunshine omfg. T_T

Me:

Haha like look “hello my sunshine have a nice day!”

Niko:

Welppppp totally leaving it to you to decide -.- Take youe time imma go wash up a bit brb.

At ako naman ito sa gaga ay nag isip nga ng pwede naming endearment. I don’t know bakit ganito—dapat sa level ng pag usap namin ngayon I should stop na kasi we’re getting there na.

Possible—actually hindi possible dahil nangyayari na nga siya at nag start na ang sparks—lumevel up na ang feelings namin sa isa’t-isa.

I’m getting scared. Kasi alam kong a-asa siya. Sa isang linggo palang namin pag u-usap ramdaman ko na a-attach na siya.

I actually don’t know if totoo ba ’tong pinapakita niya. Who knows baka may mga nakakausap din siyang iba or ’di naman kaya sa personal may kausap siya.

He’s gwapo. Hindi niya kailangan mag habol. Siya ang hahabulin.

Pero hindi ko naman mapigilan ang sarili ko. Malaki ang parte saakin na ayaw tumigil sa ginagawa ko kasi gusto ko siya kausap.

Me:

Haha babe will do? Or what idk.

Niko:

Hello, I’m back. Whichever you are comfortable in I don’t mind if we just stick with names if you think it’s a hassle haha. Seems forced tbh—

Me:

Not really! What do you want? Babe? Baby? Hun? Sweetheart? Cheescake? Honeybunch? You choose, please help me.

Niko:

Hahaha You know what I’ll just call you all of it Ikaw na bahala on how u want to address me :> Sweetiee~

I’m doomed. Yes nababaliw na po ako. I don’t know pero after ilang years naranasan ko muli ’tong saya ng puso ko. Ofcourse ang last ko ay sa EX ko pa.

Hindi ko naman naramadaman ang ganitong kilig sa mga nakausap ko lang dati or kalandian eh. There’s an exception ba talaga?

I know it’s too soon to say this pero kasi ngayon nalang ulit ako kinikilig sa nakakausap ko. I know, I’m being sincere with it dahil marami naman akong nakausap after my ex and I separated pero hindi man ako kinikilig ng ganito.

And now, kahit sobrang busy ko hindi ko magawang alisin ang atensyon ko sa phone ko. I’m always waiting to his chats.

Right now, nasa baler pa rin sila. Sembreak kasi nila while me eto may mental health break na 2 days lang.

Kaya mas marami rin ang time nga pag u-usap namin.

Niko:

We’re drinking hun.

Me:

D-mn, I’m inggit. I wanna drink!

Niko:

How do you hold with your liquor, hun? Super curious ako hehe.

Me:

Haha wdym? Like literally ba?

Niko:

Yeah, do you like drinking alcohol?

Me:

Yes I do. But I prefer wine .

Niko:

Ayy classy.

Me:

Pero I drink alcohol naman every occasion. Like I can drink the whole bottle of gin no. Ay char ang yabang haha.

Niko:

Bro how do you make me fall in love with you all over again? D-mn, you really are me.

Me:

Inlove agad? Haha.

Niko:

But seriously, I really like you. Anyhow, you know I always take like a small swig of gin before I do anything related to presenting infront of a crowd or something crucial like exams. it’s so stupid and weird. But like it helps me so much with my kapal ng mukha sorry for the lack of better of term.

Hindi ko mapigilan mag pagulong-gulong sa kama ko dahil sa biglang pag shift niya ng topic. Sobrang bilis ng transition. Why do I feel na namumula siya ngayon?

Grr, nakakainis ang cuteness ng lalaking ’to.

Me:

Not weird, can’t blame you.

Niko: Pero I just got this really BAD social anxiety sometimes. totally not saying you  should drink before ur exams btw -.- you will regret it.

Hindi ko na nagawang maligo dahil buong araw kami mag uusap. Kaya naman hanggang sa pagligo ay dinala ko pa ang phone ko para ma reply-an lang siya.

Things that I do for love talaga, eh.

’Yung tipong pa s-stop ako sa pagsasabon at pagbubuhos para lang makapag reply sakaniya dahil ayoko rin siyang paghintayin.

Niko:

Babe, I got question. Are you conservative with physical touch?

Me:

Nope. I’m okay nga with it.

Niko:

It’s because.. I’ll kill for cuddles, sweetie.

Me:

Haha cute mo. Come here lemme give you cuddles.

Niko : Feiwnirnginrg. I’m 16 hrs away from pampangga. But Idk why? I suddenly got the surge of energy to drive.

Me:

Aww, baby is really sucker for cuddles. Come!

Niko:

Omfg babe, you are evil. Kala ko ba first time mo in a relationship. You play with a man’s heart like a pro.

Me:

Ofcourse I do huh! Baka nakakalimutan mo I love reading novels din.

Buti nalang it save me! ’Di ko rin talaga alam bakit sinabi ko na hindi pa ako nakaranas ng relationship. I think wala naman sakaniya if oo o hindi pero kasi nasabi ko na and besides ayoko rin naman sabihan sakaniya ang ibang tunay na information ko.

Niko:

Damn you’re right. Idk but like you owe me a 3 days straight of just cuddles and laying in bed. Mhm. l’d be satisfied and die happily after that pfft so OA haha but idk why it feels so right to say hahahaha.

Me:

No, what about me? You owe me like “forever” cuddles?

Niko:

How am I the one tapping out rn. Legitimately my heart can’t take any of this na haha. Finally felt the term I’ve always been hearing about “Love sickness”

Me:

So cute naman ng baby ko!

Niko:

Ikaw kasi eh haha. I still have to surf tomorrow if we continue this I don’t think i’ll get enough rest U-U I really adore talking with you but I guess imma go sleep na.

Me:

We can talk tomorrow. You rest tonight na. I know you’re tired. You need a lot of energy for tomorrow. Goodnight, Niko! Have a nice sleep.

Niko:

Mhmm definitely. Well thank you for making my day Kyla :> Good night.

Sinusubukan ko ang sarili ko na ’wag masyadong ituon ang pansin sakaniya. Nililibang ko ang sarili ko para hindi ako mainip kapag ’di siya nag c-chat.

But I failed kasi from time to time ay chinecheck ko na ang message niya if he’s online or not. ’Di ko na rin naman namamalayan na maya’t maya ko siyang iniistalk.

All his pictures—simula nang bata siya, highschool hanggang sa nag graduate siya ng senior high at ngayon na college niya.

I can’t help na hindi rin s-stalk ang family niya. Her mom is a producer? Tapos ’yung mga sister niya sikat na mga organizer—may mga business din sila na madalas artista ang mga clients nila.

His one and only brother is a famous content creator and a professional dancer. No wonder bakit parang familiar din ng surname nila kasi laging naipapalabas sa TV and lagi nakalagay sa mga articles.

Hindi ko talaga expect na mayroon pala talaga family na untouchable. Na parang nahihiyang makihalubilo sakanila in real life ha. Kasi ang akala ko sa mga drama at mga romance story lang ang ganito.

Kaya I always wonder bakit kailangan niya pa pumunta sa dating app eh sobrang gwapo naman niya. Maraming magkakandarapa na mga babae sakaniya.

Actually para siyang wattpad character na sinusulat ng isang babaeng writer. For me he’s too perfect—hindi ko expect na may nag e-exist pala na ganitong tao.

Niko:

I got something for you from baler. I bought cute stuff for you, I know you’ll like it. When I saw those, I immediately think of you.

Me:

Wow? Really. What is that?

Niko:

Secret :> Yeah, I can go to pampanga and give it you personally, hun.

Me:

So sweet of you naman.

Niko:

I saw these flowers today and thought they look beautiful. They reminded me of you.

Me:

Mwa!

Niko:

Baby, are you seriously kissing me right now? I mean I know it’s virtual but d-mn.. I’m f-cking red.

Me:

Hehe, cute mo! Anyways, I got question. Ideally, how would you spend your birthday?

Niko : We usually just eat out I don’t like big cakes tho- I feel like it’s such a waste.

Me:

Okay! I’ll take note of that, babe. Please tell me what gift do you want to receive?

Niko:

You. Just let me hug you on my birthday. I’m happy na mhm.

Me:

I’ll hug and give you a lot of kisses, babeee. But syempre tell me any things na you want to receive. Like shoes or watch or anything.

I don’t know bakit tinatanong ko pa. Hindi ko naman siya mareregaluhan—I mean maibibigay in person kasi kapag nangyari ’yon mabubuking na ako. Pero yeah I’m curious parang kasi gusto ko talaga siya regaluhan din at gastusan knowing na nakabili na siya ng gift for me.

Bigla tuloy ako naguilty—nagsayang siya ng pera eh hindi naman mabibigay saakin kasi wala rin naman ako balak makipag kita sakaniya dahil hindi naman ako si Seulgi.

And I don’t think ma a-accept niya rin ako. Dahil malayong-malayo ako kay Seulgi.

Niko:

Hmmm. A pair shirt would be cute Couple shirt. The terno?

Me:

Wait do you really want that? Ang cute mo naman.

Niko:

If you like oversized then perfect haha.

Me:

Yes, I do. I like you.

Niko:

I’ve been making faces since kanina because kinikilig ako na ewan alam mo yung asim kilig face.

< Yeah that…

Me:

Babe naman stop being cute. Help.

Niko:

No you help. I want to hug you from the back. Do you know spooning? I think I won’t wake up na when we sleep like that.

Me:

Yeah so comfy. So this is how LDR works no. Imagining things, suffering..

Niko:

Well sadly you’re only experiencing the drawbacks just now. Ako like a few days ago pa whenever I see you or kapag ’di tayo nag uusap since you’re busy and so I.

Napaawang ang labi ko. So ibig bang sabihin niya ay matagal niya na ako nagustuhan? Wait tama ba ang conclusion? Gusto niya ako?

And tama nga ang hinala ko habang tumatagal talaga ay nahihirapan na akong bitawan siya. Hindi na buo ang araw ko without checking his messages.

And habang tumatatagal nagiging delikado.

I’m trying na ibaling ang attention ko sa pag aaral. Kasi we’re having a long exam. Pero wala I’m so distracted talaga.

Ayun lang ang mahirap saakin when I’m I like someone if may nakakausap ako na gustong-gusto ko mabilis ako ma distract even sa pag aaral ko lalo na if nasa getting know each other stage kami.

Me:

Babeeee !

Niko:

Yes, darling?

Me:

I got a question.

Niko:

Question? I would love to answer that. Drop it, baby.

Me:

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?

Niko:

I flew all the way to Davao because I heard my ex had an accident. It was crazy because I had exams in 2 days by the time I left.

Napaangat ang kilay ko. He sent me the picture of her ex na ngayon him na raw according to him. Sobrang ganda talaga nung babae na ’yon. She’s like an anime character.

Sayang din kasi ang relationship nila for 5 years and ilang months palang kasi ang nakalipas since they broke up kaya I don’t know if naka move on na ba talaga siya o ano.

Me:

Oh woww! Grabe, that’s “LOVE” talagaaa.

Niko:

I mean. If you demanded me to go to you this instant. I will immediately prepare to leave na and go right away.

Me:

I know. Haha. What is one thing you will never do again in your next rs?

Niko:

What kaya will I not do with you that I do with my past partners?

I think I’ll do more new things I haven’t done with my past partners with you.

You’re like.. I bet the best.

Me:

Wow, pang malakasan ang answer ha.

Niko:

Seriously babe. I want us to travel a lot. Not just in the philippines. I want to collect country exclusive magnets (’yung nilalagay sa fridge) from around the world with you.

Me:

I like you :<

Niko:

I like you more.

Eto baka kasi your view towards it is indifferent. Pero I might as well ask.

Me:

Sure :)

Niko:

Do you hate it if a guy is like “Touchy” parang over touching minsan? It’s obvious since my love language is physical touch.. pero for me it is kinda overwhelming to some.

Natigil ako. Kasi ilang beses niya rin talaga ako tinatanong about it. Paulit-ulit hahaha. Oh well, dati ako ayoko ng masyadong touchy. Nahihiya ako and I’m not very comfortable about it.

But natutunan ko lang din sa EX ko na ang love language ko pala ay physical touch and gift giving—never na magiging word of affirmation. He always said I’m very nonchalant daw eh. When we’re in the relationship.

Me:

Not really, it’s oki naman but not in public.

Niko:

Of course not! I’m not an exhibitionist. I get embarrassed too easily

Me:

Obvious naman haha. Pero yeah, I don’t mind if u’r touchy. Sometimes, ako rin naman lol.

Niko:

Pero yeah.. it comes off as weird to some. So I’m always careful with that aspect of me. And I only get the urge talaga to my love interest. Meaning, you.

I respect you. I want to ask you first before I do something for you—except sa surprise syemore haha.

Me:

Mwaaaa!

Lumipas ang mga oras we both got busy. Dahil ang university ko ay malapit sa bundok (Mt. Arayat) ay sobrang hina talaga ng signal and hindi ko siya ma message lagi.

And he understands that naman. He’s very attentive kapag nag m-message na ako pero hindi naman niya ako sobrang finflood ng messages.

He always waiting for me.

Niko:

I hope life suprises you today. Tell me about later it if it does. Good luck for today, babe.

Me:

I’m home. How are you?

Niko:

I have my practicals on modern ballroom dance class.

Me : Wow? Baby do you dance?

Niko : Here’s to top it off on why im so stressed pa. My instructor sa dance picked me as my section’s representative for the culminating finals on sunday. So there will be a lot of people watching and I will have to pair up with someone different. D-mn pressure T-T

Me:

Aw you can do it! I’m always here to support you, dear.

Lumipas ang mga araw ay hindi ko rin namamalayan na isang buwan na rin kami nag uusap nang pag gano-ganon nalang.

I can’t help but to compare him sa first boyfriend ko na nakilala ko sa bumble. I know it’s bad pero kasi lahat ng mga ayaw ko noon sa first relationship ko ay ayaw na ayaw din na ginagawa ni Niko kaya I can’t help not to adore him.

“Girl! Kamusta na kayo nung mga binigay kong lalaki?” I asked Kyla.

We’re hanging out ngayon since weekend kaya may time kami. Last labas kasi namin—last month pa kaya kating-kati na sila sa libot.

“Teh, ano satingin mo?” natatawang sambit ni Ry.

“Wala na?” natatawa ko ring sambit.

“Eh ayoko na nga! Tinatamad na ako. Saka ’di ko na kaya makipag usap.”

“Ay sus! Iniisip mo lang si Martin.”

“Tanga, hindi. Naka move on na ako. And besides busy ako ngayon kaya wala akong time to landi.”

Napangiwi ako. Sayang lang pala ang effort ko—oh well hindi naman sayang kasi nagkaroon ako ng kausap kahit papaano.

“Eh what if may reto akong friend ko.” I’m pertaining to Niko.

“Gwapo, rich, taga UP and mabait naman.”

“Sino? Let me see.”

Pinakita ko sakaniya ang picture ni Niko na sinesend saakin.

“Cute ha. Alam niya bang nirereto mo siya saakin?”

“He’s looking for someone to date.” first of all para talaga si Niko kay Kyla kasi nga I’m using her name. And I did use bumble para sakaniya.

“Edi reto mo na siya! Para may dahilan tayona  pumunta ng Manila lagi!“sambit naman ni Ry.

Napatigil ako. I’m only fishing for compliments pero wala naman akong plano na ireto talaga siya. Biglang umandar ang pagiging posessive ko.

“Sige sabihan ko siya.” syempre hindi ko sasabihin.

Niko:

I got in for the semi finals babe!

Me:

Oh my! Congratulations, so proud of you!

Niko;

Now, they will announce na if pasok ako sa finals.

I don’t know I’m nervous. I don’t wanna leave the waiting room na.

Me:

You’re great!! I believe there’s a sit for you in the finals.

Niko:

I think I’ll win When I see you TWO times today! Hwahahaha jk not forcing u T_T super spoiled na ’ko haha.

Me:

You’ll win, baby.

Niko:

I’ll send our performance later, okay?

Me:

I’ll wait.

Ibibaling ko ang atensyon ko sa mga friends ko. Hindi pala ako nag paala kay Niko na umalis ako kasama friends ko.

Syempre ’yung sinend ko na picture ay nasa bahay si Seulgi kaya I’ll pretend na nasa bahay nalang ako kaysa mabuking pa.

Niko:

Hello, hun. I tried But 3rd lang Pero tysm you da best babee.

Me:

Noo, omg you’re so cool! Congrats!!! You did great today.

Niko:

(Sent a video) (Sent a video) (Sent a video) Thank you and ilysm. Hope we meet soon and dance with you like this—under the rain.

Pinanood ko ang video ng pag sayaw nila ng partner nila. They are so great. He got the moves pala and I didn’t expect na he can dance like this.

And napatingin ako sa partner niya. Nalaglag nalabg ang panga ko nang makita kung ganito ito kaganda. As in sobrang pretty, ’yung tipo mala angel ang itsura. Sobrang amo—parang mala Francine Diaz.

Ang lakas ng chemistry nila.

While looking at his partner—gusto ko nalang magpakain sa lupa. Kung walang ako—I bet he’ll probably like her.

Hindi ako nagseselos.

Chapter 04

Shai Brigh

ISINAWALANG bahala ko lang selos na nararamdaman ko dahil wala naman ’yon papatutunguhan pa.

Wala rin naman akong karapatan dahil niloloko ko lang siya at higit sa lahat “WALANG KAMI” But I know to myself na hindi ko kayang pigilan ang nararamdaman kong ’yon.

I still feel insecure. Kasi may mga nakakasama siyang gano’n mukha—na magaganda samantalang ako eto nagtatago sa litrato ng isang magandang kpop idol para lang makausap siya.

The fact na I’m aware with the idea na kaya niya ako tintatry ipurse kasi he wants me because of my looks. And habang tumatagal—I realize na that’s actually sad.

Niko:

Apparently I’m going to pampangga tomorrow.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko habang nakakatitig sa chat ni Niko. I’m at the cafeteria of our university. Kumakain kami kasi lunch break

“Why? Wala raw pasok?” tanong ni Jas.

“Meron.” mabilis na sambit ko at nasa phone ko pa rin ang tuon ko.

“Eh bakit ganyan reaksyon mo?” tanong pa nito.

“Si OA! Chismosa mo talaga!” hindi ko na sila pinansin at agad ng nireplyan si Niko.

Me:

Wait—- really???

Niko:

It’s where my work will take place I’ll ask pa where in pampangga exactly No worries- you sound pressured. I think I’ll be busy the whole day. As much as I want to visit you. Baka hindi ko kayanin haha.

I bit my lower lip. Pero sa totoo lang ha. Kinabahan ako sa sinabi niya. What if maka salubong ko siya nang hindi namamalayan?

Hindi ko naman naisip na possibleng pumunta siya dito sa pampanga ng agaran? There’s a lot of what ifs tuloy.

What if magkita kami bigla anong gagawin ko? Oh well I know naman ’di niya ako makikilala pero ako paano ko itatago ang reaksyon ko kung sakali?

Makakaramdam ba ako ng guiltyness?

Or what if umamin na ako? Baka sign na ’to para umamin sakaniya.

Me:

Haha am I? Hindi no. I know you’re busy, eh. You need to rest early tonighttt para you have energy tom.

Niko:

I slept kanina during the afternoon I want to be free when you want kausap at night :>

Napakagat ako sa aking labi para pigilan ang ngiti.

“Luh kinikilig siya?” natatawang sambit ni Marianne kaya lahat tuloy sila napatingin saakin.

“Baliw, may binabasa lang ako oh!” agad kong binack ang ig at pinunta sa wattpad but sakto namang biglang nag notif ang chat ni Niko.

“Uy, sino si Niko?” nanlaki ang mga mata kong binawi ang phone ko.

“Kaibigan ko!”

Niko:

I miss you. Can I see pic of you.

“I miss you tapos can I see you? Kaibigan lang! Okay, Shaire. Okay.”

“Kaya pala si anteh hindi sumasali sa discord may iba na pala ka study buddy..”

“Heh!” nagtawanan lang sila at hindi ko na pinansin. Tinuon ko lang ang pansin ko sa phone ko at nag send na ng pucture.

Kagabi kasi naghanap na ako ng mga selca ni Seulgi na pwedeng isend sakaniya ’yung tipong ’di halata na galing lang sa online.

Me:

(Sent a Photo)

(Sent a Photo)

Niko:

TWO?! I hit jackpot damn!

Me:

Ofcourse, you deserve it.

Niko:

Do you want me ba to visit tomorrow? Or wag muna? Just let me know- I’ll make time for ya.

Biglang bumilis ulit ang tibok ng puso ko. Ang akala ko ba ay hindi siya pupunta? I mean baka busy siya? Bakit biglang nagtanong.

Me:

Ang akala ko ba hindi mo kaya?

Niko:

It’s just that, I’m always have a time for you but I’m too shy to demand a time from you.

May part-time kasi siya sa company ng sister niya. And he’s earning from that. Nabanggit din kasi niya na ayaw niya rin naman na umasa lang sa allowance ng binibigay ng Mom and sister saka brother niya kaya as much as possible he wants to have his own money while helping their sister in their business.

Kilala ang company ng sister niya kasi parang nag oorganize sila ng mga big event. I mean event planner sila. Madalas ang mga kumukuha sakanila ay mga sikat na artista, politician at ’yung nga mamayayaman talaga.

And sikat din talaga sila. Always trending din kasi ’yung mga events nila kaya I bet maraming nag c-contact sakanila.

Na stalk ko rin ang sister niya nagbabakasali na may mga updates si Niko do’n pero lagi ko lang nakikita ay mga work related na napakarami.

Me:

It’s fine naman—kaso tell me where in pampanga kasi if like malayo next time nalang. Kasi I know you’re tired. Mag g-guilty ako while looking at your tired eyessss.

Niko:

You will be responsible to give me energy :3

Me:

What about huggiesss? Is that enough to energize youuu.

Niko:

Super!

Napainom tuloy ang sunod-sunod ng water. “Hoy tama na ’yan! Tara na, nandyan na raw si Doc.”

Me:

Sige, I’ll hug you tightly when we meet.

Nakangiti kong itinago ang phone ko sa kaloob-looban ko hindi maalis saakin na bukas ay nandito siya Pampanga at ano ang possiblng mangyari?

Minemema ko lang siya kasi alam ko namang never mangyayari na mayayakap ko siya but who knows? I’m still hoping na one day maging totoo ang lahat.

Nang matapos ang araw ay agad akong umuwi ng dorm dahil na lowbatt na rin ako. Agad-agad kong chinarge ang phone ko. Hindu na ako mapakali dahil gusto ko nang mabasa ang mga chats niya.

Inopen ko ng walang pag aalinlangan ang message and nang makita ko ang reply niya ay malaki ang ngiti kong sinagot ang mga ito.

Niko:

Oh dito raw kami sa San Luiz.

Me: Ay malayo? 1 hour driver I think? Dito ako sa Clark.

Niko:

Damn, why is pampangga so big hahaha. Super far, still 1hr from clark omfg hahaha. Seriously. No promises babe. I’m super g kapag 20-30 mins lang. I let you know.

Me:

Haha it’s okayy! So far din talaga. Super tired ka na after that.

Gusto ko siya makita. But I’m too scared and ayoko rin naman dumating kami sa puntong papaasahin ko siya. Na magkikita kami pero ’di ko sisiputin, ’yung tipong ako lang makakakita sakaniya at pagkatapos ay magdadahilan ako para lang mapagtakpan ang sarili kaya hindi sumipot.

Niko:

How’s your night going on?

Me:

Okay lang naman. I’m resting na! Hbu?

Niko:

I just finished packing up for tom. And prepped na for my roles. Right now, just chilling and thinking about you to be honest.

Nagkwentuhan lang kami na nag kwentuhan. He’s very talkative. Saamin dalawa siya ang mas maraming nakwento kasi he really like question and he’s willing to answer all of it.

Eh, sa totoo lang hindi ako makwentong tao. Sabi nila boring nga raw ako mag chat, eh. But now nakapag cope up ako sakaniya even though hindi halata sakaniya na ganito ang personality niya kasi he really looks cold outside.

Friday ngayon kaya inabot kami kahit alas tres ng madaling araw para lang mag usap. Partida may work pa siya for tommorow ha.

Me:

Sent voice message (Goodnight, Hun.)

Niko:

Sent voice message ( Sweet dreams, Baby!)

At naging masaya naman ang tulog ko. Pero napanaginipan ko siya. Nanaginip ako na nagkita kami and tanggap niya ako.

Kasi alam niya naman daw na si Seulgi ’yon. Inaantay niya lang ako mismo mag sabi para ma continue pa raw ang relationship namin.

I’m super happy. But then again, bigla nalang ako nagising sa katotohanan na lahat lang ’yon ay panaginip.

Hindi ko pa nasabi sakaniya ang totoo at mas lalong hindi niya pa ako tanggap.

Niko:

Morning babe. I’m off to work na. Talk to you later!

(Sent a photo)

I’m super guilty naman kasi nag drive na siya at 5:00 am papuntang pampanga. Eh natigil pag uusap namin at 3:30am something. Hindi na siya natulog. He really accompany me hanggang sa makatulog na ako.

He’s so sweet.

Me:

Good morning. Goodluck for today , Hun! You look fine as hell.

Sabado ngayon, I have no plan. Sumagi nga sa isipan oo na gusto kong gumala today and pumunta somewhere sa San Luiz gusto ko lang magbakasali na baka makasalubong kahit malabo.

Nonood lang ako ng nirecommed niyang anime while waiting sa reply niya. I know he’s busy kaya mga bandang afternoon na siya nang mag reply saakin.

Niko: 1.57 pm

Hey. Did you know I almost died last night. After hearing your voice ._.

Me:

Me too >< I’m watching Death Parade by the way.

Niko:

How is it so far babe?

Me:

The stories are pretty condensed! Love it kasi mixture of gore and romance siya.

And it’s literally soooooooo different and fascinating! I was hooked in immediately. Only up to ep 5 for now, but im very excited to binge the rest.

Niko:

Glad u like it, baby! Tiyaka syempre I’ll only recommend you stuff that I know you’ll like <3

Me:

Thank you! What about? How’s work?

Niko:

Almost done, Babe. Currently resting lang. Very tired lang talaga. Sorry I can’t visit you na- If I do baka when I arrive at your place baka diyan na ko matulog haha. Kahiya naman.

Me:

No worries hunnn, I understand. We can still meet naman. There’s a lot of next time.

And you can stay naman here kaso baka bigla mabigla sina Mama, are you ready ba? Haha. Siguro if sa dorm pwede ;)

Sa totoo lang if ako talaga—’yung totoong ako ang nagustuhan niya ganito ang gagawin namin. Kapag hindi pa siya handa na ipakilala ko sa parents ko ipupuslit ko siya sa dorm ko para lang makasama siya. But since nga nag p-poser lang ako I don’t think pwede.

Niko:

Baka nakatulala lang ako- haha and stare. Say hi and then go to sleep lol. Pero yeah maybe now is not a good time.

Next time nalang ako mag sleepover I think. I don’t have extra clothes with me right now. Tiyaka I don’t look so good rn haha.  I’m so pale and dead.

Me:

I bet you still look good duhh pero I know you’re tired and mas comfy ka sa bed mo.

Niko:

(Sent a photo)

Napairap ako sa kawalanan nang makita ang bareface niyang napakagwapo. He’s still look fresh naman, eh. Ang gwapo at bango pa rin niya.

Me:

Still gwapoo But my baby is tired Wanna give you a lot of huggies :>>

Niko:

I want that baby :< I wanna see you. May I po? I will feel better me thinks.

Me:

(Sent a Photo)

(Sent a Photo)

Niko:

Ilysm! Brb, back to work na babe.

Me:

Take ur time baby.

Did he say “I love you so much?” or what? Am I delulu? Bibigyan ko ba ng meaning ’yon? ’Yung ilysm ba na ’yon ay may laman or sinabi niya lang kasi feel niyang banggitin?

Binitawan ko ang phone ko. ’Yung tibok nag puso ko sobrang abnormal. I wanna see him. I feel like sobrang gusto ko na talaga siya.

Hindi ako mapakali—I was watching pero I’m imagine things with Niko. Sobrang gusto ko na talaga siya?

In one month talking stage nahulog na talaga ako sakaniya? This is the first time na nangyari ’yon. Siguro dahil nakuha niya lahat ng gusto ko sa lalaki.

He’s my ideal man. He’s so pure kasi. I don’t bakit laha ng qualities na gusto ko sa isang tao ay nasa kaniya na.

Ang laki ng ngiti ko buong araw hanggang sa inabot na ng gabi bago siya ulit nakapag reply.

Niko: 7:30 pm.

Oke, I’m back, baby. You  can talk to me if you want I got up until 8 bago ako mag drive pauwiz

Me:

Hehe oki po! 2 hrs drive, no?

Niko:

On the way back yes baby. Pero baka more than that T_T Kasi diba may coldplay concert and stuff Probably traffic!

Me:

Hala, oo nga pala. So hassle for you.

Haynako, hanggang ngayon iniisip ko pa rin kung totoo lang ’to, pinatuloy ko na siya sa dorm ko. I want him to rest here. Alam kong sobrang pagod ng araw niya ngayon.

Then wala kaming gagawin kung hindi mag hug. Cuddles buong araw.

Niko:

I’m fine, babe. As long I’m talking to you. Nawawala na ang pagod ko.

Me:

Mwa!

Niko:

I found a cat at my workplace ohh I wanna takeee it so much, babee :(

Me:

Really? Can I see? Do you have pic?

Niko:

(Sent a video)

(Sent a photo)

Me:

So adorableee! Behave naman ang baby na ’yan.

Niko:

They act like my tofu. Parang black version niya.

(Sent a photo)

Super lambing sakin. Omg Ky, I might take this home na. I’ll name her coffee

(Sent a video)

Me:

Wala bang may ari niyan?

Niko:

I don’t care.

Me:

Baliw ang bad mo!

Niko:

I wanna kidnap this cat omg whaahek Or what if-

Me:

Sige na, I’ll keep your secret. ’Di kita expose kapag ginawa mo ’yan.

Niko:

Ikaw nalang kidnap ko 🫵🏼😋🥰👺 Keep my secret ha.

Me:

Yes please. Take me with my cats din!

Napatalon ako sa kama ko at nagpagulong-gulong muli ako. Hirap na hirap na ako. Ano bang ginawa saakin ng lalaki ’to bakit baliw na baliw ako?

Niko:

heart beats

Me:

Oh well, pet us usss luvieee.

Niko:

You always know what to say. Why?

Me:

Haha! Ofcourse you’re far, eh. ;) Ay hindi pala so far. Should I pack my things?

Niko:

Noooooo, I just might kidnap you talaga. Why you do this to ME, baby?

Me:

Sorry.

Niko:

Ano ka sige- I will drive to you talagaa hahaha.

Me:

Can you do that ?

Niko:

Wait—you actually want? So clingy naman ng baby ko. Eto. Do you have plans ba tomorrow ? Do you want me to visit you na talaga?

Napatayo ako sa kama ko. Omg! Ano ba ’yan? Nag j-joke lang naman ako. Self, dapat maging maiingat ka sinasabi mo kasi He’s the type of guy na gagawin ang lahat nang lahat ng mga sinasabi ko.

Pero yeah, makikisakay ako sakaniya. Gagawa ako ng dahilan para hindi rin halata na iniiwas ko na makita niya ako sa personal.

Me:

Ihhh, kasi naman. I’ll feel guiltyyyy if we’ll meet tom.

Niko:

Why naman? Na hassle for me or something?

Me: Ofcourseee.

Niko:

Babe I wanna see you too. Perooo you plan on what we do if I get there na haha. Ano lang- I actually can’t go tonight kasi I want to prepare properly.

Me:

I’m suck with this.

Niko : Lol we can just stay at your place.

Me:

Pero paano ba? Like are you going to stay here? Sleepover?

Niko:

Chill lang tayo and watch kdramas or anime together. Ikawww. How long do you want me to stay? I could hang out lang for a few hours tapos uwi agad at night na.

Me:

Do you have class ba on monday?

Niko:

Nopee. Tagal break ko lol. And tapos na side jobs ko this month.

Me:

Hmm, so where ka mag stay tonight if ever tuloy? Sa totoo lang, I can’t decide.

Niko: Qc lang naman. I will go back home and rest for a bit. And then I can go to pampangga na maybe around lunch time. I will angkas nalang para quick lols.

Me:

Okieee lemme think about it! I wanted to you see but at the same time you deserve a lot of rest.

Niko:

Yeah I do! And if I’m with youuu I’ll be superrr WELL RESTED.

Me:

Uy ano ba..

Niko:

I like you so much, Babe. Like super! Sorry.

Me: Teka nga. I don’t feel pretty kasi, eh.

Niko: Tom ah if you agree na I should goo- You don’t have to do make up or anything does is stressful. I want you to feel relaxed No need for make up and stuff that is stressful.

Me:

I don’t think haharap ako sa’yo without it. Girls thing. I feel insecure din.

Niko:

You’re very prettyyy na haha. But yeah I don’t wanna pressure and cause you stress. I’ll do whatever you want. Drive lang po ako. Talk to you later if awake ka po. Luv yah!

Binitawan ko ang phone ko saka ako tumayo at humarap sa salamin. Tinignan ko ang picture ni Seulgi saka ko idinikit sa mukha ko.

Ilang beses niya akong sinabihan na I love you pero hindi para saakin ’yun.

“Too far.” I said to myself.

Bigo akong bumalik sa kama and I don’t know pero biglang may tumulong luha sa mata ko.

Na h-hurt ako right now. Sobrang insecure ko ngayon. Kung dati insecure ako sa sarili pero mas lalo na ngayon. Kasi nagpapanggap ako bilabg ibang tao at hindi bilang ako.

Ngayon, naghuhulog na ako sa sarili kong laro wala kasiguraduhan kung matatalo ako.

Dapat lang na tapusin ko ito sa lalong madaling panahon—it’s getting scary.

Me:

We can’t meet today. Pupunta ng house mga auntie and uncle ko. Maybe next time?

Niko:

Aww, it’s fine. Maybe yes..next time.

Lumipas mga araw, I’m always excited to get home dahil alam kong naghihintay siya saakin at mag uusap kami.

Konting tiis na nga lang. Malapit na ang christmas break namin kaya namin marami na akong time to talk with him pero hindi ko pa alam kung kailan ako aamin sakaniya.

I enjoy his accompany. Gusto ko nakakausap ko lang siya all day.

Me:

All modesty aside, what are you better at than 90% of people? It doesn’t have to be useful or serious naman hehe it can be something ridiculous.

Niko:

My luck I think. They say luck is actually a skill. I’m fortunate that mine is really high. I feel like I’m very lucky compared to most people. Parang- when I imagine other people being in my shoe I don’t think they’ll be in the state that I’m in now Ikaw?

Me:

I don’t think I have.

Niko:

Really? I think meron.

Me:

Yeah maybe but I can’t think of it.

Niko:

Do you wanna know?

Me:

Yes, what?

Niko:

In my eyes you’re the most beautiful among the 100% of other people.

Me:

You got me there huh!

Niko:

Syempre. Hehe learned from the best.

Me:

Weh? Sige nga tell me your best pick up line.

Niko:

Damn ayt Gimme a minute.

Me:

I’m just kidding!

Niko:

No..no. I’m taking this seriously. Here I got one. Are you ready?

Me: Sige, go on.

Niko:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. Your beauty is pure, your heart is true Forever and always, my love will be you. Panis!

Me:

Why did I ask you paaa? Help.

Niko:

Hahaha. HERE I got MORE Hey Kyla?

Me:

Yes?

Niko:

Is your name Google? Because you’re everything I’ve been searching for.

Me:

Ano ba ’yan parang ang luma naman nyan! Hahahaha.

Niko:

Dang— This is so cheesy but I love it.

Me:

Osya, I believe in you na.

Niko:

NO I got MORE. How can I plan our wedding if I don’t have your number?

Me:

How?

Niko:

Babe, that’s the pick up line ._. How can I plan our wedding? if I don’t have your number? It’s so stupid—but kinda love it.

Me:

Okay my bad. I’m too slow! Hahah. Nice one.

Niko:

You’re trying console me. That’s enough pick up lines im going crazy na. Kaikai, shouldn’t have challenged me.

Me:

I’m kinda sleepy. Goodnight.

(Sent a  voice message) I like you, Nikolo.

Agad akong nag offline. ’Di ko na talaga kayang pigilan ang nararamdaman ko. Mag 1 and half month na rin kami nag uusap.

I don’t know bakit possible ’yung kahit hindi ko nagkikita in person ay maghuhulog talaga kayo sa isa’t-isa.

Nagising ako and kinakabahan na binuksan ang chat namin.

Niko

:

Let’s meet. I want to introduce myself personally. And I want to court you in person.. I wanna show you how sincere I am. I really love you, Ky.

Chapter 05

Shai Brigh

NIko:

I wonder if you wanna call, baby? It’s fine if you don’t want. Ayaw din naman kitang pilitin.

Me:

No, it’s okay! You can call po after I take a shower.

Niko:

If that’s what the princess desires. I’ll be waiting. Take your time, babe.

Nagtungo ako cr at naligo. Hindi na naman maalis sa isipan ko ang sinabi ko sakaniya nang mabanggit nuyang he wants to court me.

Sinabi ko sakaniya na we can meet if hindi kami busy pareho—well siya hindi pa busy kasi vacation nila pero ako kahit hindi pa gano’n kabusy sinasabi ko sakaniya na busy ako dahil ayoko na papuntahin pa siya.

I said, if he wants to court me. Gusto ko ma enjoy namin ang araw nang unang pagkikita na walang ibang iniisip na school works or any problem. And naniwala naman siya at pumayag dahil ayaw niya rin naman ako pilitin sa mga bagay-bagay.

Nang matapos ako maligo. Ay talaga nag ayos pa ako. I know he’ll not ask me to face time with him or open my camera. Pareho rin kasi kaming shy.

Me:

Hey , I’m

back. You call me.

Niko:

Alright, baby.

Nag ring na ang phone ko kaya napaayos ako ng phone. Huminga ako ng napakalim. Tumingin sa salamin bago bumalik sa pagkaupo sa kama saka ko sinagot ang call.

“Hey..” his voice is so husky.

“Hello..”

“How’s your day, sweetie?” he really sounds so pogi. Nakakainis ang his accent is too way sexy hiyang-hiya tuloy ako magsalita.

“Ahm, okay lang..” I’m stuttering.

“You sounds so nervous, baby. It’s okay. I love your voice. It’s so sweet. I wanted to sleep while hearing your voice.”

“Really?”

“Yes baby..”

“Okay.” I sound too cold tuloy. Ano ba ’yan hindi ko alam ang sasabihin.

“Ah-eh—’yung ano-Hmmm hahaha.”

“It’s okay, you can speak korean, tagalog or kapampangan. Kung saan ka komportable. I’m cool with it, babe.”

Hindi ako nakapag response agad. Oo nga pala ang alam niya ay half korean ako. Si Seulgi nga kasi ang mukha na sinesend ko sakaniya. Iisipin mo agad na may lahi at obvious na koreana siya.

“Well, I’ll have my other phone beside me so I can translate what are you saying. You know that I don’t want to pressure you on something kaya if you want to switch and go back to chatting. It’s okay as long as my baby is comfortable.”

“Baliw, I’m comfortable talking with you. Just a bit shy pero masasanay na rin ako. I love your speaking voice also. You sounds so sexy.”

“Baby naman.” natawa ako ng bahagya kasi ang cute nang pagkasabi niay.

“Ask me question. Anything without restrictions. By the way I’m sipping vodka right now while doing some works.” He said.

Humiga na ako sa kama. “Okay po, ahmm.”

“Take your time, hun.”

“I do have na. Eto! What do your parents expect of your partner?” tanong ko.

Seeing his family kasi is a bit intimidating. just like him. ’Yung tipong kapag tinitnan mo sila masusungit at probably matapobre.

“Single Mother lang naman kasi parent ko—and it’s just me and my siblings. As for my mum- She’s very hmm… Loud and uh- Exciting.”

Tumango-tangi ako. Base nga sa mga na stalk kong picture wala ang dad niya. Ofcourse curious ako nasaan siya pero it’s too sensitive to ask that. I know my limitations kahit chimosa ako.

“Ah talaga?” I responses.

“ Yes baby. She actually always roots for me and stuff. And uh- at one point kasi I was buying something for you. Kasi nga ganun. Nakita niya may name and stuff- and it’s not something I would buy for myself. So nagtataka sila lahat- since they also learned na I broke up with my ex. So they know about you na.“

“Wait what?!” His mom know me na? ’Yung poser na Ky? Ano nalang magiging reaksyon ng family kapag nalaman nilang naloko lang ang anak niya o kapatid nila?

“Your reaction is so adorable.” He laughed cutely kaya naman mas lalong nag init ang pisnge ko.

“Edi ano. How long do you like to date someone before introducing them to your friend or fam?”

“You’ve reached your quota na honestly. Alam mo ba my mum is asking me if I can invite you na this winter holidays christmas and new year hahaha even I think that’s too quick.”

“Wait. Seryoso nga?” I gulped.

“Yes po, we got months pa naman before we decide haha. But back to the question, generally. I never really thought about it. Maybe a good 1 month will do.”

Hindi ako makapag salita. Napakarami nang umiikot sa isipan ko. Naglalaro na ang imahinasyon ko sa pwedeng mangyari once na nalaman or nabuking na ako.

“Sabi na maoverwhelm ka eh.”

“Hindi ha, I’m just red right now. Nagiinit ang pisnge ko.”

“Let me see!” nanlaki ang mga mata ko at mabilis sumagot.

“Ayaw!”

“I love you, cutiee.” hindi ako nakasagot dahil iniisip ko pa rin na it’s too soon to say I love kahit ilang months na kami nag uusap.

He don’t mind naman when I always response “mwa” lang sa mga ‘I love you’ niya. Katulad nang lagi niyang sinasabi ay niya akong madaliin.

“Babe, random question lang. What scares you about love?” tanong ko.

“Hmm, interesting.” He sighed. “I’m scared that I need it I don’t think I can pursue my life goals without it.”

And what if that love will cause you pain to the point that you can’t pursue your life anymore?

I asked to myself at hind na itinuloy pa.

Lumipas ang mga araw at patagal na ng patagal. Isang buwan napang matatapos na ang taon at hindi pa rin ako umaamin sakaniya.

And not gonna lie pero nakakaramdam na ako ng matinding guiltyness. Lalo na kapag nalalaman kong ginagastusan niya na ako kahit hindi pa kami nagkikita.

Last time, he went out just to buy me a luxury bags kasi he knows I love it. He’s really into my character. Tapos he always make kwento how his mom is very excited to meet me.

Hindi ko na tuloy alam ang pwedeng sabihin sakaniya. Lalo na kapag gusto niya ako padalhan ng mga pagkain or gifts. I decline, I always say na saka nalang kapag nagkita kami.

But I know never mangyayari ’yon.

May ilang araw na bakasyon—sembreak. Kaya nakapag decide ang family ko to have a vation in Batangas.

And we’re drinking right now with my cousins dito sa binook naming staycation.

Me:

Why are we always the same? Kailangan makahanap tayo ng difference natin!

Niko:

Maybe we should spice things up?

Napangisi ako. Due to the alcohol. Medyo tinamaan na ako at may lakas na ako ng loob na makipag usap sakaniya tungkol dito.

And sa higit 4 months ng naguusap ay ngayon niya lang inopen ang topic na ’to saakin.

Me:

Alright.

Niko:

I’ve got several things in mind that I think we definitely are opposite at.

Me:

Go.

Niko:

I’ll say sorry na in advance if I passed some boundaries.

Me:

No worries!

Niko:

Are you sexually active? Or to water it down- are you very interested on the topic?

Being sexually active means parang u explore yung thingy and not close-minded to the idea.

Me:

Yup, I’m open minded naman. Is it a big deal ba for u if a girl is a virgin or not?

Niko:

Nah, you?

Me:

No, it’s okay lang. Perooo have u experience it na ba? Oh my god bakit ba ako ang nagtatanong ng ganito?

Niko:

Yeah. You’re on the right mood then :>

Me:

Ah ganon ba ’yon.

Napasuklay ako sa buhok ko gamit ang kamay ko saka ako sumulyap sa mga pinsan ko na busy sa pagk-kwentuhan. Ako eto  pinagmumulahan na ng pisnge.

Niko:

Yeah. And you’re gonna ask—

Me:

What?

Niko:

How? i experienced it. Come on baby don’t hold back hahaha.

Napakuha ako sa shot ng cuervo dahil sa sinabi niya. Huminga ako ng malalim at mabilis muli sumulyap sa mga pinsan ko. Tinutignan ko if hindi nila ako mapapansin.

Me:

Sige ano? Hahaha.

Niko:

A bit traumatizing kasi. I lost it when I was 7 years old from a childhood friend. I know it’s bad pero we’re expose kasi sa y8 game and ayun it’s started with kissing and mind you she’s 12 so she knows a lot of things.

Me:

Ah I get it now. You want it naman ’di ba?

Niko:

I’m curious. And me being a dumbo kiddo just followed my instincts. So yeah. Honestly weird thing to share pero- it’s like one of my darkest secrets.

Me:

It’s fine and I won’t judge you naman.

Niko:

Are you weirded out by it ?

Me:

No? Kasi normal sa kids na ma curious sa bagay-bagay. Yes it’s so wrong. Kaya bad talaga ang internet sa children dapat binabatayan talaga.

Niko:

Thank you, Kai. I know right. Ofcourse I got some more matured experience. Pero we’ll leave it at that.

Me:

For me naman kaya open minded ako. I accidentally watch porn din naman noon when I was grade 2. I mean not sa site pero kasi parents ko may collection ng gano’n. So ang akala ko ay cartoons ’yon. Nahuli ako ni Mama and napalo kaya ako. But ayun, I know naman those things since bata ako. Ofcourse I’m curious but I’m too scared.

Niko:

Haha, that’s funny experience. Pero did you ever get over your fear?

Me:

Yup, I’m not virgin anymore.

Niko:

Oh.

Napalunok ako. Bakit ganon ang reaction niya? Ayaw niya ba? Na turn off na ba siya?

Pero totoo naman kasi na I lost my virginity and sa first boyfriend. When I was freshmen I got interested with the topic lalo pa’t madalas naririnig ko ’yon sa mga kaklase or schoolmate ko. Parang it’s a thing noong college namin na gawin ’yon kasi normal lang naman.

Me:

I just tried it nung freshmen. But I didn’t enjoy it.

Sa totoo lang, after that. Hindi ko na ginawa pa after that. Isang beses lang ’yon. Hindi ko kasi nagustuhan ang experience. A bit traumatizing—and mabuti nga hindi gano’n mapilit ’yung ex na gawin ulit. And that’s one thing siguro na hindi red flag sakaniya. He’s like go with the flow lang with me. Kung ano ang gusto ay susundin niya.

Niko:

With a fling or? alone?

Me:

Fling.

I don’t want to say a first boyfriend. Baka kasi mag iba ang timpla and besides ni l-limit ko rin ang sarili ko na sagutin siya ng pure totoo dahil baka nga mahuli ako or one day gamitin ’yon laban saakin.

Niko:

ah. damn welp

Me:

Medyo traumatizing kasi I’m virgin and masakit talaga.

Ayoko ng maalala pa how messy and traumatizing my experience. Never ko talaga magugustuhan ’yon.

Niko:

No, baby. It’s ok you don’t have to continue—kapag hindi ka na comfortable in sharing. Pero I get it yeah Although I’d be lying if I said I’m not bitter about it. Lumalabas yung pagka possessive ko haha.

Napanguso ako. He’s really that jealous type. Naalala ko na naman last week na pinag k-kwentuhan namin is about crush na celebrity. Nag selos ba naman siya kay Kim Bum.

Me:

Do you find me very mahinhin ba? Or like innocent?

Niko:

As you are now yeah. I feel like you’re conservative rn towards me. And I think that’s VERY normal. But yeah I guess that’s 1 thing we’re different about then.

Me:

What do you mean?

Niko:

Nope what I meant sa difference is unlike you- I actually find the experience very pleasing. I don’t know maybe man instincts.

I bit my lower lips. Oh well, hindi ko kasi maimagine na medyo wild pala talaga siya kasi as I said medyo malayo sa mga pinakita niya saaking personality and ’yung first impression ko talaga sakaniya.

He’s like masungit na puro aral lang—reading books, drinking, playing with cats. Anti social and kinda bad boy who hates everyone.

Me:

Understandable and besides I don’t mind doing it with you, if you ask me.

Agad akong uminom muli ng another shots ng cuervo dahil nag iinit na ang buong katawan ko.

“Guys, cr lang ako,” sambit ko sa mga pinsan ko pero ang totoo ay dumaretso na ako sa kwarto namin.

Kahit hindi pa ako nag shower ay humiga na ako dahil tipsy na rin talaga ako.

Niko:

If yoy say stuff like that- I could have a heart attack on the spot.

Napangisi ako habang binabasa ang chat niya. Tumingin pa ako sa paligid ng kwarto bago nag reply.

Me:

I’m sorry ><

Niko:

But yeah noted baby. But I prefer if you’re comfortable na with me.

Me:

Gosh, I can only say this kasi you’re far. So tapang ’di ba?

Niko:

Damn, baby. you’re adorable. Pero as you said. You’re very Romantic. So let’s take things slow. But… if yoy wanna hurry it up. idm *wink wink WAHAHAHAHA jkjk i can only say that bc im far T_T

Me:

Haha! See, kapag magkaharap na tayo. We’re tahimik and shy.

Niko:

You never know, Kai. Basta ako I’m positive.

Me:

My cheeks are burning rn!

Niko:

My pillow is like destroyed I’ve been wrestling with it eh. Bakit kaya.. Patingin nga ng burning cheeks ng baby ko? Actually wait. No. I might die na of heart stroke if I see your face now.

Me:

Ackk it’s been a while naman kasi since i talk about this thing. I feel hot.

Niko: You have nooo cluee. Nako, I dont think i can sleep na. Legit this is mas masama pa sa palpitation caused by energy drinks.

Me:

Ano gagawin?

Niko:

I don’t know i just like you this much for fuck’s sake.

Me:

Let’s take a breath muna.

Niko:

Wanna call?

Bago ko pa masagot ang chat niya ay biglang bumukas ng pintuan at iniluwa ang mga pinsan kong babae.

“Si Anteh girl. Ngiti-ngiti! Ano na lasing ka na? Sabi mag c-cr mag s-sleepwell na pala!” sambit ni Nadz.

“Baliw hindi!”

“May boyfriend ka na?” tanong ni Bea, pinsan ko rin:

“Wala.” meron na sana.

“Tara club daw. Meron na search nina Cliff malapit lang here.” sambit ni Hailee na nakatingin sa phone niya.

“Omg, sige! Habang tulog ang mga oldies!”

Umiling lang ako. “Kayo nalang. No energy na. Sorry.”

“Luh? Hoy ilang beses mo na kami inano sa pa no energy mo. Minsan lang naman ’to huwag ng kj.”

“Oo nga si mama pa nga nagsabi na makipag bonding ka.” ang kapatid ko naman na sumunod saakin ang nagsalita.

“Pagod na ako. Sige na mamaya na kayo.” pinilit ko silang itulak palabas at nagtagumpay naman akong ilock ang pinto.

Pinalabas ko na sila at agad ni lock ang pinto.

Me:

Sorry late reply. bigla pumasok pinsan ko. Cousins are inviting me to hangout kaso I decline kasi I’m so tired. Napagod din ako mag swimming kanina and marami na rin akong na drink.

I’ll call na.

Agad naman niyang sinagot ang tawag ko.

“Where you going daw ba?” He asked.

“Clubbing daw eh.”

Bumuntong hininga siya at rinig na rinig ko mula sa kabilang linya.

“Baby, I dont want to be strict pero. Yeah.. I don’t know, you can do whatever you want baby. I trust you naman. Just take care of yourself whenever.”

“Please.” pahabol niya pa.

“Yeah, I know! Pero I never enjoy clubbing naman.” sambit ko to assure him. He sounds very sad about the idea of me going to the club.

“For me kasi. When you go to clubbing—para maka hanap rin ng new connection or to get hooked up. So yeah. You’re tipsy right now. I’m not there to protect you from the idiots.”

Napanguso ako habang nakikinig sakaniya. He’s very sincere sa mga sinasabi niya. I really like him.

“I want u to be happyy babe ha- pero I will always speak out rin when I don’t feel comfortable on things. So sana you don’t misunderstand me. That’s all.”

“You know that no? You did that no? Can I ask what’s ur body count?”

“No, but I knew a lot of people who’s doing that baby. I don’t like it.”

“What’s your body count?” ulit ko pa. I’m so tipsy na nga hindi ko na c-control ang words ko.

“Hmm I will sound and look dirty yata.” may pag aalinlangan na sambit niya.

“I won’t judge. I think it’s pretty normal na these days.”

What I mean pretty normal ay ang premarital sex. Kahit pa na hindi sila agng asawa sa mga mag jowa ay bihira nalang ang pinaabot pa hanggang kasal bago bumigay.

Inaamin ko naman, I’m too impulsive about it. Sa pagbigay ko noon. And that’s actually sad kahit nasa legal age naman na ako. Kasi nagpadalos-dalos din ako noon. Pero hindi ko rin naman i-judge ang mga tao na agad binigay ’yon as long as nasa tamang age ka and you should be responsible of what you are doing.

Ang hindi lang normal if gagawin niyo ’yon na hindi kayo maingat. There’s a lot contraceptives naman para maiwasan ang teenage pregnancy. Ayun ang hindi pwede inormalize.

“Reall though? Kasi I wouldn’t want your body count to be high yata. I don’t know. Tell me what’s yours first?

Napaangat ako ng kilay. “Only 1.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry I have over 16 na please don’t change how u see me. I’m really—really sorry.” ang akala mo sobrang laki ng kasalan niya saakin the way siya mag sorry.

Hindi ko rin naman siya masisi. Noon pa naman na ’yon. At wala naman kaming connection noon.

“You’re 22 and grown man. Okay lang ’yan just be responsible.”

“I’m safe. I made sure we’re both clean.” He’s assuring me kaya bahagya akong natawa kasi ang cute niya.

“Cool! Haha but seriously I don’t guve a f-ci naman about the numbers.”

“I have no control babe dati especially kapag wala ako sa isang relationship.”

“Sa hook ups no?”

“Yup. Purely man instincts.” sambit nito kaya napatango-tango nalang ako habang nakatitig sa kisame.

lOh, but you don’t feel any connection with them ba? Like to have relationship gano’n.“

I still can’t believe na totoo pala talaga ang hook ups and nag e-exist talaga siya. Ang hirap naman kasi no’n paano kung ikaw ’yung tipong mabilis ma attach.

“Ah, ’yun lang. Sometimes they understand. Some go crazy.”

Napalabi ako. Bigla tuloy ako nakaramdaman nang pagbigat nang didbib. Bakit bigla nagiging bitter ako na ginawa niya na sa ibang babae ’yon.

“As expected..

“Babe, I dont like it. Never akong naging proud sa ginagawa ko. Oh well I’m super amateur.”

Tipid ako nanpangiti sa kawalan. “Understandable. I think we all had that phase naman. Siguro..”

“I respect you so much. If you’re not comfortable please tell me?”

“It’s okay. I’m fine with it. Anyhow, got a question.  I’m always curious bakit kailangan sa dating app ka maghanap? I mean you look good. Paniguradong hinabol-habol ka ng mga babae. As you said nga kanina sa hook ups thingky..”

Hindi siya nakasagot agad.

“Bakit mas pipiliin mo and  LDR? You’re studying in UP. I bet there’s a lot of pretty girls there.”

“Good question. We actually got a similar circumstance. Also only got bumble kasi I was helping a friend to find a girl. Pero sadly in his case hindi talaga siya makahanap inaasar kasi namin siya. Because out of everyone in that friend group siya pala hindi pa nakakatikim ng kahit small cute relationship like any sort of woman interaction na medyo intimate.”

Napatango-tango akoz

“We came kasi from an All-boys school in Highschool. So it was just super hard to get a proper girl at our age interaction.”

“Ah kaya naman pala.”

“Yeah, at one point we were in a sleepover and we were joking about dating apps. Initially I never really had a positive outlook sa dating apps in general. I was even mocking it before but then like I got addicted to the swiping when I was helping my friend.”

Same nga kami. Ano ba ito? Sign ba ’to? Or what? Pati sa ganitong gawain ay same na same kami ng dahilan bakit nasa bumble.

“I know this sounds bad pero—I can’t help but judge people. Kahit patago- so when I see like many girl faces it seems so interesting to me.

“Haha talaga?” walang gana sambit ko. Ayan tuloy nagbago agad ang timpla ko.

“But yeah- at first I jokingly made my own acc. Even paid for the premium so that I could see the faces of the people who liked me. I had over 5k btw haha in just 2 days.”

Napataas ako ng kilay. Edi sana all. See? Napakaraming magaganda panigurado sa 5k na ’yon. Tapos akong pinili niya—poser at nagtatago sa likod ng picture ni Seulgi.

“But then I saw you and let me be honest. The first thing I thought was  ‘This is too good to be true’ Like you looked so out of place sa dating app na ’to.”

I bit my lower lip at bumibigat ang mga mata ko sa sinasabi niya. “Like- when I was swiping in the app I never really had the intention to date anyone. Kasi nga kakagaling ko lang sa break up.”

He’s so passionate to tell the story. Hindi ko magawang patagilin siya.

“Something about you and your vibe I just feel like I should try it out. I like it. And I think I’Il appreciate it more once I get to know you more.”

Tumulo ang mga luha sa mata ko. “You know what? You’re like my ideal girl. I find your face superr pretty. Legit super like how u look! haha I don’t where l’m going at here pero yes masasanay ka rin.”

“Thank you. “ mapait na sambut ko at pinunasan ang luha ko.

“Super paulit-ulit na from me. But you actually look so pretty. I’m sure you’re being asked out by some boys. Mine ka nalang ha.”

“Yes baby I’m all yours.” my voice cracked.

Habang tumatagal it’s really hard for me na bitawan ito. Yes na g-guilty ako sa ginagawa ko right now. But I can’t lose him.

I want him so bad but this is wrong. Pareho ko lang sasaktan ang sarili ko at pati rin siya.

Kung umamin man ako tungkol sa katotohanan I don’t he can accept me. Lalo na gusto niya ’yung idea na ako talaga si Seulgi.

Christmas is getting near. And I stop messaging him from that day. Sobrang na hurt din kasi ako sa mga sinasambit niya.

Unti-unti akong nagigising sa katotohanan na hindi talaga para saakin ang mga sinasabi niya.

Gusto ko rin naman mag isip-isip about sa kung anong gagawin ko. I want to wnd this at same time I want to stay with him.

I stopped messaging him. And hindi ko inopen ang account na ’yon. Dinelete ko ang instagram app ko pati na rin ang messenger para hindi ako matukso na iopen ang chat niya.

Pero ang saklap nga naman ng buhay kasabay pa no’n ay pagkakaroon ko ng sakit.

“Ano ba ’yan, hindi ka kakasi umiinom ng tubig. Puro softfdrinks kayo!” sambit ni Mama.

Dehydrated ako kaya kinakailangan na ma confine ngayon. Noong mga nakaarang araw kasi sobra na akong nalalambot. Ang akala ko normal lang ’yon hanggang sa tuluyan na ako nawalan ng malay.

Mag 3-days na ako dito sa hospital and 5 days ago ko pa minessage si Nikolo. I have no energy to talk to him and ayoko rin naman sabihin sakaniya ang kalagayan ko dahil alam kong gagawa’t gagawa siya ng paraan para puntahan ako.

But as of medyo okay na ang pakiramdam ko baka bukas ay ma discharges na rin ako. Sobrang na b-bored na rin ako rito sa hospital.

Gusto ko ng lumakas—ayoko naman na magpapasko ako sa hospital. Kinuha ko ang phone ko and hindi ko alam bakit nagtungo ako sa Ig at binuksan ang dummy account ko.

Maraming message from Nikolo pero ang huling message niya ang nag pukaw ng attention ko.

Niko:

I asked my friend if it’s possible to locate you na. I want to go there to check if you’re alright. I’m worried as hell babe.