About The Story

Graciella Arevalo just wants to love and be loved. She feels like she has a lot of love to give and she just wants her own person to love. Mayroon na kasing mga boyfriend at girlfriend iyong mga tao sa paligid niya. She doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone. She wants her own person to love and to spoil. Ang problema, parang ayaw naman sa kanya ng pag-ibig. She has been told to just wait for it because it will eventually come to her. And she wants to, ang kaso, she’s always surrounded by death that she feels like she’s always running out of time. 

Ilang blind date na ang napuntahan niya. She always tries to find the good in the person in front of her, but for some reason, walang spark. Ayaw niya naman na i-sacrifice iyon. Alam niya na nag-eexist iyon. She’s seen it. She just needs to look harder. 

Pero baka tama nga sila… na kapag hindi mo hinahanap, saka doon dadating. 

Because apparently, she’s been looking for love in all the wrong places when all along, he’s always been right in front of her. 

**

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Chapter 00

Chapter 00

I quietly went out of the house and headed straight to my car. Today’s the last Sunday of the BAR! Naka-schedule na kami para salubungin si Iñigo. Alam ko naman na si Cha lang ang gusto niyang makita, but wala siyang choice kasi makikita niya rin iyong mukha ko. I’m here to stay kahit ayaw niya! I made a promise to his dad na hindi ko siya iiwan. I take promises seriously.

“Hi!” sabi ko sa ka-date ko nung dumating ako sa resto. Thankfully, dumating naman ako on-time. I completely forgot that I agreed to this date! I mean, alam ko naman na nag-agree ako, but I forgot na kasabay iyon nung BAR salubong ni Iñigo. And I didn’t want to cancel naman kasi nakaka-hiya. Siguro naman hindi siya magagalit if aalis ako nang maaga. I still needed to meet Cha and alam ko na traffic ngayon papunta roon.

“Hello,” he replied with a smile.

I sat down and then I was handed a menu by the waitress. Ngumiti muna ulit ako sa kaharap ko. He’s a friend of a friend—kadalasan naman na nakaka-date ko ay mga kaibigan din ng mga friends ko from hospital and med school. A lot of the guys I dated, nagiging friends ko na lang. Ewan. Wala kasing sparks. Ayokong ipilit if walang sparks. Gusto ko iyong… kakaiba. I saw how it works! And that’s what I want for myself!

Iyong love na parang sa parents ko na going strong kahit 30 years na.

Iyong love na parang kina Rhys na sobrang weird na ganon pala iyong kakambal ko… who would’ve thought?!

Iyong love na parang kina Iñigo na sometimes, he just wouldn’t shut up about her.

I wanted that for myself.

So if wala nun, ’wag na lang. I want love, but I want the love. I didn’t want to settle for… just okay. Pwede na ’yan kaysa wala. I want the heart racing, toe curling kind of love. That’s what I want and I’d like to think that that’s what I deserve.

“I’m Graciella,” I introduced myself.

“Michael,” he replied.

I smiled. “Nice to meet you, Michael.”

“Likewise,” sagot niya naman sa akin.

We talked about general topics for quite a while. Ganito naman talaga kapag first dates. To be honest, it gets kind of tiring after a while… Kasi paulit-ulit lang iyong sasabihin mo. You’ll talk about yourself, your favorite movie, your favorite songs, your different favorites. Sometimes, gusto ko na lang gumawa ng carrd tapos basahin na lang nila in advance tapos ask na lang nila ako if may any clarifications.

“Excuse me,” I said after a few minutes of talking. Dumiretso ako sa CR. I sent a quick text to Cha telling her that I’d meet here sa coffee shop malapit sa gate. Marami kasing tao ’dun based on experience nung si Rhys naman iyong sinalubong namin. Ayoko lang na doon pa kami maghahanapan ni Cha kasi ang stressful.

Mabilis lang ako sa CR dahil gusto ko lang naman itext si Cha. I find it disrespectful kasi na magtext kapag may ka-date ako. Baka isipin nila na hindi ako interesado or hindi ako nakikinig.

“Yeah, no… Sunod ako. This date’s a snooze fest. She’s pretty, yes, but she looks boring.”

Napa-hinto ako sa paglalakad.

He was talking about me… right?

He was talking about me… badly… to his friend… while we were in the middle of our date.

Oh, wow. I didn’t know how to process this.

“No, hindi pa ako aalis. I’ll stay. She’s pretty, so I’ll get over the boring personality.”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Do I continue walking and let him know that I heard everything he said about me? Or do I turn around and pretend that I didn’t hear anything?

What do I do?

I was probably standing there for quite a while that a waiter had to call my attention because I was blocking the way. Napa-tingin sa likuran niya si Michael. He was looking at me. He didn’t seem like he thought I’d been there when he was still talking to his friend.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked with a worried look on his face.

“Yeah…” I lied.

“Are you sure?” he asked again as he held my arm. I gently tried to get my arm away from him. Napa-kunot iyong noo niya.

“The food’s here na pala,” I answered instead.

The whole meal was finished quietly. I was in no mood to engaged in a lively conversation. I answered all his answers with a mere yes or no. He’d probably tell his friends that I was the most boring date he had ever had.

When the date ended, I just quietly said my goodbye at tahimik na naglakad ako papunta sa parking lot. I stayed in my car for quite a while. I fought myself but in the end, I still ended up texting Mela, the friend who set us up, to apologize on my behalf. I felt like at the end of the date, I was borderline rude kasi hindi ko na talaga siya sinasagot. I was just nodding or shaking my head. It was my fault. Kung ipagkalat niya man na boring ako, totoo na iyon because I made the rumors true.

‘He said the date’s good and he’d like to see you again? Ano nangyari ba?’ she texted.

The date’s good? In what universe?

‘I don’t think there’s a second date. Thanks, anyway,’ I replied before I began to drive para pumunta sa salubong ni Iñigo. Pagdating ko roon, agad na dumiretso ako sa coffee shop.

“Hi!” sabi ko pagka-kita ko kay Cha.

“Hi,” she replied.

“I’m so tired. Akin ba ’yan?” I asked kasi may dalawang coffee sa harapan niya.

She nodded habang naka-kunot ang noo. “Nagtext ka sa akin na umorder ako ng kape mo.”

I chuckled. “Oh, right. I forgot. Sorry!”

“Send mo sa ’kin ’yung bayad.”

I pouted. “Okay,” sabi ko but I totally understood naman na nagtitipid silang dalawa because of their situation. Sometimes, nagdadala ako ng food sa apartment nila just to help. Hindi naman sila nanghihingi ng tulong but I see them as my extended family, so I’ll help whenever I can.

“Date?” Cha asked.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “How did you know?” I asked, eyeing her.

She shrugged. “Naka-lipstick ka.”

“So? Naglilipstick naman ako!”

“Normally, lip tint lang. You’re wearing lipstick now,” she pointed out habang naka-turo sa mukha ko. Napa-hawak din tuloy ako.

“Tss. Ang observant naman.”

She shrugged again. “Naka-mascara ka rin.”

“Oo na, oo na,” sabi ko kasi baka hindi siya tumigil at ipointout niya lahat ng naka-lagay sa mukha ko ngayon. Knowing Cha, she definitely would just to prove a point.

“Did you cut the date short para pumunta rito?” she asked.

Umiling ako. “No. The date’s okay,” I said and then sighed so loudly na hindi na ako magtataka kung mapa-tingin sa amin iyong ibang tao sa ibang table. “Buti ka pa hindi mo naranasan ’tong date-date. It’s brutal out there, Charisse Faith! Buti may Iñigo ka na.”

She rolled her eyes. “Brutal, really?”

I nodded. “I swear!” sabi ko sa kanya and I began to tell her some of my first date stories. There was one time, for some reason, tinakbuhan ako nung ka-date ko, so I was stuck to pay the whole bill. I mean, I’d be fine with paying naman had he asked… but tinakbuhan niya ako! Tapos may isa pang time na iyong ka-date ko pala, may asawa na! I was called a homewrecker in the middle of a busy restaurant. May video pa nun. Rhys had to talk to the people who took videos of me and had to settle with them privately. And ang dami pang ibang stories! No wonder pag-irap ang sagot sa akin ni Rhys whenever he’d hear na may ka-date na naman ako. He told me na magmadre na lang ako at bibisitahin niya na lang daw ako sa kumbento.

“Saan mo ba napupulot ’yung mga nakaka-date mo?” she asked with her forehead creased.

“Right! You’d think na matinong lalaki ang irereto sa akin ng mga friends ko!” sabi ko. “Some friend they are!”

“They’re bad friends.”

I nodded. “Agreed.”

“Kapag ganon ’yung lalaki, iwan mo agad.”

“I know!” sabi ko kahit alam ko na magsstay pa rin ako until the end of the date just to be polite.

I ordered cake habang naghihintay kaming dalawa. Naglabas ng laptop si Cha and nagwork siya. Ako naman ay nanood lang sa phone ko. Rest day ko kasi ngayon. Bukas, back to reality na naman ako.

“Ang tagal naman niya…” sabi ko nung maka-tapos na ako ng tatlong episode. “Masama ba kapag matagal?”

“Not necessarily. Baka nagdouble check bago magpasa,” she said.

“Okay… Matanong ko lang, hindi pa rin ba kayong dalawa?” I asked because I remembered one weird conversation I had with an old friend about Iñigo.

“Bakit?”

“Wala… Weird lang na naka-tira kayong dalawa tapos nung kasama ko si Iñigo last time tapos may batchmate kasi kami nung high school na tinanong if single daw ba si Iñigo kasi may nagpapatanong, ang sagot ba naman, single raw siya pero may selosang housemate. Like, sobrang confused nung itsura nung kausap namin.”

But Cha, instead of answering, chose to ask me, “Bakit wala kang boyfriend?” kahit na kaka-sabi ko lang sa kanya nung mga horror story ng first dates na napuntahan ko!

“Busy sa work,” I simply replied because sometimes, it’s the easiest reason to give. Ayoko naman iexplain sa lahat ng tao iyong impossibly high standard ko. Alam ko na hindi nila maiintindihan lahat. Ayoko rin naman na ipilit nila na baguhin ko iyong standards ko. It’s my standard to begin with—ako naman iyong makakasama ng tao forever, so deserve ko na magdecide ng kung anong standards ang dapat niyang ma-meet.

“Bakit? May ipapakilala ka ba?” I asked kasi siya na nagsabi na bad friend iyong mga kaibigan ko na nagpapakilala ng mga ganoon na tao sa akin. Baka naman good friend si Cha!

“What do you like in a person?” she asked.

“Mabait. Yun lang ang requirement ko,” I replied. I realized that being nice is already a high standard. Seriously—you could never go wrong with a kind person.

Plus the sparks.

Always the sparks.

She nodded. “I’ll message you if I think of someone.”

I grinned. “Thank you!”

We stayed there for a while before we decided na lumabas na dahil nagsisimula ng lumabas iyong mga tao. We stood there for quite a while, too, bago namin nakita si Iñigo.

“Congrats!” I said, handing him the bouquet I bought.

“Thanks, Gracey,” Iñigo replied, smiling.

“Ang tagal mo!”

Umirap siya. “You can’t rush perfection.”

I frowned at him. “Feeling perfect ka?”

“Duh. Tignan mo naman ’yung housemate ko,” sabi niya tapos tumingin kay Cha na naka-kunot ang noo. “Magiging housemate ko ba ’yan kung hindi ako perfect?”

Napailing na lang ako kasi hindi ko sila gets dalawa talaga. But it works for them, so bahala na sila.

“Mahirap ba ’yung exam?” Cha asked. Agad na lumapit doon si Iñigo na para bang may magnet sa pagitan nilang dalawa. I was just staring at them but it almost seemed like I could feel the sparks.

That’s what I want.

I want to fall in love. I want to fall deeply and madly in love. I want to experience being crazy in love.

God… I do hope I meet him soon—I have lots of stories I couldn’t wait to tell him.

**

This story is already at Chapter 04 on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

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Chapter 01

Chapter 01

“What?” I asked nang makita ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Rhys at naka-kunot ang noo niya. Christmas season, pero naka-default face na naman siya!

“Ang saya mo masyado.”

“Well, I need to! If hindi ako masaya, pwedeng akalain na undas dito sa bahay natin,” I told him.

“Whatever. Naubos na naman pera mo d’yan,” he said as he pointed out at the paperbags I was holding. I just came home from a shopping spree. In my defense, nagtitipid naman ako for the whole year. Gusto ko lang kasi talaga na may binibigay ako sa mga tao kapag holiday season. Of course hindi ko naman sila kayang bigyan ng sobrang gandang regalo lahat… I do hope na naappreciate nila kahit maliit lang iyong bigay ko sa kanila.

“Pera ko naman ’to.”

“Pera nila Mama.”

“Ang sama mo,” sabi ko sa kanya pero tinawanan niya lang ako. Siya kasi, malaki na iyong sweldo dahil sa trabaho niya. Kasalanan ko ba na halos wala pa rin akong kini-kita sa trabaho ko? I mean, compared sa bibinigay nila Mama, halos wala akong nakukuha sa work. Sabi naman nila Mama, kahit forever bibigyan daw nila ako ng allowance. Inggit lang si Rhys sa akin kasi wala na siyang allowance nung pumasa siya ng BAR.

“Ano ba ’yan?” he asked, being the chismoso that he was.

“Ibibigay ko sa cancer ward,” I told him habang pinapakita ko sa kanya iyong mga stuffed toys na ipapamigay ko. Maliliit lang naman ’yon. Gusto ko lang na may makuha sila this Christmas. Marami kasi sa kanila na busy iyong parents sa trabaho para may ipangbayad sa hospital bills nila. Ang lungkot kaya magcelebrate ng Christmas mag-isa.

“Ilan ba sila ’dun?” he asked.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Curious lang.”

“Hmm… Not sure,” I told him kasi… syempre unpredictable naman iyong nangyayari. And to be honest, I try so hard not to focus on how fleeting human life is. I just wanted to focus on the positive kasi kapag nagfocus ako sa negative, I easily get sucked in.

Some people say that I’m just naturally a happy person… Hindi nila alam how hard I try to be in this disposition. Kasi mas madali kaya maging malungkot. Mas madali magfocus sa negative. Being happy is actually a lot of hard work.

“But if may sobra, ibibigay ko sa ibang mga bata,” I added.

Tinulungan ako ni Rhys na magbalot ng mga gifts ko. After a while, tumayo na siya dahil kailangan niyang umalis.

“Nagtransfer ako,” he said.

“Huh?”

“Pandagdag,” he said. Naka-kunot pa rin ang noo ko. He rolled his eyes at me. “Dagdagan mo ’yan,” he continued as he pointed at the already wrapped gifts.

Napaawang iyong labi ko bago ako napa-ngisi. “Tss… After mo akong sabihan na nagsasayang ako ng pera.”

Umirap siya. “Ibalik mo na nga.”

Mabilis akong umiling. “Wala. Nasa account ko na.”

Umirap lang siya ulit. “Balik ako mamaya,” sabi niya.

Christmas eve kasi ngayon. Rhys already moved out before. I was actually happy for him, but on the downside, since wala na siya, nasa akin na ang lahat ng atensyon nila Mama. Ganito pala ang feeling ng only child. Para akong nasa microscope. Huli kong naramdaman ’to nung—

I immediately shook my head.

“It’s Christmas,” I reminded myself. Huminga ako nang malalim. “Right. Dadaan muna ako ng mall to buy additional gifts, at saka ako didiretso sa St. Matthew’s.”

I asked our house help to help me put the gifts in my car. Habang nag-aayos sila, naligo muna ako. Today’s going to be a busy day, so I opted to wear something comfortable. I wore a button down white linen dress and my walking shoes. I tied my hair in a high ponytail and just applied light makeup—you’d never know, baka maka-salubong ko na iyong true love ko!

Nung nalagay na nila Kuya lahat sa sasakyan ko, nagthank you ako and then dumiretso na ako sa mall. Rhys gave me 20k! Ano kaya nakain nun? Or baka masaya lang din siya. Masaya kasi siya lately. Or baka malaki bonus niya sa work? Tsk. Tapos hindi man lang ako nililibre kahit alam niya na naghihirap na iyong kakambal niya.

Sobrang daming tao ngayon—parang nandito sa mall lahat ng tao to do their last minute shopping. I kept on apologizing sa mga nabubunggo ko na tao dahil masyadong masikip.

“I’m so—” Natigilan ako at napa-kunot ang noo. “Chester… right?” I asked to be sure kung tama ba iyong pangalan niya na sinabi ko. I’d seen him a couple of times, but we were never in the same circle, so never ko yata siyang nakausap. He was wearing a black shirt—not very Christmas-y.

He simply nodded. See? Not very sociable.

I smiled at him. “Happy holidays!” I greeted him. I wasn’t sure if he celebrates Christmas. People subscribe to different religion. I figured it’s easier and safer to just greet everyone Happy holidays. Ayoko mag-assume na nagcecelebrate sila.

“Happy holidays,” he greeted back na parang napilitan lang siya. I wasn’t surprised. Kapag nakikita ko siya sa school dati and sa hospital, parang perpetually bored siya. Kaya rin siguro never kaming nag-usap kasi ayoko siya lapitan kasi parang ayaw niya ng kausap.

“Mauna na ako,” I said with a smile because I still needed to finish my last minute shopping. Naghanap ako ng regalo na hindi ko na kailangang ibalot dahil wala na akong time for that. I still needed to distribute the gifts tapos uuwi pa ako sa bahay. Kukunin ko lang iyong regalo ko then I’d have to drive around to distribute my gifts to my friends. Then, I would have to go home early para hindi ako ma-stuck sa traffic. I wanted to help cook our Christmas dinner. Excited na rin akong mag-open ng exchange gift namin. I always look forward to Papa’s gifts to me!

I settled with getting a small art kit for the kids. At least magagamit nila ‘to for creativity and this could really distract them from the realities of life. I spent half of the money the Rhys’ gave me. I’d use the other half for Valentine’s and I’d give candies naman.

“Thank you,” I said after the lady said na tumawag na siya ng pwedeng tumulong sa akin. Hindi ko kasi kayang dalhin lahat ng binili ko. Medyo malayo pa rito iyong pinagparkan ko. I needed help to get all these to my car.

“Ma’am, pasensya na po medyo busy po lahat. Wait lang po.”

I smiled. “It’s okay po,” I told her because it’s understandable naman. I waited for a few more minutes… but then I kept on looking at my watch. Kung wala lang akong sinusundan na schedule, I would gladly wait here kasi ayoko naman maging demanding dahil obvious naman na marami silang ginagawa rin. I looked around to see kung mayroon ba na pwedeng tumulong sa akin kahit hanggang sa labas lang.

“Chester!” I called when I saw him just wandering around like a lost lamb. Hindi niya ata ako narinig dahil maraming tao. “Chester!” I called again.

He looked around like he was trying to figure out kung may tumatawag ba sa kanya or imagination niya lang iyon.

“Chester!” I called again as I waved my hand para mapansin niya ako. Finally, napa-tingin siya sa direksyon ko. I smiled at him. “Hi!” I said. Tinuro niya iyong sarili niya. I nodded to confirm na siya nga iyong tinatawag ko.

“Bakit?” nagtataka at naguguluhan na tanong niya nang lumapit siya sa akin.

“Hi,” I greeted again. “I know it’s holiday and you’re probably headed home already…”

“Bakit?” he asked again.

“Pwede kaya na samahan mo ako sa sasakyan?” I asked. “I just need help carrying these…” sabi ko sabay turo sa mga art kit boxes na naka-paligid sa akin.

“Okay,” he easily replied.

“Really?” I asked because it was such an easy conversation.

He nodded. “Dadalhin lang naman, ’di ba?”

Tumango ako. “Yes.”

“Ah, okay,” he said.

Chester was carrying four huge plastic on each hand. I thought mabibigatan siya because he’s quite on the lanky side, but he seemed to be doing just fine.

“Saan ka naka-park?” he asked.

“Oh. Right,” I answered because I got distracted with looking at him dahil mukha siyang Christmas tree na may kung anu-anong naka-sabit. “Dito,” I continued as I lead the way.

Because he was carrying all of my things, I walked in front of him para mag-excuse me sa lahat ng madadaanan namin dahil ayoko siya na mabangga. It took us quite a while bago makarating sa labas!

“Thank you!” I sincerely said habang inilalagay niya sa may likuran ng sasakyan ko iyong mga binili ko.

“May tindahan ka ba?” he asked.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What?”

“Ibebenta mo?” he asked while pointing at the toys na nasa likod ng sasakyan ko.

Natawa ako. “What? No,” sagot ko. “Regalo ko sa mga bata sa hospital,” I continued. Naka-kunot ang noo niya. “I always go there during my free time, so medyo close ko na iyong iba sa kanila,” I explained. “Some of the kids there, bihira maka-bisita iyong parents nila. I just don’t want them to spend today alone and without gifts.”

Medyo kumunot ang noo ko nung natulala siya. Was he thinking about something else while I was speaking? Rude.

“Anyway,” I said, “Thank you again! Lifesaver!”

Isinara ko na iyong likod ng sasakyan. Naglakad na ako papunta sa may driver’s seat nung makita ko na nandoon pa rin si Chester. He was wearing black… I didn’t why it’s making me sad.

I looked inside my car and saw the box of chocolate that I was supposed to give to Iñigo. Bawasan ko na lang iyong regalo ko sa kanya.

“Chester,” I called. Tumingin lang siya sa akin, pero hindi siya nagsalita. “Happy holidays,” I said as I extended my hand and gave him the paper bag with the chocolate truffles.

Naka-kunot ang noo niya.

“You don’t have to give me anything,” I said kasi baka ma-feel niya na kailangan niya akong bigyan dahil niregaluhan ko siya. “Thank you for helping me again and I hope we can be friends,” I continued because surely, I’d see him again given that we’re working in the same hospital.

“I hope you have a good day today, Chester,” I added before I got in my car and drove to the hospital. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 05  on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

If you’re having any problems with your payment or if you want to pay via GCASH, you can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance.

Chapter 02

Chapter 02

Huminga ako nang malalim. Maybe today’s the day when I’d finally meet the love of my life! Who knows, right? I have to remain optimistic hanggang hindi ko pa siya nakikita. Baka kagaya ko, hinihintay niya rin ako. I wanted him to know that I’m doing everything I can to find him, but I really wish that he’d find me first.

“Date?” Mama asked.

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Tell me about it?”

“If it’s good, I will,” I told her.

She frowned. “If it’s a bad date, you call me and I’ll pick you up myself. Tayo na lang ang magdate. There’s a new restaurant I’ve been meaning to go to!” Mama excitedly said.

I laughed. “If he’s an extremely bad date, maybe I’ll finally take you up on your offer,” sabi ko kay Mama bago ako lumabas ng bahay.

Dumiretso ako sa hotel kung saan ko imimeet iyong pinsan ng college friend ko. We agreed to meet in a restaurant of my choosing. I chose one of my favorite restaurants. I believe na kung pangit man iyong date, at the very least, nabusog naman ako. I wanted to take at least one good thing from every date I go to. In everything I do, I wanted to take one good thing from it para kapag naaalala ko siya, I’d focus on the good thing instead of dwelling on the bad thing. I call it my survival instinct.

Pagdating ko sa restaurant, I immediately spotted Patrick doon sa may bar. We’re still waiting to be seated. He was cuter in person. I hope that this date’s a good one.

“Hi,” I said nang makalapit ako sa kanya.

He stood up. “Hi,” he replied. He offered me his hand. Tinanggap ko iyon. “I’m Patrick Toledo,” he continued.

“Graciella Arevalo,” I replied.

“Nice to meet you, Graciella.”

“Likewise, Patrick,” I said with a smile.

The date began like all my other dates. Pinag-usapan namin iyong mga basic. I was answering with ease because I’d been doing this for as long as I could remember. I couldn’t wait for my last first date! Would I know that it’s my last first date? Would I know that the person I’m with is the person I’d spend the rest of my life with? Possible naman, ’di ba? Kasi nung tinanong ko sina Mama, si Rhys, si Iñigo, sabi nila may something daw. I asked them kung ano iyong something na ’yon, but they all said that it couldn’t be explained with words.

Basta raw kapag iyon na, alam mo na.

Gusto ko rin nun.

“Excuse me,” I said tapos ay tumayo ako para pumunta sa CR. Kaya lang ay tumalikod ako pabalik dahil parang may naiwan ako. My forehead immediately creased when I saw Patrick acting weirdly. He kept on looking on both his sides hanggang sa may ilabas siya na maliit na lalagyan. My lips parted upon the realization of what was happening.

Oh… my god…

My body began to tremble at the possibility of what could’ve happened had I not seen what he just did. Paano kung hindi ako lumingon? Paano kung dumiretso lang ako papunta sa CR? Ano na ang mangyayari sa akin nun?

‘Calm down,’ I told myself.

I forced myself to go to the bathroom. Mabilis akong nagtext kay Iñigo kung pwede ba na puntahan niya ako. Ayokong magtext sa mga magulang ko. This would just start a whole thing. Mas lalong ayoko na sabihin kay Rhys dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin niya.

“It’ll be fine,” I told myself. “Pupunta dito si Iñigo. Walang masamang mangyayari. Everything is fine, Gracey.”

I wanted to just stay inside the bathroom hanggang makarating si Iñigo. But I almost jumped from where I was standing nang makarinig ako ng katok mula sa labas.

“Graciella?” I heard him calling from behind.

My whole body froze when I heard his voice.

“Are you there? Okay ka lang ba? May nangyari ba sa ’yo?”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. I was standing behind the door. Paano kung buksan niya? Saan ako magtatago? Can I lock the door?

“Hey, I’ll open—”

Mabilis kong binuksan iyong pinto. I didn’t want him to go inside. Kaming dalawa lang iyong tao dito. I shouldn’t let myself be in the same room as him na kaming dalawa lang.

“H-hi,” I said.

“Okay ka lang ba?” naka-kunot ang noo na tanong niya.

I begged myself to nod as I forced a smile on my face. “Y-yeah,” I said. “M-may table na raw ba tayo?” I asked to change the topic. I didn’t want him asking if I was okay. I didn’t want him asking me more question because I could already feel my voice about to break. I was beginning to feel my body trembling. It was an awful and familiar feeling. I hated how it was a familiar feeling.

“In a few minutes,” he replied. He lead the way back to the bar. Pagdating ko roon ay nakita ko iyong baso. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked. “Have a drink,” he continued as he slid over the glass on my direction.

I forced myself to smile as I shook my head. “No… I’m fine,” I replied once again.

“You don’t look okay,” he said. Kinuha niya iyong inumin at iniabot sa akin. “Hydrate yourself.”

Mabilis akong umiling. “No, I’m fine,” I repeated.

“At least have a drink,” he said.

“No—” sabi ko pero napaawang iyong labi ko nang matabig ko iyong baso dahil pilit niyang nilalapit sa akin ’yon. My eyes widened as I heard the breaking of the glass as it hit the floor. “I’m so sorry,” I said with my eyes wide open.

I felt fear crept through my system when suddenly, the expression on his face changed. Nawala na iyong ngiti na kanina niya pa pinapakita sa akin. He looked mad at me.

“Why did you do that?” he asked as he massaged his temple like he was just trying to reign his anger towards me.

“I—” I said, but suddenly, I couldn’t find the words.

“I was trying to do a good thing!” he said.

Hindi ako makagalaw. I knew I should leave. I knew I should stay far away from him, but my feet betrayed me. I just stood there as he stared at me with his mad eyes.

“Look at what you did,” he continued.

“I’m—”

“Grace.”

Napa-tingin ako nang may tumawag sa pangalan ko. I was expecting to see Iñigo, pero mabilis na napaawang ang labi ko nang makita ko si Chester. What… was he doing here?

“Sino ka?”

Hindi siya pinansin ni Chester at naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. “Let’s go,” he told me.

“What the fuck?” sabi ni Patrick. “Dude, she’s with me.”

Chester looked at him with his bored eyes. “Now, she’s with me,” he said as he stared at him before he turned his eyes on me. “Are you ready to leave?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin nang diretso sa mga mata ko. I could still feel my body trembling. Hindi ako makapagsalita.

Chester took a step forward.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Iñigo sent me here,” he said in a low voice. Hindi pa rin ako makagalaw. Tumingin siya kay Patrick. “Sorry. Date’s over,” dugtong niya bago ko naramdaman na hinawakan niya iyong kamay ko before he pulled me with him.

I didn’t know what was happening anymore.

I just… let him pull me away.

I didn’t know where he was bringing me to. I just let him bring me with him. But we stopped when we got outside. Huminto siya sa harapan ko at kinuha iyong cellphone niya. May tinawagan siya habang nasa akin lang iyong mga mata niya. He wasn’t removing his eyes on me like he was afraid that I’d vanish on thin air if he so much as blinked.

“Nasa harap ko,” sabi niya sa kung sinuman ang kausap niya. And then he gave his phone to me. “Iñigo,” he said.

My lips parted. “Oh…” I said. “Thank you,” I told him as I drew a deep breath. “Hi,” I said when I answered Iñigo’s call.

“Okay ka lang ba?” he asked. I could hear the worry on his voice. “Nasa Cavite ako kaya si Chester ang pinapunta ko. Ayos ka lang ba?”

I looked at Chester who was now staring at anywhere but me. His hands were inside his pocket. Now that I was staring at him, he looked like he just got out of bed. Did he go out of his way just to go to me?

“I’m okay,” I replied while my eyes were still on Chester.

“Sigurado ka?”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Okay, sige. Basta sigurado ka na okay ka, ha?”

I nodded once again. “Wag mong sabihin kila Mama.”

“Oo na… pero sabihin mo sa ’kin kung ano nangyari, okay?”

“I will.”

“Sige, sige. Pahatid ka kay Chester pauwi. Uwi ka na.”

“Okay,” sagot ko. “Thank you,” I added before I ended the call. Iniabot ko kay Chester iyong cellphone niya. “Thank you,” I told him. Kinuha niya iyon at inilagay sa bulsa niya.

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Okay ka lang ba?” tanong niya.

Tipid akong tumango. “Yes,” I replied because had I said no, I would have to explain to him why… And I didn’t have any strength left in me to explain. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be around my family. I needed to be reminded that the world isn’t entirely a bad place, that what happened tonight was just a fluke in the system.

I needed to feel safe again.

“May dala kang sasakyan?” he asked. I nodded. “Okay lang sa ’yo na iwan dito?”

“Why would I do that?” I asked.

“Hatid na kita pauwi,” he replied. “Mukhang ’di ka okay para magdrive.”

My lips parted a little. “Really?” I asked because I still feel a little shaken up. I didn’t know that he could notice it because I’d been told that I am good at masking how I feel.

He nodded. “Kung hindi, iwan ko na lang sasakyan ko dito. Okay lang sa ’yo idrive ko sasakyan mo?” he asked.

“If you do that, paano ka uuwi?”

He shrugged. “Grab?”

“Ang hassle for you,” I replied. “I’ll just leave my car here.”

Tumango siya. We walked in silence hanggang sa makarating kami sa sasakyan niya. We stopped in front of a gray SUV.

“May hinihintay ba tayo?” I asked kasi ilang seconds na kami na naka-tayo dito.

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Sandali lang,” he said before he walked towards his car. Binuksan niya iyong pintuan sa may likuran. I stood there as I watched him do… something. It looked like he was trying to… clean his car? Kasi nakikita ko na may mga kinuhkuha siya mula sa harapan tapos inilalagay niya sa likod. How dirty was his car? It felt like isang minuto na akong naka-tayo rito.

“Do you need help?” I asked because at this point, I wanted to help him already. My mind was still in a haywire. I really could use a distraction right now and cleaning is my favorite distraction.

Instead of answering, lumabas siya sa sasakyan niya.

“Change of plan,” he said. “Sa sasakyan mo na lang.”

“What? Pero mahihirapan ka umuwi,” I told him kasi he’d still have to book a car pabalik dito.

“Okay lang.”

“Gaano ba kadumi ’yang sasakyan mo?” I asked because hindi naman ako bastos. Although my first instinct would probably to clean his car, I’d like to think na I can contain myself naman. I would not point out his trash naman.

I was about to take a step towards his car, but Chester was quick para iharang iyong katawan niya sa pagitan namin ng sasakyan niya. Oh, wow. Just how dirty was his car?

“Sasakyan mo na lang,” he said again.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

He nodded. “Sure.”

“Okay…” I said kasi mukhang ayaw niya talaga na makita ko iyong sasakyan niya. Now, I would wonder kung gaano ba talaga kadumi to the point na ayaw niya ipakita sa akin…

We walked back to my car this time. We were walking side by side. While we were walking, napatingin ako sa kanya. He kept a safe distance from me. He was not too far, but he was not too near either. It felt like he just wanted to be close enough to be able to pull me close in case anything were to happen. I like this distance.

“Chester,” I called.

Tumingin siya sa akin. For a second, I forgot that I needed to speak because I was the one who called his name. I just stared at his face. I knew I said that he looked perpetually bored, but right at this moment, as he was staring at me, I felt like his attention was on me and only me. He didn’t look bored at all.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Para sa?”

I shrugged. “Nothing. Just thank you.”

He shrugged back. “E ’di you’re welcome.”

Pagdating namin sa sasakyan ko, I handed Chester my key. We got inside the car. I didn’t need to clean kasi hindi naman madumi iyong sasakyan ko. I smiled nung iatras niya iyong sa upuan kasi masyadong masikip for him. Mas matangkad siya sa akin. Nung naglalakad kami, I specifically noticed na hanggang leeg niya lang ako—maybe hanggang shoulders lang ako if I weren’t wearing heels.

“Seatbelt, please,” he said when he was finally satisfied with his seat position.

“Oh, right,” I said because I almost forgot what I was supposed to do at the moment.

“Okay na?” he asked. I nodded while smiling. Okay na okay. 

**

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Chapter 03

Chapter 03

“What?” I asked when I saw both my parents staring at me with her brows furrowed.

“Nothing,” Mama replied as she reached for her cup of coffee. “You look beautiful today.”

“Hindi ba ako maganda araw-araw?” I asked as I pouted a little. I saw how Papa shook his head as he reached for his newspaper. Every day, these two would get breakfast together, no matter how busy they both might be. They said na minsan kasi busy sa business na hindi sila nagkikita sa gabi, so it’s a must for them to have breakfast together. Back when we were younger, it was a family tradition. But now, Rhys has his own life and I am always in the hospital, so it became a Sunday dinner tradition instead.

“Of course you are, my baby girl,” Mama said. “But if I may ask, is this because of Chester?”

I felt my cheeks heating up when she asked me that. Narinig ko iyong pagtawa ni Mama. Hindi ko naman alam na kilala pala siya ng parents ko! Seriously, how busy was I na hindi ko alam na kapatid pala ni Cha si Chester! Ganoon ba ako kawalang pakielam sa nangyayari sa paligid ko? Mama was so surprised to see Chester yesterday. Pinilit ko kasi siya na instead na maggrab siya pabalik sa resto, pinahatid ko siya sa driver. Nakakahiya kasi. He was wearing pambahay pa nga. Mukhang ginulo lang siya ni Iñigo para puntahan ako. He looked like he was ready to sleep. Buti pinapasok siya sa resto, come to think of it.

“We’re just friends,” I said. I mean… maybe? Hinatid niya ako last night… but one could argue that it was because Iñigo asked him to. But he could’ve left me after we got out of the resto… but he insisted na ihatid ako sa bahay.

No. I shouldn’t overthink things! First, dapat ko munang malaman if may girlfriend siya kasi if meron, no matter how much the mere thought of him was making me blush, I would stop immediately. I didn’t want to be a villain in someone’s love story—the same way na ayoko na may kontrabida sa akin.

“If you say so…” Mama said with a grin.

I frowned. “I do say so,” I replied before I kissed them goodbye because may duty ako ngayon.

Before I went to work, dumaan muna ako sa coffee shop and got two coffees. I didn’t know why I kept on practicing saying thank you. I’d been saying that phrase since I was a child. Growing up, my parents would always remind me how they love me and how blessed we are and how we should always be thankful. I guess na nasanay na ako magthank you palagi. Not to do so makes me feel weird.

“Good morning!” I greeted everyone na makasalubong ko. Paikut-ikot lang ako sa hospital. I forgot to ask kung saang department dito si Chester. Ang bilis lang kasi nung drive kagabi at saka ang tahimik niya lang. He wouldn’t talk unless I talk first, so instead, I just stared at him while he was concentrating on driving.

I had always loved how huge St. Matthew’s is… but at this exact moment, I disliked how huge it was dahil hindi ko makita kung nasaan si Chester. But maybe hindi niya duty today?

“Hi!” I greeted April, one of the nurses here.

“Good morning, dokie,” she greeted back.

“Can I ask something?”

April leaned in. “Chismis ba, dokie?”

I laughed. “No,” I said. “But… do you know Dr. Viste?” I asked.

She looked at me and grinned. “Nako, dokie, ha… Bakit?”

I shrugged. “Nothing. Just curious.”

“Kunwari naniniwala ako, dokie,” sabi niya sa ’kin. “Pero sa general ’yon.”

I nodded, acting disinterested, or at least not that interested, but April knew me too well! She knew that I love love! Ano pa ang sense ng pagpapanggap na hindi?

“Single?” I asked because it’s super important to check if single!

“Feeling ko, dokie,” she replied. “Pero ’di kasi ma-chika ’yon kaya ’di rin verified. Ask mo na lang! Mabait naman daw ’yon ’di lang machika.”

“Okay. Thank you, April!” I said. In the end, I gave her the coffee na lang and hindi ko na nahanap pa si Chester because duty called.

---

It had been an eventful day. Flu season kaya ang daming may sakit na bata. It was tiring, but very fulfilling. Kahit na tinutukso ako ni Rhys na wala akong pera, I didn’t really care. I love what I am doing. And I’m not doing this for the money naman because if I am doing this for money? I would have quit the first day of med school. Ang hirap kaya! Halos mabaliw ako sa dami ng memorization.

At the end of my shift, I was yawning on my way to get my coffee. I needed coffee to keep me awake. Ayoko magdrive na inaantok. Back when I was doing my ER rotation, half ata nun ay road related accident. Since then, I’d been more careful whenever I am driving.

I was midyawn nang mapa-tigil ako dahil nakita ko na napa-tingin din sa direction ko si Chester. Gosh! Sa lahat naman ng opportunity na makita niya ako, doon pa sa naka-bukas nang malaki iyong bibig ko!

Mabilis kong isinara iyong bibig ko. I forced a smile as I waved at him. He was wearing his coat with his scrubs underneath. May hawak din siya na board. Mukhang may binabasa siya before siya mapatingin sa gawi ko.

Chester slightly nodded at me. Tama nga si April—hindi siya machika. It meant na ako dapat iyong chumika kasi if wala, ano ang mangyayari sa aming dalawa?

“Hi!” I said as I walked towards him. Hindi naman siguro weird kasi doon din naman talaga ako dadaan since iyon iyong way palabas ng hospital kasi bibili ako ng coffee.

“Hello,” he replied. Napatitig ako sa naka-stitch sa pocket ng coat niya. Chester Viste, MD. So weird na ngayon ko lang nalaman na magkapatid sila! But come to think of it, no wonder magkapatid nga sila ni Cha… Parehong matipid sa words. But I hoped that like Cha na give it some time at magiging madaldal din. I mean, given the right topic, ang dami-dami kaya sinasabi ni Cha.

“Thank you pala ulit sa pagpunta,” I told him.

He gave me a small nod once again. It was starting to seem like this was his favorite response. “Naka-usap mo na si Iñigo?” he asked.

“Not yet,” I replied. We already agreed to meet this Sunday afternoon, though. Doon ko sasabihin sa kanya lahat ng nangyari nung date ko. Okay lang naman sa akin na sabihin kay Iñigo kasi sure ako na hindi niya sasabihin kay Rhys. Siguro sa lahat ng tao sa buhay ko, kay Rhys ko pinaka-ayaw na sabihin kasi for sure he’d make a really big deal out of it. Pero okay naman ako and wala akong plano na makita ulit ’yung Patrick na ’yon. Also, wala akong plano makipagdate in the near future…

Muli siyang tumango. “Okay,” he replied. “Just asking kasi nag-aalala ’yon.”

“Oh, I know,” sabi ko sa kanya. “He must’ve pestered you na puntahan ako.”

“Hindi naman,” he replied tapos ay bahagyang tumingin sa hawak niyang papel. It looked like he was working. I wanted to to leave to give him time to work but at the same time, it seemed like ang hirap niyang hanapin sa ospital na ’to so I wanted to cherish this moment. I was torn!

“Kasi you looked like you just got out of bed nung pinuntahan mo ako.”

Napa-tingin siya sa akin na bahagyang nakakunot ang noo. “Di naman ako nakapajama.”

“So nakapajama ka kapag natutulog?” I asked, suddenly intrigued by the idea of a grown man like him wearing pajamas. Kasi kahit si Rhys kapag natutulog ’yun ang suot niya lang ’yung PE shorts from college and random white shirt.

“Hindi,” he replied.

“But why would you say na nakapajama ka?”

He shrugged. Mukhang kailangan ko mas magexert ng effort! Ang tipid naman nito sa salita! Should I ask about his car now? Pero baka ’wag na lang kasi judging on how he acted, it seemed like he was aware na maraming basura sa sasakyan niya. He seemed ashamed about it even kasi pinilit niya na sa car ko na lang kami.

I was still in the middle of thinking of a new topic na pwede naming pag-usapan. Worse comes to worst, I was going to ask him about his sister!

Pero hindi pa man ako nakakapagsalita, his phone vibrated. He looked at me as he put his phone back in his pocket.

“Ten,” he said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Ten?”

“Ten times ka ng nagpapasalamat sa akin,” he replied. “I was not inconvenienced. I’m glad I came just in time, Grace,” he added before he did a little wave to signify na aalis na siya.

I knew he meant that he came just in time to save me from my disastrous night, but judging by the way my heart was beating inside my chest? Gosh… ito na ba iyong sinasabi nila Rhys na kapag alam mo, alam mo?

At ngayon na alam ko na… what do I do?!

---

“Problema mo?” Iñigo asked habang naka-kunot ang noo.

“Before ako magkwento, I have to ask something. And you have to promise me something.”

He eyed me. “Illegal ba ’yan?”

I rolled my eyes. “Kailan ako gumawa ng illegal, ha?”

“Naalala mo nung college ka nung may dinowload ka na libro—”

My eyes widened. “That was a time of need!” I told him kasi kailangan ko na talaga iyong book and wala akong mabilhan na makakapagdeliver on time. “And nagsend ako ng bayad sa mismong author!”

Tumawa siya. “Still, I am within reason to ask kung illegal ba iyong ipapagawa mo sa akin.”

I frowned at him. “So mean.”

Tumawa ulit siya. “Ano ba kasi ’yon?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. “Promise me first na hindi mo sasabihin kay Cha.”

“Nako… Delikado ’yan.”

“Hindi ’to illegal, promise.”

“Pero ’di ko pwedeng sabihin kay Cha?”

“Yes.”

“Pag-aawayan ba namin ’to?”

“I don’t think so?”

“Ayoko ng ’di sure. Hirap kaaway nun.”

“I mean, I am sure na ’di niyo pagaawayan,” I replied kasi hindi ko maisip kung bakit nila pag-aawayan kaming dalawa ni Chester, if ever.

“Okay, fine,” he said.

Huminga ako nang malalim ulit. “So… I have to ask—” I paused. “Promise me first muna pala na hindi mo sasabihin kay Cha.”

Iñigo rolled his eyes before he raised his hand. “I promise. Okay na?”

I nodded. “So… single ba si Chester?”

Iñigo was drinking his coffee nang biglang lumabas sa ilong niya iyong coffee sa pagkabigla. Mabilis ko siyang inabutan ng tissue. Grabe naman! It’s not that shocking!

“Ano?” he asked as he was wiping his nose. “Bakit mo tinatanong? Grabe naman, Graciella Rae! Pinasundo lang kita, nainlove ka na agad?”

I glared at him. “In love agad ka d’yan!”

“E bakit ka nagtatanong?”

“Di pwede crush muna?”

So crush mo nga?“

I frowned at him. “Can’t you just answer my question? Hindi ako client mo, okay? No need to interrogate me,” sabi ko sa kanya kasi I felt like we’re one step away from this being a cross-examination.

Tumawa siya. Sumandal siya sa upuan at saka nagcross arm. “Hindi ko alam kung may girlfriend,” he replied with a small laugh. “Gusto mo ba tanungin ko?”

“If you ask, malalaman niya na ako nagtatanong!”

“Ayaw mo ba malaman niya?”

“Hindi ko alam,” I replied, groaning. “Baka kasi may girlfriend. Ayoko maging epal,” I added. I remember pa na sinabi ni Cha sa akin before na akala niya may something kami ni Iñigo. Ang tagal ko nagexplain nun na walang something! I really had to convince her kasi ayoko na isipin niya na may kaagaw siya kasi nakakapraning kaya ’yon.

“E pano ko malalaman?” he asked. “Di ko pwede itanong kay Cha pati kay Chester. ’Di naman ako manghuhula,” natatawang sabi niya.

“Return the favor. Tanungan din ako ng friends natin kung single ka,” pagpapaalala ko sa kanya dahil sa nakakalitong ‘housemate’ status nila ni Cha.

Natatawa siya. “Sabihin mo nga may selosang housemate ang status ko.”

I frowned at him. “Come on… Can’t you… research?”

“Di ako detective. Wala rin akong database sa kung sino ang single sa mga tao sa paligid ko,” sabi niya na natatawa. “Tanungin mo na lang kasi kung single. Kailan ka pa nahiya sa ganyan?”

I rolled my eyes. “Parang sinasabi mo naman na makapal ang mukha ko,” I said and he nodded, this jerk!

“Bakit? Crush na crush mo ba kaya umuurong iyong kapal ng mukha mo, Gracey?”

“Hindi—”

“Fine. Try natin ngayon,” sabi ni Iñigo kaya naman napakunot ang noo ko… na mabilis napalitan ng panlalaki ng mga mata nang bigla niyang sabihin iyong “Chester” sabay kaway sa kung sinuman ang nasa likuran ko. 

**

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Chapter 04

Chapter 04

My eyes widened when I heard the name that came out of Iñigo’s treacherous mouth! My body was telling me na lumingon to confirm kung totoo ba na nandito si Chester or Iñigo was just being a pest as usual! But my mind was telling me to chill! Kasi so what naman if nandito nga si Chester?! Hindi naman weird na magkasama kami ni Iñigo! Hindi rin naman weird na nandito siya kasi hindi naman siya personan non grata sa lugar na ’to?

‘Okay, Gracey. Your points are all valid, so just calm down,’ I told myself. ‘Sakalin mo na lang si Iñigo if ever na ilaglag ka niya sa soon-to-be brother in law niya.’

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“Bakit?”

Oh, my gosh. Nandito nga si Chester. I didn’t know if I’d be pissed kay Iñigo sa ginawa niya or be actually pleased na nandito nga si Chester. Ang hirap niya kayang hanapin sa ospital! If hindi ko lang siya kilala, I’d wonder kung totoo ba na sa St. Matthew’s din siya. He’s like a ghost!

“Punta ka raw sa apartment sabi ni Cha,” sabi ni Iñigo.

“Talaga?” nagtataka na tanong ni Chester. To be honest naman, napaka-walang kwenta ng sinabi ni Iñigo na reason. Anyone who knows his ‘housemate’ would find it weird dahil hindi naman si Cha iyong tipo ng nag-aaya ng party sa bahay niya.

Iñigo just shrugged. Gosh. “Nga pala, thank you ulit sa pagpunta kay Gracey,” sabi ni Iñigo. “Magpasalamat ka nga, Gracey.”

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata bago ako humarap kay Chester and nagsmile. “Tha—” I stopped because I remembered him telling me na ten times na raw ako nagthank you sa kanya. Baka isipin niya sobrang shortterm memory ako if magpasalamat na naman ako ngayon. “Can I buy you a coffee?” I asked instead kasi iyong ibibigay ko na coffee sa kanya nun ay naibigay ko sa iba.

Tumingin siya sa akin tapos tumingin kay Iñigo tapos ay tumingin muli sa akin. The smile on my face was still there. Baka isipin niya sketchy ako! Si Iñigo kasi, e! Kainis! Palibasa masaya na siya sa love life niya! Paano naman iyong mga kagaya ko na searching pa rin?

“No need,” sabi ni Chester sa akin. Tumingin ulit siya kay Iñigo. “Anong oras ako pupunta?”

Iñigo shrugged. “Tanungin ko muna si Cha. Text kita.”

Tumango si Chester bago dumiretso sa counter. Nang makaalis siya, tumingin ako kay Iñigo at pinanlakihan siya ng mga mata.

“What was that!” sabi ko sa kanya. Kung nasa tabi ko lang siya, pipingutin ko tenga nito kagaya ng ginagawa ko dati nung bata pa kami!

“Wala,” sabi ni Iñigo na naka-ngisi. “Sure ka ba na crush mo lang? Grabe kahit nung high school tayo ’di ka naman ganyan magreact sa ’kin.”

I made a disgusted face. “Ew,” I replied.

Tawa lang siya nang tawa sa akin. It’s still so bizarre to think na naging kami ni Iñigo before! Mas bagay kasi sa amin maging best friends kaysa kung anuman. Thank God talaga na dumating si Cha sa buhay niya kung hindi, mafoforce ako magpakasal sa kanya kapag nasa 40s na kami and both single pa rin.

“Takot ka naman masyado. ’Di naman kita ilalaglag kay Chester.”

“So you mean to say na invited talaga siya ni Cha sa apartment niyo?” I asked.

Iñigo shrugged. Baliw talaga. Then nagtataka siya bakit madalas naka-tingin lang sa kanya si Cha. She’s probably speechless sa lahat ng antics ng housemate niya!

“Close ba kayo?” I asked para may silbi naman iyong pagkikita namin.

He shrugged again. Nagtry siya uminom sa coffee niya pero natigilan siya kasi lumabas sa ilong niya kanina. Deserved. Ibinaba niya iyong cup. “Sakto lang.”

“Well, can you tell me anything useful?”

“Di ba same kayo na sa St. Matthew’s?” he asked.

I nodded. “Pero hindi ko siya nakikita madalas…”

“Nandun lang ’yun for sure,” he replied. Tumingin siya sa akin tapos tumingin sa counter pero wala na roon si Chester. He’s really like a ghost na mabilis mawala! “Di daw umuuwi halos ’yun sabi ni Cha kaya nandun lang ’yon.”

“Why?” I asked, feeling bad for him all of a sudden kasi ako kapag pagod na ako sa duty, iyong pag-uwi sa bahay and paghiga sa kama ko iyong isa sa mga nilu-look forward ko talaga. Plus home cooked meals! Siguro kahit may asawa na ako madalas nasa bahay pa rin ako para maki-kain. O baka isama ko si Manang sa kung saan man ako tumira.

But Iñigo didn’t give me a direct answer anymore… And hindi na rin ako nakapagtanong because he remembered the reason why kami nagkita and it was his turn to ‘interrogate’ me about what happened that one night.

---

The next few days were tiring but fulfilling as always—ito ’yung mga tipo ng araw na sobrang busy ako to the point na parang naka-autopilot na iyong katawan ko sa gagawin. Like I’d go to the hospital for my duty and then go home to rest. Tapos ganoon ulit. It’s undeniably tiring, but this was the life that I wanted and I’d choose it again kahit gaano pa ako ka-pagod.

“Kasama ka ba?” Trixie asked. Naka-sandal ako sa pader habang umiinom ng kape. I still had a few more hours on my shift. I needed to stay awake. “Bulacan?” she asked.

“Ano’ng meron sa Bulacan?” I asked back. Pupunta ba ako sa Bulacan? Ha? Kailan?

“Medical mission? Tomorrow na ’yon? Nagsign-up ka, ’di ba?”

My eyes widened. “Oh, my gosh! Oo nga!” I said. Sobrang busy na ata ako na nalimutan ko ’yon. Hindi ko ba nalagay sa planner ko? It’s so unlike me na makalimot sa ganito!

“Sana may magvolunteer pa,” she said, groaning a little.

“Bakit?”

“Nagbackout si Tan,” she replied. “Naghahanap sila ng papalit. Kapag hindi feel ko ako iaalay,” she added. “I mean, okay lang naman but not this week.”

Trixie was telling me about what an inconvenience it would be kapag siya iyong pinasama sa Bulacan nang mapatingin ako sa gilid ko. My eyes widened a little nang makita ko si Chester na naka-tayo doon sa may bandang nurses station. Kanina pa kaya siya roon? After a week, nakita ko rin siya! Saan kaya siya nagtatago dito sa hospital? It’s so hard to find him! Tapos mawawala pa ako for two weeks. But it’s not it’s gonna be any different kasi kahit nandito naman ako hindi ko rin naman siya nakikita lagi.

“Have to go,” Trixie said. “Fingers crossed na may ibang magvolunteer!” she added before she hurriedly went to wherever she was needed.

Sobrang lakas ata ng boses ni Trixie dahil napatingin sa direction namin si Chester. I smiled a little and then waved at him. Okay lang naman na magwave ako… right? I mean, I wouldn’t consider us as ‘friends’ but we’re certainly not strangers anymore. So… acquaintance, perhaps?

“Hi,” I said as I walked towards him. Tama naman iyong sinabi ni Iñigo na with other guys, makapal iyong mukha ko. Hindi ko alam bakit hiyang-hiya ako kay Chester for some reason. Maybe I should treat him like any other guy para hindi ganito na sobrang weird ko around him! Baka layuan niya ako.

“Hi, Grace,” he replied. Napa-tingin ako sa binabasa niya. Chart pala ’yon ng isa sa mga patients, so I averted my gaze.

“Gracey,” I said. “Or Graciella. No one really calls me Grace,” I told him. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. Man, those eyes! I now understood kung bakit weird ako around him kasi eyes niya palang meron na akong ganitong reaction! Hindi naman ako first time makakita ng singkit na mata pero for some reason, his eyes were making my heart beat so fast inside my chest.

He shrugged. “Okay, Gracey.”

“Or Grace,” I said, shrugging, too. “If you’re more comfortable with calling me Grace, that’s fine, too.”

Gosh… sobrang obvious ko na yata.

“Or Gracey,” sabi ko. “Seriously, kung saan ka masaya.”

Kumunot iyong noo niya. “Okay,” he said. “Monday and Tuesday, Gracey. Wednesday and Thursday, Grace. Friday and Saturday, Graciella,” he said and then looked at the pocket on my coat. “Dr. Arevalo kapag Sunday.”

My lips parted. I blinked.

“Wait… is this you trying na magjoke?” I asked because I was confused for a second!

His face reddened. Oh, my gosh! Ito iyong joke niya? Hala baka nahiya siya sa akin. Should I laugh?! But then that would be weirder!

He cleared his throat. “Hindi, ah. Paano naging joke ’yon?” he said na parang nahiya na, but ang puti niya kaya kaya kita na namumula iyong dulo ng mga tenga niya. So adorable!

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from laughing. Tumingin siya sa akin. Umiling ako to signal na hindi naman ako tumatawa. Hindi ko naman siya pinagtatawanan!

“Not doing anything!” I said and I even raised my hand to be more convincing. “Besides, I don’t see the need sa maraming nicknames. Hindi naman kita nakikita madalas dito…” I added, hoping that he’d get the hint na hinahanap ko siya and aware ako na hindi ko siya madalas makita.

The people around me are right—at times, I am shameless.

“Peds ka, ’di ba?” he asked.

I nodded. “How’d you know?”

“Narinig ko lang.”

“Kanino?”

“Kila Cha.”

I nodded. Pinagchichismisan pala ako nung dalawa na ’yon. “Saan ka?” I asked, to keep the conversation going kasi nga minsan ko lang siya makita so I needed to make the most out of it. Sa mga patients ko, please kalma lang kayo kasi nagwowork for a love life si Dr. Gracey!

“Internal med,” he replied.

“That’s nice,” I said. “By the way…” I added. “Interested ka ba sa medical mission? I heard mayroong vacant slot kasi may isang nagka-conflict sa time.”

Hindi naman totally self-serving iyong alok ko sa kanya. Internal med siya, so for sure maraming matatanda ang may kailangan sa kanya. It’s like hitting two birds with one stone!

“Kailan?” he asked.

“Tomorrow,” I replied.

“Agad?”

I nodded. “Yeah… May nagbackout kasi, so sayang naman ’yung slot,” sabi ko.

Inilagay niya iyong pen niya sa may bulsa ng coat niya. Kanina pa kasi siya medyo naka-bent habang may sinusulat sa sticky note. Nung tumayo siya, confirmed na na hanggang balikat niya lang ako.

“May duty ako bukas,” he said.

I nodded. “Oh, okay…” sabi ko.

“Next time,” sabi niya.

“Yeah, next time,” I replied because it’s not like pwede ko siyang kaladkarin papunta sa Bulacan. I just asked but I knew naman na medyo malabo kasi bukas na nga pala ’yon. “Bye for now,” sabi ko kasi duty calls once again. At least I was able to talk to him kahit sandali!

---

The next day, tulog lang ako habang byahe papunta sa Bulacan. After duty kasi, umuwi lang ako to grab some things tapos bumalik ulit ako sa hospital kasi nandun iyong mini bus na sasakyan. Pwede naman na magdrive daw, but I was in no position to drive kaya sumabay na lang ako doon.

It was quite a travel kasi after nung sa bus, lumipat pa kami ng sasakyan kasi kailangan tumawid sa ilog. Medyo malayo kasi iyong lugar kaya yearly meron talagang medical mission sa place na ’to. I always look forward to doing this kind of trip, but I sincerely hope na magkaroon sila ng maayos na health care kasi once a year lang naman iyong medical mission namin and iyong health care, it should be an all year round thing.

Maybe I should consider applying to be a doctor to the barrio…

“Pahinga muna kayo ngayon,” sabi ni Dr. Alvarez. “Bukas ng 7AM call time natin.”

I nodded as I made my way to my assigned sleeping place. Balak ko lang matulog today talaga kahit na narinig ko iyong ibang kasama ko na gusto nilang mag-explore kasi ang ganda dito—very probinsya feels with all the greens and no pollution from the cars.

They tried to wake me up for lunch and dinner but I answered with my eyes closed. I’d always choose sleep over eating lalo na kapag ganito na pwede akong matulog talaga without thinking that I’m avoiding any work or responsibility. I like sleep the most when it’s guiltfree!

At around 11PM, nagising na ako. I got out and saw na tulog na pala halos lahat ng kasama ko. But my stomach was making it known na kailangan kong kumain. I headed straight to the kitchen para kumuha ng food. Pagpasok ko, nakita ko na may naka-tayo sa may harap ng naka-bukas na ref.

I wasn’t sure if I was imagining things or what or maybe I was sleep walking…

“Chester?” I asked habang kinukusot ko iyong mga mata ko because the back of the person really looked like it was his. And nang lumingon iyong lalaki, it really was Chester. He was holding a bottle of water habang naka-tingin sa akin na naka-kunot ang noo. Kumunot din ang noo ko.

“This is a dream. I am sleep walking,” I murmured to myself bago ako naglakad palabas because he’s clearly in Manila and not here in Bulacan. Pero bago pa ako makalabas, I turned around once again at humarap sa kanya. “Why is it easier to see you in my dreams than in real life?” I asked bago ako tumalikod at naglakad pabalik sa room ko. I should be sleeping in my bed.

**

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Chapter 05

Chapter 05

“What a weird dream…” I told myself as I was brushing my teeth. Ganoon ko na ba ka-crush si Chester to the point that I’d dream about him? And ang weird naman kasi sa panaginip ko, kumukuha siya ng tubig mula sa ref. Sana naman romantic iyong panaginip ko! There’s nothing romantic about my dream about him. Ni hindi man lang kami nag-usap or anything—at least my dream got that part right dahil kahit in real life, hindi naman kami masyadong nag-uusap talaga.

Around 6AM, bumaba na ako. I wanted to eat breakfast muna kasi alam ko na kapag nagstart na mamaya, hindi na ako makaka-kain. Okay lang din naman kasi lalo na kapag mahaba iyong pila and kita mo na maraming naghihintay, nakaka-guilty kumain.

“Good morning,” I greeted lahat ng madaanan ko. Naglakad na ako papunta roon sa table kung nasaan nakalagay iyong packed food namin, pero bigla akong napahinto nung may makita akong pamilyar na likod.

My forehead was creased. Si… Chester ba iyong lalaki sa may harap ng table? I wasn’t so sure if it was him! Hindi ko naman kasi siya madalas na makita sa St. Matthew’s, but for some reason, the guy’s back was so familiar. Ganyan din kasi iyong itsura nung likod ni Chester whenever I’d see him walking away from me—he’s tall and lean iyong katawan… more on lanky, but it’s fine because it suited him naman. Tapos iyong buhok niya na sobrang itim tignan. He actually looked really clean! You’d think that he’s a neat person unless makita mo iyong situation ng car niya.

“Ayos ka lang?”

“Y-yes,” sagot ko and then I took a step to the side dahil nakaharang yata ako sa mga dumadaan. I was still there, staring at the back of the guy nang bigla siyang humarap. My eyes widened. Oh, my gosh! Si Chester nga!

Napahinto siya nang makita niya ako. My eyes widened even more! Oh, shucks! Kung siya nga ’to, this meant na siya nga iyong nakita ko kagabi! And—

I was so quick to turn around and walk away. Nakakahiya! Gosh, Graciella! Nakakahiya ka! Did you really tell him last night na it’s easier to see him in your dreams than in reality? He must be thinking all kinds of things about me!

Bumalik agad ako sa room ko. Pagpasok ko, agad ko iyong sinara at sumandal ako sa likod nun. Huminga ako nang malalim.

“Okay…” I told myself. “What’s the game plan now, Gracey? Ano ang pwede kong idahilan? Would he believe na nagsleepwalk ako? And that wala akong alam sa mga sinasabi ko? Can I plead ignorance na lang? But then again, sobrang giveaway na iyong reaction ko kanina nung makita ko siya!”

I kept on thinking about the possible excuse na pwede kong ibigay sa kanya na naubos na iyong oras ko to eat food. Instead of the breakfast (nakita ko pa naman na rice meal!), kumain na lang ako ng cracker na baon ko. For sure magugutom agad ako… Dapat siguro lumabas ako kanina to check if nandoon pa siya para if wala na, nakakain pa ako ng breakfast.

“Ready?” Dr. Alvarez asked.

I nodded. “Yes, doc,” I replied kahit na ang totoo, iyong isip ko ay nasa breakfast na dapat ay nakain ko kanina.

Quickly, pumunta ako roon sa pwesto ko. Inaayos ko iyong mga gamit nang biglang mapa-tingin ako sa opposite side. Nakita ko na nakatingin sa akin si Chester. My eyes widened in an instant. Itinaas ko iyong paper at saka tinakip sa mukha ko.

“Okay ka lang?” Ginnie asked.

I nodded and pretended that I was just arranging my things—na totoo naman. Gusto ko kasi maayos lagi iyong gamit ko para kapag kailangan ko sila, alam ko agad kung saan ko hahanapin. Waste of time kasi if maghahanap pa ako—when it could’ve been avoided kung nasa tamang lalagyan lang lahat.

“Good morning po,” I greeted the woman and the kid who was my first patient for today. I did my best with what was available, but with most of the patients I saw today, karamihan sa kanila ay kailangan talaga na pumunta sa ospital. But based on experience, hindi ko talaga pinipilit if ayaw nila. Kasi ang nasa isip nila ay iyong gastos and karamihan sa kanila, gusto naman talaga kasi sino ba ang magulang na ayaw ipagamot ang anak? Kaya lang, kaysa gamitin iyong pera sa hospital, mas pipiliin nila na ipangkain na lang.

This made me sad again.

It was already past 5PM nang matapos kami. I wanted to run inside na para maghanap ng pagkain, but I felt guilty so I stayed behind para tumulong sa pagliligpit ng mga upuan.

“What—” I said nung biglang may cupcake na lumitaw sa harapan ng mukha ko. Tumingin ako sa likod para makita kung sino iyong may hawak—because he was holding it over my head to my face—nang makita ko si Chester.

“Baka himatayin ka,” he said.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. Kinuha ko na iyong cupcake because I felt like maduduling ako kapag tinitigan ko iyon. “What?”

“Hindi ka pa kumakain, ’di ba?” he asked. Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. “Tumakbo ka kanina, e,” he added. “Nasa ref ’yung breakfast mo kanina.”

Medyo napaawang iyong labi ko. “Nilagay mo sa ref?”

He nodded. “Nilagyan ko rin ng pangalan mo. Kapag nawala, may kumain na iba,” he said. “Si Luke siguro,” sabi niya.

I chuckled a bit. “Grabe. Pinagbintangan mo agad.”

He shrugged. “He has a track record,” he replied. Totoo naman—for some reason, mahilig kumuha si Luke ng food sa ref kahit hindi naman sa kanya. You’d think na matututo na siya nung one time, may naglagay ng laxative sa kinain niya na yoghurt. He spent time in the bathroom for a long time na kinailangan niyang idextrose dahil nadehydrate siya.

“Uh… thank you for this,” sabi ko. Tumango lang siya. Mabuti na lang hindi na siya nagtanong pa tungkol sa naging pagtakbo ko kanina kasi feel ko sobrang useless lang if magdahilan pa ako! Hindi naman siguro siya manhid para hindi niya maramdaman na crush ko siya? Kasi sabi ni Iñigo halata raw ako.

“Dito ka lang ba?” he asked.

“Alis din ako kapag natapos na mag-ayos,” sabi ko kasi malapit naman na matapos.

Tumango lang ulit si Chester. Grabe, hindi man lang nagvolunteer na tumulong! I pouted a little. Pero baka pagod na rin siya kasi ang daming pumila sa kanya dahil mabenta talaga iyong internal medicine kapag ganito na med mission.

Tsk. I forgot to ask kung paano siya napunta dito!

After a while, natapos na rin kami sa pagaayos. Hindi ko nakain iyong binigay na cupcake ni Chester sa akin kasi… ewan. Ayoko siya kainin. Itatago ko muna. Dumiretso ako sa kusina para tignan iyong sinasabi ni Chester na food, pero pagdating ko roon, ang naabutan ko ay si Chester na nakatayo sa harap ng microwave.

“Shit!” sigaw niya nung hawakan niya iyong plate nung buksan niya iyong microwave. Tumingin siya sa paligid para maghanap siguro ng potholder nang matigilan siya nung makita niya ako na nakatayo malapit sa pinto.

“Uh… kukunin ko lang sana iyong food na sinasabi mo,” I said kasi baka isipin niya sobrang creepy ko na talaga na pinapanood ko siya maginit ng food.

I was about to walk towards the ref nang bigla siyang magsalita.

“Ni-reheat ko na,” he said.

My forehead creased. “Huh?”

“Iyong pagkain mo,” he replied and pointed at the microwave. “Ininit ko na.”

My lips parted a little. Kaya ba siya umalis kanina? I thought ayaw niya lang tumulong maglinis… but dito pala siya pumunta para initin iyong food ko. Hala. I felt bad. Akala ko allergic siya sa paglilinis.

“Oh… Thank you,” I said. I bit my tongue kasi baka kung ano na naman ang masabi ko. I felt like minsan na nga lang kami mag-usap ni Chester, puro nakakahiya pa ang nasasabi ko!

Tumango siya. “Tapos na ba sila maglinis?” he asked.

Tumango ako. “Yes.”

“Ah…” sabi niya.

“Bakit? Tutulong ka?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Sabi mo tapos na.”

“Akala ko tinakbuhan mo ako kanina kasi ayaw mo maglinis.”

His eyes widened a little. His cheeks reddened a little, too! So cute! Ang puti pa naman niya kaya kitang-kita iyong pamumula ng cheeks niya pati nung dulo ng ears niya.

“Kidding,” I added kasi mukhang sore spot niya iyong paglilinis. “But thank you sa food,” sabi ko

“Wait—” he said nung kukuhanin ko na dapat iyong plato. “Mainit pa,” he added and then he got the mittens at siya iyong kumuha nung plato saka nilagay niya sa table.

I felt my heart beating quicker by the minute. I knew that this was just a small gesture on his part… but I love small gestures. I love them more than the grand gestures kasi for me, it’s easy to do the big things. You can plan them. You can schedule them. It’s easy to make a spectacle. But the small things? Iyong mga random na maliliit na bagay na ginagawa? For me, those are the things that matter. Kasi it shows that even in the small things, they care.

“Thank you,” I said nung mailagay niya na sa table iyong plate.

Tumango lang siya. “Punta na ako sa kwarto,” he replied.

I just nodded although what I really wanted to say was that it’s sad to eat alone… but he already did enough today, so nahiya na ako. But nung makaalis siya, I took a snap of the food. I uploaded it on my secret account. I take one random photo a day then at the end of the year, I look at them. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko ginagawa ’yon—maybe to feel that I wasn’t just existing but I was actually living? As evidenced by those photos that I take? Na parang ‘hey, I was there! I did that!’

Ewan.

Life’s a big mystery.

---

After eating, nagpahinga na ako sa room ko. I knew it’s bad to nap after sleeping, but I was so tired! Nagising ako ay 10PM na. I missed the dinner time na naman!

Pagbaba ko sa kusina, nagulat ako kasi nandun na naman si Chester. Baka isipin na talaga nito na sinusundan ko siya! He was on the verge of taking a spoonful in his mouth nung matigilan siya kasi nakita niya ako.

“For the record, hindi kita sinusundan,” I said kasi ilang beses na kami nagkita sa kusina na ’to.

Sinubo niya na iyong food niya and then tumango siya. “Wala naman akong sinabi,” he replied.

“Just making it clear,” I added. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Uh… by any chance, nilagay mo ba sa ref iyong food ko?”

Tumango siya. “Akala ko bukas ka na gigising,” he added.

“I know…” sabi ko sa kanya as I got my food. “Anong oras na naman ako makakatulog nito,” I added as I transfer my food doon sa plate at inilagay iyon sa loob ng microwave. I stood in front of the microwave pero nakatingin ako sa likod ni Chester. Makakabisado ko na ata iyong likod niya kasi lagi akong nakatingin.

“Chester,” I said. Mabuti na na kausapin ko siya habang nakatalikod kasi for some reason, napapahiya ako kapag nakaharap siya. Must be his eyes! Kasi kung anu-ano na weird ang nasasabi ko.

“Bakit?” he replied.

“Akala ko hindi ka sasama?”

“Kaya ba akala mo nananaginip ka nung nakita mo ako kagabi?” he replied. Mabuti na lang nakatalikod siya kasi kung hindi? Makikita niya kung paano namula iyong buong mukha ko! He did not just bring that up unprovoked!

“You know somnambulism is a medical condition,” I said after I quickly gathered myself. Sana nakatalikod lang siya sa akin kasi for sure mahahalata niya na I was barely hanging by a thread sa tinanong niya sa akin!

“You were sleepwalking?” he asked. Sana marami pa siyang food para hindi pa siya humarap sa akin!

“Yup.”

“Okay…” he said but in a tone that was patronizing. Why was he being a meanie right now?

“Bakit ka muna nandito?” I asked para ibalik sa kanya iyong topic. If totoo na makapal ang mukha ko like my friends insinuate, I’d tell Chester na kaya siguro siya pumunta rito ay dahil nandito rin ako. But hindi naman ganoon kakapal ang mukha ko.

“May vacant daw.”

“Akala ko may sched ka?”

“Nakipagpalit ako.”

“Ganon lang?”

I almost jumped from my spot nung iatras niya iyong upuan niya. Tumayo siya at saka dala niya iyong plato niya. Tsk. Ubos na iyong food!

“Bakit? Akala mo sinundan kita dito?” he asked while his eyes were on me tapos ay inilagay niya iyong plato niya sa sink.

“H-hindi, ah,” sabi ko. “Saka huhugasan mo ba ’yang plato mo? Wala kang yaya dito,” I added, putting on my brave face. “Marunong ka man lang bang maghugas ng plato?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes as he began to wash the dishes and oh, Lord, why was a man washing dishes so sexy in my eyes?

**

This story is already at Chapter 10 on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

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Chapter 06

Chapter 06

I was like a hawk watching Chester’s every move. Mabuti na lang at nakatalikod siya kaya hindi niya ako nakikita. I hope hindi totoo iyong naffeel mo na may nakatingin sa ’yo kasi if oo? I was dead sure na kanina niya pa ramdam! Bakit naman kasi sa lahat ng bagay na kakakiligan ko pa, iyong paghuhugas niya pa ng plato?!

“Tapos ka na?” I asked although obvious naman dahil nagpupunas na siya ng kamay niya.

Nung humarap siya sa akin, nakita ko na walang bakas ng tubig sa shirt niya. In fairness, sanay nga siya maghugas ng plato. Si Rhys kasi marunong naman pero laging labag sa loob niya kaya kapag naghugas iyon, kulang na lang isipin mo na nagcarwash siya sa sobrang basa ng damit niya.

“Dito ka lang ba?” he asked.

My forehead creased. “What?”

“Di ka pa babalik?”

“Oh…” I said. Hindi naman ako usually ganito ka-slow kapag may ibang kausap ako. For some reason, kapag si Chester ang nasa harap ko, nagugulo and nagmamalfunction talaga ang system ko! “Kaka-kain ko lang, e,” I added. “I’ll probably stay here for a while.”

He gave me a small nod. I thought he’d excuse himself kasi based sa mga naging pag-uusap namin, we’d talk for a while and then he’d excuse himself. Ganoon iyong pattern, e. So, I was expecting him to bid me good night and to tell me na babalik na siya sa room niya.

“Ikaw?” I asked, applauding myself sa kapal ng mukha na meron ako. “Aakyat ka na ba?”

He looked at me and gave me a shrugged. “Kaka-kain ko lang din.”

I frowned. “Ginagaya mo ’yung sinabi ko.”

“Nauna akong kumain sa ’yo.”

Sometimes, hindi ko gets si Chester like minsan mabait siya, minsan nagjojoke naman siya but very dry talaga iyong humor niya. As in mas gusto kong titigan siya kaysa tumawa sa jokes niya. Same sila ng kapatid niya na minsan kailangan mo pa iinterpret iyong jokes. But even then, natutuwa pa rin ako sa kanya! Delikado na talaga ako.

We both went inside. For a while, tahimik lang kaming dalawa habang naglalakad. I knew that we’re in the province, but seeing the stars up above? It was like I was reminded na nasa probinsya na nga talaga kami. Wala na kasing ganito sa Manila dahil sa kapal ng usok.

“I think fiesta ngayon dito,” I said after minutes of just pure silence between us. Hindi naman totally silence kasi maririnig mo iyong buzz ng mga insects sa paligid.

“Nadaanan ko nga,” he replied.

“Paano ka pumunta rito?” I asked. “Nagdrive ka?”

He nodded. “Hindi naman ako marunong lumipad.”

I frowned. Ayan na naman siya sa joke niya na mas dry pa sa Sahara desert. Oh, well, at least he’s trying!

“I mean kasi baka nagcommute ka, ’di ba?” I asked. “Bakit sa paglipad agad napunta ’yung sagot mo?” I asked again but he just shrugged. I already met Cha and Chester, pero hindi sila ganito! Pati iyong tatay niya hindi naman ganito. Siguro mahilig sa corny jokes iyong nanay ni Chester kasi saan niya naman mamamana ’yan?

“Balik na lang tayo sa fiesta,” sabi niya.

I rolled my eyes, but I was also fighting a smile. Bakit niya binalik iyong usapan? Gusto niya siguro na may pinag-uusapan kami! Tsk! Ayoko lang mag-assume kasi mahirap mag-assume, pero baka sinundan niya ako rito kasi hindi naman daw siya free tapos biglang nandito na siya!

“Alam mo ’yung perya?” I asked.

“Parang Enchanted Kingdom?” he asked.

I nodded. “Kinda… but less rides,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Nakapunta ka na?”

Umiling siya. “Ikaw?”

I pouted. “Hindi pa rin,” sagot ko sa kanya.

Every time kasi na may med mission, natatapat sa fiesta. Ilang beses ko na talaga gustong pumunta, pero walang gustong sumama sa akin. Hindi ko naman sila mapilit kasi alam ko naman na pagod din sila sa check-up sa umaga and all they wanted to do at night was to rest (and sometimes drink, but not my choice of leisure talaga). Hindi ko rin naman kaya pumunta mag-isa. Ayoko rin naman itry na pumunta mag-isa.

“Bakit?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Wala akong kasama.”

“Dapat ba may kasama ka?”

I chose to just give him a shrug because I really didn’t want to talk about the past at this moment. It was such a beautiful night with the stars above and the sound of the crickets around us. I just wanted to enjoy this beautiful night with my crush beside me.

“Malayo ba ’yon?” he suddenly asked.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. “Bakit?”

Nagkibit-balikat din siya. “Curious lang.”

“I think medyo,” sabi ko. “Hindi kayang lakarin, so kailangan magdrive,” I added. Hindi rin talaga ako makakapunta since iyong mga sasakyan na gamit namin ay nasa other side ng ilog. Ang meron dito ay iyong Jeep na hindi naman ako ang may-ari and manual ata iyon, so hindi ko na agad kaya idrive.

“Alam mo ’yung daan?” he asked again.

Napahinto ako at tumingin sa kanya. “Why are you asking?” I asked, eyeing him, kasi sa line of questioning niya ay parang may plan siya na pumunta sa perya.

He shrugged. “Curious lang.”

“Curious ka sa daan papunta sa perya?” I asked because he had to hear how his question sounded. Kasi at this point, feel ko hindi na ako assumera because he’s giving me this… weird signal!

Humarap din siya sa akin. I felt my cheeks heating up dahil magkaharap na kami ngayon. He was taller than me, so my head was tilted up para makatingin ako sa eyes niya. And ayan na naman iyong chinito eyes niya! So unfair! Ang ganda-ganda ng eyes niya!

“Gusto mo ba?” he asked.

“Gusto ko na…?” I asked kasi based on track record, ang dami ko ng ewan moments sa harap niya. I just wanted to make sure sa tanong niya before ako magbigay ng sagot!

“Pumunta sa perya.”

“I just told you na hindi pwedeng lakarin.”

“May sasakyan naman.”

“Can you drive manual?” I asked.

He scoffed like I just insulted him. “Of course,” he said like he was proud.

“Sigurado ka?” I asked kasi si Rhys din ganyan, e. Hindi marunong magdrive ng manual iyon—ang reason niya ay may automatic naman, so why bother? I mean, at one point, tama naman siya.

“Are you doubting me?” he asked while eyeing me, e singkit na siya, so medyo nakapikit na ata siya.

“Hindi, ah,” I said, waving my hands. “Hindi naman kasi lahat marunong magdrive ng manual,” I told him. “For instance, hindi ako marunong magdrive ng manual.”

“Madali lang naman.”

I pouted. “Hindi kaya. Saka masakit sa paa,” I said and then told him about the story of how I tried to learn how to drive manual before, but I always ended up na namamatayan ng engine. I gave up like halfway—tsk. Tama nga si Rhys na may automatic naman! Minsan, may point din talaga siya.

“Hindi naman kapag sanay ka na,” he said.

“Manual ba iyong sasakyan mo?” I asked.

He nodded. “Mas madali ’yung maintenance,” he replied.

I just nodded kasi hindi ako masyadong maalam sa ganyan kasi may schedule sa casa iyong car ko saka sila Mama iyong nagbabayad ng insurance ko kasi nga wala akong pera. I didn’t know Chester’s situation, but if I’d guess, it’s not good kasi si Cha rin as much as possible hindi nagsasabi ’yon tungkol sa family life niya.

“Pero kay Kuya Orlie iyong Jeep, e,” sabi ko. “I don’t know if papayag iyon na ipahiram.”

Tumango si Chester. “Kapag pumayag, ano’ng mangyayari?”

My eyes widened for a bit. “Uh… I don’t know?” sabi ko kasi ayoko talaga magjump sa conclusions but he’s making it really hard not to!

“Ano ba’ng meron sa perya ’dun? Ano’ng pagkain meron?” he asked.

“Meron,” I replied. “Mayroong street food like fishball, kwekkwek, kikiam, samalamig,” I continued.

“Kumakain ka nun?”

I nodded. “Back in high school, lagi kaming kumakain ni Iñigo sa may malapit sa school,” I said, smiling a bit because that was a fond memory. I had lots of fun during high school because of Iñigo! Kaya minsan kapag nag-uusap kami about high school, sobrang tagal namin nag-uusap kasi ang dami naming pwedeng pag-usapan sa dami ng nangyari. Rhys would say na bad influence sa akin si Iñigo nung high school, but I’d always defend Iñigo because kung meron mang bad influence sa aming dalawa nung high school, ako ’yon. Ako kaya iyong dahilan kung bakit muntik na kami masuspend nung third year kami. Iñigo just took the blame kaya forever mabait ang tingin sa akin ng family ko. I wanted to come clean, but Iñigo said that what’s done is done and that okay lang naman daw sa kanya.

“Right… Naging kayo nga pala.”

My eyes widened. “Sino nagsabi sa ’yo?” I asked. He shrugged. “Si Iñigo, noh? Kasi weird naman if si Cha!”

He shrugged again. Hindi na siya nagsalita ulit.

“Anyway,” I said, clearing my throat, “Meron din mga games doon like maghahagis ka ng coin tapos kung saan matapat, makukuha mo as prize.”

“Anong prize?”

“Minsan baso or plates.”

“Ano’ng gagawin ko dun?” he asked like he was seriously pondering kung ano ang gagawin niya sa baso at plato. As if naman nanalo na siya!

I shrugged. “Gamitin mo?”

“Meron na akong plato at baso,” he said. Singular lang? As in isang baso and plato lang? I wanted to ask, but it felt too early, so I stopped myself.

“Uh… I guess you can keep it? If mabasag iyong plate and glass mo, at least may pampalit ka na?”

He nodded like he was seriously considering what I just said. Ang cute niya tignan while he was pondering! Bakit kaya ngayon lang kami nagmeet? Kasi minsan pumupunta naman iyong dad niya sa bahay namin… Never siya sumama… Or baka sumama and wala lang ako doon?

Either way, we could’ve met sooner.

But maybe we met now because now’s the right time… which I guess was better kasi mas okay na ’yung you met the right person at the right time kaysa you met the right person at the wrong time.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay what?”

“Okay, punta tayo,” he told me.

I bit my lower lip to stop a smile. “Tayo as in… kasama ako?” I asked because I needed verbal confirmation!

He gave me a slight nod while his hands were inside his pockets. He looked like he was nonchalant na inaaya niya ako. He looked super cool habang ako ay parang mauubusan na ng hininga. So unfair!

“Basta alam mo ’yung daan,” he said. “Baka maligaw tayo.”

“Diretso lang naman,” I replied.

“Kahit na,” he said.

“Tss. Magpaalam ka muna kay Kuya.”

He nodded. “Sure na ’yon.”

“Ang yabang.”

He shrugged. “Magkano sa tingin mo magagastos?” he asked while we were walking again.

“Why?”

“Wala lang.”

“I think hindi naman malaki unless may gambling addiction ka baka maadik ka sa color game,” I told him.

“Color game?” he asked and I had to explain to him kung ano iyon. Seriously! I felt like ang dami kong pwedeng ituro sa kanya.

We were just walking and talking and he had so many questions. Mukhang excited na siyang pumunta sa perya kasi pati mga rides balak niya atang itry lahat.

“Dun na tayo magdinner,” he said nung nasa labas na kami ng pinagsstayan namin.

“Tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Around 5PM iyong tapos natin and around one hour iyong byahe. Doon na lang tayo magdinner para mas efficient,” he said. I bit my lower lip because… I liked that he was making plans for us.

I nodded. “Okay,” I replied. “Magpaalam ka muna kay Kuya para sa jeep.”

He nodded back. “Will do,” sabi niya. “Good night—” dugtong niya tapos napatigil. “Today’s Friday so… Good night, Graciella,” he added before he did a little wave and walked back to his room… leaving me here with my heart going crazy inside my chest. 

**

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Chapter 07

Chapter 07

It was almost dawn nung makatulog ako. Hindi ata pwedeng i-consider na tulog iyon—more like nap. Hindi kasi ako makatulog! I kept on thinking about the fact na may chance na pupunta kami sa perya ni Chester later! Although hindi pa sure kasi manghihiram pa siya ng jeep, but at least! So, instead na matulog dahil may work pa bukas, ang ginawa ko ay nagprepare ako ng outfit. Sobrang nagsisi ako kagabi na wala akong dalang maayos na damit! Malay ko ba na pupunta kami sa perya ng crush ko ngayong medical mission? Lahat ng dala ko ay maluwag na pants lang and comfortable shirt. I suddenly yearned for my wardrobe in Manila!

“Good morning,” bati sa akin pagdating ko sa dining area kung nasaan iyong food.

“Good morning,” I greeted with a smile on my face.

“Namamaga mata mo.”

“Yeah…” sagot ko na lang kasi there’s no denying that dahil kahit ako nakita ko kanina sa salamin! Sana lang hindi ko makita si Chester ngayon dahil baka isipin niya na hindi ako nakatulog dahil sa lakad namin mamaya. But sobrang impossible na hindi kami magkita dahil maliit lang naman iyong place.

But, still, to avoid him (at least this morning), I quickly grabbed my breakfast at naglalakad na ako palabas nung mapahinto ako dahil literal na nakasalubong ko siya.

“G-good morning,” I said and then forced myself to stand properly.

“Morning,” he greeted. “Ano’ng breakfast?”

“Uh… I think tapa?” I replied. “Not sure if iba-iba.”

Tumango siya. “Okay.”

Okay… Should I stand here? Should I ask him? Pero ano ang itatanong ko sa kanya? But I was not able to formulate a question dahil biglang may nag-excuse me sa amin dahil nakaharang pala kami sa daan.

“Nakausap ko na si Kuya,” bigla niyang sabi habang nakatayo kami sa may gilid ng pinto. Nandoon pala kasi kami sa harap ng pinto. Umagang-umaga. Ang liwanag. Kitang-kita ko iyong buong mukha niya. Parang biglang luminaw iyong mata ko lalo. Wala siyang pores! I mean, not surprising dahil wala atang pores ang pamilya niya. But he looked really neat! Maybe he’s one of those people na malinis sa katawan but madumi sa gamit? I mean… if we’re meant to be, ako na lang ang maglilinis for him. He’d be doing me a huge favor because I love cleaning. Kaya nga minsan tinutukso ako ni Iñigo na may mga dumi daw na ako lang ang nakakakita, e.

“Oh… Did he agree?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Tumango siya. “Basta daw palagyan ng gas pagbalik,” sabi niya. “Tanong na lang tayo mamaya kung saan gas station.”

My heart was beating loudly inside my chest. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganon! Instinctively, I took a step back dahil baka marinig niya iyon kahit alam ko naman na impossible. Pero dahil sa ginawa ko, kumunot ang noo niya. I just smiled at him.

“Okay,” sabi ko habang humihinga nang malalim. “So… after work?”

Tumango siyang muli. “Kita tayo ng mga 5:30?”

“Hindi 5?” sabi ko.

“I assume tutulong ka pa magayos ng gamit?”

I blinked. “Oh… right,” sabi ko kahit medyo namangha ako na parang alam niya kung ano ang gagawin ko right after. Nakaka-guilty naman kasi talaga na bigla na lang akong umalis kahit na may mga tao na nag-stay pa para magayos ng gamit. Saka sandali lang naman magayos and it wasn’t as if pinagbubuhat nila ako ng mabigat na gamit—the most I do was to stack the chairs.

“Sa likuran daw nakapark ’yung jeep,” sabi niya. “Kita na lang tayo ’dun?”

“Okay,” sabi ko. Bibilisan ko na lang tumulong kasi babalik pa ako sa room para magpalit ng damit. Ayoko naman na iyong suot ko maghapon iyong isusuot ko mamaya. Saka kailangan ko pa magretouch. Alam ko naman na hindi ’to date, but still! I wanted to always look presentable in front of him.

After that, nagpaalam na si Chester dahil kakain na siya ng breakfast. Gusto ko sana hintayin siya para sabay kami kumain, pero nakita ko na may kausap siya habang kumukuha ng food kaya naman lumabas na ako at doon ako kumain. Tapos nun, nagsimula na ulit iyong checkup. It was a busy day, but every chance I got, tumitingin ako sa gawi niya. Minsan natatawa ako sa itsura niya kasi halata sa kanya kapag nakakunot iyong noo niya. Since internist siya, puro matanda mga patients niya. Alam ko naman na karamihan sa kanila makulit talaga kausap. He looked like he was frustrated, pero hindi naman galit. Makikita mo na kukunot iyong noo niya pati kilay. And then you’d see him pause, take a deep breath, and then explain again whatever he was explaining.

“Gracey,” sabi sa akin ng katabi ko.

“Yeah?”

“Halata ka.”

“Huh?”

“Kanina ka pa nakatitig kay Chester.”

Napatingin ako sa kanya na nanlalaki ang mga mata. “What? Sobrang halata ba?” I asked because I wasn’t one to shy away naman sa pagkaka-crush! Kilala nga ako sa hospital as someone who goes on a lot of date. Bakit ba? Excited na ako makilala ang true love ko, e! And as long as single naman iyong mga ka-date ko, I see no problem.

Tumango siya. “Matutunaw na, e.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Ang cute niya, e.”

Tumawa siya. “Ngayon mo lang na-crush-an?”

“Ngayon lang kami nagkausap talaga,” I replied.

“Oh? Laging nasa hospital ’yan, e. ’Dun na ata nakatira,” she said. Kumunot iyong noo ko. I wanted to ask more about what she said, but hindi ako nakapagtanong pa dahil dumating na iyong next patients ko, so I focused my attention on them.

---

“Gotta go,” mabilis na sabi ko bago naglakad pabalik sa room ko. I quickly helped stacking up the chairs tapos ay nagpaalam na ako sa kanila. I took a quick halfbath tapos ay sinuot ko na iyong damit ko na ni-ready ko na kagabi pa. I wore my white faded denim pants and plain white shirt na naka-tuck-in. Sinuot ko rin iyong white shoes ko. Sana hindi umulan para hindi mabasa sa putik. Because I knew that we’re going out tonight, naka-bun iyong buhok ko the whole day, so tinanggal ko na lang siya ngayon for wavy effect. And of course, nagpabango ako. Buti na lang lagi akong may dala na pabango.

Before ako umalis sa room ko, tumingin ako sa salamin to check. Okay naman iyong itsura ko, but definitely not what I would’ve wore kung may option ako. But this would do.

Kinuha ko iyong YSL sling bag (na ‘donation’ ni Mama galing sa collection niya. I couldn’t buy this with my current salary!) ko at saka lumabas na. Mabilis akong naglakad para makapunta sa likod pero natigilan ako nung makita ko si Chester from afar. He was riding in the driver’s seat. It looked like he was checking if everything was in order. It was… so nice to watch him. I hope hindi ako mukhang stalker sa ginagawa ko. But I wanted to watch him even for just a few seconds. It was like he was trying to practice drive para ma-make sure na kaya niya i-drive.

Pero napatingin siya sa gawi ko. Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. Umayos ako ng tayo. Sana hindi niya nakita na nakatingin ako! Nakakahiya na talaga ako sa paningin niya siguro.

“Pinapanood mo ba ako?” he asked nung makalapit ako.

My eyes widened for a split second. “What? Hindi, ah,” sabi ko.

“Okay…” he said while looking at me like he didn’t even believe for one second iyong sinabi ko.

“Uh… okay na ba iyong jeep?” I asked.

Tumango siya. “Tinry ko i-drive kanina. Okay naman,” sabi niya.

“Oh. Okay, then,” sabi ko tapos ngumiti. “Alis na tayo?”

Tumango rin siya. “Seatbelt, please.”

I wore my seatbelt. Nagsimula ng mag-drive si Chester. I kept on biting the inside of my mouth kasi if hindi, sure ako na nakangiti lang ako buong byahe! I mean, this wasn’t a date, but compared to all the dates I’ve been to? Mas kinikilig pa ako rito!

“May preference ka ba?” he asked. “Sa pagkain?” tanong niya. “Para pagdating natin ’dun.”

“Uh… no naman. Kahit ano,” sabi ko. Saka hindi naman ako pwedeng maging choosy kapag nasa medical mission ako. I’d eat whatever was offered to me as long as hindi ako allergic.

“Fast food, okay lang?”

“Yup. If meron,” sabi ko.

“Meron ako nadaanan nung papunta ako,” he said. His eyes were on the road. Sabi niya isinama niya ako dahil ako iyong may alam nung daan, but by the looks of it, mukhang hindi niya naman ako kailangan dahil dire-diretso lang siya sa pagda-drive. It looked like kinausap niya na si Kuya kanina for directions dahil alam niya kung saang part liliko and whatnots.

The ride was quiet but comforting. Ang lamig nung hangin. Ang saya sa feeling kahit wala namang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa. It’s like we didn’t need to talk for me to be entertained. Just by simpling sitting beside him, okay na ako.

Delikado na nga talaga gaya ng sinasabi ng mga tao sa paligid ko—confirmed.

“Hindi ba nakakapagod?” I asked nung nagpark na kami doon sa may bandang simbahan. Halos one hour din kasi iyong byahe. Nung ako kasi nagdrive nung manual before, nangalay talaga iyong paa ko.

“Hindi naman,” he replied. “Sanay na ’ko.”

I just nodded. Lumabas na kaming dalawa. Doon ko lang nakita iyong suot niya. He was wearing a brown cargo shorts, black shirt, and black sliders. He looked so casual! Sana nagshorts na lang din ako kung meron lang akong dala, e.

“Doon ata ’yung fast food,” sabi ni Chester habang nakaturo sa other side nung simbahan.

Naglakad kaming dalawa. Kita ko na pinagtitinginan si Chester nung mga kabataan. I mean… I get it. If teenager din ako, for sure kikiligin din ako kay Chester, e! And I mean, he’s so cute! Mukha siyang bida sa Kdrama dahil singkit siya, maputi, and matangkad. Tapos doctor din siya! Makalat lang siya, but I mean… nobody’s perfect, right?

Lord, sana ito na! Ready na ako sumaya!

Pagdating namin sa fast food, sabay kaming pumila. Kinikilig talaga ako kahit nakatayo lang naman kami na magkatabi! Wala namang dahilan, pero kilig na kilig ako. Ito na ba iyong sinasabi nila Rhys na if you know, you know?

Chester ordered two pieces of chicken plus extra rice. I ordered one piece chicken and rice lang. After nun, doon kami naupo sa vacant spot sa gilid. I suddenly felt conscious kasi nakaupo kami ngayon sa isa’t-isa.

“Safe naman?” he asked.

“Alin?”

“Rides,” sagot niya. “May nakita akong ferris wheel.”

“Gusto mong i-try?”

He nodded. “Kung safe.”

“I think safe naman.”

Tumango siya. “Tignan natin mamaya.”

“Okay.”

“Ano pa meron dun?”

“Hindi ko sure,” sabi ko kasi hindi ko pa rin naman napupuntahan. “But usually, may octopus, caterpillar—”

“Puro hayop?”

I shrugged. “Hindi naman ako nagbigay ng pangalan,” sabi ko sa kanya and he nodded. Grabe… sobrang sheltered ba niya na hindi niya talaga alam iyong mga ganito? Kung sabagay… ang alam ko bata pa sila nung namatay Mama nila, e… Busy din siguro si Tito sa business nila kaya walang alam si Chester sa mga ganito. I suddenly felt sad as I imagined a kid version of him na walang childhood memory kagaya ng pagpunta sa perya or theme parks…

“Mayroon ding horror house.”

“Nakakatakot?”

I shrugged again. “I’m not sure…” sabi ko kasi nung pumupunta kami dati dito, si Iñigo pa iyong nananakot sa mga nasa loob ng horror house, e—like siya pa iyong manggugulat ’dun sa mga dapat manggugulat sa amin. Pero kasi siraulo naman ’yong si Iñigo.

Nung ready na iyong food namin, si Chester iyong kumuha. Buti na lang wala siya kaya nakangiti ako nang maayos! Kinikilig talaga ako! Ano kaya ang pwede kong gawin na reason para makakuha ako ng selfie namin for tonight? Gusto ko kasi ng picture to remember this night!

“Thank you,” I said habang nilalagay niya iyong food sa harap ko. We ate in silence. Ang bilis niyang kumain. Nasa half pa lang ako nung food ko, pero tapos na siya. Buti hindi siya nabulunan.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, naglakad na kami papunta sa perya. Buti na lang talaga walang ulan kasi mase-stress talaga ako kapag puro putik iyong white shoes ko.

“Saan na ’yung mananalo ng baso?” he asked.

Natawa ako sandali. “Akala ko hindi mo alam kung ano ang gagawin mo sa baso at plato?”

He shrugged. “Pamalit.”

“Sa may hagisan ng barya ’yon,” sabi ko sa kanya. “But if magta-try tayo ng rides, I suggest na iyon muna para if manalo, wala tayong bitbit.”

“Okay,” sabi niya.

Habang naglalakad kami, mas lalong dumami iyong mga bagets na tumitingin kay Chester—iyong iba ay tinuturo pa siya. Mukhang hindi pansin ni Chester or sanay na siya. Either way, patingin-tingin lang siya sa paligid. So cute! He’s like a kid na first time makapunta sa mall!

“Alin maganda unahin?” he asked.

“Uh… octopus?” sabi ko sa kanya. “But kailangan kumapit nang mabuti,” dugtong ko because I still remember like it was yesterday na parang muntik na matanggal iyong ulo ko muna sa katawan ko dahil sa sobrang lakas ng hangin. I told myself na never na ako uulit doon, yet here I was, in the line para bumili ng ticket!

“Ako sa gilid,” sabi ni Chester nung mauupo na kami. He was observing kanina and napansin niya siguro na iyong nakapwesto sa inner side iyong nasisiksik. Tsk. Small gestures talaga!

Nung nakasuot na sa amin iyong safety, nakahawak na ako nang mahigpit. Huminga ako nang malalim.

“Oh, my god, I’m so sorry!” malakas na sabi ko dahil ang ingay dahil sa sigaw ng mga bagets sa paligid namin. Sobrang nakasiksik na ako sa side niya dahil sa paggalaw nung ride!

Ang bango-bango niya! It was like half na parang mamamatay na ako dahil sa lakas ng hangin, but the other half of me was enjoying this life threatening experience! My gosh! Iyong buhok ko pa ay nasa mukha ko na lahat. Halos hindi na ako makakita. I kept on trying na hawiin iyong buhok ko, pero hindi ko magawa dahil hindi ako makabitaw sa pagkakahawak sa railing.

My eyes widened nung biglang akbayan ako ni Chester. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin niya, but then bigla niyang inilagay iyong kamay niya sa may mukha ko at saka hinawi iyong buhok ko.

’Gracey, ito na yata ‘yon!’ I managed to tell myself amidst everything that was happening!

The ride lasted for like three minutes. Feel ko ay mukha na akong bruha dahil sa buhok ko, but it was still a fun ride dahil siksik na siksik ako kay Chester the whole time. Mukha namang okay lang sa kanya dahil wala naman siyang sinabi.

“Thank you,” I said nung sadly ay huminto na iyong ride. Chester, being a man of few words sometimes, just gave me a shrug as a response. “What?” I asked nung makababa na kami. He pursed his lips like he was stopping himself from laughing. Napahawak ako sa buhok ko and remembered na mukha nga pala akong bruha.

I frowned. “I forgot na itali iyong buhok ko.”

“Pwede ba ’to?” he asked habang tinatanggal niya iyong bracelet niya. Lagi niyang suot iyon—alam ko kasi nga lagi ko siyang tinitignan.

“No, it’s fine,” I said as I tried to tame my hair.

“Balik mo na lang sa ’kin,” he replied as he offered me his bracelet.

“Thank you,” sabi ko sa kanya. I was telling my heart to calm down! Nakaka-isang ride pa lang kami, pero ganito na ako. Chester stood and waited for me as I tied my hair.

“Saan tayo next?” he asked nung matapos ako. “Horror house?”

I nodded as I excitedly walked towards the horror house—inilagay ko rin sa bulsa ng pants ko iyong ticket. If wala akong selfie tonight, ito na lang ang remembrance ko. And sana may manakot sa akin para magka-reason ako para kumapit sa kanya!

**

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Chapter 08

Chapter 08

“Ready?” Chester asked nung makabili na kami ng ticket. Tumango ako sa kanya. Nauna siyang maglakad sa akin—like he wanted to check first if may mananakot ba sa amin. But I wanted to walk side by side! Para makakapit agad ako in case may manakot.

“Dito ka sa likod ko,” sabi niya nung bilisan ko iyong paglalakad para sabay kami.

Instead, I gave him a shrug. “I mean… what’s the point of us going inside if magtatago lang ako, right?”

Bahagyang kumunot iyong noo niya. “Right…” sabi niya na para bang sang-ayon siya sa sinabi ko.

Hindi pa kami nakakapasok sa loob ay nakarinig na agad kami ng sigaw. Great! At least it wouldn’t be weird if bigla akong kumapit sa kanya. Magiging sobra-sobrang halata kasi if kakapit ako sa kanya kahit wala namang nananakot. Like, even in my standards, that would be too much. I mean, people tell me that sometimes, I am shameless, but I don’t think I can get out of this one, if ever.

“Ready?” he asked again nung papasok na kami.

I nodded. “Affirmative,” I replied.

Pagpasok namin sa loob, hindi naman ako natakot. I didn’t know if it was because somewhere inside my brain, naaalala ko iyong pananakot ni Iñigo dito or what, but I wasn’t scared at all! Nakatingin lang ako kay Chester na tahimik na naglalakad sa loob. He didn’t look scared at all—mas mukha siyang bata na nasa loob ng museum na tumitingin lang sa paligid.

“Boring ba?” I asked nung medyo nasa gitna na kami. Three people tried to scare us na, but to no avail!

He shrugged. “Mas nakakatakot ’yung mga multo sa hospital.”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“Hindi ka pa nakakita?”

“Wala namang multo,” I told him. “Maybe kulang ka lang sa tulog nun?”

Umiling siya. “Kakagising ko lang nun.”

“Maybe you were sleepwalking?”

“Kagaya nung ginawa mo nung akala mo nasa panaginip mo ako?” he asked. It was dark inside kaya hindi ko makita iyong reaksyon sa face niya if he was joking or what! But knowing what I know about him? If joke man ’to, sure na deadpan lang naman ang itsura niya.

“Yeah…” I replied, I mean, I already told him that lie, so might as well sell it, noh!

He shrugged again. “No, pretty sure multo ’yung nakita ko.”

“Fine,” I said. “Kailan mo nakita ’yung ‘multo’ na ’to?” I asked, using air quotes doon sa multo. Ilang taon na ako sa hospital, never naman ako nakakita ng multo! Or maybe ayaw lang nila magpakita sa akin? But if that’s the case… then, rude!

“It was around 3AM in the elevator,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. “This sounds like a movie script.”

He shrugged. “Hindi ko kasalanan na parang pelikula ang buhay ko,” sabi niya. Ang seryoso ng tono ng boses niya! It’s so hard to decipher when he’s joking or not, but since he’s Chester, I’d err on the safe side and think that he’s indeed joking.

“Fine,” I said. “What happened next?”

“Tinatanong niya sa akin kung saan iyong Room 718,” he replied.

“Then?”

“Nagpapasama siya sa akin kasi kanina pa raw siya paikut-ikot pero hindi niya mahanap.”

“Sinamahan mo?”

He nodded. “It was 3AM. I had nothing better to do.”

I wanted to ask him that if he had nothing better to do at three in the morning, kung bakit hindi na lang siyang umuwi? But I figured maybe he’s in a duty. Besides, this… felt nice. It felt nice that he was opening up to me kahit horror story iyong sinasabi niya. I didn’t want to disrupt a moment by asking something so personal. He’d tell me if he wanted to. I didn’t want to intrude too much.

“Ano’ng nangyari after?” I asked. I didn’t even notice na nakalabas na kami sa horror house. Chester didn’t seem to mind because we just kept on walking—like we were trapped in our own little bubble kahit na ang totoo, sobrang ingay sa paligid namin.

“Nung makarating kami, hinihintay ko siya kumatok o pumaosk, pero hindi siya gumagalaw. Lumapit ako sa pinto tapos ako iyong kumatok. Walang sumagot kaya sinubukan kong buksan. Pagbukas ko, walang tao. Pagtalikod ko, biglang mag-isa na ako,” seryosong sabi niya. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. “Hindi ka natatakot?”

Umiling ako. “I mean… if anything, it was nice of you to help her?”

“Nagtanong ako sa nurse station kinabukasan tungkol sa room 718, binigay ko iyong description nung babae, at saka sinabi nila sa akin na namatay na raw iyong nandoon.”

“That morning?”

Umiling siya. “The day before.”

I hated how I felt creeps go through my system. Ang serious kasi nung pagkakasabi niya! Add mo pa iyong seryoso nung facial expression niya. If naglalaro ’to ng poker, sigurado ako panalo siya palagi. Ang seryoso ng mukha, e!

“How sure are you na same person?” I asked. Naikot na ata namin iyong perya sa pagkkwentuhan namin.

“Hinanap ko sa facebook iyong picture. Pinakita ko sa kanya para ma-confirm.”

“And?”

“Affirmative,” he said.

I just blinked. I didn’t know what to say! Hindi pa naman ako naka-encounter ng multo sa hospital! But now that he’s told me about it, baka kabahan na ako every time na nandoon ako ng madaling araw—which is like always!

“What?” I asked because he was looking at me weirdly.

“Takot ka?”

“No,” I said.

“Sure…”

“Never pa naman ako nakakita ng multo.”

“Never say never,” he said, shrugging.

I frowned. “Well, stop wishing na makakita ako ng multo! Lagi ako nandoon ng madaling araw!” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Basta umiwas ka sa left wing.”

“Nandoon ako lagi!”

I mean, I told myself that to see Chester laugh would be nice, but not in this situation na tinatakot niya ako. He’s so mean! Nakikita ko na talaga iyong similarities niya sa kapatid niya. Undoubtedly, he’s a Viste. They’re like… mean at times.

“Nandoon naman ako lagi. Text mo ko kapag natatakot ka na.”

Bigla akong natigilan. “Talaga?” I asked because… that was so random and nakakakilig!

Tumango siya. He was about to say something pa, pero nakita ko na iyong atensyon niya ay nandoon na sa coin game sa harapan namin. He looked at me.

“Ito na ba ’yung sa may plato at baso?”

I nodded. “Maglalaro ka?”

He nodded. Naglabas siya ng 100 peso bill tapos inabot niya roon sa bantay. He didn’t play immediately dahil mukhang nag-observe pa siya sa ibang naglalaro. And it was so cute to see him practice his throw! Masyado niya namang sineseryoso ’to.

“Hati tayo,” sabi niya sa akin habang nilalapit iyong plastic kung nasaan iyong pinabarya niya na coins.

“Okay. Thanks,” I said with a small smile.

Nag-start na kaming maglaro. Konti lang iyong kinuha ko (about 20 pesos worth siguro) because I saw how much fun he was having. During the first few throws, hindi pa pumapasok. But eventually, he got his rhythm. Ang dami niyang nakuha na baso! Meron din naman na plates, but definitely marami iyong baso.

“Siguro good for a decade na ’to,” I said habang naglalakad kami pabalik sa jeep. I helped him carry kasi ang dami talaga.

“Gusto mo?”

“One lang,” I replied. I would have said no dahil may baso naman sa bahay, but I wanted to keep one as a remembrance of this very night night.

Iniwan namin iyong mga plates sa jeep. Good faith na lang na wala sanang kumuha. And if may kumuha, I hope magiwan sila ng isa for me! I just wanted a remembrance!

Pagbalik namin doon, I asked Chester if he wanted to play pa kasi he looked like he had a lot of fun doon sa mag coin game, but he said na kumain ulit kami.

“Hindi ka pa nakakakain nito?” I asked habang naglalagay ako ng fishball sa plastic cup ko.

“Hindi,” he replied. “Hatid-sundo nung elem to college.”

“Nung med school?” I asked.

“Couldn’t risk getting sick—ayoko manghingi ng panghospital,” he replied. I couldn’t understand what he meant exactly, but for some reason, that made me feel extremely sad.

“If magkasakit ka ngayon, I’ll treat you—free of charge,” I told him.

Nakatingin siya sa mga fishballs na lumulutang sa kawali, but I was very certain na napangiti siya kahit split second lang ’yon! I saw him smile! I saw how he sucked air in—probably to stop himself from smiling.

Gosh! He’s so much cuter when he smiles!

“You should try mixing iyong vinegar and iyong sauce,” I told him kasi he was staring doon sa mga sawsawan. He looked like he wasn’t sure kung ano ang gagawin niya, so ako na iyong naglagay sa cup niya. And then I ordered samalamig for us. Sana hindi sensitive iyong tiyan niya kasi ayoko naman magkasakit siya. But on the other hand… imagine me taking care of him?

‘Stop wishing na magkasakit siya!’ the rational part of me admonished. I shook my head. Napatingin sa akin si Chester. I just smiled at him and asked him how was it.

“Good, right?” I asked when he just nodded.

Tumango siya ulit. “Kain ka na rin.”

We ate like a hundred pesos worth of fishballs and samalamig. Sobrang busog na kami by the time na pabalik na kami. And because it was past 10PM, the air was felt colder.

“Malamig?” he asked. He quickly glanced at me. I hoped hindi niya ako nakita na nakatingin sa kanya. He looked so handsome when he drives—lalo na if nakahawak siya sa clutch.

“Yeah. Kinda.”

“Wala akong jacket.”

“Why? If meron, ibibigay mo sa ’kin?”

He nodded. “Matulungin ako—kahit nga multo tinutulungan ko.”

I bit my lower lip because that actually was funny. I wasn’t sure if it was just because crush ko siya, but for some reason, benta sa akin iyong mga jokes niya! Like I was a captive audience to his corny jokes and dry humor.

“Don’t worry, malapit na tayo,” he said as if to appease me dahil nilalamig ako, but if he’d ask me? I’d rather we drive for another hour because I was truly enjoying spending time with him.

I never actually thought that it was possible… I grew up in a loving and happy family. I always thought that the company I’d enjoy the most would be that of my family. But then came Chester with his dry humor and corny jokes. Suddenly, I was craving for his company more than that of my family’s.

Ito na siguro talaga ’yon.

Ito na iyong sinasabi nila.

When we pulled over, it was already almost 12MN. Wala ng tao sa labas nung tinutuluyan namin. Chester unbuckled his seatbelt. Napatingin siya sa akin because I wasn’t moving.

“Bakit?” he asked when he caught me staring.

I was thinking… about how fickle life was. It’s probably the reason why bakit ‘makapal’ ang mukha ko. I could die any minute. I could die tomorrow. I didn’t want my time here to end without doing what I wanted to do—at least what I wanted to do at the moment.

We were leaving the morning after tomorrow. And tomorrow’s going to be a busy day. Plus, he brought his own car… so, if ever, I’d have the opportunity na magtago for a while before kami magkita ulit.

“Chester,” I called.

His brows furrowed a little. “Yes?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked.

His forehead creased. “What?”

“May girlfriend ka ba?” I asked again. “Please answer because it’s important.”

“Wala,” he replied.

“Nililigawan? Or someone you’re flirting with?” I asked because it’s just important to me to know that the coast is clear before I do anything.

“Ano ba ’to?” he asked.

“Please answer first.”

“Bakit muna?” he asked, stubbornly.

“Answer ka muna.”

“Wala akong nililigawan.”

“Flirting with anyone?” I asked. Nagiwas siya ng tingin. “What? So meron?” I followed up. I felt this small sting inside. Oh, my gosh! What if meron nga? Hindi ko kaya mang-agaw ng lalaki! That would literally eat me up inside and I was sure I’d be paranoid every second of the day because I believe that how you get him is how you’ll lose him. And I believe in girl code!

“Complicated,” he said.

My lips parted in dismay. “Oh…”

Napatingin siya ulit sa akin. “Grace—”

I looked at him and put a brave smile on my face. I quickly unbuckle my seatbelt. “That’s nice. I’m happy for you. Truly,” I said as I got out of the vehicle. I just wanted to go back to my room and to curl in my bed.

When I managed to get out, I almost ran towards my room. I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted to forget this night. I should go on dates again to distract myself.

“What—” I said nung may kumatok and I was sure na si Chester iyon kasi siya lang naman ang gising pa.

“Naiwan mo ’to,” he replied, showing me the glass that he gave me.

I tried to get it from him, pero tinaas niya iyong kamay niya. I frowned because he’s just being extra mean right now. “If ayaw mo ibigay, bakit pumunta ka pa rito?” I asked. Suddenly, I was thankful na nasa dulong part iyong room ko kaya walang makakarinig sa amin ngayon.

“Bakit ka muna umalis agad?”

“What do you mean? Nakauwi na tayo. Malamang babalik na ako sa room ko,” I said.

“Galit ka?”

“No.”

“Sigurado ka?”

“Yes, I am sure.”

“Bakit mo kailangan malaman kung may girlfriend ako?” he asked. I averted my gaze. “Or if I’m flirting with anyone?”

He felt like he wouldn’t leave until he got an answer from me kaya naman tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Because,” I said as I stared at him. I hated how he could easily disarm me with a simple gaze. “Because I like you and if you’re already with someone else, then I’d have to back off because I’m not that kind of person, okay? I don’t ruin relationships—that’s not me,” I quickly told him. “But don’t worry. I’ll move on starting from tomorrow. I’ll even go on dates to make me forget quicker—”

“Don’t,” he said.

“What?”

“Don’t move on.”

My lips parted. “Excuse me, wala akong balak maging side chick!”

Kumunot iyong noo niya. “I barely have time for a girlfriend, sa tingin mo hahanap pa ako ng side chick?” he asked.

“So, may girlfriend ka nga?!”

“Wala,” he said. “Ewan. Girlfriend na ba kita?”

Kumunot iyong koo ko. “What?”

“I—” he said and then placed his right hand on his nape. I could see how his ears were starting to get red. “I… I like you, too. Bakit ka kasi tumakbo agad?”

**

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Chapter 09

Chapter 09

I was pretty sure that I looked like I’d just seen the ghost that Chester was talking about dahil sa reaksyon ko. My eyes were wide open in shock and disbelief sa sinabi niya.

“Can you…” I said as I tried to gather myself. “Can you repeat what you just said?”

He averted his gaze. “Alin ’dun?” he asked, trying to play it cool, but I was sure na pareho kaming semi-nagpapanic!

“The one where you said that you like me,” I said, my lips slightly trembling. I’ve had crushes before. I’ve had crushes who crushed me back. But never did anyone make me feel like this—tanging si Chester lang!

“Ah, iyon ba,” he said, still looking anywhere but at me!

“Yes, iyon,” I replied. “So… you’re confirming na tama nga iyong narinig ko?” I asked. My question was met with silence. “You like me?” I asked. I had to! Hindi ako makakatulog if hindi niya sasabihin sa akin.

Instead na sumagot, tumingin na siya sa akin. Maybe wrong move dahil biglang sobrang bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko. Before, kahit normal na tignan niya lang ako, it was as if nagkakagulo iyong system ko. But now? Ngayon na tinitignan niya ako? I felt like I was about to explode from everything that he was making me feel! I felt dizzy all of a sudden!

“I do like you,” he said while his eyes were staring right into mine.

“Oh, wow…” I replied because honestly, it felt like words escaped me right at this moment! I usually had a lot of things to say at any given instance, but at this instance? I felt like I knew no words!

“Nakaka-shock ba?” he asked, his forehead slightly creased. “I feel like I’ve been too obvious.”

Oh, my gosh.

Nasaan na iyong Chester na tahimik at mukhang perpetually bored?! Why was he so open all of a sudden? Why was he talking about feelings so freely? And bakit ako iyong biglang walang masabi? I felt like nagkapalit kami ng role bigla!

“Hindi mo talaga halata?” he asked.

“I mean…” I said, desperately trying to string the words along. “I mean… I did think so, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”

He gently nodded. Tapos ay ibinalik niya ang tingin niya sa akin.

“So… what now?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I like you. You like me more—”

My lips parted. “Excuse me?!” sabi ko sa kanya kasi bakit biglang I like him more?! Siya ’tong hinabol ako sa room ko! 12MN na kaya! Dapat natutulog na ako ngayon!

He shrugged. His hands were inside his pockets. If the situation was different, I was pretty sure I’d be admiring how cool he looked at this moment habang nakaganyan siya.

“I mean, technically, you confessed first—”

“And you ran after me to tell me that you like me, so what’s your point?” I asked, my brow arched and my arms formed across my chest.

He looked at me like he was trying so hard to fight a grin. Ang dali lang kasi na makita sa mukha niya dahil usually ay iisa lang ang expression, so a small change like this felt like a huge one. And I was pretty sure that he was grinning at me!

“Are we together now?” he asked. “Please tell me because I really have no idea how this is supposed to work.”

My lips parted. “Are you serious?”

Tumango siya. “Never had a girlfriend—ikaw pa lang.”

“Oh, wow, how presumptuous!”

“Bakit? Ayaw mo ba?” he asked.

I just rolled my eyes at him. Nakita ko na naman na pinipigilan niyang ngumisi. He knew that I like him and he’s using it to his advantage!

“But seriously, never ka pa nagka-girlfriend?”

“Never.”

“Flings?”

Umiling siya.

“Even in med school?” I asked because back in med school, there were flings left and right! Doon ata lumala iyong trust issue ko and iyong promise ko sa sarili ko na never akong magiging side chick because I saw a lot of my blockmates na biglang nagiging single sa school.

Umiling siya. “Busy.”

“Bakit? Hindi ka na ba busy ngayon?”

“Busy pa rin,” he replied. “Pero isisingit kita sa sched ko.”

I hated how that made me feel so freaking giddy! I had to bite my tongue dahil ngiting-ngiti na ako sa sinabi niya na ’yon. How was he doing that?! He’s so effortlessly sweeping me off my feet!

“Hindi naman ako nagmamadali sa sagot,” sabi niya. “Sabihin mo na lang sa akin kapag nakapagdesisyon ka na.”

He took a step back.

I suddenly hated the distance between us.

“Okay, fine,” I said.

He nodded. “You know where to find me kapag may desisyon ka na—”

“May desisyon na ako,” I replied.

“Ngayon na?”

I nodded. I took a step closer. I fought a grin on my face when I saw him visibly shocked that I went near him.

“If you’ll be my boyfriend at this moment, then that means we can kiss, right?” I asked because I’d been thinking about kissing him from the moment that I saved me from that disastrous date.

He gulped. “I.. don’t know the rules,” he replied.

“We’ll make the rules as we go,” I said as I took another step.

“Okay,” he said, visibly holding his breath as I got closer.

“Will you think that I’m easy if I say that I want to kiss you right now?”

“No, never,” he replied. I saw him looking at our surroundings and when he was sure that we were the only two people awake at this time, he cupped my face and I felt his lips touching mine.

Oh, wow…

This was way better than what my imagination could ever concoct.

---

I groaned when I heard someone knocking on my door.

“Gracey, tulog ka pa ba? Start na tayo in ten minutes!” I heard someone shout from outside.

“Ang ingay…”

My eyes widened when I saw Chester sleeping beside me. I was about to panic when I remembered that he fell asleep on my bed while we were talking.

“Sshh,” I said habang tinatakpan ko iyong bibig niya. “Okay! I’ll be there in ten!” I answered before they get suspicious. Nung mapatingin ako kay Chester, his eyebrows were creased habang nakatingin sa akin. My hands were still covering his mouth and his nose. I forced a smile. “Good morning.”

I could definitely get used to this view in the morning!

I quickly sat on the bed while he was still lying down. After we kissed (or maybe madeout was the right term?), we talked about med school. Apparently, we attended a lot of the same events! I seriously question myself bakit ngayon ko lang siya napansin. At around 3AM, he was already yawning. He said na babalik na siya sa room niya. I told him if he wanted to sleep here, he could do so. His eyes widened. I immediately told him that I wasn’t inviting him to ‘sleep’ with me! As in literal na sleep lang. Ewan. Clingy kasi ako. Now that we’ve established that we both like each other, I wanted to be physically around him all the time… but I knew that I should reign this in because it’s not possible in the job that we have. I couldn’t always see him the same way that he couldn’t always see me.

“I’ll be the lookout kapag lalabas ka na,” I said.

“Bakit may lookout?” he asked with his forehead creased.

“Kasi baka may makakita?”

“So?” he replied without a care in the world.

“Mabilis ang chismis,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“We’re not breaking any rules,” he said.

“I know but—” sabi ko tapos napahinto.

Bigla siyang naupo. Tumingin siya sa akin. “Fine, if that’s what you want,” sabi niya tapos ay tumayo na siya.

“Galit ka ba?” I asked.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Bakit ako magagalit?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Hindi ako galit,” he replied. Tumingin siya sa relo niya. He clicked his tongue. “Wala na tayong breakfast.”

I pouted. “I’m sorry. We overslept.”

“May granola ako sa bag,” sabi niya. “Abot ko sa ’yo mamaya.”

I nodded. Naglakad na siya, but even before siya makalabas sa pinto, he paused. Tapos ay tumalikod siya at naglakad pabalik. My eyes widened when he leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips.

“Good morning,” he whispered before he went out of my room. Oh, my gosh… What a rush!

---

The whole day, we finished with the check-ups. I kept on stealing glances kay Chester. Ewan ko if masyado na talaga akong may gusto sa kanya, pero for some reason, mas naging gwapo siya sa paningin ko. Tapos super attractive lalo kapag nageexplain siya sa mga patients niya. At one point, naiinggit na ako sa mga pasyente niya.

Nung gabi na ’yon ay may mini-party since bukas na iyong uwi namin sa Manila. Naggawa sila ng bonfire and there were drinks and meron din na barbeque and other pulutan. Mayroon din na nagpplay ng guitar—honestly hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling iyong gitara. I excused myself and told them that I was tired and I would like to retire for the night.

“You’re drinking?” I asked nung makasalubong ko si Chester. His face was red and he smelled like beer. I took a step back.

“Pinainom ako,” he replied.

“Nino?” I asked kasi bakit kailangang pilitin painumin? People don’t need alcohol to have fun or be fun.

“Dr. Alvarez.”

“Drink water na lang,” sabi ko sa kanya kasi naiintindihan ko naman na hindi siya makatanggi since higher in terms of rank sa amin si Dr. Alvarez. I wasn’t a big fan of hospital politics, would rather that it’s gone, but I understood that it’s there.

“Hindi ko naman naubos iyong isang bote.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he said. “Di ka galit?” he asked.

“Bakit naman ako magagalit?” I asked back because I knew that although we’re together, I couldn’t dictate what he could and couldn’t do.

He shrugged. “Kapag kasi may ganito, lagi ko naririnig sila na nagpapaalam sa girlfriend o asawa nila,” he said.

“Oh…” I said as I showed him a smile. “There’s no need.”

Sabay kaming napatingin sa likuran niya nung marinig namin na may tumatawag sa pangalan niya. Hindi ko alam na close pala sila ni Dr. Alvarez. Mukha kasing lone wolf si Chester sa hospital.

“Matutulog ka na ba?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Pagod ako buong araw saka two hours lang iyong tulog ko,” I said as an excuse as I yawned again.

“Okay,” he said. “Good night.”

“Good night,” I replied with a smile. “Enjoy,” sabi ko because I didn’t want him asking more questions. Today began as a great day and I wanted to end it that way. Besides, it’s only our first day. We had other days to talk about this.

“Grace,” pagtawag niya habang naglalakad na sana ako pabalik sa room.

I stopped and tumingin sa kanya. “Yes?”

“Hindi na ako iinom pagbalik ko ’dun,” sabi niya. Kumunot iyong noo ko. “Pwede sa tabi mo ulit ako matulog?”

My lips parted. Instinctively, my heart began to quicken its pace inside my chest. Suddenly, it was as if air was knocked off of my chest. And it was like I struggle to maintain my balance.

“O-okay…” sabi ko.

Bahagyang kumunot iyong noo niya. “Okay ka lang ba?”

I forced a smile on my face as I nodded. “Yup,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Balik ka na don, tinatawag ka na,” I added.

He didn’t move, but he just looked at me. His name was called again. He still didn’t move. “Here to listen if you want to vent or talk if you want to talk,” he said. I nodded. He didn’t make a move. He maintained his distance. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he added before he stayed there and watched me walk back to my room. 

**

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Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I woke up earlier than usual because I slept early. I said a quick prayer, just being thankful for everything that happened. I also prayed for my family, my friends, and like always, I felt guilty para sa iba, so ang ending, pinagpray ko na silang lahat. And after that, I took a bath. While I was waiting for my hair to dry, inayos ko na iyong mga gamit ko para ready na akong umalis.

While I was folding my dirty clothes, I received a text.

‘Good morning,’ the text said. ‘Gising ka na?’

Before replying, I changed his name to Boyfriend

😙

. I grinned as I looked at his registered name. I didn’t care if may ibang makakita. I was doing this for my own happiness. Ang tagal ko kaya naghintay ng lalaki na makakapa-feel sa akin ng pinapa-feel sa akin ni Chester. So, just let me be happy.

‘Good morning!! Yes, I’m awake already. Breakfast?’

‘Okay. Punta na ako d’yan.’

After about a minute, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and I immediately smiled when I saw that handsome face. I pulled him inside and then closed the door behind him. I wrapped my arm around his neck, tiptoed, and kissed him on the lips.

“Good morning,” I said with a smile.

Nakita ko na napa-smile na rin siya. “Good morning,” he replied as I felt his hands on the sides of my waist. “Nakaayos na gamit mo,” he pointed out nung mapatingin siya sa mga gamit ko. Nakalagay na silang lahat sa bag ko. I was particular kasi sa pagaayos ng gamit. I watched a lot of videos online to master the art of packing! Marami kasi akong dala, but ayoko na maraming bag na bitbit.

I nodded. “Tapos ka na magayos?” I asked.

“Hindi pa.”

“You want help?”

“Hindi na.”

“Okay,” I said because I didn’t want to push this. But if papayag siya, he’d be doing me a favor! I felt like siya na talaga iyong perfect match ko! I love cleaning and he has a lot that needs to be cleaned after! Kasi sila Rhys and Iñigo minsan naiinis na sa akin kapag naglilinis ako. But here came Chester na maraming kalat. He’s really the intended one for me!

“Wait lang. I’ll just wait for my hair to dry,” I added as I sat in front of the electric fan since wala naman akong dalang blower. Chester just sat on the chair and played with his phone while waiting for me.

“Chester,” I called. Tumingin siya sa akin. “Pwede paabot nung hair tie?” I asked. Kinuha niya iyon tapos ay iniabot sa akin. Nakaupo kasi ako sa sahig since maliit lang iyong fan. Instead na iabot lang sa akin, naupo rin si Chester. “What?” I asked, natatawa because he was watching me intently as I combed my hair through my fingers to make sure na dry na.

Umiling siya. “Nothing,” he replied.

“Okay…” I said as I combed my hair na para itali. I was looking at Chester weirdly because he was so intent on watching me. “What?” I asked again.

“Ang cute mo.”

I felt my cheeks reddening. “Stop.”

But instead of stopping, he got his phone at inilagay sa harap ng face ko. “Kuha akong picture.”

“Okay,” I said as I smiled with my eyes closed para mas cute.

“Sabay ka sa ’kin pabalik,” sabi niya.

“Ano’ng sasabihin ko if may nagtanong?”

He shrugged. “Sabihin mo hinahanap ka ng kapatid ko kaya didiretso tayo ’dun.”

My lips parted. Ang bilis niya naman magbigay ng excuse! Pinagisipan niya kaya ’to? I wanted to tease him, but baka magbago ang isip niya. So, in the end, I agreed. Besides, gusto ko rin naman na kasama siya. Sure kasi ako na bukas, magiging busy ulit. Sana talaga same sched kami para magkita kami. Kasi if hindi, baka pumislit ako sa department nila para makita siya. Papagalitan na naman ako nito, but worth it!

“Thank you,” I said with a smile nung ioffer niya iyong kamay niya sa akin and pulled me up. My eyes widened when instead of saying ‘you’re welcome,’ he planted a kiss on my lips. My cheeks heated up once again! Grabe talaga siya. Ever since we kissed, parang every chance he gets, he’d kiss me! I mean, not that I was complaining…

“Okay na,” he replied.

“Grabe!” I said. “Lagi nangkikiss.”

“Ayaw mo ba?”

I frowned. “Wala akong sinabi na ganon,” I said and I saw him fighting a grin once again like he was proud of himself.

Nauna akong lumabas and when the coast was clear, lumabas na rin si Chester. Pagbaba namin, everyone was hungover, so wala namang tumingin sa aming dalawa. We got our breakfast tapos nung pagdating namin sa kung saan nakapark iyong vehicle pabalik sa hospital, doon ako dumiretso sa car ni Chester.

“Di ka sasabay?”

“No. I need to go to Iñigo, so sasabay na ako kay Chester since pupunta rin siya doon,” I answered. Hindi na nag-ask pa ng question since kilala naman nila si Iñigo. Maraming kilala si Iñigo sa mga ka-work ko because he had a ‘phase’ back in law school. Sobra talaga ’yon. For a while, naging tanungan ako ng mga tao kung bakit hindi nagrereply si Iñigo sa kanila. Now naman, tanungan ako kung single ba si Iñigo.

Pagpasok ko sa car ni Chester, it was spotless! And I even saw na he bought air freshener. Buti na lang hindi iyong pine scent because nahihilo ako roon.

“What?” he asked when he saw me looking proud.

“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head because I didn’t want na batiin iyong paglilinis niya. Baka kasi mahiya siya tapos hindi niya na ulitin! Nakita ko sa likod iyong mga napanalunan niya na plates and glass. We should keep at least a pair of both… If ever na ikasal kami, parang maganda na doon iyong first meal namin as husband and wife. But of course I wouldn’t tell Chester this kasi baka matakot naman siya sa akin!

“Seatbelt,” he reminded like the good boyfriend that he was.

Chester was a safe and cautious driver. Even nung ihatid niya ako sa bahay and nung pumunta kami sa perya, I noticed na safe siya magdrive. Hindi sobrang bilis. Kapag din may magttry magovertake, pinapauna niya madalas. Hindi din siya nagbubusina as much as possible (unlike Rhys talaga na hindi ako magtataka if mabiktima ng road rage dahil maigsi ang pasensya nung isang ’yon halos sa lahat ng bagay). For some reason, I felt like it had something to do doon sa sinabi niya sa akin na answer na hindi siya kumakain ng streetfood before dahil ayaw niya magkasakit dahil sa pangbayad sa hospital.

Napa-sigh ako. Masyado atang malalim kaya napatingin sa akin si Chester saglit while he was still driving.

“Gutom ka na?” he asked. “May gas station tayong madadaanan.”

“Pagod ka na ba?”

“Hindi naman.”

“Pagdating sa Manila, do you wanna have lunch?”

“Saan?”

“I don’t know. Kahit saan,” I said.

“Okay,” sabi niya. “Isipin mo na kung saan para dun na ako didiretso.”

So, while he was driving and I was chilling in the passenger seat, naghanap na rin ako ng place kung saan kami pwedeng kumain. Initially, I wanted to go to this resto kasi sobrang sarap nung food. But I immediately chastised myself. Naisip ko na nagtitipid ng pera si Chester, so I needed to choose a place na mura lang. Ako rin naman walang pera. Ang difference namin, may parents ako na willing akong bigyan ng financial aid at kakambal na hindi ako kayang tiisin kapag nagugutom na ako.

I felt so sad for him. But I didn’t want to tell him because I felt like he didn’t want to talk about it—at least not now.

“Sure ka?” he asked when I told him na sa fastfood kami.

I nodded. “Yeah. I’m craving for burger and fries.”

“Okay,” he replied na parang hindi naman siya nagduda.

We went to a fastfood na wala masyadong tao. We ordered burgers and fries. Nandoon lang kaming dalawa sa isang gilid. Ewan. This was way better than the dates I went to kahit pa nasa high end resto kami nun.

“Grace,” he called my name while I was busy eating my fries. We ordered one large fries lang and share kami, but I was pretty sure na ako ang uubos nito.

“Yeah?”

“Ano’ng sched mo?”

“Meron na mamayang 11,” I told him. “You?”

“Bukas pa.”

“Oh… Magaabot naman tayo for sure,” I said kasi for sure naman ’yon. “I’ll swing by your department!” I added because the thought of me sneaking out of my duty to meet my boyfriend? It was thrilling! I mean, of course hindi naman ako aalis kapag kailangan ako. Hindi naman ako irresponsible. Kapag benign lang, tatakas ako to go to him.

“Ihahatid na ba kita sa inyo after nito?” he asked.

I looked at him and grinned. “Ikaw, ha… You want to spend more time with me?” I asked, but apparently, I was not prepared to handle a very vocal Chester because he was quick to nod. I felt my cheeks heating up once again! Grabe naman sa pagiging vocal ang boyfriend ko.

I tried to clear my throat because honestly? That caught me off guard. I really thought I would be the clingy one, but apparently, we’re both the same.

“I’d invite you over but I’m pretty sure my parents are there…” I said, suddenly, I understood why Rhys’ first move was to move out nung naglove life siya. Ang hassle nga na dalhin pala sa bahay (more so dahil kilala nila si Chester). And knowing my mom? She’d ask a hundred of questions!

I was waiting for him to invite me sa place niya. I mean, we’re both consenting adults naman and we’re in a relationship. Saka I trust him enough not to force me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with.

I didn’t know why… but for some reason, I felt his discomfort. And my immediate reaction was to make that disappear.

“I know this coffee shop near work. Pwede tayo tumambay don,” I offered. “My friend owns the place and she’s always telling me to support her business,” I added.

“Okay,” he replied.

I smiled. “Okay. At least one thing off my task!” sabi ko sa kanya. I have a lot of friends with business and I really try na puntahan lahat (pero busy nga kasi ako), but those na may stores, I order talaga if may magustuhan ako (kaya sabi ni Rhys din if magmmove out ako, dapat malaking lugar kasi dami ko raw order online). And I recommend din sa iba kong kakilala. Wala lang. It’s nice to see my friends be successful.

When we finished with the burger, we were back in the car.

“Pagod ka na ba?” I asked. “I can drive naman.”

Instead of answering, tumingin siya sa akin. He looked serious (but different kind of serious), so I was a little thrown off.

“Is… there a problem?” I asked. I hope if meron and he wanted to tell me, he would. I really like him and I want to make this work. And the only way to make this work is if we’d communicate.

“Since you’re my girlfriend,” he said and I felt my cheeks reddening again. “Namumula ka,” he pointed out.

Hinawakan ko iyong face ko. “Mainit kasi.”

“Okay,” he said but I frowned at him kasi niloloko niya na naman ako. “Anyway,” he continued. “I want to be completely honest.”

“Okay…” I said. Medyo kinakabahan ako. Hindi agad siya nagsalita. “Ano ba ’yan?” I asked. “As long as you won’t tell me na may ibang girlfriend ka or kasal ka na sa iba, I think I’ll be fine…”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Wala nga akong girlfriend o ibang pamilya.”

“Then, that’s good,” I said.

Nakakunot pa rin ang noo niya. “Meron akong apartment,” he said. I remained silent and waited until sabihin niya iyong kasunod. “But it’s really small. I just need it para lagyan ng mga gamit ko. O minsan matulog at maligo. I really don’t stay there most of the time, so I figured I didn’t need to find a nice place.”

Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya because I didn’t know what he wanted to say.

“Hindi naman ako maarte,” I said. “I mean, at one point, I’ll probably beg you to let me clean… but that’s not on you, but more of a me problem.”

Nakita ko na napa-smile siya sa sinabi ko.

“I know,” he said.

I frowned. “Wow, so mean.”

I looked at him and he was just looking at me. I wanted to kiss him again, but I figured baka nasobrahan na kami sa kiss! But I really wanted to kiss my boyfriend! Besides, heavily tinted naman iyong car niya. And kiss lang naman!

So, I did what I wanted to do. I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned in and kissed him. His eyes were open pa when I first kissed him, but soon after, I felt him kissing me back. I didn’t know if ako ba iyong first kiss ni Chester, but whatever… all that mattered was how he literally could take my breath away whenever he’d kiss me!

When the kiss ended, we were both breathless.

“I’m sorry,” I said kasi may sasabihin siya na important. “Go on. Usap na ulit tayo.”

The end of his ears were both red. I was ignoring the boner that was right in front of me. It was not the right time to discuss that.

“Iyong sa apartment mo,” I said because he seemed to forget what he was talking about. Sobrang galing ko ba magkiss kaya nalimutan niya?

“Right…” he said as he brushed his fingers through his hair. So gwapo! “Maghahanap ako ng bagong apartment—”

“Because of me? Hala, no, ’wag na,” I replied. Baka isipin niya ang high maintenance ko. I just wanted him and him alone! I didn’t need any extras! I just want love kahit na sinasabihan ako ng ibang tao na love can’t make the world go round. Well, it can make my world go round. Besides, I wouldn’t choose someone na irresponsible naman. I was pretty sure I’d be fine.

“No, it’s for me,” he said. I frowned. “I want to have you over every chance we get, so I need a better place. So, no, it’s not for you.”

I frowned harder. “Mean.”

“Tapos na ako sa sasabihin ko,” sabi niya tapos ang sunod na narinig ko ay ang pag-unbuckle ng seatbelt niya and then next thing I knew, we were kissing once again. 

**

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Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I just finished my duty and as much as I wanted na puntahan si Chester, I heard that it’s quite hectic on his end, so I chose to go home and rest na lang. I’d see him when he’s available naman. Besides, I find it so cute whenever he’d send random pictures ng mga ginagawa niya—sometimes it’d be a picture of his coffee or a picture of a wall. Super random lang talaga. It’s like he just wanted to show me what he’s up to at the moment kahit gaano ka-vague pa iyong pictures na sinesend niya. Who would’ve thought na ganito siya as a boyfriend?! I thought he’d be the standoff-ish kind, but it turned out that he’s the clingy type.

I took a bath the first thing and I immediately fell asleep. Paggising ko, nakaluto na ng food si Manang, so I happily ate. After that, nakita ko na nagbake din pala siya ng muffin. Marami siyang binake since alam niya na mahilig akong magbigay kay Iñigo and Cha ng food (kay Rhys din, but depende sa mood ko if galit ba ako sa kanya or what). I prepared the muffins. Una akong dumaan sa office ni Rhys. He was in a meeting, so iniwan ko na lang doon. Then dumaan ako kay Iñigo.

“Ang saya mo ngayon,” he said as I handed him the paperbag na may muffins.

I immediately nodded. Whenever I’m happy, I really wanted to share it to the people close to me because I knew na they’re all rooting for my happiness. Nung sinabi ko kay Mama, she was so excited for me! We talked a lot about love—nagkwento din ulit siya nung love story nila ni Papa. I’d never get tired of hearing the story of how they met and how they fell in love.

“He’s my boyfriend na.”

Iñigo’s eyes widened. “Agad?”

I shrugged. “I’m fast like that,” I said, teasing him a little because I knew na it almost took him four years to get together with Cha. I remember iyong frustration sa boses niya before nung magkkwento siya tungkol kay Cha. That was when I realized that he’s a goner—whether he’s in a good mood or in a bad mood, si Cha talaga ang lumalabas sa bibig niya. It’s almost like he could relate everything to her. I mean, I totally get it now.

I guess it must be the Viste effect.

“Grabe, paano nangyari?” he asked na akala mo wala siyang trabaho.

I shrugged. “I told him I like him. He said he likes me.”

His lips parted. “Grabe…” he said as he gave me a slow clap. I pretended to curtsy. “Ikaw talaga ang tunay na lodi.”

“I know, right?” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Alam na kaya ni Cha?” he wondered out loud.

I shrugged. “No idea. Nag-uusap ba sila?” I asked because I was honestly curious. Hindi ko naman matanong si Chester because I felt like that would be too weird and too out of the blue.

Iñigo nodded. “Minsan,” he replied. “Alam ko may group chat ’yang magkakapatid na ’yan pero halos walang laman.”

“I mean… it makes sense?” sabi ko sa kanya. “It’d be weirder if maingay iyong group chat nila.”

Nagchismisan pa kami ni Iñigo hanggang sa tawagin na siya para sa work niya. Nagdrive ako papunta sa St. Matthew’s kasi medyo malapit naman na. After I parked, dumiretso ako sa may department ni Chester to give him the muffin para may kakainin siya sa break niya.

Pagdating ko roon, agad akong napahinto when I saw him with someone. Normally, I wouldn’t mind… but I immediately frowned when I saw the woman playfully hitting his chest and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

‘Don’t be that person,’ I told myself.

I took a deep breath. I wouldn’t like it as well if Chester would police who I talk to… so, I shouldn’t do it to him. Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.

Naglakad ako papunta sa kanila. I was wearing my pastel green linen dress and my Oran sandals. I was also wearing my perfume because I noticed that Chester liked it.

Nanlaki iyong mata ni Chester nang makita niya ako. Agad siyang humarap sa akin. “Akala ko nasa bahay ka?” he asked, his attention on me.

I nodded. “Yeah, but Manang baked some muffins, so I figured that I’d go here para dalhan ka,” I said. Tumingin ako roon sa kausap niya. I smiled at her. “Hi,” I introduced myself. I saw that she’s an intern. “I’m Gracey,” I said.

“Hi. Nice to meet you,” she replied. “I better go,” she added before she hurried away. I frowned. Was I mean? Wala naman akong balak na sungitan siya or what. I just wanted to introduce myself.

Tumingin ako kay Chester.

“Masungit ba ako?” I asked, but when I looked at my boyfriend, he was about to have his second bite of the muffin. Dang, he’s so cute!

“Hindi naman,” he replied.

I pouted. “Okay,” I said. I was just being paranoid. Chester’s not giving me any reason to be jealous naman. He was literally just talking to the woman.

“Patapos na duty ko,” he replied while he was still enjoying the muffin.

“I know!” I said, grinning, because I missed spending time with him! Ang hirap talagang maging busy. But true to his words, sinisingit niya ako sa schedule niya.

“May nakita akong apartment. Tignan natin?”

“Malapit lang dito?”

He nodded. “Walking distance.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Okay. I’ll wait for you na lang sa café,” I said kasi may one hour pa bago matapos iyong duty niya.

“Dito ka na lang. Sundan mo ako sa rounds.”

“Ano ako? Intern mo?”

“Girlfriend ko.”

I immediately blushed. It’s been almost month since we started dating, but the word boyfriend was still making me blush!

I made a face to hide the fact na pinakilig niya na naman ako. “I’ll just wait for you sa coffee shop,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Do you want me to order you anything in advance para kakain ka na pagdating mo?” I asked.

Umiling siya. “May muffins ako,” he said like he was rather proud na may muffins siya. He’s so freaking cute! Napatingin siya sa phone niya. “Have to go,” he added. “Thanks for this. Hintayin mo ako mamaya,” he replied. He was about to lean in for a kiss but he paused when he probably remembered that we were still inside the hospital. We have this rule na no kiss while at work because delikado! Ilang beses na kaming—

Gosh, it’s been a hard month!

“Mamaya na lang sa sasakyan,” he said as he took a step back bago kumaway and umalis na siya. I stayed there for a while as I watched my boyfriend leave. It was worth the drive kahit out of the way pauwi na sana.

---

Pagdating ko sa coffee shop, I ordered a cup of coffee and a slice of cake to accompany me. I was reading some medical journal to keep me updated. After a while, napatingin ako sa harap ko because someone pulled the chair. I thought it was Chester, but my forehead creased when I saw a familiar face.

“Richard,” the guy said. “We went on a couple of dates?”

My lips parted in recognition. “Oh, right. Hi!” sabi ko. I remembered because he’s one of the few nice guys I met sa mga blind dates ko. It almost worked out for the two of us, but he had to go abroad for some business. We both decided not to pursue it. Ewan. There was nothing that really pushed me to even ask him na i-try namin iyong LDR. And to be honest, not a big fan of LDR.

“How are you? It’s been so long,” he said.

“I’m good,” I replied. “You? Business doing good?” I asked to be polite.

He nodded. He was asking me about something pa nung mapatingin ako sa likuran niya. I saw Chester. I was about to wave at him when I noticed that he was frowning. Napatingin din doon si Richard kasi kanina pa ako nakatingin kay Chester.

“Chester,” I called his name. He begrudgingly walked towards us. “Richard, this is Chester, my boyfriend,” I introduced him. Nakita ko iyong relief sa mukha ni Chester. I fought a grin. So, he’s the jealous type. Noted.

“Oh,” sabi ni Richard. “Nice to meet you.”

There was a few seconds of pleasantries before Richard excused himself. Nang makaalis siya, naupo si Chester sa pwesto niya. I grinned.

“Selos ka?” I asked, teasing.

“Naka-date mo?” he replied, instead.

I nodded. “Yes, but it felt a lifetime ago,” sabi ko because truly, it felt like that part of my life was over and done with and I was in a new era with him.

Tumango lang siya. “Naging boyfriend mo?”

Umiling ako. “Nope,” I said. “I went on a lot of dates. We’ll probably bump into some of them,” I added, just to warn him kasi if si Richard pa lang, ganito na iyong mukhaniya. “But I like you the most.”

“So, you like them, too?” he asked.

Natawa ako. “I like a lot of people,” I replied. Tumayo ako and naupo sa tabi niya. “To be fair, nagselos din ako sa kausap mo kanina.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Sino?”

“Iyong intern.”

“Bakit?”

I shrugged. “Hinawakan niya iyong chest mo.”

“Talaga?” he asked like he had no clue na nangyari iyon. He was probably daydreaming nung nangyari ’yon. It wasn’t impossible kasi minsan talaga lutang siyang tao.

I nodded. “But… I trust you. Do you trust me?”

Tumango siya. “Of course.”

“Good,” sabi ko. “So, no need to argue over that anymore. But if any of my friends make you feel uncomfortable, do tell me so we can discuss it,” I added. Because now that we’re together, in the future, he’d meet my friends. I have a lot of friends—some of them are very touchy. I just want him to get along with everyone, if possible.

He nodded again. “Hindi ko na kakausapin iyong intern.”

My eyes widened. “Wala akong sinabi na ganon!”

He shrugged. “Di naman sa department ko ’yon.”

“Chester, wala akong sinabi na hindi mo siya kausapin!” I said para clear kami na hindi ko siya pinipigilan na kausapin iyong babae.

“I know, personal choice ko,” sabi niya. “Di ko alam hinawakan niya pala ako kanina,” he added and slightly shook his head like he disapproved that someone touched him without his consent.

We finished the cake together (more like siya iyong umubos) and then since walking distance lang naman iyong apartment niya, naglakad na lang kami. We were walking side by side, our hands clasped together. I liked how he was holding my hand and how his hand almost covered mine.

“Chester,” I called his name. He just looked at me. “There’s a dinner this weekend. You’re invited. If you have time lang naman…”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

He nodded. “Ano’ng dadalhin ko?”

I was a little thrown off dahil before, kapag sinabi ko iyong word na ‘parents,’ it was as if I could visibly see the guy I was with shaking in fear… or worse, lie and make up some excuse as to why he couldn’t make it.

“Hindi ka kinakabahan?” I asked.

Umiling siya. “Dapat ba?”

“Ang yabang.”

“Bakit naman ako kakabahan?” he asked like he was genuinely wondering. “I love their daughter—if any, they should be happy.”

My lips parted.

My eyes widened.

Natigilan din siya—like he only realized what came out of his mouth.

“You… love me?”

Slowly, he nodded. “Is that a bad thing?” he asked like he was already slowly panicking because of my reaction. “Babawiin ko—”

“What? No!” I quickly said. “Bakit mo babawiin?”

“Kasi iyong reaksyon mo.”

“I was just shocked!”

“Oh. Okay,” sabi niya. Magkaharap na kami ngayon. His hands were inside his pockets. I was sure his hands were slightly trembling kaya nakalagay sa pockets niya iyon ngayon. “Hindi ko na binabawi.”

I blinked.

Everything was happening too fast between us… We dated just a month ago. We made out more than I could count (not that anyone’s complaining!). He’s moving to a bigger apartment (and I was pretty sure doon na rin ako halos magsstay kasi… ganon kaming dalawa). But for some reason, it felt… normal. Like this was how it’s supposed to be.

Besides, hindi ba kapag alam mo na, alam mo na? So, really, why avoid the inevitable?

“I want to hear the words,” I said.

“What words?” he asked.

“The three magic words.”

“May pagkain na?”

I frowned. “Hindi ’yon!”

He was holding back a smile again. He reached for my hands and held them. Tumingin siya sa mga mata ko.

“Graciella Rae Arevalo,” he called my name as he was slowly melting me into a puddle. “I love you,” he added, and for some reason, he made me cry in public and pinagtinginan kami ng ibang tao because they thought we were breaking up kasi iyak ako nang iyak. Kinabig niya ako at niyakap, so my face was buried against his chest. “I love you,” he whispered this time… and God, he really is worth the wait.  

**

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Chapter 12

Chapter 12

“Oh, wow,” I said as Chester stepped out of his car. I gave him two thumbs up. I saw him blush, so I grinned to myself. I consider myself as a Chester enthusiast and as such, marami akong bagay na alam sa kanya and one of the things I know about him ay he usually just has two settings—one is the hospital uniform and one is his casual attire aka denim pants, black shirt, and some sneakers. But tonight? Mukhang nagkaroon bigla ng third setting!

“You clean up really well,” I added. “Approved,” sabi ko pa as I gave him my thumbs up again.

“Dala ko ’yung wine,” he told me.

I nodded as I opened my phone and went to the camera. “Let’s take a photo muna,” sabi ko kasi kapag pumasok na kami sa loob ng bahay, I was certain that my parents would have hundred questions for him. And I just knew that Rhys would invite him to drink and they’ll have the ‘talk.’

“Hindi selfie,” I said kasi tumayo na siya sa tabi ko, being the trained boyfriend that he was. I propped my phone on the hood of his car and naka-video iyon.

“Video?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just screen shot iyong mga gusto kong poses,” I told him as I stood right in front of him. I placed my hands on his shoulders and his hands automatically went to the sides of my waist. He was wearing a light gray pants, black long sleeves na naka-open iyong first three buttons and naka-fold up to the middle of his arms iyong sleeves, and black leather loafers. His hair was also styled! I felt like I died for a second nung bumaba siya sa car niya. I was wearing a black satin mini dress. It was a ‘formal’ dinner because Mama invited his chef friend to prepare our dinner. I was pretty sure nagpapa-impress lang siya sa boyfriend ko.

“Ano’ng gagawin ko?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I replied as I smiled at him.

We probably looked like two fools dancing with no music, but this moment felt like magic. Isinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa chest niya. I felt his head resting on top of mine.

Napatigil kami when Rhys’ car pulled over. I frowned when he rolled his eyes nang makita kami.

“Be nice,” I told him.

“Wala naman akong ginagawa,” he replied as he gave Chester a nod. Magkakilala na kasi sila—I mean, not close, but also there’s no need for an introduction. Feel ko kaya kilala ni Rhys kasi may crush siya kay Cha before kaya marami siyang alam. I remember him telling me before to get him donuts nung BAR niya—ibibigay pala kay Cha. Galing kaya sa allowance ko ’yon!

Nauna pumasok si Rhys sa loob ng house. Tumingin ako kay Chester. He looked… calm. Mas mukhang ako pa iyong kinakabahan kahit na alam ko na mabait naman iyong parents ko and they already told me that they approve—not that it’s needed naman, but of course it’s nice to know.

“Ready?” I asked, but instead of answering, he gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I frowned, but he knew that arte ko lang ’yon.

---

Chester was in the garden having coffee with Rhys. Napatingin ako kay Mama nung lumapit siya sa akin.

“Can you tell him that I’m sorry?”

“For what?” I asked.

“I accidentally asked him about his dad,” Mama replied. I just gave her a small nod. The dinner was going great up until Mama asked Chester about his dad. It was so obvious how his mood suddenly changed, but he gave a short and polite reply, still. He just said that he’s doing fine, but didn’t really elaborate after that. Mukhang aware naman iyong parents ko sa situation nila sa bahay. I mean, the world is a small place (nasa iisang social circle lang iyong parents namin, so chismis travels fast) (and it was confirmed din nung dito sa house nagcelebrate ng Christmas iyong Dad nila and si Cha). That was… a rather awkward time.

“I’ll tell him,” I said.

Mama nodded. “Matagal pa yata sila ni Rhys. I’ll head to my room,” Mama added before siya umalis.

I helped Manang clean while waiting for ‘the talk’ to end. At first, it was just a distraction hanggang sa nag-enjoy na ako bigla na maglinis talaga. I was in the middle of drying the plates nung mapatingin ako sa likuran ko. For some reason, alam ko na si Chester iyon. Weird talaga na alam ko na kung ano iyong tunog ng steps niya.

“Tapos na kayo?” I asked. He nodded. “Si Rhys?”

“Umuwi na.”

“Di man lang nagsabi,” I said, frowning, habang tinutuyo ko pa rin ng towel iyong plates. “Uuwi ka na rin?”

“In a while,” he replied tapos ay kumuha siya ng towel din and nagstart magpunas ng plato. Napakunot iyong noo ko. “Para mas mabilis matapos,” he added. “Lakad tayo sa labas.”

I was sucking in my cheek para hindi masyado halata na kinikilig ako sa ginagawa namin. I mean, doing my favorite chore with my favorite person? This was the moment!

Gusto ko pa sana tagalan para mas matagal iyong moment, but Chester was working double time. Ang bilis tuloy namin matapos sa ginagawa namin.

“Nabusog ka ba?” I asked while we were walking outside na. It was already 11PM. The dinner ended at around 10 tapos nagusap sila ni Rhys and naghugas kami ng plates.

Tumango siya. “Meron talaga kayong chef sa bahay?”

Agad akong umiling. “Wala! Now lang ’yun kasi invited ka,” I said. “But the steak was good, noh?” I asked and he nodded in affirmation. Ang bilis niya kaya maubos iyong food. Pansin ko mabilis talaga siya kumain. Buti nga hindi siya nagcho-choke, e.

“Chester,” I called again. Tumingin siya sa akin sandali. “Mama told me to say sorry.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “For what?”

“Your dad.”

His lips were pressed into a thin line again. Hindi na ulit ako nagsalita kasi halata naman na ayaw niyang pagusapan. But this seemed like it was really bothering him… I hope he talks to someone about this—kahit hindi na ako basta may kausap lang siya. Mahirap if bottled up lang lahat ng iniisip niya about that.

“How was the moving in?” I asked to change the topic. It was a nice night. I was walking under the night sky with the love of my life. I just introduced him to my family as my boyfriend. Tonight’s a great night.

“Tapos na,” he replied.

“What? Ang bilis naman!” sabi ko. I wanted to help him, but my sched wouldn’t allow me. Sick season din kasi ng mga bata ngayon, so ang dami talaga ginagawa. Meron din akong isang patient na wala lagi iyong parents and she’s always looking for me, so I always go to her room para tumambay if may time.

“Konti lang gamit ko,” he replied with a small shrug.

“But ang laki ng kinuha mo na place,” sabi ko kasi when we went there, it was actually a decent one bedroom place. The main bedroom was fine, but the living room area was big. And for some reason, ang laki-laki ng CR like hindi ata naplano nang maayos nung contractor.

“Sabi ni Cha marami ka raw gamit.”

“So, pinaguusapan niyo akong magkapatid?”

“Pinaguusapan niyo rin kami ni Iñigo,” he quickly replied.

I faked a gasp. “How dare you,” I said. “We talk about other things!”

“Like?”

“High school stuff,” I said. “Marami kaming kahihiyan nung high school,” I added. My lips parted when I saw him rolling his eyes at me. Natawa ako bigla. “Are you seriously jealous kay Iñigo? That guy is literally head over heels sa kapatid mo.”

He shrugged again, not even denying na nagseselos siya kay Iñigo. Kumapit ako sa arms niya and gave him a quick peck on his cheek.

“I love you the most,” I said. “If lulubog na iyong barko and iisa lang iyong life vest, sa ’yo ko ibibigay.”

“May life vest ka na?” he asked.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Uh… wala,” sabi ko.

“Bakit mo ibibigay sa akin kung wala ka?”

“I… don’t know,” I replied, suddenly confused at the turn of events. I was trying to make him feel kilig na uunahin ko siya kaysa kay Iñigo, but for some reason, biglang sa akin niya na ibibigay iyong life vest? Bakit parang ako na iyong kinilig?

“Hayaan nating malunod si Iñigo,” sabi ni Chester.

“Magagalit si Cha.”

He shrugged. “Ganon talaga.”

“Bad doctor.”

“I told you—I’m a selfish person. I’ll always save you first.”

“Okay… but like… ’wag naman nating patayin si Iñigo,” I said kasi I literally promised his dad that I’d take care of him, so… I’d never let him die like what Chester was suggesting.

Gosh, bakit ba namin pinaguusapan ’to?

“Okay,” he said like it was already a done deal. “Sa Tuesday na ako lilipat.”

“May duty ako nun,” I replied, frowning.

“Hanggang anong oras?”

“12MN?” I said. “Ikaw?”

“7PM,” he replied. “Gusto mo ba pumunta pagkatapos ng shift mo?”

“Of course,” sabi ko sa kanya. “May parking ba ’dun?”

“Meron, pero isa lang,” he replied. “Sunduin na lang kita.”

“Sure ka?” I asked kasi syempre anong oras na nun.

“I don’t mind,” he said.

“Okay. I’ll text you na lang kapag tapos na talaga ako para hindi ka na maghihintay.”

We walked for a while pa tapos ay bumalik na kami. When he got inside his car, I felt sad… like I wanted to spend more time together. Although lagi naman kami magka-text or lagi din siya nagsesend ng random photos niya, syempre iba iyong magkasama kami talaga.

Kailan ba iyong okay na para magmove in? But ayoko rin naman sabihin sa kanya. Feel ko talaga matatakot sa akin si Chester sa pagka-futuristic ko.

“Drive safely,” I said although alam ko naman na safe siya magdrive.

“Pasok ka na,” he replied. I sighed. Kumunot ang noo niya. “Bakit?” he asked.

“Miss na kita agad,” sabi ko.

Mukhang nagulat siya sa akin kasi hindi niya napigilan iyong smile niya. Kinilig na naman sa akin! But he was quick na tanggalin iyong smile tapos pa-cool na naman siya.

“Nandito pa ako sa harap mo.”

“I know, but miss na kita agad.”

“Ano’ng gagawin ko?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Di naman ako pwede matulog d’yan sa inyo,” he said. I remained silent. I plead the fifth. “I know you don’t like lying, so I won’t suggest you to pretend na may duty ka pero sasama ka talaga sa akin.”

“Akala ko hindi ka pa naka-move in?”

“Hindi pa maayos, pero kung okay lang sa ’yo matulog sa mattress na nasa sahig—”

“Okay lang,” I said, cutting him off. “Wait here, okay? I’ll just change clothes and bring some stuff,” I added before I hurriedly went back to the house.

Good thing tulog na iyong parents ko, so hindi ko kailangan magsinungaling like Chester said. May duty din naman ako bukas, so… Anyway, I quickly removed all my makeup and changed into cotton shorts and shirt. I also brought my duffel bag and nilagay ko roon iyong pajamas ko and iyong susuotin ko for tomorrow’s duty pati iyong toiletries ko.

“Ready ka na matulog,” Chester commented nung nakita niya na nagpalit na ako ng damit. Magpapalit pa ulit ako after nito kasi ayoko matulog ng nakasuot ng damit na ginamit ko sa labas.

“Bakit? May iba ba tayong gagawin?” I asked, teasing him, because we’d never actually gone further than making out. I mean, it’s fine—the makeout’s great… but like… when kaya?

“Netflix,” he said.

“And chill?”

But instead of answering, he unlocked the door. Natatawa na naiiling ako as I got in and wore my seatbelt. Napatingin ako sa rearview mirror. Nakatingin din pala siya doon. Our gazes met.

“What?” I asked because he wouldn’t say anything, but also wouldn’t break the gaze.

“Nothing,” he said as he placed his hands on the steering wheel. “I don’t know how I got so lucky,” he added as he began to drive and as he also took my breath away. 

**

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Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I was in the middle of counting the chocolates na ipapamigay ko ngayon sa hospital. Kakagaling ko lang sa mall para bumili. I finally used the other half nung pera na binigay sa akin ni Rhys. Chester wanted to come with me, but he was busy. Okay lang since sinamahan naman ako ng isa kong friend.

I almost jumped from where I was standing when I felt someone kissing my cheek. Mabuti na lang nakita ko na si Chester ’yon.

“Hi,” he said with a smile. I wanted to tell him not to do that again kasi ayoko nung ganun, but he looked so cute, so I’d let this slide for now. Sasabihin ko na lang the next time if gawin niya ulit.

“Hi,” I replied. “Di ka na busy?”

“For now,” he said.

“Alam mo na dito ako?”

He shrugged. “Got a feeling that you’ll need help.”

“Kaya mo ba ’tong buhatin?” I teased him.

“Nabuhat ko nga ’yung mga laruan nung Pasko,” he said like he was on a defense mode.

I chuckled. “I know. I’m sorry. You’re so strong,” I replied as I hugged his waist and sinandal ko iyong mukha ko sa dibdib niya. I looked up to him. “Happy heart’s day again, boyfriend,” I greeted. Ngayon lang kasi kami nagkita since yesterday kasi ang daming nangyayari.

I felt him kissing the top of my head and I smiled to myself. Yes, definitely. This was so worth the worth— he is worth the wait.

Tinulungan ako ni Chester na ipasok iyong box na may laman na chocolate. Sinamahan niya rin ako na magpamigay, but he had to leave agad. Tinapos ko iyong pamimigay ng chocolates tapos ay umuwi na ako kasi wala akong duty ngayon. Siningit ko lang iyong pamimigay ng chocolates since tradition ko na ’to.

“No date?” Mama asked nang makita niya ako.

“I think bukas pa,” I replied since may duty si Chester. I mean, it would’ve been nice to have a date today, but work’s work. Besides, binati niya ako ng saktong midnight! And binibigyan ako ni Papa and ni Rhys ng flowers yearly, so wala naman akong flower deficiency na nararamdaman.

I excused myself after kasi gusto ko na talaga magpahinga. I just took a quick shower and then planned to nap… but nagising ako ay around 10PM na.

‘San ka?’

‘Tulog ka pa? Tawagan mo ko kapag gising ka na.’

’Dumaan ako sa inyo. Tulog ka pa raw. Iniwan ko sa baba ’yung regalo ko sa ‘yo.’

My eyes widened. I quickly went downstairs. Tulog na lahat ng tao. Hinanap ko iyong sinasabi ni Chester and nakita ko roon na nakapatong iyong isang boquet ng flowers tapos may isang paper bag na may lamang chocolates. Hindi naman ako nageexpect ng flowers, but this was so nice! I was conflicted if tatawagan ko ba siya or I’ll take pictures of the flowers, but my desire na makausap siya iyong nanalo.

I kept on calling but he wasn’t answering. Baka naliligo or something. Mabilis akong bumalik sa room ko. Nagpalit ako ng damit and wore a denim shorts and loose white shirt tapos pagbaba ko, kinuha ko ulit iyong mga bigay ni Chester tapos dumiretso ako sa car. I drove to his apartment. I gave Manong money para sa parking tapos bantayan iyong car ko. Wala kasing extra parking sa mismong apartment ni Chester.

Naglakad ako papunta sa apartment niya. Normally, I didn’t like walking alone at night, but hindi ako kinakabahan sa paglalakad papunta sa apartment ni Chester kasi maganda iyong place na napili niya. Well-lighted iyong daan and may mga security sa area dahil may mga commercial establishments. I didn’t have the heart to ask him kung ano iyong alam niya sa nangyari sa akin before kaya dito iyong napili niya. It wasn’t a secret naman… but at the same time, I’d rather not discuss it. And I wanted to tell him about it, but like him with his dad, I was finding the right time.

Dumiretso ako sa unit niya. I knocked, pero walang sumasagot. Chester gave me a key since sometimes when I am too tired to drive, dito ako natutulog. Chester bought a nice mattress! Mas gusto ko matulog dito kaysa sa on call room.

Inilagay ko na iyong susi sa may pintuan. I struggled to open the door dahil dala ko iyong flowers and iyong chocolates, pero agad akong napahinto nung makita ko siya.

“I—”

Oh, wow.

Chester was there… covered with only a towel… and with beads of water dropping from his hair.

It’s February, but biglang ang init na!

“I—”

I tried to speak again, but it was as if nag-short-circuit iyong utak ko! Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya and nakatingin siya sa akin. May hawak pa siyang maliit na towel to dry his hair. Oh, my gosh. My boyfriend’s a hottie.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he greeted in his towel-clad form.

“T-thank you.”

Gosh. Why was I stammering?! This hottie’s my boyfriend?! We’ve make out a lot of times already! I mean, technically, nahawakan ko na ’yan and nakita ko na, but this felt different!

“Bakit hindi mo ako pinagising?” I asked as I struggled to keep my composure because he looked really good right now!

“Kahapon ka pa gising tapos namigay ka pang regalo,” he explained.

“I know but…” sabi ko tapos ipinatong ko iyong gifts niya sa akin sa table. I tried na lumapit, pero napatigil ako. I know myself—hindi ganoon kataas ang self-control ko lalo na pagdating sa kanya. Kaya nga lagi kaming nagmamakeout, e!

“But?”

“Nothing,” I said, and smiled instead. “Uh… bihis ka muna.”

Napatingin siya sa katawan niya. Ngayon niya lang ata narealize na halos nakahubad siya sa harapan ko. “Right… Sandali lang,” sabi niya tapos naglakad siya papunta sa room.

I fanned myself. “Hanggang saan aabot ang pasensya ko…” I told myself as I sat down sa couch and waited for his return.

Sobrang bilis niya lang magbihis. As usual, he was wearing a light gray cotton shorts and black shirt. Agad siyang naupo sa tabi ko. I immediately felt happy nang maamoy ko iyong after shave niya. In all fairness dito kay Chester, kung gaano kakonti iyong gamit niya sa bahay, ganoon kadami iyong toiletries niya (I mean, hindi naman ganoon karami, but it was evident that he takes care of himself).

“I wanna go on a date, but feel ko wala ng bukas na resto at this time,” sabi ko kasi anong oras na din. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Did you make a reservation ba? Sorry talaga na nakatulog ako.”

“It’s fine. Wala namang downpayment ’yon,” sabi niya kaya medyo natawa ako. “Order na lang tayong pagkain?”

I nodded. We browsed the different selection and settled na umorder ng isang box ng pizza and chicken wings. After that, kinuha ko iyong laptop niya to watch Netflix. Wala kasi siyang TV and understandable naman kasi wala naman siya lagi sa dating place niya. Gusto ko ngang dalhin iyong TV ko rito kaya lang ’wag na muna.

“Anong gusto mong panoorin?” I asked him.

“Kahit ano.”

“Ikaw mamili,” sabi ko tapos binigay ko sa kanya iyong laptop.

Most of the time, ganito lang pinaguusapan namin. We sometimes talk about serious stuff, but we mostly talk about random things. Pero kahit ganon, I always enjoy every conversation with him. Even silence with him? I’d take it. Basically, as long as he’s within the proximity, sure ako na mag-e-enjoy ako.

“Nursing grad ka, right?” I asked because he was taking forever sa pamimili ng papanoorin namin. Tumango siya. “Registered?” Tumango ulit siya. “May picture ka ba na naka-nursing uniform ka?” I asked, suddenly feeling excited. I tried na tumingin sa Facebook account niya pero wala man lang posts ’dun! Puro tagged ng mga ibang friends niya. Walang tagged from family. I mean, ano pa ba ang aasahan ko sa mga kapatid niya?

“Bakit?”

“Gusto ko makita,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Bilis. Papakita ko rin sa ’yo picture ko na naka-uniform ng pharma.”

“Hindi ako nagpipicture,” he said. “ID picture, gusto mo?”

I frowned. “What? Totoo ba? Wala kang like selfie?”

Umiling siya. “Mukha ba akong tao na nagseselfie?”

“Bakit? Nagseselfie naman tayo.”

“Keyword— tayo, “ he said.

“Ugh. So wala ngang college pics for me?”

“Wala.”

“Sad naman.”

“Gusto mo ba talaga?” he asked.

“Yes. Gusto very much.”

“Nandito pa ata ’yung uniform ko. Gusto mo bang isuot ko?” he asked.

My eyes widened in excitement. “Yes. Yes, please. Ito na lang ang birthday gift mo sa akin,” I said with my hands clasped together. Gosh, nakaka-excite naman! Buti na lang nagising ako sa nap ko kung hindi baka hindi nangyari ’to.

Chester went inside the room and dahil clingy girlfriend ako, sumunod ako sa kanya. I sat on his bed while he was looking for his uniform. His room was okay—not as clean and as organized as my room, but it’s fine naman. Although I heard na makalat daw talaga si Chester. I guess naglilinis siya for me. I mean, if that’s not love, I don’t know what is!

“Lukut-lukot,” he said nang ipakita niya sa akin iyong uniform niya. “Labhan ko muna—”

“No, okay na ’yan,” I said. “San ’yung iron mo? I’ll try to straighten it.”

Binigay sa akin ni Chester iyong iron. I tried to iron his uniform habang lumabas naman siya para kunin iyong order kasi dumating na. I was humming while ironing the crease out of his uniform. Napatingin ako sa likod ko when I felt like someone was watching. True enough, nandoon sa may pinto si Chester and he was watching me.

“What?” I asked.

“Pinakamasaya ka kapag naglilinis talaga, noh?”

“Wrong,” I said. “Pinakamasaya ako kapag nagkikiss tayo.”

I laughed when I saw his whole face reddening. I’d never get tired of making him blush! I continued to iron his uniform. After a while, I was finally satisfied. I sat on the couch sa sala as I waited for him kasi sa bedroom siya nagbihis.

“Tapos na—”

Oh, my gosh. I thought formal-wearing Chester is already my favorite, but Chester in a nursing uniform is definitely a contender! Ano kaya itsura niya nung nasa college talaga siya? I was sure na maraming nagkaka-crush sa kanya nun. Kasama ako kaya doon? For sure! I mean, look at him! That boy’s mine!

I bit my lower lip as I smiled. I saw that he was uncomfortable because I was definitely happy sa itsura niya. I stood up and walked towards him.

“I wished I met you when we were in college,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Do you think magugustuhan mo ako nun?”

“Yes.”

“Ang bilis sumagot, ah.”

He shrugged. “You were cute even then.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What?” I asked, but he just shrugged again. “Did we meet back then?” I asked again kasi hindi ko talaga tanda. I mean, I knew him med school days but like not close since not same circle of friends.

“No, not really,” he replied.

“But… kilala mo ako?”

“Yes,” he said. “Pero hindi mo ako stalker.”

“Grabe, wala naman akong sinabi,” I said, frowning. “Bakit hindi mo ako kinausap before? We could’ve dated sooner!”

“I asked. May boyfriend ka raw.”

My lips parted. “Oh,” I said.

I had a few boyfriends in college. I mean, going in college, si Iñigo iyong boyfriend ko but that was a crazy time because he kept on breaking up with me until I got tired and really called it quits. Then I went on dates. And got some boyfriends but… those relationships never felt quite like this…

Like, after all the stopovers, I reached at my destination.

That I was finally home.

“Maybe that was a good thing, though,” I said with a smile.

“Why?”

“College was a dark time,” I simply said. “Ikaw? How was college for you?”

He shrugged. “Aral lang.”

“Really? As in you weren’t lying talaga nung sinabi mo na ako lang girlfriend mo?”

Tumango siya. “May scholarship akong kailangan i-maintain.”

“Grabe… How did I get so lucky?” I asked, copying his words. “Ang gwapo na ng boyfriend ko, ang talino pa.”

I saw him avert his gaze kasi nahiya siya. “Lalamig ’yung pagkain,” he said because he was shy na.

“Okay, but wait lang, I’ll take photos muna.”

Chester being already trained, he let me have my way. I took photos of him. I couldn’t help but gush at how cute he looked! I should ask Cha kung may pictures siya ni Chester. We took selfies din. I made him take a selfie. I’d probably print that one and keep it for myself.

We were sitting on the carpet tapos nasa may coffee table iyong laptop niya and iyong box ng pizza and iyong chicken. We were watching some random movie. My head was leaning against his shoulder and my arms were anchored with his. It was such a great night.

“Chester,” I whispered.

“Hmm?” he replied while his eyes were still on the laptop screen.

“I love you,” I said. He looked at me. I smiled. “Thank you for loving me and making me happy. I hope I am making you happy, too.”

Instead of answering, he leaned in a kissed me. “Just keep being you,” I heard him say, but then he kissed me again and this time, no one was planning on stopping. 

**

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Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I had been awake for a few minutes now.

Oh, my gosh.

We finally did it.

After all the teasers and the previews, nag-grand premiere na rin finally iyong movie! Nag-encore pa kami ng ilang beses!

I’d pinch myself to confirm that it wasn’t just a dream, but I didn’t see any need to when Chester was hugging me from behind! And I could feel his skin touching mine.

Gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

“Good morning,” I heard him say.

Hindi agad ako nakasagot. I didn’t know how to greet him after everything we did last night! It was like… we were different people. Was that the effect of Valentine’s?! I wasn’t sure!

“Ano’ng oras duty mo?” he asked.

“Gabi pa,” I replied.

“Good,” he said as I felt him pulling me closer to him. I felt him snuggling against my neck. “Sabay na tayo pumasok. Inaantok pa ako.”

I would like to admire his talent na nakatulog ulit siya after niyang sabihin iyon while I stayed awake and tried to replay everything that happened.

My gosh.

Was his floor clean? Because we did it there! For some reason, kahit a few feet away lang naman iyong mattress niya, hindi ko alam bakit hindi kami umabot doon. Hindi na ako magugulat kung sasakit ang likod ko mamaya sa duty.

Chester was breathing evenly and I felt his hot air on the back of my neck. His arms were wrapped around my body. He was so… calm. Why was I overthinking? It’s Chester! I love him. And it’s not like tatakbuhan niya ako. He’s better than that. I should sleep, too, and we could talk like adults mamaya kapag nagising na siya.

Right.

I should do that.

But my overthinking brain wouldn’t let me rest. My eyes were just wide open as I was waiting for my boyfriend to wake up from his sleep. And then I got bored. Nakatalikod ako sa kanya kanina and he was hugging me from behind. Humarap ako sa kanya. There was a small distance between us because we’re still naked and I’d like to talk first before magka-encore na naman.

“I’m sorry nagising kita,” I said kasi bumukas iyong mga mata niya nung gumalaw ako.

“Gutom ka na ba?” he asked.

I nodded. “May food ba dito?”

“Yung pizza,” he replied.

My eyes widened. Hindi nga pala namin nakain iyong order namin na pizza and chicken!

“May microwave ba?” I asked as I tried to sit down. I pulled the sheets with me. I love Chester and everything, but hindi pa naman ako dumadating sa point na I was comfortable to be naked around him! But since nakaupo ako, I felt him staring at my back. Tumingin ako sa kanya and frowned.

“What?” he asked, pursing his lips to stop himself from smiling.

“Stop staring at my back.”

He closed his eyes. “Okay na?”

I frowned. “If walang microwave, we can just fry it, right? May pans ka ba?”

“Wala din.”

“Fine… I guess we’ll eat cold pizza and chicken,” sabi ko as I tried to stand up. But when I did, Chester opened his eyes. “Chester!”

“What?”

“Magbibihis ako.”

“Okay?”

“Kukunin ko ’yung kumot.”

“E ’di wala na akong takip.”

“Use the pillow,” I said.

“Fine,” he replied as he grabbed the pillow and pinantakip niya sa thing niya. I made a mental note na ’wag akong hihiga ulit doon until the sheets have been cleaned. Oh, my gosh! Those sheets need to be cleaned! Buti na lang color white ’yun. I couldn’t imagine how it would look like kung iba iyong color.

Man…

You’d think that us being both doctors, we’d know better…

“Wag mo akong tignan,” I said as I was standing up.

“Nakapikit na ako,” he said as he closed his eyes. I looked around and saw my clothes lying on the floor. That’s dirty na. Dumiretso na lang ako sa drawer and kumuha ng damit doon. Dumiretso ako sa CR. I took a quick shower na rin. Paglabas ko, nakita ko na nakasuot na si Chester ng boxers and black shirt. His back was facing mine but it seemed like he was trying to make coffee.

“Chester,” I called.

Lumingon siya. “Wala din pala akong coffee,” he said when he looked. “Order o labas tayo?” he asked. “On the other hand… order na lang,” he added when he saw what I was wearing. I was wearing one of his shirts and since it was loose on me, iyon lang iyong suot ko and my underwear, of course.

Ibinaba niya iyong mug na hawak niya and he walked towards me.

“Good morning,” he said when he got to me. His hands were on the sides of my waist. He leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips.

“Good morning,” I replied although it was already 10AM. “Are you hungry na?”

He shrugged. “Bakit?”

“It’s not practical if we’ll always have takeouts and deliveries,” I said. “Mamaya pa duty mo, right? Let’s go to the mall na lang and bili ng microwave and pans,” I continued. “And I’ll pay half since nandito naman ako always, so gagamit din ako.”

I love how Chester took me into consideration when he leased this apartment, but this was definitely more expensive than his old place. And being a resident didn’t pay well. Ayoko lang siya tanungin kung saan niya nakuha iyong pambayad dito because that might offend him. I realized that talking about money is offensive to most people. I just don’t usually talk about it unless it was brought up by someone else first.

“No, may pera naman ako,” he replied.

“But I’m always here.”

“Because I want you to be here,” he said.

“Okay…” I said, not wanting to push this topic further.

I wore my denim shorts again and wore one of Chester’s shirt na tinali ko na lang sa waist part since maluwag sa akin. His place was strategically located, so it was just walking distance from a mall.

“Are you worried?” he suddenly asked while we were walking.

“Huh? About what?” tanong ko.

“My finance,” sabi niya.

I drew a deep breath. “I know it’s not my business—”

“I plan to have a future with you, so it’s your business,” sabi niya bigla. My lips parted. I saw him averting his gaze like he was embarrassed. “I know it’s still early—”

I immediately shook my head. “No, definitely not!” mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya. “I also think about our future!”

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Really?”

I nodded. “Really,” I said. “I just don’t talk about it because I was scared that I might scare you off…” I admitted.

I want to fall in love and be in a committed relationship and to get married and to enjoy the married life and then to get pregnant and to live in a house with a white picket fence—the whole package.

And whenever I’d think of that? I think of him.

“You can’t scare me off when you’re exactly who I want,” he said.

“Kasi crush mo na ako nung college pa?” I asked, teasing because if not, I’d just blush to no end!

He rolled his eyes.

I laughed.

“Sorry na,” I said as I anchored my arm with his and sinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa arm niya while we were walking. “But since you said it’s my business… I’m just a little bit worried kasi mahal iyong rent sa apartment… And we both know that we don’t earn as much as we’d like.”

“Nung mamatay si Mama,” he began. I stiffen a little. It was the first time he talked about his mom without me asking about her. But I forced myself to act normal. I wanted him to be able to talk about his mom. I knew that this was an issue that was bugging him. It would help him immensely if he’d have an outlet for his thoughts. “May naiwan na pera para sa amin. I was still a minor when she died, so it was put in a trust. I never thought about that because I could still get by with my allowance and stipend.”

My lips parted. “Ginamit mo ’yung inheritance mo for the apartment?” I asked with my eyes wide open. Gosh… I didn’t know what to feel! Bigla akong na-guilty na ginamit niya iyong iniwan sa kanya ng Mama niya para sa akin.

He nodded. “I always told myself that I’d only use that for something important.”

“Chester…” I said as my eyes started to water. I didn’t even know why I was on the verge of crying! “You know naman that I wouldn’t mind kahit sa car mo lang tayo magdate lagi, right?”

He nodded. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But it’s your inheritance!”

“Hindi naman naubos,” sabi niya na bahagyang nakakunot ang noo. “Marami pang natira. Gusto mong makita ’yung passbook?” he asked.

I immediately shook my head. “No,” sabi ko.

He shrugged. “Okay.”

“I still feel bad.”

“Why?”

“Basta,” I said. “Can I pay half sa rent?”

“Di ka naman dun nakatira?”

“Is this you asking me to move in?”

He shrugged. “Kung gusto mo.”

I rolled my eyes. “I wanna believe you when you said na first girlfriend mo ako but then you say things like this and you’re so smooth!” sabi ko because we were just talking about his mom tapos biglang magmomove-in na ako?!

“First and only girlfriend lang naman talaga,” he said.

I sucked in the insides of my cheeks. “Yeah, right…” I replied. “Hard to believe after everything you did last night.”

He looked at me with his forehead creased. “What?”

I averted my gaze because I was shy again. “Nothing.”

“Ano sa kagabi?” he asked again, not letting me drop this topic.

“Nothing nga.”

“Ano nga?”

I groaned. “It’s just that you know where to touch and how to touch,” I said, almost whispering because we’re still in public!

“I’m a doctor. I’m familiar with the human body.”

Gosh darn it.

Why was he so hot when he says things like that?! Kahit doctor din naman ako!

“If you say so…” sabi ko na lang because I couldn’t continue conversing about this topic in public dahil talo talaga ako in all aspects. Mabuti na lang and nakarating na kami sa mall. Chester said na magbreakfast muna kami, so that’s what we did. After that, dumiretso na kami to buy microwave.

“I’ll pay half, ha?” sabi ko while we were looking at different brands of microwave.

“Dun ka na rin ba?”

“Do you want ba?”

He nodded like a kid who was asked if he wanted a candy. I wrinkled my nose because… he really loves me that much? He wanted me around that much? Because I do, too.

“I’ll think about it,” I said. “I’d have to tell my parents pa.”

“Okay,” he replied.

“But I’ll still pay half sa microwave. And pans! We’ll buy pans and pots!”

Mabuti na lang wala kaming duty ni Chester, so nagikot pa kami sa mall. Ang dami namin nabili kaya kahit walking distance lang iyong mall, Chester had to go back to get the car while I waited for him. Isinakay namin sa car iyong mga binili namin.

“Oh, my gosh, so pretty!” I said as I was arranging the things we bought. May matching plates kami na binili. I showed it to Chester. “Pretty, right?” He nodded. “Next sweldo, let’s go to the mall ulit. I want matching mugs and utensils.”

I busied myself with fixing the kitchen. I should ask Rhys kung paano siya nagsabi sa parents namin na aalis na siya sa bahay. I knew that this time, it would be harder kasi ako na iyong last na anak. I needed to be prepared about this.

“What?” I asked kasi I saw him looking at me nung mapatingin ako sa kanya.

“I love you,” he said… but this time, it felt different. Like… he really loved me so much so that it needed to be said because otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to contain his love for me.

I put down the pan that I was holding and walked towards him. I sat on the couch and looked at him. I placed both my hands on his shoulders.

“I love you,” I replied as I smiled at him and caressed his cheek. I leaned in and kissed him. I pulled back to breathe, but he quickly pulled me back and thankfully, this time, we managed to reach his bed. 

**

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Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Our relationship was smooth-sailing. I didn’t know if it was because we’re both adults or if it’s because we’re already both certain that this was what we wanted, hence, we’re doing everything to make it work. We’re both busy with our careers, but never kaming nagreklamo dahil doon. I mean, sure, sometimes, mayroong mga cancelled na lakad, but instead of complaining about it, I actually take it as an opportunity to arrange the apartment or to catch up on sleep. Seriously, complaining about things exhausts me—lalo na if alam ko naman na hindi controlled ni Chester iyong nangyayari. Hindi naman pwede na bigla siyang umalis in the middle of his duty.

When I heard a knock on the door, I quickly went there. Mama already told me na pupunta siya rito, so there’s no surprises there. Pagbukas ko ng pinto, she was holding a bouquet of fresh flowers.

“Thank you!” I said because I love fresh flowers. If hindi lang ako nagtitipid, I’d always buy fresh flowers because it just adds something to the atmosphere of the house.

“Si Chester?” Mama asked.

“Duty,” I simply replied because alam na ni Mama iyon.

It had been more than a month since I moved in here. When I was trying to tell my parents about my plan na mag-move in sa apartment ni Chester, ang tagal kong nag-practice! Tapos when I finally told them about my plan, they were very chill about it.

“So… that’s it?” I asked because they were weirdly casual about the fact that their favorite child was leaving the nest!

Mama and Papa both shrugged. “This is hardly surprising,” Mama said. Papa nodded in agreement.

“Should I be offended?” I asked.

“Not at all,” Mama said. “We just know you,” she added. “Besides, you’re of age. And we like Chester.”

Then the conversation shifted to Mama asking me if I wanted help to decorate my new place.

“I’ll see you this Friday,” Mama said.

“Of course!” I replied because there’s no way I’d miss her birthday celebration. Naka-plan na ’yan palagi. If may duty ako, I’d find a way para makipagpalit. So far, okay naman palagi.

“Fred’s invited,” Mama said. “Do you think Chester will be okay?”

Hindi agad ako nakasagot. To be completely honest, hindi ako sigurado if okay lang kay Chester. I mean, hindi naman sa gagawa siya ng scene sa birthday ni Mama… But there’s a chance na tahimik lang siya kagaya nung nangyari nung mabanggit lang nang once iyong Papa niya.

It was a sore spot for him.

I wished we could discuss that… but ayoko rin kasi talaga na ipilit.

“I’ll ask him,” I replied.

Mama nodded. “If he doesn’t want to attend, tell him it’s fine. We’ll just have another celebration na tayo lang na family.”

I love that she sees Chester as family na rin. Alam ko hindi pa kami ganoon katagal ni Chester, but more than my boyfriend, I see him as my partner. Like what he said, I also plan to have a future with him. And I love that my family’s considerate of what he’d feel if makita niya si Tito sa birthday ni Mama.

Mama didn’t like cleaning kagaya ko. She basically just sat on the couch and read a magazine that she brought with her habang naglilinis naman ako. After a while, she probably got bored kaya nagpaalam na siya na aalis na siya—I was pretty sure na si Rhys naman ang guguluhin niya.

I was in the middle of preparing for my duty when the door opened. I saw Chester holding a cup of coffee.

“Is that mine?” I asked because the coffee looked like hindi pa naiinuman. Chester nodded. “Aww, thank you!” I said as I walked towards him. I got the coffee and kissed his cheek.

“Next week same duty na ulit tayo,” he said.

“Miss mo na ako?” I asked kasi halos two weeks na ata na hindi in-synch iyong duty namin.

He nodded. “Walang maingay sa St. Matthew’s.”

I frowned. “Mean.”

He just laughed tapos ay napatingin siya sa flowers na nakalagay na sa vase ngayon. “Binili mo?” he asked.

“Nope, dumaan si Mama,” I replied. “Besides, you know that I won’t voluntarily buy flowers for myself. They’re expensive,” I added as I frowned. Soon, in the future perhaps, gusto ko ng garden and ako na lang magtatanim ng flowers.

Tumango lang si Chester. He went inside our room. Nakasunod ako sa kanya. I was half-enjoying watching him strip his clothes off his body and half-preparing to tell him about Mama’s birthday.

“You’re acting weird,” sabi niya habang nakatanggal na iyong pangtaas niya.

“What? Can’t I admire my boyfriend’s body?”

He looked down to look at the body that I was talking about. I mean, wala siyang abs, but I love his body! His body’s lean—besides, iyong eyes niya naman ang favorite part ko ng katawan niya. He looked at me like he was even more suspicious sa sinabi ko.

“Fine,” I said. “Mama invited us sa birthday niya.”

He nodded. “Kailan?”

“This Friday na.”

“May duty ata ako nun, pero gawan ko ng paraan,” he replied tapos kumuha na siya ng boxers and shirt sa drawer. He was about to remove his pants, but he looked at me suspiciously again bago siya naglakad papunta sa CR para doon magpalit.

Paglabas niya, nagulat siya na nakatayo ako roon.

“May gusto ka bang sabihin pa?” he asked while looking at me.

I drew a deep breath. “Well… you know how my parents and your dad is in the same social circle…” I said and the expression on Chester’s face told me that he already understood what I’d been dancing around.

“Okay,” he said. “What about that?”

Instead of answering, I just shrugged.

“Ayaw ba ni Tita na pumunta ako?”

My eyes widened. “What? No!” mabilis kong sagot kasi baka isipin niya na pumunta si Mama dito specifically to tell him na hindi siya pwede pumunta sa birthday.

“Okay?”

“It’s just… I don’t want you to feel like you need to come,” I said. I didn’t know if I was choosing the right words, but I sincerely did hope that I was. “If you’ll be uncomfortable, we can just skip it.”

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Hindi ka pupunta sa birthday ng Mama mo?”

“I mean…” I said, unable to continue because I really would like to come and celebrate my mom’s birthday. We’re very close and alam ko naman na tumatanda na sila. Tapos hindi na ako doon sa bahay nakatira. I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could.

“Kapag nakahanap ako ng kapalit sa duty, punta ako,” he said.

I nodded. “Okay,” I replied with a smile because that was good enough for me.

“Kapag hindi, punta ka pa rin sa birthday,” he told me. I remained silent. “Obviously, we grew up in very different households. You’re close to your parents. Don’t skip on your mom’s birthday on my account,” he added.

I sighed. “I know… but I just want you to feel that you’re not alone.”

He shrugged. “I know I’m not alone now—I have you.”

I smiled. “Damn right, you have me.”

I saw him fighting a smile, but I knew that if I had my way, I’d be seeing a huge grin on his face. “But seriously, you don’t always have to feel the need to accompany me—sanay akong mag-isa.”

I didn’t even try to fight the frown that was forming on my face. Mabilis akong lumakad papunta sa kanya at niyakap siya. I hugged him as tightly as I could and buried my face against his chest.

“You’ll never be alone again, I promise,” I said.

“Paano kung gusto ko mapag-isa?” he asked in a teasing tone.

“Doon ako sa kwarto tapos dito ka sa living room,” I replied as I hugged him even tighter.

I felt his arms around me. “I’ll really try to go.”

“Only if you can,” I replied. “Don’t feel like you need to go.”

I felt him kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry you’re caught in between.”

“I’m not caught in the middle,” I said. “I’m always on your corner,” I added as I looked at his beautiful face. I reached for his cheek and gently caressed it. “I won’t force you to talk to me, but if you… I don’t know… feel like talking about it… I’m all ears, I promise.”

He was staring at me like he was staring at the depths of my soul.

“I don’t hate my dad,” he said. “I’m… indifferent.”

I didn’t say a word.

I just hugged him again and let him vent whatever it was that he wanted to let out. How heavy it must be to carry all that for so long…

“But I also don’t like to talk about him.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“But I guess I should,” he replied.

I just hugged Chester tighter.

“I took up nursing because when Mama got sick, ako iyong laging nagbabantay sa kanya,” he began. “Siguro sa mga kapatid ko, ako iyong pinakahuli na magiging okay kay Papa,” he continued. “I can’t talk about my siblings dahil may problema din naman ’yung mga ’yon… But I really couldn’t just, for the life of me, understand what was going on inside his head when he chose to go to work while his wife was slowly dying.”

There was a long stretch of silence after that.

“I didn’t want to be there,” he said. “I didn’t want to listen to her talking about what I should do after she died,” he added and I felt him laughing a little. “Lyle should’ve been there but he didn’t want to be there. Charlie’s too scared. Si Cha at Chase bata pa.”

I felt him hugging me again.

“Even when I’m talking about him, I still can’t feel anything,” he said. “I just think about how tired I was back then. And how he should’ve been there instead of me.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I told him. Ako ngayon na matanda na, sobrang naaapektuhan pa rin ako kapag may namamatay sa pasyente ko. By now, I still cry a little whenever someone would die. Sometimes, I’d go out of the hospital and just walk it off kasi I still needed to be strong for my other patients. I could be sad, but I needed to be stronger because I still needed to fight for those who are still fighting the good fight.

But to go through that at a young age? How jarring that must be.

He gave me a small smile.

“Pero hindi ako galit sa mga kapatid ko,” he said. “It’s just that it would’ve been nice kung may kasama ako nun.”

I hugged him again. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. I really wanted to console him, but I didn’t know how to. It was hard. I never felt alone because I always had someone—my parents, si Rhys, and even si Iñigo…

Alam ko we met at the perfect time.

But at this moment, I really wish we met sooner so he didn’t have to go through that alone. I could’ve been there with him.

My phone alarmed—reminding me that I needed to prepare for my duty. We broke the hug. I looked at Chester.

“What?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Just one question—you wanted to become a nurse because of that?”

He nodded. “The nurses became my family when my own family couldn’t show up,” he said, shrugging casually, but for some reason, that just broke my heart.

I bridged the distance between us and hugged him again.

“I’m your family now,” I told him. “You’ll never be alone. I promise.”

**

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Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Chester really did try to attend, but he couldn’t find anyone to switch duties with him. He even went out of his way to buy Mama a gift! And specifically told me to greet her on his behalf. I would skip this party, too, since sinabi naman ni Mama na we’d have a separate celebration, but I didn’t want Chester to think na he’s causing a rift between me and my family.

Instead, I was here in the party… but this felt different than before.

Iba na nga siguro talaga. Because now, I have my own person na. I have someone who I’d rather be with given the chance. I just really like having him around all the time, if possible.

In the middle of the celebration, nabigla ako nung makita ko na nakatingin sa akin si Tito Fred. I was hesitant at first pa, because maybe he’s looking at something else… But then he made his way to me.

“Hi, Tito,” I greeted as I stood up.

He gave me a small nod. “Can I?” he asked, pertaining to the empty space on the bench I was sitting on. I gave him a small nod din. He sat down. I sat down din because ang rude naman if aalis ako ngayon na pumunta siya rito.

Silence filled the air. Hindi ako nagsalita because I really didn’t know where to begin… and I didn’t even know what to say. Ayoko na magsalita on behalf of Chester because that’s his issue. That’s his problem to solve. Nandito lang naman ako para makinig sa kanya. The only time I’d step in is if he asks me to. I wanted to respect his privacy kasi nagsasabi naman siya sa akin kapag gusto niya.

“How’s Chester?” he asked.

Agad akong napatingin sa kanya. “He’s fine po,” I politely replied.

He gave me a small nod again. I didn’t know why, but I felt like he had a million questions he wanted to ask… pero hindi niya matanong because he’s probably aware sa nararamdaman ni Chester—or the lack of it.

I didn’t know if I was waiting for him ba na magipon ng courage to ask me more about his son, but I was surprised, to say the least, when he stood up after a few seconds.

“Tito,” I called bago pa man siya makaalis. He looked at me, but he didn’t say a word. He’s really a man of few words. “Chester’s doing really good,” I added. I didn’t want to divulge more information about Chester, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling off na of course he’s still his dad… Of course he worries… Maybe… Kasi ganon iyong parents ko sa amin ni Rhys… So, I just wanted to reassure Tito Fred na okay naman si Chester.

I hope I could do this, at the very least.

“I know,” he simply said.

“You know?”

“He’s my son,” he said. “I always try to know what he’s up to.”

“Oh,” I replied, my lips parted. “That’s… nice. But wouldn’t it be better po if you… ask him yourself?” I asked because him always knowing what Chester’s up to sounded like intrusion of privacy… lalo na at alam niya naman na may problem sa pagitan nilang dalawa.

At this point, I was ready for him to be offended since I knew that this wasn’t my place to speak naman… but instead, he just gave me a small smile. I didn’t know… but that smile felt like he was already contented with the situation between them.

Ayaw ni Chester magcommunicate.

Okay na si Tito Fred na ganito.

I guess… there’s nothing left to do na kung pareho naman na silang ganito.

---

I left the party at around 9PM. I headed to St. Matthew’s instead of going back to the apartment. I was just so tired and I wanted to see Chester.

Pagdating ko roon, dumiretso ako sa wing nila Chester. I didn’t even need to look for him because it was like my eyes were already trained to look for him. Nakita ko siya na may kausap na nurse. He looked so serious. I wanted to approach him, but the conversation seemed to be work-related, so I looked for somewhere to sit muna.

I was sitting quietly nang maka-receive ako ng text from Chester. It was an iMessage of a picture ng sapatos niya. He wanted to buy a new one but he didn’t have time. I couldn’t believe that I was the one who introduced online shopping to him! He was so amazed when the shoes were delivered the same day! So adorbs!

I replied with a selfie.

‘Ngayon yan?’

‘Yup.’

He read the reply, but I didn’t see a typing bubble na… but soon enough, nakita ko na rin siya na naglalakad papunta sa akin. I stood up as I saw him.

“Grabe. Kabisado mo kahit dingding ng St. Matthew’s?” I asked as I walked to meet him. Kasi plain background lang naman iyong nasa likod ko and maybe iyong upper portion nung inuupuan ko.

He shrugged. “Tapos na ’yung dinner?” he asked instead.

“I think nandun pa iyong ibang friends ni Mama, but I was tired na.”

“Pero dito ka dumiretso?” he asked.

I nodded. “Ayaw mo ba?” I asked but he just rolled his eyes. Ang arte.

“May duty pa ako,” he replied.

“I know. Patapos naman na, I’ll just wait here,” I said. I yawned kasi kahapon pa ako gising. Straight duty ako yesterday to make up for the fact na wala ako ngayon for Mama’s birthday. Inaantok na ako, but I wanted to go here talaga instead na dumiretso sa apartment.

“Tara,” he said as he reached for my hand and began walking.

When we first started dating, people were so unashamed kapag tinitignan kaming magkasama. I guess nasanay na rin sila because whenever I’d go to Chester’s department, he’d always reach for my hand. Siguro nagulat sila na ganoon pala si Chester. Hindi kasi talaga halata if titignan mo lang siya. But with me? He’s kinda touchy. Same kami.

“Tulog ka muna,” he said as he opened the door to the on call room.

“But hindi ako on-call,” I replied, frowning, because I really don’t use the on-call room if hindi ako on-call. Baka kasi merong may kailangan tapos wala silang space kasi nakikitulog ako.

“Okay lang ’yan,” he said.

“Bad influence,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Instead of answering, may kinuha si Chester sa isa sa mga bag nandoon sa loob ng room. He got something tapos ay iniabot niya sa akin.

“Dahil maarte ka,” he said as he showed me what looked like new sheets.

My lips parted. “How dare you,” I replied.

He shrugged. “What? Maarte ka naman talaga. I don’t mind. I like you exactly as you are,” he casually said that made my cheeks feel flushed.

“One hour na lang naman duty mo.”

“One hour kang matulog,” he said as he was removing the sheets dun sa may bed and replacing it for me. Gosh… I really did get lucky. “Gusto kong kumain ng ramen mamaya. Kung busog ka pa, panoorin mo na lang akong kumain.”

My lips parted at the audacity of this guy. “Wow.”

“Galing ka sa handaan. Tinapay pa lang kinakain ko,” parang bata na sabi niya.

“What if gutom din ako?”

“E ’di kumain ka rin.”

“Bakit hindi na lang ’yun ang sabihin mo instead of sabihin mo na panoorin kita?”

He shrugged as he was changing the pillow cases din. When he was done, he tapped the bed. “Ready na para tulugan mo.”

I wrinkled my nose as I sat on the bed. We were face to face now. “Thank you,” I said.

“Kiss bayad,” he replied, staring into my eyes as he said so. Grabe! What happened to the Chester before who blushes every time he’d say things like this? I created a monster!

I cupped his face and planted a kiss.

“Okay na?”

“Tatlo,” he said. “Isa para sa bed sheet tapos dalawa sa unan.”

I pursed my lips at his explanation. “Oh. Okay, then,” I replied as I leaned in again and kissed him two times para doon sa kulang ko na dalawa. “Okay na?”

He was looking at me like he was thinking. Then he sighed. “Mamaya na nga lang,” he said as he stood up.

My forehead creased. “Weird,” I said.

“Gusto kong i-lock ’yung pinto kaso baka may pumasok. Kung ano pa isipin nun. Maraming chismoso dito,” he explained.

Natawa ako because he’s so right! If i-lock niya iyong pinto and may magtry magbukas tapos malaman na nandito kaming dalawa, oh, the news that would circulate around this hospital!

“I’ll take a nap tapos gisingin mo ako mamaya,” I said.

He nodded. Akala ko aalis na siya, but lumapit ulit siya. I was still sitting on the bed. My boyfriend’s tall, so he crouched in front of me as he kissed me again… only this time, it wasn’t a peck anymore. I opened my mouth to kiss him properly. Gosh. I’d never really get tired of kissing him. It’s turning into one of my favorite ways to kill time.

It seemed like nahihirapan siya sa pwesto niya, so he sat down again, but our lips didn’t part. His hands were cupping my face and he was kissing me like he was trying to rid my body of air. Grabe this guy… He was wrong when he said that he was familiar with the human body because at this moment, it felt like he mastered the human body already!

We were both getting lost in our kisses when I felt his phone vibrate because I was already sitting on his lap.

“Duty calls,” I said as our lips parted.

He rested his head on my shoulder. “Okay,” he said. “Ten seconds.”

I chuckled because I knew what he meant by that. He needed a few moments to ‘calm down.’ Umalis na ako sa lap niya because I knew that me being there wouldn’t help him with his situation. I stood up na lang and tried to brush my hair na ginulo niya while we were making out.

“Chester,” I called.

“Hmm?”

“Your dad asked about you.”

Napatingin siya sa akin. “Ano’ng sabi mo?”

“That you’re doing fine,” I said. “Iyon lang ang sinabi ko, promise.”

He gave me a small nod. “Okay.”

I didn’t say anything and just looked at him. I knew that he said that he’s fine with being alone and that he knew that he has me… And I hated that I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling inside of me wanting to fix the situation.

I knew I shouldn’t.

I really shouldn’t.

“Chester,” I called again.

He looked at me.

I knew what I wanted to say… but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words out loud. This guy trusted me enough to tell me things he probably has never told anyone else before. I didn’t want to betray that trust by using what he told me to force him to do things he clearly didn’t want to.

Instead, I smiled at him.

“Nothing,” I said. “Wake me up when your duty’s over,” I added. He told me that he loves me as I am… I guess I should love him for what he is and what he’s not… his family situation included. I should really just make my peace with that.  

**

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Chapter 17

Chapter 17

“Hi,” I said when I opened the door and saw Chester sitting on the couch. He was holding a can of beer.

“Sorry,” he said as he stood up and walked towards the trash can.

“It’s fine,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“No. I’m sorry,” sabi niya.

We never talked about what happened to me before and he never really asked so hindi ko alam kung ano ang alam niya. Ayoko rin namang pagusapan as much as possible. Kagaya lang din nung sa dad niya. Same kami na may mga bagay na sinasarili lang namin. And since that night nung med mission, hindi ko na ulit nakita si Chester na umiinom. Whenever na may lakad din o kung anuman with work friends, sumasama naman siya minsan pero never siyang umuwi na amoy alcohol. I knew that that had something to do with me. And I was grateful for that.

“Si Iñigo?” he asked.

“He’s… I don’t know,” I replied.

I’d known Iñigo for almost all my life. I’d seen him happy, mad, sad, but nitong mga nakaraang araw? I was seeing a different side of him. And I couldn’t even get mad at him because I totally understood why he was doing that.

It’s family.

And I knew he’d do anything for family because family’s something that Iñigo had wanted for so long.

“Si Cha ba?” I asked. I wanted to go see her, but the situation was complicated at ayaw ko na makigulo pa. Nandun si Tito. I had seen him a lot of times, pero iyong kahapon lang iyong first time na makita ko siya na may ganoong emotion and expression sa mukha. Nakita ko rin iyong ibang kapatid ni Chester.

It was… quite a reunion.

Hindi sumagot si Chester. Ibinaba ko iyong gamit ko. Naglakad ako papunta sa couch at mauupo sana roon sa tabi niya. I could handle the smell of alcohol, but I just didn’t like that lingering around for too long because it brings back unwanted memories.

“Jury’s still out,” he replied.

I didn’t know what to say. Instead, I just reached for his hand and held it tightly so that he’d know na nandito lang ako for him.

“Gusto mong pumunta bukas?” he asked.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Hindi ako nakasagot agad. I wanted to go, of course. I wanted to be there for Cha and Iñigo. They’re my friends. They’re my family… But I didn’t think that it would be best kung pupunta ako roon. The emotion from both sides were at an all-time high. And… ayokong makita si Cha na ganon. Because the situation felt all too familiar. I didn’t want to spiral. I didn’t want to make it about me kung bigla akong magkaroon ng panic attack.

I felt him squeezing my hand.

“It’s okay,” he said. “Sabihan kita kapag nagising na siya.”

“I’m sorry…” mahinang sabi ko.

I knew I should be there for him. I wanted to be there for him. I just… couldn’t. And I hated myself for not being well enough to be there for him.

Because even though I am already fine physically, the scars are still there. Hindi pa rin ako makalakad magisa kapag madilim sa daan. I still feel chills crawling up my spine kapag may maririnig ako na malakas na tawanan tuwing may inuman. The smell of beer still scares me a bit.

Back then, ni hindi ako makalabas. But I missed living… And I had my entire family to help me cope. So, I got better… but I knew I was not completely like how I was before.

I’m still scared.

I just learned how to handle myself better, but that didn’t mean that I am totally fine now.

How I wish I am… but it’s not as easy as that.

“For what?” he asked.

“Because I can’t be there.”

“You’re here now,” he replied.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

He squeezed my hand. “Well, it’s the thought that counts,” he told me with a small smile on his face. But even then, ramdam na ramdam ko iyong pagod niya sa mga nangyayari.

We stayed and savored the silence. Masyadong maingay ngayon. Ang daming nangyari na ni minsan hindi ko naisip na pwede palang mangyari. Rhys told me that Iñigo’s playing a dangerous game… pero hindi ko naisip na pwede palang dumating sa punto na gagawin nila ’yung ginawa nila.

I wanted to always believe in the goodness in everyone… but things like this reminds me that sometimes, people are just bad. They’d do anything to get what they want, never mind the consequences of their actions.

---

We probably were so tired na doon na kami nakatulog sa couch. I woke up earlier than Chester. He was probably so tired sa lahat nung nangyari nitong mga nakaraang araw. I tried my hardest not to make a sound as I prepared to go to work, but I did not succeed dahil nakita ko na nagising din siya.

“I ordered food. Nasa table na,” I said kasi sure ako na wala na sa amin ang may energy maghanda pa ng kakainin.

“Thank you,” he replied.

I gave him a smile. “I will really try to visit Cha,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Wag mong pilitin kung ’di mo kaya,” he replied.

“I know…” I said. “But I really want to be there.”

Iñigo needed me.

Cha needed me.

And Chester needed me.

I just needed to find a way to push through this… one way or another, I needed to find a way to be there for them.

He sighed as he nodded. “Okay.”

I looked at him. “Ikaw? Will you be okay today?” I asked him because I knew na nandun palagi si Tito Fred and Chester’s not his biggest fan.

“I’m okay,” he said.

“Si Tito Fred,” I replied.

He shrugged. “Wanna hear my thoughts?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“It’ll probably be disappointing,” he said.

I shrugged. “Still want to know,” I told him.

“I just… find it a bit hypocritical of Dad. He was so mad at Iñigo for what happened.”

I bit my lower lip. I knew that this would happen that’s why I wanted to be there for him…

“Galit ka rin ba kay Iñigo?” I asked him. I was scared of my own question kasi paano if galit din siya kay Iñigo? I knew I told him that I’d always be on his side, but this would be a really tough one…

“No,” he said. “It’s not like he asked for this to happen.”

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

“What? Akala mo galit ako sa kanya?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “But… I don’t know… She’s your sister…”

“I know,” sagot niya. “She’s my sister. I know her. She’s stubborn and hardheaded. Not saying that Cha caused what happened to her, but that Iñigo’s not to blame for what happened. May sariling isip si Cha.”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“But dad… He acts like he’d murder the person who did that to Cha… I mean, this is probably an upgrade from him being missing in action nung si Mama iyong nasa hospital.”

I looked at Chester.

This… was a different version of him.

This was him being angry.

He was lying to himself when he told me that he was indifferent towards his dad because here he was, very angry at him for what happened then and what happened now.

“I’m sorry,” he said nang makita niya ako na nakatingin sa kanya. “I told you—disappointing.”

Instead of answering, I bridged the gap between up and wrapped my arms around him. Naramdaman ko iyong pagkagulat niya.

“You’re not disappointing,” I whispered against his chest. “You’re human. It’s human to be angry. It’s okay…”

We stayed there for a few minutes.

No one was talking, but with us, silence was comforting.

---

I tried a couple of times to visit Cha, but every time na malapit na ako sa pintuan, I always turned around and walk away. I was so disappointed with myself… I wanted to be there to talk to her. Nung ako kasi iyong nasa kalagayan niya, Rhys told me that he always talked to me kahit tulog ako. He really believed na nagising ako dahil sa walang katapusan na kwento niya. Maybe. Kasi iyong ibang sinabi niya sa akin, I remember dreaming about those.

I wanted to talk to Cha, too.

“Gracey… right?”

Natigilan ako nung tawagin ako ni Joey. I was familiar with her. The world for us doctors is small. “Yes,” I said. “Why?”

“Best friend ka ni Iñigo, tama ba?”

I nodded. “Why? Anong nangyari sa kanya?” I asked, panic slowly starting to crawl up my system.

Mabilis siyang umiling. “I’m sorry. I probably scared you. He’s fine… But I think you should go see him.”

“Oh… Okay,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Thank you,” I added because I knew that as much as she wanted to tell me more, hindi niya magawa because it would violate our oath.

I tried to call Iñigo, pero hindi siya sumasagot. I was getting more worried. Dumiretso ako sa room ni Cha. I drew a deep breath as I got inside.

“Iñigo…” I said as I saw him sitting by the couch. Nakasandal iyong ulo niya and he was blankly staring at the ceiling above him. I knew he heard me, but he was probably so tired…

I stood there, not really certain about what it was that I should do, that I could do… I hoped that my presence was enough… Ni hindi ako makatingin kay Cha… Paano pa si Iñigo?

“Pakiramdam ko talaga…” bigla niyang sabi. My heart throbbed when I saw him wipe the tears that fell down from the side of his eyes. “Pakiramdam ko talaga sinumpa ako…”

“Iñigo—”

“Si Mama namatay… Si Papa…” Huminga siya nang malalim. Tinakpan niya ng mga kamay niya iyong mukha niya. “Kapag nawala pati si Cha… Hindi ko na talaga alam, Gracey… Pagod na rin ako…”

I forced myself to go to him. Naupo ako sa tabi niya. I reached for his hand and held it.

“She’ll be fine…” I said as I looked at Cha. “Look at her… She looks like she’s just sleeping… Remember nung sinabi mo sa akin dati na kamukha niya si Snow White kasi ang puti niya tapos black na black iyong hair niya?”

Hindi nagsalita si Iñigo. I just stayed there beside him. Hindi ako umalis kahit na kanina ko pa nararamdaman iyong phone ko. I needed to be here. I just wanted to be selfish for a little while and sit here with my best friend.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal doon.

“Balik ka na sa trabaho mo,” he said. His eyes looked so tired. He looked like he lost weight.

“Okay… pero babalik ako dito kapag free ako…”

Tumango siya. “Gracey,” sabi niya nung tumayo ako. I stopped and looked at him. “Bukas ’yung sa libing nung baby.”

My heart constricted inside my chest.

“Kung free ka, pwede mo ba akong samahan?”

“Iñigo, parang tanga… Syempre sasamahan kita,” sabi ko sa kanya.

I couldn’t leave him like this. I left him for a while para magsabi na hindi ako makakapagduty ngayon. I was lucky that they were very understanding of the situation. I also tried to call Chester, but he wasn’t replying, so instead, I sent him a text saying na kasama ko si Iñigo.

Pagbalik ko roon, nakita ko na nandun din sila Jax and their other friends. I turned my back around and saw Chester. I almost ran towards him to hug him.

“I’m sorry it took me this long,” I said as I hugged him. Seeing Iñigo that way… I wished I was here sooner… For him… For Chester…

I felt him hugging me. “What’s important is that you’re here now,” he replied as I felt him hugging me back.

**

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Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I was standing beside Iñigo as he was choosing the burial urn for his baby. He told me that he tried to delay this because this felt so permanent—na wala na talaga iyong baby nila ni Cha. And I knew that if he could avoid this, he would never do this… Because who would want to do this? Sino ba ang magulang na gustong maglibing ng anak nila? And Cha’s not even here to hold his hand…

If there’s indeed hell, I sincerely hope that whoever did this to their unborn child would burn there.

“Ikaw na lang pumili. Hindi ko talaga kaya,” he told me before he walked out of the room.

Huminga ako nang malalim. I chose a light blue colored burial urn for their baby. Iñigo said that the baby’s name would probably be Dylan kasi iyon lang daw ang maganda sa mga pagpipilian nila ni Cha… God… I was sure that Iñigo would have been a great father—I was sure that he would try to do everything right because he knew how it felt like to have everything wrong.

Tito Fred arrived shortly after. A small ceremony was held. Kami-kami lang iyong nandon. Dylan would be buried in the family plot katabi nung Mama nila Chester, pero dahil tulog pa si Cha, doon muna sa columbarium… Mabilis lang iyong ceremony. A short prayer was spoken. After that, isa-isa na silang nagalisan.

“Mauna na ako,” Chester said.

“I’ll stay here,” I replied as I looked at Iñigo who was just staring at the place where his child was kept. Chester just nodded at me.

Tumingin siya kay Iñigo. “Take as much time as you need,” he told me bago siya umalis.

We stayed here for a while. Iñigo was just standing there, not moving nor saying anything. Hindi rin naman ako makapagsalita kasi hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko… Because no matter how many times I’d done it, I would never be able to get used to informing parents about the death of their kids… I would always be haunted by the looks on their faces, by the sound of their cries. Ito siguro iyong pinakaayaw ko na parte ng trabaho ko. Because no parent should ever go through this—no parent should ever bury their child. The pain is insurmountable.

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Paano ko sasabihin kay Cha?”

“There’s no good way to tell her,” I told him.

He sadly smiled at me. “At least… at least kasama niya na iyong mga lola at lolo niya,” sabi niya bago kami nagsimulang maglakad palabas ng sementeryo.

When we arrived back at the hospital, Iñigo told me that he’d go to Cha. Dumiretso ako sa locker para magpalit ng damit. I missed a lot of duty already, pero kahit siguro pagalitan ako, wala muna akong pakielam. I love my job, but it’s not the most important thing in the world for me. Family will always take priority.

I began my duty. Nung nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na magpahinga, dumiretso ako doon sa vacant room na lagi naming pinupuntahan ni Chester. He once told me it was haunted, but never naman akong nakaramdam doon. It was comforting more than anything. Mas nakakatakot iyong buhay na kayang manakit kaysa sa patay.

I tried to take a nap, but my mind wouldn’t let me. Paulit-ulit na naiisip ko iyong itsura ni Iñigo. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya icocomfort dahil kahit mga magulang ng pasyente ko hindi ko alam… Kaya nga mas bumabawi ako sa pagbibigay ng regalo sa mga bata kasi iyon iyong may kaya kong gawin…

“Kamusta si Inigo?” Chester asked when I heard the opening of the door.

“Bad,” I replied.

Naupo siya sa may dulo ng kama. Nakatingin lang ako sa ceiling. I sighed kasi iyon na lang ang kaya kong gawin ngayon. I was tired of questioning life; I was tired of questioning why did this need to happen…

“Sa tingin mo ba papayag siya kung sa ’tin muna siya matulog?” he asked.

“Really?” tanong ko sa kanya habang napaupo na ako sa kama.

He nodded. “Ang daming nangyayari.”

I couldn’t even find a way to reply to what he said. Ang dami kasi talagang nangyari. Iñigo also recommended the dismissal of the case. As far as I knew, he was forced to tender resignation dahil sa ginawa niya. It was a big case. And I knew that he was under a lot of fire because of what he did.

“I’ll try to ask,” I told him. “But thank you.”

“For what?”

“For caring about him,” I replied. “Iñigo’s already a family to me.”

“He’s also family for me,” he said. “Tatay ng pamangkin ko.”

I felt a pain pierce through my heart. God… I would’ve spoiled that kid rotten. I would’ve loved him like my own. I wished we met…

“I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now,” Chester said and then there was a somber look on his face. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking but I didn’t think I was in the right head space to be of any help. I was trying to get by, as well… I was barely staying afloat…

---

The next few weeks were quiet.

Nagising na si Cha, but they got in a huge fight. Umuwi si Cha sa bahay nila also because Tito Fred demanded na doon muna siya. Chester, for the first time in years, visited their house again para makita si Cha.

“Do you want me to go with you?” I asked him because I didn’t want him to be in a fight with Tito Fred. Marami ng iniisip si Cha… Ayoko na isipin niya pa kapag nagaway iyong tatay niya and iyong kapatid niya.

“Why?” he asked. “Akala ko may duty ka?”

“I know but I can swap naman,” sabi ko. “Do you want me to go with you?”

Umiling siya. “Hindi ko aawayin si Papa,” he replied.

“Wala akong sinabi na ganon.”

“But that’s what you’re thinking,” he said like he could read my mind.

I sighed. “Fine,” I replied. “I’m just worried—not for you but for Cha. She’s got a lot on her plate right now para dagdagan niyo pa ni Tito Fred.”

“I know,” he said. “And…” he added but he failed to continue what he wanted to say.

“And what?” I asked because ganito siya kapag may gusto siyang sabihin pero hindi niya masabi. Because sometimes, Chester needed a little nudging.

“Just… seeing Iñigo bury his child,” sabi niya sa mababang boses. “Maybe Papa didn’t bury us, but imagine losing all your children just the same.”

Natigilan ako.

Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong isasagot.

He gave me a shrug. “Weirdly, it put things into perspective,” he continued before he kissed me and left para pumunta sa bahay nila.

After that, I cleaned the whole house and busied myself. Ayoko rin naman na kulitin si Iñigo if kailangan niya ako kasi he’d tell me naman if gusto niya akong makausap or what. I didn’t want to be overbearing kahit sa totoo lang, gusto ko na siyang kidnapin tapos dito muna siya sa amin ni Chester until I could be sure na okay na siya.

But life’s not like that at all.

I badly wanted to be positive, but lately, all I could really think of was how shitty life was…

---

“Take care of him,” Cha said.

“I will,” I replied. “Take care yourself.”

Tumango siya. “I will.”

“Can I hug you?”

“Five seconds,” she replied and that made me laugh a little because at the very least, that sounded like the old her… God, it felt good to laugh. Parang ang tagal na nung huli akong natawa.

Cha didn’t want anyone na ihatid siya sa airport, but I think hindi siya nanalo sa mga kapatid niya because ihahatid siya nina Ahia, Chester, Charlie, and Chase. As much as I wanted na ihatid si Cha, I understood na kailangan nila ’tong magkakapatid.

“Anong food gusto mo?” I asked Chester.

“Oorder ka?”

“No, magluluto ako,” I said, but Chester looked at me like he didn’t believe what I just said. I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I will order. Happy?”

Natawa siya nang kaunti. “Chinese food,” he replied.

“Got it,” I said kasi if iyon, alam ko na agad kung ano iyong usual order ni Chester because this is a creature of habit—at least when it came to food.

Umalis na sila papunta sa airport. I ordered food na para if dumating si Chester ay may pagkain na. I’d just reheat later. Naglinis na lang ako ng apartment namin kasi lately talaga, ayoko ng idle time kasi kung anu-ano pumapasok sa isip ko. Pero nasobrahan ata ako sa pagiging focused kasi halos mapatalon ako nung maramdaman ko iyong paghawak ni Chester sa balikat ko.

“I’m sorry,” sabi niya kasi nagulat niya ako.

Umiling ako. “It’s fine,” I said. “Si Cha?”

“Magtetext daw kapag boarding na,” he replied.

“Oh, okay. Reheat ko lang ’yung food.”

Naglinis ng katawan si Chester while I prepared our food. Paglabas niya, nakaayos na pati iyong table. We began to eat in silence. Walang gustong magsalita. Kahit ganoon, ramdam ko na pagod kaming pareho.

I wished things would go back to the way it was, but I knew that it was silly to think so.

“Gracey,” he called.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to have kids?” tanong niya.

Natigilan ako. “What?”

“Kids,” he said. “Do you want kids?”

“Why are you asking?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know…”

“Do you want kids?” I asked him.

“I think.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Ayaw mo ba?” he asked.

“I want to.”

“Oh. Okay,” sabi niya.

“Chester.”

“Yes?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. “I know… I know you know about what happened to me before,” I said. Sumeryoso iyong tingin niya. I drew an even deeper breath.

I should’ve told him this right at the beginning. It was unfair for him na ngayon ko lang sasabihin…

“You don’t have to tell me—”

Umiling ako. “No, I want to.”

“Gracey—”

“You know I was stabbed, right?”

Hindi siya nagsalita. Maybe it was for the best kasi hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako sasagot kung may tanong man siya. Kasi ang tagal ko ring tinanong… Na bakit kailangang mangyari sa akin? Bakit?

“I was told before that if I wanted kids, it’s going to be hard,” I said and every word felt like boulders on my shoulders. I felt my eyes stinging. I felt really guilty. I should’ve told him before. Hindi ngayon na mahal niya na ako. Paano kung gusto niya ng anak tapos hindi ko mabigay? Kasi gusto ko rin naman… pero paano kung hindi ko kaya? It’s so unfair…

Tumungo ako. “I’m sorry…” I told him as the tears began to fall. Ni hindi ko na makita iyong table dahil nanlalabo na iyong mga mata ko. I felt like guilt eating me alive… Kasi gusto ni Chester ng family… And I love him so much… Pero paano kung hindi ko mabibigay sa kanya? Do I love him enough to let him go? Kakayanin ko ba na makita siya na may kasamang iba?

“I’m sorry, Chester… I’ve been selfish…”

But instead of getting mad at me, I felt his arms around me. I felt him hugging me tightly like he didn’t want to ever let me go.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Never apologize,” he told me. “It’s not your responsibility to give me kids.”

“I want to… pero paano kung hindi pwede?”

“We’ll adopt. Or we’ll get pets. I don’t know. But even if it’s just the two of us, we’re already family. Always remember that,” he told me that just made me cry even harder.  

**

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Chapter 19

Chapter 19

“What’s the matter?” Mama asked.

“What? Can’t I visit just because?” I replied.

It was the middle of the week, but for some reason, I decided to go to my parents’ house instead of staying in our apartment. It’s so weird how for so long, I referred to this place as my home, but now, it’s my parents’ home and my home is wherever Chester is.

“If you do say so,” Mama replied with a smile.

As expected, there’s a dinner party later pala. Usually, I would help but I just was not in the mood to do anything. Pero ayoko rin na mapagisa. Siguro kaya pumunta ako rito kasi gusto kong makakita ng tao. Kapag kasi magisa lang ako, I’d think about the things that I try so hard not to think of.

It’s crazy how I was trying to hide from my own thoughts.

“Ma,” I called when I felt like I was already drowning.

“Yes?” she replied.

“I have a big problem.”

Agad siyang naupo sa upuan sa harap ko. “Have you accidentally killed someone?”

My forehead creased. “What? No. And bakit naman ’yan ang unang naisip mo?” I asked, so weirded out that this was her first response.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, you’re a doctor. As much as you want to save lives, unfortunate things do happen.”

I sighed. She’s right… Unfortunate things do happen…

Mama didn’t ask me what was my problem, but she also didn’t leave my side. I just kept on sighing hanggang sa makaipon ako ng lakas ng loob para magsalita.

“We went to the doctor,” I said.

Her eyes widened—it was as if her life flashed before her eyes. “We? Sino? Kayo ni Rhys? What is the problem!” she asked, now visibly panicking.

I quickly shook my head before things escalate. “No. Not Rhys. I’m sure he’s fine,” I said. “We as in Chester and me.”

Mama’s lips parted a little. She’s my mom. And she’s a woman, too. I felt like she already had an idea of what I wanted to talk about, but she didn’t want to force me to tell her anything. I just kept on sighing and sighing until I gathered enough courage to continue.

“I mean… I already know this kasi sinabi na sa akin before… but to hear it again… and with Chester beside me… it just sucks.”

Back when I was first told na if I wanted kids, it’s possible but it would be difficult, I was heartbroken… I had always wanted kids. I had always wanted a family. I grew up in a loving household. Gusto ko rin ng ganon. I wanted to have a son first para may kuya iyong baby girl. Kasi kahit kambal kami ni Rhys, he always acts as my big brother. Gusto ko ng ganon na pamilya.

It was heartbreaking to know then…

But with Chester in the picture?

I was devastated.

I felt like the universe was playing me.

That now that I’d found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, pakiramdam ko naman ay ang unfair ko sa kanya na hindi ko mabibigay iyong pamilya na gusto namin…

It sucked.

“What did Chester say?”

“He said that it’s fine,” I replied with a sad smile. “But it’s Chester, you know? He always knows the right words to say…”

She smiled. “He’s a good kid,” Mama said.

“He is.”

“You deserve the best.”

“I do,” I said with a small smile. “But he deserves the best, too.”

Mama reached for my hands that were resting on top of the table. “Gracey, you’re the best—and I’m not saying it because I’m your mom, okay? You are the best. You are kind and you are loving. Chester won’t find anyone better.”

I gave her a small smile. “But it’s still so unfair for him…”

Mama squeezed my hand. “Remember back when you were little? When we used to do parties in orphanages?” she asked and I nodded. “You can always adopt.”

My lips parted. “Really? It’s okay for you?” I asked.

She nodded. “Of course,” she replied. “There are lots of children who deserve to have a loving home. Should you and Chester decide to go that way, we will love that child, too.”

I hated how I was crying again.

Suddenly, I felt sorry for thinking that the universe hated me… because if it did hate me, then why did it bless me with such an amazing family?

---

Since nandun na ako kanina, nagpasobra pala si Mama ng food para iuwi ko raw sa amin. And since nandun na rin ako, kumuha pa ako ng para kay Iñigo. Bago ako umuwi, dumaan muna ako sa apartment ni Iñigo and iniwan ko roon iyong food. Meron akong susi nun kasi binigyan ako ni Iñigo. Nagsabi rin naman ako kay Cha para alam niya but as it turned out, siya pala iyong nagsabi kay Iñigo para in case of emergency, may susi ako nung apartment.

Hindi ako nakatiis dahil naglinis din ako nung apartment ni Iñigo kasi ang dumi na. After that, bumalik na ako sa apartment ni Chester. Saktong pagdating ko, kakauwi niya lang din.

“Hi,” I said. “Pumunta ako sa bahay. Binigyan tayo ni Mama ng food.”

“May party na naman sa inyo?”

I nodded. “Always,” I replied. “Are you hungry na? May rice ba? Kasi wala akong dalang rice, puro ulam lang ’to,” I added as I placed the tote bag sa table.

“Magsasaing lang ako,” he said. “Ligo ka na. Ako na magaayos dito.”

I nodded na lang tapos pumunta na ako sa room namin para kumuha ng pamalit na damit. I took my time sa pagligo. Paglabas ko, nakaready na iyong pagkain namin. I was quietly eating nung mapansin ko na nakatingin sa akin si Chester.

“What?” I asked.

“Okay ka lang ba?”

I nodded. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“So, why are we talking about this?” I asked him. And not even a few seconds passed before I felt guilty about snapping at him when he did absolutely nothing wrong. “I’m sorry,” I quickly added. I sighed once again. “I’m… not completely okay, but it’s nothing to be worried about,” I told him with a small smile. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I can’t not worry about you,” he replied.

“Try.”

It was his turn to sigh. “Gracey,” he said. “I really mean it when I said that it’s fine—”

“I know it’s fine for you, but it’s not fine for me,” I said, cutting him off. “Can’t I feel bad about this for a while, Chester?” I asked him as I felt tears starting to pool around my eyes. “I will be okay, I promise. But please… please let me be sad for a while, okay?” I added before I stood up and got out because for some reason, it was starting to get harder to breathe.

I didn’t know where I was headed. I just kept on walking and walking. But then I stopped when I felt a drop of rain fall on my arm. Gusto kong tumalikod para bumalik na sa apartment, but I felt bad dahil nagalit ako kay Chester… Siguro magpapaulan na lang ako.

I stood there, waiting for the rain to fall on me, pero napatingin ako sa itaas nang may makita akong payong. I turned around and my lips parted when I saw Chester holding an umbrella over my head.

“Did you follow me?” I asked.

He nodded. “Gabi na. Delikado,” he replied. “Nakasunod lang naman ako. Hindi kita lalapitan, pero uulan na.”

I bit my lower lip. Why was he so nice? Sobrang nakaka-guilty tuloy magalit sa kanya o kahit mainis man lang.

“May dala kang payong?”

Umiling siya. “Bumili ako kanina sa gilid nung parang uulan na,” he replied. “Ang mahal nga, e. Two hundred na ’tong payong na ’to?” he asked as he showed me the umbrella na parang bata na nagsusumbong.

I didn’t know why I was crying again. Palagi na lang akong umiiyak. I wanted to be back to the normal me… pero parang medyo malabo ngayon kasi ang dami ng nangyari. But I wanted to be strong again kasi gusto kong makatulong sa mga tao sa paligid ko. And how can I do that if I, myself, needed help?

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“I’m sorry din,” he replied. “Feel bad as long as you like.”

“I want to feel fine naman, Chester, but I really can’t right now.”

He nodded. “I understand,” sabi niya. “Just tell me if you’re venting or if you need advice.”

I nodded. “Okay…” I said as I wiped the tears that were falling. “I’m sorry because I can’t seem to stop crying,” I added.

Chester didn’t say a word, instead, he handed me a handkerchief. “Malinis ba ’to?”

He rolled his eyes. “Di ko iaabot sa ’yo kung hindi.”

Natawa ako nang kaunti. “Fine. Ang sungit,” I said as I wiped the hanky on the side of my eyes.

Chester and I walked with him holding the umbrella over our heads. The umbrella wasn’t big enough for the both of us and I noticed that Chester’s shoulder was already dripping dahil halos kalahati lang ng katawan niya iyong napapayungan because he was, as usual, putting me first.

“Chester,” I called.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“I know,” he said. “I love you, too.”

I smiled. “Are you serious when you told me that you’re okay with adoption?”

He nodded. “Yes. Why? Are we adopting?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know… but are we planning on starting a family na?” tanong ko sa kanya kasi we needed to be on the same page first before anything else.

“Up to you,” he said. “I’ll follow your lead.”

“But I want to know what you want.”

Masyado yata talagang malayo iyong nakalad ko because we were still far from the apartment. The rain didn’t seem like it would stop from falling anytime soon. Basa na kaming dalawa—lalo na si Chester—pero wala akong naririnig na reklamo mula sa kanya.

“I want to get married first before starting a family,” he said.

“Really?”

He nodded. “Rhys made me promise.”

I rolled my eyes. “You do know that it’s not binding, right?”

He nodded again. “Yes, but as a respect, I want to honor it,” sabi niya. “I will propose. Magugulat ka na lang.”

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from smiling because it was so cute to imagine Chester buying me an engagement ring and him planning a proposal. I was sure na kahit laruan na singsing ang ibigay niya sa akin o kahit na sintas ng sapatos, the answer will be a resounding yes.

“Ikaw?” he asked.

“I want to marry you,” I told him. “But…”

“But what?”

“I want to get pregnant first,” I said. “I want to know first if I can give you a child… After that, I’ll decide if I want to get married. Kasi… kasi unfair naman sa ’yo kung magpapakasal tayo tapos…” I added, unable to finish the thought.

We continued walking pero hanggang sa makarating kami sa apartment, wala akong narinig mula sa kanya. Tahimik lang siya hanggang makapasok kami sa loob.

“Chester,” I said. “Are you mad?”

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Pwede ba akong magsalita?”

I bit my lower lip as I felt my eyes stinging. “Please don’t be mad…”

“Bawal din akong magalit?”

“Chester—”

“No, because from what I heard, kung hindi ka pwedeng mabuntis, hindi rin tayo pwedeng magpakasal?” he asked and disappointment was dripping on his voice. “Paano kung hindi nga pwede, Gracey? Hindi na rin tayo pwede, ganon? Ang unfair naman non. Sinabi ko naman sa ’yo na kahit ano, okay lang sa ’kin.”

“Chester naman—”

“Paano kung ako naman ’yung ’di pwede magkaanak? Ganito rin ba gagawin mo?”

Mabilis akong umiling. “No, of course not!”

Tumingin lang siya sa akin. “Then why the double standard when it comes to you?” he asked, staring right into my eyes. “I thought you of all people would know na hindi lang naman sa panganganak pwedeng maging nanay—sa ospital pa lang ang dami dun na baby na iniiwan pagka-panganak. Anong klaseng nanay kapag ganon?” diretso niyang sabi. “You will be a great mother to any kid, Gracey. I thought you should know that,” he added before he walked out and went to our room.  

**

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Chapter 20

Chapter 20

I hate fighting.

I hate being in a fight.

I had been told once that my pride was basically non-existent… ang dali ko raw kasi mag-sorry. I didn’t understand what was wrong with that. If I were in the wrong, why would it be hard to apologize? And sometimes, even if I felt like I was not in the wrong, I would still apologize kapag mas important sa akin iyong tao.

I’d rather lose the fight than lose the person.

“I beg of you, pumunta na tayo sa barbershop,” I said nung makita ko si Iñigo. Ang haba na nung buhok niya. Kung hindi ko lang siya kilala dati pa, I’d think that this was a different person altogether.

“Madami akong ginagawa,” he replied.

I sighed.

Iñigo’s smart—probably the smartest person I know—and it just breaks my heart to see him like this. Ang ganda ng trabaho niya noon. I still remember nung makuha niya iyong pinaka-una niyang sweldo—nilibre niya ako. I wanted to tell him na ’wag na kasi hindi naman kailangan, but he looked so proud of himself na pinabayaan ko na siya.

Since then, I’d seen how hard he worked to be where he was…

Tapos biglang ganito ngayon.

Sometimes, it’s hard to wake up in the morning when I remember how hard life sucked.

While he was busy working, I picked up the broom at nagsimulang magwalis. I was thankful na maraming kalat sa apartment nila Iñigo. I needed this right now. I kept on reverting back to the night Chester and I had a fight. Iyon yata ang unang seryoso na away namin. Away ba ’yon? It had been three days since we last had a proper conversation. Nagkikita pa rin naman kami sa apartment, but it wasn’t like before.

“Gracey.”

“What?” I replied while I was still sweeping the floor.

“Ano’ng problema?”

“What?” I replied again, this time, I was already facing him.

“May imaginary kalat ka na naman na winawalis,” he pointed out. I sighed because I really couldn’t hide anything from him. We basically grew up together. He knew all my telltale signs. And it’s not like I was trying to hide it from him.

I sat on one of the boxes. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin tapos si Iñigo sa pagaayos nung mga box. I offered to help him before, but he told me that he wanted to do that alone.

“Kapag nagaaway kayo ni Cha, paano ka nagsosorry?”

“Bakit ako agad nagsosorry?” he asked. “Parang kasalanan ko agad?”

I eyed him. He rolled his eyes. I laughed a little. He didn’t even try to deny it.

“Nagaway kayo ni Chester?” he asked.

I shrugged. I didn’t want to tell Iñigo kung ano iyong pinagtalunan namin ni Chester. I knew that he’d feel bad kapag nalaman niya. When he first learned about what happened to me, I felt afraid for him… Because he had just lost his parents… He almost lost me… Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang mangyayari sa kanya kapag sinisi siya ng pamilya ko. They were indifferent with Iñigo for a long time. It costed me several birthday wishes for them to finally come around the idea that it was not Iñigo’s fault. But still, I knew that the after effect was a sore spot for them. So, I tried to downplay everything. I never really talked about my dream of having a kid. I knew it was my dream, but I never really discussed it with anyone.

But now, Chester’s here.

It’s not just a dream anymore.

It could be my reality.

God, this sucked so bad.

“Ikaw ba may kasalanan?” he asked in a playful tone. “Ikaw, noh? Nainis na siguro sa ’yo. Ingay mo kasi minsan.”

I frowned at him. “Paano ka nagsosorry?”

He laughed. “So, kasalanan mo nga?”

I shrugged. “Maybe…”

“Malaki ’yan, noh?”

“Secret.”

“Di naman nagagalit ’yun si Chester—mas madalas walang pakielam ’yon,” he said.

Mas lalo lang tuloy akong na-guilty kasi tama naman siya… Chester had been very patient with me… Ilang beses niya na rin sinabi sa akin na okay lang… Ako lang talaga iyong hindi okay kasi what if isang araw biglang magbago ang isip niya? I didn’t want him to regret marrying me… And alam ko naman na kahit ganoon ang mangyayari, hindi ko rin malalaman because Chester would never tell me that. I knew that he’d regret in silence.

He clicked his tongue. “Mataas pride ng mga Viste na ’yan,” he replied. “Pero baka madaan mo si Chester sa pagpapa-cute siguro.”

“I don’t think so…” I said, sighing once again.

Iñigo’s forehead creased. I saw him closing his laptop. “Okay ka lang ba?” he asked when he realized that this was a really serious problem and not one of those times na nagrereklamo lang ako sa kanya for fun.

I smiled as I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. I didn’t come here to vent naman kasi ayoko ring pagusapan. I just needed to be around people. Busy iyong parents ko pati si Rhys kaya nandito ako kay Iñigo. If na-contact ko lang si Cha, siya ang tatanungin ko about dito kasi mas kilala niya si Chester… I think.

“Kung anuman problema mo, pagusapan niyo lang ’yan. Iyon lang talaga solusyon sa kahit anong problema,” he said.

“We did talk.”

“Then pahinga muna tapos usap ulit.”

“Thanks…”

He nodded and then stood up. “Tara kain tayo.”

“Okay,” I said. “But pwede bang dumaan din tayo sa barbershop?” I sincerely asked, but Iñigo just waved his hand. Kailangan ata na si Cha ang makapansin para magpagupit ang isang ’to. Ang haba na talaga ng buhok niya—pwede na namin i-donate .

---

Magkasama kami ni Iñigo the whole day. I think ayaw niya rin akong iwanan, pero okay na rin ’yon because Cha kept on telling me na ayain ko si Iñigo lumabas. Indeed, magkasama kami buong araw sa coffeeshop at kung anu-ano lang ang pinagusapan namin like topics nung high school. Kahit ilang beses naming pagusapan ’yon, it never gets boring.

“Hi,” I said nung makabalik ako sa apartment at nakita ko na nandun si Chester. Mukhang kanina pa siya nakabalik dahil nakapambahay na damit na siya.

“Hi,” he replied.

I stood by the door. I couldn’t take even a single step. Gosh. I felt so guilty. I wanted to apologize once again but I knew that it would be wrong because how I felt didn’t change…

But I missed being okay with him…

I didn’t like this kind of silence.

“Chester,” I called after standing there for seconds that felt like hours. I saw him look at me. He had been understanding the past few weeks. It’s understandable na naubos na yata iyong pasensya niya sa akin… He was just looking at me, not saying anything at all. “I’m sorry that we fought…”

“We didn’t fight.”

“We did.”

“Away ba ’yon?” he asked. His tone was different from before. Ito ba iyong sarcastic and passive aggressive side niya? I am not a big fan… I missed my sweet boyfriend…

“I don’t know…” I said with my eyes on the floor. I didn’t want to look at him because I knew that I would just cry. And baka maawa lang siya sa akin. I didn’t want him to pity me. I wanted us to get past this, but we couldn’t just sweep this under the rug because sooner or later, this will catch up on us.

I heard his footsteps. I quietly listened until I just saw him standing right in front of me. I looked at him and I hated how my tears began to fall at the mere sight of him.

“Can you please hug me?” I asked with tears streaming down my eyes. “I know you’re disappointed—”

But I didn’t get to finish my sentence as I felt his arms wrapped around me. I silently cried as Chester hugged me. Hindi ko na rin alam kung ano ang iniiyakan ko. Maybe the silence these past three days because I hated that kind of silence with him. I wanted to talk it out pero alam ko na pareho lang iyong pupuntahan namin.

It was frustrating.

It was disappointing.

It was heart-breaking.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his chest.

“Para san?” he asked.

“Because I’m stubborn.”

“Matagal ko ng alam ’yon.”

I frowned as I looked up at him. He saw my tear-stained eyes and he wiped them with his thumb. “Ano ba’ng iniiyakan mo?” he asked as he was wiping my tears away.

“Hindi mo kasi ako kinakausap.”

“Hindi mo rin ako kinakausap.”

“So, ganon? If hindi ako umiyak, walang maguusap?”

He was fighting a smile on his face. I liked how we’re okay once again. “No,” he said. “You just tell me if you want to talk and we’ll talk. Hindi mo kailangang umiyak para kausapin kita.”

Chester told me to change my clothes and that he’ll prepare our dinner. I didn’t tell him na kumain na kami ni Iñigo ng dinner. I’d just eat again because I really missed him kahit nagkikita naman kami nung tatlong araw na ’yon.

I changed into my cotton pajamas. Paglabas ko, nakita ko na nakahanda na iyong table. There was nilaga on the table. I didn’t know if niluto niya or what, but I was leaning more on pinadala ’to ni Mama.

We began to eat. While I was eating, I saw Chester looking at me. Hininto ko iyong pagkain and looked at him.

“What?” I asked.

“I thought about it,” sabi niya.

“About what?”

“Marriage. And baby.”

My lips parted. “Oh…” I said as I felt my heartbeat quickening its pace by the second. But I begged myself not to show any emotion dahil baka maapektuhan ko kung anuman ang sasabihin ni Chester sa akin.

I love him…

And I love him enough to respect whatever he’d tell me…

But I knew myself and I knew that if he decides to leave, a part of me will throw away my pride and will beg him to stay…

Because I know that it’s him that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. And if it’s not with him, I know that I will never find this kind of solace and comfort once again.

“Okay,” I said with a small smile. “Can you share?”

He was looking at me and it was making me feel nauseous with fear of what’s to come. “For the record, I will marry you without any condition,” he said and that made my chest hurt. “But… I thought about what you said… and I need to respect your feelings,” he continued.

It was weird how I could literally hear my own heart beating.

I wanted to reach for the glass of water but I was afraid that he’d see how badly my hands were shaking.

“I will propose once you’re pregnant.”

This was what I wanted to happen.

But why did this sound so bad when he said it himself?

“But…” he said at napatingin agad ako sa kanya. “We’ll get second, third, fourth opinion. And we’ll undergo through whatever fertility treatment. Heck, I even read about this dance in Obando. Pupunta rin tayo ’don if that’s what it takes to marry you.”

My tears just kept on falling and falling as I fell deeper and deeper for him.

“Gracey,” he called as he reached for my hand and held it tightly. “Gracey, I love you… and I want you to be okay… I think you need therapy to process what happened before.”

I wiped my tears as I nodded. “I know…”

He held my hand tighter. “Okay…” he said and kept on assuring me that whatever happens, he will always be there for me.

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

“Thank you,” I said before I grabbed my things and stood up. It was my third session. I go here once a week. At first it was… weird. It was weird to talk about my feelings to someone who was basically a stranger, but I knew I needed this. Somehow, I knew I needed this, but hearing Chester said that I needed therapy made all the difference.

Because I thought I could be fine on my own…

Nakaya ko naman ng ilang taon…

But maybe I was just fooling myself.

Maybe I was not fooling the people around me kaya ganoon na lang sila sa akin—I knew that most of the times, I have things easy. Maybe I just refused to acknowledge that, but people knew that I was struggling, so they tried to make my life better in their own little ways…

After my session, I headed straight to Chester. He asked me before if I wanted him to accompany me sa session, but I declined the offer. I’d feel weirder to know that he was just outside waiting for me. Because I knew that if I did do therapy, I needed to do it right. I wanted to be okay for myself, but more so, for the people around me.

He was in the middle of duty when I saw him. I didn’t approach him because he looked like he was busy. Besides, I like watching him work.

I tried to wait for a few minutes, but bigla akong inantok. Lumabas na ako ng hospital and I walked back to the apartment na lang. I just slept tapos when I woke up, nakabalik na si Chester.

“Hi,” I said.

“May pagkain,” he replied.

I grinned because he knew me so well. “I went to the hospital pala kaso busy ka sa duty kaya umuwi na lang ako,” I said as I grabbed a glass and poured water for myself.

He nodded. I knew he wanted to ask about my session, but he was just stopping himself. I love how he knew my boundaries. When it mattered, he’d push me to do things but never shove. At the end of the day, he respects my decision and that’s one of the things I love and adore about him.

I really did get lucky with this human.

“I need to talk to some people…” I said.

He looked at me. “Okay,” he replied without asking who.

“I figured it’s better if I start with my parents… then Iñigo… and I’m honestly still debating if I still need to talk to Rhys because knowing him, he has a tendency to overreact.”

His forehead creased. “You’ll talk to them?” he finally asked.

Tumango ako. “Yes. I figured I need to talk to them about this. Because I’ll never really be okay if I’m hiding something this big from people I really care about,” I said as I gave him a small smile. “I love them and I know that they’ll support me. I just need to find courage to tell them what’s bothering me.”

Instead of saying a word, Chester just reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly. And oddly enough, that was probably better than any word he could say at that moment.

---

First, I had to talk with my parents. I began our talk with a reminder that what happened before was not Iñigo’s fault—not then, not now. It was a long talk. There was crying—mostly on Mama’s end—but it ended pretty well… They asked if they could do anything—cover any fertility treatment that I might need. I thanked them muna kasi kailangan ko ring kausapin si Chester tungkol doon. Kung mabubuntis man ako, it’s our baby. Kung anuman ang desisyon para doon ay kailangan desisyon niya rin. I didn’t want to decide on my own kahit gaano pa kaliit iyon.

Then… Iñigo.

“Hintayin na lang kita,” Chester said nang ihinto niya iyong sasakyan sa harap ng coffee shop. I asked Iñigo to meet with me. He said okay naman daw sa lunch break, pero sandali lang. Dito kami magkikita sa coffee shop malapit sa office niya. Medyo malayo iyong new office niya kumpara doon sa dati na nasa gitna ng business district.

“Baka matagal kami,” I said.

“It’s fine,” he replied. Pumayag na rin ako kasi baka ayaw niya akong iwan dito. Hindi ako sanay sa lugar na ’to and frankly, this place didn’t feel as safe.

Dumiretso ako sa coffee shop. Iñigo sent a text that he’d be running a bit late dahil may biglang pinagawa sa kanya. It’s fine, though. I just practiced what I’d tell him. I needed to find the right words. Iñigo’s in a difficult place right now. I didn’t want to add on his plate. I didn’t want to sound like I was blaming Iñigo… or that I had any regrets… Nangyari na kasi. Tapos na. The best thing to do would be to move forward.

“Sorry, biglang may pinagawa,” he said as he was rushing towards me.

I smiled. “It’s fine,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I ordered na,” I added because I already knew his usual order. Sinabi rin kasi sa akin ni Cha na baka nalilimutan na kumain ni Iñigo. I actually had a list of things na sinabi sa akin ni Cha na gawin ko. I actually did ask Cha for babysitting money dahil sabi ko sa kanya, kulang na lang patulugin ko rin si Iñigo.

“Oh. Salamat,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Kain ka muna,” I told him because he looked tired and overworked and hungry. I felt so bad for him but I didn’t want to look it because I knew that Iñigo would like that. Despite everything, he’s a proud man. Who wouldn’t be? From basically having nothing, he managed to get to the top. And I know him enough to know that once the dust settles, he’d find his way back again.

Because it’s Iñigo—it’s what he does.

“Ano palang meron?” he asked. “Saka… may nasabi ba si Cha sa ’yo kung may plano ba siya na uuwi na?”

“Bakit hindi ikaw magtanong?”

“Ayoko.”

“E bakit ako?”

He shrugged. “May nasabi nga?”

“Wala.”

“Kay Chester?”

“Ikaw kaya magtanong,” I said.

Instead of responding like a functioning adult, he just clicked his tongue. Kapag sa mga kaso niya ang dami-dami sinasabi, pero pagdating kay Cha, walang lumalabas minsan sa bibig.

“Bakit ka na lang biglang nagaya?” he asked.

I drew another deep breath. “Okay…” I said as I was trying to compose myself. Nakatingin lang sa akin si Iñigo with his forehead creased. When he realized that I was actually nervous, he put the fork down and looked at me.

“May problema ka ba? Seryoso ba ’yan? Kailangan mo ba ng abogado kaya mo ako tinawag? Alam ba ni Rhys?” sunud-sunod niyang tanong sa akin. “Alam ba ng parents mo?”

Why did people always jump to the conclusion that I need a lawyer because I accidentally killed someone?

“What? No,” I quickly replied.

“Okay…” he said, nodding his head. “Bakit nandito ka?”

I drew another deep breath before I began telling him about the reason kung bakit ako nakipagkita sa kanya. I began with telling him that I don’t blame him, never did, never will, and that I don’t regret going to him because I promised his dad that I will always take care of him and I intend to do that kahit matanda na kami.

“Will you please stop crying,” I said because naiiyak na rin ako dahil umiiyak siya. We looked like fools!

“Hindi ako umiiyak,” he replied as he just wiped his tears right in front of me.

“Yeah, right,” I said as I wiped my tears. “But seriously… I love you, you know that, right?” I continued as I looked at him and smiled.

Chester’s the love of my life, but I’m pretty sure that Iñigo’s my soulmate. It’s weird but I’m pretty sure that whatever happens, no matter how much we disappoint each other sometimes, at the end of the day, we always have each other’s backs.

“Mahal din kita syempre, parang tanga naman ’to,” he said as wrinkled his nose. I laughed at his face and thankfully, that was the end of our talk. God, that was probably one of the hardest conversations I ever did!

“Gracey,” he said.

“Yeah?” I asked when we were waiting for the receipt.

“Still. Sorry.”

I smiled at him. “I know,” I said. “But don’t be, okay?” I continued before I said goodbye dahil baka nakatulog na si Chester sa sasakyan niya.

Paglabas ko, dumiretso ako sa sasakyan ni Chester. I stopped when I saw that the window was rolled down a bit. Nang sumilip ako, I saw him napping. I debated kung ano ang gagawin ko because he looked so peaceful while he was napping.

But after I took a picture for remembrance, I knocked on the window that woke him up.

“Tapos na?” he asked.

I nodded. “Late lunch?” I asked because after that, kailangan na naming bumalik sa hospital for duty.

We went to a resto near the hospital para malapit lang. Chester was quietly staring at me.

“It’s rude to stare, you know?”

“Kailan tayo pupunta ng Bulacan?” he asked.

“Bulacan?”

He nodded. “Yung sayaw?”

My lips parted. “Wait. You were serious?”

He nodded again. “I trust medicine, but sometimes, divine intervention, you know?”

I stared at him with my lips agape. I couldn’t believe that he just told me that we’d really go to Bulacan to dance to the fertility gods! I thought he was just joking when he said that—to try to make me laugh or something—but apparently, he was serious.

“What? I’d seen some cases na wala na talaga tapos biglang naging okay. Science can’t explain that,” he said.

“Yeah, right. Kagaya nung multo na nakita mo before.”

“Ghosts are real,” he said.

“Chester, tell me the truth, are you a flat-earther?”

He was so cute when he frowned. God, I got the cutest boyfriend! If we were to have a baby, I wanted him or her to look exactly like him! God, I would love that baby!

“Sorry na,” I said, poking his side. “I will check my sched and pupunta tayo ng Bulacan.”

“Tss.”

“May dance steps ba ’yon na kailangan i-memorize or we’ll just wing it when we get there?” I asked, teasing him still. I wanted to tease him some more, but my boyfriend already had his frowny face and that’s my cue para tumigil. “Sorry. Stop na ako,” I continued and kissed his cheek. “Sorry na.”

“Kulang,” he said.

“Iyong kiss?” He nodded. “What do I need to add?”

He looked at me with a devious look on his face. “I’ll think about it.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Fine. Just tell me kapag naisip mo na,” I said.

He kissed my cheek. “Will do.”

We began eating nung dumating na iyong food. Chester was so quick to eat. I later figured out that that was probably because he hated having meals at home. He told me that breakfast was that time of the day na tinatawag nilang audit ng mga kapatid niya. He wanted to get over that quickly kaya binibilisan niyang kumain. I guess it’s one of those habits that are hard to break.

“Chester,” I called. Tumingin siya sa akin. “My parents actually offered if we wanted them to help with the payment for the treatments,” I said because they could actually add up. Hindi naman sila kasali sa insurance coverage namin. And personally, wala akong malaking savings. Ayoko rin naman na galawin iyong inheritance ni Chester from his mom.

“Oh.”

“If it’s fine with you,” I told him. “If ayaw mo, it’s fine. We’ll find a way.”

Tumango siya. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay… as in okay lang sa ’yo?”

He nodded again. “They’re your parents, Gracey. Your family is different from mine. I’m sure this offer comes from a good place.”

I smiled because I really did appreciate him saying yes to my parents’ offer. I was actually prepared for him to decline… but I guess with Chester, he’s always surprising me with how he makes his decisions.

“Also pala,” I said tapos tumingin sa kanya. “Since my parents already know that we’re trying… wouldn’t it be weird if hindi alam ng dad mo?” I asked, treading lightly. “I mean, he doesn’t need to get involved but also, it would be weird to keep him in the dark since alam ng parents ko? Para lang fair?”

I waited for a response from his end. Hindi ko alam bakit kinakabahan ako. Probably because I know that if I had issues I needed to solve, ganoon din si Chester…

“Okay,” he said, looking at me. “I’ll talk to my dad.”

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I was in the middle of my duty, but I kept on looking at my phone. Ngayon kasi pumunta si Chester sa bahay nila para kausapin si Tito Fred. I knew naman na hindi sila aabot sa physical disagreement, but oftentimes, verbal disagreements hurt worse. You can do a lot of damage using the right words.

Sana hindi umabot sa ganoon.

I hope… I hope they’d find a reason to be good again. I hope they find it within themselves kasi kung hindi, ayokong ipilit sa kanila. Matanda na silang dalawa. At the end of the day, it’s still their choice and no one else’s.

“Hey!” I said when I saw Chester. I wanted to ask him about his dad, but I wanted it to come from him.

“Pa-start na ko,” he told me, yawning, because he just pulled a double shift dahil may nakipagpalit sa kanya. Chester told me that before, he’d have no problem with people switching shifts with him dahil preferred naman daw niya na nasa hospital. But he also said na nowadays, he’s choosy na raw. Kapag emergency lang siya pumapayag kasi mas gusto niya na nasa apartment kasama ko. Kainis. Kilig ako!

“Kumain ka na?”

He nodded. “Sa bahay,” he said.

I just nodded my head, not really wanting to say anything, but really wanting him to exound more. He was looking at me. He gently shook his head as I pouted. He really knew me. Alam niya na gusto kong marinig, pero ayokong magtanong.

“I told him that he didn’t need to offer anything kagaya nung sa parents mo,” he said. I bit my lower lip. “But that if he wants to be a part of the baby’s life, I’d be okay with that.”

My eyes widened a little. “Really?”

Chester shrugged. “Just because he was a horrible father does not mean that he’d be a horrible grandpa, right?”

I bit my lower lip harder. “Chester…”

“What?” he asked. “I think he’s not a psycho who’d be mean to a baby.”

I sighed. “Okay,” I replied as I nodded. I mean, at the very least, this was an improvement… I think? At least pwede naman palang hawakan ni Tito Fred iyong hypothetical baby namin.

“I’m trying,” he said.

“I know,” I replied with a smile. I reached for his hand and held it tightly.

He stayed for a while before he had to leave dahil start na rin ng duty niya. I figured he’d be busy for quite a while because this was the season na maraming happening sa department niya. I felt like sa isang araw pa ulit kami magkikita unless bigla siyang susulpot sa department ko or pupunta ako sa kanya.

After my shift, I headed home because I had been on my feet the entire day. I cleaned myself first and then proceeded to the bed for a much needed rest. I woke up hours later and I began to clean the house while deciding kung ano ang gusto kong kainin. It’s so hard to decide! Nung nasa bahay kasi I would just eat whatever’s available na ginawa nila Manang. I miss being a full time daughter.

The next few days consisted of working and going to different appointments. After visiting different doctors, Chester and I finally decided to settle with Dr. Irene.

“I’m tired,” I told Chester as I rested my head on his shoulder. “I feel like I can sleep for a week.”

I felt him kissing the top of my head. “Tulog ka muna,” he said. “Anong gusto mong dinner?”

“You?” I replied.

“Hindi ako pagkain.”

I looked at him and frowned. “I mean you as in ano ang gusto mong food?” I asked. “Your mind, Chester, is in the gutter.”

He laughed and he was so cute. Nabawasan kahit kaunti iyong pagod ko. “The doctor said healthy eating,” he said as he stood up. “Daan muna akong grocery. Tulog ka na. Gisingin kita mamaya.”

“I wanna go.”

“Wala ka namang tinutulong,” he said. “Dami mo pang kinukuhang kung anu-ano.”

“Hey, I pay naman!”

“Di mo kinakain. Sayang kaya.”

“Tss. I push the cart.”

He kissed the top of my head again. “Gisingin kita mamaya,” he said and I didn’t argue anymore because I was really tired and I really did want to sleep.

True enough, Chester woke me up nung may food na naka-prepare. We ate together and then he had to leave for work. I still had a few hours before my duty starts, so I decided to arrange the stocks in the cupboard and the food in the ref. I just ordered new containers! Chester said it’s weird kasi may lalagyan naman daw ’yung mga food pero nililipat ko pa sa iba. But it’s cute and super organized tignan! Besides, Chester did agree na ang linis tignan ng ref and cupboard namin.

In the middle of my own version of therapy session, I heard someone knocking. My forehead creased dahil wala naman akong order and sure ako na nasa hospital pa si Chester dahil kaka-send niya lang sa akin ng picture ng iniinom niya na coffee. And I wasn’t expecting anybody dahil nagtetext sila Mama kapag pupunta sila.

“Tito Fred,” I said as I opened the door. Sumilip kasi ako kanina and saw him standing outside. “Chester’s not here po.”

“I know,” he replied.

“Oh…” I said as I opened the door for him to get inside. “Uhm, sorry for the mess. I’m organizing the kitchen,” I added dahil may mga naka-open na lalagyan sa ibabaw ng lamesa and the kitchen area’s a mess right now.

Tito Fred just nodded but I saw how he looked around. First time niya lang pumunta rito. I was pretty certain na hindi rin siya nakapunta sa apartment before ni Chester. But sinabi niya rin naman na aware siya sa mga nangyayari kay Chester, so sure ako na alam niya kung saan siya nakatira.

“Thank you,” he said as I handed him a glass of water.

We were sitting on the adjacent couch. My hands were on my lap. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin or sasabihin. Do I ask him if alam ni Chester na pupunta siya rito? But I was pretty sure na hindi alam ni Chester. Or do I just ask him kung ano ang kailangan niya sa akin because may duty din ako in an hour.

“Tito,” I said. He looked at me. “I have a duty din po kasi… so… if may kailangan po kayo sa akin?” I asked as politely as I possibly could. If wala naman akong duty, kahit mag-staring competition pa kami ngayon.

“Right,” he said, nodding his head. “How are you?”

“I’m fine po.”

“Good.”

I remained silent. I felt like a kid before him with both my hands on my lap. I didn’t know what to do, so I just counted inside my head.

“I know Chester will not accept any help from me, so I will not even try.”

My lips parted. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. This… this dynamic between them confuses me and frustrates me.

“You’re disappointed, I can see it.”

“Yes, Tito, because what I heard is just disappointing,” I said, and I even held my tongue back because my first instinct was to apologize, but what I just heard from him was crazy! “You and Chester are both adult, I know, but still, you’re his father.”

“You will understand once you become a parent, Graciella.”

Mabilis akong umiling. “No, Tito,” I said. “Respectfully, I understand, but I do not approve.”

He gave me a small smile. “I understand.”

I groaned. Bakit ba sila ganitong magtatay?! It’s like they’re already both resigned na ganito na talaga sila forever!

“Tito, does Chester need to almost die like Cha for you to care?” I asked, point-blank, because at this point, it was starting to feel like he would only show emotion kapag nasa bingit na ng kamatayan iyong anak niya gaya nung nangyari kay Cha. I knew that this was a sore spot, but what choice did I have? It’s like I was talking to an automated machine. Parang may pre-programmed response siya!

But even then, I just received a small smile.

“You will be a great mother,” he told me. “I have talked to my lawyer about a trust for your child—”

“Your grandkid, if ever,” I corrected him because he was talking like this hypothetical child is some random child.

“Yes, yes, of course.”

“Tito, respectfully, my parents have money… I’m sure they’ll provide a trust fund. And I have work. And Chester has work. We’re earning decent money. Respectfully, we don’t need your money,” I said as slowly but as firmly as I could. “But what you can do is to just… show up.”

Kasi doon sila nagkaproblema ni Chester dati.

Kasi wala siya noon.

Tapos wala pa rin siya ngayon?

If that’s what will happen… tapos na.

Wala na talaga silang pagasa.

“Please just show up,” I said, almost sounding like I was begging. And maybe I was… Kasi nalulungkot ako sa sitwasyon nilang dalawa.

“I know you probably did your best with being a good provider for your family… but you can also be a good father… or grandfather, you know? You can’t use money as a substitute for being a good father, Tito. It’s something… but not everything.”

Tito just gave me a small nod and a polite smile. “I am trying,” he said.

“Yan din iyong sinabi sa akin ni Chester,” I replied. “You two are more alike than you realize.”

He gave me a small smile again. “My wife used to tell me that,” he said. “She used to tell me how among our children, Charlie and Chester are basically my clones.”

I bit my lower lip.

“That’s probably why I was harder on those two compared to the others,” he said and then stood up. He looked at me once again and smiled. “I will have the lawyer contact you.”

Hindi na ako nagsalita.

It’s useless at this point.

---

I went to the hospital for my duty, but I didn’t tell Chester na pumunta iyong dad niya. I will tell him, but kapag nakita ko na lang siya. I didn’t want to go out of my way to tell him that because I knew that that will just dampen his day and to be honest, I was spent from that brief conversation I had with his dad.

I saw him the next day na paguwi ko from his duty and he was still sleeping. I was just sitting on the couch, not really wanting to think about how I would tell him kasi at this point, convinced na ako na kahit paano ko sabihin, same negative reaction lang din from Chester.

“Kakadating mo lang?” Chester asked nung lumabas siya ng room.

I shook my head. “Twenty minutes ago?” I replied after I looked at my watch to check the time. “Pumunta pala dito dad mo,” I added, just saying it directly because what’s the point, even?

Napatingin siya sa akin. I stood up and walked towards the ref to grab myself a glass of water.

“He just asked me how I am and told me that his lawyer will contact me for the trust fund of our future child,” I said as I was pouring water. “That’s all,” I added as the glass was already full.

I drank my water. I felt Chester’s eyes on mine. Nang matapos ako, ibinaba ko iyong baso sa counter.

“What?” I asked because he was just standing there and staring at me.

“Are you mad?” he asked back.

“No,” I said. “I’m just finally realizing that there’s no point in fixing something that’s already broken beyond repair,” I added and smiled at him.

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

“I’m okay,” I told Chester as I felt him staring at me. I forced myself to smile because I was at a point in my life that I needed to smile to fool myself. Maybe the call center got it right—you just have to see yourself smiling and for some reason, it’d delude you into thinking that hey, maybe everything’s not as bad.

So, I smiled.

Because what else was there to do?

“I’m fine,” I added as I grabbed a tissue, wrapped the pregnancy test, and threw it right in the trash can.

Paglabas kong CR, I looked around to see if there’s something that needed cleaning. But I had been obsessively cleaning the past few days. Pakiramdam ko ay nalinis ko na lahat ng dapat linisin dito. Parang nagawa ko na lahat. There’s nothing left to do. I could no longer distract myself.

I felt like I was about to spiral.

And I didn’t want to.

Because once I do, it’d be hard for me to pick myself back up.

I’d be in a dark place and I didn’t want to be.

I just wanted to be okay.

Why couldn’t I just be okay?

Dahil wala naman akong pwedeng gawin dito, I decided to just go inside the room. Matutulog na lang ako. Maybe I’d go to work early and see if there’s anything I could do there. I just really needed to focus at something else. I didn’t want to dwell on the negative. First test pa lang naman. Sinabi naman sa amin ni Chester na this wouldn’t be an instant solution. It would help, yes, but also, it would take time. And prayers.

“Chester—” I said nung lumabas ako. I was about to ask him about the plan na pumunta ng Bulacan. At first, the idea seemed silly. But… it didn’t seem too bad now. I mean, what would we lose, really? Besides, I searched about it online and some people really do believe in it. Plus, I wanted to go to church. I remember back when I was still an intern, there’s this mom who told me na nagsisimba siya sa iba-ibang church. Kapag daw kasi first time mo sa isang church, you can make a wish. She said na ang dami niya nang napuntahan na church. She wished for her daughter to be well, but we all knew that that was impossible… But she did live longer than expected. So, maybe it did work.

Nothing’s wrong with believing.

“What are you doing?” I asked when I saw him holding a paper and scissors. He was in the middle of cutting when I went out. Mayroong mga pinaggupitan niya sa sahig. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Are you trying to make a mess?”

He looked at me and shrugged. “Ang dumi, oh. Gusto mong maglinis?” he asked as he continued to cut up pieces of paper.

I bit my lower lip. “I love you,” I said.

“I love you,” he replied. “Maglinis ka na.”

I laughed as I felt myself tearing up. He was making me cry because I was just so happy that I got him in my life. I thought only I knew myself pretty well, but it was starting to feel like Chester knows me, too. He knows when I am happy; he knows when I am sad. He knows when I need space and he knows when I needed him right beside me. He knows my highs and my lows. And he knows when to pick me up and when to just let me be.

I grabbed the vacuum and started. Chester just stood there and continued cutting papers up. May ilang paper na nakalagay sa table. Balak niya bang gupitin lahat ’yon?

“Chester,” I said out loud because the vacuum was loud. Tumingin sa akin si Chester. “When are we going to Bulacan?”

“Bulacan?”

I nodded. “For the dance?”

“Oh. Tapos na ’yung festival.”

“Oh… Okay.”

“We can still go,” he said.

“May church dun, ’di ba?”

He nodded. “Gusto mong magsimba?”

I nodded. “I go to church naman… but not regularly,” I said. “Do you think it’s bad that I will only go to church now because I want to pray for something?”

He shrugged. “I’m not God, so what do I know?” he replied. “But… someone told me that He’s forgiving, so I don’t think He’ll mind?”

“Okay…” I said. “Let’s just try to go when we have time para hindi naman nakaka-guilty na nagsisimba lang if may kailangan.”

“Okay,” he replied.

Nagkalat si Chester habang naglilinis lang ako. He managed to distract me until it was time for me to go to work. I just took a bath tapos paglabas ko, may inabot sa akin si Chester na totebag.

“What is this?”

“Baon mo,” he replied and I took a peek inside and saw that there’s a sandwich and juice box.

“Ano ako? Elementary student?”

He shrugged. “Nalilimutan mong kumain kapag marami kang iniisip, e,” he replied.

I bit my lower lip because this man was making my heart flutter again and swell with happiness at the same time. “I promise I’ll eat these.”

He nodded. “Text din kita para maalala mo.”

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face against his chest. I felt myself relaxing as I felt him near me. Nakatayo lang kami nang ganoon for a minute. I wanted to stay longer… but there are children who need me.

“I love you so much, Chester,” I whispered.

He hugged me tighter. He didn’t say the words back, but I didn’t need it. I knew he loves me. I feel his love for me. He’s the one for me.

God, I will marry this guy.

“Chester,” I called.

“Bumili ka na lang ng dinner mo. Pang-snack lang ’yan.”

I looked at him and frowned. “My mind does not revolve around food,” I said. He just shrugged but I knew that he was just trying to make me laugh and to distract me and I love him so much for that.

“Bakit?” he asked.

“Wanna get married?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“You wanna be my husband?”

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin na parang naguguluhan sa mga sinasabi ko. I didn’t break the hug. I just wanted to be here now and perhaps for the rest of my life, if that was an option. This was where I was supposed to be all along. All those horrible dates led me to this guy right here. And if I have to do it all over again just so I could be right at this moment? I’d do it in a heartbeat. I didn’t care how long the road is as long as he’s standing at the end of it all.

I just love him.

So much.

My heart overflows with love for him.

“Wanna make me your wife?” I asked again.

“Seryoso ba ’to?” he asked, still confused.

I nodded. “Yes, serious as a heart attack.”

“Akala ko—”

“We’ll have a big wedding after we get pregnant,” I said. “But… let’s get married? Just the two of us?”

“Kailangan ng witness kapag ganon.”

I groaned. God, why did he have to be so technical about it? “Just say yes.”

A grin appeared on his face. He’s messing with me again!

“Di ka ba luluhod?” he asked.

“No, because if I kneel, I know you’ll think about something else,” I replied and his whole face reddened. He averted his gaze and then scoffed. I laughed. “So… wanna get married?”

Hindi agad siya tumingin sa akin, but I felt his hands on the sides of my waist. And then he turned to look at me… and I just felt my heart beating profusely at the sight of him with his eyes on me.

“Graciella Rae Arevalo,” he called my name, “Will you marry me?”

I looked at him and I nodded and smiled and cried all at once. “I want to marry you, Florentino Chester Viste,” I replied and I saw him frowning because I knew he hated his first name and the only reason I learned about his first name was when I saw his ID.

I tiptoed and kissed him.

“I love you,” I repeated again. “I love you so much. I want to be your wife.”

I felt his hands cupping my face and kissing me back. He was kissing me so hard that it was hard to breathe. He was kissing me with such an intensity that I just have to take a step back until I felt my back up against the well.

“Chester, I have work,” I replied when our lips parted for a second.

“I know,” he said but then I felt his lips on my cheek down to my neck and he lingered there and it felt so good that my hands were on his hair, pulling them and pulling him close at the same time.

“The children need me,” I said as I struggled for air.

“I know,” he said again as I felt his hand under my shirt.

I groaned. “Fine. Ten minutes,” I said and I felt him grinning. “Ten minutes lang, okay? Papagalitan ako kapag late ako,” I added as I felt his hand pulling down my pants together with my panty. God, he’s so hot when he takes the lead.

“Ten minutes lang. Dito na lang tayo kasi kapag sa kama mas maraming pwedeng gawin,” he said as I felt the cold wall against my back when he pulled my shirt up.

I groaned. “Stop,” I said because he was giving me ideas and I really didn’t need that right now because I needed to be reminded that I am a doctor and I need to go to the hospital because people are sick and they are dying and I need to be there and not here with my very hot and very turned on fiancé.

“Gracey,” he called.

“Hmm?” I asked, my mind clouded with every little thing that he was making me feel.

“I love you,” he said, looking at me, staring it my eyes like he was telling me that he knew me and all of my secrets and he love me and all of them. “I will marry you in every church—just tell me when and where.”

I bit my lower lip, smiled, and kissed him. “I do,” I said and then we proceeded to making, hopefully, baby number one.

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

I looked at my watch.

Gosh.

Chester’s already waiting for me.

“Pasensya na…”

I looked at her, held her hand, and shook my head. “Dito lang po ako,” I replied and pressed her hand and hoped that that made her feel better… somehow…

Today’s the day. Ngayon iyong schedule namin ni Chester for our civil marriage. During my free time, iyong papers namin for that ang inayos ko. I actually planned today para makaalis ako nang maaga because I wanted to look good for him, of course. But… things happened. One of the kids I am closed with had a seizure and then one thing led to another and I couldn’t leave… because before she got wheeled to the operating room, she asked me specifically to accompany her mom.

How could I leave after that?

I couldn’t even get my phone to text Chester because that felt disrespectful. Her child’s fighting for her life and I was texting someone. Mabuti na lang at nagpunta siya sa CR. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and immediately dialed Chester’s number. He wasn’t responding. May ginagawa siguro.

‘Hey. Emergency. I can’t leave.’

Nang lumabas si Elaine, she told me to call her that, she gave me a small smile, but even with her smiling, kitang-kita ko iyong pagod niya. I wasn’t particularly close with her kasi minsan ko lang siya makita dito. Besides, hindi naman ako assigned talaga sa anak niya. But last holiday season nung namigay ako ng mga gifts for the kids, iyong anak niya iyong isa sa mga nabigyan ko. We got close after that. Kapag busy si Chester sa work niya, dito ako dumidiretso para makipagusap. She’s a really nice kid… God, I hope she pulls through. Elaine’s a single parent. She’s all she has. I really hope she makes it again.

I felt my phone vibrating. Elaine was sitting right beside me.

“Baka may pupuntahan ka,” she said.

“Eya told me to accompany you,” I replied with a small smile. “She’s a tough kid.”

Elaine smiled again. Hindi siya nagsalita. Pagod na rin siya. It had been a full year for her and Eya. Dito na sila sa hospital nakatira. Sabi ni Eya, it’s probably better this way kasi wala na rin daw silang apartment. Iyong gamit daw nila ay nabenta na halos para may pambayad ng medical bills.

Some are really just one medical emergency away from being broke and homeless—what a devastating reality.

We sat in silence while waiting for a news. Nakasandal lang iyong ulo ko sa pader. I was just watching as people pass by. My forehead creased when I saw Chester standing right before me. Medyo loading pa iyong isip ko because he looked so handsome! He was wearing a black slacks, white long sleeves, and brown derby shoes. He looked so good!

“What—” I said and then stopped. “How did you find me?”

“Find my iPhone,” he replied. Oh… we registered each other nga pala dun. I mean, I didn’t mind. Wala naman akong tinatago sa kanya. And hindi ko rin naman chine-check iyon unless kailangan. Nasa hospital lang naman kami palagi.

“Chester, this Rhea,” I introduced. “Rhea, this is Chester. He works here, too.”

Chester looked at her and gave her a small smile. Tumayo muna ako. We walked for a few seconds and stopped at the end of the hall. I looked at my fiancé apologetically.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

He shrugged. “You said emergency.”

I nodded. “It is!” sabi ko. “You remember Eya?” I asked because sometimes kapag hinahanap niya rin ako, nakikita niya ako sa room ni Eya. Although he doesn’t stay there for long kasi Chester’s not really into kids. Mas preferred niya talaga ang matatanda. Bagay talaga siya sa IM.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I gave him a small and tired smile. “I hope she’ll pull through…” sabi ko as I looked at Rhea na naka-clasp iyong kamay like she’s praying. “She’s all she has…”

“Sinong doctor?”

“Si Tan ata,” I replied.

“She’s in good hands.”

“She is,” I said. “But still, asking for a little miracle wouldn’t hurt.”

Bumalik ako roon para puntahan si Rhea. Umalis si Chester kasi tinanong niya ako if kumain na ba kami, but I said na hindi pa kasi ang daming nangyari kanina. He said na bibili lang siya ng food.

“Mukhang mabait,” Rhea said.

“Very,” I replied.

“Swerte siya sa ’yo.”

“Thank you,” I said. “Lagi kong naririnig na swerte ako sa kanya.”

Rhea smiled. At least she’s talking about something else. Alam ko na nakaka-stress isipin kung ano iyong nangyayari sa anak niya. If she wanted na ikwento ko sa kanya kung paano ko nakuha si Chester, I gladly would para lang distracted siya.

“Lagi kang kinukwento sa akin ni Eya. Salamat, Doc Gracey… Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nagpapasalamat na may kasama iyong anak ko kapag wala ako…” she said.

I didn’t want to cry—especially not in front of her because I needed to be strong. I bit my lip and drew a deep breath because I really needed not to cry.

“Well, she’s a good kid,” sabi ko. “And for some reason, she knows all the chismis going around!”

Nagkwentuhan lang kami ni Rhea. I was happy to distract her. Tapos dumating si Chester. Rhea thanked him for the food. I fell in love deeper—if that was even possible, but hey, with Chester, nothing’s impossible.

“Do you think maba-ban tayo?” I whispered because Rhea fell asleep na. Pagod na siguro talaga.

“Saan?” Chester whispered back.

“Sa municipal hall,” I said. “Since no-show tayo.”

“Nagsabi ako sa kanila na ’di tayo makaka-punta.”

“Oh. Nagalit sila?”

“Hindi naman.”

“Okay. Good. I thought baka ma-ban tayo or something.”

Chester stretched his arm and placed it on top of my shoulders. He pulled me close and I willingly laid my head against his shoulders.

“Are you secretly an angel or something?”

“No.”

“But why are you so kind?”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I really am not,” I said. “I just… I just know that I can’t do anything to magically cure the kids… so being there is the next best thing, you know?”

I felt Chester staring at me kaya naman tumingin ako sa kanya. He was staring at me intently—this was probably the most intense stare he’s ever given me.

“I’m so proud,” he said like he really, really meant it.

“You’re making me blush,” sabi ko kasi naiilang na ako with the intensity of his stare.

“I’m serious,” sabi niya. “I’m so proud of the person that you are, Graciella. And I’m so grateful to be given the opportunity to witness the person that you will be.”

I bit my lower lip. “Tama na. Wala ka ng sasabihin sa wedding vows natin.”

“Nasulat ko na,” he said.

“Me, too,” I excitedly said. “Though I typed it sa phone lang.”

I was about to ask Chester pa sa vow niya nung biglang may tumawag sa name ni Rhea. I immediately woke her up tapos lumapit kami kay Tan. He said that the operation was successful but that Eya’s still under close observation.

“What a day,” I said habang naglalakad kami pabalik sa lockers para kunin iyong gamit ko.

“It ended on a good note,” Chester said.

“I know… we would’ve been married right now,” I replied. “But maybe it’s not the right time pa.”

Diretso lang kaming naglalakad nang biglang hawakan ni Chester iyong kamay ko and we made a right turn instead of a left one. Nakakunot lang ang noo ko while I was following Chester’s lead. Hindi ko talaga alam kung saan kami pupunta, not until pumunta kami sa chapel.

“Why are we here?” I asked kasi pumunta na kami ni Rhea dito kanina because she said that she wanted to pray kaya sinamahan ko siya.

Instead of answering my question, Chester reached for something from his pocket and showed me a box. My eyes widened. My heart began to quicken its beat.

“What… are you doing?” I asked as I was holding my breath. Kaming dalawa lang ni Chester iyong nandito sa chapel. It was already 11PM. Tapos na iyong visitation hours. Halos wala ng tao sa hospital. The operation took long kaya ilang oras din kaming nakaupo lang doon while waiting for the operation to end.

“Wanna get married?” he asked, still holding the box.

“Hindi nga natuloy,” I replied. “I really am sorry.”

Umiling siya. “Don’t apologize—I didn’t think it was possible but I love you even more now,” he said as he reached for my hands and held it with his. He was looking at me as his hands were caressing my palm. His eyes weren’t breaking contact with me. “I love you.”

I bit my lower lip. “Love din kita.”

He smiled with his eyes and I fell deeper again. “I’m honored,” he said.

“You better be.”

He held my hand together and placed it against his chest. Gosh… I love him so much na para na talagang sasabog iyong puso ko. Ito na talaga iyong hinihiling ko dati. I said I wanted love, but I wanted the love… And god, Chester gave me more than I could ever ask for.

He loves me.

He knows how to love me.

“Do you wanna hear my vow?”

“Gagawa ka ba ng bago kapag kinasal na tayo talaga?”

“Hindi pwede na basahin ko na lang ulit don?”

I shook my head. “Paano ako iiyak if narinig ko na?”

“Irerevise ko.”

I frowned. “Can you tell me the gist na lang ngayon tapos sa kasal talaga natin iyong full version?”

He smiled while biting his lower lip because I was making him laugh again. I know hindi naman ako funny na tao, but with Chester, feeling ko sobrang funny ko talaga. Or baka love niya lang talaga ako kaya madali siyang matawa sa mga low-effort jokes ko.

“Okay,” he said with a small nod. “The gist is that I love you.”

I frowned. “Yun na ’yon?”

“Well, you asked for the gist.”

“Highlight paragraph na lang?”

Naiiling siya habang natatawa. “Fine,” he said while caressing my knuckles. “I did talk about the first time I met you.”

“Nung college?” He nodded. “Oh! Never mo pa nakwento sa akin ’yan!”

“You were with your friends then. Parang kakatapos lang ng exam niyo kasi nakakunot iyong noo mo.”

“Yeah, most probably,” I said nodding. “Gosh. College was hard!” He shrugged. I rolled my eyes. “Nerd.”

“Grade reqs,” he replied and I knew it had something to do with his dad, so I just stuck my tongue out to keep the atmosphere light.

“So, what happened next? Nagandahan ka sa ’kin?”

“Maganda ka, pero ’di naman tipo na mababaliw ako sa ’yo dahil lang nakita kita.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Ang mahalaga, baliw ka na sa akin ngayon,” I said and I felt kilig when he didn’t dispute and he just shrugged. “What next?”

“Umalis ka sa table niyo tapos hindi ka na bumalik. Papunta na ako sa building namin. Tapos nakita kita nandun sa isang gilid. Pinapakain mo iyong mga pusa.”

My eyes widened. “Oh, my gosh! I remember that! You were watching me?!”

He shrugged. “Alam mo ’yung nakaka-inspire iyong pagiging mabait mo kaya pagkatapos nun, kapag may sobra akong pera, bumibili ako ng tuna tapos pinapakain ko rin iyong pusa?”

I bit my lower lip.

Kaming dalawa? We’re perfect together. No one can convince me otherwise—this guy’s made for me.

“Iyon na ’yung highlight, pero marami pang ibang part,” sabi niya. “Baka i-cut down ko ’yung vow kasi parang masydong mahaba,” he seriously replied and all I could do was to bite my lower lip and really thank God because he really did bless me with the best.

I looked at him and took a deep breath.

Tumingin din siya sa akin.

“Do you, Florentino Chester Viste, take me as your wife?” I asked as wrapped my arms around his neck and as I was staring at his eyes, hoping to get lost in there for all my life.

“I do, Graciella Rae Arevalo,” he replied as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “I really, really do,” he added as he placed the ring around my finger.

**

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Chapter 25

Chapter 25

I was so sleepy.

I didn’t want to sleep kasi maraming kailangang gawin, but my attending told me that she needed me to sleep kaysa kung ano pa ang magawa ko. I apologized profusely kasi complete naman iyong tulog ko, pero antok na antok talaga ako.

Sobrang thankful talaga ako na malapit lang iyong apartment because I really didn’t want to sleep sa on call room given the choice. It’s so noisy and uncomfortable because some people are studying or doing something. Last resort lang talaga.

Pagdating ko sa apartment, nagulat ako kasi nandun din si Chester. Nakita ko siya sa may kitchen.

“No duty?” I asked.

“Break,” he replied.

“Okay,“I said, shrugging, as I put my bag on the chair. “Are you cooking?”

He nodded. “Almost done,” sabi niya. “Bakit nandito ka? Mamaya pa tapos mo, ’di ba?”

I nodded as I yawned. “Yeah… But I was asked to go home and take a nap,” I replied, shrugging, kasi prone to mistakes din talaga kapag inaantok tapos pinipilit magwork. But it’s not like I could do anything kasi kulang talaga iyong healthcare workers sa Pilipinas. Sometimes, there’s no choice but to work until your body’s the one telling you to slow down. Sobrang paradoxical talaga na medical worker ka pero hindi mo kayang alagaan iyong sarili mo.

“Oh, okay. Matutulog ka muna?”

“Yes, why?”

“Dadalhin ko sana ’to para sa lunch mo,” he said.

My lips parted. “What? Really?”

Tumango siya. “Babalik na rin ako pagkatapos nito, e. Iwan ko na lang dito tapos kainin mo pagkagising mo mamaya.”

I immediately shook my head. “No, I’ll eat muna. Sabay na tayo?”

“Akala ko inaantok ka?”

I nodded. “But let’s have a meal together muna,” sabi ko sa kanya kasi lately sobrang daming happenings. Last week pa yata iyong last na sabay kaming kumain dito sa apartment. Madalas sa hospital lang kami nagkikita tapos we’d hug for a minute tapos balik work na agad.

I love working at St. Matthew’s but it’s so draining. Tapos since it’s a private hospital pa, minsan kapag natatapat ako sa VIP, sobrang hassle lalo. Somewhere down the future, I’d probably just open a clinic. Pero dream ko pa rin talaga na tumira sa province tapos magtayo doon ng clinic kasi doon ako mas kailangan. But of course I’d have to ask Chester din kasi ’di naman pwede na ako lang ang may gusto.

Chester finished cooking while I quickly changed clothes. Paglabas ko, patapos pa lang si Chester sa pagluluto. I sat down and I watched Chester with admiration while he moved around the kitchen. Gosh. Chester’s like physically attractive naman talaga, but the way he treats me makes him so freaking gorgeous in my eyes.

“What?” he asked when he caught me staring.

I shook my head with a grin on my face. “Nothing,” I replied.

I wanted to tell Chester how sleepy I really was, but I didn’t want him to think na sign iyon na buntis ako. It had been a few months. It might take a few years. I just didn’t want to give us false hope. It would happen if it’s meant to happen. But if I don’t get pregnant within the year, I’d have a conversation with Chester about the possibility of us adopting.

“May leave ka pa ba?” Chester asked.

“Why? May pupuntahan tayo?” I asked as I put rice on my plate.

“Cha,” he replied.

“Sa Alaska?”

He nodded. “May visa ka ba?”

I nodded. “Yup. Wait, pupunta tayo sa Alaska?”

Tumango ulit siya. “Chase called,” he said.

“Oh. How’s he?” I asked.

It’s so sad lang talaga na hindi siya close sa mga kapatid niya. They’re like okay naman, pero hindi close. I think sa mga kapatid niya, si Charlie na iyong pinaka-nakakausap niya. Si Ahia niya kasi busy sa buhay niya. Si Cha naman may sariling ginagawa. Si Chase medyo iniiwasan ni Chester kasi sa bahay pa rin nila nakatira. I think pinaka-bonding na nila ni Charlie na parehong hindi sila close kay Tito Fred. Sayang lang talaga na hindi sila close. Ako kasi kahit minsan gusto kong sakalin si Rhys and minsan gusto ko siyang sipain kapag natutulog siya, I love that epal.

Chester shrugged. “Busy.”

I laughed. “Tell him he’s about to get busier,” I replied. “But why did he call? He invited you na pumunta sa Alaska?”

Tumango ulit si Chester. “Galing na si Ahia at Charlie last time.”

“Oh, yeah… Nasabi nga ni Cha.”

“Naguusap kayo ni Cha?”

I nodded. “Nagrereport lang ako tungkol kay Iñigo,” I replied. “But what did you say? Nagsabi ka ba na sasama ka?”

“Wala akong visa,” he replied like he was giving me an excuse on why he wouldn’t go. Bakit pa niya ako tinanong kanina kung may leave pa ba ako? I felt like gusto niyang sumama, but for some reason, labag sa loob niya. Parang feeling niya ba kailangan na galit lang siya kay Tito Fred habambuhay?

“We’ll apply!” I said. “But… do you want to go?” I asked kasi syempre nandun si Tito Fred. And it’ll be a long flight! Ngayon pa lang I could imagine how tensed the flight might be… Paano na kami ni Chase?

He shrugged.

“Yes or no,” I said. “If you wanna go, we’ll go. If ayaw mo, we’ll go to Bulacan instead.”

He stared at me for a few seconds. I was just waiting for him to say something kasi kung anuman nag sabihin niya, I’d honor it. I was serious when I said na give-up na ako sa kanila ni Tito Fred. If ayaw niyang pumunta, e ’di ’wag. Kung gusto niya, e ’di pupunta kami. At this point, I was seriously just going with the flow.

“Punta tayo,” he said.

“Saan?”

“Kay Cha,” he replied.

I shrugged. “Okay,” I said, although I really believe that at this point, there’s a chance na maging okay ulit sila ni Tito Fred… but I wouldn’t be a part of it. Bahala na silang dalawa kung ano ang gusto nilang mangyari.

The next days, I just focused on work and helping Chester compile his requirements for his visa. In two months pa iyong flight but I asked him na magbook na kami kasi nagmessage din sa akin si Chase asking kung sino magbbook ng ticket para magkakasama kami. That sneaky kid—I knew what he’s doing.

“Hintayin muna natin kung maaapprove iyong visa,” he said.

“You’ll be approved,” I told him.

“Paano kapag hindi?”

“Bakit ka naman irereject?” I asked. “You’re a doctor who works in one of the biggest hospitals in the Philippines. Your family’s here. There’s no reason for you to stay there.”

“Pero kung hindi nga maaapprove, sayang naman iyong ticket.”

“Is that really the reason?” I asked kasi naisip ko lang if hindi pa kami magbbook ng ticket ngayon, for sure double na iyong price kapag nagbook kami na malapit na sa intended date. Hindi rin naman kasi pwedeng i-move iyon kasi busy kaming lahat.

He nodded. “Pareho naman kami ng pupuntahan ni Papa kaya alam ko na makikita ko siya,” he replied. “Ayoko lang talaga masayang iyong ticket kung sakali,” he added. “Nagiipon ako.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “For what? May bibilhin ka ba?” I asked because as far as I was concerned, this year lang natuto si Chester mag-order online! What big purchase kaya ang bibilhin niya?

Umiling siya. “Wala naman. Nagiipon lang.”

“Okay…”

“Para kapag nagka-baby,” he said. “Mahal magkaanak.”

My eyes widened and my lips parted. “Oh…”

“Kaya… magbook na lang ng ticket kapag na-approve na ’yung visa.”

Slowly, I nodded. “Okay… I won’t tell Cha muna rin na pupunta tayo kasi baka biglang hindi pala…”

Tumango siya. “May sinabi ba sa ’yo kung uuwi na?”

“You know, pareho kayo ni Iñigo,” I told him as I shook my head. “Bakit hindi si Cha ang tanungin niyo?” I asked and I love how our topic shifted na rin. Hindi rin kasi nagddwell si Chester na sa topic ng pregnancy ko kasi alam niya rin siguro na stressful for me.

We talked while we were eating. After we ate, nagsabi si Chester na babalik na siya for his duty. Talagang nagpunta lang siya rito para ipagluto ako ng pagkain dahil lang nagreklamo ako kahapon na sawa na ako sa mga pagkain sa caf and deliveries.

“4:30 mamaya,” he said.

I nodded. “Yup.”

He kissed me. “Daanan kita,” he told me. “May gusto ka bang meryenda?”

“Banana cue.”

“Okay…” sabi niya na nakakunot ang noo. “Saan ako hahanap ng banana cue?”

I shrugged. “It’s literally just banana and sugar, Chester,” sabi ko sa kanya and I gave him suggestions kung saan siya pwedeng bumili ng banana cue kasi ang dami kaya na mabibilhan although maglalakad pa kami! But okay lang naman. I love walking around with him.

Naghugas muna ako ng plato and made sure na malinis na lahat bago ako nagnap. Baka kasi mapanaginipan ko pa kapag may naiwan ako na maduming plato.

After napping, I was refreshed. Bumalik na ako to finish my shift. Flu season pa rin kaya ang daming ginagawa. But when I had five minutes to myself, I decided to go to his department because I was just so tired and I wanted to see him para mabawasan naman iyong pagod ko.

And there he was.

He was talking to a nurse about something. He was smiling a little dahil mukhang may joke na sinabi iyong nurse. Siguro kung before, I’d feel a little jealously, but now? Wala na talaga. Kasi alam ko na ako lang iyong mahal ni Chester. He told me and made me feel his love—both words and actions. Plus I know that he has soft spot for nurses dahil sila iyong kasama niya before nung sa Mama niya. Iba talaga kapag kilala mo na iyong tao—both the good and the bad—it gives you perspective kung bakit ganoon sila… Mas maiintindihan mo talaga iyong tao on a deeper level.

“Kanina ka pa?” he asked nung pumunta siya sa akin. Napansin na rin kasi ako nung kausap niya at tinuro ako. I just smiled at her.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Tapos na duty mo?”

I shook my head again. “Hindi pa.”

“Gumala ka lang dito?”

I nodded. “I missed you.”

I saw how the edge of his ears turned red and how he bit his lower lip to stop himself from smiling, but I know Chester. Kinikilig na siya sa akin.

“Magkikita naman tayo mamaya,” he said.

“I know…” I replied as I felt him holding both my hands. “I’m nervous.”

“Bibilhan kitang banana cue mamaya.”

I grinned. “Thank you,” I said. “May ginagawa ka ba?”

“Ngayon? Wala,” he replied.

“Do you have ten minutes?”

His eyes widened. “Dito? Ngayon?”

My eyes widened din. “What? No, that’s not what I meant!” sabi ko sa kanya kasi obviously, his mind’s in the gutter once again. Gosh! Sobra naman siya! But like, couldn’t blame him! We’ve been busy lately!

Namula na naman siya. “Bakit kailangan mo ng ten minutes?” he asked, trying to hide the fact that he was profusely blushing once again.

I tapped the front pocket of my coat. “The waiting is killing me,” I replied.

“Okay,” he said, shrugging. “Pero paano dito? Ang weird kung papasok din ako sa CR,” he added like he was really worried.

I laughed. “You’re so cute,” sabi ko sa kanya habang hinahawakan ko iyong kamay niya and we walked towards Room 718 aka our hangout place. I was seriously starting to believe na haunted ang room na ’to kasi parang laging nagrerequest na lumipat kung sinuman ang mapunta rito. I mean… at least good for us? May tambayan kami.

I went to the bathroom and did my business. Paglabas ko, nakita ko si Chester na nakaupo lang doon sa kama.

“Waiting game,” I said as I sat beside him.

We both hated this part of the test.

The waiting.

The uncertainty.

The possibilities.

“I know we’re saving money… but what about business class?” I asked. “It’s going to be a long flight.”

“Magkano ba ’yon?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Mas mahal sa economy,” I replied.

“Gusto mo ba?”

“I mean… if there’s a choice? Kasi it’s much more comfortable.”

“Sige.”

My eyes widened. “Really?” I asked because I was talking to a man who refuses to buy new clothes kasi okay pa naman daw iyong black shirts niya!

He nodded. “Di ba magkahiwalay ’yon? Pwede ba kahit sa economy ako pumunta ako sa ’yo para dumalaw?”

My jaw fell. “What? Magkahiwalay tayo?”

He nodded. “Okay lang ako sa economy, pero paano kapag gusto kong puntahan ka? Bawal ba? O baka kapag ikaw pwedeng pumunta sa akin pero ako bawal pumunta sa ’yo?” he asked. “May rule ba sa ganon? Nasa site ba nung airline?”

I was about to tell him na kung sa economy siya, doon din ako, but natigilan ako kasi nag-alarm na iyong phone ko. Nagkatinginan kami ni Chester. No one spoke a word as we stood up and went to the bathroom and looked at the results.

And then we looked at each other and he just hugged me and I just broke down crying and laughing. 

**

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Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Chester and I couldn’t help but grin at each other nang lumabas kami sa clinic. We already knew that I was pregnant, but as doctors, of course it would be nicer if it’s confirmed by tests! And it’s officially confirmed! We’re going to have a baby! Ni hindi pa kami pumupunta sa Bulacan to dance! But we’d have to go pa rin kahit buntis na ako just to give thanks.

Gosh…

Magkaka-baby kami.

It still felt surreal.

“May lahi ka ba ng kambal?” he asked.

“What?”

“Wala sa side namin, e,” he said. “Baka meron sa inyo.”

“Uh… kambal kami ni Rhys?” I reminded him. Confused na ako sa mga sinasabi ni Chester.

His eyes widened. “Oo nga pala!” he said like he was surprised. “May chance na kambal iyong anak natin,” he added like he was talking to himself. “Parang maganda kapag kagaya niyo ni Rhys na isang babae tapos isang lalaki. Pero kahit isa lang, okay lang basta walang maging complication.”

I felt like nagmomonologue na lang si Chester. I just let him because his excitement was contagious. Before Chester, I thought na kung sinuman ang mapapangasawa ko, of course gusto niya rin ng baby kasi isa ’yan sa goal ko. But I didn’t think that I’d meet someone na mas excited sa akin na magkaroon ng baby. He’s like really excited!

At this point, I was really, really convinced that Chester was tailor-made just for me.

Hanggang makauwi kami sa apartment ay ang dami-daming sinasabi ni Chester. Pagpasok namin, naglakad ako papunta sa room para magbihis but napahinto ako when I saw what Chester was about to do. I watched as he put the bag on the table at saka inilabas iyong mga pinabili sa amin na vitamins and supplements. I watched as he carefully arranged them. This was such a turn on.

“Bakit?” he asked nang mapatingin siya sa akin.

I shook my head while my arms were crossed against my chest. “Nothing,” I said.

“Okay…” he replied with his forehead creased. “Kailan natin sasabihin sa iba?” he asked. “Tapos naman na sa first trimester. Pero in a month na halos ’yung kay Cha. Pwede ka pa kaya umalis nun?”

Chester was generally the quiet type. I mean, he’d talk naman but he’s mostly quiet… but now, it felt like he had a million questions he wanted to ask.

“What?” he asked again when he caught me still staring.

“Nothing.”

“Ano nga?”

I shrugged. “Just… that you’re so excited.”

“Hindi ka ba excited?”

“Excited,” I said.

“Okay…”

I walked up to him and then wrapped my arms around his torso. I hugged him and placed my face against his chest. This was probably my favorite—whenever I was hugging him.

“I’m equally excited,” I said as I relaxed against him. “I’m just tired.”

“Matulog ka muna,” he replied. “Ano’ng gusto mong kainin? May cravings ka ba?”

Umiling ako. “Wala naman.”

“Banana cue?”

“I’m over it,” I replied. “I just want to sleep.”

“Okay. Matulog ka muna.”

“Tabi tayo,” I said.

“May gagawin—” he said, but napatigil siya when he saw me staring at him. He sighed as he nodded. “Fine…”

I beamed. “Thank you!” I said as I planted a kiss on his lips.

Chester has always been nice to me naman, but ever since I got pregnant, he’s been more giving! Feel ko talaga I could literally ask for anything and he’d give it to me if he could! Kaya naman I kept on reminding myself na ’wag masyadong mag-request sa kanya. I told myself na kapag may uncontrollable cravings lang ako saka ako magrerequest kay Chester.

“Chester,” I said.

“Hmm?” he replied as he was caressing my arm.

“About us telling others about the pregnancy,” I said and I felt him turning his head to look at me. Tumingin din ako sa kanya. “Can we keep this to ourselves muna? Just for a little longer?”

“Okay…” he replied. “But can I ask why?”

I shrugged. “I know they’ll be happy for us, but I just feel like it would be insensitive of us kasi ’di ba iyong nangyari kay Dylan…” sabi ko sa kanya.

I know we’re extremely happy for the pregnancy. We waited for this. We prayed for this. The baby’s healthy; I was healthy. Okay naman lahat… It wouldn’t hurt us to keep this to ourselves muna. Hindi naman namin itatago. We’d tell them soon.

“Okay,” he said. “Pero kailan natin sasabihin?”

I shrugged again. “Kapag pumunta tayo sa Alaska?”

“Magugulat si Cha na buntis ka.”

“Sabihin natin na surprise, ganon.”

“If you say so,” he said.

“Gusto mo ba sabihin na?”

He nodded. “Pero kung ayaw mo pa, okay lang naman,” he told me. “Whatever you want,” he added as he planted a kiss on my forehead.

I bit my lower lip. Ito na naman siya at pinagbibigyan ako. I promised myself that I shouldn’t let this happen and shouldn’t allow this to happen. Just because I was pregnant didn’t mean that I get to have everything.

“We’ll tell my family,” I said.

“Akala ko ayaw mo?”

“Changed my mind,” I said with a grin on my face kasi alam ko na he’d feel guilty na I changed my mind dahil sa tono ng boses niya. “I feel like mapapansin din nila, so might as well tell them, right?”

He still wasn’t saying anything—nakakunot lang iyong noo niya while he was looking at me.

“Pretty sure my mom will volunteer to buy all the things we’d need for the baby,” I told him. “And with Rhys, I know he told you to propose before the baby, pero ’wag mo na pansinin ’yon. He’ll get over it.”

Gosh… Now that I was thinking about the ways that we’d tell my family na buntis ako, I suddenly felt weirded out! Because if we tell them that I was pregnant, then they’d know that we had sex because duh! Babies equal sex. It’s just weird to think about my family knowing that I had sex! Feel ko naman alam nila, but for some reason, this was making me overthink things!

“Okay ka lang?” Chester asked.

I shook my head. “No…” I whispered as I told him my dilemma. He just looked at me like I was insane and I just explained to him that it’s making me feel weird that they’d know for sure that we’re having sex. Iyon lang ang pinaguusapan namin at hindi na ako nakatulog.

---

We arranged a meeting with my family to tell them na buntis ako. As expected, my parents were super happy for us! Si Rhys naman ay nakatingin lang kay Chester na parang may gustong sabihin. I told him to behave, but he just shrugged. Tapos ay nagusap sila ni Chester. I asked Chester kung ano ang pinagusapan nila ni Rhys, but he told me that it’s confidential. It’s weird that those two have secrets!

I also told Iñigo and he was very happy for me. Ni hindi nga niya nabanggit si Dylan. He was just… happy for me. I felt guilty for a second na inisip ko na may chance na iyon ang maisip niya. Iñigo would always root for my happiness.

I was packing our things na kasi sa isang araw na iyong flight namin papunta sa Alaska.

“Chester,” I called while I was in the middle of rolling the clothes kasi based on experience, mas maraming mailalagay na damit sa bag kapag ganoon nakaayos.

Tumingin siya sa akin. He was in the middle of reading some research. I mean, nagbabasa rin naman ako ng medical journals to be updated sa mga ganap sa medical world, but I just realized na between the two of us, si Chester iyong mahilig talaga magaral. He reads medical journals for fun! How cute was that!

“Just totally a curious question, okay?” sabi ko and tumango siya. “Since flight na sa isang araw and same flight tayo nila Chase… will you tell them or like surprise na lang sa airport kapag nakita nila tayo?” I asked genuinely because I looked really pregnant right now! Like there’s no denying na buntis ako. Hindi ko na masuot iyong normal clothes ko. Good thing I love shopping kaya nag-enjoy pa rin naman ako mamili ng maternity clothes.

“Sinabi ko na kay Chase,” he said.

My eyes widened. “Really?” He nodded. “What did he say?”

“Congrats?”

“Oh. Tell him I said thanks!” sabi ko tapos napailing na lang si Chester na parang natatawa sa akin. What? It’s the polite thing to do!

“Sabihin ko kay Papa bukas?” he said like he was asking me for confirmation.

I just shrugged. “Tell him, not tell him, it’s totally up to you,” I said with a smile. “But seriously, when he sees me, he’d know!” sabi ko kay Chester. “Look at me! I still can’t believe I’m not carrying twins!” dugtong ko kasi ang laki talaga ng tiyan ko!

Tinawanan lang ako ni Chester, but it’s true kaya! My stomach’s so big that I’d probably go on maternity leave earlier than planned because I couldn’t bear to stay on my feet for too long. Mabilis na sumakit iyong paa ko.

I was in the middle of my rant about how my feet were always hurting when Chester stood up. Lumapit siya sa akin. He sat on the opposite side of the couch and then grabbed my feet and placed it on his lap.

I looked at him as he was massaging my swollen ankle.

“You’re getting better at this na,” I said because it’s true! When I first complained about my feet, Chester tried to massage me. It was okay naman… but he’s so much better now!

“Nagresearch ako,” he replied.

“I thought you were reading medical journals!” I said and then napapikit na lang ulit ako kasi ang galing niya na talaga! I wondered kung ano kaya ’yang binasa niyang research.

Chester continued to do what he was doing. He was so good that I just passed out from being too relaxed. But even before I was fully asleep, I felt him kissing my forehead and whispered I love you.

---

On our way to the airport, nakatingin lang ako kay Chester. He kept on looking at me and then I’d look away. Tapos titingin ulit ako sa kanya. It was like I could physically see his patience for me wearing thin kasi kanina ko pa ginagawa iyon.

“May dumi ba sa mukha ko?” he asked.

Umiling ako. “Wala,” I replied.

“Okay? May gusto ka bang sabihin?”

Umiling ako. “Wala naman.”

Instead of answering, Chester just gave me a nod. Pagdating namin sa may airport, we were just dropped off by the car that we booked. Chester was the one who got our luggages from the trunk of the car. He literally never makes me do anything! Bawal akong magbuhat ng kahit ano na mabigat. He’d always open the door for me. He’d cook delicious food for me. He’d give me foot rubs. I felt like I was living my best life with him!

‘Dito na kami,’ Chase texted.

‘We’re here na rin,’ I replied.

Wala naman akong ka-text sa mga kapatid ni Chester—well, aside from Cha but close naman kasi kami nun because of Iñigo. But I guessed this whole trip got us both worried kasi nasa iisang lugar lang si Tito Fred and Chester. They’ll be stuck in a plane for a long time. It’s not like before na pwedeng magwalkout iyong isa sa kanila unless may isa sa kanila na willing magtago sa CR. But knowing these two? Anything’s possible! Nakakakaba. Naging textmate tuloy kami bigla ni Chase.

‘Lounge na ba kayo?’ I asked.

‘Yes. Papa’s on his laptop working,’ Chase replied. Napailing na lang ako because Chester brought his iPad din kasi sabi niya magbabasa na lang daw siya. Their mom was really right when she said that they’re so alike!

Chester was the one pushing the trolley while I was holding our passport and tickets. The checking in was easy because we were in business class. Chester said yes eventually because he wanted me to be comfortable during the flight. And nandun na rin siya becuase he said na baka may kailangan ako bigla so dapat nasa tabi ko siya.

And then we were headed to the lounge.

I immediately spotted Chase… and then there was Tito Fred.

Here goes nothing. 

**

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Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I watched Chester’s movement kung magugulat ba siya or what kapag nakita niya si Tito Fred. So far, he was just… normal. Or baka hindi naman kasi talaga siya magugulat dahil alam niya naman na sabay kami sa flight?

And why was I overanalyzing this again? I just told myself na give up na ako, gosh!

“Okay ka lang?” Chester asked nung huminto siya dahil napansin niya na napahinto ako.

I looked. “Yup,” I replied with a smile.

We continued walking. Pagdating namin sa loob, I was just following Chester kung saan siya mauupo. I really thought na doon kami sa kabilang dulo mauupo since marami namang vacant space, but I was actually pleasantly surprised nung maupo kami malapit sa pwesto nila Chase.

I watched as Chester nodded at Chase.

And then he looked at Tito Fred.

“Thank you,” Chester told Tito Fred. Tumango lang siya kay Chester. Naupo na kami. What… was that?

Tito Fred continued to work on his laptop. Si Chester naman ay ayaw atang magpatalo at naglabas din ng iPad niya para magbasa. I, on the other hand, was bored out of my mind but it felt a little weird na makipagkwentuhan kay Chester when Tito Fred’s just right in front of us.

Instead, I stood up and walked to get myself a bottle of water.

“Congrats again,” sabi ni Chase.

“Thank you!” I replied.

We talked for a while. I thought pareho kaming ayaw pa bumalik doon kasi medyo weird iyong atmosphere. It’s like it’d be so awkward if magsalita ka kaya pareho kami ni Chase na nandito lang sa harap ng ref for a few minutes. We just talked about work. I asked him about his plans. So far, siya na iyong pinakamaayos kausap sa mga Viste. If hindi niya lang kamukha iyong mga kapatid niya, I’d think na napalit sa ospital si Chase because he’s different from his siblings.

“Sa tingin mo magbabati pa?” Chase asked.

I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know,” I replied. “I mean, it’d be nice if they do, but really not expecting anything at this point.”

Chase just nodded and didn’t say anything but it was painfully obvious na gusto niyang magkaayos si Tito Fred and si Chester. It must be so weird for him because he lives with his dad, still, tapos as far as I was concerned, he’s in constant communication naman with his siblings. He’s caught dead in the middle.

The entire time na nasa lounge kami, nagwork lang iyong dalawa. I got so bored kaya nagbasa na lang din ako ng medical journal like Chester. At the very least, natuto pa ako.

When boarding time came, nasa kanya-kanyang pwesto na kami. Chester was on the aisle kasi baka may dumaan daw tapos mabunggo ako. Tapos sa other side of the aisle, nandon naman si Tito Fred. Hindi ko alam if sinadya ba ’to ni Chase or what.

“I’ll sleep muna,” I told Chester. “Don’t wake me up for food,” I added because I was at the point of my life na mas importante na sa akin iyong pagtulog.

I quickly fell asleep because I was so tired and just because sleeping’s fun! When I opened my eyes, I didn’t know what time it was already since naka-close na iyong lights. Tumingin ako kay Chester to call his name, but I immediately stopped myself when I saw him holding a drink. And I was about to ask him if he was drinking nang makita ko na umiinom din si Tito Fred.

Oh… so they’re drinking.

Nagusap kaya sila while I was asleep?

For a while, hindi ko alam if magpapanggap ba ako na tulog or if I’d make it known na na gising ako since nagugutom na ako. And I was about to call Chester’s name to ask him to call the flight attendant to bring me food nang marinig ko na magsalita si Tito Fred.

“How’s the baby?”

“Fine.”

And there was a long stretch of silence once again.

“Do you need anything?”

“No, we’re good.”

I mean… if I were Tito Fred, mahihirapan din ako kausapin si Chester. First time ko lang yata na marinig sila na naguusap. Kung ganito nga sila magusap, no wonder na nung kinausap ko si Tito Fred about them, he was rather hopeless about it.

“You can do one thing,” Chester said.

“What?”

“Try to visit at least once,” he replied. “It’s for Gracey, not me.”

Oh, wow.

Why did he lie to his dad? I didn’t ask him to ask him that. Or was it him just trying to mask how he really felt? Because I could clearly remember telling him that I already gave up any hopes of them being okay again.

“I see,” Tito Fred said.

And then there was silence once again.

I really tried to just pretend that I was still asleep but the baby inside me was already making protest. I yawned and then stretched my arms at saka tumingin ako kay Chester na parang bagong gising lang ako.

“Food,” I said. Tapos ay tumingin ako sa hawak niya. “You’re drinking?” I asked kasi weird naman if hindi ko papansinin na umiinom siya.

He nodded. “Isa lang.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine,” I told him because I knew that ever since we got together, hindi na talaga siya umiinom just because I flinched once when I smelled the faint smell of beer. Doon ko talaga na-realize na if someone really cares about you, they would notice the small details and they would do something about it—because they do care.

Chester called the flight attendant and I told her what I wanted to eat. Tapos tumayo si Chester para magpunta sa CR. Napatingin ako sa side ko tapos nakita ko na nakatingin sa akin si Tito Fred. I wanted to ask him if may sasabihin ba siya sa akin or what, but I decided against it na lang kasi parang may chance naman na maging okay sila, but it would take a really long time talaga. But hey, at least there’s a little improvement.

The rest of the flight, I just ate, sleep, and watched movies with Chester. I wanted to cuddle, but seriously, lagi ko nafi-feel na tumitingin sa amin si Tito Fred kaya hindi ko na ginawa. Ilang beses na rin ako na natulog lang just to give them a chance to talk. Ewan ko if nagusap nga sila, but I sure hope that they did.

“What… the hell?” Cha said nang makita niya kami. Hindi kasi talaga namin sinabi sa kanya because ang tagal din namin nag-decide ni Chester if tutuloy kami and ayaw naman namin na sabihin na pupunta kami just to end up cancelling. She’s been through so much, so ayaw lang namin siya i-disappoint, if ever.

“Surprise!” I shouted, hugging her. I didn’t know if she was so surprised because she didn’t hug me back, or if it was just typical of Cha na hindi naman yumayakap talaga. “Ninang ka, okay? Kailangan mong umuwi sa Pilipinas para sa binyag!”

Her forehead creased. “Nagpa-buntis ka ba para kailanganin kong umuwi?”

“Maybe…” she said, shrugging. “But really, ninang ka, okay?” I asked. Pwede ba na ninong si Iñigo and ninang si Cha? Or if ninong si Iñigo, automatic na na ninang si Cha? Because I was pretty sure that those two will get married in the near future. It’s confusing. Hindi ko rin alam kung sino ang tatanungin ko about that because it’s not as if there’s a rulebook about that.

“Bakit hindi ko alam?” Cha asked Chester.

Chester shrugged. “Surprise daw.”

“Bakit kailangan ako ma-surprise?” Cha asked, confusion was painted over all her usually just stoic face.

Chester, once again, shrugged.

Gosh, this family… Mabuti na lang nandito si Chase kung hindi baka natuyuan na ako ng laway sa kanila kasi sobrang magsasalita lang if may itatanong ka or what. Tapos straight to the point pa na madalas, no room for follow-up question.

We went to Cha’s apartment. She told me that it was originally Katherine’s apartment but that it was given to her kasi umuwi na raw si Katherine sa Manila. The place was undeniably pretty! If hindi pa sinabi sa akin ni Cha na hindi siya iyong nag-decorate, I’d really think na may kakaibang epekto sa kanya iyong Alaska and maybe I’d suggest to Tito Fred na dito muna sila ni Chester for a while.

“Di ka ba matutulog?” Cha asked me when she saw me. Tulog na kasi agad si Chester. Nasobrahan yata ako sa tulog sa plane just to give them chance to talk kaya ngayon, wala ng tulog na natitira pa for me.

“No. Tulog lang ako sa plane, e,” I said. “Yung dalawa uminom lang kaya masakit ulo.”

“Sinong dalawa?”

“Chester and your dad.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “I did hear them talk.”

“Naguusap naman sila,” Cha said.

“I know but…” I replied and smiled a little. “You know.”

Cha gave me a small nod. I didn’t ask her about it, but I would definitely listen if she’d say something. Ang naririnig ko pa lang kasi na perspective sa nangyari sa kanila before ay iyong kay Chester. It would probably be nice to hear it from another person’s point of view.

“I don’t really want to get in between them,” Cha said.

“I’m not asking you,” I told her.

She nodded. “I know,” she replied. “Papa and I are okay now because I chose to be okay,” sabi niya. “This whole year has been tiring.”

All I could give her was a small nod.

“But… we’re okay because I made the conscious decision to be okay with what Papa did,” sabi ni Cha. “You know Chester—kapag pinilit mo, he’d probably say yes just to appease you but you’ll know that he feels the opposite.”

I sighed. “I know. Like undoubtedly magkapatid kayo,” I said. “Sometimes, I do wonder if ampon ba si Chase.”

Cha almost choked on the water she was drinking.

“I mean, he’s so warm! Iba sa inyong magkakaptid,” I continued, immediately explaining myself. “I mean, nothing’s wrong din naman sa inyo,” I added further.

Tumango siya. “Napagusapan namin ’yun.”

“What? Na ampon si Chase?” She shrugged. My eyes widened. “Cha! That’s so mean.”

“Inisip mo rin naman. Kapag ako, mean agad?” she asked na for a moment, akala ko si Iñigo ang kausap ko kasi ganito sumagot ’yun, e. Totoo siguro talaga na the more you spend time with that person, the more you’ll likely adapt his traits. I did wonder kung medyo nagiging magkaugali na kami ni Chester? But like so unlikely kasi hindi pa rin naman siya mahilig maglinis ng bahay.

After I while, I decided that even if hindi pa ako inaantok, I should head to bed na. I tried to make as little movement as possible, but I guess since I was heavy na due to pregnancy, nagising pa rin si Chester.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” I said.

Chester didn’t say any audible words. Instead, he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. He really did try his best to pull me close despite my huge belly between us.

I relaxed and tried to just gradually fall asleep pero agad na bumukas iyong mga mata ni Chester when we both felt the baby kick.

“Masakit?” he asked.

“Kinda,” I replied. “A kicker.”

Hinawakan ni Chester iyong tiyan ko. Huminto na si baby sa pagsipa. So unfair na ako iyong nagdadala sa kanya but it felt like mas love niya si Chester. But I couldn’t blame him because he’s so consistent! Kahit pagod na pagod sa work ’yan he’d still make time na kausapin iyong baby. Kahit nga ata tulog na ako, kausap niya pa rin, e. Sometimes, feel ko best friend na silang dalawa tapos nakaharang lang ako sa gitna.

“Kailan tayo papakasal?” Chester asked.

“What? So random.”

He shrugged. “Kailan mo gusto?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Pwede manganak muna ako?”

Natawa siya. “Syempre,” sagot niya. “Nagtatanong lang kung next year ba o ano.”

“Hmm… Pwede kaya kapag pwede na maglakad iyong baby natin para siya iyong flower girl?” I asked.

Chester nodded. “Pwede naman.”

“Okay,” I said as I smiled.

“Bahay?” he asked.

“Bahay?”

He nodded. “Gusto mo ba lumipat sa bahay talaga?”

Kumunot iyong noo ko. “What’s up with the 20 questions, Viste?” I asked because he’s being kind of weird right now sa mga tanong niya.

“We’re having a baby,” he said.

“Uh… I know?” I replied as I motioned towards my very pregnant self.

“I just want to be more responsible,” sabi niya.

“Aren’t we responsible?” I asked.

“We are… I think,” sabi niya sa akin. “Parehong marami tayong ginagawa. After ng maternity leave mo, ano’ng game plan?” he asked.

I looked at him. “I’m actually thinking of staying at home for a while… if that’s okay with you?” I asked because we waited for this—I have waited for this. I wanted to be there to experience everything kasi hindi ako sigurado if mauulit pa ba.

“Oo naman,” he replied.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Natanong ko lang kasi baka gusto mong kumuha ng magaalaga.”

“No,” I replied. “I want to take care of our baby.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll definitely miss working, but I feel like I will regret not doing this if I don’t.”

“Understood,” he said as he planted a kiss on my forehead. “Tungkol sa bahay? Since ’di ka na muna pala magta-trabaho kaya pwede kahit hindi na malapit sa work.”

“Okay lang sa ’yo if malayo?” I asked kasi sobrang convenient talaga na walking distance lang. Hindi na namin kailangan makipagsiksikan sa on call room. We could go home whenever we want.

“Basta ’wag iyong tipo na dadaan pa sa expressway.”

Medyo natawa ako. “No naman,” I said. “Like… I don’t know… Antipolo? Somewhere na hindi Metro Manila but also not very province.”

That night, we talked about where we’d live, what kind of house, how many rooms, and all kinds of plans that made me really look forward to what’s next for us as a family. 

**

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Chapter 28

Chapter 28

“Wag niyo kasing titigan,” Cha said sa aming dalawa ni Chase.

“We’re not doing anything,” I said.

Cha deadpanned. “Right.”

I pouted and tried my best na lang na ’wag tignan sina Tito Fred and Chester. We were at Target kasi tapos naglalakad-lakad lang kami. I was talking with Cha regarding kay Iñigo kaya hindi ko talaga alam kung ano iyong nangyayari kanina. And then tinawag ako ni Chase and he pointed out na magkasama sina Chester and Tito Fred. They were talking! And admittedly, we were staring.

After going around, we decided to eat na kasi nagugutom na ako. The meal was mostly Chase and me engaging in a conversation tapos iyong tatlong Viste ay tahimik na kumakain. Tapos naguusap si Tito Fred and Cha, but I figured that was mostly about sa pending case ni Cha. Medyo ayaw pa rin niya kasing umuwi sa Pilipinas. I completely understood. Nung unang nangyari din sa akin iyon, ni ayokong lumabas ng bahay due to the fear and paranoia na baka mangyari ulit sa akin…

It did get better.

But it took me a long, long time.

I’d pray for Cha to be okay. She deserved peace. And happiness with Iñigo.

Pagbalik namin sa bahay, I immediately excused myself because I wanted to rest na. Habang patagal nang patagal iyong pregnancy ko, parang gusto ko na lang na nasa kama ako palagi kasi ang hirap kaya maglakad. But I also knew that I needed to walk around and to get moving para hindi ako mahirapan sa panganganak. I was still undecided if I’d go with natural birth kasi alam ko naman na masakit… but at the same time, I was thinking na baka hindi na ’to maulit, so I wanted to experience everything, if possible.

When I woke up, my hands automatically reached for Chester, but his side of the bed was empty. I stood up to grab myself a glass of water. Paglabas ko, nakita ko na parang tulog na iyong lahat. Gabi na pala. Ang tagal pala nung supposedly nap ko.

I was about to go to the ref nang makita ko sa labas si Chester and Cha. They were on the same place kung saan nagusap kami ni Cha kagabi. I just grabbed myself a glass of water and began to walk towards them para tumabi sa kanila, but I stopped when I realized na mukhang serious talk silang dalawang magkapatid.

“Pano mo nga ginawa?” I heard Chester asked.

“I just did,” Cha said.

“Paano nga?”

“Sa tingin mo ba may ten steps akong mabibigay?” Cha replied. I was sure na naka-deadpan siya nang sinabi niya ’yon. Ganon kasi iyong itsura niya when she’s about to say something sarcastic—I knew kasi nung before na nasa ligawan stage pa sila ni Iñigo, laging ginagaya ni Iñigo iyong ganyan na expression ni Cha.

“Tss.” Chester leaned back. “Hirap naman kasi.”

“Wala namang pumipilit sa ’yo.”

“Mas madali kasi kung ayos na.”

“Dahil kay Gracey?”

Chester didn’t reply, but I saw him nod his head.

“Hindi ka naman pinipilit nun, ’di ba?”

He shook his head. “I know but… it’d make her happy.”

“I don’t think she’ll be happy if she knows you’re just forcing yourself na maging okay kayo ni Papa,” Cha replied. “Just let it go. Or let things happen naturally.”

“Still,” Chester said. “I love her, you know? I want to give her everything.”

Nabulunan si Cha sa iniinom niya na tsaa. “Sorry,” she said. “Ang weird pakinggan.”

“I know. Felt the same sa inyo ni Iñigo.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s true—you two were suffocating.”

Mukhang tapos na sila sa seryosong usapan nila dahil nagaasaran na sila ngayon. Ganito pala sila magusap. It looked nice. Akala ko kasi serious all over lang silang magkakapatid. I guess Chester was right when he said na close naman silang magkakapatid, but it was different. Or baka hindi lang sila comfortable na ipakita around other people kasi kapag ganito na silang dalawa lang, ang ganda ng banter nila.

Tumalikod na lang ako to give them privacy and for them to talk pa because it honestly looked really good to see them joking around like that. But nung papabalik ako, nakasalubong ko bigla si Tito Fred.

“Tito,” I called. Napatingin siya sa akin. “I know you’re trying… but try harder,” I continued as I gave him a smile bago ako dumiretso pabalik sa kwarto ko.

Personally, I didn’t really mind na kung anuman ang mangyayari sa kanilang dalawa, but I also knew na deep down, Chester’s still longing for his dad. I mean, it’s kinda natural… I guess? He’s his only living parent. Pride lang siguro kaya he kept on using me as his excuse kung bakit niya ginagawa.

I was just reading journals when Chester came back. His face seemed really happy like he was just laughing and smiling. Ano kaya ang pinagusapan nila ni Cha? Hindi ko naman matatanong kasi malalaman niya na narinig ko iyong kanina.

“Kanina ka pa gising?” he asked as he sat on his side of the bed.

I nodded. “Hindi ako makatayo,” I replied.

“Should’ve called me.”

I shrugged. “I just browsed sa listing na lang,” I said and pinakita ko sa kanya iyong ilang naka-bookmark sa akin na magandang place sa Antipolo.

The next few days were just spent us going to different restos. Walang kwentang tourguide si Cha dahil hindi rin naman daw siya lumalabas. Si Chase pa tuloy iyong naging abala sa paghahanap kung saan kami pupunta. Although I guess the good thing about this ay nakikita ko na medyo nageeffort na si Tito Fred with Chester. Kinda. I mean, it’s not much, but it’s a start.

“Have a safe flight,” Cha said nang ihatid niya kami sa airport.

I hugged her as much as I possibly could. “Thank you. We’ll be waiting for you.”

“I know,” she replied.

“Ninang ka.”

“Akala ko si Iñigo?” she asked.

“Yes, siya rin,” I replied.

“So, bakit ninang din ako?”

I grinned. “So, are you saying na magkakabalikan kayo?”

Her forehead grinned. “We didn’t really break up,” she said so casually na for some reason, kinilig ako. Feel ko ako iyong kinilig in Iñigo’s stead dahil wala naman siya rito.

I was grinning so hard na inirapan na ako ni Cha. After that, syempre sila namang magkakamag-anak ang nagpaalaman. It was… a sight. Kulang na lang mag-nod lang sila sa isa’t-isa. This family’s so fascinating to observe talaga.

Pagdating namin sa lounge, as usual nagchismisan lang kami ni Chase. Kahit siya napansin niya iyong improvement. Then sa plane, hindi ko alam iyong nangyari because I was just asleep and I’d just wake up to eat and then I’d sleep again. Sobrang nakakapagod. I was happy being pregnant, but I couldn’t wait to get back to my normal routine! Ni hindi na nga ako makapaglinis because I couldn’t even bend down to pick-up the trash!

“Bakit… ka umiiyak?” Chester asked one time nang maabutan niya ako standing in the middle of the living room, with tears in my eyes.

“Hindi ko maabot,” I said.

“Ang alin?” he asked, closing the gap between us and standing right in front of me.

I pointed at the piece of trash on the floor. “I couldn’t. I’ve been trying for minutes.”

He was looking at me with such bewilderment in his eyes. I began to bawl my eyes out kasi alam ko na ang weird ng iniiyakan ko but I couldn’t stop myself! My hormone’s still going crazy and it’s just going to get more crazy once I give birth!

Chester picked up the trash.

“Thank you,” I said with tears in my eyes habang inaabot niya sa akin iyong kalat. “I miss cleaning so much…” I continued.

“Gracey,” he replied. “I love how weird you are. Never change,” he added as he planted a kiss on my forehead.

“Gusto ko talaga maglinis but I can’t even bend kahit konti.”

“Oh, I know,” he replied and I frowned because I knew he was talking about the bedroom! As if naman choice ko ’yon. Hello, pregnant over here?

I groaned. “Hate you.”

He chuckled. “No, you don’t,” he said, kissing me on the lips again. “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. Gusto ko lang namang maglinis,” I said.

“Kailangan mo ba talagang yumuko? May vacuum naman?”

“May mga kalat na hindi nakukuha ng vacuum,” I explained. “Plus paano ko pupunasan iyong coffee table?” I asked and then explained to him my process kung paano ako naglilinis dito sa apartment. Palibasa madalas dadating siya rito na malinis na. May system na nga ako, e. Kapag dumating siya na nakasindi iyong candle sa may coffee table, it meant na ayoko na galawin niya iyong bagong linis. Kapag hindi naman, feel free to lounge around. He actually came up with the idea since sabi nila minsan daw sobrang linis and organized na nakakahiyang maupo sa couch.

“Okay,” he said. “What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “Can you clean?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll watch.”

His forehead creased and his lips parted a little. “Pardon?”

“You clean and I’ll watch,” I said.

“Okay… This sounds a bit sexual for some reason.”

My eyes widened. “Chester!”

“What? Totoo naman.”

“I was asking you to clean, not to strip naked!”

“Might as well,” he said. “You’ll ask me to bend down.”

“Para pumulot ng kalat!”

He dismissively waived his hand. “Tomatoe, tomato.”

“Gosh, your mind!”

He just shook his head while he was grinning. “Kunin ko lang walis. Ano ba’ng una kong gagawin?”

“Hindi ko alam na tuloy. You made it sound so weird.”

“I mean… you wanted to watch me clean. It is weird.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I love you, but it is weird,” he said. “But I’ll still do it because I do love you.”

I wrinkled my nose. This guy’s getting too comfortable throwing those three words. Lagi tuloy akong kinikilig!

“Tell me when I need to bend over.”

“Chester!” I admonished pero tinawanan niya lang ako.

This guy, really!

I made him vacuum all over the apartment tapos pinagpunas ko rin siya ng mga surface. He was in the middle of reorganizing the pantry when I called his name.

“May mali ba akong nagawa?” he asked while holding the container of our rice.

I shook my head. “I think my water just broke,” I replied as I stared at him with my eyes wide open.

Internally, I was already panicking. I knew naman na hindi exact iyong due date na binibigay and I was due one of these days, but still, when you’re in the exact moment, it felt like all the preparations we did just flew out the window!

And I thought that Chester would probably panic, too, instead, he drew a deep breath, looked me in the eye, and said, “Can’t wait to meet our baby.”

**

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Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Chester was taking the lead as I was focused solely on breathing evenly. Gosh! I knew that this would hurt! Ang dami kaya naming binasa ni Chester na books about child birth (na akala mo hindi pa namin nabasa before because of school) and raising a child… But gosh! The real thing was just one unimaginable pain after another!

I was doing the breathing exercise with my eyes closed when I felt Chester holding my hand. I opened my eyes and our eyes met in an instant.

“I’m not gonna ask if it hurts.”

“Yes. Do that,” I said as I bit my lower lip. “This really hurts.”

Instead of telling me words that probably would be of no help, I just felt him kissing the side of my head and whispered ‘I love you.’ That didn’t help alleviate the pain but… it felt nice. It felt nice to once again hear that he loves me. Makes it a tiny bit easier to go through this excruciating pain. Because that’s the reason why we’re doing this—because we love each other and we wanted to build a family together.

We’d be so good at this.

I just knew that we’d be good parents to this kid.

“15 mins daw,” sabi ni Chester.

“Okay,” I replied. “Can you please tell them to bring steak?”

“What?”

“Steak,” I said. “I want to eat steak.”

Nakakunot ang noo niya. “Okay…” he said, looking at me weirdly. “Medium rare, right?”

Tumango ako. “Please remind Rhys sa mashed potato,” I said as I felt yet another contraction coming my way. Humigpit iyong pagkakahawak ko sa kamay ni Chester. Good thing wala naman siyang plan maging surgeon because if he does? Gosh! Kanina ko pa pinipisil iyong kamay niya whenever I’d feel contractions. Wala naman akong naririnig na reklamo from his part apart from him saying that this was shared pain. Ugh! If shared pain, I’d like him to go through the actual child birth instead of me.

Although he did promise that he’d be the one to take care of the baby at night so that I could catch some sleep. That was bare minimum, I knew, but also, a lot of other people do not get even the bare minimum… so I feel lucky.

“My baby’s having a baby!” Mama said nang dumating siya.

I gave her a weak smile. I felt like puro pawis na iyong ulo ko sa sobrang sakit ng contractions ko. But I didn’t want to worry them. I was fine. Nandito naman si Chester sa tabi ko.

“Where’s Rhys?” I asked.

“Getting your steak,” Mama said.

“Oh… Right. I forgot,” I replied. Isa rin sa mga changes sa akin sa pregnancy iyong pagiging makakalimutin ko. I surely did hope na ’wag naman ’tong permanent because ang hirap naman if biglang may malimutan ako na patient habang nasa work ako!

My parents just stayed in the room. Kapag papasok iyong doctor, though, ay lalabas si Papa. It’s awkward for me, but pretty sure it’s more awkward for him! Mabuti na lang at wala si Rhys dito because that’s going to be even more awkward!

“I think we’re ready,” the doctor said. Gosh. That took 16 hours!

I looked at Chester. “I’m scared, but excited,” I told him.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. “You know if I could give birth instead, I really would, right?” he asked, looking straight into my eyes.

I nodded. “I know,” I replied, knowing that he really meant it.

This guy, through the course of my pregnancy, did ridiculous things just to keep me happy. If that’s not love… I truly do not know what is!

The nurses prepped me. Si Chester iyong sasama sa akin sa delivery room. I think we’d be fine kasi ang nabasa namin online, some guys just faint inside. Hindi naman mangyayari kay Chester ’yon because he’s a doctor. Baka nga tumingin pa siya, e! But I made him promise na hindi siya titingin doon! That would probably ruin our sexy fun times kapag nakita niya iyon all stretched out while giving birth!

“We’ll be right here waiting,” Mama said.

“Sana sandali lang,” I said.

She smiled as she caressed my cheek. “It’ll be over before you know it,” Mama said in her usual reassuring tone that made everything a little better. I mean, she did give birth not once, but twice sa aming dalawa ni Rhys! If she said it’ll be over quickly, I’d choose to believe in her words. Ang laki pa naman ng ulo ni Rhys—imagine the torture he caused our mom mula pagkapanganak pa lang hanggang paglaki niya.

Pagdating namin sa delivery room, I just focused on breathing. Nandoon lang iyong focus ko. I didn’t want to focus on the pain, on the anxiety, on anything else. I just really wanted to give birth to our baby.

I wanted to meet him.

I wanted to see Chester with our baby.

“I promise hindi ako titingin,” Chester whispered in my ear.

I glared at him. “You wouldn’t dare!”

He chuckled. “You do know I’m a doctor.”

“Well, you’re here not as a doctor, but as my future husband.”

He shrugged. “What if I become curious?” he asked and I just glared at him tapos tinawanan niya lang ako.

“And don’t you dare ask for the husband stitch.”

His forehead creased. “What? Of course not,” sabi niya sa akin tapos ay hinalikan ulit iyong noo ko. “You’re perfect as you are, okay?” he continued and then planted a kiss on my lips. “Can’t wait to start our little family, Gracey.”

The doctor told me to breathe and then to push and to just keep on pushing. Chester just stayed by my side and held my hand. He didn’t say a word, but he just stayed and wiped my tears when I was just crying because of how badly this hurt.

“A little more, Gracey,” the doctor said.

“How much more is a little more,” I said in between tears.

“Deep breath and push, okay?”

Wala na akong maintindihan.

Chester held my hand tighter. I drew a deeper breath and pushed kahit hindi ko na maintindihan iyong instructions sa akin. I felt like I was being broken in half and it hurt so badly…

But then I heard cries.

I opened my eyes and looked at Chester.

“Is that our baby?” I asked with tears in my eyes. Gosh. Sabay pa kami ng baby namin na umiiyak.

“Pwede na ba akong tumingin?” Chester asked.

“What?” I asked, still delirious from the pain.

“Sabi mo kasi bawal akong tumingin dun,” he replied, still looking at just my face. I probably looked horrendous right now dahil puro ako pawis and luha.

“Yes, please look at our baby, Chester!”

He quickly nodded. “Okay, okay,” he said as he planted a kiss on my forehead. Tumingin siya doon. His forehead was in crease like he was in deep concentration. “Ten fingers. Ten toes. All accounted for,” he said.

My lips parted. “Okay…” I said.

“Tama ’yung ultrasound,” he said. “We have a son.”

“Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?”

Chester nodded. “Yes,” he said. Tumingin siya sa akin. “I promise hindi ako titingin sa baba.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I replied.

He bent down and kissed my forehead again. “I love you so much,” he said.

Lumapit si Chester sa doctor. I tried to watch as he cut the umbilical cord, but my eyes were just following our baby. Not that I was doubting the hospital, but I gave Chester a strict instruction not to let our baby out of his sight.

“Oh, my god,” I said as our baby was put on my chest. “He’s gorgeous,” I mouthed to Chester.

He nodded. “We made a gorgeous baby,” he replied.

“Can you ask the nurse to take a photo of us?”

“Of course,” Chester said as he kissed my forehead again.

I looked at our baby who was now sleeping soundly on my chest. Gosh… he’s finally here! And he’s so beautiful! I wished he’d take after Chester! I mean, fine, kahit eyes man lang sana ni Chester makuha niya. Ano kaya ang itsura ng eyes niya?

“Ready?” the nurse said habang naka-crouch down si Chester sa tabi ko.

“Ready,” I replied as I smiled and hoped na lang na hindi ako mukhang ewan sa picture. I should have really followed Yanyan’s advice when she told me that I should go into delivery with a full face makeup para hindi ako mukhang ewan after. Half the time kasi, I couldn’t take her seriously.

“I love you,” sabay naming sinabi ni Chester. Sabay kaming natawa. He leaned in, kissed me, and whispered I love you once again.

---

Pagbalik namin sa room, I was actually surprised na nandun si Tito Fred. I thought he’d visit like in a week. Ewan. But it’s great that he’s here kasi medyo weird pala if family ko lang iyong nandito tapos walang representative from Chester’s family. I wouldn’t expect his siblings to visit, honestly. They’re a different bunch—well, except Chase. I think he told me he’d visit but I wasn’t sure. Pregnancy brain.

“Where’s the baby?” Mama asked.

“I’m fine. Thank you for asking,” I said and she laughed. “They’ll bring him later,” I added.

Nagusap sila doon and honestly, I just focused on eating. First time ko lang ulit kumain without guilt! When I was pregnant kasi, I was careful sa kung ano ang kakainin ko. Chester didn’t know how long I dreamt about eating steak!

“Mabulunan ka,” Rhys said.

I grinned at him. “Thanks for the steak.”

He rolled his eyes. “You freaking weirdo,” sabi niya sa akin. “Kung kailan malapit na kami saka ka hihingi ng ganon.”

“E ’dun ko lang naalala, e.”

“Bakit hindi asawa mo pabilhin mo?”

“Ikaw mas gusto kong utusan.”

He just rolled his eyes again. I rolled my eyes at him, too. I saw Papa just shaking his head at us. What? We may be adults, but we’d always, always fight like kids. The twin curse.

Rhys was being a pest as usual nang mapatingin ako kina Chester and Tito Fred na magkausap. But maybe ‘talking’ was a bit of a stretch because they looked like they were just nodding or shaking their heads back and forth. But who knows? The Viste people converse differently from us mere mortals. They reserve their animated conversation when they’re alone—like they’ll die kapag nakita ng ibang tao na marunong pala silang mag-joke.

“Oh, my god, he’s beautiful!” agad kong narinig na sabi ni Mama nang dumating na iyong baby. “What’s his name, Gracey?”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Chester. “We haven’t decided pa,” I said because we’re down to two names and we decided na we’d pick the name kung ano iyong mas bagay once we met the baby.

Pero mukhang wala namang pakielam na si Mama sa sinabi ko because she was just focused on her apo.

“Do you feel the pressure?” I asked Rhys.

He rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he replied and I just laughed at him.

Lahat sila naka-focus sa baby. I was fine with it, though. I didn’t want them looking at me, anyway, because I still felt a little weird.

“Why are you here?” I asked Chester.

“What?”

“Ayun ’yung baby,” I said.

“I know.”

“I’m fine here,” I said, smiling, because it was true. I was still happy because of the steak.

“Dito lang ako,” sabi ni Chester.

I shrugged. “Okay, then.”

Chester pulled a chair and naupo siya sa tabi ng kama ko. He was just staring at me. After a little while, I felt conscious na kasi nakatitig talaga siya.

“What?” I asked.

“You’ll think this is a lie.”

“Try me.”

“Okay,” he said. “I know you’re beautiful… but for some reason, you are much more beautiful in my eyes right now.”

“Shut up.”

“Totoo.”

“Kulang ka lang sa tulog.”

“See? Iisipin mo nagsisinungaling ako.”

“Because I look horrible right now.”

“Beg to disagree.”

“Fine.”

“When you gave birth to our son, that’s the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you,” he said, looking me in the eye with such sincerity that it’s hard to believe that he’s just lying to me. “I know it hurt like hell… so, thank you for being brave, Gracey.”

I looked at him, touched his face, and smiled. “You owe me for life,” I said as I caressed his cheek with my thumb and I just felt him laughing and nodding in agreement.

**

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Final Chapter

Final Chapter

“Please? One more for Mama?” I asked Grant. I actually wanted to name him something na nagsisimula sa Ch para in line sa mga Viste, but it was so hard to come up with a name! Chester said that he’d pretty much agree to anything as long as it’s not weird name. I didn’t know what he meant when he said weird. He said he’d know when it’s weird. Instead, we decided to name him Grant because he was granted to us. Because we kinda thought na hindi pwede, but still, he came unexpectedly. I liked the name, so we went with it.

He didn’t shake his head. He just stared at me, but even that little stare was enough to make me stop. Gosh. He really is Chester’s son! Kuhang-kuha iyong mata pati iyong pagtingin!

“One more?”

He just stared at me. Gosh. Paano na kaya ako kapag nasa mood silang dalawa ni Chester? Wala akong makakausap sa bahay! They’re like two peas in a pod.

Grant’s eyes automatically lightened up nang dumating si Chester. There’s no denying that this one’s a daddy’s boy. I mean, I couldn’t blame him, honestly.

“Papa!” he said.

Mabilis na binuhat siya ni Chester. I shook my head at him and he just shrugged. Kakagaling niya lang kasi from work and as much as possible, ayaw ko na hinahawakan niya si Grant before siya magwash-up. Mahirap na, noh.

“Hey, bud,” he said habang buhat niya na si Grant.

I just stood there and watched them habang nagkkwento si Grant sa nangyari sa araw niya. Ang dami niyang kwento kay Chester, to be honest kahit ang ginawa niya lang naman ngayong araw ay manood ng TV at magkalat sa bahay. Pero based sa kwento niya, akala mo may adventure kaming pinuntahan today.

“I’ll just talk to Mama, okay?” sabi niya kay Grant na tumango lang tapos ay ibinaba niya. My hands were crossed against my chest nang lumapit siya sa akin. I shook my head. Natawa siya. “You know the rules.”

“I know,” he said as he wrinkled his nose. “How about flying kiss na lang?”

I rolled my eyes. “Parang bata.”

Natawa siya nang kaunti. “Fine. Stay there. Ligo lang ako.”

“Okay,” I said. “Grant,” I called. He groaned. “You know the drill, mister,” I continued. Napailing na lang ako as I watched him march towards his room. Alam niya naman na his Papa has to wash-up first since galing sa hospital.

“Hindi ako ganyan,” Chester said preemptively.

“Mas lalong hindi ako ganyan,” I replied habang pinapanood pa rin namin magwalkout iyong anak namin.

“I think si Charlie iyong ganyan.”

“Yeah… I think si Rhys din.”

“So, walang namana sa atin?”

“Look at his face—basically you.”

Natawa si Chester and didn’t even try to refute me kasi as in kamukha niya talaga! Like at this point, ako lang iyong nagbuntis, pero si Chester talaga lahat. Pati paglabas, si Chester pa rin ang favorite.

“Yeah… not really sorry,” he said.

I frowned. “Mean,” I replied. “Chester…”

“Yeah?”

“Ligo ka muna. I’ll tell you later.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Why? Is it important?”

I nodded. “I think? Kinda?”

“Sabihin mo na ngayon.”

“Ligo ka muna.”

“Ayoko mag-overthink sa ilalim ng shower.”

Natawa ako. “That sounds so dramatic.”

He shrugged. “So, what do you want to tell me?”

I drew a deep breath. “So…”

“So?” he asked. “Come on. You can tell me anything.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. He’s right. He’s very understanding. He asks for little. He just wanted me to be always happy, he said. And he’s proven that every single day since the moment that we got together. And even now? Even when we’re already married? He just got even better.

It’s true when they say never settle for just okay just because you don’t want to be lonely… because you might end up missing on having the best.

And I can say with confidence that I’m glad I waited—Chester’s the best.

“So, Grant’s attending preschool soon,” I said.

He nodded. “He keeps on telling me.”

Natawa ako. “Such a nerd, that one.”

He shrugged. “Tells me he’s gonna be a doctor, too.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “‘Wanna be like Papa,’ he said.”

I frowned. “Doctor din naman ako!

“Parttime,” Chester kidded.

When Grant turned two, bumalik na ako sa work but I asked for a lighter load since gusto ko na mas marami pa rin akong time sa bahay. But I told Chester na once mag-start na sa school si Grant, I’ll be back fulltime na.

“Yeah, about that,” sabi ko and kumunot ang noo niya. “I’ll still get back to work but…”

“But what?” he asked, prodding me to continue like sinasabi niya na whatever I’d say, he’d try to understand.

“Just… I want another baby,” I finally said, sighing.

“Okay,” he replied. “Do you want us to have a check-up again to see if it’s possible?”

Umiling ako. “No,” sabi ko. “I was actually thinking about adoption? I mean, you said before that you’re fine with it, but it’s been years since then. I just wanted to ask you if same pa rin iyong opinion mo about that.”

Of course kung ayaw ni Chester, hindi ko siya pipilitin. We’re a team. Also, we’d have to ask Grant din. Kung ayaw niya, wala rin kaming magagawa. Kapag ganito na big decisions, I wanted us to decide as a family kasi kami naman lahat ang maaapektuhan nito.

His eyes widened a little. “Oh.”

“You can totally say no, okay?” sabi ko sa kanya. “I want a baby girl. Grant’s such a daddy’s boy.”

“He loves you,” sabi niya.

“Not as much as he loves you.”

Natawa si Chester. “This isn’t a contest.”

“I know…” I said, pouting. “But kidding aside, I actually want another baby. Malungkot kapag mag-isa lang. I mean, I know may mga pinsan naman siya, but still, having a sibling is different, you know?”

Like kami ni Rhys—that guy annoys me to death but also, I knew that whatever happens, he’d always, always have my back.

Like sa mga siblings ni Chester—they may not show it, but they have a different bond.

Gusto ko lang ng ganon for Grant… kasi not to be morbid or anything, but we wouldn’t always be here for him. I wanted him to have a sibling para he’d never, ever be alone, no matter what happens. I wanted him to have someone who’d always have his back.

“Okay,” Chester said.

My eyes widened a little. “Okay as in?”

“Let’s have another baby.”

My eyes widened some more. “For real?!”

He nodded. “We’re gonna do this legally, right?”

“What? Of course!”

“Okay. I thought kukuha lang tayo ng baby sa work.”

My lips parted. “What! You’re crazy!”

Natawa siya. “I mean, if you think about it, naka-display lang sila like they’re up for grabs.”

“Oh, my god. That’s what goes on in your heard kapag dumadaan tayo sa nursery?”

He shrugged. “Pretty much.”

“You’re insane.”

Tumawa siya. “Love you,” he said as he stood up. “Ligo lang ako then let’s discuss it again.”

Nakahinga ako nang maayos after naming magusap. I began to prepare the dinner habang wala iyong dalawa. Pretty sure kasama ni Chester si Grant ngayon para bantayan habang naliligo.

I cooked adobo na kanina pa naka-marinate and of course, rice. Hinanda ko na iyong lamesa. I don’t know… when I do this like this, I think about how I should be a housewife instead. But then again kapag nasa hospital ako, I am reminded of how much I actually love my job.

I guess I’d just do my best to be both. Hindi naman siya mutually exclusive.

While waiting (they’re taking a little while), tumawag si Mama sa akin to ask about some things. She’s the one organizing Grant’s birthday party. I said na hindi naman na kailangan since nagparty na kami nung first birthday ni Grant and besides, I really didn’t think he’d remember much of anything kasi bata pa siya. But Mama said that she’ll organize everything… so, really, who was I to complain?

We just talked and I reminded her sa mga gusto ni Grant sa party niya pati iyong list ng kids na kailangan nandon. I also reminded her about the allergies of the kids. I wanted the day to be fun. Syempre, birthday ni Grant. Pinaka-important na siya iyong mag-e-enjoy.

After a while, natapos na rin iyong tanong ni Mama. Thankfully, bumalik na rin iyong dalawa.

“Adobo,” Grant said nang maamoy niya.

“Your favorite,” I said.

“What will you say?” Chester asked.

“Thank you, Mama,” Grant said, not even looking at me dahil sa adobo na siya nakatingin.

“Another baby,” I mouthed.

Chester laughed without a sound. “I already said yes.”

We began eating. May bago na namang kwento si Grant. Sa dami ng kwento niya, you’d think na 30 years old na siya sa dami ng nangyari sa buhay niya.

“Grant,” Chester called after naming kumain. Tumingin sa akin si Chester. I shook my head and motioned na siya na ang magsabi.

“Yes, Papa?”

“What do you think about having a sibling?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “A sibling?”

Chester nodded. “Yes. Like… a sister?”

Kumunot iyong noo ni Grant. “A sister?”

Chester nodded again. “Yes. Like Dita. She’s my sister.”

“I like Dita,” Grant said.

Of course… magkaugali sila.

These Vistes, really…

“Do you want your own sister?”

Grant shrugged. “Okay.”

Tumingin sa akin si Chester like… iyon na ’yon? I overthink things tapos iyon na ’yon?

We sat down and we explained to Grant some more what it would entail if magkaroon siya ng kapatid, but he was like okay lang sa lahat ng sinabi namin. Hindi ko gets if hindi niya ba gets or like okay lang talaga siya.

Either way, he’s totally fine with it.

“So… I guess we’re having another baby?” I asked while we were in bed.

Chester nodded. “I guess so.”

“We should talk to an agency or a lawyer?”

“The offer still stands na kumuha tayo sa nursery.”

I frowned at him. “Kapag talaga ’yan ginawa ko…”

Tumawa si Chester. “Imagine the commotion.”

“I know. Tapos surprise na lang paguwi mo may kasama akong baby.”

“Surprise?” he asked. “Babe, we’ll steal the baby together. We’re a team.”

I bit my tongue kasi kinilig ako doon kahit basically sinabi niya na we’d commit a felony! Chester talaga!

“Ewan ko sa ’yo.”

Chester pulled me close and hugged me. “I love you,” he said as he was planting a kiss on my forehead. “I just love you more every day, it’s honestly weird.”

I wrinkled my nose. “You’re obsessed with me.”

“I am,” he said. “Loved you the day I saw you, if I were being honest,” he continued as his voice slowly got lower as he drifted to sleep. “I love you,” he said, in gibberish, but I figured that was what he meant… and I whispered ‘I love you, too’ to his sleeping face.