Tight Lipped

THIS IS A BL STORY

Please do not read if you are not a fan of mxm

—

Saint Mercajez , or Santi, was never used to having friends around him because of his disability. He’s mute, and it was a congenital disability he had grew to accept since the very start.

Entering college, under the same university his older brother’s studying at, was another phase for him. New people, new environment — yet Saint already knew he’d end up isolating himself for the longest time.

But opposite to what his expectations were… Saint, miraculously, found himself in his brother’s circle. Everything was his first. His first time to be taken care of, his first time to be adored, his first time to be treated like a friend, his first time to receive actual and genuine kindness.

But somehow… among them, there was a specific guy who treated him differently. A treatment that a friend would never dare do, a line that a brother-like-friend would never cross. Saint knew it was bad to like someone who possibly only see you as a younger brother. But he knew, that the way Elias Salvacion treated him was different compared to how everyone did.

Lines were overstepped. Boundaries had been crossed. But how could Saint even ask what Elias truly feels for him if he’s tight lipped?

—

Disclaimer

This story will tackle certain issues the society is currently facing (homophobia, traumas, violence, etc). Please be advised that the opinions of the characters were based on their personalities and does not reflect the author’s perspective.

This is a BL story. The couple in this novel are both MEN. Please do not continue reading this if you’re homophobic or anything. No slander and hate against my characters will be tolerated.

—

Feel free to contact or communicate with me on my social media platforms:

Facebook : Alleona Nieva

Instagram : ally_nieva

Tiktok: allynieva

Illustrated by: @aieeniverse on Tiktok 💚

—

Tight Lipped Playlist

https://tinyurl.com/TightLippedPlaylist

Chapter 1

Tight Lipped I

Saint

“Hoy, panget! Ready ka na? Baka nakakalimutan mo, college ka na next month. Baka mamaya first class pa lang mag-cutting classes ka na dahil sa hiya!”

Umaga pa lang pero may ipis na agad na pumapalahaw sa kwarto ko.

Pinilit kong bumangon kahit nasisilaw pa ako sa sinag ng araw. Lahat yata ng sinag salong-salo ng mga mata ko. Paanong hindi? Kung halos tanggalin na ni kuya ang kurtina sa bintana para lang gisingin ako.

“Panget! Gising ka na?” Umupo si kuya sa kama para lang silipin ang mga mata kong napapapikit pa sa antok. “Gising na!”

Stupid talaga. I’m literally sitting on my bed with my eyes slightly closed and he’s still waking me up. Sino namang tulog ang nakakaupo pa?

Si Matthew Mercajez lang talaga ang makakaisip niyan. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ba siya tinatawag na matalino ng lahat. Para sa akin sobrang bobo niya.

I raised my hands to communicate with him using sign language. “[Gising na ’di ba?]”

“Oh, sungit!” pang-aasar pa niya habang humahagalpak ng tawa. “Paano ka niyan ngayon sa college kung ganyan ka kasungit? Wala kang magiging friends.”

“[Hindi ko kailangan ng friends]” I gestured to him.

He raised his brow on me as if I said something ridiculuous. “Anong hindi mo kailangan? You’re gonna spend four years in college, that’s the most challenging phase of a student’s life. How can you ever survive by yourself?”

Kinunutan ko siya ng noo. “[I survived high school without friends]”

Tumayo si kuya mula sa kama ko at naiiling akong tinitigan. “You’ve gotta be kidding me, Santi. May kaibigan ka mula Grade 7 hanggang Grade 10, lumipat lang ng ibang school. That was the time you began isolating yourself from other people. You think college is just a high school set up?”

Umiling ako nang medyo marahas. “[Kaya ko. And that friend was mute too, of course she’s the only one I can befriend]”

Inis ko siyang hinampas sa braso nang walang pakundangan niyang pitikin ang noo ko.

“What do you mean she’s the only one you can befriend?” masungit na tanong ni kuya. “I never told you to isolate yourself, Santi. You can be friends with other people even if they’re not like you.”

I shook my head once again. “[They don’t like me. They don’t want me around.]”

Medyo dumilim ang ekspresyon ni kuya nang mabasa niya ang mga kamay ko. “They said that?”

I slowly nodded my head to answer his question. I could definitely see the disappointment in his eyes when I confirmed it. Ayaw na ayaw ni kuya na tinatrato ako na parang iba ng mga tao sa paligid ko.

He’s stupid, annoying, and he never stops teasing me… but he’s my favorite person.

Kuya Matthew sees things differently compared to how I see them. He would always tell me to make friends, to socialize, to convince myself that I am never a burden because of my disability.

Moreover, he would always defend me against people who crucify me because of being mute. Of being someone who can’t produce sounds, who can’t speak words, who can’t even communicate.

I was incomplete, in my eyes.

But I never felt less because of kuya Matthew.

“Then forget about them, bunny.” Nginitian ako ni kuya habang ginugulo ang buhok ko. “They’re out of your life already, right? Kung ayaw nila sa ’yo, putangina nila— Aw, sorry.”

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin pagkatapos kong sampalin ang magaspang niyang bibig.

“What I’m saying is… wala na sila. No one can ever ridicule you again or make you feel unimportant if you have me around. You’re going to study in the same university where I am staying. You have me. No one can bully you on my watch.”

A smile started to form on my lips when I heard what he said. He never says half-meant words, nor do things halfway for me. Whatever he promised, he would always make sure it’s going to happen.

Sinampal ko muna ang bibig niya bago ko siyang yakapin na agad naman niyang ikinatawa.

“Ayos, ah. Sampal muna bago lambing?”

I placed a small space between us so I could sign to him. “[You are annoying and you are stupid, but I love you the most]”

Humagalpak na naman siya ng tawa. Kulang na lang tumalsik lahat ng ngipin niya sa lakas ng tawa niya, may pahampas-hampas pa sa kama ko.

“Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako sa panlalambing mo o ano, eh,” sabi niya pagkatapos tumawa. “I love you too, bunny. Come here. ’Yung yakap naman na walang sampal.”

I giggled in my mind but I knew it reflected on my face. I hugged him once again and smiled contently.

Baka nga… Baka nga maging maayos din naman ang lahat kapag kasama ko si kuya sa iisang school.

I am also 20 years old, I’m a grown up. Na-late lang siguro ang edad ko para sa college dahil nahirapan akong mag-aral noong bata ako dahil sa kondisyon ko. Pero malaki na ako, kaya ko na rin naman siguro sa college?

Sabi nila mommy at daddy, mahirap daw sa college. Kailangan ko raw magkaroon ng mga kaibigan, hindi katulad nung high school na wala raw akong gustong tao sa paligid ko.

Pero hindi naman totoo ’yon.

Hindi alam nila mommy at daddy na may kaibigan ako noong grade 7 hanggang grade 10 ako. Hindi naman nila alam na kaya ko rin namang makisalamuha sa ibang tao.

Si kuya lang ang nakakaalam ng bagay na ’yon. He knew everything about me, he’s the only one who treated me as if I am a normal person. He knew my favorites, he knew who my friend was, he knew my favorite subject, he knew my favorite food.

Wala yata siyang hindi alam pagdating sa akin. I’ve been very honest with him as well because he’s like my diary. He knew how to keep my secret and he knew how to make me feel better. Kapag umalis si kuya Matthew sa bahay o sa bansa, siguro nasa maleta niya ako para lang makasama ako sa kaniya.

Kaya nga tuwang-tuwa ako noong sinabi ni daddy na binilhan niya kami ni kuya ng condo sa Manila para doon na kami uuwi. Mas malapit kasi ang nabiling condo ni daddy sa school namin, hindi na namin kailangang bumyahe pa nang malayo pauwi sa bahay.

At… hindi ko rin naman gustong kasama sila mommy at daddy.

Sa college… Okay lang naman kung si kuya lang din ang kakilala at kaibigan ko? I don’t even need anyone. People treated me bad, they were always horrible to me, why do I have to find friends?

“Matthew, ang kapatid mo ha?”

I looked at my mother who sent warning glares toward kuya Matthew. It’s like they’re talking to each other using signal I couldn’t understand.

“Santi, umayos ka sa school, ha?” Ako naman ang pinanlakihan ng mata ni mommy. “Hindi pwede ’yang paarte-arte mo na kaya mong mag-isa. Hindi excuse ’yang sakit mo para maging matapobre sa ibang tao.”

Of course she would say that.

Hindi ako matapobre. Kahit kailan wala akong sinungitan.

“Anong matapobre?” patawa-tawang sagot ni kuya habang inaayos ang dalawa kong maleta sa likod ng kotse. “Hindi matapobre ’yan, binu-bully ’yan sa school niya dati kaya walang kaibigan. Bakit hindi n’yo alam? Hindi kayo sinasabihan ni Santi?”

Tumingin sa akin si mommy na nakataas ang kilay. “Anong binubully? Baka naman akala mo simpleng pang-aasar lang sa ’yo, bully na agad? Paanong hindi ka aasarin eh may sakit ka na nga napakalambot mo pang gumalaw—”

Sabay-sabay kaming napatingin kay kuya nang padabog niyang isara ang trunk ng kotse. Nakapameywang siyang humarap kay mommy at inis na inis ang ekspresyon.

“Kaya hindi nagsasabi o nagsusumbong sa inyo si Santi, eh.” Bakas sa boses ni kuya ang disappointment, pati sa ekspresyon niya. “Sino bang anak mo, mom? Si Santi o ’yung mga classmates niya? Kulang na lang mag-sponsor ka ng prom sa school na ’yon para sa mga treasured children mo. ’Saka puna ka nang puna sa galaw ni Santi, eh ano naman kung malambot gumalaw ’yang kapatid ko? May namatay ba? May naapektuhang ekonomiya?”

“Wala. Pero—”

“Wala pala, eh. Tapos ang usapan.”

Kuya Matthew began pulling me away from mom, which I appreciated because I couldn’t bear myself to do it alone.

I sometimes wonder how easy it was for my older brother to talk to our parents like that. As if he could say anything. As if he could confidently call them out for their words.

Samantalang ako, kapag pinapagalitan ako ni mommy, natutulala lang ako at walang magawa. Hindi naman ako makapagsalita, eh. Pero siguro kahit nakakapagsalita ako, hindi ako makakasagot pabalik.

“Binabaliktad n’yo lagi sa Santi kapag nagsusumbong sa inyo, tapos sa huli siya pa ang mali? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” huling sabi pa ni kuya bago niya ako alalayang pumasok paupo sa passenger seat. “Alis na kami.”

Tama si kuya, hindi ako nagsusumbong dahil alam kong babaliktarin ako ni mommy at daddy sa sarili kong kwento.

Kay kuya ako nagsusumbong, dahil kapag nanggaling sa kaniya, naniniwala ang parents namin.

Because just like me, I knew that kuya Matthew’s their favorite as well. Walang kulang kay kuya, marami siyang kaibigan, sikat siya, matalino siya. He’s the perfect son they could ever ask for. Maybe that’s also the reason why they can’t talk back to kuya Matthew.

Nagsisisi kaya sila mom at dad na naging anak nila ako? Dahil may kulang sa akin? Dahil may sakit ako? Dahil malambot ako?

“You okay, bunny?”

Napatingin ako kay kuya nang marinig ang tanong niya. Nililingon niya ako saglit habang nagda-drive kaya alam kong nag-aalala na naman siya.

I just nodded my head and beamed a little, showing him that I’m fine. He looked satisfied after seeing my genuine smile, so he didn’t bother asking again.

“It’s alright, Santi. You’re gonna live with me na, you don’t have to live with our parents hearing their constant nagging.”

Mas lumawak ang ngiti ko.

“If you really don’t want to socialize with other people, I won’t force you. I am your best friend, so if anything happens, just let me know. Okay? But first, mag-aral ka nang mabuti,” pangaral niya.

Tingnan mo, parang tito na talaga siya.

I turned to him and gestured a salute which made him laugh.

Hay… I just wish everything would turn out well once I step into college.

—

“Matt! Tarantado snobber!”

Kunot noo kong binaling ang tingin sa lalaking tumawag kay kuya.

“Anong snobber? Papunta nga ako sa inyo, oh?” sabat naman ni kuya.

I slowly panicked inside while we’re approaching a table full of kuya’s friends. They were all guys, they’re all good looking, they all looked neat. I could tell they’re all popular because every time someone, from them, would move or talk, every students would stare at them in awe.

I didn’t know kuya Matthew had this huge amount of male friends in the school. Puro kasi bukambibig niya kapag umuuwi siya na marami raw siyang manliligaw na babae, na habulin daw siya ng mga babae, na babae babae babae. Puro babae ang tabas ng dila niya.

But seeing it now, it seemed like kuya Matt’s indeed popular in this school. Along with his friends.

“Sup, Matt?”

Everyone fist bumped him when we arrived on their table. I remained hiding behind him so people wouldn’t look at me.

“Who’s the one who walked in beside you?” tanong nung lalaki na ngiting-ngiti habang sinusubukan akong silipin mula sa likod ni kuya.

“Ah, ito? Itong pasaway na ’to?” Hinigit ni kuya nang marahan ang braso ko para iharap sa mga kaibigan niya. Otomatiko naman akong napatungo sa hiya nang lahat ng atensyon nila ay lumapat sa akin. “Younger brother ko. ’Yung kinukwento ko lagi? Ito na siya, malaki na siya.”

I glared at him sideways because of the way he introduced me. What am I, a kid?!

“Hi, Santi!”

My eyes widened when they already knew my name. Napilitan akong mag-angat ng mukha para makita kung sino ang tumawag sa pangalan ko.

“Cute!” tuwang-tuwang sabi ng isa. “Gago, cute pala ng kapatid mo, Matt! Sa kwento mo sabi mo pangit?”

Mabilis kong nilingon si kuya at sinamaan siya ng tingin. Natatawa niya namang tinaas ang magkabilang braso na para bang sumusuko.

“Syempre pangit talaga ’yan sa paningin ko.” Kuya pulled a vacant chair for me and made me sit. Ngayon, mas ramdam na ramdam ko ang tingin ng lahat.

I think kuya Matthew has a total of five male friends. So far, I could at least count them.

“He’s so cute! Pwede ba gawing key chain kapatid mo?” sabi nung may piercing sa ilong. Nang makita niya akong nakatingin ay agad siyang ngumiti at kumaway.

I slowly raised my hand to wave back and took it back immediately. The same guy laughed because of what I did.

“Kapatid ko na lang ’yan, Matt, bigay mo na.” The guy, sitting beside me, turned to me and offered a smile. “Payag ka ako na lang kuya mo? Huwag ka na diyan sa bobo mong kuya, pang-aasar lang alam niyan gawin.”

Tama siya. Bobo talaga si kuya.

“Anong bobo? Parang hindi ako tinatawag na walking encyclopedia, ah?!” hirit ni kuya mula sa tabi ko.

“Syempre pinaplastik lang kita kapag about sa school stuff,” natatawang sabat naman ng isa.

Pinaggitnaan pa talaga nila ako.

“Feeling walking encyclopedia amp. Si Elias lang tinatawag ko na ganiyan,” sabi nung lalaki na may tattoo sa bandang pisngi.

Sobrang liit lang nung tattoo niya pero pansin na pansin. Ang galing lang. Sa high school parang kriminal ka kapag hindi maayos ang gupit mo. Pero dito sa college, kahit may piercing o tattoo, ayos lang.

“San pala ’yon si Elias?” rinig kong tanong ni kuya sa iba.

“Hi!” Lumingon ako sa tabi ko nang tawagin ako ng kaibigan ni kuya. Hawak-hawak niya ang burger sa kamay at parang inaalok ’yon sa akin. “Gusto mo? Bili pa kita pagkain, magsabi ka lang.”

I smiled and shook my head.

“Your name is Saint, right? Pero tawag daw sa ’yo is Santi. Tama ba?” tanong niya ulit na tinanguan ko naman agad. “Cute mo talaga! Ampon ba ’yang kuya mo? Bakit ang pangit niyan?”

I couldn’t help but laugh with what he said. Hanggang sa sabay na kaming tumatawa habang napapatingin kay kuya Matt na busy makilag-usap sa iba.

“Cute ng kapatid ni Matt,” another guy murmured. “Nawawala ’yung eyes niya kapag tumatawa siya.”

I hid my red cheeks from their eyes when someone else noticed my laugh. Hindi ako sanay sa compliment. I don’t think I ever heard any compliment said to me, aside from the compliments I received from kuya.

“I’m Tanner, by the way!” pakilala nung katabi ko habang nakalahad ang kamay na tinanggap ko naman. “The youngest in the group, but you’re probably gonna be the youngest now. Good for me!”

I smiled again acknowledging his introduction. It seemed like all of them knew about my disability. Nobody’s trying to question why I’m not talking since earlier.

“I’m Lukas! Nice to meet you, cutie!” pakilala ng lalaking may piercing sa ilong. I smiled back at him.

“The name’s Yohan,” ngiting-ngiti na sabi pa katabi ni Lukas. He waved his hand at me and I immediately waved back.

“Denmark nga pala, Santi!” pakilala nung lalaki na tinawag na snobber si kuya kanina. “Magsabi ka lang kapag gusto mo nang palitan kuya mo, ako na lang papalit.”

I laughed with them and kuya Matt just rolled his eyes, probably tired from hearing the same remarks from his friends.

“Nice to meet you, Santi! Cute cute mo, ano kayang nangyari sa kapatid mo?” natatawang sambit ng lalaking may tattoo sa bandang pisngi. “My name’s Jaden, by the way!”

I bowed my head a little with a smile to acknowledge all of them. Then I turned to kuya Matt.  “[Tell them I’m happy to meet them as well]”

Kuya Matt lowered down the drink he was gulping and turned to the guys. “Ang papangit ni’yo raw.”

Inis ko siyang hinampas sa braso nang mali naman ang sabihin niya. Tatawa-tawa siyang umiwas at muling nagsalita.

“Joke. Nice to meet you all din daw.”

Tsk. I rolled my eyes at him when he finally said the right words I wanted to say.

Everyone looked at me as if I am the cutest treasure they found. Everyone was smiling at me. They all talked to me softly, they all introduced themselves in a nice manner.

Everyone here… was kind to me. They didn’t mind that I couldn’t speak.

And I used to think that people didn’t want to know me because it’s tiring to have me as a friend. My high school classmates never bothered befriending me.

But in college, seemed like people were nicer.

“Saan ba si Elias, kanina pa ’yon nagsabi na papunta na siya. Hanggang ngayon wala pa rin,” sabi ni kuya Denmark habang chine-check ang cellphone niya.

“Baka nan-chiks pa,” natatawang sabat naman ni kuya Yohan.

Napatingin ako kay kuya Matt nang hagisan niya ng pack ng tissue sa mukha si kuya Yohan. “Gago! Gagaya mo pa si Elias sa ’yo.”

Irritation immediaty flashed on my face when kuya Matt said a profanity word again. Ayokong-ayoko na naririnig siyang magmura, hindi maganda sa pandinig, at para siyang bobo pakinggan.

“Gagalit agad.” Kuya Matt turned to me and caressed my furrowed eyebrows when he noticed my annoyance. “Sorry na. Bawal nga pala magmura sa harap nito, santo kasi ’yan.”

His friends all chuckled and looked at me with understanding and care.

“Copy, boss! Kapag tayo-tayo lang mumurahin kita multiple times, Matt,” sabi ni kuya Tanner.

Everyone joined with the teasing and I was just smiling and laughing all the time. It was actually great having to see other people tease kuya Matt. Hindi kasi ako nakakaganti sa kaniya, ’yon pala siya lagi ang tumpok ng asaran pagdating sa mga kaibigan niya.

Maybe this was the reason why he kept on teasing me? Sa akin ba siya gumaganti?

“Sorry, I was late.”

The circle, filled with laughter, went silent when somebody spoke from behind.

“Elias! Tagal mo!” Kuya Matt was the first person who stood up to acknowledge the presence of the man who just arrived.

I turned my head towards the new guy as well. Only to find myself in awe when I saw the most attractive man I’ve ever seen in my whole life.

Kuya Matt was talking to him so I was free to look at the Elias guy longer than usual.

Sobrang gwapo niya.

Everyone around him looked average because of how he carried himself. He looked confident, he had this smug look on his face. His haircut’s an undercut which made him look more manly. And despite the uniform, he looked bigger compared to other guys. He’s very very tall. He looked muscular and his left eyebrow had a slit.

Basing on how he looked, but not really based on his overall character— he looked like the type of guy that your parents would warn you about.

“Elias! Come sit with us. Nandito little brother ni Matt!”

I fidgeted on my seat, removing my eyes on him after careful observations.

He looked really different compared to the rest of the guys. All the guys looked soft spoken, kind, and approachable. But this new guy was the opposite of those.

Nanatili akong nakayuko nang makita kong umupo na sila ni kuya sa table. Sakto pang nasa harap ko umupo ang bagong dating na lalaki.

“Matt’s cute brother is here. He’s now in college. Remember Matt’s stories about him? We’re now seeing him in flesh,” kuya Tanner said.

Ayoko. Ayokong tumingala. No way.

“Huy, say hi to my other friend,” kuya Matt nudged me.

“Hi.” I felt all the blood on my veins when the new guy spoke in his deep and rough voice. The playful tone in his voice was subtle, but enough for me hear. “The name’s Elias. You are Santi, right?”

I’m really a coward.

Why am I getting shy and pressured just because he’s handsome? All of kuya’s friends were handsome! Even my kuya. It’s not new to me to meet or see someone attractive.

Bahala na.

I slowly looked at him with no thoughts behind my eyes. I smiled and nodded my head.

And for a moment, I thought I was seeing things when our eyes met. But I knew… because I couldn’t speak, I became great at reading people’s eyes.

I knew I saw it clearly. The way his eyes sparked a bit when he saw my face. The way the corner of his lips rose slightly when I smiled at him.

He looked at me differently compared to how the other guys did.

Chapter 2

Tight Lipped II

Saint

“Dito ka muna, ha? Mababait ’yan, huwag kang matakot. Medyo mga panget lang pero mababait sila,” natatawang sabi sa akin ni kuya habang binibilin ako sa mga kaibigan niya.

We’re now in their usual favorite spot. Dito raw sila tumatambay sa likod ng university, sa lumang clinic, tuwing wala silang class.

Surprisingly, their hidden spot was organized and it looked very clean. Halatang matagal na sila rito at talagang inaalagaan nila. Malambot na malambot din ang sofa na kinauupuan ko.

“Anong panget? Ikaw pinakamukhang halimaw rito!” atungal agad ni kuya Yohan na abala sa paghahanap ng papel sa isang drawer.

“Sige na, lumayas ka na. Mas gusto pa namin kasama si Santi kesa sa ’yo,” iritang sambit naman ni kuya Denmark habang tinataboy si kuya Matt.

Despite them being friends, they all had different programs.

Kuya Matt’s in the field of medical. He’s taking medtech.

Kuya Denmark and Yohan were both an architecture student.

Kuya Tanner’s the only nursing student as well.

Kuya Lukas and Jaden were both an engineering student.

And… Elias’ a pre-law student based on what I heard. He’s the eldest in the group, he’s now almost in his fourth year as a Legal Management student.

I didn’t expect that, actually. Judging on how he looked, and I’m guilty for judging too much with my eyes— he appeared the less serious in academics in my eyes. But turned out that wasn’t the case. He’s going to be a lawyer, it would take years of effort to survive that, and he definitely was a genius.

“Alagaan ninyo ’yan! Umayos kayo! Kapag may sinumbong sa akin ’yan ni isang hibla ng buhok ninyo walang mati—”

“Oo na, ang daming speech ng hayop.” Binusalan na ni kuya Jaden ang bibig ni kuya Matt gamit ang isang papel na nakuha niya kay kuya Yohan.

Natatawa ko silang pinanood habang pinagtutulungang palayasin ni kuya Jaden at kuya Tanner ang kapatid ko.

“Hi, Santi.” Kuya Yohan approached me with a smile and a file of paper on his hand. He took out a ballpen from his pocket as well. “Here. You can write down the words you wanna tell us. We’re sorry, we’re not familiar with sign language yet. But we will learn it for you.”

I shook my head in panic as I took the paper and pen from his hands. Then I wrote down the words.

No need, you don’t have to learn it for me!

I then turned the paper on them so they could read it.

All of them smiled as kuya Yohan slightly pinched my right cheek.

“Cute! Don’t worry, willing naman kami. Besides, your kuya Matt’s gonna be there to teach us,” kuya Yohan said.

“And mapapagod ka kapag sulat ka nang sulat diyan. It’s better for us to learn how to communicate with you. We’re gonna be friends, afterall, right?” nakangiti namang dagdag ni kuya Denmark.

I slowly nodded my head with a slight smile.

My heart kept on beating fast, it seemed so happy hearing those words. That they were willing to learn my language, that they were nice to me and that they liked having me around— without pushing the narrative that it’s going to be a burden to have me as a friend.

“Drink this, Santi.” I turned to kuya Lukas when he offered a banana drink. “Favorite mo raw banana sabi ng kuya mo. I bought that earlier.”

Matamis ko siyang nginitian bago nahihiyang kinuha ang banana drink sa kamay niya. He looked so happy when I accepted the drink.

“Here, let me do that for you.” He took the straw on my hand and used it to pop a hole on the lid.

I gestured ‘thank you’ using a sign language subconsciously.

“Was that a thank you?” natutuwang sabi ni kuya Jaden na kababalik lang pagkatapos palayasin si kuya.

I nodded my head while drinking the banana milk.

I placed the drink on my left hand and wrote down something on the paper using my right hand.

I

t’s similar to ‘you’re welcome’ in my language.

They all nodded their heads as if they learned a new discovery when they read what I wrote.

“You’re welcome!” Kuya Lukas patted my head. “We will buy a supply of banana drink for you!”

I smiled ever wider which made them smile too.

“Santi, you can always come here kapag mahaba pa vacant mo, ha? Walang ibang pumupunta rito, teritoryo na namin ’to. Kaya kapag wala kang magawa or mahaba vacant mo between classes, dito ka na lang. Huwag ka nang gumala-gala, maraming magkaka-crush sa ’yo rito, cute cute mo pa naman,” habilin ni kuya Tanner sa akin. “May ref kami diyan, may snacks diyan and drinks. We’ll also buy banana drinks for you so you can have them instead of sodas. And you can also study here anytime you want. We’ll create a spot for you in the corner. Papabilhin ko ’yung kuya mo ng study table for you.”

Sa haba ng sinabi niya, puro lang ako tango nang tango, walang masabi. Aside from the fact that I couldn’t really speak, but if I could, I probably would be speechless.

He sounded similar to kuya Matt. Actually, all of them sounded similar to kuya. Even their actions and how they took care of me reflected my kuya Matthew’s actions.

I could see why they’re friends with kuya Matthew, or why kuya Matthew was the man that he is right now.

“Anong program mo, Santi?” tanong ni kuya Tanner at inabot sa akin ang bowl ng chips.

I accepted it and placed it on my lap before writing on the paper again. 

Nutrition and Dietetics.

“Wow, really? Seems like both you and Matt like to be in medical field,” tumatango-tangong sabi ni kuya Jaden.

I nodded my head and wrote on the paper again.

I’m gonna follow him around for all my life.

Sabay-sabay silang tumawa nang mabasa ang sinulat ko. I also smiled a little, feeling happy that they laughed with the little joke I wrote.

“Cute cute!” natutuwang sambit ni kuya Yohan at ginulo pa ang buhok ko. “Nakawin ka na talaga namin sa kuya mo.”

“Ano ka? Santi prefers to have me as an older brother. Right, Santi?” nakikipagkompetensyang tanong naman ni kuya Jaden.

I giggled in my mind as I wrote something.

All of you.

“Yon!” Nakangiti silang nag-high five sa isa’t isa na parang nanalo sila sa lotto.

While they were busy celebrating, my eyes immediately looked for someone who was very quiet since earlier.

There he was…

Elias was just watching everyone as he peacefully sips on his soda in can. Ngumingiti-ngiti siya sa asaran ng mga lalaki pero hindi ko pa siya naririnig na magsalita.

What if… What if he didn’t like that I’m here? What if he’s not in favor of having me around?

I turned my attention to kuya Yohan when he tapped my shoulder gently. “Santi, wait lang, ha? Papakita ko sa ’yo mga kalokohan ng kuya mo rito sa school. Hanapin lang namin video nung kumakanta ’yon sa stage pero pasmado naman bibig. Nasa camera kasi, eh.”

I nodded my head, excited for whatever they have against kuya Matthew.

Sa wakas, may pang-asar na rin ako pabalik.

I watched as kuya Yohan and kuya Denmark went somewhere in the room to maybe look for the video.

“San ba rito, Tan?!” kuya Denmark shouted from the other part of the room.

“Nandiyan lang! Teka nga.” Kuya Tanner stood up from his seat, probably to help the two guys.

“Wait lang, Santi. Hanapin lang namin,” sabi ni kuya Jaden bago sundan si kuya Tanner. Sumunod din naman agad sa kanila si kuya Lukas.

My eyes began wandering everywhere when I was left alone with kuya Elias. I was expecting him to follow them as well, but he just placed the empty can of soda on the table then walked towards me.

Something inside my stomach churned when I felt the space beside me being occupied. I couldn’t carry myself to look at him nor give him any attention.

He’s just… I don’t know. There’s just something about him.

“Hi.”

He’s talking to me, isn’t he?

“I heard from Matt you were just visiting the school today. Your class’s gonna start by next month, right? I’ll be fourth year by then.”

He’s indeed talking to me.

I turned to him but quickly avoided his eyes when I saw him looking at me. Then I began writing down on the paper.

You’re a pre-law student?

He gave me a smile as he combed his hair using his fingers, dragging the strands covering his forehead.

“Yes. I guess you heard it from our conversation earlier,” nakangiti niyang sagot.

Hindi ko alam kung namumula ba ako ngayon o ano, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere near that.

I just really can’t stand looking at his face, he’s so handsome and he looked so manly. I felt like it’s both my insecurity and amusement which were taking a toll on me.

Amused because he’s the most good looking man I’ve ever seen. Insecured because I’m the exact opposite of him.

His masculinity was something I could never have. I am the definition of a feminine man, even the way I move and dress never had any touch of masculinity. My body was soft, my skin was too smooth, even my lips were plump. Everything about me screamed feminine. But Elias was everything connected to being masculine.

How long have you known kuya Matt?

I wrote on the paper.

“Since first year.” kuya Elias took the plastic bottle of banana milk from my hand and threw it in the trash can. “We all knew each other since first year. Best believe we’ve been hearing a lot of things about you from then until now.”

So… this is why they knew about my name without me introducing myself. Siguro lagi akong bukambibig ni kuya Matt sa kanila.

I smiled a little when I figured out what should I ask. Then I turned the paper on him.

Anong sinasabi ni kuya?

I knew my eyes sparkled a little while waiting patiently for his answer. Kuya Elias seemed to notice the excitement in my eyes, he ended up chuckling before patting my head.

What the…

My heart reacted wildly with what he did. And it confused me, big time.

Kuya Yohan, Tanner, Denmark, Lukas, and kuya Jaden all gave me a pat on the head but I never reacted like this. My heart, specifically, did not react like this.

What’s wrong with me?

“He said he loves you a lot that he can’t wait for you to step in college so he could take care of you more,” kuya Elias answered while trying to catch my eyes.

A part of me softened when I heard what he said. That sounded so kuya Matt. At first, I thought he was telling them how much he teased me everyday. But I guess it was the other way around.

“This is why the boys are taking care of you extra special. Your brother spoke about you as if you were the most important thing in this world. I think the guys started getting curious about you since first year, now that they finally meet you, maybe they understood Matt as well,” sabi ni kuya Elias.

My eyebrows furrowed with the last line he said.

What do you mean, kuya?

Kuya Elias glanced at the paper as he slightly rose his eyebrow. “Kuya?”

I nodded my head and wrote again.

You are older than kuya Matt, that makes you my kuya too. Everyone else is my kuya.

Kuya Elias let out a forced chuckle. Nakataas pa rin ang isa niyang kilay at parang may hindi magandang narinig. “I’m not sure if I like that.”

My head tilted to the side as my curiousity rose even more. What did he mean by that?

I pointed at the paper again. Emphasizing the ‘What do you mean, kuya?’ that I wrote earlier so I could get his answer.

His face became bright again as he smiled at me. “What I mean is they probably understood why Matt spoke so holy about you. I guess the boys genuinely wanted to take care of you like their real brother.”

He kept on talking about the boys, about the other guys, but he’s never including himself on the topic.

What did that mean? That he didn’t like me? That he couldn’t see himself treating me like a friend or a brother? Does he hate me?

Kuya Elias kept his smile as he messed with my hair. “You look like a kitten tho.”

Huh?

I looked at him with questions in my eyes.

“I’m a cat lover.” Medyo nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa dinagdag niya. “Everytime I see you, you just really look like one. Kulang na lang sa ’yo, buntot.”

I turned out laughing when I heard the last line he said. Although it’s impossible, I wonder how people would look like if we have tails. Hehe .

“Ano ’to antique?! Mas mahirap pa ’to hanapin kesa sa birth certificate ko, ha!”

Kuya Elias went back to his spot earlier when the other guys came back from the other room.

Kuya Yohan was now holding the camera in his hand while removing the dust covering it. Nakasunod sa likod niya ang iba pa na may mga hawak-hawak din na polaroid.

“Gago! Malamang lumang camera ko na ’yan,” sabat naman ni kuya Jaden.

We all glanced at kuya Elias when he tsked. He glared at kuya Jaden as he motioned his head towards me.

Kuya Jaden automatically looked guilty for something as he looked at me apologetically. “Sorry, Santi! Bawal nga pala magmura.”

I shook my head and just gave him a smile, indicating that it’s fine for me.

Although it’s not.

“Para talagang baby si Santi,” natutuwang sabi ni kuya Lukas bago guluhin ang buhok ko. “Bawal magmura sa harap niya. Cute!”

I wanted to tell them it’s really okay for me. They did not have to change just because of me. If that’s what they’re comfortable with, I don’t have any rights to restrict them from doing that.

I was about to write in the paper but kuya Denmark grabbed my attention by playing a video in the camera they got.

I think we roughly spent an hour laughing and making fun of kuya Matthew. They showed me couple of videos of him singing, with his very ugly voice.

Some photos of him that was shot by kuya Jaden, the photographer in the group, were also hilarious.

He looked ugly, playful, and stupid. But at the same time, seeing kuya Matt like this was a very refreshing sight to see.

Masaya ako. Kasi ganito rin siya kasaya. I was worried about my brother since then, I was afraid that his life would revolve around me too much when he was in high school and I was in lower grade.

He would often not come with his friends back in high school just to make sure someone would accompany me. Just to make sure that I’m never gonna feel lonely. Lahat ng atensyon niya, nasa akin. I felt a burden during those times, worried and afraid that he’s always gonna be like that.

But seeing these videos and pictures, and how delighted he looked with his friends— I’m the happiest for him.

I didn’t want his world to revolve around me. Because what if… I suddenly disappeared? What if my plan four months ago eventually succeeded? What about kuya Matthew?

“So ibig sabihin magkasama kayo ng kuya mo ngayon sa isang condo? Hindi na kayo uuwi-uwi sa inyo?” kuya Denmark asked while cutting slices of apple for me.

I nodded my head as I munched on the orange that kuya Yohan peeled for me.

Wala na yata akong ibang ginawa kundi kumain dito. Hindi ko sila matanggihan tuwing may binibigay sila sa akin o may inaabot.

I think I already consumed three banana milks and ate a lot of chips and fruits already. Si kuya Jaden, binilhan niya pa ako ng isang box ng banana milk kanina galing cafeteria bago siya pumasok. Kuya Tanner and kuya Lukas also went to their classes.

Kami na lang nila kuya Yohan, Denmark, at kuya Elias ang natira.

“Is that gonna be fine for you, Santi? Mapapalayo ka sa parents mo. Hindi mo ba sila mami-miss or hindi ka ba maho-home sick?” tanong ni kuya Yohan.

I paused from eating the orange as I grabbed the paper and pen on my side.

I don’t like them.

They all looked surprised when I turned the paper to them. Nagkatingin pa silang dalawa at si kuya Elias naman ay medyo kumunot ang noo.

“Why?” malambing ang tono na tanong ni kuya Elias. “Only if you’re comfortable answering.”

I shook my head and wrote my response again.

I love kuya Matt the most. I consider him as my parents.

Kuya Yohan and kuya Denmark glanced at each other again. I could see in their eyes that they looked worried and sad for me.

“Why don’t you like your parents? Are they not taking care of you?” tanong ni kuya Denmark sa mababang tono pagkatapos iabot ang bowl na may slices ng apple sa akin.

They don’t like me. So I don’t like them. Only kuya Matt likes me.

I wrote.

“That’s not true, Santi.” Kuya Yohan sat beside me, his eyes’ full of understanding and genuine care. “We like you as well. We see you as our little brother already. What do you mean only Matt likes you?”

They like me to be their younger brother? My heart softened with that thought.

I also would love that!

“We will be your parents now, Santi!” masayang sabi ni kuya Denmark.

I nodded my head in excitement while smiling, delighted about what he said. As if I heard the greatest news I could ever hear.

They all let out a laugh when they saw my reaction.

“Cute talaga.” Ginulo ni kuya Yohan ang buhok ko at natutuwa akong tiningnan.

Chapter 3

Tight Lipped III

Matthew

“Anong pupunta?! Madaling araw na!” inis kong bulyaw kay Lukas sa cellphone.

“Wala namang pasok bukas, arte mo! Titingnan lang namin ’yung condo ninyo. Bibinyagan ng kalat gano’n.”

Rinig na rinig ko pa ang nakakabwisit na tawanan nilang lima sa kabilang linya. Akala mo mga demonyo na balak na namang painitin ang ulo ko.

“Naknampucha naman,” mura ko sa mababang tono para ’di marinig nung isang maarte. Mamaya bigla akong sabunutan kapag nakarinig na naman ng mura.

“Sige na, tangina nito. Pabebe yarn?” nang-aasar na sabi ni Jaden at sinundan pa talaga nila ng tawanan.

Ang gagaling talaga magtulungan pagdating sa pagiging mga tanga.

Wala naman akong choice tutal parang papunta na sila rito. Tumawag lang siguro sila para ipaalam, hindi para magpaalam. Kahit naman tanggihan ko, mamaya maya nasa labas na rin sila.

“Magdala kayo pagkain, ha? Kapag ako pa pinagluto ninyo, face the wall kayo.”

“Yon! Gege, may dala kaming pagkain dito. Para kay Santi, hindi sa ’yo.” Rinig kong sabi ni Yohan.

Speaking of the devil… Teka. Tulog na ba si Santi?

“Anong Santi? Tulog na yata kapatid ko, ’di ko gigisingin ’yon para sa inyo,” atungal ko.

“Ano ba ’yan!”

I hanged my mouth open when one of them ended the call abruptly.

Mga walanghiya. Narinig lang na tulog si Santi, nagalit na. Binabaan pa ako!

Hinagis ko ang cellphone sa sofa bago tumayo sa kinauupuan. Baka mamaya gising pa naman si Santi, sabihan ko na rin. Mamaya bugbugin pa ako nung mga gago dahil lang tulog na ’yung pasaway na ’yon.

“Santi?”

I knocked on his bedroom door three times.

“Panget, gising ka pa?”

Napangiti ako nang dahan-dahang bumukas ang pintuan at sumilip agad ang cute niyang mukha. Gising pa nga.

“[Why?]” he gestured.

“My friends are coming, do you want to join us here?” I told him.

Lumawak pa ang ngiti ko nang makita kung paano lumiwanag ang mukha niya. Nilakihan niya ang awang ng pintuan at natutuwang lumabas ng kwarto niya sa suot niyang terno na pajama.

Pati pajama niya, ang cute din ng design. ’Yung paborito niyang si Toothless.

Ewan ko kung anong nagustuhan niya ro’n sa bungi na ’yon. Pero simula bata siya adik na adik siya sa itsura ng dragon na ’yon.

“Malapit na yata sila. May mga dala raw silang pagkain for you,” I let him know. He gave me a smile and I instantly smiled back. “Wear your slippers, malamig ’yung sahig.”

He nodded obediently as he went back to his room to get his pink fluffy slippers I bought for him.

Pink na pink din halos lahat ng mga gamit ng kapatid ko. Oh eh wala naman akong pake kasi ako mismo ang bumili ng mga ’yon.

Ano naman kung puro pink ang gusto niya? Ano naman kung malambot siyang gumalaw? Tangina mas mabait pa nga ’yang kapatid ko kesa sa mga lalaking tuwid na tuwid.

Our parents would sometimes lash out on me for buying him ‘feminine’ things, for buying things in the color he’d prefer, for always siding with him.

I grew to resent them just like how Santi hated them. Tuwing may sasabihin silang katangahan tungkol kay Santi, lalong nadadagdagan ang galit ko.

I’m disappointed in them, big time. They were supposed to be the first people who whould understand Santi’s situation. They were supposed to be the first people supportive of their child’s progress.

Pero hindi.

Sila pa ang unang nagalit sa akin noong inaral ko at tinuruan ko ng sign language si Santi.

They said we didn’t have to make it obvious that Santi was sick. That something was missing. That something’s incomplete. They said if I teach Santi sign language, it would only make Santi feel as if he’s a special child.

And my brother, truly, is special. Hindi ko na kailangang makipagplastikan pa sa bagay na ’yon. Santi has mutism, there’s something incomplete with him. I could not pretend that there’s nothing missing with my brother because there truly is.

But what’s so fucking bad about being incomplete? What’s so fucking bad if something’s missing with him?

I was born first because I always believed I’m the one who would fill the missing piece of Santi’s life.

My parents didn’t even try to learn sign language. Up until now, they never had a chance to understand or hear Santi’s response unless through me.

My hatred for them grew and grew as I grew older. Because Santi always had to think that he’s not deserving of love because of them. And until now, I’d never been confident that my love for him was enough to make him believe that he’s never less because of his disability.

“[Why are they visiting, kuya?]”

My attention was dragged back to Santi when he asked that.

Kumibit-balikat ako. “Manggugulo lang ’yon sila. It’s either bwibwisitin ako or gusto ka lang nila kasama.”

I saw how his face earned colors. He looked so happy and excited. “[I also wanna be with them!]”

Napangisi ako. “Baka mamaya palitan na nila ako, ha?”

Santi shook his head and clung onto my arm. “[No! You’re the best!]”

Ginulo ko ang buhok niya habang tumatawa. “I’m just kidding, bunny. I’m happy that you like my friends. Magugulo lang sila pero I can promise you that they’re all decent guys. And we also had this promise to ourselves that a friend’s sibling is off-limits. Walang magkakagusto sa ’yo sa kanila at walang chachansing sa ’yo.”

Sinundan ako ni Santi paupo sa sofa. Medyo nakakunot ang noo niya kaya alam ko na agad na magtatanong ’yan.

“[A friend’s sibling is off-limits?]”

Nagtanong nga.

“Like you. You’re off-limits. I’m never allowing anyone from my friends to like you or have a crush on you. That’s our bro code.”

Umiwas siya ng tingin at dahan-dahang tumango na para bang may nalaman na naman siyang vocabulary of the day. Mamaya isulat niya pa ’yan sa papel.

“[So I can’t also have a crush on your friend, is that correct?]”

Nanliit ang mga mata ko nang mabasa ang mga kamay niya.

“Malamang. Huwag kang magka-crush sa kanila, ha!” banta ko sa kaniya.

He glared at me with his cute face and rolled his eyes afterwards.

Sungit talaga. Buti na lang cute ’to. Dati, akala ko lagi akong mapapaaway kasi laging umiikot mga mata niyan kahit sa mga kalaro namin. Buti na lang cute kaya hindi nasusuntok nung mga bata pa kami.

I remembered how every kids we’d played with thought he was a girl.

Noong time kasi na ’yon, lagi siyang naka-pigtails. ’Yung side by side pa. Mukha tuloy babae nung bata.

Santi excitedly stood from his seat when the intercom made a sound. Indicating that the bastards were outside the door already.

Isang malalim na buntong hininga muna ang pinakawalan ko bago tumayo para pagbuksan sila ng pintuan.

“Oh, layas! Paharang-harang!”

Ang mga gago talaga…

Para akong papel lang na hinawi sa gilid para lang sunod-sunod silang magsipasukan. Akala mo mga may-ari ng bahay. Bisita lang ’yan, ha? Bisita lang.

“Hi, Santi!”

Ayon nga.

’Yon pala ang pinunta nila.

Sunod-sunod na nagsikawayan ang mga hayop nang makitang gising na gising ang magaling kong kapatid.

Muntik na sana akong mainis pero nung makita ko si Santi na nakangiti nang malapad, halos wala na ang mga mata, at nakaumbok na naman ang pisngi— nawala agad ’yung inis ko.

Sinong hindi nawawala ang inis kung ganyan kakyut ang kapatid mo? Feeling ko tuloy para pa rin siyang five years old, parang hindi tumanda.

“Gising pa ang baby!” natutuwang pagbe-baby talk ni Denmark.

Mga mukha talagang tanga. Nakakabwisit!

“Santi, banana milk!” Nagbibida-bidang sabi ni Yohan at tinaas pa ang dalawang box ng banana milk na favorite ng kapatid ko.

Santi clapped his hands while smiling and everyone went weak on their knees. Well, including me.

“Santi, chips!” Pagpapakitang gilas din ni Lukas.

Ano ba ’tong mga ’to? Akala mo nasa Pilipinas Got Talent tapos kanya-kanyang mga pagpapapansin. Anong gusto nila, golden buzzer mula kay Santi?

“Hello, mga friends ko. M’eron din ba akong pagkain diyan?” tawag ko sa atensyon nila.

Isa-isa nila akong sinamaan ng tingin at parang nandidiri pa akong tinitigan.

“Bakit, ikaw ba pinunta namin?” nakangiwing sabi ni Tanner at bumalik na naman sa pagpapapansin sa kapatid ko.

Mga hayop talaga…

“Laking harang, ah?”

Nagulat pa ako nang may magsalita sa pinto na natatakpan ko. Paglingon ko, napangiti pa ako nang makita si Elias. Ito ang pinakamatino sa lahat. Once in a blue moon lang ako asarin nito.

“Elias.” I tapped his shoulder as I pulled him inside. Tuluyan ko nang sinarado ang pintuan, wala naman nang hahabol dahil lahat sila nandito na.

“Upo ka, Santi.”

I glanced at my five friends and my brother to see what they’re doing.

Ayon. Nakasalampak na sa carpet ’yung lima, nakaupo si Santi sa sofa, habang excited na inaabangan nung limang gago kung paano buksan ni Santi ang mga binili nila para sa kaniya.

Ayos, ah. Parang baby lang na pinasalubungan.

Gets ko naman sila. Ganyan na ganyan din ako kapag may binibili akong regalo para kay Santi.

“We bought midnight snacks. We didn’t know what Santi likes so they bought a lot of things. Just make sure Santi won’t eat them in one sitting, it’s not healthy,” pangaral sa akin ni Elias habang pinagtutulungan naming ilapag sa dining table ’yung mga pagkaing binili nila.

“Wow, ha?” sarkastikong tugon ko. “Matthew, ikaw ba ’yan? Ikaw ba ’yung kuya ni Santi? Ako pala si Elias.”

“Gago,” mahina niyang mura bago ako batukan.

“Kung makapangaral akala mo siya ’yung kapatid. Hello? Mabuti naman akong kuya, ha? Hindi ko naman pinapabayaan kapatid ko. Tumapak lang siya sa college, anim na agad ’yung nadagdag niyang kuya? So ano—”

“Daldal mo, Mercajez. Ano ba?” medyo naiinis na sabi ni Elias.

Tumigil na agad ako. Mamaya suntukin pa ako bigla. Sa laki ng katawan niyan talagang tatagos ako sa kabilang unit.

“Ayaw mo ng madaldal? Doon ka sa kapatid ko.”

“Fucker,” he replied as he marched towards Santi’s direction. Nakita kong umupo siya sa sofa katabi ni Santi habang nanatiling nakasalampak sa sahig ’yung lima.

Pero bakit ako minura non? Bakit? Tama naman ako, ha? Hindi talaga dadaldal ’yan si Santi sa kaniya.

After arranging all the food they bought on the table, I went back to them to check how Santi’s doing.

“Here you go! Nakagawa na tayo ng Facebook mo!”

Parang mga batang nagsipalakpakan pa ’yung lima habang nakatutok sa cellphone ni Santi.

Anong? Naknampucha, anong pinaggagagawa ng mga ’to? Anong Facebook?

Mula sa likod, hinigit ko ang cellphone ni Santi na ikinagulat nilang lahat. Si Santi, nagtataka lang akong tiningnan, ’yung anim para na akong susunugin sa impyerno.

Pagtingin ko sa phone ng kapatid ko, bumungad agad sa akin ang profile niya sa Facebook. Kagagawa lang ng account niya, halatang ginawan siya nung limang pabibo.

“Social media? I thought you don’t like social media?” tanong ko sa kapatid ko bago ngumiti. “You changed your mind?”

He smiled back as he took his phone back. “[They said I can join your group chat and I can talk to them online.]”

Natawa ako bago guluhin ang buhok niya. “Alright, if that’s what you want. Huwag kang mag-add friend ng kung sinu-sino, ha?”

“Kami bahala, huwag kang praning,” sabi ni Tanner. “Sa gc lang natin siya isasali tapos kami lang naman magiging mutuals niya.”

“Dapat lang. Kapag may nagka-crush sa ’yo, huwag mong ia-accept,” habilin ko ulit kay Santi.

Umirap lang siya at binaling ulit ang tingin sa phone. Tutok na tutok siya habang kanya-kanyang pindot din naman ’yung limang magagaling.

My eyes focused on Elias who’s sitting beside Santi right now. Hindi siya nakadukdok sa cellphone ng kapatid ko, nakaupo lang siya at umiinom ng softdrinks in can. Lagi talagang kalmado ’to.

Buti pa ’to hindi gano’n kaadik sa kapatid ko.

’Yung lima kulang na lang itali ko sila kay Santi, eh. Baka matuwa pa sila niyan.

“Gusto mo rin ng Tiktok, Santi?”

Tinatamad akong umupo sa tabi ng kapatid ko habang kinokontrol ang remote. Hinayaan ko muna silang pagkaabalahan ang kapatid ko habang naghahanap ako ng pwede naming panoorin na movie.

Syempre dahil kasama namin ’yung maarte, kailangan maayos din ’yung movie.

Ano pa nga ba?

“Whenever you’re bored, you can just use this app to watch anything.”

Binato ko ng unan sa mukha si Jaden na sinamaan agad ako ng tingin.

“Ano?!” galit na bulyaw nito sa akin.

Kita mo? Kapag sa kapatid ko ang soft spoken ng mga hayop, akala mo kumakausap ng baby. Pero kapag dating sa akin akala mo may utang ako sa kanila.

“Ayusin ninyo ’yan, mamaya kung anu-ano mapanood niyan.”

“Alam namin! Epal ’yan?” giit niya at talagang minukhaan pa ako.

Naknampucha talaga.

“Hoy, panget,” tawag ko kay Santi. Baka sakaling bigyan naman ako ng atensyon ng magaling kong kapatid.

Pero hindi.

His eyes were glued to the screen. Hearing the sound coming from his phone instantly gave me an idea that he’s now in Tiktok.

“Cute ng cats ’no?” sulsol pa ni Tanner kay Santi. Tumango naman ’yung kapatid ko at hindi pa rin inaalis ang mata sa screen.

“[How do I watch another video?]” baling sa akin ni Santi.

“Ano raw? How lang naintindihan namin,” takang tanong ni Denmark.

Ang lala. Pati ‘how’ sa sign language alam na agad nila?

“Pa’no raw lumipat ng video,” sabi ko.

“Ah!” Yohan clapped his hands. “Scroll ka lang pababa, Santi. Tapos lilipat na agad ’yan sa ibang video. Ayusin natin algorithm mo, ha? What are the things you want to watch? Para ’yon lang ang lalabas sa feed mo.”

Santi looked at me. “[Cats, dogs, babies, mute and deaf people, rainbows, college life, and Toothless!]

I immediately relied all the things he replied to the other guys. Kanya-kanya namang ngiti ang mga gago nung marinig ang huli.

“You love Toothless pala, Santi?” tanong ni Tanner.

Santi flashed his iconic smile as he nodded. “[He’s cute!]”

“Ano raw?” baling sa akin ni Tanner.

Ginawa pa akong translator ng mga ’to.

“Panget daw si Toothless. Parang kayo raw— Aray!”

Sinalag ko agad ang mga hampas ni Santi na ngayon ay inis na inis nang nakatingin sa akin.

“Sige, Santi! Bugbugin mo!” sulsol ng kung sino man sa kanila.

Mga gago!

“Aray! Fine, fine! Sorry, sorry!”

He kept on slapping my arm kahit na nag-sorry naman na ako. Kuhang-kuha ko talaga lagi ang pika niya kapag mali ’yung tina-translate ko. Sarap asarin, eh.

“Santi.” Tumigil lang siya noong marinig na tinawag siya ni Elias. “Come, keep on watching the cats.”

Napahimas ako sa braso na mahapdi dahil sa sankatutak na hampas na natanggap ko. Buti na lang malaki biceps ko kaya hindi masakit. Syempre mas malaki pa rin ’yung kay Elias pero may ibubuga rin naman ako.

At kita mo ’tong kapatid ko? Kay Elias lang tatahimik.

Close na ba sila? Parang hindi naman sila gano’n ka-close kumpara sa lima kay Santi.

“Epal kasi,” atungal ni Lukas sa akin.

“Heh,” sabat ko sa kaniya.

Mas mabuti na rin na kay Santi sila naka-focus kesa naman sa ako ’yung inaasar nila. ’Saka hindi ko rin naman sila masisisi kung bakit ganyan sila katutok kay Santi.

Para pa rin kasing baby ’yan. Maalagain masyado. Ang cute cute pa niya. Kahit sino naman yata gugustuhing alagaan siya.

He looked so fragile who would break anytime.

Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit binu-bully siya noong high school. Although I knew that a part of that was out of the immaturity of senior high school students, I also wondered if Santi’s femininity was still part of the reason.

Hindi naman na dapat pinapakealaman ng mga tao ang gender ng isang tao.

I haven’t asked Santi about it. I just knew. He never told me about it but he’s aware that I knew.

And I didn’t care. I’m not gonna love him less because he sees the world differently, or his orientation was different compared to mine. I’m always gonna be the first person who’d support him with everything.

I remembered one year ago, how my hatred for my parents formed. I could still remember the exact things they said to Santi.

“Ano? Bakla ka ba?! Bakit inaasar ka nilang bakla, ha?!” sigaw ni mama kay Santi.

My little brother remained silent on the corner of the room. He’s just crying silently, he didn’t know what to do.

“What’s happening?” I asked as soon as I stepped inside Santi’s room.

My heart swelled in pain when I saw him alone, sitting at the corner of his room while crying. Mabilis ko siyang pinuntahan at niyakap. Tingin ko mas lumala pa ang iyak niya nang makita niyang nandito na ako.

Imagine my surprise when I just came home from the university and I would witness my own parents cornering him like this?

“What the fuck is happening?!” sigaw ko kila mama.

“Matthew! Parang awa mo na, kinukunsinti mo kasi masyado ’yang kapatid mo!” sigaw ni dad. “Inaasar daw ’yan na bakla sa school niya, sabi ng teacher niya. Bakit aasarin na bakla ’yan kung hindi nakikitaan ng classmates niya ng kalambutan?! Bakla ba ’yang kapatid mo?!”

“You don’t fucking care!” I shouted at them angrily. I made sure I’m shielding Santi from their eyes. “You heard that he was being bullied and the first thing you did was to question him why he’s getting bullied! Tangina n’yo pala!”

“Bastos ka!” sigaw ni dad.

I knew they’re never gonna hurt me whatever I do or say. I’m well aware that I am their favorite, that I am their pride. Kaya kahit anong sabihin ko sa kanila, hindi nila ako sasaktan.

Yet Santi’s not doing anything wrong and they’re always ready to crucify him?

“Bakit? What did my brother do wrong?” I asked them in anger. “He’s not the one bullying other kids, he’s the victim! At imbis na isipin ninyo ’yon, siya pa ngayon ang sinisisi ninyo?!”

“Lalaki si Santi! If his classmates see him as gay, ano na lang ang sasabihin ng mga nakakakilala sa atin?! Na may bakla akong anak?! Na may—”

“Why do you fucking care at the first place, dad? Mom?” I laughed sarcastically. I could feel tears forming in my eyes, betrayed and disappointed in them. “You never treated Santi as your own. You fed him and gave him shelter but that’s not fucking love. That’s not an act of genuine care. He never felt safe in his own home unless I am here. So why do you fucking care? Aware ba ’yang mga kamag-anak natin na may isa pa kayong anak? Hindi ba’t ako lang naman lagi ang pinapakilala ninyo? So why give a fuck now, huh? Why would you fucking corner him like this when you never cared before?!”

The look in my parents’ eyes still haunt me until now. They never answered my question during that time. They just left.

Hindi nila ako masagot kasi alam nilang nagsasabi ako ng totoo. They always made sure to make it obvious that they can’t accept Santi as their son, so why would they care? Parents disowning their own kid should never have the say about that kid’s life.

Wala na akong natitirang respeto sa kanila.

Kung ano pa man, kaya ko namang buhayin si Santi kapag naka-graduate na ako. I could provide for him, cook for him, take care of him. Hindi na niya kailangan ng magulang. Ever since, ako naman talaga ang tumatayong magulang niya.

Santi suffered enough in that house. And he’d remain safe here, as long as I am here, as long as my friends would stay by his side as well.

Chapter 4

Tight Lipped IV

Saint

“Santi, come!”

My feet automatically dragged me where kuya Lukas was sitting when he called my name. Ngumiti siya sa akin nang maupo ako sa tabi niya.

“Dito ka muna, ha? Here, grab the pen. It’s for the screen. I downloaded some applications there, you can color some drawings or draw anything on the blank page.” Binigay niya sa akin ang Samsung tablet niya pati ang pen na kasama nito. “Magre-review lang kami. Just keep yourself busy for the meantime. May Tiktok din diyan.”

Matamis ko siyang nginitian at ’saka tumango sa lahat ng sinabi niya.

I glanced at the kitchen and saw the other guys coming out, they’re all carrying different snacks and drinks.

Nandito kami ngayon sa bahay ni kuya Elias. Kung bahay pa ba kung matatawag ’to, parang mansyon na yata ’to sa lawak at laki. Kuya Matthew brought me along because he said all of them are going to study for their finals, it just happened that the other guys wanted me to come along, kaya wala siyang choice!

At syempre, sasama ako!

“Santi, oks ka lang diyan?” malambing na tanong ni kuya Denmark pagkatapos ilapag ang tray ng fruits sa table. Nilapit niya pa ’yon sa akin.

I nodded my head when I saw all of them waiting for my response.

“If you need something, just tap one of us, hmm?” kuya Matthew said.

Tango lang ako nang tango sa mga sinasabi at hinahabilin nila. Nakatutok na rin ang mga mata ko sa tablet ni kuya Lukas, abala sa pagko-color sa coloring sheet na nakakuha ng atensyon ko.

They all started to do their own things as well. Nakasalampak silang lahat sa carpet habang nakapalibot sila sa malaking table sa sala. M’eron namang sofa na malaki pero parang mas gusto nila sa sahig.

I’m honestly amazed that all of them were so engrossed in studying. They all looked serious. Hindi sila nag-aasaran ngayon, wala ring isa na iistorbohin ang isa. Minsan pa nga, nagtatanungan sila. Sa ngayon, si kuya Matthew ang laging sumasagot sa kanila.

“Hi, Santi.”

My attention, glued on the screen, was grabbed when I heard a familiar voice calling me.

Saktong paglingon ko ay siya ring pag-upo ni kuya Elias sa tabi ko.

“Here.” He gave me a glass of banana milk with ice on it.

Nahihiya ko ’yong inabot at nagtatakang bumaling sa kaniya. Medyo nakakunot ang noo ko ngayon, nagtataka kung bakit hindi siya sumasali sa iba.

“Elias! Help! I think I didn’t write the explanation for this one. Bakit nga ganito ang units sa metrics?”

Before I even had the chance to write my question for kuya Elias, kuya Jaden got his attention first. Pinanood ko kung paano lumiyad papalapit si kuya Elias kay kuya Jaden, binabasa ang nasa papel nito.

“Let me take a look on your formula.”

Now that kuya Elias’ here, most of them started asking him aside from kuya Matthew. Kapag hindi available si kuya Elias, si kuya Matthew naman ang tatanungin nila.

So… Kuya Matt and kuya Elias seemed to be the smartest in the group.

Pero nagtataka pa rin ako kung bakit parang hindi nagrereview si kuya Elias, finals na rin naman niya ’di ba? Gano’n ba siya katalino kaya kampante lang siya?

Then I want to be like him too!

“Panget.”

Nilingon ko si kuya Matt nang tawagin niya ako.

“[Why?]”

“Kita ko kunot ng noo mo, alam ko na agad iniisip mo,” natatawa niyang sabi habang abala ang mga kamay sa sinusulat sa papel. “Hindi talaga magre-review ’yan si Elias kasi excempted ’yan sa finals.”

My curiousity grew even more. “[Excempted? Why? How come?“]

Kuya Matthew just smirked. “He’s the university’s representative for international field competition. He won against one hundred students with different nationalities. He’s basically the country’s pride.”

My mouth formed an O with amusement. Sinamahan ko pa ng tango na para bang ayon ang pinakamaangas na narinig ko sa buong buhay ko. Actually, it truly was! That’s the coolest thing a student can achieve!

I glanced back at kuya Elias and blushed when I saw him looking at me, probably curious what kuya Matt and I were discussing about.

“You okay there? Not bored?” nakangiti niyang tanong sa akin.

I shook my head as I focused on kuya Lukas’ tablet again.

“What’s keeping you busy, anyway?”

My heart started beating faster when I felt him moving closer to me. I saw how his handsome face got closer to the tablet to see what I was doing.

He let out a chuckle when he saw the coloring sheet on the screen.

“Para ka talagang baby,” bulong niya.

Huh?

I dragged the pen to the blank space of the sheet and wrote something.

Are you mocking me, kuya?

Tumaas ang isang kilay niya. “Why would I mock you, Santi? I find it cute. I thought you were busy reading something but turns out you’re busy on a coloring book.”

I pouted my lips. But it sounded like he’s teasing me.

I erased the one I wrote earlier and replaced it with a long one.

I can’t do anything. I don’t want to watch Tiktok because it’s kuya Lukas’ feed. Kuya says I can’t watch Tiktok if it’s not my phone.

Kuya Elias quickly glanced at kuya Matthew before dragging his eyes back to me. Pinahinga niya ang braso sa sinasandalan ko, then he used the same hand to caress the back of my hair.

“Alright, do you want to do something else? I can tour you around my house if you would like.”

He would do that?

Excited akong tumango-tango.

He chuckled, for the nth time, before biting his lower lip. Nakita ko rin kung paano saglit na tumaas ang isa niyang kilay.

“Okay, let’s do that.” Bumaling siya kay kuya Matt at tinapik ito sa balikat. “Santi wants to look around. I’ll accompany him.”

“Oo, sige na. Kapag nadapa ’yan, mata mo lang ang walang latay, Elias, sinasabi ko sa ’yo. Kita mo balat niyan, walang ni isang sugat, ang kinis-kinis niyan. Kapag may kumagat na insekto diyan sa garden mo, baka bugbugin kita ng—”

“Daldal mo.” Natawa ako nang sampalin ni kuya Elias ang bibig ni kuya Matt. Mahina lang naman, parang tapik. Pero dahil malaki ang katawan ni kuya Elias, ang lakas ng tunog na nagawa non. Napatahimik din si kuya nang wala sa oras.

“Sabi ko nga, master,” sabi ni kuya at saka ako binalingan. “Huwag madapa, ha! ’Saka mainit sa garden niyan, magpayong ka.”

“[I’m not a kid!]” I replied to him.

“I’m not a kid,” he mocked me while making face. “Magpayong ka!”

“[Fine!]” Padabog akong tumayo sa kinauupuan ko habang masama ang tingin sa kaniya. “[You’re so ugly!]”

“Aba!” Pabiro niya akong inambahan ng palo na agad ko namang iniwasan. “Maldita talaga!”

I ignored him and carefully returned the tablet and pen to kuya Lukas. ’Saka ako bumaling kay kuya Elias at sinundan siya.

“We’ll go to the main house. That’s where the garden is.”

Huh? May kabilang bahay pa?

Nang lingunin niya ako, kitang-kita niya siguro ang pagtataka sa mukha ko kaya natawa na naman siya.

“Extension lang ’to. I bring the guys here whenever we’re altogether so we have our own space. My parents are also in the main house, I’ll introduce you over.”

Wow. Akala ko malaki na ’yung bahay na ’to, extension lang pala ng main house nila? So, ano, nakatira ba sila sa palasyo?

And because I really couldn’t ask him about anything else, I just followed along. Tahimik akong nakasunod sa kaniya habang nilalakad namin ang isang hallway. I thought that maybe this was the bridge for the main house to the second house.

And I was right!

Pagkalabas na pagkalabas namin sa hallway na ’yon, dinala agad kami sa mas malaki pang living room. And this time, the stuff here were more enormous and elegant.

I could also now see a couple of helpers in uniform roaming around, all of them were busy.

“Come, Santi.”

I thought my heart skipped a beat for a moment when I felt kuya Elias’ hand around my wrist. He held me so gently as he began guiding me towards somewhere.

Wait. Why were we on the grand staircase?

Nang makarating kami sa taas, isang pares agad ng maliliit na braso ang bumungad sa amin. That same pair of small arms encircled around my waist.

“Hi! Who are you? You’re so cute and pretty! Are you my kuya Elias’ friend?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ang cute na batang babae na nakayakap sa akin. She was wearing a pink dress and her bangs suit her long hair so much. She’s so cute!

Nakangiti ko siyang pinantayan at pinisil nang marahan ang pisngi niya.

It just made me sad when I suddenly realized that I cannot talk and introduce myself to her. I wanted to talk to her so much!

“Penelope.” Kuya Elias carried the little girl and I immediately stood up, looking at them in awe. “He’s my friend, his name’s Saint. But you can call him Santi.”

“Oh! Pretty name! I like it, kuya Santi!” Penelope said while extending her arms towards me. “Can you carry me? I like you! You are so pretty and you look like a living doll!”

I giggled as I reached out for her. Nang mabuhat ko siya, ramdam ko ang kamay ni kuya Elias sa likod ko para ilayo kami sa hagdan.

“You are so bango and your skin is like Light Fury. Do you know Light Fury?”

Muling nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang banggitin niya ang partner ni Toothless. I wanted to say ‘yes’ badly… but I forgot I couldn’t do that. So all I could do was to nod my head.

“Hmm, are you also mute, kuya Santi? Just like my friend? Hindi mo po ako sinasagot, e.”

Tumingin muna ako kay kuya Elias bago dahan-dahang tumango. I’m surprised that she knew about mute people. It seemed like she had a friend who’s one.

Penelope seemed so intelligent just like her brother.

“It’s okay! I still like you so much!” She leaned forward to kiss my cheek. “You are too pretty to be kuya Elias’ friend. Alam mo bang puro guys din ang friends niya? All of them are muscular, but kuya is the most! But you, you’re so pretty po! Lagi akong inaasar nung mga friends ni kuya, pero ikaw, binubuhat mo po ako!”

Ang cute-cute niya. Para siyang nagsusumbong sa akin at wala akong ibang magawa kun’di ngumiti at matawa kung paano siya magkwento.

“One of them is your kuya Santi’s brother,” sabi ni kuya Elias mula sa likod.

“Oh! Oopps.” Penelope covered her mouth while giggling. “But it’s true, kuya Santi. They’re always calling me liit and daldal. So I like you the most! Mukha kang doll and you’re so pretty!”

“I’m sorry, she’s the most talkative person you’ll ever meet.” Kuya Elias gently took Penelope from me. Nakapokus pa ang atensyon sa akin ng bata, parang ayaw pang humiwalay.

“Penelope, it’s fine because it’s Santi. But you’re not supposed to kiss a stranger, right?” pangaral sa kaniya ni kuya Elias.

“Well, I would never do that to anyone, kuya,” nakabusangot na sagot ni Penelope. “I only did that to kuya Santi because he’s pretty, cute, and I know he’s kind. Why? If I were you, hindi mo rin ba siya iki-kiss?”

“Penelope, that’s not the point—”

“Why, kuya? Answer me. Hindi mo rin siya iki-kiss?”

“I would. So zip your mouth, little brat.”

Huh?

My stomach reacted differently when I realized what kuya Elias’ response to Penelope was. I knew I heard it clearly. My heart and my stomach wouldn’t react like this if I heard it wrong.

“Saan kayo punta? I wanna come with you, please!”

“No, go down and eat your lunch.”

“But I wanna come! Kuya Santi might leave na. I wanna come, please!”

“Penelope, I said eat your lunch first.” Maingat siyang binaba ni kuya Elias. “God, you’re the most hard headed 7 year-old kid.”

“I’m not kulit!”

“Then go downstairs and eat your lunch. You can come with us later after you’re done,” kuya Elias said in finality.

He really sounded like an older brother. Wala na rin tuloy nagawa si Penelope kundi ang ngumuso ang kumaway sa akin para magpaalam.

I smiled at her genuinely as I waved my hand to bid goodbye as well.

“I’m sorry for that.” Minasahe niya ang ulo. “She just keeps on talking once she sets her eyes on you. Mamaya ko na siya dadalhin ulit, hindi ka lang titigilan niyan. Mamaya bihisan ka pa na parang manika.”

Umiling ako at natawa, indicating that it’s fine.

“Going back…” He glanced at a specific direction before looking at me. “I think mom’s in her office. Come.”

Hinila niya ulit nang marahan ang palapulsuhan ko pero medyo nagpapigil ako nang kaonti. Although it was a wasted effort because he’s too strong, he definitely noticed my hesitation, so he stopped.

“What’s wrong?”

My eyes wandered anywhere but him.

He seemed to get a hint based on ny reaction. Tumawa siya at ginulo ang buhok ko. “It’s alright, Santi. Kilala nila lahat ’yung anim, I also need to introduce you to them. You’re the newest in our circle, right?”

I slightly pouted my lips as I shrugged my shoulders. Unti-unti ko rin siyang tinanguan, pilit na tinatanggal ang hiya at kaba sa katawan.

What’s wrong with meeting his parents, anyway? Kaibigan lang naman ako ni kuya Elias, ah? Bakit ko kailangang kabahan?

We stopped in front of a big black door as kuya Elias pressed the button on the intercom.

“Mom? I’m going inside.”

I heard a small sound from the door, indicating that it’s now unlocked. Kuya Elias pushed the door open and a woman, sitting on her office chair, with a strict expression welcomed us.

“Are you guys done studying?”

Halatang masungit din ang boses ng mama ni kuya Elias. Parang ayoko na pala…

“Not yet. The guys are still on it. I brought a new friend over.”

Mas nagdagdagan ang kaba sa dibdib ko nang tumingala ang mommy ni kuya Elias, hinubad ang salamin at tumingin sa akin.

I thought she was going to raise her eyebrow and look at me up and down. But…

“Omygosh! Ang pretty!”

Namilog ang mga mata ko nang biglang maging matinis ang boses ng mommy ni kuya Elias. She even stood up from her seat to give me a warm hug.

“Hi! You are so cute!” She looked so delighted while looking at my face. “Omg, Elias. Saan mo siya nakilala? Ang cute-cute niya!”

“Mom, stop that.”

“Why? He looks like a doll! Ipakita mo siya kay Penelope, baka bihisin pa siya ng doll clothes,” humahagikhik na sabi ng mommy ni kuya Elias bago ako kurutin sa pisngi. “Hi, pretty! What’s your name? How old are you? May parents ka pa? You want me to adopt you na lang?”

Ah…

Paano ako sasagot…

“He’s mute. So stop bombarding him with nonsense questions,” kuya Elias intervened. “His name’s Saint, we call him Santi. And yes, his parents are alive and kicking so stop thinking on adopting him. I’m gonna be the first person to disagree with that.”

“Omg.” His mother looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

I thought, at first, that she was pitying me because I’m mute. But I almost forgot how unpredictable she was…

“So that means I can’t adopt you,” malungkot niyang dagdag.

“Mom, seriously?”

“Shut up, Elias! Pwede ko siyang ampunin kapag gusto niya, ’di ba, Santi?” His mother literally babytalked me just now.

I couldn’t help but nod my head. Because deep inside, I also wanted that to happen. To have a mother like this.

“Seriously?” Kuya Elias pulled me away from his mother. “Tigilan mo nga ’yang obsession mo sa pag-aampon. He still has a family. And no way I’m gonna let you adopt him.”

“Sus!” Kuya Elias’ mother giggled. “Siguro crush mo siya kaya—”

“Mom. Please.” Kuya Elias looked so stress right now for unknown reason.

“Manang-mana ka sa akin, anak.” His mother slightly nudged him as she pulled me again. “Santi, kumain ka na ng lunch? How about snacks? What are your favorite foods para mapaghanda ko sila downstairs? Alam mo bang— Oh! You came at the right time, hon. Come here, Elias brought a pretty friend!”

She was talking to someone who’s behind me, and based on what she called the other person, I thought it’s going to be kuya Elias’ father.

But how many surprises this house would give me?

“Elias has a girl friend?” It was a voice of a woman that I heard, not a man’s.

So…

Nakumpirma ko ang iniisip ko nang lumapit ang bagong dating na babae para halikan sa pisngi ang mommy ni kuya Elias. They looked so inlove and I could confirm that they’re a couple based on how they touched each other.

Lumingon ako kay kuya Elias para makita kung ano ang reaksyon niya. Pero nakangisi lang siya nang bahagya sa akin, as if he’s also waiting for my reaction.

“No, hindi girl! Meet Santi, he’s so cute!”

The newly arrived woman looked at me and instantly smiled. She looked more mature and stricter compared to kuya Elias’ mom… Wait, who’s kuya Elias’ mom if both of them were women?

“Hi there, love.” The new woman greeted me with her deep voice. “Your name’s Santi? My name’s Lilienne, by the way. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Elias’ mother.”

He’s also kuya Elias’ mother?

“Oo nga pala, I forgot to say my name! Ang cute kasi niya, na-starstruck ako. My name’s Freya, sweetheart. I’m also Elias’ mother,” pakilala naman ng mommy din ni kuya Elias.

“You must be so confused, love.” The woman named Lilienne chuckled and caressed my hair. “We’re both Elias’ mothers. Elias and Penelope are both our children, they’re both IVF babies.”

IVF? I learned that in senior high! ’Yon ’yung mga baby na nabubuo kapag pinagsasama ang egg and sperm sa laboratory? So kuya Elias and Penelope were both product of that?

That’s… That’s so amazing.

“Are you done with your introductions?” kuya Elias murmured from the side. “Santi’s mind is probably full of questions right now. You guys kept on confusing him.”

“Aww, baby.” Tita Freya pinched my cheek. “Don’t worry! You can write down the questions you have in mind. Want a pen and paper or a phone?”

“Why? He can’t speak?” tita Lilienne asked and tita Freya nodded. Lumingon sa akin si tita Lilienne. “Oh, no, love. But you know sign language, right? If you’d like, I can hire an advanced teacher who can—”

“Mom, come on.” Kuya Elias pulled me again with his frustrated voice. “Ang dami ninyong sinasabi. Hindi na kayo naiintindihan ng tao sa dami ninyong ino-offer. I still need to tour him around the garden, just bother him later.”

Tita Freya stomped her feet. “Ang cute niya kasi! ’Di ba, hon? Wanna adopt him? We can be his secondary parents tapos we can buy him pretty clothes and— Hey! Elias! Saan mo siya dadalhin?!”

I was not able to prepare myself when kuya Elias deliberately pulled me away from his mothers. Kitang-kita ko ang dismaya sa mukha ng mga mommy niya, parang ayaw pa ako paalisin doon.

“I’m sorry for that. My family’s the most annoying people you’d ever talk to.” He held my wrist gently as we walked down on the stairs. “I had to pull you away, otherwise, you’d probably spend a night here. Baka hindi ka na nga pauwiin kahit kailan ng mga ’yon.”

No… They’re not annoying at all. Kuya Elias must have thought I’m easily annoyed at talkative people, but that’s nowhere near the truth.

I love his sister, I love his two mothers. I loved how they looked at me with adoration, I loved how they held me with softness, I loved how they talked to me without raising their voices at me.

I loved it here…

I loved that short moment I shared with them.

And for a moment, I thought maybe it would be amazing to have them as my parents. Kahit dalawa pa silang maging mommy ko, I wouldn’t care. I would love it even more.

And what if I truly did had them as my parents?

Would I even think of harming myself months ago?

Chapter 5

Tight Lipped V

Santi

“[How do I accept them as a friend? Should I just click this?]” I signed to kuya Matt while pointing on the screen of my phone, showing him the friend requests sent by his friends.

“Amina.” He took my phone and showed me how to do it. Isa-isa niyang pinindot ang ‘accept’ button katabi ng mga pangalan nila kuya Lukas. “Kami lang mutuals mo. Kapag may nagka-crush talaga sa ’yo sa school, hindi mo pwedeng i-accept. Unless kaibigan lang—”

“[You’re so ugly.]”

“Aba! Pinapangaralan ka lang. Pag-aaral ang aatupagin, hindi ’yang crush crush na ’yan,” giit pa ni kuya.

I pouted my lips as I rolled my eyes on him. Inis kong kinuha ang phone sa kaniya nang may maalala ako bigla. I scrolled through my friends and realized that someone was missing.

“Ano?” tanong ni kuya Matt nang kulbitin ko siya.

“[Kuya Elias did not add me as a friend.]”

Natawa si kuya. “Walang social media si Elias. Text text lang namin nakakausap ’yon.”

Oh.

That’s… I don’t even know why I felt disappointed. Maybe because he’s my friend as well that I wanted him to be my mutuals too.

“Lukas will add you on our group chat. Do you know how to use messenger?”

“[Yes, they taught me how,]” I signed to him while smiling happily.

“Dami mong natututunan sa mga ’yon, ah? Pati pagso-social media pinasok mo na,” dagdag pa ni kuya.

Nagkibit-balikat ako. “[Because I had no friends back then.]”

“Well, it’s good that you’re socializing now. Keep it up, bunny.” Ginulo pa ni kuya ang buhok ko habang nakangiti. “Come, eat your dinner and matulog ka na agad pagkatapos.”

He pulled a chair for me and made me sit. Siya na rin mismo ang naghanda ng plato ko at pinagsandok niya rin ako ng kanin at ulam. He cooked my favorite, adobo, hehe.

“Kain na, panget.”

“[What about you?]” I asked him.

“Wait lang. Sabayan kita. Tawagan ko lang saglit si Jaden, may ipapagawa lang ako,” kuya Matt answered before giving me a pat on my head.

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin hanggang sa makalabas siya ng kusina. Tinuon ko na lang din ang atensyon ko sa pagkain. Dadamputin ko na sana ang kutsara pero napatingin ako sa cellphone ko nang may notification na lumabas.

Huh?

Elias Salvacion

Accept | Decline

Wait, did I see that correctly?

I quickly grabbed my phone to make sure I’m just not seeing things.

Pagkatingin ko sa Facebook, nakita ko ang parehas na notification. It was kuya Elias’ name. And he’s adding me as a friend too!

But I thought he didn’t have a social media? Paano ko malalaman na siya talaga ’to?

Should I give him a message? Or ask him if this was really him?

Bahala na!

Ilang minuto pa yata akong nalito-lito kung paano ko siya se-send-an ng message. It took me six minutes to find the button where I could message him.

—

Saint Mercajez | 8:36 PM kuya Elias?

—

I bit my lower lip after hitting the send button. Wondering if he’s going to see it or even read it.

Paano kung hindi siya ’to? Paano kung kapangalan lang niya? Or someone pretending to be him?

—

Elias Salvacion | 8:37 PM Hmm? Are you gonna accept me as a friend or am I gonna be an outcast?

—

Omg, siya nga!

Kulang na lang mapapalakpak ako sa tuwa nang makumpirma kong si kuya Elias nga ang kausap ko.

Wala kasi siyang profile, at parang kagagawa lang ng account niya. Wala ring friends na naka-display sa account niya. Buti na lang pala nag-message ako sa kaniya!

Masaya kong pinindot ang accept button para maging mutuals na rin kami.

—

Saint Mercajez | 8:41 PM na-accept ko na po kayo

—

Kagagawa niya lang kaya ng account? Sabi kasi ni kuya Matthew wala naman daw social media si kuya Elias.

—

Elias Salvacion | 8:42 PM

Thank you, haha.

Have you eaten your dinner?

Saint Mercajez | 8:43 PM opo. pinagluto po ako ni kuya Matt ng adobo

Elias Salvacion | 8:44 PM Sounds good.

It’s quite late, anyway. Ganitong oras ka matulog?

Saint Mercajez | 8:49 PM sorry, late reply, kuya. kumakain po ako, hehe

ganitong time po kasi ako matulog, bandang 9 or 9:30 po

Elias Salvacion | 8:50 PM Okay. Focus on your food first, Santi.

Mamaya ka na mag-reply.

Saint Mercajez | 8:52 PM okay lang po, kuya, hehe. tapos na po akong kumain

Elias Salvacion | 8:53 PM That was fast. Huwag kang magmadali sa susunod. It’s not good for your digestion.

—

Akala mo siya ang nutrionist sa aming dalawa.

—

Saint Mercajez | 8:54 PM opo, kuya

hindi ka pa rin po matutulog? may pasok po ba kayo bukas kung final exams na? eh diba po excempted daw po kayo?

Elias Salvacion | 8:55 PM I sleep every 11 PM.

But to answer you question, I don’t have classes tomorrow. Kailangan ko pa ring pumunta sa univ to do some errands.

Saint Mercajez | 8:57 PM gusto ko niyan, kuya, hehehe. yung excempted mwehehehe

Elias Salvacion | 8:58 PM Well… Should I pull some connections?

Saint Mercajez | 9:00 PM hala hindi po, joke lang po, kuya

Elias Salvacion | 9:01 PM I was joking too, haha.

You have to study well, okay? College is gonna be stressful, especially considering the program you took.

Saint Mercajez | 9:03 PM opo, hehe. lahat kayo yan ang sinasabi. kahit si kuya puro na lang “mahirap sa college”

eh mas mahirap nga yung program mo, kuya elias. diba pre-law ka po? nakakasunog kaya ng brain cells ang pag-aabogado

Elias Salvacion | 9:04 PM Nakakasunog ng brain cells?

Haha.

You have your own way to words and definitions. Cute.

—

“Type ka nang type diyan, tapos ka na ba kumain?”

Muntik pa akong mapatalon sa kinauupuan ko nang biglang sumulpot si kuya Matthew sa likuran ko.

I immediately hid my phone and forced a smile. ’Saka ko tinuro ang plato ko na wala nang laman. “[Finish!]”

“Good.” Kuya Matthew took my plate and looked at me apologetically. “Hindi na kita nasabayan, sorry. Daldal kasi ni Jaden. Punta ka na sa kwarto mo, matulog ka na.”

I gave him a salute as I quickly grabbed my phone and ran inside my room.

Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama bago muling i-open ang phone para makapag-reply ulit ako kay kuya Elias.

—

Saint Mercajez | 9:13 PM sorry po, late reply. si kuya Matt kasi

Elias Salvacion | 9:14 PM It’s fine.

Did you tell him na ako ang kausap mo?

Saint Mercajez | 9:16 PM oh, nakalimutan ko pong sabihin

Elias Salvacion | 9:17 PM It’s okay. Don’t tell him.

Bubulabugin lang ako ng mga ’yan kapag nalaman nilang may account ako. They’re chaotic and noisy as hell in group chats.

Saint Mercajez | 9:19 PM ay, ayaw nyo pong sumali sa gc?

Elias Salvacion | 9:20 PM Nah, it’s fine this way, haha.

I don’t want them knowing I created an account for you.

—

Huh?

He created his account for me?

—

Elias Salvacion | 9:21 PM Anyway, you’re gonna be first year by next month. Are you mentally prepared for college?

Saint Mercajez | 9:23 PM opo naman, mwehehe

Elias Salvacion | 9:24 PM Great to hear.

You know you have us, right? You can also form your own circle of friends among your batchmates, or your class. I’m sure they’re going to adore you.

Saint Mercajez | 9:26 PM talaga po? mababait ba talaga sila sa college?

Elias Salvacion | 9:27 PM From my experience, yes. Most of the students are kind.

The chances of getting bullied is 1:100 ratio.

And it’s not like we’re going to let anyone ruin your peace of mind.

Saint Mercajez | 9:29 PM siguro para po kayong heartthrobs sa school nila kuya Matt? uso po yan sa high school dati hehe

Elias Salvacion | 9:30 PM We don’t have that in college, haha.

But sure.

Saint Mercajez | 9:32 PM hehe

Elias Salvacion | 9:33 PM It’s 9:30, Santi. You should sleep na.

Make sure to never break your body clock, it’s gonna be beneficial for you in college.

Saint Mercajez | 9:34 PM bakit po kayo 11 pm na matulog?

Elias Salvacion | 9:34 PM I need to read a lot of books per courses.

And although I love talking to you, you have to sleep. Let’s just talk tomorrow, okay?

And even if they add you in the group chat tonight, bukas ka na mag-reply, pagkagising mo.

Saint Mercajez | 9:36 PM okay, kuya! good night po!

Elias Salvacion | 9:37 PM Goodnight, Santi.

Talk to you tomorrow.

—

I held my phone against my chest after closing our message. Nakatulala lang ako sa kisame ng kwarto ko, hindi alam ang gagawin o mararamdaman.

I didn’t realize I was chatting with him for more than 30 minutes. Pero parang hanggang ngayon… gusto ko pa siyang kausap.

Am I getting insane? If this was the other kuyas, would I also be this excited to chat with them? Or was it just kuya Elias?

Naguguluhan na ako.

Bakit iba ang nararamdaman ko kay kuya Elias kumpara sa iba kong mga kuya?

Why did I feel happy when I found out he created a social media for me? Why wasn’t I able to tell the time when I was talking to him? Bakit lagi ko siyang kinukumpara sa iba?

I didn’t understand whatever this was.

Hindi ko alam kung anong ipapangalan ko sa feeling na ’to. This was my first time feeling this kind of excitement over someone.

All my life, I never really understood how people could differentiate family love from other forms of love. I’d never really felt love from my parents, all I ever embraced was kuya Matthew’s love.

And the love that I’m feeling for him was the same love I’m feeling for the other kuyas. Kuya Jaden, kuya Yohan, kuya Lukas, kuya Tanner, kuya Denmark. Although I love kuya Matt the most, but the same level of love I feel for him was the same with others. Brotherly love.

Bakit hindi katulad kay kuya Elias? Bakit lagi siyang hindi kasama kapag sinasabi kong gusto ko ring maging kuya sila kuya Denmark?

How would I differentiate different forms of love if all that I felt, my whole life, was kuya Matthew’s love?

I’m so confused… I didn’t like being confused. It made me feel clueless of the real world. As if I’m isolated from the reality that normal people knew of.

I hated it.

I hated being an outcast because of my feelings. Because the biggest love I’d ever receive was from kuya Matthew and no one else gave me that.

—

“Hi, baby Santi!”

I think the kuyas were getting more bubblier as I spend time with them. Lagi na nila akong tinatawag na baby or baby Santi tuwing magkikita kami.

At lagi rin silang excited kapag makikita nila ako, lagi pa nga silang may mga bitbit na pagkain or regalo para sa akin.

Hehe. Masayang-masaya ako. Spending time with them always uplift my mood.

I waved my hands at them as they all shoved kuya Matthew on the side so they could enter our unit.

I kept on giggling as they all took turns to pat my head and pinch my cheeks when they got closer.

“Hoy, kingina ninyo! Kapag nagkapasa ’yan sa pisngi, tutupiin ko kayo sa walo!” Rinig kong bulyaw ni kuya Matthew mula sa pinto.

“Shut up, outsider,” sabat ni kuya Denmark sa kaniya.

“Santi, come.” Ngiting-ngiti si kuya Yohan nang marahan niya akong hilahin paupo sa sofa. “We don’t have classes anymore after finals. We’re planning to spend our vacation on an island. You’re going to come, right?”

Nakangiti akong tumango-tango sa kaniya. Nagpalakpakan naman ’yung iba habang naga-apiran pa.

“Nice!”

“Ako? Hindi n’yo ba ako aayain—”

“Mamaya ka na.” Walang pakealam na binusalan ni kuya Jaden ang bibig ni kuya Matt gamit ang balat ng chichirya.

Kuya Matt’s eyes widened. “Naknampucha—”

“Ano ba?! Mura ka nang mura sa harap ni Santi!” Inis siyang pinagsusuntok ni kuya Yohan sa braso.

“Aray! Oo na! Kapag sa kapatid ko ang babait ninyong anghel, kapag sa akin may bugbog pa. Hindi ko ’yan papasamahin, sige!”

I threw the throw pillow on his face when I heard that. Nagpalakpakan naman sila kuya Lukas sa ginawa ko.

“Wala sa ’yo ang desisyon, na kay Santi. ’Di ba, Santi?” pagbe-baby talk bigla ni kuya Yohan sa akin, na para bang hindi niya binugbog si kuya kanina.

Ngumiti naman ako nang malapad at tumango-tango.

“Okay! That’s settled then! Elias’ going to decide where’s the location.”

Speaking of kuya Elias…

I roamed my eyes around, scanning them and tried looking for him. But he wasn’t here.

“Si Elias ba?” tanong ni kuya Tanner nang mapansin ang tingin ko. “He’s not here. May kailangan siyang puntahan.”

Oh.

My mood changed for few seconds but I quickly erased that so they wouldn’t notice. Muli ko silang nginitian at binuksan na lang ang mga bagay na binili na naman nila para sa akin.

My room’s full of stuff and gifts I received from them.

Most of them were plushies, keychains, and stuff for Toothless.

Tuwing magkikita-kita kasi kami, lagi nila akong binibigyan ng gifts or foods. Minsan, kahit si kuya Matt lang ang makikita nila, pinapaabot pa rin nila kay kuya Matt.

Para talaga silang si kuya.

“Elias wanted to give this to you pala, Santi.”

My mood became lighter when kuya Lukas handed me a paper bag. Masaya kong inabot ’yon mula sa kamay niya at napapangiting tinago ’yon sa likod ko.

“Hindi mo io-open?” naaaliw na tanong ni kuya Lukas.

I shook my head. “[Later.]”

“Oh!” Kuya Jaden clapped his hand and the other guys looked amazed too. “We know what that means. That means ‘later’, right?”

Wait… They knew sign language?

Did they… Did they study it?

“[You guys know sign language?]” I tested them.

Pumaskil agad ang lito sa mga mukha nila. Based on their reactions, it seemed like they only knew couple of words.

“Ano raw? You at know lang naintindihan ko.”

I giggled when I heard what kuya Tanner said.

Even though they only knew couple of words in my language, it still didn’t change the fact that they’re learning it for me. It would take months and sometimes years to learn sign language, and I’m already happy with the fact that they’re putting an effort for me.

Hindi pala sila ‘parang’ si kuya Matt. Talagang katulad nila si kuya Matt.

I’m glad that kuya Matthew’s friends with them. I’m glad that I found friends. I’m just glad with everything.

“He’s asking if you guys know sign language,” my brother translated for me.

“Few words lang, Santi. We’re studying it whenever we have free time. Look.” Kuya Jaden sat beside me as I focused on him. Then he began signing. “[My name is Jaden.]”

Natutuwa ko siyang tiningnan nang magpakilala siya gamit ang sign language.

“Me too, Santi, look!”

Hanggang sa isa-isa na silang magpakilala sa akin gamit ang sign language.

I just kept on giggling and laughing whenever some of them would make mistakes in the middle of it. But at the same time, I knew I was laughing hard because of happiness inside my chest.

Habang nag-aasaran sila sa mga mali nila, at nagtuturuan sila ng letter sa sign language, I felt kuya Matthew from behind as he leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

I smiled and looked at him.

“You’re happy? This is the first time I’ve seen you laugh like that.” Halatang-halata sa mga mata ni kuya ang tuwa.

I couldn’t help but become teary eyed. “[So much.]”

“Don’t cry. Baka sabihin nila pinaiyak kita.” Mabilis niyang pinunasan ang gilid ng mga mata ko at hinalikan ulit ako sa noo. “My friends are great, right? Having friends is great.”

I nodded my head again as I hugged him and pulled away quickly to give a reply. “[Thank you, kuya. I love you so much.]”

“I love you too, bunny.” Niyakap niya ulit ako.

“Bakit siya lang may hug?” Rinig kong reklamo nila kuya Denmark.

“Utot ninyo. Ako lang pwede,” sabi ni kuya Matt bago pagbabatuhin ng unan ang iba.

Tawa lang ako nang tawa habang umiilag sila. Minsan din ay binabato nila pabalik si kuya Matt kapag napupunta sa kanila ang unan.

If they’re studying sign language… Si kuya Elias din kaya?

Oh.

Here we go again. I kept on comparing him with the other guys. I didn’t even realize I was thinking about him again.

“Gago!”

Rinig ko ang mura ni kuya Matthew nang matamaan ako sa mukha ng isa sa unan.

“Hala! Baby, sorry!” Kuya Yohan said.

“Hayop ka, Yohan! Lalagyan kita ng pasa sa itlog!”

Hinaplos ko ang natamaang noo habang inaalo rin ako nila kuya Jaden. Hindi ko naman ininda ’yung sakit, tawa nga lang ako nang tawa habang pinagtutulungan nila kuya Matthew at kuya Tanner si kuya Yohan sa sahig.

“Ge, huwag ninyong palalabasin na humihinga pa!” sulsol ni kuya Lukas.

“Sakit?” nakangiwi at nag-aalalang tanong ni kuya Jaden sa akin.

Umiling kaagad ako para ipakita sa kanila na ayos lang ako. Unan lang naman ’yon at saka ang lambot pa.

Pabiro rin lang naman nilang binubugbog si kuya Yohan na puro pekeng daing. Kaya rin ako tawa nang tawa kasi para silang mga extra sa movie na bigay na bigay sa acting.

Tama si kuya Elias. Kahit hindi sa gc, they’re chaotic and noisy, which I actually love.

Chapter 6

Tight Lipped VI

M

atthew

Maingat kong nilapag ang mga maleta namin ni Santi nang makarating kami sa lobby ng hotel.

“Kapag late na naman ’yong mga ’yon, titirisin ko talaga sila,” bulong ko sa tabi.

Lumingon ako sa kapatid ko na parang bata na nakadukdok na naman sa cellphone niya. Nakaupo na siya sa single sofa at sobrang cute na nanonood ng Tiktok.

Ewan ko ba diyan, adik na adik sa Toothless animations pati sa mga cartoons na nagmu-mukbang.

Ano bang nakakatuwa sa mga ’yon?

Pero ayos na rin, kesa naman kung anu-anong panoorin niyan.

Para akong may bitbit na bata kasi literal na lahat ng gamit pasan ko. Pati ’yung backpack niya, nasa akin. Maleta niya, hila-hila ko. Kulang na lang pati siya bitbit ko, eh.

“Santi, ’yung mata mo. Ang lapit mo sa screen, ano ba ’yan?” Pinagalitan ko na, masyadong tutok sa cellphone kasi.

He just glanced at me as he slowly moved away from the screen. Pinanood ko lang siya, at tama nga ako. Maya-maya rin, lumalapit na naman ’yung mukha niya sa screen.

Naknang bata talaga ’to.

“Hoy, ang mata.” Pabiro ko siyang pinitik sa noo.

“[You stupid!]” Inis niyang senyas sa akin at pinaghahampas pa ako sa kamay. “[Stop doing that to my forehead!]”

Akala mo talaga may bitaw. Taray lang naman ang baon niyan.

“Huwag ka kasing dumukdok sa screen. Lumayo ka. Lalabo agad mata mo niyan,” saway ko sa kaniya sa seryosong boses.

He finally calmed down as he moved away from the screen again. This time, binantayan niya na rin ang sarili at nilalayo niya ang cellphone kapag napapansin niyang napapalapit ulit sa mukha niya.

Susunod din naman pala.

“Gugutom ka?” I asked him.

He didn’t look at me, his eyes were still glued on the screen but he nodded his head.

Binuksan ko ang backpack na dala niya, na pinuno ko lang din naman ng snacks. ’Saka ko kinuha ang isang sandwich na nabili namin sa convenience store kanina. I unpacked it as I gave it to him. Tinanggap niya ang sandwich at kinagatan agad ’yon.

“Banana milk mo, gusto mo?”

Tumango na naman siya habang ngumunguya.

Nakaumbok na naman ’yung matataba niyang pisngi. Parang kuneho talaga.

Kaya rin bunny ang nickname ko sa kaniya, ganyan siya kumain. Tapos pansin na pansin din kasi ’yung bunny teeth niya sa taas.

“Careful.” I handed him his banana milk which he accepted. Nilapag niya muna ang sandwich sa lap niya ’saka tinanggap ang bote ng banana milk at sumisip sa straw non. I tsked at him. “Ayaw kasi bitawan ’yung cellphone habang nakain.”

“[I can manage.]” He signed at me.

“Ayan na,” inis kong sabi nang muntik pang malaglag ang bote ng bottle milk dahil lang gusto niyang mag-scroll sa Tiktok. Mabilis kong pinindot ang turn off button ng phone niya. “Ayaw kasing makinig kay kuya!”

He bounced on his seat while throwing tantrums. Pero sumunod din naman. Hinayaan niya lang na nakapatay ang phone habang inuubos niya ang pagkain at drinks niya.

Pagka-ubos ng sandwich sa plastik, kahit meron pa sa bibig niya— binuksan niya ulit ang phone at nanood na naman ng Tiktok.

Kulit talaga nito. Lalo pang nagiging spoiled dahil doon sa anim.

And speaking of the devils…

“Santi, baby!”

Hay surmayosep.

Kaniya-kaniyang pisil na naman ang mga hayop sa pisngi ng kapatid ko nang makalapit sila.

“Kumakain! Huwag ninyong pisilin!” Pinaghahampas ko ang mga kamay nila pero hindi sila natinag.

Santi just smiled at them and didn’t even complain. Kahit humahapdi na yata ang pisngi niya, namumula eh, hindi pa rin ’yan magrereklamo.

“Hi, Santi! Cute cute naman ng suot mo!” Denmark babytalked again.

’Yan na naman sila. ’Kala mo mga nakasinghot ng helium sa balloon kapag kausap si Santi. Pero kapag kami-kami lang parang bomba sa ingay ang mga bibig.

“Anong kinakain mo, Santi?”

“Sandwich, bulag ’yan?” sabat ko kay Jaden.

Walang pakealam akong tinapunan ng tingin ni Jaden ’saka ako tinalikuran.

“Want more food? We bought you—”

“Ano na naman ’yan?!” Hinampas ko ang kamay ni Lukas nang mag-abot siya ng isang pack ng gummies kay Santi. “Puro matatamis binibigay ninyo! Kapag nasira ngipin niyan, bubugbugin ko kayo isa-isa.”

“Papansin, amputa. Sino ba ’yan?” bulong ni Yohan sa tabi kaya mabilis kong sinipa ang tuhod niya.

“Wow, nanonood siya ng mukbang!”

At nagsipalakpakan na naman ang mga tanga na para bang may achievement na naman sa buhay ni Santi dahil lang nanonood siya ng mukbang sa Tiktok.

Ang lala talaga ng limang ’to. May gamot pa ba sa ganyan?

Palibhasa kasi mga wala silang kapatid na nakababata. Si Yohan, Jaden, at Denmark, mga single child. Si Tanner at Lukas naman, parehas bunso sa pamilya.

Kaya ayan, si Santi ang pinagdidiskitahan nila. Magugulat na lang ako, bukas, pinapatayuan na nila ng playground ’yang kapatid ko.

Tangina, parang hindi imposible ’yon.

“Ano name niya, Santi?” parang batang tanong ni Yohan sa kapatid ko. Tinutukoy ’yung cartoon na nagmumukbang.

Santi looked at them and tried to spell the name of the character. Nakita ko ring agad na nag-focus ’yung lima para basahin ang kamay niya.

“[Jummy bear]”

The five guys looked satisfied when they were able to read the letters that Santi signed.

“Jummy bear!” sabay-sabay pa nilang sabi na akala mo ay mga nasa sabayang pagbigkas.

Santi clapped his hands too, acknowledging their correct answer.

Ano ba ’to? Nanonood ba ako ng live reenactment ng Cocomelon episode?

“Elias! Finally!” Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makita sa wakas ang pinakamatino sa amin. Nilapitan ko siya at inakbayan. “Please pagalitan mo naman ’yung mga ’yon. Sobrang spoiled na ng kapatid ko sa pinaggagagawa nila.”

He just shrugged. “Can you blame them?”

“Wala kang kwenta,” sagot ko pagkatapos siyang batukan.

Syempre kumaripas agad ako ng takbo palayo kasi kapag ginantihan niya ako, baka ’yung talsik ko abot hanggang pauwi. Sayang ’yung one hour na byahe namin ni Santi papunta sa beach na ’to.

Pagbalik ko sa pwesto nila Santi, ayon, tuwang-tuwa ang magaling kong kapatid. Kulang na lang may flashlight sa mga mata niya sa saya habang naglalaro silang anim sa cellphone niya.

Elias went to the guys and threw keys on them. “Let’s go. Our rooms are ready upstairs. Bahala kayo sino gusto ninyong kasama. It’s two people in two rooms and three people in another one.”

“Si Santi gusto naming kasama!”

Magre-react na sana ako pero naunahan ako ni Elias.

“I got a separate room for Santi. No one’s gonna share a room with him.”

“Elias, my favorite.” Inakbayan ko siya habang malapad ang ngiti.

“Let’s have lunch later after your stuff are settled. Text me if you’re all ready to come down. I already booked a reservation on a restaurant nearby.”

“The best ka talaga, boss!” kanya-kanyang cheer ng lima kay Elias.

“Elias, parang awa mo na, let’s share a room,” pagmamakaawa ko sa kaniya nang aalis na sana siya.

He handed me a spare key. “Here.”

“Nice!”

Hinayaan ko na ang lima na mag-usap usap kung sino ang magkaka-share sa kwarto. Wala na akong pake basta si Elias ang kasama ko. Hindi maingay ’yan at hindi magulo.

Nilapitan ko si Santi para kuhanin ang mga maleta namin.

Nakita ko ring lumapit si Elias sa kaniya para iabot ang susi.

Ayos talaga. ’Yung ibang susi hinagis niya lang sa mukha nung lima, pero sa kapatid ko talagang inabot pa. Spoiled na spoiled talaga si Santi Mercajez sa mga kaibigan ko.

“Santi, come. I’ll help you unpack your things,” tawag ko sa atensyon ng kapatid ko.

Tumango siya sa akin at hinayaan akong bitbitin ang maleta niya. Hindi man lang talaga kusang loob na kinuha ’yung backpack niya na nasa tabi niya.

Hindi naman sa hindi ko kukuhanin, pero talagang alam niyang hindi ko siya pagbubuhatin ng kahit ano.

’Saka lang din ako napatigil. Bakit ba inis na inis ako sa lima kung ganito rin naman ako?

“Akin na maleta mo. I’ll leave it in our room.” Elias took my luggage and gave Santi a smile. “Let your brother help you unpack, hmm?”

Santi gave him a smile too and nodded cheerfully.

Kailan pa sila naging ganito ka-close? O baka hindi ko lang talaga napapansin?

Sabagay, ’yung lima lang kasi ang laging kung makabakod kay Santi ay parang mga linta. Kumbaga mga bwiset!

Nang makaakyat kami, una kong pinuntahan at sinamahan si Santi sa room niya.

Buhay prinsesa talaga, mag-isa lang siya. Binilhan ng solong kwarto ni Elias, eh. Na ayos din naman sa akin.

’Yung share ko lang ang binayaran ko kasi nga akala ko sa iisang kwarto lang kami ni Santi. Pero binilhan pala siya ng sariling solo room ni Elias, eh ano pa ba? Pera naman niya ’yon, bahala siya sa buhay niya.

Pagkarating, inumpisahan ko agad na tulungan si Santi sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit niya.

Nagulat pa nga ako nang tumulong siya sa akin. Akala ko magdamag lang siyang magce-cellphone at manonood ng Tiktok. May outside life pa pala siya kahit papaano.

“[Give me!]” He signed when he saw me holding the pack of gummies that the boys bought for him.

Hindi na ako nakapalag kasi sobrang bilis ng nga kamay niya na hinablot ’yon.

“Aba.” Pinanood ko siyang buksan ang pack at kumuha ng isang gummy para lantakan agad. “Not too much. Sasakit ngipin mo talaga.”

“[I know. Just few.]” He replied and stopped helping me with his stuff.

Umupo siya pabalik sa kama habang ngumunguya ng gummy at pinanood akong ayusin ang konting natira niyang gamit.

At least tumulong sa umpisa, ’di ba? Konting distraction lang pinabayaan na agad ako.

“Okay na ’to lahat? We’re gonna be here for three days, you have to make sure your things are organized,” pangaral ko sa kaniya pagkatapos ayusin ang mga damit at gamit niya sa built-in closet ng kwarto.

He just gave me a smile as he shook his head. Sinarado niya ang pakete ng gummies nang makita ang tingin ko. “[I’ll take care of them later. Fix your own stuff na rin on your room.]”

“Okay.” I placed the backpack on his bed. “Nandiyan pa mga snacks mo. Put them on the ref. May banana milk pa yata diyan. Remember to put your tumbler in the ref too para sa water mo.”

Ano siya sinuswerte? Hinahayaan ko na ngang uminom ng banana milk lagi. Pero hindi ko hinahayaan na hindi siya uminom ng maraming tubig araw-araw.

“[Okay, sir.]”

I chuckled and messed his hair because of cuteness aggression.

“Sa katabing room lang ako, ha? Kasama ko si Elias. Room 356, if you need anything, just call me or ring the intercom.”

Nang makitang mukhang ayos na ang lahat sa kaniya, iniwan ko muna siya at dumiretsyo sa katabing kwarto. I used the key that Elias gave me to open the door.

I saw Elias sitting on his bed, talking to someone over the phone. Kaya sinigurado kong hindi ako mag-iingay nang makapasok ako.

“Alright. I’m going to give a call 25 minutes ahead so you can prepare the food. No, thank you. Yeah, about that… Give me one second.”

I immediately turned to him when he looked at me.

“Why?” I mouthed. Curious on why he suddenly focused on me while still on the phone with someone.

“May allergy ba si Santi sa pagkain?” he asked seriously.

Napaisip ako nang wala sa oras. “Allergy? Parang— Ay, oo! Sa mushroom. Lahat ng types.”

Tumango siya at bumalik sa kausap. “Can you make sure there’s no mushroom in any dishes? Ah, then remove that one and replace it with another pasta without mushroom. Yeah, that would be all. I’ll call again. Thank you.”

Pagkababa niya ng phone, pumalahaw agad ang curious kong bibig. “Sinong kausap mo, man?”

“The restaurant I booked a reservation on. Para hindi na tayo maghintay sa mga pagkain mamaya.”

Tumango-tango ako sa sagot niya. Alam na alam din niya kung gaano katakaw ’yung lima.

Hindi ko na sinagot pa si Elias at nagsimula na lang na ayusin ang mga gamit ko.

“You sure mushroom’s the only food Santi is allergic?” tanong niya out of the blue.

Nilingon ko siya at natatawang tumango. “Sa takaw non, lahat na nakain non. Sa mushroom lang talaga siya allergic.”

“Malala ba?”

Umiling ako. “Hindi ko alam. Noong nag-react siya kasi, konti lang nakain niya. Natakbo ko agad sa Hospital kaya naagapan. I’m not sure if it’s severe allergy.”

“Well, we don’t have to find out,” sabat ni Elias na natatawa pa. “I wanted to ask something.”

“Ano ’yon? Puro ka tanong nagpapaalam ka pa—Joke lang.” Binawi ko agad, ang sama na ng tingin, eh. “Ano ’yon, boss?”

“I don’t know if you’re going to be comfortable answering this, hindi mo naman kailangang sumagot.” He looked hesitant to ask whatever question he had in mind.

“Sige na, sasagutin ko ’yan kahit ano pa ’yan.”

“Is Santi’s relationship with your parents alright? Becauss you mentioned to us once that you hate them.”

Right. Lagi ko rin nga palang nakukwento sa kanila.

“No,” I answered honestly, my eyes and hands still busy fixing my stuff and clothes. “I don’t think he even likes them around. Ako rin naman. Kaya mas malayang makahinga ’yung kapatid ko ngayon kasi walang dalawang bida-bida na lagi siyang nakikitaan ng mali.”

“So…” Elias tried to catch my eyes. “Was it because he’s mute?”

“Hindi lang ’yon. They’re always pushing the narrative that Santi should be manly. Kita mo naman ’yung kapatid ko, ang lambot-lambot. Kaya galit na galit parents namin kasi gusto nila, gumalaw si Santi na parang ako. Which I didn’t like. Santi is Santi. I don’t care if he’s feminine, I don’t care if he’s not manly.” I noticed how Elias looked more interested with the topic.

“Mga walang kwentang magulang, ’no? They even cornered Santi one time when they found out that my brother’s being bullied. They didn’t give a fuck that my brother’s a victim of bullying, nag-focus sila sa rason.”

“That honestly sucks,” he replied.

“Buti ka pa, man,” natatawa kong dagdag. “Tita Lilienne and tita Freya are awesome. They treat Santi as their own more than our own parents. Alam mo bang laging magkausap sa phone ang mga mommy mo at si Santi?”

Elias chuckled. “Yeah, I heard. They won’t let a day pass without bothering Santi.”

“Pinapadalhan pa nila tita Freya si Santi ng kung anu-ano sa condo. Baka hindi mo lang alam. ’Yan ngang suot ni Santi ngayon, bili ’yan sa kaniya ng mom mo. Nalaman lang na magbabakasyon tayo at kasama si Santi, binilhan na agad siya ng damit.” Napapailing pa ako.

“I didn’t know that. Are they always sending gifts to Santi?” tanong ni Elias. Tumango naman agad ako. “God, what would I even do with them?”

“Aliw na aliw sila sa kapatid ko, para raw manika. Halos mapuno na yata ng Toothless stufftoy ’yung kwarto non. Kalahati ron galing kila tita, kalahati galing sa inyong anim. Mag-iisang buwan ninyo pa lang kilala si Santi niyan, ha?”

He chuckled. “My mothers can’t stop talking about him too.”

“Kulang na lang ampunin ng mga mommy mo si Santi.”

Nagjo-joke lang naman ako pero nawala rin agad ang tawa ko nang makita kung gaano kasama ang tingin niya sa akin.

Naknampucha. Ano ’yon?

Bawal mag-joke?

Kulang na lang suntukin ako sa panga.

“What’s you and my mothers’ obsession with adoption?“ irita niyang bulong.

“Joke lang, pre, eh. Hello? Ako ’to si Matthew, ang mapagbiro mong kaibigan. Hindi pwedeng joke? Hindi pwedeng—”

“Ingay mo.”

“Doon ka sa kapatid ko kung ayaw mo ng maingay— Ay! Naknampucha.” Napamura agad ako nang bigla akong may maalala.

Kung mag-isa ngayon si Santi sa kwarto niya… at malamang sa malamang ay tapos nang mag-ayos ’yung lima ng mga gamit nila kanina pa.

Ibig sabihin…

“Naknang.” Napatayo agad ako na ikinalingon ni Elias sa akin. Nagtataka ang mukha niya dahil sa bigla kong reaksyon.

He stood up from his bed and followed me when I stormed out of our room. Mabilis kong binuksan ang pintuan ng room ni Santi at hindi nga ako nagkakamali.

“Boom, plus four!”

Mga hayop talaga.

“Lubayan n’yo naman ’yang kapatid ko!” sigaw ko sa lima nang maabutan silang nakikipaglaro ng Uno cards kay Santi.

At talagang nakasalampak pa silang lahat sa sahig! Si Santi lang ang binigyan nila ng unan para may maupuan na malambot. Silang lima, parang mga batang nakasalampak, nakahiga pa si Denmark at Yohan!

“Naglalaro lang ng Uno!” atungal ni Tanner at naglapag ng card. “Reverse technique!”

“Anong technique?! Hindi pwede ’yang reverse sa plus four!” sigaw sa kaniya ni Jaden.

“Bawal ba?”

Napahilot ako sa sariling sentido habang pinapanood sila. Si Santi naman, tawa pa nang tawa at tuwang-tuwa. Sigurado ako, medyo hindi pa niya gets ang laro pero sige pa rin.

“Si Santi lang pwedeng maglapag ng reverse kapag nalapagan siya ng plus four! Hindi ka si Santi!”

At binugbog na ng apat si Tanner.

Tingnan mo? Kahit mali si Santi, pagbibigyan pa rin nila! Samantalang ako, nagtutulong-tulong pa sila minsan na ipunin ’yung mga plus cards nila para isahang lapag sa akin. Kapag kay Santi pwedeng lapagan ng reverse?!

Rinig ko ang tawa ni Elias mula sa likuran ko. “Just let them. Fix your stuff. Babantayan ko si Santi.”

“Please lang,” pagmamakaawa ko sa kaniya. “Mamaya kung anu-anong card games ituro sa kaniya ng limang ’yan. Mamaya makikita ko na lang nagmamajong na si Santi.”

He laughed even more and tapped my shoulder. “Ge, alis na.”

Si Elias naman ’yan. Siya ang pinakamatino sa amin kaya alam niya na kung paano pipigilan ’yang lima.

Iniwan ko na rin sila roon nang makitang lumapit na si Elias sa kapatid ko. Bahala na sila diyan.

Malapit ko na rin talagang pagsasapakin ’yang lima kakalingkis sa kapatid ko, eh. Hindi na binigyan ng alone time si Santi!

Santi loves his personal space and so as the other five.

Chapter 7

Tight Lipped VII

Saint

“Sabay na tayong bumaba mamaya, ha? We’re going to eat lunch first before tayo pumunta sa dagat,” sabi sa akin ni kuya Matthew nang maiwan kaming dalawa sa kwarto ko.

Katatapos lang naming maglaro nila kuya Yohan ng Uno cards, kung hindi lang sila pinalayas ng epal kong kuya, hanggang ngayon siguro naglalaro pa kami.

That game was so fun! Hindi ko ma-gets nung una pero dahil tinuturuan nila ako, na-gets ko rin naman agad!

“[Okay.]” I signed to my brother as I kept on watching Tiktok videos on my phone.

“Puro ka Tiktok, ano bang napapanood mo diyan?” taka niyang tanong at lumapit pa para silipin ang screen ko.

I showed him funny videos of cats. Hinihintay ko siyang tumawa rin pero poker face lang siya. Wala talagang kwenta ang humor niya!

Cats are so funny and cute!

“Puro pusa, puro mukbang, kung anu-ano. Kapag pinabayaan mo ’yang pag-aaral mo dahil sa Tiktok, tuktok sa ulo ang makukuha mo sa akin,” sabi pa niya.

I stuck my tongue out to tease him, he just hissed at me.

“Stay here for the meantime. Dadaanan kita rito kapag bababa na tayo for lunch.”

The moment he shut the door closed, my eyes focused on my screen again. Smiling and laughing because of the cats on my feed.

They’re so adorable! Gusto kong mag-alaga ng cat bigla.

And since when did I like cats? I’ve never thought of them before…

Ah, right.

It was kuya Elias.

Elias Salvacion sent you a message.

Huh?

I quickly opened my messenger when I received a pop-up notification.

—

Kuya Elias | 11:29 AM Are you done fixing your stuff?

Saint | 11:29 AM opo! everything’s on place hehe

Kuya Elias | 11:30 AM Good to know.

Have you seen the view outside?

Saint | 11:31 AM i think i’ve seen a glimpse of the dagat po kanina before kuya Matt and I went inside the hotel hehe

Kuya Elias | 11:32 AM Okay, haha.

Stand close to your window and look outside. You’re welcome in advance.

—

Nagtataka kong tinanaw ang bintana sa room ko na natatakpan ng blinds. I dropped my phone on the bed and quickly stood up based on what kuya Elias told me to do.

I fixed the blinds so I could take a look outside. My eyes quickly widened with what welcomed me.

Omg! Ang ganda!

Tanaw na tanaw mula rito sa room ko ang buong isla. Including the very tiny figures of the people on the sand, the blue ocean, and everything!

Ito na yata ang pinakamagandang bagay na nakita ko in my whole life.

I smiled and ran towards my bed to grab my phone.

Saint | 11:37 AM kuya, it’s so pretty! thank you for letting me know! ang ganda po, supeeer!

Kuya Elias | 11:37 AM I told you.

What are you doing now? Tiktok?

Saint | 11:38 AM opo! i’m watching cats. they’re always in my feed and i find them so cute.

tama po kayo, hehe. cats are adorable.

Kuya Elias | 11:39 AM Right? I wasn’t able to show you my cats when you guys went to the house.

They were being fed during that time. But I’ll show them to you next time.

Saint | 11:41 AM omg, talaga po?!

yey! can’t waittt. ilan po cats ninyo?

Kuya Elias | 11:42 AM Four in total.

Their names are Michiko, Xeno, Yari. Peneloped named them.

Saint | 11:44 AM ano po name nung pang-apat?

Kuya Elias | 11:45 AM Santi.

Saint | 11:46 AM hala, kapangalan ko po?

Kuya Elias | 11:47 AM No, haha. I was talking about you.

You’re my 4th cat.

Remember when I told you that you look like one? I meant that.

Saint | 11:48 AM kuya naman eh.

you’re the only one calling me cat. si kuya Matt at sila kuya Yohan, they see me as a bunny.

Kuya Elias | 11:49 AM Well maybe because I love cats.

Saint | 11:51 AM honestly, they’re so cuteee! i love them as well!

i thought i was gonna be a dog lover pero mas cute pala cats hehe.

Kuya Elias | 11:52 AM Do you want one?

Are you thinking of getting one?

Saint | 11:53 AM gusto ko po pero kasi i don’t know where to start.

saka magpapaalam din po muna ako kay kuya, hehe. baka kasi mamaya ayaw niya or may allergy siya.

Kuya Elias | 11:54 AM I don’t think he has an allergy.

Niyayakap niya lagi mga pusa ko. He never reacted to their furs.

Saint | 11:55 AM nice! but i still need to ask for his permission hehe. baka hindi pmayag

pumayag*

Kuya Elias | 11:56 AM Alright, haha.

May preferred kang lahi? Or anything will do?

Saint | 11:57 AM anything will do po! as long as it’s a cat, hehe.

basta papayag si kuya, hehe. tapos siya rin pabibilhin ko.

Kuya Elias | 11:58 AM Haha, sounds very Matthew.

Alright. Well, if you get one, let me know. Ask me if you’re worried where to start. I can help you.

Saint | 12:00 PM talaga po? yeeeey.

mag-iisip na ako ng name incase pumayag si kuya Matt hehe.

Kuya Elias | 12:01 PM Great, haha.

Let’s talk later. Mag-lunch muna tayo.

—

I shut my phone off when the intercom in my room made a sound. It’s probably them since kuya Elias said we’re going downstairs for lunch.

I smiled in satisfaction, happy that I got to talk to him about cats.

I’d surely adopt or buy one kapag pumayag si kuya Matt!

Matthew

“Santi, pose ka diyan dali!”

Bored na bored akong nakahiga sa buhanginan habang tanaw-tanaw ang pwesto nila Santi at nung lima.

Magkakasama silang anim sa harap ng dagat habang tuwang-tuwang kinukuhanan nung lima ng pictures ang kapatid ko. Si Santi naman, pa-cute nang pa-cute sa camera.

Actually, cute naman talaga siya, hindi niya na kailangang mag-effort diyan. Kaso dahil sa kakasulsol ng limang kulugo, ayon iba’t ibang pose din talaga ang ginagawa niya sa harap ng dagat.

Ito namang sila Yohan akala mo mga magulang talaga. Kulang na lang sabihan si Santi ng “oh anak, say cheese.”

Ako naman, ito chill na chill lang sa buhanginan dahil wala akong inaalagaan na pasaway. May benefits din ’yung pagiging epal nung lima, may break ako sa pagbe-baby sit.

“Ang cute-cute!”

Napairap ako nang sabay-sabay na pumalahaw ’yung lima habang tinitingnan ang mga pictures ni Santi. Nagsisimula na naman sila.

“Hoy, Matthew!” Galit pa si Denmark nang tawagin ako. “Picturan mo kaming anim!”

Inis kong pinagpagan ang sarili bago tumayo sa pwesto. Ganda na sana ng spot ko do’n, may mga papansin lang. Hinayaan ko na nga si Santi sa kanila, iniistorbo pa ako!

“Bakit hindi ako kasali?!” Reklamo ko nang iabot nila sa akin ang camera.

“Mamaya ka na! Wala pa kaming pictures nila Santi!” sabat ni Yohan.

Pinaggitnaan nilang lahat si Santi at ’saka sila nag-pose sa harap ng dagat. Isang malakas na buntong hininga muna ang pinakawalan ko bago sila kuhanan ng ilang shots.

Syempre sa pagitan no’n, pang-ilang dekadang irap na ang nagawa ko tuwing pinipisil nila ang pisngi ng kapatid ko.

“Wala na, tangina. May pasa na ’yan sa pisngi ’pag-uwi natin!” sigaw ko sa kanila.

“Hindi naman madiin!” Jaden took his camera from me and showed them the shots. “Nice, Matt! May potensyal kang maging pro!”

“Pro-photographer? I know,” nakangisi kong sabi.

“Gago, anong pro-photographer? Pro as in problema! Ang pangit ng kuha mo!” Pinagsisipa ni Jaden ang tsinelas sa buhangin para mapunta lahat ’yon sa akin.

“Ang papangit n’yo kasi! Nasa mukha na ’yan, wala na sa shot—” Natikom ko agad ang bibig nang makita kung gaano kasama ang tingin ng kapatid ko. Akala mo siopao na puputok sa kakyutan, eh. “Maliban sa kapatid ko, syempre. Genes namin ’yan.”

“Ang papangit talaga! Nakapikit pa kami rito sa tatlong shots mo! Ano ’yan?!”

Ngingisi-ngisi ko silang hindi sinagot. Wala akong magagawa. Nasa pagluluto ang talent ko, wala sa pagiging photographer.

“Ako na.” Elias suddenly showed up from no where and took the camera from Jaden.

“Woah! Wala na! Ubos na lahat ng babae! Magtira ka naman sa amin,” natatawang sabi ni Lukas nang makita si Elias.

Napatingin din tuloy ako nang wala sa oras.

At ano’t… Walangya, nilabas na naman ’yung abs at biceps niya!

“Picture na tayo bago ako mangiyak dito,” bulong ni Tanner habang hinihila si Santi na nakatulala kung saan.

Anong nangyari rito sa kapatid ko?

“Hoy, Matt. Bilis! Pose na!” tawag nila sa akin.

Umiling ako. “Kayo muna. Para may picture naman kayong limang mga hayop kayo sa kapatid ko.” Bawat salita ko may diin dahil sa gigil.

Hindi na nila ako sinabat, nag-pose na lang ulit sila at kagaya kanina ay si Santi lang naman ang pokus nila. Kung anu-anong pose at ginagawa nila. Nilalagyan ng puppy ears si Santi, nilalagyan ng peace sign sa pisngi, sinusundot ’yung pisngi, nagha-heart sign.

Akala mo talaga isang kpop idol si Santi na matagal na nilang gustong makita.

“Oh, ’lika na kayong dalawa! Pa-picture tayo sa iba.”

Sumama na kami ni Elias sa picture habang may kinakausap si Jaden na napadaan para picturan kami. Nang pumayag ang lalaki, mabilis pa sa alas kwatro kong tinabihan si Santi at pinagbubunggo ’yung lima.

“Ako naman katabi, pwede? Ako kapatid, oh?”

“Epal, papansin, salot.”

Isang malakas na batok ang binigay ko kay Denmark nang bumulong-bulong pa siya sa tabi.

“Elias! Ikaw muna katabi ni Santi sa kabila. Tama na ’yang lima na ’yan, time out na sila,” utos ko kay Elias nang makita siyang papalapit.

Hinila ko nang konti ang kapatid ko papalapit sa akin para bigyan ng space si Elias sa tabi niya.

When the strangdd saw us all settled, he raised the camera and pointed it towards us. “1, 2, 3, say cheese!”

“Santi!”

Ay mga walanghiya talaga.

Sabing cheese! Hindi Santi!

Tawang-tawa naman ang kapatid ko sa tabi ko habang paulit-ulit na ginagawa nung limang kulugo ang paandar nila.

Hanggang sa matapos ang nakakaasar na photoshoot namin. Tawa lang nang tawa si Santi sa tabi ko. Napapailing na lang din ako sa tabi sa pagkamuhi sa lima.

Natatakot na ako, baka mamaya kapag nagising ako bukas, naampon na nilang lima ang kapatid ko.

“Let’s swim na! Santi, wait lang!”

“Ano na naman ’yang pakulo ninyo?! Ang dami ninyong nalalaman!” bulyaw ko sa lima nang sabay-sabay silang magtakbuhan pabalik sa cottage namin.

Elias just shook his head slowly. “They’re hopeless.”

“Ikaw naman.” Pabiro kong kinurot si Santi sa tagiliran na agad akong inirapan. “Tawa-tawa ka pa! Naiinis na nga si kuya!”

He gave me a sweet smile as he clung on my arms, his eyes looking at me apologetically.

Wala na.

Hay nako, wala na.

Tanggal agad lahat ng bwisit ko.

Rinig ko ang tawa ni Elias sa tabi nang makita kung paano lumambot ang ekspresyon ko sa panlalambing ni Santi.

“Oo na,” sabi ko sa pasaway.

He immediately smiled triumphantly as he signed. “[I will swim too, okay lang?]”

“Okay lang. Hindi ka naman pababayaan ng limang ’yon, hindi ka rin nila lulubayan,” sagot ko sa kaniya.

“[Nice!]” At humagikhik pa talaga.

Nawala na rin ang atensyon ko sa kaniya nang bumalik ang lima habang pinagtutulungan nilang buhatin ang malaking pink inflatable swan.

“Santi! Sakay ka rito, dali!”

Naknang. Kailan pa nila binombahan ’yan?

Santi excitedly followed them towards the shore. Ako naman, nanonood lang. Tuwang-tuwa ’yung kapatid ko kaya natatawa rin ako sa kaniya, eh.

Sinundan ko na lang sila para manood tutal wala pa akong balak lumangoy. ’Saka alam ko rin namang hindi nila lulubayan si Santi kaya sure akong safe na safe ’yan.

“Akyat ka rito, baby Santi. Kapit ka sa neck nung swan,” alalay sa kaniya ni Yohan.

“Liit kasi!” pang-aasar ko sa kapatid ko nang makitang nahihirapan siyang sumampa. Hawak hawak pa naman nung lima ’yung dambuhalang swan para hindi madala ng alon.

“[Help me!]” Santi called to me but I just stuck my tongue out to tease him.

“Hoy, Matt! Tulungan mo si Santi!” tawag sa akin ni Tanner.

Pang-asar ko lang silang inilingan. “Kasi, kaka-Tiktok hindi tuloy tumatangkad.”

Santi showed me his fist and signaled it. As if he was warning me na susuntukin niya ako mamaya kapag nakakuha siya ng tyempo. Akala mo talaga may bitaw, pero kapag nanapak ’yan parang nangungulbit lang.

“Come. I’ll carry you.”

At nag-step up na ang pangalawa niyang kuya.

Elias stepped closer to Santi, held my brother’s waist, and effortlessly lifted him on top of the swan. Tameme lang ang kapatid ko nang makasakay. Nagulat yata siya na walang kahirap-hirap siyang binitbit ni Elias. Eh kahit ako kayang buhatin niyang lalaki na ’yan. Siya pa kayang sobrang gaan lang?

“Yehey! Let’s go na!” The guys cheered when Santi’s finally all settled on top of the inflatable swan.

Nilabas ko agad ang phone ko at natutuwang kinuhanan ng pictures si Santi. Tuwang-tuwa siya sa tuktok ng swan habang nakikipaglaro lang sa kaniya ’yung lima sa dagat.

“Can he swim?” Elias asked me when he stood beside me.

“Hindi. Takot ’yan sa tubig,” natatawa kong sagot. “Sarap asarin niyan tuwing nagswi-swimming kami. Nilulunod ko—Aray! Joke lang! Hindi ko nilulunod!”

Itong si Elias napapadalas na ang pagbatok sa akin. Hindi naman ganyan ’yan dati.

“Mga siraulo talaga,” bulong niya habang pinapanood ang lima.

Pagtingin ko kila Santi, natawa rin ako sa sitwasyon nila.

Paikot-ikot ’yung lima sa inflatable swan, habang si Santi naman, tawang-tawa at inaabot sila. Kung sinong mahawakan ni Santi, lulunurin nung apat.

Ewan ko kung ga’no na kalapad ang ngiti ko ngayon. Ngayon lang kasi ’yan tumawa nang ganyan.

“I hope he finds his own circle of friends among his classmates too,” wala sa sariling nasambit ko.

“He will. There’s no way people won’t like him,” Elias answered.

“Ewan ko. Noong high school kasi laging binu-bully ’yan. Pati nung senior high, hindi siya pinapansin. He grew up thinking that nobody likes to befriend him because he’s mute. Hindi ko alam kung iba sa college.”

“It’s going to be different, Matt. People are not getting younger in college. But people in high school are child-like. I can honestly see Santi being popular.”

“Sana nga.” Muntik ko nang masampal ang sariling bibig sa nasabi. Binabawi ko na pala. “Joke, ayoko pala. Paano kapag maraming nagka-crush diyan? Sa cute niyan hindi lang babae mahahatak niyan, pati lalaki.”

Elias suddenly turned to me. Nakataas ang isa niyang kilay. “You’re okay with that? With men liking Santi?”

Umiling ako. “Oo na hindi? Hindi kasi walang matinong lalaki para sa mata ko. Oo kasi bahala siya sa buhay niya. Whether it’s a girl or a guy that Santi likes, I don’t care.”

Hindi ko alam kung dahil lang ba sa papalubog na araw, pero kitang-kita ko na may kislap sa mata ni Elias nang marinig ang sagot ko. Ewan ko, baka namalikmata lang ako.

He removed his eyes on me and shrugged. “I can see it happening, honestly. Hindi lang naman ikaw ang babakod diyan. Yohan and the guys would die before any guy gets to step close to Santi.”

I smirked and tapped his shoulder. “Tama! Kaya may silbi rin ’yang lima kahit papaano. ’Saka andiyan ka rin, ’di ba? Babakuran mo rin ’yang kapatid ko. Ikaw pa, ikaw pinakasikat sa univ. Kapag nalaman nilang kuya-kuyahan ka ni Santi, hindi na magtatangka ’yung mga ’yon. ’Di ba, man?”

Napakunot pa ang noo ko nang manatiling diretsyo ang tingin ni Elias sa harapan.

Tinapik ko ulit siya sa balikat. “Hoy, ’di ba, man?”

He shrugged his shoulders to drive my hand away. “Whatever makes you sleep at night, Matt.”

Nyeta ’to nilapagan na naman ako ng lines niya. Eh siya naman talaga ang tinuturing ko na 2nd brother ni Santi kasi sumusunod at nakikinig lagi sa kaniya ang kapatid ko. Siya rin ang pinakamatino at pinakakalmado sa lahat.

’Saka safe na safe ’yan si Santi sa school kapag nalaman ng lahat na kuya niya rin si Elias.

Bagay na bagay nga silang magkapatid, ’no?

“Bagay kayong magkuya ng kapatid ko, sa totoo lang,” tatawa-tawa ko pang sabi sa kaniya. “Tutal gusto rin namang ampunin nila tita Lilienne si Santi. Edi pasado na talaga kayong magkapatid, in short, magkuy—”

“Susuntukin na kita sa panga kapag ’di ka nanahimik.”

Luh. Ano ’yon?

Nagtataka kong sinundan ng tingin si Elias nang layasan niya ako pagkatapos magbanta.

Bakit biglang mananapak ’yon? May sinabi ba akong masama? Ayaw ba talaga niyang mag-ampon sila tita Lilienne at tita Freya?

Papaampon pa naman sana ako. Huwag na lang pala.

Chapter 8

Thank you for bringing Elias and Santi to life @LazyinksiiArts 🥺💗

—

Tight Lipped VIII

Santi

“Everyone, please be mindful around Saint and make sure to treat him well, alright?”

Napayuko agad ako nang magtinginan sa akin ang mga classmate ko pagkatapos sabihin ’yon ng professor sa harap.

“He might not be able to speak but he’s a good kid and a good student. I hope you guys are gonna be friends with each other. High school’s tough, but college is tougher. Kailangan ninyo ang isa’t isa para umabot sa graduation.”

I sat on the seat that the professor assigned me. Nanatili pa rin akong nakayuko, hawak-hawak ang magkabilang straps ng backpack ko.

It’s only my first day as a college student but I’m already thinking of going home.

Hindi ko alam kung makakasundo ko ba sila, o kung gusto ba nila akong ka-classmate, or if they would even try to talk to me.

Paano kung… Paano kung kagaya lang sila ng mga kaklase ko rati?

“Hi!”

Paano kung iparamdam din nila sa akin na ayaw nila sa akin? Na ayaw nila akong maging kaibigan?

“Hi, pretty.”

I turned my head towards the girl sitting beside me when I noticed that she was pertaining to me. Saglit ko pang nilingon ang likuran ko para masiguro, pero wala namang ibang tao kundi ako lang. Ang professor din namin, nagpapakilala lang sa harapan.

“Hello! Your name’s Saint, right?” nakangiting tanong ng babaeng katabi ko.

I slowly nodded my head.

“My name’s Relan!” She offered her hand to me, attempting a handshake. Which I gladly accepted. Who am I not to? “Grabe, sobrang pretty mo talaga for a guy. Kanina noong basa unahan ka pa lang, gandang-ganda na ako sa ’yo. Lalo na sa malapitan! You don’t even have pores!”

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman habang paulit-ulit niya akong pinupuri. She didn’t look forced when having a conversation with me, she looked really interested with me.

“I’m sorry, ang daldal ko pala. But don’t worry. I actually know sign language so you can have a conversation with me!”

Lalo pang nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang sinabi niya. Parang tumatalon na yata ang puso ko ngayon sa saya at excitement.

I smiled at her. “[Hello, nice to meet you! You can call me Santi.]”

“Aah!” she screamed while smiling widely. Pagtingin ko sa harap, wala na pala ang professor namin kaya malaya siyang makasigaw. “Ang cute-cute mo naman! Nice to meet you din, Santi!”

“Hi, Saint!”

Gulat na nilingon ko ang iba ko pang classmates na tinawag ang pangalan ko. They all waved their hands at me, saying hello. Hindi sila mukhang mga plastik, totoong kumakaway sila sa akin. Totoong binabati nila ako!

Omg…

Kumaway ako pabalik habang nahihiyang nakangiti. Ngumiti rin sila sa akin at ’yung iba, naglakad pa papalapit.

“Ang cute mo!” natutuwang sabi ng isang babae. “Ako si Yana! Do you have a nickname or something?”

Tumango-tango ako at lumingon kay Relan na katabi ko. Mukhang naintindihan niya ang gusto kong sabihin kaya masaya siyang humarap sa iba.

“Yup! His nickname’s Santi!”

“Hello, Santi!” sabay-sabay ulit nilang bati.

I giggled and waved at them. Their reaction reflected the same reaction that my other kuyas expressed whenever I’m smiling at them.

They’re not looking at me as if I’m an outcast… They’re all looking at me with adoration.

“So, Santi… What are your hobbies and your likes?” naaaliw na tanong ng isa kong lalaki na classmate.

I took out a paper from my bag and was about to write on it when Relan stopped me.

“It’s okay, use me as a translator. I’ll translate for you,” nakangiti niyang sabi.

I excitedly dropped the pen on my desk and turned to her. “[I love reading novels, watching movies, especially Toothless, and watching Tiktok!]

She immediately turned to our classmates to deliver what I signed.

“Hala ang cute! Si Toothless, favorite mo siya?” the other girl said.

I nodded eagerly.

“Marami kaming Tiktoker dito!” sabi ng isa pang babae. “We do dances or any trends! Anong mga pinapanood mo sa Tiktok?”

I turned to Relan again. “[Cats, Toothless, and cartoon mukbangs]”

Relan laughed when she read what I signed. Halos kurutin niya pa ako sa pisngi bago niya ulit ’yon sabihin sa mga classmate namin.

“Ang cute ni Santi!” Yana said.

“Buti na lang pala one of our classmates know sign language. You don’t have to write down your responses, Santi!”

We continued chatting and chatting until we didn’t notice what time was it. Sobrang dami nilang tanong at sagot din naman ako nang sagot.

I even felt somehow guilty that Relan always had to translate for me, but she said it was fine. And she looked genuinely happy whenever she’s delivering the words I could’ve said to our classmates.

They already knew about my certain favorites, including my favorite movie, favorite food, favorite snack, and everything!

Alam na rin nila na may kuya ako rito, alam na nila kung anong pangalan ni kuya, at marami pa! Ang dami kong nakwento sa kanila dahil tanong din sila nang tanong tungkol sa mga ’yon.

I even had their names almost memorized. Siguro bukas na bukas, kabisado ko na ang lahat ng mga pangalan nila.

Our discussion just ended when we had to take a two-hour lunch. Walang mga professors na nagtatagal sa class kasi first day namin ’to, all they did was to introduce themselves and the course. Other than that, iniiwan na nila kami pagkatapos.

That’s why my classmates were able to find out a lot of things about me!

“Santi, sama kami! Pupunta kayong cafeteria?” some of our other classmates asked me and Relan.

It also came into my mind that I was certain that Relan would be my best friend. She knew sign language and she’s beside me! We’re going to be super close!

“Come! Sama kayo. We have a lot of things to ask Santi pa,” pag-aaya sa kanila ni Relan.

Tumango-tango naman ako para ipakita sa kanila na ayos din sa akin na sasama sila.

Three of them came with me and Relan. Gusto rin sanang sumama ng iba pero may kanya-kanyang kaibigan ang iba sa ibang program na kailangan nilang sabayan.

Still, I’m very happy that they thought of eating lunch with me.

When we were finally seated on an available table, we immediately settled our stuff. Ako naman, lumingon-lingon sa paligid at napansin na mas maraming tao ngayon kumpara noong una akong dinala ni kuya Matt dito.

“Santi, I’ll order for you. Anong gusto mo?” Relan stood up from her seat and turned to me.

I pouted my lips to think about it. “[If they have chicken and rice, I’ll take that!]”

She giggled and patted my head. “Sure! And banana milk comes with that?”

Natawa ako nang maalala niya kung gaano ko kapaborito ang banana milk. Tinanguan ko siya at lumingon sa iba.

“Oh, don’t worry about us! We’ll order din on our own. Sasama kami kay Relan!” Yana said. “But one will stay so someone can stay with you.”

“Me na lang!” Wendy volunteered. “Carbonara with cheese and coke lang naman sa akin!”

“Alrighty!” Yana and Diana stood up from their seats as well and gave me a smile. “Balik kami agad!”

Tinanaw ko silang tatlo nila Relan na ngayon ay naglalakad na papunta sa counter. Glad we came early and the line was not that long. Isa pa, marami ring stuff sa counter area kaya na-a-accomodate ang lahat nang mabilis.

“Santi, tell us kapag may gusto kang itanong, ha? Kanina pa kami tanong nang tanong sa ’yo. If you’re curious about something, feel free to ask!” sabi ni Wendy sa akin.

Hmm…

Binigyan ko siya ng ngiti bago ilabas ang papel at ballpen sa bag ko. Then I wrote something on the paper.

Do you guys want to be my friends?

Wendy looked flabbergasted when she read what I wrote. I instantly got nervous based on her reaction.

Ayaw niya ba?

Ayaw nila akong kaibigan?

“What do you mean by that question, Santi?” She still looked taken aback. “Isn’t obvious? Kaya nga gusto naming kumain ng lunch with you para friends mo kaming lahat!”

Alam kong nanlalaki at nagniningning na ang mga mata ko ngayon sa tuwa nang marinig ang sagot niya. Kulang na lang mapapalakpak pa ako.

“Cute mo talaga, Santi! Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you?”

That question kept on replaying inside my mind for at least three seconds.

The memories from my high school phase instantly flashed through me. How my classmates never made an effort to talk to me, how they’d always make me feel left out, how nobody wanted to be in the same group with me.

I always thought it was my fault.

Baka kasi sobrang lambot ko nga? Baka dahil hindi ako nakakapagsalita? Baka dahil mahiyain ako? Baka naman dahil ayaw nila sa may kapansanan?

I always blamed myself. I had always been harsh to myself, thinking that why did I need to be normal to be loved?

Pero sila kuya Yohan, hindi nila pinaramdam sa akin ’yon. And for a moment, I thought that maybe they learned to love me because of kuya Matthew.

So there was still a small part in my mind thinking that nobody would want to befriend me if it’s me alone.

Pero hindi pala…

It wasn’t my fault I had no friends. It wasn’t my fault I’m mute. It wasn’t a sin to be feminine.

Because when everyone made fun of me in high school for being pretty… Everyone in college adored me for being one.

“Santi, you okay?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Wendy nang mapansin ang mga mata ko.

Mabilis ko siyang nginitian para ipakita na ayos lang ako. She looked relieved when she saw my smile as she messed my hair.

“Our food will arrive in a couple of minutes!”

Nilingon ko sila Relan nang makabalik sila mula sa counter.

Napatingin ako nang ilapag niya ang isang bagay sa harapan ko.

“Bought you your banana milk!” she happily said.

Mabilis kong inabot ang banana milk at ngumiti nang malapad sa kaniya. “[Thank you!]”

“You’re welcome! Drink that first habang naghihintay tayo ng food.”

We chitchat a bit, with them asking me about some things, Relan translating for me, and me happily answering all of them.

Nang dumating ang food na in-order namin. Hindi pa rin sila nauubusan ng mga tanong. Na sinasagot ko rin naman lahat, minsan sinusulat ko na sa papel dahil ayokong naiistorbo si Relan sa pagkain.

They were also taking care of me during our meal. They would constantly pour the gravy for me, they would buy our desserts, they would feed me some other things.

I just realized that they were the literal girl version of my other kuyas. Dahil kung sila kuya Jaden ang kasabay kong kumain ngayon, malamang ganito rin sila sa akin.

“Santi baby!”

Omg! That’s them!

I excitedly turned my head towards their voices. Nakangiti akong kumaway-kaway sa kanila.

“Are they your brother’s friends, Santi? ’Yung mga binanggit mo sa amin?” Diana asked and I nodded instantly as an answer.

“Hi, baby Santi!”

Tuwang-tuwa kong tinanggap ang mga yakap nila kuya Yohan nang makarating sila sa pwesto ko. Lahat yata ng estudyante ay nakatingin sa direksyon namin pero hindi ko na sila pinansin pa.

“Hoy! Ang bibilis tumakbo ng mga halimaw!”

Kuya Matt entered the cafeteria as well and ran towards us. He took a quick glimpse over my friends and smiled at me.

“Hello, bunny.” Niyakap niya ako kaya mabilis ko ring sinuklian ang yakap niya.

“Your friends?”

Lumingon ako kila Relan na nakatulala kila kuya. I knew they’d react like that because kuya and my other kuyas looked handsome! Sikat na sikat din sila rito sa university.

“[Relan! This is my older brother, kuya Matt, and these are my other kuyas!]”

Relan turned to our other friends and translated it for me. Nang lingunin ko si kuya Matt, he seemed surprised that Relan knew sign language.

“[Kuya Matt, these are my friends! Relan, Yana, Diana, and Wendy!]”

Kuya Matthew didn’t even have to translate what  I said kasi naintindihan agad nila kuya Denmark. Marami na silang alam sa sign language!

“Hi, Santi’s friends!” bati ni kuya Jaden sa mga kaibigan ko.

“Hello po, mga kuya ni Santi,” nahihiyang sagot pa ni Yana. “We’ll take care of Santi po, don’t worry!”

“Nice to hear!” Kuya Tanner wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Sorry, bigla kaming sumulpot. Baby kasi namin ’to. We had to make sure he found his own circle of friends that’s why we’re here.”

“Well, glad he made some.” Kuya Matthew turned to my friends with a genuine smile. “Thank you for having lunch with Santi. And for being friends with him.”

“No, no need to say thank you! We really wanted to be friends with him. I think everyone in our class wanted to. Ang cute-cute po ni Santi,” naaaliw na sagot ni Relan.

“You know sign language?” curious na tanong ni kuya Matt kay Relan. He looked so interested suddenly.

Hmm…

“Yes! My mother has congenital deaf-mutism. That’s why I learned it since I was a kid,” sagot ni Relan.

“That’s beautiful. Santi’s thankful to have a friend like you.”

Habang nag-uusap sila ni kuya Matt, napatingin kami nila kuya Yohan sa isa’t isa. Parang alam na agad namin ang iniisip ng bawat isa based sa tinginan namin.

Ako naman, napapangiti.

Ship ko sila! Sobrang ship ko sila!

Si kuya Lukas lang ang nagturo sa akin ng word na ‘ship’ at dito ko pala magagamit.

My other kuyas sat on the available chairs. They also began talking with Diana, Wendy, and Yana. Nagtatanong lang naman sila kila Wendy kung anong nangyari sa first class. Kung lahat ba ng classmates namin mukhang matino or what.

My friends answered them with ease.

Sila kuya Tanner talaga, kuya Matthew na kuya Matthew ang datingan nila. Pati mga tanungan!

They sounded like a father asking his son’s friends about what his son did in school. Seryoso pa ang mga mukha nila at sinisigurong walang mang-aaway sa akin.

I guess this is what kuya Elias meant that no one could bully me on their watch.

Oh.

And speaking of kuya Elias…

I suddenly noticed that he’s not with them. I guess he attended something or baka may class pa siya.

He’s always busy because he’s very important in the university.

Kung lagi siyang busy, may chance kaya na makakasabay pa rin siya sa amin nila kuya na mag-lunch?

“Santi.” Kuya Matthew poked me.

I turned to him and signed “[Why?]”

“Pinapaabot ni Elias.”

Parang may alarm sa tenga ko na biglang nagdiwang nang marinig ang pangalan ni kuya Elias mula sa bibig niya.

Mabilis pa sa alas kwatrong kinuha ko ang paper bag na inaabot ni kuya at sinilip ang laman non.

And omg! Kaka-chat lang namin kahapon noong tanungin niya ako kung anong paborito kong cologne.

He really bought me one!

“He said sorry because he can’t join us today. Alam mo naman ’yon, first day pa lang importante na,” natatawang dagdag ni kuya Matt.

“[Tell him it’s okay! And say I said thank you for the gift!]”

Kuya patted my head. “Will surely do. And by the way…”

“[What?]”

“Why didn’t you tell me na gusto mong mag-alaga ng pusa?” Bigla niyang nilabas ang cellphone at may pinakitang picture sa akin. “Elias sent me a picture of a cat he bought. Sabi niya inaaway raw ng isa niyang pusa ’yung bagong bili kaya hindi niya pwedeng i-keep. He asked me if you’d like to take it instead. I didn’t know you mentioned to him na gusto mong magkapusa.”

My eyes drew heart figures while staring at the pretty cat on the picture.

Sobrang cute! Sobrang pretty!

“It’s a purebred Turkish Angora cat. He bought it but he just wanted to give it to you as a gift. Gusto mo ba? Payag naman ako.”

Syempre gusto ko!

It’s a cat, a pretty one! It’s from kuya Elias. And it’s a cat, a cat that I’m currently obsessed with! Of course gusto ko!

“[Please, please, please!]”

Kuya laughed at me. “You don’t have to say please. We’ll get it. I’ll say thank you on behalf of you.”

I watched him type on his phone. Magka-text sila ni kuya Elias, siguro sinabi na ni kuya na payag akong kuhanin ’yung cute na pusa.

And until now… Kuya Elias really did not tell them that he already had a social media account. Sa text lang talaga siya naco-contact nila kuya.

Am I the only one who had an access to message him on social media?

My heart almost jumped out when a notification popped on my phone’s screen.

I smiled and opened kuya Elias’ message on my messenger. I was really trying hard not to be obvious because kuya Matt would be curious who I’m talking to.

—

Kuya Elias | 12:38 PM I’ll come to your unit later to give the cat

Saint | 12:38 PM kuya, thank you so much po sa cat!

sobrang cute and pretty niyaaaa

Kuya Elias | 12:39 PM Right? She looks exactly like you.

I’m glad you like it, by the way. It would be a waste to give her to someone else.

Saint | 12:40 PM hindi po ba siya mahal? i’ll pay for it na lang po kapag nakaipon ako ng allowance

Kuya Elias | 12:41 PM What? Hindi mo kailangang bayaran, Santi.

Bought her for only 36k so it’s not expensive, don’t worry. Consider it as my gift for you for your first day in college.

Saint | 12:42 PM nila-lang mo lang ang 36, kuya (crying emoji)

allowance ko na ’yan for one month huhu

Kuya Elias | 12:43 PM Haha

Hayaan mo na. I told you, it’s a gift.

And let me know if you need any help taking care of her, okay? We can, you know, do co-parenting

Saint | 12:45 PM ano po yung co parenting sa pusa? like a mother and father for their kid?

Kuya Elias | 12:46 PM Yes, Santi.

Like a couple.

—

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa cellphone ko nang mabasa ang huli niyang sinabi.

Like a couple? Us? The two of us? Co-parenting?

Ito na naman. Nararamdaman ko na naman ’yung puso ko na gusto na namang tumalon palabas ng dibdib ko.

Why was it that this certain reaction of mine only worked on kuya Elias?

Chapter 9

Tight Lipped IX

Santi

Kanina pa ako tawa nang tawa habang isa-isang pinapanood ang mga sine-send na Tiktok nila Relan sa akin.

Mayro’n na kasi kaming group chat magkakaklase. At may isa rin kaming group chat nila Relan, Yana, Wendy, at Diana.

Noong matandaan nilang mahilig ako manood ng Tiktok, kanina pa sila send nang send ng mga link na nakakatawa. My classmates were even fighting what’s the funniest video among what they sent.

May mga pusang nagugulat sa cucumber. May mga animation ni Toothless na sobrang kulit niya. May cartoons na nagmumukbang pero makakalat.

Tawa lang ako nang tawa kanina pa. Si kuya Matthew naman na nagluluto ngayon ng dinner namin, napapangiti lang kapag tumitingin siya sa akin.

“Baka kabagin ka diyan, panget,” he said while monitoring the pork he was frying.

I shook my head. “[My classmates are so funny]”

“They are?” He smiled and sat beside me on the dining. “They’re all kind to you as well, right?”

Tumango ako, siguradong-sigurado. “[Yes! They all added me on my Facebook. They kept on messaging me and we’re all having fun in our group chat!]”

He looked satisfied with my answer. Tumango-tango siya at nilingon pa saglit ang screen ng phone ko. Maya-maya pa, nagulat ako nang manlaki ang mga mata niya.

“They’re messaging you? Who?” kabado niyang tanong.

Nagtataka ko siyang pinagmasdan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang bigla siyang nataranta.

“[My classmates.]” I answered him.

“No, who among them? Girls? Boys?”

“[Yes, all of them. Boys are also—]” He stood up even before I could finish what I was signing.

“Anong boys?!” nakatayo niyang sigaw. “Ipagba-block mo!”

Inis ko siyang hinampas sa braso at hinila siya paupo ulit. “[What’s wrong with you?! Bakit ko sila iba-block? They are my classmates! They’re just saying hi to me on their chats!]”

“Why would boys chat you to say hi, huh? Pwede nilang gawin ’yan sa group chat ninyo. Hindi kailangang mag-private message. Hindi kailangang—”

Naputol ang kakadaldal niya nang biglang tumunog ang intercom sa condo namin. Sinamaan niya muna ako ng tingin bago siya tumayo para tingnan sa camera kung sino ang nasa labas.

Habang ako, nakaupo lang dito at kanina pa takang-taka kung bakit galit na galit siya bigla. Ano namang masama kung pati mga lalaki kong classmate, gusto akong kaibiganin?

Ang babait nga nila sa chats! They’re calling me cute and pretty. Kino-compliment nila ako! Hindi nila ako inaaway!

Matthew bobo talaga, kainis!

“Elias! Good thing you’re here, pagsabihan mo si Santi!”

My eyes widened as soon as I heard who’s our visitor. I quickly stood up from my seat as I faced the entrance to our kitchen, waiting for them.

Ito na naman ako. Excited na naman ako masyado.

“What did you do, little kitten?” kuya Elias questioned me as soon as our eyes met.

“Yang bata na ’yan! Pinagcha-chat daw siya ng mga lalaki niyang classmate, at hinahayaan naman. Nangangatwiran pa!” sumbong ni kuya Matthew.

Epal talaga! Hindi ko nga alam kung anong mali roon! I’m sure kuya Elias would also call him out for his sudden outburst.

“Talaga?” Kuya Elias narrowed his eyes on me and I was taken aback too.

Galit din ba siya? Mali ba talaga ’yon?

But if it’s girls, it’s okay? Huh? Naguguluhan na ako!

“Let us be, I’ll talk to him.”

Kuya Matthew looked relieved when kuya Elias took over. Dinaanan ako ni Matthew at sinundot pa ang pisngi ko habang masama ang tingin.

“Makinig ka sa kuya Elias mo habang nagluluto ako rito.”

Kainis talaga ’to!

“Santi, come with me in the living room,” utos ni kuya Elias.

I stuck my tongue out to kuya Matthew before obediently following kuya Elias on our living room. Nakita ko siyang nakaupo na sa sofa namin kaya nahihiya at dahan-dahan akong tumabi sa kaniya.

I made sure to create space between us. Kapag sobrang lapit namin sa isa’t isa, parang tatalon ang puso ko palabas.

Before we could even have a conversation, my jaw almost dropped on the floor when I saw what’s on top of our table.

Omg!

’Yung pusa!

I excitedly took the pink pet carrier and examined the cat inside. She was even more beautiful in person!

“Take her out.”

I gently opened the cage and softly poked the cat’s pretty fur. She reacted to what I did and leaned towards my hand which made me happy.

Cute! So cute!

Excited ko siyang binuhat papalabas sa carrier niya at maingat siyang niyakap. I’m sure that my eyes were shining and sparkling right now because of overflowing happiness.

She looked and felt so lovely in my arms!

“Do you want to name her?”

Agad akong tumango kay kuya Elias na marahang hinahaplos ang ulo ng pusa.

“Have you thought of her name?” tanong niya ulit na agad ko namang tinanguan. “What is it then?”

I let him carry the cat for me as I took out my phone to type on my notes. I typed the word

Eli

on the blank page before showing it to him.

I saw how his eyebrow raised when he read it.

“Eli?”

Nakangiti akong tumango at nag-type ulit.

I named her after you because you gave her to me.

Kuya Elias smirked before kissing Eli’s head. Then he looked at me with obvious satisfaction. “Thank you, Santi. At least she’ll always remind you of me.”

Huh?

“Mag-usap tayo.” Seryoso niyang binaba si Eli sa sofa.

Ako naman, na kinakabahan sa biglang pagbabago ng ekspresyon niya, kinuha ko si Eli at niyakap para may kakampi ako kahit papaano. Para kasing papagalitan ako ni kuya Elias.

“Boys in your class are also messaging you?” kuya Elias asked in a serious tone.

Ngayon ko lang narinig ang gano’ng tono niya. Nakakakaba pala kapag ganito si kuya Elias. Mas nakakatakot pa siya kay kuya.

Tinanguan ko siya bilang sagot. Tumaas ulit ang isa niyang kilay at mukha na siyang napipikon ngayon.

“Anong sabi nila?”

I wanted to answer him right away. But I decided to just tease him for just a split second. So I placed Eli on my lap and signed to kuya Elias.

“[You’re too handsome to get mad like this.]”

Ngumiti ako pagkatapos gawin ’yon dahil alam kong hindi niya naman ako maiintindihan. Sila kuya Yohan nga na nag-aaral ng sign language, mahihirapan pang intindihin ’yon. Siya pa kaya na hindi nag-aaral ng sign language?

I saw him raised his eyebrow as the corner of his lips slightly rose. Seeing his expression made me think that he was confused about what I just signed to him.

Inalis ko na ang tingin ko sa kaniya at nag-type sa cellphone.

They just said hi to me. I greeted them back and they were just too kind all throught out, they kept on calling me pretty and cute. They’re so nice to me! Hindi nila ako binu-bully.

Mahaba kong tinype ’yon bago ipabasa sa kaniya.

Bumuntonghininga si kuya Elias, napapailing. “You sure they only want to be friends with you? I’m a guy, I know how our minds work. They won’t say hi to you in private if they can do it in your group chat.”

I was about to type on my phone when kuya Matthew came out and pointed the tong on me. “Tama! Makinig ka sa kuya Elias mo. Boys are weird! I’m sure they don’t want to be your friend only!”

Naiinis na talaga ako. Hindi naman nila pinapaliwanag sa akin kung anong mali. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit bawal.

I turned to kuya Matthew and bravely signed to him since kuya Elias won’t even understand me. “[You and kuya Elias are saying weird things!]”

“We’re not saying weird things, Santi. We’re knocking some sense to you.”

What in the…

Halos lumuwa na ang mga mata ko nang marinig si kuya Elias na nagsalita. And not just that… he understood me.

He understood what I signed.

“Kaya nga! Pinapagalitan ka namin kasi alam namin takbo—Ay, gago, Elias. Nakakaintindi ka na rin ng sign language, pre? Kailan ka pa nag-aral?” natutuwang tanong ni kuya Matt.

I was just speechless, figuratively, on my seat. I’m still trying to process what just happened. Including the words I signed to kuya Elias a while ago that I thought he wouldn’t understand.

“Since last month. I can understand almost everything.”

Lalo pa akong nanlumo nang marinig mismo sa kaniya na totoong nakakaintindi siya ng lenggwahe ko. And knowing that he’s a genius, I knew for sure that he already knew sign language expertly. Especially if he was already studying it since last month.

Ibig sabihin, naintindihan niya rin ang sinabi ko kanina? Na tinawag ko siyang gwapo?

Aaah! So embarrassing!

“Santi, talk to us. You have to be cautious on things like this.” Nilingon ulit ako ni kuya Elias, seryoso pa rin ang ekspresyon niya.

I let my phone on the sofa, finding it useless because I didn’t need to type anymore.

“[What’s wrong if boys are messaging me? Girls are doing that too.]” I signed to both him and kuya Matthew.

“There’s a major difference between the intention of girls and boys, Santi,” kuya Elias answered. “Have you never liked anyone before?”

Like? Like as in gustong kasama, gustong kaibigan? Or like na crush?

“[I like all of you. You are my friends.]” I replied to him.

“No, I’m not talking about that— Bumalik ka nga sa kusina, sabi ko ako na bahala ’di ba?” Biglang lingon ni kuya Elias kay kuya Matthew.

“Ay, oo nga. Sige. Tapusin ko lang ’to. Pagalitan mo ’yan, man!” Tatakbo-takbong bumalik ang kapatid ko sa kusina para ituloy ang pagluluto.

Kuya Elias snapped in front me to get my attention again. “I’m asking you if you’ve ever liked someone before. Not as a friend, not as family, not anything you’re thinking of. As in crush.”

I shook my head violently. “[I don’t even know what crush feels like. Boys in my class in high school are all bullies!]

He nodded slowly, finding satisfaction on my answer.

“Santi, these boys in your class, now, are all grown ups. Lalaki ako, lalaki ang kuya mo, we know how minds of men work. Why would I call someone pretty if I want him to be my friend? Salita ba ’yon ng matinong lalaki na gustong makipagkaibigan lang sa ’yo?” This time, kuya Elias sounded even madder. “And why do it in private? They could’ve just approached you in group chat. Bakit ka nila kailangang makausap ng ikaw lang?”

“[But girls can do it?]” I signed to him.

“Girls are different.” He rolled his eyes somewhere, finding the situation frustrating. “Honestly, I don’t know. Some of girls in your class might have crush on you as well.”

“[So it’s okay if girls can have a crush on me, but boys can’t?]”

“Boys are idiots,” walang kapreno-preno niyang sagot. “Men are horrible. Men are unpredictable. Men are assholes. And I’m sorry for the profanity, but that’s the reality. I’m threatened with men because they’re capable of manipulating you into dating them.”

He’s threatened with what? With men? For what reason?

Dahil… Dahil protective siya gaya ni kuya Matthew? Dahil parang kapatid niya ako?

My mood instantly shifted when I thought of that. Right, kapatid nga pala ang tingin ni kuya Elias sa akin.

“Santi, there are some things you might not know for now. But this is the reason why we’re protective when it comes to you. At hindi lang ako, hindi lang ang kapatid mo. Kahit ’yung lima, magwawala ’yon kapag nalaman nila ’to. We’re fine if girls are around you. But—”

“[I know, I get it. Kasi kapatid ang turing ninyo sa akin. You don’t have to explain that much, kuya Elias. Alam ko naman pong mga pangalawang kuya ko na kayo.]”

Padabog ko siyang iniwasan ng tingin at niyakap ulit si Eli.

Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ako naiinis.

“I’m not your brother, Santi. Stop calling me one. Anim lang ang kuya mo and I don’t want you treating me as one.”

Nilingon ko si kuya Elias pero iniwas niya lang ang tingin sa akin. Mukha rin siyang naiinis, at hindi ko alam ang dahilan.

But hearing what he said made me overthink again. He didn’t want me to call him kuya, he didn’t want me to treat him like a brother. So, what? We’re just friends, is that it?

I’m so confused!

“You’re not allowed to have a relationship as long as you’re in your first year. That can wait. Focus on your studies for now,” he added with his annoyed expression.

He didn’t have to tell me that.

Hindi talaga ako makikipag-crush crush ’no! I don’t even know what having a crush feels. I never had one and I don’t think people had one on me.

“Elias, Santi! Eat dinner first! Pag-uusapan natin ’yan mamaya!”

I looked at Eli and kissed her on the head. Finding comfort with her to temporarily ease my confused mind.

—

“So… kaya ka nila pinagalitan dahil doon?” Relan said while we’re on a video call.

I nodded my head and signed to her. “[It was ridiculous, right? I still don’t get it until now.]”

“Hmm…” Relan looked up as she thought of sonething. “Honestly, Santi, I somehow agree with your kuyas. Listen, okay? This is my perspective as a girl.”

Binaba ko si Eli sa kama at seryosong tumingin kay Relan. I suddenly got curious on what she’s going to say.

“They’re being protective of you because they love you so much, and I get that. We both understand what their intentions were. Pero kung iisipin mo, lalaki silang lahat. Alam nila ang takbo ng kalahi nila. Pero kung iisipin mo rin, me, personally, as a woman…” She shook her head gently. “I honestly find it weird as well if boys from our class are messaging you privately. Katulad ng sinabi nung isa mong kuya, bakit ka nila kailangang i-chat privately to compliment you?”

She took our her Ipad from her side and showed me the screen. It’s our group chat.

“See? If you’re going to read our previous messages, some girls and some guys are complimenting you in our group chat. They’re doing it in the eyes of many. Ibig sabihin, they don’t have any intentions aside from complimenting you. So, if other boys can do it, why are the rest of the boys can’t? Kung ilalagay ko ang sarili ko sa situation… Why would I message a guy, privately, and tell him that he’s so handsome if I don’t have any intentions? Clearly, my intention is to let him know that I admire him! That’s the same thing with what’s happening to you!”

Relan explained it so well that I began grasping what kuya Elias and kuya Matthew wanted to tell me.

I wasn’t able to comprehend it a while ago because I thought they were only overreacting. But hearing the opinion of a girl, like Relan, I could see it now.

Tama sila.

Their messages did not really feel friendly.

After the boys told me that I’m pretty and cute, they kept on asking other things too. Most of them were asking what’s my opinion about men dating men. Most of them asked if I have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I didn’t tell these information to kuya Elias and kuya Matthew because I thought it was normal.

“By the way, baby,” Relani excitedly call me. “You said you didn’t know what crush feels like. So, you never had a crush before?”

Tumango ako. “[I never really liked anyone in high school. Only my mute friend.]”

Napaisip siya. “That’s actually new. Part na kasi ng childhood mo ang pagkaka-crush. Sige, ganito na lang… Sa ngayon, wala kang crush?”

“[I don’t know. Paano malalaman na may crush ako?]”

Tumawa siya at napapalakpak. “I feel like I’m a love expert right now! Pero to give you a description, crush feels like you’re living your best life. Kapag may crush ka sa isang tao, lagi mo siyang naiisip, lagi kang kinikilig kapag naaalala mo ’yung moments ninyong dalawa. Kapag kausap mo siya, lagi kang happy, kapag nakikita mo siya, lagi kang excited. Kumbaga, kapag nakikita mo ’yung crush mo, parang kumpleto na ’yung araw mo. Kapag hindi mo sila nakikita, lagi kang disappointed. Gano’n na gano’n! Gosh, I miss having a crush on someone!”

That’s the definition of crush?

Lagi akong excited makita ang taong ’yon? Laging gusto kong kausap, lagi akong masaya kapag nakikita ko siya, at malungkot ako kapag hindi ko siya nakikita?

But…

All of those things were feelings I only felt towards kuya Elias.

Is that… Is that even possible?

No way, right? Hindi pwede. Hindi pwedeng magka-crush ako sa kaniya.

Kuya Elias only saw me as a friend, as a younger brother. In his eyes, I’ll forever be a kid, the brother of his friend, someone he wanted to treat as a brother as well.

He’s just like kuya Yohan, kuya Denmark, kuya Jaden, kuya Lukas, and kuya Tanner. He’s taking care of me like I’m their blood.

I couldn’t be a hypocrite, having a crush on him when he only wanted me as a brother.

No way…

“Santi, baby, ayos ka lang?”

I forced a smile at Relan. “[Matutulog na ako, Relan. Thank you and see you tomorrow!]”

She happily waved her hand. “Okay, ba-bye! Good night, Santi!”

“[Good night!]”

I ended the call the moment we were done bidding goodbye to each other.

I removed my phone from its holder and placed it on my bedside table as I buried my face on the pillow.

Ramdam ko ang pagpatong ni Eli sa likod ko habang naluluha akong nakapikit.

No. I have to stop whatever I’m feeling right now. If kuya Elias was truly my crush, I needed to get rid of that feeling.

He’s a man, like kuya Matthew. Like everyone else.

And I’m me… I’m different compared to them. They all like girls, they’re all masculine, they’re all the perfect definition of men.

Afterall, I’m just a brother to him…

Chapter 10

Tight Lipped X

Matthew

Bagot na bagot kong pinapanood ang limang kulugo na kanina pa tingin nang tingin sa oras sa phone nila.

Isang tingin pa lang, alam ko na agad kung bakit sila nagkakaganyan.

“12PM lunch ni Santi, ’di ba? Bakit wala pa hanggang ngayon?”

Kita mo na.

“Pre, lapit ka,” utos ko kay Tanner.

Sinamaan niya muna ako ng tingin pero sumunod din naman agad. “Huwag mo akong i-kiss, pre, ha?”

“Kingina mo, lumapit ka pa,” gigil kong sabat sa kaniya.

Lumapit nga, interesado rin sa sasabihin ko.

Tinuro ko ang phone niya. “Anong oras na, pre?”

“12:03 PM, pre.”

“Tapos kung eksaktong 12PM ang lunch time ng kapatid ko. Tingin mo anong oras dapat nandito na siya sa cafeteria?” tanong ko ulit.

“Dapat nandito na siya ng 12:01 kasi— Aray, tangina mo!”

Hinampas ko nga ng bote ng ketchup sa mukha.

“Kayong lima, nasisiraan na kayo ng ulo.” Isa-isa ko silang pinagduduro maliban kay Elias na tahimik lang sa gilid. “Malamang maglalakad pa ’yung kapatid ko mula sa classroom niya hanggang dito?! Mag-aayos pa ’yon ng gamit. Makikipag-usap pa sa mga kaibigan niya. Atat na atat kayo lagi!”

Ang mga gago, talagang napakamot pa sila sa ulo na para bang hindi common knowledge ang sinabi ko. Kapag dating sa kapatid ko, nawawalan sila ng common sense.

Matatalino naman medyo ’yang mga ’yan. Pero dahil lagi silang excited na makita si Santi at makalaro, mga nagiging tanga! Ang tatanga!

“Hayaan mo na kami!” Sumabat pa talaga si Yohan. “Tuwing Wednesday at Saturday nga lang natin siya nakakasabay ng lunch time, umeepal ka pa.”

“Wala akong pake kung gusto ninyong kasabay. Huwag lang kayong mga nakabusangot na akala n’yo lilipad kapatid ko papunta rito. Ni hindi ako makasubo ng burger sa inyo kasi kada segundo, bumubuntong hininga kayo!”

They all rolled their eyes on me and I was flabbergasted. Speechless, even.

May gana pa talaga akong irapan ng mga kulugong ’to.

“Baby Santi!”

Ano pa nga ba?!

Lahat ng tao sa loob nagtinginan sa kanila nang tumayo sila sa kinauupuan nila at parang mga batang kumaway-kaway sa kapatid ko.

Aakalain mo bang crush sila ng marami? Hindi! Kasi ganyan kalalala.

Ang magaling ko rin namang kapatid. Palukso-lukso pang kumaway pabalik habang nasa likuran niya ’yung apat niyang kaibigan.

Iaalis ko na sana ang tingin ko sa kapatid ko pero napa-double look ako bigla nang may humarang na lalaki sa harapan niya.

Para akong kinuryente at biglang naalerto. Pati sila Lukas, nanahimik at biglang mga naging seryoso.

Dahil medyo malayo pa sila Santi, hindi ko alam kung anong sinasabi ng mokong na humarang sa kaniya. Ang alam ko na lang, nauna nang pumunta sa table namin ang mga babaeng kaibigan ng kapatid ko.

“Who the fuck is that?” tanong ko sa kanila.

I knew their names but I’m afraid I’m going to mix it up. Si Relan lang ang kabisado ko dahil siya ’yung kaibigan ni Santi na marunong mag-sign language.

“Hindi po namin alam, e. Bigla pong kinausap si Santi,” sumbong ni Diana yata.

Lalong tumaas ang altapresyon ko. Kung kanina, masama na ang tingin ko sa lalaki, ngayon siguro naka-tiger look na ako.

“Anong sinasabi ng gagong ’yon? Ang tagal, ah!” reklamo nila Lukas.

“Susuntukin ko sa panga mamaya, ako bahala,” si Denmark ’yon.

“Pipilayan ko,” si Jaden.

Hindi ko sila mapatahimik kasi ganyan din ang mga salitang nasa utak ko.

At aba! Tangina! Bakit may inaabot na ’yon sa kapatid ko?!

Hindi ko na kaya, para na akong aatakehin sa pagka-stress dahil hindi ko naririnig ang pinag-uusapan nila Santi.

At dahil ayokong manapak, lumingon ako kay Elias. Dahil siya lang naman ang kilala kong kayang manatiling kalmado sa mga ganitong sitwasyon.

“Elias, pre. Tabuyin mo—” Hindi ko pa natatapos ang sinasabi ko pero tumayo na agad si bossing.

Dahil mahahaba ang biyas niya, inilang hakbang niya lang ang direksyon nila Santi at nung hindi ko kilalang lalaki na mabubugbog ko mamaya siguro.

“Buti na lang si Elias ang tumayo. Kung ako ’yan, detention na agad ako,” bulong ni Tanner sa tabi

I kept on observing the three of them. Hindi pa rin namin sila naririnig, but Elias was able to shoo the guy away. Buti naman!

“Santi, umupo ka rito,” masungit kong utos sa kapatid ko nang makabalik si Elias kasama siya.

My brother looked genuinely guilty about something. Alam naming hindi niya kasalanan kung bakit kami galit ngayon, pero galit ako! Galit na galit talaga ako! Doon sa lalaki!

“Anong sabi sa ’yo?” seryoso kong tanong sa kaniya.

His friends took his bag from him so he could focus on answering me instead.

“[He said I’m pretty and asked me if I have a boyfriend or girlfriend.]” Sobrang honest naman nitong kapatid ko. Lalong tumaas ’yung kulo ng dugo ko.

“Ano?!” overacting na react ni Yohan. “Freshman pa lang ’yon, lumalandi na? Hinarang ka pa na akala mo ang pogi—”

“Pre, mamaya na spotlight mo. Kay Matthew muna, sa totoong kapatid. Mamaya tayo naman,” awat sa kaniya ni Denmark na ikipinagpasalamat ko naman.

“Ah, gano’n ba? Sige. Matthew, ikaw muna. Huwag mo lang gamitin lahat ng scolding words, magtira ka para sa amin.”

Kinginang mga kaibigan ’to, pare-parehas may sapak.

“What else did he say? Ang tagal ng usapan ninyo before Elias came in the picture. Ano pang sinabi niya?” tanong ko kay Santi.

Santi slowly turned to Elias kaya napalingon din kaming lahat kay bossing.

Elias raised his brow on us and sipped on the can of soda. “What?”

Nilingon ko si Santi, nagtatanong ang mga mata ko kung bakit bigla niyang nilingon si Elias.

“[He also gave me chocolates. But it’s not here anymore! Kuya Elias took it,]” paliwanag pa ng kapatid ko.

He looked so innocent that I started feeling guilty. Hindi naman dapat siya nape-pressure dahil lang ayaw naming may lalaking umaligid sa kaniya. Pero kasi, sobrang taas na ng pader ko sa ibang tao pagdating sa kaniya.

Wala akong ibang pinagkakatiwalaan. Ang mga kaibigan ko lang din.

Santi’s too naive about a lot of things. Natatakot ako na baka kapag nalingat ako, may makalapit sa kaniyang lalaki na pagtitripan lang siya or sasaktan siya. Nakaka-trauma na, sa totoo lang. Ayoko nang makita siyang umiiyak o nasasaktan.

“Amin na!”

Napalingon kaming lahat kay Lukas nang agresibo niyang kinuha mula kay Elias ang isang pakete ng chocolates. He even distributed the chocolates to us, even to Santi’s friends.

We all had a fair share except from Santi. Lukas didn’t give him even one piece.

“Sarap!” nang-aasar na sabi nung limang kulugo habang sabay-sabay na nginunguya ang chocolates na binigay nung lalaki para sa kapatid ko.

“Huwag kang mainggit. Bibilhan ka namin ni Elias ng bago,” sabi ko kay Santi nang makitang pinapanood niya lang kami na lantakan ’yung mga chocolate.

He shook his head. “[Ibibigay ko rin naman dapat sa inyo. I don’t like chocolates too. I prefer banana milk anyway.”

I took out his favorite banana milk from the box and placed it in front of him. His eyes automatically sparked when he saw it. “Ayan, ’yan ang pagkaabalahan mo.”

Nilingon ko ang apat niyang kaibigan na kanina pa tawang-tawa sa limang kulugo.

Paano? Umatake na naman ang sapak ng lima. Nagsasaluhan ng mga chocolate gamit bibig nila. Mga walanghiya talaga. Dudugtungan pa ng palakpak kapag nasasalo nila.

I turned to Santi again. “From now on, any gifts coming from men will go straight to them.” Tinuro ko ang mga kaibigan niya.

Relan, his best friend, nodded and gave me two thumbs up. As if she was signaling that it would be fine for her.

Santi just shrugged his shoulders. “[What if the guy genuinely wants me as a friend?]”

“I told you, friends are okay,” sagot ko. “Kung totoong gusto ka na kaibigan, we don’t see any problem with that. But the moment a guy ask you if you are in a relationship, halimaw na agad ’yon! Dapat gano’n ang nilalayuan, okay?”

He copied Relan and gave me two thumbs up as well.

Hindi ko alam kung totoo bang naintindihan niya ako. Pero bahala na. I’m sure his friends would be there to guard him properly.

I didn’t need to worry that much, right.

—

“What did you say to the guy earlier?”

Pagkaupo ko sa tabi ni Elias dito sa tambayan naming magkakaibigan, inusisa ko na agad siya. Sinigurado kong hindi kami maririnig nila Santi.

Mukhang hindi naman talaga, ang iingay ba naman ng lima habang nakikipaglaro ng Jenga Blocks sa kaniya.

Tinawanan ako ni Elias. “Why are you curious about that?”

“Malamang. Biglang lumayas, eh. Parang natakot pa,” dugtong ko.

Naalala ko na naman kung paano lumayas ’yung lalaki sa harap ni Santi kanina. Halatang natataranta, kulang na lang manginig habang papaalis.

“You don’t have to know.”

“Dali na!” Pamimilit ko sa kaniya bago lingunin ulit ang kapatid ko na pumapalakpak na kakatawa. “Para next time—”

“I told him I’m Santi’s boyfriend.”

Gago?

Marahas kong nilingon si Elias at sinamaan siya ng tingin. Kung hindi lang ako takot sa kaniya, baka pinagsasapak ko na ’to sa mukha.

“Gago! Huwag ganyang joke,” kinakabahan kong sabi sa kaniya.

Pero hindi, mukha siyang seryoso.

Tarantado ’to, ah?

“Mapilit ka, eh. Sinagot lang kita,” kaswal niyang sabi na para bang hindi niya nakikita ang nakayukom kong kamao. “Bakit? Sasapakin mo ’ko? ’Ge nga.”

Palibhasa alam niyang hindi ko kayang gawin.

“Bakit mo sinabi ’yon? Kuya ka ni San—”

“You know how men think, Matthew, don’t make me laugh. Lalayo lang ang mga gagong ’yan if they knew Santi’s not available.”

Napailing ako. “Okay, gets ko naman. Pero sana sinabi mo na lang na kapatid ka, para—”

“And they’d still think he’s available. What does a mere older brother can do?” he cut me off again.

I just shrugged my own thoughts and agreed with him. “Sige na, gets ko na. Salamat pala, man. Kung ako talaga ’yung lumapit doon, baka nasapak ko na ’yon.”

“Sinong nagsabing hindi ko sasapakin ’yon?”

Napa-triple look ako sa kaniya nang wala sa oras.

Hindi ko ine-expect kay Elias na may bayolenteng ugali rin pala ’to. Kahit kasi malaki katawan niyan, never pa ’yang napaaway o kahit ano. Wala akong nabalitaang may nakainitan siya ng ulo. Hindi kasi ’to ganong klase ng tao.

If anything, he’s the most rational thinking among us.

He could fix anything with a discussion, with a peace talk. He’s not only a genius, he’s a fucking good man. He never raised his voice, never used violence, and never fought with us.

Kahit nagtatatalo-talo kami minsan nila Jaden sa mga maliliit na bagay, Elias never sided with anyone and was always the reason why we would end up solving little arguments.

Sa madaling salita, siya ang tatay sa grupo.

And to hear a ridiculous line coming from him was surprising. I never really thought he had this side if it wasn’t for that man approaching my brother.

“Nagiging protective ka na rin sa kapatid ko, ha.” I nudged him.

“Have always been.”

Oo nga.

Ayoko na siyang kausap. Lagi akong binabara.

“Are you okay with Santi having a boyfriend?”

Sabing ayoko na ngang kausap, tinanong pa talaga ako!

Inilingan ko siya. “Ayoko muna.”

“So you’re fine if he’ll have a boyfriend?” he added.

“Oo, pero hindi muna ngayon. That’s still his life, afterall. I just don’t want him to have a boyfriend anytime soon. Bata pa siya, kaka-college lang. Maraming loko-loko na lalaki na baka pagtripan lang siya dahil malambot siya,” I explained myself.

Elias shrugged his shoulders. “And a girlfriend would be more acceptable for you?”

“Girlfriend?” Tinawanan ko siya. “Ewan ko. Kung gusto ni Santi. Pero imposible naman, mas maarte pa ’yan sa babae. Baka siya pa ang alagaan kapag nagkataon.”

“So that means he likes men?”

Ano ba’t tanong nang tanong ’to? Akala mo nasa talk show kami, eh. Hindi ko na alam kung paano siya sasagutin, para niya akong nilalagay sa hot seat.

“Elias, wala ka pa bang klase? Ngayon ka lang naging ganyan kadaldal,” reklamo ko habang napapakamot sa ulo.

Sinamaan lang ako ng tingin ni bossing bago siya tumayo at dumiretsyo sa pwesto nila Santi.

I saw how he smiled at my brother, my brother returned the same smile and moved towards his right to give Elias a space.

Napangiti ako nang makita silang magkatabi.

Tangina nito ni Elias, akala niya siguro hindi ko nararamdaman?

Hindi naman ako tanga, hindi rin ako manhid. At mas lalong hindi ako bobo.

Pansin na pansin ko sa galaw at mga kinikilos niya. Alam ko…

Alam kong gusto niyang maging kapatid si Santi.

’Di ba? Ang galing ko talaga mag-observe kahit kailan. Sabi na nga ba’t matalino talaga ako sa mga ganitong bagay. Sana proud sa akin si Santi.

At saka bagay na bagay silang magkapatid ni Elias. Sa mga mata ko, pangalawang kuya na niya si Elias kasi ’yan talaga ang maaasahan ko kapag ’di ko kayang mag-isip ng tama para kay Santi.

Gusto rin naman siguro siya ni Santi bilang kuya. Kaya panatag na akong safe na safe ang kapatid ko dito sa school.

Huwag lang may magtatangkang manligaw sa kaniya. Bubugbugin ko talaga.

—

Santi

“Kakauwi lang, cellphone agad!”

Inirapan ko si kuya Matthew nang sawayin niya ako pagkauwi namin.

I threw my bag on the sofa and went back on chatting with Relan and our other friends.

“Santi, magpalit ka muna. Mamaya na ’yang cellphone.”

I took my bag and walked towards my room para hindi na magbunganga si kuya. Hindi ’yan titigil hanggang hindi ko siya sinusunod.

Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama habang ka-chat sila Relan. Dumagsa agad ang chats sa group chat naming lima.

—

Relan |7:36 PM so you’re telling me that your crush said that to shoo the guy away?!

Diana |7:37 PM parang may meaning…

Yana |7:37 PM Agree! Cause why else would he say that?

Wendy | 7:38 PM And a brother wouldn’t really say that! Kung totoong kapatid lang ang tingin niya sa ’yo, he’s going to introduce himself as a brother!

—

And yes… I wanted to be honest with them so I told them that my crush’s kuya Elias.

I don’t think I should hide anything from them. They’re my friends, afterall! And sila lang ang malalapitan ko kapag naguguluhan ako.

Katulad ngayon.

All of them weren’t able to hear what happened earlier. But it’s still in my mind up until now. Inluding the words kuya Elias said to the guy.

“Here, Santi,” nahihiyang abot ng lalaki sa isang pack ng chocolates. He was blushing since earlier and I didn’t know how to act.

“Do you… by any chance.” Napakamot siya sa batok at namumula akong tiningnan sa mata. “Do you have a boyfriend—”

“He does.” Laking gulat ko nang biglang sumulpot si kuya Elias sa tabi. He was wearing the same terrifying expression he had wore once when he got mad about boys messaging me.

“You do?” disappointed na tanong nung stranger at parang nalungkot pa.

“I’m the boyfriend in question.”

Sabay pang nanlaki ang mga mata namin ni kuyang stranger nang idagdag ni kuya Elias ’yon. Kuya Elias neared me and gave me a lopsided smile.

“Do me a favor and get the fuck out of my sight,” he said towards the other guy who looked like he was about to cry any minute from now.

Gusto ko pa sanang awatin ’yung lalaki pero hindi naman ako makapagsalita. I wanted to say sorry for no reason because he was really about to cry!

Nang lingunin ko si kuya Elias, he looked really really mad as he raised his brow on me.

“Sit with us,” he said in his cold tone.

Remembering that exact scene made me ridiculously confused and bothered.

He had always been the kuya Elias who’s always calm and composed. Siya ang pinakatahimik sa kanilang magkakaibigan, siya ang pinaka-walang potensyal na magalit basta-basta.

But whenever we’re talking about other guys around me, he’s always mad and annoyed.

Was that part of his protective instincts as an older brother? Or did it mean something else?

But who am I to assume things like that? Nagmumukha lang akong tanga.

It’s so obvious that he’s just being protective towards me. Because like him, kuya Matthew scolded me as well, the other kuyas even took the chocolates and ate them so I wouldn’t eat them.

Everything he did was a reflection of what my other kuyas did.

But according to my friends, it was different.

It was different because he introduced himself as my boyfriend, instead of an older brother. They said he wouldn’t say that if he truly felt brotherly love for me.

But how could I really hold on to that?

Hindi naman… Hindi ko naman katulad si kuya Elias.

Yeah, right.

I hugged Eli tightly as my forlorn eyes went heavy. Feeling the weight of the pain that’s now sitting on my heart.

I’m really ridiculous and disgusting.

How could I even think of kuya Elias that way? He would never like me. He probably did what he did for a reason, not because he likes me or sees me the way I see him.

Eli. I stared at my cat’s eyes and smiled weakly at him. Your original owner’s cruel. He’s making me feel things, he’s making me overthink. But it’s partly my fault.

Right. It’s my fault. Walang kasalanan si kuya Elias kung gusto ko siya, hindi niya alam.

He’s not aware that his “little brother” was a hypocrite who secretly likes him.

Because I knew for sure that once he realized that I like him, he’d be disgusted to even breathe near me.

Chapter 11

Best kuya in the universe!

Thank you again for drawing him @LazyinksiiArts 🥺💗

Tight Lipped XI

Saint

Saglit na lumabas ang professor namin nang i-excuse siya ng isang student. Kaya agad ko ring binuksan ang phone para tingnan kung ano ’yung message na sinend ni kuya Matt sa akin kanina.

—

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 3:42 PM panget, hindi kita masasabay pauwi

male-late ako ng uwi kasi may aasikasuhin ako

Saint | 3:58 PM whaaat?

how ako uuwi

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 4:00 PM susunduin ka ni Elias diyan sa labas ng room mo

hahatid ka niya pauwi

wag kang makulit ha, busy yan si Elias pero pumayag na ihatid ka pauwi

Saint | 4:01 PM hindi ako makulit ’no

stupid

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 4:02 PM nyenyenye, panget

sige na

uuwi rin ako pagkatapos ng aasikasuhin ko

Saint | 4:03 PM paano ako kakain

magugutom ako

i don’t know how to cook

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 4:04 PM uuwi nga po agad si kuya, ’di ba?

Saint | 4:04 PM what if i get soooo hungry habang wala ka pa?

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 4:04 PM asa pa more kay kuya!

kung maging pasaway akala mo ang laki-laki na, pero lahat inaasa kay kuya niya

Saint | 4:05 PM bakit kasi hindi mo ako isasama?!

what’s the important thing you need to do?! sama mo ako!

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 4:06 PM bawal panget don

sige na, hintayin mo na lang kuya Elias mo paglabas mo

—

I hid my phone in annoyance when I saw his last message.

What’s so important about his other errands that he won’t bring me with him? Lagi niya naman akong sinasama dati, eh!

Tapos ano? Papabayaan niya na lang ako? Ipapaubaya niya ako kay kuya… kay kuya Elias?

Oh…

Ayos lang pala na hindi ako sinama ni kuya, hehehe.

I didn’t even notice how time flew by. The whole time, I was just looking forward for our last class to be done.

At nang i-dismiss kami ng professor, tuwang-tuwa kong niligpit ang mga gamit ko. Siguro nakapaskil na ngayon sa mukha ko ang malaking ngiti.

Even my friends were curious on why I was acting like this.

“You okay, baby?” Wendy asked me. “Excited na excited kang umuwi, ah.”

I smiled at them and tried to hide my blushing cheeks. Then I turned to Relan.

“[Kuya Elias’ bringing me home. Kuya Matt’s not available.]”

She gasped hysterically before she relied the information to our other friends. Kanya-kaniya namang tilian sila Wendy, Diana, at Yana nang marinig nila ang gusto kong sabihin.

“Omg! Bilisan mo. Baka nandiyan na sa labas!” Yana excitedly told me.

“Nagba-blush siya!” Relan teased me.

“Ingat kayo, baby. Huwag masyadong obvious,” bilin naman ni Diana.

I nodded at them and bid goodbye as I stormed out of our classroom. Muntik pa akong mapatalon sa gulat nang makita si kuya Elias sa malayo, naglalakad sa hallway at papunta sa akin.

He smiled at me from afar as he slightly tilted his head to the side. I smiled back and waved my hand to greet him.

I was about to walk towards him so we could meet halfway when someone stood in front of me, blocking my sight from kuya Elias.

“Santi…” Napakamot ng ulo si Alex, ’yung classmate kong lalaki na katabi ni Wendy. “May gagawin ka ba bukas? We have three vacant hours, right? Gusto lang sana kitang…”

Sabay kaming napatingin kay kuya Elias nang lapitan niya kami. Kuya Elias glanced at me before he looked at Alex, carefully scanning him from head to toe.

“Don’t mind me. You were saying?” kuya Elias told Alex in a provoking voice.

“Hello po.” Nahihiyang yumuko si Alex kay kuya Elias, namumula pa ang mga pisngi niya. “Kayo po ba ’yung kuya ni Santi? G-Gusto ko lang po sanang ayain si Santi na kumain sa labas bukas. Baka po hindi pa siya nakakapunta sa bagong open na coffee shop sa labas ng univ—”

“He did. We went there together.” Kuya Elias forced a smile. “And I’m not his brother.”

“A-Ah, gano’n po ba?”

I smiled apologetically to Alex, feeling sorry because he looked very awkward right now.

“Why are you inviting him over? For what?” kuya Elias added.

God… He’s interrogating Alex now.

“Kakain l-lang po…”

“Are you inviting him as a friend?”

Alex looked at me before he shook his head. “I w-wanted to get to know—”

“Then will you excuse us?” Kuya Elias’ tone sounded very mad. Parang hindi na siya nakikipagbiruan.

Alex moved to our left to give us space. I looked at him again, my eyes filled with apologies I couldn’t say.

Sa totoo lang, hindi rin naman talaga ako sasama sa kaniya. If kuya Elias hadn’t interfered, I would say no as well.

My kuyas were right. I didn’t think it was appropriate to go out with guys if their intention wasn’t to have me as a friend.

I had no desires of being in a relationship. And… I like someone else.

“[Kuya Elias.]” I signed to him as soon as I was seated on the passenger seat of his car.

“Hmm?”

“[You learned sign language, right?]”

He chuckled as he helped me with my seat belt. “Very well, kitten.”

Bakit ba ako namumula?

“[So, you can understand anything that I’ll sign?]” I asked.

Tumaas ang isa niyang kilay habang kinakabit ang sariling seat belt. His left arm leaned on the wheel. Then he touched his lower lip while looking at me. “I would’ve given you a paper and pen if I’m not that confident.”

We laughed at the same time.

“[Within a month is too fast. You’re really a genius.]” I added. Sinusulit ko nang makipagdaldalan sa kaniya kasi mamaya, kapag nagda-drive na siya, hindi na kami magkakaintindihan. “[I guess you also learned Filipino Sign Language?]”

“Sure I did,” he answered again.

“[Naiintindihan mo ba ang sinasabi ko ngayon?]” I tested him. Although I knew it would be easy since FSL and ASL are quite similar.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang imbis na sumagot siya sa akin, gumamit din siya ng sign language.

“[I can. And I miss you, by the way.]”

What the?!

I read that right, ’di ba? I definitely was not hallucinating! I knew what he just signed!

He laughed when he saw that I wasn’t able to react because of what he just did. He just started the engine and began driving his car.

Sumandal ako sa kinauupuan at pinokus ang atensyon sa bintana. Focusing on the view outside although I couldn’t really do that. My mind kept on going back to the words he signed.

Lalo lang akong namumula sa tuwing naaalala ko na hindi niya sinabi o binigkas ang mga salitang ’yon. He said he missed me using my language. My language.

Dalawang araw lang naman kaming hindi nagkita. Nag-uusap pa rin kami sa chat, araw-araw naman.

Those two days were definitely hard for me as well. He wasn’t in the country, he was sent to Hongkong to register for the upcoming international competition. Again.

Our school year just started but he’s already undergoing training and intense study. Every students registered for the upcoming competition would be given three months to prepare. And I knew he’d be very very busy within that span.

This was actually the reason why he’s excempted most of the time. The whole country’s funding everything but his brain’s working overtime to win a title for the country.

Sobrang layo ng mundo ni kuya Elias. Sobrang taas abutin, ang hirap hawakan.

“Santi, your brother’s not gonna be home soon. How are you gonna eat dinner? Do you know how to cook?” kuya Elias asked while driving.

Umiling ako, hindi pa rin tumitingin sa kaniya.

“Are you hungry?”

I nodded my head and turned to him briefly. “[Super.]”

“Alright.” He glanced at the time on the screen of his car. Tapos may pinindot siyang button doon na hindi ko alam kung para saan. “I can cook, but it’s going to take a lot of time. Let’s do drive thru instead?”

I excitedly nodded my head and thought of a suggestion in mind.

“[Mang Inasal?]”

“I knew you’d say that,” tumatawa niyang sagot. “Okay, let’s do Mang Inasal then.”

Tagumpay akong napapalakpak sa saya. Kung si kuya Matthew ’yan, hindi ako papayagan. May pagka-health freak kasi ’yon.

Twice a month lang kami pwedeng kumain ng fast food, hindi pwedeng lumabis doon. Ayon sa kaniya, super unhealthy daw ng fast food. Kaya nga siya natutong magluto para clean food lang daw kainin ko.

Nakakadalawang kain na kami sa fast food ngayong month. Noong before ng first day of class ko, at noong nakaraang linggo. So… he would be mad if he’d know about this.

Sana hindi ako isumbong ni kuya Elias.

“At talagang pumalakpak ka pa, Santi!”

Napatalon ako sa kinauupuan nang pumalahaw ang boses ni kuya Matthew mula sa screen. I glanced at kuya Elias who’s now laughing while massaging his lower lip.

“Tine-test ka lang namin ni Elias, talagang sasakay ka naman!”

Nakakainis! Kaya pala may pinindot si kuya Elias sa screen niya kanina. Sinagot pala niya ang tawag ni kuya Matthew!

“Just let him be, Matt. Just one time. Gutom na ’yung kapatid mo,” sabi ni kuya Elias na natatawa pa rin.

The car suddenly stopped when we hit the red light.

I took the chance and threw angry looks at him but he just smiled at me. His eyes were filled with adoration. Hindi man lang siya natatakot sa sama ng tingin ko.

“Fine.” Halos lumuwa ang mata ko nang pumayag si kuya Matthew. “Isang beses lang ’yan, Santi, ha? Isang beses lang. Pagbibigyan kita ngayon pero next month, hindi na ulit pwedeng makakatatlo ka.”

Nilingon ko si kuya Elias. “[Tell him okay, and ask him why is it so noisy in his background.]”

“He said okay. And he’s asking where’s all the noise coming from?”

“Ah…” Naningkit ang mga mata ko nang hindi agad makasagot si kuya Matthew.

“Sir, saan po namin ilalagay ’yung table at bar stool—”

“Ba-bye na! Elias, iuwi mo nang maayos ’yan at siguraduhin mong kakain nang mabuti, ha! Bye!” kuya Matthew dropped the call without answering my question.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa pagtataka. I was pretty sure I did hear a voice of a man from the background. I knew he was talking to kuya Matt, and I knew that the stranger addressed kuya Matt as ‘sir’.

What’s that all about?

“Don’t overthink, Santi.” Kuya Elias began driving again when it turned green light. “Your brother would tell us if he wanted us to know.”

Tama.

Kapag siya na talaga ang nagsasalita, sasang-ayon na lang ako.

—

“Magbihis ka muna, Santi.”

I was about to sit down on the sofa to continue watching the Tiktok I saw when I heard kuya Elias’ strict voice.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at dahan-dahang tumayo, magkadikit ang mga labi dahil akala ko’y papagalitan niya ako.

“Where’s Eli?” he asked.

“[In my room. I’ll take him out, wait.]”

I went inside my bedroom, threw my bag on the bed and instantly went to Eli’s spot. She was cutely lying on her bed, her food tray was swiped out clean as well.

“[Hi, baby.]” I signed as if she would understand me.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at tuwang-tuwa nang lumundag siya paupo sa lap ko. Niyakap ko siya nang marahan at malambing na hinaplos ang balahibo niya.

I think she’d be happy that kuya Elias’ outside. Kuya Elias’ her original owner after all.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto bitbit si Eli. Nagtungo ako sa kusina at naabutan si kuya Elias na hinahanda ang pagkain na binili namin sa Mang Inasal.

He instantly flashed a smile when he saw Eli in my arms. Eli also made a sound when she saw kuya Elias, she kept on moving around so I knew that she was also overjoyed with her original’s owner presence.

“Eat your dinner, Santi. Give Eli to me, I’ll carry her,” he said as he neared me.

Maingat kong pinaubaya sa kaniya si Eli na agad namang lumingkis kay kuya Elias.

Ang cute nila! Para silang magtatay.

Ah?

Why did I sound like a proud mother in my own thoughts?

Pumunta sila ng sala kaya hindi ko na sila mapanood. I just focused on my meal instead and devoured the chicken leg as if it was my last meal.

The taste of pure guilty pleasure, hehe.

At dahil wala si kuya Matthew, nilinisan ko ang sarili kong pinagkainan. Kung nandito siya, panigurado papagalitan pa niya ako kapag nakita niya akong naghuhugas ng pinggan.

Gano’n siya ka-oa.

“You’re done?” kuya Elias said as soon as he saw me walking out from the kitchen.

I nodded my head and shyly sat beside him. Napangiti pa ako nang lumundag si Eli papunta sa akin at naglambing din.

“Eli’s like a baby,” kuya Elias murmured while staring at our cat.

Our cat?

“[She’s so cute and she’s sweet. Lagi niya akong tinatabihan sa kama,]” pagkukwento ko.

Kuya Elias caressed my hair instead of Eli’s. And I blushed, for the nth time, with that gesture.

“That means she likes you as her new owner. She probably will adapt your cuteness overtime.”

That came from his mouth, ah? Hindi ako ang nagsabi na cute ako. Siya, siya mismo ang nagsabi.

“Wanna watch a movie, baby?”

Sabay pa kaming napapitlag ni Eli nang halos mapatalon ako sa kinauupuan.

Did I hear that right?

I slowly turned my head to kuya Elias and froze when I saw that he’s also staring at me. He raised an eyebrow because of my reaction.

“I was asking you.” He leaned closer. “I said do you want to watch a film, baby?”

Why…

Why am I like this?

Why am I reacting differently now that I heard, from his lips, the same endearment everyone’s calling me?

Why did it sound different when he’s the one saying it?

Why am I hearing it differently when everyone else called me like that too?

Even sila kuya Lukas, ganyan ang tawag sa akin. Sila Relan, Wendy, Diana, and Yana. Everyone’s calling me baby!

Bakit kapag si kuya Elias, iba?

“Why? Why are you so silent? Everyone can call you like that and I can’t?” seryoso niyang tanong.

I shook my head and focused on Eli instead. As if it was the only way to distract me.

“I can’t call you that? Hmm?”

Tama na.

Tama na, hindi na kaya ng puso ko.

I just wanted to keep him quiet because everytime he spoke with his deep and sweet voice, everything inside me wanted to explode.

“[I didn’t say that.]” Nanginginig pa ang mga kamay ko nang senyasan siya.

He didn’t buy my response. “Then why did you look bothered when I called you like that?”

“[Kuya Elias, let’s just watch a movie.]” Hindi na ako makatingin sa kaniya. Parang tatalbog na talaga ang puso ko palabas.

“Santi.” He took Eli from my lap and gently placed our cat on the floor, letting Eli wander around. Ako naman, nataranta, dahil wala na akong paglilibangan ng atensyon para lang iwasan siya. “Have you ever been interested to girls? Or boys?”

Why would he ask that?

Was this another part of his test or something? Baka kasabwat na naman si kuya.

“[Never.]”

“Even when you were a kid?”

Abogado talaga siya. Ang daldal niya kasi! Hindi siya nauubusan ng itatanong!

“[I think I had a very very little adoration on someone when I was a kid,]” I said honestly. It occured to me the certain memory I had when I was a kid. But it wasn’t a crush, tho? “[Some kid was mocking me and kuya Matt was not there so he couldn’t defend me. Then a boy stepped up and threw mud on the bully. I had a little crush on that boy, but it was instantly gone after that moment.]”

Inalis niya ang tingin sa akin at napatingin sa sahig. Maya-maya pa, tumaas ang kabilang sulok ng labi niya. “So you’re interested with guys?”

Huh?

“Good for me, then.”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko nang marinig ang dagdag niyang sinabi.

What did he mean by that? I don’t understand.

Nang lingunin niya ako, agad ko siyang sinenyasan. “[What was it? Sorry.]”

“What was what?” He tilted his head and looked at me even deeper.

Grabe, sobrang gwapo talaga niya.

Lalo na kapag ganito siya makatitig, parang lalo akong namumula.

“[Nothing.]”

“Here, baby.” He smiled and gave me a banana milk. I took it from his hand and gave him a double look.

He’s acting weird right now. His voice suddenly sounded more confident, or more joyful.

Something about him shifted after I told him the story of mine when I was a kid. I knew something changed. Kanina pa siya ngiti nang ngiti.

“Would you believe me if I say I’ve never dated and liked anyone as well?”

He kept asking random questions too.

But his question, this time, surprised me for a moment. It sounded unreal when I thought about it.

He’s popular, he’s also handsome, and insanely rich! Siya ang pinakasikat sa university namin, malamang sikat din siya sa bansa noong nanalo siya internationally.

There’s no way no one tried to confess to him. No way that no women tried to chase after him. No way that he never liked those beautiful women trying to date him.

“[How come?]” I couldn’t help but be curious too. “[You’re a perfect man. How come you never liked any women? I’m sure countless pretty women tried to—]”

“Who says I like women?”

The smug smirk on his face appeared again when I wasn’t able to finish what I was signing. And him, interrupting me, with that question was more mindblowing.

Anong sinasabi niya?

Is kuya Elias also like me? Is he…

I couldn’t even say it because it’s all out of my own conclusion. I’m just assuming things based on his own words.

He took the straw of my banana milk and punched a hole on the seal for me. “I never told you I like women, Santi.”

Chapter 12

Tight Lipped XII

Matthew

“Yeah, thank you. I’ll call back whenever I need assistance. Haha, appreciate that, sir.”

Nakangiti kong binaba ang tawag matapos kausapin ang contractor. Pagkatapos, agad kong nilibot ang tingin sa restaurant na pagmamay-ari ko at natatawang napailing.

Akalain mo ’yon? Isang taon ko ring tinago ’to kay Santi para hindi nila malaman na may pinapatayo akong business.

I didn’t want to hide it from him. My friends knew about what I was planning, sila Elias ang una kong pinagsabihan niyan. Pero gusto ko kasing magulat ang kapatid ko kapag napatayo ko na ’tong restaurant.

It wouldn’t be really possible if Elias didn’t help me initially. When he learned that I was planning to do this, he paid for the start-up construction of the resto.

Ayaw niya kasing i-delay ko raw dahil gusto ko munang mag-ipon. Kaya naging mas madali at mas naging mabilis. When I finally earned money, I instantly paid him what I owe him.

Nasa ganyang lebel na kaming magkakaibigan. Kulang na lang pati bangko ni Elias alam namin ang pin.

Elias’ just the fucking best. Never violent, a rational thinker, a fucking genius, never played around with women, and generous.

Thanks to him, the construction of my restaurant wasn’t delayed. Opening na nga sa isang araw, eh. Paniguradong tuwang-tuwa ’yon si Santi kapag nalaman niya ’tong mga pinaggagagawa ko.

Kaso baka sampalin ako kapag na-realize niyang tinago ko sa kaniya.

Bahala na. Yayakap din naman ’yon pagkatapos ng sampal. Gano’n siya kalambing.

“Ganda!”

Napalingon ako nang mag-echo ang palakpak ng isa kong kaibigan matapos usisain ang paligid.

“Interior, pakak! Exterior, pakak! Ang may-ari, wasak!”

“Gago!” Binato ko siya ng kahit anong mahawakan ko, sakto namang ’yung sample menu ang nakuha ko.

He was quick enough to dodge my attack. ’Yan pa? Sa liksi niyan, walang dadapo na kahit ano diyan.

He walked near me and gave me a smile. Lumiyad pa siya sa counter at napapangiti. “Sasabihin mo na sa kapatid mo?”

“Yeah, will surprise him on the opening,” I answered excitedly.

“Sama ako sa opening, ha!”

“Oo na.” Tinapik ko pa siya sa balikat. “Kamusta sa bagong school mo?”

He chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “Would you believe me if I say that I became a student council officer?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, nangunot ang noo, at napanganga. Dinuro ko pa siya sa hindi makapaniwalang paraan.

“Ikaw?” Humagalpak ako ng tawa, may pahampas-hampas pa sa counter. “Kaya ka nga lumipat ng school kasi may binugbog ka sa dati mong school. Tapos ngayon SCO ka? Gago!”

“Totoo nga!” Inambahan niya ako ng hampas kaya matik akong napaatras.

Kapag dumapo pa naman ang palad nito, matik Hospital ka agad.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me, Unique,” I murmured in disbelief. “Hindi ba nila alam ang background mo sa kabilang school? ’Di ba bawal mahalal sa ganyan kapag may bayolente kang violations sa previous university mo?”

“Kaya nga! Nagmala-Ant man nga ako, dumaan ako sa butas ng karayom para lang matakasan ’yang student council pero naknang teteng!” Napasabunot siya sa buhok. “Yung presidente kasi ng punyetang council na ’yan, siya ang dahilan kung bakit ako nasa pwesto. Bubugbugin ko na nga sana kaso gagi, ang pogi!”

Iiling-iling ko siyang pinagmasdan nang magsimula siyang kiligin na parang bulateng nilagyan ng asin.

Nabading na naman.

Wala talaga sa ugali niya ’yang kabadingan. Noong una ko siyang nakilala, hindi ko alam. Sa itsura niya, oo.

Unique’s just like my brother, Santi. They both possessed feminine features similar of a woman’s. Sila ang definition ng tinatawag na “pretty boy”. Totoong hindi sila mukhang lalaki, mukha silang mga babae na nagpagupit lang.

Si Santi nga lang, feminine din ang galaw at ugali. Itong si Unique… ewan ko, balasubas ang bibig at walang preno.

He’s one of my friends outside my college circle.

We met each other when I was 7, it was during the time that I tried to join a mixed martial arts class. I was the weakest link because I literally had no background with anything.

Si Unique ang pinakamagaling sa klase no’n. Walang nananalo sa kaniya pagdating sa sparring. Kulang na lang, maging mentor din siya. Pero hindi ’yan mayabang. He even befriended me. Kaso lang, nung naging kaibigan ko, nabingi ako sa kabalastugan ng mga sinasabi.

Walang preno ang bibig, parang siga sa daan, ang dami pang sinasabi.

“Ang kapal ng kilay, laging nakasalamin, masungit. Crush ko na siya! Babalikuin ko para kapag pagod na kami sa school, iki-kiss niya ako— Aray ko naman, gago!” Napakamot siya sa ulo nang magawa ko siyang hampasin. Hindi nakailag, busy kiligin, eh.

“Hindi ka nakailag ’no? Kalandian mo kasi,” sabi ko sa kaniya.

“Tama nga ’yung nakita ko sa Tiktok.” Hinimas niya ang ulong nasaktan. “Strong people’s downfall is being in love. Sa sitwasyon ko, parang totoo. Pero crush ko pa lang naman siya. Ang pogi kasi talaga! Kapag naging kami ipapakilala ko sa ’yo tapos kapag naghiwalay na kami, iba-ban mo siya rito sa restaurant mo tapos—”

“Unique, ang daldal, takte.”

“Anong gusto mo, madaldal ako o ’yung binubugbog kita?” naniningkit ang mga matang tanong niya.

“Yung lumayas ka na,” sagot ko.

“Fake friend, amputa.” He jokingly slapped my arm that I wasn’t able to dodge.

Napanganga ako sa sakit ng hampas niya. Kalambot-lambot ng itsura pero grabe ang bigat ng kamay! Lalo na ’yung sipa niyan, tatalsik ka talaga.

“Punta ka sa opening, ha. Papakilala ko sa ’yo kapatid ko.”

He smiled and raised his eyebrows. “Excited na akong makilala kapatid mo. Sabi mo, kamukha ko. Tuturuan ko siya paano manuntok ng— Joke lang.”

Sa sobrang sama ng tingin ko, nanahimik na lang siya.

There’s no way Santi would learn from him. Ni hindi nga makapatay ng ipis ’yon. Manuntok pa kaya?

“Alis na ’ko, Matt!”

“Gege, ingat.”

Hinatid ko pa siya hanggang sa labas ng restaurant. I watched him as he rode his big bike parked in front of the establishment. Bago niya isuot ang helmet, kumaway-kaway pa siya bago ako pakyuhan.

Tarantado talaga.

Ang itsura, Santi. Ang ugali, walang katulad. Siya lang ’yung ganyan.

Hindi rin naman siya takot mapaaway. Lahat ng bumabangga diyan, nababalian. Kaya hindi ko na siya kailangang pangaralan, bahala na siya sa buhay niya.

Kailan kaya ’yan makakahanap ng katapat?

Saint

“Darling, eat this. These are authentic mooncake that I bought from China!” tita Freya excitedly said while offering me the box of pastry.

Nahihiya at namumula akong ngumiti sa kaniya bago kuhanin ang box ng mooncake.

“Kanina mo pa siya pinapakain ng sweets, hon. Baka naman maumay na ’yan si Santi,” mahinahong sabi sa kaniya ni tita Lilienne.

And yes! I’m currently in kuya Elias’ house because his mothers dropped by on our condo to pick me up.

Kauuwi lang din pala nila tita galing sa bakasyon nila sa China. And the first thing they did was to pick me up so they could show me the things they bought for me!

At totoo ang sinasabi ni tita Lilienne, pang-ilang pastry ko na ’to dahil sobrang dami nilang binili na desserts para sa akin.

“Oh, sorry, darling.” Hinaplos ni tita Freya ang buhok ko at matamis akong nginitian. “Ganito na lang, iuwi mo na lang ’to tapos kainin mo mamaya once you’re home, okay? I’ll pack this box for you including the other pastries.”

I gave her a genuine smile to show my appreciation. Natuwa naman siya sa ngiti ko kaya hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi.

My heart almost melted from tita Freya’s gesture. It was as if I felt a mother’s kiss for the first time.

“Love, look at this.” Si Tita Lilienne naman ang kumuha ng atensyon ko. She showed me a cute stuffed toy of Toothless. “It’s so cute, right? I thought of you when I saw this so I insantly bought it.”

Excited kong tinanggap ang stuffed toy at tuwang-tuwa na niyakap ’yon.

I heard how both of them giggled because of my reaction. Para tuloy nila akong anak na binilhan nila ng pasalubong.

“You’re so cute, darling!” Tita Freya hugged me from my side and even poked my cheek. “Para ka talagang baby pa! I’m really hoping we can just adopt you na lang!”

“Hon.” Pinanlakihan siya ng mga mata ni tita Lilienne. “Santi’s gonna be our son in the future. We don’t have to adopt him.”

Napapalakpak si tita Freya. “Omg, right! Nandyan nga pala si Elias! Kapag narinig na naman niyang aampunin kita, magagalit na naman ’yon.”

I typed on my cellphone and showed it to them.

Kuya Elias is here po?

Nagkatinginan sila ni tita Lilienne nang mabasa ang sinulat ko.

“I don’t think so. Baka nag-aaral siya,” sagot ni tita Freya.

I sadly nodded my head and pouted my lips, disappointed that kuya Elias’ not here. Gusto ko pa naman sana siyang makita.

But it’s fine! His mothers are here so I’m very contented that I’m with them. Ang dami ko na ngang suot na pink stuff dahil sa mga regalo at pasalubong nila.

“So, love, how are you and Elias?”

I looked at tita Lilienne when she suddenly asked that question.

She seemed to notice that I’m staring at her with confusion, so she spoke again.

“Is Elias treating you well?” Tumango naman agad ako. “Perfect. And are you okay with Elias being around?”

Tango lang ako nang tango.

“So… how do you see Elias?”

I was frozen on my seat when she asked that question. What did she mean by that? And how should I answer?

Nag-type ulit ako sa cellphone.

He’s my brother po. Just like kuya Matt and my other kuyas.

Kahit labag sa kalooban ko, ’yon pa rin ang sinulat ko. I didn’t want them knowing that I like kuya Elias.

I’m afraid they’d look at me differently. They wanted to adopt me and have me as their son, tapos malalaman nilang gusto ko ang totoong anak nila? They’d surely throw me out.

“Is that so?” Parang disappointed ang ekspresyon ni tita Freya. “Sure ka, darling? ’Yon lang? Alam mo si Elias, napakabait niyang bata. He never played around with women’s feelings. He’s a study freak, we never pressured him to be a genius but it just came naturally, you know? He’s also a gentleman. Very! He always takes care of Penelope, he always take cares of us. He is also very generous to his friends. He’s just a good man!”

I kept on nodding my head while tita Freya was listing all the good things about kuya Elias. I agreed with everything she said.

But a part of me was wondering why I had to hear all of these. Because I’m very aware of kuya Elias’ character. Iba lang kapag galing mismo kila tita kasi parang…

Ano ngang tawag nila doon?

Ah!

Parang pinapabango nila si kuya Elias sa akin, gano’n!

Or maybe because they wanted to adopt me and they wanted me to know kuya Elias’ character because he’s going to be my brother? Was that it?

“What are you guys chatting about?”

My eyes widened and was frozen on my seat when I heard that voice from the staircase.

“Omg! Elias, my dear son! Nandyan ka pala!” tita Freya laughed before looking at me. “We thought you were studying in school!”

I glanced at kuya Elias’ direction and was immediately stunned when I saw him.

Sobrang gwapo niya.

It wasn’t my first time seeing him without the uniform. But it’s my first time seeing him when he just came straight out of shower.

He was wearing a black compression shirt and a gray pants. Basa pa ang buhok niya na pinupunasan niya ng white na towel. His muscular body was more emphasized because of the compression shirt. Parang puputok na ang mga braso niya anumang oras.

I never thought he was this big. The uniform’s not doing him justice.

“Well, I came down because you guys were loud.”

Kuya Elias sat beside me. Naamoy ko agad ang pabango niya.

He ignored his mothers and looked straight in my eyes before smiling. “Hi, baby. Didn’t know you’re here.”

“Ay!”

Napalingon ako kay tita Freya nang bigla siyang tumili. Tita Lilienne hid her from us before flashing a smile. “Sorry ’bout that. You guys continue talking. Sa kusina lang kami.”

Tita Lilienne pulled tita Freya to stand up. Si tita Freya naman, namumulang tumingin sa amin at kumindat pa kay kuya Elias. She even gave a ‘goodluck’ signal to kuya Elias which made me wonder even more.

“Santi?”

I turned to kuya Elias when he called me. Ngumiti naman siya nang makasalubong ang mga mata ko.

He raised his arm and poked my cheek. “Why are you wearing those stuff?”

Tinutukoy niya siguro ang pink cat ear headband na sinuot sa akin ni tita Freya. Pati ang pink clips na sinuot din ni tita Lilienne sa buhok ko.

I reached out for them to attempt removing them, but he immediately stopped my hand.

“I didn’t tell you to remove them.” He squeezed my hand gently. “They look pretty on you.”

I watched him as he picked up more cute hair clips from the table. Enjoy na enjoy niyang nilagay ang mga clip sa buhok ko na hindi pa natatakpan ng clips.

“[I thought you weren’t here.]” I signed to him when he was looking.

Inalis niya ang tingin at pinagdiskitahan naman ang palad ko. He grabbed the box containing the rings and picked each one of them. Isa-isa niyang sinuot ang mga pink na singsing sa mga daliri ko.

“Why? Where else would I be?” he asked.

“[Sabi nila tita, nag-aaral ka raw.]”

He smiled as he looked down to see the rings he wore on my fingers. His thumb carefully brushed against my pink knuckles. “Pink really suits you, Santi.”

Everyone said that.

“My mothers bought these stuff for you?”

Parehas kaming napatingin sa table na punong-puno ng mga pastry at mga accessory. ’Yung iba ngang box, nasa carpet na dahil hindi na kasya sa lamesa.

Tumango ako kay kuya Elias pero tinawanan niya lang ako.

“[Why are you laughing?]”

He shook his head. “Nothing. That explains why they went to China with three luggages, and came back with five luggages.”

I blushed when I heard that. My heart softened when the thought of tita Freya and tita Lilienne buying these things for me during their trip popped my mind.

“Have you eaten?” malambing na tanong ni kuya Elias.

Tinuro ko naman ang mga balat ng pastry na pinakain nila tita sa akin. “[I’m so full. I ate cheesecake, some types of breads, and everything!]”

“Pagagalitan ako ng kuya mo, puro matatamis ’yan.”

“[Minsan lang naman.]”

He let out a chuckle as he caressed my hair. “Alright, he doesn’t have to know, hmm?”

I smiled as I nodded my head. Nginitian niya rin ako at mas hinaplos pa ang buhok ko.

“Kuya Santi!”

My excitement grew even more when I saw Penelope. Nasa likuran niya si tita Freya na kusa siyang dinala sa amin.

Penelope sat on my lap and looked at tita Freya. Si tita Freya naman, kinindatan si Penelope na para bang may pinapahiwatig bago siya bumalik sa kusina.

What’s with tita Freya and her constant winking?

“Kuya Santi! Why are you here?” natutuwang sabi ni Penelope bago panggigilan ang pisngi ko. “Cute!”

“Moms brought him here,” kuya Elias’ the one who answered for me.

“Really?!” Natutuwang tumingin si Penelope sa mga nasa lamesa bago ibaling ang tingin sa akin. “Mommies brought similar pasalubongs for me! Same tayo, kuya Santi! You are so beautiful and cute with pink! Me too, right?!”

I happily nodded my head to agree with her.

“Kuya Santi, where’s your other friends?” she asked again.

Lumingon ako kay kuya Elias.

“They’re not here. Only Santi.”

“Oh.” Penelope glanced at the kitchen’s direction so I looked as well. Nakita ko sila tita Freya at tita Lilienne na nakasilip. Si tita Freya, sinenyasan pa si Penelope ng kung anong senyas. “So, kuya Santi…”

My eyes flashed a curious look when Penelope turned to me again.

“You came here alone, without the other guys. Are you…”

She looked hesitant with what she’s about to say. But whenever her eyes landed on tita Freya, she’s gain confidence.

“Are you kuya Elias’ boyfriend?!”

Otomatikong nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang tanong niya. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pag-init ng mga pisngi ko, pati na ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

I also heard tita Freya and tita Lilienne giggling from their spot. And kuya Elias… he didn’t say anything but I could hear his chuckle.

Anong sasabihin ko? How would I even respond if I cannot speak?

Si kuya Elias lang naman ang pwedeng sumagot kay Penelope. Hindi nga ako makatingin kay kuya Elias, paano ko naman ipapa-translate sa kaniya ang gusto kong isagot kay Penelope?

“Penelope.” Kuya Elias took Penelope from me. “Don’t you have a tutor 15 minutes from now? You should prepare your modules.”

“Okay!” Penelope smiled sweetly as she waved her hand on me. “Bye, kuya Santi! My brother’s boyfriend!”

Gusto ko pa sana siyang ilingan pero hindi ko na nagawa dahil dire-diretsyo na siyang tumakbo paalis. Humahagikhik pa siya papunta sa kusina nila.

“Mommy! I said what you wanted me to ask—”

“Penelope, come here, baby. Let’s go to your room!”

I wasn’t able to comprehend their conversation from the kitchen that I could hear. Hanggang ngayon, palaisipan pa rin sa akin ang tanong ni Penelope.

Even kuya Elias’ reaction made me wonder.

He didn’t deny. He didn’t even explain the truth to Penelope.

—

For anyone who’s wondering, Unique’s gonna be the main character for the next book in this series, hehe.

Chapter 13

Tight Lipped XIII

Saint

Buryong-buryo akong nagsasagot ng mga school works habang nakatambay sa restaurant ni kuya Matthew. Gusto ko sanang tumulong pero hindi niya ako pinayagan, mas mabuti raw kung tapusin ko lahat ng assignments ko.

Ayoko rin namang umuwi. Kaya napilitan siyang dito na lang ako patambayin.

“You okay there, bunny?” tanong ni kuya Matthew na busy din sa pagtulong sa mga staff niya sa restaurant.

I smiled at him as I nodded my head. “[Almost done with my assignments.]”

“Good.” He smiled and gave my head a pat which made me smile.

It’s been three days since he opened his own restaurant and since I found out.

Noong una kong malaman, naka-blindfold pa ako no’n dahil sabi nila kuya Yohan ay may surprise daw sila para sa akin. But the moment they removed the blindfold around my eyes, kuya Matthew’s restaurant welcomed my sight.

And the most touching part about it? He named it after me. S aint Nobelty

.

At first, when I found out— of course I was happy for him. I was smiling all through out that day. I showed him my most genuine smile, I helped around when a lot of people came in for the opening.

Buong araw, nakangiti lang ako at masaya para sa kaniya. I was happy because I never thought he was capable of building a business for his own, without our parents’ help.

But when we went home that night, I cried in my bedroom. It wasn’t a cry of sadness or envy. I cried because I was so proud and happy for him.

Kuya Matthew must have not noticed it, I guess he was not confident enough that I, do, see him as the best brother. Pero sa lahat ng ginagawa niya, sobrang proud na proud ako sa kaniya.

Alam ko naman kung bakit niya pangarap na magkaroon ng sariling business. Gusto niyang bumukod kami kila mommy at daddy. Gusto niyang buhayin ako na hindi nakadepende sa kanila. Gusto niyang bumuo ng sariling pangarap na hindi kailangan ng opinyon ng mga magulang namin.

Kuya Matthew’s dream was to take culinary program. But he was forced to take medtech because mom and dad obliged him to take it. They even used me to convince kuya Matthew.

Sabi nila, wala raw magiging future si kuya Matthew sa culinary field. Hindi raw ako maaalagaan. Mas may future daw siya kapag nasa medical field siya, katulad ng pangarap ni dad. Lahat ng rason ginamit nila, pinaka ang pangalan ko para lang lalong ipitin si kuya Matt.

My hate for them deepened as I realized how badly they ruined the both of us. They ruined my mental health. They ruined kuya Matthew’s dreams. Sila ang nagsisiksik sa utak ni kuya Matt na dapat ako ang gawin niyang mundo.

They said they knew what’s best for us. They knew I’d be better if I socialize with other people, but they’re the reason why I wasn’t confident doing that. They said it’d be better for kuya Matthew to take a field where he’s sure he’s going to have a career, but kuya Matthew never wanted to be in the medical field.

And I lied kila kuya Yohan. I didn’t take Nutrition and Dietetics to follow kuya Matthew in the medical field, I took it to follow kuya Matthew in culinary field.

Because I always knew he’s going to succeed in life. And I’d end up coming along wherever life takes him.

Ang laki sigurong sampal sa mga mukha ng magulang namin kapag nalaman nilang may sarili ng negosyo ang kapatid ko.

Kaya iyak ako nang iyak sa kwarto ko noong gabi na ’yon. I was beyond proud and happy for kuya Matthew. Dahil buong buhay niya, lahat ng ginagawa niya lagi na lang para sa akin.

But now? He managed to build something for his own, for his dreams.

And I hope everything would work out well. Because I wanted him to prove our parents wrong.

Because how do you call your parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ if they were the first people to make you feel insecure and depressed?

How do we name the pain of a child being betrayed by his parents? How do we call that kind of trauma?

“Unique!”

I was brought back from my deep thoughts when I heard kuya Matthew’s voice. He was calling someone from the entrance.

My eyes narrowed in curiosity when I saw a guy, wearing a black leather jacket on top of his uniform, entered the restaurant.

Hindi pa siya nakakalapit sa amin nang mabangga siya ng isang batang tumatakbo. I saw how he mouthed sorry to the little kid who stopped on his track, but later on went back to running.

Kids are kids. But I didn’t like that he was running around like that, lalo na dahil may dala-dalang food ang mga server ni kuya Matthew.

Mamaya may kung ano pang mangyari.

“Sorry na, Matt. Hindi ako nakapunta ng opening mo.”

My eyes were glued to the guy who just arrived. I assumed he’s kuya Matthew’s friend because of their casual conversation.

Tumayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko para makita ang mukha niya. And when I saw his face, I was immediately stunned.

Wow.

He’s a guy, but he’s so pretty!

Since I stepped in college, I was the one who kept on hearing the words “you’re so pretty for a guy”. Pero ngayon, first time kong magandahan din sa kapwa lalaki.

Like me, kuya Matthew’s unknown friend was really really pretty! His face was so small, his eyes were hazel brown, his lips were also naturally pink and they’re very plump, saktong makapal din ang mga kilay niya, matangos ang ilong, at maputi rin siya!

Kapag pinagtabi siguro kami, mapagkakamalan kaming magkapatid. Baka mapagkamalan pa na si kuya Matthew ang kaibigan ko.

“Ayos lang, I know you’re gonna be busy with your council state,” kuya Matthew said as sarcasm in his voice popped at the end. “By the way, since you missed the opening day. Sakto, nandito kapatid ko.”

I blushed instantly when kuya Matthew gently as we stood in front of his pretty friend. “Bunny, this is my friend, Unique. Unique, this is my little brother, Santi.”

“So pretty! Tama ang kuya mo, magkamukha nga tayo.” His friend chuckled after saying that.

Nahihiya ko siyang kinayawan, natatameme pa rin kasi ang gandang lalaki talaga niya.

“I’m Unique Taneo.” He took my hand and shook it lightly. “Don’t worry, I know your situation. It’s nice to finally meet you, cutie. I’ve heard a lot of things about you from your brother.”

Even the way he spoke was pretty to me. Ang ganda-ganda talaga niya.

“[Tell him I’m glad to meet him as well, and tell him that he’s so pretty.]” I signed to kuya Matthew.

He delivered it to Unique, word by word.

“Thank you.” Ngumiti ang kaibigan ni kuya at pinisil pa ang kamay ko. “Galing kang school? Ang alam ko, kaka-college mo pa lang?”

I nodded my head enthusiastically.

“Good luck. Huwag kang magpapa-bully. Hoy, Matt, sabihin mo sa akin kapag may nam-bully rito. Babalian ko ng buto mula bungo hanggang hinlalaki sa paa.”

The only difference between the two of us was his character. He was blunt, straight forward, and he’s semi-masculine. May pagka-siga ang boses niya, pati ang galaw at pananamit niya. Siya ’yung tipo na hindi mo pwedeng banggain sa daan kasi paplakda ka na lang bigla.

I don’t know. He’s giving that vibes. But I liked him even more because of that!

“Ano ka?” Inakbayan ako ni kuya Matthew. “Walang pwedeng mam-bully diyan. Sa akin muna dadaan bago ko ipabugbog sa ’yo.”

“Dapat lang. Ako lang ang pwedeng makatakas sa pambubugbog. Money talks,” ngisi-ngising sagot ni Unique.

“So, bakit nga wala ka sa opening ng resto ko, ha?”

Unique looked guilty all of a sudden. “Naaalala mo ’yung kinukwento kong president ng councils? Siya, siya ang sisihin mo. Kasama ko nga ’yon ngayon, nandoon lang sa kotse, ayaw lumabas. Kung hindi lang siya pogi, matagal ko na siyang dinala sa Hospi—”

Tumingin muna sa akin si Unique bago ngumiti.

“Matagal ko na siyang dinala sa simbahan, para mangumpisal.”

Iba naman ’yung sasabihin niya dapat, eh.

I let the two of them talk for a while as I turned to a tray of food on the counter. At dahil busy si kuya Matt, ako na lang muna ang magdadala non sa isang table.

I picked up the tray of food and was about to bring it to the respective table when I bumped into something.

Natataranta kong iniwas ang mainit na soup sa batang nakabangga sa akin at napilitang ibuntong sa akin ang bagsak.

I immediately panicked when the hot soup burned my hand. Nalaglag sa sahig ang bowl pati ang tray, kaya nakuha namin ang atensyon ng lahat sa loob ng restaurant.

“Santi!”

Kuya Matthew hurriedly ran towards me. I looked at him with tears forming around my eyes, feeling the pain from the burn and feeling sorry for the inconvenience.

“Omg! Son, are you alright?!”

A sophisticated woman approached our direction. She crouched down to level herself with her kid who bumped into me.

“What the fuck?! Muntik pang mapaso ang anak ko sa kapabayaan ng staff ninyo!” galit na galit na sigaw ng babae habang nakatingin sa akin.

“Kapabayaan?” kuya Matthew stepped forward, the anger in his voice was very evident. “Your son kept running around since you stepped inside my restaurant. I heard how some of my staff calmly told him to stay put, I’m pretty sure you heard that as well. Pero mawalang galang na po, wala ka namang ginagawa kanina pa. You didn’t warn your son nor disciplined him to stop running around where food’s constantly being picked up by my servers.”

My tears kept on pouring down as I tried to stop kuya Matthew from defending me. Lalala lang ang sitwasyon at baka kung ano pang mangyari sa restaurant niya.

I just wanted to help. But I just brought inconvenience to kuya Matthew.

“How dare you dictate me about my son?! You don’t give a single fuck on how I discipline my own kid! At ikaw!” The lady turned to me and pointed at me harshly. “You’re so fucking careless! You should’ve been mindful because you knew there’s a kid! Muntik pang mapaso ang anak ko dahil sa kapabayaan mo!”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko kasabay ng pagsinghap ng ilang mga tao sa restaurant nang biglang mapaupo ang babae sa sahig.

I turned to look at the person who pushed her and saw Unique.

“There. You can now speak bullshit since you were harmed. Hindi ’yung maninigaw ka ng tao dahil sa kapabayaan mo at sa kakulitan ng anak mo,” he coldly said to the woman.

The woman stood up angrily. She was about to hit Unique but Unique was able to dodged her hand. Bumagsak ulit ang babae sa sahig nang walang ka-effort effort siyang tinulak ni Unique.

“There, second offense. But I doubt you can use that against me when you also tried to hit me.”

Unique crouched down to level himself with the lady. “Do you fucking realize that this is a restaurant? And look at this…”

Unique carefully grabbed my hand that was burned. “Sinong napaso? ’Yung bata, o ’yung kaibigan ko? ’Yung kaibigan ko, ’di ba? Do you see any wounds on your child? Kung meron, malamang sa kakatakbo niya ’yan. Na hindi mo naman pinapahinto kahit naririnig mo ’yung mga server na kanina pa pinapahinto ’yang anak mo.”

His voice was ice cold, he was so confident with his words that I was just staring at him the whole time.

“Don’t go around talking bullshits to other people when it’s your child who’s at fault. Your child would forget about this but you wouldn’t be able to since it’s you who lacked in imposing proper discipline to your child. Kung gusto mong magreklamo dahil sa nangyari dito sa loob, sure you can.” Unique took out a card from his pocket and dropped it in front of the lady. “Mag-file ka ng kaso, ibabalik ko sa ’yo. It’s impossible you haven’t heard of Taneo Law Firm, my clan can turn things around. And everyone inside this restaurant is a witness. They knew that your child kept on running around since earlier. They knew that you’re the first one who spoke harshly to someone who was burned.”

The lady, embarrassed of the truth, grabbed her son as they both walked out from our restaurant.

Unique stood up again and smiled at me. His cold expression from earlier was instantly replaced by a sweet demeanor.

“You okay?”

Wow.

He’s amazing.

“Bunny, let me see.” Nag-aalalang hinawakan ni kuya Matthew ang kamay kong napaso. Napamura siya nang makita kung gaano kapula ’yon. “Tangina naman. Ni hindi nga kita hinahayaang magasgasan. Putangina.”

Unique tapped my brother’s shoulder. “Calm down, Matt. Gamutin mo na ’yan sa loob.”

“Unique, what the hell’s taking you so long?”

Sabay kaming napatingin nang may lumapit na lalaki sa amin. Partikular kay Unique.

I almost forgot about my burn when I saw the man’s face.

Grabe, ang gwapo! Parang ’yung mga nakikita kong Kpop Idol sa TV!

He was wearing the same uniform as Unique. His thick eyebrows were so noticeable. Malaki rin ang katawan niya kumpara kay Unique. May suot na salamin. At mukhang… masungit!

Mukha siyang bampira sa puti. I think both him and Unique have the same complexion. And seeing them beside each other felt as if the heaven’s blessing me with visuals.

Magkaibigan ba sila? Sana hindi!

Sana sila!

“Kalma lang, babycakes.” Unique slapped the man’s arm and smiled. “Napaaway lang. Alam mo naman, kahit saan ako mapunta lagi na lang may action scene—”

“Ang daldal mo. Who was it?”

Wow, bagay sila.

And Unique also called the guy with an endearment. So sila nga?!

“Wala. Babae, maingay, eskandalosa. Okay na, pinaiyak ko na.” Lumingon sa amin si Unique at ngumiti. “Matt, take care of Santi’s burn. I’ll get going first.”

“Thank you, Unique. Come back when you’re not busy so I can cook for you,” mahinahong sabi ni kuya Matthew.

He was about to tap Unique’s shoulder when the other guy with thick eyebrows shoved kuya Matthew’s hand.

“You don’t have to touch him.”

Hala!

Ang sungit!

“Ano ba?! Kaibigan ko ’yan, gago!” gigil na bulong ni Unique sa lalaki bago ito sikuhin sa tiyan. “Subukan mo ulit gawin ’yan, bibigwasan kita sa panga— Joke lang.”

Grabe, bagay silang dalawa kasi parehas silang nakakatakot.

“Matt, una na kami! Santi, see you again soon!”

I waved my unharmed hand to Unique as he pulled the other guy away. Tanaw-tanaw ko sila habang papaalis sila, namamangha pa rin sa mga nangyari.

“Bunny, ayos ka lang?” nag-aalalang tanong ni kuya nang madala niya ako sa kitchen area para gamutin ang nasaktan kong kamay.

I nodded my head as I kept my smile, forcing myself to show him that I wasn’t that hurt.

“Sure?” He looked so guilty and apologetic. Parang anumang oras, iiyak na siya habang nilalagyan ng ointment ang paso ko. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to look after you. I’m really sorry.”

“[It’s okay. I wasn’t hurt that much. Besides, your friend was amazing!]” I signed to him using my dominant hand that wasn’t hurt.

“He is.” Kuya Matthew chuckled behind his frowning face. “Unique’s my defender back when I was 14 too. Hindi mo rin ba siya tanda? He was the one who defended you against the bully that you once told me about. Remember? When you were a kid?”

Omg!

That’s Unique?! ’Yung kinwento ko kay kuya Elias na naging crush ko saglit?

I didn’t know that it was him!

“[The one who threw mud on the bully?]” I confirmed.

Tumawa si kuya Matthew at tumango. “’Di ba? Bata pa lang ’yon barumbado na. He’s not really a fan of injustice ever since he was a kid. Might be because he grew up in a clan full of lawyers. Their clan, Taneo, is filled with top lawyers in the country.”

Mas lalo lang tuloy akong namangha. That explained why Unique was so confident a while ago, he knew what’s right or wrong. He knew who’s at fault, and he knew what to do to put bad people in place.

He’s a baddass!

I like him even more now! Mas lalong gusto ko siyang maging kaibigan.

I wanted to learn from him how to defend myself from bullies, or generally from bad people. Sobrang astig talaga niya kasi kanina.

Kahit nga magkasing katawan lang kami, ang lakas niya. Dalawang beses niyang pinaplakda sa sahig ’yung mataray na babae kanina.

“[Who’s the man who shoved your hand?]” kuryosong tanong ko.

He shrugged his shoulders as he blew air on my hand. “He spoke about the president of the councils he was elected in. Maybe that’s him. Nakasalamin ’saka makapal ang kilay, eh. ’Yon din ang kwento niya. Baka ’yon nga.”

“[They’re so cool, you know? I mean, if you put them beside each other, it feels like no one can ridicule any of them.]”

Tumawa si kuya Matthew. “Well, Unique belongs to a powerful clan. No one can really ridicule him. I don’t know about the other guy but he seems to be the part, so… who knows?”

Well, if anything, they’re just amazing in general. Lalo na kapag pinagtabi silang dalawa. Bagay na bagay!

—

Will you believe me if I say that the book 2 under this series (Unique’s the mc) will be really really different compared to Tight Lipped?

Because I swear it’s going to be a rollercoaster ride with the semi-action scenes. Tight Lipped’s a cutesy but Unique’s story is the exact opposite. And Unique’s mouth will also be insufferable 😭

Chapter 14

Tight Lipped XIV

Saint

I knew the expression on my face right now was nothing but curiosity. My eyes kept roaming around the gym, looking at the gym equipment and quite overstimulated with their looks.

Nakakatakot lahat. Parang mga machine!

It’s my first time seeing and going to gym in person. If it wasn’t for kuya Matthew and my other kuyas, I probably won’t be here.

Sa liit at lambot ng katawan ko, walang ka-muscle muscle! Siguro kapag sinubukan kong magbuhat ng barbel, ako pa ’yung babagsak.

I had no choice but to come with them because the other kuyas insisted to bring me with them. Pumayag naman ako, curious din kasi ako! Hehe .

“Panget, sure ka hindi ka mabo-bore ha?” Pinaningkitan ako ng mga mata ni kuya Matthew.

I shook my head. “[I’ll just watch you guys.]”

“Santi, baby!” kuya Lukas excitedly walked towards me. “You can go to the treadmill habang nanonood ka Tiktok. Or you can play in my tablet, I brought my Ipad with me!”

I widely smiled at him as I nodded my head. Tuwang-tuwa naman niyang inabot ang Ipad niya sa akin na tinanggap ko rin kaagad.

“What are you guys doing here?”

My eyes widened as I turned to look at the person who spoke in front of us.

It was kuya Elias!

Sabi nila kuya Matthew, nandito raw si kuya Elias. Syempre, siya may-ari nito, eh.

It became their personal gym na raw. Kusang sinasarado ni kuya Elias ang gym niya tuwing Sunday ng hapon para kila kuya Matthew.

“Nag-text kami, pre! Sabi namin pupunta kami!” sabi ni kuya Yohan.

“I know. I saw it. Ang aga n’yo kasi,” sabi ni kuya Elias.

His eyes landed on me and he looked surprised to see me. I hugged kuya Lukas’ Ipad even tighter when he didn’t remove his eyes on me.

“Why did you bring Santi?”

Ayaw niya bang nandito ako?

“Mabo-bored ’yan dito. Mga sira ulo talaga kayo.”

I smiled when he added that. Akala ko ayaw niyang nandito ako!

“Eh ayoko ring iwan sa condo mag-isa, eh. Reklamador pa naman ’yan, lalo na kapag nagutom,” katwiran ni kuya Matt.

“I’m done lifting, I’ll take care of him. Do your own thing,” sabi ni kuya Elias sa kanila.

Kanya-kanyang kaway sila kuya Jaden sa akin bago sila maglakad papunta sa mga gym equipment.

“Santi, come with me.” Nakangiti akong hinawakan ni kuya Elias sa balikat para kuhanin ang atensyon ko. He also took kuya Lukas’ tablet from me and carried it for me. “You’re gonna be bored waiting for them, they have to do heavy liftings.”

“[What about you? You’re not gonna work out?” I asked him.

Oh.

I now realized why he carried the Ipad for me. So I could sign.

“I’m actually done, baby. Bago pa kayo dumating.” Nginitian niya ulit ako. “I’ll just shower quickly and we’ll go out after, hmm?”

I obediently nodded my head as I followed him towards the locker area. Pinaupo niya ako sa sofa na bakante bago iabot sa akin ang Ipad ni kuya Lukas.

“Maglaro ka muna. Mabilis lang ako.”

Ginulo niya pa ang buhok ko bago siya dire-diretsyong pumasok sa shower area bitbit ang bag.

Dahil wala akong magawa, binuksan ko na lang ang Ipad ni kuya Lukas na pangalan ko pa ang password.

I instantly opened the Roblox app and began looking for my favorite game.

Ngiting-ngiti ako nang mahanap ang Dress to Impress na laro. I excitedly entered the game.

Nakanguso lang ako habang naglalaro, tuwang-tuwa tuwing lumalabas ang theme sa taas at excited na pumipili ng outfit para sa model ko.

I also kept on giggling when I’m doing the model’s make-up. I loved making her beautiful and I loved dressing her up.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto kong nilalaro ang Dress to Impress. Pero alam kong masyado na akong nawili dahil nakita ko na lang ang sarili na nakahiga na sa sofa.

Nakatagilid ang higa ko kaya nakatalikod ako sa direksyon ng shower area. I also removed my shoes a while ago para hindi madumihan ang sofa. Tanging medyas na lang ang suot ko na regalo pa nila tita Freya.

I mouthed ‘yes’ when I won again after having a hard time on the rockstar theme. I placed first on the podium! I was so hooked with the game because I kept on placing first.

Nawala lang ako sa pokus nang maramdaman na may sumundot sa kanan kong pisngi. Narinig ko rin ang tawa ni kuya Elias kaya napalingon ako sa kaniya.

Ang gwapo…

“God… You’re so fucking cute.” Tumatawa niyang pinisil ang pisngi ko. “Bakit nakahiga ka na diyan?”

“[I’m playing.]”

Dumapa ako sa sofa para mas lalong makapag-focus sa round. This time, the theme was Statue. May naisip na agad ako na outfit kaya tutok na tutok ako sa paghahanap ng mga damit.

“Fuck, you’re so adorable, Santi.” Rinig ko pa rin ang tawa ni kuya Elias mula sa gilid ko. He grabbed a chair from the side and places it beside me. Umupo siya ro’n habang tinutuyo ng towel ang basa niyang buhok. “What are you playing?”

I paused the game for a while and showed him the name of the game. Tumango-tango naman siya.

“Dress to Impress. So it’s like a make-over game? Or like a fashion show?”

I nodded as an answer.

Inis kong inambahan ng suntok ang screen nang may humarang na isang player sa screen ko. Nakakainis!

Idagdag pa ang tawa ni kuya Elias. Hindi ko alam bakit kanina pa siya tumatawa.

“God, what would I do with you?”

I felt his hand on the back of my waist as he leaned forward to watch my screen. He looked intrigued with the outfit I was going for.

“That’s the theme, right? ’Yung nasa taas?”

Tumango na naman ako.

“Your outfit looks amazing, baby. You’re great at this game.”

Hindi ko siya pinansin dahil nagsimula na ang botohan.

“Oh, it’s a voting game as well?” he murmured from the side.

Binigyan ko lahat ng kalaban ng one star. Kahit maganda ’yung outfit ng iba, one star lang ang binibigay ko. Kapag sobrang ganda, pinakamataas ko nang binibigay ’yung two stars.

“They looked good, why are you giving them one to two stars?”

I turned to kuya Elias. “[Because they will win if I give them higher stars.]”

He laughed again when he got my response. Napatakip na ang isa niyang kamay sa mukha, namumula na rin siya nang kaonti kakatawa niya kanina pa.

Dahil distracted ako sa gwapo niyang itsura habang tumatawa, hindi ko na tuloy nabigyan ng poses ’yung model ko noong turn ko.

The voting ended and I placed second on the podium.

I shut down kuya Lukas’ tablet in instant because of the results.

Madaya! I should be in the first place! Mas maganda ’yung outfit ko kesa doon sa nanalo!

“Oh, laro lang ’yan,” pagpapakalma ni kuya Elias sa akin. “Do you want to eat something delicious instead? There’s a cafe downstairs. I’m sure you’ll like their food and coffee there.”

I shook my head and glanced at kuya Matt and other kuyas’ direction. “[What about them?]”

“Hayaan mo sila. Dalawang oras pa sila matatapos. That’s why I was wondering why they brought you here. Mabuburyo ka lang dito.”

“[Well, good thing you’re here!]” I replied to him and gave him a smile.

Napangiti rin siya bago guluhin ang buhok ko. His hand dropped to my hand and held it gently. “Come on, let’s eat first.”

“[I’m not really that hungry yet. ’Saka papagalitan ako ni kuya kapag kumain na naman ako ng matamis.]”

“Is that so?” He sat again and squeezed my hand tighter. “What do you want to do then? Anything to keep you entertained.”

I pouted my lips as I tried to think of something fun to do as well.

Ayoko namang mag-gym. Ayoko ring kumain ng matamis ngayon. I didn’t want to play games anymore too.

“If you have nothing in mind, maybe we can just come down and walk around? Maybe we’ll stumble upon something interesting to do,” he offered.

That sounded even better!

I bit my lower lip and nodded at him. Excited of something I couldn’t tell. I was just happy because I have something to look forward to.

“Wear your shoes, baby.”

Kinuha niya ang sapatos ko sa lapag at tinulungan akong isuot ’yon pabalik.

—

“Oh, saan kayo galing? Hahanapin pa lang sana namin kayo,” sabi ni kuya Matthew nang makita kami ni kuya Elias na kakapasok lang ulit sa gym.

Lulukso-lukso akong lumapit sa kanila at proud na proud na pinakita ang face paint sa kanang pisngi ko.

I even lifted the corner of my lips from the right to emphasize my right cheek even more.

“Hala, ang cute naman ng baby!” my five kuyas said in chorus.

Sabay-sabay silang lumapit at inusisa ang face paint sa kanang pisngi ko. It was a design that I chose myself!

Sakto kasi, habang naglalakad kami kanina ni kuya Elias. We saw a woman offering a face paint service on the sidewalk.

I chose the cat design with clouds on his head. Sobrang patient nga ni kuya Elias habang pinapanood lang ako kanina. He also bought banana milk for me so I won’t be bored during the painting process.

“Ayos, ah. Nawala ka lang saglit sa paningin namin, may drawing ka na sa mukha mo.” Si kuya Matthew naman ang umusisa sa drawing sa pisngi ko. “Hilig sa pusa! Nagmamana ka na kay Elias. Para na kayong legal na magkuy—”

“Gutom na kayo, ’di ba?” Kuya Elias cut off kuya Matt’s words. “Let’s go to Matthew’s restaurant. Parang gusto niya yata tayong ipagluto ngayon.”

“Oo nga, Matt! Napagod pa naman kami noong first day kasi naging empleyado mo rin kami bigla. Pagluto mo naman kami!” pang-aasar ni kuya Tanner kay kuya Matt.

Kuya Matthew suddenly looked defeated. “Kaka-gym lang natin tapos lalamon agad kayo?”

“Sige na, pre! Killjoy yarn?” sabi ni kuya Denmark.

Kuya Jaden tapped kuya Matt’s chest and smirked. “Bukas resto mo ngayon ’di ba? Sakto, dadami customers kapag nakakita ng mga poging kumakain sa loob.”

“Kapal ng mukha. Sa gym, muscles ang kumakapal, hindi mukha, ha?” gigil na sagot sa kaniya ni kuya Matthew at tinapik din siya pabalik sa dibdib. “Ge, tara na, mga bwiset! Kung hindi lang si Elias ang nagsabi, hindi ko susundin.”

“Yon! Yehey, kakain na tayo! Let’s go, baby Santi!” Kuya Yohan wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I returned the same smile he was giving me as we all left kuya Elias’ gym.

At dahil kotse lang ni kuya Matthew na BMW ang sinakyan namin kanina papunta rito. Hindi na tuloy kami kasya. Dumagdag kasi si kuya Elias na panigurado namang may bitbit ding kotse.

Pero siya lang mag-isa? That’s not right!

Kuya Elias seemed to notice the situation. May binunot siya sa bulsa at hinagis ’yon kay kuya Jaden. “You can drive my car, bring others with you. Kila Matt na lang ako sasakay.”

Kuya Matthew gave him a thumbs up but looked back afterwards. “Bakit hindi na lang ikaw ang mag-drive ng kotse mo?”

Kibit-balikat siyang nilagpasan ni kuya Elias. “Tinatamad ako.”

“Okay, ano pa nga ba? Ako ang pinakamagaling mag-drive sa ating lahat kaya tanggap ko naman.” Kuya Matthew gave me a pat on the head when he walked pass me.

Sinundan ko silang dalawa dahil parang napagdesisyonan nila kuya Yohan na sulitin ang dalang kotse ni kuya Elias. Doon silang lima sumakay.

Kuya Elias opened the passenger’s door for me and I gave him a warm smile as a thank you.

Si kuya Matthew naman ay nakaupo na rin sa driver’s seat habang si kuya Elias ang nasa likod.

“Seatbelt, bunny.”

Agad kong sinunod si kuya at maingat na sinuot ang seatbelt sa akin.

“Si Tanner yata magda-drive ng kotse mo, Elias,” natatawang sabi ni kuya Matt nang magsimula magmaneho.

“Hayaan mo siya,” walang pakealam na sabi ni kuya Elias at natawa lang. “He’s getting driving lessons in private. I accidentally found out when he asked me about purchasing a car. Nagkwento na siya pagkatapos.”

“May lisensya na ba ’yon?”

“Malamang. I wouldn’t let him drive my car if not. I helped him process it a week ago.”

“Aba, goods. Goodluck na lang kung katabi niya si Jaden. Napakabunganga pa naman no’n, kala mo driving instructor, eh.”

Kuya Elias chuckled. “Oh, he’s insufferable. Hindi ko na ulit pinapaupo ’yon sa passenger, ang ingay ng bibig.”

“Oh, ’di ba? Ako rin! Si Yohan lang gusto kong nasa passenger kasi tahimik lang ’yon. Walang side comment!” sagot naman ni kuya Matt.

I was just listening to their conversation the whole time. The conversation flowed naturally between them. Sa palagay ko, si kuya Elias at kuya Matthew ang pinaka-close.

I mean, all of them are very close to each other. But I think kuya Elias and kuya Matthew had this special bond. Pansin ko rin kasi na kapag si kuya Elias ang lumalapit o sumasama sa akin, walang reklamo si kuya Matt.

Pero kapag ’yung lima kong mga kuya, minsan binubulyawan niya pa.

“By the way, man. I heard a student from nursing department confessed to you in the hallway? How was it?”

Parang nagpantig bigla ang mga tenga ko nang marinig ang sinabi ni kuya Matthew.

My eyes landed on kuya Elias from the rear-view mirror. He was looking at the window and he seemed not to care about it.

“How did that even reach your attention?” he asked curiously and looked at kuya Matt.

Umiwas agad ako ng tingin mula sa rear-view mirror at napalunok nang wala sa oras.

A nursing student… confessed to him? In public?

Hindi ko maiwasang mapaisip kung anong naging reaksyon ni kuya Elias, o kung anong response niya.

Did he accept the girl? Did he say yes? Did he… did he acknowledge her feelings?

It’s not impossible, right? Babae ’yon, eh. Nursing. Sabi nila, ang daming magaganda sa nursing program.

“Sabi lang nila Jaden. It’s normal for you, tho. That happens on a daily basis. But this is the first time that someone confessed to you in public, kaya kumalat agad. Ang tapang nga raw, during lunch pa ginawa.” Kuya Matthew let out a laugh.

I tried to glance at kuya Elias from the rear-view mirror again. But this time, his eyes were closed as he was busy resting his head on the headrest.

“I rejected her.”

I turned my head to the window to hide my face when I unconsciously smiled.

So… He was telling the truth? That he’s not interested with girls? Kung gano’n, hindi siya mag-aasawa kahit kailan?

“Really? But nursing students are beautiful! Kailan ka ba magkaka-girlfriend? Lahat na lang nire-reject mo.”

“Gusto mo talagang marinig sagot ko, Matthew?”

I flinched when I felt kuya Elias leaning forward to us. Medyo malapit siya sa akin, pero kay kuya siya nakalingon.

“Malamang, ilang taon ka na naming pinagpupustahan nila Jaden kung kailan ka may ipapakilala sa amin. Don’t you think it’s time for you to commit? Hindi ’yung busy ka na nga lagi, wala ka pang lovelife,” katwiran ng kapatid ko.

“Well, I don’t think you’d love to hear my answer.”

Parehas na kami ni kuya Matthew ba nakakunot ang noo. Naguguluhan dahil parang may meaning ’yung mga sinasabi ni kuya Elias.

“I would love to hear your answer, man. Honestly, we’re really just rooting for you to finally settle for someone. At ’saka ikaw panganay sa amin, ikaw dapat ang mauna.”

Kuya Elias laughed. He leaned away from us and rested his body against the backseat once again. “Your excitement’s gonna be in vain. You don’t have to hear what I want to say.”

“Okay, fine. Won’t pressure you anymore. Love will come to you unexpectedly, ika nga nila. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo,” umiiling na sabi ni kuya.

“Except I’m not interested on anyone else.”

“What if makakita ka kapag lumaban ka na ulit sa ibang bansa? Daming magaganda ro’n, parang mga model.”

“Bahala ka sa buhay mo, ipilit mo pa.” I saw how kuya Elias opened his eyes. Our eyes met through the rear-view mirror.

He leaned forward again, but this time, he was looking at me.

“You okay, Santi? Wanna say something?”

Umiling ako at umiwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

“Santi, tutal lagi mong kasama ’to si Elias kapag wala ako. Ikaw dapat ang unang magsumbong sa akin kapag meron na siyang kinikita, ha?” sabi ni kuya Matthew sa akin. “Kapag may nakita kang babae na kasama niya, sabihin mo agad sa akin! Para kitang spy, gano’n.”

I don’t want to.

I didn’t want to see kuya Elias with a girl, with anyone.

“Hoy, panget. Narinig mo ako?”

I rolled my eyes towards kuya Matthew.

“Seryoso nga ako, panget! Basta kahit isang babae lang na umaligid sa kaniya, i-report mo agad sa akin. Kailangang ako ang unang makaalam kapag may loviedoves na siya.”

Paulit-ulit pa talaga. Hindi na lang mag-drive.

“That’s never gonna happen, Santi.” Kuya Elias gave me a pat on my head. “I’ll always focus on you, baby. You will never see me hanging out with women.”

“Okay lang naman, pre! Maalagaan mo pa rin si Santi kahit may jowa ka na—”

“I told you, I don’t want one.”

“Pero—”

“Matthew, gusto mo bang manahimik?”

I laughed when kuya Elias’ tone suddenly shifted to annoyance. Parang masasapak niya na talaga si kuya Matthew.

“Hindi na nga, boss. Sorry na.”

Chapter 15

Tight Lipped XV

Saint

“Bunny, si kuya Elias mo ulit maghahatid sa ’yo mamaya, ha?”

My eyes darted from my phone to kuya Matthew who just finished his lunch.

“May aasikasuhin akong papeles para sa resto, eh. Hindi kita masasama. Don’t worry, hindi naman busy si Elias mamaya. Siya rin nag-offer na siya na maghahatid sa ’yo.”

Akala niya ba hindi ko gusto? Gustong-gusto ko nga, eh…

“[Okay,]” I signed when he looked at me.

“Huwag ka magtampo, ha? Ngayon lang naman.”

Hindi ako nagtatampo kaya.

“[I’m not mad. It’s okay, I promise. I just want to make sure that kuya Elias is not busy and I’m not being pabigat to him,]” I explained to him.

“Baliw, huwag mong iisipin na pabigat ka sa mga kuya mo. Kung alam mo lang, si Elias lang naunang mag-offer na ihatid ka pauwi. Pero ’yung lima nag-offer din, si Elias lang nauna. They won’t offer to take care of you if they see you as a nuisance. Love na love ka ng mga ’yon.”

I chuckled when he raised his hand to mess my hair.

“Sige na, panget. May next class na ulit ako. May one hour vacant ka pa, ’di ba?” I nodded my head with his question. “Alright. Dito ka muna, hmm? Dito ka na lang tumambay. Or you can also go to our secret spot, inasikaso ko na study table mo roon.”

“[It’s okay, I’ll stay here.]”

He, once again, messed my hair before bidding his goodbye. Medyo nagmamadali na siya habang palabas ng cafeteria, siguro dahil malapit nang mag-start ang next class niya.

I’m alone right now because Relan was absent. While Diana, Yana, and Wendy were all required to attend the meeting of dance club.

Yesterday, the registrations for certain clubs opened. Both me and Relan registered for Language Club. Tapos sila Diana, Yana, at Wendy naman — dahil mahilig din silang sumayaw sa Tiktok— they registered for Dance Club!

My other classmates also wanted to have lunch with me when they noticed that I was alone. But I wasn’t able to eat lunch with them kasi pinatawag din ako sa Language Club for brief meeting.

Noong tapos na ang meeting, wala na ang mga classmate ko sa cafeteria. The meeting lasted longer than what I was expecting kaya hindi ko na sila naabutan.

Good thing that kuya Matt’s lunch was late too. So, sabay na kaming nag-lunch!

“Hi, Santi.”

I glanced on my side when I heard a familiar voice calling to me.

I squinted my eyes when I noticed his familiar face. He was wearing a thick eyeglass and he’s smiling at me awkwardly.

Oh, I knew him! He’s a member of Language Club!

How come he knew my name?

I waved my hand at him to greet him back. Ngumiti naman siya nang mas malapad.

“Can I sit here with you?” He pointed at the seat in front of me, the spot that kuya Matthew was sitting on a while ago.

I nodded my head, excited that I found a new friend.

“Don’t worry, Santi. I also know sign language. I think everyone in the Language Club knew sign language. And everyone recognized you earlier during the meeting, medyo sikat ka kasi,” nahihiya niyang kwento habang napapakamot pa ng ulo.

Me? Popular? How come?!

And wait, he did say he knew sign language too, right?

I really found a new friend!

“[I’m not popular. Maybe everyone knew me earlier because I’m the only mute student in this university,]” I replied to him.

Umiling siya. “Well, aside from that, of course. You’re a-also…”

Kumunot ang noo ko habang hinihintay siyang tapusin ang sasabihin niya.

“You’re also v-very pretty.” He awkwardly laughed after saying that. “There’s no way people wouldn’t recognize you. You’re also Elias’ friend, and Matthew’s brother. There’s a lot of reasons why your name’s all over the univ.”

Mukha siyang mahiyain, pero actually madaldal siya, na ikinakatuwa ko naman. Gustong-gusto ko talaga sa kaibigan ’yung mga madadaldal. Because it’s enjoying to watch people talk!

“[Thank you. Your name is?]”

He offered his hand while blushing. “Timothy.”

I happily accepted his hand and shook it gently.

Great! Another friend! I’m so happy!

“[Anong program mo? And what year?]” I asked him curiously.

“I’m taking Linguistics, specifically English Language Studies, I’m currently on my 2nd year. I heard you’re in Nutrition and Dietetics, right? Freshman.”

Masaya akong tumango-tango sa kaniya dahil alam na alam na niya talaga ang mga tungkol sa akin.

Am I really popular in the school?

Aside from the random students who were greeting me in the hallway, I didn’t expect someone from second year to also know me.

Siguro dahil sikat kasi talaga sila kuya Matthew rito.

“We can be friends, right?” Timothy scratched the back of his neck, expecting a response. “I mean, you don’t h-have to say yes. But it would be my pleasure to be friends with you.”

“[Of course! It’s not gonna be a problem! I also like to be friends with you!]” I answered him enthusiastically.

“Great!” He seemed to be overjoyed with my answer. Kulang na lang ay pumalakpak siya sa tuwa. “By the way, Santi…”

I stared at him, waiting for him to finish what he was about to say.

“Do y-you have a boyfriend?”

Oh.

I didn’t even know why I felt disappointed when I heard that question, again— for the nth time.

“I m-mean, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound weird. I promise! Curious lang talaga ako, kasi parang lagi kang pinag-uusapan sa department namin. That same question kept on going in circles. Sorry kung bigla kong natanong.”

Right. I should calm down.

Timothy’s not like the other guys, right? Parang mabait naman talaga siya.

Besides, he also knew sign language!

“[I don’t have one. I’m not planning to get one,]” honest kong sagot sa kaniya.

Napatango-tango si Timothy, umiwas ng tingin bago pwersahang ngumiti. “Nice! Tama ’yan, ’saka freshman ka pa lang din. You definitely have to focus on your studies first. Relationship can come anytime, you know?”

“Right? And opportunists can also come and go in random places.”

Sabay pa kaming napatingin ni Timothy kay kuya Elias nang bigla siyang sumulpot mula sa likod ko.

Kuya Elias sat down beside me, rested his arm against the backrest of my seat and stared at Timothy.

Timothy looked uncomfortable, or simply bothered, with kuya Elias’ appearance. Parang biglang may nagbago sa kaniya. I couldn’t tell what was it, but something definitely shifted with his aura.

“Who are you? Santi’s new friend?” malamig ang boses na tanong ni kuya Elias kay Timothy.

I— may be was seeing things— but I definitely saw Timothy’s expression changed. Kanina mukha siyang mahiyain, pero ngayon, halata ang inis sa mukha niya.

“Yes po.” Pilit niyang pinakalma ang mukha at ngumiti kay kuya Elias. “I’m in the same club with Santi. I was just trying to befriend him so—”

Timothy stopped speaking when kuya Elias let out a laugh.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Parehas yata kaming natulala ni Timothy nang magmura si kuya Elias sa mahinang bolyum ng boses.

“[Kuya Elias, it’s okay. Nakikipagkaibigan lang po si Timothy,]” I signed to kuya Elias when he looked at me.

Nakakatakot talaga siya tuwing ganito siya. Pero hindi ako natatakot na dahil baka maging bayolente siya sa akin or what, I knew he’d never hurt me. Pero natatakot ako para sa iba.

Sa laki ng katawan niya, kapag ginusto niyang manapak, mananapak talaga ’yan.

Although I knew it’s not really in his nature to be violent or act violent. But still… the chances are not zero.

“Santi, a-ayos lang. Una na ako, ha? I’ll talk to you again, next time.” Natatarantang tumayo si Timothy sa kinauupuan niya bago ngumiti sa akin.

I smiled at him too as I waved my hand to bid him goodbye.

Nang mawala siya sa paningin namin, nagulat pa ako nang lumapat ang tingin ko kay kuya Elias at makita siyang nakatingin din pala sa akin.

“Nakikipagkaibigan?” he said with bitterness on his mouth. “It doesn’t look that way for me.”

I tapped his shoulder to calm him down. “[But it’s true. He’s from Language Club, he knew sign language, he’s taking Linguistics. I think he wants me to be his friend because I’m the only mute student here in the school.]”

“Baby.” He leaned forward to caress the back of my head. “I have the strongest instinct when it comes to men. Didn’t you see how his expression changed when I arrived?”

I did see it as well. But I couldn’t understand what it meant.

“[I saw it. But what about that?]”

“He felt threatened. He suddenly realized that someone read through his motives.” Kuya Elias messed with my hair. “Huwag ka na ulit lalapit sa kaniya.”

“[But he’s already my friend,]” sabat ko. “[He’s also in the same club with me!]”

“Then you keep your distance.” Nakataas ang kilay niya nang sabihin ’yon. “I’m telling you, he’s a bad news. I can tell at least that much.”

“[He seems—]”

“Ihahatid kita mamaya pauwi. Your last class ends at 5 PM sharp, right?” he asked.

Tingnan mo, pati schedule ng mga class ko, kabisado nilang pito.

“Wait for me outside your room after your class ends, I’ll come to you. Huwag kang sasama sa iba and don’t even try to look for me. I’ll come to you.”

Nagpapakakuya na naman siya.

—

“I know, dadaanan na lang kita diyan. Stay put, for Pete’s sake. You don’t have to book that, I’m gonna be there in ten minutes.”

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang kausap ni kuya Elias sa phone. Pagkasakay kasi namin sa kotse, biglang may tumawag sa kaniya.

But based on his responses, it sounded like he’s talking to someone he’s close with.

“Wynona, I swear if I don’t see you on that exact location.”

I was just busy watching him until the call finally ended. He attached his phone on the bluetooth device. I was able to see that he was on call with someone named Wynona before the screen of his phone turned off.

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa phone niya nang magsimulang umandar ang kotse.

“I’m sorry for that. I was speaking with a brat.”

A brat? So, babae nga ang kausap niya?

I almost laughed to myself. Who would name their kid Wynona if it’s a boy? Malamang, babae nga.

But who could that possibly be? Sabi nila kuya Matthew, walang kaibigan si kuya Elias na babae.

Is Wynona… his girlfriend?

I didn’t remove my eyes from the window during the whole ride. I only did when the car suddenly stopped in front of a facility.

Nabigla na lang ako nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan sa back seat at may pumasok na… babae.

A very pretty girl.

Her hair was blonde and her beauty was honestly stunning. ’Yung tipong mapapatingin ka talaga at mapapalingon paulit-ulit.

Ang ganda-ganda niya.

“I told you I’m gonna be there. You’re just overacting,” she murmured to kuya Elias.

“Who wouldn’t overreact if you can’t seem to stay put in one place?” sabat ni kuya Elias sa kaniya. “Mag-seat belt ka, Wynona.”

Oh.

So she’s the woman that kuya Elias’ talking to on the call.

Padabog na nagsuot ng seatbelt ang magandang babae bago pa dumapo ang tingin niya sa akin.

I was stunned when she smiled at me sweetly. “Hi, Elias’ friend?”

Nahihiya akong tumango.

Ngumiti naman siya at lumiyad papalapit para mas makita ako. “I’m Wynona, by the way.”

Ang ganda-ganda talaga niya.

“He’s Santi, he cannot speak so he’s not gonna answer you. He’s a friend’s brother,” kuya Elias introduced me.

A friend’s brother?

Kuya Elias started the engine once again and began driving. Kitang-kita ko mula sa rear-view kung paano tamad na sumandal ang babae sa upuan.

“I want to take a bath in red wine once I got home. I miss your mothers so much, Elias.”

She also knew tita Freya and tita Lilienne.

It’s obvious that her relationship with kuya Elias was no where near casual. I knew, and I could tell— their relationship’s deeper than what I’m expecting.

Anyone could tell, based on their banters and how smooth their conversation was… Anyone could tell that they have a romantic relationship.

Sinandal ko ang ulo sa bintana at pinigilan ang pag-akyat ng emosyon sa ulo ko.

I didn’t want to see them, I didn’t wanna hear them talking to each other.

And I know I sound pathetic and selfish. But hearing them talk, and hearing how natural it was for them, it felt as if my heart’s being stabbed.

I didn’t know how to explain this feeling.

People would define it as jealousy. But I only ever felt jealous with kids who were treated right by their parents.

How do I define this emotion then?

It’s just ironic that every confusing feelings I experienced was all because of kuya Elias.

“Have you eaten yet, Wynona? You had a long flight, you have to eat.”

I heard kuya Elias spoke.

“Not yet. And I’d kill for some Burger King right now. Can we do drive thru?” Wynona replied.

“Yeah. There’s one around the area.”

This is why I didn’t want to listen to them. Because the conversation felt familiar, and repetitive.

Because I was here once, in this car, when I was asked by kuya Elias if he wanted us to do drive thru.

I thought that was a special moment. Maybe because I liked him.

But it’s also happening to another person, to Wynona. That perfect memory in my head, with kuya Elias, was someone’s normal day.

I couldn’t even bring myself to hate Wynona, because it’s not her fault that some random disgusting kid had a crush on her boyfriend. It’s not her fault that the weak guy whom her boyfriend considers as a brother likes him.

Wala siyang kasalanan.

Kasalanan ko lahat. I put meaning on everything. I treated every moment with kuya Elias that I had as a nostalgic memory.

Kuya Elias cleared his throat, his attention’s still focused on Wynona. “Have you been taking care of yourself in Australia so far?”

Even the worry in his voice, it sounded very similar to how he spoke to me.

And that’s when it finally hit me.

A realization that I never once expected to hit me when I was at my happiest.

—

My feet automatically dragged me to my bed when I got home.

Hindi ko na alam kung saan ko hinagis ang bag ko, hindi ko na alam kung nasarado ko ba ang pinto, hindi ko na alam. Wala na akong maalala sa paligid ko.

I just buried my face on my pink pillow, embracing the soft mattress beneath me as I began doing what I’m best at.

Crying.

Mahigpit kong niyakap ang unan at umiyak nang umiyak habang nakabaon ang mukha ko ro’n.

What happened in the car earlier was stuck in my head. It kept on replaying inside my mind, their conversation, kuya Elias’ tone with Wynona.

Everything.

I hated it.

I hated the fact that I’m actually able to resent kuya Elias for a short while. I only looked up to him since I knew him, I never looked at him with any other intent.

Just this time…

But that resentment was only for a moment. It didn’t even last for a couple of minutes. Parang bala lang na tumagos sa puso ko, pero nawala rin agad.

Instead, I began blaming myself again after realizing that everything was my fault to begin with.

Akala ko kasi…

Akala ko sa akin lang siya gano’n.

Akala ko sa akin lang niya ginagamit ang gano’ng tono. I thought I was the only person he’s treating like that.

But no, I was wrong.

He cared for Wynona the same way he cared for me. He talked to Wynona the same way he did to me. He treated Wynona like a fragile kid, just like how he treated me.

Kasalanan ko, hindi kasalanan ni kuya Elias o ni Wynona.

Wynona was nice to me, she greeted me and even smiled at me. She didn’t even have any idea that I like kuya Elias. She’s also beautiful and I honestly like her.

I like everyone. Because I could never carry the burden of hating someone.

It’s just that… I like kuya Elias too much. I like him differently.

At hindi niya kasalanan ’yon.

Ako ang nag-assume. Ako ang nangangarap.

Because kuya Elias’ treatment to me was so different compared to everyone’s— that I thought it meant something else.

He was nice to me. He cared for me like I’m someone so precious to him. He always looked after me.

But it turned out that he was just a good person.

He’s…

He’s nice to everyone.

And I was never special to him.

He’s just a gentleman who knew how to treat everyone kindly. Hindi ako kailan naging mas mataas kesa sa iba.

In his eyes, he probably only saw me as a younger brother he needed to look after. Because kuya Matt’s his friend, because I have a disability, because I’m a kid.

Right.

I’m honestly pathetic.

I never thought I could go as low as this.

Nakaramdam lang ng ibang klase ng pag-aalaga at pagmamahal, akala mo importante na.

I’m pathetic and stupid.

Kuya Elias wouldn’t even accept it once he found out that I secretly like him. Baka pati siya, pagtawanan at kaawaan ako.

Chapter 16

Tight Lipped XVI

Saint

“Panget, bakit ang bagal mong kumain diyan?”

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard kuya Matthew’s voice. I removed my eyes from my food and looked at him.

’Saka ko lang na-realize na tapos na pala siyang kumain kanina pa, habang ako, hindi ko pa nakakalahati ang nasa plato ko.

“Ayos ka lang?”

Tinanguan ko siya.

Pero alam ko namang hindi siya maniniwala. ’Yan pa si kuya?

“You don’t look okay, Santi. I cooked one of your favorite dishes, hindi mo pa nauubos hanggang ngayon. Don’t nod your head if you don’t mean it.” He stood up, carrying his plate, as he brought it over the sink. Pagkatapos, bumalik siya sa kinauupuan at tiningnan ako, parang inuusisa. “You’re not okay, bunny. I asked you not because I didn’t notice, I asked you because I wanted to know if you’re going to tell me what’s happening.”

Just like what I thought.

Kuya Matthew’s the only one who could read me like a book.

Tumungo lang ako at pilit sumubo ng pagkain.

Pero bawat nguya ko, parang ang pait-pait sa lalamunan. Bumibigat lang lalo ang dibdib ko.

Masarap naman ang luto ni kuya, paborito ko pa ang ulam na niluto niya. Tuwing nagluluto siya ng bistek, hindi ko tinatanggihan at ang dami ko pang nakakain. Pero ngayon… wala akong gana.

“Santi, you’re not gonna tell me what’s bothering you?”

I shook my head again, feeling the weight of guilt on my shoulders.

I felt bad because this was be the first time that I couldn’t tell him what’s making me sad.

Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko pwedeng sabihin sa kaniya na may gusto ako kay kuya Elias, hindi niya pwedeng malaman na nagkakaganito ako dahil sa matalik niyang kaibigan.

“You, not telling me, is making me more worried.” Umiling-iling si kuya bago magpakawala ng buntong hininga.

“[I’m really okay,]” I assured him so he could stay still.

Alam ko ang tumatakbo sa utak niya ngayon. Alam kong nag-aalala siya. Doble pa nga yata, katulad ng sinabi niya, dahil hindi niya alam ang rason.

“Kung okay ka, bakit hindi mo masabi kay kuya?”

“[It’s not that deep.]”

“It is that deep. Dahil kahit gaano pa kababaw ’yan, alam kong sasabihin ko sa akin. Bunny, listen…” He stood up from his seat and put his hand on top of my head. “I’m not going to force you to tell me, alright? Pero kung hindi mo na kayang kimkimin, promise me na sasabihin mo kay kuya.”

The corner of my eyes were filled with tears once again.

Ayoko nang tinatanong na ayos lang ako, dahil mas lalo akong nanghihina.

Ayoko ring ganito siya, kasi mas lalong gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya.

“Santi, what’s wrong?” The worry in his voice doubled when I finally burst into tears.

Lumuhod siya sa sahig para makapantay ako at para makita niya ang mukha ko. Nag-aalala niyang pinunasan ang mga luha ko na napapalitan din ng bago.

“Bunny, bakit? Ano bang nangyayare?” His voice was shaking already while he’s trying his best to console me.

I wanted to tell him so bad. I wanted to be honest.

Pero natatakot din ako, natatakot ako na baka magalit siya sa akin sa oras na malaman niya ang nararamdaman ko para kay kuya Elias.

I never wanted to be on kuya Matthew’s bad side. I didn’t want him to ever get mad at me.

“Did someone bully you, huh? May nang-insulto ba sa ’yo or may nanakit sa ’yo? Did you and your friends fight?”

I kept on shaking my head as he kept on asking the possible reasons why I’m being like this.

Mas lalo lang lumala ang pag-iyak ko nang yakapin ako ni kuya. He stopped asking, he stopped guessing possible scenarios, he just hugged me.

—

“Baby Santi, look!”

Kuya Yohan excitedly show me the jenga blocks they brought to our unit. It became my favorite game because I had so much fun when I played it with them.

Right .

My other kuyas were here. I shouldn’t act like this.

“Let’s play, baby. Dali!”

Kuya Denmark pulled me gently as they all sat down on our carpet. Kinuha nila ang unan mula sa sofa at doon ako pinapwesto, para malambot ang uupuan ko.

And if kuya Elias did that for me, I would probably think it had another meaning.

See? It’s really all in my head.

The game started but my mind was still not in the right place. Tawanan sila nang tawanan noong sila pa ang naglalaro, pero noong turn ko na, napansin yata nila ang pag-iiba ko.

I forced a smile so they’d think I’m fine. Kapag pinag-alala ko pa sila, baka lalo na akong bumigay.

“Baby, you okay?” kuya Yohan asked while slightly pouting his lips.

I instantly nodded my head and slowly took out the block I was going for. Nginitian ko silang lahat, thinking it would make them think I’m fine.

Pero tulad nga ng sabi ko, para lang silang si kuya Matt.

They all threw glances at each other before stopping the game. Maya-maya pa, isa-isa silang umusog palapit sa pwesto ko.

I felt kuya Jaden’s arm around my shoulders as he pulled me for a hug. I let him. And I’d admit that it really felt comforting when they’re here.

Hindi nila alam ang nangyayare sa akin pero hindi sila nagtatanong. They’re just here… comforting me in silence.

“Tell us what’s bothering you once you’re ready, okay?” kuya Denmark said as he held my hand for support.

Malungkot silang nginitian bago ko ipikit ang mga mata, nakahilig pa rin kay kuya Jaden.

They didn’t have to know.

I just needed to forget about my feelings for kuya Elias, because that would solve everything.

“Baby, antok ka pa? Gusto mo munang matulog?”

Kuya Matthew’s voice made me open my eyes. Pagtingin ko, lahat sila ay nag-aabang sa sagot ko. Their eyes were filled with worry and questions too.

“Your eyes are puffy, Santi. Kakaiyak mo ’yan. Matulog ka muna saglit, okay?” kuya Matthew added.

I couldn’t help but nod my head. Just mindlessly agreeing to everything he’d say.

Hindi ako inaantok kanina, pero simula nang umiyak ako nang umiyak, ang bigat-bigat na ng mga mata ko.

“Come, baby. Punta na tayo sa room mo,” ika ni kuya Lukas habang dahan-dahan akong inaalalayan patayo.

—

Matthew

“Pre, anong nangyare kay Santi?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Tanner.

Tinanaw ko muna ang direksyon ng kwarto ng kapatid ko, making sure that Denmark and Lukas went inside already to accompany Santi.

“I have no idea, honestly,” sagot ko sa kanilang tatlo. “Hindi ko siya nakausap kagabi kasi pagod din ako nung umuwi. Si Elias ang naghatid sa kaniya kagabi, ’di ba? Ngayong, nitong kinaumagahan, iba na mood ni Santi.”

Denmark and Lukas came back and sat with us.

“Tulog na,” Denmark murmured, pertaining to my brother. “His friends were calling a while ago pero hindi niya sinagot, sabi niya inaantok lang daw siya.”

“That’s odd, never niyang hindi sasagutin ang video call ng mga kaibigan niya,” I said.

“Hindi kaya may nangyare kahapon sa school? What if someone tried to bully him? Or someone hurt him?” Lukas.

Umiling-iling naman ako, napapaisip pa rin. “That’s impossible. His friends would tell us. Makakarating agad ’yan sa akin. Isa pa, bro, I asked him earlier. Tinanong ko siya kung may bully ba, or may nang-away, or if him and his friends fought. Pero hindi raw. I know my brother so well, sasabihin niya lahat sa akin. Hindi maglilihim ’yan.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea if we’ll ask him. He’s not telling you the cause for a reason. Baka…” Tanner clapped his hand once, parang may naisip bigla. “What if we ask Elias? Santi’s with him last night. Baka nasabi ni baby Santi sa kaniya or nakwento.”

Shit. I didn’t even think of that.

Elias, being with Santi last night, probably had an idea about what’s happening. Si Elias ang pinaka-close ng kapatid ko, baka nagsabi sa kaniya?

Bago pa ako makapag-react, nakita ko na lang na tinatawagan na ni Jaden si Elias. At sumagot din naman agad si bossing.

Jaden put the call in loud speaker so all of us could talk to him.

“Bakit?” Elias asked from the other line.

“Pre, busy ka ba?” tanong ni Jaden.

“Nah, just got off from the review hall. Why?”

“May itatanong lang sana kami. Si Santi kasi—”

“What about Santi?” agad na tanong ni Elias.

Bilis ah.

I cleared my throat to answer him. “Man, parang iba si Santi ngayon. Ang lungkot ng mukha, tapos walang ganang kumain, walang gana makipaglaro rito sa lima. Noong tinanong ko kung bakit siya gano’n, iyak nang iyak.”

“What?” The worry in Elias’ tone made me realized that maybe he didn’t have any clue about it as well.

“We called you because we’re hoping you have any idea about what’s going on. May nasabi ba sa ’yo si Santi kahapon noong hinatid mo siya?” tanong ko.

It took him a couple of seconds before answering.

“I don’t remember him telling me anything. But he was silent all through out the ride. He didn’t look happy to be there, hindi ko na rin tinanong dahil akala ko inaantok lang o nagtatampo sa ’yo.”

Nagtatampo sa akin? Malabo! Halatang-halata kay Santi kapag nagtatampo ’yon sa akin.

Pero ngayon, hindi, iba talaga.

“I’ll be there in thirty. Is he asleep?”

Lukas answered, “Tulog, eh. Pero sige, pumunta ka, pre. Baka sabihin niya sa ’yo. Ayaw kasi naming magtanong. Si Matt naman, hindi niya rin sinasabihan.”

“Alright, should I bring food for him?”

“Hindi na, maraming binili ’yung lima. Hindi naman kinain ni Santi, walang gana, eh. Punta ka na lang, man, tapos gisingin mo para makausap mo,” sabi ko sa kaniya.

“Alright.” We heard the sound of him closing his car’s door, kaya alam kong papunta na siya. Kagagaling lang niyan sa review hall, pagod, pero pupunta pa rin. “Wait for me there.”

The call ended and we all let out a sigh.

Maybe Santi would tell Elias the reason he was crying like that.

May dahilan kung bakit hindi sinasabi sa akin ng kapatid ko. Hindi ako galit o nagtatampo. Naiintindihan ko siya.

It just so happened that Elias and him were very close. Maybe the reason of his sadness was something he couldn’t tell me but he could tell Elias.

Sana nga.

Worry’s starting to eat me because I had no clue of what’s happening. Buti na lang nandyan si Elias at ang lima.

—

“Man.” I tapped Elias’ shoulder the moment he stepped inside our unit.

He tapped my shoulder back as his eyes landed on our friends sitting on the sofa. Lahat sila ay kumaway kay Elias.

“Where’s Santi?”

“Nasa kwarto niya, man. Tulog pa yata ’yon. Gusto mong puntahan na?” tanong ko.

“Yeah. I’ll wake him up gently. Dito muna kayo.”

I just gave him a nod as a go signal. He placed his bag on the sofa as he went to Santi’s room. He knocked three times before he went in.

Tahimik lang kaming anim dito sa sala, parang naghihintay ng himala o kung ano pa man.

I have no idea how their conversation would end up. Gusto ko lang malaman kung sasabihin ba ni Santi kay Elias o hindi.

It sucks to be clueless but that’s the last thing I have to worry. Santi comes first.

“Gago, pre. What if nagtatampo nga si Santi sa ’yo kasi lagi kang busy?”

Ito namang tarantadong Denmark, sulsol at panimula talaga ng gulo.

Hinagis ko sa kaniya ang throw pillow at sakto namang sumapol ’yon sa mukha niya.

“Anong tampo? Hindi gano’n si Santi, maiintindihan niya kapag busy ako,” katwiran ko.

“Naku, baka nga nagtatampo.” Isa pa ’tong tarantadong Lukas.

Itong si Lukas at Denmark talaga ang pinakasulsol sa tropa. Kapag may away o maliit na alitan, silang dalawa ’yung mga demonyong bulong nang bulong para lang mang-inis.

“Hindi nga, hindi nga.” Bawat salita ko, may diin. May kasama pang bato ng unan sa mukha nilang dalawa.

Yohan, Jaden, and Tanner were just laughing on the side.

“Baka naman may crush na?!”

Sabay-sabay kaming napatigil nang biglang pumalahaw ang pasmadong bibig ni Tanner.

“Ano? Anong crush? ’Di pwede!” masungit kong sabi, sinamahan ko pa ng iling na agresibo.

“Oh, the chances are not zero,” Jaden said while slowly nodding his head.

Tiningnan ko sila isa-isa. Napamura rin agad ako dahil lahat sila, tumatango at napapaisip. Na parang tinatanggap talaga nila na posibleng ’yon ang rason.

“Isipin mo, Matt. Hindi niya sinasabi sa atin. Lalo na sa ’yo, kahit umiiyak pa siya kanina. Sabi mo rin, lahat ng bagay na iniiyakan ni Santi noon, kinukwento niya sa ’yo. Kaya isipin mo, bakit ngayon hindi niya magawa?” Yohan stated as if he’s some script writer.

“Hindi nga, pre! Imposible ’yon!” atungal ko.

Si Santi, may crush? Kaya umiiyak? Napakaimposible!

“It’s possible, pre! College na si baby Santi, maraming umaaligid na lalaki. Maraming pogi sa college, maliban sa atin. Marami ring mga achiever, maraming may talent. Bakit naman imposibleng magka-crush siya?” Isa pa si Jaden na sulsol din.

“Bakit umiiyak, ha?”

“Baka nabasted!” Tanner said absentmindedly.

Tumayo si Denmark sa kinauupuan, tinaas pa ang manggas hanggang balikat na parang mananapak.

“Susuntukin ko ’yang nambasted sa baby ko. Tangina no’n, ha? Walang pwedeng magpa-iyak kay Santi!”

May pa-suntok suntok pa siya sa palad at nakangisi na parang siga.

Feeling Robin Padilla si gago, oh.

Tamang-tama, matagal ko nang gustong suntukin sa mukha si Robin, kay Denmark ko na lang gagawin.

“Assumptions ninyo lang ’yan. Walang mambabasted doon sa kapatid ko, sa ganda no’n?” Sinamahan ko pa ng iling.

“What if gago ’yung lalaki, ’di ba? At isa pa, kung talagang may crush nga siya, mapapansin mo ’yon, Matthew!”

Kunot noo kong tiningnan si Lukas dahil sa sinabi niya.

“Kapag ba nagce-cellphone siya lagi siyang nakangiti? O kaya baka lagi siyang may kausap sa phone, or ka-chat?”

Dahil magaling mang-uto ’yan si Lukas, nadala na rin tuloy ako.

Bigla akong napaisip kung may natatandaan ba akong memorya na gano’n nga si Santi. At oo, m’eron nga.

Madalas kong napapansin na lagi siyang may ka-chat sa phone niya. Tuwing napapadaan ako sa likod niya, nasa messenger siya at may kausap. Hindi ko naman makita ’yung pangalan kasi ayokong maging chismoso.

Pero tuwing lumalapit ako, bigla niyang papatayin ’yung phone niya.

Kapag tinatanong ko naman siya kung sino ’yon, sinasabi niyang kaibigan niya lang.

But come to think of it… Kung totong kaibigan lang talaga niya, bakit niya tarantang pinapatay ang phone kapag malapit ako?

That’s definitely suspicious.

Dahil sa pananahimik ko, nakaramdam yata sila Lukas. Alam kong gets na rin nila kung bakit ako nanahimik bigla.

“We should find out whoever that man is,” I murmured.

Halos magdikit na ang mga ngipin ko sa gigil. Walang pwedeng magpaiyak sa kapatid ko. Ako lang.

Sabay-sabay naming nilingon si Elias nang lumabas siya mula sa kwarto ni Santi. At katulad ko, halatang tensyonado ang lima, nagtataka rin kung anong nangyare sa loob.

“Man, what did he say?” I asked him the moment he sat with us.

Elias put down his phone on the table as he shrugged his shoulders. “He was cold to me. He didn’t tell me the reason.”

Shit!

So tama si Tanner? Tama ’yung lima? Talagang may nagugustuhang lalaki ’to si Santi. At baka nabasted nga siya o napaglaruan.

Tangina, kaya ayoko sa mga hayop na lalaki na ’yan! Mga gago! Pinaiyak pa ang kapatid ko.

Malaman ko lang kung sinong nagpaiyak kay Santi, bubugbugin ko talaga.

Chapter 17

Tight Lipped XVII

Matthew

“Tingin ko talaga classmate niya ’yon, eh. Kasi hindi naman gumagala si Santi rito sa school masyado. Kapag may vacant siya, nasa meeting lang ng Language Club. O kaya nasa tambayan natin.” Nakapangalumbaba kong pinapakinggan si Denmark, na akala mo ay may podcast dito sa cafeteria.

Tinaas niya pa ang kamay at umiling-iling na parang tanga.

“Imposible talagang iba, eh. Classmate niya ’yan, last guess!”

Kanina pa sila naghuhulaan kung sino ’yung gagong crush ni Santi. Partida nagsimula lang ang conclusion na ’yan kagabi, wala pa nga kaming solidong pruweba sa lagay na ’yan.

Ewan ko rin sa kanila, at ewan ko rin sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko sila inaawat kasi sa totoo lang, gusto kong marinig ang mga opinyon at hula nila. Para kung sino ’yung pinaka-may sense na potensyal na nagugustuhan ni Santi, alam ko agad kung paano babanatan.

Ni hindi ko nga pinaiyak si Santi kahit isang beses, tapos isang lalaki lang magpapaiyak sa kaniya?

Tubuan na ako ng sungay at lahat pero talagang babanatan ko ang lalaki na ’yon sa oras na malaman namin kung sino siya.

Hindi iiyak si Santi nang gano’n kung simpleng na-reject lang siya. Sanay na sanay na siya sa mga taong hindi siya nilalapitan o nagugustuhan noong high school, masyado nang matibay ang loob niya sa rejection.

Pero ibang usapan kung malaman ko lang na baka pinaramdam sa kaniya ng lalaki na may something sila, pero wala naman pala.

Nakakabwisit na agad! Iniisip ko pa lang.

“Dapat gumawa tayo ng listahan. Tapos isusulat natin ’yung mga hinala natin, tapos isa-isa nating oobserbahan,” suhestyon ni Yohan.

Tumango naman agad ’yung apat sa sinabi niya. Mga tanga rin talaga. Pero tanga rin ako, kasi nakitango rin ako.

Tama ’yan. Tama ’yang listahan na ’yan. Mas mapapadali sa aking alamin kung sino ang makakatikim ng kamao ko.

Baka nga ipabugbog ko pa kay Unique.

Kaso kilala ko ’yon, may sariling justice system ’yon sa utak niya. Basag ulo lang siya pero hindi ’yon lumalaban o umaatake nang walang dahilan.

“Dapat kasi talaga hindi nagkaka-crush agad kapag freshman pa lang, kasi talamak pa ’yung mga—”

“Sinong may crush?”

Napatingin sila Tanner sa pwesto ni Elias na kakatanggal lang ng airpods sa tenga niya. May inaaral na naman ’yan siguro.

“Hala, hindi mo alam?” hindi makapaniwalang sabi ni Jaden. “Kasi, pre, parang gets na namin bakit nagkakagano’n si Santi.”

Tumaas ang kilay ni Elias. “Bakit?”

Himala, hindi kami pinagalitan. Kung karaniwang araw lang ’yan, nagalit na ’yan kasi masyado raw kaming chismoso o masyadong nakikielam.

Pero ngayon, talagang interesado siya sa sasabihin ni Jaden.

“Pre, malakas kutob namin na may nagugustuhang lalaki si Santi.”

Kumunot ang noo ko nang biglang nag-iba ang ekspresyon ng mukha ni Elias. Parang galit na galit siya sa narinig. Pero mabilis ding nawala ang ekspresyon niya na ’yon pagkatapos ng ilang segundo.

Ngayon ko lang nakita ’yon, ah?

Daig pa ako. Ako nga na kuya, galit na galit din. Pero ’yung ekspresyon niya kanina, iba talaga. Parang may kahalong emosyon, hindi lang galit.

“Sino?”

Tinaas ng lima ang magkakabilang braso bago magkibit balikat.

“Wala kaming clue kung sino. Kaya nga magpapaka-detective muna kami,” sagot ni Lukas. “Pero sabi ni Matt baka doon sa laging ka-chat ni Santi.”

Elias removed his eyes on us as his hand around the spine of the book tightened. Maya-maya, bigla siyang lumingon ulit sa amin.

“Ka-chat? Sino? Classmate?” pag-uusisa pa ni Elias.

Akala ko talaga tapos na siyang mang-hotseat, pero parang nagsisimula pa lang.

Inilingan ko siya. “Hindi ko alam, man. Napapansin ko lang na araw-araw siyang may ka-chat sa phone niya. Kaya lagi kong pinapagalitan kasi kahit sa hapagkainan, nagce-cellphone, nakangiti habang may ka-chat. Kaya assumero lang kami na baka ’yung ka-chat niya ang crush niya.”

Tumahimik ulit si Elias pagkatapos kong magsalita. Kung kanina hawak niya lang ang libro, ngayon medyo tinatapik niya na ang spine ng libro sa lamesa.

Kaming anim nila Tanner, wala sa oras na tumahimik din.

Ano bang nangyayare rito kay Elias? Nag-iisip lang nakakatakot pa. Bawat lapat pa ng matigas na spine ng libro sa lamesa, may tunog.

Parang kahit anong oras sasapakin niya kami.

“How did you even come to that conclusion that a guy’s the reason for his tears?”

Hay salamat! Hindi kami pinagsasapak!

Mas ayos na ’yung tanong siya nang tanong kesa ’yung pinapanood lang namin siyang mainis nang tahimik.

“Hindi niya kasi sinasabi sa akin. Never pang naglihim sa akin si Santi. Kaya kung may dahilan man kung bakit umiiyak ’yon, lalaki lang ang pwedeng rason,” sagot ko.

Elias finally went silent. Hindi na siya nagtanong pa ulit, siguro gets niya na rin ang sinasabi namin.

Alam ko namang nag-aalala lang din siya para kay Santi. Parang kapatid niya na ’yon, eh.

—

Saint

“Bye, bye, baby.” Relan hugged me tightly as she kissed one my cheeks. “Huwag na umiyak, ha? Remember what we said.”

Sunod-sunod din akong niyakap nila Wendy, Diana, at Yana. Tulad ni Relan, they also kissed my cheeks to comfort me.

“If you feel sad again, tawag ka lang sa group chat, ha? You know we’re always here for you naman,” Yana sincerely said.

Hinaplos nila ang buhok ko kaya napangiti rin ako.

They’re the only ones who knew the reason why I kept on crying everyday. Ang mga bagay na hindi ko masabi kay kuya Matthew, nasasabi ko sa kanila.

Kuya Matthew was right when he said that I’d never survive college without friends.

Without Relan, Yana, Diana, and Wendy— I don’t think I’d stay sane. Especially when this was happening to me. Hindi ko kakayanin na walang mapagsasabihan.

My hands’ grip around the straps of backpack tightened as I walked towards the university’s parking lot.

Mamaya pa ang uwi ni kuya Matthew kaya maghihintay muna ako sa kaniya sa kotse. Isang oras lang naman ang hihintayin ko, ayos na rin.

“Santi.”

The pang on my chest tightened when I heard that voice. Biglang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko, parang gusto ko na namang umiyak ulit.

It was kuya Elias, his both hands were hiding inside the pockets of his pants. And his expression… seemed strict.

Hindi siya nakangiti, hindi katulad ng dati na kapag tatawagin niya ang pangalan ko ay magaan ang ekspresyon sa mukha niya. Ngayon, parang ang seryoso niya.

I was about to ignore him when he stood in front of me, making me stop on my track.

“You were cold to me last night, and now you’re ignoring me?”

Malamang, talagang iiwasan ko siya.

Kapag nandiyan kasi siya, lalo ko siyang nagugustuhan. Lalo akong nasasaktan. Lalo ko lang naaalala na dapat kuya lang ang turing ko sa kaniya.

“[I’m tired po,]” I replied to him as I was about to walk past him.

Hindi pa ako nakakalakad ay hinawakan niya na agad ang braso ko, pinipigilan akong umalis.

“I’m not happy with whatever’s happening right now, Santi. Hindi ko alam kung bakit mo ako iniiwasan. Iniiwasan mo rin ba sila Jaden?” masungit niyang tanong.

Paano kung magsinungaling ako at sabihin kong oo?

Kapag sinabi ko namang hindi, malamang magtataka siya kung bakit siya lang ang hindi ko pinapansin. Baka makahalata pa siya.

Tatango pa lang sana ako kay kuya Elias nang magsalita na siya.

“I doubt that. They said they were able to play jenga blocks with you for a short while. Hindi mo sila iniiwasan, ako lang ang iniiwasan mo.”

Shucks.

Anong sasabihin ko? Anong idadahilan ko?

“[Pagod lang po ako, kuya.]”

“Talking to me is not tiring. I’m not gonna ask you nonsense things.” His hand, from my wrist, went down. Hawak-hawak niya na ang palad ko ngayon. “Ihahatid kita pauwi. Huwag mo nang hintayin si Matt.”

Sensing that he’s really mad and disappointed, I didn’t fight back. Hinayaan ko na lang siya na hilahin ako hanggang makasakay kami sa kotse niya.

“Mag-seat belt ka.”

I obediently did what he just said.

“Let’s drop by on your brother’s restaurant first.”

Kumunot ang noo ko at napatingin sa kaniya. Tinaasan niya naman ako ng kilay.

“We’re just going to grab some food. For your dinner.”

Hindi ko na siya pinansin ulit at tahimik na lang na sumandal sa upuan. Ang mga tingin ko’y nanatili lang sa bintana, tanaw-tanaw ang nadadaanan namin.

I didn’t feel like talking to him. Having a conversation with him was gonna be exhausting.

Hindi dahil ayoko sa kaniya. Hindi dahil hindi ko siya gusto.

Pero dahil masyadong mabigat sa dibdib ko kapag kausap ko siya. Kasi ako lang naman ang nasasaktan, ako lang ang nakakaalam ng nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. Wala siyang idea sa mga bagay na tumatakbo sa utak ko.

I was afraid I’d tell him the truth once he pushed me to talk about it.

Whatever we have right now, I didn’t want it to end.

Gusto kong magkaibigan kami. Gusto kong tinuturing niya akong kapatid. Gusto kong mabait siya sa akin.

Kuya Elias got off from the car to order food from kuya Matthew’s restaurant. Pagbalik niya sa kotse, bitbit niya na ang dalawang paper bag na may mga pagkain.

Hindi ko pa rin siya inimik. Hindi niya rin naman ako kinakausap, kaya mas mabuti.

When we finally reached our unit, I immediately dropped my bag to the sofa and sat down quietly. Binuksan ko rin ang TV para makita niyang busy ako at hindi niya ako tanungin nang tanungin.

Behind me, I heard him moving around. Specifically on the kitchen. Inaasikaso niya siguro ang mga binili niyang pagkain.

My eyes remained on the TV, nanonood kahit wala naman akong naiintindihan sa pinapanood ko. Nagpapanggap lang talaga ako.

“Kumain ka na.”

I just nodded my head when he talked to me.

Aalis na ba siya?

A part of me wanted him to leave, so the tension in my chest would stop. But a big part of me wanted him to stay as well. Just like last night…

I could still remember how our conversation ended last night. And I was still guilty about it.

I woke up that night when I felt someone sitting on my bed. When I opened my eyes, I was genuinely stunned to see kuya Elias.

“Are you awake? I wanted to talk to you.”

Dahan dahan kong kinusot ang mga mata. Inalalayan niya rin ako para maupo sa tabi niya.

How come that he’s here? Bago ako matulog, sila kuya Yohan lang ang nass unit.

Did they call kuya Elias to come?

“The guys said you were crying this afternoon. What happened, baby?” he asked in the softest way possible.

Hindi ko siya matingnan sa mga mata. Hindi ko rin kayang malapit siya sa akin. Mas lalong gusto kong umiyak nang umiyak.

“Santi, can you tell me what happened? I promise, we’re going to help you. I’m going to help you.”

Sinubukan niyang hawakan ang kamay ko pero agad kong winaksi ’yon. He looked genuinely surprised with what I did, natigilan din siya nang wala sa oras.

I put some space between us as I turned to him.

“[Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.]”

“A-Alright.” He looked defeated and hurt. “Do you want to go out and get some air? I promise it will help you calm—”

Pagod ko siyang nilingon. “[I said I don’t want to. Gusto ko pa pong matulog. Umalis ka na lang, kuya.]”

His expression showed visible signs of disappointment and pain. This was the first time I treated him like this. I felt guilt all over my skin, but I just really wanted him to leave.

Para kasing anumang oras, iiyak na naman ako. At ayokong makita niya ako sa gano’ng estado.

“Alright then. Sleep tight, okay?”

He quietly left my room and I finally burst into tears the moment the door shut closed. Binaon ko ang mukha sa unan at doon umiyak nang umiyak.

I felt so guilty and I felt bad that I had to treat him like that. He was never bad to me, he was always good and kind. How dare me treat him that way?

“Santi, I said kumain ka na.”

I went back to sanity when I heard kuya Elias’ voice once again.

I turned to him in annoyed expression. “[Ayoko pa po.]”

“Are you going to continue acting this way?” he asked.

Iniwasan ko siya ng tingin at padabog na pinatay ang TV. I stood up from my seat and was about to walk towards my room when he spoke again.

“Umupo ka. Mag-uusap tayo.”

Fear crawled under my skin when he used a different tone this time.

I heard him spoke in cold voice, or strict voice before. But this was the first time that he used that voice on me. There was authority and finality on his tone.

Na kahit ako, napasunod. Kinakabahan akong umupo pabalik sa sofa, umupo rin siya sa tabi ko.

“I know that something’s happening and that’s why you’re acting this way. But if you wouldn’t tell people what’s happening, it would never help you,” he began. “Do you see us as your friends? Do you even see the guys as your brothers?”

Kinakabahan akong tumango.

“I don’t think so. If you really see us as one, you wouldn’t treat us this way. I know it’s your right to not tell people what’s going on. You have your reasons. But it doesn’t mean you can ignore us and have us wondering why you’re acting this way.”

Napatungo ako habang pinapakinggan siya. Para akong pinapagalitan sa lagay namin ngayon.

“Nag-aalala kami sa ’yo, Santi. Lalo na ako. Nababaliw na ako kakaisip kung bakit mo ako iniiwasan at hindi pinapansin. And you, ignoring me, makes me overthink if it was my fault that you’re sad. May ginawa ba ako? May nasabi ba akong mali?” He sounded genuinely worried that I felt bad again.

Dahan-dahan ko siyang inilingan.

“Then why are you treating me this way? I want my baby back.” His hand caressed my hair. “I want to see you smiling again, I want to hear the things you can’t tell Matthew. I want my Santi back. Is that too much to ask?”

My eyes were filled with tears the moment I heard that. Pinilit kong pigilan, pero sunod-sunod na tumulo ang mga luha ko.

Napansin niya agad ’yon kaya nag-aalala niya akong nilapitan. Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko para punasan ang mga luha ko.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I replied to him. And this time, I wanted to be honest.

“[He doesn’t like me.]”

“Who?”

“[I like a guy, but he doesn’t like me.]” Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang sinesenyas ’yon.

There was a sudden emotion in his face that I couldn’t read. Pero bukod sa pag-aalala, kitang-kita ko na nag-iba ang ekspresyon niya. Hindi ko mabasa ’yon, I’m not really good when it comes to reading his emotions.

“Who’s that guy?” galit din ang tono niya nang itanong ’yon.

Umiling ako para ipakita sa kaniya na ayokong sabihin.

His jaw clenched as his face continued to show anger. Tumango siya nang dahan-dahan bago iiwas ang tingin sa akin.

“Was it a classmate?”

Why did his voice turn colder and angrier than it was ever before?

I shook my head again as an answer.

“Matthew said you were chatting with someone everyday. Is that it? Is that the guy?”

Kuya Matthew noticed that? Si kuya Elias lang naman ang araw-araw kong ka-chat.

Pero hindi naman siguro alam ni kuya Elias ’yon, ’di ba? If I said yes, he’d probably think I was talking to someone else.

Kaya tumango ulit ako sa kaniya nang dahan-dahan.

“I see.” Bumuntonghininga siya. “What did that asshole do to you? Did he reject you or what?”

“[No. I just realized that he’d never like me that way.]”

Kumunot ang noo niya, parang gusto pang sabihin na magpatuloy ako. So I did, I continued what I was about to say.

“[He’s nice to me, extra nice. He always cares for me and he always takes care of me. But I…]” I stopped for a little while to console myself. “[I thought it meant something. But turns out that he was nice to everyone. He treats everyone like that.]”

“So he’s a fucking playboy?” galit niyang tanong.

Mabilis akong umiling. Hindi niya dapat kagalitan ang sarili niya. And he shouldn’t judge himself too!

“[No, he’s not!]”

“Pinagtatanggol mo pa?” naiinis niyang dagdag. “Tangina no’n, ah. Your description about him is enough to make me think that he’s a fucking asshole.”

“[No, he’s not. I promise.]”

Galit na galit siya sa sarili niya. Eh hindi naman talaga siya gano’n! Kuya Elias’ the nicest guy I’ve ever met. He was never close to being an asshole.

“Can Matthew and the other guys know about this?” he asked out of the blue.

Natagalan ako bago sumagot. Pero tumango rin naman ako kalaunan.

If kuya Elias knew about this, I think it’s just fair for my brother and for my other kuyas to know. I didn’t want to hide this from them any longer.

Hindi rin naman nila malalaman kung sino.

“Kumain ka na. Your brother’s on his way home right now.” He stood up from his seat with anger still flashed on his handsome face. “Aalis na ako.”

Bakit gano’n? Bakit galit na galit pa rin siya?

It’s not like he knew the guy personally. And that was him to begin with!

Kahit hanggang pag-alis niya, alam kong galit pa rin siya. Naiwan ako sa unit na nag-aalala at napapaisip.

Bahala na!

Chapter 18

Tight Lipped XVIII

Matthew

“Sabi na nga ba! Hindi talaga nagkakamali ang pagiging assumero ko!” Pumapalakpak na palahaw ni Tanner.

Siya ang unang nakahula na baka raw kaya umiiyak ang kapatid ko ay dahil sa ’nyetang crush-crush na ’yan. Kaya ayan, tuwang-tuwa noong sinabi sa amin ni Elias kung ano ang totoo.

Magaling din talaga ’tong gagong ’to. Kakanood niya ’yan ng mga documentary at mga conspiracy theory sa Tiktok.

“Galing mo talaga! Naisip mo pa ’yon? Talentadong lalaki ka talaga!” sulsol pa ni Denmark na lalong pinapalala ang ego ni Tanner.

Proud na proud ba hinampas ni Tanner ang dibdib na parang gorilya. “Kaya kapag may mga hinala kayo, sa akin kayo lalapit, ha? Kung hindi ninyo lang naman matatanong, batak na batak ako sa mga conspiracy theory. Lalo na sa space. Alam ninyo ba na posible ang worm hole kasi space is bend-”

“Do you have any idea who might be the guy?” tanong ni Elias habang nakakunot ang noo at nakabusangot.

Natahimik tuloy si Tanner na muntik na namang mag-speech about sa science.

Ito namang si bossing Elias, halos magkasalubong na ang mga kilay. Hanep, parang mas galit pa siya sa akin.

Ako nga, noong nalaman ko, nagalit din naman ako- pero wala na akong magagawa, eh. May pakiramdam si Santi, hindi niya mapipigilan ang crush-crush na ’yan kahit pagbawalan ko pa. Kalayaan niya naman ’yon.

Ewan ko, baka overacting lang talaga ’tong si Elias. Siya pa lang ang hindi makatanggap, eh. Ako at ’yung lima, nagpaplano na kung paano babanatan ’yung lalaki. Siya, hindi pa rin maka-move on na may nagugustuhan si Santi.

“Bukod sa tinutukoy kong ka-chat niya araw-araw? Wala na talaga, man. Sabi mo rin naman, hindi niya classmate. So… ewan ko.” Tamad kong nilagok lahat ng natitirang tubig sa bote bago siya lingunin. “Ikaw, man. Baka may idea ka?”

“Baka nabanatan ko na kung kilala ko,” sagot niya.

Parang mga robot na sabay-sabay kaming nagkatinginan nung lima. Nanlalaki pa ang mata nila Yohan dahil sa pagkabigla.

Muntik na akong matawa sa mga reaksyon nila, pero naiintindihan ko rin naman. Ngayon lang nagsalita si Elias nang ganyan ka-diretsyo. Walang preno, walang kabait-bait sa tono. Walang kontrol at walang halong moral.

’Yan pang si Elias na walang bahid ng pagiging bayolente sa katawan. Kahit sino magugulat. Katumbas ’yan kung biglang nakapagsalita si Santi.

Tumikhim si Jaden para alisin ang tensyon. “Ano pang sinabi niya, Elias?”

“That man’s a fucking asshole. Sabi niya mabait daw sa lahat. Santi thought the man likes him because that motherfucker treated him specially. Tapos tangina, mabait pala sa lahat. Gago, ’di ba?”

Kulang na lang mapaatras kaming lahat nila Lukas papalayo sa kaniya tuwing may lalabas na mura sa bibig niya.

Si Tanner, napapatakip pa sa bibig. Si Denmark may cellphone na nakalabas at halatang vini-video-han ang pagmumura ni Elias. Si Yohan, nakatulala. Si Jaden, lumalaki nang lumalaki ang pagkakanganga tuwing may dagdag na mura si Elias. Si Lukas naman, parang nakakita ng multo.

Ako, pogi lang.

“A-Ah, gano’n ba?” utal na sabi ni Jaden. “Mabait sa lahat… Parang may kilala akong gano’n.”

Sabay-sabay naman kaming napalingon sa kaniya, kahit si Elias ay taka rin siyang tiningnan.

“Sino?”

“Kasi sabi ni Elias mabait sa lahat. ’Yung tipong walang dumi sa ugali o gentleman lang talaga. Parang si…” Dahan-dahang nilingon ni Jaden si Elias. “Parang si Elias.”

At sunod-sunod na siyang binatukan nila Yohan.

“Gago! Dadamay mo pa si Elias!” bulyaw ni Denmark sa kaniya.

“Parang lang naman! Kaugali niya, I mean! ’Saka ano ba kayo? Wala namang social media ’yan si Elias, hindi niya makaka-chat si Santi. Kayo, mga utak ninyo, puro malisya,” depensa ni Jaden sa sarili pagkatapos salagin ang mga batok namin.

“Ayos na kasi, mga pre. Kailangan talaga nating mag-investigate kung sino ’yung lalaki.” Tumayo pa si Lukas sa kinauupuan na akala mo’y Chief of Police siya na maglalapag ng findings sa isang kaso.

Pwede rin nilang tahakin ang mundo ng pag-aartista, sa totoo lang.

Habang nagdidiskusyon kami, kusang lumapat ang tingin ko kay Elias dahil pansin kong natahimik siya bigla.

I looked at him as his eyes were focused somewhere else. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang nakatulala nang ganyan katagal.

Hanggang maya-maya… biglang napangiti.

Luh. Nababaliw na.

Nawi-weirdo-han ko siyang pinanood habang unti-unting lumalaki ang ngiti niya. Napapailing pa habang nagbabasa ng libro.

Anong nangyare dito? Kanina galit na galit, ngayon naman nakangiti.

Hindi kaya tinamaan na ’to sa ulo? Sabagay, ikaw ba naman pre-law student tapos may bukod ka pang inaaral dahil ilalaban ka sa ibang bansa. Sinong hindi mababaliw?

“Man, nandito lang kami para sa ’yo, ha?” sabi ko sa kaniya.

Nakangiti pa rin siya nang tingalain ako. “What?”

Ayaw talagang maalis ng ngiti sa labi niya. Tarantado, mawawalan pa yata ako ng kaibigan.

“Kapag masyado nang mahirap ’yung mga inaaral mo, mag-rant ka lang sa akin. Alam mo namang nandito lang kami lagi, man,” sincere kong pagko-comfort sa kaniya.

He looked at me as if he was weirded out. Pero nandoon pa rin ’yung ngiti sa mga labi niya. Naka-super glue na yata.

“Natatanga ka na ba, Matthew?”

Ako pa ang tanga?

“Man, ang sinasabi ko lang-”

“Baby Santi!”

Hay susmaryosep.

Napalingon ako sa kapatid ko nang makita siyang tumatakbo papalapit sa direksyon namin.

Malungkot pa rin ang mukha niya pero parang medyo gumaan na nang kaonti. Nakangiti na rin siya kahit papaano habang kumakaway kila Tanner.

Nilingon ako ng kapatid ko. “[I have a meeting in Language Club. I need to eat fast.]”

“Alright, sit down. Bibilhan kita ng pagkain.” Hihilahin ko na sana ang upuan sa tabi ko nang biglang magsalita si Elias.

“Santi, come here. Sit beside me.”

Ano pa nga ba? Edi binalik ko ’yung upuan sa tabi ko at pinanood ang kapatid ko na nakatungong umupo sa tabi ni Elias.

Tumayo na ako para um-order ng pagkain para kay Santi, pero bago ’yon ay nilingon ko muna sila. Pansin kong ibang-iba na talaga ang mood ni Elias, nakangiti lang siya habang kinakausap ang kapatid ko.

Itong magkuya na ’to, parehas weirdo.

Napailing ako nang wala sa oras at dumiretsyo na sa counter para bilhan ng pagkain ’yung panget kong kapatid.

Saint

Kuya Elias was so weird. Simula pa kanina, pansin ko na ang biglang pag-iiba niya.

When I was eating on the cafeteria with them, he kept on smiling at me. Not that I didn’t like it, I was just surprised that we’re back to normal suddenly.

Tapos habang nakangiti, biglang iiling na parang may naiisip.

Nababaliw na ba siya? O baka ganito talaga siya lagi at hindi ko lang napapansin? Palangiti naman talaga siya dati pa. Pero bakit ngayon, sobra-sobra?

Katulad na lang ngayon, dahil siya na naman ulit ang maghahatid sa akin, nandito kami ngayon sa kotse niya. Busy si kuya Matthew dahil biglang nagkaroon ng maliit na problema sa restaurant.

“All good, baby?” kuya Elias asked me when I buckled up.

I smiled at him as I nodded my head.

“Alright.” Ngumiti muna siya bago simulan ang makina ng kotse.

I sat with a happy heart. Well, there’s still a room of sadness inside me, but right now? Happiness’ eating me up.

I’m happy that he’s no longer cold to me. I’m happy that I’m with him again. I’m happy because he’s smiling at me.

Ewan ko, lagi na lang akong masaya kapag kasama ko si kuya Elias.

And this is why I’d rather hide my feelings than ruin whatever we have right now.

“Santi.”

Nilingon ko si kuya Elias nang tawagin niya ang pangalan ko sa malambing na tono.

“Would you rather ruin a friendship or not confess your feelings to a friend?”

Huh?

Bakit bigla siyang nagtatanong nang ganyan? Para saan? May inaaral ba siyang figurative language o ano?

Sakto namang red light kaya nilingon niya ako, naghihintay ng sagot.

“[I’d rather keep the friendship,]” I answered honestly.

He looked disappointed with my answer, that’s why I became conscious upon seeing his reaction. May mali ba sa sagot ko?

“But you’ll regret it forever. You’ll keep on liking that person no matter how much you try to deny it, right?”

I see. So he was pushing for the other option instead?

Pero kahit na, hindi kami parehas. Dahil ’yung tanong niya, para sa akin. Parang sa sitwasyon ko lang.

Hindi ko sisirain ang pagkakaibigan namin ni kuya Elias dahil lang gusto ko siya. I’d rather keep him as a friend forever than cross the boundaries.

“[But what if something happens? You’ll lose the person forever.]”

Ngumiti siya. “Why would you even anticipate for the worst? It’s not a sin to step over the lines.”

“[No. I don’t want to lose a friend.]”

Bakit parang nagtatalo na kami? It’s supposed to be a healthy discussion!

The traffic lights went green and the car moved again.

“I’d rather ruin the frienship if you’re going to ask me, baby. Imagine wanting to kiss someone you can’t kiss? Imagine wanting to have that person all to yourself yet you don’t have the rights? That would be exhausting and frustrating.” Pinapakinggan ko lang siya habang pinapaliwanag niya ang sarili. “People tend to be afraid of crossing the boundaries because they cannot lose the person. But remaining friends with the person you like already meant you lost him. He’s not yours, you can’t be with him, you can’t have him all to yourself. And you’re going to end up losing yourself as well when you realized that he’s drifting away from you.”

The way he said those words felt like it was a direct attack to me. It felt like he was talking to me all this time.

Pero malabo, hindi naman niya alam kung sino ang gusto ko. He didn’t have any idea if it was a close friend of mine or what.

“Santi, why were you upset that night when I picked up Wynona?”

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa strap ng seatbelt nang bigla niya na lang banggitin ang pangalan ng babaeng pinagselosan at iniyakan ko.

Hearing that name made me want to tear up again.

I don’t hate Wynona, there’s no space of hatred in my heart. I don’t even know her. I’d be a hypocrite and a bad person if I hate on someone just because I was jealous.

Mabait din siya sa akin noong una kaming nagkita. She waved her hand on me and greeted me with a smile. She’s a very pretty girl, and she was kind too.

“Do you have any idea how is Wynona related to me?”

Alam ko na agad ang sasabihin niya.

Kaya niya siguro tinanong ’yung pinag-uusapan namin kanina. Para siguro kay Wynona? Baka magkaibigan sila, tapos ngayon sila na.

Great.

Iiyak na naman ako pagkauwi.

“[Your friend?]” Matamlay kong sagot nang mapatingin siya sa akin.

Kuya Elias’s eyes went back to the road as he let out a laugh. “No, she’s not.”

Ayoko na. Ayoko nang marinig!

“[Ah, your girlfriend?]”

Why did I even sign that?! I knew the answer already! Hindi ko na dapat sinagot ’yon. Masasaktan lang ako kapag narinig ko galing sa kaniya.

“She’s my aunt, Santi.”

Gulat ko siyang nilingon nang marinig ang sinabi niya. Sinisigurado ko lang kung tama ba ako ng pagkakarinig o nababaliw na ako.

“She’s mama Freya’s sister. She was older than me by only four years, that’s why I don’t address her as auntie. She prefers it that way.”

No way.

No way!

Iniyakan ko ang tita niya?! Umiyak ako nang gano’n kalala dahil pinagselosan ko ang tita niya?!

Hiyang-hiya kong iniwas ang tingin sa kaniya at halos lumubog na sa kinauupuan ko.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit siya tawa nang tawa. Nakakainis! Wala namang nakakatawa, ah? Normal naman magkaroon ng maling akala!

“You thought she was my girlfriend, huh?” He chuckled. “So you didn’t believe me when I told you that I never liked a woman? And never will?”

I totally forgot about that one because I thought he was bluffing. Sino namang maniniwala sa kaniya? Kuya Elias’ the exact definition of a perfect man. Lahat ng magagandang babae ay siguradong may gusto sa kaniya.

“Santi, it would mean a lot if I can fully gain your trust.”

I slowly turned my head towards him and found him smiling at me sincerely.

“[I do trust you.]”

“You didn’t believe me when I said I don’t like girls. I don’t think that’s an example of trust, baby.” Lumiko ang sasakyan sa parking lot ng condo namin nila kuya. “Your trust would mean everything to me, Santi. I want you to believe every words I’ll say because there’s no reason for me to lie.”

Hanggang sa makapag-park siya, nakatulala lang ako, pilit pinoproseso ang mga sinasabi niya.

Was he upset because I didn’t believe him? Sino ba kasing… maniniwala?

Kahit sino naman siguro ang nasa pwesto ko, aakalain na nagbibiro lang siya or trip niya lang magsinungaling.

“Baby.” Kuya Elias took my left hand and held it gently. “Lying to you is the last thing I will do. Hindi ako gagawa ng paraan para hindi mo ako paniwalaan. Hindi ako magsisinungaling sa ’yo. Besides, lying is also equivalent to hurting you. What am I to your life if I’m not reliable, right?”

I squeezed his hand back as I flashed a smile.

“[But I really trust you, kuya. Hindi lang po ako naniwala kasi akala ko nagjo-joke ka lang. Iba naman ’yung pagbibiro sa pagsisinungaling.]”

“Kung binibiro kita noong sinabi ko ’yon, sana binawi ko agad.” He raised his free hand and softly caressed my hair. “And didn’t I tell you? You’ll never see me with a woman. I’ll forever look after you. You’re the only person I want to take care of, not anyone, not any woman. You’re my only baby.”

I giggled when he pinched my right cheek gently.

“’I hope we were able to clear things out, Santi. I don’t want any misunderstanding between us. I don’t like it when you’re avoiding me, when you’re cold to me. Para akong mamamatay kahapon tuwing umiiwas ka.”

I didn’t know it really affected him that much. Akala ko kasi ako lang ang naaapektuhan nang sobra, pero siya rin pala.

He really wanted me to be his brother, huh?

Although it was painful to think of that, I just shrugged it. Mabuti nang tinuturing niya ako na gano’n kahalaga, kahit kapatid lang.

“Sige na, magpahinga ka na. I can’t stay with you because I need to review some materia-”

“[It’s okay. Thank you po sa paghatid, kuya.]” Nginitian ko siya nang matamis.

Hindi niya na kailangang magpaliwanag pagdating sa ganyan. I’m already happy that he’s always making time for me despite his busy schedule.

“Good night, baby.”

My cheeks flushed instantly when he kissed my hand.

Normal lang naman ’yon, ’di ba?

Wala pang humahalik sa kamay ko kahit kailan. Si kuya Matthew, sa noo niya ako lagi hinahalikan. Sila tita Freya, tita Lilienne, at ang mga kaibigan ko, sa pisngi lang.

Pero anong ibig sabihin kapag hinalikan ka sa kamay ng isang lalaki? Ng isang tao?

Chapter 19

Hi, guys! Just really wanna thank you all for your support all through out. Thank you for reading Tight Lipped and thank you for always leaving comments 🥺

Your comments are adorable and I actually read them all. Your comments give me confidence to write everyday, they’re very fun to read! I hope you all know how much you guys mean to me because this is my first BL story here in Wattpad. To receive this kind of support despite starting from scratch once again is making my heart warm.

Thank you for the kind comments, raw reactions, and for loving my characters as much as I love them.

I promise to write even better every updates, I promise to make sure there’s no boring chapter. I love you all, and thank you so much! 🥺💚

Tight Lipped XIX

Saint

Nag-aalala kong hinaplos ang tiyan ni Eli habang inoobserbahan lang siya. Katulad kanina, matamlay pa rin ang itsura niya.

She didn’t even try to eat the food that I gave her. Kanina pa siya nakahiga, hindi bumabangon, at napapadalas din ang pagtulog niya.

Usually, everytime that I don’t have any classes, she’s clingy and playful. Lagi siyang nakadikit sa akin at nagpapayakap. Pero ngayon, sobrang matamlay siya.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone sa ibabaw ng kama at medyo naiiyak na nag-send ng chat kay kuya Matthew.

—

Saint | 6:28 PM kuya, saan ka po?

kanina pa hindi nakain si Eli, matamlay rin siya simula kanina.

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 6:30 PM nasa Cavite pa rin, panget

malapit na matapos ’tong meeting, kaso gagabihin ako ng uwi.

have you tried giving her another food?

Saint | 6:31 PM opo

hindi niya talaga kinakain, hindi rin siya nakikipaglaro aa akin so I know something’s wrong

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹

| 6 :32 PM okay, wag ka mag-panic, bunny

dalhin mo siya sa vet? so they can check her condition

Saint | 6:33 PM paano ako pupunta sa vet

magga-grab ako, kuya?

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹 | 6:34 PM let’s see

wait lang, I’ll try to ask the boys kung sinong free, baka may pwedeng sumama sa ’yo

Saint | 6:44 PM okay po

—

I wiped the tears forming around my eyes as I waited for kuya Matthew’s response.

Muling bumaba ang tingin ko kay Eli, nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang napapapikit. Naiiyak na naman tuloy ako dahil sobrang nakakaawa siyang tingnan.

She was never like this before. Pakiramdam ko may nararamdaman si Eli, and I couldn’t help but cry because there’s no way for her to seek help since she can’t speak.

She wouldn’t be able to tell me what part of her body hurts, if she feels sick, or if she feels sad. Eli’s just like me, we cannot express our raw feelings. We rely heavily on people around us.

I rely too much on kuya Matthew, because he’s the only one who could help me— who could understand me. Until my other kuyas came into the picture and learned how to understand me as well.

Eli needs someone like that as well. Someone who could read her like a book, someone who knew her too well and would worry if something suddenly changed.

Having a pet was hard, and it’s not something that people are ready to talk about.

Hindi lang sila cute, hindi lang sila kasama, hindi lang sila para lambingin. Taking care of them requires understanding and genuine love. You have to study them, you have to know them, you have to know what’s right and wrong. Ang pag-aalaga raw ng pet ay katumbas ng pagkarga ng sanggol. You tave to treat them as humans, as a newborn baby.

And I strive to be the best person for Eli, so she would know that someone’s always willing to understand and love her. Just like what kuya Matthew did for me.

—

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹

| 6:48 PM bunny, mag-prepare ka na

pati si Eli, i-prepare mo na mga gamit niya

papunta si kuya Elias mo diyan, malapit na ’yon

Saint | 6:49 PM okay, kuya

thank you po, i love you, and ingat pauwi

Kuya Matt 🥸🤡👹

| 6:51 PM i love you too, panget

uuwi agad ako pagtapos nito

wag ka na mag-alala diyan, everything will be fine. uuwi rin agad ako, promise. as soon as I can.

Saint | 6:52 PM thank you, kuya

—

I stood up from the floor to prepare the stuff that Eli might need once we brought her to vet.

I’m really glad that it was kuya Elias. Eli would be happy once she sees kuya Elias, miss na miss na rin niya siguro.

After preparing the stuff I needed for Eli, I didn’t bother fixing myself or whatsover. Nakasuot na ako ng pajama dahil maggagabi na rin naman. At sa vet lang naman din kami pupunta.

Nang masiguro kong ayos na ang lahat, maingat kong binuhat si Eli at malambing siyang niyakap. She made a cute sound as she kissed my cheek. I melted instantly with what she did.

Ang sweet-sweet niya talaga!

I hope everything would be fine. I sincerely hope nothing’s wrong with her and it’s just a mild fever. I would never forgive myself if it turned out bad.

—

“Give her to me, baby. I’ll carry her. Just bring her things,” kuya Elias told me as soon as we arrived in front of the vet clinic he knew.

Dahan-dahan ko namang inabot sa kaniya si Eli na malambing ding humilig sa mga braso niya. Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti habang pinagmamasdan sila. Ang cute nila!

Kuya Elias came out of the car first while I was grabbing the bag that I packed for Eli. I heard the door unlocked from my side and found kuya Elias outside, he opened the door for me.

Inabot niya ang isang kamay at marahan akong inalalayan palabas ng kotse.

“Don’t worry too much, hmm?” kuya Elias messed my hair. “She’s gonna be okay. I honestly think it’s just a mild fever. She’ll get better, baby.”

Nginitian ko lang siya para maitago ang pag-aalala sa mga mata ko. Sana nga kasi gano’n lang, sana lagnat lang. Kapag may sakit si Eli, iiyak talaga ako.

A staff welcomed us with a smile. “Good evening, sir Elias.”

Huh? Kilala siya rito?

My eyes widened in shock when a familiar woman approached us. This time, she’s wearing a lab gown.

“Hi, Santi! Oh gosh, I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you during our first meet. Pagod lang ako galing sa byahe.” Wynona took my hand and gently squeezed it. She was wearing a mask but I could tell how wide her smile was behind that.

“Wyn, can you take a look? Santi said Eli’s not eating since earlier, she also used to be playful but she just kept on sleeping since this morning.” Maingat na nilapag ni kuya Elias si Eli sa bed nang makapasok kami sa isang room.

Wynona smiled at me again before she walked closer to Eli.

“Hi, baby,” bati niya at marahang hinaplos ang likod ni Eli. “She looks so pretty! Kamukha ni Santi!”

She knew me? And my name? But how? We didn’t even talk in the car. At ngayon lang kami nagkita ulit.

“I’ll do some test on her to check. So far, it might only be a fever. But I’ll double check to make sure nothing’s wrong.” Wynona walked towards us, but she was clearly looking at me with a smile. “Don’t worry, Santi, she seems to be good. I’ll talk to you guys later after we run some test, hmm? You guys can walk around or have some coffee muna sa cafe beside us. Tatawagan ko si Elias kapag kailangan ko na kayo.”

I gave her a sweet smile and she chuckled at me.

“Ang cute mo talaga!”

My cheeks flushed when she complimented me right off the bat. I bowed my head slightly to say thank you.

“Alright, just give me a ring and let us know what’s wrong.” Kuya Elias gently held my hand and pulled me up to stand. “I’ll just buy him coffee.”

“Go, lovebirds!” Wynona said cheerfully.

Ano raw? Anong lovebirds?

“Baby, let’s go?”

Nginitian ako ni kuya Elias at bahagyang pinisil ang kamay ko. Tinanguan ko siya at hinuling lingon si Wynona. I saw her looking at us so I quickly waved my hand at her to say hi and bye at the same time.

Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya matawa, pero binalik niya rin naman ang kaway sa akin.

Nagpaubaya lang ako kay kuya Elias at hinayaan siyang hilahin ako kung saan. Katulad ng sabi ni Wynona, may coffee shop nga sa tabi ng clinic niya.

I didn’t know she was a Vet doctor. She’s really amazing! Nasa lahi na yata talaga nila kuya Elias ang pagiging magaling sa lahat. Kuya Elias’ gonna be a lawyer, tita Freya’s an amazing businesswoman, tita Lilienne’s an engineer. Tapos si Wynona, doctor! They’re a clan of geniuses!

“Baby, what do you want to drink?”

I turned to kuya Elias when he spoke. Mabilis din namang lumipat ang tingin ko sa harapan at nakita ang babaeng nass counter na parang kinikilig.

Bakit kaya siya kinikilig? Dahil siguro ang gwapo ni kuya Elias?

Nilingon ko ulit si kuya Elias pagkatapos basahin ang mga nasa menu. “[Red Velvet Frappe po.]”

“Alright. What about a slice of cake?” He unconsciously caressed my hair. At katulad kanina, nakita ko na naman ’yung babae sa harap na kinikilig.

Bakit ba siya kinikilig?

Umiling ako kay kuya Elias. “[Frappe lang po.]”

“Okay.” Kuya Elias messed my hair again as he turned to the lady over the counter. “One Red Velvet Frappe and one Cappucino Frappe please. For here.”

“Alright, sir. Any pastry you want po to go along with the frappe?” the lady asked. Her cheeks were still blushing and I’m honestly dying to know why she’s giggling like that.

Dahil talaga siguro kay kuya Elias?

“Nope. That’d be all.”

“Okay po, repeat ko lang po ang order ninyo. One Red Velvet Frappe and one Cappucino Frappe for here. May I ask po kung ano po ang name nila?”

“Santi.”

I played with my lips while watching them. Hindi ko siguro kakayanin kung ako ang o-order ngayon. Baka mahiya pa ako at lumabas na lang.

“Card payment.”

The lady took out some card reader and kuya Elias swiped his card there. Tapos na yata sila?

“Alright, payment received na po. Feel free to take a sit anywhere po, I’ll just bring your order to your table.” The lady glanced at me and gave me a smile. “Ang pretty ninyo po.”

Hala! She said I’m pretty!

A random person saying I’m pretty?!

“Right?” kuya Elias replied with a smirk on his face.

“Ang swerte n’yo pong dalawa sa isa’t isa. Love wins po,” sabi ni ate at kinikilig pang sumenyas ng ‘goodluck’.

Ano raw? Anong love wins?

Hindi pa ako nakakapag-react nang hilahin na ako ni kuya Elias para makahanap kami ng table na available. We sat on the table near the window, where we could observe and see people outside walking by.

“Okay ka lang?”

Tinanguan ko si kuya Elias. “[I was worried about Eli earlier.]”

“Don’t be. Wynona’s a great vet, she’ll take care of our Eli.” He gently pulled my chair closer to him.

Our?

“Yohan and the guys are planning for a sleep over next week. You up?”

Nabitawan ko ang cellphone at excited na tumango-tango. Natawa naman siya sa reaksyon ko, napapailing pang ngumiti.

“Let’s also bring your friends?”

“[Yes, please!]” Pinagsiklop ko pa ang mga palad ko, parang nagmamakaawa.

Kuya Elias grabbed my hand while laughing. “Huwag ka nang mag-please, isasama natin sila. The sleepover’s gonna be on sembreak, okay? Make sure to inform them in advance.”

I saluted and didn’t say anything. Dumating din agad ang order namin kaya pumirmi na lang ako sa kinauupuan ko.

I was busy sipping on my frappe while observing people outside. Some were adults, some were working people who looked tired, some were teenagers bonding with their friends, and some were kids with their parents.

Mapait akong napangiti habang pinapanood ang batang hawak-hawak ang kamay ng mommy at daddy niya sa magkabilang kamay. She looked so happy while talking to her parents. She would sometimes jump and her parents would lift her up.

Of course I was envious. But I’m more than happy for every little kids who happened to be blessed with great parents. And I’m forever sorry for the little kids, like me, who were never loved by their own blood.

Siguro, kung bata pa ako, baka mainggit din ako nang sobra. Baka hindi ko pa maintindihan.

If I’m still the young Santi, I’d probably wonder how easy it is for other kids to receive love from their parents. Bakit sa akin… bakit kapag ako, ang hirap? Bakit hindi ako mahal nila mommy at daddy? Bakit hindi nila ako gusto?

I had a friend who was mute too. But unlike me, she was well loved. Her parents were the nicest people, they’re also nice to me.

Bakit ako, walang gano’n? Bakit si kuya Matthew lang ang mahal ako? Bakit si kuya lang ang may pake sa akin? Bakit sila mommy and daddy lagi akong tinatago sa kwarto kapag may bisita sa bahay?

Bakit kaya galit sila sa akin dahil malambot ako? Bakit kaya hindi nila ako tanggap? Bakit kaya parang kasalanan kong may kapansanan ako?

These questions were things I used to ask to myself when I was a little. I didn’t think I was able to grow, but now that I’m older— those questions were things I stopped asking.

I accepted it.

I hated them.

Anger and resentment were the answers to my questions.

Galit ako sa kanila. Pakiramdam ko, hindi ko sila mahal. Kahit sabihin pang magulang ko pa rin sila, hindi ako makaramdam ng guilt. Hindi ako malungkot na hindi ko sila mahal. Ang gaan sa puso ko kapag sinasabi ko sa iba na si kuya Matthew lang ang love ko. Ang gaan-gaan na walang kumekwestyon sa akin dahil may karapatan akong magalit.

Kuya Elias and my other kuyas knew how much I hate my parents. And the first thing they said was not “hindi tama ’yon, they’re still your parents.”

I never heard that from them.

What I heard was the validation I wanted to hear.

“You had your reasons, Santi.”

They said those words as if my resentment against my parents was just an oath on a normal Saturday. As if it wasn’t a big deal. They didn’t question me, they didn’t try to invalidate my feelings.

That moment, I realized… That I didn’t need to be blood-related to people I call as my parents. My kuya Matthew and my other kuyas were not just brothers to me, I see them as people who filled my heart— the spot that was supposed to be for my parents became theirs.

“Baby, Wyn texted me. She said Eli just have a fever. Napainom niya na raw ng gamot. Let’s go back?”

I smiled at kuya Elias, relieved that Eli was fine and better. Pero bago pa man kami makatayo, may notification sa cellphone ko.

My eyebrows almost met when I received a private message from kuya Jaden.

It was odd, especially that they would always send messages on the group chat if they wanted to tell me something.

I opened the message he sent me, only to read the most heartbreaking message I could ever receive.

Kuya Jaden | 8:24 PM Santi baby?

Is Elias with you? Can you guys go to Saint Yves Hospital?

Si Matthew kasi, naaksidente.

Chapter 20

Iyak ako nang iyak habang sinusulat ’tong chapter na ’to 😭

Anyway, yaaay, we reached 20 chapters already! Parang kailan lang noong pinublish ko ’yung first three chapters tapos dalawa pa lang nagbabasa, haha. Thaaank you and I love you all!

—

Tight Lipped XX

Matthew

“Aray ko, gago! Mahapdi pa nga!” Gigil kong binatukan si Yohan nang sundutin na naman niya ang noo kong may benda.

Tangina nitong lima, nakakasisi na sila ’yung tinawagan ko noong naaksidente ako. Hindi naman malala. Nakakapagmura pa nga ako, oh. Gago lang talaga ’yung motor na nakasalubong ko kaya napilitan akong ibangga ang kotse sa puno.

Ayon, naumpog ulo ko sa manibela. Akala ko nga mamamatay na ako, pero nakakadilat pa naman ako pagkatapos kong maumpog. Kaya nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

Sayang naman ang lahi kung hindi ikakalat.

“Testing lang, pre. Baka mamaya joke lang ’yan, eh,” depensa pa ni Yohan.

Agad siyang nakailag nang tangkain ko na naman siyang batukan.

Kaya ko lang naman sila unang tinawagan dahil wala akong kasama sa Hospital. Medtech student ako pero takot ako sa turok.

At isa pa, ayokong unang malaman ni Santi kasi alam kong mag-aalala ’yon nang sobra.

“Nasaan na ’yung rider ng motor?” tanong ni Denmark.

“Ewan ko, pre. Ang bilis talaga magpatakbo ng hayop, gagi. Biro mo two way naman ’yung lane pero halos kasalubong ko na? Pasalamat siya mabilis kong napihit ’yung manibela ko,” inis kong reklamo.

“Hahanapin natin ’yon, bubugbugin ko.”

“Sus!” bulyaw ng apat kay Tanner. “Third year pa lang pero marunong na mambugbog oh!”

“Kapag kayo pwede, ’pag ako bawal?!” reklamo ni Tanner at padabog pang nilapag ang bowl ng slices ng apple sa table katabi ng kama ko.

Imbes na gumaan pakiramdam ko, lalong bumibigat. Kanina pa sila magulo at mga pang-inis.

Si Lukas inaasar ako na ang tanga ko raw mag-drive, wala raw akong pagmamahal sa nature kasi pati puno binabangga ko. Si Jaden naman busy kasi nakikipag-coordinate doon sa mga opisyal sa barangay kung saan ako naaksidente, pinipilit hanapin ’yung CCTV para mahanap ’yung naka-motor. Si Yohan pisil nang pisil sa sugat kong nakabenda. Si Tanner at Denmark, sadyang mga tarantado lang at kanina pa nagbabangayan.

Hindi talaga uso sa mga hayop na ’to ’yung katahimikan.

“Parating na ba si baby Santi?”

Nilingon ko si Jaden na agad namang tumango kay Lukas. “Hindi nag-reply pero nag-seen naman si baby, eh. ’Saka kasama niya si Elias. For sure nandito na sila, baka hinahanap na lang ’tong kwarto ni Matt.”

“Hoy, Matthew! Kami nagbayad ng bills mo, magpasalamat ka!” biglang singit ni Lukas.

“Bayaran ko na lang kesa magpasalamat,” sabat ko.

“Ungrateful asshole! Gago ka, ha?”

Sari-sariling tawa kami nang magmura siya habang pinapalaki ang boses. Hilig niya talagang gayahin si Elias noong narinig naming magmura si bossing sa cafeteria.

Humupa lang ang tawanan namin nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng kwarto. Bumungad sa akin si Elias na nasa likod ng kapatid ko, at ang kapatid ko na diretsyo namang nakatingin sa akin.

At dahil kuya niya ako, kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya na parang may tinik na nabunot sa dibdib nang makita akong gising at tumatawa pa. The tears in his eyes started to form also.

“Panget, relax ka lang. Ayos lang ako, okay? Sobrang mild lang nung aksid—”

He ran to me and gave me a hug. Halos hindi pa ako makahinga sa sobrang higpit ng yakap niya.

“Panget, ayos lang ako, promise.” I tried to console him when I noticed his shoulders moving.

Umiiyak.

“Huy, huwag kang umiyak. Buhay si kuya, ano ba?” natatawa kong sabi sa kaniya. “Look, I’m perfectly fine.”

I pushed him away gently so he could take a good look on my face. I almost cried too when I saw his face. Punong-puno ng luha ang mga pisngi niya, namumula ang mga mata, pisngi, at ilong kakaiyak.

Kahinaan ko talaga kapag umiiyak at nasasaktan ’tong kapatid ko. Nawawala tapang ko.

“B-Bunny, I’m in a good condition, okay? Hindi ako makakaupo rito kung may nangyareng masama. It was just a wound on my forehead, nabendahan na nila ako. Hindi ako pwedeng mamatay kasi sayang naman lahi ko ’di ba? Kung mamamatay ako—”

Pumaling ang mukha ko sa kaliwa nang malakas niya akong sampalin.

Hanep na ’yan! Hindi ako nasaktan sa sugat ko sa noo, pero sa sampal niya oo.

Sinapo ko ang pisnging sinampal niya at nagtataka siyang binalingan. Galit na galit ang itsura niya at parang nagtitimpi lang na sumabog. Maya-maya, bumuhos ulit ang mga luha niya.

My eyes followed him when he sat on the floor, his face buried on his arms which were hugging his knees. The movement of his shoulders told me everything I need to know.

I knew he was hurt. I knew he felt offended with my “death” jokes. I knew he didn’t like it.

Tangina ko talaga.

I should’ve considered his soft heart and how much love he has for me. Hindi ako dapat nagbiro nang ganon.

“Bunny, I’m s-sorry.” My eyes became blurry when flashes of tears surrounded the corners of my eyes. “Hindi ko sinasadya, sorry.”

Pilit ko siyang hinihila patayo pero winawaksi niya lang ang kamay ko. He was still crying hard. Baka hindi na siya makahinga kaya nag-aalala na ako.

I couldn’t help but burst into tears when he looked at me with pain in his eyes.

“[How dare you joke around like that? Do you even love me? Bakit ang dali-daling mong magbiro tungkol sa gano’ng bagay? Do you even know how hurt I was when I heard from kuya Jaden that you were in an accident?]”

“I k-know, I’m s-sorry,” I sincerely apologized.

I couldn’t stand him getting mad at me. Alam ko ring mali ko, sobrang mali ko talaga. I should’ve never said that shit.

“[I hate you so much. Hindi mo alam kung anong nararamdaman ko while we were on the way here. I kept on thinking about you, I kept on crying! Tapos porke’t hindi malala ’yung natamo mo, magbibiro ka about death? For what? To make things lighter? To make me laugh? I…]” His hands kept on shaking while doing sign language.

I wondered if he had any idea how seeing that hurt me. He couldn’t speak, he was still in shock, probably traumatized— but he’s still expressing what he felt. He’s still trying this hard to show how much he care for me.

I sobbed loudly when he stood up and signed. “[I love you, kuya. I’m sorry if I’m not saying that frequently. I didn’t mean what I said a while ago, I don’t hate you. I was just worried. I’m sorry, I’m glad you’re okay, and I love you so much.]”

He sat beside me to give me a tight hug, which I didn’t decline.

He was crying hard and so was I. Mahigpit ko siyang yakap habang parehas kaming umiiyak sa balikat ng isa’t isa.

Wala na akong pakealam kung nakikita ng mga kaibigan ko kung paano ako manghina pagdating kay Santi. Alam kong maiintindihan nila.

Alam kong alam nila kung gaano kaimportante sa akin ang kapatid ko. He was like a god to me and they heard multiple stories about Santi since we became friends.

They knew a lot of things about Santi because of the stories I told them. They knew Santi even before Santi knew them. Kabisado na nila ang kapatid ko bago pa tumapak si Santi sa college.

Santi said he’s sorry for not telling me that he loves me frequently. But that was far from the truth.

Hindi man niya alam, pero sobrang ramdam ko. I knew how much I mean to him. I knew how much he loves me. To the point that I started a healthy lifestyle so I would never catch any illness and I could stay with him as long as he wants.

Hindi niya laging sinabi sa akin, pero ramdam na ramdam ko ’yon.

He would always sneak out from his bedroom in the middle of the night just to bring me snacks whenever I’m studying for exams. Na kahit madaling araw na at may pasok pa siya kinaumagahan, pipiliin niyang doon matulog sa kwarto ko para raw hindi ko maramdamang mag-isa ako habang nag-aaral.

He would always buy me my favorite snacks whenever he’s coming home from school. Ipagmamalaki niya pang hindi niya ginastos lahat ang baon niya para mabilhan ako ng gusto ko.

He would always draw me whenever his teachers ask him to draw his superhero. He would always put me as his emergency contact.

He would always watch movies with me despite him finishing it already, just to bond with me. Magpapanggap pa siyang hindi niya pa napapanood kahit ang peke ng mga gulat niyang reaksyon sa mga plot twist ng pelikula.

He would always tell me that I’m going to be a great chef whenever he heard our parents pressuring me to take the medtech program.

Kaya tangina ko. Hindi ko dapat kailanman biruin ’yung tungkol sa patay patay na ’yan, kasi tangina hindi ko kayang gawin ’yon kay Santi. Mahal na mahal ako ng kapatid ko, at mahal na mahal ko rin ’yan.

Kahit kailan, hindi ko naisip na ilagay siya sa sitwasyon na masasaktan siya.

Just imagining what he probably felt when he heard that I was involved in an accident was already enough to hurt me as well.

“I love you too,” I whispered on his ear. “I’m so s-sorry, I’m sorry I made you worried. Hindi na uulitin ni kuya, hmm? Mag-iingat na ako lagi.”

—

Saint

“[I’ll do it. I’ll buy it for you,]” I signed to kuya Matthew when he was about to ask kuya Jaden to buy him the medicine that was prescribed to him.

“Anong ikaw? Mamaya hindi mo pa alam kung saan ang pharmacy dito,” sabat ni kuya Matthew at pinitik pa ako sa noo.

I angrily hit him with the pillow. Agresibo kong nilahad ang palad. “[Give me money, ako na sabi bibili.]”

“Maliligaw ka—”

“[Ako na bibili!]”

“Ano ba’t…” Pinaningkitan ako ng mga mata ni kuya. “Bakit ba nagpupumilit ka diyan? Malawak ’tong hospital, baka maligaw ka nga lang. ’Saka alam mo ba gagawin do’n, ha? Ibibigay mo lang reseta tapos ano sunod?”

I pouted my lips, running out of ideas so he could let me buy the medicines instead.

“Sasamahan ko na.”

Great! Kuya Elias saved the day!

“Oh sige. Pasalamat ka laging nandyan si Elias.” Dinuro-duro pa ako ni kuya Matthew sa mukha kaya pabiro ko siyang inirapan.

Kuya Matthew handed me his wallet when he saw me reaching out for it. Sa wakas! Si kuya Elias lang talaga lagi ang rason bakit niya ako pinapayagan sa mga bagay-bagay.

Sabay kaming lumabas ni kuya Elias sa private room ni kuya Matt. Tulog na sila kuya Yohan at kuya Lukas dahil maaga pa ang class nila bukas.

11:25 PM na rin kasi, masyado kaming nawili kanina na magkwentuhan. Inaasar pa nila si kuya Matthew kasi raw natipuhan ng kapre kaya sa puno bumangga.

Ngayon lang ako nakalabas dahil hindi ko talaga maiwanan si kuya Matthew kanina, parang kapag napalayo ako sa kaniya ng isang segundo, naiiyak na agad ako.

I had no idea if it was because of the accident, or talagang clingy lang ako. Pero pakiramdam ko dahil na rin sa nangyare, parang takot na takot pa rin ako hanggang ngayon.

Ngayon ko lang nagawang mapahiwalay sa kaniya kasi hindi na talaga kaya ng puso ko. Anytime from now, I felt like I was going to break.

“Baby, come here.”

Nagtataka kong nilingon si kuya Elias nang marahan niya akong hilahin papunta kung saan. He took me to the emergency exit, where no one was around.

Sumandal siya sa pader pagkatapos isarado ang pinto, ’saka ako pinagmasdan. Parang may hinihintay na gawin ko.

Ah .

He must’ve felt it.

I glanced at him for the last time before I finally let down my guards. I crouched and hugged my knees as I broke down into tears.

My hands began trembling again, my chest kept on getting tight as series of tears wet my cheeks. Pati braso ko ay basang-basa na dahil sa kakaiyak ko.

I felt kuya Elias crouching down as well. Then I felt his hand on my head, gently comforting me.

“It’s fine, baby. Just cry.”

Tama nga ako. Nakahalata si kuya Elias. Kaya niya ako sinamahan, kaya sinabi niya kay kuya Matthew na hayaan akong umalis.

Hanggang ngayon kasi… takot na takot pa rin ako.

The fear that I felt when I heard about the news? It was still here. Despite knowing that kuya Matthew’s doing well, magulo pa rin ang isip ko. Natatakot at parang aligaga.

While we were on the way here, I wasn’t checking my phone. Takot na takot ako tuwing may nare-receive akong messages mula kila kuya Jaden.

Kasi paano kapag binuksan ko tapos ang laman… ay nasa malalang sitwasyon si kuya?

I wasn’t able to read their messages, telling me that kuya Matthew’s awake. Hindi sila nagkulang ng pagkumpirma na hindi malala ang aksidente ni kuya. Sadyang hindi ko lang nabasa.

Kaya noong nakita ko si kuya Matthew na tumatawa, parang may nabunot na tinik sa dibdib ko. I forgot about the fear that engulfed me for the meantime. Seeing him in a good condition was everything that I was praying for on the way here.

Tapos… magbibiro pa siya ng tungkol sa death?

I regretted slapping him, I wasn’t supposed to do that. Nadala lang ako. Kasi noong mga oras na ’yon, halu-halo ang nararamdaman ko. Masaya kasi ayos siya, malungkot kasi nasaktan siya, natatakot, kinakabahan.

I didn’t like how it was too easy for him to joke around with death. That was the last thing I’d ever want to associate with his name.

Hindi ko kaya.

Hindi ko kaya kapag nawala ang kuya ko.

I stayed because of him. And I was so certain that if I lose him, I’d continue the attempt I did months ago.

Kuya Matthew’s my world, so how could I ever live without the sole purpose why I’m still here?

Mas mahal ko pa siya kesa sa buhay ko. Na parang kaya ko lahat isakripisyo kung para lang sa kaniya.

“[It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have chatted him to go home.]” Humihikbi kong baling kay kuya Elias.

“No, baby. It’s not your fault. Huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo, walang may gusto nung nangyare, okay?” He tried comforting me but it was no use, to be honest. I’d forever think that it’s partially my fault why this had to happen.

“[If I didn’t chat him about Eli, hindi siya magmamadaling umuwi. He promised me, in the chat, that he’s going to come home as soon as possible. If he didn’t hurry, if he was one minute late, hindi naman mangyayare ’yon.]”

“Baby, no one wanted this to happen, okay? You don’t have to blame yourself, it will only hurt you more. Besides, nothing worst happened, right? He was not badly injured, he’s a great driver so he was able to save himself from the worst case scenario.”

I shook my head, my tears still pouring down.

“[But what if…]” Mas lumala ang paghikbi ko sa naisip. “[But what if it was not only that? Paano kung malala? Paano kung hindi lang sugat sa ulo ’yung nakuha ni kuya? Paano…. Paano na ako?]”

Kuya Elias didn’t reply to me immediately. Nakatingin lang siya sa mga mata ko. And I could see in his eyes that he’s hurt to see me like this.

“[I love him so much, kuya Elias. Mahal na mahal ko si kuya Matthew. Hindi ko laging nasasabi sa kaniya, lagi ko siyang inaaway, lagi ko siyang iniirapan, lagi kong kinakampihan sila kuya Yohan kapag inaasar nila si kuya. Hindi ko laging sinasabi sa kaniya na mahal ko siya. I don’t even know if he felt how much I love him. Hindi ko po alam kung nababalik ko ba sa kaniya ’yung pagmamahal na binibigay niya sa akin.]”

I cried even more when kuya Elias wiped my tears. Then he smiled at me, as if tomorrow’s going to be a better day.

“Believe me, Matthew knew. He knew you too well that even your love for him’s the most transparent gift you could ever give. Do you even know how many times Matthew bragged about the things you’re doing for him?” Umiiyak kong pinakinggan si kuya Elias. “When he was in first year, he’d always bring the snacks you bought for him. Ipagmamalaki niya na binilhan mo siya no’n galing sa sariling baon mo. He’d show us the drawings you’ve made indicating that he’s your hero. The funny thing was… he never ate any of the food you bought him. There’s a certain box in our hide-out and it’s full of the snacks you gave him. Most of them were expired but we never threw them away. If you’re going to tell me if Matthew was aware, yes, very. You guys are each other’s safe place, if there’s anyone that could feel how much love you guys have for each other? It would be the two of you.”

Mas lalo lang akong umiyak nang umiyak habang nagkukwento si kuya Elias.

I didn’t know that kuya Matthew was aware of the things I did for him when I was a kid. I didn’t know he was aware how much I treasure him.

Hindi ko na pala kailangang matakot.

Kaya siguro takot na takot pa rin ako kanina, dahil nasa isip ko pa rin na kung malala ang aksidente, baka huli na ang lahat para masabi ko kay kuya kung gaano ko siya kamahal.

I began to realize how important it was to be transparent, to be honest, and to always be expressive.

We never know if it’s going to be the last time.

We never know what future awaits.

Suppressing my feelings just because I was afraid to say it would never be my regret again. I’d neveret that happen again.

Realizing these things… I thought it’s just right for me to tell kuya Elias what I really felt for him.

Dahil katulad ng kay kuya, ayokong pagsisihan na hindi ko nasabi ang gusto kong sabihin.

Chapter 21

Tight Lipped XXI

Saint

“Sige na, baby, i-send mo na!”

Kagat-labi akong napatingin kila Relan habang mariin nila akong pinapanood.

“[I’m really scared!]” I pouted my lips and shook my head aggressively.

“Hindi ’yan, baby!” Wendy held my shoulder to give me moral support. “It’s now or never, ’di ba? Kapag hindi ka umamin, paano na lang? Pero kapag umamin ka na ngayon, at least wala nang burden sa shoulders mo!”

Napasabunot ako sa sariling buhok habang nakatingin sa screen ng cellphone ko. Hindi ko pa naman pinipindot ang send button, natatakot kasi talaga ako.

Ano na lang ang sasabihin ni kuya Elias kapag bigla akong umamin sa kaniya sa chat?

Magugulat siya. Baka mandiri pa? Tapos magiging friendship over na kami. Tapos hindi niya na ako papansinin?

“I know naman na scared ka, baby. Pero ’di ba ikaw na rin mismo nagsabi na baka pagsisihan mo kapag hindi ko nasabi? Aamin ka rin naman eventually, why not do it now?” Diana said.

Ramdam ko na malambing akong hinahaplos ni Yana sa buhok, para siguro pakalmahin ang sistema ko.

It’s now or never, right?

Tama sila, aamin din naman ako eventually. I didn’t need to wait for that time, now could be the perfect time!

I slowly dragged my finger on the send button, still hesitating if I should send the message or not.

“Santi!”

Gulat akong napatalon sa kinauupuan nang biglang marinig ang boses ni Yana. I looked at her and she was giggling before she glanced at my phone.

Paglingon ko… Omg! Na-send ko ’yung message!

—

Saint

| 2:36 PM kuya Elias, crush po kita

—

Nagpa-panic kong kinuha ang cellphone ko mula sa lamesa at talagang kinumpirma pa kung na-send ba talaga ’yung message.

And it truly was! There was a ‘delivered’ indicator at the bottom!

“Hayaan mo na ’yan, let’s just wait for him to reply, okay?” Relan hugged me from the side while laughing at my panicked expression.

Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko, lalo na noong ma-realize ko na pwedeng mag-reply si kuya Elias sa message ko.

Anong sasabihin niya?

Anong magiging reaksyon niya?

My eyes went back to the screen, only to end up panicking even more when I saw that he had read the message already.

Napatili sila Yana nang makita ’yon, ako naman, napatayo sa kinauupuan. Mabilis ko ring pinatay ang cellphone dahil ayokong makita kung ano ang magiging sagot ni kuya Elias.

Ayoko! Ayokong mabasa

“Baby, nandiyan na si kuya mo sa labas.” I came back to my senses when Yana called my attention.

Sumilip ako sa bintana ng classroom namin at nakita si kuya Matthew na naghihintay sa labas. Tapos na rin siguro ang klase niya kaya maaga kaming makakauwi.

I bid goodbyes to my friends who kept on giggling since earlier. Sila talaga ang pasimuno ng lahat, pero ayos lang… at least nasabi ko na.

“Oh, bakit parang nakakita ka ng multo diyan?” natatawang tanong ni kuya pagkatapos kuhanin ang backpack ko para siya ang magbitbit.

“[Nothing,]” I replied to him.

“Anong nothing? Namumula mga pisngi mo tas para kang robot maglakad. May nangyare ba?” nag-aalala niyang tanong.

I shook my head. “[Ang hirap lang po ng quiz namin.]”

“Sus! Ikaw mahihirapan? Manang-mana ka kay kuya sa katalinuhan, paanong mahirap— Aww.”

Natahimik siya nang kurutin ko siya sa tagiliran. Magyayabang na naman, eh!

“Ikaw naman, panget, ang seryoso mo. Kapag dating sa mga quiz, madali lang ’yan. May tinatawag tayong studying technique, it’s called the—”

“[Kuya, alam ko na ’yan. Pang-ilang beses mo nang sinabi ’yan sa akin.]”

“Gano’n ba?” kibit-balikat niyang sabi.

Pero hindi pa rin siya tumigil. Habang naglalakad kami papunta sa parking lot, paulit-ulit pa rin niyang sinasabi sa akin ’yung mga technique na ginagamit niya kapag nagre-review.

Kalahati no’n ay puro ‘titingin ka lang sa salamin at kapag nakita mo ang mukha mo, mai-inspire ka na’. Sino namang hindi mabwibwiset sa ganiyang advice?

Daldal lang siya nang daldal habang ako naman, palingon-lingon sa daan at kinakabahan. Kasi paano kung bigla naming makita si kuya Elias? Paano kung bigla namin siyang makasalubong?

Nakakahiya!

Nakahinga lang ako nang maluwag nang tuluyan na kaming makasakay ni kuya sa sasakyan niya, at walang kuya Elias kaming nakasalubong.

But how long do I have to keep on running away from him? Hanggang kailan ako kakabahan na baka bigla ko siyang makita?

“Buckle up, bunny.”

Parang lantay gulay akong gumagalaw nang isuot ko ang seat belt. Hanggang ngayon kasi ay nanlalamig pa rin ang mga kamay ko simula noong umamin ako kay kuya Elias.

Kahit sino naman siguro ay kakabahan? Lalo na sa sitwasyon ko.

Alam ko namang kapatid lang ang turing ni kuya Elias sa akin, o kaya kaibigan. Baka nga kapag kinausap niya ako tungkol sa message ko, bigla pa akong pagalitan.

I knew for sure that he’d tell me he appreciated it. But I also knew he’d tell me that it’s not appropriate to like him. Kilala ko na si kuya Elias, sigurado akong ’yan ang mga bagay na sasabihin niya sa akin.

Itutulog ko na lang siguro. Hindi ko bubuksan ang cellphone ko kahit anong mangyare.

“Oh, mauuntog pa,” saway ni kuya Matthew sa akin nang magdi-diretsyo ako sa pintuan ng unit namin— nakasarado pa pala.

He entered the pin and walked in first, parang robot lang akong sumunod sa kaniya papasok.

“Oh, andito ka na pala, man!”

Napaatras ako nang wala sa oras nang makita ang pigura ni kuya Elias na nakaupo sa sofa namin. Nakatuon ang magkabilang siko niya sa mga tuhod at komportableng nagce-cellphone.

I almost melted in panic, my eyes wandering everywhere, my knees were trembling. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko, parang gusto ko na lang magpakain sa lupa ano mang oras. Makatakas lang sa sitwasyon. 

Kuya Elias removed his eyes from his phone and slowly landed on us, specifically on me.

I couldn’t read the emotion in his eyes. Was he mad? Was he disappointed? Was he disgusted? What?!

“Just got here.” Tinago niya ang cellphone sa bulsa bago tumayo at naglakad papalapit sa amin, hindi pa rin inaalis ang tingin sa mga mata ko.

“Great! Buti nahatid ko na ’to si Santi. Alis na ako, man, ha? Ilang oras lang naman ako sa resto, kulang lang talaga ng tao.” Kuya Matthew tapped my shoulder. “Si kuya Elias mo muna bahala sa ’yo ha? Marunong magluto ’yan kaya hindi na kita lulutuan ng dinner mo.”

In panic, I immediately grabbed kuya Matthew’s arm using my non-dominant hand. “[What are you doing? Where are you going?]”

“Sa resto nga po, panget,” sabi ni kuya Matt.

My eyes widened, still refusing to look at kuya Elias who probably never removed his eyes on me. “[And you’re just gonna leave me here? Sasama ako sa ’yo!”

“Anong sasama pinagsasabi mo? Ano namang gagawin mo sa resto? Manggugulo, ha? Tumigil ka, panget.” Inalis ni kuya ang pagkakakapit ko sa braso niya bago balingan si kuya Elias. “Man, salamat, ha? Hindi naman pasaway ’yan si Santi, mabait ’yan.”

I don’t get it! I just don’t get it! Bakit kailangang nandito pa si kuya Elias? Para ano, para alagaan ako? I’m not a kid anymore! 

I shook my head violently to kuya Matthew, hoping he’d get a hint and won’t leave me alone.

“Anong pag-iinarte ’yan, panget? Tumigil ka nga.” Pabiro niya akong tinulak papunta kay Elias kaya taranta akong napalayo. “Huwag kang pasaway kay Elias, ha? Magtino ka!”

I bit my lower lip as I watched kuya Matthew leave the unit. Pina-process ko pa sa utak ko kung paano magsara ang pintuan, patanda na kaming dalawa na lang ni kuya Elias ang naiwan.

“Santi, sit down. We’ll talk.”

No! No way!

Gustong-gusto kong tumakbo palabas para habulin si kuya Matthew at sumama na lang sa kaniya. Pero hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko, parang naka-glue ang mga paa ko sa sahig.

“Are you just gonna stand there?”

Oo! Kung pwede lang, oo!

“Santi, I said sit down.”

He used that voice again. Alam naman niyang takot ako sa malamig niyang boses, kaya ginagamit niya sa akin ngayon.

Alam ko namang papagalitan niya ako, at papangaralan. Makikinig na lang ako sa sasabihin niya, pagkatapos no’n, tapos na! Tama!

I slowly walked towards his direction. My eyes avoided his gaze as I sat down on the sofa, putting a massive space between the two of us.

“How’s school today?”

Bakit… Bakit mas gumwapo yata siya ngayon?

Was it because he’s wearing an all black outfit? Was it because he just got his undercut re-done? Or was it because I like him too much?

“[Fine,]” maikli kong sagot.

“And?” He raised his eyebrow on me. Taka ko namang siyang tiningnan, nagtataka kung ano pa ang gusto niyang idagdag ko. “That’s it? School’s fine?”

“[Yes.]”

He chuckled as he removed his eyes on me. Maya-maya, nilabas niya ang cellphone sa bulsa at binuksan ’yon. I panicked internally when I saw him opening the messenger app.

Naiiyak ako.

“And are we gonna talk about this?”

He showed me the screen of his phone, and I almost died when I saw my own message.

Nakakahiya!

“Since when, Santi?”

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya at pinagkaabalahan ang laylayan ng uniform ko. Gagawin ko na ang lahat para lang hindi mapatingin sa kaniya.

“[Since the very start,]” I quickly signed, still avoiding his eyed.

“Was it during the first time we met?”

I nodded.

“And why didn’t you tell me immediately?”

Why would I? Edi lalayuan niya ako? Tapos kapag nilayuan niya ako, lalayuan din ako nila kuya Yohan? Papagalitan ako ni kuya? Kawawa… kawawa naman ako.

“[I was scared. I knew you’d be disgusted. You’re not like me, and you see me as a brother only.]”

“I see you as what? And what do you mean I’d be disgusted?” Hindi siya makapaniwalang tumawa. “God, Santi, I thought you were pretending not to notice. Hindi mo pala talaga nahahalata?”

“[Ano pong hindi nahahalata?]”

“What did I tell you about women?”

“[That you don’t like them?]” I signed hesitantly.

“And who do you think I like if I don’t like women?” he asked in a more commanding tone.

Is this a quiz?

“[I don’t know.]”

Napahilamos siya sa mukha, parang nagtitimpi siya o ano. Hanggang sa maya-maya, muli niya akong nilingon.

“If I don’t like women, that only means one thing. It means I like boys.”

Gano’n ba ’yon? Hindi ba pwedeng ayaw niya sa babae, at ayaw niyang magkaroon ng crush or partner sa kahit na sino? Kapag ba ayaw sa babae, ang kabaligtaran ay gusto na agad sa lalaki?

Ako ba ang mali?

“It’s still not ringing a bell?”

So, anong pinupunto niya? Ano naman kung gusto niya ang lalaki? Anong gagawin ko? Hindi ibig sabihin no’n ay gusto niya ako! Kapatid nga ang tingin niya sa akin.

“Baby, are you really clueless or just unassuming?” he asked in frustration.

“[Hindi kita maintindihan, kuya.]”

“Oh god…” Napatingala na siya sa frustration na hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling. “Santi, have you really never thought about it? Through my actions and everything? I’ve created a social media for you, what do you think did it mean?”

“[You want to have communication with me?]” panghuhula ko.

Napapikit na naman siya nang mariin. “If I badly want to talk to you, I should’ve just texted you just like how I did to everyone else.”

Ah… ano raw?

Normal naman talagang maging mutual friends sa Facebook ’di ba?

“Do you want to find out how I feel about you? Since you’re clueless as hell.” Kuya Elias closed the gap between us and I shrieked in panic. “Do you have a crush on me or do you like me?”

Nalilito ko siyang pinagmasdan.

“We’ll find out, baby. I’ll knock some sense on you and you’re going to decide whether you want me or not.”

Unti-unti akong napaatras nang makitang papalapit siya nang papalapit.

Teka, anong gagawin niya?

I gulped as I tried to look in another direction, waiting for him to do something that we’d probably regret later.

Dahil sa kaba at kabog ng dibdib ko, taranta ko siyang naitulak papalayo sa akin. ’Saka ako kumaripas ng takbo papasok sa kwarto ko.

I slammed my door to close on its own, but I jumped on my position when kuya Elias was able to stop it from shutting.

I saw how he looked at me. He looked like he was running out of patience.

Hinubad niya ang salamin habang naglalakad papalapit sa akin. Ako naman, napapaatras dahil sa tarantang nararamdaman ko.

Kung may boses lang ako, siguro nakatili na ako sa gulat nang mabangga ang likod ng tuhod ko sa gilid ng kama, dahilan para bumagsak ako.

I was about to stand up when kuya Elias went on top of me, pinning one of my shoulders on the bed. His other free hand’s resting on the space beside my head.

“I swear if you fucking kiss me back, I’ll do everything to keep you all to myself,” he whispered when our lips got closer to each other.

I knew what he was about to do next. Of course I, at least, knew about kiss!

Pero kahit na alam ko ang gusto niyang gawin, hindi ako pumalag o kahit ano. I knew he was also waiting for me to shake my head and get away from him. And when he saw that I wasn’t planning to stop him, he leaned closer.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ang pagdampi ng malambot na bagay sa mga labi ko. Ilang segundo lang tumagal ’yon bago niya ilayo ang mukha sa akin.

The emotions in his eyes were something I’ve never seen before. Those emotions were unfamiliar to me. They’re getting more visible whenever kuya Elias’ looking at my lips.

“Does this.” He leaned forward to plant a kiss on my lips again. “Not makes sense.” He kissed me again with more passion. “To you?”

I couldn’t even react. Everytime he’d get away from me, hahalikan niya lang ako ulit nang hahalikan.

“God, I fucking love your lips.” He cupped both of my cheeks and kissed me aggressively.

This time, he didn’t try to move away from me. He was kissing me with more passion and more ferocity.

Rinig na rinig ko ang mga tunog na ginagawa ng mga labi namin. I also felt his tongue as he sucked my lower lip.

“God…” I was startled when he buried his lips and nose on my cheek, just right above my neck. “Wag mong sabihin sa akin na hindi mo pa rin alam, Santi. Kasi, tangina, ang tagal kitang pinanggigigilan. Hindi mo alam kung gaano katagal akong nagtimtimpi na hindi gawin sa ’yo ’to.”

Nakiliti ako nang bumaba ang mga labi niya sa leeg ko. Kahit gaano kaseryoso ang sitwasyon, parang gusto ko tuloy matawa. Nakikiliti talaga ako tuwing hinahalikan niya ako sa leeg.

“Are you just gonna lay down there?” His eyes were burning when he landed his on mine. Bumaba ulit ang tingin niya sa mga labi ko at gigil na naman akong hinalikan.

I slightly pushed him away so I could sign.

“[Nagugutom po ako.]”

Hindi ko kasi alam ang sasabihin ko.

“What?” inis niyang sabi. “Naghalikan na tayo’t lahat-lahat, ’yan lang sasabihin mo?”

Ano ba dapat?

“[Okay, I get it.]” I pushed him a little more so I could sit down. Nagpatulak din naman siya kahit nakakunot pa ang noo niya. “[You also have a crush on me? Because you only kiss someone if they’re your crush.]”

“Tigilan mo nga ’yang crush-crush na ’yan,” nakataas ang kilay na sabi niya. “We’re too old for that term. You don’t kiss someone even if they’re your crush. You only kiss someone whom you wanted to be your boyfriend. You don’t…”

Nagtataka ko siyang tiningnan nang bigla siyang tumigil magsalita. Nakatingin na naman siya sa mga labi ko na nakanguso na pala dahil ang dami niyang sinasabi.

Kuya Elias leaned forward again to kiss my lips.

Hindi ko siya tinulak kasi… gusto ko rin, hehe .

Paniguradong lagot ako kay kuya— Omg! Lagot ako kay kuya Matthew!

Napatakip ako sa bibig at taranta kong tinulak si kuya Elias na parang bitin na bitin pa sa halik. Eh, kanina niya pa nga ako hinahalikan! Pakiramdam ko nga namamanhid na ang mga labi ko kakahalik niya!

“What?” irita niyang tanong. “Kiss me again, baby.”

Ganito pala talaga si kuya Elias? Akala ko… akala ko hindi siya malandi.

I shook my head while still covering my mouth using my non-dominant hand. “[Si kuya Matthew po. Lagot tayo sa kaniya! I’m sure he’ll get mad at you. Susuntukin ka niya sa mukha—]”

“Hindi ’yan.” Hinila niya ako paupo at hinalikan na naman ako.

Ang landi niya!

“And so what if he finds out we’re dating? It’s not like he can stop us,” he said in between his kisses.

Hindi ko na talaga maramdaman ang mga labi ko. Kanina pa siya halik nang halik. Kulang na lang magkapalit na kami ng mga labi.

He put his thumb on my lower lip and played with it as he stared at my eyes. Then he went back on kissing me, as if it was new to me.

“[We’re dating?]” I asked him when I was able to finally push him away from me.

“We kissed, of course we are.”

Wala ba talagang panliligaw kapag lalaki sa lalaki?

“[Hindi kita liligawan, kuya?]”

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko nang bigla siyang tumawa nang malakas. Baliw na siguro talaga siya. Nagtatanong ako nang maayos, eh.

Ayaw niya ba ng ligaw? Hindi ko ba dapat siya liligawan? Para sa babae lang ba talaga dapat ’yon?

“Why would you court me, baby?”

“[Syempre, I liked you first.]”

Malambing niyang hinalikan ang pisngi ko. “Who said you liked me first?”

Huh? Ako naman talaga. Nagkagusto kaya ako sa kaniya noong una pa lang naming pagkikita. Kahit crush lang ’yon, ako pa rin ang nauna!

“And I should be the one courting you, baby. Not the other way around. But I’ll be courting you while we’re dating, although I already did the part when you were still clueless.”

Ako pa talaga ang clueless. Siya nga ’tong nang-aagaw ng he fell first na trope.

He’s so weird!

Chapter 22

Tight Lipped XXII

Saint

“Yahoo! Nakapagbakasyon din sa wakas!”

Natatawa kong pinanood sila kuya Yohan na nagtatatalon agad pagkababa namin ng van. 

“Ano ’yan? Bakit may bitbit na naman kayong mga salbabida?” nakakunot noong tanong sa kanila ni kuya Matthew.

“Hindi salbabida tawag dito! Inflatables. Maglalaro ulit kami nila Santi! ’Di ba, baby?!” Nakangiting bumaling sa akin sila kuya Yohan na nakangiti ko namang tinanguan.

“Hindi talaga nauubusan ng energy mga kuya mo ’no?” natatawang baling nila Relan sa akin.

I laughed and nodded my head, silently agreeing with them. My other kuyas’ energy were really unmatched.

Kuya Denmark approached me with a smile on his face. “Baby! Ligo tayo sa pool mamaya! Maghahanapan tayo ng piso— Ano ga, Matthew?! Paepal!”

Natatawa kong pinanood si kuya Matt na pingot-pingot si kuya Denmark papalayo sa akin.

“Tigilan n’yo muna kapatid ko! Ang dami pa nating aasikasuhin!”

Habang abala silang magkulitan, dumapo ang tingin ko sa vacation house nila kuya Elias na nasa harap namin. Kahit alam ko naman, minsan nagugulat pa rin ako na ganito sila kayaman.

Nang sunod-sunod na pumasok sila kuya Jaden sa loob, sumunod na rin kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Kanya-kanya silang mga reaksyon kasi nakakamangha talaga ’yung bahay! Ang laki-laki tapos halatang sobrang inaalagaan kahit walang tumatao.

“Girls, kami na ang bahala sa mga aasikasuhin. Mag-selfie selfie na muna kayo diyan,” sabi ni kuya Yohan habang nakatingin sa direksyon namin.

Hindi naman ako kasama sa girls kaya naglakad ako papalapit sa kanila. Tutulong din ako!

“Yes, baby?” nagtataka pero nakangiting tanong ni kuya Tanner. “Bakit po?”

“[I’ll help you!]” proud na proud kong sabi.

Nagkatingin silang lima bago sabay-sabay na umiling.

“No, baby! Kami na bahala. Magluluto lang kami tapos aayusin namin ’yung barbeque set-up. Makipag-bonding ka muna sa mga kaibigan mo,” kuya Lukas said as he pat my head.

Gano’n? Hindi rin ako kasali?

Kuya Jaden handed me the Toothless stuffed toy they brought. Excited ko namang kinuha ’yon at niyakap bago sila kawayan. Tatalon-talon akong pumunta kila Relan na inaabangan lang din ako.

“Baby, tara! Picture-picture tayo sa labas.”

Nice! Bago kasi kami pumasok, nakita ko ’yung paligid ng bahay. Sobrang ganda ng view at sobrang daming mga halaman!

Magpo-post na talaga ako ng profile picture sa Facebook, hehe.

Magkakasama kaming naglakad ng mga kaibigan ko papalabas ng bahay, para sana mag-picture. Pero napahinto rin kami pagkalampas ng pintuan nang may makasalubong kami.

My cheeks instantly blushed when we stumbled upon kuya Elias. Hindi namin siya kasabay sa van kanina kasi inuna niyang asikasuhin ’tong bahay para makasiguro na ayos ang lahat.

Tapos ngayon… Paanong hindi ako mamumula? Ang gwapo-gwapo niya! Naka-white siyang polo na bukas ang mga butones sa taas, medyo manipis din ang polo kaya bakat na bakat ang katawan niya.

Kung ikukumpara ang katawan niya sa akin, para lang akong toothpick.

“Yiee, boyfriend mo,” nang-aasar na bulong ni Yana sa tenga ko.

“Where are you going?” tanong ni kuya Elias sa amin.

“Magpi-picture po. Pero huwag po kayong mag-alala, ibabalik po namin agad si Santi sa inyo,” sabi ni Wendy at nang-aasar pa akong sinundot sa tagiliran.

Kuya Elias’ eyes darted on me. He raised his eyebrow with a smile plastered on his face. “They knew?”

Namumula ang mga pisnging tumango ako. He nodded his head as he turned to my friends again.

“Okay. Feel free to walk around, just make sure not to wander far, baka maligaw kayo.” Kuya Elias looked behind us, as if making sure that the door’s closed. Maya-maya pa, naglakad siya papalapit sa akin at malambing akong hinalikan sa noo. “Don’t be stubborn, baby.”

“Ay!” sabay-sabay na napatili sila Diana sa gilid ko. Nagtutulakan pa nga sila at naghihilahan ng buhok.

Maling desisyon yata na pinaalam ko sa kanila ang estado namin ni kuya Elias.

“[Kanina ka pa rito?]” I asked him.

He smiled at me and kissed my right cheek. “An hour earlier. Sige na, bumalik kayo agad.”

I bid goodbye at him and so did my friends. Tanaw-tanaw ko ang pigura ni kuya Elias habang papasok siya sa loob ng bahay.

I couldn’t believe that this was my reality now. Hindi pa rin yata nagsi-sink in sa akin na talagang… mag-boyfriend kami.

—

“

Ang dami agad reacts at comments, baby!” humahagikhik na sabi nila Relan habang hawak-hawak ang mga cellphone nila.

I bit my lower lip as I went back to my Facebook profile. May kulay na kasi sa tagal kong may account, ngayon lang ako nag-post ng profile picture.

I looked at the profile picture I posted and gasped when I saw the number of reactions and comments.

1.2k reactions and 300 comments?!

What?!

Sino sila? Saan sila galing?!

“Baby, they’re from our university! Sabi ko sa ’yo sikat ka talaga sa school,” tumatawang sabi ni Diana.

Kanina pa sila like nang like sa mga comments under my profile. Para silang mga proud na proud na magulang sa anak nila.

I scrolled through the comments, and sure thing— some names were really familiar to me. Puro nga sila mga students from the univ!

Hehe . They’re so kind with their comments.

Yunah Reyes commented: So pretty!

River commented: Hi po 👋

Alana M commented: Pretty boy talaga 🥺

Lilcia commented: Guys, ang ganda niya lalo sa personal 😭

Gelo Cruz

commented: Hello 💗

Pinagla-like ko lahat ng comments ng mga babae. ’Yung sa mga lalaki… anong ire-react ko? Puro lang naman sila hello or hi.

My eyes sparkled the moment I saw tita Freya and tita Lilienne’s comments. Even ate Wynona!

Freya

Reed-Salvacion commented: I miss you, our baby! Will buy you lots of pasalubong from Spain 🥺

Lilienne Salvacion commented: Hi, our pretty baby! We miss you a lot!

Wynona Reed commented: So prettyyyy. I miss you and I miss Eli too!

Ang cute! Omg! They all commented! Ang saya-saya ko!

Ngiting-ngiti ako habang nagta-type ng reply kila tita Freya. Mamaya, nagre-reply din ako sa lahat ng comments hehe. Magsasabi ako ng thank you.

Ang babait talaga nila!

Ganito pala sa Facebook, laging mababait ’yung mga friends mo or kahit hindi mo friends. I love it here! Dapat pala dati pa ako nag-Facebook, hehe.

“Pre! Pre! May PS5 Pro doon sa main bedroom!”

Napatingin ako kila kuya Yohan na pababa ng hagdan. Nakatingin sila kay kuya Matthew na abalang mag-ihaw ng mga barberque dito sa pool area.

“Eh?! Gag—”

Napatingin sa akin si kuya na agad ding napasarado ng bibig nang makita ang masama kong tingin sa kaniya.

Mura nang mura!

“Gags! Gags, men!” Naka-side eye niyang sabi na para bang inaabangan ang reaksyon ko. “Doon tayo matulog lahat! Papakitaan ko kayo skills!”

“Pang-anim na tao lang ’yung kwarto do’n!” sigaw ni kuya Jaden.

“Oh ano? Anim naman tayo, ah!” depensa ni kuya Matt.

“Eh saan si Elias?” tanong ni kuya Tanner. “Tabi-tabi kami dapat, eh. Para sa inyong dalawa ni Santi ’yung pangalawang kwarto.”

Kuya Matthew looked at me. “Panget, hayaan mo na ’yung girls sa pangatlong kwarto. Sama na lang kayo ng kuya Elias mo sa pangalawang room, ha?”

Naka-tiger look na ako sa kaniya pero hindi pa rin siya natitinag!

Talagang pinabayaan niya ako dahil sa PS5 na ’yan! Akala ko pa naman magkasama kami sa room!

“Sige na, panget, ito naman. Huwag kang malikot matulog, ha? Ayaw ni Elias ng maingay— Ay, hindi ka pala makakapag-ingay.”

Inis ko siyang sinugod at pinagkakagat siya sa balikat.

“Aray! Oo na! Sorry na! Bunny!” Pilit niya akong tinutulak palayo pero nakabaon na ang mga ngipin ko sa balikat niya. “Bunny naman! Sorry na!”

“Sige, baby Santi, bugbugin mo!”

Gigil kong hinampas si kuya Matthew sa braso nang kumawala ako sa kaniya. Nang-aasar niya lang ako na tiningnan at nilabas pa ang dila para mang-inis.

“Pero tama! Hindi rin makakatulog si Elias kapag kasama kami sa isang kwarto. Sa ingay ng mga hayop na ’to?” Pinagbabatukan ni kuya Lukas sila kuya Yohan. “Maglalaro ng zombie tapos titili ang mga hayop.”

“Mga walang bayag! Ako kahit nakapikit nakakapaglaro ako ng horror,” pagmamayabang ni kuya Matthew bago ako lingunin. “Panget, ahh.”

I opened my mouth when he placed the barbeque in front of me. I took a bite from the meat while he was holding the stick.

Ngumiti sa akin si kuya na parang nagtatanong kung anong lasa.

I smiled back and raised two thumbs up. “[Yummy!]”

He laughed and gave me the whole barbeque stick so I could eat it. I also grabbed four more and handed it to my friends so they could eat.

Paglingon ko kila kuya Denmarj, nakangiti sila sa akin na parang nag-aabang.

I smiled at them as I grabbed five barbeque and gave it to them. Kanya-kanya silang nag-unahan at nag-agawan sa mga hawak ko.

“Wow, sana all may kapatid,” sarkastikong sabi ni kuya Matthew sa gilid habang nagpapaypay ng mga ihaw.

I rolled my eyes at him as I aggressively grabbed another barbeque stick from the plate. Masama ang tingin na naglakad ako papunta sa kaniya at nilagay ang barbeque sa tapat ng bibig niya.

He smiled before taking a bite. “Thank you, bunny.”

Ngumiti ako nang matamis bago siya yakapin at halikan nang marami sa pisngi. Tawa naman siya nang tawa sa ginawa ko.

Akala niya ba lagi ko siyang aawayin? Hindi, ah! Love na love ko kaya ang kuya ko.

“Where’s mine?”

I slowly turned to my left when I heard kuya Elias’ voice. I looked at him and almost hanged my mouth open when I saw his fit.

Nakabukas na ang mga butones ng polo niya mula itaas hanggang baba. Naghihimutok na naman ’yung mga muscle niya, lalo na sa tiyan! ABS ang tawag do’n!

Pasimple kong hinawakan ang namumulang pisngi at tumingin sa plato. Wala na palang barbeque, nag-iihaw pa ulit si kuya.

I glanced at my own barbeque na nakagatan ko na.

I didn’t hesitate and offered it to him. Hindi naman ’yan maarte, nagpalitan na nga kami ng saliva noong nagki-kiss kami, eh. Tapos mag-iinarte pa ba siya sa barbeque na nakagatan ko?

Kuya Elias laughed, but he still took a bite from my stick and patted my head. “Thank you, my baby.”

“Ikaw talaga! Nakagatan mo na, eh!” saway sa akin ni kuya Matthew. I just stuck my tongue out to ignore him.

“Are you guys gonna stay on the main bedroom? It can only cater six people,” sabi ni kuya Elias sa kapatid ko.

“Oo, pre. Bakit kasi nandoon ’yung PS5 Pro? Wala na kaming choice ngayon kun’di mapuyat. ’Saka huwag ka na sa kwarto na ’yon, hindi ka lang makakatulog. Tili pa lang ni Yohan, gising na buong barangay,” natatawang sagot ni kuya Matt.

“Gago, saan ako matutulog?”

Bakit kaya kapag si kuya Elias ang nagmumura, hindi nakakainis?

“Oh! Kita mo! Favoritism!” Kuya Matthew pointed at my face. “Kanina, hindi pa ako nakakapagmura, naka-tiger look ka na. Pero kapag ’yang kuya Elias mo, unbothered ka!”

I slapped his finger na nakaturo sa akin.

“Oh, kitams! Naka-tiger look na naman!”

Kainis talaga! Stupid Matthew!

“Saan ako matutulog? Sa sofa?” tanong ulit ni kuya Elias.

“Hindi, man! Kayo na lang ni Santi magsama sa pangalawang kwarto. Hindi naman ’yan maingay, hindi rin malikot matulog. ’Saka mabait ’yan!”

Kuya Elias quickly glanced at me. There was a surge of emotions in his eyes that I couldn’t read.

“Okay.”

Okay? Hindi siya umapila?

“Yon! Nice, man! Thank you!” Kuya Matthew tapped kuya Elias’ shoulder. “Doon mo na lang ayusin mga gamit mo, man. Naayos ko na ’yung kay Santi kanina.”

“Alright. Bababa ako pagkatapos.”

“Hoy, panget. Samahan mo kuya Elias mo, tulungan mo mag-asikaso,” utos sa akin ni kuya Matt.

Siguro kung alam niya lang ang totoo, baka hindi niya sabihin ’yang mga ’yan. Baka nga maging pader pa sa pagitan namin ni kuya Elias.

“[I want to swim—]” Naputol ang sinesenyas ko nang marahan akong hilahin ni kuya Elias sa kamay.

“Let’s go, Santi. Help me with my stuff.”

Pero hindi naman tulong ang kailangan niya.

I flinched when my back hit the back of the door the moment kuya Elias shut it close. I wasn’t able to react yet when I felt him hovering me.

Gigil niyang hinigit ang magkabila kong bewang bago ako sunggaban ng halik.

Ha! I knew it.

Sobrang landi talaga niya! Sinasabi na nga ba!

Habol-habol ko ang hininga ko habang inaangkin ni kuya Elias ang mga labi ko. I could also feel his hands squeezing the sides of my waist. Ramdam na ramdam ko sa hawak at halik niya kung paano siya manggigigil.

And because of our height differences as well, I couldn’t help but stood on my tiptoe whenever he’d grabbed my waist to deepen the kiss.

Rinig na rinig sa buong kwarto ang tunog na ginagawa ng mga labi namin tuwing naghihiwalay saglit.

“You…” He bit my lower lip. “I fucking miss you, baby.”

Isang araw lang naman kaming hindi nagkita?

Napakapit ako sa mga balikat niya nang maramdaman ang pag-angat ng katawan ko. He was slightly lifting me as he walked towards the bed, his lips not leaving mine.

Hinahapo akong napatingin sa kaniya nang bumagsak kami sa kama at nanatili siyang nakapatong sa akin.

He kissed my lips with so much passion before he slightly moved away.

“Ganda mo, tangina.”

Parang pudpod na yata ang mga labi ko, o namamaga, dahil sa paraan ng paghalik niya.

My lips were very plump, but I think it would get more plump because of the way he kissed me. Sobrang gigil na gigil siya. Parang kapag saglit na naghiwalay ang mga labi namin ay hindi siya makahinga.

“God… I love your lips, baby. I like you so fucking much.”

Ang ganda talaga sa tenga kapag siya ’yung nagmumura. Kapag iba, naaasar ako.

Tama nga si kuya Matthew… may favoritism ako.

I flinched when I felt kuya Elias’ hands entering my shirt. Ramdam ko ang mainit niyang kamay sa balat ko, lalo na sa bewang, humahaplos at pumipisil.

He was still kissing me. Ilang segundo niya lang akong binibigyan ng pagkakataon na humugot ng hangin, pero babalik din agad sa paghalik sa akin. Ako naman, nagpapaubaya lang at nakahiga sa kama, hinahayaan siya.

“Pout your lips,” he mumbled.

I obliged and pouted my numb lips.

Tumawa siya at sunod-sunod na pinatakan ng halik ang nakanguso kong labi. Marahang humaplos ang daliri niya sa mga labi ko, parang minamasahe o parang hinahaplos. Maya-maya pa, binaon niya ang mukha sa leeg ko at marahan akong niyakap.

“You’re so pretty, baby. I can’t believe I’m your boyfriend.”

Ako dapat ang nagsasabi niyan.

Minsan, parang nakakalimutan ni kuya Elias kung sino siya. Kung gaano siya kataas, kung gaano siya kagaling, kung gaano siya ka-perpekto.

Ako dapat ang namamangha na magkarelasyon kami. Kasi sa totoo lang, ano namang makukuha niya sa akin?

I’m mute. I don’t even know how to socialize well. I have limited knowledge about relationship. I’m just… me.

But him?

He’s everything that people desire to have.

Chapter 23

Tight Lipped XXIII

Matthew

“Piso lang! Huwag sampu, may kulay ’yan, eh. Masyadong halata sa baba ng pool.”

Seryosong-seryoso ang mukha nung lima habang naghahanap ng piso sa mga wallet nila. Ako naman na nanonood lang, sumali na rin sa kanila.

“Wala bang may piso sa inyo? Yayaman n’yo naman!” reklamo ko.

“Ang alam ko mero’n ako, eh. Ewan ko saan napunta. Kapag hinahanap talaga ayaw magpahanap,” kamot-ulong sabi ni Yohan.

Pinabayaan ko na silang mabaliw kakadutdot sa mga wallet nila. Tatalon na nga sana ako sa pool nang bigla ko namang madatnan si Elias at ang kapatid ko na nakasunod sa kaniya.

Anong nangyare diyan sa kapatid ko? Parang namumula.

Mainit ba? Medyo lang naman, ah.

“Baby Santi!”

Dumale na naman ang mga hayop.

Kanina mga seryoso pero ngayon, ang lalapad na naman ng ngiti at nagbe-baby talk pa.

Kahit ilang buwan na, talagang hindi nagbabago trato nila sa kapatid ko. Tinuturing pa ring sanggol!

My brother waved at them enthusiastically. He followed Elias who gave him his bottle of favorite banana milk. I just smiled and thought they looked cute together as brothers.

Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin namin alam kung sino ’yung nagugustuhan ni Santi. Bigla na lang siyang naging okay kaya naisip namin na baka naka-move on na. O kaya, baka alam na ni Elias kung sino tapos pinagsasapak niya na.

Pero kahit na… Kapag nalaman ko lang kung sino ’yon, hindi lang sapak ang aabutin.

“Hi, girls! May piso kayo?” tanong ni Tanner sa mga kaibigan ni Santi na kararating lang galing sa kusina, may bitbit na mga juice at soda in can.

Nakita kong kumapkap ’yung kaibigan ni Santi na si Relan sa bulsa bago mapangiti. She took a coin from her pocket and handed it to Denmark.

“Thank you!”

Sa wakas, natapos din ang kabaliwan nila.

“Oh game, game, game! Pwesto na! Remember, by pair ang laro, okay?” pagbibigay instructions ni Lukas na akala mo’y coach ng isang laro.

May pito pa talagang nakasabit sa leeg!

Kingina ng mga ’to, akala ko laro lang. Talagang sineseryoso nila. Hula ko, may palitan pa ’yan kung sinong mananalo.

“Kakampi ko si baby Santi!” sabay-ssbay na sigaw ng apat.

“Anong kayo? Ako!” galit na reklamo ni Lukas.

“Mga ulol! Ako! Ako ang kakampi niya!” Sunod-sunod ko silang pinagpapakyuhan.

Paglingon ko kay Santi…

Ayon.

Naka-tiger look na naman.

Bawal talaga maging masamang tao dito sa batang ’to. Pero kapag si Elias ang gumawa niyan, wala naman siyang reaksyon. Kahit alam kong minsan lang magmura si Elias, unfair pa rin! Ako nga, magmumura pa lang, ang sama na ng tingin! ’Yung kay Elias, ang lutong ng mura pero wala man lang reaksyon ’yang kapatid ko.

“Game na! Baba na kayo sa pool tapos pili na ng magkakakampi.”

Minsan iniisip ko kung totoong nasa college na ba ’tong lima. Hanggang ngayon mga isip bata pa rin, eh.

Syempre isip bata rin ako. Sasali ako, eh.

Lumapit ako sa kapatid ko na umiinom ng banana milk habang nakaupo sa sun lounger. “Panget, kampi tayo.”

He shook his head. “[Ayoko maglaro, hindi ako marunong maglangoy o kaya mag-dive. Paano ko kukuhanin ’yung piso?]”

“Eh baliw, kaya nga ho magkakampi tayo, ’di ba? Mahal na prinsesa?” sarkastikong sabi ko sa kaniya.

He rolled his eyes on me as he finished his banana milk. Padabog siyang tumayo at nakangusong lumapit sa pool area, sumunod din ako.

“Come.”

Nanonood lang ako habang inaalalayan siya ni Elias pababa ng pool. Natawa pa ako nang makita ang bahagyang pangangatal ni Santi dahil sa lamig ng tubig. Ang cute talaga, eh.

“Okay, kampihan na! At ikaw, Matt, tumigil ka! Dapat random draw para fair. Hindi porke’t kapatid, matic kakampi agad!” reklamo ng gagong si Jaden.

Ano pa nga ba?

Pumwesto kaming lahat sa gitna ng pool para sundin ang mga pala-utos kong kaibigan. Ang ending, si Elias ang nagiging kakampi ni Santi. Ako naman, kakampi ko si Relan, ’yung kaibigan ng kapatid ko.

“Winners will win ten thousand pesos from Elias!” anunsyo ko sa nagbibirong tono.

“Okay,” kibit-balikat na sang-ayon ni Elias.

Luh? Nagbibiro lang!

“Joke lang, pre! Ito naman!” Natatawa kong tinapik ang balikat niya.

“Ayos lang. We’d win it anyway, right, baby?” nakangiti niyang baling sa kapatid ko na yakap-yakap ang sarili dahil sa lamig.

Santi nodded his head and gave us a thumbs up.

Ano ba ’to’t hindi na natigil kakangatal.

Lalapitan ko pa lang sana siya para tanungin pero naunahan na ako ni Elias. Inakbayan siya ni boss at hinaplos ang kabila niyang braso. “You okay?”

Ayan na pala ’yung pangalawang kuya. Bahala na sila diyan.

“Sabihin mo lang sa akin kapag nahanap mo ’yung piso, tapakan mo lang tapos ako kukuha,” malambing kong sabi kay Relan.

Tahimik siyang tumango sa sinabi ko.

Bakit namumula rin ’to? Crush ba ako?

Sabi na, eh. Sa pogi kong ’to, imposibleng walang nahuhumaling. Simula first year college pa lang ako, marami na talagang nakapila. Minsan nga nahihirapan na ako kasi baka mamaya mag-away away pa ang girls.

Hindi ako masyadong focus sa pagkakaroon ng girlfriend, kasi gusto ko munang maging stable. Katulad ngayon, may restaurant na ako— so, pwede na.

“Apat na limang piso ’yung kasali sa ihahagis, ha? Pero piso ’yung hahanapin, ha?” anunsyo ni Denmark.

“Kapag naka-tatlong panalo na, ’yon na ’yung winner,” sabat din ni Tanner.

“Game na, ang dami ninyong sinasabi!” reklamo ni Yohan sa gilid na nangangatal na rin yata sa lamig.

Parang si Santi lang, masyadong sensitive sa lamig!

Paglingon ko sa kapatid ko, parang okay naman na siya. Nakaakbay pa rin si Elias sa kaniya para yata hindi siya masyadong lamigin. Buti na lang talaga nandyan ’yang kaibigan ko para kay Santi.

Denmark and the other guys started throwing pennies on the pool. And as soon as Lukas blew the whistle, nagsimula na rin kaming maghanap.

Nakasunod lang ako kay Relan dahil siya ang kakampi ko.

Habang hinihintay siya, lumingon ako sa direksyon nila Santi para tingnan ang sitwasyon nilang dalawa.

Ngiting-ngiti ang kapatid ko habang kumakapa ng piso sa ilalim ng pool. Nakasunod lang sa kaniya si Elias habang nagsasalita. Nakuha pa talaga nilang mag-usap.

Maya-maya, kumunot ang noo ko nang biglang mag-dive si Elias nang may ituro si Santi sa ilalim. Napakurap-kurap pa ako nang wala sa oras.

Nahanap na ba nila?

Lukas blew the whistle when Santi raised his arm, holding the one peso coin on his hand that Elias handed him.

The fuck?! Ambilis! Anong klaseng team work ’yan?!

“Hoy, Lukas! Mag-partner tayo, gago! Hindi ka referee o coach diyan! May papito-pito ka pa!” reklamo ni Denmark na inis na inis ang mukha habang nakababad sa pool.

Paanong hindi ’yan maiinis kung wala si pool si Lukas na dapat kakampi niya. Nasa tuktok pa, palakad-lakad, nakapamewang, tapos akala mo’y coach.

Mga gago talaga.

Sa huli, totoo ang sinabi ni Elias na ipapanalo niya si Santi. Ayan, tatlong beses na silang nanalo.

Gusto ko sanang mang-inis pero napangiti na lang ako nang makita ang kapatid ko na tuwang-tuwa nang ianunsyo ni Lukas na silang dalawa ni Elias ang panalo.

Sampung libo rin ’yon, na paniguradong ibibigay lang sa kaniya ni Elias tapos ipambibili niya ng banana milk, ng stuffed toy, at kung anong anik-anik niya sa bag.

“Isa pa, madaya! Magaling sumisid ’yan si Elias, eh!” reklamo nung apat sa gilid.

Kahit kailan talaga hindi sila nauubusan ng reklamo sa katawan.

Binato ko sila ng nahagip kong tsinelas sa gilid ng pool. “Tangina n’yo, pagbigyan n’yo na. Si Santi naman ’yung nanalo.”

At ano pa nga ba? Nang ma-realize nila ang sinabi ko, biglang lumapad ang mga ngiti at lumapit kay Santi.

“Congrats, baby! Galing galing maghanap ng piso!”

They’re hopeless.

Pati paghahanap ng piso pinupuri. Kulang na lang siguro kahit pagbahing ng kapatid ko, palakpakan nila.

“’Yung game naman na bubuhatin sa shoulders tapos itutulak ’yung nakaupo sa taas. Kaso kakampi dapat natin girls.”

Anong klaseng swimming ’to?! Akala mo tournament sa daming suhestyon na laro nung lima!

“Nonood na lang ako, nakakapagod,” reklamo ko.

“Buti naman nakaramdam ka, pre. Kulang ng girls, eh. Ako referee na lang ulit!” sabi ni Lukas. “Matthew, dito ka sa taas, tulungan mo ako!”

Mukha siyang gago pero sumunod din naman talaga ako. Nakakatamad na talagang maglaro, eh!

“Sinong kakampi ng baby ko?!” tanong ko sa kanila.

“Si Elias, syempre! Pabibo ’yan, eh!” galit na galit na sabi ni Jaden habang winiwisikan ng tubig ang direksyon ni Elias. Tinawanan lang siya ni bossing.

“Game na, ha? Basta kapag bumagsak na sa pool ’yung nakaupo sa balikat, talo na!”

“May prize ba ’to?”

“Ten thousand ulit,” anunsyo ni Elias.

Sabay-sabay kaming napatingin sa kaniya.

“Ano ka, nagtatae ng pera?” sarkastikong sabi ni Yohan. “Ako maglalabas ng five thousand!”

“Ako sa kalahating five!” taas kamay na sabi ni Tanner.

Napapailing at walang nagawa si Elias dahil sa pagpapabibo nung dalawa.

Nauna si Santi at Elias laban kay Denmark at Yana. Kitang-kita ko pa na nangangatal pa rin si Santi sa lamig habang bitbit siya ni bossing sa balikat.

“Ayaw kitang itulak, baby,” sabi nung Yana kay Santi nang magkalapit sila.

“Sige, itulak mo lang ’yan!” pang-aasar ko.

Ayon, naka-tiger look na naman ang prinsesa sa akin.

Sumenyas si Santi kay Yana na ayos lang. Paano ba naman nila sisimulan ang laro kung hindi sila magtutulakan?

Ang boring talaga kapag si Santi ang kalaban ng kahit na sino. Laging walang dahas na nangyayare. Katulad ngayon, nagtutulakan nga sila nung Yana pero para lang silang nag-aapir.

Maya-maya pa, dahil parang nilalamig talaga si Santi, na-out of balance.

“Baby!”

Kaniya-kaniyang takbo ’yung apat na gago papunta kay Santi nang mahulog si Santi sa pool. Pati si Lukas na kanina, nasa tabi ko lang, biglang nag-dive.

Naknampucha.

Nahulog lang ’yan sa pool, ha? Hindi pa ’yan nalulunod sa lagay na ’yan.

Si Denmark din, maingat munang binaba si Yana sa balikat niya tapos sumunod din sa apat. ’Yung mga mukha nila, alalang-alala na akala mo talaga life threatening ’yung nangyare sa kapatid ko.

“Are you okay?” Elias checked on my brother.

Natatawang tumango si Santi. “[I’m fine, mga kuya. Ang lamig kasi, eh.]”

Elias caressed his head. “Alright. Sa loob muna tayo. I’ll tell someone to increase the temperate of the water.”

Pinanood ko lang sila habang umaalis sila ng pool. May towel na kinuha si Elias sa gilid at pinulupot ’yon sa kapatid ko. Baka papasok sila sa loob.

Hayaan na. At least makakalaya ako saglit sa pagbe-baby sit.

Saint

“You okay, baby?”

Tumango ako kay kuya Elias habang abala niyang pinapatuyo ang buhok ko. Yakap-yakap ko rin ang isang towel na nakapulupot sa katawan ko.

“Gusto mo nang maligo?”

I shook my head when he asked that. I still wanted to swim! Sobrang lamig lang talaga at parang hindi kaya ng katawan ko. Siguro kung maka-adjust ako nang kaonti, ayos lang.

“Okay.” He glanced at our friends’ direction from the living room where we’re currently at. Glass wall kasi kaya nakikita pa rin namin sila kuya sa pool area. “Papataasan ko temperature ng pool para hindi ka lamigin kapag bumalik ka.”

“[Thank you, kuya.]” I smiled at him.

His eyes suddenly turned serious. He carefully held my hand and motioned me to stand up, so I did. My feet followed him when he gently dragged me towards the kitchen where someons wouldn’t see us.

Maingat akong binuhat ni kuya Elias paupo sa kitchen counter bago ako pakatitigan.

“Stop calling me kuya, baby. I’m your boyfriend,” reklamo niya.

Oh. Right.

Hindi ko talaga kayang hindi siya tawagin na gano’n dahil nakasanayan ko na rin. Pero hindi rin naman talaga maganda tingnan kung gano’n pa rin ang tawag ko sa kaniya. Knowing that…

“[Okay, sorry.]”

He smiled at me and leaned forward to caress my wet hair. “Gusto mong kumain muna? I’ll cook for you.”

I shook my head. “[Busog pa po ako, ang daming barbeque kanina, eh.]”

“Alright. What do you want to do then?”

“[Go back to the pool.]”

“Yeah, we’ll do that later.” Lumalim bigla ang boses niya nang pumagitna siya sa mga hita ko. At dahil alam ko na ang gagawin niya, hindi na rin ako nagulat.

I held his shoulders as soon as his hands landed on both sides of my waist. He leaned closer and pulled me as our lips met.

I closed my eyes to feel the kiss more. Nandoon pa rin ang gigil sa mga halik niya, lalo na sa mga kamay niyang pumipisil sa bewang ko. Pero ngayon, mas mahinahon siya, mas may kontrol.

He’d sometimes part our lips to hear the noise it would make. Tapos manggigigil na naman siya at kakagatin na naman ang ibabang labi ko.

I felt awkward putting my hands elsewhere aside from his shoulders. Nakahubad pa rin kasi siya sa itaas, ramdam na ramdam ko rin ang laki ng katawan niya.

Maybe he was reading my mind while kissing me. Because he held my right hand and slowly brought it down. I blushed instantly when I felt his toned abdomen as soon as his hand brought mine on top of it.

“Why?” he asked in a rough voice. “You kept on looking at them since earlier. Figured out maybe you wanted to feel them.”

Omg!

Halata pala ako!

He chuckled while staring at my widened eyes. He then began kissing me again while his lips couldn’t stop smiling.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s perfectly fine to touch me if you’re curious.” Lumipat ang mga labi niya sa pisngi ko, pababa sa leeg. “I’m your boyfriend now, and I’m yours. The same way that you’re only mine. If you want to touch me, kiss me, do it.”

Out of curiosity, I poked one of his biceps.

“That’s it?” natatawa niyang tanong.

Parang puputok na ’yung biceps niya sa laki. Ang tagal ko nang gustong sundutin or i-poke sila!

“If you’re going to touch me, you gotta do it the right way, baby,” he whispered on my ear. “Like this.”

I flinched as soon as I felt his cold hands under my shirt. Hinanap ng mga kamay niya ang magkabilang gilid ng bewang ko at marahang pumisil-pisil.

“Such a fucking tiny waist for a man,” he murmured.

Lalo pa akong namula nang itaas niya nang bahagya ang shirt na suot ko, hanggang bewang, bago bumaba ang ulo niya.

Wala sa oras na napapitlag ako nang maramdaman ang paglapat ng mga labi niya sa tiyan ko. Nakakakiliti!

He continued planting kissed on my flat tummy and the sides of my waist while still squeezing me there. Iba talaga siya manggigigil, ramdam na ramdam mo sa bawat halik at hawak niya.

“I love how different our bodies are, baby.” He looked at me from below with his seductive eyes. Then he planted a soft kiss on my lips again. “You’re forever mine, Santi.”

Chapter 24

Tight Lipped XXIV

Saint

“Baby, what are you doing?”

Nawala ang atensyon ko sa screen ng phone nang marinig ang boses ni Elias.

“Bakit nakatalukbong ka pa diyan?” he added.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at mas hinigpitan pa ang pagkakaipit ng kumot sa ilalim ng ulo at mga paa ko, para hindi masira ’yung pagkakatalukbong ko. Pinagpatuloy ko ang panonood ng Tiktok at hindi na lang siya sinagot.

“Santi, it’s time to sleep. It’s 1AM, it’s past your bed time already.”

I frowned when the blanket was removed from my body. I glanced at him briefly when I saw him sitting on the bed, beside me.

Tinalikuran ko si Elias at muling nanood ng Tiktok videos. Bahala siya diyan. Ayoko pa nga matulog, eh.

“Baby?” Elias gently caressed the back of my head. “Can you stop watching Tiktok and sleep already? Pwede mo namang gawin ’yan bukas pagkagising mo. Your usual sleep time is 9PM, it’s been four hours since then.”

I just shook my head, unwilling to oblige.

“Baby, ang kulit.” He let out a chuckle as he lay down beside me. Naramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng braso niya sa bewang ko bago niya ako hatakin paharap sa kaniya.

“[No.]” I firmly signed when he tried to take my phone away.

“Let’s just watch Tiktok tomorrow, hmm?”

Ayoko.

Hindi pa talaga ako inaantok.

“[Give it back,]” inis kong senyas nang tagumpay niyang makuha ang phone ko mula sa kamay ko.

He shook his head and poked my nose, teasing me. Marahan ko siyang hinampas sa balikat na tinawanan lang niya. Talagang may gana pa siyang yakapin ako nang mahigpit para hindi na ako pumiglas.

“Sleep, baby. Bukas na ’yang lecheng Tiktok na ’yan,” bulong niya sa akin bago ako paulanan ng mga halik sa pisngi.

Pero dahil hindi pa talaga ako inaantok, pilit akong kumawala sa pagkakayakap niya. Nang makawala ako, agad kong binuksan ang compartment sa bedside table at kinuha ang tablet ni kuya Lukas. Inabot ni kuya Lukas ’to kanina para raw may isa pa akong pagkaabalahan.

“Santi, why do you even have that?” Elias curiously asked.

Hindi ko ulit siya pinansin at tumayo lang mula sa kama. Habang binubuksan ang tablet ay naglakad ako papunta sa gilid ng kwarto, ’saka sumampa sa sofa na nandoon.

I lay down on the sofa as I began playing Roblox, specifically the game Dress to Impress.

“Baby naman.” Elias approached me and sat on the floor since hindi na siya kasya sa sofa. “Hindi ka pa antok?”

I shook my head.

“Okay, what about me? I’m sleepy.”

I threw a quick glance at him. “[Then sleep na po.]”

He raised an eyebrow. “How am I gonna sleep without you beside me?”

“[I still want to play.]”

“Okay, what about this… You have 30 minutes more to play games. Then after that, you’ll sleep. Is that okay?”

I gave him a sweet and small smile, indicating that I agreed to his conditions. He just laughed at what I did as he carefully messed with my hair. He even leaned forward to kiss my cheek in a passionate way.

“My adorable baby,” he whispered.

I focused my attention on the game, throwing some clothes on the model since the theme was Maximalist. From my peripheral vision, I could see Elias watching the game I was playing in silence.

Nakaka-dalawang rounds pa lang ako sa laro nang dumapo ang tingin ko kay Elias. Nakaupo pa rin siya sa lapag pero medyo nakapikit na dahil yata sa antok.

I suddenly felt bad.

Inaantok na siya pero ayaw niyang matulog nang hindi ako katabi.

I shut down the tablet and poked him. Mabilis naman niyang dinilat ang mga mata at napatingin sa akin.

“Yes, baby?”

He’s so attentive too.

“[Let’s sleep.]” I signed.

He gave me a small smile and nodded his head. He looked really really sleepy.

“Just leave the tablet there, baby. Come.” Tumayo siya sa pagkakaupo at hinila rin ako patayo.

I encircled my arms around his neck and my feet around his waist when he carried me like a kid. I closed my eyes as soon as I felt the soft mattress of the bed on my back.

Bigla na rin akong dinapuan ng antok.

Elias kissed my forehead after putting the blanket on me. Tumabi na rin siya ng higa sa akin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit.

“Good night, baby.”

Nginitian ko siya at malambing na hinaplos ang pisngi niya. “[Good night.]”

“Sweet dreams, or dream of me.”

Natawa ako nang pugpugin niya ng halik ang mga labi ko.

“[Dream of me too.]”

We ended up chuckling together, our laughs echoing on the four corners of this room.

—

“Good morning, baby Santi!”

Kusot-kusot ko pa ang mga mata ko habang pababa ng hagdan nang marinig ang mga kuya ko. Ang sisigla ng boses nila sa umaga.

I opened my eyes widely and saw them from the kitchen. Nakahilera silang lima sa entrance ng kusina, nasa gitna si kuya Jaden at may hawak na plato.

“Breakfast!”

I giggled when I finally stepped closer to them and saw what’s on the plate. There’s a fried egg but there was a cut piece of seaweed to form a smiley face on the yolk. Even the rice was formed in a heart shape, and the hotdog slices were formed as a heart too.

“Kami naggawa niyan!” pagmamalaki ni kuya Yohan.

Isa-isa ko silang niyakap na ikinangiti naman nilang lahat. Masigla kong tinanggap ang plato mula kay kuya Jaden at saka umupo sa dining area.

There were prepared plates too for all of us. Sa akin lang talaga ang naiiba dahil mukhang normal lahat ’yung pagkain nila. Walang heart shape na kahit ano o egg na nakangiti.

“Good morning, girls!”

My friends entered the kitchen and smiled at my kuyas when they greeted them.

“Good morning po!”

“Hi, baby! How’s your sleep?” malambing na pangangamusta nila Relan sa akin.

They even hugged me from behind. They’re so sweet!

“[Slept very well! Kayo?]”

“We slept well too!”

They all took a sit on the dining area to eat their breakfast. Pero ako, hinahanap ko si Elias at si kuya Matthew.

Nagising ako na wala si Elias sa tabi ko. Pero bago ’yon, naalimpungatan naman ako noong magising siya at halikan ako para magpaalam na lalabas daw siya. Hanggang ngayon, parang hindi pa rin sila bumabalik.

“Si Elias at Matt ba, baby?” Mukhang nakaramdam si kuya Yohan dahil sa paghahanap ko.

I nodded eagerly.

“Ah, nag-grocery! Hindi nila ine-expect na mauubos agad stock, eh, haha. Mga patay gutom kasi kami.”

Ah. That’s why!

“Pabalik na ’yon, for sure. Baka marami lang binili kasi two days pa tayo rito,” kuya Tanner assured me.

I just gave them a smile, appreciating their answers.

“Kain ka na, baby. Kumain na silang dalawa ng breakfast kanina,” sabi ni kuya Lukas nang makitang hindi ko pa ginagalaw ang pagkain ko.

Oh. They ate na pala. Gusto ko pa sana silang hintayin.

As soon as I finished my plate, my hands automatically reached out for my phone to check my social media account— specifically Facebook.

My profile picture now have 5k reactions and 1k comments. Most of them were from our school, some were people I didn’t know.

How did my profile even reached this kind of engagement?! It’s so impossible!

Even my chats and message requests were flooded with strangers. Some were saying their greetings, some where asking if they could be my friends, some messages were different as well.

Hindi na lang siguro ako magre-reply?

I was about to turn off my phone when I saw a familiar name on one of the message requests.

Huh?

Mark Cruz wants to send you a message.

Why did that name feel familiar? Felt like I’ve seen and heard that before.

I opened his chat request, which I regretted— because only then that I finally remembered why his name felt familiar, and why it felt bitter on my lips.

—

Mark Cruz | Accept • Decline Saint? Saint Mercajez, the mute?

From Olive International High School?

—

Right. How could I forget him?

He’s one of the people who tormented me and tortured me mentally when I was in senior high. He was one of the reason why senior high was hell for me, why I was so distant, why being classmates with them was horrifying.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko nang bumaba ulit ang mga mata ko sa screen. He began sending more messages even though I wasn’t accepting his request yet.

—

Mark Cruz | Accept • Decline I knew you’d read this naman eventually

Kamusta ka na?

Hindi ko alam na famous ka pala hahaha

Kamusta? Nakakapagsalita ka na?

Alam ba ng mga bago mong kaibigan na bakla ka?

Tangina naalala ko na naman HAHAHAHA. Combo, eh. Hindi na nga nakakapagsalita, lalambot-lambot pa. Tangina double kill!

—

I could still hear his voice despite reading those words from a message. I could still hear his laughter echoing inside my ears, torturing my mind.

I could still feel it. It never left.

Being a victim of bullying did not stop when I finally got rid of them in my life. It continued, there were pieces of trauma and horrifying memories I still could remember.

Hindi nawala, hindi rin nawala ’yung bigat. The pain they inflected was always here, hiding in plain sight. Na kahit wala na sila sa buhay ko, umuulit pa rin sa utak ko kung ano ’yung mga sinabi nila dati.

“Hi, guys! Ito na, ha? Halos three days na ’tong supply! Mamaya maubos n’yo na naman!”

“Tagal n’yo naman, Matt! Swimming na swimming na ulit kami!”

“Reklamador pa!”

I felt a hand on my shoulder, making me flinch. “Oy, panget. Good morning! Kamusta ang tulog—”

Nanginginig kong hinawi ang kamay ni kuya mula sa balikat ko at natatarantang tumayo. I hid my tears as I ran upstairs, slamming the door of the bedroom before running towards the corner.

I sat there, alone, crying endlessly as I began punching my chest.

Napasabunot ako sa buhok habang dumadagsa ang mga senaryo sa utak ko. Mga memoryang hindi ko naman gustong ibalik, pero pilit na bumabalik.

“Hoy bakla! Tangina, tingin dito! Bading ka ba?!”

“Tangina, paano sasagot ’yan sa ’yo, pre? Pipe nga, eh!”

“Tingnan n’yo, may lipgloss pa sa labi. Pambabae lang ’yan, gago!”

“Iyak lang yata kayang gawin niyan.”

I began punching the sides of my head when I began hearing their voices. Lahat ng mga sinasabi nila sa akin, lahat ng tawa, lahat ng insulto— paulit-ulit sila sa utak ko.

I tried so hard to forget about them for months. I did everything to get rid of their voices, to get rid of their traces in my life, to get rid of the memory I had with them.

But it felt so unfair.

So fucking unfair that it took me months to forget about them. But how come it only took one trigger to bring all of them back?

Ang daya… Sobrang daya.

Bakit kailangang ako ’yung magdusa sa mga ginawa nila? Bakit kailangang ako pa rin ’yung makaalala? Bakit kailangang ako pa rin ’yung masaktan?

Isn’t supposed to be the other way around? They’re supposed to be the ones being tormented until now. They’re supposed to be consumed by guilt, by karma, by memories of their horrible acts.

Bakit ako? Bakit ako ’yung hindi makalimot? Bakit ako ’yung hirap na hirap?

“B-Bunny? Hey, hey. Stop that, please!”

I could feel someone trying to stop my hands as I kept on hitting my head. I didn’t know who it was, I couldn’t feel anything around me.

Wala akong ibang maramdaman kung hindi sakit, wala akong ibang marinig kung hindi ang mga boses nila, wala akong ibang makita.

“Bunny, t-tama na. Please, baby. Nandito si kuya, hmm?”

Just why…

Why do I have to suffer the aftermath of the trauma if it was me who became a victim of it? If there truly was a karma, how come I’m still the one experiencing it? And not the people who did this to me?

Ang daya-daya. Sobrang daya.

Hindi naman ako masamang tao. Hindi naman ako makasalanan.

May kapansanan ako pero hindi naman ’yon kamalian sa mundo. Oo, malambot ako at nagkakagusto ako sa lalaki— pero hindi ko kailangang masaktan para sa kalayaan kong maging masaya.

“Santi, t-tama na, please.”

It was kuya Matthew’s voice, right?

Bakit ko siya naririnig? At bakit mas nangingibabaw ang boses niya sa utak ko?

“Santi, please. I’m here, o-okay? Kuya loves y-you so much, baby. Mahal na mahal ka ni kuya.”

Huh?

Kuya Matthew?

“Baby, we’re here too.”

And my friends too? And my other brothers?

“Baby, please stop hitting y-yourself.”

And Elias?

I began opening my eyes to see if they’re truly here, in front me. And when I finally saw their faces, only by then I stopped hearing the voices of my bullies.

“Hey, baby.” Kuya Matthew held my hand while crying loudly. “Please, c-come back.”

I cried even more as I threw myself to hug him. Katulad ko, bumuhos din nang malakas ang iyak niya habang yakap-yakap namin ang isa’t isa.

I saw my friends crying and sobbing from the side, they were all looking at me with love and genuine care. Even my other kuyas were tearing up, they all looked concerned and worried. And even Elias…

He avoided my gaze when he saw me looking, but I knew I’ve seen it correctly. He was crying too.

“You don’t h-have to do this again, okay? Never again, Santi.” Malambing na hinaplos ni kuya Matthew ang pisngi ko habang umiiyak. “You don’t have to be alone, Santi. You don’t have to suffer all by yourself when this happens again. You have me, you have your brothers, you have your friends, you have everyone who loves you.”

I nodded my head as the pain in my chest gradually vanished.

Hindi ko na naririnig ang boses nila, hindi ko na sila maalala ulit. Dahil nandito sila kuya…

Kuya Matthew was right all along. I needed help. I needed people to hold my hands so I could finally let go of the trauma.

I thought I could do it all by myself. I thought I’d survive every episode without relying to anyone. But a while ago, their voices managed to bring me back to sanity I thought I had lost.

Kailangan ko ng tulong.

At hindi nakakahiyang aminin ’yon.

Hindi ko na kailangang mag-isa. Hindi ko na kailangang ilayo ang sarili ko sa mga tao.

I thought it was better for me to carry all the burden. But I knew it was never like that to begin with, because if that was true— I’d never commit suicide.

I wouldn’t tie that rope on my bedroom if I could survive along. I’d never think of leaving this world.

Because even in that attempt, kuya Matthew saved me. He might not know about it— but I stopped the attempt just because I didn’t want to leave him alone.

I didn’t continue because it would cause him pain if he lose me. He’d blame himself, he’d never forgive himself.

I managed to survive out of love. And I’d continue surviving because this time… Kuya Matthew’s love was not the only one giving me fuel. But my friends’ as well, my brothers’, and Elias’.

Chapter 25

Tight Lipped XXV

Matthew

“Pre, ayos ka lang?”

Ramdam ko ang pagtapik ni Denmark sa balikat ko mula sa likod. I just gave him a silent nod. My mind’s still thinking of Santi who’s now with his friends inside the room.

“Don’t blame yourself, Matt. Hindi mo kasalanan ’yon. You saw how you were able to bring back Santi to reality, right? Ibig sabihin, kapag naririnig ka niya, umaayos siya.”

I did appreciate their efforts on comforting me about what happened to Santi. Pero hindi gano’n kadali ’yon, hindi gano’n kadaling paniwalaan na hindi ako nagkukulang.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen Santi in that situation. His first episode was when we graduated from senior high. The pain and the memory of him, sitting at the corner of his room while he was unconsciously hitting his head multiple times- that was traumatic for me as well.

The panic I felt during that time was the worst. Kasi akala ko… kung ano nang mangyayare sa kapatid ko. I thought I wouldn’t be able to bring him back to sanity during his first episode.

He was hitting himself non-stop, he was crying, he was in a very vulnerable situation.

Tapos, tangina… Naulit na naman.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, at kung anong dahilan para maulit ulit. Akala ko kasi ayos na si Santi, akala ko nakalimutan niya na kahit papaano. He, now, had his own circle of friends, he have his older brothers, everyone adored him. I thought he was genuinely getting better.

But trauma’s never easy to overcome, especially if there was a single trigger.

Kung hindi madali para sa akin ’to, tangina ano pa kay Santi? Gaano kahirap para sa kaniya ’to? Gaano kasakit?

Kahit sabihin ko sa kaniya na nandito ako, na nandiyan ang mga kuya at mga kaibigan niya, hindi gano’n kadali ’yon. Hindi niya makakalimutan lahat sa isang iglap. Hindi sapat na nandito kami para sa kaniya, hindi lang basta gano’n yon.

He had to help himself, using us a foundation, so he could fully heal. He had to believe that he could forget.

I burst into tears once again when I remembered what I witnessed earlier. Binaon ko ang mukha sa magkabilang palad habang buhos nang buhos ang luha ko.

Wala na akong pake. Hindi ako nahihiyang umiyak sa harapan ng mga kaibigan ko. Dahil alam kong kahit sila, hindi nila ikakahiya ang pag-iyak at pagiging mahina sa harapan ng isa’t isa.

“Pre.”

They all fell silent as they tapped my shoulders in a comforting way. I could even feel someone caressing my back.

They didn’t try to talk to me, they just sat there in silence- giving me the space that I needed to release all the pain in my chest. The guilt that I had in me, the hatred I had for those people who did Santi wrong, the anger I had for myself.

“Tangina, pre.” Humahagulhol kong bulong. “Tangina. Nakakabobo kapag w-wala kang magawa. Nakakatanga kapag ang a-alam ko lang gawin ay manood at maging nasa tabi niya.”

“Hindi mo kasalanan, pre. Huwag kang mag-isip nang ganyan.” Lukas tapped my shoulded twice. “You don’t have to carry the guilt about what’s happening to Santi. At the first place, hindi ka parte ng rason bakit siya nagkakagano’n. You’re the one who can bring him back whenever he’s having an episode. You’re Santi’s escape. And once he realizes that you’re blaming yourself for whatever’s happening? Masasaktan siya, para sa ’yo.”

“Tama si Lukas, pre. Kung paulit-ulit mong sisisihin sarili mo, hindi natin siya matutulungan. We need to show him that everything’s okay, that seeing him in his weakest state would not mean we’re gonna love him less. If there’s anyone here who had to stand firm, you have to be the first one to lead it. Kailangan makita ni Santi na ayos ka, kasi kapag ayos ka, pakiramdam niya ayos lang din ang lahat. Alam mo namang para kang oxygen ng kapatid mo,” Denmark added.

I wiped my tears as I slowly processed the words they said in my fucked up mind.

“Tahan na, pre, panget mo na.”

Natatawa kong hinawi ang kamay ni Tanner na pilit pinupunasan ang mga mata ko. Tumingala ako para ngitian silang lahat, lihim na nagpapasalamat dahil alam na alam nila kung paano pagaanin lahat.

“Man.”

I glanced at Elias’ direction when he called me. Hawak hawak niya ang cellphone ni Santi habang pababa siya ng hagdan.

He stood beside where I was sitting as he typed in Santi’s passcode, then opened the messenger app.

“I saw Santi’s phone earlier when he was having an episode. It was turned on, and that man’s message was flashed on the screen.”

Kumulo ang dugo ko pagkatapos basahin ang sunod-sunod na message ng kung sino mang Mark na ’to kay Santi.

Base sa mga chat niya, classmate siya ni Santi sa senior high.

Putangina nito…

Elias took Santi’s phone and held my shoulder. “I don’t have the rights to take an action before you even do so. You’re Santi’s brother afterall. Think of a way that we could get back to this man. Kung hindi mo kaya, o kung kailangan mo ng tulong… that’s when you’ll come to me so we can figure out a way together.”

“I will,” I said between gritted teeth. “I’ll find them first. I know someone who can help.”

“Bakit kasama siya?” kunot noo kong tanong kay Unique nang makitang katabi niya na naman ’yung lalaking makapal ang kilay.

Tangina, ang sama agad ng tingin sa akin. Kulang na lang saksakin ako nito on the spot.

Nag-aalangan akong umupo sa harapan nila, bawat galaw ko may halong pag-iingat. Mamaya bigla na lang akong sapakin nitong lalaking kasama ni Unique, parang nasa ugali niya pa naman.

“Ah, eto?” Unique put his arm around the man’s shoulder as he smiled at me. “Crush na crush niya lang ako kaya sama siya nang sama.”

Nilingon siya nung lalaki. “As if I had a fucking choice? You dragged me here-”

“Shh, mamaya na lover’s quarrel, babycakes. Ano ba ’yan? Respect your visitor.” Putangina, nakuha pang tapikin ni Unique sa pisngi ’yung lalaki kahit ang sama na ng tingin sa kaniya.

Tangina, sila ba? O magkaibigan lang? Parang hindi simpleng magka-school ’yung relasyon nila base sa kung paano nila tratuhin isa’t isa.

“I don’t give a fuck about him. You said it will only take ten minutes, so fucking talk to him now.”

Anong… Hindi yata ’to mag-jowa, eh! Parang magkaaway na hindi!

“Alam ko kung paano magbilang ng oras, huwag mo akong turuan. For your information favorite ko ang pagbibilang nung bata kesa sa nursery rhymes. Uy, can’t relate siya kasi bata pa lang pinag-aaral na ng- Aray naman, gago!”

Parang natuwa pa ako noong pitikin siya sa noo nung lalaki. Seemed like Unique found a perfect match, someone who’d shut his mouth.

Tumikhim ako para sa akin naman mapunta ang atensyon nila. Hindi naman ako nandito para panoorin silang mag-away o maglandian.

“Matt, bakit mo nga pala kailangan ng tulong?” ngiting-ngiti na sabi ni Unique. “May kailangan ka ba? Pera? Ganda, ako na ’yan lahat. O kaya… may ipapabugbog, gano’n?”

I shook my head as I took my phone from my pocket. I went to my gallery and opened a picture of someone, then I placed my phone on the table so Unique could see it.

“Sino ’to? Crush mo?” kunot noong tanong ni Unique habang humihigop ng shake. “Gago, ampanget! Bakit ka nagkaka-crush sa mukhang tito na lasinggero na umuuwi lang sa bahay para ubusin ang kanin sa kaldero-”

“He’s Santi’s bully. I mean, one of.”

“Itong gago na ’to?” Unique took my phone and stared closely at the picture. “Ano? Lumpuhin ko? Paghihiganti ko kapatid mo, boi.”

I shook my head. “Can you find him?”

“Naman! Find lang, sure ka? Walang bugbog, pamamahiya, panlulumpo, gano’n?” pagkumpirma ni Unique habang malapad pa ang ngiti.

Kala mo talaga kasali siya sa samahan ng gangster sa tabas ng dila niya.

“Yeah, just find him for me. Gusto kong ako ang lulumpo, kami ng mga kaibigan ko.”

Unique clapped his hands, acting as if he was so proud of what I just said. “I appreciate your braveness, Matt. But it doesn’t work like that.”

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan nang marinig ang sinabi niya.

“Una, wala sa personality mo ’yan. At ayokong makasuhan kayong magkakaibigan. I know you have me as your friend, but you also know I don’t hang around with my family. I work independently. When it comes to covering up crimes, even the little ones, you know I don’t do that. And couldn’t, if needed, without my family’s help. Kung gusto ninyo talagang makaganti…” Unique glanced at the man beside him. “My friend here can make a perfect scene to cover it up. To make it look accidental rather than seeing you guys behind bars.”

’Yang katabi niya? Eh, sino ba ’yan?

“Isn’t that Mark Cruz?” the man asked causing my eyes to widen. How did he know Santi’s bully? “He’s studying in our university. You seriously don’t this man, Unique?”

“Ampanget, eh! Talagang makakalimutan ko mukha niyan. Kumbaga forced amnesia.”

“He’s a notorious jerk.”

“So, anong ginawa mo? Binugbog mo naman?”

“Hindi, anong binugbog? Tangina, bakit ko gagawin ’yon?”

“Eh, bakit hindi? Kung ako sa ’yo naka-thirty six flying kick na ako sa mukha niyan. ’Saka huwag mo akong minumura, or else I will kiss your lips.”

Naknampucha, nagtalo na naman sila sa harap ko.

“Hindi kita minumura, it’s a freaking expression. You couldn’t even tell the difference between them? Wow, seriously, you need to have your head checked.”

Unique slapped the man’s arm. “Ikaw ang magpa-check ng utak kasi wala kang emotional intelligence, gago ka. Ano, gusto mo magbugbugan pa tayo rito? Papakitaan kita ng totoong baliw-Aray, babycakes! Tigilan mo nga ’yang pitik-pitik mo!”

Napakamot na lang ako sa ulo dahil talagang hindi na sila tumigil kakabangayan.

“Ang ingay ng bibig mo.”

“Huwag mong iniinsulto ang bibig ko, tandaan mo sarap na sarap ka nung-Ay, may bata nga pala rito.” Unique looked at me apologetically as he went back on sipping his shake. “Anyway, Matt, sige leave it to us! I’ll find that guy for you, alive and kicking.”

“Thank you, Unique. Really, I’d really appreciate your help.”

“Hep! Hindi lang ’yan.” Unique raised his palm as he turned to the man beside him. “Find their hide out, I’m sure they have one. Matthew and his friends could just go there and attack them there. They would’t call the police since their hide out probably have some illegal things hidden.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Pwede namang mag-yes lang, talagang kailangan tunog masungit lagi-”

“Ang ingay mo, ano ba?”

“Kapag maingay ako, tatanungin kung bakit maingay. Kapag tahimik naman ako tatanungin pa rin ka kung bakit tahimik. Pambihirang buhay ’to, oh!”

Tangina, parang narinig ko na ’yung line na ’yon kung saan. Siraulo talaga ’to si Unique.

“Anyway, Matt. Ako bahala. Basta siguraduhin mo lang na kaya ninyo ng mga kaibigan mo. Hindi naman kayo tatanga-tanga sumuntok, ’no?” Unique confirmed.

I eagerly nodded my head. “Elias can take down at least three men at once. Lagi kaming nasa gym, kaya namin ’yan!”

“That’s good! I’ll be there to watch you as well. Kapag hindi n’yo kinaya, reresbak agad ako.”

“Sinong nagsabing pwede kang sumama? I told you to stop messing around the university. Do you really want to get kicked out again?” inis na tanong nung lalaki kay Unique.

“Hindi mo ba narinig ’yung sinabi ko? Sabi ko kapag hindi nila kinaya, ’saka ako reresbak. Ibig sabihin, to the rescue lang. Parang kapag may nakita ka sa daan na binubugbog, syempre tutulong ka ’di ba? Messing around ba ang tawag do’n? Hoy, ayusin mo ang definition of terms mo. Ang tawag do’n ay pagiging good samaritan. Palibhasa hindi ka nanonood ng vlogs ni Ivana,” depensa ni Unique sa sarili na akala mo talaga’y tama siya.

“Wala akong pake kay Ivana o kung sino man ’yan. I told you not to do any fist fight inside the school.”

“Okay, promise pagsisipain ko lang sa mukha!”

“Unique, isa pa. Makakatikim ka.”

“Hele, ng ano?”

“Una na ako.” Tumayo na ako sa kinauupuan bago pa ako may marinig na hindi kaaya-aya mula sa dalawang ’to.

“Really? Ambilis! Hindi ka man lang um-order,” reklamo ni Unique na paubos na ang shake.

“He didn’t have to. You said you’ll only spend 10 minutes with him.” Tumayo rin ’yung masungit na lalaki at sinamaan na naman ako ng tingin. “Is that it? Can Unique leave now?”

Ano ba ’to, bodyguard ni Unique?

“Huwag mo siyang sungitan, best friend ko ’yan! Matuto kang maging mabait sa mga mahal ko sa buhay, bawas points ka sa akin kapag hindi.” Unique handed his hand to me as he smiled. “Ako bahala, Matt! I’ll call you once I have his location.”

I was about to shake Unique’s hand when the man took my hand instead. Pagtingin ko… ang sama na naman ng tingin.

Seloso! Gago! Hindi ko naman aagawin sa kaniya si Unique.

“Nabaliw na. Pati shakehands inaagaw. Hoy motor lang ninakaw ko sa ’yo, huwag mong agawin mga handshake na para sa aki-”

“Mauna ka sa kotse.”

“Luh, bakit? Natatae ka ba?”

“Just go first.”

Unique looked at me with hesitation. “Bye, Matt! See you around!”

I bid goodbye at my friend, watching his figure slowly faded away from my sight. I looked back at the man who’s now looking at me.

“If you truly want to take revenge on that man, hurting him physically won’t do. It’s an eye for an eye.” He handed me a paper which I accepted. “Don’t tell Unique about this, I don’t want him involving himself on any of your mess.”

“Ano ’to, pre?” takang tanong ko.

“That’s our university’s address.”

“Sabi ni Unique sasabihan niya raw ako kapag nahanap niya na-”

“I heard that. But don’t involve him here anymore, I’m helping you already.” He motioned his head towards the paper. “Mark has a circle of friends who did horrible things to other students. I had all the evidences of their doings but couldn’t act on it because of Unique. Mark’s part of the volleyball team, along with his friends. I’m sure some of them are your brother’s bullies too, considering that Mark knew some of them since high school. There’ll be a league the one of these days.”

“What do you want us to do? Bugbugin namin sila habang may laro?”

The man tilted his head before letting out a sarcastic laugh. “Is that all that you could think of? Having fist fight to solve a problem or to avenge someone? Physical infliction is not a trauma. If you’re going to traumatize someone, you have to do it mentally.”

“So…”

“You’ll play a video of Mark and his friends’ proof of crimes during the game. And after that, I’ll let you do whatever you want to do to him. Remember that your purpose is to have him kicked out.” The man glanced on the direction where Unique left. “And I know you’re Unique’s friend, but if you can… please stop involving him to things like this. He doesn’t listen to me and he won’t stop messing around. If you need any help that only Unique can do, come to me instead. My number’s written on that paper. I’d rather have it done myself than let Unique do it.”

“S-Sige, pre.”

He took one last glance at me before he left. Seemed like he was reading me straight to my soul when he looked at me.

Gago… First time ko kabahan nang malala sa harap ng kapwa lalaki.

I had no idea who that man was, I just knew that he’s Unique’s friend or maybe boyfriend. But his aura was different from any men I’ve encountered before.

He looked powerful. His entire existence screamed control. Parang kapag pumitik siya, mapapasunod ka.

Gago, sino ba ’yon? Kung sinu-sino na lang kinakaibigan ni Unique.

Bahala na!

Chapter 26

Tight Lipped XXVI

Matthew

“Saan ka nakakuha ng invite, Matt? ’Di ba exclusive ang univ na ’to sa mga maimpluwensiyang pamilya sa Pinas? Baka mamaya tinatago mo lang na anak ka ng—”

“Gago, ’yung kaibigan ko kasi. Binigyan ako invitation. Nasa council ’yon kaya may koneksyon ako,” paliwanag ko kay Denmark na kung anu-ano na naman ang iniisip habang nakadungaw sa bintana ng sasakyan. Manghang-mangha siya rito sa university nila Unique.

“Woah. May kaibigan kang maimpluwensya?”

Binatukan ko si Yohan nang ilapit niya ang mukha sa akin para mag-usisa.

“Kilala n’yo ’yon, ah? Nasabi ko na rati. Si Unique.”

“Sino ’yon?” kunot-noong tanong ni Jaden. “Hindi ko matandaan, pre. Unique na ano? Anak ba ni Henry Sy? Anak ni Pacquiao? Anak ni—”

“Taneo. Hindi n’yo pa rin matandaan?” tanong ko.

Nakwento ko naman sa kanila yata dati, ah. Nakwento ko ba? O nakalimutan lang talaga nila?

“Taneo?” Elias asked in curiosity. “Clan of lawyers?”

Nakangiti akong tumango-tango sa kaniya. Sa wakas! May nakakakilala na! ’Saka si Elias na ’yan, eh. Lahat na yata ng magagaling na lawyers sa Pinas kilala niya, imposibleng hindi niya kilala ang mga Taneo.

“What? You’re friends with one of them?” gulat niyang tanong.

Takteng ’yan. Hindi ko ba talaga nakwento?! Bakit parang ngayon lang nila nalaman na kaibigan ko si Unique? O baka ako naman ’yung nakalimot na magkwento?

“Oo, man. Si Unique Taneo.”

“Oh, I know him!” Lukas murmured. “Yung rebelde! Isn’t he the only one who didn’t take after his clan? Siya lang ang walang balak mag-law, ’di ba?”

Ano pa nga ba? Sikat ang pamilya ni Unique kaya sikat din siya. Sikat bilang tarantado.

Laman ’yan ng balita dati, halos araw-araw. Kung hindi nasasangkot sa gulo, laging nakukuhanan ng video na may sinasapak, o kaya laging nababalitaang na-kick out. Siguro pang-pitong beses niya nang na-kick out bago siya mapunta rito sa Argentum University.

Kung titino siya, sana ito na ang panghuli niya. Baka hindi pa maka-graduate ang baliw na ’yon.

“Angas, pre! May basag ulo ka palang kaibigan,” tuwang-tuwa na sabi ni Tanner.

“Mabait ’yon, oy. Medyo barumbado lang talaga ang bibig ’saka kilos, pero hindi ’yon katulad nung mga nasa balita. Takteng mga article din ’yan, eh. Kulang na lang gawing demonyo si Unique,” inis kong sabi pagkatapos iparada ang van.

“Makikita ba natin siya?” excited na tanong ni Denmark. “First time ko makaka-meet ng sikat, pre. Bukod kay Elias, ha.”

“Anong ako?” masama ang tingin na tanong ni bossing sa kaniya.

“Sikat ka naman talaga! Nababalita ka nga!”

“Gago.”

’Yan ang pinaka-ayaw ni Elias sa lahat, ’yung tinatawag na sikat. Ewan ko kung bakit, gusto niya lang talaga sigurong mamuhay nang normal. Malay ko sa kaniya.

Sabay-sabay kaming napalingon sa cellphone ko nang mag-ring ’yon. Tumatawag si Unique.

“Sagutin mo, pre! Dali!” excited na bulong ni Jaden.

“Bakit?” bungad na tanong ko kay Unique nang sagutin ko ang tawag niya. Sumama pa ang tingin ko kay Tanner nang i-loud speaker niya ang tawag.

“Nasaan na kayo? Malapit na talaga magsimula ’yung game!”

Gago, bakit alam niya na mas maaga kaming darating? Hindi naman siya kasali sa plano namin nung lalaking parang asong nakabuntot sa kaniya.

“Oh, boom, tangina tameme. ’Kala mo hindi ko malalaman plano n’yo ni Van? For your information, parating pa lang si Donovan, papunta na ak— mali, pabalik na pala— pabalik na ako!”

Kanya-kanyang pigil ng tawa ang mga kaibigan ko sa likod habang pinapakinggan ang walang prenong bibig ni Unique.

“Paano mo nalaman? Nagsumbong ba sa ’yo? Kala ko secret lang namin!” kamot-ulong sabi ko.

“Asa ka pang magsumbong ’yon. I just know him too well, I know he’d pull this kind of trick behind my back.” Hula ko naka-tiger look na ’yan sa likod ng screen. “Bilisan n’yo na! I heard Van gave you the copy of the videos. Na-compile n’yo na?”

Yohan hurriedly handed me the flashdrive containing the videos we needed to play later.

“Oo, ayos na lahat.”

“Okay, I’ll save a seat for you and your friends. Ilan kayo?”

“Pito. Make sure na nasa harap kami para enjoy na enjoy naman ’yung mukha nung hayop na ’yon,” natatawa kong sabi.

“Naman! Ako bahala! Vivideohan ko pa lahat para mag-viral sa socmed, kusang makikita ni Santi ’yon kapag napadaan sa feed niya. Basta abangan ko kayo— Ano ba?! Teka may kausap pa ako!”

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko nang bigla na namang kumulo ang dugo ni Unique.

“I told you to tell me where the hell you are. Bakit kailangan pa kitang hanapin?”

Ah, ’yung masungit. Donovan daw pangalan nito, narinig ko lang kay Unique kanina.

“Gano’n talaga, learn to love the chase. Ayaw mo akong pakawalan, ’di ba? Teka, tabi nga!” Unique probably took over the phone again since his voice became much clearer. “Bye na, Matt! See you and see you din sa mga friend mo!”

“Woah,” Yohan murmured as soon as the call ended. “Grabe, gano’n pala talaga siya magsalita ’no?”

“Akala ko rin exaggerated lang sinasabi ng iba,” sang-ayon sa kaniya ni Lukas.

Inirapan ko silang dalawa. “Mabait ’yon, promise.”

“Wala naman kaming sinabing hindi.”

“Tara na, baba na.”

Napasunod kami nang wala sa oras nang si Elias na ang magsalita. Sunod-sunod kaming bumaba mula sa van para sa pinakamasayang araw ng buhay ko.

Ang makaganti sa mga hayop na nagpaiyak kay Santi.

—

“And to welcome the players of the Tigers! Everyone, Argentum’s players for the Volleyball Men’s League— the Blockbusters!”

“Baduy ng pangalan,” bulong ni Jaden na sobrang sama ng tingin ngayon sa isang direksyon.

Doon kung saan lumabas ang team ng hayop na Mark Cruz na ’yon. Unique already gave me some information about the people in his team. Tama ’yung Donovan, three of his team mates were his friends back in senior high. Ibig sabihin, tatlo pa diyan ang mga nam-bully sa kapatid ko noon.

Kung nakakamatay lang ang masamang tingin, baka nakabulagta na sila dahil pito kaming may sama ng loob sa kanila.

“Hi!”

Lumingon ako sa likod nang marinig ang boses ni Unique. Kasama niya na naman ’yung Donovan, parang aso talagang nakabuntot sa kaniya.

Pansin ko rin na parang sikat silang dalawa rito. Siguro dahil na rin sa council, o baka ibang rason pa. Pinagtitinginan sila ng mga estudyante, eh, ’yung iba kinikilig pa. Parang kami lang ng mga kaibigan ko kapag paparating, may mga nahihimatay pa.

“Unique,” nakangiti ko siyang tinapik sa balikat ’saka simpleng tinanguan ’yung kasama niya.

Alangan naman tapikin ko rin balikat, baka bigla pa akong paalisin niyan. Sa sungit ng mukha, nakakatakot lapitan.

“Hi, guys! Kamusta kayo?” ngiting-ngiti na bati sa amin ni Unique, lalo na sa mga kaibigan ko.

’Yung lima naman… para talagang mga tanga.

Mangha-mangha sila ngayon habang nakatitig kay Unique. Bukod sa sikat ’yang kaibigan ko kaya ganyan sila makatitig, iba rin kasi talaga ang ganda ni Unique sa personal. Huwag lang pagsasalitain.

“Hello po.”

Naknampucha! Anong nakain nitong mga kaibigan ko? Bakit nahihiya ’yang mga ’yan?!

“Nice to meet you, guys! I’m Matthew’s best friend! My name’s Unique Taneo!” masiglang pakilala ni Unique sa anim.

“N-Nice to meet you po.” At talagang nauutal pa rin ’yung lima.

Si Elias lang yata ang hindi apektado. Siya rin ang naunang sumagot kay Unique dahil mukhang tameme pa rin ’yung lima.

“Elias. I’m a big fan of your clan,” pakilala ni bossing.

“Naku! Kung alam mo lang, bullshit ang clan nami— Ay, babycakes, ’nu ba?!” Sumama ang tingin ni Unique kay Van nang takpan nito ang bibig niya. “Number one tagapagtanggol ka ba ng pamilya ko? O sige palit na tayo apelyido, Taneo ka na simula ngayon, ha? Gusto mo magkapatid din tayo? Hindi mo na ako makikiss—”

“Unique, ang ingay mo. Ano ba?” inis na sabat ni Van sa kaniya.

“Ikaw kasi, eh. Tantado.” Humarap ulit sa amin si Unique at muling ngumiti. “Nice to meet you, guys! Bakit parang natatae yata mga kaibigan mo, Matt? May CR dito—”

“Nahihiya lang sila,” natatawa kong sabi. Inakbayan ko si Yohan na katabi ko at hinampas siya sa dibdib. “Hoy, magpakilala kayo.”

“Yohan po.”

“Lukas.”

“Jaden po.”

“Denmark nga po pala!”

“Hi po! I’m Tanner!”

“Naman pala, eh! Bakit kayo nahihiya kanina? Ang gwa-gwapo n’yo nga! Kung nandito siguro sila sa school natin, Van, baka crush ko sila—”

“Tumahimik ka.”

“Bakit? Bawal magka-crush? FYI, hindi naman tayo official kaya—”

“Isa pa, Unique.”

Naknampucha nag-away na naman sila. Parang nakakapagod ’yung sitwasyon nila na lagi silang nagbabangayan. Kahit naiintindihan ko naman, bunganga pa lang ni Unique nakakapagod na pakinggan.

“Isa pa pala, eh. Okay, so ayon nga… Crush ko siguro sila kapag—”

“Lalayasan kita kapag hindi mo tinigil ’yan.”

Nginitian ko na lang ang mga kaibigan ko nang mapansing nanonood lang sila sa bangayan nung dalawa. Wala na akong magagawa diyan. Routine na yata nila ’yung pagtatalo.

“Sungit mo naman!” Napa-side eye ako nang wala sa oras nang biglang humilig si Unique kay Van at biglang naging malambing. “No, babycakes, oh no! ’Wag mo akong layasan, malulungkot ako sa saya, sige ka!”

Gago talaga.

Hindi ko na sila pinansin nang magsimula na ang opening ceremony. Anumang minuto, ipe-play na ang video na ikasisira ng buhay nitong Mark na ’to.

Ako na yata ang pinakamasayang lalaki sa mundo sa oras na makita ko ang takot sa mukha niya, pati sa mukha ng mga kaibigan niyang tarantado rin.

“Matt!” Unique tapped my shoulder suddenly. “The video’s gonna play anytime soon. I told someone to take a video of the whole thing so it will spread online.”

“Ayos lang ba ’yon? It’s the reputation of your school afterall. Paano kapag nalamang kayong dalawa ni Van ang kasabwat namin? Nasa council pa naman kayo,” sabi ko.

“Hindi ’yan. Magaling ’yang Argentum na mambaliktad. Lalabas pa na sila ang magaling dahil ine-expose nila ang illegal activities ng mga estudyante kahit kami lang naman ni Van ang mabubuting nilalang di— Oh bakit ganyan ka makatingin? Mabuti ako, ah,” defensive niyang sabi nang umiba ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

“Sure ka, ha? Ayokong madawit pangalan n’yo.”

“Ano ka ba? Huwag kang mag-alala. Magaling ’yang babycakes ko, walang makakapag-expose ’yan. Malinis ’yan magtrabaho. Kumbaga papunta pa lang kayo, siya nakauwi na, nasa harap ng computer— naglilinis ng ebidensya.”

Sabay kaming natawa sa sarili niyang kalokohan. Tawa lang kami nang tawa nang biglang mag-iba ang ihip ng hangin. Pagtaas ko ng tingin… ayon nga.

Parang kulang na lang maligo ako sa sariling dugo dahil sa sama ng tingin sa akin nung Van.

Tanginang ’yan! Tumatawa lang?! Hello, kaibigan ako ni Unique, oh? ’Kala lagi aagawin.

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung anong relasyon nilang dalawa. Kung magkaibigan, magkaaway, o sila ba. Ewan ko, ang gulo nila!

My attention was dragged back to the game when the song of Mark’s team was about to be played.

About time.

Napangiti ako nang imbes na mag-play ang kanta para sa team nila, ay mag-play ang compiled videos na ginawa namin nila Yohan.

“Tangina, pre. Kung hindi lang makakasuhan, malamang sinamantala ko na ’yung nursing student kahapon!”

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngisi naming magkakaibigan nang matahimik ang lahat, abala sa panonood ng video na naka-flash sa malalaking screen dito sa gymnasium.

Lalo na ’yung mukha nung Mark, nung marinig ang boses niya. Halos wala nang kulay ang mukha niya, pati mukha ng mga gago niyang kaibigan.

“Akala ko ba nilasing mo? Bakit hindi ka naka-score?”

“Putangina nung Unique, eh. Hindi ko alam na nandon ’yon sa club!”

“Should we just kill that Unique guy?”

Nilingon ko si Unique na komportableng nakaupo, parang walang pake na minsan siyang pinagplanuhan na todasin ng mga tarantadong ’yon. Wala namang kinakatakutan ’yan.

“Oh, okay. Natatandaan ko na sila, babycakes!” Unique faced Van. “Sila ’yung binugbog ko sa club noong nilasing nila ’yung nursing student. Solid ’yon! Para akong nasa fight scene!”

Lumipat sa pangalawang video at nakatutok lang ang lahat. Kitang-kita ko rin mula sa pwesto namin na nagpa-panic na ang buong team nila Mark, pati mga coach at professors, halatang pinapapatay na ang video.

“Pre, meron ka pa?”

“Magkano?”

“Sampung libo lang. Kailangan kong mag-training para makapasok sa line up. ’Lam mo na, kailangan ko ng energy.”

“Gege. Oh.”

Kitang-kita mula sa video ang pag-abot ni Mark ng pakete ng droga sa isa nilang kasamahan. The students around us all gasped in shock, knowing that using drugs in this economy was basically your ‘no way out’.

You can joke around, plan to kill someone, plan to sexually assault someone— and fucked up people wouldn’t even bat an eye. But if drugs’ involved, it’s a different story for them. ’Yon din siguro ang rason kung bakit sinabi ni Van sa akin na hindi lang sapat ang bugbog. We needed to do something to get Mark kicked out, his friends too, and no university would accept him again. Plus points ang pagkakakulong nilang mga hayop sila.

Realizing this, I think this is why him and Unique were different. Unique’s way of serving justice was through physical pain, Van’s way of karma was through torturing someone mentally and by ruining their lives in the most horrible way.

Bagay nga sila.

“Turn that shit off!”

Mark now truly unleashed his true personality. Gone the confident Mark who was enjoying everyone’s praises earlier. Mukha na siya ngayong puputok sa galit. Pati ang mga kaibigan niya, natataranta na rin.

“Putangina, patayin n’yo sabi!”

“Matt, they’ll probably meet in their hide out. I gave you the location, right? Mauna na kayo doon. I’ll be watching from afar incase something happens.” Unique stared at my eyes and I could see the excitement in his’. “Remember not to spare a bone.”

Tinanguan ko ang mga kaibigan ko na mukhang naintindihan din ang gusto kong sabihin. Sabay-sabay kaming tumayo mula sa kinauupuan para gawin ang pinakahihintay namin.

I knew they never hurt Santi physically. Pero hindi natatapos sa video ang ganti namin. Pisikal man kung pisikal, pero malalabas lang namin ’yung galit namin sa oras na bugbugin namin sila.

Although the whole volleyball team was composed of ten members, and it’s just the seven of us— I’m confident we’d still win the fist fight. Kay Elias pa lang.

And incase something went wrong, Unique’s watching so he could instantly back us up.

At isa pa, confident akong kami ang makakalamang. Wala nang mas lalakas pa sa isang kapatid na galit, sa isang kuya na gusto lang makaganti.

Chapter 27

Tight Lipped XXVI

Matthew

After waiting for a couple of minutes, hiding somewhere across their hide-out— the enemies finally showed themselves.

We could see the panic in their eyes while they were trying to calm each other. Si Mark, na leader ng lahat ng katarantaduhan, hindi na magkamayaw sa pagkataranta.

“Tangina! Sinong nag-play ng video na ’yon? Sino ring nagvi-video?!”

From afar, I could see Unique silently observing us. Nakasandal siya sa pader habang nakapamulsa, naghihintay lang sa amin.

I gave signal to my friends as we came out from where we were hiding. Lumapit kami sa direksyon nila habang taranta pa silang lahat. Nang mapansin nila kami, kumunot ang mga noo nila.

“Who the hell are you?” tapang-tapangan na tanong ni Mark.

“Can you still remember Saint Mercajez, Mark?” tanong ko.

“Saint, what?” irita niyang tanong. “Ah… The fucking mute? Oo, bakit? Are you his friends? Bakit kayo nandito?”

“I’m his brother, you fucking jerk,” I replied in anger.

Tumaas ang kilay niya, parang naging alerto. Pati ’yung tatlo niyang kaibigan simula nung senior high, na mga nanggago rin sa kapatid ko.

Seeing them in flesh made my blood boil. I couldn’t believe I’m facing the reason why Santi had to isolate himself from other people. Why my brother suffered that long, why my brother believed he didn’t deserve to have friends.

“Ano, pinadala ba kayo ng Saint na ’yon? What, to avenge himself? Totoo naman pinagsasabi namin dati, ah. Pipe na nga lalambot-lambot pa. Eh lalaki ba talaga ’yon? Baka gupit lalaki lang ha? Mukha pa namang babae. ’Yon ’yung klase ng mukha na kapag babae ang may-ari, ang sarap maka-score—”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang matumba si Mark sa sahig. Tumulo lahat ng dugo mula sa ilong niya at halos mawalan siya ng malay.

Pagtingin ko, galit na galit si Elias na nakatitig sa kaniya. May bahid pa ng dugo sa kamao niya dahil sa pagsuntok sa tarantado.

“Tangina n’yo, ah!”

We became alerted when the rest of their team suddenly charged towards us. Ako naman, kinwelyuhan ’yung Mark para mabugbog ko nang sobra.

“Tangina mo.” Wala akong pake kahit nagdudugo na ang ilong niya at hindi na siya halos makamulat. “You’re the reason why Santi was traumatized. Tapos maririnig ko na kasali ka pa sa liga? Para ano, para mamuhay bilang normal na estudyante? Eh putangina mo, wala kang bayag!”

I gathered all my strength and threw a blow on his face. Hindi lang ilong niya ang dumudugo ngayon, pati labi niya.

“You targetted my brother because he couldn’t speak, right? He couldn’t fight back. Hindi makakapagsumbong ang kapatid ko kaya tinarantado ninyong magkakaibigan.” The pain in my chest came back when I remembered Santi’s episode. “Putangina mo. Hindi mo alam kung anong klaseng impyerno ang binigay mo sa kapatid ko.”

He managed to let go from my grip as he punched me on my face. It was a weak force, pumutok lang ang labi ko pero hindi ko ininda ang hapdi no’n. Nangingibabaw ang galit ko kaya walang-wala sa akin ang kahit anong sakit ngayon.

Wala akong ibang maramdaman kung hindi gigil at galit. Si Santi lang ang nakikita ko sa likod ng utak ko. ’Yung sitwasyon siya nung madatnan namin siya, ’yung umiiyak niyang itsura, ’yung takot na takot niyang estado. Lahat…

I punched Mark on his face again, mas malakas sa kanina. This time, he was face down on the ground. Hinila ko siya para mapatihaya at ’saka siya ulit sinuntok sa mukha.

Kung pwede ko lang siyang patayin, malamang ginawa ko na.

Mark was able to throw another blow on my face. Kabilang pisngi ko ang natamaan, kaya gigil ko siyang sinuntok sa panga.

“Pre, tama na.”

Yohan pulled me up before I even kill the fucking jerk. Nakabulagta na lang siya sa lupa habang punong-puno ng dugo ang mukha. Pati mga kaibigan niya, halos hindi na rin sila makilala dahil binugbog na rin ng mga kaibigan ko.

The satisfaction inside me was finally fulfilled. Not only because they all looked hopeless right now. It’s also because of the fact that they have no way out. Everyone knew about their crimes, even the planned ones— makukulong at makukulong sila.

“Nice show!” Pumapalakpak na sabi ni Unique nang makalapit siya sa akin. “Akala ko kailangan n’yo ng resbak, lalakas n’yo pala!”

“F-Fuck you,” bulong ni Mark nang makita si Unique.

Unique just smiled at him and approached him without saying anything. Kitang-kita ko kung paano tumapak si Unique sa maputik na parte ng lupa bago lumapit kay Mark.

“Aaah!” Halos mag-echo ang sigaw ni Mark nang wala siyang pakealam na tapakan ni Unique sa mukha.

Natawa ako nang wala sa oras. Gago talaga!

Unique faced us with his iconic smile. “I’ll clean your mess up and will make sure you’re not gonna be involved here. Nice one, guys!”

—

Saint

I didn’t know why I kept on fidgeting on my bed while waiting for Elias’ reply. I felt so anxious knowing that it would be my first time sneaking out!

—

Saint | 2:36 PM paano ako makakapagpaalam kay kuya Matt?

anong sasabihin ko?

Elias 💚 | 2:37 PM Tell him you’re just going to cinema with me and with my family

Papayagan ka niyan. Iisipin lang niyan gusto kang kasama nila mama.

Saint | 2:38 PM that’s right! ang smart mo talaga hehe

Elias 💚 | 2:38 PM

Elias sent a laughing gif

Baby, what’s so smart about that lame excuse?

Saint | 2:39 PM hehe, hindi ko nga naisip ’yon eh

omg! nasa sala si kuya, naglalaro. magpapaalam na ako habang distracted siya!

Elias 💚 | 2:40 PM Alright, hahaha

Now that’s a smart move, baby.

Go, let me know what he’s gonna say

—

I quickly dropped my phone on my bed before I carried Eli from the floor. Kapag may kasamang pagpapa-cute ni Eli, sure akong lalambot si kuya at papayag na umalis ako.

Hehe.

Nakangiti akong lumapit sa pwesto ni kuya Matthew habang bitbit si Eli sa mga braso ko. Nang makalapit, kinulbit ko siya sa balikat.

“Ano na naman, panget?” reklamo niya habang seryosong nakatutok sa laro.

I was about to get his attention so I could sign when I noticed something on his cheek. Sinundot ko ang band aid doon kaya napapitlag siya sa gulat.

“A-Ano ba ’yon, panget?” parang kinakabahan niyang tanong habang hawak ang pisngi na may band aid.

Nilapag ko si Eli sa sofa at bumaling ulit kay kuya. “[What’s that?]”

“Wala lang! Nakagat ng lamok!”

“[You think I’m stupid?! Hindi ’yan kagat ng lamok! Bakit ka magba-band aid sa kagat ng lamok? Ano ka, baby?]” I angrily signed.

“Malamang, naging pantal! Bawal magkaroon ng pantal sa mukha ko, bawas kapogian ’yon, ’di mo ba alam?”

Napaka-nonsense ng mga sinasabi niya. Halatang may masabi o mapalusot lang!

“[Stop joking around! Umalis lang kayo last week, biglang may sugat ka na sa mukha? What happened noong umalis kayo?!]”

“Bahala ka diyan, panget. Sabing lamok nga lang, eh.”

He was about to hold his controller again but I quickly grabbed it away from him.

“[Did you get into a fight last week?]”

“Huh?” Peke siyang tumawa. “Anong fight? Kung anu-anong naiisip mo diyan, bunny. Doon ka na nga! Nahahawa ka na kay Denmark sa mga imahinasyon no’n, lumayo ka na nga—”

“[Stupid! See!]” Tinuro ko ang labi niya na hindi masyadong halata ang pamamaga, pero kapag nasa malapitan, kitang-kita! “[Halatang nasuntok ka! Huwag mong sabihing kinagat ka rin ng lamok sa labi?]”

“Oo, sarap na sarap yata sa dugo ko.”

“[Kapag nalaman ko ang totoo, grounded ka,]” pagbabanta ko sa kaniya.

“Anong grounded? Iga-ground mo sarili mong kuya?” He grabbed the controller from my hands and let out a sigh. “Ano bang kailangan mo? Para tigilan mo na ako.”

Ah, right! I almost forgot!

“[I’m gonna go outside.]”

“At saan ka pupunta?” taas-kilay niyang tanong. “Kasama mo ba mga kaibigan mo? Ayos lang kung sila ang kasama mo.”

“[No. I’m going to watch in cinema with kuya Elias.]”

Kumunot ang noo ni kuya Matthew. “Huh? Bakit kayong dalawa lang? Hindi n’yo ako isasama?”

“[We’re going to…]”

Should I really lie to my kuya?

“Going to what?”

“[We’re going to watch together with his family. Tita Freya and tita Lilienne wanted me to come.]”

Nakaka-guilty talaga kapag nagsisinungaling, buti na lang hindi ako nakakapagsalita. Kasi siguradong nauutal na ako kapag nagsisinungaling.

“Ah, okay! ’Kala ko kayong dalawa lang, eh. Sige na sige na.” Sumenyas siya na parang pinapaalis ba ako. “Huwag kang pasaway kila tita, ha? Kapag inampon ka, sabihin mo ako rin.”

I laughed and excitedly hugged him from behind, appreciating the fact that he really gave me a permission to go with Elias— kahit dahil sa pagsisinungaling.

“[You take care of Eli, okay?]”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Ingat, panget! Enjoy!”

I ran towards my room to deliver the good news to Elias.

—

Saint | 3:10 PM nagpaalam na ako! pinayagan niya ako nung sinabi kong kasama sila tita Freya hehehe

Elias 💚 | 3:12 PM Alright, baby, hahaha.

That’s good.

I’ll pick you up in 20.

Saint | 3:13 PM okaaay, ingat po sa pagdadrive!

Elias 💚 | 3:13 PM Of course, I will, baby.

I’m expecting a kiss once I see you.

—

Wala sa sariling napatakip ako sa bibig nang mabasa ang huli niyang message.

Umatake na naman yata ’yung kalandian ni Elias. Palibhasa hindi na naman kami nagkita gaano kasi wala last week pa sila busy. I didn’t know where they went last week, pero first time nila akong hindi sinama. Tapos saktong naging abala pa ako nitong mga nagdaang araw. Pakiramdam ko may pinuntahan sila na hindi ako dapat nando’n.

Tapos… may sugat pa si kuya Matthew sa mukha at putok pa ’yung labi niya.

Bahala na, mamaya ko na iisipin. Lalo na kapag nakita ko si Elias. Sa oras na makita kong may sugat din siya sa mukha, lagot talaga sila sa akin.

Wala naman sa ugali nila ang makipag-away, pero…

I suddenly remembered what I saw on my Facebook feed few days ago. It was a video of Mark and the rest of his friends being exposed in the public.

When I saw how terrified they looked, how hopeless they became… I felt good. I felt satisfied.

Pakiramdam ko, nakapaghiganti na ako. Pakiramdam ko, nawala ’yung bigat sa mga balikat ko dahil makukulong sila.

The karma that I was waiting to come finally hit him and his friends. ’Yon ’yung karma na matagal ko nang hinihintay para sa kanila. Simula pa lang noong mga panahon na para akong naglalakad sa karayom tuwing papasok ako, takot na takot sa kanila.

The fear in their faces when they realized they were exposed, the lack of hope when they realized they’re going to be jailed… Everything seemed to heal me in just one video.

Hindi ko na naririnig ang mga boses nila. Mas naririnig ko ang bulungan ng mga estudyante sa video na sila ang pinag-uusapan. Hindi ko na nakikita ang mga mukha nilang kinakatakutan ko noon, mas nakikita ko na ang mga mukha nilang takot na takot.

At last, I could finally say that I’ve forgotten about the words they threw at me. Because their karma played longer in my mind than the months of torture I had with them.

“Hi, baby.”

I gave a genuine smile to Elias as soon as I entered the passenger seat of his car.

“[Hi, Elias.]”

He let out a laugh. “You seemed hesitant not to call me kuya. Baby, we’re boyfriends now.”

“[Naninibago pa kasi ako,]” paliwanag ko.

“I know, and you’re doing a great job, baby.” He suddenly removed his seat belt as he leaned forward, his face getting closer to mine. “Where’s my kiss?”

My face instantly blushed when he still remembered to ask for it. Actually, lagi naman.

Despite my reddened cheeks, I carefully held his left cheek as I gave him a soft and quick kiss on the lips. I was about to pull out when he pulled my waist closer.

Halos mapunta na ako sa kinauupuan niya nang hilahin niya ako papalapit, gigil na gigil na inaangkin ang mga labi ko.

Pilit ko na siyang tinutulak dahil medyo nakakangalay na ang pwesto ko, pero hindi siya nagpatinag. He gently pushed me back to my seat so I could sit properly. Tapos bumalik na naman siya sa paghalik sa akin.

Lagi na lang siyang ganitong humalik. ’Yung halik na parang first time lang namin mag-kiss.

Hindi nagbago ’yung paraan at diin ng paghalik ni Elias kahit isang buwan na kami. Ganyan siya lagi kagigil humalik.

I opened my eyes which I’m glad I did, I was able to notice something on his cheek. Right under his eye. Pwersahan ko siyang tinulak palayo habang nakatingin nang direkta sa maliit na sugat sa pisngi niya, namumula pa! Halatang bago lang!

I also grabbed his fist and noticed that his knuckles were a bit red.

“Why, baby?”

I threw death glares at him, causing him to back away a little. Probably curious and shocked why I suddenly acted this way.

Pinagkrus ko ang mga braso habang seryosong nakatitig sa kaniya. “[Where did you guys go last week? Noong hindi ninyo ako sinama?]”

His eyes showed obvious signs of not wanting to tell the truth.

“What kind of question is that, baby? You don’t have to be suspicious. May binisita lang kaming—”

“[Bunisitang ano? Binisitang away?]” I angrily pointed at the wound on his cheek. “[Bakit ka may sugat sa pisngi?]”

His awkward laugh was so obvious when I pointed it out. “Santi, baby, it’s just a scratch. I was playing with Penelope three days ago, nahagip lang ako ng lego blocks niya. I promise, baby—”

“[Do you remember when you told me that lying to me is the last thing you’ll do?]”

His face suddenly looked guilty when I asked that. “White lies n-not included.”

“[White lie is a lie. Tell me, anong ginawa ninyo? Don’t try to lie about the part that you played with Penelope, I know you didn’t! Si kuya Matthew rin, may sugat sa mukha at putok pa ang labi. Pati ikaw!]” Naiinis na talaga ako.

“It’s…”

He took my hand and kissed it gently.

“[What?]”

“I don’t want to tell you, baby. It’s something that we didn’t want you to find out, because we did a bad thing. You know I never want you to be associated with bad things, right?” He looked at me as if I was a treasure he wanted to protect. “But I promise you, whatever we did was for you. Whatever bad things we had done, and we will do, were all for you.”

“[But I don’t want you getting hurt.]”

“Hindi ako nasaktan, Santi. And I’m not gonna lie to you about that, I truly wasn’t hurt. Seeing you suffer like that during your episode was more painful. I would never survive another day seeing you in that stage again.” Malambing niya akong hinalikan sa noo. “And I’d do anything, and everything, to punish people who did you wrong.”

My eyes started to form tears. “[And physical fights couldn’t be avoided?]”

He smiled at me, carefully wiping the tears around my eyes. “Yes. Because I don’t do things halfway for you.”

Chapter 28

Tight Lipped XXVIII

Saint

“Wanna buy a popcorn, baby?” Elias asked when we saw a popcorn stall along our way.

Kinagatan ko muna ang cotton candy na binili niya para sa akin ’saka tumango-tango. Nakangiti niya akong dinala papunta ro’n habang hawak-hawak ang kamay ko.

“Good afternoon po!” masiglang bati sa amin ni kuyang nagpa-popcorn. “Feel free to choose your desired flavor po, sir!”

Elias just beamed a little as he glanced at me. “Do you want a regular one or a flavored one?”

I carefully scanned the choices on the top of the stall. I pouted a little as I tried to pick what would interest me the most.

Nng makapili, nilagay ko ang stick ng cotton candy sa kaliwang kamay ko bago humarap kay Elias. “[The karamel one!]”

“Alright, we’ll get that.” He was smiling when he caressed the back of my head. Lumingon siya pabalik kay kuyang nagpa-popcorn. “We’ll take one caramel. What are the sizes?”

“Ito po, sir. May small, medium, and large po tayo. If you buy the large size po, may freebie na maliit na plushie. This plushie is the official branding of Popcorn Express.”

Parang naghugis puso ang mga mata ko nang ipakita ni kuya ang maliit na white plushie. Nakasuot siya ng red hat na may logo nila, tapos naka-uniform din siya ng brand. Ang cute! Sobrang cute!

Elias seemed to noticed my excitement when he looked at me. I saw him chuckling as he messed with my hair.

“We’ll take the large one, please.”

I clapped my hands when he said that. I happily swayed my body left and right as the man on the popcorn stall handed me the plushie.

“Satisfied?” tanong ni Elias habang hinahaplos ang buhok ko.

Nginitian ko siya habang tumatango-tango, may laman pang cotton candy ang bibig. “[Yes! He’s super cute! I’m so happy!”

“Glad you are, baby.”

We waited for a couple of minutes while our popcorn was being prepared. Nang makalipas ang ilang minuto rin, inabot na sa amin ni kuya ’yung malaking lagayan ng popcorn. Elias paid for it as well.

Nakangiti kaming pinagmasdan ni kuyang popcorn, partikular ako, pabalik kay Elias. “Enjoy po, sir! Ang cute po ng kapatid n’yo!”

Uh oh.

Dahan-dahan kong nilingon si Elias at napanguso nang makitang natigilan siya dahil sa sinabi nung lalaki.

Labas ako diyan, ah!

“Thanks,” tipid na sabi ni Elias pero agad ding nawala ang ngiti. “Hindi kami magkapatid. I am his boyfriend.”

“A-Ah.”

Ito kasing si kuyang popcorn! Assuming! Ang layo-layo ng itsura namin ni Elias sa isa’t isa, eh. ’Saka morenong-moreno si Elias, ako maputi. Unang tingin pa lang, halatang hindi kami magkapatid.

“[Let’s go!]” Hinila ko na ang kamay ni Elias paalis bago pa may mangyaring hindi maganda.

Alam ko rin namang hindi gano’ng tipo si Elias na mabilis magalit at bigla na lang gagawa ng away. Pero syempre, prevention is better than cure!

“Magkapatid, amputa.”

Ayan na nga! Nagmumura na siya. Galit na siya talaga!

I closed the gap between our bodies as I leaned to him. Otomatiko rin namang pumulupot ang braso niya sa bewang ko para yakapin ko.

“[Don’t be mad! Maling akala lang ni kuyang popcorn ’yon!]” I tried to calm him down.

“I know. I’m just…” He let out a sigh before squeezing my waist. “Nevermind. Let’s buy a drink first, baby. May 20 minutes pa naman bago magsimula ’yung palabas.”

“[Okay!]”

I knew he’s not the type to be violent. He didn’t also prolong the annoyance taking over him. Pinili niya na lang kumalma kesa magsalita ng kung anu-ano. I honestly thought this was one of the reasons why I liked Elias a lot.

Hindi siya nagagalit nang walang dahilan. Kung magalit man siya, ibig sabihin totoong nakakagalit ’yung sitwasyon.

At kahit galit na siya, he never resorted to violence. Unless maybe… if it involved me. Just like what he said earlier in the car. He only got physical because he really felt the need to.

It never made me like him less. I liked him even more. One physical fight would never compare to the number of times he avoided getting violent just because he’s angry. And that’s honestly rare for men, to control their actions despite the overwhelming emotion they have.

“Baby, anong gusto mo?”

Lumingon ako sa harap nang balingan ako ni Elias. We’re now standing in front of a milktea stall.

The lady from inside the stall smiled at us, her eyes automatically looking at my and Elias’ intertwined hands.

“Omg!” Narinig kong sabi niya bago lingunin ang kasama at may binulong.

See! Women’s intuition were always better than men’s! Kanina, si kuya popcorn, nakita namang magka-holding hands kami ni Elias pero tinawag pa rin kaming magkapatid.

“Hi po!” kumakaway na bati nila ate sa amin.

I smiled at them and waved my free hand as well. They looked happy when I greeted them back.

“[I’ll take Okinawa po.]” I turned to Elias who was just watching us.

“Alright.” He turned to the girls and smiled a little to acknowledge them. “One Okinawa and one Wintermelon. In 24oz, please.”

“Right away, sir. I-prepare lang po namin orders ninyo,” one of the ladies said as she went towards the back, probably preparing our drinks.

I leaned to Elias’ chest when I felt him pulling me closer. Habang nakahilig sa kaniya, pasimple kong pinaglaruan ang plushie na nakuha ko sa popcorn stall kanina. Ang cute talaga!

“Kayo po?” nahihiyang tanong ni ate pagkatapos magbayad ni Elias.

“Sorry, what?” Elias asked with full of respect.

“K-Kayo po ni sir cute? I mean, magjowa po kayo?” namumulang pag-ulit ni ate.

Elias’ smile widened as soon as he heard that. It’s a huge improvement knowing that the guy earlier thought we were brothers. Tapos ngayon, alam agad nila ate na may something kami ni Elias.

I guess women’s radar were really unmatched.

“Yes. Thank you for noticing,” ngiting-ngiti na sagot ni Elias. Kulang na lang mapunit ang mga labi niya sa lawak ng ngiti niya.

Kilig na kilig si ate nang makumpirma ang hinala. Pasimple niya pang hinampas ’yung isang ate.

“Sorry po sa reaksyon ko, kinilig lang po! Hilig ko kasi magbasa ng BL novels sa Wattpad kaya noong nakita ko po kayo, para kayong lumabas sa libro.” Hehe , ang cute ni ate! “Bagay na bagay po kayo! The visuals and the chemistry? Perfect! Para po kayong lumabas mula sa BL movie.”

She’s so cute! Omg!

Gusto ko siyang kaibiganin kasi ang daldal niya. Tapos hindi pa siya nahihiya.

Kami pa nga ang nahihiya ni Elias, o ako lang yata. Kasi ngiting-ngiti ’yung isa, eh. May patawa-tawa pa siya. Tuwang-tuwa siguro dahil kanina lang, napagkamalan kaming magkapatid.

“Thank you, appreciate that,” he replied to the lady. “My boyfriend can’t speak but I’m sure he’s happy hearing that as well.”

I bowed a little to the lady with a smile on my face. Hanggang sa makuha namin ni Elias ang order namin, nakangiti lang ako kay ate. Kumaway pa nga ako noong paalis na kami.

Ang cute talaga niya! I love madaldal people!

“Careful, baby. Kapit ka sa kamay ko,” malambing na sabi ni Elias habang paakyat kami papunta sa seats namin.

Nasa loob na kami ng cinema. He’s currently holding the large popcorn on his right hand and I was carrying our drinks. Nilahad niya ang kaliwang braso para alalayan ako paakyat dahil medyo madilim ang daan.

Kung bakit naman niya kasi pinili ang huling row sa pinakalikod? Ayan tuloy! Ang layo!

I felt very comfortable as soon as we were finally seated. We carefully placed the popcorn on the food container in front of our seats. I also placed our drinks on the drink holder.

There’s not a lot of people around us, may iilan lang, at nga nasa unahan pa namin. Kami lang talaga ni Elias ang nasa pinakalikod.

Noong una, hindi ko maintindihan bakit pinili niya ang pinakalikod na part. Pero ngayon, naiintindihan ko na…

Namilog pa ang mga mata ko nang bahagya niya akong hilahin papalapit bago niya ako sunggaban ng halik.

Sabi na nga ba!

Ang landi-landi talaga niya!

Napakapit ako sa balikat niya nang mas lamiman niya ang paghalik sa akin. Sigurado akong alam na alam niya na imposibleng may makakita sa amin sa pwesto namin. Lahat ng nga tao, nasa harapan namin at medyo malalayo pa.

Talagang planado niya!

“I miss you,” he whispered between the kiss.

I flinched a little when he sucked my lower lip before biting it. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang dila niya na pilit na hinuhuli ang akin. Even the sound of our lips parting were very loud. But people wouldn’t hear it anyway.

I tried to push him away so I could process what’s happening, but he didn’t even budge. He even held me closer so he could kiss me better.

Hingal na hingal akong napasandal sa kinauupuan nang saglit siyang humiwalay sa akin. Habol-habol ang hininga na hinawakan ko ang mga namamanhid kong labi.

Grabe talaga siya humalik. Lagi na lang namamaga ’yung mga labi ko.

At hindi pa siya kuntento! Parang pinahugot niya lang ako ng hininga.

Habang nakasandal ako, muli siyang lumapit para halikan ako nang malambing. His kiss was no longer aggressive, it was slow and passionate.

Ilang beses din siyang lalayo para titigan ang mukha ko, tapos babalik na naman sa paghalik.

“Do you have any idea…” He slid his tongue on my lower lip before locking his eyes with mine. “what effect you have on me?”

I shook my head, clueless about what’s trying to say.

Napaangat na naman ako nang biglang lumipat ang halik niya sa pisngi ko, pababa sa leeg. Nakikiliti ko siyang tinulak pero hindi siya nagpatinag.

“Nakakabaliw ka. Are you fucking aware of that?” His voice sounded very seductive while he was kissing my neck. “If you only knew the thoughts running inside my head right now, you’d probably run away.”

Ano raw?

Anong thoughts?

“Look at you sitting prettily, accepting my kiss. Letting me do whatever I want.”

Hindi ko alam kung ako lang, pero ibang-iba ’yung tensyon sa pagitan namin ngayon. Ibang-iba kesa sa dati! I knew something was different dahil nanghihina ako sa boses niya.

Hindi niya rin tinitigilan ang leeg ko, humahaplos din ang kamay niya sa bewang ko.

“But you’re too young to understand everything, so you don’t need to know about it yet.”

Huh?

“[I’m not young! You’re 23, and I’m 20!]” senyas ko sa kaniya.

“Pretty much young to me,” he said.

“[Hindi kaya! You’re just three years older than me.]”

Ano bang pinaglalaban ko? Hindi ko rin alam. Ayoko lang na tinuturing niya na parang sampung taon ang agwat namin.

“Fine.” Tumawa siya. “Alright, you win. Hindi na nga. Nagagalit agad ang baby.”

I laughed when he stole another kiss from my lips. Umayos na rin siya ng upo nang magsimula na ang palabas.

Sana hindi na siya topakin at bigla na namang manghalik. Gusto kong mag-focus sa movie kasi sobrang interesting ng plot! Pakiramdam ko, kapag nalingat ako ng isang segundo, ang laking bagay na.

“I just realized how funny it was back then.”

Nilingon ko si Elias saglit nang magsalita siya. “[What’s funny?]”

“When I was trying to guess who your crush was.”

My eyes widened as soon as I remembered that. That was just last month!

“I kept on referring to your crush as an asshole because you said he was kind to everyone. I didn’t know it was me. Natawag ko pang gago sarili ko,” natatawa niyang sabi.

Bumaba ang tingin ko nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko.

“[Did you get any hint that it was you?]” I asked.

“I actually knew, even before you confessed,” he said that made me shocked.

What? How?!

“When I talked to Matthew and the other guys, they were also trying to guess who your crush might be. Tapos si Jaden… biglang nanghula. He said that your description about your crush matched mine. But of course, since they didn’t know I had social media, they never thought it was me,” pagkukwento niya.

Tango lang ako nang tango habang pinapakinggan siya. Wala akong idea na may napag-usapan pala sila na ganito. May pahula-hula pa talaga sila!

“So that’s how I found out before you confessed to me. I realized that you were talking about me all this time.”

I smiled at him to hide the red tint on my cheeks. Although I knew he wouldn’t notice because it’s dark here, pero kahit na… nahihiya pa rin ako.

Alam na pala niya kahit hindi ako umamin. So, talagang hinihintay niya lang akong magsabi sa kaniya.

I was filled with nothing but happiness while walking beside Elias as we headed towards the parking lot of the mall.

Magkahawak kamay pa kami at yakap-yakap ko ang malaking stuffed toy na nakuha namin sa claw machine.

And no, it wasn’t Elias who got it. I was the one who did!

Matalino nga siya at halos perpekto, pero may kahinaan siya. Claw machine!

Mas magaling pa nga ako sa kaniya, eh! I got this stuffed toy I’m hugging after three tries. Siya, nakasampung subok na, pero laging palpak.

Totoo ang kasabihan na you can’t have it all, hehe. ’Saka claw machine lang naman ’yan, hindi naman malalaman ng mundo na ’yan ang kahinaan ni Elias.

“Ngiting-ngiti,” bulong niya.

“[Of course! Because I’m better than you when it comes to claw machine!]”

He was about to defend himself when he suddenly stopped walking. Nakatingin siya sa harapan na parang may nakita siyang kung sino.

And when I turned to look… I was also stunned.

“Really, Santi? You went out with Elias’ family?” kuya Matthew asked with a serious expression flashed on his face.

I immediately took my hand from Elias. But I guess it was already too late, kuya Matthew saw our intertwined hands already.

“[No, kuya! Nasa loob pa ang mommy ni kuya Elias, palabas—]”

“Don’t lie to me, Santi.” He raised his phone. “Tita Lilienne called me, asking for you. And I suddenly thought why would she call me to ask about you if you went with them. Turns out that you only went with this motherfucker.”

Kinakabahan akong tumungo, hindi alam ang sasabihin.

“Magsisinungaling na lang kayo, hindi n’yo pa pinagplanuhan,” galit niyang sabi. “Pumasok ka sa kotse, Santi. At huwag kang lalabas hanggang hindi ko sinasabi.”

No… I think aawayin niya si Elias.

“[But—]”

“It’s not a command that you can say no to. You are obliged to do it.” Galit na tinuro ni kuya Matthew ang kotse niyang nakaparada malapit sa amin. “Sakay. At lumayo ka sa lalaking ’yan.”

Chapter 29

Tight Lipped XXIX

Matthew

“Santi, hindi ka susunod?” galit na tanong ko sa kapatid ko nang makitang hinawakan niya pa sa kamay si Elias. Hindi pa rin talaga nakikinig.

“[I will! Just don’t fight, okay? Sasakay na ako. Promise n’yo hindi kayo mag-aaway.]”

Nakuha pa talagang lumapit sa akin para ilahad ang hinlilit niya. Gusto pang makipag-pinky promise ako sa kaniya.

“Sakay.”

He stomped his feet angrily as he rolled his eyes on me. Padabog niya kaming nilayasan para sumakay sa kotse na hindi masyadong malayo sa pwesto ko ngayon. Sinadya ko talagang doon i-park para hindi niya makita kung paano ko bugbugin ’tong tanginang kaibigan ko.

“Matt.”

Nagsalita pa talaga ang traydor na ’to.

Galit kong sinugod si Elias at gigil siyang kinwelyuhan. “Tangina mo rin, ’no? Patalikod ka kung umatake. Eh parang kapatid mo na si Santi!”

Hindi ako tanga. Alam na alam kong may relasyon silang dalawa base pa lang sa kasinungalingan ng kapatid ko kanina, at sa magkahawak nilang kamay na nadatnan ko. Hindi ’yan gawain ng simpleng magkaibigan lang.

“I never said I see Santi as my brother. Ikaw lang nag-assume,” kaswal na kaswal niyang sabi.

Sumasagot pa talaga!

“Eh si Santi? Kuya ang turing sa ’yo ng kapatid ko. Ikaw pa nga pinaka pinagkakatiwalaan ko sa lahat, tapos tatraydurin mo ako?”

“When did I ever betray you, Matt? We’re just dating peacefully. I like your brother and he likes me too.”

“Gago!” Galit ko siyang sinikmuraan na ikinaatras niya.

Wala akong pakealam kahit mas malaki ang katawan niya sa akin, o kahit mas malakas siya. Sa ginawa niya, kulang pa yata ang bugbog. Tarantado, eh! ’Yung kapatid ko pa talaga!

“Suntok pa, labas mo inis mo,” nang-aasar niyang sabi.

Nakayukom ang kamao na kinwelyuhan ko siya ulit. “Tapos ano? Kapag nakita ni Santi na may pasa ka sa mukha, sa akin magagalit? Ulol. Alam kong ikaw ang kakampihan no’n. Eh nilason mo na yata utak ng kapatid ko!”

“Nilason? Anong pinagsasabi mo?” Tinulak niya ang dibdib ko. “You know me too well, Matt, I’m not that kind of man.”

“Oo, kaya nga galit na galit ako.” Inis kong binitawan ang kwelyo niya at napahilamos sa mukha. “Kilalang-kilala nga kita, kaya galit ako. Hindi lang sa ’yo, pati sa sarili ko. Hindi ko nahalata, hindi ko nalayo si Santi sa ’yo.”

“Bakit mo ilalayo? Are you fucking insane? Your brother likes me too. Hindi ko inakit si Santi.”

“Anong hindi inakit? Tingin mo magiging kayo kung hindi mo tinuturing na iba ’yon? Ah…” Sarkastiko akong tumawa. “Ikaw siguro ’yung nagugustuhan niya dati, ’no? Tangina, pahula-hula pa kami kung sino. Kaharap ko na pala ’yung gago!”

“I’m giving you the chance to punch me all you want, hindi ako gaganti. I know I’m at fault, somehow, for not telling you. But I’ll never be sorry for liking Santi. I never saw him as a brother, Matt, there’s no betrayal in the first place because I never once considered him less than someone I like.”

Tangina, anong isasagot ko diyan? Parang lumabas sa dialogue ng movie ’yung linyahan niya, eh. Wala na akong maisip na pangkontrabidang isasagot.

“Hanep naman kasi, man.” Frustrated akong napasabunot sa buhok. “Maiintindihan mo naman ako kung ikaw ’yung nasa sitwasyon ko. Every time I allow Santi to be with you, that’s only because I trust you too much. Imagine the horror I felt when I received tita Lilienne’s call? Asking for Santi? When Santi clearly told me before he left na kasama ninyo sila tita sa mall. Tapos pagpunta ko rito para makumpirma ’yung hinala ko, makikita ko kayong magkahawak kamay. Para akong natraydor, Elias. You’d understand me if you were in my shoes.”

Sa wakas, nakapagbitaw rin ng mala-movie na dialogue. Anong akala niya, siya lang? Kupal! Kaya ko rin!

“You’d understand me too if you were in my shoes,” sagot niya. “Santi’s too adorable to resist– Alright, I’ll stop.”

Muntik ko na ulit banatan kung itutuloy niya ’yung sasabihin niya. 

“Hindi ko matanggap, tangina mo,” gigil kong sambit at pinakita pa sa kaniya ang nakataas kong middle finger.

He just laughed as he slowly approached me. “Fine, I’m sorry, okay? But I’m not saying sorry for liking Santi. I’m just guilty for not telling you sooner.”

“Gaano na kayo katagal?”

“More than a month.”

“Ano?!” Mas kumulo pa ang dugo ko. “So nung pinatabi ko siya sa ’yo sa kwarto noong nagbakasyon tayo, kayo na nung time na ’yon?”

“Tanga mo, eh. Ikaw na may kargo niyan. Baka pati ’yon isisi mo sa akin.”

“Malamang sa ’yo ko isisi! Alam mo namang wala akong idea na kayo na pala!” Malapit ko na talaga siyang masuntok sa panga.

Kung hindi ko lang iniisip na magagalit sa akin si Santi kapag nakita niyang may pasa si Elias sa mukha, baka binugbog ko na ’to. Alam kong sa oras na malaman niyang nag-away kami ng walanghiya niyang boyfriend, iiyak ’yon.

“Let’s just fucking go, man. Let’s talk somewhere. Ihatid muna natin si Santi,” nag-aalala niyang sabi.

“Huwag mo akong hawakan, hindi pa tayo bati.” Iniwas ko ang balikat nang subukan niya akong abutin.

“Arte amputa,” bulong niya at talagang tinangka pa rin akong hawakan.

“Ano ba! Bitaw!” gigil kong singhal habang pilit siyang inaawat sa paghawak sa balikat ko.

Hanggang sa makarating kami sa kotse, mukha lang kaming tanga. Iwas ako nang iwas sa kaniya, habang siya tuwang-tuwa pa akong inaasar. Nakakairita!

“[Hello!]” cute na bati sa akin ni Santi nang buksan ko ang driver’s seat at madatnan siya sa passenger seat. 

Nagpapalakas pa talaga. Akala niya hindi ko siya papagalitan?

“[Look oh! Binilhan kita ng favorite mong Shawarma. I thought of you a while ago pagkatapos namin manood ng sine!]” nagmamalaki niyang sabi at nakangiti pang inabot ang paper bag ng favorite kong brand ng Shawarma.

Naknampucha…

“Thank you, bunny.”

Hay, wala na! Dapat magsusungit muna ako, eh!

Bigla ba naman akong ginamitan ng pasalubong technique. Paano ako makakapagsungit niyan?

“Hoy!” Wala sa oras na napalingon ako kay Elias nang biglang pumasok ang hayop sa back seat. “Anong ginagawa mo rito? May sarili kang kotse! Layas!”

“I’ll get someone to drive it to your unit.” Kaswal niyang sinuot ang seat belt bago lumiyad papalapit sa kapatid ko. “Miss me, baby?”

Sa inis ko, hinampas ko si Elias gamit ang naabot kong bote ng tubig.

Syempre, nagsisi rin agad ako nang makita kung gaano kasama ang tingin ni Santi sa akin. Kulang na lang ako ’yung lumabas sa sarili kong kotse.

“[Don’t hurt him!]”

“Don’t hurt him,” I mocked him. “Anong akala mo hindi ko aawayin ’yang magaling mong syota? Ipapabugbog ko pa ’yan!”

“[Napakasama mo!]” Sunod-sunod akong pinaghahampas ni Santi na agad ko rin namang pinagsasalag.

“Pinagtatanggol mo pa talaga ’yang tarantado na ’yan! Ang gagaling ninyong magtago, talagang hindi ko nahalata!” inis kong sabi sa kaniya.

“[Your fault! Not ours!]”

Aba!

Halos umusok ang ilong ko sa galit nang makita silang maglambingan sa harap ko. Alalang-alala si Santi habang hawak ang mukha ni Elias, sinisipat kung may sugat ba sa mukha. Siguradong iniisip niya na sinapak ko ’yang magaling niyang syota.

“Baby, I’m fine.”

Para na akong aalulong sa galit nang halikan ni Elias ang kamay ng kapatid ko. ’Yung magaling ko namang kapatid, namula pa!

“Tigilan ninyo ’yan, naaalibadbaran ako.”

“Hanap ka ng sa ’yo,” nang-aasar na sabi ni Elias bago ngumiti kay Santi.

Ginawa lang nila akong driver na inis na inis sa paglalandian nila buong byahe. Hanggang makarating kami sa condo, pasimpleng nilalandi ni Elias ang kapatid ko.

Kahit sa elevator, hindi mapaghiwalay!

“Ano, talagang sa tabi ko pa?” gigil kong sabi sa kanila nang makita ang pasimple nilang pagbubulungan sa tabi ko.

“Alangan sa harap mo? Pwede naman.”

Kaya lalo akong naiinis kasi sumasabat pa talaga si Elias!

“Tigilan mo ’yang kapatid ko, Elias, ha. Tandaan n’yo nanggigigil pa rin ako sa inyo,” banta ko sa kanila.

“[Why? I’m not doing anything wrong!]” Inosente ang mukha ni Santi nang sabihin ’yon.

Talaga bang iniisip niya na wala siyang ginawang mali? Tingnan mo ’yung mukha, sobrang cute! Walang kaide-ideya na sinikmuraan ko si Elias.

Kung hindi lang siya iiyak, sa mukha ni Elias sana tumama ’yung kamao ko.

“Patulugin mo muna ’yang kapatid ko, tapos lumabas ka rito sa sala pagkatapos,” utos ko kay Elias nang makapasok kami sa unit.

“Ako magpapatulog?” nakangisi niyang sabi.

Nak nang… Parang may meaning ’yung ngisi amputa!

“Anong base na kayo?” masama ang tingin na tanong ko sa kaniya.

“[What’s base?!]” curious na tanong ni Santi at pumagitna pa talaga sa amin.

Hinawakan ko lang ang noo niya at tinulak siya sa mukha para lubayan kami. Natatawa naman siyang sinalo ni Elias.

“First base pa lang,” proud na sabi ni Elias.

Akala niya natutuwa ako? Nag-kiss na pala sila tapos nakangisi pa ang gago na akala mo papalakpakan ko siya!

Inirapan ko siya. “Patulugin mo na ’yan. Lumabas ka agad.”

“[Wait! Ano ’yung first base? Bakit hindi ko—]”

“Panget! Matulog na!” saway ko sa pasaway kong kapatid.

He stomped his feet on the ground as he let Elias dragged him to his room. Bahala na sila diyan. May tiwala naman ako kay Elias na hindi siya gagawa ng bagay na ikagagalit ko pagdating kay Santi.

Ay, galit na pala ako.

Este, alam kong hindi naman niya gagawin ’yung gano’n. Bata pa si Santi masyado.

Hindi ko lang talaga maproseso ’yung mga nalaman ko ngayong araw na ’to, nakakabaliw lahat.

Pagkatapos ng halos kalahating oras, maingat na lumabas si Elias mula sa kwarto ni Santi. Tulog na siguro ’yung pasaway na bubwit.

“Tulog na.”

He sat down on the sofa, just right beside me. His eyes dropped on the bottle of alcohol and shot glasses on the table.

“Lalasingin mo ba ako sabay ililibing ng buhay?” nagtataka niyang tanong.

“Tarantado! Ginawa mo pa akong kriminal.”

Tinawanan niya lang ako. “I’m not going to drink, I’m going to drive.”

“Magpasundo ka, may driver kayo ’di ba?” sarkastikong sabi ko.

He hissed at me, but he still took his phone out of his pocket. “Fine.”

Ewan ko kung anong ginawa niya, malamang nag-text na sa driver nila na susunduin siya mamaya. Nasa mall pa naman ang kotse niya. Pabibo kasi, iniwan-iwan pa para lang makasama si Santi.

“Hindi ko matanggap lahat ng nangyari ngayon, man,” usal ko. “Para akong nagbasa ng sampung libong libro sa loob ng isang oras.”

“Again, I’m sorry about that.”

“Ikaw kasi, gago ka. Sa ganitong sitwasyon ko pa malalaman na bading ka pala,” naiiling kong sabi. “Akala ko talagang wala lang sa priorities mo ang pagkakaroon ng girlfriend. Talagang ayaw mo pala sa babae kasi lalaki rin gusto mo.”

“You just realized?” natatawa niyang sabi. “Santi’s everything I was waiting for.”

Hay, maririndi na naman ako.

Pero kahit sadyang nakakainis na marinig kung gaano niya kagusto si Santi, syempre nakikinig pa rin ako. Gusto ko kasing malaman kung ano ba si Santi sa mga mata ni Elias.

Kung bakit hindi katulad nila Yohan ang naging trato niya kay Santi, kung bakit hindi niya nakitang nakababatang kapatid si Santi.

“At first, I thought my mothers’ relationship was weird as hell. I was seven when I realized that I have two mothers. Gulong-gulo ako no’n, man. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, tangina kakaiba yata buhay ko.” Sabay kaming natawa sa sinabi niya. “I didn’t understand how two women can love each other and even have a child together. School taught everyone that men are for women. I was misled.”

“Ako rin naman, ganyan iniisip ko rati noong bata ako. Hindi kita masisisi,” sabi ko.

“Well, we were kids. That’s what older people tried to tell us, that it’s only possible for love to work if it’s a man and a woman. But when I was eight, and my classmates’ parents started separating— I realized how ridiculous it was to believe that love can only work if it’s between opposite genders.”

He directly drank the alcohol in the shot glass before letting out a laugh.

“Kasi kung totoong gano’n… How come that my mothers still love each other to the bone despite being together for twenty years?”

Napangiti rin ako nang wala sa oras nang maalala ang mga mama ni Elias. Totoo ’yung sinabi niya. Tuwing nakikita ko sila tita Freya at tita Lilienne, hindi kailanman nawala ’yung kislap sa mga mata nila kapag magkakatinginan sila.

“I was 17 when I figured out I didn’t like women. I forced myself to have a crush on one because mom’s pressuring me. Hindi ko talaga kaya, wala akong magustuhan na kahit na sino. Akala ko rin talagang wala lang akong abilidad na magmahal, kasi pati sa lalaki wala akong matipuhan.”

Love at first sight ba talaga siya kay Santi?

“Until you began talking about your brother as if he was someone so holy…”

Mali. Love at first hear yata. May gano’n ba?

Saka, gago! Totoo ba? Curious siya kay Santi simula noong kinukwento ko pa lang?

“I didn’t really mind at first, I was just casually listening to you whenever you talk about him. Tapos hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na, parang hindi kumpleto ang araw natin no’n kapag hindi mo siya bukambibig. Parang nasanay na rin ’yung tenga ko. Kaya…” Bigla siyang natawa kaya napa-double look ako sa kaniya nang wala sa oras.

“I might be a genius, but learning sign language is not something to master within a month. Santi thought I was able to learn everything within one month. Ang totoo, ang tagal ko nang inaaral ang lenggwahe niya. Hindi pa niya ako kilala, inaaral ko na.”

Shet.

Parang seryoso talaga si Elias sa kapatid ko. Pakiramdam ko tuloy wala na akong karapatang magalit bigla.

“I was preparing myself incase you’ll introduce him to us. I was prepared and confident that I’d talk to him once I get to see him. Pero…” Tumawa na naman bigla si gago. “He just had to be so fucking pretty that I couldn’t even look at him in the eyes.”

Sabi na nga ba. Wala namang nakakatiis sa ganda ni Santi. Ako ang kuya, eh. Kumbaga sa akin nagsimula ’yung genes, nagpatuloy lang sa dugo niya.

“Matt, I know you’re worried about me and Santi.”

Lasing na ’yan, magmo-movie dialogue na naman kasi.

“Oo, talaga.”

“But I can only promise you one thing, I’ll never do anything to break his heart. Kung gaano ka katakot na masaktan siya, gano’n din ako. Your brother can’t speak, he can’t express himself if he tries to communicate with other people. I dreamt of him one time. In that dream, I was not by his side and everyone couldn’t understand him. Everyone was pointing fingers at him but he was there, trying to explain his side, yet no one tried to listen. I woke up… I woke up and I was fucking crying.”

Isang malakas na buntong hininga ang pakawalan ko nang narinig ang huli niyang sinabi.

“I swore that I’ll never make that dream come to life. I know you’re always gonna be there for him. But I am too. I’ll never trade Santi for anything, Matthew. I’ll forever take care of him just like how you did when no one was there for him. Hinding-hindi siya mauubusan ng kakampi.”

Ano pa nga ba?

Opisyal na niya akong tinanggalan ng gana na maggalit-galitan.

Chapter 30

Time flies so faaast that we’re only 10 chapters left before Tight Lipped ends 🥺

I can still remember how excited I was when I published my BL story in Wattpad. Tapos nagsimula sa paonti-onting nagbabasa, overtime sa pagpo-promote sa Tiktok, tapos araw-araw updates. Tapos nandito na tayo ngayon! 🤧

I didn’t want it to end as well but we have to move forward for the next installment. And thank you so much as well for always leaving comments and reactions in every chapter I publish. I really reallyyy appreciate it and I read them all, I promise!

Love na love ko kayo 🥺💚

—

Tight Lipped XXX

Saint

“Anong may boyfriend ka na, baby Santi?! Sino ’yan? Bakit hindi man lang dumaan sa amin?!”

Natatawa kong tiningnan si kuya Yohan na galit na galit pang tumayo mula sa pagkakasalampak carpet.

“Dapat nabugbog muna namin!” sabi ni kuya Denmark habang pinagdidikit pa ang kamao at palad.

Dahan-dahan akong napatingin kay Elias na nasa tabi ko, halatang nagpipigil siya ng ngiti habang pinapanood ang lima na magalit.

Talagang nangingiti pa siya sa lagay na ’yan? Ako nga, kinakabahan na. Kasi paano kung bigla siyang awayin nila kuya Yohan? Bigla siyang suntukin?

Buti nga si kuya Matt, hindi siya inaway, eh. Sinigurado ko talaga! Kaninang umaga, talagang pinagmasdan ko nang mabuti ’yung mukha niya para sigurado akong hindi siya sinaktan ni kuya.

Eh kaso, iba naman kapag lima na ’yung nagalit!

“Matthew! Bakit mo pinayagan si Santi?!” sigaw ni kuya Jaden nang bumalik si kuya Matt mula sa kusina. May dala siyang pagkain na siya mismo ang nagluto.

“Anong pinayagan? Ha!” galit niyang singhal. “Kung alam n’yo lang, kulang na lang pagbawalan ko siyang lumabas ng isang linggo! Nakakagalit ’yung boyfriend niyan!”

Ang oa talaga! Stupid Matthew!

Dito niya pa nga pinatulog si Elias katabi kasi nalasing sila. Halos magkayakap pa sila sa sofa kagabi, tulog na tulog, tapos sasabihing galit!

“Sino ba? Ha? Sabihin mo sa amin, bugbugin namin ’yan,” matapang na pag-aamok ni kuya Tanner.

Hehe. Hindi nila alam na si Elias. ’Yung sinisiraan nila, rinig na rinig sila.

“Tanong n’yo kay Elias,” nakangising sabi ni kuya Matthew at nginitian pa si Elias na parang naghahamon.

Ang sama talaga!

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin kaya napaayos siya ng upo.

“E-Este, ako na magsasabi,” pagbawi ni kuya.

Kailangan pang samaan ng tingin bago umayos.

“Ang tagal! Sino ba?!” sigaw ni kuya Lukas.

Kuya Matthew finished chewing on the fried chicken he cooked and pointed at Elias. “Yang tarantado na ’yan.”

“Ha?” Sabay-sabay na lumingon sila kuya Yohan sa direksyon ni kuya Elias bago bumaling ulit kay kuya. “Nasa’n? Ano, naka-camouflage?”

“Hindi, tantado! Nilingon n’yo na!”

“Nasaan ba?!”

Parang mananapak na ang itsura nila kuya Tanner habang lumilinga-linga sa paligid, hinahanap ang ‘boyfriend’ ko.

Nasa tabi ko na nga! Saan ba sila naghahanap?

“Si Elias nga, mga putangina!” Sa gigil ni kuya Matt, pinagsisipa niya sila kuya Yohan sa binti.

Nagmura na naman. Hays.

“Anong si Elias? Si Elias ang may alam?” kunot-noong tanong ni kuya Jaden. “Bakit ba nagtuturuan kayo? Sabihin n’yo na lang kung anong pangalan!”

“Ay mga bobo talaga…” Nawawalan ng pag-asa si kuya Matthew nang tumayo siya para harapin ang lima. “Ang pangalan nga, Elias. E, L, I, A, S. Elias! Si Elias ang tarantadong boyfriend ng magaling kong kapatid!”

I felt like I became deaf all of a sudden when silence filled our whole unit.

Walang nagsasalita, walang umiimik. Lahat nakatulala lang at parang hindi pa maproseso ang sinabi ng kuya ko.

“Baliw!” Humagalpak ng tawa sila kuya Lukas. They were even exchanging high fives! “Dinamay mo pa si Elias sa kabaliwan mo, Matt!”

Hindi sila naniwala?

After that long seconds of silence? Hindi sila naniwala?

“Matt’s telling the truth, I’m Santi’s boyfriend,” Elias spoke in the middle of their laughter.

Pero katulad ni kuya Matt, hindi siya pinaniwalaan nila kuya Denmark. Mas lalo pang lumakas ang tawanan nila, naghahampasan pa.

“Anong boyfriend ka ni Santi? Eh parang—”

Lahat kami ay nanlaki ang mga mata nang bigla akong hilahin ni Elias para halikan.

Not even one of us expected that he’d do this, even me! I was frozen on my seat, I didn’t know what to do aside from letting him kiss me in front of our friends.

“Tarantado!”

Mabilis kong hinarang ang sarili kay Elias nang bigla siyang sugurin ni kuya Matthew.

“Umalis ka diyan, panget! Sasakalin ko ’yan!”

I shook my head and hugged Elias from the side. He laughed because of what I did, in attempt to protect him from possibly getting punched.

“Ano, naniniwala na kayo?”

Napatingin ako kila kuya Lukas na ngayon ay nakatulala at laglag ang mga panga. Parang hindi pa rin sila makapaniwala sa ginawa ni Elias.

Eh, sino bang hindi?

Ang akala siguro nila ay kapatid lang ang tingin namin ni Elias sa isa’t isa. Kahit kung ako rin naman siguro ang nasa pwesto nila, magugulat din ako.

“Hoy! Natahimik na kayo diyan? Akala ko ba bubugbugin n’yo kapag nalaman n’yo?” tanong ni kuya Matthew sa lima.

I was waiting for them to overreact as well, but they stood still looking like that. They were still in shock with what just happened.

Hindi ko alam kung tanggap ba nila o ano.

“Elias…” Tumikhim si kuya Yohan na unang nakabawi. “Pakyu.”

Hala, hindi niya sinapak!

“May araw ka rin, pre. Pakyu sagad,” sunod-sunod na bulong ng mga iba pang kuya.

Hindi nila sinugod si Elias, bumalik lang sila sa pagkakasalampak sa carpet at sinimulang kainin ang niluto ni kuya Matt na pagkain.

“Anong arte ’yan? Kanina lang ang tatapang ninyo. Sabi n’yo bubugbugin n’yo. Ngayon lumalamon kayo diyan!” nang-aasar na sabi ng kapatid ko.

They’re so crazy!

Wala sa oras na nabitawan ko tuloy si Elias dahil wala na palang rason para protektahan siya. My other kuyas were not even attacking him. Pero kanina lang, sabi nila sasaktan daw nila.

“Nasa’n na ’yung bugbog at sapak?” Pati si Elias, nang-asar na rin.

He was even tilting his head towards the five, his smirk was very provoking and his tone too!

“Porke’t malaki katawan ni Elias, takot na kayo! Ako nga sinikmuraan ko ’yan kaha—”

Agad kong binato ng unan si kuya Matthew nang marinig ang dapat niyang sasabihin. Galit akong tumayo mula sa kinauupuan at masama siyang tinitigan.

“Ah…” nauutal niyang bigkas.

“[What did you do to my boyfriend yesterday?]” I angrily asked.

“Joke lang ’yon, panget. Hindi ko s-sinaktan ’yung tanginang boyfriend mo.”

Sinungaling siya! I heard what I heard!

“[Did you really hurt him yesterday?]”

“Hindi nga, promise!” He raised his arms beside his head before glancing at Elias. “Oy, Elias! ’Di ba, pre? Hindi kita sinaktan kahapon, ’di ba?”

Lumingon naman ako sa direksyon ni Elias para ikumpirma. Natagalan siya bago sumagot, pero nakangisi ring tumango kinalaunan.

Anong nginingisi niya?

Talaga bang nag-usap lang sila kahapon?

“See! Sabi sa ’yo, eh. Hindi ko kayang saktan ’yan si Elias, panget. Baka gantihan ako,” tumatawa niyang sabi.

“[Wala dapat sa inyong manakit sa isa’t isa.]” Bumalik ako sa pwesto at yumakap sa braso ni Elias. “[You guys are friends, don’t hurt each other because of me.]”

“Hindi gano’n ’yon, baby. Huwag kang ma-guilty kung bakit inis kami diyan sa kung sino mang katabi mo,” sabat ni kuya Denmark. “Syempre, galit lang kami sa kaniya kasi patalikod pala siya umamba. Nasa bro code kasi namin na bawal magkagusto sa kapatid ng kaibigan. Pero may isa diyan!”

Natawa ako nang diinan niya ang huling pangungusap na sinabi niya. Tapos ang sama pa ng tingin niya kay Elias, na hindi niya binabanggit ang pangalan.

“Kung hindi lang malaki katawan niyan, ’saka kung hindi ka lang magagalit sa amin, baka nakabitin na ’yan patiwarik.”

Ah.

Kaya pala! Kaya pala hindi nila sinapak ang boyfriend ko! Takot kasi sila! Parang si kuya Matthew lang.

Hehe.

Well, it’s not a bad thing pala that we told them about our relationship. Kinabahan lang ako kanina kasi akala ko magagalit sila.

—

Binabawi ko na ang naisip ko kahapon.

I really regretted the fact that we told them about the real score between me and Elias last week.

Nandito kami ngayon sa hide-out nila sa school, pero bawat segundong magdidikit ang mga balat namin ni Elias…

“Matthew, oh! Si Elias nakadikit na naman!”

At hindi pa natatapos sa gano’n…

“Matthew, oh! Si Elias sinubukang halikan si Santi!”

Para silang mga bubuyog na bulong nang bulong kada segundo, lalo na kapag lalapit sa akin si Elias. Para silang mga batang sumbungero.

“Matthew, oh! Si Elias—”

“Kayong mga halimaw kayo.” Nakapamewang na lumabas si kuya Matthew mula sa pintuan ng isang kwarto. Gigil niyang tinuro ang ruler na hawak sa lima. “Kanina pa kayo ‘Matthew, oh! Matthew, oh! Si Elias oh!’ Mga pukinangina ninyo, dedede ba kayo?! Tawag nang tawag?!”

Tawang-tawa ako sa kinauupuan nang gayahin ni kuya Matthew ang paraan ng pagsusumbong nila kuya Yohan.

“Eh kasi si Elias!”

“Anong gagawin ko diyan kay Elias? Dedede rin ba ’yan sa akin? Nag-aayos ako ng notes tapos puro kayo sumbong! Letchugas! Hayaan n’yo silang maglandian hanggang gusto nila! Ipakasal ko pa ’yang dalawa, eh!”

At padabog din siyang bumalik sa kwarto ng hide-out. Binalibag pa ang pintuan.

“You heard him,” Elias spoke to the five guys while grinning from ear to ear.

Bumaling siya sa akin at hinalikan ako sa pisngi na ikinangiti ko naman. Pero napawi rin agad ang ngiti ko nang makita kung gaano kasama ang tingin ng lima sa kaniya.

Talagang hanggang ngayon ay bantay sarado nila si Elias. Kahit isang linggo na ang nakalipas noong sinabi namin.

I thought they’d be able to process it just like how quick kuya Matthew did. But I guess they were more affected because they genuinely only treated me as a brother, yet Elias was not part of them.

“Baby, wanna go outside?”

I turned to Elias when he whispered on my ear. I gave him a small smile as I nodded my head.

“We’ll be outside,” paalam ni Elias sa lima bago hawakan ang kamay ko.

Magre-react na sana ulit ang lima kong kuya nang mapatigil din agad sila. Magsusumbong na naman, pero alam nilang hindi sila papansinin ni kuya Matthew kaya tumigil din agad.

Ang kulit talaga nila! Hehe.

“Ingat-ingatan mo lang ’yan, Elias. Sinasabi ko sa ’yo,” nagbabantang sabi ni kuya Denmark.

“Tandaan mo may atraso—”

Hindi pa tapos magreklamo sila kuya Yohan nang hilahin na ako ni Elias para lumabas ng hide-out nila. Hawak-hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko hanggang sa paglabas namin.

“[Where are we going?]” I asked him excitedly.

He squeezed my hand and gave me a smile. “We’ll just walk around.”

There was something wrong about his smile that I couldn’t tell. Parang may mali, parang may kakaiba. Parang may gusto siyang sabihin na hindi niya masabi.

Alam kong lagi rin naman siyang clingy at malambing sa akin. But during these past few days, he’s been extra clingy and close to me. Even now, he was not thinking of letting go of my hands. Knowing the possibility that people could see us holding each other’s hands.

“[Is there something wrong?]” nag-aalala kong tanong.

I squeezed his hand and stopped walking so he’d face me.

“Hmm?”

I raised my eyebrow. “[Bakit ka ganyan? May gusto ka bang sabihin, kuya? Or are you… are you rethinking about our relationship?]”

“Baby, no,” he said in panic. “Santi, I’ll never regret being in love with you, stop thinking like that.”

“[But why are you smiling like that? It seems forced. Parang may hindi ka masabi.]”

“I…” He let out a sigh, avoiding to look at my eyes. “I wanted to tell you something.”

So there really was something?

“My flight’s on Sunday.”

Huh? Flight? As in aalis siya ng bansa?

“It’s for the international competition, baby. I’ll be representing our university and our country. Remember?”

Oh. Right.

Ang bilis… sa Sunday na pala siya aalis.

“[Gaano ka katagal doon, kuya?]”

“I’ll be gone for two weeks.” He was still avoiding my eyes when he answered. “And I’ll… I’ll badly miss you, baby.”

Sa wakas, tumingin na rin siya sa mga mata ko. Halu-halong emosyon ang nakikita ko sa mga mata niya. Elias had always had very expressive eyes, seeing his emotions right now made me sad.

So, that’s why he was acting extra clingy these past few days.

Ang tagal pala niyang mawawala.

“I wanted to tell you the day before ny flight, but you cut me into it,” natatawa niyang sabi. “I’ll be back after two weeks, and I want to remind you about something as well.”

“[What is it?]”

“The media’s a scary place, baby. People tend to create noises to make something trending. People will create false narratives to gain attention from everyone. It’s also the reason why I never had any social media accounts— I hate how media works. Now… I knew you heard from Matthew that the media wouldn’t stop following me around once I arrive on Australia.”

Tango lang ako nang tango sa mga sinasabi niya. Kahit ang totoo ay medyo nahihilo na ako kaka-English niya.

“Back then, during my first competition, they created false narratives about me visiting a girlfriend in Australia as well. Sabi nila nandoon ako hindi lang dahil sa laban, binisita ko rin daw ang babae ko.” His laugh was bitter after saying that. “I’d be in news, all around. I’d be appearing in your social media feed a lot of times. People will create issues, good or bad, with my name on it. And I want you to please always believe in me, baby.”

Malambing niyang hinaplos ang isa kong pisngi bago ako ngitian.

“I’m only in love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you. Not with any woman, not even with any man. Ikaw lang. Ikaw lang palagi, Santi.” Naiiyak kong pinikit ang mga mata nang halikan niya ang noo ko. “Please don’t listen to the noises they’ll make. There will never be an other woman, there will never be an other guy. I went against your brother and our brother code just to get you, just to get close with you like this. Pinaghirapan kita, Santi, pinaghirapan kita nang sobra pa sa sobra. Hinding-hindi ako gagawa ng bagay na ikasisira natin.”

I honestly knew about the issues last time he competed. When I had a crush on him, I searched for him everywhere in social media and came across a lot of posts about him.

Many were appreciating him, many were head over heels, many were basically drooling over him.

But some of the posts were speculations that he had a girlfriend, that he likes a co-competitor, that his chemistry with the interviewer was great— and many more. People tried to link him with couple of women just because he was handsome.

Pero ngayon, kahit hindi ko naman hinihingi, he gave it to me so easily.

He gave me the assurance I never thought I’d get without asking. He never failed making me feel so secured about myself, and about us. He gave me no reason to doubt him, even in the slightest.

Chapter 31

Tight Lipped XXXI

Saint

“Ano, miss mo na agad?”

Tinapunan ko nang masamang tingin si kuya Matthew nang sumilip na naman siya sa kwarto ko para inisin ako.

Kanina pa siya tanong nang tanong! Halata namang oo, halata namang inis na ako! Wala talaga siyang pinapalampas na oras para mang-asar.

Sa inis ko, hinagisan ko siya ng unan na mabilis niya namang sinangga gamit ang pintuan. Pagkatapos, dumungaw ulit at ngumingisi pa.

“Jowa pa more! Labag pa sa utos ko more! Pasaway pa more!”

Tanga pa more! Kainis. Stupid Matthew! Bwisit talaga siya kahit kailan.

“Kakahatid lang natin sa airport kahapon pero nalulugmok ka na agad diyan.” He carefully made his way inside my room without making any footsteps, to also not wake Eli up. “Magkatawagan naman kayo kagabi, ah? Bakit malungkot ka pa rin?”

Kunwari pa siyang nang-aasar, pero sa totoo lang nag-aalala rin siya kapag malungkot ako. Inuuna pa akong pikunin kesa damayan, kainis!

“[Lumabas ka na nga, kuya! Epal ka talaga kahit kailan!]” inis kong senyas sa kaniya.

“Epal ka talaga kahit kailan,” he mimicked me while making faces.

“[I hate you!]”

“Ito naman, inaasar ka lang!” Pabiro niyang sinundot ang tagiliran ko kaya napaliyad ako sa kanan dahil sa kiliti.

I was about to hit him when I heard my phone rang. It was from messenger! Elias’ video calling me!

“[Labas, kuya!]” nagmamadali kong utos kay kuya pagkatapos hablutin ang phone ko.

“Bakit? Edi sagutin mo! Hindi ako manggugulo.”

Inis ko siyang hinampas ng unan bago nagmamadaling sinagot ang call ni Elias, mamaya akalain niya busy ako sa tagal kong sumagot. Kainis kasi si kuya!

I placed my phone on my study table before answering the call.

“Hi, baby.”

Namumula akong kumaway sa camera nang makita si Elias.

“[Hi! How are you?]” I asked him while smiling widely.

“Doing okay, baby. I’ve arrived this morning. We did some trial stuff on the venue. But I’m here in my hotel room right now.” The camera was a bit shaky while he was trying to sit down on his bed. Then he rested his back against the headboard of the bed and smiled at me. “Bakit ang tagal mong sumagot? Busy with school? Did I disturb you about something?”

In panic, I immediately shook my head to indicate that he had nothing to worry about. I secretly glared at kuya Matthew who’s sitting beside me, grinning from ear to ear.

“[It’s my brother. He kept on annoying me!]”

“Matthew?” Tumaas ang kilay ni Elias. “Tell him to fuck off.”

“Hoy!” Napaatras ako nang biglang dumungaw si kuya Matthew sa camera, lamon na lamon ng mukha niya ang buong screen. “Bina-backstab mo na ako, ha? Pasalamat ka nga hindi ko kayo pinaghiwalay!”

“As if naman susundin kita. Umalis ka nga, kinakausap ko si Santi.”

“Hindi, ako kausapin mo. Dadaan ka muna sa akin— Aray, panget!”

Inis kong sinabunutan si kuya Matthew at tinulak siya paalis sa harap ng phone ko.

“Maghihiwalay rin kayo!” pang-aasar ng nakakainis kong kuya.

“[That’s not nice!]” saway ko sa kaniya.

“Edi hindi na.” He put the pillow on my lap before waving his hand. “Magluluto lang ako pang-lunch mo, pupunta pa ako sa restaurant pagkatapos. Lumabas ka na mamaya pagkatapos n’yo mag-usap, ha? Mamaya tatlong oras kayo mag-usap diyan. Busy ’yan si Elias, huwag mong gambalain. Ipapanalo niya pa ang buong Pili—”

“Hoy, Matthew, ang daldal mo. Lumayas ka na nga. Si Santi ang tinawagan ko, hindi ikaw,” galit na sabi ni Elias mula sa kabilang linya.

“Nye nye nye,” nang-aasar lang na tugon ni kuya Matt at nakangiti pang kumaway sa camera. “Bye, man! Good luck! Alam kong mananalo ka na kaya congrats agad!”

“[Alis na!]”

I stepped out of the camera for a while to push kuya Matthew away. Walang imik siyang nagpadala habang dire-diretsyo ko siyang tinutulak palabas ng kwarto ko.

Nang makalabas siya, sinarado ko agad ang pintuan at ni-lock pa. Para hindi na siya manggulo. Then I excitedly went back to my bed to see Elias again.

“The monster’s out?” natatawa niyang tanong.

I laughed with him and nodded my head.

“So… How are you, baby? Miss me?” nakataas ang kilay niyang tanong.

“[Super!]”

“I miss you more, Santi,” he replied genuinely. “I can’t wait to finish everything here and come home to you.”

Come home to me?

I’m not a house naman?

“[Hindi naman dito ang house mo,]” kunot-noo kong sagot.

“Baby, that’s not what I meant.” He let out a chuckle which confused me more. “Home’s similar to comfort. When I say that you’re my home, it means you’re my comfort and my rest after a tiring day.”

Ah… So he was using a figurative language!

“[Okay! Then kuya Matthew and you, and the other kuyas, are my home too?]” ngiting-ngiti ko pang tanong.

Nanliit ang mga mata niya saglit at bahagyang napanguso. He shook his head as if he heard something ridiculous. “You can only have one home.”

“[Why not? Ikaw nga dalawa home mo. Dalawa house n’yo, eh.]”

At tumawa na naman siya. Lagi na lang niya akong pinagtatawanan kahit tama naman ’yung mga sinasabi ko.

“What I meant is, describing someone as home would mean everything for the person involved. Your brother and the other guys might be your comfort zone, but who’s the only person you can be your true self with?”

Him. I didn’t need to hide anything when I’m with him. I didn’t need to pretend I like things, I didn’t need to keep my unsaid feelings a secret when I’m with him.

Whenever he’s beside me, I felt like a child who could be free. Who could do anything he wanted.

“[You.]”

I watched his face carefully as a subtle smile appeared on his lips. Until it grew and grew even more.

“Glad to hear that, baby. ’Cause you’re my home too.”

Muntik ko nang ma-end ang call dahil sa kilig. Bigla-bigla na naman kasing mas lumalalim ang boses niya.

“Matthew said you cried at the airport after I bid goodbye.”

Epal talaga si kuya kahit kailan! Papansin!

“[Hindi kaya,]” pagtanggi ko.

“Hmm?”

I pouted my lips when I realized that he’s the only person who could tell if I’m lying. I didn’t have any capability to tell a lie when in front of him. He just knew me too well.

“[Fine, pero kaonti lang.]” I even used my two fingers to show the volume of how much I cried yesterday.

Pero hindi talaga k’onti, umaapaw nga. Iyak ako nang iyak kahit hanggang sa pag-uwi namin ni kuya Matthew.

Two weeks meant hell. Two weeks without seeing Elias, two weeks without feeling him physically, two weeks with a massive distance between us.

“But Matthew said you cried all the way from airport to your home.”

Talagang hindi niya titigilan hanggang hindi ako napapaamin!

“[Fine. I cried… a lot.]”

“And why is that, baby?”

The camera went closer to his face and I couldn’t help but admire how handsome he looked.

Ang daya talaga. He was only wearing a black shirt and his eyeglasses but he still looked so much better compared to anyone. Ang gwapo-gwapo niya! Hindi ako makapaniwala na talagang… kami.

“[Because I’m going to miss you a lot. And even now, I… I miss you already.]”

Tumungo ako pagkatapos isenyas ’yon. I was afraid of what he’s gonna say, or incase he’d laugh at me.

“I miss you more than you do, baby. I suffered a lot during the flight, thinking of you. I dreamt of you. I wondered how nice it would feel if only you were with me during that time. So don’t feel embarrassed about the idea that you cried just because I left.”

I looked at him and he was already smiling, trying to comfort and validate my feelings.

“Just like you, I badly wanna be with you everytime if given a chance. If you think crying was something to be shy about, then should I be embarrassed that I dreamt of you during the flight? No. Because it’s only normal to long for each other now that we’re boyfriends. We’re in love, Santi. We will cry if there’s something that upsets us. We will feel sad if one of us is away. These things are normal, baby. Being in love with each other is the last thing we have to worry.”

Tama nga si kuya Matthew, kapag nagsasalita si Elias, para siyang galing sa movie. Ang galing-galing niyang magsalita. Alam na alam niya ang mga salitang sasabihin. Alam na alam niya kung paano pagaanin ang usapan.

Instead of laughing and teasing me after hearing about what happened last night— of me crying— he just validated what I felt.

“I’m not saying these things just because I want you to hear it. I just want you to realize that our emotions are the first things we can’t control. You don’t have to hide it from me, baby. I know you got used on doing that. But you can show and tell me everything you can’t say to other people. I’m your boyfriend, Santi. Your personal diary.”

Unti-unting pumorma ang ngiti sa mga labi ko nang marinig ang huli niyang sinabi. He truly was my personal diary! There’s a lot of things that only him knew about me. Even the slightest ‘pagsusumbong’ from school works, he knew everything!

“[Okay. Then I’m going to be honest with you, I miss you so much!]” I confessed with a big smile across my face.

“How much?”

“[So, so, so much!]” I said while forming a big gap between my arms.

Tumawa siya. “God… Why do you have to be so adorable? This is unfair, you know I can’t kiss you but you’re doing this to me.”

Ano raw? Wala naman akong ginagawa sa kaniya. Baliw na!

“Oh… I have to hang up, baby. They’re going to pull us out for an interview. Will call you later after we’re done, okay?”

“[Okay, goodluck!]” Masaya ko siyang nginitian bago kumaway para magpaalam sa kaniya.

“Where’s my kiss?”

Huh? Paano naman siya maki-kiss eh magkalayo kami?

“[Wala. Nasa Australia ka.]”

“That’s it? You’re not gonna do anything to give me a kiss?”

Ano bang sinasabi niya? Paano ko siya hahalikan kung isang eroplano ang pagitan naming dalawa?

While I was trying to figure him out, an idea suddenly popped in my head. I turned to him with a smile.

“[Goodluck!]” Then I sent him a flying kiss which made him smile.

Tumatawa niyang hinilot ang sentido, parang hindi makapaniwala sa ginawa ko.

“Fine, a flying kiss is also better than nothing.” He fixed his eyeglass and looked in the camera. “I’ll see you later, baby. I miss you so much.”

Tawa ako nang tawa nang pabiro rin siyang mag-flying kiss. I acted as if I caught it. He also laughed with me before we even bid goodbyes to each other.

When the call ended, a satisfaction fulfilled my longing heart. Oo, miss ko pa rin siya. Pero dahil nakausap ko na siya, parang ang saya-saya ko na ulit.

—

“Panget, buksan mo TV, dali!”

Taka kong pinanood si kuya Matthew na kumakaripas ng kilos pagkapasok sa unit. Kauuwi niya lang pero parang gusto na niya agad manakbo sa kakamadali.

“[Why? What happened?]” nag-aalala kong tanong.

“Wala lang, ipapalabas interview nila Elias. Para mapanood mo ’yang jowa mo,” sabi niya nang kumalma.

Talagang nagmadali siya para ro’n? Kinabahan pa ako!

But wait… What did he just say? Elias’ interview?

Nagmamadali kong kinuha ang remote ng TV sa table habang yakap-yakap si Eli sa mga braso ko. I turned on the TV and turned to kuya Matthew to ask him for the channel.

“Sa GMA.”

I clicked the number seven on the remote and immediately smiled when I was on time! The reporter turned to Elias at the right time!

“Elias, bilang pangalawang beses mo na ’tong lumalaban sa nasabing kompetisyon. At ikaw pa nga ang tinatagurian ngayon na defending champion— anong mga klaseng paghahanda ang ginawa mo para siguraduhin mauuwi mo ang pagkapanalo para sa Pilipinas?”

My boyfriend’s so handsome even in Television. Kung hindi lang siya normal na estudyante, siguradong artista siya.

“Well, aside from reviewing everything while studying law, I basically prepared both my physical and mental condition as well. I prepared everything about myself to make sure that I’ll come here in my best shape,” he politely answered.

“Nakakatuwa naman, ano? Kasi noong nakaraang taon lang din ay kinilala ka ng buong Pilipinas bilang pride pagdating sa katalinuhan. Ngayong makakaharap mo ulit ang mga dati mong nakalaban, o posibleng marami sa kanila, ano naman ang tingin mong advantage mo? Ang pagkapanalo mo ba last year?”

Elias smiled. “Yeah, I won last year, but there’s no guarantee I’d win this again. I sincerely don’t think I have any advantage against them, they probably became better than the last time. I just studied the best I can.”

Wow. Even someone like him who should see himself as someone so highly was this humble?

“Ano naman ang mga masasabi mo para sa mga kababayan natin na nanonood ngayon, at nakaantabay para sa kompetisyon? Sigurado akong lahat ng mga kababayan natin ngayon ay suportado sa ’yo.”

“Honestly? I can’t say anything aside from thank you. I really do appreciate everyone’s effort and everyone’s appreciation. I’ll do the best that I can to win this.”

“Sa mga kaibigan o kapamilya mo naman na nanonood din sa ’yo?”

“Right, I’m sure my family’s gathering our whole clan right now just to watch this. I love you, my dearest mothers. And I love you, Penelope. To my friends, of course, I also love you all. And…”

My eyes widened when Elias stopped speaking on the mic and stared at the camera instead. Then he slowly raised his hands to do sign language.

“[To my boyfriend, you know I love you so much, right? You’re the best thing I’ve ever had in my life.]”

“Naknampucha!” natatawang sigaw ni kuya Matthew sa likod. “Iba talaga si loverboy! Pati anay lalanggamin!”

Elias smiled at the camera after signing those words. The reporter looked confused, as well as the news anchor on the split screen. The sign language interpreter, on the very bottom of the TV, also stopped signing because Elias did it for him.

And I’m sure the whole world was just as confused as everyone else. Only people like me, and only people who knew sign language understood what Elias signed.

He just announced it, right? That he’s in a relationship with a guy. People might not know sign language, but they’d eventually know what he meant once someone in the internet translates it to words.

What made it more impactful was the fact that he didn’t announce our relationship verbally. He announced it, and said I love you to me, using sign language. My language.

Chapter 32

Tight Lipped XXXII

Saint

I’d be telling nothing but the truth if I say that I never doubted Elias even for once. I knew he was going to win, I was hundred percent sure about that.

And he just did.

Everyone was praising him in social media when he won the competition for the second time around.

Halos karamihan ay sinasabing alam nilang mananalo ang boyfriend ko. Na alam nilang walang laban ang iba pagdating sa kaniya. Few were also saying that they were not hoping for the best, but was still shocked that the outcome turned to be in favor of the country.

My boyfriend, once again, won the title for the country.

Witnessing how hard he worked for the competition, how hard he studied despite attending school— I couldn’t help but cry for him.

My heart’s so overwhelmed with the amount of happiness I have for him. Sobrang proud na proud ako sa kaniya, kanina pa ako iyak nang iyak simula nang i-announce na siya ang panalo.

His competitors did not even stand a chance against him. His score was an outstanding 113.08%, while the second placer was around 90 percent average. It was clear as a day that Elias surpassed everyone in the world.

Kung bakit ako iyak nang iyak, syempre. Sinong hindi matutuwa? Bukod sa mahal ko siya, proud na proud ako sa kaniya. Hindi biro ang ginawa niya before the competition. Nag-aaral siya para sa pre-law pero at the same time, nag-aaral din siya para sa laban.

Him, studying about law for his program, and him studying general knowledge for the competition was not a joke. He worked so hard to get the championship, he studied so hard to reach this kind of achievement.

I already knew he was going to win, but I still couldn’t help but cry.

He was all over my social media accounts. Everyone was glorifying him, even students from our university who were much more proud than other people.

Aside from the praises he received for winning, the topic last two days ago were still circling around. When he did sign language about us.

Lahat nagulat noong may nag-post ng translation ng sinabi ni Elias. Everyone even thought he was mistaken about the sign language for girlfriend or boyfriend. But sign language experts made it clear that Elias wasn’t mistaken, he really meant to sign the word “boyfriend” because the difference of its sign language version was big compared to the “girlfriend” word.

The issue was very very massive during that time, everyone was talking about it. The argument was still on going until now.

Rio Madrid

Lol, I’m really certain he meant to sign the word “boyfriend”. He did the sign for “boy” which was similar of holding a baseball cap. If he meant girlfriend, he’d drag his thumb from somewhere near his ear down to his jaw.

1.2k reactions • 301 comments

Lily

Could it be just a mistake?

Rhen Ramos

replied to Lily’s comment nope, not a mistake! please watch the actual translation in Youtube or any platforms. researching is free :)

Lily replied to Rhen Ramos.

What if it was Elias who signed incorrectly?

Tim

replied to Lily.

He seemed so knowledgeable about sign language considering that he used ESL in advance way. Making mistake between girlfriend and boyfriend is nearly impossible. Seriously, just accept it. He’s gay, loud and proud. Huwag n’yo na ipilit, hindi kayo papatulan niyan.

People began to accept that someone like Elias belongs to a beautiful community. But other people couldn’t seem to accept it.

Some were still justifying their own narratives that Elias made a mistake while signing. That he was confused between “boy” and “girl”. That he didn’t give “gay” vibes. And many more.

But majority of people were more warmer and kinder, which was nice. Almost everyone I saw was standing still with the fact that Elias indeed has a boyfriend.

And that’s me! Hehe .

“Panget, aalis ako, ha? Baka gabi pa ako makauwi. Kulang ng tao sa restaurant, eh. ’Yung dalawa ko kasing assigned sa counter, parehas may emergency.”

I looked up to kuya Matthew when he spoke. I was lying on the sofa on my tummy, but immediately sat down to give kuya a thumbs up.

“Kapag tumawag si Elias sa ’yo, sabihin mo congrats kamo sabi ni Matthew. Sa ’yo unang tatawag ’yan kesa sa amin,” natatawa niyang sabi habang sinusuot ang relo sa palapulsuhan.

“[Okay!]” I answered and scrolled through my feed again.

“Puro cellphone!” Inis ko siyang tiningnan nang pitikin niya ang noo ko. “I cooked your dinner already, kaya kumain ka sa tamang oras, ha? Hindi puro cellphone! Dapat diyan sa Facebook i-ban na lang.”

“[Kainis ka!]”

“Kainis ka,” he mocked me. “Sige na, alis na ako.”

I jokingly stuck my tongue out to tease him, but he just returned the favor. Sa huli, kinawayan namin ang isa’t isa hanggang sa makalabas na siya ng unit.

Wala talagang ibang ginawa kung hindi ang mang-asar.

My body froze when I dropped my eyes on my phone, and saw Elias’ chat.

—

Elias 💚 | 12:04 PM Hi, baby.

I’m sorry I couldn’t call you, I’m gonna have a conference in a few minutes.

I just want to tell you how much I miss you and how much I love you.

You’re the reason why I won the title easily. You’re my inspiration for everything, Santi.

—

I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip to stop my tears from pouring again when I read his messages.

—

Saint | 12:05 PM I’m so proud of you 🥺💚

You don’t know how much I cried when you were announced as the winner. I never doubted you for a second, I knew you’d win.

But I still cried a loooot when it was confirmed that you won.

And I love you too. I miss you also, and I’m really happy for you.

—

My whole body jumped in shock when the intercom made a sound. It seemed like someone was outside.

Was it kuya Matthew? Baka may nakalimutan?

I grabbed my phone before standing up to see who’s outside our unit. Which was an action I regretted immediately when I saw them .

Mama and daddy?

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa phone at nagtipa ng mensahe para kay Elias.

—

Saint | 12:07 PM Mamaya na po kita mare-replyan.

Mama and daddy’s in front of our unit.

Wala si kuya Matt dito.

—

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang dahan-dahang binubuksan ang pintuan para makapasok sila mama at daddy.

“What took you so long to open the door, Santi? Nasaan ang kuya Matt mo?”

Hindi ko maintindihan… Bakit sila nandito? Anong ginagawa nila rito? Did kuya Matthew know about this?

Gulong-gulo ko silang pinapanood nang dire-diretsyo silang pumasok sa unit namin ni kuya. They placed their stuff on the sofa and comfortably walked around as if I wasn’t here.

I didn’t hear a ‘hi’, right? I didn’t hear them asking about me. They asked for kuya Matthew right away as if kuya Matthew’s the only son who had been away from them.

Ang bigat-bigat na naman ng pakiramdam ko.

I didn’t understand how a child could feel this way towards his parents— when parents were supposed to be the first people we’re happy to see in a random day.

That’s what I saw in Tiktok videos, children jumping out of happiness when their parents visited them in school on a ramdom Tuesday. Why couldn’t I relate to them?

Hindi… Hindi ako masaya. Hindi ko gustong makita sila. Hindi ko maintindihan… Hindi ko na naman maintindihan kung anong nararamdaman ko.

“Santi, nasaan ang kuya mo?”

I hurriedly grabbed a paper I saw and grabbed a pen, so I could write a response to them.

Even this idea made me feel so unseen. Nasanay na akong hindi gumagamit ng papel para makipag-usap o para sumagot. Kasi lahat ng mga tao sa paligid ko, pinaghirapang aralin ang lenggwahe ko para maintindihan ako.

Pero sila mama at daddy, hindi pa rin nila ako naiintindihan hanggang ngayon. Tinta lang ng ballpen ang tanging paraan para makausap nila ako.

Umalis po si kuya.

“Where did he go?” tanong ni daddy. “Ah, hon, baka sa restaurant niya. Ang batang ’yon talaga, hindi sinasabi sa atin pero aksidente kong nalaman na may sarili na siyang negosyo. Can you imagine that? He’s young but he already has a business of his own.”

“I know. Matthew had always been a perfect kid,” pagsang-ayon sa kaniya ni mama.

Gusto ko ring… gusto ko ring sabihin na dean’s lister ako sa unang sem. Gusto ko ring purihin nila ang grado ko. Gusto ko ring sabihin sa kanila na marami akong flat uno sa report card ko.

“How’s college for you, Santi?” mama asked.

Sobrang okay po. Marami na po akong kaibigan, mama.

I was smiling at them, proudly, when I showed them what I wrote. Thinking that they’d be proud of me, at least, for doing what they want me to do.

“Aba dapat lang, Santi,” sabi ni mama. “High school pa lang dapat, anak. Ano ba ’yan? Kailangang sa college ka pa makihalubilo? Edi sana hindi ka tinutukso noong high school kung dati pa lang, hindi ka na matapobre.”

Matapobre? Ako?

But…

“Tama na ’yan, Amelia. Anyway, Santi, hindi alam ng kuya mo na pupunta kami, we’re just going to surprise him. Huwag mo munang sabihin, hayaan mong makauwi muna siya.”

Si kuya lang?

“Are you doing well when it comes to your grades?”

I was delighted when daddy suddenly asked that. Excited ko siyang tinanguan at akmang magsusulat na sa papel nang magsalita siya.

“Great. Dapat lang. I heard from your uncle Edgar that your program’s easy, right? Ayos na rin. Kapag nagkaroon ka pa ng mababang marka, hindi na namin alam ng mama mo ang gagawin sa ’yo. Look at Matthew…”

I’m just so fed up at this point.

“Your brother’s a consistent dean’s lister since first year. He’s taking medtech, one of the hardest programs in college. Look at him, still on the top everytime. If you’d taken that path, mahihirapan ka. Kaya maayos na ring diyan ka sa program mo nalagay.”

Hindi totoo ’yon. Hindi madali ang program ko. Nahihirapan din ako minsan pero sinusubukan kong mag-aral lagi nang mabuti.

Umaasa pa rin ako na kapag nalaman nilang maganda ang grades ko, matutuwa sila. Hindi naman pala, eh.

They were even invalidating the hardwork I did just because my program appeared to be ‘easy’ or ‘basic’ in their eyes. It was so unfair. It was so unfair because I studied hard too, I did well too, it was hard for me too.

Hindi ko na sila pinansin at dire-diretsyo na lang na pumasok sa kwarto ko. Wala rin naman akong magandang maririnig sa kanila.

Nang isarado ko ang pintuan, dinig na dinig ko pa rin ang pag-uusap nila.

“Bastos talagang bata. Hindi man lang tayo inayang kumain o ano. Matthew’s so different compared to Santi, don’t you think so? Napakamatapobreng bata talaga.”

How could a mother say those words towards her own son? A son that he carried for nine months and was supposed to love him despite his disability?

“Lumaki ang ulo, paano laging kinakampihan ni Matthew.”

And how could a father not attempt to defend his own son? A son that he was supposed to side with when things went wrong?

I buried my face on my knees as soon as I sat on the floor, my back resting against the door while hearing them talk about me.

Ang tagal-tagal ko nang hindi naramdaman ang panliliit sa sarili ko, kasi lahat ng mga tao sa paligid ko ay puro papuri lang ang sinasabi. Ang tagal-tagal ko nang hindi nasasaktan— pero binalik lang ng sarili kong mga magulang ’yung pakiramdam na ’yon.

—

“Santi! Lumabas ka diyan! Hindi ka pa naghahapunan.”

Mahigpit kong niyakap si Eli nang marinig ang pagkatok ni mama sa pintuan ng kwarto ko.

I thought they’d already forgotten that I was here. They were so busy outside for eight hours and I couldn’t go out because I’m scared of them.

Tinitiis ko ang gutom para lang hindi sila makita at marinig. Pero gagawa talaga sila ng paraan.

I kissed Eli on the head after preparing his own meal and drink. Then I slowly stood up, preparing myself for the worst once I come out.

Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto, narinig kong nag-uusap sila mama at daddy sa sala. Nanonood sila ng TV, at kung nagkataon nga naman…

It’s Elias. His press conference’s now showing. Sa pagkakatanda ko, shinoot ’to kanina bago pa dumating sila mama at daddy kanina. It’s already been nine hours, I didn’t even realize that it’s already almost 10 PM.

I kept on sleeping just to forget the fact that they’re here. I didn’t even touch my phone or anything. I was not my usual self.

Hinihintay ko lang kasi na makauwi si kuya Matthew, baka sakaling umalis na sila mama at daddy pagdumating siya. Pero sa pagkakaalam ko, male-late siya ng uwi dahil Linggo ngayon at busy sa restaurant.

Kung hindi lang ako kinatok ni mama, malamang ay nasa loob pa rin ako ng kwarto hanggang bukas.

“Is that Matthew’s friend? ’Yung Elias, ’di ba?” tuwang-tuwa na sabi ni daddy habang nakaturo sa screen ng TV.

I remained standing behind them. Feeling a wave of emotions coming through as I watched Elias effortlessly answered the questions thrown at him.

Gusto kong umiyak. Gustong-gusto kong magsumbong sa kaniya. Gusto ko siyang makita.

“He’s really great! He won the title again, ’di ba? Nakaka-proud talaga si Matthew, lahat ng kaibigan niya ay matitino ’saka matalino rin kagaya niya. No wonder he’s also a great kid, he’s surrounded with good people,” mama said.

Oo, tama sila. Naging maayos si kuya Matthew dahil napapaligiran siya ng mga mabubuting tao.

Hindi dahil “pinalaki” siyang maayos. Hindi dahil “pinalaki” siya nila mama at daddy. Kuya Matthew’s the man that he is right now because he’s a good man in nature. And he surrounded himself with great people.

“Look at this guy, Santi. Kilala mo ’yan siguro? Kaibigan ng kuya mo ‘yan, eh. Alam mo bang nag-aaral siya ng pre-law? Just like Matthew, Elias’ program is one of the hardest programs in college. Pero nanalo pa rin sa ganyang kompetisyon, he’s a genius!”

Isn’t kind of unfair that it was so easy for them to praise other kids but not their own?

“Sayang ka, anak.” Nilingon ko si mama nang sabihin niya ’yon. “Kung wala kang kapansanan, baka matalino ka rin.”

I bit my lower lip when a surge of tears suddenly fell on my cheeks. That was my final straw. Hearing the words “sayang ka”.

Hindi ako sayang, sabi ni kuya Matt. Hindi ako “lang” dahil may kapansanan ako. Wala raw mali sa akin, sinabi ni kuya ’yan. Kaya bakit sayang ako? Bakit biglang… bakit biglang dapat naging katulad ako ni Elias kung wala akong kapansanan?

Hindi ba dapat magkakaiba talaga ang mga tao?

“Huwag kang masaktan sa sinasabi ko, Santi.” Mama faced me with her usual strict expression. “Nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo, anak.”

I grabbed a paper and pen and wrote angrily.

Elias is my boyfriend. Why should I be like him? We’re different with each other. Why should I copy him? And what’s wrong with me? Bakit ako sayang, mama?

Galit na hinablot ni daddy ang papel na sinulatan ko nang mabasa ang laman no’n.

“Ano? Putangina, anong boyfriend?!” galit niyang sigaw dahilan para mapaatras ako sa takot. “Natatanga ka na ba, Santi?! Anong boyfriend?!”

Nanginginig kong ginamit ang notepad sa cellphone para makapagsulat, kahit takot na takot ako. Pero bago pa ’yon, inis nang hinablot ni daddy ang phone ko.

He unlocked my phone and became even more furious when he saw my wallpaper.

It was me and Elias, cheeks to cheeks, while smiling at the camera. Everyone could tell we’re a couple once they see that picture.

“Putangina! Talagang bading ka?!”

Nangangatal akong napasalampak sa sahig nang galit na itapon ni daddy ang cellphone ko. Nakita ko kung paano tumama ’yon sa pader at mabasag ang screen.

“Hoy, Santi! Anong iniiyak-iyak mo? Sumagot ka, totoo bang bading ka?!”

I looked at him with anger in my eyes. I wanted to answer him and bravely answer yes, but I couldn’t.

“Putangina, nakakahiya ka!”

“Fred, tama na. Kumalma ka nga! Hindi makakasagot sa ’yo si Santi.” Mama looked at me with a hint of worry in her eyes, but I could also sense the disappointment in them. “Santi naman. Hindi mo ba talaga kami iniisip ng daddy mo? Sa lahat ng desisyon mo, kailangan mo ba talaga kaming ipahiya?”

Humihikbi akong umiling, nanginginig pa rin ang buong katawan ko sa takot. Wala akong kakampi, hindi nila ako maiintindihan kahit gamitin ko ang lenggwahe ko. Hindi nila ako papakinggan.

Hindi ko maintindihan. Anong nakakahiya sa pagiging totoo sa sarili? Anong mali sa pagkakagusto sa kapwa lalaki? Bakit nila ako ikahihiya? Anong nakakahiya sa pagmamahal?

“How come… How come that Elias’ your boyfriend? Paano ka niya pinatulan? Ano, tinakot mo ba? May sinabi ka ba? Are you blackmailing him or what? Kasi kung oo, ngayon pa lang tumigil ka na Santi. Hindi mo dapat pinupwersa ang sarili mo sa—”

I angrily threw my slippers at them. This was how far I could get to give them my response. A sign that I didn’t like whatever they’re saying.

“Tumigil ka, Santi! Huwag kang maging bayolente ngayon. Sinasabi ko sa ’yo, tatamaan ka sa akin!” galit na sigaw ni daddy.

Mas lalong lumakas ang pag-iyak ko nang ambahan niya ako ng sampal, kung hindi lang siya napigilan ni mama ay malamang masasaktan niya ako.

The pain in my chest became heavier. This was the first time that I cried so hard like this, as if I was dying, as if I couldn’t find anything to keep me sane.

I began hitting the sides of my head again when daddy began shouting at me, demanding me to explain. I blocked every words he was throwing at me and continued hitting myself.

Ayoko na…

“Santi!”

My world suddenly regained its color when I heard two familiar voices calling me.

Kuya Matthew and Elias.

And just like that… I heard a sound coming from my mouth for the very first time.

Chapter 33

Tight Lipped XXXIII

Matthew

I’ve never once thought it would come to this point. Kahit sa panaginip o sa imahinasyon ko, hindi ko kailanman naisip na maririnig kong maglabas ng tunog si Santi.

The doctors said it was impossible, because the only time he released a sound was when mom gave birth to him. And after that… He couldn’t speak anymore.

But imagine the horror that I felt? The surge of emotions attacking me when I saw Santi on the floor, hitting his head, crying— while our own parents were standing in front of him, shouting at him ruthlessly.

When Elias and I called his name, he stopped hitting himself and looked at us with hope. As if he found people who would side with him, as if he was just waiting for us after a very long time.

At tangina…

Hindi ko matanggap na sa ganitong sitwasyon ko pa maririnig ang pinakagusto kong marinig sa buong buhay ko.

Santi… My baby made a sound.

He finally made a sound.

But it was the most painful sound I’ve ever heard in my life. His voice was beautiful, but it almost killed me realizing the amount of pain hidden there.

Sobrang lakas ng iyak niya nang makita niyang nasa harap niya ako, para siyang batang nagsusumbong. At ’yung iyak niya na may halong boses, sobrang sakit marinig para sa isang kuya na walang ibang ginawa kundi protektahan siya.

“Hindi na, h-hindi na. Nandito na si kuya.” I was shaking so hard when I tried to calm him down.

He was gripping my clothes so hard while we were hugging each other as if the world’s gonna end today. Ayaw niya akong pakawalan, at ayoko ring bitawan siya.

I regretted not checking my phone since earlier. I was too busy in the restaurant that I didn’t look at my phone and wasn’t able to check Elias’ text.

Santi kept on crying against my chest, finally realizing that nobody could hurt him again now that I’m here. Now that Elias’ here.

“Bakit, ha? B-Bakit? What happened, Santi?” umiiyak kong tanong habang pinupunasan ang mga pisngi niya.

“Pagsabihan mo ’yang kapatid mo, Matthew!”

“Shut the fuck up!” I angrily shouted at my dad. “Tangina, huwag na huwag ninyo akong pagsasabihan o uutusan tungkol kay Santi! I raised him and I knew too well that he’s crying because of the two of you!”

“Kami? Kami ang may kasalanan, Matthew?” Mom glanced at Elias who was still flabbergasted that Santi made a sound. “Your friend here… Santi said that they’re partners. Hindi mo ba nakikita kung anong mali rito, Matt? Baka binlackmail ni Santi ang kaibiga—”

“I’ll take him out, Matt. He needs to step away from this place,” Elias interrupted my mother’s words and went closer to Santi.

Pinaubaya ko ang kapatid ko sa kaniya, lalo na’t mas lalo pang lumakas ang iyak ni Santi nang yakapin siya.

They needed each other right now, I’m certain about that. Santi needed him right now.

Buhat-buhat ni Elias si Santi nang simulan niyang maglakad papalabas ng unit, pero bago ’yon, lumingon muna siya sa direksyon nila mama.

“For the record, your son didn’t blackmail me. We love each other sincerely. Kung hindi ho ninyo matanggap ang sarili ninyong anak, wala naman ho kaming pake. My family loves him as if he’s their own. Mawalang galang na rin, but the two of you are just his biological parents— losing you wouldn’t be painful for him.”

I watched them as they slowly disappeared from our sights. I felt so contented now that Santi’s finally away from these two.

Hinding-hindi ko sila mapapatawad lalo na sa sitwasyon na naabutan ko.

“What did you do to Santi?”

“Wala kaming ginawa sa magaling mong kapatid, Matthew. Kahit siya pa ang tanungin mo, alam niyang siya ang may mali.”

Hindi makapaniwalang lumingon ako kay dad nang sabihin niya ’yon.

“Santi? Santi’s at fault? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” I angrily muttered. “My brother can’t speak and can’t do any harm, tapos sasabihin ninyong siya ang may mali? Tangina, hindi ’yon iiyak nang gano’n kung wala kayong sinabi!”

“Bakit kami ang sinisisi mo?!” sigaw ni mama. “We’re just lecturing him! He’s fucking gay, Matthew! He’s gay! Anong hindi mo makitang mali sa pagiging—”

“And if I’m the one who’s gay, would you react differently? There’s nothing wrong about Elias and Santi’s relationship. They love each other genuinely. And Elias wouldn’t come here, all the way from Australia, enduring a seven hours flight just for nothing. He came home immediately when he received Santi’s message that you guys are here. Dahil alam niyang masahol kayo, at takot sa inyo sa Santi.”

“Takot sa amin si Santi? Anong sinasabi mo? We’re his parents!”

“You’re just his biological parents. There’s nothing to love when it comes to the both of you. Ano bang ine-expect ninyo? Na mamahalin kayo ni Santi kahit ako lang ang tinuturing ninyong anak?”

Hindi sila nakasagot.

“Did you seriously think I’d be delighted knowing that you always favor me? You thought I’m gonna applause the two of you and jump around just because I’m your favorite child?” I let out a bitter laugh. “Do you even have any idea how much hatred I have for the both of you?”

Mom stared at me unbelievably. “Hatred? Really, Matthew? How could you hate your own parents?!”

“Stop acting as if it’s surprising. Stop questioning the possibility of a son hating his own parents when the two of you are the biggest example of parents torturing their own son!”

“Si Santi na naman? Talagang galit ka sa amin dahil sa kaniya? Can’t you understand that we’re trying to discipline him?”

“Discipline my brother, for fucking what?!” Putangina, hindi ko sila maintindihan. “Para sabihin ko sa inyo, si Santi ang pinakamatinong tao sa buhay ko. My brother couldn’t even hurt a fly and you’re what? You’re trying to discipline him? Putanginang disiplina ’yan, kasama ’yung pang-iinsulto at pagpaparamdam sa kaniya na hindi ninyo siya mahal?”

“Matthew, ano bang sinasabi mo? Mahal namin si Santi! He’s my son! I carried him for nine months!”

“Dinala mo lang siya sa sinapupunan mo, pero hindi ’yan depinisyon ng pagiging ina. Huwag mo akong patawanin, mama. Mahal mo si Santi noong hindi ninyo pa alam na may kapansanan siya. You guys became indifferent when the doctors told you he couldn’t speak. I was there, a child who witnessed his own parents became cruel to my brother when they figured out that my brother’s vulnerable!”

“Kaya nga namin hindi kinukunsinti si Santi, Matthew! Kaya hindi namin tinatrato na espesyal! Para hindi niya isipin na mahina siy—”

“Eh mahina nga! Tangina n’yo naman!” Napahilamos ako sa mukha dahil sa galit na nararamdaman ko sa kanila. “Ano bang hindi ninyo matanggap? Mahina nga si Santi! Mahina nga ang kapatid ko! May kulang nga sa kaniya, hindi nga makapagsalita! May kondisyon nga! His condition was something that you could’ve treated as a special one. You were supposed to treat him according to his needs. Learn sign language for him, learn his behaviour, learn what’s happening in his mind, learn how to make him strong. Kasi tangina ano bang excuse ninyo? Eh mahina nga si Santi, kailangan kong tanggapin ’yon. Pero napalakas ko, ’di ba? He managed to hang out with my friends because I treated him according to his needs. My friends love and adore him. He was weak, because it was his nature. But he became strong because someone supported him all through out, and it was never the two of you. It was me. It was all me!”

“At dapat pasalamatan ka namin sa ginawa mo? Hindi mo ba naiisip na kaya naging rebelde si Santi, at hindi nakikipagkaibigan noong high-school dahil gusto niyang magpapansin sa amin? Dahil kinukinsinti mo?”

“Ay, tangina.” Hindi makapaniwalang pinagmasdan ko sila. “Hoy, saan ninyo nakukuha ’yang mga pinagsasabi ninyo? Anong gustong magpapansin? Anong rebelde? Hindi ko narinig kahit kailan na may ginawang mali si Santi sa ibang tao. Pero sa pagkakatanda ko, kayo, oo. Sa pagkakatanda ko, mula pagkabata, kayo ang nagkulang. Magulang kayo pero hindi ninyo pinaghirapang aralin ang lenggwahe ng kapatid ko. Magulang kayo pero ako ang tumayong tatay at nanay ni Santi. Kayo ang rebelde, sinusubukan ninyong maging iba dahil hindi ninyo matanggap na may kulang kay Santi. Na imbes na tanggapin ninyong espesyal ang kapatid ko, tinalikuran ninyo!”

Natahimik silang dalawa, at parang ’yon ang pinakamagandang nakita ko sa buhay ko. ’Yung nananahimik sila kapag sinasampal ko sila ng katotohanan.

I might sound cruel with the words I used, but I didn’t care. I never once saw them as my parents. I lost all the love I have for them.

“Do you have any idea how much Santi suffered whenever I’m not in the house? Ang sakit-sakit pa para sa akin na pumasok sa college kasi iisipin ko na naman na maiiwan ko na naman siya sa puder ninyo. Wala akong choice noon, eh. Nag-iipon pa lang ako, para mailayo siya sa inyo.” My voice broke when I remembered those times. “Ma, hindi ko lang maintindihan. Kaya ipaintindi mo sana sa akin, please? You’re Santi’s mother, aren’t you supposed to be the first person who’d be glad now that he’s better? Pa, ikaw rin, pa-explain naman. Aren’t you supposed to be the first person who’d defend him when his teachers said he was being bullied?”

Remembering it now… I couldn’t help but breakdown in tears when I realized how hard it was for Santi.

“Matt…”

“You’re even reacting like that when I just cried…” Natatawa kong pinunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi. “But you didn’t even bother lifting a muscle when Santi was getting bullied. I just cried, and your tone was very worried? Umiiyak ako dahil naaawa ako sa kapatid ko, pero nag-aalala kayo agad? Bakit hindi kayo nag-alala kay Santi noong napansin ninyong lumalayo ang loob niya sa inyo?”

“Matthew, I—”

“Hindi ba kayo naaawa sa kapatid ko?”

I crouched on the floor as I sobbed loudly. I burried my face on both sides of my palm while crying my heart out.

The painful sound of Santi’s cries echoed in my ears.

“Tangina… Bakit ba kayo ang naging magulang namin?” I looked at them with full of resentment. “It could’ve been different, so fucking different, if we were given a loving parents. Santi would’ve never question himself if he’s deserving of love. I never would have to worry leaving him alone in the house. It would be so fucking different if only you loved Santi just like how I love him.”

“M-Mahal namin si Santi, Matt,” umiiyak na sagot ni mama. “Hindi lang namin gustong makita siya ng ibang tao bilang mahina. H-Hindi lang namin gustong makita ni Santi na may kulang sa kaniya. Gusto l-lang namin na lumaki siyang maayos.”

“Ma, maayos si Santi,” humahagulhol kong sagot. “Napalaki ko nang maayos si Santi. At kung nandoon lang kayo para tulungan ako, halos anghel na siguro ang kapatid ko. Pero wala kayong ginawa. Sa akin lang kayo nagpakamagulang dahil ako ang normal. While you guys were busy being parents to me, I was busy being a better parent for Santi. And I will never be thankful to the both of you for raising me, because that’s what you’re obliged to do. That was your obligation to me and to Santi. And how come it’s so hard doing your obligation to the both of us? Bakit sa akin lang? Ano bang mali kay Santi? My brother…”

I stopped for a moment when my voice broke again.

“My brother’s so beautiful, bakit hindi ninyo nakita ’yon? Everyone adores him in college. Men line up to be friends with him. Every girls in his class wanted him to be their friends. And people…” I bit my lower lip when it started quivering. “People learned sign language for Santi.”

Their eyes widened when they heard what I said.

“What the two of you can’t do, and didn’t do? Other people did it for him, without second thoughts. Hindi hinihingi ni Santi na aralin ng mga tao sa paligid niya ang lenggwahe niya. He once thought that he’ll forever write his responses on a paper. He never once thought that people will willingly learn his language so they could understand him. He thought of that because you guys were always in his mind. That his parents didn’t bother learning his language, and other people wouldn’t too. You were the biggest influence of how his mind works. And the fact that he never made friends back then was all a reflection of what he felt towards his own parents. That other people are like you, that other people wouldn’t love him because he couldn’t speak.”

I stood up, my knees were still trembling. But I had to be strong, for Santi. I had to say all the words he couldn’t say to our parents. I had to tell them what he felt, because he’d never have the chance to do it.

“Alam n’yo bang…” Nanikip ang dibdib ko bago matuloy ang gusto kong sabihin. “Alam n’yo bang nagtangkang magpakamatay si Santi?”

Gulat na gulat nila akong pinagmasdan nang marinig ’yon. The guilt was finally visible in their eyes, the pain was there and it was satisfying to see.

“Matt, a-anong sinasabi mo?”

“I saw a rope in his room. He thought I will never know that he attempted suicide, but I’m not fucking blind. And you know what I did? I didn’t ask him about it, I didn’t confront him. I acted as if I didn’t know. Because I knew he stopped the attempt all because of me.” I punched my chest when I felt the pain striking back. “He held on to his life because of me. He stopped the attempt although the first thing he wanted was to leave, because his own parents couldn’t love him. My brother thought of me, first thing first, despite being in pain all his life. He put me first, sacrificing the peace that he’d get once he ended everything.”

Humihikbing tiningnan ko sila, mata sa mata. Dahil gustong-gusto kong marinig nila kung paano magmahal si Santi.

“Do you have any idea how much of a sacrifice was that? Staying in this shitty world, instead of ending the pain, just because he loves you so much? Santi put me first, he thought of me first, he knew I’d follow him if he ended everything at once. Santi was living in nothing but trauma and pain, but he didn’t do it. He didn’t leave the world because he knew I needed him more than heaven does.”

Mom broke down and fell on his knees while crying, dad was also crying in silence.

“It was so unfair that you didn’t bother loving him and caring for him. You never felt his undying love, you never once experienced the love he could give, you never felt someone’s sacrifice. Santi was the kindest person if only you made an effort seeing him using my eyes. Everyone’s love towards me, combined, was the smallest I could ever get, because no one could ever surpass the love Santi has for me. And I’m sorry that you two will never experience it.”

—

Oh the amount of tears I poured while writing this chapter 😭

My Matthew and Santi, you deserve all the best in the world 🥺

Chapter 34

Tight Lipped  XXXIV

Saint

“Want more?”

Walang gana kong inilingan si Elias nang iabot niya sa akin ang bottled water. Tumango naman siya at muli akong tinabihan sa pwesto.

“How are you feeling, baby?”

I unconsciously leaned my body towards him to get more rest— staring at the night sky filled with stars while we were sitting outside the convenience store.

Parang pagod na pagod ang katawan ko ngayon. Wala akong ibang ginawa kung hindi ang matulog, pero para akong naubusan ng gana sa lahat.

“I love you.”

I flashed a genuine smile when I heard Elias’ voice. He also planted a soft kiss on my head while hugging me from the side.

“I love you so much, baby.”

Saglit kong nilayo ang sarili sa kaniya bago siya lingunin. Nabigla pa ako nang makita kung gaano kalungkot ang mga mata niya habang nakatitig sa akin.

“[Elias?]” I called him.

“Don’t scare me like that again,” he uttered with a trembling voice. “Your voice sounds very pretty, baby. I was dying to hear that. But please… not that way.”

I’m certain he was talking about what happened earlier, which I didn’t expect as well. Bigla na lang akong umiyak nang malakas, at may kasamang boses. I still couldn’t speak, but the fact that I was able to cry out loud was something.

“I…”

My eyes widened as soon as I saw him crying. Kitang-kita ko kung paano sunod-sunod na pumatak ang mga luha niya.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin, para akong natataranta at naiiyak na rin.

This was the very first time I saw Elias this vulnerable. I’ve always seen him in his best state, he never cried nor breakdown in front of us. He was always the balance of the group. Kahit nga mapikon sa asar nila kuya Matt, hindi niya nagagawa. He was always composed and calm.

I never thought it would hurt this much to see him crying.

My lips were quivering when I touched his cheeks, only to felt his tears pouring down even more.

“Don’t c-cry like that ever again, baby. P-Please. Don’t ever get hurt, don’t be in pain… Please, stop being in pain anymore.” Humihikbi niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at marahan ’yong hinaplos. “I’ll do everything to make you happy, Santi. I’ll replace all the painful memories you had with happy ones. I’ll do everything, baby… Just stop being in pain. Hindi ko n-na alam kung anong gagawin ko kapag n-narinig ulit kitang umiyak nang gano’n. Para na akong mababaliw.”

I began sobbing with him. The pain of seeing your love ones crying had always been my weakness. Siya pa kayang mahal na mahal ko?

At lalong hindi madaling isipin, kasi si Elias ang kaharap ko ngayon. He had never shown this side to me, he had never portrayed any signs of weakness— just this time.

“I love you so much, Santi. That’s enough, right? Baby?” He stared at my eyes and I almost broke down when I saw the pain in his. “We love each other, ’di ba? You don’t need them, baby. You don’t need your parents anymore. Everyone loves you in the university, my family loves you a lot. The love we can offer you is gonna be enough to cover all the trauma they caused you, right? Kami na lang, Santi… Sa amin ka n-na lang.”

Mas lumakas pa ang paghikbi ko nang ikulong niya ako sa mga bisig niya. Para siyang batang nagsusumbong habang umiiyak sa balikat ko. Maging ako rin naman.

“I have so much hatred to give, baby. Knowing that they’re the first people to hurt you. But I kept it, I decided not to act on it because afterall, they’re still your parents. But hearing your voice for the first time, crying out loud, your body forcing you to create a sound just because you were so desperate to ask for help…” His voice broke once more. “That was my non-negotiable, Santi. Tangina, kayang-kaya kong hindi magalit, pero pagdating sa ’yo— wala akong papalagpasin.”

I didn’t even realize it until I heard it from his mouth. I also thought it was impossible.

But my mind forced me to release a sound when I was in my most vulnerable state. My mind was begging me to seek for help, my body was telling me that I needed to escape that situation.

My body forced its way to create a path for me to shout for help.

Kaya noong nakita ko sila kuya Matthew at si Elias, para akong nabigyan ng pagkakataon na mabuhay ulit.

Their voices were the final trigger why my voice came out. My body and my brain recognized them as my only hope, and they called out.

Mugtong-mugto na yata ang mga mata ko habang nakatitig sa mukha ni Elias. Sumisinghot kong pinupunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi niya habang wala siyang tigil kakahikbi.

I felt so sorry that he had to see all of these. Kagagaling niya lang sa mahabang byahe pero ganito agad.

“[How come you were here? You were in Australia just this noon. Aren’t you supposed to stay there for another two days?]” nag-aalala kong tanong sa kaniya.

“I immediately booked a flight after my press con. I saw your message, saying that your parents visited your unit without Matthew. I already what was gonna happen, so I hurried all the way here.”

Lalo lang ako nalungkot nang marinig ang sinabi niya. His flight from Australia to Philippines probably took around six hours.

Kahit nakakapagod, umuwi pa rin siya para sa akin. Dahil alam niyang takot ako, at wala akong kakampi kung wala si kuya Matthew sa tabi ko.

He’s probably so tired right now, but I never heard him complain since earlier. Ako pa rin ang iniisip niya, lagi na lang ako ang inuuna niya.

Malambing ko siyang hinalikan sa pisngi na ikinangiti niya. “Why?”

“[Let’s go to your car. Matulog ka muna saglit while we’re waiting for kuya Matt.]”

“It’s okay, baby. I wanna stay with you—”

“[You’re going to stay with me. I’ll be beside you while you’re resting,]” I answered.

“Rest? I don’t need that. You’re already here, I can see and touch you in flesh again. There’s no reason for me to rest when you’re already here.”

I jokingly pinched him on his arm that just laughed off. “Alright, I’ll rest. But you’ll wake me up once Matthew is here, okay?”

I nodded at him as an agreement. Kahit ang totoo ay hindi ko gagawin ’yon. He deserves a very very long sleep after going through a lot this day. Kung puwede lang na makuha niya lahat ng pahinga na kailangan niya.

When we entered his car, I pulled his shirt to stop him from hopping on the driver’s seat. Tinuro ko ang backseat para senyasan siyang doon kami pupwesto. It would be more comfortable for him.

I let Elias layed down on my lap as I carefully comb his hair using my fingers. My other hand was busy too, caressing his right cheek.

“I love you, baby.”

I chuckled when he randomly said that. Nagmulat pa siya ng mga mata para abangan ang gagawin ko. Hindi talaga siya titigil hanggang hindi nakukuha ang sagot ko.

“[I love you too, Elias.]”

He bit his lower lip and tried to suppress a smile. Pumikit ulit siya, pero nangingiti pa rin. I poked his cheek, dahilan para magmulat siya ulit at tumitig sa akin.

“[Congratulations, and thank you for winning the title for the country. I’m so proud of you. You did so well.]”

Tuluyan nang nabanat ang mga labi niya sa ngiti pagkatapos kong isenyas ang mga salitang ’yon. He held one of my hands and brought it in front of his lips to plant a soft kiss there.

“You’re the reason I worked so hard to win it. I wanted you to brag about me, I wanted you to be proud of me.”

“[Even if you don’t win the title, I’ll still be proud of you.]”

“Really?” Paulit-ulit niyang hinalikan ang kamay ko. “I love you so much, baby.”

Pang-ilan niya na ’yan ngayong gabi. Parang paulit-ulit na nga sa utak ko.

Nakangiti ko lang siyang pinanood habang nagpapahila siya sa antok. At nang maramdaman ko na ang pagbigat ng paghinga niya, mas lalo akong napangiti.

Finally, the rest he deserves.

I wish I could speak so I could tell him how proud I was for him. But knowing Elias, he’d prepare knowing about it on my language.

My gaze landed outside the car when I noticed kuya Matthew’s figure. He looked like he was looking for us.

I slowly placed Elias’ head on the seat, being careful not to wake him up. Nang masigurong mahimbing pa rin ang tulog niya, walang ingay akong lumabas ng kotse para lapitan si kuya Matt.

“Hey, bunny. I’m sorry I took so lo—”

Before he could even finish his sentence, I immediately ran to him for a hug.

Mukha siyang natigilan dahil sa ginawa ko. Pero wala na akong pake. I just wanted to hug him and show him how much I appreciate him. My kuya deserves to know the love I have for him.

“Hey, umiiyak ka na naman,” sumisinghot niyang sabi nang mapansin ang paghikbi ko.

He tried to slightly push me away, but I hugged him even more. My face was buried on his shoulder as I kept on tightening the hug, not willing to let go.

Nang hindi na siya umiimik, dahan-dahan akong humiwalay at tinitigan siya sa mga mata. Halos madurog ako nang makita kung gaano kamugto ang mga mata ni kuya, at kung gaano kabigat ang pagod at sakit na nakatago sa mga ’yon.

Even though I wasn’t there, I knew what he did. I knew what kind of conversation he had with our parents. I knew he defended me with his life, I knew how hard he fought to keep my name valuable.

There’s no one else in this world who love me better than kuya Matthew.

I was sobbing so hard when I held his cheek and wiped the tears on them.

“[I’m so proud of you, kuya.]” Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang sinesenyas ’yon.

He burst into tears even more when he read that. It felt like he was just waiting for me to say that.

“[You don’t know how much I love you, kuya Matt. I’m so proud of you. There’s no one else in this world who could surpass the things you did for me. Hindi ko po laging sinasabi sa ’yo, pero sana alam mo pong mahal na mahal kita. At kung gaano ko ipinagpapasalamat na naging kuya kita. I wouldn’t survive if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t live this long if you weren’t there for me. My second life was all because of you, kuya. You’re the reason why I held on this long, you’re the reason why I am the person I am right now.]”

I was so glad that I was able to sign those words despite my trembling hands. Dahil habang sumesenyas ako, nadudurog ako sa tuwing lalong lumalakas ang iyak niya.

Parang hinihintay niya lang ako… na sabihin lahat ng bagay na ’yon. I knew him too well. And I knew that hearing these words from me would put him on ease— that he did the right thing and that he was never lacking.

He crouched down on the floor while crying so loud, and I couldn’t help but brokedown too. His face was buried on his palms, trying not to show me how vulnerable he looked. I crouched down as well to level myself with him and carefully caressed his hair.

Alam ko namang pagod na pagod na si kuya. Alam kong sobrang hirap para sa kaniya na makipagrason kila mama at daddy. Alam kong kahit ako ang nagdudusa, nasasaktan din siya.

“I’m s-sorry, bunny. I’m sorry you h-had to suffer like that.” He slowly raised his head to looked at me, finally letting me read how hurt he was. “I wish I was able to build my own business earlier. Para nalayo na sana kita nang mas maaga. I’m s-sorry I wasn’t able to g-get you out of that place earlier. If I did, maybe… maybe—”

“[You did everything right, kuya. Everything you did for me was perfect timing. Wala kang ginawang mali. Hindi mo kasalanan.]”

I smiled at him as I wiped the tears on his face. “[It’s okay, kuya. I know you fought hard for me. Hindi na po natin sila kailangan. We’ll be better without them, we don’t have to be guilty anymore, right?]”

He was sobbing when he slowly nod his head.

“[We don’t have to carry the guilt anymore, kuya. Our friends would understand, I’m sure everyone will never judge us for resenting our parents. We don’t have to be scared anymore. As long as we’re together, as long as we’re happy— I don’t care anymore. Hindi na po ako takot na kalimutan sila, hindi na po ako takot sabihin na hindi ko na sila kayang tanggapin. Kuya… Sana ikaw rin po. Stop thinking about me first and put your own feelings on the line too. You should also prioritize yourself.”

Tumawa siya. “Ako rin naman ang lagi mong inuuna, pantay lang tayo, panget.”

I jokingly slapped him on the arm that made him laugh even more.

“Matthew! Santi!”

My eyes widened the moment I heard those familiar voices from behind. Tumayo kami ni kuya Matthew at mas lalo lang akong naiyak nang makita sila kuya Yohan na tumatakbo papunta sa amin.

“Baby, ayos ka lang?”

Kuya Yohan was tearing up when he pulled me for a hug. My other kuyas lined up, as if they were waiting for their turn to embrace me too.

Isa-isa nila akong niyakap, at bawat isa sa kanila, umiiyak. Seemed like they already knew what happened. And I felt more loved because of them, I felt at ease knowing they’re here too.

Sa gilid ng mga mata ko, kita ko ring pinupuntahan nila si kuya Matthew para tapikin siya sa balikat.

“Ang panget mo umiyak, pre,” nang-aasar na sabi ni kuya Denmark kay kuya Matt.

Kuya Matthew laughed while wiping his tears. “Gago! Umiiyak ka rin! Napakapanget mong hayop ka.”

Nagtawanan ang lahat nang tumalikod si kuya Denmark para pasimpleng punasan ang mga luha niya. Hanggang sa isa-isa na silang nag-asaran dahil lahat naman sila ay humihikbi, nagtuturuan pa.

My lips twitched while watching them joke around. Gusto kong umiyak ulit, pero nag-uumapaw ang puso ko sa saya habang pinagmamasdan sila.

I knew having them in our lives was enough. Kuya Matthew would forever have them as his happy place. I would forever have them as my comfort place.

They never knew that Elias and them… healed kuya Matthew and I in every possible way.

Chapter 35

Tight Lipped XXXV

Saint

“Happy birthday, Matthew!”

Tuwang-tuwa akong pumalakpak nang sabay-sabay silang bumati kay kuya na kakapasok lang sa bahay ni Elias.

Halatang nagulantang pa siya sa biglang pasupresa namin. Paanong hindi? Siguro nga kahit birthday niya nakalimutan niya na rin sa sobrang busy.

But that’s why I’m here! So someone would always remember his special day, hehe.

“Gago, nakalimutan ko. Birthday ko pala?” sabi niya habang nakahawak ang palad sa dibdib, gulat na gulat.

See! I knew it!

Ang bata-bata pa pero ulyanin na! Hay nako.

“Sariling birthday kinakalimutan! Pero kapag mga birthday namin tandang-tanda!” bulyaw sa kaniya ni kuya Yohan pagkatapos isuot sa ulo niya ang party hat.

“Anong— Naknang! Ano ’to?!” Tinanggal ni kuya Matthew ang party hat sa ulo at pinagmasdan ’yo. “Wow, ha? Roblox theme? Hindi naman siguro halata kung sinong nagpasimuno ng design ’no?”

Naka-tiger look na naman ako sa kaniya nang madapo ang tingin niya sa akin.

“[What’s wrong with Roblox?]” inis kong tanong sa kaniya.

“Oo nga! Anong mali sa Roblox? Ang cute-cute nga, eh!” sang-ayon nila kuya Denmark sa akin.

“Oh sige na, cute na.” Sinuot ulit ni kuya Matthew ang party hat at nakangiting tumingin sa amin. “Thank you, guys. Nag-abala pa kayo, hindi na dapat kayo nag-effort— Eehh, akala ’yon sasabihin ko! Heh! Dapat lang! Dapat lang i-surprise n’yo ako! Dapat lang paghandaan n’yo ako! Sa dami ng nilamon n’yo sa resto?!”

Kita mo na. Baliw talaga.

Si Elias na lang ang sumuko sa kaniya at napairap pa nang wala sa oras. “Lika na kayo sa dining.”

“Birthday naman niya, pagbigyan na lang natin?” bulong ni kuya Lukas kay kuya Jaden.

“Ganyan kapag tumatanda na,” sulsol pa ni kuya Tanner.

Tawang-tawa ko silang pinanood habang masama ang tingin sa kanila ni kuya Matthew. Hanggang sa sunod-sunod na silang pumunta sa dining area.

Naiwan kami ni kuya Matthew sa sala kaya agad akong lumapit sa kaniya at kumaway habang nakangiti.

“[Happy happy birthday!]”

“Hehe,” turan niya at gigil na pinisil ang pisngi ko. “Cute mo talaga, panget. Thank you! ’Lika na, kain na tayo. Pakana mo ’to ’no?”

Inakbayan niya ako habang papunta kami sa direksyon na dinaanan nila kuya Jaden. Pinagsisipa pa ni kuya Matthew ang mga balloon na nadadaanan namin. Tawang-tawa pa siya sa malaking banner na nakasabit sa kisame.

“[I told kuya Elias and he helped me! That’s why we’re celebrating here in his house.]”

“Alright.” Tumawa ulit siya at ginulo ang buhok ko. “Thank you, bunny. Para kang kalendaryo, ikaw lagi nagpapatanda ng birthday ko,

“[Of course! So we could always celeberate it!]” I answered in delight.

“Thank you, panget. Sa birthday mo lilipad tayo papuntang ibang bansa.”

Sus! Lagi niyang sinasabi ’yan, pero ang ending— sa Boracay lang kami napupunta. Tapos ang hilig pa ako lunurin sa beach kaya nakakainis tuloy.

Pero kung kasama naman sila kuya Tanner? Ayos lang pala! Hehe. Hindi naman nila ako lulunurin, eh. Siguradong nakasakay lang ako sa inflatable kapag sila ang kasama ko. At sigurado ring papagalitan nila si kuya Matt kapag nilunod na naman ako.

I happily sat beside Elias when he gestured me to come. Nginitian niya ako nang makaupo ako.

“Mom and mama will come down latter. They have a lot of things to give you since they just went from Singapore,” bulong niya habang abala sa paglalagay ng mga pagkain sa plato ko.

“[Really? Pasalubongs?!]” excited kong sabi habang napapalakpak pa.

He chuckled before nodding his head. “Yes, baby. Pasalubong po.”

I can’t wait! Na-miss ko rin sila tita kasi dalawang linggo yata silang palipat-lipat ng Singapore at Malaysia. We were just communicating with each other through messenger and social media.

Ang cute-cute nga, eh! Kasi laging nagco-comment at nagha-heart react sila tita sa mga post ko ay mga myday ko. Minsan nauuna pa sila.

“Kiss,” nakangusong sabi ni Elias nang mapansin niyang abala mag-usap sila kuya Yohan habang kumakain.

Dahan-dahan akong pumihit palingon kay kuya Matthew, busy din. Tawa pa nga nang tawa, halos labas na ang ngala-ngala.

I turned to Elias once more and placed a quick and soft kiss on his lips. I was about to giggle with what we did when kuya Tanner screamed.

“Matthew, oh! Si Elias hinalikan si Santi!”

What?! Nakita pa niya ’yon?!

“Hoy, Elias! Birthday na birthday ko ha!” galit na bulyaw ni kuya Matthew na napatayo pa sa kinauupuan at nakasuot pa rin ng Roblox party hat.

Nakakatawa silang panoorin. Lahat sila ay masama ang tingin kay Elias habang may suot-suot na party hat sa mga ulo nila.

“Edi happy birthday, man,” tatawa-tawang sabi ni Elias na parang nang-aasar pa.

Nakangiti niya pa akong sinubuan ng bacon na nakangiti ko namang tinanggap.

“Ayun, na-ignore ka, pre,” sabi ni kuya Denmark kay kuya Matt. “Hayaan mo na, ganyan talaga ang mga magjowa sa umpisa. Tayo naman.”

I kept on laughing while clapping my hands when kuya Denmark and kuya Matthew copied me and Elias.

Si kuya Denmark ang umakto na parang si Elias. Ngumiti siya sa kapatid ko at sinubuan din si kuya Matt ng bacon strip.

Ang kapatid ko naman, ginaya ang ngiti ko at pabebeng sinubo ang pagkain. Nag-sign language pa ng ‘thank you, babe’ pagkatapos.

Habang ako tuwang-tuwa sa panggagaya nila, si Elias naman sa likod ko, napapa-iling na lang. Ito siguro ang unang pagkatataon na naging tumpukan siya ng asaran.

I ignored him completely and continued watching kuya Denmark and kuya Matthew as they proceed on copying us.

Ni-recreate pa nila ang unang pagkikita namin ni Elias.

Tumayo si kuya Denmark sa likod ni kuya Matt na ngayon ay nakaupo na.

“Sorry, I was late.” Kuya Denmark forced his voice to sound deep, mocking my boyfriend.

Si kuya Lukas naman na nagpapanggap na kuya Matthew, tumayo para kamayan si kuya Denmark. “Elias! Tagal mo!”

Grabe, tawang-tawa ako at manghang-mangha rin dahil naalala pa nila ang buong eksena.

“Nandito ’yung little brother ni Matthew, si Santi!” kuya Tanner said, recreating what he said back then.

Mas lalo pa akong natawa nang ginaya ni kuya Denmark ang paglalakad ni Elias, bahagya pang nakataas ang mga balikat niya para kopyahin ang laki ng katawan ng boyfriend ko.

Then he sat down in front of kuya Matthew, na pabebeng yumuko.

Ang oa! Hindi naman ako ganyan noon!

“Huy, say hi to my other friend,” kuya Lukas nudged kuya Matt. The same thing that kuya Matt did to me back then.

“Hi.” Nilakihan na naman ni kuya Denmark ang boses niya. “The name’s Elias. You are Santi, right?”

I clapped my hands non-stop, bursting into laughter, when kuya Matt slowly raised his head and flashed a smile. Naniningkit pa ang mga mata at namumungay.

Nakakainis! Hindi naman ako ganyan kapabebe noon, eh!

“Angas, pre! Tanda pa natin!”

They even exchanged high fives with each other as if the skit they did was an achievement. But it was really entertaining! It helped me remember the first time I met my boyfriend, the first time I fell for Elias.

Who knew that after a couple of months, it would lead us here?

“Baby, eat ka na ulit.”

Bumaling ako kay Elias nang tawagin niya ako pagkatapos humupa ng tawa ko. Sila kuya Matthew naman ang nag-aasaran sa isa’t isa at tinigilan na nila kami ni Elias.

“[Hindi ba maiingayan sila tita sa kanila?]”

He shook his head while smiling. “Sanay na. Kaya nga soundproof opisina nila pati mga kwarto nila. Dahil sa mga bunganga niyan.”

“[Really? So madalas sila rito rati?]” I asked.

“Almost everyday. ’Kala mo mga anak din, eh.”

Sinubuan niya ako ng ice cream na tinanggap ko naman at saka nagtanong ulit. “[Nasaan si Penelope?]”

“Ow, she’s still in school, baby. Mamaya pa uuwi ’yon,” sagot niya at malambing pang pinunasan ang ice cream sa gilid ng labi ko.

“[What about ate Wynona?]”

Tumawa siya at naaaliw na pinisil ang pisngi ko. “At her clinic? At bakit ang dami mong tanong? Cute-cute mo.”

I pouted my lips. “[Because I miss them!]”

“What about me? You didn’t miss me?” bahagyang nakanguso na sabi niya.

“Ang laki-laking tao, nagpapa-baby.”

Sabay naming nilingon si kuya Jaden na bumulong sa harap namin. Nang mahuli niya kaming nakatingin, agad siyang umiwas at pasipol-sipol pa.

“Ano?” tanong ni Elias.

“Huh? Wala, boss!” Nagpa-panic na tinaas ni kuya Jaden ang magkabilang braso. “Wala akong sinabi! Baka si baby Santi ’yon!”

Ano?! Anong ako? Hindi nga ako nakakapagsalita, eh!

“Bugbugin kita diyan,” pabirong sabi ni Elias kay kuya Jaden ’saka ako hinila patayo. “Let’s go somewhere. Sa garden, gusto mo? Walang mga langaw ro’n.”

He even side-eyed my six kuyas who just laughed at him. Sanay na sanay na yata silang tinatawag na fly ng boyfriend ko.

Pero hindi sila mukhang langaw ha! Ang gwa-gwapo kaya nila! Mga tunog langaw lang, hehe .

“Hep, hep! Baby Santi, picture muna kayo ni Matt bago kayo lumayas ni boss Elias. Cute-cute n’yo pa naman sa Roblox party hat n’yo,” natatawang sabi ni kuya Tanner.

I nodded my head as I went closer to kuya Matthew so we could take a picture together.

“[You have to smile!]” Pinagalitan ko siya nang makitang nakaismid na naman siya sa selfie naming dalawa.

“Nakangiti ako, ah! Half smile,” proud na proud niyang sabi.

“[Ayoko niyan! You have to smile tapos mag-heart ka sa cheeks mo. I’ll post it on Facebook kasi,]” pagmamakaawa ko.

Naiiling niya akong pinagmasdan, pero sumunod din naman.

We took several selfies together, including the poses I told him to do. Sa huli, pagod na pagod siya dahil kung anu-anong poses ang pinagawa ko sa kaniya.

“Daig mo pa Tiktoker sa dami mong alam!” reklamo niya at gigil na hinubad ang party hat. “Walangya! Nag-picture tayo na suot ko ’to?!”

I stuck my tongue out to tease him, satisfied with the selfies we took as I scrolled on my phone’s gallery.

“Baby, let’s go?”

Tumango ako kay Elias nang ayain niya ako para umalis. I followed him carefully as I typed on my phone, to post the chosen selfie that I and kuya Matthew took together.

Ang cute! Hehe.

Saint Mercajez • Just Now happy birthday, kuya Matthew! i love you! 💙

  ![](https://img.wattpad.com/e7c5096ed78e40b1861d6378a10c4971c94c0b4c/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f3174707431613742546a413770673d3d2d313633333333393533332e313862353664663230363534386661363130333834313439383334382e6a7067)               

Ang cute talaga! Bagay na bagay sa akin ’yung suot kong party hat na pink, hehe . Tapos si kuya… mabait.

—

“Baby, I’m almost about to graduate. You know that, right? And Matthew too.”

I looked at Elias as he held my right hand while we’re sitting side by side on the bench.

Right. I didn’t even realize that. Ang bilis-bilis ng oras, parang kahapon lang ay unang beses na tumapak ako sa university— kinakabahan at walang balak makipaghalubilo sa iba.

But now that kuya Matthew and Elias’ graduation was coming near, I just realized how long we were spending time with each other.

“I mean, I’ll take law school, yes. So I’m basically still studying even after graduation,” he said and chuckled right after. “But the law school I’ve chosen’s quiet far from our university. I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on you anymore.”

“[But my five kuyas are still gonna be there! Fourth year pa lang sila next school year,]” I answered.

“I know. But of course, I want to be the person who’s always gonna be there for you physically. Your one call away person.”

“[Gaano ba kalayo ’yung law school mo?]” malungkot kong tanong.

He stared at me. “Two hours drive difference, baby.”

Oh no… Ang layo nga.

“[But you’re still gonna love me?]”

Tumawa siya at naaaliw akong pinagmasdan. “Baby, saan nanggagaling ’yang mga tanong mo? Of course I’ll still love you. My love for you grows every day. That kind of distance will never make me unlove you.”

“[And you’re still gonna visit me kapag hindi ka busy?]”

“Yes, baby. My life’s gonna be fucked up if I don’t see you. I’d never survive a day without you.”

“[And we’re still gonna go to dates? Like cinemas, cafes, and malls?]”

Tumawa ulit siya. Nakangiti niyang pinisil ang pisngi ko. “Yes, my love. Always. I’m always gonna spend my free time with you.”

“[And we’re still gonna be boyfriends?]”

This time, he didn’t just answer me right away. He took both of my hands and kissed each of them carefully. He stopped laughing and seemed to realized something.

“Are you overthinking, baby?”

Maybe I was. Maybe not. But I just genuinely wanted to know if everything’s gonna be the same even if we’re miles apart.

“People said law school’s gonna be hell, at least not for me. The schedule maybe. I’d be busy all the time, I’ll probably have to do readings until midnight. There will be a time that you’ll think I’m slowly drifting away from you. I knew the possibility of these things happening, but I’m telling you these right now not because I want you to be anxious.” Elias carefully caressed my cheeks.

Gustong-gusto kong umiyak, pero hindi ko nagawa dahil sa sunod na mga sinabi niya.

“I just want to let you know that despite the possibility of those things happening being high, it wouldn’t mean anything. I’ll do everything to be the best boyfriend for you despite studying hard to be the best laywer.” Maingat niyang dinampian ng halik ang mga labi ko. At doon pa lang, ramdam ko kung gaano niya pinapahalagan ang mga salitang sinasabi niya.

He was never the type to go against his words. Everything he said, or promised me? He really did all of them.

“And if it comes to a point that you feel like I’m lacking, that I’m not giving you enough, please tell me. Saint, baby…” Halos mahigit ko ang hininga nang banggatin niya ang totoong pangalan ko. “I want you to tell me everything. I want you to be honest when it comes to your feelings. This is not a one time thing, baby. I dated you because I have marriage in mind.”

Marriage? As in… Gusto niya akong pakasalan?

“And I’d do everything, as in anything, to keep our relationship strong until I have everything in  the world to offer you. Until we become one. Until we have our own versions of IVF babies.” We both laughed at the same time when he mentioned the last line.

“Will you promise me that honesty’s gonna be our priority? That we will never hide any feelings and secrets involving the both of us?” he asked me.

I gave him a smile as I nodded my head. “[I promise. I will always be honest with you. I’ll tell you everything that will potentially bother me. I promise.]”

“There you go, baby.” He pulled me closer for a hug. His lips immediately finding their way on top of my head to plant a kiss. “I love you so much, Saint. And I will never do anything to give you reasons to leave me.”

Hindi niya alam, kahit hindi niya sabihin— hinding-hindi ko naman talaga siya iiwan.

Chapter 36

Tight Lipped XXXVI

Saint

“Baby, dalian mo na! Pa-picture ka na!”

Nakangusong umiling ako kila Relan habang pilit nila akong tinutulak papunta sa direksyon ni Elias.

“[Ang daming nagpapa-picture sa kaniya! Nahihiya ako!]” umiiling kong senyas.

“Hindi ’yan, baby!” Diana caressed my hair. “Ikaw ang boyfriend, ikaw ang may pinakakarapatan sa lahat ng ’yan! ’Yung iba, fans lang!”

Kanina pa nila ako binibigyan ng rason para lumapit kay Elias. Pero sa totoo lang, hiyang-hiya talaga ako!

He just graduated and was announced as Summa Cum Laude. He’s now the highest GWA holder in the history of the Philippines, with a 1.0 GWA.

Pre-law student pa siya sa lagay na ’yan, at lumaban pa sa ibang bansa. Yet he was able to still balance his studies and his competition. Just how amazing his brain is?

“Lah, anong ginagawa mo rito, bunny? Pa-picture ka na sa syota mo!”

Kuya Matthew, wearing his own graduation gown, wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Proud na proud pa rin niyang hawak ang medalya. Paano, naka-Summa Cum Laude din siya sa programang Medtech.

Isn’t my brother amazing too? And the fact that medtech’s not even the program he wanted, but still took it seriously— he’s just awesome!

Mas nakaka-proud pa dahil ako ang kasama niyang umakyat sa stage. Hindi ang mga magulang namin, dahil sadya naming hindi pinaalam ang araw ng graduation niya.

I was so happy to be on that stage with him. Everyone was applauding for kuya Matthew, everyone knew he’d end up being a Summa Cum Laude. Even me! I knew he’s gonna get it!

Kahit baliw siya at stupid sa point of view ko, sobrang talino niya kaya!

“Lah arte-arte,” sabi niya nang makita akong nakanguso. “Parang hindi tumakbo agad dito pagkatapos nating bumaba sa stage para maabutan si Elias.”

Oh… That’s true.

Magkaiba kasing stage ang graduation nila. Hindi naman kalayuan, pero syempre tinakbo ko pa rin! I was so happy that I was able to be on time.

Saktong pagdating ko, si Elias na ang paakyat sa stage. Tita Freya and tita Lilienne was with him, and they all looked so cute together! Para ngang may artistang nakatapak sa school dahil sa lakas ng sigawan para kay Elias.

Well, who wouldn’t admire my boyfriend? Kaya naiintindihan ko rin kung bakit siya sikat, kung bakit hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makalapit sa kaniya sa dami ng taong nag-aabang na makapagpa-picture sa kaniya.

“[Mamaya na. Kapag wala nang mga tao,]” sagot ko kay kuya Matthew.

“Bukas pa mawawalan ng tao niyan, panget. Tingnan mo ang dami pang pumipila, oh. Sige na, halika hahatid kita!”

“Baby, sa parking lot lang kami. Hintayin ka namin!” paalam nila Relan sa akin na tinanguan ko naman.

As soon as they left, Kuya Matthew gently held my arm as we slowly walked towards Elias’ direction.

“Excuse me po, dadaan ang pinakapoging kaibigan ng isa pang pogi.”

And because he’s well known too, everyone gave way for him. ’Yung iba nga, sumasampol pa ng selfie at pa-picture sa kaniya.

Akalain mo ’yon? May fans din pala ang panget kong kuya.

“Omg! Si baby Santi!”

I almost jumped when I saw tita Lilienne and tita Freya near Elias. Penelope’s also with them! Nang makita nila ako, tuwang-tuwa sila.

“Baby! Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap,” malambing na sabi ni tita Freya pagkatapod akong yakapin.

Tita Lilienne also pulled me for a hug. “Hi, love! We were looking for you everywhere. Look oh, daming nagpapa-picture kay Elias. Let’s go there, love. Kanina ka pa rin niya hinahanap.”

That seemed true. Paglingon ko kasi kay Elias, ngumingiti siya sa mga nagpapa-picture, still keeping a distance, but whenever the picture had been captured already, lilingon-lingon siya sa paligid.

“Hi, kuya Santi!”

I happily crouched to level my face to Penelope, waving my hand to say hello to her.

“I miss you po!” She giggled and cutely hugged me. Hinalikan niya pa ako sa pisngi na lalo kong ikinatuwa. “I knew you’re kuya Elias’ boyfriend since the beginning! Sana po ikasal na kay—”

Tita Lilienne covered her mouth and apologetically smiled at me. “She was about to say you’re pretty.”

Eh? Hindi naman, eh! May kasal sa sinabi ni Penelope!

“Matthew! Congratulations! I heard you’re also awarded as Summa?” Rinig kong pagbati ni tita Freya kay kuya Matthew.

Kuya Matthew scratched the back of his head, nahihiya pa. “Thank you, tita! Kakasama ko kay Elias, nahawaan niya ako ng utak niya.”

“Ano ka ba!” Tumatawang hinampas siya ni tita Freya sa balikat. “That’s all you, dear! You worked hard for it. Lahat ng achievements mo, ikaw at ikaw ang dahilan. You’re so smart kaya, dear!”

I found myself smiling while watching them two, appreciating that someone else’s mother praising kuya Matthew just like he deserved. Walang halong salita, sadyang puro papuri lang.

And the fact that tita Freya didn’t even invalidate all his efforts, that’s all that kuya Matthew needed to hear.

Dahil sigurado akong kung sila mama at daddy ang nasa harapan niya— na oo, pupurihin nga siya— pero sasabihin nilang dahil sa kanila.

Na kesyo napalaki nila nang maayos si kuya, na kesyo buti na lang at sinunod ni kuya ang gusto nila, na puro na lang sila.

“Love, come!” Tita Lilienne pulled me to stand up. “Sisingit tayo doon, hmm? So Elias will see you.”

My cheeks instantly blushed when tita Lilienne began pulling me towards Elias’ direction. Ngiti pa rin siya nang ngiti sa lahat, tinatanggap lang ang mga nagpapa-picture sa kaniya.

“Elias! Santi’s here!”

Everyone made way when they heard my name. Ang mga kaninang kinikilig habang katabi si Elias, biglang mga nahiya at nginitian pa ako. Nginitian ko rin naman sila, hehe . Nakakalungkot kaya ang hindi pagngiti

“Baby.”

Ako lang siguro ang nakarinig, pero halatang-halata ang pagod sa boses ni Elias nang tawagin niya ako.

I immediately went to him and gave him a tight hug, making everyone paused. Lahat ng mga gustong lumapit para makuhanan ng litrato kasama siya, tumigil din.

Elias hugged me back, even tighter, as if he was waiting for me all along.

“Baby, kanina ka pa kita hinahanap,” malungkot ang boses niyang bulong habang nakayakap sa akin.

Nahihiya akong ngumiti sa iba na kanina pa nakatitig sa amin. Napapangiti na lang sila habang pinapanood kaming dalawa.

It wasn’t really a secret to all of them that we have a relationship. Sa nag-viral pa lang na interview ni Elias kung saan umamin siya gamit ang sign language. At sa araw-araw na nakikita nilang magkahawak kamay kami lagi sa university— siguradong alam ng lahat.

Malambing at pasimple kong hinaplos ang pisngi ni Elias nang makita kung gaano kapagod ang mga mata niya. Mukha siyang nagsusumbong sa akin.

He’s probably so tired knowing that the ceremony took hours to be done. Tapos malugod niya pang hinayaan ang lahat na magpa-picture sa kaniya.

“[We’ll leave na?]” I asked him.

“Yes please,” he whispered.

Ngumiti muna ako sa iba at saka tumingin kila tita Freya at tita Lilienne na pumwesto sa harapan para kuhanan kami ng litrato ni Elias na magkasama.

Elias and I were smiling widely while his mothers were snapping pictures of us.

“Matt, dear! Tabi ka sa kanila!” natutuwang sabi ni tita Freya kay kuya.

I gestured kuya Matthew to stand beside me. Medyo nahihiya pa siya nang makalapit, pero biglang nagpapogi na ulit kalaunan.

Kunwari pang nahihiya.

Nang matanaw ko sila kuya Yohan sa isang direksyon, napatalon ako sa tuwa. I pointed at them and looked at Elias. Mukhang naintindihan naman niya ang gusto kong sabihin kaya sumenyas siya kila kuya Yohan na lumapit.

Until finally, eight of us were finally in the frame.

“Congrats, Elias and Matt! Kaso wala nang magtu-tutor sa amin. Lungkot, pre,” madramang sabi ni kuya Denmark habang ginugulo ang buhok nila kuya Matthew.

“Sus! Kunwari pa! Malalaki na kayo, matatalino na kayo! Hindi na dapat kayo nadede sa ’min,” pabirong sagot ni kuya Matthew.

“Excuse us,” nakangiting paalam ni Elias sa mga tao sa paligid at hinigpitan ang kapit sa bewang ko. We walked towards tita Freya. “Ma, alis lang kami. Una na kayo sa bahay, sunod kami.”

“Okay, anak! Congratulations again, my big boy! We’re so proud of you!”

Nakangiti ko silang pinanood habang malambing na hinahalikan nila tita si Elias sa pisngi. Ang boyfriend ko naman, hindi nagrereklamo at hindi nahihiya sa iba. It just showed how much love he has for his mothers.

“Baby Santi, una na kami! Sunod kayo sa house ha? Marami food doon, baby.”

I accepted their hugs and kisses too, giggling whenever they’ll pinch my cheeks.

Nang makaalis sila tita, umalis na rin kami nila Elias mula sa mata ng maraming tao. Mukhang naintindihan naman ng lahat kaya hinayaan na lang nila kami. ’Saka hindi na kayang magpa-picture ni Elias sa gano’ng karami, pagod na pagod na siya.

“Matt, sunod kayo sa bahay. Mom and mama prepared celebration in the house for the both of us. Mag-uusap lang kami ni Santi.”

“[My friends too?]” I asked my boyfriend. “[They’re in the parking lot!]”

“Of course, my baby. Your friends too,” natutuwa niyang sabi at hinalikan pa ang tungki ng ilong ko.

“Kasama ba kami diya—”

Natatawang tinakpan ni Elias ang bibig ni kuya Yohan. “Malamang kasama kayo, sige na, layas na. Daanan n’yo rin mga kaibigan ni Santi.”

“Nice!” Sabay-sabay na nag-apiran sila kuya Tanner. “Congrats ulit sa aming mga Summa Cum Laude!”

“Talaga! At hoy!” Lumingon si kuya Matthew kila kuya Jaden. “Bantayan ninyo nang maigi si Santi, kung ’di malalagutan kayo ng hininga.”

Kuya Jaden glared at him. “Hindi mo kami kailangang paalalahanan, pre. Bantay sarado sa amin ’yan 24/7!”

“Oa amputa, ’nu ka seven eleven?”

I was just laughing all the time while they were arguing like kids. Sobrang mami-miss ko ang kulitan nila rito sa university. Alam ko namang magkikita-kita pa rin kami lagi nang magkakasama, pero iba ’yung mga bangayan nila sa loob ng school— nakakahawa ng saya.

Habang busy silang mag-away away, nilabas ko ang cellphone sa bulsa para makapag-chat sa gc namin nila Relan.

—

Saint | 4:18 PM Hi guys!

Dadaanan kayo nila kuya Matthew sa parking lot. We’ll celebrate sa bahay ni Elias h

—

Maya-maya pa, sabay-sabay silang nag-reply ng ‘okay’ na ikinatuwa ko naman

“Alis na kami, pre! Sunod kayo agad, hoy! Wala nang lambingan ha?” gigil na sabi ni kuya Matthew habang nagbabantang nakatingin kay Elias.

“Layas na.”

I was smiling widely while waving my hands to big goodbyes to them. Kumaway rin sila sa akin para saglit na magpaalam.

Nang mawala na sila sa paningin namin, agad akong humarap kay Elias at nilabas mula sa bag ang regalo na binili ko para sa kaniya.

“[Congratulations!]”

He was in awe while eyeing the rectangular box I handed at him. It seemed like he wasn’t expecting me to gift him something.

“Baby, you didn’t have to,” he murmured.

“[No! I had to! I enjoyed buying it. Please, open?]”

“Of course I’ll open it.” He let out a chuckle as he planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

Buti na lang walang tao sa pwesto namin ngayon. We were just near the entrance to the parking lot, busy pa siguro ang lahat kaya wala pang napapadaan dito.

I watched his reaction as he slowly opened the gift I bought for him.

His smile was so genuine when he saw what was inside. It was a silver bracelet that I had customized. May initials ng pangalan niya roon.

“Baby, I…” He looked so touched when his gaze landed at me. “I didn’t expect this. Thank you so much.”

Malambing niya akong hinalikan sa mga labi na buong puso ko namang tinanggap. Hindi rin nakakailang dahil wala namang mga nanonood, hehe . Ang hilig pa naman niya sa PDA minsan.

“[You’re welcome! Nagustuhan mo?]”

“Nagustuhan ko? I just don’t like it, I freakin’ love it. And knowing that it came from you, it’s thousand times more beautiful,” sagot niya sa akin.

I noticed that he was trying to wear it around his right hand, kaya tinulungan ko siya. Nang masuot namin ’yon sa palapulsuhan niya, mas lumapad ang mga ngiti niya.

“God… I love it a lot.”

Obvious namab kung gaano niya kagusto ang regalo ko, hindi ba kasi mapigtas ang ngiti sa mga labi niya simula kanina.

“I also have something for you, Santi.”

Nagtataka ko siyang tiningnan nang sabihin niya ’yon. Ako? May regalo rin? Why?

“[Hindi ko naman graduation, eh!]” nagtataka kong senyas sa kaniya.

Natawa siya at gigil na kinurot ang pisngi ko. “We don’t need any special event just so I could give you a gift, baby. Let’s go to my car, your gift’s there.”

I accepted his hand when he offered it to me. We finally walked towards the parking lot to find his car, and when we did, we got inside and he immediately looked for something.

He pulled a mini box from his bag which was resting on the backseat. Tanaw-tanaw ko lang siya habang nakangiti niyang inaabot sa akin ang box.

“Open it, baby.”

Parang ako pa ang gumraduate sa lagay namin ngayon.

I gave him a smile as I slowly lifted the top part of the box. And what was inside made ne stop for a moment.

Elias seemed to notice my reaction. Kinuha niya sa akin ang box, kinuha ang singsing na nasa loob at marahan ’yong sinuot sa daliri ko.

“This is a promise ring, baby.”

A promise ring?

“That I’ll never do anything to hurt you, or possibly hurt our relationship. Even if I’ll be away from you, most of the time, I’ll always make time for you and be the best boyfriend.”

Bakit ba lagi niya na lang akong pinapaiyak? Dati ba siyang sibuyas?

“You also have to promise me that any doubts and feelings inside your mind, no matter how small they are, will always reach my ears. Okay?”

Salita lang siya nang salita pero ako naman, nakayuko lang at naiiyak.

Parang ngayon lang kasi nag-sink in sa akin ang lahat. Na naka-graduate na siya, na hindi ko na siya makikita lagi sa university, na wala nang maghahatid sa akin kapag wala si kuya Matt.

Kasi si kuya Matt, hindi naman siya tutuloy sa medtech. He’d take care of the restaurant, na sobrang lapit sa university. Siya pa rin ang laging magsusundo at maghahatid sa akin sa school.

But Elias… I’ve grown attached to the idea that he’d always take over when kuya Matthew’s not available.

And also, seeing him around the university always gave me an intense amount of happiness. Considering that his law school would be miles away from me… ang lungkot lang.

“Baby?”

Tiningala ko siya nang magawa kong pigilan ang mga luha ko. Matamis ko siyang nginitian at bumaba ang tingin sa singsing na nasa daliri ko.

“[I promise, Elias. I’ll akways be honest with you. And I hope we’ll never fight.]”

“Couples fight for some reasons, baby. And when it comes to us, it won’t happen always, but it might happen soon.” He caressed the back of my head in a gentle manner. “But we’ll always talk about it, without hurting each other. Being honest comes with a price, baby. But even after having arguments… hindi tayo matutulog nang hindi nagkakaayos.”

Wala na, mas pinapaiyak niya na naman ako!

“We’re now in our 9th month, baby. I know we never had any arguments in the past, even small fights. But it won’t always be like that. Magtatalo at magtatalo tayo someday. Gusto ko lang na hindi mo isiping laging masaya. I don’t want you to feel bad when the time comes that argument arises because of your expectations. I just want you to be ready.”

He took my hand and softly caressed the ring he gifted me. “You know I’m planning to marry you, right? After everything. This is a long time thing, baby. We have to grow, eventually, and some things might change in the future. We’ll be more mature— but we’ll also be more in love.”

“[I know! My love for you grows everyday!]” proud na proud kong sabi.

Ngumiti siya na medyo natatawa. “And so my love for you is, baby. I love you so much, Saint.”

He mentioned my name again…

“[I love you so much, Elias.]”

Parehas naming nginitian ang isa’t isa, hanggang sa mauwi na naman sa halik na ginawad niya sa mga labi ko. Malambing, marahan, at punong-puno ng pagmamahal.

Chapter 37

Tight Lipped XXXVII

Saint

“Nandyan na sundo mo, baby,” kinikilig na sabi nila Relan habang nakatingin sa labas ng room namin.

I blushed instantly when I saw Elias standing outside. May mga iilan na napapatigil at bumabati sa kaniya, ’yung iba ngumingiti at halatang kinikilig— siguro masaya sila kasi ngayon na lang ulit nila nakita si Elias sa university.

It’s been… what? Past a whole school year since people last saw him. Huli pa noong graduation niya. Third year na ako’t lahat-lahat pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang fans niya rito sa school.

At saka kapag sinusundo niya naman ako, lagi ko lang siyang pinupuntahan sa parking lot. Pero ngayon, iba. Talagang iba!

At nandyan siya sa labas kasi… alam niyang nagtatampo ako.

“[Bahala siya.]” Medyo padabog ko pang niligpit ang mga gamit ko para ilagay sa loob ng bag.

“Hala, baby, galit ka pa rin sa kaniya about do’n?” nakangusong tanong ni Yana.

Otomatiko ko naman siyang tinanguan. “[Kahit mag-sorry pa siya!]”

“Kasi, baby… Overprotective lang siya sa ’yo,” sabi ni Wendy.

Diana pouted her lips and poked me on the cheek. “Pag-usapan n’yo, baby. Sabihin mo sa kaniya bakit ka upset, tapos pakinggan mo rin ang side niya.”

“Kaya nga, baby Santi. Si kuya Elias naman ’yan, eh! May reason siya sa lahat ’no,” Relan added as well.

See? Even my friends thought that I’m being hysterical. Medyo… medyo totoo naman. Pero kahit na! Deserved kong magtampo, at medyo nawawala ang tampo ko kasi alam kong tama ang mga kaibigan ko.

Hindi naman gagawa si Elias ng rason para magalit ako sa walang kwentang bagay.

Bahala na!

Pagkatapak ko sa labas ng room, agad na bumungad sa akin ang strikto niyang mukha.

“Let’s go.”

Siya rin kasi, mukhang galit pa! Na parang wala pa akong karapatang magtampo o magalit kasi mas galit siya. Sinusungitan pa ako!

“[No.]” Mabilis kong iniwas ang bag ko sa kaniya nang tangka niyang kuhanin.

“Santi, really? Ikaw pa ang umiiwas?” tanong niya.

I glared at him and turned my back to continue walking. He followed me in instant and grabbed my bag from me so he could carry it instead. Pagkatapos, bumaba ang kamay niya para hawakan ang akin.

“[Let go!]”

“No. We’ll talk.”

“[Dito? Ayoko!]”

“Sa kotse, malamang.” Inayos niya ang suot na salamin at inayos din ang tie na suot. “Papagalitan kita.”

Ako pa! Ako pa ang papagalitan!

Nakakainis talaga siya! Dapat mawawala na ang tampo ko, pero bumalik lang dahil sinusungitan niya ako.

Pagkasakay namin ng kotse niya, padabog ko pa sanang isasarado ang pintuan— pero wala namang kasalanan ang sasakyan niya— kaya maayos ko na lang na sinara.

“Wear your seat—”

Hindi niya na natapos ang sasabihin nang pagalit kong sinuot ang seatbelt. Hindi ko pa rin siya nililingon at nakapokus lang ang atensyon ko sa bintana.

“Hindi tayo aandar hanggang hindi mo ako nililingon.”

Bakit kailangan ko pang lumingon para mag-drive siya?! Ano ako engine ng sasakyan?

“[Who are you? Why are you talking to me?]” Saglit ko lang siyang nilingon para isenyas ’yon.

“Ikaw nag-22 ka lang, lalo ka nang naging pasaway,” natatawa niyang sabi. “Santi, lingon na. Mag-usap tayo.”

Ano namang kinalaman ng age ko sa pagtatampo? Walang kinikilalang edad ang pagtatampo, ’no!

“Baby.”

Dahan-dahan ko siyang nilingon nang bigla niyang gamitin ang boses na ’yon. Malambing, punong-puno ng pasensya, at marahan sa pandinig.

He smiled at me when our eyes met. He even held my left hand and squeezed it.

“I knew I was wrong yesterday, okay? I felt bad. I’m really sorry.”

Madaya… Nag-sorry agad siya, nawala na agad ’yung inis ko sa kaniya.

Actually kagabi pa siya nag-try mag-sorry. Ayaw na ayaw niya kasing tinutulugan namin ang maliit na tampuhan. Pero sa unang pagkakataon, kagabi, tinulugan ko siya. Naka-block pa nga siya sa akin hanggang ngayon.

Maliit lang naman ’yung bagay na pinagtalunan namin, kung maliit nga ba sa kaniya. Sa akin, oo. Nagtatampo lang naman ako kasi naging padalos-dalos siya kagabi.

“But I’m only sorry that I questioned why you were there. I didn’t know Matthew was with you. And I’m not sorry for punching that guy.”

“[But why? He was just trying to return my wallet. Nahulog ko, at binalik niya. If anything, he’s being kind to me!]”

“Baby, I know the kind of gaze he had for you. You’re in a bar, a place where men think they can do anything the fuck they want. At kasi ikaw…” Napangiwi ako nang bahagya niyang pisilin ang pisngi ko. “Tinulugan mo ako kagabi. I was trying to call you so I could explain my side.”

My lips formed into a pout upon hearing that. I felt bad for not letting him explain his side, for not hearing him out. Sobrang asar na asar kasi ako kahapon, hindi ko man lang siya sinubukang pakinggan.

“First, I didn’t know Matthew was with you. I thought you went to the bar all by yourself, or maybe was invited by a friend. Kaya nagalit ako kahapon, kaya kita tinanong kung bakit hindi ka nagpaalam sa akin. But I’m sorry, okay? I know you didn’t want to disturb me by giving me an update, and I appreciate that, baby. I’m really sorry for questioning you like that, as if I don’t trust you. But that wasn’t my intention, I was just really worried.”

I was just looking at him while he was speaking, listening to every words he’d say— because I knew he could never lie to me.

“And second, that guy’s not nice. I punched him because he held your hand maliciously when you took your wallet back.”

Hindi ko napansin! Ang ingay-ingay kasi sa bar tapos syempre nagpapasalamat ako sa random man na binalik ang wallet ko.

“And third, I saw everything. I was watching you for five minutes after I arrived. I didn’t know how to approach you without sounding mad or anything, baka matakot kita. Kaya limang minuto akong nanonood lang sa ’yo, I didn’t want to approach you and let my emotions take over. Fourth, you didn’t drop your wallet, you placed it on the counter. The guy saw it and acted as if you dropped it so he could try to hit on you.”

Omg!

I didn’t even know half of the things he just told me! Kung hindi ko siya tinulugan kagabi, siguradong alam ko na ang rason niya, ang side niya.

If I didn’t let my emotions took over, we probably never fought like this!

“This is why I kept on reminding you how important communication is, baby. I appreciate you not updating me from time to time because you think you’d distract me from my readings— I appreciate that, my Santi— but that’s far from the truth. I’m the happiest whenever I know details about you, when I know what you’re doing despite us being apart. But I’m not mad that you didn’t update me. My baby’s just trying to look out for me, right?”

I smiled at him when he planted a soft kiss on my hand. Ngumiti rin naman siya at naaaliw akong tinitigan.

“Baby, I’ll forever understand the reason behind your actions. I know you care a lot about me, and disturbing me is the last thing you wanted. But you’ll never be a burden nor a distraction to me. Kaya kung may pupuntahan ka, lalo na’t kapag wala kang kasama, sabihin mo sa akin. Para alam ko kung saan ka hahanapin, para hindi ako nag-aalala.”

Hearing him talk to me in the softest way possible, even if it was me who did something wrong, made my insides melt.

Dalawang taon na kaming magkarelasyon ni Elias, pero lagi niya akong naiintindihan. Kahit ’yung mga bagay na hindi ko mapaliwanag sa kaniya, naiintindihan niya.

Hindi naman kami madalas mag-away. Sa totoo lang, pangatlong beses pa lang yata naming away ’to. Napakaliit pa nga.

Kasi lagi siyang nakikinig, lagi niya akong pinagpapaliwanag, lagi niyang hinihintay ang sagot ko.

He, never once, tried to speak to me in a harsh way. He was always patient with me, he’d always calm me down, he’d always face me without letting his emotions get through his head.

Ako lang naman ang pasaway.

“But I’m sure you had your reasons why you were so mad last night.”

See? Even the childish act that I pulled last night, which people would find ridiculous— he still thought there was more to it.

Which was honestly true. Merong rason kung bakit ako nagalit, kung bakit ko siya nakatulugan na hindi pinag-uusapan ang tampuhan namin. Hindi ko lang inaakala na pati ’yon, alam niyang may dahilan.

“So… can my baby tell me why he was so mad last night?”

I looked at him with a pout, hesitating to response. But he looked as if he was waiting for me to explain my side, so I did.

“[I didn’t like it.]”

“Anong hindi mo nagustuhan?” malambing niyang tanong.

“[I didn’t like the idea that you’re getting violent because of me. I don’t want you to fight other people. I don’t like it when you hurt other people for me. Hindi ka naman talaga kasi ganyan. You’ve never been violent to anyone. You’re going to work in the field of law, hindi ka pwedeng makitang nagiging bayolente sa iba. Baka lagot ka. Ayoko no’n, ayokong malagay ka sa danger because of me. Ayokong nasasaktan ka, kasi paano kung gantihan ka? Ayokong nakakapanakit ka.]”

Kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang unti-unting lumalaki ang mga ngiti niya habang sumesenyas ako. Mula simula ng eksplanasyon ko, hanggang sa dulo, palaki nang palaki ang mga ngiti niya.

He touched his lower lip and looked at me with full of love.

“I didn’t know my baby loves me that much.”

Hindi siya… natawa? Hindi ba niya naisip na parang ang babaw ng rason ko?

“Nahihiya ka pang magpaliwanag, e maiintindihan at maiintindihan naman kita.” Malambing niyang hinaplos ang pisngi ko. “Baby, thank you for looking out for me. Thank you for always wanting me to be safe and unharmed. Thank you for always thinking of me.”

He was thankful. He didn’t laugh at my childish reason. He acknowledged everything I said.

Bakit ko nga ba iisipin na tatawa siya? I’ve known him for so long, we’re two years in the relationship already. Kapag nagsasabi ako sa kanya ng sama ng loob, hindi niya ako tinatawanan.

“But I’ll be fine, my baby. I punched that guy because I knew I’d win the case if he files one on me. He took your wallet despite knowing you placed it on the table, where you can see it. It’s two things, baby. Unlawful Taking and Intent to Gain. Whoever touches your stuff without your permission, knowing you didn’t lose it, even in the guise of “returning” is illegal.“

Of course he’d use his law school knowledge. Mag-aabongado nga pala ang boyfriend ko. Lahat ng aksyon na gagawin niya, alam niyang may kaharap na consequence. I’m sure he won’t punch that man without knowing he’s on the right side of the law.

“So, are we good now, baby? Hindi ka na ba nagtatampo?” nakangiti niyang tanong.

I shook my head and leaned forward to give him a hug. I pulled out immediately to sign.

“[Thank you for always looking out for me as well! You’re the best boyfriend ever! No one else comes close!]”

He let out a chuckle upon reading what I signed.

“And you’re the best boyfriend too, baby.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “[How so? Pasaway ako minsan. Tapos nagtatampo pa ako sa simpleng bagay. I’m not the best boyfriend. Tinulugan kita kagabi knowing na may tampuhan tayo.]”

“You’re just worried about me, baby. That’s all. And worrying about me, resulting to falling asleep in the middle of an argument, is not a definition of a bad boyfriend.” Hinalikan niya ang noo ko habang hinahaplos nang dahan-dahan ang kanan kong pisngi. “You’re just afraid that I’d love you less.”

Our eyes met once again and I was amazed the emotions visible in his eyes.

“Santi, you can’t speak. We both know that. But we have a way to communicate with each other, right? Througg your beautiful language, baby. But having a medium of communication does not automatically make it easy for you to be honest. Kami, nakakapagsalita, pero may mga bagay pa rin kaming hindi masabi. What more if you only use your hands to communicate? You’d hesitate most of the times, and it’s okay to hesitate. It’s fine to keep things if you think saying it would hurt you.”

What have I ever done in my past life to deserve someone like him?

“I’m ten times more patient when it comes to you because at the end of the day, there’s still a massive barrier between you and other people. If people can’t understand you, you’d always have me. I’m the best one at that field. No one can ever outdo my patience when you’re involved. Dahil mahal na mahal kita.”

I hit him on the chest as I buried my face there, letting out soft sobs coming from me after bursting into tears.

Hindi ko na siya aawayin kahit kailan. Hindi na ako magtatampo. Hindi ko na siya tutulugan kapag may tampuhan kami.

I’d always be good to him. I’d always be honest. I’d always explain too!

“Let’s go home?”

I nodded my head, still sobbing and crying from the guilt and appreciation I felt for him.

“Alright, baby. Let’s go to my house.”

Chapter 38

WARNING: This chapter contains R18 scenes. Minors, please do not read.

Tight Lipped XXXVIII

Saint

“Hi, kuya Santi! I miss you po!”

Natutuwa kong binuhat si Penelope nang salubungin niya ako ng yakap pagkapasok namin ni Elias sa bahay nila.

I carried her and kissed her on the cheek. She also kissed me back as we both giggled.

“I miss you, kuya! It’s been so long since nag-visit ka po! Sabi nila mommy busy ka raw po sa thesis,” malungkot niyang sabi.

Binaba ko siya sa sofa at umupo sa tabi niya. Mapagpasensya ko siyang pinagmasdan. “[Sorry, baby! But I’m always messaging you, right?]”

And yes… Penelope studied sign language too. It was actually part of her curriculum in her school. She specifically asked for that two years ago. Dahil na rin sa kaibigan niyang katulad ko.

“Yes, kuya! Ang cute po ng Tiktok videos na sine-send ninyo!” Muli siyang yumakap sa akin na ikinatuwa ko naman.

Ang clingy-clingy talaga ni Penelope. At sobrang cute pa! Pakiramdam ko parang totoo niya na akong kapatid kung ituring niya ako.

“Nasaan po pala si kuya Hue?”

“[Hue?]”

“Kuya Matthew po! Nickname ko po ’yon sa kaniya.” She laughed. “Nag-promise po siya na bibilhan niya ako ng another scooter!”

It’s my first time hearing someone call kuya Matthew with a different nickname. Usually kasi, Matt lang ang nickname namin sa kaniya. Penelope calling him Hue was surprising to hear.

“[I’ll remind him about that! Don’t worry! Kuya Matthew never breaks a promise.]”

“Penelope.” Sabay naming tiningala si Elias na nagsalita. “Your kuya Santi has to go upstairs now. Just bond with him tomorrow, hmm? He needs to finish some paperworks.”

“Okay po!” magalang na sagot ni Penelope bago ako halikan sa pisngi. “See you tomorrow, kuya Santi! Good night din po! I’ll take my beauty rest!”

Ngiting-ngiti na pinanood ko siya nang sumama siya sa nana niya para matulog na. Hinayaan ko na rin si Elias na hilahin ako patayo, paakyat sa kwarto niya.

I told him I needed to finish some revisions for our thesis. He volunteered to lend his room so I could study in peace, and so I won’t be alone.

Kuya Matthew’s currently out of the city for the opening of his restaurant’s second franchise. Dapat last year pa mangyayari ’yon, pero na-delay dahil marami siyang kailangang asikasuhin. Kaya ngayon, I’m so proud that it’s finally happening!

Ayoko ring mag-aral mag-isa, wala pa akong kasama sa bahay. Kaya binilin muna ako ni kuya Matthew kay Elias!

“Here, baby. I’ll just go and take a shower. Feel free to make a mess.”

Ginulo ni Elias ang buhok ko pagkatapos akong ihatid sa study table niya sa loob ng kwarto niya.

I couldn’t help but be amazed. His table was really huge! There’s a lot of compartments! . Nakita ko pa ang ibang mga papeles sa ibabaw na siguradong binabasa niya magdamag. Even the lined up books for the Constitution was neatly arranged on his bookshelf.

He’s really fit to be a lawyer. And I couldn’t wait to see him in that field!

I quietly took out my laptop from my bag and placed it carefully on the table. I began arranging the things I would be needing in order to revise some chapters on my thesis.

Kaonti lang naman, dahil nagustuhan din ng professor ko ang outcome. Some revisions were mainly for the structure of how it was written. But according to him, my thesis was flawless!

In the middle of typing on my laptop’s keyboards, I suddenly remembered something.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone mula sa bag at binuksan ang messenger app. Ime-message ko na sana si kuya para magpabili ng pasalubong, pero biglang nag-pop ang message ni Unique.

Yes! I’ve been friends with kuya Matthew’s friend since last year!

He’s my favorite pretty friend!

—

Unique 🏋‍♂️ | 9:39 PM hi, Santi! kumusta?

Saint | 9:39 PM hi pooo!

just like what you said po, Elias said the exact same thing! Unlawful Taking and Intent to Gain!

Unique 🏋‍♂️ | 9:40 PM yown, nice nice!

matalino ’yang boyfriend mo, nak. deserve niya ng bj.

Saint | 9:41 PM po?

Unique 🏋‍♂️ | 9:42 PM hahaha wrong sent nak

na-turn on ko yung VPN, wrong server pala sorry

baka matakwil ako ni Matt bigla

Saint | 9:43 PM ano po yung bj?

Unique 🏋‍♂️ | 9:45 PM wag mo na tanungin nak

maganda yung ganyan, yung virgin pa

fantasy ko ay reality mo nak

si Van kasi ang hilig para siyang kastang-kasta lagi

ASO YARN?!

#gobilam #parasam #gandakokasi

—

Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Kapag kausap ko si Unique, para ako laging nakatapak sa ibang dimesyon. Ang hilig niya rin gumamit ng hashtags, pero kapag sine-search ko naman ang meaning ng hashtags na ginagamit niya— walang result.

Gawa-gawa niya lang siguro.

Pero kahit na weird siya, he’s so cute! I like him so much as a friend!

Ang cool-cool niya. Marunong siyang makipagsuntukan, marunong siyang makipaglaban sa mga bad guys. Tapos kapag nagsalita siya, kapag seryoso, he’s so articulate!

Unique’s so different from everyone I’ve met. His name speaks a lot about him!

“Who are you talking to, baby?”

Napakislot ako nang wala sa oras nang maramdaman ang paghalik ni Elias sa pisngi ko. His both arms were now leaning on the edge of the table, cornering me between his huge figure.

Amoy na amoy ko pa ang bodywash at shampoo na ginamit niya, medyo basa pa rin ang buhok niya.

He kissed my neck again which made me flinched. Nakakakiliti!

“[Unique.]” I couldn’t even sign properly because he kept on kissing my cheeks and my neck!

“Matthew’s friend?” I nodded my head. “What about him?”

“[You know he’s from a family of lawyers, right? I asked him last night because I was worried na kasuhan ka nung lalaki sa pagsuntok mo. Tapos he’s the one told me na you’re gonna be fine. ’Yung mga sinabi mo kanina sa kotse, Unique told me the exact same thing!]” I proudly explained.

“Well, he’s from a clan of lawyers. Despite him being in the Task Force for terrorism— being a lawyer still runs in his blood.” Elias’ left arm encircled around my waist as his lips went to my ear. “What else did he say?”

Hinarap ko siya habang nakakunot ang noo. Bigla ko kasing natandaan ’yung message ni Unique kanina.

“[Sabi niya ang talino mo raw. At deserve mo raw ng BJ? Ano ’yung BJ?]”

Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang ubuhin kahit wala naman siyang sakit. ’Saka ayos pa siya kanina, ah! Bakit bigla siyang inubo?

“Tangina.”

At nagmumura pa siya!

“[Are you okay?]”

Nag-aalala ko siyang sinundan sa kama nang doon siya maupo. Inuubo pa rin at parang natatawa. Namumula pa nga ang magkabila niyang tenga.

“Baby, just continue with your revisions, please.”

Pumunta ako sa harap niya at umiling. “[Not unless you tell me what BJ means!]”

“Hindi mo na dapat malaman.”

“[Sasabihin mo or aalis ako?]”

This time, I was so surprised with the sudden shift on his expression. Bigla siyang naging seryoso, at ’yung mga mata niya… parang namumungay?

He took my hand and slowly pulled me towards him. Nakapagitna ako ngayon sa mga nakabuka niyang hita, nakatayo pa rin ako habang nakaupo siya sa kama at nakatingala sa akin.

“Do you really want to know?”

Of course I want to! Kanina ko pa nga tinatanong, e.

“[Ano ba kasi ’yon? Acronym ba siya?]”

“It kinda is.” Elias squeezed my hand and brought it towards his lips to plant a kiss. “Thinking about it… you’re not young anymore.”

Huh? Anong binubulong-bulong niya diyan?

Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya nang dahan-dahan niya akong iupo sa kama. Sa isang iglap, ako na ang nakaupo at siya naman ang nakatayo sa harapan ko.

“Fuck this view,” pagmumura niya nang mapatitig sa mukha ko na ngayo’y nakatingala sa kaniya.

“[Ano kasi ’yon?]”

He held my chin and squeezed it gently. The fire in his eyes were now ten times more intense than earlier.

“It’s a sexual act that couple does, baby.”

Namula ang mga pisngi ko at namilog ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang sinabi niya.

“It’s an act that you do to your partner to make them feel good, to pleasure them.”

Huh? How?

“[Paano po ’yon?]” nagtataka kong tanong.

“This.” He touched my mouth as his thumb slightly massaged my lower lip. “Goes here.”

Sumunod ang mga mata ko sa tinuturo niya, at agad na napasinghap nang makitang tinuturo niya ang malaking umbok sa pagitan ng gray pants niya.

Huh? Penis? His penis?!

My mouth will go there?! How?! Hindi ba bastos ’yon?! Wala dapat nakakakita sa private part ng isang tao kun ’di ang sarili mo, at kun ’di ang…

Oh, right. He’s my partner.

Pero paano siya mape-pleasure? Anong nakaka-pleasure sa bibig ng isang tao?

“[Turuan mo ako, hindi ako maalam!]”

“Tangina. Tigilan mo ’yan.” Parang hirap na hirap na ang boses niya sa paraan ng pagsasalita niya. “Baby, you’re not obliged to do it. We can do it after marriage if you’d like. Hindi mo responsibilidad—”

“[I wanna do it tho!]”

Bakit ba siya nangingielam? Gustong-gusto ko ngang masubukan, e. I’m so curious on what my mouth could do.

“You sure, baby? Hindi ka nadadala lang?”

Kahit nag-aapoy na ang mga mata niya, nag-aalala pa rin siya.

Iniisip niya bang curious lang ako? At napipilitan? Pero gusto ko talaga. Gusto kong malaman kung paano gagawin. Gusto kong ma-experience.

Hindi ko man alam kung paano gagawin, pero malaki na ako ’no! Hindi na ako bata. I knew what sex is. I knew what love making means. I’m a grown up!

“[Please, turuan mo nga ako.]” Kulang na lang ay pagsiklupin ko ang mga palad para lang hayaan niya ako.

“Tangina naman.” Halos mapasabunot siya sa sarili buhok. “Sa ganda mong ’yan, baka hindi kita madahan-dahan. Just imagining you sucking my dick makes me want to fucking cum instantly.”

Omg! Ang bastos ng mga salita niya! Pwede pala ’yon? Kahit bastos, ang ganda sa pandinig.

Parang… parang sumasakit din yata ang puson ko.

“You’re not gonna back out, right? ’Cause I’m telling you, baby, I’m hard as a rock right now.” I could see what he’s talking about.

Natatakot ako kasi umbok na umbok sa pants niya ang… ewan ko. Halatang… sobrang laki.

’Yung akin kaya, malaki rin? Hindi ko kasi sinusukat, e. Bastos kasi! I had no idea about the size, but at least mine’s pretty.

“[I’m not gonna back out, promise! Sige na, dali na!]”

There was urgency on each of my movement. He seemed to sense it, so he slowly caressed my cheek and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

“I might fucking die right now, baby. Kapag sinubo mo ’to… mababaliw ako. I might thrust in and out of your mouth, non-stop. So don’t fucking tell me I didn’t warn you.”

Bakit mas sumasakit ang puson ko kapag nagsasalita siya ng mga bad and sexual words? Ang ganda sa pandinig, hindi nakakairita at hindi nakakadiri. Parang… gusto ko pa siya lalong marinig magsalita ng mga ’yon.

Excited ko siyang pinanood habang dahan-dahan niyang binababa ang gray pants na suot niya. Pero nang mababa niya, bigla akong nagsisi.

I covered my mouth in utmost shock when his penis sprung and it appeared right in front of my eyes.

Ah! Ang laki!

“[What?! Bakit ang laki?!]” naluluha ang mga matang senyas ko sa kaniya.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, baby.” He took my hand and slowly brought it towards his length. “Feel it, Santi. Feel how hard I am because of you.”

Nae-excite akong tumango, tinanggal ang isang palad sa bibig ko at hinayaan siyang dalhin ang kamay ko sa kahabaan niya.

I flinched when my finger touched the tip of his penis. Pati siya, napaatras at napamura.

His penis looked pretty—no, handsome! Lalaking-lalaki ang kaniya. The tip was really really red and it looked like it’s gonna explode anytime. Nakaka-intimidate ’yung sa kaniya kasi sobrang huge, para akong sasaksakin.

“Wanna lick it?” he asked, almost out of breathe.

I nodded my head and he took it as a cue. Nilipat niya ang kamay sa batok ko at dahan-dahang hinila ang ulo ko papalapit sa kahabaan niya.

“[May name siya?]” takang tanong ko sa kalagitnaan.

“Shut up, baby. Mamaya na ’yang mga tanong mo. Konti na lang isasalpak ko na ’to sa loob ng bibig mo sa dami mong tanong.”

Gusto kong matawa kasi parang nawawalan na siya ng pasensya. Halata na rin ang mga ugat sa leeg at mga braso niya, parang may pinipigilan lang siya.

“Fuck,” he murmured roughly when a white liquid came out from the tip of his penis.

I curiously wrapped my hand around his length so I could take a look on the liquid that just came out from him. Pero parang may mali yata akong nagawa, kasi noong pinalibot ko ang kamay ko sa kahabaan niya, bigla siyang umungol nang malakas.

“God… you’re such a fucking tease, baby. Huwag kang tingin nang tingin diyan.”

Naiinis na talaga siya! Lalo pang namumula ’yung head ng penis niya.

Akin nga pink lang, sa kaniya red. Magiging red din ba ’yung akin kapag naiinis na ako? Nakaka-curious naman.

“Lick it if you’re curious.”

I curiously stuck my tongue out based on his command.

“Putangina, ang ganda mo.” Gigil na yumuko si Elias para paulanan ng halik ang mga labi ko. Gigil niya pa ngang kinagat ang ibabang labi ko. He also found my tongue and sucked it aggressively.

Then in a split second, he threw series of profanities when my tongue touched the tip of his length.

“Fuck!” Hinang-hina niyang nilayo ang bibig ko sa penis niya.

Mas marami pang lumabas na puting liquid mula sa butas kaya natutuwa kong hinawakan ’yon. Mali na naman yata kasi nagmura na naman siya.

“Tangina, lalabasan yata agad ako kapag sinubo mo,” frustrated niyang sabi at gigil na pinisil ang baba ko. “Bakit ba kasi sobrang ganda mo? Tangina naman. Nakakabaliw ka.”

“[Isusubo ko ’to? Now na?]”

“Y-Yeah,” nauutal niyang sabi.

He palmed his penis once again and slowly pulled my head towards it.

“[Ano munang name?]” takang tanong ko bago pa madikit ang bibig ko sa kaniya.

“Kailangan pa ba no’n?” inis niyang tanong.

“[Mine’s Sansan!]” proud kong sabi at tinuro pa ang akin.

“Tangina, sige Tantan na lang akin,” nawawalan ng pasensya na sabi niya at pabiglang nilapit ang bibig ko sa kahabaan niya.

I gasped when his length entered my mouth in one swift thrust. Malutong at malakas ang mura na pinakawalan niya. I also felt his whole body trembled the moment his penis entered my mouth.

It’s supposed to be bastos or kadiri. But it didn’t feel like that. It felt… good. It felt good inside my mouth. At kahit sobrang laki niya, na halos ulo lang ang nasusubo ko, masarap pala.

I held both sides of Elias’ hips when he began thrusting inside my mouth. Tuwing umuulos siya ay may kasabay ring malalakas na mura.

“Shit!” Gigil niyang sinubukan na laliman pa ang pagkakabaon ng kahabaan niya sa bibig ko. But when he heard that I was gagging, he immediately stopped. It seemed like he just wanted to know where my limit was.

I palmed the other half of his penis that I couldn’t  reach. Saglit akong humiwalay para humugot ng hininga. The sound of his penis coming out of my mouth created a loud ‘pop’.

Kakahugot ko pa lang ng hininga nang bigla niya nang ibalik sa loob ng bibig ko ang kahabaan niya. Hindi pa nga ako nakakahinga nang maayos!

“Shit! Shit!” He bit his lower lip and stared at me deeply. His thrust kept on getting faster and faster. “You’re so fucking pretty, baby. Fuck! You’re gonna be the death of me. It’s so good… Shit. You’re so good.”

What he said earlier was true— Elias suddenly turned to a different person the moment his length entered my mouth.

At hindi ko rin alam na masasarapan ako. The feeling of his penis entering my mouth was tiring because of his size, but it felt really really good at the same time. And Elias’ loud moans seemed to be the cherry on top.

I just felt satisfied all over… that I could pleasure him like this.

—

Eeh, akala nila sa Special Chapter pa ang bastos moment HAHAHAHA. Next chapter will be full R18 so please be prepared?

Ibang tao po si Elias kapag bastos time 😭 As in ibang-iba.

Chapter 39

WARNING: This chapter contains R18 scenes. Minors, please do not read.

Tight Lipped XXXIX

Saint

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam nito? ’Yung kahit hindi ka na halos makahinga, parang ayaw mo pa rin tumigil.

Elias’ now holding a fistful of my hair as he continued thrusting in my mouth. Minsan bumabagal ang pagbayo niya, kapag nanginginig siya, tas biglang bibilis na naman.

Hindi na talaga ako makahinga minsan pero tinitiis ko na lang!

His moans sounded so good in my ears, as if I’d never get tired of hearing them.

A loud ‘pop’ was made when Elias released his length from my mouth. Kasabay no’n ay ang malakas niyang pag-ungol bago ikulong sa sariling palad ang kahabaan niya.

“Let out your tongue,” he commanded.

Mabilis naman akong sumunod at pinagparte ang mga labi ko para ilabas ang dila ko. Sunod-sunod siyang napamura at gigil akong hinalikan sa mga labi.

Ew! Kakasubo ko lang kay Tantan, e! Bakit siya nangki-kiss?

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Elias whispered before guiding his penis towards my tongue. Napatingala siya habang ilang ulit na tinatapik ang pagkalalaki sa dila ko. “Shit! Ang sarap…”

Masarap? Is that how you describe a pleasure? Masarap?

“God…” Nanginig na naman ang katawan niya nang muling isubo sa bibig ko ang kahabaan niya.

I almost gagged when he tried to deepen his penis inside my mouth, but I have my limit. He stopped instantly and just went back on thrusting.

His thrusts were so different compared to his touch. Malambing at marahan ang mga kamay niya tuwing hinahawakan ako. Pero kung makaulos siya, parang wala nang bukas.

“Fuck, aah.” I looked up and saw him biting his lower lip with his eyes shut. The veins on his arms were now more visible, as if something’s gonna explode soon. “Aah, shit! I’m c-cumming, baby.”

I purposely swirled my tongue around the tip of his penis which made him groaned. Seemed like that worked! So I did it again and again.

Mas naging sunod-sunod pa ang mura niya habang sinisimulan kong itaas baba ang kamay sa pagkalalaki niya. I was just copying the movement he was doing earlier with his hand!

“Fuck, baby! Just like that. Suck me good.”

My tongue’s also busy licking the head of his length.

Mas lalo yata siyang nanginig dahil sa ginagawa ko, parang hindi na rin siya makahinga nang maayos.

“Putangina… Fuck!”

I shrieked when a series of white liquid came out from his length. I knew it was his cum, cum only comes out when the person felt good or felt orgasm.

Ibig sabihin, nag-orgasm na siya?

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin habang tinataas baba niya ang kamay sa kahabaan niya. His cum was still exploding and some of them were hitting my cheeks.

Hindi niya rin naman ako pinapaalis, nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang kagat-kagat ang ibabang labi.

“Puta, ang sarap.”

I welcomed him when he leaned forward to own my lips. He didn’t mind his own cum that was stuck on the side of my lips. Gigil na gigil lang ang paraan niya ng paghalik sa akin.

“You okay, baby? That was so fucking good, you sucked me so well,” he said while flashing a satisfied smile. “Ganda mong tamuran.”

Bastos! Aah!

But still, whenever he’s talking dirty, it really sounded so good in my ears. Parang gusto kong ulit-ulitin niya. Kaya napatanong din ako.

“[Uhm, what’s next?]”

“Anong next?” kunot-noo niyang tanong. “That’s it. You asked for a blowjob— that’s blowjob, baby.”

I shook my head as I let him wipe his cum on my face. “[What about me? Hindi mo ako igaganon?]”

He laughed so hard that I was almost scared if I said something wrong.

Tinapon niya kung saan ang wipes na ginamit para linisin ang mukha ko, ’saka ako naaaliw na pinagmasdan.

“When it comes to pretty boys like you. You deserve a good fucking lick.”

Huh? Lick? Ako rin?

“[Si Sansan?]” tanong ko.

“No.” He kissed me and gently bit my lower lip. “Your hole, baby.”

Hole saan?

“You wanna learn, right? Are you comfortable being naked in my eyes?”

Bakit mas lumalim yata ang boses niya? Kumpara sa normal niyang boses? Bakit parang mas lalo siyang naging… gwapo?

O ako lang?

Pinilig ko ang ulo at tumango sa kaniya. Of course I’d be naked too! Siya nga naghubad din, e.

“You sure? No second thoughts?”

Umiling kaagad ako, desididong masunod ang gusto.

Gusto ko nga talaga, e! I knew he was just being proper, asking if this was really due to my own will— but of course it is. I really wanted to learn these intimate things with him!

My eyes widened and sparkled in amusement when he started removing the top he was wearing. Inuna niya ang tie na suot at walang pakealam na hinubad ang long sleeve polo.

My mouth watered when I realized that he’s now all naked in front of me. The view of his toned upper body, his eight pack abs, and his length waving at me— it was enough to make me want this more.

Muling hinila ni Elias ang batok ko para halikan na naman ang mga labi ko. At habang inaangkin niya ang bibig ko, dahan-dahan din niyang inaalis ang pagkakabutones ng uniform ko.

I helped him undo my top. And as soon as we were done, he removed it totally from my upper body.

Nahigit ko ang hininga nang ihiga niya ako sa kama. Kitang-kita ko ngayon kung gaano kalala ang apoy sa mga mata niya.

“My pretty baby,” he whispered as his thumb slowly caressed my lower lip. “I’m a different person now, baby. You sure you wanna continue this? Kayang-kaya ko pang tumigil ngayon. Pero kapag nakahubad ka na sa harap ko… pasensyahan na lang tayo.”

Paulit-ulit talaga siya. Sabing gusto ko nga, gustong-gusto ko nga!

Nae-excite pa nga ako sa gagawin namin. I wanted to know what he meant by his words earlier. I really wanted to learn a lot of things about what couples do.

“[I want it. I promise!]”

The flame in his eyes burned even more. I even flinched when I felt his free hand touching my tiny waist.

“Your words, baby, not mine. Pasensyahan na lang talaga, hmm?”

Napatakip ako sa bibig nang biglang bumaba ang mga labi niya. My mouth hanged open when he took one of my nipples inside his mouth and explicitly licked it.

“Tangina… ang puti-puti mo.”

Samahan pa ng mga mura niyang nakakaadik na yata sa pandinig.

I grabbed a fistful of his hair and held unto it when I felt a small amount of pleasure. He continued sucking and drawing circles using his tongue on my nipples. Salit-salitan niyang inaangkin habang pumipisil ang mga kamay niya sa bewang ko.

Nakikiliti ako, pero parang kiliti na hindi nakakatawa. Kiliting… masarap sa pakiramdam.

Elias’ lips went down and down, until his mouth reached my uniform pants. At katulad ng sinabi niya kanina, pasensyahan na lang nga.

Hindi ako maka-react nang agresibo niyang hinubad ang pants ko, walang kahirap-hirap at parang nagmamadali pa ang bawat galaw niya.

Wala sa oras akong namula nang bigla siyang tumawa. Nakatingin siya sa boxer na suot ko na si Toothless ang design.

Anong nakakatawa? Wala bang design ang mga boxer niya?

Ayoko na nga! Tinatawanan niya lang si Toothless!

I was about to push him away when he caught my arms in instant. Muli niya akong binalik sa pagkakahiga at inangkin ang mga labi ko.

“I told you that there’s no way you can back out anymore. Don’t put me on the edge like that,” he said with a warning tone.

“[Bakit mo kasi pinagtatawanan si Toothless?]”

Ayan, tumawa na naman siya! “I’m not making fun of him and you, I just find you cute, okay? Now, behave and let me do all the work, baby.”

The tension between us took over again when I realized that his hands were now trying to remove the boxer I was wearing.

Lalabas na si Sansan!

I covered my face in embarrassment when Elias finally removed my boxer from lower body. I was now fully naked before his eyes.

Napakislot ako nang maramdaman ang malalambing niyang haplos sa magkabilang hita ko. Ramdam ko rin ang mga labi niyang nanggigigil na hinahalikan ang binti ko paakyat sa hita.

I slowly removed my hands from my face to see what he was doing.

I gasped when our eyes met, his lips not leaving my skin as every squeeze he was doing to my thigh was making me tremble.

“What the fuck… You’re so soft.”

Napakislot ako sa gulat nang bigla siyang umangat para hawakan si Sansan. Halos manginig pa ako sa sensasyon na ngayon ko lang naramdaman sa buong buhay ko.

He’s now holding my length with his hand. Ang daya pa kasi ’yung akin, sakop agad ng isa niyang kamay. Samantalang ’yung kaniya, hindi kasya sa isang palad ko.

“And a pretty pink dick too…” Sabay kaming napaungol nang dilaan niya ang tip no’n. “Too bad, you’re meant to be fucked.”

Naiiyak na ako tuwing dumadampi ang dila niya sa ulo ng akin.

“Dapa.”

Huh? Bakit ako dadapa? Tapos na ba kami?

Walang kamalay-malay na sinunod ko siya, lalo na nung siya mismo ang pumwersa sa aking bumaliktad ng pagkakahiga.

I lay down on my stomach based on his command. Nakiliti pa ako nang umakyat ang mga labi niya papunta sa batok ko. Paulit-ulit niyang tinaniman ng halik ang balat ko, pababa mula sa batok, hanggang sa likod ko, at hanggang sa…

No way!

I shrieked in panic when he palmed my butt and slapped it in moderate strength. Hindi naman nasakit, parang nanggigil lang siya.

“Shit, you’re so fucking pink…” Sunod-sunod ang mura na lumabas sa bibig niya habang minamasahe ang magkabilang pisngi ng pang-upo ko.

Anong gagawin niya? Naguguluhan na ako.

Wala sa wisyong nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa susunod niyang ginawa.

Did he just…

A soft moan came out from my mouth that made me stop. Seemed like he heard it too, but still continued with what he was doing.

He buried his tongue deeper to lick my hole. At ang kaninang iisang ungol na lumabas sa bibig ko, nasundan pa nang nasundan.

This was not the first time that I made a sound. But this was the first time that I managed to releass multiple ones, in consecutive manner!

Gusto ko nang maiyak sa kiliti at sarap habang dinidilaan ni Elias ang butas ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong masarap doon, pero parang adik na adik na siya.

He treated my hole as if it was my lips. Para na siyang nakikipaghalikan sa butas ko, dahilan para mas lalo akong manginig nang paulit-ulit.

Another series of moans came out from my mouth. Each one of them increasing in volume because of the pleasure Elias was giving me.

His hands were still massaging my two buttcheeks, hawak-hawak niya ’yon para paghiwalayin at para mas ibaon ang mukha sa pagitan ng mga hita ko.

“Sarap mo, baby,” bulong niya. “I can fucking lick you for hours.”

Pasensyahan na lang tayo. Paulit-ulit na nagre-replay sa utak ko ang sinabi niya kanina.

I tried to push his head away from my butt when I felt an uncomfortable feeling inside my tummy. But he just pushed my hands away and buried his face even deeper.

Gusto ko nang maiyak sa sarap. Idagdag pa ang pakiramdam na namumuo sa puson ko. Parang gustong sumabog.

At bakit parang nananakit din si Sansan? Hindi naman siya inaano, ah?

“Cumming?” Elias murmured. He replaced his tongue with his finger, playing with my wet hole. “God, you’re shaking already. Your orgasm’s near, baby.”

Ilang segundo niya munang hinalikan at dinilaan ang butas ko bago ako muling ibaliktad sa kama. Lantad na lantad sa mga mata niya ang naluluha kong itsura.

The loudest moan I could ever release came out from my mouth when I felt Elias’ tongue on the tip of my penis.

He palmed my length and held it with one hand, then he began making the same movement I was doing to his length earlier. Taas baba ang kamay niya at para na akong hihimatayin sa sarap.

“Show me your tongue.” He leveled his face on mine while palming my penis. Masunurin ko namang nilabas ang dila kahit naiiyak na ako sa sarap na nararamdaman.

Nang makita niyang nakalabas ang dila ko, agad niya akong sinunggaban ng halik. He was sucking my tongue continuously, caging the moans from my mouth— preventing them to come out.

Napahawak ako nang mahigpit sa matitipuno niyang dibdib nang humigpit ang kapit niya sa kahabaan ko. Mas lalo ring bumilis ang kilos ng kamay niya.

Para akong… para akong dinadala sa langit.

A tear drop came out from my eyes when I suddenly exploded from the insides. Labis ang panginginig ng buong katawan ko habang may puting likido na lumalabas sa pagkalalaki ko.

“Shh. It’s okay, it’s your orgasm.” Pilit akong pinapakalma ni Elias dahil hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang panginginig ng katawan.

Hindi niya tinatantanan ang mga labi ko, kahit humihikbi na ako sa sarap. Nababaliw na siya, at ako rin siguro.

“How’s it? Sarap?” kagat-labi niyang tanong.

Hindi pa rin tinatantanan ng kamay niya ang pagkalalaki ko, kaya hanggang ngayon ay napapaangat pa rin ang katawan ko sa sarap.

I slowly nodded my head while sobbing. Masarap talaga, hindi ko na itatanggi ’yon.

“Mas masarap kapag kinantot kita.”

Ang bastos! Bastos na word ’yon, ah?

“[Will it fit inside me?]” naiiyak kong tanong at tinuro pa si Tantan.

“Of course it will. Let me prepare you first, baby.”

Napakislot ako sa gulat nang bumaba muli ang ulo niya at bahagyang inangat ang katawan ko. Lumapat ang mga labi niya sa butas ko at sunod-sunod na dumura roon.

He leveled his face again on mine and our eyes met for a second. Ako ang unang umiwas dahil hindi ko kayang tagalan ang mga mata niya.

“I’ll enter my fingers, hmm? Let’s start with two.”

He sounded so gentle and sweet while saying those words. Na parang walang tensyon na namamagitan sa aming dalawa.

Kagat-kagat ko ang labi nang yakapin ko siya sa batok. Ramdam ko ang unti-unting pagpasok ng dalawang daliri niya sa butas ko.

I was so wet because of his mouth that it was too easy for his fingers to slide in.

At bakit… bakit ang sarap ng ginagawa niya ngayon? Mas masarap pa sa kanina.

“Let me add two more.”

Humigpit ang pagkakayakap ko sa kaniya nang tuluyan niyang dagdagan ng dalawa pang daliri ang loob ng butas ko.

I felt so stretched and open down there. Apat na daliri pa lang ’yan. Paano pa kapag ’yung penis niya na ang pumasok sa akin?

“Feels good, right?”

Of course it was. Hindi na nga ako halos makamulat sa sarap. Tapos hindi pa siya nakuntento sa ginagawa niya sa akin ngayon.

He pressed his penis on mine and started rubbing them together. The pleasure was now double, his fingers inside me, and our penis making contact with each other.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano pang klase ng sarap ang ibibigay niya sa akin. Parang sobra-sobra na, gusto ko na lang mahimatay.

“I’ll enter now, okay? Let me know if it hurts, para tumigil agad ako,” malambing niyang sabi sa akin.

Tinanguan ko siya at nanghihinang nagpaubaya.

Pero kahit na halos mawala na ako sa wisyo, nandito pa rin sa akin ang excitement. Pakiramdam ko, nasa final step na kami.

Elias grabbed my length using his one hand, he began doing the up and down movements while positioning his penis in front of my hole.

At nang unti-unti niyang pinasok, mas humigpit ang yakap ko sa kaniya.

My walls felt like it was splitting into two because of how huge he was. Para rin akong tinatakasan ng hangin habang pabaon siya nang pabaon sa loob ko.

“Aah, fuck!” he moaned loudly.

Nakakalmot ko na siya dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. Pero kahit sobra na akong nasasaktan, ayokong ipahalata sa kaniya. Ayoko siyang tumigil.

Gustong-gusto kong ituloy namin…

“Oh god…” Sabik niyang inangkin ang mga labi ko nang tuluyan niyang mabaon ang pagkalalaki sa loob ko.

Habang ako, parang saglit akong nakakita ng liwanag. I thought I was about to pass out, but I went back to sanity when I felt Elias planting soft kisses against my lips.

“Shh, you did so well, baby,” malambing niyang bulong sa akin.

Ilang segundo kaming nakatigil sa ganoong posisyon. Paulit-ulit niya akong hinahalikan at pinapaulanan ng papuri, habang ako naman ay naninibago pa sa laki niya.

Pakiramdam ko ay punong-puno ako. Pero habang naghihintay, ’yung kaninang hapdi, parang biglang nakakakiliti na.

That same feeling worsened when Elias started thrusting his hips. Binaon niya ang mukha sa leeg ko at dahan-dahan, pero madiin, na bumayo sa ibabaw ko.

Wala sa wisyo akong napaiyak nang unti-unti ay parang sumasarap na sa pakiramdam. Para na akong nababaliw, parang ayoko siyang tumigil…

“God, fuck!” Napahilamos siya sa mukha nang bilisan niya ang paggalaw sa ibabaw ko. Ang mga kamay niya ngayon ay gigil na nakapisil sa magkabila kong bewang.

All I could do was to gasp and moan continuously, enjoying the pleasure he was giving me while we’re connected.

Seeing him on top of me, looking so handsome— I couldn’t help but admire him even more. Sobrang gwapo niya na nga, mas sumobra pa tuwing napapamura at napapaungol siya.

“Sikip mo, baby, puta. Sarap mo.” He aggressively caged one of my nipples inside his mouth.

Pabilis nang pabilis ang pagbayo niya sa ibabaw ko, at mas lalo rin akong nababaliw tuwing bumibilis ang ritmo niya. Something inside me was being hit because of how huge he was. Nakakakiliti tuwing natatamaan ’yon, at para akong mawawala sa sarili.

I wiped the tears which came out from my eyes when the pleasure became too overwhelming. Sobrang sarap… Sa sobrang sarap ay hindi ko namamalayang umiiyak na ako.

Siguradong napansin ni Elias kaya agad siyang yumuko para pagmasdan ako. “Umiiyak ka?”

I nodded my head while sobbing.

“Tangina, umiiyak ka kapag kinakantot ka?” natatawa niyang bulong. “Araw-araw kitang paiyakin, gusto mo?”

I shook my head, still moaning from the pleasure that’s now ten times higher compared before. Hindi ko na kaya! Parang may lalabas na naman sa akin!

“Bakit ayaw mo, hmm?” He grabbed my cheeks and claimed my lips. “Why not, baby? You look so pretty, crying like this because of pleasure. Ano, kapag nilalabasan ka, iiyak ka?”

He kept on talking which made the situation hotter.

“Aah, tangina!” Gigil niyang sinagad ang pagkakabaon ng kahabaan niya sa loob ko. Napaangat din ang balakang ko nang wala sa oras dahil sa sarap.

Elias grabbed my cheeks and forced me to open my mouth, which I did. He spat on my tongue and sucked it afterwards.

“You’re such a pretty crier, do you even know that? Everything about you is pretty, Santi. You’re pretty when you cum too. E kung paulit-ulit kitang bayuhin, paulit-ulit ka ring iiyak diyan?” He palmed my length and I immediately exploded because of that.

Nanginginig at umiiyak akong nilabasan habang hawak-hawak niya ang akin. He was just watching me lose my sanity, he looked like he really loved watching my orgasm.

“There, there. I’m so fucking near, baby, I’m fucking cumming.” Halos dilaan niya na ang buong bibig ko dahil sa gigil. Ramdam ko ring mas humihigpit ang yakap niya sa katawan ko, at mas marahas na ang pagbayo niya.

The bed was about to break because of the intensity of his thrusts. Sa laki ng katawan niya, walang-wala ang maliit kong katawan. Nilalamon niya ako nang buong-buo at wala akong magawa kun’di manginig sa ilalim niya.

“You love me, right?”

He intertwined our fingers together, and I immediately nodded my head as an answer to his question.

“Right… I k-know.” Pinagtama niya ang mga mata namin. “You love me so much, right? Baby? You’re always gonna be mine? Ako lang, ’di ba?”

I held both sides of his cheeks and nodded my head again. Hindi ko na kayang sumagot pabalik, pagod na pagod na ako at hingal na hingal.

“That’s fucking right. Ako lang dapat, baby. Ako lang hanggang huli,” bulong niya at muli na naman akong pinanggigilan ng halik.

“Fuck! Shit, I’m cumming. S-Shit!” He buried his face on my neck and thrusted even faster. Hanggang sa maya-maya, bigla siyang nanginig sa ibabaw ko. “Aaah!”

I felt my insides being covered with hot liquid. That must be his cum.

Hindi agad natapos ’yon, ilang segundo siyang nanatili sa ibabaw ko habang nilalabasan pa rin sa loob ko.

His moans were too good not to worship. Samahan pa ng hinihingal niyang paghinga habang yakap-yakap ako.

Handa na sana akong magpahinga at matulog nang maramdaman ko ang biglang paglaki na naman ng kahabaan niya sa loob ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napatingin kay Elias.

What the…

Bakit umuulos na naman siya?

Hindi pa ba… Hindi pa ba kami tapos?

Nasagot lang ang tanong ko nang pabalya niya akong padapain sa kama. He spread my buttcheeks and entered me again without any words, just us exchanging moans.

“We’re not done, baby. The night’s still young. We have all the time to make love,” malaswa niyang bulong sa tenga ko.

Wala sa wisyong napapikit ako nang mariin, dahil parang hindi yata ako makakatulog agad ngayong gabi.

Physical Book

And the long wait is finally over!

I heard your request, my lovies. Since the very start that Tight Lipped was completed, many of you were asking and requesting for a physical book.

Well, guess what?

Tight Lipped’s physical book is coming!

Pre-order starts at October until December . The book is estimated to be released by March, 2027.

For now, we won’t be revealing any other information aside from the possible version to be released. Please take a look at these photos:

(Please do understand that this is a self-publish book so the prices are higher than the standard)

Book Only:

Set 1:

Set 2:

Premium:

Portion of income will be donated to the following sectors:

1. People with Disability
2. People with Special Needs
3. People Suffering from Disorder

For interest check, please fill out this form so Ally can get an estimate of copies needed. (This form is not a pre-order form, this is only for interest check):

Link: https://forms.gle/1Aa9fsf3n5NTTrzC7

If you cannot access the form here, visit Ally’s Facebook profile: Alleona Nieva and the form link can be seen on one of her posts.

Thank you so much, Allies! 💚

Epilogue

Epilogue

Elias

The cycle of life had always been constant for me. It never once changed since the moment I realized that my brain was… different from everyone.

I’ll wake up in the morning, greet my mothers good morning, cuddle with Penelope, do my morning routine, meet my friends, and study.

Tumatakbo ang buhay ko sa iisang linya ng sistema. And somehow, it always ends with one thing I’ve done all my life— studying.

Was I ever bored doing it? Plenty of times. Was it tiring? Physically, it was a torture, but my mind seemed to like it a lot. Kaya hindi ako tumitigil, hanggang may hindi ako nalalamang bago, hindi nakukuntento ang utak ko.

I’ve heard it from my neurologists when my mothers thought I wasn’t paying attention. I remembered them saying that my IQ’s too advanced for a kid. That it’s too much for me to live with in the future.

People like me, in rare cases, will eventually get bored about it— about life. About the same cycle that’s going on with their individual lives. They said it will be soon dangerous for me if I won’t be able to handle what my brain tells me to do.

Kapag paulit-ulit, nakakasawa. Hindi raw dapat kalabanin ang utak, ilang beses nilang sinabi ’yan sa mga magulang ko. Na kailangan kong sundin ang utos ng sarili kong isip, pero kapag nagsawa na raw sa iisang sistema— kailangang agapan.

At first, because I was too young, I didn’t believe that it was possible.

I thought I’ll never get bored with life. I thought studying was all that I could do and it’ll be a lifetime purpose. I didn’t believe my neurologists when they told my mothers that I’d end up not wanting to live once my brain finds out I’ve accomplished something big.

Bakit ko sila paniniwalaan? I became interested with another thing. I began going to gym, spending the rest of my time there whenever I’m done with my readings.

For the first time, I was interested with something else that was not in line with one thing I’ve grown accustomed to.

But then… I began noticing the pattern.

That if all that you can do in life is to study, your physical wellness will be affected. Investing in your mental welfare comes with a price, it’s your physical form.

I realized I was not fond of working out just because I was interested on it alone. I found it fun because my brain needed it, to consume knowledge without sacrificing my physical health.

All this time… my interest with working out was still in line with my brain’s command to keep feeding it with endless information.

It was funny. Because how dare me question a neurologist’s words when they, too, went through hell to get their license? To possess that kind of knowledge?

I started seeing life differently when I realized that they might be right.

The human brain is very powerful. And I’m afraid when the time comes that it realizes life’s becoming boring.

I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t want to lose interest with one thing I swore to protect. But then again… who am I without my intelligence?

“Man! Nice to see you again! Minsan ka na lang namin makita, masyado kang busy.”

Matthew’s a different one compared to the friends I had back in high school. Actually, all of them are different.

The six of them looked carefree when we first met each other on a random day. All of us clicked together, until we began forming into one group without us realizing.

My friends back in high school were also a different breed— they were all study freaks. All we ever did together was to share countless information. If that was even considered a friendship, then I’d say it was too formal.

Hindi katulad ngayon.

“Oh putangina, bobo! Maglalaro ng zombie tapos nakatago sa ilalim ng kama. Maaamoy ka niyan, tanga! Hindi ’yan kapre, kaya kang silipin niyan!”

I grew up in a household surrounded with gentle words. Mama and mom were very formal, softspoken, and I’ve never heard them spitting any profanities.

Kaya bago sa akin, tuwing nagmumurahan sila Matthew sa hide-out namin.

It was a new environment for me, but it was fun, it was exciting. For the first time, I finally began seeing life in a different hue.

I’ve always knew Matthew was smart despite his humor and his actions. Kaya nagtataka ako kung paano niya nagagawang maging ganito kasaya kahit umiikot din ang mundo niya sa pag-aaral.

And between my curiousity, I’ve learned something new about his life.

Why he’s always delighted, why he’s always excited, why he’s always full of life.

“My little brother packed my lunch for me!” nagmamalaking sabi ni Matthew nang magtaka kami kung bakit hindi siya nag-order ng pagkain.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “You have a little brother?”

“Yes! He’s now 18 years old. Kapag nakita n’yo ’yon, sobrang cute no’n!”

He looked so happy talking about his brother that each one of us started asking questions.

“Edi dapat college na siya sa next school year?” Yohan confirmed. “Dito mo papasukin para maalagaan mo!”

“Hindi pa.” Matthew took a bite from his sandwich before waving his hand. “Magge-grade 12 pa lang siya. Na-late siyang pumasok kasi nahirapan siyang mag-aral nung una. I forgot to say as well, my brother’s born with congenital mutism. Hindi siya nakakapagsalita.”

My curiousity grew even more. I’ve never known anyone with mutism, nor encountered one. Ang alam ko lang, sign language ang ginagamit nila para makipag-usap.

Matthew started telling stories about his brother who’s now the center of everyone’s attention. I, too, began dwelling on their relationship.

It was really obvious how close they are, and hos much love Matthew has for his brother based on his stories.

Until his brother started to become part of our day. There was never a day that Matthew didn’t talk about him, he was everywhere— even in my mind.

I wanted to learn more about Matthew’s brother, because just like me… he’s different.

Hanggang sa hindi ko namalayan, kahit labag sa utos ng utak ko— sinimulan kong aralin ang lenggwahe niya.

Saint. That’s the name of Matthew’s brother.

Saint probably didn’t know who the fuck I am, but here I am, studying his language out of mere curiousity.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, nilabag ko ang inuutos ng utak ko. My brain wanted me to study and focus on readings, on constitutional knowledge, but I stood firm on what I want.

Until a little drop of curiousity turned to a whole new challenge for me. It took me two months… two months to learn sign language. I wouldn’t say it was easy, I found it very hard.

But hard was enjoying too. Kailan ba ako huling nahirapan? Kailan ba ako huling naguluhan sa mga impormasyon na nalalaman ko?

Sign language was beautiful. I found it endearing more than spoken language. I loved the way my hands moved, I loved how it conveyed words involving physical form.

I began… I began being interested with something else without my brain telling me to do so. Sign language was not part of my studies, and my brain did everything to hinder me from learning it— but I still did.

Nasira ang isang linya ng sistema kung saan umiikot ang buhay ko. Dahil bigla na lang may maliit na humarang sa kalagitnaan.

The usual cycle of waking up, going to school, hitting the gym, and going home— there was a sudden path added in the middle. And life… suddenly appeared not boring in my eyes.

I waited for almost two years, and within that span, I became expert when it comes to sign language. I studied both ESL and FSL, even other languages too.

I told myself I was prepared for my most awaited time. Matthew said he was bringing his brother to our university, preparing Saint for college. Hinihintay ko talaga ang araw na ’to.

I was so excited meeting the sole reason why I learned a new language. I was so excited to treat him the exact way I was treating Penelope. I was so excited to treat him like a little brother that I could protect.

But…

He sat there, in front of me, and smiled as if life’s full of colors despite his condition. He smiled at me… he smiled at me with the same lips who first betrayed him.

I’ve always thought I was never interested with anyone, and will never be. Ilang ulit akong kinukwestyon nila mama, kung bakit hindi ako nagkakagusto sa iba.

They said that maybe I liked boys rather than girls. And I didn’t believe them at first, because I never fancied any guy in my life too. I’ve never took a liking on anyone.

But for the first time in my whole 23 years of living, I finally knew something about myself. I found out what’s my sexual orientation. I found out that aside from studying, I could feel too.

I can like someone too. I can adore someone as much as this. That I can look at someone with nothing but admiration.

Every single new things I’ve discovered about myself revolved around one person.

And it was him, it was Saint.

The first person I was curious of without seeing him in flesh. The first person who made me study sign language, making me disobey my brain for the first time. The first person I’ve fallen into.

I would’ve considered it as betrayal if only I wasn’t selfish. I knew Matthew would go mad once he finds out that I like his brother. Pero kahit importante ang pagkakaibigan namin, mas mabigat ang importansya ni Santi sa buhay ko.

I never once see him as a brother I’d like to take care of. I’ve always looked at him in a different light, hindi ko alam kung napapansin niya. Yohan and the other guys treated him with the same love Matthew had given him.

But I made sure I was different.

Maybe it was bad, but I didn’t care.

But I made sure I showed Santi that I’ll never be a big brother for him. Hindi ko kayang hanggang doon lang, hindi ko kayang kuya lang.

“[You learned sign language, right?]”

Even the way he communicates with me using sign language was beautiful. Everything about my Santi was beautiful.

His face, his hands, his character, and even his language.

Masama na kung masama. Pero lalo lang akong nakukumbinsi na hinding-hindi ko siya papakawalan. I was so fucking kind back then, letting other people have what I wanted, lending them things I need but putting them first was more important.

But this time, I’m going to be fucking selfish for once.

Santi’s my only non-negotiable.

’Yung sa akin lang, ’yung hinding-hindi ko ipapamigay sa iba.

“[So, you can understand anything that I’ll sign?]”

He tilted his head to the side, looking pretty as ever.

“I would’ve given you a paper and pen if I’m not that confident,” sagot ko sa kaniya, naaaliw dahil parang hinahamon niya ako.

Oh baby… You’ll never know that I learned your language two years ago.

Hindi niya na dapat malaman. He believed I learned it for him just recently. I just wanted him to hold on to that, so it wouldn’t be too embarrassing for me to admit that I was thinking of him all the time, even two years ago.

It was too funny as well that two years ago, I only saw him as a potential brother. Who knew that after two years, I’d look at him as if he’s the only star I see on a night sky?

Tangina… Siguro nga nakakayabang talaga kapag kinain ka ng pride mo. Pero hindi ko mapigilan.

’Yung tabas ng bibig ni Jaden, madalas nakakatawa at walang basehan— ngayon lang nagkaroon.

“Kasi sabi ni Elias mabait sa lahat. ’Yung tipong walang dumi sa ugali o gentleman lang talaga. Parang si…” Dahan-dahang akong nilingon ni Jaden na ikinakunot ng noo ko. “Parang si Elias.”

“Gago! Dadamay mo pa si Elias!” bulyaw ni Denmark.

“Parang lang naman! Kaugali niya, I mean! ’Saka ano ba kayo? Wala namang social media ’yan si Elias, hindi niya makaka-chat si Santi. Kayo, mga utak ninyo, puro malisya.”

My eyes focused somewhere else when I thought of what Jaden said.

Hindi nila alam na gumawa ako ng account para kay Santi, kaya hindi talaga nila iisiping ako ang lalaking nagugustuhan niya.

But he was right, the first description was all me. I’ve never treated anyone bad unless Santi’s involved. Unless it’s a man trying to snatch him away.

Ako ba talaga?

Then it suddenly hit me… Santi likes a man he talks to on a daily basis. And our conversation, everyday, will always start from day until night.

If there’s a specific person he talks to every day, it’s only me.

Fuck.

Does my baby likes me too?

How come I’ve never realized it? How come I’ve never thought the possibility of it happening?

Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, natawag ko ang sarili kong tanga. Kahit labag pa sa utak ko na tanggapin ’yon, pinilit ko lang ipasok. Nakakapanibago pang marinig ang salitang tanga katabi ng pangalan ko.

Pero tangina… Lalo akong natanga nang harap-harapang ipamukha sa akin ni Santi na nagselos siya kay Wynona.

Sa tita ko pa talaga. Sa lahat ng pagseselosan niya, talagang sa kadugo ko.

“Would you rather ruin a friendship or confess your feelings to a friend?”

Of course I had to ask that question first things first. It might sound stupid, but I needed to find a way through his mind.

I wanted to know if he’ll do something about his crush towards me.

Dahil kapag wala siyang balak… ako ang gagawa ng paraan para maangkin ko siya. Wala naman talaga siyang kawala kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba. Kahit si Matthew pa.

“[I’d rather keep the friendship,]”

I knew he’d reply like that, but I was still disappointed.

He never really took a hint about the things I did for him. Kahit harap-harapan ko nang sinabi na wala akong pakealam sa mga babae, hindi pa rin niya naisip na siya ang gusto ko.

At lahat ng pake ko, nasa kaniya.

“But you’ll regret it forever. You’ll keep on liking that person no matter how much you try to deny it, right?”

First time ko rin yatang mangumbinsi ng tao. I was taught to respect other people’s opinion, to respect their answers when I give them a question with two sides. But this time… hindi pwede.

Gusto kong sirain niya lahat ng relasyon na akala niya mero’n sa pagitan namin. Hindi ako kuya, hindi ako kapatid. Tangina, halikan ko pa siya ngayon para malaman niya kung gaano ko siya kagusto.

“I’d rather ruin the frienship if you’re going to ask me, baby. Imagine wanting to kiss someone you can’t kiss? Imagine wanting to have that person all to yourself yet you don’t have the rights? That would be exhausting and frustrating.”

That was my own greed speaking. Hindi ko na dapat nilagyan ng salitang ‘imagine’, kasi ’yan ang mga eksaktong naiisip ko.

Hindi ako papayag na hindi ko siya mahahalikan. Hindi ako papayag na ibang lalaki ang magpapangiti sa kaniya. Hindi ako papayag na hindi ako. Magkamatayan man ’yan.

“Santi, why were you upset that night when I picked up Wynona?”

Finally, I saw the exact emotions I was waiting to see on his face. That question really had its impact on him.

Bigla siyang nag-iwas ng tingin, at parang hindi mapakali sa kinauupuan.

Gustong-gusto ko na siyang halikan dahil parang sasabog ang puso ko sa saya. Nagseselos siya, tangina. Nagseselos ang baby ko. Talagang gusto niya ako.

“Do you have any idea how is Wynona related to me?”

“[Your friend?]”

“No, she’s not.”

This time, he looked even more defeated.

“[Ah, your girlfriend?]”

God… He’s so fucking adorable. I didn’t know what to do with him during that time. Ang sarap niyang panggigilan, ang sarap niyang pugpugin ng halik.

The world’s really unfair for bringing someone like him who looks unremarkably beautiful and cute at the same time. His boyfriend will have a hard time— I will surely have a hard time.

“She’s mama Freya’s sister. She was older than me by only four years, that’s why I don’t address her as auntie. She prefers it that way.”

Mas lumawak pa ang ngiti ko habang nakatitig sa kalsada nang mapansin ang mga nanlalaki niyang mata.

“You thought she was my girlfriend, huh?” I let out a chuckle. “So you didn’t believe me when I told you that I never liked a woman? And never will?”

Maybe he thought I was bluffing when I said that. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kahirap paringgan ang magandang ’to. Akala ko makukuha niya agad ang gusto kong iparating, ’yon pala, akala niya biro lang ang lahat.

But receiving that one random message when the sun’s striking hot… Everything inside me snapped at once.

My baby just messaged me with a confession. And I didn’t know what to do, so I fucked up… I failed one question in the review session.

Every professors and trainers around me seemed surprised that I’ve made a mistake for the very first time. But I didn’t care about their reactions.

Because it felt good. Making mistakes, failing, not being perfect— they all felt good.

I realized I was human too, that I could be human too. I realized I could fuck up too. I realized that life’s only boring when constant success happens on your way.

And with Santi… He’s unpredictable.

“Do you want to find out how I feel about you? Since you’re clueless as hell. Do you have a crush on me or do you like me?”

Nakakunot ang noo niya habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. Hindi pa rin niya siguro naiintindihan kung gaano kalalim ang usapan namin ngayon.

Minsan ang bagal din talaga niyang makaintindi ng pagpaparinig ko. Kaya dapat dito, hinahalikan para matauhan.

“We’ll find out, baby. I’ll knock some sense on you and you’re going to decide whether you want me or not.”

But then again, my baby’s unpredictable.

Bitin na bitin ako nang bigla niya akong itulak at kumaripas siya ng takbo para tumakas. I fixed the eyeglass I was wearing and ran after him.

Nagawa kong harangan ang pintuan nang muntik niya na itong masara. He looked surprised, seeing me and my current state. Which I was aware of. I knew I looked like someone who already lost all remaining patience he had in his body.

Which wasn’t far from the truth.

Hinubad ko ang salamin at nilapag ’yon sa kung saan habang papalapit nang papalapit sa kaniya. Sinadya ko siyang lapitan para diretsyo siya sa kama, sa lagay na ’yan, wala siyang kawala.

He fell on the bed just like how I planned, and I didn’t think twice on doing the first thing I wanted to do since we met.

“God, I fucking love your lips.”

Sarap na sarap ako habang pinanggigilan ang mga makakapal niyang labi. His lips were so full and plump, they felt so soft and good against mine.

Ang bango-bango pa ng hininga niya, ang sarap sipsipin ng dila, ang sarap halikan magdamag.

Sa hindi mabilang na panahon, langit na naman ang pinaranas niya sa akin.

Being with Santi was everything. He made me feel heaven in his arms as we started dating in secret.

I found out more things about him. I knew him even more. He was starting to be transparent when it comes to his feelings. He was even more adorable when we started dating. Mas lalo ko siyang minahal nang maging kami.

When Matthew found out about us, I knew he’d be very mad. Ilang beses niyang kinlaro at pinagdidiinan na bagay kaming magkapatid ni Santi. Puro kuya lang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

E ni isang beses, hindi ko tinuring na kapatid si Santi nang magkita kami. Unang beses pa lang, gusto ko na ngang halikan. Tangina, anong bagay kaming magkuya? Bulag lang ang magsasabi niyan.

But I knew Matthew more than anyone else. I knew he was mad at me. I knew he would resent me for liking Santi beyond the brother level. But I also knew he’s relieved, that it was me.

Si Matthew ang pinaka nakakakilala sa akin. Alam niyang hinding-hindi ko sasaktan ang kapatid niya sa kahit anong paraan.

Hindi ko nga sinaktan, pero tangina— iba naman ang gumawa.

The horror of hearing my baby made a sound for the very first time was supposed to be good memory. We were supposed to be celebrating hearing his beautiful voice after years of him being silent.

But it became a painful memory for me.

Kahit sino mababaliw, lalo na kapag mahal na mahal mo ’yung tao. Nakalimutan ko bigla ang pagod ko sa byahe, nakalimutan kong anim na oras kong tiniis ang flight sa eroplano para makauwi sa kaniya.

Pero pag-uwi ko, ganito ang madadatnan ko.

I could still remember how he looked at us during that night. How his eyes were filled with hope that someone’s finally going to understand him.

’Yung kinakatakot kong mangyari sa panaginip ko, nangyari. At ang pinakanakaka-putangina pa sa lahat, nasa ibang bansa ako habang nahihirapan siya sa harap ng demonyo niyang magulang.

I could never understand why they couldn’t love Santi the way we love him. Everyone adores my baby, everyone willingly learned sign language for them, why can’t they?

They’re his parents. Wasn’t it supposed to be like that? They’re supposed to be the first people supporting and guiding him. The first people who’d learn his language.

The pattern was visible, it was hiding in plain sight.

They were indenial.

They refused to believe that Santi couldn’t speak. They refused to learn his language to force Santi to speak. They refused to pamper him with love so Santi wouldn’t mistake it for tolerance.

They were indenial that Santi needs help. And being indenial as a parent of a child with disability was the most toxic trait a parents could have.

Dahil hinding-hindi nila tatanggapin na iba ang anak nila. Hindi nila kayang harapin ang sasabihin ng iba. They were cowards, and they mistook being indenial for imposing discipline.

My Santi was very brave when both him and Matthew disowned their own parents. I knew that at first, it was a scary place. They must be thinking that people would look at them in a different light— but we’re the ones surrounding them.

People could never ridicule the two of them as long as I’m breathing near them. People could never point their fingers at them, because they only disowned their family in blood— their real family had always been us.

“Hoy, Elias! Panget! Picture na dali!”

Naiiling akong tumayo sa kinauupuan nang marinig ang palahaw ni Matthew mula sa damuhan.

I looked at my baby who was busy drinking his favorite banana milk while caressing Eli’s fur. I unconsciously smiled, finding him adorable. Kailan ba hindi?

“Baby, let’s take a picture?” I called his attention.

Ngumiti siya pabalik at binaba ang banana milk na hawak ’saka tumango-tango. Pinasok niya muna si Eli sa cage nito dahil walang magbabantay sa oras na tumayo kami.

Maingat ko siyang inalalayan patayo bago kami dumiretsyo sa pwesto nila Matthew.

I roamed my eyes around the place for the meantime, satisfied that Matthew chose a perfect picnic location where we can be alone as a group.

Walang ibang tao sa paligid kung ’di kaming magtotropa, at si Santi. The ocean was kilometers away from us but it stood there as a perfect view.

“Picture kayo ni Elias diyan.”

Malambing ko siyang hinila sa bewang para tumingin sa camera ni Jaden. Santi leaned towards me that made me smile in delight.

Hindi na sila natapos at nakuntento kakakuha ng litrato sa aming dalawa.

“[What’s taking you guys so long?]” medyo inis nang tanong ni Santi sa kanilang anim.

He began marching towards them to see our photos, but I didn’t follow him. I stepped forward for only a couple of steps before kneeling behind him, holding the box that holds the most priceless thing I’ve ever bought.

“Santi, baby. Tingin ka sa likod mo, may shooting star!”

Gagong Matthew talaga.

Santi was expecting to see a shooting star when he looked behind him, but instead— he saw his boyfriend of four years kneeling on one knee, holding a ring.

He covered his mouth in surprise. He was probably not anticipating this to happen in a random day.

Pero hindi ko na kayang patagalin, pangarap ko lang dati na pakasalan siya at bumuo kami ng pamilyang dalawa. Pero hindi ko ginawa, dahil alam kong kailangan pa naming tapusin lahat ng responsibilidad sa pag-aaral.

But what’s stopping us right now? He finally graduated, and I’m finally a lawyer.

“Baby, I’ve always wanted to marry you and it was only a dream back then. I’ve always imagined forming a family with you and living our lives to the fullest, together.”

He began tearing up which didn’t calm me down at all. I began trembling because all I ever wanted to do that time was to hug him.

“I promise you that I’ll only give you the love you deserve, baby. I’ll be the best husband you could ever ask for… if you’d let me. So, baby… Will you marry me?”

I wasn’t expecting him to charge towards me and kiss me in front of our friends. I was utterly shocked, but I still ended up smiling between our kiss.

“[Of course I will! Ikaw na ’yan!]” umiiyak niyang senyas na ikinatawa naming lahat magkakaibigan.

I stood up and kissed him on the forehead. Nanginginig pa ang mga kamay ko habang sinusuot sa kaniya ang singsing. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na pumayag siya, na ikakasal kami.

“Mabuhay ang bagong engaged!”

We both laughed together when our friends screamed in celebration.

It was nostalgic, and the most beautiful memory I’d hold on to. Us, being one step away from being married, in front of our friends who were very dear to us.

I’ve always believed life will be soon boring for me. I’ve always thought I had no ability to love someone beyond familial matter.

But it only took one person to change the whole trajectory of my life.

And I’d bow to protect this moment until the very end. I’d bow to protect Santi forever and his happiness.

After all, he’s the sole reason why I didn’t let my brain take over. He’s the sole reason why the same system I’ve lived with was suddenly interrupted with his appearance. He’s the sole reason why I was the man I am today.

And the sole reason why I viewed life between hues.

END.

—

Special Chapter’s up next!

Thank you so much for reading Tight Lipped until the very end, miloves 🥺

Thank you for the endless support I’ve received ever since last month. Thank you for leaving multiple comments, for always anticipating my updates, for loving Tight Lipped as much as I love it.

I love you all so much, and I will never get tired saying thank you to everyone. Maraming salamat po 🥺

See you in next installment! Unique and Donovan’s story will be published and updated starting tomorrow! Title’s “ Chaotic Contrast ”. See you in the next hue! ❤

Special Chapter

Tight Lipped SC

Saint

“Sir Santi? Kanina pa po umiiyak si Navi. Sinubukan po naming makipaglaro, pero umiiyak pa rin po siya.”

I quickly withdrew my eyes from my laptop when one of our helpers called my attention. Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Navi na karga-karga niya, malakas na umiiyak.

“[Akin na po siya.]”

I carefully took my daughter from her arms. Navi cried even more when she saw me, as if she wanted to say something that only I would understand.

“[Thank you po. Ako na po bahala kay Navi.]” Matamis kong nginitian si ate Mara habang yakap-yakap si Navi.

“Sige po, sir. Maiwan ko muna po kayo.”

I carefully put Navi on the sofa, kneeling on the carpet to level my face with hers.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya umiiyak, at mas lumakas pa nga ngayon. Inaabot niya rin ang mga kamay ko na parang may gustong hingiin o isumbong.

I wanted to ask her what was happening, I wanted to ask her what should I do to stop her from crying. But I remembered that I couldn’t, and it made me panic internally.

Navi’s only about to be two, she wouldn’t understand sign language yet. And she’s still a baby, she could only mumble what she wanted when asked.

Natataranta ang mga kamay ko habang pilit siyang pinapatahan gamit ang mararahan kong haplos. Pero sa bawat haplos ko, mas lalong lumalala ang iyak niya.

I didn’t know what to do, I had no means of asking her, of talking to her.

“Pa, pa. Up pa…” She managed to mumble a couple of words, but I still couldn’t understand it.

I could feel my own hands shaking from the pressure of wanting to help her, from the disappointment I have for myself for not being able to cater to her needs.

“What does our little Navi wants?”

A hope flickered in my eyes when I heard Elias’ voice from behind. Ngumiti siya sa amin ni Navi pagkatapos isarado ang pintuan. Bitbit niya pa ang briefcase niya habang naglalakad palapit sa amin.

My husband carefully kneeled beside me, carressing the back of my head before focusing on our daughter.

“What does our Navi wants?”

“Up…”

“What is it?” Nilapit ng asawa ko ang mukha sa anak namin at nakangiti itong hinaplos sa pisngi.

Navi pointed her finger on the ceiling. “Up up.”

“Alright! Up up for Navi!”

Maingat akong inalalayan ng asawa ko patayo, habang ang isa niyang braso ay binuhat si Navi.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin habang pinapanood silang dalawa. Tumahan na ang anak namin at humihikbi na lamang na nakahilig sa asawa ko.

Elias was holding me using his free hand. He carefully dragged his thumb back and forth on my skin, as if he was trying to comfort me.

So… Navi just wanted to be carried? Is that what she was asking me to do earlier?

“Are you alright, baby?” Elias asked when his eyes landed at me.

Mapait akong ngumiti sa kaniya at tumango. “[Thank you.]”

Hindi siya sumagot, sa halip ay sinenyasan niya ang isa pa naming helper sa bahay. Saglit niyang binitawan ang kamay ko para mabuhat niya nang maayos si Navi at maharap sa kaniya.

“Navi, Daddy and Papa need to talk. Is it okay if you can play with ate Janice for a while?”

Navi gave us her cute smile before nodding her head. She came closer to Elias to give him a kiss on the cheek and also reached out for me. Nakangiti naman akong lumapit sa anak ko na matamis din akong binigyan ng halik sa pisngi.

“Priti papa.” She giggled and poked my cheek before planting another kiss.

“That’s unfair. Papa gets two kisses and I only get one?” nakangusong sabi ni Elias sa anak namin na ikinatawa ko.

Navi playfully laughed but later on gave him a second kiss. ’Saka lang nagpabuhat si Navi sa isa pang helper nang magpaalam na siya sa amin.

I didn’t know why Elias wanted to speak with me alone. Did I do something wrong? Was it because I wasn’t able to stop Navi from crying?

The moment we stepped inside our bedroom, he immediately pulled me towards our bed. He carefully made me sit, his eyes exposing the worry he’s been carrying since earlier.

“Are you okay, baby? Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Napalunok ako habang nakatitig sa mga mata niyang halata ang pagod, pero mas lamang ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niya.

I didn’t understand what he meant with his question. I was just wondering why he’s the one asking me if I was fine, when it’s clear as day that he’s the one who just came home from work.

“[I’m okay—]”

“You know that it’s okay, right? It’s perfectly fine if you need help when it comes to Navi.”

Ah. So, he meant that.

I didn’t know he was going to notice the panic and the disappointment in my eyes earlier when I couldn’t even ask Navi what’s wrong.

Na ang dali-dali lang naman para sa magulang na patahanin ang sariling anak, pero hindi ko pa magawa. Na ang dali-dali naman para sa isang magulang na maintindihan ang anak, pero ang hirap-hirap pagdating sa akin.

“Baby, I’m so proud of you.” My husband planted a soft kiss against my forehead. “Do you have any idea how brave you are? Being a parent despite your condition’s a very hard task, but you’re still doing a great job.”

Tears started to form in my eyes. “[How am I doing a great job when I couldn’t even ask her what she wants? If anything, I’m a bad parent.]”

Nakangiti niyang tinaas ang kilay. “Do you think Navi hates you?”

Mabilis kong iniling ang ulo. “[No. I always get two kisses from her. Sa ’yo isa lang!]”

Natawa siya at gigil na hinalikan ang pisngi ko. “If Navi loves you that much, how dare you call yourself a bad parent? If Navi always seeks for your comfort, how is it a failed job?”

Dinirekta ko ang paningin sa sahig para lang maiwasang mapatingin sa mga mata niya. Hindi ko kayang salubungin ang mga mata ni Elias lalo na kapag ganito siya magsalita.

Sa tuwing minamaliit ko ang sarili ko, lagi na lang siyang may sagot. Lagi niya na lang akong pinupuri.

“My adorable husband’s doing his best, who dares call him a bad parent?”

I buried my face on his chest when a series of tears started pouring down from my eyes. I tightened my arms around him, letting out all the frustration I felt earlier towards myself.

We’ve been married for two years already, but nothing changed when it comes to how he treats me. If anything, he became even more attentive when it comes to my unspoken thoughts.

Kahit meron na kaming Navi, para kay Elias, ako pa rin ang lagi niyang inuuna. Sobrang importante para sa kaniya na lagi niya akong nauunawaan dapat. Na lahat ng hindi ko masabi, gusto niyang maintindihan.

I didn’t even know what I did so great in my past life to deserve this life that I have right now, to deserve Elias.

“I love you so much, baby.” Maingat niyang pinatakan ng halik ang ulo ko. “And you’re doing such a great job, baby. Thank you for taking care of Navi, thank you for being the best partner, thank you for being you.”

I wish I could speak so I could say the exact words to him as well. He also deserved to hear such compliments, because I don’t think anyone could surpass the love Elias could give.

—

I excitedly ran towards my older brother the moment he stepped inside our house.

I threw myself to him to give him a warm hug. He laughed when he managed to catch me. Nilagay niya muna sa gilid niya ang mga bitbit na sigurado akong pasalubong para kay Navi.

“Ang tanda-tanda na, masyado pa ring pa-baby!” pabiro niyang saway habang yakap ako.

I stomped my feet on the ground while hugging him. I put a distance between us for a while to sign. “[It’s because I miss you! Two weeks ago pa kita nakita!]”

“Wow, ha? Ang tagal ng two weeks. Pasensya ka na kung kailangan mo akong makita lagi, ha?” sarkastiko niyang sabi habang kung anu-anong ekspresyon ang ginagawa sa panget niyang mukha.

Inis ko siyang hinampas sa braso na mabilis niyang inilagan. Kaya kinurot ko na lang siya sa bewang para makaganti man lang.

“Oh, nananakit na naman! Elias! ’Yung asawa mo—”

“[Shh! ’Wag mo ako isumbong! Ang ingay ng bibig mo!]” Gigil ko siyang siniko habang pilit na inaabot ang bibig niya para matakpan.

Kung hindi lang ako maliit, malamang nalagyan ko na ng busal ang mouth niya. Kainis, e! Sobrang ingay!

Nagluluto pa naman si Elias sa kusina kasama si Navi. Baka mamaya akalain pa ng asawa ko, kung ano nang nangyayari sa akin.

“[Where’s the other kuyas? Akala ko pupunta rin sila?]” I asked, changing the topic so he’d shut his mouth.

“Nakasunod ’yon kanina. May dinaanan lang sila saglit, may pina-customized yatang cake para kay Navi.”

Kuya Matthew began making his way inside our house, carrying multiple boxes of dolls and toys for girls. Hindi na rin ako nagtaka, tuwing bibisita si kuya ay ganiyan naman lagi. Puro laruan ang dala niya para kay Navi, at ’yung ibang stuffed toys- para sa akin. Of course, I’ll always be my kuya’s first baby!

“Saan ’yung asawa mong panget?”

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin nang marinig ang tinawag niya kay Elias. “[My husband is not ugly!]”

“Sige, si Navi na la—”

Hinampas ko na naman siya sa braso. “[Mas lalong hindi ang anak ko!]”

“Nye nye nye.” Minukhaan niya na naman ako. Nakakairita talaga!

Inunahan ko siyang maglakad at dumiretsyo sa kusina namin kung nasaan ang mag-ama ko. Ang kaninang naiinis kong ekspresyon, biglang napalitan ng ngiti nang makita sila.

Navi was sitting on her high chair while munching on the soft snacks that my husband probably gave her. Pumapalakpak pa siya sa sarap ng kinakain.

Si Elias naman, hindi kami nakita ni kuya Matthew dahil nakatalikod siya sa amin habang abalang magluto.

Isn’t my husband perfect? He knows how to do everything! Maliban sa manalo sa claw machine.

“Ang bango, ah! Elias, man!”

My husband finally glanced at us when he heard kuya Matthew’s annoying loud voice. He quickly adjusted the heat to a low setting and removed the apron on his body.

Nakangiti niyang nilapitan ang kapatid ko. “Puro laruan na naman, ha?”

Ngingising tinaas ni kuya Matt ang mga bitbit. “Syempre! Para sa dalawa kong baby! Nga pala, alam kong busy kang abogado- pero gusto mo bang mag-part time na cook sa resto ko? Baka lang naman. Kung maisipan mo na kulang pa ’yung thrill sa buhay mo—”

“Punta ka na kay Navi para manahimik ka na.”

I laughed when Elias cut him off before kuya Matt could even continue what he was about to say. Ang daldal kasi, e!

“Nagbabaka sakali lang, e. Iwan mo na ’yang kapatid ko, wala naman ’yang alam gawin sa bahay. Kapag nagluto, pancit canton lang alam gawin. Overcooked pa!”

I removed my indoor slipper from my left foot and used it to hit kuya Matthew on the back. Tatawa-tawa pa siyang lumayo sa akin.

Kung hindi lang ako napigilan ni Elias, hinabol ko na ng walang katapusang hampas ang kuya ko.

“It’s okay, he’s my baby.” I blushed when Elias kissed my cheek in front of my brother. “Inasawa ko nga ’to para buhay prinsesa, tapos paglulutuin ko?”

“Tamis, hanep! Navi hindi ka ba nilalanggam sa mga magulang mo?”

I stuck my tongue out to tease kuya Matthew who just rolled his eyes at me. Palibhasa walang jowa hanggang ngayon! Treta na’t lahat-lahat, e!

O kung m’eron man… baka hindi lang niya sinasabi sa amin?

“Hi, Navi! Nandito na ang paborito mong mascot.” Kuya Matthew carried Navi out of her high chair. “Happy birthday, Navi!”

Humahagikhik namang yumakap sa kaniya ang anak ko, may amos pa sa bibig pero tumatawa pa ring hinalikan si kuya Matthew sa pisngi.

Natawa na lang ako nang makita ang paglukot ng mukha ni kuya Matt, diring-diri sa lagkit ng pagkain na napasa ni Navi sa kaniya. E, ginusto niya ’yan, e! Bahala siya!

“Baby, I think the boys are here. Should I get them?”

I shook my head as an answer to my husband’s questions. “[I’ll do it! Just focus on cooking.]”

Namula ang mga pisngi niya at napangiti nang malambing ko siyang haplusin at halikan sa pisngi.

Ang bilis talaga niyang mamula kapag ako ang nanlalambing. Kalaki-laking tao, ganyan.

Hinayaan ko muna sila ni kuya Matthew sa kusina at excited pang tumakbo pabalik sa pintuan. I could also hear the doorbell ringing and I immediately knew it’s them!

“Baby Santi!”

Humahagikhik akong napaatras nang salubungin nila ako ng yakap. ’Yung mga bitbit nilang regalo o iba pang gamit, pinaghahagis nila sa lapag para lang mayakap ako. Kulang na lang, pati ’yung cake na bitbit ni kuya Yohan, ihagis din nila.

“[Hello, mga kuya!]” nakangiti kong bati sa kanila.

“We miss you, baby!” Madramang nagpunas ng pekeng luha si kuya Denmark. “Last na nakabisita kami rito, kahapon—”

“Ay, tanga,” sabi ni kuya Jaden pagkatapos siyang batukan. “Last three months pa, tanga talaga.”

“Kayo ’yon!” gigil na singhal ni kuya Denmark sa kaniya. “Eh sa nandito ako kahapon, e! ’Di ba, baby Santi? Napadaan ako kaya dumalaw ako!”

Lumingon sa akin ang apat kaya mabilis naman akong tumango para suportahan ang sinabi ni kuya Denmark. Totoo naman talagang nauna siyang bumisita kasi may binigay siyang pagkain kahapon.

“Gago ka, hindi mo kami sinabihan! Fake friend, amputa!”

At pinagsusuntok na nila si kuya Denmark.

Kahit kailan talaga… wala silang pinagbago. ’Yung mga kuya na nakilala ko noong college ako, gano’n na gano’n pa rin sila! They even have their own wives and children but they’re still the same kuyas I knew.

Sabagay, si kuya Matthew nga stupid pa rin, e.

“Baby, ’lika na!” aya ni kuya Lukas sa akin.

Isa-isa rin nilang pinagpupulot ang mga bitbit nila na nasa sahig at lulukso-lukso pa silang nauna sa akin papunta sa kusina.

Our house that used to be silent was once again filled with their loud voices.

Parang sampung taon silang hindi nagkita-kita noong makita nila ang isa’t isa. Nangingibabaw ang boses ni kuya Matthew na bitbit pa rin si Navi.

“It’s been three months, my bros!” palahaw ni kuya Tanner.

“Ang papanget n’yo pa rin!” sabi naman ni kuya Yohan.

“Elias, bossing!” Sunod-sunod na lumapit silang lima sa asawa ko para makipagkamayan.

Nakangiti ko lang silang pinapanood dahil natutuwa ako sa ngiti ng asawa ko. Halatang masaya siya na nakita niya ulit sila kuya Lukas.

It’s been three months for me, but it’s been four months for him. Noong nakaraang tatlong buwan, na saktong bumisita sila kuya Denmark, wala siya rito dahil saktong may hearing siya.

I knew he was also excited about meeting them again, considering that his life now revolves mainly on cases he had to win. His friends would always be his safe place after all, aside from me and Navi!

“Navi Navi!”

Para silang mga sisiw habang papalapit sa anak ko na hindi na magkamayaw sa paghagikhik. Navi was trying to hide herself using kuya Matthew’s face, pero kalaunan ay tatawa rin nang malakas kapag nahuhuli siya ng mga kuya.

“I’ll prepare the dishes first, baby.”

“[I’ll help you!]” presinta ko sa asawa ko nang makita siyang papaalis na sana.

“It’s okay. I’ll have them help me. Just sit here, looking all pretty.” Malandi na naman niyang hinalikan ang pisngi ko pagkatapos bumulong.

Pagkaangat namin ng tingin, ang sama na naman ng tingin ng lima sa kaniya.

“Ano? Mag-asawa na kami’t lahat-lahat, tigilan n’yo akong mga hayop kayo,” gigil na sabi sa kanila ni Elias.

Kanina pa ako tawa nang tawa dahil sa kanila. There’s never a dull moment with them. Kaya gustong-gusto ko lagi kapag bumibisita sila kuya Yohan dito, ang ingay-ingay ng bahay.

“Hindi niya talaga deserve si baby Santi, nagiging bayolente na siya,” nang-aasar na bulong ni kuya Lukas.

“Naririnig kita, Lukas.”

“Sorry, boss! Aye aye!” Tuwid na tumayo si kuya Lukas at sumaludo pa. “Nasaan na ang mga pagkain? Ilatag na ’yan!”

I silently watched them as they followed my husband towards the second kitchen inside.

Kaya sinadya rin naming paunahin sila, mamaya pa ang dating nila tita Freya at tita Lilienne, dahil alam namin ni Elias na puro ingay lang ang gagawin nila kuya Jaden.

At tama nga kami.

“Woah! Chef and lawyer at the same time? Napakasarap!” Rinig kong sigawan nila mula sa loob. Puntirya na naman ng asaran ang asawa ko.

Napailing na lang ako bago bumaba ang tingin sa cellphone nang umilaw ang screen.

Oh! A notification from Unique! My favorite!

Nakangiti kong binuksan ang message na sinend niya. Hindi pala message, video.

I covered my mouth in surprise when I played the video, and it showed him wearing his Task Force uniform while there was an obvious battle happening behind him.

“Hello, Santi?!” sigaw niya sa video. “Hindi ako makakapunta, pasensya na! Napasabak! Susubukan kong humabol sa gabi, promise! Pakisabi kay Navi, happy birthday at may regalo ako sa kaniyang doll house! Kasya buong pamilya n’yo— Ah puta!”

Saglit siyang nawala sa frame ng video at narinig ko na lang na sunod-sunod siyang nagpaputok ng baril.

Did he really film this in the middle of a mission?!

Bumalik ulit siya sa frame at ngumiti pa pagkatapos ayusin ang helmet. “Huwag kang mag-alala! Kami mananalo rito. Tumba na lahat sa kabila, kami kumpleto pa! Baka super team ’to! Anyway, happy birthday kay Navi!”

The video ended and I finally had a chance to breathe properly. I was anxious all through out the video! Kinakabahan ako na baka biglang kung anong may mangyari sa kaniya.

But at the same time, this is the reason why Unique is my favorite. It was so normal for him to do bizarre things like these!

“Yehey, kakain na!”

Pinatay ko ang cellphone nang bumalik sila kuya Yohan, may mga kanya-kanyang bitbit na serving containers.

Some of the dishes were food they brought, and most of the dishes were foods that my husband cooked himself.

Tumabi sa akin si Elias at matamis akong nginitian. Inalalayan ko naman si Navi pabalik sa high chair nang subukan siyang iupo ni kuya Matthew.

I pinched Navi’s cute chin and made our noses touch. She made a cute sound as she grabbed both sides of my cheeks to pinch them.

“Priti papa!”

Navi began using those words a lot of times. Sabi ni Elias, ’yon na raw ang paboritong sabihin ni Navi. Paanong hindi? Lagi niyang naririnig kay Elias ang salitang “pretty” kapag pinupuri ako ng asawa ko.

“Oh, teka lang!” Hinampas ni kuya Matthew ang kamay ni kuya Yohan na inaabot na ang sandok ng palabok.

“Pray muna, Yohan!” sulsol ng apat.

“Nagpapakilala ka sa palabok, ha,” dagdag pa ni kuya Matthew na mas lalo kong ikinatawa.

“Bilisan na kasi! Ang daming introduction!”

“Pray muna. Linisin n’yo naman mga kaluluwa ninyo saglit.”

Kuya Matthew stood up and looked at Navi. “Happy 2nd birthday to the first baby in our squad! Stay pretty, our baby Navi!”

“Happy birthday, baby Navi!” sabay-sabay na bati ng mga iba ko pang kuya.

I smiled as I watched them shut their eyes to do their own prayers silently.

Pinikit ko rin ang mga mata para magdasal.

My prayer was not for myself. It was all about them.

I prayed that Elias would never get tired of loving me. I prayed that he’d always win defending innocent people and serving justice to them.

I prayed that Navi would grow up as a healthy baby girl, I prayed that Navi would grow up- treating everyone around her with kindness.

I prayed that kuya Matthew would stay healthy and would form his family soon. I prayed that my other kuyas would never lose their smiles, and I also prayed for the safety of their families.

They said prayers are too powerful when multiple people pray for the same thing.

But I don’t believe that. I believe a prayer’s too powerful, despite only one person saying it, if it becomes repetitive.

Because the same prayers I had in my mind right now, those were the same prayers I always pray for- every single day.

And I would never trade anything for my love ones happiness. I would always pray for them, I would always wish for their happiness.

They’re the same people who saved me when I thought life was too unfair. Pero pinaranas nila sa akin ang pagmamahal na hinding-hindi ko makukuha sa iba. Pinaranas nila sa akin na hindi lang sa iisang kulay umiikot ang mundo.

Ang dami palang kulay ng pag-ibig. Hindi lang pala pula. Hindi lang din dilaw ang presentasyon ng kasiyahan. Love and happiness can always be represented by multiple colors. And the love that I received from them was bigger than the distance between two ends of a rainbow.

And with them, love can always be found between hues.

—

Hi, my Allies! Are you interested joining our group page on Facebook? (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Kahit sampu, labing lima, o bente lang tayo doon— super happy ko na niyan! I also wanted to interact more with all of you outside Wattpad. Kaya if interested kayooo, you can join using the link below or search the group name manually on Facebook, hehe.

Group page link: facebook.com/groups/betweenhues Group Name: Allies 🌻 (Between Hues Series)