Under the Roaring Thunders

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.

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This story will progress once BTBS is finally completed. Thank you.

Prologue

Touchdown

“How much is the bet?” I asked.

“Five hundred bucks…”

My jaw dropped. That low? “Fucking cheap. I’m using my mom’s car, and if I lost, for sure that price isn’t enough to bail me out…” Or worst, to fund my funeral once my mom found out about this.

He tapped my shoulder with a grin on his stupid face. “Come on. Show em what you got. We’ll stop after one track.”

Geez.

My life under my mother’s watch has always been this wild. I got friends here, the bad influence as what mom calls ‘em because of their fondness of weeds. I always told her that I wasn’t into it. My friends’ shit has nothing to do with me, but my mom thinks I am just like them, or I would end up in jail because of them.

She’s paranoid. My own obsession here was just cars, especially in the circuit or drag races, football, and whews…

“Tyler!” The girls greeted me as soon as I showed up with mom’s car wearing my Ferrari jacket.

I smirked and nodded. I parked my car alongside others, waiting for the game. Though we all know this is a friendly one, once money is involved, I don’t take it as a joke. I’m gonna bring home the bacon no matter what.

Lumabas ako para pag-usapan ang bet. I don’t wanna settle on five hundred bucks. If my mom would scold me for using her car on the circuit, at least I would get something good here. I am not risking my life for nothing.

“It’s cheap. Double it. Say…a grand,” I offered.

“This is a friendly game, man,” one of the thick-faced assholes who’s too broke to even agree.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “Pussy…”

Siniko ako ni Peter, ang kaibigan kong British. I’ve seen the sudden change of their expressions. Mukhang nayabangan sa akin.

“Fine, a thousand bucks,” and they seemed too challenged.

Hell yeah! This is what I’m talking about!

The place was filled with girls and boys, just some common friends and those from the neighbors who knew us, as they were now cheering for us five. The three looked constipated on my offer, while Jason, the monkey who always thinks he would win everything, shows he wasn’t even scared with the bet, looked so confident. Hah. Let’s see.

“Bro, we’re fucked. The last time he joined, he got Bruno’s car. He’s good at racing.” I heard their murmurs while I stopped in front of the girls and talked to them a bit to entertain myself.

Well, that’s true. I got Bruno’s flashy car last year for a month and used it as a business for rentals. When he got it back, I earned a thousand dollars at least. Easy money.

When the race started, I knew they were desperate to put me in my place for being this competitive, but I always give my best shot. I looked at the side mirror, maneuvered the steering wheel for a drift, and swiftly overtook the two cars. I whistled and chuckled when I looked up in the mirror to see them chasing after me.

My mother’s car is the red Toyota GR Supra while most of my opponent’s cars were ponys. Well…

“Goddamn it!” One of them curses after the game when they saw me on the finish line sitting on the head of my car, smoking. I won.

“I fucking told you he would win!” One of them slammed his door and pointed at Jason.

I showed my palm. “A bet is a bet.”

Si Jason ang lumapit sa akin, tumayo sa maangas na paraan. I remained sitting while he towered me a bit since he’s six foot two. Inilabas niya ang pera sa bulsa, gumagalaw ang panga at marahas na isinampal sa palad ko ang pera.

I knew I pissed them off. But, oh well, money is money.

Jason has always been a dirty player. I was expecting he would use it earlier, but…he got another plan on his sleeves as soon as I won.

Unknown:

This is your girl, right? Oh, she really learned from the best, huh. She rides fast too. Haha

Rebecca…my current girlfriend, was naked in someone’s bed. It’s Jason—the asshole.

I replied immediately.

Tyler:

Wrong chic. My current was actually your sister. Thank god she wasn’t a slow rider like you. Haha :p

My mother has always been so good at comebacks that I got some of her attitude. Being this savage runs in the blood.

I also forwarded the picture to Rebecca.

Nice :)

And blocked her.

Fucking cheater. Binuksan ko agad ang Instagram ko para makapag story. Hah. I put a caption on my topless mirror shot in my room to at least show Rebecca I’m not even sulking. She thinks this would kill me? I dodged a bullet! I should celebrate!

House party tonight. Come over ;)

“Finally! The fucker is free!” The motherfuckers screamed as soon as I opened the front door of our house for the party I just threw out of nowhere.

The music was already blasting all over the house at exactly 10 PM. I am confident enough to throw a party since my mom isn’t home yet. She was on business travel, and she’s not gonna be home for a week.

“She cheated? Bro, we told you that girl is a hoe! You should have listened!” Darren, one of my friends, screamed it in my face.

“No need to feel bad! Have one and get over it!” Yup, Jared. That’s what I’m planning.

Instead of voicing it out, I only shrugged while smirking with the girls in their fit dresses smiling at me giddily as I stood on the side of the door, looking at them with my wide smile. Man…

“Hi, Tyler. We heard the news. It’s a shame that happened…” Jennie, the hottest girlie in the neighborhood, stopped in front of me.

“Yah. I kinda regret I didn’t went for you instead…” I was so distracted that my eyes slightly dropped on her glossy lips as I leaned against the door, almost melting under her intense beauty.

She giggled a little, and even her friends started teasing us. Another car just parked in the backyard, at nakilala ko agad ang isa sa mga kaibigan ni Rebecca, si Kiara.

Jennie glanced at the newly arrived group of girls who looked at us. Everyone knew that Rebecca was my current girlfriend, and posting something on my Instagram probably gave them an idea that I broke up with her right away.

Ayaw kong magparinig. But I won’t silently let it slide. I would always think of some ways to get back on how they hurt me.

Jennie looked at me, raised her brow, and looked at my lips.

“You know what, Tyler…” she grabbed my nape and leaned closer to me.

Of course. I know what she wants. So I grabbed her waist, crashed my lips on hers, and kissed her thoroughly. The crowd then cheered for us while I could sense that Kiara was taking a video. So I side-eyed her, kissed Jennie even more, and smirked cockily while looking at the camera. You better take that video clearly and show it to your fucking friend so she would not assume that I am miserable.

I was just trying to tease my ex, and so did Jennie earlier, who probably empathized with me, but an hour later, after our continuous glances in the middle of the house party, I already found her on top of me in my room.

She was already grinding, and I was already taking off her dress. Her kisses were so thirsty that I was too turned on to even consider anything while the full blast music in the house was mingling with my heavy breaths and Jennie’s moans.

“I want you,” I whispered while rocking her, my crotch grinding against the thin fabric of her underwear.

“Yeah? Then date me after this…”

“Anything you want…” I whispered in her lips and kissed her thoroughly.

She was too loud every second until I slowly noticed that the whole house was silenced. I stopped kissing and rocking her while she continuously kissed my jaw.

“Wait, Jen…” I tilted my head while her kisses were already on my neck.

The tapping of the stilleto in our marble floor gave me goosebumps that I stood up. Oh hell no…

“What the fuck?” Jennie looked at me unbelievably after I clumsily dropped her on my bed.

“My mom is here. Shit!” I alerted her.

One thing about my mom, I knew her presence so well when she’s already in the house. At sa katahimikan, alam kong dumating si Mommy kaya parang multong may dumaan para katakutan siya. She exudes an intimidating presence that makes her stand out in a crowd…or could silence everyone. Just like now.

“Why? What’s up? It’s just your mom. She’s cool, right?”

“Yeah. Cool enough to freeze us both to death.”

Her smile vanished. Tumayo siya, medyo natarantang inayos ang damit habang kumuha lang ako ng t-shirt at nagmamadaling binuksan ang pinto ng kuwarto. Before I could even step out, my mom in her corporate attire, sleek ponytail hair—siren eyes coldly looking at me while crossing her arms—I knew I fucked up. Uh-oh.

“Mom…” I smiled and scratched my back. “You’re home…”

Jennie, who’s hiding behind my back, slightly tilted her head to see her. My mom side-eyed her and raised her brow judgingly.

“I’ll text you later,” I whispered to Jennie, who was too shy to even look at my mom.

My mom’s silence while looking at Jennie made me nervous.

“Party’s over, kids,” my mother announced, which made some of my friends groan out of frustration while walking to the door.

“Clean your mess and let’s talk afterwards,” she said warningly before disappearing.

Bumaba agad ako. My friends were still in the living room with their silent grins. I laughed quietly and threw the soft pillow to hush them.

“Your mom is hot. Very Latina,” they whispered that I needed to pick up the vase just to shoo them away.

“Such a pity you didn’t end up being a girl. You could have used your mom’s genes…” James teased.

“Screw you, James.” I showed my middle finger. Fucking creeps.

“Bye Tyler,” si Jennie na dumaan sa gilid ko at hinaplos ang braso ko.

“Later, angel.” I smacked her butt and winked while she was glancing at me with those seductive smiles of hers. God. She’s such a goddess. I should date her. Besides, I’m freaking single.

I smiled while cleaning the mess and Mom is seriously watching me. No wonder Dad doesn’t want her around…

“Pack your things too,” she added, which made my brows knit.

“What do you mean, mom?”

“Your father wants you to continue your studies in the Philippines…”

What? I thought they already settled it that I’m gonna be here for good?

I sluggishly threw myself on the sofa and frowned. “What am I? A garbage you can easily throw in the Philippines?”

“Then stop acting like one,” she answered strictly.

I rolled my eyes and rested my head against the headboard of the sofa.

“I feel like I’m adopted. You don’t love me…” I whined.

“You are not gonna be my son if I am given a chance to choose one, Tyler.” She tapped my cheek and smirked in a cold expression.

My jaw dropped. She roasted me without blinking! As what I said, my mom is a terror—a badass. And when I say she’s a badass, her words always put me in my place.

“This will be the last headache this summer, Tyler. You’re almost eighteen. May I remind you that you are an heir of your father. You are the only child in our family…” She looked at me critically.

Blah blah blah. I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh.

“Mom, I said I’m not interested on the family business. I want something else.”

Her thick brow shot up. “And what is it?”

I put my hands against the back of my head and looked at our extravagant ceiling.

“Let me figure it out on my own, alright? I’m just seventeen.”

I was pretty dramatic for an hour, but when she found out I used her supra in the circuit, I packed all of my things and looked forward to the new life I will have in the Philippines. I knew it. The bet is not enough to even save me from my mom’s rage.

She was cool sometimes. She wasn’t that strict. I mean, I could still do the things I wanted. Her parenting wasn’t the violent type, but she would make sure that I would regret my decisions in life once I reached her limit. And this is it. I’m gonna rot somewhere far from my hometown.

‘A freshly delivered garbage straight from the US just touchdown in the Philippines.’ I put it as a caption in my Instagram together with my photo at the airport in Manila while waiting for someone to pick me up.

“Hello! Ikaw si…Tyler? I’m your father’s uh… work… me… in your father…” A man in his early fourties waved his hand at me.

I took my airpods out of my ear as I curiously looked at him. “Yes?”

“Cervando! Your father!” He looked stressed while composing words.

“Oh yeah… My dad.” I nodded as I noticed the Spanish features in his face.

“Yes! Yes! Your dad is my dad! I mean, your dad…is my boss!” He pointed at himself.

“Where’s my dad?” I asked boredly and roamed my eyes around.

“Your dad is busy! He said… I’ll… Teka nga. One minute…” He gestured while taking his phone out of his pocket, probably calling my father.

“Sir! Nandito na! Anong sasabihin ko? Ikaw nga kumausap. Mukhang hindi marunong magtagalog!” He even scratched his head out of frustration.

I actually know some tagalog words; I could understand and use some of them too, but I was raised in my mom’s country the reason why I was used to speaking english fluently.

“Tyler,” my father called when the man handed his phone to me. “He will drive you here. Come with him.”

After the call, he walked me to the car of my father, opened the front seat, and closed it for me as well as soon as I entered. He looked familiar, but I could barely remember him.

“Ang laki laki mo na! Remember…when you were little…” He was glancing at me from time to time while wearing his smile in the middle of our travel. “You went to our house with your dad! During my son’s birthday!”

“Can’t remember,” I conversed confusingly with a smile on my lips.

“Oh you ano pa nga…you… hit my son and his nose…dumugo! Nose bleeding! And then my son…he punched you? You remember?”

I shook my head. “I don’t.”

“Nakakatawa nga ’yon eh. ’Yung dad mo tuloy lagi niyang pinapadalhan ng gifts ’yung anak ko dahil sa nagawa mo pero sabi ko, ayos lang naman. Hindi mo naman sinasadya kahit kamuntik mong mabungal si Mikael noong mga bata pa kayo…” He laughed, which I don’t even understand what he was talking about.

Palingon lingon siya sa akin, nasa labi pa rin ang ngiti. “You understand me? Yes or no?”

“Yes.” I laughed a little, entertained by how silly he talks.

“Alright, alright! You learn more tagalog dito sa Pinas ha! Your dad said you will study here till college. Soon, you will be fluent in tagalog! Most of the people here speaks in tagalog pa naman.”

Wait, what?! Until college?!

“Bruh…is that for real?” I groaned against my seat.

“Bra? Huh? Hindi Bra ang ang pangalan ko. Rommel. You can call me Tito Rommel.” He smiled genuinely.

I took out my phone and typed a chat for mom frustratedly.

Tyler Coast:

Until college? Stop capping, mom!

Teresse:

Then man up if you want to go back here. Still seventeen, right? Figure things out there on your own.

Chapter 1

Source

“Your mom said you’re gonna continue your studies here. I’m glad you changed your mind,” my father said happily, in his corporate attire, as soon as I sat in his office.

“What? I thought it was you who told her?” I was flabbergasted—confused as fuck.

“Oh…” He seemed clueless as well.

I sighed heavily and leaned against the headboard of the sofa. I could really feel mom’s wrath that she threw me out like trash because of my multiple troubles in the US.

“Oh yeah… I suggested it to her… Yup. It was my own idea…” He nodded as if he suddenly remembered his script.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head unbelievably. Even my father would never meddle with my mom’s decisions. The last time he did, my mom straight out filed a divorce, which my father just decided to let her be and he would focus on the business here in the Philippines.

Their marriage was actually healthy and well…no violence involved, and even third parties. It’s just my mom has high standards that even the heavens could not reach.

My other grandparents, which are Mom’s parents, reside in Monaco. She came from a very wealthy family; she was raised to value wealth over anything else.

I remembered asking her why she married dad, and her response was…

“For my sex life.”

God. Imagine how horrified I was knowing I was just thirteen?! She’s always blunt. And poor dad, I feel like he was just her slave. But my father seemed to enjoy it too. I mean, I don’t wanna dive deeper into their sex life, but I guess he’s satisfied cuz he immediately married her.

“Your woman is such a pain in the ass,” I murmured when I remembered how mom blocked me after our conversation earlier in the car cuz she doesn’t want to hear my yapping.

Dad laughed and ruffled my hair. I frowned.

“You survived, boy. Imagine my marriage over the years… it’s a disaster. Thank god she spared my life.”

I scoffed and laughed. I don’t think he is a battered husband, but Dad seemed traumatized. Not in a serious way…but the fact that he would rather live in the Philippines and make these family businesses as an excuse, for sure, Mom drained him out.

“I sent her some of my dick pics, and I told her I missed her, but she said mine was too ugly that she wouldn’t even blow it. It’s eight inches, by the way…”

I groaned and stood up. “Disgusting. I traveled hours and all I get was to listen to your dirty stories with mom? Ugh…” I even acted puking as I walked to the door.

My father laughed. “Hey young boy! Don’t even tell that to your mom!”

I waved my hand without glancing and went out of his office. Am I cursed? Why do I have a family like this? They aren’t normal. My mom’s acting like a witch sometimes, and here’s my dad sharing about his eight inches dick. Horrifying.

My father was less strict. But because mom told her to cut off my allowance, I couldn’t even afford my usual meal a day. Sucks. The witch is so angry that she would let her son starve to death.

“Mom… I’m dying here,” and finally, after a month in Manila, she unblocked me.

“I’m having skin rashes! Dad was treating me poorly! He said you told her to cut off my allowance! I am broke than a rat in the streets!” And with my dramatic expression, it made me look more pitiful.

My mom maintained her stoic expression while she was sitting in the swivel chair, eyes on the screen of her laptop, hair were down, and she seemed unbothered by what I was saying.

“Mom…” I faked an ugly cry. “I’m poor as a rat. Increase my allowance at least. Say a hundred bucks. Who survives ten bucks a day?!”

“Stop yapping and learn how to manage it,” she responded nonchalantly.

“Please, mom, please…” I made a dramatic, loud cry.

“I’ll do everything! Please!” I pleaded, my hazel eyes twinkling, which I got from the color of my fathers eyes.

My father is actually half too. He’s of German-American descent mixed with Filipino blood. While my mother is pure Latina. I got her curls since she has mermaid hair, while the color of my hair was purely from my dad, which is a bit brownish.

“Then start spending less,” she said seriously.

Fuck. The witch! The witch is colder than ice! I zoomed my face in, made a dramatic cry to disturb her even more, but she just ended the call! Oh good grief! I’m gonna die here.

Tyler Coast:

I’m gonna die here. You’re gonna lose a son.

Teresse:

I have reserved black clothes for your funeral, boy. Don’t scare me.

Heartless witch.

And ten bucks a day?! Five hundred pesos here in the Philippines. Man. What am I supposed to buy with these?

“Mag tortang talong ka! Twenty pesos lang ’yon! Ano, ako bibili ng mga pagkain mo? May mga mura sa karinderya. ’Yang five hundred mo, malaki na ’yan,” Tito Rommel suggested while he was driving for me.

“Kar…what?” I looked so lost.

“Karinderya! You know…uh…wait I’ll google it!” He was busy on his phone for a minute until his face lightened. “Cafeteria!”

I calmed down a bit.

“And we also have cheap food chains here! You know Jollibee, Mang Inasal, and Chowking! They only cost two hundred pesos! Wait… I’ll ask Google how much sa dollars…”

I know Jollibee. We have it in the US, but I don’t like their spaghetti. It’s too sweet. The last time I tried it was with Rebecca since she has a sibling who loves Jollibee so much.

So basically, here in the Philippines, Jollibee is a karinderya. Wow. I’m learning. My Filipino genes are finally acting up.

“How about Wingstop?” I asked since I usually have it for dinner.

“Teka… tatawagan ko ang anak ko. Tatanungin ko eh maalam ’yon sa kainan dito,” he said and dialed his son’s number when he parked in the parking space of the Mall.

I lazily waited until a cold voice echoed in the car. It was coming from Tito Rommel’s phone.

“Pa?” he asked.

“May Wingstop ba tayo dito? Kainan ata ’yon…” Tito Rommel uttered.

“Wingstop? Ano ’yan?” I could sense his snobbish aura in just the way he talks.

“Kainan daw! Ito kasing anak ng amo ko, ’yung sabi ko sa’yo na dumating na, paborito ang Wingstop. Nagtatanong siya kung meron.” He was glancing at me from time to time.

“Sabihin mo huwag siyang maarte kamo. Istapler mo ang bibig nang tumigil kakasalita.” And he thinks I don’t understand his insults? Fucking jerk.

His father hush him, and he glanced at me while laughing. “My son is so funny, ’no? He is a joker kasi…”

“A joker who’s not even funny. What a clown,” I commented.

“Pinoy na di marunong magtagalog. Kupal—”

Kupal… I am kupal?

Tito Rommel immediately ended the call. “Oh, don’t mind my son! Bad temper.”

No wonder I punched that kid when we were kids. If I’m given a chance to punch him again, I’ll do it, and I’ll make sure he loses more teeth.

But the case here is that I genuinely do not have a nasty temper. I don’t easily lose my shit. The reason why I have a big circle in the US because even those troublemakers adore me. I never experienced being bullied too. So it’s kind of shocking that I punched someone when I was a kid. His son might have flipped the story and punched me first, for sure.

“How old is he?” I asked when we are now both in the Mall. I needed a tour guide since I am not familiar with the places yet.

“He’s just around your age! But he is in Siargao pa. Uuwi ’yon after ng Summer. Malapit naman na ang klase.”

“Siargao?” I put my hands on my pockets, eyeing some of the places.

“Oo Siargao. Do you like beaches? Do you surf? Siargao is the surf capital in the Philippines. We have land there. My son is taking care of it.”

Interesting. I like surfing.

“But you can’t go there yet since you need to budget your money. Your father said, wag daw kita i-spoil.”

I could hear the internal scream I did at the back of my mind, punching the air out of frustration.

“Kupal si Dad.” I rolled my eyes.

“Ay naknang! Huwag ganyan! Tang inang batang ’yon talaga!” He even stopped walking which made me laugh.

“Tang inang kupal…” I repeated, combining the new tagalog words I learned.

“Tyler, that’s bad words! Don’t use that!” He said as soon as he leveled me again.

“Is Dad strict on you?” I asked worriedly.

“Ay hindi! Baka matawa lang ’yon. Pero huwag pa rin! Baka mapaaway ka pag panay ka mura rito.”

I blew an air and continued walking.

“’Yang five hundred mo, medyo malaki na nga ’yan. ’Yung anak ko, kahit one hundred, kaya no’n tipirin! May maitatabi pa ’yang pera…” he continued explaining about my small problem.

I groaned unbelievably. This is why, back in the US, I would always find ways to make money on my own because of my mom. And imagine it—the grand I won in the circuit is the only savings I have!

“Mamamatay ako…” I ranted, a bit confident now to talk in tagalog words, which I learned from Tito Rommel.

“I’ll help you with the budget, okay?! I’ll prepare your baon din! Ako na mag grocery sa’yo para makatipid ka. Just tell me what you like, and I’ll do my best to help you.”

Thank God Tito Rommel is there to guide me. My father is too busy, but I would rather not talk to him because of his whine about mom roasting him. I don’t wanna hear any of their dramatic marriage problems and his eight-inch dick.

I listed my usual food in the US.

Breakfast:

Pancakes, bacon, eggs are either omelet or a frittata. Sausage. Orange juice. MWF. Apple juice. TTF.

Lunch:

Any chipotle and Mexican food. Burger with no ketchup. Pizza, all meat. Salad.

Dinner:

Mashed or toasted potatoes. Medium rare steak. Any pasta. Burger. Steamed broccoli. Baked chicken. Baked scallops. Buttered shrimp.

Snacks:

Goldfish. Cucumber. Salad. Dragon fruits. Kiwi.

“Goldfish? Huh?” He laughed subtly as soon as he read my note when I gave it to him on the next day inside one of my father’s cars.

“Yeah, goldfish. I used to eat ’em with parmesan, but the original one is better.”

“Tyler, don’t be kupal…” And he thinks I’m kidding?

“I’m not kupal. It’s my snack.”

He looked at me unbelievably. “Teka… teka… c-call ko anak ko baka alam niya.”

I crossed my arms. Here comes the original kupal…

“Pa?” He sounded busy because of the noise from his background, more on a band.

“Anak… alam mo ba ’yung gold fish? Snack daw… Ibang gold fish kasi ang alam ko. Parang hindi naman natin ’yon ginagawang snack.” He scratched his head.

“Sinong nagrequest? ’Yang kano?” He uttered roughly.

Kano? The fuck is that?

“Huwag kanang tarantado. Sagutin mo nalang,” his father hushed him.

Taran…dado…

“Huwag na gold fish. Butete nalang para diretso siya mamatay—”

And his father ended the call again to stop his son from insulting me. Bro is so feral. What’s the problem with that kupal?

I told him it wasn’t a literal fish. But yeah, Tito Rommel is right. Some of my favorite snacks might not be available here. So I really need to adjust with my food too.

When school starts, they enroll me somewhere private, and as a Grade 11 student, my environment is getting worse. I keep my contacts with my friends in the US, but I regretted viewing their messages.

James Adams:

By the way, dude. Jennie and Jason have a relationship.

My jaw dropped by the news in the middle of September. I was a bit brokenhearted that I needed to find a good diversion to love the Philippines even more. Heck. Who says I’m going back to the US? Screw them.

I became one of the varsities in school as a soccer player. I would sometimes play while zoning out, thinking how did Jennie end up with Jason? That egotistic skank.

And how on earth would Jason always get the girls I would date? Is he that big? But I’m big too. I’m not fucking average.

“Tang ina mo, bobo!” Someone shouted after I kicked the ball, which completely pulled me back to reality after zoning out about the size of my dick.

One of the soccer players, who is probably five foot eleven or so, glared at me.

“Bulag ka ba? Kita mong may tao sisipain mo ang bola!” One of the players pushed me intensely.

I stepped back and laughed a little at his whinings. “This is a game. What should I kick instead? Your balls?” And I looked down on his pants.

His thick brows furrowed. The Spanish features were too visible, which was making him look intimidating—superior and dark. I remembered Tito Rommel for some reason.

“Edi sana ginawa mo,” he challenged and nodded at me. “Gawin mo.”

Ngumuso ako. I stifled my laugh, but I ended up chuckling, which made him look so pissed.

“Kael! Huwag na!” one of the players stopped him since his hands were now in a fist, ready to throw on me.

I raised my hands playfully, tilted my head, and smirked. “Chill… kupal…” I uttered the word I learned from Tito Rommel’s son.

I’ve seen the thunder in his eyes that he stepped forward, pulled my jersey roughly, and attempted to punch me, but he was immediately pulled from me.

I stuck my tongue out and laughed. He glared at me.

“Anong kupal? Ikaw ang kupal! Ang angas mo ah?!” Blah blah blah…

I flapped the edge of my varsity t-shirt and blew out some air in my chest while they were trying to stop him from coming to punch me.

“Nakakaintindi ba siya ng tagalog? Sabihin mo Denver, hey you, motherfucker…” And I could even hear some of the players whispering.

I only arched my brow. “Shut up, mga kupal…”

The game ended so soon because I was now being targeted by some of the players. When my father found out about my small trouble that I almost raised a ramble against the soccer players, he just laughed it off.

“Once your mom finds out, she’ll cut your allowance. Five bucks ain’t bad, kid.” My father ruffled my hair while he was still laughing about my kwento.

Five bucks? “Patayin mo nalang ako.” I could barely utter it without my American accent mixing.

“Mommy mo ang papapatay sa’yo, hindi ako,” and he laughed again.

I scoffed. “Dad, I told you, they were all hot-headed. Those were just satire. A normal banter they took seriously…”

“Then find someone who can adjust to your humor.”

I sighed and stood up. He was still laughing in his swivel chair. “This kid…” he whispered and shook his head.

I went out of his office, scowling. Tito Rommel taps my shoulder.

“Those kids are kupal, Tyler. You are not,” he tried to lighten my mood.

“Mga tarandado.” I frowned.

Tumawa si Tito Rommel, may gustong sabihin, but he couldn’t even stop laughing. Tinawag siya ni Dad, so he gave the car key to me to head first in the parking lot since he said he would drive me home.

He is my father’s foreman. But because he knew me when I was a kid, my father was ordering him sometimes to look out for me.

I went into the car first and took a nap while waiting for Tito Rommel when his phone in the compartment rang. I grunted and opened it, took out the phone, and saw the call that was coming from his son.

I answered it so he would stop calling.

“Pa, pwede bang—”

“Shut up, kupal,” I cut him off.

“Hayop ka. Ikaw na naman—”

I turned it off immediately. He called again before I could even toss it back in the compartment. So I answered it again.

“Nasa’an si Papa—”

“Hayop ka. Ikaw na naman.” I cut him off, mimicking his words earlier.

“Tang ina mo!—” And I ended the call immediately before he could even compose an insult for me.

Is he adopted? I wonder where he got his bad temper. Tito Rommel is so cool that I imagined his son would be just another version of him, less kupal, and not hot-headed.

But, oh well, imagine your witch mom, and yet you are her son.

My first three months in Manila were fucked up. It was so hard adjusting. Even my body clock was so messed up. There were days that I would fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon while I was so awake at midnight.

Another thing was their food. Who eats rice all day? They eat rice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! I tried rice in the US, but their rice here was kind of weird. I don’t know how they cooked it; it’s very different from what I used to. And they would always top it with anything. It actually reminds me of chipotle.

I was trying to adapt Filipino culture, which still shocks me. The rice weirds me out, and I couldn’t believe that most of the food chain here offers any type of meal with rice. Can you believe it? Weird.

As much as I wanted some proper meals, my five hundred couldn’t afford it. Thank God Tito Rommel taught me how to budget my money…

“Mom, I wanna go back. I hate it here,” I called, looking like a dried vegetable in the middle of the desert.

“What happened? You looked worse than a shit…” She’s probably talking about my eye bugs.

“My body clock is adjusting. So if you have a little bit of sympathy for your son, book me a flight so I could go home.”

I seriously don’t like here. I hate the traffic. I hate some of my classmates. I hate the food. I hate everything.

“After Grade Twelve. Let’s see…”

I shut my eyes frustratingly. “Kupal…”

“What did you say?” She raised her brow which alerted me to behave.

“I said, please, mom…have mercy…” And pulling another fake cry, which ended up receiving another ended call.

This is why I feel like I was raised in a jungle sometimes. Some think if you came from a wealthy family, you grew up being spoiled and having everything. But in my mom’s case, it’s different. She would raise you like a soldier trying to battle for survival without any weapons—just yourself.

That’s why during my twelveth grade, I found an idea to outsmart how my parents handle my allowance.

“How much is your budget?” I asked when, on the first day of school, a boy around my age who came from a province was looking for a space to stay.

“Fifteen thousand…”

Fifteen fucking thousand? That’s two hundred sixty bucks… Ain’t bad. But there are cheap units here. So I need to offer something that he would rather take mine than those single units.

“Ten thousand. Take it. It will cover your water and electricity bill too. I looked at some of the units here, and they offer fifteen or so,” I negotiated.

He looked interested right away because I decreased it.

“Edi hati tayo? Kung twenty per month, ten thousand lang ’yung akin?” He confirmed since we are roommates.

“Yup. I’m kinda broke, so I needed a roommate since I couldn’t pay the twenty thousand per month…”

He smirked and agreed right away. “Deal. Ten thousand.”

Little did he know, the unit was already mine since my father bought it for me. Finally, a new source of income—my roommate, which is Ronan.

Chapter 2

Business

It was actually my first time sharing my space to someone else. I am used to having everything alone since I am an only child. But since I needed to find a way to make money, I needed to adjust.

It’s kinda fun, to be honest. I have a big circle in the US, while I’m having a hard time having friends here in the Philippines. Though some of my classmates came from the upper class, I would always stick to those who only speak English straight.

Some of ’em were Chinese, and we would usually hang out in Rockwell, where we would sometimes talk about businesses. They also gave me some advice to avoid financial stagnation.

“Don’t be entitled. When you feel entitled, your mindset will automatically think that you are spoiled. You become a slave to your wants instead of your needs. So build your mindset first, discipline yourself that it is okay not to have everything yet, and work harder. That’s the key to success,” Gio Ong, one of my classmates, said while we were having coffee in Power Plant.

One of my mother’s advices is to always choose my friends wisely. I haven’t really thought about it in the US since I would rather choose the vibe, than the so-called elites, but I slowly realized it now.

So if I wanted to learn about businesses and money, I should stick to people who would contribute to my mindset that spending wisely is very important.

“Maging kuripot ka. You know, what I noticed about the Pinoys, some of them are slaves to their wants. They don’t hesitate to buy what’s on the trend just to fit in, and they would borrow money just for petty reasons,” Gio continued talking.

Maging kuripot. I don’t even think I am kuripot. But Gio is right. I could be kuripot and then be generous at the same time.

So if I needed to go back to my old lifestyle in the US, I should make more money.

“A yacht?” My mother raised her brow through a video call when she called.

“I’m turning eighteen. Instead of a sports car, I want a yacht, mom,” I bargained.

A sports car is actually a nice deal. Kaso hindi ko mapapakinabangan. Maybe for flashing, but I don’t usually brag about my parents’ money since that’s what my mom taught me too.

Usapan namin iyon when I was still in the US. My mom said I should wait till I’m eighteen. But she suddenly threw me here so I needed to survive on my own now without depending too much on my parent’s wealth.

And as what I noticed here in the Philippines, they have a lot of nice beaches. Yacht is actually a good investment since most of my classmates spend money on renting yachts to held big parties on the beach.

I know I could still buy my own car very soon once my business bloom. Kung kikita na ako, saka ko kukunin doon ang sarili kong kotse.

“Bro, wake up,” my roommate, which is Ronan, tapped my face early in the morning.

This is what I hate now that I have a roommate. I have a living alarm clock that I couldn’t slam against the wall.

“Your girlfriend is here! Wake up, man!” He smacked my butt this time.

A girlfriend? The last chic I got was Gio’s sister who’s in Makati. We had a one-night stand in her condo unit, but that’s it. I can’t remember we decided to be in a relationship.

“Ingay mo, gago…” I murmured the few tagalog words I learned from Tito Rommel’s son every time I would answer his calls when his father was busy.

“Nandito nga! Latina, bro! Latina!” he screamed quietly.

My eyes automatically opened and I went out of bed alertly.

“O kapatid mo?” Ronan asked hopefully.

I pushed him out of my way as I hurriedly went to the door of my room. Ronan stalked me out like a creep curiously.

My mom, in her tight black dress, Christian Louboutin heels, a purse smaller than her patience just for her cards, and sleek ponytail hair, eyed the surroundings like she found the place too dull, glanced at me and took her black shades smoothly.

“Mom,” I gasped unbelievably.

“Mom? Gago…” I heard Ronan’s whisper from my back, looking at my mom like a fan.

Nagtungo ako kay Mommy, wala sa sariling humalik. “You’re here.” I murmured and held her forearm.

“Your birthday. We are having dinner with your father,” she said, and her eyes went to my roommate, who stood like a waiter waiting for our order patiently.

Oh…right. Today is April 10.

Ronan cleared his throat, so I showed him to Mom.

“My roommate…” I introduced the fucker.

And bro is grinning like he won the lottery when he politely extended his hand.

“Ronan Slade Veniel.” He even recited his full name, as if my mom is interested.

Before my mom could even shake his hand, I slapped it off. “Hayop ka. Mommy ko ’yan.”

My mother, who barely understands Tagalog words, just looks at us like kids fighting for a mom’s attention.

He chuckled shyly and caressed his nape, blushing like a monkey who just saw a banana for the first time. Mapapatay ko ’to.

“Invite him for dinner,” my mother said.

Ron smiled like an idiot. Ngumiwi ako. He thinks he has a chance. Even if my mom is single and even in our age, he would be the least thing she likes in men.

“Single ba mommy mo?” he asked as soon as my mother gave me some time to take a bath.

“Utak mo nasa’n?” I responded with the Tagalog words I learned from him.

“She looked like a Victoria Secret model, dude! Magsisikap naman ako para sa amin. May mamanahin akong lupa sa amin at may kaya naman ang pamilya ko. Mabubuhay ko siya.” He grinned.

“Tapos siya ang papatay sa’yo,” I blabbered.

After showering and now wearing clothes, he couldn’t stop talking about my mom now. I wanted to toss him out of the window, but I realized he is my source of income… Sayang.

“Ayaw mo no’n? From bro Ronan to Daddy Ronan real quick!” This weird motherfucker.

“Bruh,” I looked at him with a sour expression while wearing my belt on, taking it off, and attempting to just hit his thick face. “Papatayin ka ni Frederich.”

“Frederich?” He laughed while dodging my belt.

“My dad.” And threw the pillow at him instead, which he caught while grinning.

I put my belt on while he looked so interested with my mom. He reminds me of my friends in the US, where they would always visit me at home just to see my mom. Kahit gabi, kung kaya nilang bumisita, gagawin nila.

“Ipakilala mo rin ako para makapagpaalam ako na liligawan ko ang mom mo—” Tarandado!

“Bro, shut up! Nakakakulubot ka!” I cringed.

“Kilabot, dude. Hindi kulubot. Tang inang tagalog ’yan,” he corrected while laughing and threw the pillow back to me.

Aside from Tito Rommel and his kupal son, Ronan has been a good teacher when it comes to Tagalog words. Marami akong natututunan sa kanya. For example is bayag, mapakal ang mukha, hampas-lupa, pwet, and so on…

Hinahawaan niya ako sa tagalog, nahahawa naman siya sa slang words ko. He could even talk to me using my accent too.

“Bayag mo kulubot. Gago.” I rolled my eyes as I pulled out my navy blue buttoned-down shirt to pair it to my white slacks for the dinner later.

Minutes later, my father picked us up. When Ron saw my father, who was six foot two tall, he got intimidated and behaved like a kid. And to see Frederich getting out of his black Rolls-Royce car, Ron’s eyes stick on my father’s flashy car like how his eyes twinkled with Mom earlier.

“Sigurado ka talaga na broke ka?” he whispered while we were at the back of the car.

“Oo. Mga kuripot ’yan,” I whispered back.

Now I’m a bit worried that I introduced him to my father. He might search for him on the internet, and he would find out that this man owns big businesses in Luzon, Visayas, and even Mindanao.

My father is actually a self-made millionaire, while my mom is an old money because of their clan’s generational wealth. But despite how wealthy my grandparents are on my mom’s side, she learned how to be independent.

As far as I know, my mom declined a fixed marriage with one of the billionaires and slept with Dad instead as her sign of disapproval to rebel. It was a pretty cliche love story you could watch on television where an old money woman met a broke man with an eight-inch dick.

When mom got pregnant by Dad and they had me, my grandparents wanted to take me to live with them in Monaco for another generational wealth pursoses as an heir, but my mom said she could raise me alone without their money.

Tinapon lang din si Mom sa US to punish her, but Mom lived her life in the US as if it were a blessing in disguise—her freedom. Meanwhile, Dad, who was found in my mom’s bed, suddenly got a responsibility when my mom said he is her long-distance boyfriend—which is a lie since he just met mom once in a bar and he only wants to drink.

Their love story was somehow chaotic. My mother wasn’t even in love to begin with. My father was a clueless motherfucker who was just ordered by my mom to marry her for the sake of escaping fixed marriage. He agreed since they clicked in bed, like what he said.

I’ve never seen Mom’s parents, to be honest. Her nonbiological grandparents were French and unable to conceive children, so they chose to adopt my grandfather, a Latino. They needed an heir to carry on the money through set marriages, so they married him off to a business partner’s daughter, who turns out to be my grandmother, who is also Latina.

But I guess Mom has her own standards that she would rather build her empire without using the family name—Alderidge. I am Tyler Coast Alderidge Cervando, to be exact, since my mom is Teresse Charlotta Alderidge.

“She divorced me for a petty reason because I told her Tyler would be fixed in a marriage with my friend’s daughter in the Philippines…” my father chuckled, sipping on his wine glass as soon as we dined in La Piazza Okada Manila.

We got the best view in La Piazza, and the grand chandelier hanging over the ceiling made the whole place look classy. Si Dad ang namili nito dahil alam niya ang taste ni Mommy. Birthday ko pero wala akong karapatan magdesisyon.

“Divorced na kayo?” Ron asked, a bit intrigued. He was more invested in listening to my father’s story about their marriage while I was busy on my food, less interested.

My father was about to answer it when the waiter accompanied Tito Rommel to our table.

“Oh? Nasa’n si Mikael?” Dad asked while Ron turned to me to confirm about the divorce thing.

“Divorced sila, dude?” he whispered, like a hope he thinks he could have.

“It’s just one of their banters. They’re both weird,” I whispered back.

Even if I found out they split up, I would not take it seriously since my mom is quite unpredictable and Dad is a total funny guy.

“Hello, ma’am,” Tito Rommel greeted politely.

My mom nodded at him. “You should have brought your son.”

Wait, does she know that kupal too?

“Ah… ’yun nga eh. Ayaw sumama. Medyo…” Tito Rommel looked at me as if he had an idea about our fights in the phone calls. “Medyo mahiyain…” he reasoned.

“Mahiyain ba si Mikael? Parang hindi. Ang sungit no’n tingnan pero mabait na bata,” si Dad.

Mabait?

“Mabait?” I voiced out what’s on my mind. “I answered his calls, and he told me anak ako ni satanas…” I laughed.

Ronan coughed, and he slightly put his knuckles on his mouth, whispering some excuse when Mom slightly looked at him.

“Tyler answered the call of his son, and Mikael told him he is the son of a demon,” Dad translated to mom, who looked clueless as he laughed.

Mom looked at me while arching her brows. I am really the son of a demon who is now glaring at me…

“Sinabihan mo raw kasi utak niya nasa bayag…” Tito Rommel’s voice from the last word slightly faded because he cleared his throat.

“Mikael said that because Tyler said his brain was on his dick,” Dad was now chuckling loudly while translating it for mom again.

Mom grimaced at me. “Coming from you, huh…”

I frowned at my mother. It was my birthday, and all I got was hate?

I glanced at Ron, who taught me those words. “I learned it from Ron.”

Ronan’s eyes widened. “I told you those were foul words. Apologize, bro.” Sinungaling ang demonyo. Nakikikain na nga sa birthday ko…

“Iluwa mo ’yan o sasakalin kita,” I bickered.

My mom and my dad were now talking to Tito Rommel while Ron and I were busy giggling when we spotted a pretty chic on the other table who rolled her eyes on us.

When Tito Rommel’s food was now served, I saw him bowed his head, closed his eyes, and whispered some prayers he used to do before eating.

“Hindi tayo nagsalsal bago kumain,” I uttered to Ron since I’m always fascinated by it.

Ron almost choked on his carre d’agnello, a lamb rack we all have together with the tuna steak, which I am slicing at the moment. Dad caughed as well, and even Tito Rommel immediately finished his prayers, like he was disturbed by a demon.

“Gago,” he laughed controllably and elbowed me. “Anong salsal,” he whispered.

“You know… prayer…” I explained and looked at them.

“Sino bang tutor nito sa tagalog? Akala ko si Mikael?” Dad asked Tito Rommel while they were both slifling their laughs.

“Dude, dasal ’yon, hindi salsal,” he corrected roughly while Mom glanced at us again while sipping her wine.

“I heard that from you. Salsal,” I reminded.

“Iba ’yung tinutukoy ko na ginagawa ko gabi-gabi bago matulog,” he said inaudibly while laughing.

“Then what’s…salsal? I thought you meant praying…”

“Ayaw ni Mikael kausap dahil hindi daw tuwid ang tagalog. Pero siya iyong inutusan ko na hanapan ng alternatives ’yung mga pagkaing gusto ni Tyler. Kaya medyo sumasakto ’yung five hundred niyang budget noong nakaraan,” Tito Rommel said while conversing to Dad.

Ron got his phone and typed. My phone chimed until I saw his text.

Ronan:

Salsal is jack off, bro! Huwag kanang magsalita. Nababadshot ako sa Mommy mo. Baka sabihin niya pabaya akong stepdad.

My jaw dropped that I licked my lips and typed for a reply. And I cannot believe he has the audacity to joke around about being my stepdad.

Tyler:

Yo what the actual fuck, Ron?

We were both giggling that Mom looked at us again. The lavish dinner made me satisfied from not eating a proper meal because of my small allowance.

My parents decided to get a room in Okada since Mom said she’s too sleepy to even come with me. My father even offered his card so I could do the things I wanted for tonight just to have some alone time.

This trick would always give me some funny ideas in my head. I hope they will give me a sibling this time…

After my birthday, Mom went back to the US after a week of spending time with us—or just with Dad. Thank God she also agreed on my birthday gift. I can finally start my own yacht business.

And during summer, when dad goes to Cebu for business purpose, I get to tag along with him.

“Lia Ching.” My father smiled at an old lady who’s wearing a red dress and looks unfriendly with her monolid eyes as soon as we arrived in Barcino, Nustar Cebu.

I don’t really enjoy the business parties, but my father would always socialize to meet new clients to help him boost his business. Sabi niya, may mahalaga siyang kliyente na Chinese raw at kilala niya. And since I’m gonna start my own business too, I wanted to observe them at least.

Marami sila. Beside her was also a woman around my mother’s age who looked hostile, while the pearls around her neck were just too distracting.

My eyes drifted on the girls and boys around my age, probably her grandchildren, who also looked at me curiously in a hostile way.

“Nice to see you here, Frederich,” the old lady conversed.

We were invited to join them at their table. One of the girls, chinita, probably around my age as well, would always throw glances at me, so I smiled. Although my taste in girls was always the morena, I would always make an exception, especially if they had short hair…

Their conversation was now involving around the Chings. As far as I know, my Dad knows the husband of the woman since their family is rich and influential in Cebu. They have big businesses too.

“Solene is such a disgrace in the family. She should have married a Chinese…and now she’s rotting poor with her son since the husband died.” I heard the disappointment in the old ladies’ tone, but I was busy stealing glances at her granddaughter, who looked snobby.

“She didn’t follow the tradition. That’s a big taboo in Chinese culture…” my father who was a bit stunned.

When I saw the girl staring at me once again, I suppressed a smile and took a sip of my wine—looking at her meaningfully. Dad is focused on his own business, and my situation appears to be negotiable for another reason.

She leaned closer to the woman, who’s probably her mom, whispered something, and stood up. She looked at me, like a signal given, and walked somewhere as I followed her through my gaze.

“Uh…Dad.” A minute later, as I glanced at Dad, who was still too busy conversing, I stood up. “Restroom.”

Well, I told myself I would just observe, but it seems like I have another business to take care of.

Chapter 3

Part

“A yacht,” Ria Ching asked, zipping back her dress I almost ripped off earlier.

“Yup. I saw some of ’em while we were on the CCLEX bridge earlier,” I answered while buttoning my shirt on.

I am used to girls being this liberated since most of the girls in my country are used to hookups too. So I approached her earlier, made some casual talks until we suddenly kissed hungrily and booked a room for ourselves just for a good fuck.

“I’ll try to find some good spots so you could put your yacht there. Make sure I’ll get a percent out of it once I’ve found some clients…” she negotiated.

I smirked and leaned closer, brushed my lips on hers while she slightly caressed her fingers through my soft hair, and kissed me back.

“Deal,” I uttered, slipped my tongue in, and pulled her to my lap again.

She told me she’s used to one-night stands since her family is quite strict, which is why relationships are her least concern. Mahilig daw sa fixed marriage. If you do not follow the tradition, you’ll become a disgrace in the family, and worse, tatanggalan ka pa raw ng mana.

I am also used to one-night stands since, after the cheating and sudden betrayal I got from the girls in the US, I would rather stick to non-relationship status—less headaches and no dramas. Besides, I am more focused on building my business now than having another heartache.

I couldn’t forget the experience I had in Cebu. Dad seemed content with his business talk with the Ching. Doon ko na rin napagpasyahang ilagay ang yate ko para medyo malayo sa Manila. And in the first week, Ria Ching was just so good at finding clients that she immediately reserved four groups to rent the yacht.

She was the one who also told me how to rate it. Twenty thousand good for two hours, and it’s enough to accommodate a family. She said it was the standard prize since my yacht is kinda big. Kung marami, one thousand six hundred per head.

And in just a week, I already earned a hundred thousand. Binabayaran ko si Ria kaya sa kanya ang twenty thousand total siya ang naghirap maghanap ng clients. Gio Ong always told me that Chinese are wise when it comes to handling money, and I can see it very well.

Gusto kong ipunin ang kita ko sa yate so I could buy another one since it’s a pretty good business to earn money. Kahit may small business, I still practice what Gio Ong told me. Maging kuripot.

“Grabe, ang kuripot ng parents mo. Five hundred a day? Anong kinakain mo niyan, tubig?” reklamo ni Ron when I told him I only have five hundred allowance a day.

Truth is, my parents already increased it. Two thousand a day since I’m already a student. Kaso nasanay na yata ako roon sa parusa ni Mom kaya tinatabi ko ang one thousand five hundred. I can also eat rice now, but only once a week.

“Kaya akin na ang bayad mo,” sabi ko na ikinahalakhak niya.

“Bayad ang sinabi ko,” I corrected since the last time I mentioned it, it probably flashed on his mind.

The thing about Ron is that he is also gullible and fun to be with. This jerk even made fun of me. Sinisingil ko siya no’n sa bayad niya sa unit and I mispronounced it, which turns out…

“Ang bayag mo,” I confidently said it while showing my palm. It was the last week of the month, and he knew that I usually get his payment, and the fucker started laughing.

“Bakit? Anong gagawin mo sa bayag ko?” he answered while chuckling.

“Akin na.” I even took the soft pillow on the sofa and smashed it on his face.

He was on his desk; the laptop is open, and he seemed to be studying. I just barged in to get his payment, and yet he is now laughing, which I don’t even know the fuck why.

“It’s in my pants, bro. Kapain mo,” he uttered playfully and showed his lap.

He probably meant his wallet, so I slapped the side of his pants while he was laughing hysterically.

“Gago. Bayag mo sabi!” I slapped his shorts continuously to find his wallet.

“Nandiyan nga! Ang Laki laki niyan di mo pa mahanap?” And this fucker seemed trolling me.

“Fuck you, Ron. I’ll throw you out if you didn’t give me your payment,” I warned despite laughing.

“Bayad pala! Akala ko bayag ko ang kailangan mo! Bayad ’yon, hindi bayag!” He corrected and pulled the drawer off the table to get his wallet out while still chuckling.

I licked my lips confusingly, my hands on the side of my hips. “Then what is bayag?”

“Balls.”

I shut my eyes harshly and grunted out of frustration. “Damn fucker…”

Fuck! Embarrassing! That’s the reason why the cashier must be horrified as soon as I said the tagalog term of payment.

That was the day I learned about the word bayag too.

“’Yung anak ’di ba ni Manong Rommel ang nagturo no’n?” aniya when he remembered where I got the word.

He handed his payment, so I immediately grabbed it.

“That son of a bitch,” I uttered annoyingly as soon as I remembered Tito Rommel’s son.

Mikael seemed to be uttering all the curse tagalog words he could use from me, and I would adapt them. It was also the reason why I told him utak niya nasa bayag cuz Ronan told me to use it as my comeback on his Tagalog insults.

“By the way… do you want an extra income?” I asked.

He was now typing something on his laptop, opened his book, and concentrated on it.

“Baka illegal ’yan ha. Kung chongke, pass…” he answered nonchalantly.

“Chongke?”

“Weed. Si Mary Jane…” he smirked.

“Ah… Well, some of my friends were fond of it, but you’ve seen my mom. I might not die easily in drugs, but once she finds out, she will surely smack the shit out of me.” I shrugged.

Ron sighed and looked at me dramatically. “Huwag mo nang banggitin si Teresse. Brokenhearted ako. Hindi ko kinakaya ang ldr namin bro—”

I put him into a headlock, which made him laugh, and elbowed me so he could get away from strangling him.

“Babalian kita ng leeg. Tigilan mo na si Charlotta,” I warned.

“Ano ba kasing business ’yan?” Balik niya sa topic at itinulak ako palayo.

I stopped from strangling him while he was now back in his study mode, clicking his fingers and looking at the screen of his laptop.

“Well, I have a Chinese friend who is looking for some clients since she is renting her yacht.”

“Yate? Talaga? Ilang taon na ba? Maganda ba ’yan?” he asked interestingly, despite his attention now glued to the laptop. When it really comes to girls, Ron and I are on the same page. He fucks with my shit.

I crouched against his desk and nodded. “Yup. And she is looking for people who like to party in the yacht in Cebu…”

“Cebu? Ang layo! Nandito halos lahat ng kakilala ko. ’Yung iba, nasa probinsya. Pero kung dito, may classmate ako na mahilig sa parties. For sure magugustuhan niya ang ganyan. Marami din ’yung kakilala. Baka kahit sa Cebu, marami…”

I got interested immediately; my brows shot up. “Ipakilala mo nga ako.”

He nodded while typing on his laptop with his brows furrowing a bit. “Englishero din ’yon. Makakasundo mo ’yon. Laking States din at may green card.”

So my next source of income is none other than…

“Brent, si Tyler,” Ronan introduced as soon as we went to a house party somewhere in Makati.

A six-foot-three, probably a varsity player, exuding a Western type of shit vibe, arched his brow at me. I smiled widely and offered my hand.

“Nice to meet you, bro…”

He nodded and shook my hand calmly. “Nice to meet you.”

Tinapik ni Ronan ang balikat niya. “You got friends in Cebu? His Chinese friend is looking for clients who’s also into parties.”

That’s how it started. When Ronan said Brent’s circle is big, I didn’t know it could be that big. Cuz even some of the soccer players know him. Kinaibigan ko lalo para lumaki rin ang circle ko at maraming makilala. Of course, for the sake of my business.

At Paanong hindi kilalang kilala si Brent eh party nang party. I used to party in the US too, but when I got here in the Philippines, I don’t know anybody, it’s hard to adjust. I felt like I’ve been isolated for months.

Unlike now…

“Kaya mo na ang hard drinks, Ron?” Brent asked when we were in Xylo as soon as finals were now over.

Ron nodded at him and whispered something to me while I was busy eyeing the other tables.

“Balita ko marami daw naw-wheelchair dito…” si Ron nang eighteen na noong March 25, ang una agad gustong gawin ay pumasok sa clubs.

Since Brent has a lot of invites, reservations inside weren’t hard so that we could easily access parties using his name.

“Nah. I have a strong tolerance for alcohol since I’m used to rave parties in the US,” I shrugged.

“Ako hindi. Strict ang parents ko. Dito ko bibinyagan sa Maynila ang atay ko,” ani Ron.

Another boy around our age who just arrived went into our table. Tumayo si Ron at nakipagbungguan ng balikat. He smiled and took the shot Brent gave him while whispering something, and he slightly chuckled while chugging down the shot.

“Mavric! Si Tyler, kaibigan ko,” pakilala ni Ron at itinuro ako.

He smiled at me and offered his hand after his shot until I noticed the slight dimple peeking on the side of his lips. I shook his hand and smiled back, a bit stunned that his aura is lighter compared to Brent. Well yes, Brent is sociable and calm, but he got that air that seemed too intimidating sometimes because he looked serious and snobby. Parang mahirap biruin.

“Grade Twelve?” he asked when he sat next to me.

“Yup.”

“Ako rin. Kaklase kami ni Ron at Brent. Thank fucking God finals are over…” He leaned against the sighed breathily.

Tumingin ako saglit kay Brent na may ikinandong na babae. Si Ron, may chic na kinakausap.

“The green school. Plan din ni Brent kaya doon nalang din ako para magkasama kami sa varsity,” Mavric said and poured himself a drink.

Really? My plan is to actually finish my twelfth grade here and go back to US since my mother is planning to enroll me in a prestigious school in US. But I kinda like the vibe here. I mean, I’m starting to like the circle I found.

“Ikaw? Saan ka magc-college?” Mavric asked, tilted his head, and looked at me carefully.

I shrugged. “Dunno… Still planning.”

“Join us. Doon ka nalang din magcollege. Para sama sama tayo.”

Well, this one seems into parties too. Ayos na rin para makumbinsi kong magrent sa yate sa susunod.

I was immediately distracted when the familiar song Whistle by Flo Rida blasted, and we vibed with it. Mavric elbowed me and pointed at the dance floor where Ron is, so we decided to go there too.

I positioned where I spotted a hot chic in her tight dress dancing, while Mavric was slightly vibing with the music through nodding his head.

“Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby, here we go!” I sang along the lyrics until the catchy beat dropped and I danced smoothly.

The girl glanced at me and giggled. When she went closer until her back was now pressing on me, I chuckled and pulled her closer even more.

“Lower,” I whispered and positioned her butt so she could hit the spot better.

I brushed my hair, my other hand holding the side of her waist as we smoothly grinded to match the beat of the music.

Minutes later, she was now pulling me to the parking lot, and we crashed into her car as we continued to make out. When she knelt down between my parting legs in the back seat, I knew I manifested the song earlier.

As much as I wanted to enjoy it, the freaking phone call from Ron distracted me that I needed to go back inside. Nakita ko si Mavric nang bumalik ako sa table namin, nakatayo at nakabulsa ang isang kamay, ang isa ay hawak ang phone ni Ron.

“The fucker passed out,” he chuckled and pointed at Ron, who looked so wasted on the sofa.

Nilapitan ko si Ron at natatawang tinapik ang pisngi. The first-timer finally got his first knockout here in the city.

“Brent,” si Mavric na tinatawag ito. “Ron passed out. Drive him home.”

Brent went to us and checked on Ron as well. “Ang yabang pa nito kanina na kaya ang hard drinks, ah?”

“Ilagay natin sa wheelchair para may souvenir siya sa first club niya,” natatawang suhestyon ni Mavric.

So instead of carrying him to the parking lot, we put him in the wheelchair, and I even took a video so I could make fun of him once he is sober.

“Ron… balita ko rin may naw-wheelcheer dito. Seems like it’s really true, man,” I laughed while zooming in his face.

Brent was the one who was pushing the wheelchair while Mavric and I were walking on the front, looking at the camera and laughing at Ron, who looked so wasted.

“Pwede nang pasyente,” Mavric teased that our laughs were mingling with each other.

Thank goodness Brent had a car; we all crashed inside. Mavric is in the front seat, and I’m in the rear with Ron. Noong makarating sa building ng unit, we carried him like a sack. Si Brent ang may hawak sa ulo, kami ni Mavric ang may hawak sa bawat hita. Mavric and I couldn’t stop laughing since he lost a shoe.

We even got a photo of us carrying the fucker while we grinned in the reflection of the elevator, and Ron was like a dead corpse we were about to dispose of.

As soon as we got into the unit, we just clumsily tossed him into the sofa, and Brent decided to take a bath.

“Brent pasama ako! Let’s conserve water, dude!” Mavric kept on knocking on the bathroom’s door.

“Fuck you!” We heard Brent’s thick accent together with the sound of the shower.

“Bakit? Nahihiya ka ba na baka malamangan kita? Mas malaki ba ang akin?”

I laughed from his silly banter since I quite understand it. No wonder this is Ron’s friend!

“Fuck off, Mavric. Mine is bigger. Don’t be so full of yourself!”

“Buksan mo nga ang pinto! Huwag kang mayabang. Palakihan tayo!” Mavric challenged and knocked more.

“Sword fight! Sword fight!” I cheered.

Brent opened the door until the water coming from the bidet splashed on us. I grunted and ran to dodge it while Mavric went in and attempted to get the bidet from Brent. I ran back and joined them in getting the bidet. Para kaming mga batang nag aagawan sa isang pares ng laruan.

Basang basa ako kakapigil. Naubo si Mavric nang itinali ni Brent sa leeg niya ang katawan ng bidet. I pulled the other shower and splashed it on Brent. We were so chaotic until Ron went in and puked on the toilet, which stopped us three from playing with the shower.

When Ron dizzily lifted his head and saw us standing there, all wet, and looking at him, Brent splashed his drunk face with the water from the bidet he’s holding until Ron joined us in getting it from Brent.

I got used to Mavric’s presence eventually since he’s also playful. Although Brent is also fun, he has a serious side that I couldn’t relate to.

“So you want to continue your studies there? Until college?” Mom confirmed as soon as I called her when summer hits.

“Yup. I like it here, mom. I’m planning to join the varsity, and my business is already booming in Cebu. I know how to speak the language and have adjusted my body clock. I also enjoy the meals here. If I go back there, it will take me time to adjust.”

“And what course are you gonna take? Your father said he wants you to pursue engineering for the family business.”

“I’m planning to take a business class, mom. I have my own business. I’ll stick to it. Besides, dad has a lot of engineers and architects. He doesn’t need one.”

Hindi naman mahirap kumbinsihin si Dad lalo na’t sinabi ko sa kanya, wala akong interes sa family business. I wanted to start my own business, just like how mom built her name. I don’t really want to meddle with my father’s businesses.

At ano naman kasi ang gagawin ko sa site? I have nothing to do there. Engineering nor architecture is the least thing on my mind. I have zero interest in my father’s construction firm.

Kaya noong nag enroll ako at business class ang kinuha, my parents just let me off the hook. Nakikita naman nila na maganda ang usad ng buhay ko dito sa Pinas, walang bad influence na friends, kaya determinado akong makapasok sa varsity para mas makasama ko sila Mavric.

All of us wanted to stick to Brent. He’s cool, though. He got that air that you would like hanging out with him because he knows a lot of people too. Isa pa, kailangan ko ang pagiging sociable niya para sa business ko.

That’s why when the tryout for the basketball opened, I was eager to get into the team and to be one of the Green Archers. Football naman ang hilig ko pero wala atang plano sila Brent na magsoccer at mas gustong sa basketball magfocus kaya doon nalang din ako.

“This is the last day for the tryout. Whoever wins will complete the team,” the coach said while I was alertly nodding.

Truth is, I am a bit pressured with the remaining player, but we were both on the bottom because those who were chosen earlier have already had experience and were varsities. I’m also used to football and soccer, but I do know how to play basketball. Si Ron, Mavric at Brent, napili na. Now, if I didn’t make it, I don’t think I could even join the circle. Ayaw ko ring mapag-iwanan ako.

“Good luck to the both of us,” I smiled and conversed inthusiastically with the snob-looking man.

Matangkad siya at mukhang si Brent ang ka-height. He’s a bit bulky compared to me. Pero pansin ko sa galaw niya, halatang hindi marunong mag basketball. Sablay ang mga tira at idinadaan lang sa liksi. Madali lang isahan dahil mukhang hindi ganoon ka galingan. Matangkad lang ’to pero walang binatbat.

Ramdam ko ang pagiging desperado niyang makapasok. Whatever his reason is, I will make sure that I will win here no matter what. I’m desperate too.

That’s why when I made a high jump on the last seconds of the game, he still tried to block me, and I ended up elbowing his face while I watched the ball make its way to the ring as I fell down. Hell yeah!

Natatawa akong tumayo at tumingin sa kalaban ko. Kita niyang bumubwelo ako, inaambahan niya pang agawin ang bola. He looked pissed as he stood up after he stumbled to the ground too. I jogged toward him to apologize at least. Talunan na nga, kakawawain ko pa ba?

“Dude, sorry!” I said apologetically. “Hindi ko sinasadya!”

“Ayos lang,” he said in a cold voice and stood up without even taking my hand.

The coach talked to us, and as I expected, I was chosen. I grinned and offered my hand to the other player, but he seemed disappointed and didn’t take my hand. Nainis yata kay coach dahil ako ang pinili.

“It’s okay, dude. Try your luck next time. It’s okay.” I cheered him up and patted his shoulder.

He only nodded, took my hand off his shoulder, and walked out. Man… I hope he didn’t take the elbow part seriously. But the important thing here is that I am now part of the Green Archers! Yes!

Chapter 4

Game

“Nice play, slim shady!” Nakipag-apir ako sa nakabuzz-cut na buhok na si Rick.

“Ano?” He looked lost while knitting his thick brows.

I slowed my jogs to level beside him while he was slightly panting from the intense practice after he made a three-point shoot.

“Cause I’m slim shady, I’m the real Shady, all you other Shadys are just immitating… So you won’t the real slim shady, please stand up, please stand up,” maangas kong kanta sa chorus part para maintindihan niya.

When he looked pissed by my joke, I laughed and tapped his shoulder. I think he doesn’t know the song.

“I mean your hair, dude. It reminds me of my favorite rapper, Eminem…” I explained since he looked annoyed.

“Ito ka oh.” He showed his middle finger and pushed me out of his way. “Tabi nga.”

Out of all the players of the Green Archers, he’s one of the tallest and most hotheaded. Maybe it was because of his hair? Walang buhok kaya hindi nasasangga ang init ng panahon kaya diretsong umiinit ang ulo? I laughed at my silly joke while Ron elbowed me a bit.

“Huwag mo ’yang asar-asarin si Rick. Pikon ’yan,” ani Ron, lalo na’t sabi niya, kakilala sila noong grade school.

I could really sense it. Although Brent is the serious type, Reagan is another level. He doesn’t just look snobby; he also looks like he would punch you right away if you piss him off. Medyo nasisindak ako sa kanya dahil bukod sa matangkad, masyado pang maangas ang tindig.

“Kaklase ko ’yan noong Elementary kami. Maswerte ka pag kaklase mo ’yan taon-taon dahil galante ’yung Mommy niya magpa-party tuwing birthday niya kaya hindi ko siya makalimutan,” kuwento ni Connor, o si Conrad Norris, isa rin sa Green Archers.

Actually, Connor is the calmest among us. Parang opposite ni Rick. Ito ang mabilis kong nakasundo kumpara kay Rick na medyo hindi humahalo sa amin at mailap pa. Sabi ni Ron, may iba daw na circle at medyo maaasim.

“Maganda rin ang Mommy no’n. Pero si Teresse pa rin talaga,” biro ni Ron kaya halos sipain ko.

I knew Rick is kind of hotheaded, and out of us, he’s the most sensitive when it comes to jokes. That’s why when I found out about the reason behind his rage when someone’s slapping his butt, I regretted doing it right away.

Kahit tuloy ang mga boys, bothered na sa mga bastos na biruan dahil baka nakaka-offend na pala kami kay Rick.

“Kaya pala…” si Mavric at tila ba may naalala, lalo na’t nandito siya sa unit namin ni Ron, tumatambay. “Naalala ko eh. Nagcomment ako ng bastos sa Facebook niya, binlock ako. Galit na galit din sa akin.”

“Alin do’n?” si Ron na na nakaupo sa sofa, sumilip lang lalo na’t inupuan ko ang hita habang nakatagilid ako at nakasandal sa balikat ng sofa, abala sa phone.

“’Yung may picture siya na bakat na bakat. Biniro ko na palakihan kami,” ani Mavric kaya natawa ako.

Oh… that’s the reason why the comment section on Rick’s Facebook is limited only for his friends. Baka dahil sa mga ganoong comments.

“Tayo Mav. Palakihan tayo. Patingin nga ng sa’yo,” I challenged.

“Come here, bro…” He smirked and tapped his lap.

I stood up and went to him, who’s sitting on the edge of my bed. “Bro…” I called dramatically and threw myself on his lap.

Humagalpak si Mavric at itinulak ako. “Hayop ka, Tyler! Ang bigat mo!” reklamo niya nang daganan ko siya at natumba siya pahiga sa kama.

“They say, kaibigan mo raw ang sasaksak sa’yo patalikod. Pasaksak nga,” I bantered.

“Pwede namang kahit harap-harapan mo akong sasaksakin, Tyler. Ayos lang.” Mavric said, which made us three burst out laughing.

“Let’s test which knife is the sharpest,” biro ko lalo at mas dinaganan si Mavric sa kama.

“Kiss nga kung mag bro ba talaga!” gatong ni Ron at dumagan din sa akin, pinipilit ilapit ang mukha namin ni Mavric sa isa’t isa.

Mavric, Ron, and I were the ones who would always stick with each other because of our silly banter. Kami-kaming tatlo ang nagkakaintindihan lalo na kung bastos ang topics dahil magka humor kami at madalas naming nagagatungan nang hindi nagkakapikunan.

Kaya si Mavric, mas naging magaan ang loob sa akin. Kami na halos ang nagkakaintindihan.

“Ganda ng mga damit mo ah?” Mavric pointed out while he’s here in the condo unit, scanning some of my clothes. “Your favorite color is navy blue? Ang dami mong navy blue na kulay ng damit.”

I actually like navy blue and red when it comes to colors. Kaya gustong gusto ko ang Ferrari jacket dahil bukod sa fan ako ng F1, paboritong kulay ko rin.

“Yup,” I answered while I’m busy on my laptop. Fino-follow-up ko ’yung income ko sa yate at balak ko nang bumili ulit ng isa pandagdag.

“Anong susuotin mo sa birthday ni Angela?”

Angela, one of Brent’s friends, is a hot chic. May isang type ako na nasa circle ata noong babaeng ’yon. ’Yung maiksing buhok na medyo chinita at maputi. Hindi ko lang maalala ang pangalan.

“Woah. Ralph Lauren. This one is nice. Ito ba ang susuotin mo?” he asked.

Nilingon ko siya at nakitang kinuha niya sa hanger ang plantsadong navy blue dress shirt. I shook my head. Umangat ang kilay niya at itinapat sa katawan niya sabay tingin sa salamin.

“Pahiram ako nito kung hindi mo susuotin,” aniya.

I have no problem with my things being borrowed by the boys. Madalas ang nanghihiram, si Ron at Mavric. Although they’re expensive, I have this attitude toward clothes that once I already wear them, I don’t have the energy to wear them again. Matipid ako sa ibang bagay, pero sa damit, maluho ako.

Hindi ako madamot, kaya iniisip ko rin na iyong mga nanghihiram sa akin, mahihiraman ko.

“Kanito ’to?” I asked Ron when someone left a navy-blue hoodie at the top of the men’s locker room intended for the varsity players.

“Kay Mavric ata. Nakita kong sinuot niya ’yan eh,” si Ron na pawisan lalo na’t kakatapos pa lamang ng practice at naghihingalong uminom ng gatorade.

I checked the brand, and it’s hella expensive.

“Tanungin mo si Mavric. Baka kung kay Brent ’yan, isauli mo,” aniya.

I didn’t listen to Ron’s advice and washed it on the next day so I could wear it for a week. Maulan pa naman kaya ang lamig lamig ng panahon. Isa pa, kung kay Brent naman, for sure he would let it slide. Close naman kami.

Well, that’s what I thought…

“Patingin nga.” Brent stood in front of me and checked the hoodie I’ve been wearing for a week now. “May Emporio Armani logo. Akin ba ’to?”

“Oh… So this is really yours? Naiwan mo sa locker room…” I laughed and tapped his shoulder. “Pahiram muna ako—”

“Take it off, Tyler,” he cut me off seriously.

Ang kakarating lang na si Ron at Mavric, papalapit sa amin dito sa parking lot lalo na’t makikisakay kami sa kotse ni Brent.

“What? Dude, I’m shirtless inside. Nasa school tayo,” I laughed despite his pissed expression.

“Isang week ko na ’tong hinahanap ah? Hindi ka man lang nagsabi. Hubarin mo,” he demanded aggressively.

Ron stepped in while Mavric stayed where he was standing.

“Shirtless siya, Brent—”

“Take it off,” ang agresibong tinig ni Brent na pumutol kay Ron. And this time, Brent just pulled the neckline roughly which slightly choke me.

“Damn, alright! No need to be aggressive, man!” I laughed and pulled the edge of the hoodie, taking it off.

Nasa baywang ni Brent ang mga kamay, seryoso ang titig sa akin at gumagalaw ang panga. I’ve never seen him this mad before.

I only smirked so I could hide my irritation too. He got no consideration. I handed it to him. Maybe pissed by my smile, he slapped it onto my face.

“Woah Brent!” si Ron na itinulak siya palayo lalo na’t napapikit ako sa pagtama noon sa panga ko. “Dude, calm down!”

I laughed flatly. “Suntukan nalang…” hamon ko.

Si Brent na tumalikod na at nakailang lakad, huminto at seryosong lumingon sa akin. Lumapit siya, maangas ang tingin at mukhang nahamon sa biro ko—handang makipagsuntukan.

“Pikon ’yan, dude. Huwag mong biruin,” Ronan whispered to me while Mavric went to Brent and put his arm around Brent’s shoulder, calming him down.

Damn violent. Although I find it offensive, I controlled my shit and just walked the fuck out.

Thank God I have an extra shirt in my bag. Yes, it was my fault lalo na’t hindi ako nagpaalam, but to slap it onto my face, man…

Nakalimutan din naman iyon, pero para sa akin, gusto ko man lang makaganti kahit sa palihim na paraan.

“It’s Brent’s birthday! Where are you, bro?” tawag ni Ron.

February five is Brent’s birthday. They were planning to party in Xylo, but I booked a ticket to Cebu just to get away from it.

“Can’t, I’m busy. May pinapatingnan si Dad dito sa Cebu na business. I need to take care of it,” I uttered the alibi I’ve been thinking just to get back from slapping his hoodie onto my face.

“Hindi siya pupunta?” I heard Brent’s voice.

“Hindi, parang busy…” si Ron.

“Pakausap nga,” si Brent.

“Ron, I gotta go. Nandito na ’yung hinihintay ko,” I said and turned the call off.

I furrowed my brows as soon as the call ended. Naka-ilang missed calls din si Brent sa akin no’n pero hindi ko sinagot. Brent might be cool, but he got that attitude I don’t really like. Kaya kahit wala naman talaga akong importanteng gagawin sa Cebu, kahit pwede pa namang next month tumingin ng yate na bibilhin, ginawa ko nalang.

It was a petty fight we had during our first year. Siguro humupa lang din noong nakapagmuni-muni ako at napagtantong kasalanan ko naman din ’yon. Hindi ako nakapagpaalam. Ang malala, si Brent naman ang nagtampo dahil hindi ako sumipot sa birthday niya.

“Your treat?” si Brent nang yayain ko na mag Wolfgang kami, medyo sinusuyo ko at pinapakalma dahil hindi na ako niyayaya.

Pinalampas ko na nga lang ’yung hoodie na sinampal niya, ngayon, siya naman itong wagas kung magtampo.

Inakbayan ko siya at ngumisi. “I’m sorry, alright. I really got busy, dude. Babawi na…” Kahit gusto kong bawian ng buhay, huwag nalang dahil mukhang kahit mamatay ’to, talagang sukdulan kung magtampo. Baka humupa nalang ang galit mo, siya, galit pa rin.

Out of all my sources of income, Brent was the hardest to outsmart. Kuripot. But I’m quite thankful to him because I met a lot of new friends who rented my yacht in Cebu during their birthday getaways. Pati mga girls na kaibigan niya, kinaibigan ko nalang din.

“Ipapakilala kita kay Mica pero umambag ka sa birthday trip ko sa Cebu,” and of course, when they said Sadie is Brent’s counterpart, I could vividly see it. Kuripot din at gusto pa akong isahan.

Mica, one of Brent’s girl friends, is the short-haired chinita I like. Oo, binalaan na ako nila Mavric na huwag patulan ang girls sa circle ni Brent, but this one is really my type. I even ask for her number since I’m really interested in her. Balita ko kasi nursing din eh.

“Bahala ka. Susulsulan ko si Mica na basted-in ka,” Sadie threatened.

“Kahit hindi mo sulsulan, mapapaamo ko ’yan,” I said confidently.

She smirked. “Pustahan?”

Kuripot na nga, gusto pang makipagpustahan? The boys warnings echoed through my mind about the girls in Brent’s circles since they said they’re hustlers, much more heartbreakers. Iba raw lumaro.

I don’t believe it at first since I’m too competitive to try my luck. Nakipagpustahan ako kay Sadie total sabi niya, gagamitin niya ang pera pandagdag sa birthday getaway niya sa Cebu. But when Mica even blocked my number before I could even text her, I gave up.

And worse… Sadie didn’t even rent my yacht in Cebu! She changed her plans! Fuck. Parang mas nasaktan ako na natalo niya ako sa pustahan. Lugi ako doon, ah?

“Ipakulam mo!” suhestyon ni Rick nang ilabas ang hinaing ko, na b-in-lock ako ni Mica.

Hindi naman si Mica ang pinuputok ng butchi ko kundi ang natalo kong pustahan. I lost the bet! At parang kuntsaba pa ni Sadie si Mica kaya siguro b-in-lock ako para manalo si Sadie.

“Sabi ko sa’yo huwag ang mga ’yan. Pag kaibigan ni Brent na babae, layuan mo. Lalo na kung malapit kay Sadie. Ayos sana kung hard to get lang, pero matataray rin at sobrang arte,” si Ron.

I like girls who hate me. They’re my Roman empire. Imagine the rough and dirty sex we could do in the middle of our anger… Gusto ko sanang isaboses ang iniisip ko kaso baka bungalin ako ni Rick dahil medyo bastos pakinggan.

“Iba yata ang type no’n. Kilala ko,” si Mavric na medyo naging interesado ako.

“Sino?” Napabangon ako sa pagkakahiga.

“Si Kael.”

Kael… If I’m not mistaken, this is the stupid asshole I know who’s also a soccer player. Ilang beses ko na iyong nakakainitan. I mean, he hates me, so I’m kind of enjoying teasing him. Sinasagad ko lagi ang pasensya lalo na’t pikon.

“Varsity din ata ’yon,” si Mavric.

When Brent found out about the petty drama I had with Sadie, he decided to never try the girls in his circle and just ended up introducing them to us for a casual friend. Ayaw din ni Brent dahil baka siya ang sisihin ng mga girls pag nabroken daw, o siya rin ang sisihin namin kung kami naman ang na broken.

And can you believe it? Mica, my crush, became my close friend as well. Noong kinilala ko na ang mga girls, talagang tamang desisyon na kaibiganin nalang talaga kung ayaw mo ng matinding sakit sa ulo.

“Anong nangyayari?” tanong ko kay Mavric nang nasa Clubhouse kami, p-um-arty kasama ang girls ngunit parang may nakaaway sa kabilang table lalo na’t kakatapos lang ng finals.

“Sadie’s in trouble,” Mavric explained calmly.

Nasa table lang kami, nakatingin sa kanila. The girls were in front of the other group of girls too. Parang nag-uusap sila at ramdam namin ang tensyon dahil nag-aangatan ng kilay.

“Hindi ba natin lalapitan?” I asked concernedly. Kaso away ni Sadie, parang ako ang mas naaawa sa mga kalaban niya.

“Away girls. Let them handle their shit,” si Brent na kampanteng sinimsim ang drink at nasa kabilang table ang mga mata.

“Tingin ka nang tingin sa boyfriend ko,” we heard the girl who’s talking to Sadie.

“What? Bakit ako magkakainteres sa boyfriend mong mukhang paa? Wala sa talampakan ang standard ko,” natatawang si Sadie na umabot pa ang boses dito.

Tumawa kaming boys at medyo na-eentertain sa kanila. The girl looked so offended that she glanced at the table and summoned her boyfriend to join the petty fight. Kaya nang tumayo ang boyfriend at maangas na lumapit sa girls, si Brent din ang tumayo sa table namin at nilapitan si Sadie.

We shout to cheer on Brent, who rested his hand on Sadie’s head to control his wild child. Natawa kami ni Ron at Mavric lalo na’t ’yung boyfriend ng babae, nasa 5’9 lang ata. Knowing Brent is 6’3 and physically fit, kawawa ’yung boyfriend kung manghahamon ng suntukan.

Kaya ang girls, mas gusto nalang mag held ng parties na kami kami lang sa mga sumunod na araw. Iba rin kasi kaaway ang mga ’to, masakit din mambara. Hindi nga namimisikal pero salita pa lang nananampal na.

“Eh totoo naman talaga! ’Yung boyfriend niya ang nagsend ng dick pictures sa akin kahit hindi naman ako nanghihingi! Tapos noong p-in-ost ko at kumalat na 3 inches lang siya, ako pa ang masama?!” I remembered one of Sadie’s troubles…

She gets into lot of troubles, to be honest. Kung si Brent lapitin ng girls, si Sadie lapitin din ng boys. She was known as a playgirl kaya nasasangkot sa away lalaki dahil pinag-iinitan ng ibang girls. Unang kita ko kay Sadie, gandang ganda rin ako eh.

Not until that woman during my second year college…

That was the longest five seconds in my life when the prettiest girl in the university stared at me with her siren-like eyes, like it was a love at first sight typa shit.

I’m sure she’s a frosh. I just know. Malakas ang kutob ko dahil sa ganyan ka ganda, imposibleng hindi agad mapapansin ng circle namin.

Tumikhim siya habang nangingiti akong nakatingin sa kanya. She took her phone out, probably to ask for my number, but…

“Papasok pa,” she answered someone’s call and looked at me again. “Excuse me…”

I blinked twice and realized I was on her way; that’s why she was probably looking. Pero feeling ko na love at first sight talaga kaya ang tagal nakatitig at nahiya lang kunin ang number ko. This isn’t the first time I encountered tricks like this anyway…

I couldn’t forget her. Kaso noong malamang hindi lang pala ako ang nagkakagusto, pati na rin an iba pa, at ang malala ay nangunguna pa si Brent na isa ring hindi magpapatalo, I immediately backed out.

“Girlfriend daw ni Kael ’yon si Verena. That’s what I heard from the nursing department.” At kahit ang tsismis na ’yon, kalat na kalat na.

Kael again? Crush ’yon ni Mica, ah? Judging by his looks, he’s intimidating and serious type. Kung isa kang babae na mahilig sa suplado, masungit, mukhang sugo ng diyablo kung uminit ang ulo, pasok na pasok talaga siya sa standard ng girls. Mas kalmado pa nga si Rick kumpara doon kung labanan lang ng salubong na kilay.

He has always been like that since senior high. Although he changed a bit, his expression remained feral, as if bro is ready to raise a war while looking at us intently.

“Kaya siguro malaki ang pusta para afford ang ospital kung sakaling may mabubungal,” Ron whispered when the other players arrived.

Brent agreed to a scrimmage so that we could practice more. Iba rin kasi talaga ang actual game at may kalaban ka kaysa iyong practice lang nang practice sa court. Kaya noong dumating sila, I immediately recognized Kael.

Mainitin kasi ang ulo ni Kael at mabilis mapikon. Kaya kung alam namin na nandiyan siya, gulo agad ang susunod.

Naka all black siya. Black t-shirt and black jersey shorts. The edges of his sleeves were rolled up to his shoulders, making him look like how Rick carries himself, but he’s three times snobby than Rick. Matalim ang titig sa amin lalo na’t kanina pa kami naghahagikhikan ni Ron at Mavric nang maalala ang kumakalat na tsismis sa university. Boyfriend daw ni Verena? The fucker is so assuming.

“Balita ko boyfriend ka raw ni Verena?” nakangising asar ko nang magsimula na ang game, siya agad ang may hawak ng bola at dinepensahan ko iyon.

He looked pissed as soon as I mentioned Verena. He dribbled the ball between his legs, his eyes alertly watching my defense. I nodded at him and smiled. Mas lalong nagkasalubong ang kilay niya. He attempted a crossover, but I immediately snatched the ball and dribbled it away from him.

Galing sa kinatatayuan, patalon ko iyong inambahang ishoot pero marahas niyang napalo ang bola hanggang sa tumama iyon sa mukha ko. I grunted and shut my eyes a bit, almost losing my balance when my vision blurred out. Gago, ang sakit ng ilong ko!

“Balita ko tanga ka raw?” He tilted his head and smirked at me as soon as I opened my eyes.

I graze my tongue on my upper teeth to check if I didn’t lose a tooth. So this isn’t a friendly game, huh. Mamaya ka…

Chapter 5

Trigger Warning: Homophobic remarks

Enemy

He jogged to his teammates where the ball was taken and made some high fives with them. Nakita ko pang nagtawanan sila, bumaling siya sa akin at naglalaro ang mayabang na ngisi sa labi.

I clicked my head and jogged to continue playing. Tinapik ni Mavric ang balikat ko, siguro napansin niya ang initan namin ni Kael kanina.

“Bungalin mo. Kunwari aksidenteng nasiko,” he whispered, which made us laugh.

“O kaya patirin mo. Kung natumba, edi lampa siya,” si Ron naman nang lumebel sa amin ni Mavric.

Nagtatawanan kaming tatlo. Maliksi ang pag kuha ni Brent sa bola na hindi ko pa agad napansin kung hindi niya ipinasa rito at si Mavric agad ang nakakuha. He dribbled it to our side, attempted for a shot, but was screened by the opponent again.

I joined for the defense. Nakaabang din si Kael at mainit ang tingin sa akin, mukhang kilos ko ang binabantayan. He even positioned in front of me to block my defense while I’m facing his back.

I got a sight of his nape. Bumaling siya sa akin at mas umatras, halos banggain na ako. Nahiya pa, gusto siguro nitong mapalapit sa akin.

“This is how closeted gay people actually shoot their shots on their crushes. Closer, bro,” I taunted to tease him.

“Kung may bading dito, ikaw ’yon,” he taunted back.

Naka three-point shoot si Mav kaya nag jog si Kael sa kabila, ako naman, nangingiting nakipaghigh-five kay Mavric. Kael pulled up the tip of his t-shirt and wiped off the sweat on his forehead as he talked to his teammates seriously. It seems like they’re trying to take the game seriously while some of us were just casually playing.

“Gumalaw ka, Tyler!” sigaw ni Rick at itinuro ako, siguro napikon dahil swabe nalang ang mga galaw ko nang muling magpatuloy.

I’m saving my energy, alright? This scrimmage is intended for a good stretch so we could test our stamina and our weaknesses in the game. Kaya noong si Kael ulit ang may hawak ng bola sa second quarter, patakbong tinalon ang ring para sa isang dunk, nakisali ako sa pagtalon at marahas na pinalo ang bola patungo sa mukha niya.

He stumbled on the ground and lost his balance. Kung kanina, nakapagpatuloy pa ang game, ngayon na hindi agad nakatayo si Kael, mabilis siyang dinaluhan ng mga teammates niya.

I didn’t even feel sorry for doing it. I tilted my head and saw some blood dropping on the floor. I whistled and raised my hands when some of his teammates glanced at me.

“Hindi ko sinasadya,” I apologized flatly.

Nakisali na rin ang teammates ko at nag-aambang lumapit sa kanila ngunit biglang tumayo si Kael, hinila ang t-shirt para hubarin at marahas niyang itinapon sa sahig habang pasugod na sa akin.

“Ano, daanin nalang natin sa suntukan!” hamon niya at marahas akong itinulak. “Kanina pa ako nagtitimpi sa’yong gago ka! Nanadya ka eh!”

I stepped backward while wearing my playful smile.

“You got your period on, bro. Do you want some pads? Your pussy is bleeding, man!” I taunted while looking at the blood on his nose.

Nagkatinginan si Ron at Mavric, gustong matawa pero dahil seryoso ang away, nagpigil lang. Si Brent ang seryosong nasa gilid ko, mukhang ayaw mauwi sa rambolan ang away namin ni Kael kaya nakikiawat din.

Furious by my teasing, he pulled the neckline of my varsity uniform forcefully. “Huwag puro yabang! Ano!”

I’ve seen his cognac brown eyes dilated when he glared at me since we were too close with each other.

Mas lumala ang tensyon dahil sa pagiging agresibo niya. Si Rick pa ang pumagitna at sa bawat amba ng suntok ni Kael, siya ang natatamaan.

“Ikaw ang nauna kanina ah? Ngayon mapipikon ka? Fucking pussy!” I laughed while letting his grip on the neckline of my varsity uniform.

Bumwelo ulit siya ng suntok at si Rick na naman nadaplisan. Rick then faced Kael and pushed him forcefully.

“Sa akin ka nga makipagsuntukan!” hamon ni Rick at sa halip na si Kael lang ang inaawat, pati si Rick, hinihila na rin ni Connor.

“Stop it, Rick! Don’t fuel the fire!” si Brent na pumapagitna na rin.

“Huwag nang awatin! Matira matibay nalang! Hayaan niyo!” sigaw ni Rick, napikon na kakaawat.

Nahila siya palayo sa akin ng mga teammates niya hanggang nabitiwan niya ako. Si Brent naman ang tumulak sa akin palayo kaya natatawa akong umatras, itinagilid ang ulo para silipin si Kael na pinagtutulungang pigilan na lumapit sa akin.

“Kaya nga tapusin natin ’to sa suntukan!” hamon ni Kael habang inaawat siya ng teammates niya, hawak pa sa baywang dahil nag-aambang lumapit ulit sa akin.

“Come on then!” I challenged confidently, stepping forward too while my teammates are crowding me and I’m in the middle. “Dagdagan natin ’yang dugo sa ilong mo!”

“Shut the fuck up, Tyler!” si Brent na ako naman ang itinulak.

“Halika dito para maubos ko ’yang ngipin mo! Tang ina kang kulot ka!” he shouted aggressively, like a rabid animal.

Ron looked at Mavric and laughed. Mavric stifled his laugh as well, just trying to act serious when the two seemed cheering me to just smack the shit out of that fucker. Kaso si Brent, humaharang sa akin kaya hindi ako makasugod din.

“Bro, don’t cry!” I acted concernedly, fueling his rage.

“Gago ka!” sigaw niya habang masyado na ring malayo sa akin.

I showed my middle finger and laughed while my teammates were pushing me more, and I stepped backwards. Hindi ko maseryoso sa totoo lang. Pero kung makikipagsuntukan ’yon, edi magwawasakan kami ng mukha hanggang matira matibay!

It became our topic. Brent was pissed that I fueled Kael’s rage. If he can handle things well rationally, well, I can’t. Ayokong inaangas-angasan ako. Siguraduhin lang na mahaba ang pasensya niya dahil hindi ko nga siya susuntukin agad, pero sisikmuraan ko siya sa mga salitang ibabato ko.

“Dude, nagtanong lang ako kung boyfriend siya ni Verena! I am just trying to confirm it!” paliwanag ko kay Brent nang tingin niya, ako ang nagsimula.

“Baka napikon kasi ginising mo sa katotohanang assuming siya,” natatawang si Ron nang akbayan ako habang papunta na kaming parking lot, walang napala sa scrimmage dahil sa init ng ulo ni Kael.

Isa pa, pikon na rin si Rick eh. Nakakapagpigil naman ako hindi kagaya nito.

“Siya ba ang nagpakalat no’n?” tanong ni Con.

“Kahit ata suntukin mo ’yon, sa kapal ng mukha, kamao mo nalang ang masasaktan,” natatawang sabi ni Ron.

“Wala ’yang kapal ng mukha niya sa tigas ng kamao ko,” si Rick na iritado pa rin, mas galit pa yata kaysa sa akin.

Connor’s unlocked his pickup car. Pumasok siya sa driver’s seat habang si Brent ang sa front. Si Rick ang sa likod. ’Yung ibang kasama namin kanina na sila Angelo, noong magkagulo, nawalan din ng gana at naunang magpaalam.

“Bading siguro ’yon? Bilis mapikon eh.” Patalon akong pumunta sa likod, si Mavric at Ron na nagdesisyon ding doon nalang kami, si Rick naman at Brent ang nasa loob mismo.

“Baka kasi mainit ang dugo sa atin dahil kumakalat na nagkakainteres din si Brent kay Verena?” ani Ron.

Edi si Brent sana ang inangasan niya. O baka naman alam niyang pikon din si Brent at wala siyang binatbat sa katangkaran kaya ako ang pinagbubuntunan.

“If I were Verena, matuturn-off ako doon. Imagine Kael, who’s hotheaded, worse than Rick, he’s gonna drain her out,” ani Mavric.

I rolled my eyes. I am not shaming his looks alright, but compared to Brent, bro thinks he could score a date with Verena? Nah… He must be dreamin’.

“Sa mukha niyang ’yon papatulan siya ni Verena?” I laughed.

“May mukha naman… mukha nga lang tuko,” si Ron kaya mas naghalakhakan kami.

“Actually, may itsura naman, pero siguro kung bulag ako, ma-aappreciate ko siya,” gatong ni Mavric kaya mas naghagalpakan kami.

“Mica and the rest of the girls who like that fucker have questionable eyesight. Pwet ko nga lang ata ’yon eh,” sabi ko.

And it eventually escalated to the girls too. The girls, especially Mica, were shocked by her crush’s tantrum.

“Eh baka kasi pinikon mo! Ikaw siguro ang nagsimula!” Mica accused while glaring at me. Kamuntik pa akong sugurin ng tinidor kanina noong nalaman niyang pinadugo ko ang ilong ng crush niya.

Nasa bahay kami nila Angela since her parents were out of the country, so we all crashed here for some sleepover. Actually, girls lang naman sana, but we kinda like to join their movie marathon, so we decided to go here too. At ang mga girls, pinagtatalakan na agad kami.

“Ako ang tumapos sa sinimulan niya, Mica,” I said confidently, attempting to bite the tip of the pizza when she grabbed it from me.

“Huwag mo nga ’yung aangasan! Matu-turn off ’yon sa akin pag nalaman niyang nasa circle niyo ako! Kainis naman eh,” she whined dramatically.

“Get over him, Mic Mic. That boy is obsessed with Verena.” I grabbed her pulse, pulling the slice of pizza back to me as I bite it immediately.

“Buti nalang ’yung crush ko close ni Brent at walang nakakaangasan sa boys. Baka maturn-off din sa akin,” pagmamayabang ni Angela.

Kahit gusto ni Mica na humingi ako ng tawad, ayoko. Baka raw gumanti at mas lalong lumala. Edi mag-angasan kami. So what, right?

“Baka gumanti talaga ’yon,” Tito Rommel said when I also told him about my small trouble.

It’s almost December. Si Dad, gusto niyang um-attend ako ng party ng kompanya para maipakilala ako sa iba pang anak ng mga architects at engineers. Kahit nga ang anak ni Tito Rommel, hindi ko pa name-meet.

It’s actually a formal introduction so everyone in the construction firm would finally see me. Hindi kasi ako nagagawi sa site, o kahit sa office, akala mo tagong anak kaya mailap. Kaso ayoko talagang makialam sa business ng family ko. I want to be independent. Sa lahat ng minana kong ugali ni Mommy, ito pa yata.

But again, I am not interested. Halata namang gusto ni Dad na maging invested ako sa construction firm namin para magka-interes din akong i-manage iyon sa future. But I have other plans for December.

“Marami rin kasi talagang kupal na mga pinoy. Sila na nga ’yung nauna, sila pa ang mapipikon,” patuloy ni Tito Rommel habang pinapanood ko siyang pinapaliguan ang Phantom ni Dad na kotse.

“Kahit nga ’yung anak ko, may nakaangasan din daw. Ayon, dumugo ang ilong. Madalas din kasi iyong may nakakainitan lalo na pag tinatarantado siya,” he shared while shaking his head.

His son is actually hot-headed too, but I don’t think he is worse than that fucker named Kael. But if there’s a similarity between them, I like teasing them until they lose their patience with me.

“Birthday no’n sa susunod na araw. November 29. Magt-twenty na siya.”

I arched my brow. So I’m months older than his son.

“Gusto nga sanang handaan ng Mama niya, kaso ayaw kasi no’n sa gano’n. Nasasayangan siya sa pera. Ipambili nalang daw ng kailangan sa bahay. O di kaya ipang date namin ng Mama niya.” Medyo natawa siya.

I slightly smiled. That’s actually cute. That’s probably the reason why my father likes him so much. Siguro pag nalaman ni Dad na galit sa akin iyon, ako agad ang pagbibintangang nauna.

“Pero ngayong December, a-attend ’yon ng party kasama ang buong pamilya ko. A-attend ka ba?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. Baka hindi. I have something to take care of in Cebu.”

“Eh noong nakaraang taon, hindi ka rin dumalo sa party ah? Sabagay…baka ibang party rin kasi ang trip mo. Eh ’yung madalas na hini-held ng Dad mo, nakakarelate kaming matatanda. May banda, may mga games, at meron ding giveaways. Typical na party talaga sa mga empleyado hindi iyong party na gusto mo na inuman lang at mga kaedaran niyo pa ang madalas na nandoon.”

I actually want to attend the party, but Dad might really set me up on dates with the Architects and Engineers daughter that’s why I would rather not come. Isa pa, titingin na naman ako ng yate sa Cebu at bibili ng isa pa.

Gusto din talaga ni Tito Rommel na makasundo ko ang anak niyang si Mikael, ganoon din si Dad. Maybe because the two want us to bond like Dad and Tito do. But Mikael seemed distant to me as well because our vibe doesn’t click with each other. I don’t think he would fit in my environment too. Masyado siyang seryoso.

When class was finally over and summer started again, naging mas abala ako sa sarili kong business. Unfortunately, I got busted by Angela herself, and she found out I have been using them as my clients for my blooming business yacht in Cebu.

I remembered it so clearly. Parang nakakita ng multo ang girls habang ang boys naman, matalim ang tingin sa akin.

“All this time, yate mo ’yung nirerentahan natin?” Angela confronted.

Nasa bahay nila ulit kami dahil balak mag held ng party ni Angela at may mga pupunta kaya abala kaming magdesign ngayon para bukas. Kaming boys ang nagp-pump ng mga balloons, ang girls naman ang nagdedecorate.

“Tapos si Tyler, minsan hindi pa umaambag at nagpapalibre sa atin?” Mica glared at me.

I cleared my throat and scratched the side of my head using my pointing finger, squinting guiltily.

“May discount ’yon ah?” I bragged and stood up, lumalayo na agad sa mga boys dahil baka pagtulungan ako habang hawak ko pa ang water gun.

“Discount eh 1700 per head ang price no’n pero pag sa amin biglang 2k per head?!”

“Ganyan ko kasi kayo ka mahal. Mahal na mahal ko kayo,” I emphasized and smirked at them.

“Ako hahawak! Kayo bumugbog!” si Rick na tumayo agad kaya natatawa akong tumakbo sa living room at tumayo sa likod ng sofa.

The girls joined Rick, and they were now coming after me. Natatawa akong tumakbo habang sila Brent, pumulot ng mga soft pillow at pinaulanan ako.

“Hayop ka! Ginawa mo pa kaming investment mo!” At ang kapal ni Brent sa parteng ito eh siya nga ang ni pisong walang ambag!

“Tayo ang nagpalago ng business niya,” natatawang si Mavric.

“Gago… Kaya pala madalas mo akong ilibre?” si Ron na unti-unti na ring na-realize iyon, medyo natatawa pa.

“Actually, Ron. The unit you are renting is mine too…” I confessed.

I saw how the humor of his smile vanished until his jaw dropped. Ang mga girls, namimilog ang mga mata at humalakhak na itinuro si Ron. Ron stood up and clicked his fingers. Nahulog pa si Mavric sa sofa kakatawa ganoon din si Connor na nanghihina na at naiiling sa kalokohan ko.

“Bro! Akala ko pa naman first best friend mo ako! Halika nga rito! Pasakal nga!” He looked so betrayed while pointing at me.

“First source of income daw, Ron,” hagalpak ni Mavric.

“Tawa tawa ka eh isa ka ring nagrent ng yate niya ah?” paalala ni Con lalo na’t sila naman talaga ang nabiktima maliban kay Brent na ayaw gumastos at walang pakialam sa mga birthdays. Kahit nga birthday gift wala!

“Hawakan mo, Rick! Ako na ang bubugbog!” sigaw ni Ron at patakbong lumapit sa akin hawak din ang water gun na props para sa pool party mamaya.

We were so chaotic. Lalo na’t nakisali na ang mga boys at kaming lahat na ang nagkakagulo habang ginagamit naming sandata ang mga props. Nag-espadahan pa kami ni Ron noong mahabang water gun saka ako muling tumakbo nang inambahang isakal sa akin ni Brent ang hotdog balloon na pumutok.

“Hoy! Ang mga props! Mga gago talaga kayo!” sigaw ni Angela.

Biglang sumulpot si Ron na galing sa kusina hanggang itinapat niya sa akin ang water gun at tumalsik ang tubig sa akin. I ran and hid on the girls’ backs, who screamed as soon as they got wet from Ron’s water gun. Patakbo din akong pumasok sa kusina, sinalinan ng tubig ang water gun, hanggang kami na ni Ron ang nagtitirahan ng tubig.

Doon lang humupa noong hawak na ng mga girls ang kulot kong buhok at nakaupo na ako sa sofa.

“Anong cut off! Hindi ka namin ika-cut off! Simula ngayon ikaw na dapat ang tagalibre! Ikaw naman ang huhuthutan namin!” desisyon ng mga girls.

“Friends forever na tayo, Tyler! Pagtitiisan namin ’yang kakupalan mo para lang sa pera mo,” dagdag nila.

“Bumili ka ng tatlong box ng pizza ngayon tapos one week grocery dito sa bahay!” And look at this girl? Ginagawa na nga akong content nito sa vlog niya…

The girls even posted a picture of me; wrists were both tied, and they were gripping my curly hair while looking pissed on the camera. Ginawa nilang cover photo sa Facebook nila. Nagulat pa ako na hindi lang like ang ginawa ni Mommy kundi heart talaga! What’s so lovable about this in her eyes?

Despite the playful banters, hindi naman din sila nagalit eh nirentahan naman talaga nila. It’s a business after all.

“Gano’n kasi ako pinalaki ng Mommy ko, na dapat wais ako sa pera. Cuz you know, they value every penny. I’m not that spoiled.” I shrugged.

Lumambot agad ang tingin ni Ron at nauna pang tumango. “Guys huwag na tayong magalit. Hindi naman purket kaibigan, libre dapat. Eh noong in-offer niya sa akin ’yung unit, medyo nakaluwag luwag din naman ako.” Ang kupal na ’to, halatang sipsip sa Mommy ko.

Ron smiled at me and tapped my shoulder. “Walang titibag sa pagkakaibigan natin, bro.”

“Kiss nga,” biro ni Mavric kaya pabiro rin kaming naghaplusan ng pisngi ni Ron.

Tumawa ang girls habang naiiling naman ang boys. Si Rick lang ang tumapon ng soft pillow sa amin kaya tumigil agad kami ni Ron. Though Rick is already too comfortable with us, siya ang hindi masyadong clingy sa amin. Ayaw ngang magpayakap o magpakandong man lang…

After that silly confrontation, ako na nga ang madalas na nanlilibre ng pizza. Noong nalaman nilang bibili ako ng kotse at galing iyon sa kita ng yate ko, plano agad ng mga girls na gawin akong driver sa mga gala namin. Eh kahit noon pa man, inaalila naman talaga kami. Kahit nga pads, sa amin pa ipapabili.

It was during the summer when I heard another friendly invite to play basketball, and Kael is part of the opposing team again. Iyon nga lang, nasa Cebu ako noong araw na ’yon at gabi pa ang flight. Kaya noong makauwi, diretso agad sa party para makibalita sa nangyari kay Brent.

Clearly, all of the boys who are close to Brent, or part of Brent’s circle, are also Kael’s main target—his enemy. Bro is now entering his ‘villains are made, not born’ typa shit era. Mukhang sa galit niya sa amin, malaman niya lang na parte ng circle namin, automatic na aangasan niya para lang makaganti.

At dahil nakadikit itong si Shiloh kay Brent, ang bagong roommate niya, nadamay pa. Poor boy…

Chapter 6

Dummy

“Aambag ba kami, Brent? Magkano ba?” interesadong tanong ni Rick.

“Ako na ang bahala,” Brent answered, followed by more words, which I couldn’t digest since I already rolled my eyes.

Titig na titig si Mav kay Brent na seryoso sa pagpaplano. Nasa sala kami while we could hear the girls’ voice coming from the kitchen since they decided to bake after our review for the upcoming exam.

Brent wanted to throw a party for Shiloh, and I’m a bit pissed on why he got the balls to celebrate it while he didn’t even give me a gift during my birthday. Worst, sa akin pa nanghihingi ng pera pambili kung gusto ko raw ng regalo.

Nagsitayo ang boys nang maamoy namin ang bango galing sa kusina since the girls are baking some cookies. Nangunguna si Rick habang malamya akong tumatayo, magkasalubong ang kilay. Ang kapal ng mukha ni Brent.

“Para ’yan kay Shiloh!” Sapak ni Sadie sa kamay ni Rick nang mag-ambang kumuha ng cookie. Magsama sila ni Brent na parehas madamot.

“What’s with the face?” Natatawang akbay ni Mavric sa akin.

“I’m pissed, Mav. Ang kapal ng mukha ni Brent. May pa birthday blowout kay Shiloh, pero sa atin wala? I’m offended,” sabi ko habang pinanood ang pagtakbo ni Brent, may hawak na isang cookie at iritadong hinabol ni Sadie.

Hindi naman ako matampuhin. I don’t really mind if Brent would not give me gifts since he is really like that. Kahit ni isa sa amin, wala ’yang nireregaluhan. Pero ngayon…

Or maybe I’m just not used to him giving extra effort to someone else since he always treats us equally. He doesn’t spend on us. Laging walang pera, para lang ding si Sadie.

“Hayaan mo na. Ano bang gusto mong regalo? Ibibili kita nang hindi ka magselos,” si Mav na kinurot pa ang nipple ko lalo na’t topless ako kaya natatawa ko siyang itinulak.

I’m not even freaking jealous! I just don’t like how Brent sets us all aside, like we aren’t his closest friend to begin with.

“Anong pinagkaiba natin kay Shiloh?” I frowned.

Tiningnan ni Mavric si Brent na muling kinuha ang hawak na cookie ni Shiloh at sinamaan ng tingin ni Shiloh. Mavric only shrugged while I looked so lost and confused.

“Say hi guys!” si Angela na nakatapat na pala sa amin ang camera niya.

I smiled and waved my hand. “Hi. Angela will flash my number on the screen, so if you want to call me girls, hit me up.” I winked while Mavric laughed and slapped my chest.

Shiloh decided to bake another cookie. I’m not yet close with him, to be honest. I find him…different. Sa aming boys, siya ang pinaka maputi, kasingkinis din ng mga girls. Medyo nag-aalala kami kay Rick lalo na’t alam namin ang rason kaya walang pinapapasok na bakla si Brent sa circle namin, o pinapahalo.

Shiloh isn’t gay, just like Brent said to not assume about his sexuality unless it’s stated. Siguro dahil na rin mahinhin kaya pinagdudahan namin noong una. Kaso kung bakla siya, I would stand on Rick’s side since I am closer with Rick. I don’t really care about Shiloh.

If my homie hates someone, I will hate them too. And I got a strong conviction about gays since I’ve seen how traumatized Rick was when he met his perpetrator, who assaulted him. I have had some ugly encounters with their community too, which added to why I don’t really like some of them.

And even Ron and Mavric empathized with Rick. It’s just that, when it comes to empathy, Brent has a wide room for that. And he’s kind of biased too since Shiloh is close to their family; that’s why he’s overprotective and favoring him. Utos kasi ng Mommy niya at pinapabantayan sa kanya.

Pero dahil close si Brent kay Shiloh, nirespeto namin na huwag siyang pag-isipang bakla dahil malambot. Siguro nakakapanibago lang talaga ang mga lalaking para talagang babae kung tingnan at kumilos.

The girls then eventually got closer to Shiloh. Mas gusto pa yata ng girls na si Shiloh lang ang madalas na imbitahan at isama sa mga sleepovers nila kaysa sa amin.

Mica:

where are u? fetch us nga

And she sent a photo with Shiloh while they’re both holding a frappe with a green color, probably matcha or somethin’.

Ngumiwi ako at nagreply.

Tyler Coast:

Date niyo tapos ako ang papasunduin?

Still, I ask for their location since I’m just in Rockwell. Kahit ang mga girls, ipinagpalit na yata kami kay Shiloh at ayos lang na si Shiloh ang kasama nila.

Nangingiting pumasok si Mica sa front seat nang magpark ako sa parking space ng coffee shop kung nasaan sila dito sa Bonifacio, si Shiloh naman ang dumiretso sa back seat at naglahad sa akin ng paperbag.

“What’s this?” I asked, a bit startled since I’m used to the girls and boys not giving me any.

“Nilibre ka ni Shiloh! You know, after what you did, hindi mo deserve malibre, pero he insisted na siya nalang ang magbabayad.” Mica started yapping while I curiously took the paperbag off Shiloh’s hand. I mean, wow…

Sinilip ko ang paperbag at nakitang may kasama ring croissant at box ng cookies ang frappe drink. I glanced at Shiloh. Wow…

“Really? This is mine? Not for Brent?” I smiled widely.

He nodded quietly.

“Thanks…” I smiled genuinely while I could imagine Shiloh’s face sparkling in my eyes. Very angelic and thoughtful!

Inilabas ni Mica ang phone at nagpicture pa kaya ipinakita ko ang paperbag. I also sent it to the GC to brag about it.

Tyler Coast:

Shiloh got me this. Hah.

Mabilis na nagseen ang mga boys habang typing na agad si Brent, ganoon din ang ibang girls. Bago ko pa makita ano ang message nila, bumalandra na ang call ni Brent sa screen ng phone ko hanggang tumunog iyon sa kabuuan ng kotse ko lalo na’t connected din.

Brent:

Answer the damn call, Tyler.

Brent:

Where the f are you?

Ang mga text niyang hindi ko mareply-an nang hindi ko nasagot ang call dahil mas tutok ako sa pagd-drive at ang kaingayan ni Mica.

“Hindi naman siya ganoon eh! I swear he’s nice. Snob looking lang, seryoso, pero hindi siya ganoon! Sadyang mayabang lang talaga itong sila Tyler kaya naangasan siya at niyayabangan niya rin,” Mica explained, glancing at Shiloh.

“Who? Si Kael? Inangasan niya si Shiloh. He bullied him, Mica. Huwag mo nang ipagtanggol,” sabat ko.

She leered at me. “Bullied? Excuse me. I was there! Si Mavric talaga target niya no’n pero nadamay lang si Shiloh!”

“Mavric my ass. Si Shiloh ang inangasan niya kasi wala siyang binatbat sa amin. Alam niya kasing mabubungi siya pag kami,” I said.

“Why do men think the solution to every problem is fist fight? Oh right, cuz you don’t know how to use your brain right…” she insulted and rolled her eyes.

“I’m not violent. Maangas lang ako kung aangasan—”

“Maangas ka dahil hindi ka kasi matalino. Kael is a smartass, you know.”

“Bruh, you’re glazing him. It’s because you like that fucker.”

“Hindi ah! Si Shiloh na ang crush ko!” Mica confessed bluntly and glanced at the back to smile at Shiloh, who remained silent. “Happy crush na kita, Shiloh.”

Tiningnan ko si Shiloh sa itaas ng salamin. He’s really quiet. Hindi ko alam kung nag-aadjust pa ba o naiirita na sa kaingayan namin ni Mica.

I snorted. “Ginawa mo lang panakip butas dahil ’yung totoo mong crush, pangit.”

Her jaw dropped. “Pangit?! Are we talkin’ about the same person here?”

“Pangit naman talaga ah? Ask the boys and they would all agree—”

“Because it’s your ego talking! Ask Brent who’s the most handsome man, and he would probably answer his own name! Or even Mav would claim he’s the most goodlooking one! Baka kahit si Rick ganoon din—”

“Nah, it’s me—”

“See! Ganyan kayo eh!” Mica cut me off as if she immediately found evidence to her point.

Bago kami dumiretso sa bahay nila Angela, the girls called and told me to bring some drinks for them. Sa 7-eleven kami bumaba nila Mica at Shiloh para bumili ng ice cream, snacks, at drinks para sa kanila.

“What do you like?” I asked Shiloh while opening the fridge to get more drinks.

Itinuro niya ang isang strawberry-flavored drink. “Ito akin. Mogu mogu.”

I paid for all the food, of course. Pagdating sa bahay nila Angela, sobrang ingay agad nila sa sala, ang boys na may hawak na controller, habang ang girls na nasa pool at nagsiahon lang para dumugin ang dala naming food.

Si Brent na kanina pa nakatayo, tila nag-aabang sa pagdating namin, sinamaan agad ako ng tingin.

“You didn’t reply,” he argued and glared at the paper bag I was holding.

“Dude, I’m freaking driving! ’Tsaka nandiyan ang binili kong drinks para sa’yo…” Sumunod ang tingin ko nang lagpasan niya ako at lumapit agad kay Shiloh.

“Bakit ka umalis nang walang paalam? Pag nalaman ni Mommy na gumagala kang mag-isa,” pangaral niya ngunit nilagpasan lang siya ni Shiloh na sinundan niya pa.

“Nag order na rin kami ng pizza, Tyler,” si Angela na malawak ang ngisi sa akin.

I nodded and gestured it’s fine. Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Pumasok ako sa kusina at napansin na nandoon din si Shiloh, ipinapasok sa fridge ang bili kong Mogu Mogu para sa kanya.

“Where’s mine? I texted you to buy me food too… You bought something for Tyler and yet…” I heard Brent’s murmur on Shiloh’s back.

“Brent may binili ako sa’yo na drinks. Nandoon,” sabi ko at lumapit lalo para ilagay din sa ref ang binili ni Shiloh sa akin para mamaya ko kakainin.

Brent glared at me again. He looked pissed, which I don’t have an idea why.

“Wala na akong pera. Huli na ’yung binili ko para kay Tyler,” rason ni Shiloh kaya mas sinamaan ni Brent ng tingin ang paper bag na dala ko habang inilalabas ko na ang frappe, croissant at isang box ng cookies.

“Really? That’s your last money? I have an extra—”

“May extra din ako, Tyler. It’s my call,” Brent cut me off.

Huminga si Shiloh, nailing at lumabas nalang. I blinked twice cluelessly.

“Wow. Sa kuripot mong ’yan—”

But Brent walked out and followed Shiloh so I couldn’t finish my sentence. Damn… I feel so nonexistent between them. Why is he like that? Parang irita kay Shiloh na ewan. O baka naman si Shiloh na ang napagbubuntunan niya dahil may gusto si Verena kay Shiloh?

I went outside and saw Shiloh, who’s already on the girls, while Brent was still sulking, crossing his arms, and his brows were knitting. Binuksan na pala ng mga girls ang ice cream at iyon na ang kinakain nila habang nasa lamesa at binigyan lang ang boys na ayaw matigil kakalaro.

“Nag date kayo ni Shiloh tapos hindi niyo kami sinama. Unfair! Nagseselos ako!” Angela frowned while the water on her wet hair was trickling down the valley of her boobs.

“Si Shiloh na ba ngayon ang crush mo dahil na turn-off ka kay Kael, Mica?” natatawang hirit ni Ron nang tumayo siya, dala ang controller at nakiagaw ng kutsara kay Raya na nag-aamba na sanang isubo ang ice cream.

“Mica said Kael is better looking than us,” sumbong ko at ngumisi kay Mica na tiningnan agad ng mga boys.

“Love is blind,” si Mavric na tumayo na rin sa likod ni Gabriella, inabot ang Red Bull at binuksan ito gamit ang isang hinlalaking daliri.

“Pangit daw si Kael, sabi ni Tyler,” sumbong din ni Mica at tiningnan ang girls na ngumiwi agad sa akin.

“Stop talking about that asshole, Mica,” banta ni Brent, nakahalukipkip sa gilid at iritado pa rin.

I took a Red Bull and handed it to Brent. Umiling siya kaya nagtaka ako at si Ron nalang ang umabot noon.

“Anong pangit? Crush na crush nga ’yon ng block mates ko dahil ang lakas ng dating!” si Gabriella na inaakbayan na ngayon ni Mavric.

“Malakas ang dating dahil mahangin,” natatawang si Ron.

“Sa sobrang hangin, tingnan mo ang mukha, parang sinalanta ng bagyo,” sabi ko kaya kami ni Ron ang nag-apir habang naghahagalpakan.

“Grabe boys. Ang sakit niyo talagang manglait. Nakakahiya sa mga ugali niyong kanal ah?” Angela pointed out.

“Buti sana ugali lang, eh mga mukha ring kanal!” natatawang sabi ni Mica na ikinangiwi naming boys.

“Itutulad mo pa kami sa baho ng crush mo.” Ismid ko at pinagtuunan ng pansin ang pag kalabit ni Sheena sa akin para ayusin ang laces ng bikini top niya sa likod.

“Meron nga rin akong kakilala na baliw na baliw rin kay Kael. Medyo nakakaturn-off lang talaga na si Shiloh pa ang inangasan niya,” naiiling na sabi ni Raya.

“Ginayuma siguro ni Kael kaya nahihibang sa kanya,” Rick added, to which we ended up laughing.

“Pangit ang ginawa ni Kael, and we hate him for that, pero let’s admit it, nadamay lang si Shiloh dahil lagi niyo ’yung inaangasan si Kael,” si Angela na abalang lagyan ng scoop ang mga basong inilapag ng girls lalo na’t sinosolo na ni Rick ang isang galloon ng ice cream at niyayakap na.

“Siya ang nang-aangas sa amin,” I striked back and popped a can of Red Bull too. “Galit sa atin kasi hindi maka relate sa kaguwapuhan…”

Tumawa si Mavric at Ron kaya kaming tatlo ang nagkakatuwaan doon habang ngumingiwi ang girls sa amin.

“Sobrang guwapo ni Kael ah? Turn-off lang ’yung sinali niya si Shiloh,” si Sheena.

“I got turned off too! I mean, he’s my crush, but I think he doesn’t like my ugali. Gusto niya ata sa mga girls na tahimik lang at composed lagi like Verena?” Mica stated who’s already beside me kaya inakbayan ko at pinisil ang pisngi.

“Ingay mo kasi. Para kang manok na gabi pa lang, tumitilaok na,” biro ko kaya hinampas niya ang dibdib ko.

“Kasalanan mo kasi ’yon! Pinadugo mo ang ilong ni Kael kaya gumaganti tuloy at mainit ang ulo sa inyo!” si Mica.

I cannot believe that the girls are blaming us boys instead of hating on Kael too. Mica is just overglazing him because she likes him. Nagswimming na ulit ang girls kasama si Shiloh habang nasa sala kami, ipinagpatuloy ang laro at ang topic tungkol kay Kael.

Si Shiloh na basa na ang white t-shirt at black shorts, kasama si Angela, patakbong pumunta sa kusina. Ilang sandali lang, lumabas si Shiloh at iritado na ang tingin sa amin hanggang tumigil ang tingin kay Brent na nakanguso, nagpipigil lang na matawa.

“Sino ang uminom ng Mogu-Mogu ko?” Shiloh asked while frowning.

Umiling agad kaming boys, well, except for Brent.

“Nauhaw ako,” Brent reasoned.

Galit na nagmartsa si Shiloh patungo sa amin kaya ako na katabi si Brent, napalayo agad, ganoon din si Con habang nangingiting nakaabang si Brent sa paglapit ni Shiloh. As soon as Shiloh stopped in front of him, he threw the empty bottle at his chest.

“I told you to buy for me, and you didn’t…” natatawang sabi ni Brent sa kabila ng pamumula ni Shiloh sa sobrang inis.

“Patay-gutom,” Shiloh mocked and walked out.

I whistled while the boys were now throwing pillows at Brent, who just laughed successfully for pissing Shiloh off again.

“Patay-gutom ka pala, Brent,” natatawang kantyaw ni Ron.

“Kita mong pikon, aasarin pa talaga! Uhaw ka kaya mo ininom? Tang ina mo. Baka naman uhaw sa atensyon,” iritadong sabi ni Rick at hinampas ng soft pillow si Brent.

“Sa dami ng drinks ’yung kay Shiloh pa talaga! And you don’t like sweet drinks, dude. Stop capping!” I shook my head.

We were slightly used to Brent and Shiloh’s bickering. Out of all us boys, Brent was the one who could easily piss him off. Or maybe all of us find Shiloh so adorable that we would rather babied him, unlike Brent, who seems to have fun seeing his angry side.

“Bored lang ’yang si Brent dahil naubos niya na lahat ng Art student pero si Verena, mas may pake pa kay Shiloh kaysa sa kanya,” naiiling na sabi ni Con nang tumayo na si Brent at mukhang nandoon na sa swimming pool at ang mga girls naman ang nagagalit sa kanya. We can hear them splashing Brent with water.

“Why don’t we message Verena and tell her to give him a chance?” suhestyon ko na ikinangiwi agad ng boys. Naaawa na ako kay Brent eh. Baka pag pinansin ni Verena, tumigil na rin siya.

“Tingin mo talaga papansinin tayo no’n pagkatapos ng mga kahihiyan ni Brent? Hindi,” si Rick.

I took out my phone in my pocket and opened my Facebook app to search for Verena. Kaso Verena pa lang ang nat-type namin, ang dami na agad. Phew… the girl is indeed the school’s it girl.

“Isearch mo sa Facebook ni Shiloh. Friends ata sila,” Mavric suggested.

“Naka deact si Shiloh. Messenger lang ata ang ginagamit,” ani Rick.

Natahimik kami saglit habang namamangha sa mga profile pictures na ginagamit sa mga pekeng Facebook accounts ni Verena.

“Gawa kaya tayo ng account tapos i-prank natin si Brent? Para naman ma distract siya at tigilan na ang kakakulit kay Shiloh,” si Con na nakaisip.

Naghagalpakan agad kami at sunod sunod ang tango sa naisip na kalokohan ni Connor. Tinatawag na kami ng mga girls para paliguin din sa labas pero nagtatawanan kami kakapili ng profile picture ni Verena habang ginagawa ni Con ang account.

“Matutulog siguro ’to si Brent nang nakangiti buong taon!” sabi ko habang pinapanood si Con na sinisearch na ang Facebook account ni Brent.

Iyon ang pinagtatawanan namin kahit parang imposibleng map-prank namin si Brent. Pero baka sa sobrang kabaliwan kay Verena, kahit dummy account papatulan niya na basta si Verena lang ang profile picture.

Man… he is really hopeless. He can get the girls so easily aside from Verena…

I mean, yes, sobrang ganda ni Verena. Kahit ako nga noong unang kita ko, nag-iimagine na agad ako na ikakasal kami. But come on, if the girl has a lot of admirers and she doesn’t care about me, I’d immediately move on.

“Look at this,” si Con sa locker room after ng practice namin sa gym for the upcoming play in December. “In-add ni Kael ang dummy account.”

Tiningnan ko ang screen at namilog ang mga mata nang may friend request nga galing kay Kael sa ginawa niyang Facebook account ni Verena. Ngayon lang namin ulit ito nabalikan dahil tapos na ang exam.

“Dude, what the hell?” Natatawa kong kinuha ang phone niya lalo na’t talagang hindi ako makapaniwalang may isa pa yata kaming mabibiktima.

Hindi yata active sa social media si Brent lately kaya ang tagal i-accept ng dummy account na ginawa namin. Kahit nga noong na kick siya sa GC, wala siyang kaalam-alam.

“Gago dude, i-accept mo. Let’s prank him,” suhestyon ni Connor habang si Mavric, Ron, at Rick, nakikisiksik na rin ang mga mukha para tingnan ang phone na hawak ko.

“What about Shiloh?” tanong ni Brent, nakatapis pa sa baywang ang tuwalya at kakatapos lang mag shower.

We were so chaotic while deciding to accept the friend request to prank him. At tama nga naman si Con, may atraso pa ’to kay Shiloh ah? Well, not just Shiloh. Our circle has a personal beef with him. Maangas kasi ito at mayabang kaya palagi naming nakakainitan.

“Uy nagmessage!” sigaw ni Rick pagkatapos namin i-accept ang friend request.

Kael:

Hi idol ;)

Sumabog ang tawanan namin. Fucking cringe! I knew it! That snob-looking is just a facade to attract the girls! This is the real him! Cringe and corny!

Halos manigas na ang tiyan ko kakatawa nang nireply-an namin at ganado rin siyang nagrereply. Tang ina, ang cocorny ng mga banat niya! At tumawag pa talaga!

“Si Shiloh! Teka si Shiloh! Marahan ang boses no’n!” I suggested habang pinagpapasa-pasahan namin ang phone.

“Idadamay mo pa sa kagaguhan niyo,” si Brent na biglang napawi ang ngiti at hinampas ako ng tuwalya sa mukha.

The call then ended, and he sent another message.

Kael:

Sorry boss, napindot. Kinilig lang :)

“Boss? Gago ang cringe!” si Rick na hinampas na ang locker room kakatawa.

“Reply-an mo, Tyler! Sabihin mo hindi mo nasagot kasi naglupasay ka rin sa kilig!” si Ron na inakbayan na ako kaya natatawa rin akong nagtype ng reply.

Verena:

Sorry, hindi ko rin nasagot. Naglupasay din sa kilig.

“Dagdagan mo ng sticker!” si Mavric na nakipindot na rin. We sent a rabbit who’s blushing hard while we were laughing our ass off. Humanda ka ngayong gago ka.. Pagtitripan ka namin.

Chapter 7

Thirst trap

We all got access to the dummy account since it was also connected to the newly created email by Con.

Nac-cringe ang mga boys sa reply ni Kael habang ako lagi ang ganadong magreply dahil nasasakyan ko ang mga hirit niya.

Kael:

Good morning, love. Kain kana ha. Kung ayaw mong kainin kita ;)

I spat my water early in the morning as soon as I read the message. Tang ina, gago! What kind of pickup line is this?

“Ron! Kael just replied!” tawag ko dahil hindi ko yata kayang mag-isa itong kausapin.

Si Ron na nagbubutones pa lang ng shirt niya, malawak agad ang ngiti at lumapit sa akin.

Habang ako na naka pants pa, topless at hawak ang toothbrush, nangingiti akong sumandal sa sink para magtype ng reply habang dumudungaw siya sa gilid ko.

“Gago! Nakakakilabot talaga ang mga pick up lines niya!” natatawang hirit ni Ron nang mabasa din iyon. “Sabihin mo subuan ka niya tapos gayahin mo ’yung parang sisiw na sad emoticon ng mga girls.”

Naghahagikhikan kaming dalawa habang tinatype ko ang reply.

Verena:

Love subuan mo ako :<

Delivered.

Wala pang limang sigundo, nagreply na agad si Kael.

Kael:

Open your mouth, love. Susubuan kita. Here comes choo choo…

Sumabog ang tawanan naming dalawa ni Ron nang mabasa agad iyon.

“Anong choo choo?” I asked in the middle of laughing.

“Baka ’yung tunog ng train?” si Ron na tawang tawa din.

I took a screenshot of the convo. Nakaisip pa kami ng kalokohan ni Ron, sinusubuan niya ako, hawak ang kutsara na walang laman, ganoon din ang panga ko habang nakanganga ako, at kapwa kami nakatingin sa camera para kunan iyon ng picture.

We sent the screenshot first and also sent the picture for a better scene of the actual convo. Nagseen agad ang mga boys at nangungunang nag haha si Mavric. Si Rick na typing na.

Rick:

Hayop. Sirang sira ang umaga ko.

Mavric:

Here comes the train X Here comes choo choo ✓

Connor:

Kaya pala wala akong gana kumain dahil walang ‘here comes choo choo’ kay Serene

Kung hindi ko lang naalala ang major subject ko, baka hindi kami natapos kaka reply kay Kael.

“Seryoso, si Kael talaga ’yan?” Ron asked while he’s in the passenger seat fixing his hair in front of the mirror, still laughing about Kael’s corny chats.

Nailing ako, kagat ang labi at nangingiting tumingin sa side mirror to check if it’s okay to change lane.

“I don’t know, Ron. Pero sino pa ba? He’s so cringe.”

“Dude, ang bobo ng mga replies niya! Typical na replies ng mga maaasim na lalaki sa Facebook! Alam mo ’yon, parang mga memes lang!”

I slightly laughed and shook my head. I’m actually having fun. Imagine his reaction once he found out that we are behind this prank. He might regret messing with us. He must apologize to Shiloh first, and we’re good.

Ron and I parted ways as soon as we got into the university. Kahit nakikinig na sa major subject ko, pag naalala ko ang corny chats niya, natatawa ako. Gusto ko tuloy silipin ang phone ko sa gitna ng klase para lang patulan ’yang corny chats niya.

Is that his real attitude when it comes to women? Naniniwala naman ako na nag-iiba talaga ang ugali ng boys pagdating sa babaeng pinopormahan nila, but doesn’t he realize that his ways were cringe and a turn-off? May girls pa bang naaattract sa gano’n?

And knowing he’s trying to shoot his shot on Verena. Kay Verena pa talaga. Hindi niya man lang ba naisip na hindi gagana ang ganoon sa babaeng iyon? O hindi naman ganito si Verena?

Si Brent nga kahit pansinin man lang ni Verena hindi pinagbigyan, siya pa kaya na ang corny sa chats? Cuz if I were Verena and I would read his corny replies, I might block him right there and then.

I slightly laughed and pinched my lower lip as I leaned on my seat, and the prof in the front was talking seriously.

Nang magvibrate ang phone ko sa desk, ang messenger notification na bumalandra sa screen ng phone, ngumuso agad ako at gusto nang matawa, ngunit pinigilan lang.

I looked at the prof, placed my bag on my lap, and unzip it to hide my phone as I sneakily opened his message.

Kael:

Unang araw pa lang…minahal na kita, ah~

I curiously typed a reply while smiling. Unang araw pa lang? Ano, unang araw pa lang na ginawa siya ng parents niya? Unang araw pa lang noong sanggol siya? Does he even know what he’s saying? Ang aga aga pala nitong lumandi!

Verena:

???

Kael replied right away.

Kael:

Bakit ba ganito ang aking nadama?

What’s nadama? Man… he’s so cringe. Ron is not here to translate deep tagalogs.

Verena:

Hahahahaha true

Kael:

’Di man kita lubusan pang kilala. Eh ano naman, basta mahal kita, ah?

I cleared my throat to stop myself from laughing. Madali yatang mauto ang isang ’to. Hindi pa nga kilala, in love na agad. He’s hopeless.

Verena:

Kikilalanin natin ang isa’t isa, love :*

Kael:

Second subject, ando’n kami sa may lab. Hindi ako nakikinig, titig ako kay my love…

Wow. It’s rhyming… He’s trying to impress Verena so much.

Verena:

Akala ko ba ako ang love mo :(

Noong dumaan ang prof ko, pasimpleng lumingon sa akin, tumigil tuloy ako sa kaka chat at nagseryoso kahit pigil na pigil akong matawa.

And what did he say? Second subject niya at nasa lab siya? Classmate sila ni Verena? I don’t understand anything. Bro seems high, and he’s talkin’ like he’s on drugs.

After the class, I immediately screenshotted his messages and sent them on the GC. Mabilis ang haha react ng mga boys.

Reagan:

Ulol! Anong course mo? Astraunot! Ba’t Astraunot? Pupunta ako sa araw! Sa araw, eh mainit do’n ah? Gago, edi gabi ako pupunta ron!

Gusto kong matawa sa chat ni Rick but I don’t understand a thing. Still, I reacted haha since everyone also reacted haha on it.

Ronan:

Si Tyler nag haha akala niya naman gets niya?

I laughed cuz he’s right. I have no idea with the song. Hindi ako masyadong mahilig sa tagalog songs.

Mavric:

Prank mo rin ng kanta. ’Yung Itsumo tapos ’yung Japanese lyrics. Tingnan natin kung hindi ’yan ma speechless.

I searched for the lyrics and copied it. Iyon ang s-in-end ko sa GC.

Tyler:

いつも 心へほしいつか 誰かとまた恋に落ちても いつも 心にいるいつも あなただけの場所があるから (yeah, yeah)

Reagan:

Hayop na yeah yeah. Kantahin mo na rin! Nahiya ka pang i paste ang full lyrics.

Tyler:

Kabisado ko ang rap niyan. Pag sinendan ko ng rap ’yang si Kael, tatahimik ’yan.

Well, I am into rap songs. I can even rap verses in every song I know, especially Eminem’s…

Mavric:

Verena nagbibinata ang boses version.

Reagan:

Ang korni talaga ng kupal. Ireport niyo nga account niyan. Dapat sa kanya pinagbabawalang mag Facebook.

I laughed cuz I could literally hear Rick’s aggressive voice right now.

Kael’s message flashed at the top, so I clicked it right away to view his message.

Kael:

Kanta ’yan love. S’yempre ikaw lang ang my love ko ;)

Man… I wanna puke. He’s really single for a reason… Before I could even reply, Mica’s text on imessage notified.

Mica:

Tyler! Break time mo?

Tyler:

Kakatapos lang. Why?

Mica:

I need tampons, Tyler! I think meron ako today. Masakit ang puson ko.

I rolled my eyes when I immediately knew what she wanted. Hindi lang talaga ako driver, personal buyer din. Kulang nalang ng motor at pwede nang taga hatid ng orders. So I typed another reply.

Tyler:

You want tampons? Lalabas ako.

Mica:

Yes please :< hindi pa nagrereply ang mga girls eh. I don’t want to have a red flag on my white skirt!

I’m used to buying pads and tampons. The boys in our circles are already trained well since day one. Noong una akong pinabili, namali pa at pantyliner ang nadampot ko. I didn’t even have an idea about pantyliners at first, not until the girls explained the difference between pads and pantyliners.

Well, it’s quite amusing that buying stuff for the girls became a normal thing in our circles.

I went out and went to the nearest 7-Eleven so I could buy some chocolates for her too. Pag may period kasi sila, parang ang takaw nila sa matamis. Speaking of chocolates…

Tyler:

Shiloh? Break time mo na?

I cannot forget that he gave me a box of cookies, croissant, and a frappe. I couldn’t stop smiling while thinking about it. Gusto ko tuloy ilibre rin ng mga chocolates.

“Hi Tyler!” the girls greeted me when I passed at the group of students. I stopped for a while to have a little chitchat with them.

“Naglalandian daw kayo ni Rosie?” one of the girls with medium-length hair asked.

“She ghosted me…” I said it like I am the loneliest man on earth now.

“Aw… Bakit naman? Ayos lang ’yan! Marami pa naman diyang iba, ’di ba?” the other girl said concernedly.

I licked my lips and nodded as I smiled a little. “Yeah. I’m just… a bit disappointed at myself dahil baka kasalanan ko rin—”

“Hindi ’no! Baka busy lang! Huwag kanang ma sad,” one of the girls caressed my arm.

“Yeah… She’s probably busy. Focus din kasi ako sa studies ko. Pero sana maisip niya na ang kahati niya lang sa atensyon ko ay mga librong inaaral ko,” I sighed, and they all looked at me with empathy. Fucking liar. I got ghosted for a reason, for sure.

“Her loss, Tyler…” they said empathetically.

Noong nagbeep ang phone ko at nagreply si Shiloh, nagpaalam agad ako sa girls na malambot na ang tingin sa akin. Ganito dapat ang ginagawa ni Brent para hindi siya napapahamak sa mga girls! Siya kasi, alam niyang gago siya, ipagmamayabang at proud pa.

Shiloh:

Oo. Bakit?

I automatically smiled while thinking about his squishy cheeks right now.

Tyler:

Palabas ako. Bibilhan ko ng tampons si Mic Mic. You want sweets? My treat.

Shiloh:

Okay :)

I waited for him in 7-Eleven. Tumingin-tingin ako sa condoms at naalalang one-week na akong walang kalandian ngayon. The last girl I had is Rosie, iyong kinuwento ko kanina sa mga girls. Panay kami chats noong simula palang ng school—isa sa kaibigan noong Chloe na pinopormahan ni Mavric, but last week, she ghosted me for some reason.

“Tyler,” tawag ni Shiloh at naabutan pa akong nakatunganga sa harapan ng condoms.

Lumapit siya at tumingin sa bibilhin ko. I could sense the judgements in his snobbish fox-like eyes, as if he caught me doing illegal things.

“Akala ko ba tampons? Aanhin ni Mica ang…” Then he looked at the condoms.

“Oh, it’s for me,” I chuckled and took one. I immediately went to the tampons just to avoid Shiloh’s judging eyes.

Sa aming circle, pansin ko, si Shiloh yata ang hindi liberated. Parehas sila ni Rick na pag usapang bastos, hindi nakikisali o ayaw sa ganoong topics. Con is actually liberated too, but he’s quite a gentleman, kaya matino lagi ang sinasabi pag usapang girls.

Meanwhile, the girls in our circles are liberated. Mica has once shared her experiences with boys with me since she got shocked that the Philippines is a conservative country. Parehas kasi kaming laking States kaya siguro siya agad ang nagustuhan at nakasundo ko sa girls.

Nagugulat si Mica na big deal pala ang virginity dito pagdating sa girls. Well, in my country, kids my age would openly ask about experiences with no malice. Maybe because the western parents aren’t conservative when it comes to those topics to educate us at an early age.

“When I was in elementary school, I already had an idea about reproductive health and sexual intercourse since my mom would openly talk about it. Noong high school na ako, si Mommy, ireremind pa ako na magdala ng condoms bago umalis ng bahay kahit sa school naman sana ako papunta.” I chuckled while sharing it with Shiloh so I would not look like a horny fuckboy in his eyes buying a condom in the middle of a broad daylight.

Makalimutan ko na lahat, huwag lang ang condoms kasi pagagalitan ako ni Mommy. Parang kulang nalang, iyon ang ipabaon niya sa akin bilang snacks ko rin.

“Talaga? Ang cool naman ng mommy mo,” ani Shiloh habang pinapanood akong dumampot ng tampon para kay Mica.

“Yup. My mom is liberated too, y’know. Even my father would openly talk about the inches of his…” I looked down my pants since saying the word dick is quite embarrassing. Parang magmumukha akong demonyo dahil si Shiloh ang kausap ko.

Shiloh giggled. “Talaga?”

“Yup! He even asked for my opinion about piercings last week! Ilalagay niya raw sa bayag—” I cleared my throat. “Sa ano niya so he could impress my mom.” I chuckled.

“Kaya pala ang bastos mo rin,” aniya na ikinapawi agad ng ngiti ko. Did he just… casually insulted me? It was so unexpected.

“I mean, liberated ka rin. Mana ka sa parents mo,” agap ni Shiloh lalo na’t binawi ko na ang kamay ko na dumampot ng chocolates na para rin sa kanya.

“Kitkat akin. Ito rin, tapos ito…” He started pointing at the sweets before I could even change my mind.

I bought all of it and included Mica’s favorite chocolates too such as M2M and Cadburry.

After buying everything, we headed back to the university and went straight to Mica’s Building. The nursing students looking at me made my lips stretch. I’m wearing a navy blue cable knit sweater with sleeves rolled up to my forearms and the tip of my inner white t-shirt showing out at the edge—a silver watch matching my silver chain necklace hanging loosely around my neck, along with pants and white sneakers.

Swabe kong pinasadahan ng haplos ang buhok at nangingiting nakipag-usap kay Shiloh, kahit ramdam ko ang malagkit na titig ng mga girls sa akin.

“Ang gaganda talaga ng mga nursing student. My standard.” I chuckled seductively to attract more girls looking at me.

“Parehas kayo ni Mavric na mahilig sa nursing,” ani Shiloh na gumagala ang tingin, namamangha lamang.

Mavric is courting Chloe—a nursing student. Man, he’s so patient. I don’t understand why he needed to court her. Situationship nalang dapat para malaya pa ring maka entertain ng ibang girls. Para kung nagpapakipot iyong isa, makatalon ka agad sa iba na game.

Nagsisilabasan na ang students noong pumunta kami sa classroom ni Mica. Noong sumilip ako, nakita ko rin ang pamilyar na tindig ni Kael, seryosong naglalagay ng libro sa bag niya habang si Mica, nakadikit sa pader at pasulyap sulyap pa kay Kael.

I noticed that he got a new haircut now. It’s a low-taper fringe. Wews. Maybe it’s because of the hair that’s why he’s getting a lot of compliments from the girls?

“Mic,” I called and entered.

Nag-angat ng tingin si Kael, magkasalubong agad ang kilay at kita ko ang iritang dumaan sa mga mata nang makita ako. I stifled my laugh when I remembered what he chatted earlier. All those corny chats really come from him who’s such a snobby?

Lumapit ako kay Mica at inilahad ang brown bag. Kael wore the shoulder of his bag and walked to the door where Shiloh was standing. Sinundan ko ng tingin. Subukan niyang angasan si Shiloh…

“Kael!” Mica called hesitantly.

Kael stopped and glanced in a cold manner. Sa akin siya unang tumingin bago napunta kay Mica sa likod ko. Mica smiled shyly.

“Thank you sa hoodie. Lalabhan ko bukas, don’t worry…”

Tumingin ako muli sa hoodie na suot niya at akala ko akin since it’s also navy blue. Kael only nodded and turned his back without saying anything. Umangat ang kilay ko at pinanood kung paano siya swabeng lumabas ng room, nilagpasan lang si Shiloh.

“So he’s a nursing student,” hula ko habang sinasamaan na ako ng tingin ni Mica. “Kaya pala mukhang pasyente.” I laughed.

“Stop it nga! Kaya nga kalat dito sa Wang building iyong about kay Verena kasi bigdeal ’yon! Maraming nagkakagusto sa kanyang nursing students din!” giit ni Mica na parang ang bobo ko para hindi iyon ma gets.

Maraming nagkakagusto sa kanya na nursing students? Nah… I don’t believe it. The nursing students have high standards when it comes to boys. They want someone who could do high maintenance and radiate their vibe too. Most of ’em wants people who look appealing and serious in their studies. Hindi naman ganoon si Kael. He is cringe and corny. There’s no girl who would fall for that. Hindi ako naniniwalang kaya noong makahakot ng mga nursing students.

“Ipinagkalat niya ’yon ah?” sabi ko habang nangingiti niyang sinilip ang mga binili kong chocolates para sa kanya.

Huminga si Mica at nailing. “Ewan ko sa inyong boys. It’s always your ego talking.”

I scratched my head while watching Mica run to Shiloh and hugged him at halos sumabit pa kay Shiloh. She was childishly talking to him now habang naisip ko naman na ilabas ang phone ko lalo na’t gusto kong makita ang replies niya sa dummy account ni Verena.

Kael:

Good luck sa classes, love! Huwag tumingin sa iba. Ikakamatay ko :(

Nauubo akong natawa kaya napalingon pa si Mica at Shiloh sa akin. What the hell? Imagine he looked so snobby earlier, and this is what’s running through his mind. Maybe bro’s tryna act cool, and yet he’s failing it on chats.

I typed for a reply.

Verena:

Ikaw rin. Huwag kang tumingin sa iba or else dudukutin ko eyes mo :<

“Tyler! Oh my God! Smell it!” si Mica nang lumapit ako sa kanila ni Shiloh at inilapit niya sa akin ang hoodie na suot niya.

“Gross, Mica.” I pushed it away.

“Ang arte! Amuyin mo nga! Parehas kayo ng perfume!”

Curious by what she is saying, I smelled it. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang tama nga siya. It’s Creed Aventus!

“Creed, Tyler! Oh my god! Ang guwapo niya na nga, ang guwapo pa ng pabango niya!”

She’s glazing him again. Ilang taon ko na ’yang perfume lalo na’t ’yan lagi ang regalo ni Dad sa akin, tapos wala nga siyang reaction doon. Ngayong si Kael, parang aakyat siya sa langit dahil doon.

I took my phone out to confirm. I need to ask him.

Verena:

Love, ano ang perfume mo?

He immediately saw my message. Natagalan siya mag type ng reply kaya ibinalik ko ulit sa bulsa ko habang papunta na kami sa Henry Sy Hall dahil nandoon daw ang ibang boys pagkatapos magpalit ni Mica ng skirt. Mukhang natagusan nga siya.

When I spotted Mavric attempting to feed himself, I immediately teased him.

“Here comes choo choo!” biro ko kaya sa halip na subuan ang sarili, nailuwa niya iyon at nagtawanan agad ang boys sa paglapit ko.

“What’s choo choo?” natatawang tanong ni Mica.

“Tsismosa. Boys topic.” I smirked.

We don’t really involve the girls with our shit. Ang mga girls kasi, pag nalaman, minsan ang ki-killjoy. Besides, katuwaan lang naman ’to. No harm is intended. This is just a small revenge because he insulted Shiloh. ’Yung mga atraso niyang inaangasan kami, kaya naman namin iyong baliwalain at angasan nalang din siya pabalik like a normal banter for boys. Kung napikon, talo siya.

Nag beep ang phone ko, lalo na’t nakatambay lang ang messenger sa account ni Verena, hindi ako madidistract. I pulled it out and saw Kael’s message on the screen. He sent a photo kaya binuksan ko agad.

Kael:

Creed Aventus ;)

The wink would always get me. Para kasing wala sa ugali no’n ang mangkindat sa sobrang seryoso.

But looking at the photo, a picture of a veiny hand holding the perfume, and his parted legs were shown because of the angle. I immediately arched my brow. Which means this is really Kael.

And what? Halos parehas na kami ng gamit ah? Is he low-key copying me? Mukhang napaghahalataan ang isang ’yon ah?

“Ano ’yan? Thirst trap?” Dungaw ni Mavric sa picture ni Kael.

“Tinatanong ko kung ano ang perfume niya.”

“Post a thirst trap of Verena, Tyler. Para mabaliw lalo,” he suggested, which gave me an idea to browse some pictures of Verena on the internet and put them on the story.

Naghahagikhikan kami ni Mavric habang nasa Pinterest kami, namamangha na may pictures pala si Verena kahit doon. This girl is so popular that you can search her on every social media, and her face would immediately pop out.

May picture si Verena na nasa beach, nakapamulsa sa itim na baggy pants, sumisilip ang garter ng Calven Klein ng undies at kitang kita ang kurba ng katawan lalo na’t naka itim siya na bikini top na Calvin Klein din habang sa likod niya ay ang papalubog na araw. Her long, wolf-cut hair was disheveled by the wind. Even the sparkling water on the beach made her look even more gorgeous. Man…

Sabay na bumaba ang tingin namin ni Mavric sa dibdib niya lalo na’t kapansin-pansin ang tattoo niya. Mav and I glanced with each other until we ended up laughing. Of course, who wouldn’t find this girl hot? Naiiling kong s-in-ave ang picture para mailagay ko na agad sa story.

“She’s so hot. Ito papatol kay Kael? In his wildest dreams…” I said while clicking the music and added Her Way by PARTYNEXTDOOR.

Seconds later, nagview agad si Kael. Tinadtad niya pa ng heart at sunod sunod ang send ng sticker na naghihingalong aso, kulang nalang ma heart attack. Kahit gif, meron din at naglulupasay pa.

Hindi rin siya nagpatalo dahil ilang sigundo lang, may story na siya at minention pa si Verena. Tawang tawa kami ni Mavric habang ang girls at si Shiloh, nacucurious na bakit ang ingay namin.

As soon as I viewed it, the unfamiliar intro of a song blasted named Lakas Tama by Mike Kosa. It was the indicated song on the screenshot picture of Verena’s story with a caption ‘Upuan mo ako, Verena!’ What…the…hell…

Chapter 8

Friend

I was already in my room when I opened some of his messages after I took a shower. Ganado kong binuksan ang messages niya para magreply sa iniwan kong chats niya kanina.

Kael:

Pag nakikita kita, Lakas Tama agad na kanta ang tumutugtog sa isip mo. Ganoon ka lakas ang dating mo :*

I slightly laughed by the emoticon he used. I realized we have the opposite taste in music. Cuz every time I would see Verena, PARTYNEXTDOOR would start banging in my mind.

Verena:

Mas mahilig ako sa english songs eh. Chase Atlantic, PARTYNEXTDOOR, Kendrick Lamar, Eminem, Rihanna.

I visited my imessage to check the girls too. I got five messages coming from different girls. Isa isa ko iyong binuksan lalo na’t ilang araw ko na palang hindi narereply-an. I don’t wanna appear snobbish to them.

Rissa:

u wanna come over?

I replied.

Tyler:

Nah I’m tired babe

Gwen:

I heard about Rosie

Tyler:

What about her?

Lili:

Facetime?

Tyler:

My internet sucks

Hailey:

I miss you :(

Tyler:

I miss you too :(

I replied with a straight face faster than a flash. Si Gwen ang mabilis nagreply kaya binuksan ko agad.

Gwen:

Kael got her?

Napabangon ako ng wala sa oras. What? No fucking way.

I clicked Facetime until my face flashed. Inayos ko ang buhok ko at na-realize na kailangan ko na rin ng bagong haircut.

Gwen then flashed on my screen, the music blasting, the crowd behind her as the background, and her face showing up while she was giggling as she sipped on her cocktail drink. Mukhang nasa isang yacht party sila base na rin sa set-up ng lugar at natatanaw kong dagat.

“Nasa boracay ako! Yacht party!” she announced in her slurry voice and laughed at the side when someone murmured something to her, hugging her sideways.

“Spit, Gwen. Kael got her? What do you mean?” I asked confusingly, looking at the other girl who smirked at me when she looked at the camera too.

I licked my lips and smiled too. Natatawa pa si Gwen, lumayo-layo ng kaonti sa kanila at tumingin ulit sa camera, iniiwan na iyong babae.

“Who’s that?” I asked interestingly.

“Wala talaga kayong sinasanto ni Brent ’no?!” her high-pitched voice, which made me chuckle a little and roll my eyes.

“Nagtatanong lang kung sino. Mali ba ’yon? Y’all are just too quick to villainize us…”

“Tigilan mo ako sa pa cute at pa awa effect mo, Tyler! I know your tactics! Heh!” She even zoomed her face in, which made me giggle. Cute.

“Anyways, back to the topic. I heard it from Blanche’s group of friends! Lumabas daw si Rosie sa kotse ni Kael habang sinusuklay ang buhok. You know, it’s obvious they made out!”

Napawi ang ngiti ko. What the hell? I can’t properly recall Blanche’s group of friends, but I know she’s familiar. Probably one of Ron’s interests or Mav. Baka nga si Brent.

“When?” I could properly see my thick brows furrowing on the camera.

“Last week?” she chuckled tipsily and vibed to the upbeat music.

Last freaking week. She ghosted me.

Nah. This is insulting. Did she ghost me for Kael? Me over that…cringe—corny boy? This is really insulting. Para niya na ring pinamukhang mas lamang si Kael sa akin ah?

“When are you planning to go to Cebu? I wanna sama!” si Gwen.

“Gwen, I’ll hang up. Drink moderately, little miss…” Nagmamadali kong paalam at pinatay din ang call, hindi na napansin ang sinabi niya.

I’m fucking offended. I thought he’s crazy over Verena? Then what’s this? Nakakairita ah?

I scrolled down to find Rosie’s name until I found her. I opened her message at ang huli niyang text ay “I heard a lot of bad things about you.” na nireply-an ko ng ‘What?’ na hindi niya na nireply-an pa.

Tyler:

Hi, Rosie! are you free tomorrow? Let’s study together in Rockwell.

Kung nakikipaglandian siya kay Kael, pagtatawanan ko talaga siya. It’s a downgrade. Ipinagpalit niya ako roon? Nah… Kael just reminds me of Jason that icks me.

When I saw she read my messages, I anticipated her reply right away.

Rosie:

Can’t

Snob girl! She hates me now?

Tyler:

Why? :(

Rosie:

I heard you are a dick.

I scoffed. I heard worse than that. But who told her?

Tyler:

And you think that’s true?

Rosie:

Idk. You are friends with Brent and the rest of the varsity.

Fuck. Here we go again. Si Brent na naman… Pag baho no’n, baho naming lahat. Cuz Brent is just so shameless on flirting with Verena while he was also flirting with different girls kaya kalat na kalat kung gaano siya ka gago.

Rosie:

I want a serious rs, Tyler. Ayoko na isasali mo lang ako sa collections mo

Tyler:

There is no collection, baby. What are you talkin about? :(

Rosie:

I alr like someone else

I breathe to control my emotion.

Tyler:

Who?

Rosie:

Better than u :)

My jaw dropped. Better than me? Natatawa akong napahiga at hindi ako makapaniwalang nakumpara ako kay Kael, o pakiramdam niya, mas higit si Kael sa akin. Pissed by it, I deleted the convo so she would disappear on my DM and deleted her number too.

It’s already past twelve, and I could not sleep a wink that I opened the messenger to check Kael’s messages on Verena. Binuksan ko ang message at nakitang s-in-een niya nalang ang reply ko five minutes ago.

Oh… so you are flirting with Rosie at the moment, huh? Ito ba ’yung pinagmamayabang ni Mica sa akin? Eh mukhang gago rin ’to eh. Hibang na hibang kay Verena pero may iba rin palang nilalanding iba.

I typed for a reply since he is online.

Verena:

May narinig ako about you.

Nagseen agad siya. Nang makitang typing, sumandal ako sa headboard ng kama ko.

Kael:

What?

The first english word after all his cringe lines. Nandiri na rin siguro sa sarili.

Verena:

You’re flirting with Rosie? Kalat sa school. May nakakitang babae. You two made out?

S-in-een niya ang message ko. I stared on it, ngunit makalipas ang isang minuto, hindi na nagreply. Fuck. Did I hit the nail on the head?

Verena:

Totoo? Haha

I’m losing my cool here. Nang s-in-een niya ulit, nalaglag ang panga ko nang react lang ang ginawa niya at like pa! Bro…

Verena:

May iba kana pala. Hindi ko type ang mga gago.

Coming from the dick himself, huh? I could hear my Mom’s voice in my head despite her absence.

S-in-een niya ulit. Hindi typing pero may biglang s-in-end na picture. I viewed it and saw piled-up books on the side of his laptop while his veiny hand held a pen he was playing with.

Kael:

Nag-aaral ako. Bukas na tayo mag-usap.

Lame. Hindi siya ganito kaninang umaga ah? Ah… dahil busy siya kay Rosie? Schedule ni Rosie?

Verena:

Liar. May ibang babae ka lang talaga :<

Kael:

Haha wag kanang magpuyat. Pangit ’yon sa kalusugan.

Verena:

Gising ka nga rin.

Kael:

Pangit naman kung mag-aral ako habang tulog?

I smirked.

Verena:

Gano’n ang type ko. Marunong magmulti-task. Nag-aaral habang tulog.

And he seen me again. Tss. Walang kwenta ka chat. This is really making me upset. I remembered Jason stealing the girls I like. Siya ang pinagtitripan dito pero bakit parang ako ang naaagawan.

I logged out Verena’s account on my messenger and logged into mine instead. The unopened messages coming from the different girls welcomed me. Isa-isa ko iyong binasa at nireply-an.

I could keep 10 girls at one time especially when I’m bored cuz I love yapping things. May iba kasing girls, entertaining kausap, may iba naman, bigla-bigla nalang nagiging possessive kaya nawawalan ako ng gana minsan mag reply. Kunwari nalang busy sa school but in real life, I’m not really interested.

Kung patay na patay ako sa babae, I would always find ways to talk to her. Kahit pa nga siguro sa gitna ng klase, o kahit sa gitna ng pagligo. And even when my phone is charging or when I’m in the middle of lifting weights or jogging around, texting her so I could talk to her is the main priority, of course. Pero kung ilang oras natatagalan ng reply, tapos sasabihing busy, it’s clearly an alibi because I could not frankly tell her I’m not really interested in her romantically.

Kaya hindi madaling maloko ang mga girls sa circle namin dahil parang alam na nila kung ano ang baho ng mga boys. Mica is a well-trained playgirl by Sadie herself. Nababasa ko pa lang paano niya reply-an lahat ng DMs niya na parang mga pending activities iyon na ipapasa niya agad para umabot sa deadline, I realized Mica is somehow living in men’s field. Kaya kilalang kilalang heartbreakers ang grupo namin, eh.

We are finally going to Boracay to celebrate Shiloh’s birthday before September takes over. I searched for Verena’s picture on Pinterest again so I could post something.

Palabas na ako at papunta sa parking lot lalo na’t doon ako hinihintay ng iba pa. We are gonna prepare for the trip this weekend…

May nakita akong picture ni Verena, naka side-view at sinusuklay ang buhok paatras gamit ang mga daliri habang nakaupo siya sa hood ng sasakyan. I noticed she was wearing a black oversized jacket, a white CK tank top, and shorts. Her long legs would always make my stomach churn since she’s 5’7 or 5’8. I can’t blame Brent, Kael, and the rest of the boys for being head over heels for this woman.

I put it on my story and used the song OTW by Khalid—one of my favorite songs. I also put a caption tgif in the center. Two seconds later, Kael reacted again.

I laughed when I noticed he also put a story on his Facebook one minute later, so I viewed it. Siya iyon. It’s a mirror shot, and he’s probably in the gym because of the barbells in the background. Topless siya, nakatayo ngunit side view ang pagkakakuha sa picture habang seryosong nakatingin sa harap.

He also included a song with which I am not familiar again, but it’s Vibe With Me by Matthaios. May caption din na sa gitna niya nilagay ang ‘shabu’. Shabu? The drugs? Duda na talaga ako sa isang ’to.

I replied to his story.

Verena:

Shabu? Haha

Nagseen agad siya at sumunod na ang typing.

Kael:

Tagalog sa caption mo love ;)

Tagalog? Tgif? Paano naging tagalog ’yon? I know I have a limited knowledge about deep tagalog words, but his shabu doesn’t make sense to me.

Verena:

Di ko gets love

Kael:

TGIF. Thank God It’s Friday. SHABU. Salamat Hesus At Biyernes Ulit.

Bro… You need Jesus. I almost wanted to send it, but I hold back. Gagong ’to ah? Ako na yata ang pinagtitripan!

Nadaanan ko pa si Rick sa food stall, abalang kumakain kaya nilapitan ko at pinakita ang chats ni Kael. Sa aming lahat, si Rick ang mabilis hagilapin sa university. Hanapin mo lang ’yan sa food stall, makikita mo agad ’yan na bumibili ng ice cream, o kung ano anong pagkain.

“Gagong shabu! Akala ko adik lang kay Verena, literal pala na adik!” si Rick na kamuntik pang maibuga ang iniinom niyang drink.

Sabay kaming pumunta sa parking lot kung saan naghihintay na si Ron at Mavric. Noong dumating kami ni Rick ako roon, chats agad ni Kael ang pinagtatawanan namin. 

“Ako nga ang magrereply!” Kuha ni Ron sa phone ko at nagtype na. “Tingnan natin ’yang kagaguhan mo…”

Verena: 

Ganyan talaga ang type ko. ’Yung literal na wawasakin ang buhay ko :*

“Sabihin mo, hindi ka pa nga nagd-drugs, mukha kanang adik!” si Rick naman na inaangat pa ang sandwich niya dahil nag-aamba akong makikagat sana.

“Tapos dugtungan mo ng adik sa akin!” natatawa kong suhestyon kay Ron habang pinapaligiran namin siya at nakikisilip sa replies niya.

Nanginginig kakatawa si Ron habang tinatype iyon.

Verena:

Hindi ka pa nga nagd-drugs, mukha kanang adik!

Verena:

Adik sa akin :*

“Bilis magreply ah!” puna ni Ron nang typing agad si Kael.

Kael:

Kahit irehab ako, baliw na baliw pa rin ako sa’yo :*

“Kiss nga sa singit kung baliw na baliw ba talaga?” biro ko kaya nagtawanan kaming lalo, at ang gagong si Ron, talagang t-in-ype din iyon.

Verena:

Kiss nga sa singit kung baliw na baliw ba talaga?

Kael:

Akin na ang singit mo. Iki-kiss ko :*

“Dapa, Tyler! Ako na ang magpipicture!” si Mavric na gusto pa yatang magsend talaga ng singit ko. Gago!

I snatched the phone to type for a silly reply because Ron was already kneeling while laughing hard. Hindi niya na kinakaya.

Verena:

Pikit ka love. Ki-kiss mo pa rin ba kung ganyan ka dilim ang singit ko? :(

“Hayop ka!” Humagalpak si Rick at binatukan pa ako, si Mavric, napayuko na kakatawa.

“Patingin nga ng singit mo!” si Mavric na hinampas pa ang pwet ko.

Hinampas ko pabalik ang pwet niya. “Maputi ang singit ko, gago! Parang hindi mo naman nakita noong nakasabay mo ako sa shower!”

Kael:

Kasingdilim ng singit mo ang mundo ko kung nawala ka. Huhu tanggap kita maging sino ka man…

“Tang inang huhu. Sarap sikmuraan. Ang sad boy!” si Rick na gigil na gigil kakatawa.

His silly comebacks would always make me laugh out loud. Kung hindi lang siguro kupal si Kael, makakasundo ko iyon. Kaso nakakaangasan na namin kaya mahirap nang makasundo. Gigil na gigil pa naman si Brent sa kanya dahil sa ginawa niya kay Shiloh kaya malabo talagang magugustuhan namin siya.

Hindi na nagreply si Kael kaya nakaisip nalang kami ni Ron na sabayan iyong trend sa isang dance app since some of our videos would become viral. The sides of my jacket were hanging loosely on my arms as I smoothly danced on Bust It Open with Ron. I licked the side of my lips and smiled charmingly on the camera.

When the rest of our circles arrived, pumunta kami sa malapit na Mall. Namili lang kami ng dadalhin for the trip on that day. Nasabit pa ang mga girls sa Watsons kasama si Shiloh at interesadong sumunod si Brent kaya pumasok din tuloy kaming lahat maliban kay Rick na mas gustong kumain sa isang food stall habang naghihintay kasama si Mav.

Kael:

Slr, boss. Kumain lang.

Ang chat ni Kael nang nakatunganga lang ako sa likuran ng mga girls, may tinitingnang products kasama si Shiloh habang si Brent ay kuryoso ring kumukuha, tumitingin-tingin.

“You’re using this?” rinig ko pa ang tanong ni Brent kay Shiloh kahit hindi masyadong pinapansin ni Shiloh. Natatawa tuloy siyang inakbayan ni Ron.

Tiningnan ko ang s-in-end ni Kael na picture. It was him in a familiar food chain at stolen picture pa yata. Dito rin ’to sa Mall na ’to ah? Ilang sandali lang, may chat si Reagan sa GC.

Reagan:

Nandito pala si Kael? May kasamang chic!

What? I knew it!

Tyler:

Talaga? Sino? Si Rosie?

Kaso si Rick, hindi na nagreply! This is why I hate talking to him when it comes to intense topics! Nabibitin ka dahil sa paraan niya ng pagkukwento. Hindi pa ’yan agad magrereply lalo na kung kumakain!

“Nandito daw si Kael,” I whispered to Ron, who is also busy looking at the other products and chuckling with Brent, who kept on teasing Shiloh.

“Talaga?” natawa si Ron pero parang walang plano.

“Brent. Puntahan natin sila Rick,” sabi ko pero kahit si Brent, nasa hinahawakang hand gel ang buong atensyon at strawberry pa iyon.

I noticed Mica, who looked at her phone and smiled while typing. “Guys, labas muna ako. Shiloh…” tawag niya ngunit nasa kabilang row si Shiloh, lumalayo kay Brent na para niyang buntot.

Mica glanced at the girls, so I walked toward her. Tila ba ako agad ang naisip niya.

“Samahan mo nga muna ako pababa. May ihahatid lang ako kay Kael. He is here,” aniya.

Pumayag agad ako. I’m quite curious if he is with Rosie. Kinuha pa namin sa baggage counter ang paperbag na iniwan ni Mica saka kami pumunta sa kung nasaan man sila Kael.

“Nilabhan ko na ’yung jacket niya pero ’yung amoy niya, kumakapit pa rin,” and Mica is yapping about him again.

“Ganyan din naman ang mga damit ko,” I bragged, but she was now smiling while texting someone.

Nakisilip ako at nakita ko ang usapan nila na mukhang text message.

Mica:

Can I hand it over nalang rn? Nandito rin kasi ako with my friends.

Kael:

Okay sure.

Mica smiled from ear to ear. Inakbayan ko siya dahil nababaliw na naman ang isang ’to. Parang lahat ng gagawin ni Kael sa mga mata niya, nakakakilig. Blind girl.

“Kilig na kilig ka diyan eh marami ’yang girls,” I said.

“Marami rin naman akong crush, so what’s the big deal? As long as he is single, then it’s okay! And excuse me, hindi siya babaero!”

Wow. Her crush has a free pass, pero pag kami nila Brent ang maraming ini-entertain na girls, babaero agad? Kung sa crush niya, ayos lang kasi single naman?

“Mica,” a familiar, cold yet gentle voice called her.

Napatingin ako sa kung sinong tumawag at nakitang si Kael nga na may kasamang babae at pasimpleng tumingin sa akin. Wait… this girl is quite familiar.

Lumapit si Mica kay Kael na lumalapit din sa kanya. I stopped and watched them interact. Mica handed the paper bag, which Kael took.

“Nilabhan ko ’yan! Baka sabihin mo hindi kasi nandiyan pa rin ang pabango mo,” daldal ni Mica.

Kael nodded and smiled a little. “Ayos lang. Salamat…”

“No! Ako dapat ang nagt-thank you…” si Mica na ang lambot at rahan ng boses, halatang nagpapacute. Heh. Cringe.

Pasulyap-sulyap sa akin ang kaibigan niyang babae so I smiled. She smiled back and ran her fingers through her medium-length hair. Binasa ko ang labi at nangingiting ngumuso. She chuckled a little and looked away. I wonder what’s her social media accounts?

Nagpapaalam na si Mica at mukhang tapos na sila. Gusto ko sanang asarin kaso sinasamaan ako ng tingin ni Mica at kinaladkad na ako paalis.

“That’s his girlfriend?” I asked curiously.

Umiling si Mica. “Girl bestfriend ata. Soccer player daw ’yon eh.”

Soccer player? Wow, that’s cool!

I took my phone out of my pocket so I could message Kael. I should fish some information about that girl…

Verena:

May kasama ka? Sino ang nagpicture?

Iyon ang reply ko sa picture na s-in-end niya. Of course I know who took the photo. That friend of his…

Chapter 9

Satire

Kael:

Ancent. Ang pinaka magandang babae sa Imus Cavite ;)

Oh… Ancent. I actually like her fashion style. Iyon ang una kong napansin sa kanya. Medyo boyish pero malakas ang dating. We could probably pass as Pinterest couples…

I chuckled a little while Mica and I were already on the way back to our friends. Ngumingiti rin si Mica sa gilid ko, busy sa phone niya, kaya sinilip ko kung ka text niya rin ba si Kael.

Mica:

Sorry if parang nakadisturbo ako sa lakad niyo!

Kael:

Haha no problem. Sinamahan ko lang din siya.

“Why are you even saying sorry?” I asked curiously, which made her shoulders jump a bit.

“I’m creating a new topic, okay! That’s how we do it!” aniya at inilayo pa sa akin ang phone, ayaw magpabasa.

“What if that’s his fling and he is just trying to make it an alibi that she’s just a friend cuz he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or he doesn’t want to lose an admirer?” I concluded.

Her expression soured for me—almost disgusted.

“Ano bang tingin mo, kayo lang nila Brent ang pwede sa platonic friends?! Of course si Kael din ’no! Lagi niyo nalang talaga siyang pinagmumukhang masama,” she defended.

“B-in-ully niya si Shiloh—”

“Oo nga, paulit-ulit! Pero ganoon din  naman ang ginagawa niyo sa kanya ah? May nagsorry ba sa inyo sa kanya? Wala. And ’yung sa kanila ni Shiloh, malay natin the problem is already solved cuz Shiloh is in Kael’s circle.”

Shiloh is in Kael’s circle? Huh? That got my whole attention.

“Really?”

“Yup! Naka close ni Shiloh si Denver. He’s also friends with Kael.”

What? Denver… that bisexual who’s in a relationship with Arron? ’Yung nakasama ko rin noon sa shower room at soccer player din. Nakaangasan din ni Rick ang mga ’yon noong enrollment.

“Still, inangasan niya si Shiloh. Walang free pass doon,” I argued to prove my point here.

“Oo nga. Mali naman talaga ’yon ni Kael. No one is defending him on that. But that doesn’t give you the right to hurt him back.”

Hurt him back? I am just toying with him because I don’t like him. Kung nasasaktan siya, then he’s a pussy.

Magsasalita na sana ngunit napansin ko ang grupo na papadaan at mababangga na halos si Mica kaya hinigit ko sa baywang para ilipat sa gilid ko. She paused her dramatic expression for a bit, looked at the groups who passed by, and looked at me again to put her attention back on our topic.

“Oh yeah? Cuz I heard from Gwen he is currently flirting with Rosie and someone saw them made out in Kael’s car. ’Yung bigla akong ghinost. Nasa group daw ni Blanche ang nakakita. But what if, let’s say, kaya ako inayawan ni Rosie kasi siniraan ako ni Kael?”

“Ano namang sisirain niya sa’yo eh sira naman na talaga ang image mo sa girls!” At walang kwenta rin talaga ang opinyon minsan ni Mica.

She didn’t give too much opinion about Kael flirting with Rosie. She doesn’t really care. Hindi  ko alam kung dahil ba marami pa naman siyang crush, o confident siya na kaya niyang kunin ang lalaki kung gugustuhin niya.

Well, that’s what I liked about Mica back in the day. She got that air of confidence that she knows she’s pretty hot, and she’s effortlessly using it. I like women who are confident about themselves. ’Yung alam nilang maganda sila at hindi nila kailangang mang-akit para mapansin.

Nag-iimpake na ako for the trip when my phone vibrated. I smirked as soon as it was coming from the messenger of Verena’s account. Hindi ko kasi na log-out.

Kael:

Anong favorite color mo?

Wow. He’s so random. Tinigil ko muna ang pag-iimpake, dinampot ang phone at nangingiting nagtype ng reply.

Verena:

Navy blue and red? You?

Kael:

Black and white.

Verena:

Nice. I like em but yeah, navy blue suits me better.

Kael:

Bagay siya sa mapuputi.

Verena:

Yup. But even if I’m morena, I’ll still wear it. Wala naman ’yan sa kulay ng balat, nasa paraan ’yan ng pagdala mo sa sarili mo.

I remembered Kael wearing navy blue. He’s not as moreno as Brent, but he’s quite tan. ’Yung parang nangingintab ang balat at malinis tingnan kaya siguro laging nasasabihang guwapo dahil marunong siyang dalhin ang sarili.

Kael:

Perfume?

I was about to type Creed Aventus, but I realized he was asking Verena, not me. So I typed Mica’s perfume instead.

Verena:

YSL Mon Paris

Natagalan siya magreply kaya pinagpatuloy ko ang pag-iimpake. Mavric just sent a picture to our GC, so I viewed it.

Mavric:

Done packing

Caption niya habang hinihigaan ang duffel bag niya at topless pa. The crack in his stomach made me laugh and type for a reply.

Tyler:

You’re so hot bro…

Mavric reacted haha and I saw him typing.

Mavric:

Umamin kana Tyler.

Tyler:

Talikod. Just one round please

Mavric:

Dapa. Ako na.

Tyler:

No Mav. Ako na. I’m bigger bro. I can satisfy you better hahaha

Nagseen si Con at typing na.

Connor:

Sasama si Patricia?

Mavric:

Yup. Lahat ng girls. Even Jessie, their newly recruited girl. Sasama ’yon dahil crush yata si Brent.

Connor:

Fuck hahahaha

Tyler:

Nah bro. Just bring Serene para wala kang problema

Connor:

Ayaw niya.

Mavric:

The girls are friendly. Just try.

Connor:

Ayaw niya talaga. Sabi ko nalang wala ang girls para pumayag to

Tyler:

Tapos pag uwi mo hiniwalayan ka no? Hahahahaha

I dropped my phone when Ron knocked on my door. Binuksan ko iyon at nakita siyang hawak ang phone, nakakunot ang noo.

“Nakalandian mo si Rosie ’di ba?” tanong niya, mukhang nasa kalagitnaan din ng pag-iimpake at naantala lang.

I nodded and looked at his phone.

“Circle ata natin pinaparinggan dito sa school confession natin. Special mention ka rin…”

I cluelessly read what he was pointing out until I saw the anonymous post on our school’s confession.

Shame on those elite cirles who spread nonsense things about me and Kael, telling it to my former situationship Tyler. Lol. The asshole was too hurt he snitched it to his loud-mouthed girl bestfriend too. You can never buy class despite being in the upper class eh?

What? Loud mouth girl best friend? This is Mica. I’m so sure. Masyado ’yung maingay eh.

“Woah… tingnan mo nga ang comments ano ang sinabi ng mga girls?” sabi ko, nae-excite sa mga comments.

Mabilis na c-in-lick ni Ron ang comment section lalo na’t nasa 86 comments na ’yon kahit five minutes ago pa.

Angela Marcella Mercedes commented:

@Raya @Sheena @Mica @Gabriella @Patricia lol

Halos one hundred na ang react sa comment ni Angela at may replies pa na tiningnan din namin. Angela summoning out the girls screams a real deal of trouble.

Sofia Nicole replied:

The shade hahaha elite circles… if the shoe fits, then wear it ig?

Angela Marcella Mercedes replied:

We’re literally here for Mica wdym lmao

Sofia Nicole replied:

Mica the snitch girlie hahaha highclass yet cheap attitude. Same feathers flock together iykyk

Gabriella replied:

Girl we’re not your mirror lol

Sheena replied:

If the shoe fits then wear it? Alright, calm down satan. We’re all barefoot hahaha

Mica replied:

@Tyler omg we’re famous?! look!!! we have haters?! buy us a wine to celebrate this

Mic Mic is so unserious. I could literally hear Sadie’s high-pitched voice in my mind shouting Mica acts like my girl version sometimes.

Patricia:

@Sofia your words taste so salty. Seasonings are way cheaper than class and yet you still couldn’t afford it? Who’s cheaper tho???

Carrie commented:

Brent’s circle? The most elite group? I like their vibe especially Angela’s vlogs. Inggit me :(

Vienn commented:

Ideal cof kaya sila. What’s with the forced hate? The girls are my spirit animal fyi

Althea Mendoza:

Mica who boldly said she’s into car fun on that one vlog of Angela. That girl is a hoe

Mica replied:

Thank you for watching Angela’s vlogs! Subscribe ka ha cuz I have a lot of things to yap pa about my sex life. Keep yourself updated!

Sadie replied:

@Althea You can’t relate sa car fun kasi first and foremost, wala kang car HAHAHAHAHAHA

Uh-oh. Sadie just entered. This is gonna be a huge mess. Knowing she has a wide circle too. Hindi lang circle namin… Maraming makikisali.

Mica replied:

@Sadie Sama ka sa trip mag bora tayo tom okay :(

Kelly Anderson:

Marami ako narinig about their circle. Mga feeling relevant talaga sila purket wellknown sa school at marami ang followers sa socmed. It’s probably bcs of their vlogs flexing how they can afford shits

Sadie replied:

Pangit naman kung vlog namin tapos mukha mo ang makikita doon? Edi walang manonood non! Hindi pang clout ang mukha mo para gawing content heh

Fey Ramirez:

Is this the circle we all know who’s throwing house parties monthly? Cuz if that’s true I mean those girls are really loud. 1k per entrance pa uhh??? I don’t really get the hype of their circle. The girls are literally the girl version of the boys. Slutty and bitches. No hate just stating facts.

Sadie replied:

Malamang loud talaga kasi party??? Ano gusto mo bumulong bulong kami?

Angela replied:

Broke person should just keep their mouth shut if they can’t afford it. Hindi ka siguro nakakapunta no? Cuz it’s unli drinks and food at that party. Can your 1k alone afford hard drinks and food? Plus the pool? My house, my rules. If you don’t get the hype, then you’re in the wrong room, miss. It’s for people who can relate to us :)

Sadie replied:

Makareklamo akala mo naman pinipilit! No hate daw pero puro hates ang comment. Ano ’yan, feeling matalino pero tunog kabobohan naman!

Raya:

Si Tyler namention pero kaming girls ang inaattack. Nandito na naman ang mga girls na pa woke about misogyny sa socmed nila pero in real life mas malala pa manghila ng kapwa babae dahil masyadong insecure lol

Mica replied:

They won’t attack Tyler cuz they’re low-key hopeful they got a chance with that mf. Pick me, choose me, love me :p

I smirked proudly. I mean, of course, the girls would not attack me because they love me. I don’t have serious beef with them. I am friendly.

“Kaya ka nakakalayo lagi sa mga katarantaduhan mo dahil dito eh,” si Ron na naiiling habang natatawa ako sa replies ng mga girls, abala iyong ini-screenshot  para masend din sa GC naming boys.

The posts were now attracting too much attention. Ang dami na rin shares. Naghahanap ako ng comments about me pero wala ni isa. Kung hindi puro hates sa girls, minsan kay Mica naman. So I posted something just in case they would stalk me.

I opened my camera and vibed with the music Better Than Me by Q Money. Topless in front of the camera, I angled it a little lower to make me look like I am looking down on someone.

“Ohh… redder than me…” I smirked cockily while lipsyncing the lyrics. “Ohh… better than me?” I looked down for a bit and looked up right away as I rolled my eyes and chuckled a little cockily.

I posted it on my story, including on my Instagram too. Ilang minuto lang, marami agad nag view at nagreply.

Pia Reyes:

Omg what’s the tea with you and Kael? Are you shading Kael ba?

Joanna Angeles:

Kael? That nursing student? May beef kayo? Nakasuntukan niyo ’yon right?

Claudia Villañueva:

Girlie ditched you for Kael? Aww comfort kita. My place :D

This is why I like the girls! They’re always on my side! Curious for Kael’s reaction, I screenrecorded my own story and sent it to Kael so I could get an opinion out of him. Isinama ko rin ’yung screenshots ni Ron sa post.

Verena:

Is this true? Kalandian mo talaga si Rosie? Kalandian ata ’yon ni Tyler eh. You know Tyler? ’Yung hot na basketball player at curly hair?

I smirked while reading my chat. Sounds glazing, but yeah, I’m hella fine.

Gabi na nga lang noong s-in-een niya ang message ko at nag haha sa screenrecorded video na s-in-end ko.

Kael:

Yabang ng putang ina haha

Ako pa ang mayabang, huh? I smirked and typed for a reply.

Verena:

Ayaw mo sa kanya?

Instead of typing his reply, he send a voice message.

“Nakakasuntukan ko lagi sa basketball at sa soccer noon. Angas angas niyan bulok naman mag tagalog,” he said snobbishly which made me smile widely. What’s with the rasp on his voice? Sleepy?

At matino na ang tagalog ko ngayon kumpara noon na hindi ko sila makausap nang matino sa soccer team dahil napipikon agad si Kael sa akin.

I wanted to send VMs too but I forgot I am not Verena so I just type my reply.

Verena:

Maybe he’s a US citizen kaya hirap magtagalog? May half daw yon eh.

“Half? Siya ang hatiin ko eh,” pagalit, ngunit namamaos ang tinig. I can even picture him out rolling his eyes.

I laughed. He hates me so much? Cute. May isang VM ulit siyang s-in-end kaya iyon ang p-in-lay ko.

“Bakit gising ka pa? Almost eleven na ah?” tanong niya, kalmado na ang boses at seryoso.

I type while smiling.

Verena:

I’m packing. May bora trip kami bukas. Ikaw? Done na ang exam ah? Still studying?

“Yup. Basa basa lang naman… Ayokong malaglag sa dean’s list…” aniya sa sunod na VM.

Wow. Dean lister. I didn’t know he’s smart. I mean, sinasabi naman ni Mica but I don’t believe it.

Verena:

Magbibikini ako bukas, love. You want pics? ;)

Kael:

Haha no thanks. Updates nalang. Sabihin mo kung nandoon na kayo.

Verena:

Hindi mo ako pagbabawalang mag bikini?

“That’s on you. If you’re comfortable, mag bikini ka,” he whispered hoarsely and yawned. “May isang libro pa akong babasahin. Matulog kana kung maaga pa kayo bukas,” aniya at VM ulit.

Hindi siya ganito ka gentle sa amin ah? So gentle talaga siya sa girls? Nah. This is just a front. He’s tryin’ to impress Verena of course.

Verena:

Sleep early. You sounded sleepy.

Kael:

Good night. Enjoy.

Verena:

Good night! :*

He only heart my reply and didn’t reply anymore. Walang kiss? I’m suddenly used to his emoticons, unlike when he’s typing normally; no funny messages.

At bakit parang ayaw niyang sagutin ang tungkol kay Rosie? Hmm… that’s fishy. Bro is a low-key player.

Nangingiti akong nag log-out sa account ni Verena para masilip ang GC namin. Bumungad agad ang ongoing topic nila tungkol sa confession.

Angela:

Tama na ang comments doon. Let’s think twice before we engage on the internet. Halata naman na finufuel nalang ng iba ang away at nakikisali lang kahit hindi alam ang full context.

Sadie:

Ang paplastik ng iba na nagpopost! Nagtatago pa sa dummy account tapos kunwari concern at gusto lang icall out, pero tunog insecure naman pwe!

Raya:

Have you seen the other comments? May ibang circle na namention? Haha inaangat nila ’yon, praising and shit, but deep down, they just want to villainize us and low-key hyping up the other names.

Sadie:

Mga dummy accounts kasi talaga nila ’yon. Ibida ang sarili sa dummy account at manira doon, pero sa real account, kunwari nakikisimpatya sa’yo. Two-faced.

Mica:

Hindi na ako magtataka if Rosie is behind those other dummy accounts because that girl low-key hates me. Pinipraise pa ako like, ‘I really like Mica and all,’ but continues to shade me like girl what???

Gabriella:

Dami niyan nowadays. Lalo na kung matunog ang name. Hinihintay lang nila na magkamali ka.

Ronan:

Doble cara. Dalawa ang mukha. Isa sa harap at isa sa likod.

I typed for a reply too.

Tyler:

May triplets din kaya? Saan kaya ’yung isang mukha if ever? Sa pwet?

Angela replied:

Ang nonsense mo talaga kausap Tyler! Knowing you’re always on the crime scene but you always get away like you’re innocent!

Connor:

Hindi ka kasi malamangan sa itaas kaya hihilain ka nalang pababa.

Ronan:

Ito na ’yung sinasabi ni Tyler na Filipino genes acting up hahahahaha

Mavric:

Huwag kayong pumayag sa ibaba. Top dapat.

I laughed at Mavric’s double meaning chat. This is why we vibe cuz we like taking things lightly despite how serious the topic is! We don’t complicate things.

Mica:

@Tyler, you like girls who hates you, right? Tame them!

Tyler:

Come here girls… I can fix you ;)

Mavric:

Fix me bro…

Tyler:

Nah Mav, I’m gonna wreck you.

Binisita ko ulit ang account ni Verena at offline na siya. Mukhang natulog na talaga. I stalked his account and he has no post about the issue. Wala ring story, o kahit sana parinig man lang sa akin. O baka naman kino-comfort na si Rosie?

He didn’t even clear it up to me about Rosie. Maybe he’s his secret girlfriend? But if she is, then replying to Verena screams cheating. So he’s a cheater? And Mica likes him so much? That girl has a low taste in men. No wonder I am not her type.

“Kaya if hindi niyo alam ang full context, why engage? There’s always another side in every story, you know?” si Brent kinabukasan, late na sa balita dahil walang phone habang tulala ako sa gilid.

Humikab akong muli, medyo antok pa dahil anong oras na rin ako natulog kagabi.

“Kaya siguro ang peaceful ng buhay ni Brent lately kasi wala siyang kaalam alam anong nangyayari sa internet,” natatawang sabi ni Ron na tumutulong din sa paglalagay ng gamit ng mga girls sa kotse.

“Eh alam mo naman ang girls, they’re overprotective lalo na’t inaattack na  si Mica at ginagawan siya ng fake news sa internet. The post is trying to make her look bad,” si Connor na hinagis sa akin ang duffel bag at sinalo ko lang para mailagay sa likod.

“’Yung iba pa naman sa internet, ang bilis agad mamili kung kaninong sides papanig kahit hindi pa naririnig ’yung side ng isa. Hindi ko  talaga ’yan gets,” naiiling na si Ron.

“Mahihilig sa sabong,” si Rick na dinampot ang isang malaking bag at hinagis sa loob.

“That’s the power of the internet. You can look bad in just a second. Maybe that’s the reason why we are all engaged on any social media because we can change who we are in real life and pretend there…like you know, fake ourselves to please the society,” si Brent na masyado na namang seryoso.

Natahimik kami, si Mav na naiiling at nakapamaywang—pangiti-ngiti, si Con na tumatango, si Rick na magkasalubong ang kilay at naiirita na yata sa topic, habang naiisip ko kung bakit hindi ko ’yan naisip kahapon edi sana nacomment ko sa GC namin at maraming heart react akong nakuha sa girls.

“Oo na, Brent. Hindi mo ako kailangang paringgan.” I tapped his shoulder seriously when I remembered I am not my profile picture on my Facebook. “Magchi-change profile na ako sa Facebook. Si Mr. Bean pa naman ’yon na mukhang na offend…”

Sumabog agad ang tawanan nila. Nag-ambang sisipain ako ni Brent kaya natatawa akong tumakbo lalo na’t ihahagis pa sana ni Rick sa akin ang pinulot din na bag. Kahit si Mavric at Ron naiiling nalang kakatawa.

“Facebook mo nga tapos hindi mo mukha! Poser ka talaga, Tyler!”

Well, I like funny pictures as my profile. One time, a girl even called me out and said that I am such a turn-off for using bald John Cena’s head edited on a chicken’s body while he’s wearing a shade. I find it hilarious that I wanted to share it with my other friends so every time my chat head would pop out, they would laugh.

Lumabas na ang mga girls, antok pa, kaya binalingan ni Brent at sinabihang sa van na lamang sila. Si Shiloh na yakap ang bag at tahimik kaming pinapanood, nilapitan ni Brent para kunin sa kanya ang bag. Akala ko ihahagis niya sa akin at alerto ko na sanang sasaluin kaso ’yung susi at gusto niyang ako ang magmaneho. When Rick noticed that I yawned, he volunteered to drive instead.

Sa likod kami ng kotse ni Mavric umupo, kasama ang boys at si Shiloh na inaantok pa dahil nalalaglag ang ulo. I opened the dummy account and decided to browse our long messages when he didn’t reply last night too. He seems busy?

“Ang haba na ng chats niyo. Hindi mo pa rin pala dinidelete?” Mavric pointed out who’s sitting beside me.

“I like talking to him, dude. He is so funny…” I laughed and slowed down the scroll so he could read too.

“Mukha nga. Sarili mo na ata ang tinutukoy mo sa chats mo at hindi na si Verena,” ani Mavric nang mabasa na ang favorite color ko ang sinabi ko.

I only shrug since Kael would not probably notice that, or he’s just trolling too. We both know that we are fooling each other. I’m not even sure what’s his reason for entertaining and talking with a poser account. Maybe bored or obsessed with Verena?

“Iba ’yung typings niya dito,” ani Mavric, tinutukoy ang chats namin noong gabi.

“Really? Parang hindi naman. Gabi na kasi niyan kaya siguro seryoso na siya,” I said.

Mavric decided to read our messages more while I cluelessly looked at him. He even involved Rick in it when we arrived in our rooms, and he showed our conversation so Rick could judge it better.

“Hindi siya masyadong gumagamit ng emoticons tuwing gabi, pero ’yung lagi nating nakaka chat, gumagamit ng emoticons. Nag-iba nga ang typings,” si Rick habang nakatayo kami sa labas pagkatapos naming mailipat sa kabilang villa dahil sira ang aircon doon sa room namin.

The girls were just too loud while preparing for our activities later, si Brent na hindi maiwan-iwanan si Shiloh sa loob lalo na’t nag-aayos na ng mga gamit at pinalayas lang kami palabas dahil masyado kaming magulo kanina at si Ron na pangisi-ngisi sa gilid, abala sa phone.

“Baka wala na sa mood pag gabi,” I concluded while Mavric looked at me as if I were so dumb for it.

“You’re so clueless. Sino ba talaga ang poser sa inyong dalawa ni Kael? Parang mas poser pa ata ’yon sa’yo at ikaw pa ang mauuto no’n,” natatawang sabi ni Mavric.

“It’s just a satire conversation! Sinasabayan ko lang ang vibe niya. Seryoso siya kagabi kaya medyo naging seryoso din ako,” I explained properly since he sounded like he was cornering me to admit something I am not even guilty about.

“Sinabi mo pa talagang pupunta ka sa Boracay. Ulol! Ang sinungaling mo sa ibang babae tapos dito ang honest mo,” si Rick sa agresibong tinig, parang sasakalin na ako.

“Hindi niya naman ’yan seseryosohin. Tanga siya kung maniniwala siya sa isang poser. Verena is too far from how we portrayed her, y’know,” I defended and looked at Rick this time.

“Oh typing…” ani Mavric nang siya na ang may hawak ng phone ko.

I alertly took it from his hand so I would be the one to reply on his chat. When I looked at the screen, there’s nothing, which made my excitement drop. Mavric then laughed and tapped my shoulder. Ngumiwi naman si Rick sa akin. What’s with them? Pinagti-tripan ko na nga, ayaw pa nila?

Chapter 10

Love

“Basahin mo nga. Sabi ni Mavric at Rick iba na raw typings sa gabi eh,” I said to Ron, showing the whole conversation.

Alam naman naming lahat ang password. Pero ako yata ang madalas na gumagamit at nakikipagchat since most of the typings were mine. Si Ron, madalang dahil may kinababaliwan na namang babae.

Meanwhile, Brent has never participated since day one since he didn’t buy a phone yet. I don’t know what’s up, but it’s definitely because he thinks it wasn’t a good investment to spend too much on mobile phones. Burara siya eh. Nababasag agad ilang araw lang.

Ron, who’s smiling from ear to ear while he’s busy on his phone, glanced at my phone. Hindi ko nga alam kung binabasa niya habang iniscroll ko lalo na’t hati ang atensyon niya.

Pauwi na kami. Everyone is too tired and taking a nap on the plane. Si Ron ang katabi ko, sa gilid ay si Con na idlip at nasa tabi ng bintana.

“Baka jejemon lang siya sa umaga, sa gabi, seryoso na. Maraming gano’n eh,” si Ron sabay tawanan naming dalawa.

I nodded cuz that’s what I’m thinking too. It’s impossible that this is not Kael. I mean, he sent a voice message and also some photos.

“May iba nga, tao sa umaga, aswang sa gabi,” I added, which made us laugh even more, na kahit si Con na tulog, natatawang nailing.

“At nagsesend naman siya ng voice message at pictures…” I voiced out what’s on my mind.

“Si Kael ’yan. Halata naman. Sino pa bang baliw na baliw kay Verena? Nasa bio niya pa nga,” said Ron who supported my claims with definite evidence.

Tumango ako. “Oo. Tugma rin ’yung sinabi ni Mic Mic na perfume niya at nagsend agad siya ng picture na hawak ’yon,” I added.

“I video call mo kasi nang magkaalaman na,” he suggested without glancing at me.

I paused for a bit and laughed. Nah… It’s too early to cut something this fun. Nagsisimula pa lang eh. I want to see his reaction once he realizes that the one he’s sending those cringe messages to is none other than us. Imagine his reaction and his rage…

“Pero what if hindi si Kael? Tapos isa pala sa girls natin na circle ’no?” natatawang si Ron.

That’s impossible. The girls don’t have an idea about it. Wala namang snitch sa boys. Mavric is too secretive. Brent doesn’t really care. Con would rather keep his mouth shut instead of telling something nonsense. Ron is entertaining girls all the time. Ako naman, kung alam kong hindi agree ang girls at sisirain lang ang fun, I would rather shut up. Unless it’s about love life. Doon ko ikukwento sa mga girls para maasar din nila.

This is our little payback to begin with. But I don’t even think the boys see this as a serious game. Baka nga nakakalimutan na ’to ni Brent dahil abala siya sa pagbabantay kay Shiloh.

But what if…it’s not Kael? The question stayed on my mind for too long, but I couldn’t answer it.

Masyado nang pagod ang lahat noong pauwi na kami na nagkanya-kanya na agad dahil babawi ng tulog. I was a bit sleepy too since puro inom kami noong gabing iyon pagkatapos manood ng fire dance. Tatlong oras nga lang yata ang tulog ko.

I yawned while putting a story on my Instagram account. It’s a video of Shiloh who cried when we sang him a happy birthday and Brent hugged him. Meron ding video na nalaglag kaming lahat sa banana boat. I even sent a lot of pictures to my mum so she would see how fun my newly found circle is. My mum saw the pictures, and she only liked them.

Remembering Verena’s account, I opened it sleepily. Kael didn’t message me, actually. Consistent ’yung update ko sa kanya para sana mapagtripan siya kaso hindi nagsi-seen. When I checked, he only seen it five minutes ago.

Tss. He is really this cold during the night. Where is the fun, Kael? That cringe and corny Kael I could vibe with during the day? I typed a message.

Verena:

Hi love ;)

Seconds later, he seen it. Wow, he is active. It’s already twelve midnight, and he is still awake. Unusual. Maaga ’to natutulog eh.

Verena:

Nursing pero nagpupuyat? Baka mauna ka pang maging pasyente niyan ha?

He seen it again and reacted haha on my chat. Seconds later, he sent a photo, which I immediately viewed. It’s a picture of him crouching down, his shadow showing on the ground while his hand was in between his spreading legs.

Napatingin ako sa kamay niya lalo na’t may hawak siyang sigarilyo. He smokes?

“Nasa labas. Nagpapahangin lang,” he said through a VM in his serious yet weary voice.

Verena:

You smoke?

“Minsan lang pag marami akong iniisip. Ngayong taon lang ulit ako nanigarilyo,” his next VM.

Hmm… I wonder what happened. Nang madagdagan ko…

Wala pa akong reply, sumunod na ang panibagong VM niya.

“Kumusta ang Boracay?” he asked calmly.

Verena:

Masaya naman. Kasama ko ang friends ko. I sent some pics. Maganda ang sceneries. Lalo na ’yung sunset at waves. I wanna send bikinis sana kaso you don’t like eh :(

“Conyo. May naaalala ako,” he chuckled a little.

I smiled more. Ako ba? Cuz my tagalog really sucks. He must have thought of me during our soccer days.

Verena:

Who? Hahahaha

“Ka block mates ko rin. ’Yung chinita na maputi at sobrang conyo. Laking ibang bansa kasi,” aniya, medyo natatawa.

My smile vanished. What? I am not a nursing student. Nasa ibang branch siya kaya imposibleng ako ’yan. Well, why would he even think of me, right? Oo nga pala, Verena is a woman, so he’s projecting me as a woman too.

Verena:

Who? Spill baka kilala ko

When he sent a VM, I was hesitating to play it, but out of curiosity, I still did.

“Mikaela Celani Marseille…” he uttered huskily, which made me curse. Oh hell no! Si Mic Mic!

Verena:

Crush mo? Hahahaha crush ka ata no’n eh. I heard it somewhere…

Baka ito na talaga ang hinihintay ni Mica na chance para maibida ko siya kay Kael? She likes him so much. As her close friend, mas gusto ko talaga ng ibang lalaki sa kanya. ’Yung matino at walang pangit na record. Ayaw ko na kay Kael dahil inangasan si Shiloh. Kung alam ko lang siguro na hindi mainitin ang ulo niya, magugustuhan ko siya kay Mic Mic.

“High maintenance ’yon. Hindi ko kaya ang ganoong girls… Masyado ’yung maarte,” aniya sa VM ulit.

Right? You can’t afford the lifestyle of this girlie, bro! So back out! Stop flirting with her if you think you can’t even man up! At hindi purket crush siya ni Mic Mic, siya lang. Kung alam niya lang gaano ka rami ang crush ni Mic Mic…

Verena:

May issue siya ngayon eh. Anong masasabi mo?

Kung ito sinisiraan si Mic Mic at mas kampi kay Rosie kahit hindi niya pa alam ang side…

“Ah… ’yung sinend mo? Mali na pinost pa sa confession. Dapat pinag-usapan nalang privately. Pag public na kasi, marami nang makikisali. If that’s Rosie behind that confession, she should have directly talked to Mica…”

Hmm… He got a point though. Oo nga. ’Yun din talaga ang naisip ko. Hindi na dapat p-in-ost. Medyo nadala lang din ako sa pagpatol ng mga girls kaya naglagay din ako ng ganoon sa story ko.

Verena:

Close ’yung Tyler at si Mica ata. Sikat sila so I kinda know them

He sent a VM which is his laugh. It sounded mockery despite how hoarse it sounded. I laughed too since I find his voice devious.

“Ah, ’yung kupal…” he said in the middle of his laugh, which made me grin.

Verena:

Kung gusto mo si Mica, kailangan mong dumaan sa boy best friend no’n. Overprotective daw yon eh. Baka hindi ka papasa doon.

I sent it and chuckled. He needs to come to me first if he really wants to score a date. One on one. Kung mananalo siya sa akin, pagbibigyan ko siya. Kung mananalo…

“Kaya nga ayokong patulan si Mica dahil ayokong third wheel siya in case magdidate kami. Baka kumulo lang ang dugo ko,” he stated in an annoyed tone.

Tss. Hindi mo lang ako kaya eh. Before I could even type for a reply, he sent a message.

Kael:

Uuwi na ako. Matulog kana. It’s late.

Hindi pa naman ako antok. Pero kanina oo, but I’m so bored right now. Isa pa, pwede na itong evidence na si Kael nga ang humahawak nitong account na ’to. Gusto ko rin talagang kumpirmahin na siya eh. Mavric and Rick are both overthinking things.

Verena:

Still smoking?

Kael:

Inubos ko lang ang isang stick haha

Verena:

Umuwi kana. Late na rin

Kael:

Yup. Pauwi na

Verena:

Ingat! :*

He only heart it and didn’t reply anymore. I opened some of my messages on my real account, but the girls were only confirming the shady story I put on the other day. Tinatamad din akong magreply sa iba pa lalo na’t nakikitsismis lang yata sa gulo ng circle namin. The girls stopped responding to the anonymous post anymore since Brent told them not to fuel it. Si Sadie lang talaga ang ayaw paawat dahil close sila ni Mica.

Well, speaking of Mica, I watched her boredly while we were in Rockwell, and she was ranting about the posted hate.

“Nakakainis ’yung girl bestfriend ni Kael! She liked Rosie’s patama about me!” Mica ranted on the next days, which made me shake my head.

Nilibre at pinakain ko na nga para lang makalimutan niya na ’yung post, nang makitang nag like ’yung girl best friend ni Kael, uminit agad ang ulo niya. Iba pa naman ’to, pag may issues siya, gamit na gamit ako bilang pambala. Kulang nalang ipasok ako sa kanyon at ako ang itapon niya sa mga may galit sa kanya.

“I’ll try to talk to Rosie in person, okay. Ako na ang bahala so chill,” sabi ko para lang kumalma na siya. “Maganda talaga pinag-usapan nalang privately eh. Kung public kasi, maraming makikisali,” I uttered the familiar words of someone…

She leered at me as if I were suddenly out of character to be this composed and rational.

“Sabi ng nagpost pa ng thirst trap sa halip na i-address ang issue?!” She leered at me.

Humalakhak ako. Nadala lang din naman ako that time. Brent makes sense though. Noong pauwi na kasi kami, papunta na sa airport, sa van pa lang, pinag-usapan ulit iyon.

“Hate post nga. What are you trying to prove a point there? If she has an issue with Mica, she should have directly talked to her and confirmed it right away. Sure, let’s say pinatulan ang post and you won the argument, but at what cost?” Brent’s inspirational words were suddenly echoing in my mind.

“You were all swayed by your emotions when Mica was mentioned. You jumped right there and then to save her. It’s a heroic act as a friend to see someone who is willing to jump for you, risk yourself, and save them, you know. But before doing it, ask yourself first if doing such thing would really help, or would only worsen the situation…” patuloy ni Brent noong oras na ’yon, seryoso siya kaya natatahimik ang lahat dahil gusto pa sanang pumatol ni Sadie sa post.

“Ba’t pa kasi pinatulan! Dami dami niyo edi mass report nalang sana para mawala ang confession!” si Rick na ikinahalakhak namin.

“Or mag flood comments tayo doon ng mga memes para tumawa sila,” I suggested and laughed, but everyone then glared at me, so I stopped and just cleared my throat. “Tama ’yung sinabi ni Brent. Kahit ako naman kung nalaglag si Ron, hindi rin ako tatalon para samahan siya doon. Bahala siya…”

“Bobo ka talaga, Tyler!” Angela shouted, and the girls were suddenly attacking me; even Ron threw his neck pillow to my face.

“Si Mark dapat ang sinisisi sa mga hates sa internet eh. Kung hindi siya gumawa ng Facebook app, edi sana walang ganito! Tingnan mo, siya pa ang tahimik lagi habang nagkakagulo tayo.” I added, which made them throw more things at me while laughing hysterically.

“Kaya nga think twice before you click, ’di ba! Kung bobo ka, wag na mag Facebook! Simple simple lang pinapakumplikado pa. Huwag na magcomment,” si Rick na kulang nalang sikuhin ako eh magkatabi pa naman kami.

“Kung makapangaral si Rick akala mo hindi nagcomment doon sa post na “Comment to claim your iPhone!” si Ron kaya mas lalo kaming natawa. Gago?

“Tapos pag di siya nanalo, siya pa ang galit!” si Mavric na natatawang nakipag-apir sa akin dahil dalawa na kaming humagalpak.

“Gayahin niyo si Shiloh oh! Tahimik lang!” puna ni Raya kaya tiningnan namin siyang lahat.

“Baka ikaw talaga si Mark, Shiloh?” tanong ko kaya sumabog lalo ang tawanan at binatukan pa ako ni Brent.

“Naka deactivate ang mga accounts ko. Messenger lang ang ginagamit ko,” ani Shiloh, si Brent na tumikhim at pumikit nalang, iidlip na ata.

I don’t think I would pass as one of those people who can live without social media. Papansin ako eh. I like the attention I’m receiving, the hype, and the compliments, especially joining the trends and talking to different people on the internet.

Knowing that I am in the field of marketing where the internet plays an important role in promoting your product, I need the clout to boost my business. Kailangang updated lagi sa trend para nakakasabay ka rin at ma target mo ’yung audience na kailangan mo.

Ayos sana kung maraming hindi mahilig sa internet, but most people nowadays are obsessed with social media because they see these apps as part of their daily lives now. Where do people shop now? Online shopping apps. Where do people watch their favorite series now? Still on the internet. Where do people order food when they can’t go out? Still on these apps. Technology is just too advanced that the business people would rather promote their products first on the internet instead of giving away flyers.

Next time na siguro ako magiging tahimik sa internet kung billionaire na ako.

Speaking of gastos… when Shiloh arrived since hinihintay namin siya ni Mica, I took out my wallet when I remembered something.

“Here. I really don’t know what you like kaya hindi ko alam anong bibilhin ko na gift. Ikaw na ang bumili para sa sarili mo,” sabi ko kay Shiloh at ibinigay sa kanya ang credit card ko.

Kumurap siya at napatitig sa card ko. Wala sa sarili niya iyong tinanggap.

“Bili ka ng kahit ano, Shiloh. Nasa six digits naman ang meron diyan,” agap ko. “Kunin mo lang sa savings. And the pin is…” I also let him have access to it.

“Ikaw na ang bahala. Baka gagamitin mo agad eh wala pa akong naiisip na bilhin,” aniya at gusto iyong ibalik sa akin.

Umiling ako at itinulak pabalik sa kanya. “That’s my extra credit card. I have three cards actually. One for my business, one for my personal needs, and that card is for my wants, or anything I wanted to buy. I have cold cash too just in case kaya don’t worry.”

I don’t spend that much. My last purchase was my car during the summer. It’s worth millions. Pinag-ipunan ko rin ’yon since first year college. That’s my most expensive gastos that I earned from my own business.

’Yung mga gastos ko lang din kasi ay pagkain ng circle namin at drinks lalo na kung may mga inuman. Ano pa ngayon na may problema si Con.

“Nakipaghiwalay,” and the next days after Shiloh’s birthday, we were all surprised by the news that Serene broke up with him.

That’s the main reason why I hate being in a relationship. Ayokong maraming bawal. For example, gusto mong sumama sa trip, your parents agreed but your girlfriend didn’t. It sucks right? Kaya lagi kong advice kay Con, hiwalayan niya na ’yang si Serene nang makawala siya dahil sinasakal nalang din siya.

“Tyler, did you bring your car?” tawag ni Con habang nagmamadali akong pumara ng taxi dahil mali-late na. Medyo late na rin ako natulog kagabi eh. Akala mo talaga walang pasok sa umaga at ang yabang kong magpuyat.

“I’m taking a taxi! Puno lagi ang parking space. It’s hassle to bring a car all the time,” I said.

“Ako na,” I suddenly heard Brent’s voice in the background, and he sounded so serious.

“What’s happening?” I laughed. They seemed to be arguing.

“What?” Connor, who probably answered Brent. “It slipped on my mind, Brent!”

What’s with these people losing their cool so easily? I understand if Con would be a little cold because he is brokenhearted, but Brent? Or maybe pinagalitan siya ng Mommy niya dahil kay Shiloh kaya wala rin siya sa mood? Imposibleng sa girls eh.

Just like me, Brent takes the girls so lightly too. Kaya nga natatawag ’yan na gago dahil wala siyang pakialam minsan basta game lang. But those who are game would suddenly end up having serious feelings, which is why he has no choice but to drop it.

“Lalaki ka dude. We don’t chase here.” Akbay ko kay Connor nang magkita kami after ng class, gustong icomfort si Con.

“Bading kasi ’yan si Connor.” Ron laughed.

Mavric smirked at Brent, who cleared his throat.

“Anong room ba noong Shila, Ron?” biglang tanong ni Brent.

And that’s it. We went to the other branch of our school—the building of the nursing students. May balak na yatang kilalanin ni Brent iyong nursing student na may gusto sa kanya na pinakilala nila Ron sa kanya. I just can’t recall the name, but it’s probably Shana?

Siniko ako bigla ni Ronan at may pasimpleng nginuso. Kael, together with his group of friends, were calmly talking while walking in the hallway. Nagkatinginan kaming boys at agarang naghagalpakan nang maalala ang mga corny chats niya.

Ang tahi-tahimik pa naman nito lately. Baka busy kakalandi kay Rosie?

“Hi love,” Ronan greeted jokingly, and he even winked at them.

I laughed more when Kael glanced our way, brows knitted, until his eyes went to me. The boys were now roleplaying our replies to him, and we’ll say it to each other while laughing. If he would overreact, for sure, he is behind those corny chats Mavric and Rick were talking about.

“Tayo ba ang pinaparinggan ng mga gagong ’yan, Kael?” one of his friends asked in an annoyed tone.

Remembering our chats at night, I am eager to tease him even more so I could just see his anger up close. It’s like a privilege I would grab because it’s such a nice feeling when you see your enemy losing its cool because of you.

So Kael then stopped in front of us, Brent, and the rest of the boys, who also stopped behind me. I stopped in front of him until our heights were level. I am 2 inches taller than him.

I could smell the familiar scent he is wearing mixing with mine, the rage in his eyes roaring thunderously when he looked at me, and the clench in his jaw moving as if being this near to me would boil his blood because I was simply the trigger.

I cocked my head to the side, smirked a little, looked at his eyes playfully, grazed it down to his lips, and chuckled. He noticed it, which triggered his anger to intensify.

“Love, calm down,” Ron teased and put his arm around me.

Kael scoffed and looked at the other side to control his anger, but as soon as he looked at me, his fist followed for a sudden punch. I alertly stepped backwards to dodge it while chuckling. Phew… The hate is burning…

“Woah, chill. We’re at the school,” I warned and raised my hands to at least let him know I am not up for a physical fight right now.

Bigla niyang hinila ang kwelyo ko kaya muli akong napalapit sa kanya. My smile grew even wider as I stared into his cognac brown eyes. Ngumuso ako, nangingiting bumaba ang tingin sa labi niya at iginapang lang ulit pabalik sa kanyang mga mata.

“Ang sarap talagang wasakin ng mukha mo,” he uttered furiously while the voice of the prof suddenly blended in, but I could hear his words better since it was almost a whisper to me.

“Do it,” I whispered back with a slight chuckle.

He licked his lips and looked at me brutally. Ngumuso ako lalo. I really like watching his eyes when he is mad. Maybe I like the color, or I like how his anger would complement the sudden darkness in his eyes.

Marahas niya akong binitiwan, binangga ako sa balikat at lumagpas sa amin, saka ako nakangising lumingon sa kanyang likuran sabay haplos sa batok ko. Kinikilabutan talaga ako pag galit siya.

“Ganda ni love magalit,” nangingiting sabi ko na ikinatawa ng mga boys, naaaliw sa namumuong kidlat sa pagitan namin ni Kael.

Ang angas ah? Akala mo talaga hindi malambing sa akin sa dummy account ko…

Chapter 11

Position

Mavric is kinda right, though. Kael is really different during the day. But maybe because he treats the night as an hour where he could be serious and vulnerable.

Still, we continued toying with him. Pigil lamang ang tawanan naming boys after the funny chats we did with Kael, who flexed his muscles, and we were about to send a fabricated chest of mine. Naiiling ako habang ngumingiti sa kalagitnaan ng practice, natigil lang nang pumito si coach at itinuro ako sabay tawag ng pangalan ko.

“Cervando, concentrate! Tsaka kana tumawa kung MVP kana!”

Napawi tuloy ang ngiti ko habang sila Mavric at Ron, pasimpleng bumungisngis. Noong tiningnan din ni Coach sila Mav na agarang nagseryoso, ako naman ang humagikhik.

“Tigas din talaga ng mukha mo. Umayos ka nga!” sita ni Rick nang pasimple akong banggain.

“Akala mo talaga hindi ka rin tawang tawa kanina. Ikaw pa nga ang nagsuggest na ipasok ko ang tuhod ko sa t-shirt para magmukhang dibdib!” I controlled my laugh since I really can’t move on with that topic.

Rick only glared at me and continued to jog on the other side, signaling Con to pass the ball to him. I couldn’t take the practice seriously because I am too distracted. I wonder how he sends those corny messages. Poker face? It’s like a meme on the internet where you are seriously typing and the camera exposed your funny search… I laughed again, but this time, si Brent na ang sumita sa akin kaya tumigil na ako.

“Ano bang pinagtatawanan niyo?” Brent asked as soon as the practice was done. Nakaupo siya sa bench at pinupunasan ang pawis.

I chugged down my water and choked on it. Natatawa akong naubo, pinunasan ang pang-ibabang labi na kahit si Ron at Mavric, sumabog din agad ang tawanan.

“Ito kasing si Tyler, ang gago!” Rick stated while fanning his wet stomach with the tip of his jersey top. “Sesend-an niya sana ng dibdib niya si Kael!”

“Ginagamit mo pa rin?” Brent asked, who didn’t even laugh.

“Ah yeah…” I slightly laugh while Ron and Mavric start talking to each other, like this is my own shit and I should be the only one who’s accountable on this once it backfired.

“Pag ikaw kinasuhan ni Verena ng identity theft,” banta ni Rick at nagkasalubong ang kilay sa akin, akala mo naman hindi kasabwat!

“Example nga ng mugshot pag nakulong ka, bro?” natatawang tanong ni Mavric at nagawa pang itapat sa akin ang phone.

I posed for a picture, sticking my tongue out and pulling up the tip of my jersey to flash my stomach, which made them laugh. Si Brent, itinapon na sa akin ang inaapakang bola kaya natatawa rin akong lumayo.

“Pa shout out ako sa interview mo sa TV ha! Huwag mo akong kakalimutan pag nag-viral ka bigla!” si Ron na natatawa kong inambahang sipain.

“Hindi lang ako ang may mugshot kasi tayong lahat naman ang may-ari ng dummy!” I pointed at them one by one.

“Anong tayo?” si Brent.

“Guilty bystander ka pa rin, Brent. Nakitawa ka nga sa GC kung saan nili-leak ang convo,” ani Rick kaya natatawa namin siyang pinagkaguluhan ni Ron at Mavric, niyakap namin at nagtatalong humiyaw.

Pinagtutulak kami ni Brent palayo sa kanya, irita ngunit may ngiti sa labi.

“Ganito ang gusto kong bonding sa friendship! Walang iwanan!” si Ron na nakipag-apir sa amin ni Mavric.

“Solohin niyo ’yan, gago! Hindi pa nga ako abogado, may pending na kaso agad,” si Rick na namaywang at magkasalubong na ang kilay.

“Ayos lang ’yan, Rick! ’Yun na ang OJT mo. At least may base on experience ka sa kulungan pag hahawak ka ng kaso, ’di ba?” I laughed and put my arm around his shoulder.

“Pwede na tayong tumakbo sa senado niyan paglabas natin sa kulungan,” natatawang sabi ni Ron, umupo na sa bench kaya sumunod din ako at inupuan ang isa niyang hita.

“Hayop na Pinas ’to. Patong patong na nga ang criminal records, tatakbo pa sa senado. Iboboto pa ’yan ng iba ha,” si Rick na mas ikinahalakhak namin kahit seryoso niyang sinabi iyon.

The topic was suddenly about politics. Rick is such an active yapper about the justice system is here in the Philippines. Hindi pa ’yan lasing ha? Mas malala ’yan pag nakainom. Puro na batas ang bukambibig.

I actually like listening to new things, especially when I know I would be educated about it. I admit, sometimes, I don’t know the real shit around me. I can’t relate to their family problems, financial problems, and even those minor problems about subjects cuz I am fine without getting a validation on academics.

I don’t have deep traumas too. Maybe that’s the reason why sometimes I might come off as insensitive to others cuz I don’t know how to empathize with everyone. Well, as Brent said, humans aren’t built to achieve perfection. Humans have emotions to explore, adapt, and learn from the others. And I am open to that.

Sila Mom at Dad, oo nag-aaway, but my father is a funny guy that’s why he could immediately control my mother’s rage. Lahat ng away nila, alam ko at kung hindi dahil sa maliliit na bagay, madalas noon ay ako lang din.

Kael:

Wala kang family problem?

Gabi na at naisipan kong buksan ulit ang account ni Verena. I asked his opinion about it since I’m curious if he has. Naalala ko kasi, may iniisip daw siya kaya siya naninigarilyo. So I wonder if… what’s his problem?

Verena:

Wala actually. My family is healthy.

Kael:

Only child?

I stared at his reply. Rick’s aggressive words suddenly echoed in my mind. Is it safe to share…personal things? Noong sinabi ko ’yung Boracay, wala lang naman ata ’yon sa kanya. Sa dami rin ng tao imposibleng malalaman niyang ako ang gumagamit sa account.

Verena:

Yup. Only child :)

Kael:

Haha can’t relate

Verena:

I envy those big families tbh. I always wanted a sibling but my parents are kinda busy :/

Kael:

Depende ’yan sa situation ng fam niyo. Baka kaya ka naiinggit kasi hindi problema sayo kahit madagdagan man. Afford ng parents mo kahit lumaki ang fam

I paused for a bit. That actually makes sense. Of course, if I knew my parents were not financially stable, I would not ask for a sibling! Wow. I didn’t realize this…

Verena:

Ilan ang siblings mo?

Kael:

Marami. Baka nga next year huminto muna ako. Di na kaya ang college. Maraming gastusin ang parents ko

What? Hihinto siya? Hindi man lang ako makapagtype agad. Gusto kong may sabihin pero parang hindi ko maigalaw ang mga daliri ko. It’s hard to type words I don’t really mean. I want to empathize, but I am such a hypocrite for doing it and talking bad things about him behind his back.

Tama nga siguro sila Brent, mabuti pang itigil na ang laro na ’to. Baka makadagdag lang ’to sa problema niya. I decided to change the password for the sake of his privacy so it would no longer be invaded by the others. Ako naman kasi ang kausap niya ngayon. Pangit na pag nabasa ng iba at walang consent niya. Knowing he shared something very personal, this kind of convo must be kept private.

Hindi naman snitch ang boys. Hindi naman nila ’yan i-screenshot at isesend sa GC para gawing katatawanan ang paghinto niya, pero mas mabuti na ’yung makasigurado. Madali lang i-change ang password dahil alam ko rin ang password ng email na ginawa ni Con.

Wala rin ’yung pake ngayon si Con dahil busy yata sa panunuyo kay Serene. Ilang araw na nga kaming inom nang inom. His least concern is the dummy account.

Verena:

Ano bang work ng parents mo?

I was more comfortable now asking personal things cuz I knew this wouldn’t get leaked or spread. Seconds later, nagseen agad siya. Mukhang inaabangan niya rin ang reply ko.

Kael:

Construction worker ang Papa ko. Mama ko housewife.

Verena:

Walang income ang Mommy mo?

“Meron naman pero ’yung seller lang ng mga products at may brochure. Kaso hindi na masyadong mabenta ngayon eh mostly sa mga tao, mas gusto na sa online apps bumili. Malaki ang sahod ng papa ko pero marami kasi kami kaya hindi na kasya,” aniya sa voice message, mukhang tinamad na kaka type.

Verena:

Advice ko sa Mama mo, pumasok sa internet trends. Doon siya mag market ng mga products niya since most of the generation now are hooked on the internet. Live selling if she’s familiar with it.

“Takot si Mama sa internet. Baka raw i-chat siya ng Arabo,” he slightly laughed.

I laughed too. Para ring si Mommy. Hindi sobrang invested sa internet dahil kahit magdeact siya sa lahat ng social media platform niya, si Dad, sa email siya kakausapin. Kunwari business proposal para buksan agad ni Mommy ang email pero si Frederich lang pala na nagpapapansin.

I was about to reply when Rick called. What’s with the sudden late night call? Hindi niya  ’to gawain  ah? I answered it right away cuz it might be an emergency.

“Yes, Rick?” I answered and yawned a little.

“Natutulog kana?” he asked, which made me laugh. I can’t sleep since I’m having fun on Verena’s account, but I didn’t say it. Hindi ko na naman namalayan na hatinggabi na pala.

“Oo, dude. I’m sleep talking at the moment,” biro ko at parehas kaming natawa. “You called. Is there a problem?”

“May pera ka? I mean extra…” he almost whispered it.

I smiled. Out of all my friends, isa si Rick ang kilala kong ma ego. Those people who would never ask for help since they think they can do it alone. Kaya ngayong nanghihiram siya ng pera, na madalang niyang gawin, natutuwa ako. I can finally lend a hand to whatever his problem is…

Ma open up naman akong tao. Kaso ano bang i-oopen up ko na problema? I have nothing to worry about. Even if I don’t finish my school, my future is already stable because I have a business. Kaya ewan kung ano ang poproblemahin ko… Ito pa yata ang problema ko kasi bakit wala man lang akong pinoproblema.

“Salamat Tyler,” he uttered quietly.

“No problem, dude! I got you. Kumuha ka lang doon…” sabi ko.

When the call ended, I went back to Kael’s messages to reply hanggang sa nakatulugan ko rin. Unlike those days when we could still send cringe messages, I started talking to him casually since I noticed he wasn’t sending corny replies anymore too.

He must be comfortable now. Really? Sa isang poser magiging komportable ka? Hindi niya man lang ba naisip na pwedeng ipagkalat ng kausap niya ang pinagsasabi niya? Or maybe he could feel that the one he’s been talkin’ to is genuine.

Well, I won’t spread that, alright. It is such a petty move if I were to do it. ’Yung galit ko sa kanya, pang-aasar lang naman ’yon na nawawala agad. It’s not even that deep. Maybe I’m also salty about Rosie ghosting me and choosing Kael instead. Pero hindi naman ganoon ka seryoso ’yung sa amin ni Rosie.

Verena:

Morning :)

I sent it while biting my lower lip, chuckling a little early in the morning. It’s been a continuous exchange of morning chats from each other since the day I changed the password of Verena’s account.

Kael:

Morning. Breakfast?

My smile grew even wilder, and I shook my head as I typed a reply while standing topless in front of the full-body mirror on the wall.

Verena:

Yup. I didn’t eat my apple tho

Kael:

Bakit?

Ngumuso ako. Wala lang naman ang corny chats namin. This is just satire so…

Verena:

Cuz I don’t wanna be away from you :(

Nauna akong matawa sa corny joke ko. Ang seryoso niya kasi lately kaya gusto kong biru-biruin ulit.

Kael:

Ah… gets gets hahaha

Verena:

Future doctor haha goodluck nurse!

Kael:

Thank you. Ikaw? Anong course mo?

Verena:

Arts?

Kael:

Course ni Verena. Hindi naman ikaw si Verena haha

He really knew. Then what’s the reason why you are hooked on replying, huh? Are you falling? Edi sa akin ’to maf-fall kung sakali man? Bro you’re fucked.

I typed my program, but I ended up erasing it. Too honest. Pag sinabi kong nursing, iisipin niya agad na babae ako. When we heard about a nursing student, the first thing that would pop up into our mind is a woman.

So I typed nursing, sent it right away, and logged out from Verena’s account. Oo, alam niyang hindi si Verena ang nasa likod ng account. But he didn’t know that the owner is a man and someone he hates so much. I wonder if he would beat the shit out of me or kill me straight.

I was zoning out about it from time to time. Even during my classes, I would still think about it. Ayaw ko ngang silipin ang reply niya. Eh hindi naman ako nursing.

“’Yan ’yon.” Ronan elbowed me while we were on our way out since we are planning to eat for lunch.

Nilingon ko ang tinutukoy niyang grupo. It wasn’t actually a group but just two students who were casually talking while they were on their way out too. Napansin ko si Verena saka ko nilingon ang kasama.

“’Yan si Tejano. ’Yang kasama ni Verena,” si Ron na pasimpleng itinuro ang nakasalamin at ka-height yata ni Brent.

Oh… I know him. Kilala niya rin ata ako.

“I accidentally elbowed him in the face during tryouts. ’Yan pala ’yung kapatid na bumugbog kay Mavric…” I chuckled a little when I remembered Mavric asking me to get to know the Ateneo girl because of Chloe’s brother.

Tiningnan ko muli si Verena. She got that smooth air that’s too obvious not to notice. Ang gaan gumalaw. Parang hindi nagmamadali at alam niyang tatabi ang lahat pag siya ang dumaan.

And Kael thinks he could match her vibe? Nah. Dapat ang babae na hanapin niya, yung palangiti para balance silang dalawa tingnan. Kaya nga kung may boyfriend si Verena, bagay sa kanya ang mga katulad ko, o ni Mavric. Hindi ’yung parehas kayong parang sugo ng demonyo tingnan pag magkasama.

Well, I should suggest it to Kael so he would move on from obsessing over Verena and find someone who’s playful, funny, smiles and laughs a lot, and is less serious. Mas babagay sa kanya ang gano’n.

“Mauna ka pala muna, bro! May pupuntahan lang ako!” si Ron na tinapik lang ang balikat ko at nagmamadaling umalis habang nakatingin sa phone niya.

Mag-isa tuloy akong nag lunch. Hindi pa kasi break time ni Shiloh. Mica is busy on her subject right now too. Papasok na ako sa kotse ko nang mag ring ang phone ko. It’s a Facetime from Mavric. Class hour pa no’n ngayon ah?

I answered it curiously until the familiar face of his little sis showed up. As soon as she saw me, she smiled widely, revealing her incomplete teeth, hair were in a pignail pink ribbons while she is wearing her long sleeve strawberry-prints pajamas.

“Kuya Tyler! Hello!” She waved her hand.

Nangingiti akong kumaway at nagtataka kung bakit nasa kanya ang phone ni Mavric. Wala ’yon sa Batangas ah? O umuwi siya?

“Hello, Riri. Where is your Kuya?” I asked gently.

“Kuya is not here. He gave his phone to me cuz I broke mine,” she explained cutely and locked her cheeks on her small palms while her forearm is resting on the table.

And wow. What a thoughtful brother. Very Maverick. Brent can’t freaking relate.

“Oh… your Kuya is busy here…” I smiled, started the engine of my car since it’s too hot.

“He is not!” She frowned.

“He is. He has a girlfriend here. He is busy with his girlfriend.” I teased.

She looked at me with a frown. “But he will come home…”

Konting asar pa nito, iiyak na siguro si Riri.

“He won’t cuz he is busy with his boyfriend too.”

“Boyfriend?” She tilted her head.

“Boyfriend. Me. Your kuya’s boy friend. Your Kuya Maverick prefers to be with his boyfriend than his girlfriend. He sleeps at my place too and we’ll eat together, take a bath together. Your Kuya is already mine. He won’t come home anymore…”

She paused for a while, thinking thoroughly, while I was waiting for her to cry. When she looked at me, she blinked twice.

“Kuya Tyler. Have you eaten lunch. Lala is already cooking for lunch. My ulam is my favorite. It’s broccoli. Do you eat veggies?” she asked and rested her chin on her palm.

Kids are so random. Pero napangiti ako roon. This is what I’m talkin’ about when I said to my parents I wanted a sibling! Gusto ko pa sanang paiyakin pero ang cute at ang lambing! Man. Parang si Mav, kahit anong pikon mo, talagang hindi napipikon. Matatawa lang.

I remembered I asked for a sibling, but my mom just said…

Teresse:

Stop asking for another headache boy. You are not the one who’s gonna raise it.

If only I could force them to make babies again, I really would. But Mom is just too workaholic now. Si Dad naman, busy rin sa family business because it’s not just growing, but it was now on its peak. He is already earning eight digits per month, while mine is six digits per month only.

Speaking of family business, he called me in his office to talk about somethin’. Sinabihan ko nalang si Riri na tumawag ulit dahil parang gusto ng kausap.

“I’ll be away for a month. Ikaw muna ang magcheck ng properties natin,” si Dad nang makapasok ako.

I boredly sat while looking at him sitting on his swivel chair, his eyes on his laptop.

“Pwede kang magpasama kay Tito Rommel mo if you want a company,” he added.

“Tito Rommel is too busy lately…” I answered and yawned. Siya na rin kasi ang humahawak sa mga tauhan ni Dad sa construction firm kaya hindi ko na rin masyadong dinidisturbo. Siguro kay Ron nalang, o hindi kaya kay Mavric.

“I’ll try to ask his son Mikael if he is available. Pwedeng siya na ang sumama sa’yo. He knows how to drive too,” si Dad.

I scoffed. “I know how to drive, dad. I do race.”

“That’s why I don’t trust you on the street. Kailangan mo ng kasama or else you will end up over-speeding,” aniya, umangat pa ang tingin sa akin at halatang may alam sa pinaggagawa ko sa States.

I am still not close with Tito Rommel’s son. Ni hindi ko pa ’yon nakikita talaga. Hindi lang alam ni Dad kung gaano ka-init ang dugo noon sa akin kaya kahit anong invite ni Dad sa kanya sa dinner, ayaw sumama.

“Where are you going? Mom’s place?” hula ko at humalukipkip.

Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin. He manipulated the keyboard of his laptop and then faced it to me.

“I think your mom likes my new Prince Albert piercing,” he bragged, which made me groan in disgust and shut my eyes right away. It’s his fucking dick picture again with a piercing!

“You guys are so disgusting!” I groaned, wanting to rise up and just walk the fuck out of this room because he has it again!

Dad chuckled playfully. “I am trying to spice up our marriage, you know. That’s how it works when you are in a relationship.” Marriage or just their sex life?

I opened my eyes when he turned the laptop in front of him again. I calmed down when I realized he looked too excited to spend the whole month with Mom. Maybe my mother’s schedule is not too busy that’s why he is grabbing the opportunity to check on her.

“Dad, what if you give me another sibling…” I suggested.

He looked interested too, but after seeing the frame on the side of our laptop, looking at his wife, he immediately snapped back to reality as if my mom just smacked him on his mind.

“Nah, boy… it’s really up to your mom. You know, if I were the one to carry it, I wouldn’t mind giving you one asap. But it’s gonna be in your mother’s body… so it’s really her choice on this…”

Sabi na. Kung desisyon ni Mom, wala talagang magagawa si Dad.

“Speaking of pregnant… The wife of your Tito Rommel is pregnant. They’re expecting a child next year!” balita niya, medyo alanganin ang ngiti sa akin.

“Really?” I smiled excitedly. Wow… I’m jealous.

“Yup! Imagine, apat na ang anak niya. Kaya kumakayod ’yon. Lumalaki na ang pamilya nila,” ani Dad na mukhang nag-aalala.

I sighed and rested my head on the headrest of the sofa, feeling envious about Tito Rommel’s family. That is actually my dream, to have a lot of siblings I could vibe with. Kaso naalala ko ’yung sinabi ni Kael…

“Buti pa sila, ang saya saya ng pamilya,” parinig ko at umirap.

Dad chuckled. “Pag narinig ’yan ng Mommy mo magagalit ’yon. Hindi ka lang pinagbigyan ng kapatid, pakiramdam mo agad kinakawawa ka sa pamilyang ’to.”

“No, Dad. You don’t understand. I am so lonely in our family. I don’t have a sibling. Wala akong maaasar. Wala akong ka-exchange gift tuwing Christmas. You guys would only give me money, and that’s it! No wrapped gifts!”

My father stared at his laptop for a while, thinking about it thoroughly. “Then I will wrap your money next time instead of putting it into your bank account.”

Bruh… Am I…adopted?

“Magpapaampon na ako kay Tito Rommel. Tell his kupal son we’ll exchange families since you like that Mikael. Siya nalang ang anak niyo,” I said in a cold, dramatic voice as I stood up so I could now walk out.

“For your information, Mikael also wants your position. Gusto no’n only child lang siya,” pahabol ni Dad ngunit hindi ko na pinakinggan pa at diretso nang lumabas.

Chapter 12

Busy

I deposited the six digits to someone’s bank account as soon as I thought about it in the middle of the class. Tumingin ang seatmate ko sa laptop ko, tiningnan ang ginagawa ko, so I smiled.

“Ang gastos,” he chuckled a little.

“Nah. Those are units. I bought a condominium for rentals and stuff.”

He nodded, slightly amused. “That’s good. Nagrerent nga lang ako sa condo rin. It’s twenty-four thousand a month. Imagine living there for a year, bro. It’s like helping a capitalist get richer while I’m getting poorer here with my fuckin’ business subject.”

I silently laughed since the prof is currently talking in the front.

“Why don’t you switch to my unit? I’ll make it twenty.”

He licked his lips, furrowed his brows a bit, and glanced at me like he didn’t expect it, as I looked at him with determination.

“Deal.”

I smirked and made a handshake. “You are now less poor.”

Maybe the best part about being a student is I could easily target my consumer. Maganda ’yon, pag naka-graduate na ako, mayaman na. Asawa nalang ang kulang para mag-anak ng marami.

Speaking of…

I checked my phone and logged into Verena’s account when I remembered I hadn’t replied yet. I’m quite nervous, but it is what it is.

Kael:

Knew it hahaha

Kael:

Pakiramdam ko nagkikita tayo lagi eh

Kael:

Nagkakausap din?

Knew it? The fuck is he talkin’ about. Hindi naman ako nursing. But it’s probably someone else? I wonder who…

Verena:

Yup haha shy lang ako i approach ka minsan :(

He immediately seen. Parang nag-aabang lang din. I shook my left leg and looked at the front with my knitted brows. Sino kaya ang iniisip nito?

Kael:

Shy? Mukha kang hindi shy hahaha

Cuz I am a thick-faced asshole in your eyes, right?

At bakit parang ang saya-saya niya kausap ngayon? It’s like he knows who’s behind the account, or he has an idea who. Nah. Bro is assuming things.

Kael:

Huwag kang mahiya. Approach me next time

Talaga huh? Hindi ako nahihiya. Ayoko lang mabungi. Cuz for sure, your fist will kiss my face as soon as I approach you casually. Thinking about his raging anger roaring in his cognac eyes made me chuckle a little.

“Nginingiti-ngiti mo?” puna ni Mica nang hindi ko namalayang dala-dala ko na pala iyon nang sunduin ko siya sa building nila.

I opened the door for her and chuckled again. “Nothing…”

“Sino na naman ang kalandian mo this time?” She looked at me suspiciously while entering the front seat.

“What? Wala ah…”

“Wala? Ganiyan ka ngumiti pag interesado kana naman. I told you to talk with Rosie! Asikasuhin mo muna ’yon!”

“Alright alright! Geez!” I raised my hands defeatedly and closed the door to stop hearing her orders. Nailing akong nagkamot ng ulo habang iniisip kung paano ko kakausapin si Rosie. I actually made the first move to message her, but she didn’t reply.

Pumasok ako sa driver’s seat habang ngumingiti na si Mica sa phone niya hanggang sa biglang nangisay.

“May chika ako! I think Kael is crushing on me! Gumana na yata ang pagpapa-cute ko sa kanya!” she screamed dramatically, fanned herself, and acted like she was possessed by a demon.

“Assuming. Sa ilang beses mong pagpapapansin diyan. Friendly lang talaga sa’yo ’yon kasi maganda ka. That’s how we do it sometimes. We are automatically friendly with the pretty girls…” I said to pop out her bubble.

“No! Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan! I caught him glancing at me from time to time. Nagnanakaw na siya ng tingin which he had never done to me. It’s like he’s suddenly curious! And then when I caught him again, I smiled! Like I smiled talaga in a friendly way ’yon ha, and guess what? He smiled back! He smiled back!” she shared hysterically and started shaking me.

Man… save this poor girl. Pero ayos na ’yan na nabubuhay siya sa pantasya niya—typical girls and their unrealistic imagination when it comes to their crushes.

But come to think of it… baka si Mica ang maisip niya sa dummy ni Verena. Mica must thank me for unexpectedly helping her out with her crush.

Binigay niya sa akin ang phone niya, naka-open na ang camera, at nang-utos pang picture-an ko siya. Lumipat pa tuloy ako sa backseat para lang kunan siya ng magandang angle diyan sa thirst trap na gusto niya.

“Bend over a little and glance at the side. Rest your hands din sa dashboard, huwag sa hita mo,” payo ko which she did. Wearing her sleeveless top, when she slightly bent over, the skin of her hips showed, which also showed the fine line of her back.

“Look here,” I ordered, and she slightly turned her head, fully facing the back seat, her left hand resting on the headboard of the seat, and looked at the camera fiercely.

“Anong kanta ang bagay?” she asked while looking at each of the photos with satisfaction on her face.

“Try OTW by Khalid,” I suggested since it would match the vibe of her photos. Actually, her playlist just came from mine. She is stealing it for her thirst traps.

“Friend kami ni Kael sa Facebook,” she smirked at me as if she is cooking something with those seductive photos of hers.

Kung ako rin siguro si Kael, I mean, why not? Mica is very hot. Hindi ko na nga lang nakikita ang babaeng ’to bilang kalandian kasi nagiging kapatid na ang dating sa akin. At dahil only child lang din siya, parang ako na rin ang tinuturing na kapatid niya. She’s even friends with Mom on Instagram.

“Baka pag nagkagusto ’yan sa’yo, manligaw, bigla mong basted-in ah? Ganyan ka pa naman. You only like it when you’re the one who’s obsessing, but once they like you back, you’re suddenly turned off.”

Kumalma siya at parang narealize din iyon. “Happy crush lang naman kasi! Pero imposibleng manligaw si Kael. He’s too serious about his studies. Hindi ’yon maggi-girlfriend.”

“What if? Let’s say nanligaw nga?” I looked at her carefully.

Nag-isip isip siya. Nah… this girl is gonna dump Kael once he likes her back. Kabisado ko na ’to eh.

“I don’t know. I hate his girl bestfriend. Imagine kung naging kami, baka sulsulan lang siya ng kung ano-ano no’n.” And Kael’s main reason for not dating Mica is the boy bestfriend too. Wow. What a combo. The fate must be trollin’ on them not to end up with each other.

Tumunog ang messenger app ko kaya tiningnan ko muna since Mica is busy on her phone too. Napaahon ako sa pagkakasandal sa upuan nang mabasa ang message niya.

Kael:

Nasa cafe kami ng friend ko. May i-me-meet siya. Sasamahan ko lang.

Kael:

Huwag kang nagpapaniwala sa rumor.

And sent a photo of a familiar cafe that is just near the building of the nursing.

Wow. He’s suddenly clarifying it. But someone saw them together. Kung hindi totoo ang rumor na nagdi-date sila ni Rosie, edi ano? Fubu?

I immediately got out of the backseat so I could drive now. Timing gustong kumain ni Mica at mags-steak sana kami but…

“Bibili muna ako ng drinks. Nauuhaw ako,” ang tangi kong sabi na hindi na pinansin ni Mica at ngiting-ngiti sa story niya.

When I saw the familiar cafe, I immediately occupied the space of their parking lot. Mabuti nalang at kakaalis lang noong isa at hindi na hassle magpark. Si Mica, inabot ang jacket ko sa likuran para suotin iyon.

“Hawak ba ng kapatid ni Mav ang phone niya? Her sister called me earlier around seven A.M. Si Riri ’yon ’di ba?” natatawang tanong ni Mica sa amin nang lumabas kami sa kotse at papunta na sa cafe.

“Yup. Tumawag nga rin sa akin kahapon. Baka mamaya ulit, tatawag ’yon since I told her to call me anytime,” sabi ko habang papasok na kami sa cafe.

And there, Kael who was with Ancent, glanced both at the door, and it seemed like they were waiting for someone. Noong sinabi ni Mica na talagang iba na makatingin sa kanya si Kael, I’ve seen it too. Ibang iba na nga iyon kumpara sa casual na tingin niya noong una kay Mica.

He even shifted in his seat as if he didn’t expect Mica to show up. I put my arm around Mica’s shoulder, which caught his attention until his eyes went to me. I continued talking to Mica, slightly laughing, but in my peripheral vision, I know he’s looking at me this time.

Kael then looked at his phone, typed something, and then looked at us.

“Tingnan mo ang story mo. Baka v-in-iew na ng target mo,” I simply said to Mica.

“Oh wait…” saka niya nagmamadaling tingnan ang phone niya.

“Oh shit. Kael is here too. Kasama niya ang girl bestfriend niya,” singit ko para mapunta ang atensyon niya doon.

“Really? Where?” Lumingon-lingon si Mica hanggang sa tumigil iyon sa table nila Kael. Mica gasped and acted natural to show his crush she wasn’t overreacting it, but she secretly pinched me!

Kael’s gaze softened at Mica. Mica smiled at him. I glanced coolly and just looked at their table for his girl best friend. Nakatingin na rin kasi sa amin at iniwas lang noong tiningnan din ni Mica.

If you are starting to like Mica, then man up. Sige nga… pormahan mo nga habang ako ang bantay? Tingnan natin kung hanggang saan ’yang tapang niya.

I ordered two drinks for us and dined in first to wait for it. Nakatalikod si Mica sa kanila, ako ang nakaharap at nakikita sila sa dulo. Pasimple kong tiningnan ang phone so I could check Kael’s message.

Kael:

Nasa’n ka?

“See? Nakita mo ’yon? Iba siya makatingin!” Mica whispered kaya hindi ko muna nireply-an si Kael.

“Type kana niyan,” I smirked, which made her blush.

“Kaso ayoko talaga sa girl best friend niya…” she murmured and secretly looked at their table.

“Do you want me to…”

Sinipa niya ako. I laughed cuz why not, right? If nagkamabutihan sila ni Kael, the fucker has no choice but to accept me as well. I am the boy best friend. Wala siyang magagawa kundi ang pakitunguhan na rin ako. And then, that would also give me a chance to get to know his girl bestfriend.

“Type mo ba ’yan? Eh hindi naman. Boyish. You like girlie girls. Either those classy chinita, or the morena type na may vibe ni Rihanna,” she whispered.

’Yun nga rin. Nagagandahan ako but that’s it. Ewan ko ba. Parang hindi kami bagay. She’s kinda sus.

“You know what, if may girl version si Kael, baka ’yun ang pasok na pasok sa’yo na igigirlfriend mo,” Mica said.

Mica is really shameless. Tingnan mo nga, nandito lang ang pinag-uusapan namin. Hindi naman kami maririnig pero what if they can read our lips while talking?

“Siguro rin. Tapos galit din sa akin. Luluhuran ko siguro.” I laughed about it and glanced at their table.

Kael glanced at me alertly too. I smirked at him and took my eyes back on Mica who’s yapping about the girl version of Kael I’d be interested in. And whoever Kael is thinking behind the account of Verena, I’m thankful he won’t even think it’s me.

I didn’t think about it that much. One thing about me: I don’t overthink or overanalyze shit. It is what it is. If he thinks Mica is the poser, then fine with me…

Gusto naman siya ni Mica. And Kael might learn to like her now. That would be a win-win situation.

“’Yung mga kapatid ko maluho. Lalo na ’yung middle child. Private school din at sobrang arte. Pinaghahandaan nga ’yung 18th debut niya at 300k ang budget dahil gusto niya bongga,” si Kael sa VM sa sumunod na gabi.

Our topic continued around 10 PM about his problem when I’m already on my bed, just finished taking a bath, and here I am stuck in Verena’s account again. And 300k just for a birthday? Now I can fully understand where his frustration is coming from.

Ni hindi ko na siya nireply-an kanina kung nasaan ako, gabi na noong nangumusta lang at naabutan ko na namang naninigarilyo, kaya naglalabas ulit ng sama ng loob sa akin. If only we were close, I would definitely invite him to drink at my place. Kaso kung gagawin ko sa kanya ito, for sure bubugbugin niya ako.

“Walang palya ’yon pumunta ng concerts. Lagi ring may online orders. Pag may bagong labas na iPhone, bibilhan agad ’yon kasi laging naglalambing sa Papa ko. Eh ’yung Papa ko, mapagbigay. Kung manghihingi ka ng pera, kahit siguro huling pera na niya ’yan, ibibigay niya agad sa’yo nang walang sinasabi,” he continued on his next VM.

Woah. His father is a good parent. And I think even his mother too.

“May Kumon pa ’yung isa kong kapatid. Isa rin ’yon. Bawal ’yon patayan ng aircon kasi hindi nakakatulog. Kahit sa sala, gusto no’n naka-on pa rin ang aircon. Sobrang arte rin sa pagkain. Ako, kahit sardinas ayos lang. Pero ’yung mga kapatid ko, spam lang ang tatanggapin no’n na de lata na pagkain.”

I kinda relate to the food, but I can manage now. But what the hell is Sardinas?

Verena:

What’s Sardinas?

He chuckled first and then proceeded to talk on his next VM. “Cute mo naman. De lata rin ’yan pero isda ang nasa loob na coated ng tomato sauce. Nabibili lang ’yan sa tindahan. Twenty pesos kung sa Mall ka bibili.”

Pag itong hindi niya kilala ang nag-iinarte cute, pero pag ako maarte? And twenty pesos? At ulam na ’yon? Wow. I didn’t know those kinds of food exists.

Verena:

Alr haha continue please

“May pets din kami. Marami. Puro may mga breed kaya high maintenance din. May kotse pero hindi amin. Bigay lang din. Kaya pag nasira, ang mahal din ng mga piyesa kasi sa ibang bansa pa ’yon mabibili. Eh nagmamahal din ang gas.”

He’s right, though. Owning a car is really high maintenance. Noong una sa school, iniiwan ko nga kasi hassle sa parking. But when my friends would demand to get them, doon na rin ako kumuha ng sariling parking space para hindi na hassle.

Verena:

You know, the only solution to your problem is to control the expenses of your siblings. Kawawa ang parents mo

“’Yun nga ang problema. They’re spoiled. Parents ko, hindi rin matiis. Papa ko, rason niyan ayos lang kasi may pera naman. Oo nga meron, pero hanggang kailan? Hanggang sa umabot kami na ibebenta na ang kotse, ang iba naming lupa, ang bahay? Hanggang sa lumubog na kami sa utang at kahit sa bangko mangungutang nalang?” He sounded annoyed and frustrated.

Man… I am getting frustrated too. They were lucky enough to have parents who would do everything for them, but the parents must teach the kids how to spend the money wisely.

Ngayon ko lang narealize gaano ako pinalaki nang maayos ni Mommy pagdating sa pera. I am not freaking spoiled. I didn’t appreciate it during my teenage years, and I just think she is such a witch for doing so, but upon listening to Kael’s kuwento, I realized my mom did the right thing.

Verena:

You know, I admit I came from the upper class. But my parents are so strict when it comes to money. When I was a kid, my mom traumatized the shit out of me. Believe me, your siblings would never stand my mom’s parenting. If I were the one who gonna whine about the aircon, she would let me overuse it until next month, she won’t pay the electricity bills and I need to suffer the consequences of my actions. Pag magrereklamo ako sa food, she would starve me to death until I have no choice but to eat what’s served on the table. Reklamo sa luho? She would definitely send me to somewhere I can work my ass off, and I would realize it is not easy to earn money.

Verena:

I am not trying to say your parents are wrong for spoiling their kids, but they should discipline them that needs are much more important than wants. Yes, the parents are responsible for the needs such as the school and proper nutrition, but the wants must only be given if they have the ability to do so. The parents aren’t slaves to the kid’s wants. I learned that from my mom, tbh

“Galing ah? Money-wise ka pala? My type…” he chuckled a little.

I didn’t expect it, so I froze a bit and made an unexpected low chuckle. I’m kinda proud that I am not magastos.

And what… I am his type? Bro is getting catfished, and yet he still says shit like he is talking to someone he would marry soon.

“Kaya ayoko sa maaarte kasi naaalala ko ang mga kapatid ko. Pakiramdam ko, wala silang kontrol at disiplina sa sarili pagdating sa mga luho. Lalo na kung nasa magulang pa lang at hindi afford ang gano’n na luho ng anak, sana huwag nang makisabay sa uso, huwag nang magpanggap na may ikakabuga sa pera, o magpasikat sa mga kaibigan lalo na sa internet. Hindi naman ikinakababa pag inamin mo na wala kang budget eh,” he explained seriously, which I nodded too cuz we have the same mindset.

Hindi naman ako maarte. Siguro noong hindi pa nadisiplina ni Mommy at sanay ako na parents ko lagi ang gumagastos, hanggang sa noong natuto ako rito sa Pinas, doon ko rin nadisiplina ang sarili ko.

Although my parents could afford it, that doesn’t mean we should. Ako, maarte ako sa damit at bili ako nang bili kasi may sarili naman akong trabaho. Hindi ko na ’yon hinihingi sa parents ko. ’Yung mga panlilibre ko, sa bulsa ko mismo galing din.

I am already used to thinking that money must be spent wisely, but I never thought of it this deeply until I heard his side. The circle I’m in has no financial problems that’s why it has never been a serious topic to us. We even see travel as something normal cuz that’s the environment we were raised in. I wouldn’t even be shocked if Angela has millions in her bank account, or if Mica buys a whole ass resort, and even the rest of the group can easily afford a luxurious lifestyle if they want to.

But people like Kael made me see that…the world I lived in has other sides too, something I never paid attention to, something I know but am not fully educated about, something I must realize that poverty exists too.

Noong nagb-bloom ang business ko, my mother had this attitude to give back through donations. Ginagawa ko lang din siya kasi natutunan ko sa parents ko nang walang malalim na dahilan. But after this talk, I feel like I have understood that not everyone has this privilege.

Sa gabi-gabi naming pag-uusap, hindi ko namamalayang nakakapagpuyat na pala ako. Buti nalang alarm clock ko si Riri for a week kaya maaga rin akong nagigising. Pakiramdam ko nga minsan bangag na akong papasok. But every time I would think of our conversation, it would make me laugh cuz I really find everything funny.

When Angela’s birthday party came, as usual, we held a big party at their mansion. The girls were getting strict on the invites, and I heard they invited the circle of Verena. Dagsaan na ang iilan habang bumubungisngis kami ni Ron sa mga girls na pumapasok at mostly, kalandian ni Brent.

Speaking of Verena…

Verena:

Hey! Nasa party pala ako.

Nagseen siya agad habang nangingiti akong tumitingin sa mga dumadating. I am so hyped up to dance later.

“Oh shit. Nandito halos ang kalandian ni Brent,” puna ni Ronan kaya humagalpak kami sa pamilyar na papasok habang nakatayo kami ni Ron sa may pool area.

I looked at the screen of my phone when Kael replied. Lumayo ako ng kaonti para makapagreply nang maayos.

Kael:

Party noong circle ni Jarsdel?

Verena:

Yup. Wow. How did you know hahaha

“Tyler! Bro the nursing students are here!” tawag ni Ron ngunit hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko sa phone dahil nagreply agad.

“Busy pa kay love,” I heard Mavric who chuckled.

Kael:

Nasa aura mo na parang kabilang ka sa ganoong parties, or mutual friend ni Jarsdel.

Tiningnan ko saglit ang grupo ng girls na dumaan sa harap ko, ang isa ay malagkit ang ngiti sa akin kaya nakangisi kong sinundan at wala sa sariling nagreply nalang kay Kael nang matapos na ang convo. I’m gonna have fun tonight!

Verena:

Yup hahaha I’m gonna drink.

At kahit hindi siya pumayag iinom pa rin naman ako. Bakit naman niya ako pagbabawalan?

Kael:

’Yung kaya mo lang. Huwag pasobra

Verena:

Kahit sumobra ako wala ka namang magagawa. You are not here :p

Lumapit na ulit sila Mavric at Ron sa akin kaya halos daplis lang ang binasa ko sa reply niya, nagmamadali iyong ipasok sa aking pants at nakipag apir sa dalawa na tawang tawa sa ginawa kong pagsunod ng tingin sa girls. But his reply stayed on my mind, which made me grin and bite my lower lip out of excitement.

Kael:

Let’s see. Tatawag ako mamaya.

Chapter 13

Drive

Maraming games sa birthday ni Angela. I lost count with the drink I chugged down and participated on the body shot without a pass. Ito ang gusto ko pag parties talaga. Everyone is game and having fun.

“That’s my girl!” I shouted when the crowd hysterically cheered for Mica, who was chosen by someone else. Paano ba naman kasi, nilapitan niya, hinila ang batok at kinagat ang lemon sa labi nito.

My phone vibrated for a call in my pocket, but I was too distracted to cheer for Mica that I just ignored it.

“Ang hina mo naman, Mica! Kung ako ’yan if-french kiss ko ’yan!” sigaw pa ni Sadie kaya tawang tawa kami nila Mavric dahil hindi talaga nagpapahuli ang girls sa ganito.

“Sadie! Sadie! Sadie!” I cheered on, and the boys joined me kaya kahit ang crowd, si Sadie na ang sinigaw.

Sadie laughed and confidently walked to the center, sat on the seat like a boss as she gestured to come to her. Parang asong ulol na nag-uunahan ang mga boys at halos lumuhod pa ang iba sa paanan niya kaya humiyaw kami.

“Ikaw ata ang may birthday eh!” natatawang sigaw ni Angela sa gitna ng tilian.

I spotted Verena, standing on the front together with the crowd who was watching with her unreadable—usual expression. Nakahalukipkip at tahimik na nanonood sa kapilyahan ng mga girls sa circle namin.

“Kaya napagsasabihang parang girl version ni Brent eh,” naiiling na sabi ni Mavric kaya nilingon ko at napansing wala na roon si Brent. Talagang nagwalk out siya kanina at hindi na bumalik.

Lumakas lalo ang hiyawan kaya tumingin ako ulit sa harap at nalaglag ang panga nang makitang umupo si Sadie sa kandungan ng lalaki at senswal na ang haplos niya sa panga. She knows how to tease him, and we are cheering her for it!

Nasa girls na ako lalo na’t hindi ko na rin alam nasaan sila Mavric. Ron is not around too. Rick is not the type to dance with the girls, including Con, so they’re probably somewhere. Mica was dancing sensually on a blasting music Traag by Bizzey while I stood up behind her, hyping her up. When Sadie joined her, pulled her waist, and they both swayed their hips while almost crouching down, I cheered for them.

Nasulyapan ko si Verena, nakatayo sa gilid ng pool area, may hawak na red cup at may mga kausap ngunit nasa amin ang tingin, kaya ngumiti ako. Woah… Why is she looking at me?

I’ve seen her take her phone out, but Mica got my attention when she pulled me to dance with them. Itinaas ko ang hawak na red cup para hindi matapon ang laman, swabeng sinabayan ang tugtog at nangingiting kinagat ang labi.

My phone suddenly vibrated while Mica was in the middle of taking my drink and chugged it down. Natatawang lumapit si Mica at may ibubulong ata kaya yumuko ako.

“There’s a cutie behind you! My type!” she screamed against my ear, so I squinted my eyes a bit.

“Itulak mo ako kunwari,” and she even wanted me to participate in her silly games.

I was about to push her, but she was suddenly bumped into someone. Worst, natapon sa dress niya ang inumin noong—oh, it’s Verena!

“I’m sorry,” ani Verena at napatingin na rin sa dress ni Mic Mic.

“Oh…” si Mica na tiningnan din ang sarili at hindi alam ang gagawin. Nang makita ni Mica na si Verena, umiling agad siya. “It’s okay! Tyler’s fault! Tinulak ako!” And she even glared at me like it wasn’t her idea in the first place.

“Do you wanna go to the restroom? Samahan kita,” Verena offered.

“Anong nangyari?” Sadie then stepped in and looked at Mica’s dress while I was cluelessly looking at Verena, wanting to help Mica but my eyes were glued to her, who looked so serious on looking at the girls.

“Oh natapon ’yung drink niya sa akin kasi itinulak ako ni Tyler,” Mica explained while laughing. At ako pa ngayon ang napasama sa utos niya?

Sadie glanced at Verena and glared a bit when Mica stopped her to overreact.

“But it’s okay! I have my bikini on! I’ll just take this off,” si Mica na hinawakan na ang laylayan ng dress niya at hinubad iyon kaya kumalma si Sadie.

“Let’s go swimming, Sadie!” anyaya ni Mica at hinila na siya roon sa pool.

Si Verena, nakasunod ang tingin nila kaya tumikhim ako para kunin ang atensyon. She glanced at me, so I smiled.

“Don’t worry. The girls are friendly. Wala lang ’yon kay Mic Mic. Besides, what happened is an accident,” I explained so she wouldn’t feel bad as well.

“Huwag mong painumin masyado ang kaibigan mo,” aniya, seryoso akong tiningnan.

I immediately nodded. “Yup! I won’t. But even if she gets drunk, nandito naman kaming friends niya to take care of her—like most of the girls in our circle…”

She nodded and looked at the girls again, who are now splashing some water on the pool area together with the other girls of our circle na kanina pa pala nandoon. Verena excused herself, so I continued dancing in the crowded area with the other girls.

I lost count of how many drinks I drank, and my phone keeps on ringing. Hindi ko lang talaga mapagtuunan ng pansin lalo na’t sumulpot na si Ron at kaming dalawa na ang bumubungisngis sa dance floor.

When Gas Pedal by Sage The Gemini boomed, Ron and I gave each other a high five and danced on the intro of the music smoothly. The girls glanced at us and giggled with amusement.

“Tyler is really the coolest among them.” I even heard a compliment from the girls.

As much as I wanted to dance and drink more, my phone was just too annoying that I needed to take care of it for a while. Nang makita ko ang screen at may multiple missed calls galing kay Kael, namilog ang mga mata ko. Oh shit… he’s really serious.

Kael:

Naka ilang baso kana?

I licked my lips and typed for a reply. Bro is such a killjoy.

Verena:

You guess :p

I laughed at my reply and wanted to slip it into my pants again, but his call flashed on my screen. Fuck!

“Look.” I showed it to Ron, and his jaw dropped.

“Bro! Sagutin mo!” Akbay ni Ron sa akin at niyugyog ako.

I chuckled a little and stared at the screen. Inaambahan pang pindutin ni Ron ang call kaya natatawa kong itinulak at nagpasyang takbuhin ang bahay ni Angela para pumasok doon. Even the sala is filled with the other visitors talking casually while the music was still blasting, so I jogged upstairs.

I tried the first room, but it was locked, so I ran to the other guest room, and luckily the door wasn’t locked. I was about to come in when Mavric suddenly popped out of nowhere. Halos nagulat pa ako at akala ko nasa ibaba lang siya. Nandito pala.

“Ba’t ka nandito?” tanong ko at iginala ang tingin sa room, baka may itinago siyang babae at nadisturbo ko lang sila.

“I was planning to jack off. So, fuck off,” biro niya kaya natawa ako.

“Do you want some help? I’ll jack it off for you, Mav,” biro ko na tinawanan niya lang at hindi na sinagot pa. Weird cuz he would usually answer to my nasty jokes.

When my phone vibrated on my hand again, I closed the door and tried to find another place until I saw the balcony as the emptiest place. Umupo ako sa upuan habang naririnig pa rin ang malakas na tugtog sa ibaba pero hindi na ganoon ka lakas dito, habang tanaw ko ang malawak na pool at ang parking space na puno ng mga kotse.

I typed a reply for Kael. Damn man…

Verena:

Can’t talk cuz maingay talaga :/

Kael:

Sagutin mo lang. I’ll make sure you are still sober para hindi ako mag-alala

Dude… what the hell do you even mean? Malala na yata ang isang ’to. But I couldn’t help but smile about it. There’s something funny in his chats that tickles my stomach.

Verena:

Sounds like a nurse to me hahaha

Kael:

If ayaw mong magsalita, go ahead. But answer the call

Verena:

Are you makin sure I won’t flirt around? Jealous? You like me?

I bit my lower lip, and the song Gasolina was already blasting downstairs. Man… my music anthem is now playin’. Gustong gusto ko pa naman ang mga Spanish songs. Nasa ibaba dapat ako ngayon, sumasayaw sa likod ng isang chic at sinasabayan ang senswal nitong giling…

Kael:

Malalaman ko rin naman kung may lalandiin ka diyan hahaha but it’s really up to you

What?

Verena:

Wdym???

Kael:

May kaibigan akong na-invite diyan. Babae

Oh… I didn’t know he had girl friends. I mean, I don’t really know his circle. Ang nabanggit lang sa akin ni Mic Mic ay iyong Denver na soccer player din.

I stared at his message, processing what to reply to, until his call flashed on the screen again. Tumikhim ako, sinagot iyon, mabilis na pinindot ang mute. Let’s get this over with.

I thought it was just a call, but when he opened the camera and I saw him, I cursed a bit. Damn! He’s really serious on this! Wearing a black sleeveless t-shirt, he slightly fixed his taper fringe hair cut on the camera. I’m hella nervous for this…

Naiinitan sa suot ko, I unbuttoned all of the buttons and took it off. Isinabit ko ito sa railings. Kinapa ko rin ang pakete ng sigarilyo sa pants ko at inilabas iyon. I took one cigarette out and put it in between my lips, lit it, and blew out the smoke.

“Nandiyan ka ba?” he chuckled a little while looking at the camera.

Verena:

Yup I’m watchin you :)

I saw him smile a little when he read my reply, lick his lips, and look at the camera again as if he could see me. Ngumuso ako at tumingin sa pool area sabay hithit ng sigarilyo.

“Mahilig ka uminom?” he asked calmly and leaned against the headboard of his bed when I looked at the screen of my phone again.

Verena:

Yup haha why? Is it a turn off?

“Hindi naman turn-off pero as a nursing student, alam mo ang consequence niyan sa kidney mo kung sosobra ka.”

I rolled my eyes with a little smile on my lips. You only care cuz you don’t know who’s behind the account. What if it’s someone you hate, huh? Baka palaklakin mo pa ako hanggang ma alcohol poison…

Verena:

Whose friend are you talkin about btw? Do I know her?

He nodded. “Sikat naman ’yon. Baka nga kilala mo rin,” aniya at ginawang unan ang kamay niya.

I puffed my cigarette while thinking about it. Maraming sikat sa parties namin. ’Yung iba pa nga nasa showbiz at close sa mga iilang kilalang artista din.

Verena:

So I’m guarded tonight?

“Naninigurado lang na hindi ka sosobra,” he answered seriously.

Verena:

You know what? I’ll be honest here. I am a poser and you know that. Let’s say…

Hindi ko madugtungan kahit ang gusto ko talagang sabihin ay paano kung lalaki pala ang nasa likod ng account ni Verena. I watched his reaction. Seryoso siya tingnan ngunit kalmado.

“Ano?” he confirmed.

I blew out the smoke and typed for a reply. Bahala na.

Verena:

Sino bang iniisip mo sa akin?

I stared at his face. Napatingin ako sa kapal ng kilay niya hanggang sa bumaba sa mga mata niya ang tingin ko. Kung…may girl version siguro siya, baka type na type ko. I kinda like his features…

Natahimik din si Kael, mukhang pinag-iisipan kung sasagutin ba ang tanong ko. He even shifted on his bed and laid on his stomach, his lips pressed on his arm while the camera was now zoomed in his face. I boredly tilted my head and rested it on my knuckles while smiling a little. Ang ganda ng kulay ng mga mata talaga…

“Sabi mo, C ang first letter ng second name mo ’di ba?”

Oh… yes. I said that during our previous chats. And he really remembered it, huh.

Verena:

Yup

“Celani?”

I shut my eyes, pushed my head at the back, and grunted. Fuck. So he really thinks Mica is behind this account?!

“Si Mica… nursing din kasi at…only child. Parehas din kayo ng perfume. YSL,” he continued talking while I felt like the alcohol is now kicking in.

Mica would freakin’ celebrate once she found this out. Kaso lagot din ako roon pag…nagseryoso na itong si Kael. Cuz that girl is allergic to commitments. Oo may crush ’yan, pero that doesn’t mean she is down for a relationship.

I typed for a reply with my furrowed brows.

Verena:

What if hindi naman pala ako si Mica? I heard Mica likes you eh. Kung nagugustuhan mo siya, edi mutual na kayo?

“Kaya nga magpakilala ka sa akin para kilala ko…kung sino ka talaga,” namamaos niyang sabi.

Not gonna happen, bro. It’s gonna be a world war three for sure.

Verena:

Mica is very pretty tho.

Namumungay na halos ang mga mata niya  nang tingnan niya ang camera. His long lashes slightly complimented his thick brows, and it was really inevitable not to stare at them.

“Oo nga, pero kung hindi siya ikaw, hindi ko siya magugustuhan,” he whispered languidly.

I pressed my tongue on the side of my mouth and glanced at the pool until my unexpected chuckle burst out. What the actual fuck?

Verena:

Bagay kayo ni Mica ah?

“Tss…” Nailing siya ngunit may ngiti sa labi. “Magpakilala ka kasi para makita natin kung bagay din ba tayo.”

I put down my phone just to stand up and pace back and forth on the balcony. Naiiling akong natatawa, hindi alam kung kinikilabutan ba dahil bumabanat siya sa akin at lalaki ako, o dahil alam ko na hinding hindi niya ’yan sasabihin kung nalaman niyang ako ang nasa likod ng account ni Verena.

I rested my hands on the railings and crouched a bit while puffing my smoke as I couldn’t help but laugh. Gusto niya akong kilalanin? Is he serious? At… saka niya  lang magugustuhan si Mica kung siya ang nasa likod ng account ni Verena? Which means he would only like her if she is behind the account. Pero kung hindi, ayaw niya rin.

I could sense he is interested. No. Baka nga nahuhulog na eh. The way he behaves shows how much he likes who’s behind the account of Verena. Kulang nalang umamin sa akin.

Kaya siguro hindi ’to babaero at mailap sa girls dahil mabilis ma-fall. Kausapin mo lang ng ilang araw, hulog na. Ito ’yung mga taong mabilis ma-attach at mapapaasa lang dahil masyadong seryoso.

Natapos nga lang ang call dahil low battery na ako kaya wala ring choice kundi bumaba na at makipag-inuman. Nang inantok, siguro dala na rin ng usapan namin, kahit sa panaginip, iyon ang laman.

“Ba’t tulala ka?” natatawang sita ni Ron nang nakaupo ako sa sahig, nakatitig sa kawalan.

I glanced at the side and saw Brent, who’s still sleeping. Kami nalang pala ang naiwan. Gigisingin ko sana at dadaganan pero huwag nalang. The last time I’ve done it, he kicked me on my stomach.

“Bro…” si Ron na gulat at natatawa nang tumingin sa kandungan ko.

I looked down and saw the bulge on my sweatpants. I smashed the pillow on Ron’s face and stood up for a damn cold shower as I ran to the bathroom’s door. Humabol pa sa likod ko ang halakhak ni Ron habang napapamura na ako. This is a fucking morning wood and it’s normal!

That dream is fucking weird. Ni ayaw kong isipin kasi kinikilabutan talaga ako. Maybe because we had a call that night and my mind made up things that aren’t normal. I shut my eyes and grunted while using my hand just to release it. The cold shower helps me to clear up my mind without remembering the details of my dream.

Thank God I got busy following up the land on the new few days kaya hindi ko na naiisip ang panaginip ko at ang ginawa ko sa shower. Kung meron mang ayaw mawala sa isip ko, iyon ay ang gustong kilalanin ni Kael ang nasa likod ng account ni Verena. Ang lagi niyang nakakausap gabi-gabi. He’s really serious about it.

Dad:

Your Tito Rommel is not available tomorrow. Puntahan mo nalang mag-isa. Or I’ll request someone to drive for you.

Ang text ni Dad habang nasa cafe ako kasama si Mavric at busy ako sa laptop ko. It’s my break time, and Mavric said he also has free time, so we decided to eat outside since I also needed to do a PowerPoint for my reporting.

Kael:

Kakatapos lang din ng subject ko. Baka sumama ako sa friends ko. Kakain kami sa labas. Enjoy your lunch :)

I smiled on his reply. Kahit binigyan ko na siya ng idea na what if hindi si Mica ang ka-chat niya, ganado pa rin magreply. He’s even consistent lately. Gabi-gabi na halos gustong tumawag at papanoorin ko lang siyang mag-aral kaya nahahawa tuloy ako at napapaaral na rin.

Hindi rin siya namimilit na mag open mic ako, o mag open camera. Kahit black screen lang, ayos lang sa kanya.

“Baka hindi ako makakasama bukas, Tyler,” ani Mavric nang nakalabas na sa cr, medyo basa ang buhok na sinuklay niya lang paatras at nagyayaya nang lumabas.

“Ano? Bakit?” tanong ko lalo na’t gusto ko sanang magpasama sa kanya bukas para tingnan ang property na tinutukoy ni Dad.

“May gagawin pala ako. May inuutos si Riri,” aniya.

I calmed down for a bit. I know how he prioritizes his siblings request over anything else. Wala tuloy akong nagawa. Si Ron naman, may isa kasing subject bukas at major niya pa kaya hindi ko rin mayaya. Well, pwede namang mag-isa ako.

That’s why when tomorrow came, I decided to just visit our land alone. Pero mukhang may kasama ata ako nang mabasa ang text ni Dad.

Dad:

Go home first. Your Tito Rommel found someone to drive you.

Kabisado ko naman kaonti ang Pinas. Pero may ibang parte pa rin na siguro maliligaw ako mag-isa. Sporting a plain white buttoned-down t-shirt, khaki shorts, and white shoes, I brought a duffel bag for my things since I would be sleeping there for a night.

I typed a reply first for my father after tossing my duffel bag in the back seat of my BMW car.

Tyler:

You’re with mom?

Dad then replied and sent a photo. Binasa ko ang labi, tumingin sa paligid at nagdadalawang isip pang iview ang picture. With my knitted brows, I clicked it. Bumungad si Dad, topless at buhaghag ang buhok habang naka thumbs-up at nakangiti, pula ang dibdib habang nakahiga sa kama at nakikita sa gilid niya si Mommy na nakatalikod.

Tyler:

Tmi Dad. You’re traumatizing the shit out of me dude!!!! Eughhh

Naiiling kong ibinulsa ang phone ko at nagdrive din pauwing Forbes Park Makati. I also need to get the papers in Dad’s office. Minsan anak, madalas trabahante din talaga ako sa pamilyang ito.

When our wide gate opened, I slowly drove my car in and parked it beside the rest of our cars. Lumabas ako habang sumalubong ang katulong. Kahit ang mga naglilinis na mga katulong sa pool area, tumigil pa saglit para lingunin ako.

“Nasa sala na po ang bisita, sir… Naghihintay po,” Manang said, to which I smiled and nodded.

Our wide, two-storey house is painted white from the outside. The pool area was actually located in the garden since my mother is quite a nature lover and she likes swimming at the same time. The exterior design is actually inspired by the Maldives, and there was also a fountain near the gazebo surrounded by trees. Imagine being an only child, and you had no one to play around in this so-called mansion…

I took off my sunglasses as soon as I entered while the other maids were now walking towards me. Ang nakatayo at nakaharap sa malaki naming frame—family picture ng pamilya namin noong bata pa ako ay lumingon. As soon as our eyes met, my eyes widened when I realized who it was.

What the fuck is he doin’ in our house?!

Chapter 14

Fault

Halata ang dumaang gulat sa mukha niya, namimilog ang mga mata, ngunit nang mapagtanto kung sino ako, mabilis iyong napalitan ng galit.

I cursed and turned my back, shook my head, and immediately called my father. There is no way this is real! Siya ang nakuhang driver ni Tito Rommel?

I could almost hear the internal scream I did at the back of my mind as I could see myself punching the air and kneeling down on the floor dramatically. Kael, the motherfucker, is in our living room! Dito sa mismong Forbes Park na bahay namin! Hindi doon sa kabila!

I clicked FaceTime and called my father for an audio call since I don’t wanna witness whatever hideous thing he is doin’ right now with my mother.

Two rings, and he answered it. Naglalakad ako patungong gazebo, ni hindi na pinansin ang mga bumating katulong dahil sa bumungad sa akin sa loob ng bahay.

“Hmm—

“Dad! Sino itong nakuha ni Tito Rommel?” I asked frustratedly.

“Oh? Nagkita na kayo ni Mikael? He’s your Tito Rommel’s son…” he chuckled a little, like he already knew I would freak out.

Oh hell no… I just got goosebumps, and I feel like my soul left my body. I wanna scream dramatically, but even my mouth couldn’t process what’s on my mind right now.

What the hell? Mikael, the son of Tito Rommel, is none other than Kael?! I gasped unbelievably, my hand sliding from my head down to my nape as I glanced at the house unbelievably. I cannot believe this!

“No… This is not…” I couldn’t even formulate the right words to explain how flabbergasted I am at the moment. “This is outrageous, Dad! You sent someone who’s gonna kill me! He hates me, dad! And I won’t stay in a fucking place with that motherfucker! Pull him out!”

Tumawa siya sa kabilang linya.

“What’s going on? Is that Tyler?” I heard my mother’s muffled and sleepy voice, probably disturbed by my dramatic noise.

I shut my eyes frustratedly and put my hand on the side of my waist. How did I let this slip in my mind? All this time, the one I am talking to is none other than the kid I got a beef with when I was a kid? Oh, bloody hell…

“Dad! I said pull him out!” I said in my thick accent impatiently.

“Alright, kid, calm down…” si Dad na hindi ko alam kung natatawa ba o nag-aalala habang nililingon si Mom na nagising ko.

“Yup. Your son is whining about Rommel’s son. You know Mikael… his father isn’t available to drive him to our property, so he sent his son to drive Tyler instead. But it seems like the two are still beefing with each other,” he explained calmly to my mother.

I sighed heavily as I tried to analyze everything. Pakiramdam ko paglalamayan ako sa araw na ’to kung papayag akong makasama ’yan. Tumingin ako sa bahay at nakitang iritadong lumabas din si Kael, may tinatawagan at dire-diretso na sa malaki naming gate.

I shut my eyes and lifted my head like I would lose my mind right there and then. Si Kael ang anak ni Tito Rommel na tinatawag akong kupal? Si Kael ang nakakausap ko noon sa call? Si Kael… fuck! All this time I was messing around with Tito Rommel’s son?! Oh hell no…

“Then let him find his own driver, and let’s see if he can do it alone,” si Mommy na mukhang tuturuan na naman ako ng leksyon.

“You heard your mom, kid? Now… why don’t you find someone else to accompany you?”

I rolled my eyes and ended the call. I called Ron immediately since I also wanted to rant about this. Magugulat siya sa sasabihin ko for sure!

Tyler:

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK RON U ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS BRO!!!

Tyler:

IM LITERALLY SHAKING RN DUDE!!!!

Tyler:

AGSGEUDJDDKEKOS AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

And I sent a gif of a man who’s violently punching the blue door just to describe what I am feeling right now.

I called Mavric immediately. Kaso bigla niya akong binabaan ng tawag kaya t-in-ext ko nalang. I seriously need him right now. Siya nalang ang kasama ko kaysa kay Kael!

Tyler:

Dude, ayaw mo talagang sumama sa akin? I’ll fetch you. Where are you?

I licked my lips frustratedly until a call flashed on the screen of my phone while waiting for Mavric’s reply. Noong makitang tumatawag si Tito Rommel, halos magdalawang isip pa akong sagutin.

Huminga akong muli, tumingin sa malawak naming pool at sinagot ang tawag.

“Tyler?” Tito Rommel called gently.

My jaw clenched. A sudden guilt stabbed me in the chest. I bowed my head a bit and furrowed my brows.

“I’m sorry Tito, but…I really don’t want your son…to…drive me…” I said quietly, not holding back.

Bumuntong-hininga siya. “Okay okay. I understand. Kahit ang anak ko, galit na galit din eh… I will ano nalang ha… find someone else. Hindi ako pwede ngayon eh. May malaking project ang Dad mo at wala ako ngayon sa Luzon…”

I nodded impatiently. “Alright. I’m sorry for this…”

Tumawa siya ng marahan. “Ayos lang! Huwag kang mag-alala. Papa mo rin kasi, sinabihan ko na ’yon na baka hindi ka papayag, pero sabi niya, siya raw ang bahala. Hay naku si Freddie…” I could even imagine him scratching his head right now.

“Teka lang ha, tatawagan ko ulit si Mikael… Ewan ko nga ba’t pumayag din ’yon. Dad mo kasi ang kumausap no’n eh. Close ang batang ’yon sa Papa mo…” aniya.

This is really unbelievable. Parang bangungot. Hindi ako makapaniwalang totoo ’to. I never think these kinds of coincidences would exist.

Pwede naman eh. But not in my lifetime! I cannot imagine the disaster I would face once Kael found out that…

Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Kung pusa lang ako, ubos siguro itong nine lives ko ngayong araw dahil sa mga gagawin ni Kael.

When the call ended, I called Dad again. Siya naman pala ang pumilit. This time, I clicked the video call since I am serious, and he needs to explain this. Nang sinagot niya, nakaupo na siya sa kama at nakasandal sa headboard. Thank God.

“Tito Rommel called. Ikaw daw ang pumilit,” I said and scowled.

Umangat ang dalawang kilay niya. “Well, I told you, they’re loaded right now. Mikael won’t allow me to give him money without even sweating it by himself, you know. Kaya sabi ko, if ipagda-drive ka niya, I will give him an allowance good for a week. Kaya pumayag siya. Sinusubukan kong tulungan ang bata…”

Tahimik kong tiningnan si Dad. Kita ko ang magkasalubong kong kilay na pinipilit ko nalang ipakitang naiirita ako.

“I know you have a beef with that kid. But come on, bata pa kayo no’n…” aniya sa marahan na tinig.

I rolled my eyes since he didn’t know how much Kael hates me more than I hate him. Hindi alam ng parents namin na kamuntik na kaming magpatayan niyan sa court at lagi naming inaangas-angasan ang isa’t isa. The only thing they are aware of was our old and petty fights when we were kids.

“Ang sabi ko kasi kay Mikael, hindi ka naman siguro gano’n ka kupal para lang palakihin ang away niyo noon…” he continued, which made me scoff and chuckle sarcastically.

“Well Dad, he called me kupal so I am kupal. And I want him to go home.” I spoke stressfully.

Nakita ko si Mom na nakatapis ng puting sheet, umupo na rin sa tabi  ni Dad at seryoso akong tiningnan habang nakahalukipkip. The hickeys on her neck down to her chest distracted me for a bit, but that’s my least concern right now.

“The kid is trying to make a living, and here you are, throwing tantrums,” she pointed out strictly.

My jaw dropped. And now this is my fault? Nilingon ni Dad si Mommy at inilingan, mukhang gusto niya na siya na ang kumausap sa akin.

“Pauuwiin ko nalang ba si Mikael? Kawawa naman ang batang ’yon… pang allowance niya pa  naman sana…” he sighed like I am such an evil person for this.

I gritted my teeth. Kung pwedeng bunutin ko lahat ng halaman dito ni Dad gagawin ko. O kalbuhin itong garden na ’to para makita niyang hindi ako natutuwa sa desisyon niya. Why are they even putting me in this kind of situation?

“O baka chance niyo na rin ’tong dalawa para magbati?” ani Dad nang mapansin niyang nanahimik ako at sinasamaan ng tingin ang halaman.

I lifted my gaze while maintaining a scowl. Naiinis talaga ako. Hindi na kami magbabati niyan. Kahit mawala man ang galit ko, alam ko si Kael hinding hindi kakalma.

Dad shifted a bit. “Look. The reason why I also agreed on this is because Rommel and I are close. Gusto naming dalawa, pati ang mga anak namin, magbond. Kung babae lang ’yan si Kael, baka ipagkasundo pa namin kayong dalawa para magpakasal…”

My eyes widened in disbelief with my father. He chuckled and glanced at my mother.

“Do you remember when I joked about fixing Tyler into a marriage? It was Rommel’s supposed daughter. But his elder is a boy, and the middle child is just too young for Tyler.”

My mother didn’t give too much reaction to my father’s silly statement while she was still looking at me straight in the eye.

“What do you want?” she asked sternly.

My father looked at me concernedly. Ramdam ko na gusto niyang matauhan man lang ako sa inis ko at pumayag diyan sa gusto niya. Pressured by the way my mom looked at me, I sighed defeatedly.

“I’ll…try,” I whispered inaudibly.

My father smiled enthusiastically and rested his head on my mother’s shoulder. “That’s good! Nasaan ba si Mikael? Pakausap nga…”

Lumingon ako sa gate at mukhang lumabas na nga. So I shrugged at my father.

“He walked out. Ewan ko. Naglakad na ata palabas ng subdivision.”

“Kawawa naman. Habulin mo na. Sige na…” my father urged.

“Tss…” I rolled my eyes and lowered down the phone as I walked to my car.

“Look at your son. He acts like you sometimes. And you are saying he is just another version of me? Look at how he rolled his eyes,” Dad ranted to my mom while chuckling a little.

“He acts a lot like you. If he is my other version, I won’t even rant about my enemy. I’d just run them over…”

“Ran them over…” my father mimicked childishly. “If we were to have another child, I hope it’s still a boy. I’ll name him Albert. Cuz you know… just like how we named Tyler after that coast where we had done it…”

Really? They’re talkin’ about the origin of my name in the middle of my problem?

I opened the driver’s seat and closed the door. Tiningnan ko ulit ang screen para mababa na ang tawag, nakita pa si Dad na kinakagat kagat ang pisngi ni Mommy at itinutulak niya.

“I’ll end the call… mom, dad. If I didn’t call again, something already bad happened to me. Bye.” And press the end button before my mother could even accuse me of being dramatic.

Our gate automatically opened as I slowly drove my way out until I saw Kael crouching down on the side while smoking with his furrowed brows. Inihinto ko ang kotse sa harap niya at unti-unting binaba ang salamin ng aking kotse.

I cleared my throat without glancing at him. Tumayo siya, hinithit ang sigarilyo at naiiling na tumalikod.

“What a small world that you are the son of Tito Rommel…” sabi ko para basagin ang katahimikan.

Lumingon siya at itinuro ako gamit ang sigarilyo. “Kaya pala ang init ng dugo ko sa’yo. Ikaw rin ’yung bulol na kupal…”

I licked my lips, laughed sarcastically, and glanced at him. “Get the fuck in. Do your job and stop yapping.”

Gumalaw ang panga niya, inihulog ang sigarilyo at inapakan saka niya marahas na inabot ang pinto ng kotse ko. And because it wasn’t locked, he opened it.

“Labas. Ako ang magd-drive,” he commanded authoritatively. Look at this thick-faced…

I scoffed. “You’re kidding me. Why would I let someone who hates me drive my car? Baka ibangga mo pa ’to…” I folded my arms and looked at him judgingly.

He scoffed too, glancing his head to the side while he smirked sarcastically like he was trying to control his burning temper.

“’Yan ang gusto ng Dad mo. Nagmamarunong ka pa eh dayo ka lang naman dito sa Pinas. Hindi mo kabisado ang ibang lugar,” he uttered out of irritation.

My eyes widened. This is why I hate him! Minamaliit niya ako!

“Dayo? Huh. I have Filipino genes, and I am still a Filipino citizen. Kung tagalog ang basehan mo, magaling at marunong na ako. Kahit pa kausapin kita ng straight tagalog—”

“Tang ina daming satsat. Labas! Kung gusto mong matapos agad ’to, tigil-tigilan mo ang pagmamarunong!” he cut me off exasperatingly; his other hand was now resting on the side of the door.

I cannot believe I am treated like this, not just in the subdivision I lived in, but really in front of our house! This kumag!

I have no choice but to let him drive it. Lumabas ako sa driver’s seat hanggang tumayo ng tuwid, at dahil nakaharang siya sa harap, nagkalebel agad kami. We locked gazes for a moment. I smirked at him when I realized this is just one of those days we would look at each other with mockery while testing the water on whoever loses its temper first.

“Imagine… you’re gonna ride your enemy’s car…” I taunted, tilting my head a bit.

Pissed, he pushed me out of his way while I stepped aside as I curled my tongue, chuckling about it. I watched him get in and slammed the door shut.

I was about to go to the front seat, but my car suddenly ran in speed. My jaw dropped. Kupal! And Dad thinks I would get along with this boy?

When I saw him making a U-turn and now driving back to where I was standing, I almost realized that he might really run me over because he was driving at speed!

Mabilis akong tumabi at talagang dumaan ang kotse ko sa gilid ko, kamuntik akong daplisan at huminto lang nang lagpasan ako. Fuck. I need full protection, or else I would lose some parts of my body. Papatayin ako ng isang ’to.

I saw his head peak through the open window of my car, his expression still hard and dark.

“Bilisan mo o paglalakarin kita sa daan,” he ordered like he didn’t attempt to run me over earlier.

I marched toward my car, licked my lower lip as I hastily opened the front seat, and went in. Ni hindi ko pa nasasara ang pinto, nagdrive na agad siya.

“Chill, will you?!” I pressed my tongue against the side of my cheek while pulling the seatbelt on harshly.

Umismid lamang siya, mas dumiin ang mga kamay na nakahawak sa manibela dahil sa ugat na naglalabasan.

The long list of insults was already listed in my head that could crash his ego once I spout it, but at the same time, there was a pang of guilt looming every time I would remember that he is the son of Tito Rommel.

If this is a random motherfucker—let’s say the typical Kael I haven’t known as Tito Rommel’s son, I don’t mind insulting him with below-the-belt words. Idagdag pang close ni Dad, kinakampihan din ni Mommy, ako ang mapapasama rito.

I boredly rested my head against my knuckles and looked outside the window while he was silently driving as well. This is so fucked up. I cannot believe all this time, Kael is the son of Tito Rommel.

Tahimik kaming dalawa. I side-eyed him and noticed he was sharply looking at the front too. He side-eyed me as well and found my eyes, so he glared at me, and I rolled my eyes.

“Tinanggihan mo na dapat si Dad. I thought you also hate the son of your father’s boss…” I murmured and crossed my arms.

“Tumahimik ka nga. Ingay ng putang ina,” he threatened.

I grazed my tongue on the upper corner of my teeth as I remembered Tito Rommel’s kwento. Hah! Binungal ko raw ’to noong bata pa siya eh? So I tilted my head just to take a glimpse of his mouth.

“Ngiti nga? Kumpleto pa ba ang ngipin mo? Your father said sinuntok daw kita noong bata tayo eh.” I teased insultingly with a slight chuckle mingling with my words.

I’ve seen how three times pissed he looks now. “Gagong papansin…”

Ngumuso ako at nagpigil humalakhak. Mas lalo siyang nairita na kaya ko pang matawa habang nag-aapoy siya sa inis sa akin. Well, if he knows pissing someone off is my playground, he might only choke me to death for treating this as something funny…

“Dapat talaga nilason na kita noong pinapabudget sa akin ang pagkain… Laki-laking tao, bulok humawak ng pera. Ang arte pa,” he murmured to himself and maneuvered the car on the left side.

I laughed a little when I remembered it too. “Hey! I already know how to budget my money. Hindi na rin ako maarte sa pagkain. I also have businesses—”

“Wala akong pakialam. Tinatanong ko ba? Sakal-sakalin kita eh,” marahas na putol niya at nilamon ng kanyang boses ang boses ko.

“Bro is so violent…” I snickered.

But speaking of food, now that I remembered it, I love most of the food he prepared for me. Pasok kasi siya sa healthy lifestyle ko no’n. More on greens ang hinahanda niya. Masarap din ’yung salad. Nahanapan niya rin ng paraan ang steak. Now I wonder how he managed to prepare my meal using my small budget.

So…even those words I learned came from him. Kung tarantado man ako ngayon, saan ko ba natutunan ’yon? Sa kanya din. Binabara niya ako   lagi pag sinasagot ko ang tawag niya. I just learned to adapt it until it became a natural thing to me.

When my car went out of Forbes Park, I decided to play somethin’ on the stereo since I know we won’t talk to each other. Mas gugustuhin niyan na mapanis ang laway niya kaysa kausapin ako. And I would rather shut up than talk to him.

Kung pumayag lang sana si Mavric, edi ang saya sana ng trip na ’to. I won’t be stuck in this situation if he only agreed. Scowling at my seat, I took my phone out to type a text for Mavric on imessage.

Tyler:

No BMW for you.

Hindi ko na siya papahiramin. Pag siya ang nanghihingi ng favor, pumapayag agad ako. Pero pag ako… I’m really gonna end our friendship once I find out he chose someone else, and it wasn’t his siblings behind it. Friendship over, Maverick Evander! This is your fault, man!

Chapter 15

Hello, Irys. The ordering period of Between the Rainbow book to be published under SAY Creatives will be announced this month! For those who want to order, you can follow my instagram, juliennemariii, and my Facebook account, Ineryss WP for the details. Thank you!

Para sa mga gusto ring maging updated kung may update ba kahit walang notification sa Wattpad, you can join the official group page of SAC on Facebook. Just search Strawberries and Cigarettes (Ineryss).

———

Friends

As far as I know, the property is located somewhere on Tablas Island. I don’t even know where the fuck that island is. Binili iyon ni Dad years ago dahil birthday gift niya kay Mommy. And now, it was already under construction. It was a private family resort. Mahilig si Teresse Charlotta sa ganoon eh kaya gustong gawan ni Dad ng sariling Maldives-inspired dito sa Luzon nang umuwi siya rito.

Two years na atang ongoing ang construction doon. Dad wants me to judge it and add more details. Plano ko ring dagdagan ng sarili kong villa at pagkakitaan iyon para akin ang shares kung sakali man.

Tyler:

Dad, I forgot to take the docs with me. And what the heck? The trip is almost four hours long! Sabi nitong si Mikael, papunta pa lang kaming Lucena? We will travel through Ferry, which is five hours straight daw papunta doon sa island. It’s too long!

Dad:

I’ll deliver the papers through a chopper don’t worry. You can use the chopper on your way home para mas madali kayong makauwi. Ayos ’yan 9 hours kayong magb-bond hehe

I scoffed unbelievably. I thought the chopper wasn’t available? Kaya ko sana ito nang mag-isa lang kung sa chopper nalang ako sumakay. I might even get there as fast as I can. I knew it! This is really a set-up! Gusto ni Dad na maka-bond ko ang anak ni Tito Rommel!

Tahimik na si Kael buong byahe papuntang Lucena. He didn’t speak a word, but his face remained dark and furious because of his knitted brows. I was the chill passenger who’s even banging my head while vibing with my playlist.

When the car got into the ferry, he went out of the driver’s seat like being close to me disgusts him. I saw him rest his arms on the railings of the ferry while looking at the sea seriously.

I opened my phone to at least check messages.

Ronan:

Bakit? Anong nangyari?

And a voice message.

“Paano ako makakarelate sa’yo kung walang context? Nasa’n na? Pabitin! Ano ka, si Rick?”

Ronan:

ANO NA!!!!!!!

I ignored it and opened my messenger app. Sa personal ko na siguro ikukwento kay Ron para mas intense. Nilingon ko kung nasaan si Kael, malayo sa akin, kaya ibinalik ko ang tingin sa messenger ko at inilog-in ang account ni Verena.

I should drop this now. Parang hindi ko na masikmurang anak pala ni Tito Rommel…

Before I could even type for a reply, his call flashed. I muted it while he opened his camera again, as usual.

He looked calm compared to the furious face I’ve seen earlier. Nakikita ko ang view, kahit ang ibang nasa ferry na nag-uusap usap.

“Papunta akong Romblon. Sinamahan ko ’yung gagong anak ng boss ko,” he said gently, but the gago was just too thick not to shrug about.

“Mas gago ka pa rin dahil pumayag ka. It’s your fault. Tss,” I murmured while typing a reply.

Verena:

Gago? Bakit?

He licked his lips first before talking.

“Itong anak kasi ng boss ni Papa, hindi nagmana sa parents. Mainit ang dugo ko sa kanya eh. Basta, ang arte. Idagdag pang hindi sumisipot tuwing parties ng empleyado ng Dad niya sa construction site kasi halatang ayaw humalo sa mahihirap. Alam mo ’yon, mayabang na matapobre. Ang taas ng tingin sa sarili.”

My jaw dropped. What the fuck? I know the term matapobre cuz I encountered it from him too, and I asked Ron about it. Hindi ko alam na seryoso pala talaga siya dito.

“Gustong gusto ng Dad niya na ipakilala siya sa mga empleyado, pero ’yung anak niya, ayaw. Iwas na iwas. Eh ano pa ba, kasi alam niya, hindi niya ka lebel ang mga empleyado ng Dad niya sa site. Tatlong Christmas parties, hindi ’yan sumipot. Kaya kaming lahat maliban sa Papa ko, walang ideya sa pagmumukha ng kumag na ’yon.”

I typed for a reply aggressively. He’s yapping things without knowing the whole context! Of course, why would I attend those parties when I knew Dad would only pair me with the daughters of the engineers and architects!

Verena:

You know, I kinda relate to the son of your father’s boss. I mean don’t get me wrong but I was misunderstood a lot of times too. Lalo na pag gatherings. Hindi naman sa nag-iinarte or what, but I just don’t think I belong. Not in a bad way but you know, I think everyone would distance themselves from me because they already think I would only talk to people who have the same societal status as me.

“Iba ka naman, nahihiya ka lang at ramdam kong hindi ka rin ganoon. Pero itong anak ni boss, kupal pa ’to sa kupal. Ang nakakainis pa, matagal ko na palang kilala at ’yung gusto ko ring bangasan dahil ang yabang yabang sa court.”

Verena:

Maybe he has other reasons you know. Baka hindi siya matapobre. Maybe he’s busy or somethin?

I saw how he calmed down a bit and looked at me like my words resonated with him.

Verena:

Who knows? Baka sa part niya ayaw niya rin sa’yo kasi harsh ka sa kanya? There are other people who love to mirror someone’s attitude you know. Baka naaangasan din sa’yo?

He rolled his eyes snobbishly after reading my message. “Kampi ka sa kanya?”

Oh, if only I could say yes! He’s always harsh to me! Noon pa. Ginagaya ko lang naman ang trato niya sa akin.

Verena:

Kakampihan kita kung tama ka?

I saw how Kael calmed down and his eyes softened while stifling his smile. He cleared his throat.

“Inangas-angasan ko nga. Minura ko rin…” sumbong niya, natatawa ngunit halatang guilty.

Bro, look at you admitting you are wrong, and yet you can’t even do this to me?

Verena:

Aww… I hate people who curse a lot :(

“Sorry. I mean, hindi ako palamura talaga. Pero ewan, pag sa gagong ’yon, ang sarap murahin. Pero hindi ko naman gagawin ’yon sa’yo. Kahit ako ang murahin mo, magpapasalamat pa ako,” he chuckled gently.

Wow, he even apologized here?! I deserved that apology more! Pero dito sa poser na ’to, dito pa siya nagsosorry?!

Verena:

Try to understand him. Besides, he’s the son of your father’s boss after all. Baka magsumbong ’yan sa Dad niya, pagalitan ka.

He completely calmed down and nodded. “Sure, boss…”

Boss? The fuck? Ngumuso ako.

“Isa pa, hindi naman talaga ako papayag sa request ng Dad niya. Kaso… kailangan kong mag-ipon. Kailan nga tayo magkikita?” He tilted his head and smiled meaningfully.

Bruh…

Did he accept my father’s request so he could… Holy shit, Tyler fucking Coast. You are fucked!

Nah. I needed to end this as soon as possible. Parang iba na ’to. He is willing to accept something he dislikes so much just for the poser behind the account? He is now risking things!

“I mean, hindi kita minamadali ha. Pero at least kung…papayag kana, mapaghandaan ko rin. Saan mo ba gusto? Wala rin kasing kwenta ang mga suggestions ng friends ko. Eh ’di ba noon, nabanggit mo na mahilig kang tumambay sa Rockwell? Pwedeng doon tayo.”

Nakatitig lang ako sa paraan ng pagsasalita niya. There is an obvious smile kissing his lips, and the excitement twinkling in his eyes was shining. Nasa ibabang angle ang camera, at kaya siguro walang stars sa langit dahil…nasa mga mata niya.

Verena:

I have money tbh

“Oo nga. Pero ako naman ang nagyayaya. Rule na ’yon na kung sino ang…sabik, siya dapat ang gumastos.”

Verena:

Baka kung sino ang lalaki? Kasi what if… lalaki din ako?

That’s it! I’ll turn him off!

Before he could even utter a word, mukhang nakarating na kami dahil sa paghinto ng ferry sa port. The other people were now moving; the other cars were also preparing for their exit. I logged out of the account immediately when I saw Kael walking toward my car—scowling but trying to relax at least.

I cleared my throat and crossed my arms while he occupied the driver’s seat.

“I’m kinda hungry. Let’s stop by at the nearest restaurant first,” sabi ko.

I was preparing for his roaring anger, but instead, he nodded while starting the engine of my car.

“Nagbigay ng pera ang Dad mo. Wala raw ang chef doon sa property niyo at puro lang empleyado. Iiwan kita sa kainan para makapag grocery ako,” he said seriously and pulled the gear while his other hand was now on the steering wheel.

And wow… He’s tamed because the account told him to do so.

“Bait ah?” I teased and chuckled.

He glared at me. “Gago—” he stopped his words, licked his lips, and shook his head. “Steak at pasta? Tapos mashed potatoes. Salad, o broccoli?” he continued asking in his controlled deep voice.

He memorized my dinner.

“Green beans and broccoli will do. For the steak, I want a sirloin. The last steak you cooked for me, it’s a ribeye…”

“Tss. Steak pa rin ’yon. Arte…” he murmured.

“You mean a rich in fat steak? I want a less fatty steak, which is the sirloin…” I corrected.

Binasa niya ang labi, halatang gustong magdabog, pero pinigilan nalang ang sarili at gigil ang tingin sa daan. Verena’s account must be echoing in his mind…

“And… I will come with you. You don’t know what sirloin is. I will choose it,” I said.

“Sa palengke lang ako para mas mura, hindi sa Mall.”

“I’ll add my father’s money. I’ll double it. So…”

“Anong problema mo sa palengke? Kung madumi para sa’yo, masangsang ang amoy, manatili ka sa kainan. Susunduin kita pag tapos na,” he interjected.

“The market in the mall is much better, you know. I mean, based on my experience, since I only tried it with my mom in the US, but—”

“Iba ang palengke dito sa Pinas. Kung sensitibo ka sa amoy, sa nagsisigawan, sa siksikang tao, hindi ka pwede sa palengke. ’Tsaka tingnan mo ’yang mukha mo, baka sa halip na makatawad ako, dagdagan pa ang presyo dahil akala foreigner ka.”

I unconsciously pulled the mirror down just to look at my face. My eyes were just too foreign, the color of my hair, and even my skin. I don’t really make a fuss about it since, in the school, I wasn’t the only one who looked like this, especially in my own environment.

“Hey, you also don’t look like a pure Filipino too—”

“Pero tuwid at mas klaro ang tagalog ko. Eh sa’yo?” He side-eyed me while driving.

“Magaling nga ako magtagalog,” I argued confidently.

“Sige nga. Kung isang libo ang pera mo, ang binili mo ay steak at nasa limang daan at tatlumput walo. Magkano lahat ang sukli mo? Sige nga.”

Man… What the fuck is talumput…walo? Limang daan is… five hundred, but the tatlong…walong… is… three hundred… something?

I pressed my tongue on the side of my cheek. “Keep the change.”

He scoffed, almost barking an uncontrolled laugh, but he only shook his head and furrowed his brows more.

“Kung sa isang libo mo, tinanong ka sitenta lang, pero dahil hindi mo alam, gusto mo agad mag-keep the change. Ayan ang kaibahan sa palengke. Walang naka-display na price. Hindi ko nilalahat pero, kadalasan sa mga pinoy, pag foreigner ang customer, automatic ’yan na nagdadagdag dahil alam nilang wala naman kayong alam sa pera rito at mayayaman kayo.”

Say…tenta… Heck. How much is that?

I haven’t really tried getting scammed cuz I have my own car, and my own groceries were always done in the mall. I haven’t encountered those kinds of Pinoys on the street either. I don’t even know what their market looked like.

But I wanna prove to him that I am not what he thinks of me. Hindi ako matapobre, o kahit maarte. Well yeah, I am very hygienic, but I don’t mock those who are in the lower class because I know how hard it was for them to survive every day.

Kaya ko namang maki-socialize sa mga empleyado ni Dad. Hindi ko lang naisip na ang hindi ko pagpunta sa site, o ang pagsali sa parties ay magiging ganoon ang dating sa kanya.

“Sasama pa rin ako. I will choose my steak wisely,” I demanded.

He sighed heavily and didn’t argue anymore. I noticed he knows the place very well, like it wasn’t his first time. So instead of eating first, I decided to just accompany him.

And just like what he said, the market is very different from what I was expecting. It was organized, but it still looked crowded. I could even smell the different kinds of scents that make my nose scrunch.

Dire-diretso rin ang lakad ni Kael so I followed him behind his back like a kid who doesn’t want to lose his mother’s sight.

“Mga pogi! Dito kayo!” They were shouting in chorus, calling for our attention desperately.

“Pogi! Pogi!”

Wow. They were all friendly and approachable.

Kael stopped in front of the veggies, so I stopped as well. Tiningnan niya ang mga gulay, kaya kuryoso ko ring tiningnan ang mga gulay kahit na nalilito ako dahil walang mga pangalan.

“Hello pogi! What do you want? Uh… we have talong… pechay… kamatis! You don’t know tagalog? Basta everything in the Bahay Kubo, we got it all for you! So tell me… tell me what chu want!” she conversed enthusiastically while holding a cellophane.

“Sitaw, broccoli, sibuyas, bawang, patatas…” Kael recited each of the veggies using his perfect Tagalog accent.

“Ay marunong ka naman pala, jusko! Pinahirapan mo pa ako!” the girl said and giggled.

“What is sitaw? I said green beans,” I corrected while crossing my arms.

“Uy green beans daw sabi ni Kano!” aniya at tiningnan si Kael.

“Sitaw nga ’yon,” si Kael na umismid sa akin. “Tagalog ng green beans mo.”

My expression calmed down.

“Ay ang sosyal naman no’n pakinggan! Green beans! Sitaw lang pala!” natatawang sabi ng babae at tumingin sa akin. “It’s called sitaw here, okay? If you wanna buy green beans in the palengke, say, hello, pabili po ng sitaw! Gano’n!”

I nodded while smiling. “Hello, pabili po ng sitaw…” I mimicked her.

“Very good! Very good! Now say, Hello ate ganda, pabili po ng sitaw!”

I chuckled. “Maganda ka nga…”

Her eyes widened, and she even acted like she was collapsing. Sinalo ko pa habang natatawa at seryoso kaming tiningnan ni Kael.

“Marunong ka naman pala! Pinapahiya mo lang ako! At dahil diyan, may libre kang sitaw! You’re very guwapo na nga, you’re very friendly and funny pa.”

I grinned. Hah! Baka sa amin, mas paboran pa ako dahil hindi ako mukhang masungit. Unlike him.

“See? Marunong ako tumawad,” I bragged when I leveled on him, my hands in my pants while smirking.

Dala niya ang pinamiling mga gulay na nasa loob ng cellophane at seryoso pa rin. Hindi niya ako pinansin at sa mga meat section naman huminto.

“Ano ’yon pogi?” the woman smiled at us.

“For sirloin steak,” I said so I could help at least.

“Oh pang steak! Ito,” and she showed me a meat of a ribeye.

“Hindi. ’Yung ribeye…”

Kael crossed his arms while looking at me seriously. I licked my lips, trying to make a point.

“Eh pang steak ’to. This is for steak. This is beef. My customers, if they want to cook beef, this is uh basta pang steak ito…” she sounded stressed.

I cleared my throat and glanced at Kael. “I think a ribeye will do.”

“Sigurado ka?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yup. Ayos din naman ’yan. But it’s kinda rich in fats… I’m quite meticulous with my food intake. Gusto ko balance lang ang fats na kinakain ko dahil ayaw kong magka health problems.”

“Hindi na. Salamat ho,” Kael said and smiled a little at the woman.

Sumunod agad ako baka iwan pa ako sa palengke.

“Dalhin mo na ’to sa kotse. Mauna ka doon. Ako na ang bibili,” he said, handing me the cellophane.

Gusto ko sanang sumama kaso mabilis ang lakad niya at ayaw na yata akong kasama. I don’t know the other term for sirloin, alright. But I like it better than the ribeye…

Nauna ako sa kung saan nakapark ang kotse ko. I even noticed some were taking photos of it. Saktong tumawag si Dad habang inilalagay ko sa back seat ang pinamili namin.

I opened the FaceTime, and I saw his worried yet excited face.

“Oh, nasaan na kayo?”

“Palengke, dad…”

“Palengke? Dinala ka ni Mikael sa palengke?” Humalakhak siya, naka bathrobe na at may mug sa harap niya, mukhang nasa kitchen counter.

“Sabi ko, siya nalang ang mamalengke kasi maarte ka at hindi ka marunong magbudget sa pagkain mo—

“Dad, that was a long time ago! Hindi na nga ako maarte. Quit telling him I am like that. Kaya ayaw sa akin ng tao eh,” sabi ko at sumandal sa upuan ng aking kotse.

My father only laughed. “Magaling ’yan si Mikael mamalengke. Kaya sinasama ko ’yan minsan sa business trips ko pag wala siyang pasok. Masarap din magluto,” he bragged.

Wow, I just know they bonded a lot, but I didn’t know they were this close.

“Sige na… Nagpapatimpla lang ng tea ang Mommy mo. I just wanna check on you. Update me kung nandoon na kayo. I already told someone to bring the papers. And oh, for your own villa, talk to the Engineer about it.”

I was a bit exhausted while waiting for him, so I took a nap until I didn’t notice he was back. Doon lang ako nagising nang magpark siya. Our overlooking under construction property is sitting in front of the beach. My mother is so spoiled that Dad built her her own private resthouse.

Sa dami rin naming properties sa Luzon, minsan nakakalimutan ko na ’yung iba.

“Hello po, sir… Ikaw po ang anak ni Sir Frederich?” Isang babae ang kumausap sa amin nang lumabas kami sa kotse.

I nodded and smiled while wearing my duffel bag. “Yup.”

“Oh… unfortunately po, ’yung ibang rooms kasi ay under construction. Isang villa lang po ang pwedeng tulugan. Doon lang din po may hot shower kasi ’yung iba, under maintenance pa po. Ayos lang po ba?”

This whole ass property, in two years of construction, and yet, there is only one villa available. Frederich is wasting his money on this!

“May extra bed ba?” si Kael ang nagtanong.

“Uh… w-wala din po…” the girl shook her head.

“Baka kahit sahig wala ah? Meron naman sigurong bubong ’yan ’no? Kasi kung wala din, sa dagat nalang ako matutulog,” I joked and laughed since everything seemed planned out by my father.

“Sorry sir. Hindi kasi kami na…orient ni Sir Frederich nang maaga. Kanina niya lang din po sinabi. Kung gusto niyo pong makita ’yung Villa, ihahatid ko po kayo…”

Kael and I silently followed the woman. Dala niya ang mga pinamili habang nakabulsa ang mga kamay ko, gumagala ang tingin. The place is too silent for my liking, but my mother would definitely love it here.

There was a wooden bridge connecting to the villa sitting over the water of the front beach, almost resembling that villa I visited in Samal. My father is probably planning to make his own pearl farm because of its design.

Kung si Maverick ang kasama ko dito, ang saya siguro nito. We don’t even mind if there is only one bed cuz we are used to sharing beds. Pero kung makakasama mo ang ayaw sa’yo, at ayaw mo, that would be freaking weird as fuck.

Binuksan ng babae ang pinto. My brow raised since the place is pretty cool. There’s a king-size bed. A flat-screen television on the side. A wall made of glass while the army green curtains were on the sides. A table and two chairs. A balcony with loungers. This room is too cozy. Mukhang pang honeymoon room pa yata ’to ng parents ko ah?

Imagine if Tito Rommel’s eldest is actually a woman. Baka madalas akong papuntahin dito ni Dad kasama ’yon hanggang sa magkakadevelop-an kami at magiging kami rin. Cuz imagine it, ganito palang na hindi kami magkabati, ganito na ang pinaggagawa ni Dad, ano pa lang kaya kung…babae talaga si Kael? My father might right away fix us into marriage!

“Ayos na ’to, miss. Pwedeng makahingi nalang ng extra foam? Meron naman siguro ’di ba?” si Kael na mukhang tapos na ring tingnan ang room.

“Ah… wala po talagang…available…” she sounded hesitant.

I laughed cockily. “Sa dagat ka nalang humiga para lumamig ’yang ulo mo…” I smirked at him.

Huminga nang malalim si Kael, kinausap ang babae kung saan siya pwedeng magluto. Nang maiwan ako sa loob, binuksan ko ang duffel bag ko at nagdesisyong magshower.

My weird dream suddenly flashed in my mind, which made me cursed and shut my eyes frustratedly. Oh hell no. I would rather sleep somewhere else than…sleep here with him! Baka bangungutin ako!

Tyler:

We’re here, dad. Cool! May isang malaking property ka pero isang villa lang ang pwedeng magamit. Saan matutulog si Mikael? Sa dagat?

Dad:

Share your room :)

I sighed heavily and looked at the glass walls while I could hear the scream I did internally. We are not even friends to be that intimate!

Dad:

Yieee bro na ’yan sila pag-uwi haha

Chapter 16

Insecurity

I rinsed my hair using the white towel when I went out of the bathroom. Napansin ko agad na may pagkain na sa table, at mukhang lumabas ulit siya. The plating looked satisfying. Dalawang plato ang nakahanda. The steak was laced with butter, a rosemary on top of it, while on the side were the string beans and broccoli. The other plate was the mashed potato with chopped parsley.

May juice din siyang inihanda. I took a sip of it, and it’s fresh orange juice. I dragged the chair off the table and glanced at the side to find him, but he’s really not around.

I sliced the steak, and he perfectly cooked it. It’s medium rare. Inilagay ko sa topless kong balikat ang puting towel at kumain. I wonder if he also prepared something for himself. Marami ’yung nakita kong dala niya kanina at mukhang may mga binili pa siya maliban doon sa mga gulay.

After eating, the girl visited the room to get the plates. Doon din ako nagtanong kung nasaan si Kael.

“Ah… nasa dalampasigan po. Naglalakad-lakad. Mukhang naninigarilyo,” aniya habang tinatanggap ang mga plato at baso.

Weird. As far as I know, he only smokes when he’s thinking a lot of things. Curious about it, I grabbed my navy blue jacket and went out of the room.

Nakita ko nga siya sa dalampasigan. Nakayuko roon, malayo ang tingin at naninigarilyo. I cleared my throat and walked toward his side.

He side-eyed me. I stopped a meter away from him, put my hands in the pocket of my boardwalk shorts, and looked at the soft crashing of the waves.

“Do you still have a cigar?” I asked.

He glared for a bit, puffed it, and blew it while looking up. Malamig ang hangin at naaamoy ko ang usok ng sigarilyo niya.

Akala ko hindi ako bibigyan, but when he took out the pack out of his pocket and tossed it to my feet, I calmed down and picked it up. Kumuha ako ng isa, inilagay ko sa gitna ng labi, at hinintay na maghahagis din siya ng lighter.

“Wala. Nakisindi lang ako sa kusina,” he pointed out coldly.

Lumingon ako sa likod. It’s too far. Nilingon ko ang hinihithit niya kaya naglakad ako lalo palapit. He remained crouching down when I stopped on his side and handed him my cig.

He looked up, his eyes a bit glaring. I tilted my head and smiled a little.

When he puffed his cigarette again, I pinned the tip of mine until it was slowly consumed by the fire. Ibinalik ko iyon sa gitna ng labi ko at hinithit habang nakatingin na sa dagat.

He moved a bit away from me without standing. I glanced at him, blew out the smoke, and chuckled.

“Gusto ni Dad na magkasundo tayo,” sabi ko.

“Paano magkakasundo kung ang yabang mo?” he answered thickly with his furrowed brows.

I licked my lips and puffed my cigarette again. I can’t remember why I punched him when I was a kid. Hindi ko alam kung naaalala niya rin ba, pero kahit pa matagal na ’yon, mainit din ang dugo namin sa isa’t isa kahit noong Grade Twelve pa lang ako at nagsosoccer.

“At ang init ng ulo mo. We both know each other since our soccer days. You almost punched me,” I reminded.

“Eh, tanga ka maglaro. Natatamaan mo na ’yung ibang teammates natin.”

I scratched my head and chuckled. “Ah… during that time. May nabalitaan kasi ako no’n sa US. Medyo na-occupied ako. I kinda hated living here back in those days since I was used to the environment in the US, but my mom threw me here… Nag-a-adjust pa lang ako no’n kaya hirap makisama.”

Natahimik siya. I puffed my cigarette again. To be honest, hindi naman ako nagtatanim ng galit. Iyon nga lang, dahil inangasan niya si Shiloh, gusto tuloy namin gumanti sa kanya at ngayon…hindi ko na alam paano aaminin ang poser account na…ako ang nasa likod no’n.

“Your father is nice to me. To respect him, I wanted to…at least stop whatever beef we have with each other. Kasi kung hindi rin tayo magbabati, my dad will do everything to set us up.”

Nanatili siyang tahimik, hindi na magkasalubong ang kilay pero seryoso na lamang na naninigarilyo.

“And…” My voice trailed.

It was already at the tip of my tongue. Gusto ko nang sabihin na…ako ang nasa likod ng account ni Verena. But the sudden fast beating of my heart made me stop from uttering it.

Lumingon siya sa akin. I puffed my cigarette instead to lessen my nervousness.

“Ano?” At mukhang inaabangan niya.

I lifted my head, blew out the smoke, and licked my lower lip.

“Masarap ang luto mo. Kahit noon,” I complimented and smirked at him.

Umismid siya, nailing at hinithit muli ang sigarilyo. “Masyado nang maraming gagawin si Papa kung gigising pa siya nang maaga para lang ihanda ’yung gusto mong pagkain. Laki-laki mo na pero ibang tao pinapahanda ng baon mo.”

“Your Dad was the one who insisted on it since he knew I was adjusting and I could barely handle my time. Late na ako nagigising. My body clock was so fucked up from those days. I would even take a nap during classes and my break times too…”

Natahimik siya ulit. Mukhang nakikita niyang understandable naman ang reasons ko.

“Si Papa rin ang nagd-drive sa’yo. Uuwi ’yon, minsan hatinggabi na at pagod na pagod dahil sinasamahan ka pa raw niya sa mga gala mo. Sa halip na makatulog nang maaga…” I could sense the slight annoyance mixing in his deep, hoarse voice.

I swallowed hard. “Well, I told you… I was adjusting. Hindi ako makatulog sa gabi at wala akong ka-close noon kaya minsan, si Tito Rommel ang niyayaya ko para…itour ako.”

“Tss.”

“I’m close to your father, alright. Minsan, lumilipad kasi si Dad sa ibang lugar at hindi niya ako madala dahil may pasok pa ako. Pero after ng ilang months, naka-adjust na rin naman ako since I also found a circle.”

He blew the smoke out. The cold wind lingered when the crashing of the waves became a little bit aggressive.

“He’s like my second father. I respect him so much…” I chuckled a little when I looked back and appreciated his gentle patience with me. Kung hindi dahil kay Tito Rommel, baka mas lalong mahirap at baka ginawa ko na ang lahat kaawaan lang ako ni Mommy. Baka nga natuloy ako roon sa gusto ni Mommy kung saan dapat ako magco-college.

And during the time I got my first earnings, I immediately bought him an expensive watch. Naalala ko kung gaano ka saya no’n si Tito habang namimili siya. It’s one of my memorable moments with him.

“Pero ’yung anak ginagago mo,” he uttered coldly.

I cleared my throat when I felt like there was something more in those words. I only puffed the smoke, if only I could finish it in just one breath while the suffocating feeling that I am not just messing with him as Tito Rommel’s son, but I am also pretending I am someone he could trust behind a dummy account.

“Pikon ka kasi. I like…pissing people off who hate me,” sabi ko, ngumiti nalang ng kaonti.

His jaw clenched for a bit, but then I could no longer see the usual rage in his eyes. Like the waves crashing slowly, I almost see his calmness in it—a tamed rage.

I played with my tongue, pressured to say it when silence sat between us. Parehas kaming nakatanaw sa dagat, naninigarilyo, habang gusto nang lumabas sa bibig ko ang tinatago ko.

He stood up. Like a chance I couldn’t grab, he started walking away.

“The bed is big. Pwede ka sa side,” pahabol ko.

Hindi siya nagsalita, tuloy-tuloy ang alis, habang sinundan ko siya ng tingin. I stayed on the shore for a while, thinking deeply about my small problem. Sa tinagal tagal kong walang pinoproblema, mukhang narinig ng langit kaya pinaulanan ako.

I had a pair of troubles back in the day. Alam ko, pasaway at makulit ako. My mother could justify that. Sometimes, I would just get away from those troubles since they were just minors. Or if I get caught, I am willing to suffer for the consequences, like a punishment I am used to, especially from mom.

I am having fun, alright. But it wasn’t funny anymore when you realized your joke would break someone’s confidence. At hindi ko alam kung…sapat ba ang paghingi ng tawad. Baka kahit mamatay ako, ang galit ni Kael sa akin, hindi matatapos.

I took out my phone and FaceTimed my mom. It didn’t take her a minute to answer it. Ibinaba ko saglit ang kamay para hindi niya makita ang sigarilyo.

“You called,” she said in her usual serious yet calm tone.

I smiled. “Where’s dad? Nandiyan?”

“Taking a shower. What’s up?”

Mukhang nasa kuwarto pa rin siya, naka-roba, at suot pa ang reading glasses niya.

“Mom…” I sighed.

“Another trouble.” At parang alam niya agad na may kalokohan akong napasukan.

“If you were in my shoes, let’s say… you pranked someone, but you are already regretting it cuz you realize it doesn’t make sense anymore, but…you don’t know how to fix it. What would you do?”

She took off her reading glasses. I swallowed a little and crouched down nervously.

“I’m not that stupid to prank people.”

I groaned. “What if you were in my shoes, alright!” She never fails to roast me…

“Don’t make it worse. Instead of running away, face the consequence and apologize. That’s it.”

“Well yeah. But what if you got a rough beating from it?”

“Are you even worried for the rough beating, or for the pain you would cause once that person found out you were just pranking them?”

I froze a bit.

“I know you, Tyler Coast. You might be dumb at times like your father, but you have a little empathy for others once you get to know them.”

“Like my father?” I repeated her words and laughed. But then, she’s right, though. Baka ayaw ko lang aminin sa sarili ko, pero siguro nga kabado ako na…masakit ’to para kay Kael.

“Apologize. That’s it. If they didn’t accept it, then take it as a lesson that not everything you find funny is hilarious to others too. That would teach you to be more sensitive from being insensitive,” sabi niya at may inabot na pouch.

Natulala ako saglit. Suot ko pa ang ngiti ko ngunit hilaw na. “It was just a game at first…”

“A game has rules that both of you must follow. But if you were the only one who was aware of it, then it wasn’t a game anymore. It’s just your stupidity acting up,” she said while putting a gloss on her lips.

I made faces, rolled my eyes, puffed my cigarette unconsciously, and lowered the camera when I knew she saw me smoking.

“Bye, mom. Love you,” I turned it off immediately before she pointed out my cigarette.

Inubos ko lang ang isang stick, saka rin ako bumalik sa room. Noong pumasok ako, nasa kama nga siya, nakadapa at niyayakap ang isang unan. Malaki pa ang space kaya dumapa lang din ako sa gilid; malaki ang space sa gitna namin.

I yawned and pulled my hoodie from the back sleepily. Sa kabilang side ako nakaharap hanggang sa nakatulog din ako sa mga iniisip ko.

Nauna ata siya magising. Early in the morning, he was already swimming, and I just saw him pulling himself up while my dirty dream flashed on my mind again. Napatingin siya sa akin, sinuklay ang basang buhok paatras, at pinulot ang puting towel na nasa lounger.

I cursed and went out of the bed when I could feel my morning wood. I showered right away, desperate to erase my thoughts. This is the second time I dreamt about it! Compared to my first dream, last night was too intense, and I thought…it was real.

Mary, that girl, told me about the visitors. Iyon na ang inasikaso ko at ipinaliwanag ang mga utos ni Dad sa akin. I also handed the papers he was talking about, explained to the engineer about my own villa, and added some details for my mother’s liking.

“Pwede bang pakilayo ’yung villa ko sa parents ko? I wanna have my own peace,” sabi ko sa engineer na tumawa.

I was cracking jokes from time to time that our conversation was smooth and light. Wala naman akong masyadong tinrabaho. Si Kael, mga empleyado naman ni Dad ang kausap at nahuhuli kong lilingon din dito pag natatawa akong mapapatingin sa kung nasaan sila.

Noong matapos ang pag-uusap, tiningnan ko ang ibang parte ng resort. It wasn’t as glamorous compared to our other properties, but it was the coziest place. Naiimagine ko rin ’yung mga serial killer na mahilig sa ganito ka tahimik na lugar sa mga movies na napanood ko.

My father has jet skis, so I asked his employee to take them out since I’m gonna use it for a bit. Mamayang 6PM nalang din uuwi total may naka-standby naman na chopper at makakauwi rin agad mamaya.

“Do you know how to ride a jet ski?” I asked and stopped on his side while he’s crouching down and busy on his phone.

I even got a little glimpse of the screen of his phone. May mga messages siya sa account ni Verena at mukhang hinihintay niyang magseen. What would he even feel if…the account suddenly got deleted without even a single explanation?

He turned off the screen of his phone and stood up while nodding. I smirked.

“Let’s race?”

Humalukipkip siya, seryosong tiningnan ang dagat. “Kung nanalo ako, anong kapalit?”

I barked a laugh. “Name your prize then.”

Tumingin kami sa mga empleyado ni Dad na inihahanda na ang dalawang jet ski na gagamitin. I unbuttoned each of the buttons of my shirt, while Kael pulled the T-shirt from his back and took it off smoothly.

Nilapitan namin ang jet skis. We even both decline to wear a life jacket. I’m not sure if he’s that good, though, but as far as I remember, Tito Rommel said his son likes surfing. Well, surfing is different from riding a jet ski…

“Sigurado bang hindi natin siya pagsusuotin ng life jacket, Mikael?” one of my father’s employees asked worriedly.

“Marunong naman ’yan. Hayaan niyo kung ayaw,” Kael answered while getting into his jet ski as well and sticking the key underneath its head to turn it on.

“We’re gonna race,” I said to the three men who looked at me.

“Naku race! Sana kaawaan ka ni Mikael!” one of them said jokingly.

Kaawaan ako? Baka siya ang kawawa sa akin. I do races…

“Magpustahan tayo!” sabi nila habang umaalis na sa tubig at iyon na ata ang pinagkakatuwaan.

Binuksan ko ang maliit na compartment sa gilid at doon inilagay ang phone ko para hindi malaglag. I stick in the key connected to my body so I would not lose it, press down the red button on the left side to start it, and glance at Kael, who seems like he knows what to do as well since his jet ski is now roaring too.

“No rules. Those who remain on his jet ski will be considered as the winner,” I said as soon as I took a seat and glanced at him checking his jet ski out.

I wore my black sunglasses on and held down the accelerator on the right side until it started running. Seconds later, like a flash, Kael overtook and even made a turn on the side, which created an aggressive splash of water all over me. Hah! This man seems like a little expert.

Hinabol ko siya hanggang sa nakalebel siya. The sunlight was already showing, making us look golden. He side-eyed me coldly, so I laughed a bit while our hair was aggressively dancing from the intense wind.

“You’re quite good. Your father said—”

Before I could even finish my words, he already pulled it down to the other side, and the water splashed all over my body again. Thank God I wore sunglasses! Nagawa pang lumingon sa akin at mayabang ang ngisi.

I slightly grip the accelerator to add on its speed and pull it down to the left so I could chase after him. When I almost leveled his jet ski, I stood up a bit, held down the accelerator until it caused a little jump, and then made a sudden turn, making sure I would splash him with water this time.

And because he wasn’t wearing sunglasses, he squinted his eyes and fell down. Humalakhak ako. Yes! I pulled the left for a reserve until I stopped on his side while he’s brushing his wet hair backwards.

“Nice play,” I said and offered my hand to help him.

Tiningnan niya ang kamay ko, kinuha iyon. But instead of taking it, he gripped my hand and pulled me down forcefully until I ended up falling into the water as well. Noong nauubo akong umahon, nakita ko siyang nakasakay na sa jet ski; itinaas pa ang kamay at binigyan ako ng dirty finger.

I only laughed since I know I won. He fell first. That’s the rule.

Tumawag si Dad noong around 5:30PM sa isang videocall FaceTime, so I handed it to Kael while I’m packing my things. Nasa balcony siya, kausap si Dad at nakayuko sa railings.

“Anong sabi ni Dad?” tanong ko nang matapos ang tawag at ibinigay niya ulit sa akin.

Isinuot ko sa balikat ang lace ng duffel bag ko, ibinulsa ang phone habang nagkibit-balikat lang si Kael.

“Wala naman. Ingat daw tayo pauwi. Mamili ka raw, kung iiwan muna dito ang kotse mo para sa chopper tayo, o mag landtrip ulit tayo.”

Binasa ko ang pang-ibabang labi para pag-isipan iyon. “Nah… I can’t leave my car here.”

“Mapagkakatiwalaan naman ang tauhan ng Dad mo. Marunong sila magdrive,” aniya.

“Yeah I know, but…” I wanna get that 9 hours to condition myself and tell him the truth.

Tumango siya at ayaw na yatang pahabain ang usapan. I am quite nervous, but my mom is prolly right. Kung hindi ko sasabihin sa kanya at nalaman niya sa iba, I would only fuel his rage. Kaya mas mabuting sa akin mismo manggaling.

“Sobrang close niyo pala ni Dad,” I struck an intro for my target topic while he was serious yet calmly driving back to the port.

He side-eyed me, so I crossed my arms and shrugged about it. “I wanna know. Baka may sinasabi siya sa’yo tungkol sa akin kaya namisinterpret mo ako.”

He scoffed, and there’s a sarcastic smile lingering on his lips. “Halata naman sa’yo. Makulit ka daw na anak. Spoiled.”

“Spoiled? Most of my expensive shit came from my own pocket. Call me spoiled if I’m asking for too much…”

“Halos mamatay ka nga sa limang daang allowance mo noon…” aniya.

I cleared my throat guiltily and looked outside the window to appreciate the trees we passed by.

“Sakit ka rin daw sa ulo ng Mommy mo sa States kaya ka tinapon dito,” dagdag niya kaya napalingon ako sa kanya. “Kaya ka siguro hindi sinundan dahil ayaw nilang magkaroon ulit ng isa pang anak na kagaya mo.”

I completely lose my cool there. Insecurity ko ang pagiging only child ko. I can take every mock from other people without getting offended, but this… I don’t even think I would hold back on mocking them back.

“Kaya gets ko ang parents mo kung ayaw na nilang mag-anak. Na-trauma na ata sa’yo,” he casually said.

The guilt I felt yesterday completely vanished, and the below-the-belt insults were now lining up to come out from my mouth.

“Stop the car,” I uttered seriously.

Kumunot ang noo niya, nilingon ako. He stopped it, so I went out of the front seat, slammed the door shut, and opened the back seat to get my duffel bag while he also went out curiously.

“May nakalimutan ka?” he asked calmly.

“I’m riding the chopper. Drive my car back to Manila…” I said without looking at him, hung the lace of my duffel bag on my shoulder, and walked out.

I pressed my lower lip and laughed annoyingly from what he said. Nang maalalang hindi man lang nakabawi sa insulto, tumigil ako saglit, nakangisi siyang nilingon na nalilitong nakatingin sa akin.

“And oh, you don’t mind, right?” I slightly chuckled and tilted my head arrogantly. “That’s your job since you’re getting paid for it. After all, I am still the son of your father’s boss. And you’re just…one of those who work for us.”

His eyes widened in disbelief, his expression darkening—jaw clenching. I only gave him a mocking smile, that I am down for more insults if he wanted to hear more.

Pumasok siya sa driver’s seat, pinaharurot ang kotse ko paalis. Naiiling akong natawa kahit galit ang nararamdaman ko.

I took my phone out to fucking end things. I didn’t even read his other messages since it’s my least concern right now.

Verena:

Let’s meet up next week.

Chapter 17

Poser

Galit talaga ako. Kahit anong tulala ko kanina habang nasa chopper pa, parang nadadagdagan lang ang galit ko kay Kael. Kahit siguro ang mga kakampi sa kanya, kaiinisan ko.

“Nasaan ka?” After four consecutive missed calls on FaceTime, I finally decided to answer Ron’s fifth attempt.

Ipinakita ko ang rice terraces field na makikita mismo sa harap ng pool. I only showed the entire front so he would understand why I’m here since it looked therapeutic. Pinindot ko ang harap ng camera at nagkibit habang nakaupo sa aking lounger, suot ang itim kong sunglasses.

“Bali…” I answered in a frail tone.

Kumunot ang noo ni Ron. “Bali, Indonesia? Nasa Alas Harum ka?”

I smiled without humor and put my hand against my head. “Yup.”

Humalakhak si Ron. “Anong ginagawa mo diyan?”

“Nagpapalamig.” I shrugged.

“Dude, it’s Monday! You skipped your classes!”

“Fuck classes.” S’yempre mayabang muna ngayon…

This is the only way I know to cool down my temper. I need to relax somewhere far. Ayoko sa Pinas dahil pakiramdam ko, nasa iisang bansa pa rin kami ni Kael, iisang hangin ang nalalanghap, at iisang lugar ang ginagalawan.

If only I could go to another planet just to avoid the earth, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Ang sarap sigurong magpalamig sa Uranus.

But then, I slowly noticed I got my mom’s habit when she’s mad. Noong nagalit siya sa akin, ako ang ipinatapon palabas sa bansa. Ngayon na ako ang nagagalit, ako naman itong umaalis ng bansa. I also did this when I low-key got mad at Brent. Pero hanggang Cebu lang ako no’n, unlike now that I can’t stand the Philippines cuz Kael is there.

Nailing si Ron, mukhang kakalabas lang sa class niya. Naglakad siya, inilebel sa mukha ang screen ng phone at inayos ng kaonti ang buhok. I boredly watch him.

“Sinama mo sana ako.”

“Tss. Niyaya ko kayo ni Mavric ayaw niyo naman akong samahan. Bahala kayo sa buhay niyo. Mag travel kayo mag-isa dito.” I rolled my eyes.

Humalakhak siya ulit. “May major sub ako, dude! Kung bumagsak ako, kaya mo ba akong bigyan ng maginhawang future? Eh isa nga lang ako sa pinagkikitaan mo, hayop ka.”

Oh right. He is also one of my tenants now since he rented one of my apartments too.

I slightly laughed, but then I remembered I was pissed, so I rolled my eyes again and looked at the rice terraces. He cleared his throat calmly.

“Ano ba kasing nangyari? Bitin na bitin ako sa kwento mo, bro! Napanaginipan ko pa! Sabi mo raw tanggap mo na ako as stepdad! Gumising tuloy akong good mood! Kaso biglang text ng dad mo ang bumungad kaya nasampal ulit ako na hindi ko kaya si Frederich…” patuloy niya kahit alam niyang hindi na ako interesadong makinig diyan sa ilusyon niya.

But speaking of Frederich…

“Ron.” I looked at the camera seriously.

May kinamayan siyang pamilyar na boys na nadaanan niya saka muling tiningnan ang camera.

“Ano?”

“Masama ba ang ugali ko?” I asked innocently.

“Oo, sobra. Ba’t mo natanong?”

“Tang inang gago ’to. Kitang miserable ’yung tao dadagdagan pa…” Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang matawa.

“Baka gusto mong ipaalala ko sa’yo ang kakupalan mo noon?”

“I’m serious.” I frowned.

“Sa akin ka hinahanap ni Frederich. Hindi ka raw sumasagot sa calls nila. Sabihin ko raw sa’yo nag-aalala ang Mommy mo.”

That’s his style. Kunwari si Mommy kasi alam niyang sasagot agad ako. But no. I’m pissed. Hindi lang sa Kael na ’yon, kundi pati sa parents ko. Ngayon lang nagsink-in sa akin na kinakawawa ako ng parents ko. Galit na rin ako sa kanila.

“Tss. Tell them I blocked them both.”

Ngumiwi agad siya. “Hayop na ’yan. Ako ba ang susi ngayon para pagbatiin kayong magkapamilya? Stepfather ang pangarap ko, hindi family counselor niyo!”

“And tell them I won’t give them grandkids either.” I continued yapping. “If they won’t give me siblings, then fine, wala din silang apo. Tumanda silang mag-isa. Tingnan natin kung hindi sila magmamakaawang bigyan ko sila.”

“Madami ba ’yang hinanakit mo? Ilista mo para ma-paste ko at ma-forward kay Frederich…” dagdag niya.

“Kapatid lang naman ang hinihingi ko,” I confessed heartily, pouring out my frustrations. “Kahit ako na ang bumuhay at mag-alaga! You know, if my mom would get pregnant this year, next year graduate na ako. I can take care of it. Pero hindi. Ang damot damot ni Charlotta.”

“Kawawa ka naman. Uwi ka dito. Ampunin natin ’yung kapatid ni Mavric na si Riri…”

I saw him enter the Power Mac Center located in our school, and it seems like he’s gonna buy something. Patingin-tingin siya sa akin sa camera, nakikinig sa akin pero hati na ang atensyon sa harap.

“Eh si Frederich, under ’yon kay Mom. Kaya pag ayaw noong isa, walang magagawa si German. And you know what pissed me off, Ron? Sinasabi ni Dad sa anak ni Tito Rommel na ayaw nila akong sundan because they’re traumatized to have another child like me. Bro, I literally blow up!”

Nailing si Ron, halatang kahit siya, naiirita rin. Kita ko sa camera na nilapitan na siya ng saleslady kaya tumikhim siya at sinenyasan akong may titingnan muna. I think he is choosing a new phone since that’s what he kept on yapping about lately. Gustong gusto niya ’yung cam ng latest iPhone.

I somehow reflected on what Kael said to me. He thinks I’m spoiled. Spoiled ba ’to kung tingin ko normal lang since that’s how my friends act as well. Tingnan mo si Ron, sa babaw na rason, bumibili ng bagong phone dahil lang sa camera. But I don’t think he’s spoiled since his parents are generous to him as long as he does well in his studies.

“Finally,” and minutes later, he flexed the paper bag and grinned.

Para lang candy ’yan sa kanya. Pamilya mo ba naman ang may-ari ng isang Hotel sa Mindanao, at may malaking lupain sa province na nagsusupply ng prutas sa buong Mindanao din, kaya kahit anong hingiin ni Ron, naibibigay agad.

“Back to the topic. Eh, close din ’yan sa Dad mo ’di ba?”

“Oo. Kaya nga nandito ako ngayon dahil ininsulto ako. Gagong ’yon talaga. Nagmamagandang loob na ako, dude! Pinipilit ko nang pakisamahan, but the fucker insulted me! Fuck him! Kung hindi ko lang naalalang anak ’yon ni Tito Rommel, kahit ang kotse ko, hindi ko ipapagamit. Languyin niya ang buong dagat pauwing Manila. Tingnan natin ’yang angas niya.”

Humalakhak si Ron habang nakikita ko kung gaano ako ka irita sa camera.

“Kaya kahit gusto kong patunayan na mali ang iniisip niyang matapobre ako, I hit him where I know I could crush his ego. I don’t really care now about his impressions toward me. He hates me? Then I’ll give him more reason to hate me even more. Iiyak talaga siya ng dugo kung nakipag-angasan pa siya sa akin. So fucking what…” I said thickly.

“Kaya pala alalang-alala ang dad mo kasi alam nilang galit ka,” natatawang si Ron, mukhang ngayon ay nasa cafeteria na ng school. “Ilang years na tayong magkakilala pero hindi ko alam paano ka magalit. Akala ko nga noon hindi ka marunong magalit o mainis man lang…”

Well, they respect my boundary, and they understand me. Ang open din kasi ng circle namin kaya hindi nagkakainsultuhan dahil kinakabisado namin ang isa’t isa. Pero pag nagtatampo ako sa kanila, ako lang talaga ang nakakaalam.

“Mav, si Tyler nasa Bali Indonesia. Nagpapalamig,” ani Ron at tinabihan ito. I saw Mavric tilting his head to see me, so I furrowed my brows and ended the call. Fuck you, Maverick Evander. Isa ka pa.

Tahimik akong humalukipkip sa lounger at nakatitig na sa rice terraces. Humarang nga lang ang magandang chic sa harap ko at nasilaw sa pwet niyang kumikintab. I cleared my throat when my dreams flashed on my mind again.

Nagkasalubong lalo ang kilay ko. Baka dahil kaka-chat ko kay Kael kaya kung ano-ano na ang napapanaginipan ko. Ititigil ko rin naman kaya baka tumigil na rin. It really creeps me out. I’m not even gay or bisexual to begin with. I’m not attracted to men specifically. Siguro si Shiloh gandang-ganda ako, o noon kay Mavric na parang ang anghel din ng mukha kahit malademonyo ngumisi, but that’s it. I never fantasize about sleeping with any of them… unlike my previous dreams, where it felt like I was so turned on and into it.

At sa lahat pa ng lalaki, si Kael pa talaga. Thinking about him boils my blood to the core. Kahit mga calls ni Tito Rommel, ayaw kong sagutin. Bahala silang lahat. Hindi ko sila papansinin.

I couldn’t sleep a wink in my room on that night that I decided to open my Safari and watch something. I paused when I remembered my dreams, so I typed men to men sex.

I swallowed when the suggestions in Safari were all leading to a porn site. Wala bang educational dito? I just need to see how it’s really done or if my dreams make sense…

Tumikhim ako, tumingin pa sa paligid kahit alam ko namang mag-isa ako sa dim na room na kinuha ko, guilty na para bang may susulpot bigla at pagtatawanan ako sa papanoorin ko.

So I clicked the first suggested video until I ended up on its site. I leaned against the headboard of the bed and watched it curiously while the two men were now making out romantically.

“What on earth am I watchin’,” reklamo ko at nag browse pababa dahil hindi ko gusto ang kabagalan ng ginagawa nila.

I stopped on a video when it has a catchy title. The rough and wild caught my attention, so I clicked it.

Hindi naman dapat ako nanonood ng ganito, but I’m really curious. My dreams felt like I’d already done it with someone, and I looked like I was having the best time of my life.

The video started playing. Hininaan ko pa ng kaonti ang sound habang titig na titig ako sa ginagawa nila. It started with the man pounding someone’s ass aggressively while he’s still fully clothed.

For some weird reason, I kinda like it. It felt like an angry sex, and the other one was submissively enjoying it. The moaning was very satisfying when he fingered his ass, and surprisingly, I am turned on from it.

I slipped my hand into my sweatpants guiltily and pleasured myself while watchin’ it. Ayaw ko sana, kaso nakakadala. When he started pounding on his ass and the clapping sound mingled with the intense whimper of the other one, I made a fast stroke until I came.

“Fuck. What am I doin’…” At parang nagising din sa panaginip ko na gusto kong takasan, tumayo ako para magshower nalang ng malamig.

I don’t really understand what’s happening to me. Ang malala, may naiimagine ako, at alam ko kung sino iyon. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba galit ako ngayon kay Kael kaya napapasok ko ang pantasya ko, o tigang lang talaga ako?

Nah, whatever it is, I don’t like how it’s affecting me. Walang makakaalam sa ginawa ko rito sa Bali, Indonesia, nanood ng ganoon at na turn-on. I will leave it here and act like those dreams were just Satan’s doing to disturb my mind.

Umuwi rin naman ako kinabukasan to attend my class. Diretso na sa school kahit jetlag pa. Hindi ko sinasagot ang kahit anong calls lalo na kung unknown dahil alam ko, parents ko lang ’yon.

If my father thinks I will apologize to Kael for insulting him, then he’s wrong. I won’t take it back. Edi kampihan nila. ’Yun nalang din ang ipalit nilang anak sa akin since he wants to be an only child.

Halata namang kakampihan nila ’yon dahil mas masakit ang sinabi ko. But how about my feelings? Siya ang nauna! Kung tingin niya masama ang gumanti, talagang masama ang ugali ko.

Sa inis ko, kahit ang account ni Verena, hindi ko na binubuksan. I ignored it for how many days. Idedelete ko na rin ’yon. Fucking useless.

The days were pretty normal until…Rick accidentally saw my Safari. Sa sobrang guilty ko iyong pinanood noong nasa Bali ako, hindi ko man lang mabisita ulit at I close tab dahil lumilipad na ang isip ko sa paghahandang i-meet up si Kael.

“Itigil mo na ’yan, baka madamay pa si Shiloh.” And even Rick’s main priority is to stop using the dummy account too when I called him to apologize.

Hindi naman ako nag-aalala na nakita niyang nanonood ako ng ganoon, ang main concern ko ay ang naramdaman niya noong nakita iyon. Baka na-trigger siya at naalala niya iyong trauma niya.

I am actually worried for Rick. Ako ang kasama niya noong nakita niya ang nambastos sa kanya. I saw how he lost his composure. Iba ang galit niya no’n dahil kita ko rin ang nakakulong na takot sa mga mata niya.

It was also the reason why I started to loathe those people who resembled his perpetrator. But Brent is right, though. We can’t just direct our anger at people who have nothing to do with someone’s trauma. Siguro, masyado lang akong naging overprotective bilang kaibigan dahil nakakadurog na makita siyang ganoon.

When my mom pointed out how I cared for the people close to me, I slowly realized it too.

Iba ako magalit. I know that too well. Most of my friends can justify how my words sting and how I can easily break someone’s ego and composure once I speak what’s on my mind. At mas masakit akong magsalita lalo na kung mas matimbang ang galit ko. O kung sarado pa ang isip ko. Cuz I wouldn’t care less if I were the nastiest person from someone’s point of view.

Kaya pag sarado ang isip ko, o galit ako, I would rather isolate myself and not talk to anyone that would only trigger me.

“You’re finally here,” si Dad ang biglang bumungad sa akin nang makauwi ako sa condo, at mukhang kanina pa nandito.

I sighed and closed the door out of frustration. Dumiretso ako sa room ko, si Dad, sumunod. Limang araw ko na kasi silang hindi pinapansin.

“You blocked us,” aniya habang nakatayo sa may pinto at pinanood akong hinuhubad ang t-shirt ko.

I didn’t answer him and opened my four-door wardrobe to search for clothes to wear. Humalukipkip si dad sa gilid ng pinto.

“He is willing to apologize,” ani Dad.

“Tss. Apologize my ass,” I laughed sarcastically.

Huminga si Dad nang malalim, halatang ramdam niya na ayaw kong makipagbati o ano. I mean, what for? In the next two days, I will give him more reason to hate me. Huwag na siyang mag-aksaya ng oras na humingi ng tawad sa akin. Pasamaan nalang ng ugali total doon kami mas magkakasundo.

“Biro niya lang ’yon. Sinabi ko kasi, mapagbiro ka. Mikael is trying his best to know you. Kaya siguro…nagbiro ng ganoon…” Halatang nag-aalangan si Dad sa sinasabi niya.

I roughly took my plain t-shirt off the rack and grabbed a pair of sweatpants, including the clean black towel folded on the lower part of my wardrobe.

“Eh kailan niyo ba sineryoso ang ganoong usapin?” I chuckled seriously. “Maybe he’s right. Kaya ayaw niyo akong bigyan ng kapatid dahil baka katulad ko lang din. You should’ve aborted me then,” I said sarcastically as I roughly closed each of the doors of my wardrobe.

Yumuko si Dad, napisil ang pang-ibabang labi habang magkasalubong na ang kilay. Kung nasasaktan siya sa sinabi ko, mas nasaktan ako sa sinabi noong gagong ’yon. Mas tanggap ko siguro na sa parents ko maririnig, pero sa lalaking ’yon na hindi ko close at hindi ko kasundo, nakakagalit.

Naglakad ako papasok sa banyo; si Dad tahimik pa rin at nag-iisip.

“And tell him no need to feel sorry, cuz I don’t feel sorry for what I said to him as well. I meant every word. He deserves it.”

“Anong sinabi mo?” Napaahon nang wala sa sarili ang ulo ni Dad.

“That he’s just one of our men?” I laughed. “Well, isn’t he, dad? Bakit mo nga ba ’yon pinapaboran eh trabahante lang naman—”

My words stopped as soon as he stepped forward; his eyes filled with rage, and his fist was now ready to throw at me. Hindi ko siya kailanman nakitang nagalit, ngayon lang.

My Dad…he’s willing to punch me just for…Kael. What a fucking favoritism.

My jaw clenched. I was anticipating a punch, but he controlled himself, turned his back, and breathed heavily. Naglakad-lakad siya, gumagalaw ang panga at ayaw ata akong masuntok sa matinding galit.

“Sa tagal tagal ko sa posisyon ko, hindi ako kailanman nang-insulto ng trabahante ko, Tyler. Mind you, your father started like them before I reached this level!” He grunted and looked at me seriously.

I gritted my teeth and looked away. He pointed at me angrily.

“Apologize,” he ordered.

“See? You never understand where I was coming from…” I laughed and shook my head.

“Dahil binabastos mo na ang anak ng Tito Rommel mo! Alam mo ba ang tawag sa ugaling ’yan, matapobre—

“And he gets a free pass from insulting your own son who’s insecure about being an only child because you only see it as less serious, is that it?!” I cut him off aggressively, halos matawa sa galit.

“Mind you, Dad. My insult will always weigh on my feelings. If I insulted him three times more than what he said to me, then that was how heavy the impact of his words was that I needed to throw it back cuz I wanted them to taste their own medicine,” I said thickly.

His thick brows furrowed seriously; his eyes felt foreign, as if he had never seen this side of me, and it overwhelmed him.

“And if you’re just here to side with him, then I don’t need any of your words right now, dad. Comfort your favorite kid and stop begging me to favor him because I won’t. I don’t need your little sympathy for me just to soothe his pain.”

He looked shocked, but the confusion and the sudden realization were now slowly crumbling in his eyes.

His shoulder loosened. Ang galit niyang tingin, parang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. He shut his eyes, put his hands on the side of his waist frustratedly, and licked his lips as he nodded slowly.

“Your mom is right… I might not be able to handle your words when you are mad,” he sighed defeatedly. “Fine. Let’s talk once you cool down.”

I didn’t look at him. Kinuha niya ang coat niya na nakapatong sa sofa at nilingon ako.

“Pero lahat ng sinabi mo ngayon, isusumbong ko sa mom mo,” he threatened, like it should be enough to scare me and take it back.

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa. I meant all my words. I don’t care. Nang napansin ni Dad na ayaw kong magsalita, naiiling siyang tumalikod at umalis.

“Manang mana kay Teresse pag galit. Sakit niyong mag-ina sa ulo…” he whispered while leaving.

I clenched my jaw and pushed my tongue against my cheek. Tss. I blocked them for a reason, and they think I will cool down so easily?

Bumuntong-hininga ako at naupo sa kama. I dropped my clothes on the bed and crouched on my parted legs to hold my head. The sudden regret lingered, but the disappointment hovered over it.

Isa pa, hindi na kailangang makipagbati ni Kael sa akin. I have done worse than his insult. He might only regret apologizing once he found out about the dummy account. Right…

I nodded in front of the mirror early on Sunday morning while buttoning my buttoned-down navy blue Saint Laurent shirt and thinking about it continuously. I really have a bad feeling about this meet-up. Pakiramdam ko, tatabingi ang ilong ko o magkaka-cut ako sa labi.

I grazed my tongue on the upper corner of my teeth and prepared for the worst case. Huwag niya lang sanang bawasan ang ngipin ko. One punch is enough, and we’re equal. Iyon ang iniisip ko habang nagpapark na sa parking lot ng Orosa restaurant in Rockwell, where we decided to meet.

I opened Verena’s account again just to check if he’s coming or not. Marami siyang chats na hindi ko pinansin ang iba at tiningnan lang iyong sinabi niyang nasa loob na siya ng restaurant, hinihintay nalang ako. He even sent a photo of himself, which I didn’t pay too much attention.

Verena:

I’m already here at the parking lot of Orosa. Come here.

I turned it off and waited. Hindi naman ako kinakabahan, siguro masyado ring kondisyon ang sarili ko dahil naiinis pa rin ako. Pero nang makita ko si Kael na pumunta nga dito sa parking lot at may hawak pa na bulaklak, halos gusto kong matawa.

Sporting a navy-blue buttoned-down shirt and pants, hair was brushed backwards; I realized he looked so formal and decent compared to his usual get-up. Tang ina! Manliligaw pa yata sa akin kaya may pa bulaklak!

What’s funny here is the fact that he wore navy blue too. Naka-white slacks nga lang ako at naka-black pants naman siya. My dad is so fond of him that he’s buying him clothes similar to the clothes he’s also giving to me.

And speaking of the flower he was holding, malaki iyon. It was wrapped in white plastic cellophane and contained pink roses and lilies. Wow… he really bought a flower…

He looked at his phone and searched the surroundings. Binusinahan ko para kunin ang atensyon. He looked at my car and walked toward it.

I took a deep breath, opened the door of my car, and slipped out of the driver’s seat. Huminto siya nang makita ako, nagkasalubong ang kilay at tumingin sa kotse ko, tila ba may hinihintay pang lumabas.

He looked at his phone again, confirming something.  Lumingon siya ulit sa paligid, ngunit halos kami lang.

“Ba’t ka nandito?” he asked seriously.

The sudden banging in my chest was uncontrollable. Wala akong nakikitang galit sa tingin niya, ngunit ramdam ko na…hindi niya gustong makita ako ngayon dito.

I shrugged and licked my lower lip. “I…” I squinted a bit and pinched my lower lip. Sabihin na agad nang matapos!

Tahimik niyang inabangan ang sasabihin ko. I looked at the flower he’s holding, and I saw how his hand gripped it. I swallowed a bit, lifted my eyes, and locked gazes with him.

“I am behind that…that account,” I said, almost in a whisper while the thumping in my chest grew louder. “I am behind Verena’s poser account…” I stated bravely.

Chapter 18

Ghost

He looked so shocked—eyes widening and froze where he was standing while his shoulder loosened in disappointment.

I pinched my lower lip even more, my brows furrowing from looking at him nervously, just handling it naturally despite how I wanted to lock myself in my car for the blazing anger intensifying in his cognac eyes.

Huminga siya, tila ba naalalang hindi niya na nagawa, tumingin sa paligid at parang nasisikipan dahil sa sunod sunod na ginawa niyang paghugot ng hininga.

“The account was made by…” I stopped my words when he glared at me, like I worsened it.

“It was supposed to prank…our friend…but you added it and…it was during when you…insulted Shiloh…” I explained the truth.

His jaw clenched, his eyes were now laced with uncontrollable rage. Kita ko rin na mas humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa bulaklak.

“Alam ng mga kaibigan mo?” he asked thickly.

I nodded slowly. “Everyone has an…access…but…I was the one who was using it more to…prank you.”

“Prank,” he echoed disappointedly—his breath stopped. I saw how the darkness took over not just in his eyes, but in his entire face, like a storm that is about to release a deafening thunder.

I nodded, shrugged, and laughed about it coolly. “Yup. We are sending your funny replies in our GC as a meme…”

Namilog ang mga mata niya.

“Lahat ng chats mo…pinagtatawanan namin,” I added.

“Lahat…” he whispered weakly.

“Yes. Lahat. We are all aware that you are head over heels for Verena—for the poser account…”

His eyes were sharp yet weary. His lips were parted—still in shock.

I tilted my head. “What do you expect? It’s a poser account. I’m not there for serious chats. Tingin mo ba genuine ang nakakausap mo?”

He looked at me unbelievably. This is where we both know that we will never like each other, no matter how our parents exert efforts to put us in a puzzle where we would never fit.

Cuz I know it’s my satisfaction to fuel his rage…to show him I would always get on his nerves.

Or maybe I used to consider liking him a bit, but it all vanished when I realized I can’t be friends with someone who sees me as an enemy and someone who would casually make a joke about my insecurity.

“That’s why I wanted to stop it cuz you’re getting serious. Nakakaawa kana. I mean, those talks we did at night, it was just part of my act as…a poser. Nothing deep.” I smirked a little.

His cheek bubbled, he made a sudden scoff and sarcastic laugh, then shook his head sarcastically. Para bang natatawa siya sa matinding galit na nararamdaman.

“I told you, it’s a poser account, and you have no idea who’s behind it. It’s not my fault if you get attached so easily to strangers on the internet…” I shrugged calmly.

He licked his lips, sighed like he needed to exhale something that’s suffocating him inside, and nodded despite the confusion and betrayal in his eyes…

Halos wala siya sa sarili noong tumalikod. So I guess that’s it. But then…

I looked at the bouquet of flowers he was holding. “Is that for me?” I chuckled a little.

Sa ikadalawang hakbang, tumigil siya—tila napatid sa sinabi ko. His shoulder moved a bit, his head glancing back at me with pure threat. In just a split second, he stepped toward me and smashed the flower on my face aggressively, which caught me off guard. Shit!

Parang nakalabit ko ang pasensya niya, nasagad ang kontroladong galit, na ngayon ay hindi niya na kayang magpigil sa galit.

“Gago!” he growled.

Napaatras ako, napapikit sa sobrang lakas ng hampas niya lalo na’t tumama pa sa mata ko. Sumabog ang bulaklak, ang mga petals ay nalagas, at parang ulang nahulog sa sahig nang muli niya iyong ihampas sa akin sa ikalawang pagkakataon.

I squinted my eyes again, stepped backward, and then I felt a little stinging pain on the skin of my neck. But before I could even anticipate his next move, he already grabbed the neckline of my shirt and pulled me close to him until I felt his knuckles landing on my lips.

“Fuck,” I cursed and stumbled on the floor.

Nauubo akong natawa, naituko ang mga kamay sa likod, mayabang ang ngisi dahil ayokong ipakitang parehas kami ng nararamdaman ngayon.

Muli niya akong hinila patayo. Nasa labi pa rin ang ngisi ko—nanunuya. As much as I wanted to punch him back, I knew my words were enough to punch him where it would cut him deep.

My back was slammed against my car when he pinned me aggressively as I made a low chuckle playfully and grunted a little. I raised my hands to let him know I won’t even lift a finger to punch him back.

“Easy…” I laughed a little.

“Fuck you,” he spat angrily.

He attempted to punch me again, his fist aiming for another blow as he raised it in the air, so I squinted my eyes and braced for it while his other hand was now choking my neck.

“What were you angry for? Is it my fault if you were easy to manipulate on the internet?” I said and found his eyes glaring at me.

But then, my smile slowly vanished when I saw his bloodshot eyes. Ang amba niyang sumuntok, hindi niya na maituloy, nanghihina ang tingin sa akin—binabalot ng sakit habang nanginginig ang kamay niyang nakayakap sa leeg ko.

My shoulder loosened a bit. My lips parted uncontrollably. Sa matinding galit niya, pakiramdam ko, may bubuhos sa mga mata niya…na hindi dapat…o ayaw kong makita.

There was a pang of pain looming in my chest, but I would never acknowledge it. I don’t wanna be guilty. Ayokong humupa ang inis ko, kaawaan siya, o tingnan siya sa paraang ikakagaan ng loob ko.

“Bakit mo pinatagal?” he asked sternly; his voice was laced with betrayal.

“I was…” I hesitated, but when I remembered my father almost punching me because of him, the fire ignited. “I was having fun…making a fool out of you…”

And for the nth time, the bruised ego wins against the guilt that’s trying to crawl into my mind, pleading to stop me, but my tongue is just too wicked…

“Ang gago mo…” halos matawa siya ngunit garalgal na ang tinig, nanlalabo na ang namumulang mga mata.

“I know,” namamaos kong bulong, ngumiti pabalik kahit hilaw.

He pinned his forearm on my neck, almost chocking me. I squinted my eyes and winced a bit, but I still managed to keep eye contact and never lost sight of how angry he was.

“Tiniis kitang makasama kahit ayaw na ayaw ko sa’yo para lang makabili ng bulaklak at mapaghandaan ’to. At sa lahat…tang ina…sa lahat ng taong nasa likod ng account, ikaw pa na pinaka-ayaw ko.”

“Then how much is the flower? I’ll pay you back three times the amount—” My words were cut off by another blow from his fist.

“Fuck.” I growled a little when his punch was three times harder than the first one.

Naigalaw ko ang panga ko, hinawakan ang labi at tiningnan nang makitang may dugo na sa daliri ko. His punch made a cut on my lips.

“Man…I hope it didn’t get on my expensive shirt…” I blurted out and unbuttoned the third button.

He was fuming mad. It was like he wanted to lash out, but his emotions were getting in the way. Meanwhile, I was the opposite. Calm and playful.

“Ang lambing mo sa akin sa chats ah? I didn’t know you’d be this aggressive. I even thought you’re gonna score a kiss from me?” I mocked and smirked.

His bloodshot eyes worsened. It was like a slap to him that all this time, he made a fool out of himself in front of someone whom he hates the most.

Gusto kong iparamdam sa kanya na pinagtatawanan ko siya sa mga panahong iyon, na hindi ako nakikinig sa mga personal niyang sinasabi, o hindi man lang ako nagmamalasakit. I wanted him to feel how much he got played on—at least we are even on this.

I tilted my head, crossed my arms while leaning against my flashy car and looked at him smugly. Kahit dumudugo ang labi, mas gusto ko pa siyang asarin, hanggang mapatay niya ako ngayon. Kung may mas ikakagalit pa siya sa akin, sasagarin ko na sa galit ko.

“Am I your first heartbreak? I’m sorry I couldn’t reply on your chats. I was busy fucking around. But when I’m bored, I would talk to you at night to make myself laugh. You know, it’s satisfying to know you have that soft side…” I smiled.

Naiiling siya, tumingala saglit para may pigilan. Noong humingos, tiningnan sa sahig ang bulaklak na sirang-sira na, saka siya tumalikod. Siguro, ayaw niya na ring sumugod pa dahil may guard nang lumalapit, may mga tao na rin yatang nagsumbong dahil may iilan nang nakatingin sa gulo namin.

I silently watched him walk away. Mabibigat ang hakbang niya, halos wala sa sarili. My shoulder loosened as I pinched my lower lip more.

“Aw…” I winced when I realized it bled more because I pinched it hard.

“Sir? Ayos lang ba kayo?” the guard who approached me.

I nodded and stood up. I was about to slip myself inside my car, but my eyes looked at the flower again. Ito ang inabot ng effort niyang makasama ako, nakabili ng bulaklak at…nakapagpa-reserved ng restaurant dito sa Rockwell.

Pinulot ko iyon at binuksan ang driver’s seat ng kotse ko. I looked at the rearview mirror while the guard was helping me to get out from the parking space—signaling to back up more.

As soon as I got out, the guard stood on the side, so I opened my window down. He crouched a bit and looked at me concernedly.

“Ayos ka lang, boss? Gusto mo bang ireport? Mukhang dumudugo ang labi mo…”

“Yup. It’s okay. Misunderstanding. I’m sorry for the dirt on the floor…”

“Ayos lang, boss. Ako na ang bahalang maglinis…” He tapped the roof of my car and smiled.

Pinaandar ko ang kotse at umalis din naman doon. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the cut on my lower lip. I licked it worriedly. Buti nalang walang ngiping nalagas. Iyon nga lang, nagasgasan din ako sa leeg. Dahil yata sa bulaklak.

At least it’s over now. I’ll call it fair and square. He got a blow from me, and I got a blow from him as well. It’s a tie.

Yup. Days later, I know things will go back to normal. I would no longer associate myself with that poser account, and Kael would not apologize for what he said to me. I already got even, so it’s fine now.

Hindi naman na kami bata pa para pagbatiin. Our parents must understand that there are friendships that you cannot just force. I hate him for many reasons, and it’s a mutual understanding we are sharing.

Nilingon ko ang bulaklak na nasa front seat. It looked like it got trampled on. Gusot na ang lilies, parang ilang taong hindi diniligan kaya nagmukhang patay, habang ang petals ng mga rose ay parang kumakapit nalang para masalba.

His words suddenly echoed in my mind. Pinagtiisan niya akong makasama sa trip para magkapera siya. He swallowed his pride for the sake of that poser account…and yet…

I pinched my lower lip and furrowed my brows. Kahit naman siguro wala akong gawin, pag nalaman niyang ako ang nasa likod, magagalit pa rin ’yon.

And… I don’t want to apologize. What for? I realized he deserved it too. I won’t favor Dad’s favorite kid.

His bloodshot eyes flashed in my mind. Lalo na noong tumingala siya, seryosong binasa ang labi at humingos, parang nakatatak sa isip ko.

I sniffed a bit, cleared my throat, and maneuvered my car into the other lane, overtaking a big truck. No big deal, right?

“Kawawa ang bulaklak, sir ah? Mukhang di lang tinanggap, winasak pa…” the guard of the building of my apartment pointed out when I entered.

I chuckled a little. “Kaya nga. Hinampas pa sa akin…”

Humalakhak siya at naiiling. “Sa gwapong mong ’yan, sir? Iba na talaga ang mga babae ngayon? Ang tataas ng standard…”

“Nasaktan ko eh,” I answered back while entering the elevator.

“Ay naku, sir! Suyuin niyo!”

I only smiled and closed the door of the elevator. Tiningnan ko ang dalang bulaklak, talagang naaawa sa sinapit. I should throw this away. Ano bang gagawin ko dito? Pakalat kalat lang din kasi doon sa parking space kaya kinuha ko.

I tossed the flower into the trash can as soon as I entered my condo unit. Pumasok ako sa kwarto, tinapon ang sarili sa kama, at mabigat ang buntonghininga habang mariin akong pumikit. I covered my eyes using my forearm, my jaw clenching.

I sniffed and gritted my teeth. Ilang minuto akong tahimik lang na ganoon, gustong alisin sa isip ko ang nangyari sa parking lot, kahit ang ekspresyon niyang ayaw mawala sa isip ko.

Right. Masama naman kasi talaga ang ugali ko. I hated this side as well—especially when I’m clouded with rage. Hindi ako ang klase ng taong binababa ang pride ko. Cuz sometimes, I feel like if I do it, they will only get that chance to hurt me first. Knowing I’m just too competitive… ayaw kong nalamangan.

It was my bruised ego who fueled his rage, to crush him into pieces until he’d bled fixing himself.

I took my phone out and opened it. Bumungad sa akin ang account ni Verena na hindi ko na log-out kanina. Nanlalabo ng kaonti ang tingin ko kaya in-adjust ko pa ang brightness. I scrolled up to read his other messages I ignored for how many days.

Verena:

Baka kung sino ang lalaki? Kasi what if… lalaki din ako?

Kael:

Eh ano naman ngayon?

Kael:

Wala akong pakialam.

Kael:

Mas maganda nga ’yon. Magkakaintindihan tayo dahil parehas na lalaki :)

Kael:

Ino-overthink mo ba o nahihiya? Hahahaha i-seen mo na kasi. Tanggap kita :)

Kael:

Kahit maging ipis ka pa. This line is funny, but yes, it’s another way of saying I will accept you even at your worst.

I turned the screen off and placed it on my chest as I closed my eyes and sniffed again. Tang inang ipis.

I stood up and decided to take a cold shower. I just grabbed a white towel in my wardrobe and saw my bloodshot eyes in the reflection of the mirror.

I don’t really want to exacerbate it in my mind. Ginawa ko na ang dapat gawin, sinabi ang totoo. I didn’t apologize because I know he won’t acknowledge it, or…I was still…clouded with my rage.

What an asshole. Fucking jerk.

“Eh sino ba kasing gumawa niyan? Si love?” natatawang tanong ni Ron nang sumunod na araw, hindi ko pa rin masabi-sabi na galing kay Kael at nagkita na kami.

Nasa condo ko siya, nakahiga ako sa kama at tamad na sinasalo ang bola na kanina ko pa pinaglalaruan sa sobrang bored ko.

“My father almost punched me just to favor Tito Rommel’s son…” I blurted out my disappointment.

“Baka nagkapalit talaga kayo noong bata pa kayo? Hindi mo man lang ba naisip na baka si Tito Rommel talaga ang papa mo?” biro niya habang naroon siya sa desk, busy sa laptop ko at may ginagawang report.

“Tsss. Sana nga si Tito Rommel nalang. I’m starting to hate my father, Ron. Sa totoo lang, hindi naman kami close. Busy siya. Si Mommy ang nakasama ko habang lumalaki ako kasi si Dad, nandito sa Pinas at ayaw maiwan iwan ’yang negosyo niya. O baka nga, dahil din diyan sa Kael na ’yan na paborito niya.”

“Kael?” Kumunot ang noo niya at naikot ang swivel chair paharap sa akin.

Ipinaikot ko sa daliri ang bola. “Yup. Mikael, Tito Rommel’s son, is none other than Kael…”

Namilog ang mga mata ni Ron at napatayo nang wala sa oras.

“Dude! Are you serious?! Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi!”

Umupo ako at itinapon sa kanya ang bola. He caught it while his face remained in shock. I crouched on my parted legs and shrugged.

“I can’t process it either, Ron. I mean, galit pa rin kasi ako. Imagine, si Kael ang nang-insulto sa akin tungkol sa pamilya eh kung tutuusin, may alam din ako sa pamilya niya pero hindi ko siya ininsulto doon. Kaya anong karapatan niyang insultuhin ako ’di ba?”

“Gago…” Nahawakan niya ang ulo niya, itinuro ako at humagalpak.

I chuckled too and rested my hands at the back as I tried to stifle my smile.

“Hinampas pa ako ng bulaklak. Tang inang ’yon…”

His eyes widened as he looked at the bedside table of my room. Natatawa siyang naglakad doon, tiningnan ang bulaklak na medyo nalalanta na, ngunit wasak pa ring tingnan. Hindi ko pa natatapon, pero ipapatapon ko ’yan this week pag magpapa-general cleaning ako sa condo ko.

“Ito ba ang bigay niyang bulaklak? Dumikit nga ang mukha mo dito! Tingnan mo!”

I showed my middle finger while he was laughing about it hysterically. Lumapit pa sa akin at gusto niyang ikwento ko kung paano ako binugbog ni Kael sa parking lot at pinaghahampas ng bulaklak.

I re-enacted each part. Si Ron, tawang tawa kaya sa kanya ko hinampas ang bulaklak nang iyong part na iyon na ang ipinakita ko.

“He slapped it into my face as soon as he heard me ask the flowers, dude!”

“Gago ka talaga! Kahit ako hahampasin kita eh! Ako ang bumili, nagpakahirap, tapos hihingiin mo na parang hindi mo ako niloloko sa poser account mo! Itatanim talaga kita sa sahig! Sakit sakit no’n!” si Ron na kinuha sa akin ang bulaklak dahil ayaw nang mahampas pa.

Nailing ako at muling itinapon ang sarili paupo sa kama. Tiningnan ni Ron ang bulaklak, awang-awa sa sinapit.

“Mahal ang ganitong bulaklak. Baka nasa 3,500 ito. Para sa’yo barya lang ’to. Pero pinaghirapan niya, bro. Alam mo ’yon, seryoso siya sa’yo—I mean sa poser. Tapos ikaw, ginagago mo lang.”

“Shut up. Tawang tawa ka nga rin sa chats niya,” amba kong sipa kaya umatras siya.

“Oo nga, dude! Pero may choice ka naman na ihinto eh. Hindi mo lang ginawa. ’Yun ata ang ikinakagalit niya. May choice kang sabihin, pero pinatagal mo pa.”

I blew an air on the strand of my curly hair until it flew up and landed on the other side of my forehead. Well, I’m kinda guilty on that part. Siguro kung sinabi ko iyon noong hindi pa siya seryoso, naglolokohan pa lang, baka hindi gano’n ka big deal. Kaso noong nag-oopen up na siya sa akin, doon na kasi nagbago ang chats namin. We are slowly getting open to each other. I am telling him personal things, and he is also opening up to me about his problems.

I even kept the account secured just to keep those chats of ours hidden from the boys. Ni isa sa mga kaibigan ko, wala nang access. It’s just that…I couldn’t admit that to Kael. Parang nawalan ako ng pakialam sa mararamdaman niya dahil tumatak sa akin na handa akong suntukin ni Dad para lang sa kanya.

I low-key took that opportunity to direct my anger to him. Na kaya siyang paboran ni Dad, kayang kampihan, pero pag ako na, biglang ako agad ang mali, ako pa ang kailangang humingi ng tawad.

“Ang kaibahan kasi sa inyong dalawa, alam mo na si Kael ang ka-chat mo. Eh siya? Wala siyang idea. Baka nga ang imagination niya sa’yo, mala Verena talaga,” patuloy ni Ron.

I cleared my throat. Hindi niya alam na…walang pakialam si Kael kung babae man o lalaki ang kausap niya. Sadyang hindi niya lang matanggap na sa dami-daming pwedeng nasa likod ng poser account, ako pa.

I wonder if…we don’t have a beef, or he doesn’t hate me. What would happen to our meet-up? I mean…will I also…

Nah… I can’t imagine it.

“Kasalanan talaga ’to ni Frederich,” I murmured childishly.

Ron concernedly walked toward me and sat beside me. Inakbayan niya ako at seryoso akong tiningnan kahit alam kong kalokohan na naman ang lalabas sa bibig niya.

“Simula sa araw na ’to, ako na ang ama mo. Tanggapin mo na step-dad mo ako. I got you, my beloved son…” At parang tunog arabo pa ang unggoy.

Sumabog ang tawa ko at nandidiri siyang itinulak, ngunit ibinabalik niya lang ang kamay niya sa akin; ayaw akong pakawalan sa pagkakaakbay.

“Kung pumayag ka pa sa umpisa na ako na ang Dad mo, edi sana wala kang ganitong problema! Kahit kinukupal mo rin ako, tanggap na tanggap kitang hayop ka. Favorite child kita. Walang hihigit sa’yo…” he continued dramatically.

“Kaya mo ba akong bigyan ng kapatid?” I challenged.

“Sus! Maliit na bagay! Bukas na bukas hindi na ako magcocondom. Next year may kapatid kana,” he smiled.

I easily moved on from my beef with Kael. Hindi ko pa nadedelete ang account, pero noong binuksan ko iyon, wala nang chats galing sa kanya. He completely vanished…like a ghost.

Chapter 19

Trigger Warning: Mention of miscarriage

———

Family

“Kanina ka pa?” nangingiting lapit ni Tito Rommel nang magkita kami sa Rockwell.

I reserved a dinner for us so we could talk since I also ignored his calls for how many weeks. When he insisted on talking to me again, I gave in. Siguro dahil ramdam ko rin na importante.

“Medyo. Hindi muna ako nag-order para sabay tayo,” sabi ko na ikinangiti niya, umuupo na, inayos ang suot na relo na bigay ko, at kinuha ang menu para tingnan iyon.

He’s used to dinners like this cuz it wasn’t the first time we have done this. Sa totoo lang, mas marami pa yata kaming ganito ni Tito Rommel kaysa sa Dad ko. Nagdidinner lang naman kami ni Dad pag special occasions, lalo na pag gusto naming i-treat si Mommy.

We ordered food first. Ramdam ko ang mga gustong sabihin ni Tito Rommel, kaya noong hinihintay nalang ang food, nag-aalalang tumingin si Tito Rommel sa labi ko. The cut is still there, but it was slowly disappearing now.

“Si Mikael ang may gawa?” he pointed out concernedly.

I licked my lower lip and nodded slowly. It’s already the third week of October. The punching happened during the fourth week of September. Mag-iisang buwan na rin pala. Medyo humuhupa naman na ang galit ko. Maybe because I already released it all in just one blow.

Tito Rommel sighed problematically, clasped his hands for a serious topic we’d start. He looked hesitant.

Noon, nakikita ko sa features niya ang dugong Espanyol. I had a lot of friends in the States who were half Spanish; some were pure, so I could already tell if they had Spanish blood. His son’s features were more intense, sharp, and detailed. Baka dahil kumpara sa anak niya, iyon ang mas seryoso tingnan kaya mas kapansin-pansin.

Ni hindi ko naisip na baka mag-ama sila. Ngayong nakita ko ulit si Tito Rommel, parang hindi kapani-paniwalang ama siya ni Kael. He’s just too foreign, gives a different vibe compared to his father, and he’s more intimidating than his father’s stance.

Nalilito niya akong tiningnan. “Mali ang ginawa niya. Nanununtok. Hindi ako bayolenteng tao kaya hindi ko alam saan niya nakuha ang ugaling ’yan.”

Did his son tell him about the poser account? I mean, now that everything is crystal clear to me, no rage; I know the punch is satisfying for what I did. But those words I said to him, to fuel the rage, were also to satisfy myself for the insecurity he pointed out so casually.

“Nagtalo nga kami eh…” Medyo natulala siya, may hilaw na ngiti sa labi, pero halata ang guilt sa mga mata. “Kamuntik ko pa ’yung mapagbuhatan ng kamay. Hindi ako makapaniwalang…may ganoon siyang ugali na hindi ko alam.”

I stared at him out of familiarity. For some reason, it was like hearing my father’s side in someone’s point of view. Cuz my father acted like he was shocked I have this side too.

“Napag-usapan nga namin ng dad mo,” he chuckled and leaned on his seat. “Nagulat din daw siya na ang lala mo pala magalit, parang Mommy mo rin na masakit magsalita. Nag-inuman kasi kaming dalawa nang malaman niyang galit din si Mikael sa akin. Pinapabalik kasi ng anak ko lahat ng mga gamit na binigay sa kanya ng Dad mo. Kaya medyo…” he stared at our table confusingly, then looked at me with his furrowed brows. “Medyo nag-away kami dahil sa’yo.”

As much as I don’t want our parents to be involved with us, it’s inevitable. They’re close.

“Nag-away din ba kayo ni Dad?” I asked worriedly.

Humalakhak ng marahan si Tito Rommel. “Kami mag-aaway? Naku… kaya nga kami nagkasundo niyang si Fred dahil parehas kaming chill. Nagrarambol na minsan noon ang mga katrabaho namin, kami, nanonood at nag-iinuman pa. Gano’n ang bond namin!”

I smiled a little and sipped on my water. Kaya siguro gusto ni Dad ganoon din kami ni Kael. But I think it’s too late and too impossible. Hindi ko alam kung huhupa pa ba ang galit ni Kael sa akin, at ayaw ko ring pabanguhin ang sarili ko sa kanya. He can stay on the other side of the world, cuz I know, in my world, he would not even matter—he won’t fit in.

“Kaya nga noong nag-usap kami ni Freddie, pinagtawanan naming dalawa ang away niyo ni Mikael. Baka kaya nag-aaway kayong dalawa dahil hindi namin ’yan nagawa ng dad mo sa ilang taon na kilala na namin ang isa’t isa,” he said with a smile on his lips.

I smiled too. It’s cute hearing about their friendship. He sighed while the smile on his lips turned weary.

“Parehas din kaming may na-realize sa away ng mga anak namin. Tama nga naman ang anak ko…hindi ko siya kailanman napagluto…pero sa’yo…nagagawa ko. Parang nasanay ako na lalaki siya, panganay, kaya niya ang sarili niya. Ganoon din kasi ako lumaki, sanay akong hindi umaasa sa mga magulang, kaya gusto ko, ang anak ko, ganoon din. Mas marami pa nga yata silang bond ng Dad mo kaysa sa akin na mismong ama niya,” he chuckled a little guiltily.

I listened carefully, but what made me curious if…what my father realized too.

“Imbes na mag-balae ang pangarap naming dalawa ng dad mo…” he laughed again.

“Na-mention din ni Dad sa akin na gusto niyo sanang ipagkasundo ako sa babae niyong anak…” I opened up.

He nodded excitedly, leaned forward, and rested his forearms on the table while smiling at me.

“Oo sana. Sa panganay ko nga dapat. Mikaela ’yan si Mikael kung naging babae ’yan eh. Kaso lalaki! Pwede naman sana sa ikalawa kong anak, ’yung babae, kaso takot kaming parehas sa Mommy mo. Mawawalan ng asawa’t anak si Fred kung kami ang magdedesisyon sa papangasawahin mo.”

Mom and her superior aura. Mas kaya ko ngang makipagsagutan kay Dad. Pero kay Mommy? I don’t think so. I’m quite scared. Maybe because I know her comebacks would be three times more painful than mine. So I would rather shut up when it comes to her. Hindi ako mananalo.

“Alam mo…” he paused for a bit. “Si Mikael, mabait ’yan na bata. Oo seryoso, pero…magaspang ang ugali niyan kung ayaw niya talaga sa’yo. At sabi nga ni Fred, na-offend ka raw sa joke ng anak ko. Eh, kabisado rin kita kahit papano. Mapagbiro ka. Kaya…baka nga…nasaktan ka sa sinabi ng anak ko.”

“I’m calm now…” I explained.

Tumango-tango siya. “Kung ano man ang nasabi ng anak ko, ako na ang hihingi ng tawad. Wala eh, parang imposible nang humingi ng tawad si Mikael sa’yo. Ma-pride ang batang ’yon…”

Wala rin naman akong balak humingi ng tawad…

“Lalo na ngayon at mainit yata ang ulo. Kuwento noong bunso ko na madaldal, nabasted daw ang Kuya niya… may bulaklak daw kasi na binili, pero umuwi ng bahay na pula ang mga mata. Sinilip daw ni Kittie sa kwarto, umiiyak daw.”

Natulala ako sa basong tubig. His bloodshot eyes kept on haunting me even in my dreams.

“Desisyon nga namin ng Dad mo, mas mabuti pang ipaglayo nalang talaga kayong dalawa. Hindi na namin ipipilit na magbati kayo. Nakalimutan namin na hindi pala mana sa aming dalawa ang mga lalaking anak namin, nakuha pa ang ugali sa mga ina…” He laughed again, so I looked at him and chuckled a little too.

That’s what my father kept on rubbing in my face as well. I got my mom’s ugali. Tanggap ko na rin na masama ang ugali ko pag galit ako dahil ayoko talagang maunahan. Hindi kaya ng pride ko.

“Huwag kanang magtampo sa dad mo ha? Babawi ’yang Dad mo sa’yo. Hindi niya naman paborito ang anak ko, nasaktan lang talaga siya sa sinabi mo. ’Yang dad mo, ang pinaka-ayaw niyan matapobre. Malaki ang trauma niya sa mga ganoong tao kasi nagsimula kami sa hirap eh. Eh sabi ko nga sa Dad mo, hindi ka matapobre. Eh noong unang apak mo nga dito, ako nalang ang nahihiya para sa’yo kasi sinasama mo pa ako sa high-end na mga lugar, halos may pintura pa ang suot kong pantalon, pawisan at amoy semento, pero hindi ka naman nagreklamo…”

The thing about me is that when I don’t like them, I could make their impression worse than what they imagine. That’s how I trigger people. I like mirroring behaviors too. Kung mabait at nirerespeto mo ako, I’d do the same. That’s why my friend thinks the people around me are lucky enough if they were my friends, but unfortunate if they’re my enemies. Cuz I am the worst one.

“Kinausap na rin ng dad mo si Mikael. Ayaw kasi akong kausapin. Kaya noong malaman kong hindi mo rin kinakausap ang dad mo, nagpasuyo nalang sa akin na baka…kausapin mo ako.”

“I’m still mad at him. If only I could change my surname, I’d do it. He has no right to punch me. Hindi naman siya naging ama sa akin. I hope he wasn’t my father,” I blurted out while scowling.

Kita ko ang gulat sa mukha ni Tito Rommel. Maybe he finally got evidence that my words really sting and I don’t use a filter to hide them. Kung ano ang nasa isip ko, hindi ako takot na ilabas at sabihin iyon.

“Naku… sakit niyan. Huwag ganyan. Mahal na mahal ka ng dad mo.”

“I don’t believe it. Kung may parents ako, si Mom lang. Siya lang,” giit ko.

Nagkamot ng ulo si Tito Rommel.

“I barely saw him when I was young. He’s busy. It was always my mom who was around. I’m fine about it at first, but when he sided with someone’s kid instead of listening to his own son, I realized he can be a father to other kids…and yet he can’t when it comes to me. Kaya niya pang kampihan ang iba, kaysa sa akin na anak niya talaga. Fucking unfair.”

Parang natauhan si Tito Rommel at napainom ng tubig. “Oo rin. May point… Bakit nga naman niya kakampihan ang ibang anak…kaysa sa sariling anak…”

“If I were to be a father, I’d make sure that my kids would always have my back. That’s the least thing he could do to me as my father, and still, he failed to do so.”

Tumango-tango si Tito Rommel. “Oo… medyo mali nga si Fred…”

Our topic went on and on. I told him how disappointed I am to my father, and he agrees with every word I said. Kaya buti pa talaga si Tito Rommel, pinapakinggan ako, kinakampihan ako, at naniniwalang hindi naman ako ganoon katulad ng binibintang ng anak niyang masama rin ang ugali.

Naiintindihan ko naman ang parents ko kung ayaw na nila akong sundan. Kahit naiinggit ako sa ibang anak na maraming kapatid, hindi naman sobrang big deal sa akin. Not until someone who barely knows me judged me based on his stupid assumptions, starting to make a comment about it. Worse, he’s even close to my father.

That’s when I realized things. Despite being an only child, I might be the least favorite kid because…they never planned on having me in the first place. I am just a mistake they don’t want to repeat. Kaya nga siguro mag-isa lang ako dahil natuto na sa pagkakamali, ayaw nang umulit at baka katulad ko lang din.

And every time I remember Dad favoring Mikael more, it will always fuel the rage, and the guilt will always disappear.

Tito Rommel:

Nag-book ng flight si Fred para sa’yo sa Italy. Bday daw ng Mommy mo. Sumipot ka ha. Kausapin mo sila. May importante rin na sasabihin sa’yo.

Tss. Important, my ass.

He attached photos of my flight too. Right. It’s my mom’s birthday. October 25. I typed a reply with my furrowed brows.

Tyler Coast:

Tell them I’m busy.

Tito Rommel:

Haha nasabi ko na sa Mommy mo pupunta ka

Tito Rommel:

Huwag kana magtampo sa parents mo. Magbati na. Mahal ka ng mga yon. Favorite child ka nga e :)

I don’t believe it.

Tito Rommel:

Sipot ka lang. Pagkatapos niyan, kahit iblock mo na sila ulit.

Ngumuso ako. Kaya ko naman ang sarili ko. May sarili akong business to fund me, may mga friends din ako na masasandalan, at may sarili akong bahay kung ayaw ko silang uwian. It’s just that having a family completes a missing piece in your life that makes everything feel light. It’s like waking up in a morning sunrise instead of a storm, eating a homemade meal instead of dining out, and celebrating a birthday instead of skipping it. Masaya naman ako kung mag-isa lang, pero mas magaan pa rin kung nandiyan sila.

So instead of sulking, sumipot nalang ako. Pagkatapos nito, sa birthday ko na ulit sila papansinin. Next year. Hah.

Bumili ako ng bulaklak para may Mom. Natulala pa saglit nang may maalala pero hindi ko rin masyadong pinagtuunan ng pansin.

My mom’s face lightened when I showed up at the rooftop Aroma restaurant in Rome, Italy. The view of the overlooking view of the Colosseum matches her elegance, wearing a backless satin black dress, slick ponytail hair, and a husband matching her fits who looked at me calmly. My mom is so obsessed with Europe that she would always celebrate her birthday in every European country.

My father loosened the tie of his tuxedo while I walked toward Mom, crouched a little to kiss and greet her.

“Happy birthday,” I murmured and handed the red roses before taking a seat.

Tinanggap iyon ni Mom at inilapag sa gilid. Tumingin si Dad sa akin, peke ang ubo, parang gusto ring batiin ko siya, o pansinin man lang. I sat in my seat without looking at him. Tumingin siya kay Mommy, parang nagsusumbong sa pamamagitan ng tingin.

“Glad you showed up,” my mother uttered.

I cleared my throat and picked up the menu to order.

“You didn’t wear navy blue,” puna ni Dad.

“He prefers an all-white tuxedo during my birthdays to complement my style,” si Mom ang nagsalita lalo na’t hindi ako kumibo sa sinabi ni Dad.

“Oh, I see,” si Dad na naninimbang ang tingin sa akin.

Nag-order agad ako, wala nang imik noong kumakain, si Dad at Mom naman ang casual na nag-uusap habang tahimik lang ako. My father would glance at me from time to time, habang si Mommy, natural lang ang binibigay na tingin sa akin.

I am a transparent son. I always show if I am mad or sad. Kaya kabisado ako ni Mommy dahil sa kanya ako halos lumaki, at hindi ako nagtatago ng kung ano-ano sa kanya. I just yap everything, ask random questions, and show my emotions since I am not afraid of expressing myself.

I am not dramatic to begin with. It’s just that most people are used to suppressing their emotions as a habit.

“You barely touch your food,” puna ni Dad nang pinunasan ko na ang labi ko gamit ang table napkin.

“I wanna roam around the Colosseum…” sabi ko, inaambahang tumayo, ngunit nilingon ako ni Mommy.

“Not yet. Come with us after this dinner.”

I scoffed unbelievably, leaned against my seat, and looked at the Colosseum boredly. Pagagalitan niya ako, ano pa ba? I know that tone so well. I messed up again. My father told her everything, and she’s probably pissed or somethin’. Pero kung may nakakamangha man kay Mommy, she is unpredictable, full of wisdom, and mature. Si Dad ang halatang immature at sa business lang halatang magaling.

Hinintay ko silang matapos kumain, saka ako sumama sa kanila sa mismong hotel na kinainan namin sa Palazzo Manfredi. I went to the balcony as soon as we entered the room and sat on the chair while staring at the view of the Colosseum.

Dad occupied the other chair, so I rolled my eyes boredly and looked at Mom, who was pacing back and forth in the front.

“Your father told me about the heated conversation you had with him…” she started and stopped walking.

I side-eyed my father, who was crossing his arms, nodding first attentively.

“I tried my best, but he blew up,” si Dad.

“Who wouldn’t, Dad? You made me feel like my emotion is your least priority when it comes to that son of a bitch,” I chuckled sarcastically.

“See? Look at his chosen words,” si Dad na naiiling kay Mom.

I put my hands at the back of my head and laugh. “What am I supposed to call him? Your favorite son? Your junior?”

Dad looked at me unbelievably. I smirked and shrugged. I said what I said.

My father was about to say something, but my mom’s voice cut him off.

“I’ll handle him,” si Mommy kaya itinikom ni Dad ang labi niya, humalukipkip at seryosong nagkasalubong ang kilay.

Pinasadahan ko ng haplos ang humahangin kong buhok at iniwas ang tingin kay Mommy. Naglakad siya patungo sa akin. I swallowed a bit when she raised her hand. Akala ko sasampalin niya ako ngunit may inilahad siya na ikinatingin ko sa isang picture.

Kumunot ang noo ko at nalilito iyong tinanggap. It’s… it’s an ultrasound picture.

“You’re…pregnant?” I halted from breathing and looked at her hopefully.

Dad sighed and looked away.

“Your father and I…we were expecting a baby. She’s supposed to be your…fourth sibling.”

What? My lips parted.

“Fourth…” I echoed her word. “What do you mean, Mom?”

“This is my last egg. I can’t produce a child, no matter how I wanted to get pregnant, Tyler.”

My eyes widened.

“I went through IVF treatment so I could conceive right away, but the three embryos didn’t make it—it failed thrice…”

My eyes widened.

“Afraid to risk the fourth one, which is the last egg, I decided on a surrogacy to make sure the embryo would survive in someone else’s body. I even blamed my body that it might be because I was too stressed and a workaholic…”

“Mom,” I uttered unbelievably.

What shocked me is there is no trace of pain in her expression, and even her eyes seem unreadable.

“This one, the last egg we preserved, was supposed to be a girl, and I even named her after your name, Tali Cassia, but unfortunately, her heartbeat grew weaker until we couldn’t hear it anymore through the surrogate…” She smiled weakly.

“And you…you didn’t tell me…” Halos wala sa sarili kong nalingon din si Dad, nasa malayo ang tingin at hinahayaan si Mommy na kausapin ako tungkol dito.

My mother sighed. “I couldn’t tell you since I know how much you wanted a sibling… I saw how you knelt down on the floor when you were five in your room every night praying for a sibling, the papers in your socks every Christmas with a written sibling as your only wish; it’s the only thing you ever asked…and yet…I…I couldn’t give it.”

Natulala kong tinitigan ang picture. This is my supposed-to-be fourth sibling.

“I don’t want you to lose hope or to disappoint you once you find out that your supposed siblings didn’t make it. I don’t want you to mourn…to cry with me that we lost another family, we lost an angel…” Her voice cracked a bit while I was looking at the picture with my blurry eyes.

“I didn’t know she had a miscarriage thrice, Tyler. Your mother only revealed it to me recently too. When…I told her about your outburst,” si Dad.

All this time, she kept this from us?

I have always seen my mom as tough and heartless. But after all this revelation, I cannot imagine how she endured everything—mourned alone and gone through the same pain over and over every time the fetus inside her loses its heartbeat.

Dahil kung alam ko lang, I would desperately beg her to stop wanting another kid if it means facing another traumatizing outcome…

Nanlabo ang mga mata ko, gustong umiyak, hindi para sa sarili na nawalan ng kapatid, kundi para sa ina ko na mag-isang hinarap ang lahat ng iyon.

She crouched down until she leveled with me. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. For the first time, I saw her vulnerability in her lips when she gave me a weak smile.

“This may be an inside joke, but you know deep down that I would still choose you as my son in a heartbeat. I lost four angels, and luckily I secured one—I have you.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. The tears fell uncontrollably while my lips trembled for a sudden cry. Nangingiting hinila ni Mommy ang batok ko hanggang sumandal ang aking ulo sa kanyang balikat. She kissed the side of my head and hushed me.

“Sshh, it’s not your fault, hmm?” she whispered calmly while caressing my back.

Bakit niya sinarili iyon? Para lang hindi ako saktan na hindi niya ako kayang bigyan ng kapatid? Hindi niya ba naisip na kung siya naman ang masasaktan, mas lalong ayoko nalang magkaroon ng kapatid?

“I’m…sorry. I didn’t know…you were having a hard time…I…” I stuttered.

“That’s why I kept it from you, cuz I know you would immediately give up on wishing for one if you found out about my condition…” And it seems like my mother knew me too well.

“It wasn’t just you who’s desperate, Tyler. I am too. I wanted a daughter. Your father is contented, but I know, he wants to give you a sibling so bad too…”

I might have hated my mom a lot of times for our nonsense bickering, but I love her unconditionally. At kung alam ko lang na hindi pala kaya ng katawan niya, hindi ko ipipilit—hindi ako manghihingi ng kapatid.

Umiling ako. “I don’t want it anymore, Mom. If it will cost your life, I don’t even want it.”

Aanhin ko ang kapatid kung kapalit noon ay matinding paghihirap kay Mommy? When my father said it was up to my mom since it’s her body, I slowly realized the depth of those words now.

If the fetus in her stomach would put her life in danger, even if I wanted a sibling so bad, I would understand her if she would rather abort it!

“I thought you were gonna abandon us after this dinner?” she chuckled.

Umiling ako. “No. Of course not. I’m just…mad at you and Dad. He almost punched me…for someone else’s kid. And I got hurt thinking that you and Dad probably regretted having me…”

“Hey, kid. I think you really misinterpreted—”

“Shut up, Dad,” I cut him off hoarsely and pressed my face on my mother’s neck more, sniffing from crying.

“See?! Look at his attitude, Teresse! I am not even raising my voice or being violent. I am explaining my side, and yet he doesn’t want to listen!”

“That’s why listen to his side first if you wanted him to acknowledge yours too,” my mom fired.

Tumikhim si Dad, ramdam ko na kumalma agad. “Tyler, I am not favoring Mikael when I attempted to punch you. You…you made me recall why I was on top. I hate people who look down on the poor…”

My shoulder loosened, and I glanced at the side just to look at my father. Tumingin siya sa akin, seryoso.

“Ayoko sa matapobre, hindi ko man nakukwento sa’yo, pero ’yan ang pinakaayaw ko sa lahat,” si Dad sa seryosong tinig. “May amo ako noon, halos pandirihan ako, hindi pinapakain nang maayos, at pumasok lang sa kusina para sana manghingi ng kahit tubig lang, pinagalitan pa ako. Imagine…you are treated poorly because you’re poor-looking…”

For some reason, the guilt had finally knocked out the rage I was feeling.

“Alam ng Tito Rommel mo kung paano ko iginapang ang sarili ko para lang makaalis sa ganoong posisyon—pinandidirian ng mayayaman, kaya masakit sa akin na sa anak ko pa mismo makikita ang pinakaayaw ko…” he sounded disappointed.

Fuck. Kaya pala galit na galit siya sa akin. Sumabay lang na galit din ako, kaya tingin ko kinakampihan niya si Kael.

“Insecurity is insecurity. No matter how small or shallow it might be compared to others, it still carries the same weight when felt,” si Mom kay Dad.

Gumaan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. Para akong nakahanap ng kakampi.

“I lost my composure when…I recalled my past experiences. It triggered me,” Dad whispered.

“I understand. That’s why it is important to address his problem first, correct it, and acknowledge his emotion, instead of resulting in another outburst and making him feel rejected,” Mom answered.

My father sighed, pinched his lower lip, and nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, kid. I admit I didn’t take your problem too seriously because I know that your mom and I are doing our best to give you a sibling. Medyo nakumpara ko rin ang pinagdadaanan mo kumpara kay Mikael, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon, kinampihan ko siya. It’s just that I can relate to him…I recalled my past experiences.”

I silently listened and sniffled.

“But your mother is right. Hindi ko dapat kinukumpara kung alin ang mas matimbang o mabigat… I should have acknowledged where your pain was coming from instead of…looking at whose pain is deeper…”

I gritted my teeth a bit. Wala naman akong seryosong galit kay Kael. Naramdaman ko lang iyon noong kaya siyang paborin ni Dad kaysa sa akin na sariling anak. Doon ko siya gustong saktan—gustong gantihan.

Ang hirap tanggapin na nag-iisang anak na nga lang, para pa akong pinagdadamutan ng simpatya at nakikihati ng atensyon sa hindi ko naman kapatid.

“I know you when you’re mad. You spit words that can cut deep, so remember, Tyler. Your anger might later on vanish, but the impact of your words will linger, and even an apology can’t ease its weight…” my mother uttered when I lifted my head off her shoulder.

I looked down and pinched my lower lip.

“I know you meant all those words to hurt your father so he would understand you’re in pain, just like what you did to your Tito Rommel’s son, but you don’t need to hurt them back just to be seen and acknowledged…” she elaborated while her hand stayed on my cheek.

The guilt I tried to bury was now crawling from its grave, pulling down the ego from its throne.

I clenched my jaw and looked away. It feels heavier the moment I slowly understand where my father’s outburst was coming from, and to know that all this time, my mother is doing her best to give me a sibling…

“Sorry, Mom,” I whispered weakly.

My father cleared his throat. “And Dad…” he added.

My Mom caressed my cheek using her thumb and nodded.

My father stood up and ruffled my hair. “Laki-laking tao kailangan pang suyuin pag nagtatampo…”

I glared at him. Humalakhak siya at tinapik ang balikat ko. He smiled comfortingly.

“I got you, alright? Always remember I would never replace you; even if I got a chance, I’d still choose you as my son…” he said dramatically.

“Tsss. You just copied mom’s…” I rolled my eyes, controlling myself not to smile.

“Just cheering up my one and only favorite kid…” he emphasized heartily and grinned.

He laughed, which made me laugh a little too. Thank God they reminded me how much I love our family…

Chapter 20

Bored

Ronan:

Wow bati na. Laki na ulit ng ngiti ni Frederich ah?

It was Ron’s private message when I uploaded our dinner picture on my Instagram account with a caption, ‘Happy birthday to the strongest woman I know.’.

I also took a picture of the ultrasound picture—a Polaroid, with the background of the Colosseum with the beautiful sunset in the sky—and put it as my lock screen.

Hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko sa picture kahit noong nakahiga na sa kama ng room nila Mommy. My father is taking a bath for a while, while my mother is beside me, combing my hair with her fingers.

“What do you think, Mom? Is she curly too?” I asked without taking my eyes off the picture.

“I think yes. She’s definitely your girl version when it comes to her physical appearance with my attitude, who has the opposite personality of her brother…”

“A little you, for sure. Imagine my stress once she grows up, with a lot of suitors, I might go to jail because of it…” I scowled.

“Nah. I think you won’t worry too much about her. The boys might not even dare cuz I’ll raise her like me…”

“And another Frederich would make her kneel,” I commented and laughed a little.

I put it down and lifted my gaze to look at her. Her eyes remained unreadable but I know deep inside, she is still hurting.

“How did Dad reacted after he…found out?” I asked.

“He looked hurt, betrayed, and…disappointed.”

“He told me I didn’t give him a chance to mourn, knowing he’s the father of those supposed children of us…” She smiled a little without humor.

Kung ako ang nasa posisyon ni Dad, hindi ko rin alam ano ang mararamdaman ko. I might…lash out. No. I will blame myself and question if…I really deserve this woman.

Akala ni Frederich asawa siya, pero si Teresse Charlotta, ginawa lang siyang sperm donor. Fuck buddy pa nga minsan.

It’s kinda funny, but I don’t know how my father truly feels about this. Ang sakit nga sa akin na anak lang ako, ano pa kaya na…siya mismo na ama.

“If your father would hit rock bottom one of these days, he might be mourning. That’s how he copes. Let’s be there for him…”

Kumunot ang noo ko. He is a busy person. My father prioritizes the business like his life depended on it—as if it were the anchor of our family. Now that my mother mentioned it, I’m kind of worried for him.

“Get to know him too, Tyler. I know you are hurt when he favored someone else’s kid, but try to open the window for him when he thinks knocking on the door is the only way for him to enter in your life.”

My body relaxed from a realization.

“He wasn’t a bad father. He’s flawed, makes mistakes, but it doesn’t mean he won’t learn from it. He’s trying his best too.”

Bumaliktad ako at niyakap ang baywang niya. She ruffled my hair.

To be honest, my dad is cool. He’s always chill. Kung si Mommy ang galit, kalmado lamang siya. I salute him for putting up with a woman like my Mom. I know that he’s the only person who can handle my mother’s wrath.

I misunderstood him. I slowly realized that I really didn’t know him. I only know him as my father, but without the responsibility, who is him as a person? I wonder…

Kung may pagkukulang siya sa akin bilang ama, for sure, may pagkukulang din ako bilang anak. I didn’t try my best to know him too.

Si Mommy, kilalang kilala ko kasi. I grew up watching all of her shades. Unlike Dad. He’s like a stranger who suddenly became my father—a clueless dude who only wants to chill in life but is suddenly given a responsibility to become a parent.

Aside from his eight-inch dick, that’s the only thing I know about him. Well, he’s a funny guy cuz it’s obvious, but I didn’t even know his past traumas and the things that trigger him.

Si Mommy, alam ko ang paborito niyang bulaklak. Si Dad, kahit paborito niya atang pagkain hindi ko alam. The only thing he knows about me is I am picky when it comes to food. Na kahit nasa Pinas na, dala-dala ko pa rin ang nakaugalian ko sa States. He didn’t know I improved…

“Sport?” nalilitong tanong ni Dad nang sinamahan namin si Mom sa isang museum para tumingin ng painting. She’s planning to buy it—I mean, Dad would probably buy it for her.

“Yup, Dad. What’s your sport?” I asked.

“Golf? Equestrian too. I mean, hilig ’yan lahat ng mommy mo kaya nakahiligan ko rin,” sagot ni Dad, ngunit nalilingat talaga ang tingin para sundan ang kilos ni Mom.

This dude… wala ba siyang originality?

“Laking hirap ako. Wala na akong panahon sa sports noong nasa edad mo ako. Nasa bodega lang, abalang magbuhat ng mga karton…” he bragged, as if my expression spit out what’s on my mind.

My shoulder loosened. Man… He’s really makin’ me feel bad. Gumaganti pa yata si Frederich at gustong siya naman ang suyuin.

“Eh ikaw marami kang sports. Nag-football ka noong elementary mo, soccer noong high school, at basketball ngayong college. Kung may pera ako noong kabataan ko, baka kahit mag-aral lang sapat na sa akin, lalo na’t batang hamog din.”

Namaywang ako at tiningnan ang isang sculpture. What’s batang hamog?

“Batang hamog, ’yung nasa kalye lang lagi dahil walang tirahan,” my father elaborated.

“Must be hard, huh…” I whispered through a realization.

“Golf or equestrian. Have you tried it? For sure you did since it’s your mother’s playground…” He shifted the topic and smirked at me.

Tiningnan ko si Mom na lumipat naman sa kabilang painting at doon tumigil. Naglakad lang kami kaonti ni Dad, tumigil din at halos pasadahan lang ng tingin ang tinitingnan niya dahil mas invested sa topic naming dalawa.

“Yup. I did. But it was too formal for me. So I switched to football during elementary since I met some friends who are into it too…”

“Hmm… kaya pala…” He nodded attentively.

“What?” I crossed my arms and glanced at him.

“Your mom is worried for you. Madali ka daw ma-impluwensyahan ng friends mo. Kaya ka tinapon dito kasi ’yung old circles mo raw, into drugs at heavy drag race…”

Oh…

Well… It slowly makes sense to me too. I’m all in when it comes to my friends shit. If they like that, I would slowly adapt it too so I could fit in.

My life in the States is wilder than my life in the Philippines. The street is my playground, more on the track fields, the booze music, house parties, raves, alcohol, and even party drugs.

I admit I tried taking drugs once; it’s a party drug out of curiosity. But afraid my mother would find out, I stopped after one pill. Pero kung hindi nga ako tinapon ni Mom sa Pinas, I would probably get curious a little more, and I would get hooked on drugs too since those were my friends shit.

“Just like your decision years ago when you met this new circle of yours who’s into basketball. You immediately decided to continue your school in the Philippines cuz you wanted to join them,” patuloy ni Dad.

Charlotta saw it coming, so she threw me somewhere I would not have a grip on my old cycle.

Thinking about it more, I prefer my friends because they are always there to match my shit, to agree with me, and to always join my fun or listen to my problems.

Unlike my dad, who’s busy, who would rather spend his time on the site than join my fun, and who would prioritize being a provider for the family, because he knows that’s his responsibility as a father.

Pero kung…niyaya ko ba siya, o sinamahan siya sa hilig niya, kaysa ang imbitahin sa hilig ko, mas makikilala ko kaya si Dad kung sino talaga siya?

“Your mom said you’re quite competitive. I’m kinda curious if you’d beat me in golf and equestrian…” he said meaningfully, which made me smirk.

“Let’s see…” I shrugged cockily and laughed.

We started making plans. Nauna nga lang ang Halloween party ng friends ko, pero hindi mawala-wala sa isip ko ang nalaman sa parents ko—kay Mommy.

“Ano ’yan?” tanong ni Ron nang pagkatapos naming mag decorate para sa Halloween party, humiga ako sa sofa at tiningnan ulit ang picture ni Tali.

Ron took it from my hand and looked at it curiously.

“Ultrasound ’to ah? Nakabuntis ka?” At ang lakas pa ng boses dahil sa gulat na kahit ang mga girls na inaayos nalang ang decoration sa pader, napalingon sa akin.

“Gago dude, ama kana?!” Ron stood up with widening eyes.

“Baliw. Baka mas mauna ka pa sa akin. Kapatid ko ’yan,” sagot ko at kinuha ang picture dahil baka magusot pa.

But before I could even get it from Ron’s grip, it was Brent who curiously took it. Si Rick na isa ring tsismoso—kakapasok lang ulit sa sala kasama si Mavric, inakbayan si Brent, nakitingin, hanggang sa nagkumpulan ang girls sa gitna ni Brent at gustong tingnan iyon.

“Kapatid? Buntis si Teresse?” tanong ni Ron, gulat.

I sighed and put my hands behind my head as I stared at the ceiling.

“We lost her. Nalaglagan si Mommy.”

The silence was too loud.

“Hala…” si Mica na suminghap.

“My mom even planned on naming her after my name, Tyler Coast. Tali Cassia daw. Pag babae. Kung lalaki, si Dad magpapangalan. Prince Albert.” I laughed.

“Mukhang malalim ang pinanghuhugutan ng Dad mo sa pangalan ah?” si Rick ang nagsabi kaya natawa kami.

“Ayos ka lang ba, Tyler?” Shiloh asked worriedly.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I cried when I found out. Pero alam niyo ’yon, mas nasasaktan ako para kay Mommy. She endured it alone. Not just once but four times. Imagine…ipinatapon niya ako dito kasi…ayaw niyang makita ko na may pinagluluksaan siya.”

“Apat na beses? Grabe. Ang tapang ni Tita,” si Gabriella.

“Hindi talaga madali maging babae,” si Angela na bumuntong-hininga. “Sa katawan pa lang, marami nang pinagdadaanan ang isang babae. Menstration, hormonal imbalance, pagbubuntis na sobrang selan, at pagiging ina. Kaya nagtataka ako kung bakit ang tingin ng lipunan pag babae ka, mahina ka.”

“Kaya ako man-hater eh,” si Sadie. “Imagine, ilegal ang abortion, pero ang mga lalaki na tinatakbuhan ang responsibilidad sa babae, hindi pinagtutuunan ng pansin. Wala bang naiisip ang gobyerno sa tite ng mga lalaki na hindi marunong mag-ingat?”

I sniffed a little. As much as I wanted to talk more, I don’t wanna sound hoarse. I don’t want to cry about it.

“Magkamukha kayo, Tyler. Lamang lang siya dahil baby pa kaya cute tingnan, pero pag lumaki ’to, mas kupal siguro ’to kaysa sa kuya…” si Rick na kanina pa pala nakatingin sa akin kaya nagtawanan kami ulit.

“Hayaan mo, Tyler. Simula sa araw na ’to, magsisikap na ako para sa ating dalawa. Hindi kita pababayaan, bro,” si Ron na tumalon pa sa ibabaw ko.

“Fuck you, Ron. Get off me!” Itinulak ko kaso dumagan din si Mavric.

“Marami ka namang kapatid ah? Ano pala kami? Pamilya tayo dito kahit gusto kitang saktan minsan,” si Rick na yumuko sa headboard ng sofa, nakangising dinudungaw ako.

“Twins tayo, ah? We’re both curly,” si Mavric.

“Kami kaya ang twins! Excuse me!” si Mica na dumagan naman sa likod ni Mavric, pati ang girls, sumiksik na.

“Walang only child sa pamilya natin dahil magkakapatid tayong lahat! Smile, guys!” si Angela na umupo sa sahig, itinaas ang phone, kaya nagsilingunan kami habang nakadagan silang lahat sa akin.

Sa tabi ni Rick sa likod ng sofa, doon pumwesto ang ibang boys, pati ang ibang girls. I grunted a bit since they were too heavy, but there was a smile on my lips.

Hinawakan pa ni Shiloh ang picture, kinuha lang kay Brent, at nakangiti niya iyong isinali sa picture namin habang inaakbayan siya ni Brent, si Rick, nakaangat pa ang kilay at nakatingin sa braso ni Brent habang natatawa siyang inaakbayan ni Con.

I posted the picture on my Instagram with the caption “siblings.” I even sent it to my mom and told her she has more kids. Nagseen siya, h-in-eart iyon, at nilagay pa sa story niya. Now I know why she loves seeing me with my friends… It probably put her at ease that I somehow found my own siblings.

The Halloween was quite chaotic. Kahit nasiko ako noong Tejano dahil siksikan sa dance floor, hinayaan ko nalang. Nag sorry naman.

That night, after the chaos of Mavric involving Chloe Tejano, napaisip ako na baka…kaya ako siniko kasi friend ko si Mavric. Galit ’yung kapatid ni Chloe sa aming lahat. Kahit nga si Ron, sinasamaan ng tingin. Nahuli ko rin na sinamaan si Rick ng tingin ng kuya ni Chloe noong lingunin ko siya lalo na’t katabi ko si Rick no’n kaya kitang kita ko.

He’s kinda cool, though. He has that air like Brent, but he’s more intense and blinding. Ito ’yung cool kid na gusto mong i-close kasi halatang marami ring papansin sa’yo pag magkaibigan kayo.

Tinanong ko nga si Shiloh kung nararamdaman niya rin ba ang galit ng kapatid ni Chloe sa kanya lalo na’t nasa iisang circle lang din sila.

“Hindi naman. Mabait siya,” ang sagot ni Shiloh sa akin.

O baka naman masyado lang manhid si Shiloh at tingin niya sa paligid, mabait ang lahat sa kanya? Cuz what if that Tejano low-key hates Shiloh too for being close with Mavric, who hurt his sister?

Mas focus na nga lang sa practice para sa upcoming game sa December. Siningit ko ring sumama kay Dad sa isang business event, at doon ulit kami nagkita ni Ria Ching.

“Si Shiloh?” I asked when she pointed out my posted picture with Shiloh. Nakita niya dahil friends kami.

Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama, nagdadamit na. I looked at her butt when she stood up and pulled up her thin underwear I almost ripped earlier.

“You know Shiloh?” I was too distracted to even focus.

“He’s my cousin.”

My lips parted. Humarap siya kaya bumaba saglit ang tingin ko sa dibdib niya, puno ng pulang marka, saka ko siya tiningnan sa mga mata.

Ching… Fuck. Oh right! He’s also Chinese. Why didn’t I realize this earlier? I thought it was just a coincidence! Sa sobrang misteryoso ni Shiloh, sinong mag-iisip na kasali siya sa pinakamayamang angkan sa Cebu?

Hindi naman malabo, pero hindi kasi makwento si Shiloh. Close kami pero puro lang pagkain ang topic niya minsan, o hindi naman, ’yung games sa iPad niya.

“Ahma disowned them,” she clarified while fixing her hair this time. “Siya ang anak ni Tita Solene, the one who didn’t follow the tradition. Tinanggalan ng mana…”

What? Kaya ba itinapon dito si Shiloh?

“Kaya siya nandito sa Manila?” I asked unbelievably.

“No. It’s his mother’s decision because there’s a scandalous video going around in his past school. She probably tried to control the damage since the Chings are influential and her son might taint it…I don’t know.” She shrugged.

Gulat pa rin ako. They’re a big deal in Cebu. But I never encountered Shiloh’s name being linked, because the Ching abandoned him. He is nothing to them.

“I recovered a video circulating around the internet. He got bullied in his school.” She picked up her phone while my jaw dropped.

“Bullied?”

She tossed it on the bed, so I curiously picked it up, lalo na’t may video nang nagpi-play. My eyes widened.

“Oh hell no…” I gritted my teeth. “Wala bang ginawa ang mga Ching? This is serious!”

“Ahma doesn’t see him as part of the family. They don’t care. So if you can do something about it, I’ll give you the video.”

I told the boys about it as soon as I got the video. Si Rick, galit na galit. Lahat kami actually, lalo na’t iba na ang closeness namin kay Shiloh.

If he was welcomed in the Ching family, those influential kids would never get away. Hindi mapagtatakpan ang video lalo na’t sobrang big deal ng mga Ching sa Cebu.

Kaso mas malas sila dahil napalapit si Shiloh sa amin. Pamilya ng mga abogado si Rick, may kilala ring magaling na abogado ang pamilya ko, si Brent, malawak ang connection, kahit si Ron, may mga kakilala kung politiko lang naman ang basehan. Kung usapang connection lang, alam kong mas lamang si Shiloh. Kahit wala ’yang mga Ching sa tabi niya, kung magsasampa ng kaso ngayon si Shiloh, mananalo siya dahil hindi mag-isang lalaban si Shiloh. Marami kami.

Kaso kung may hindi ako tanggap dito…

“Sigurado kana talaga, Shi?” I asked after he revealed he’s in a relationship with Brent.

“Akala ko ba magkakapatid tayong lahat dito! Bakit may biglang naglalandian!” si Sadie na kulang nalang sakalin si Brent.

Humagikhik si Shiloh. Brent was pinching his lips while stifting his fucking smile. Sarap upakan oh? Ngumingiti pa talaga. Akala niya siguro natutuwa kami.

“Tang ina talaga ni Brent. May pa sabi-sabi pa na huwag daw taluhin ang mga kaibigan niya, ngayon biglang siya ang bumali,” si Rick na umiismid kanina pa.

“Wala eh. Siya ang literal na nabali… nabaliko,” ani Mavric kaya naghalakhakan kaming tatlo nila Ron.

“Kaya pala iba ang kaba ni Brent pag galit si Shiloh. Kabadingan na pala,” natatawang sabi ko na kahit si Brent, iritado kaming tiningnan tatlo pero natatawa rin.

“Sabi niya bonding daw dahil para sa allowance niya. Ibang bonding pala,” si Ron.

“Please don’t break up with me,” tukso ko, inambahang luluhuran si Brent kaso sinipa ako.

“Sabi na. Hindi talaga kabilang si Brent sa pamilya na ’to. Magkakapatid kaming lahat. Si Brent ang sampid,” yakap ng mga girls kay Shiloh.

“Fine with me. Sa akin pa rin ’yan uuwi.” At ang kapal ng mukha ni Brent sa parteng ito.

Pinagtulungan namin siyang boys, nagkukunwaring galit at pinagsisipa siya. Sa sobrang taas ng standard ko para kay Shiloh, kahit si Brent hindi papasa eh. Pero alam ko kung gaano kakapal ang mukha nito. Baka kahit ikulong namin sa langit si Shiloh, aakyatin niya ’yan.

At ’yan din ang rason kaya naniniwala kaming boys na si Brent lang ang makakapagpatunay na deserving siya kay Shiloh.

I’m kinda happy for them, though. Brent is a notorious playboy. Parehas ko rin humawak ng relasyon—o ng babae. Kaya nakakagulat na bigla siyang ganito.

Nakikipaglandian naman ako lately; after Ria who’s been my consistent fuck buddy, I decided to have one again. Kaso…

Katie:

I heard you’re wild but not this wild! Wdym you wanna fuck me from behind? And in the ass?!

I laughed at her reaction. Man…

Katie:

I am a nursing student, Cervando. There are a lot of things to consider once you fuck someone from behind. The butt is not meant for your dick!

Tyler:

I want your ass :(

Katie:

Wait? Are you bi?

Porket gusto lang tumikim, bisexual agad? But if I am, so what, right? Si Brent nga, bisexual.

Isa pa, dahil ’to sa panaginip ko at kakanood ko ng men to men lately. I am really curious.

Tyler:

I’m exploring? Haha

Tyler:

Alr. Tell me what I need to consider. I kinda wanna try it.

Katie:

Prep, douching! A lot of things! Fasting! The ass is not designed to receive the penis—for fucking, unlike the pussy. Mas madaling masugat ang loob ng pwet!

Katie:

Why don’t you try sa lalaki? Just make sure you know how to prep, clean that butthole of yours, pero kung gusto mo ikaw ang top, tell the bottom to do the prep.

Tyler:

Do you know someone who’s bi?

Katie:

Not bi, pero gay. But I dunno if he considers fubu atm. Pero madalas bf no’n, bball player.

Katie:

Try mo sa dating apps

Man… Katie is so unserious. But I understand her since we both agree na fuck buddies lang. Busy siya sa acads at ayaw ko ring makipag relasyon.

Ila-log out ko na sana ang account ko nang may makitang notification sa account ni Verena. Shit.

I nervously opened it. Nakaupo sa kama ko, topless at bagong ligo, bumungad sa akin ang pangalan ni Kael na tatlong buwan nang hindi nagparamdam.

Hindi naman sa nag eexpect ako na magmemessage pa rin siya, pero akala ko ’yung notification, galing mismo sa kanya, message request pala.

Curious about it, I opened it. There’s a message coming from someone I don’t even know who.

Hello! Gusto mo bang bumango ang iyong pekpek? I-click lang ang link na ito at subukan ang produkto!

What the fuck? Is this a prank? I visited the account, and the number of followers shocked me. He seemed like a model or an influencer. Familiar din ang picture.

Maybe he got hacked? Baka pag c-in-lick ko ang link, ma-scam ako.

Bumalik ako sa chats ni Kael at binuksan iyon. I scrolled up and read some of our messages for a while.

Now that the misunderstanding with my family has been cleared up, I kind of regret that I didn’t apologize for what I did to him on this account.

Noong pinangaralan ako ni Mom, na-guilty ako. If only I could rewind it and control my rage… Oo masusuntok pa rin naman ako, but I should have kept my mouth shut instead of stabbing his open wound over and over again. It’s too much.

I typed a message.

Hey. Can we talk?

I sent it and typed another one.

I’m sorry :(

Cringe. I deleted it. What the hell, man. Hindi talaga kaya ng pride ko.

May bigla akong naalala kaya tinawagan ko agad si Dad. Three rings, and he answered it.

“Dad, kailan nga ’yung Christmas party ng company?” I asked.

“Tomorrow, why?”

Oh shoot. I stood up and looked at myself in the full-length mirror.

“Saan gaganapin?”

“Sa site, as usual. Actually, nasa site ako mamayang gabi. Titingnan ko ’yung packing. Nandoon naman sila Mikael, pero sisilipin ko lang dahil baka may ibang noche buena giveaways na kulang kulang.”

Mikael…

“I can help too…” I suggested.

Ramdam ko kung paano natahimik si Dad hanggang natawa.

“Tutulong ka?” he clarified.

“Yup.” I pinched my lower lip. “I mean, I have nothing to do anymore. Wala na ang mga friends ko dito sa Manila, nagsiuwian na ang iba para sa Christmas. I’m kinda bored…”

“Oh… are you sure? Baka iba ’yang bored mo ha? Baka magsuntukan lang kayo,” aniya.

“Of course not, Dad. Gusto ko lang tumulong sa packing. ’Yun lang. I don’t care if he’s there.”

Chapter 21

Under

It’s my first time visiting the site. For how many years of being here in the Philippines, my father’s construction firm is always the least thing on my mind.

Siguro rin, ayokong makarinig ng kung ano-ano sa paligid ko. My father is a successful businessman, and I am just starting. Ayokong ma kuwestyon bakit mas pinili kong gumawa ng sariling title, kaysa ang ipagpatuloy ang nasimulan na ni Dad.

The engineers and architects expect me to get the same field where I could sit on my father’s throne soon enough once he retires. ’Yan din ang sabi ni Mommy sa akin, only child lang ako kaya sa akin lahat babagsak ang businesses ng mga magulang ko.

The construction firm can function on its own without me. Iyon lagi ang sinasabi ko kay Dad. Hindi ko nga alam kung na-disappoint ba siya sa desisyon ko na mas kumuha ako ng business class kaysa ang mag-engineer o architect.

“Ayos lang sa akin. That’s how your mother raised you. She told me you are quite independent and you have your own rules. Bata pa naman ako at malakas pa,” ani Dad, nakangiting ginulo ang buhok ko habang nasa likod na kami ng kotse patungo sa site.

The business world is tricky. You have a lot of competitors eyeing your downfall. I don’t know how my father handles things, but I realize he probably expects at least to have a shoulder to lean on because he is handling everything alone.

“Who’s your biggest competitor, Dad?” I asked.

“Oh… There’s this one contractor who’s quite sneaky. Ito ’yung mahilig mang-agaw ng malalaking projects. But I don’t mind. Sayang lang at nasa kanilang construction firm ’yung magaling na architect. I offered a position but she declined it. Hanggang sa ilang araw, nalaman ko nalang, nasa construction firm na siya sa kabila.”

“She probably found an interesting deal there. Baka magaling makipagnegotiate ’yung kabila,” sabi ko.

He nodded. “Madali ako kausap. Kung ayaw, edi wag. Ba’t pipilitin?”

I laughed. “Nah. That’s our difference. Once I set my eyes on that client, I’ll get them no matter what it takes, Dad. If you master how your clients think, their likes and dislikes, and their fondness, you will eventually get them. Cuz some of em still decide based on their emotions, what’s convenient for them, and how it will benefit them in the future.”

“Hmm… Oo rin…” He nodded, as if he had suddenly a realization from my words. “Kaso pinakita ko kasi ’yon sa mommy mo. Parang pinagselosan… kaya di ko na ipinilit.” Halakhak ni Dad.

Natawa ako. Wala ’to. Pag si Mommy talaga, mas gugustuhin niyang mamuhay ng payapa, kaysa ang makaaway si Teresse Charlotta.

“Selosa si Mommy?” I asked.

“Oo. Selosa ’yan.” He smirked at me proudly. “Mukha lang walang pakialam ’yang Mommy mo pero grabe ’yan magselos. Business trip daw pero nagpapasuyo pala. Kung hindi mo ’yan susundan, mas magagalit lalo.”

Mom and her facade. I am not the jealous type. Hindi ko pa naman na-try ang seryosong relasyon. When I got cheated on, the heartbreak felt like a freedom to start fresh again. Siguro parang si Dad lang ako, chill.

Natigil nga lang ang kuwentuhan namin ni Dad nang makarating din sa site. The car entered a spacious property that is quite nostalgic to me. Parang nakapunta na ako rito, hindi ko lang maalala.

“Nakapunta kana rito. Noong bata ka pa. Nakaaway mo nga si Mikael.” And it seems like Dad felt my confusion too.

But what? Nakaaway? Ito ba ’yung kwento din ni Tito Rommel sa akin?

As much as I wanted to ask Dad about the beef, nakuha lang ng driver ang atensyon niya at lumabas na. Sumunod ako, iginala ang tingin sa malawak na site.

I know we also have a house here. It looks small compared to our main house in Forbes Park. Two-storey. Nakabukas iyon kaya kita ko ang chandelier sa loob, lalo na’t glasses ang walls sa harap, at nakahawi ang mga kurtina.

“’Yan ang office,” si Dad at nginuso sa akin ang left side.

It’s a one floor office building. The front walls were made of glass too. Nakita ko pa na may mga sumilip at tumingin sa pagdating namin, napapatayo at halatang curious sa akin.

“That’s the factory where we store the equipments,” si Dad na itinuro ang malaking factory house, kung saan din naka standby sa labas ang malalaking trucks, bulldozers, backhoes, and different types of trucks I couldn’t already name.

The factory looked big. I think that is the least place I would visit. Mukhang maalikabok sa loob.

“And that one?” I looked at the right side where some of dad’s men were looking at us curiously.

“Bang house. Sa second floor, kuwarto ng mga trabahante na stay in. ’Yung iba diyan, kaedaran mo…” ani Dad.

I can clearly see some of his men who looked like around my age. Mga topless ang iba, ginawang bandana sa ulo ang t-shirt, may iba naman, ang pants puno ng pintura, ’yung iba ay mukhang kaedad na ni Tito Rommel na napapatingin din sa pagdating namin.

“Let’s go to the bang house. Nandoon sila,” ani Dad at tinapik ang balikat ko.

Ang mga lalaking nakatayo sa may pinto, sumisilip silip, nagsialis at natatarantang pumasok ulit.

“Nandito si ser!” rinig ko ang sigaw ng iilan habang papalapit kami ni dad. “May kasamang imported!”

“Kano? Baka bagong engineer?”

“Matangkad! Six footer! Baka magpeperform bukas sa Christmas party? Mukhang artistahin eh.”

“Gago! Kung ’yan ang sasali bukas, ika-cancel ko talaga ang performance ko!”

“Kasali sa banda siguro! O kaya isa sa judge para sa performance natin!”

Oh, I remember. Tito Rommel said, my father’s Christmas party has a lot of games, and there’s a band too. Pupunta din ang Engineers at Architects ni Dad. For sure, the spacious center will turn into a big venue tomorrow.

“Ser!” Mabilis nilang bati kay Dad nang pumasok kami.

Crowded ang loob. May mga naka squat habang kalat ang pinapack nila. There’s a pile of sacks of rice, a basket full of Noche Buena goodies wrapped in a plastic cellophane, a big black bucket stored with other goods I’m not familiar with since they’re canned, some ham, and probably different kinds of food.

“Bumisita lang ako para silipin kayo at baka kupitan niyo ’yang giveaway! Hindi talaga kayo makakasali sa raffles,” biro ni Dad na ikinailing ng iba, mukhang sanay na.

“Kami pa ba, ser?! Wala kaming pakialam sa giveaways! Cash prizes ang target namin! Nakahanda na nga ang performance namin ni Dodong! Mag titinikling kami! 50k na rin ’yon!”

“Ser! Sino ’yang kasama mo? Kung kasali ’yan sa performance, lugi! Anong laban ng jumbo hotdog na sayaw ko kung mukha pala ang labanan bukas?”

“Oo nga, ser! Disqualified dapat pag kano! Maawa ka naman sa amin! Pinapaatras pa nga namin si Mikael para walang kaagaw, magdadagdag ka pa ng panibago at mas imported pa!”

They were so chaotic while my father was laughing a little. He seems having fun with their silly complains. And speaking of Mikael…

“Anak ko ’to. Anong pinagsasabi niyo?” My dad introduced and put his arm around me. “Si Tyler. Ito ’yung tinapon na dito at dito nag-aaral ng college. Gusto lang tumulong mag pack…”

I eyed all of them, but it seems like he is not around. Nahiya agad ang iba sa akin, tiningnan ako mula ulo hanggang paa. I cleared my throat and smiled at them.

“Naks! Ang poging bata naman pala!”

“Nagtatagalog ba, ser? Masyadong imported tingnan eh. Hindi yata kami maiintindihan niyan.”

“Marunong ’to magtagalog. Huwag lang ’yung malalim,” si Dad.

“Tutulong siya magpack? Naku ser, ’wag na! Kaya naman namin! Parang nakakahiya pag pinagpawisan siya.”

Where’s that kupal, by the way?

“Oh? Ayan na pala si Mikael. Pre, tingnan mo! Dumalaw ang anak ni ser! Kasali daw sa performance bukas!”

I immediately glanced at the back until I saw him, who’s with a woman. May dala silang packs ng Jollibee. Kahit si Dad, nilingon siya saglit.

His eyes didn’t even manage to look at me. Nilagpasan lang ako na parang hangin, inilapag ang dala sa sahig at nakayukong pinagkukuha ang laman no’n. He handed some burgers to those men without acknowledging my presence except for the woman.

“Pogi nito sir, ah?” she said and smiled at me.

“Si Tyler. Anak ko,” my father introduced.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. “Anak mo ’to, sir?!”

“Mukha bang hindi? Mana sa Mommy…” si Dad.

“Nakuha niya ang height mo, sir! Parehas din kayo ng kulay ng mata at buhok!”

Pinagkakaguluhan ng mga lalaki ang pinapamigay ni Kael na burgers at drinks. Kinakausap siya ng mga lalaki na gusto pa rin itong biruin kahit mukhang seryoso.

“May katapat kana sa performance bukas!” biro nila.

“Wala akong planong sumali,” tipid ang kanyang pagsagot, binuksan ang isang burger at kinagatan.

“Huh? Bakit?” tanong nila.

Kael didn’t answer, walked to the unfinished packing and started doing it. Tinapik ni Dad ang balikat ko.

“So? Are you gonna help or…you want to go with me into the office?”

Tiningnan ako ng mga trabahante. They looked intimidated, a bit pressured with my presence, unlike Kael who’s already minding his own business, biting the burger and putting those goodies in the basket.

“I’ll stay, dad. I’ll help,” sabi ko.

“Paula…” my father looked at the woman worriedly. “Pakitingnan ako.”

“Okay sir! Ako ang bahala sa anak niyo!” she said happily and looked at me.

My father tapped my shoulder before heading out. Noong maiwan, binigyan agad ako ng babae noong hawak niya.

“Kumakain ka ba ng spaghetti? Oh eto…”

“No thanks. Busog pa ako,” sabi ko at umiling.

“Mukhang imported na pasta ang kinakain niyan, Pau!” the other boys. “Diba, ser?”

“Tyler,” I corrected and smiled.

“Nakakahiya naman! Parang tropa. Kaya pa naming tropahin ama mo, pero ikaw… nakakahiya, sir!”

“Siguro sampong beses kang maligo sa isang araw ’no?”

I laughed and shook my head. “Dalawang beses lang. Or it depends when…” I stopped my words when I noticed they would twist their expressions when I’m speaking english. “Depende kung mainit. Nakakatatlo ako.”

“Gago. Nakakatatlo? Kahit ata isang taon kang maligo, fresh pa rin tingnan. Tapos pag kami, isang araw lang hindi makaligo, para nang naaagnas…” Sabay tawanan ng lahat, na kahit ako, natawa sa biro.

“Magsimula na tayo, marami pang ipa-pack,” Kael’s strict voice interrupted the fun.

The other boys started moving but they can’t take off their attention to me. Si Paula, pinaghila pa ako ng upuan at gustong doon ako maupo at tinanggihan ko lang.

“Magaling ka daw mag basketball? Nabanggit ng dad mo. Sayang nga hindi ka sumasali sa basketball teams tuwing christmas party ng dad mo. Edi sa amin ka sana na team! Baka sakaling manalo na kami!”

Instead of walking toward the chair, lumapit ako sa mga trabahante para sumali sa ginawa nilang pagpapack. I stopped on Kael’s side who’s obviously ignoring my presence.

“How can I join?” I asked curiously and crouched down while I could see Kael’s snob face in my peripheral vision.

“Sasali ka?!” Their eyes widened.

“Yup. Vacation namin. I have nothing—wala akong gagawin,” I clarified and squatted on the floor as well, mimicking the others.

“Uy, bigyan niyo ng tela ang upuan niya baka madumihan!” Paula panicked.

Four of them stood up and started looking for something I could sit on.

“Hindi na. Malinis naman ang sahig,” sabi ko.

“Kahit na. Kami, sanay kami sa ganito eh tingnan mo naman ang mga suot namin, mabibili lang ’to sa ukay-ukay. Eh ’yang sa’yo, baka kukulangin ang isang taong sahod namin pag nadumihan ’yan…” reklamo ng nasa harap.

Umiling ako. “Ayos lang. Hindi ako maarte.”

I caught Kael scoffing a bit. I licked my lower lip and looked at what they were doin’ so I could copy them.

“Sabihan mo ang dad mo na sali ka, tapos piliin mo ang team BHH! Kami ’yon nila Mikael! Team BHH as in Bang House Homies!” they continued talking to me.

“Baka naman nasa team engineers at architects ka. Huwag ka doon! Huwag mo kaming isumbong sa Papa mo ha? Pero lamya talaga ang tira ng mga ’yon. Sadyang ang dadaya maglaro kaya laging nananalo. Dinadaan kami sa angas porket nakakatakot yabangan dahil anak ng mga boss…”

“Sayang nga. 100k lagi ang bigay ng Dad mo pag nananalo. Kaso ang hirap talagang maglaro. Parang matatanggal ka agad sa trabaho kung inangasan mo pabalik. Lamang din sila dahil mga varsity players pa at ang tatangkad din.”

I can’t even keep up with the topic since I was glancing at Kael from time to time. Doble ang bilis niya sa ginagawa niya, habang ang iba ay mabagal dahil gusto pang makipag-usap sa akin.

I cleared my throat. “Can I borrow a scissor?” tanong ko sa kanya lalo na’t may gunting sa gilid niya.

“Mikael, scissor daw!”

Funny cuz I can clearly read what’s on his mind right now. Baka nga sinaksak niya na ako ng gunting sa isip niya.

“Anong guguntingin mo?” si Paula na lumapit na, may nahanap na karton at mukhang ilalagay sa uupuan ko.

“Bibig daw natin. Ang ingay ingay eh,” one of them said and we started laughing again.

Clearly, I have nothing to cut. I just wanna approach him.

“Mikael,” I called again.

“Huy Mikael daw oh!” ang mga lalaki na nag-aalala dahil hindi man lang kumibo sa akin si Kael.

I tilted my head to at least see his face. He side-eyed me coldly. Ngumuso ako.

“Scissor…” I uttered smugly.

But instead of giving me the scissor, he only stood up and went to the pile of rice. I wanna whistle so bad and laugh but I stifled it. Lamig ah? Nagiging aircon naman pala pag galit…

“Heto, ser Tyler,” one of the boys handed the scissor to me.

I underestimated it. Akala ko madaling i-approach, pero ngayong mailap, mukhang mahihirapan akong kausapin siya. Ang madalas lang mang-entertain sa akin, ’yung mga boys at si Paula, maliban sa kanya na kung hindi lalayo at may ibang gagawin, lalabas.

“Uy, tama na ’yan. Pinapatawag na kayo sa kusina. Kain daw muna. Luto na,” isa sa mga lalaki ang sumulpot.

Tumayo ang lahat at nag-inat pa ang iba. Ibinaba ko ang gunting lalo na’t ako lang naman ang gumigupit noong ribbons na pang tali. Ayaw nila akong masyadong bigyan ng maraming gagawin.

“Kumain kana ba? Sama ka sa amin! Kain tayo,” imbita nila.

“Baka si Mikael ang nagluto din? Masarap ’yon magluto! Lalo na ang adobo no’n. Kaya pag nandito ’yon, hindi pwedeng hindi siya ang magluto,” dagdag nila habang lumalabas na kaming lahat.

“Huwag niyo nang isama! Baka may sariling food ’yan na pinahanda si sir sa kanya at sa bahay lang nila kakain. Ipapasiksik niyo pa doon,” si Paula.

“Ayos lang,” sabi ko kay Paula.

The kitchen is located on the front of our house. Mukha siyang malawak na bahay kubo dahil may mahabang mesa, at upuang gawa sa kahoy.

I saw Kael who’s already rolling the sleeves of his black t-shirt till the edge of his shoulders while helping the other cook. Naglalapag na sila ng mga niluto sa mahabang mesa.

“Aling Maria! Anak ni ser! Tumulong sa amin mag pack! Si Tyler,” pakilala ng boys.

Ang babaeng nasa late thirties na ata, may suot na apron at hairnet, namamanghang tumingin sa akin.

“Uy ang poging bata! Sabi ni Mikael pangit daw eh!” natatawang lingon ng babae kay Kael na naglalagay ng kutsara at tinidor sa mga plato.

Pangit? Gago. This is the first time I encountered the word being use to describe me. I can really feel his anger.

“Good evening,” I greeted.

“May gusto ka bang kainin?” one of the cook asked me.

“English daw Mang Edgar!” ang mga boys na nagsisiupuan na, nagawa pang biruin ang cook.

“Uh… I’ll cook…what…you…uh…eat? I cook you!” he struggled as I laughed with the others whose laughing too.

“I cook you! Patay ka kay ser kung lulutuin mo ang anak niya!” natatawang sabi ng iba.

Gusto ko sanang sakyan na hindi na ako kailangang lutuin eh masarap naman ako, kaso baka walang matawa at mayabangan pa sa akin. I’m not familiar with their humor.

“Paglulutuan kita, pakisabi nga Mikael sa english!” Kamot ni Mang Edgar sa kalbo niyang ulo. What’s even funny, he’s wearing a hair net like he has an imaginary hair to cover. Para tuloy microphone.

I looked at Kael. Tumingin din sa kanya lahat na abala pa ring ilagay ang ibang niluto sa mesa. Nang dumaan ang ilang sigundo at tahimik pa rin siya, hindi pinansin ang katuwaan, pinuna na siya ng iba.

“Kanina pa ’yan ang tahimik! Nakakapanibago. Siguro brokenhearted…” tukso nila.

Is he still sulking about what happened to our supposed date? Kung papansinin niya ako, hihingi ako ng tawad.

“Sus Mikael, sabi ko sa’yo, patulan mo ’yung nagkakagusto sa’yong anak ng architects at engineers! Ewan ko ba, kung ako ’yon, hiningi ko lahat ng numbers at gagawin kong text mate!”

My brow arched. So he’s famous here…

I mean, kung sumipot lang ako, for sure… I would get the whole attention of the daughters of the architects and engineers too.

“Bukas, tingnan mo, si Mikael na naman ang papansinin ng mga ’yon…”

“Steak?” tanong ng cook sa akin na lalaki, mukhang gusto pa rin akong ipagluto.

I shook my head. “Ayos na po ’to…”

“Ay naknang! Marunong naman palang magtagalog!” Kamot niya sa kanyang ulo.

“Don’t worry, malinis naman ang mga pagkain! Tingnan mo nga si Mang Edgar, kalbo pa ’yan pero naka hairnet pa rin!” sabi ng katabi kong lalaki kaya natawa kami.

“Cleanliness is the best policy kami dito! Pag sumakit ang tiyan mo, may nursing students din kami! Si Mikael! Alam niyan gagawin!”

I looked at Kael again. Nakaupo na siya, pumikit saglit saka dumilat at kumuha na ng pagkain. He wasn’t even paying attention to the topic.

“Nagtataka nga ako ba’t hindi kayo close? Eh close ang parents niyo ah?” biglang tanong ni Paula.

Nasa amin na ni Kael ang tingin nila. Kael was already eating using his bare hands without answering the question. Sa akin tuloy napupunta ang atensyon ng lahat.

“Masungit si Mikael,” I said.

I saw how his brows furrowed and even his jaw clenched.

“Naku! Ikaw naman pala ang may problema, Mikael!” they teased him.

He stood up, took his plate with him, and walked out. Nagtinginan ang lahat.

“Bad mood yata,” they whispered.

“Kanina, tumatawa pa nga ’yon. Noong pumasok kami sa Bang house, wala na siya bigla sa mood,” si Paula.

“Baka may nalaman?” bulungan nila, nililingon si Kael na lumalayo na.

“Sana hanggang bukas wala siya sa mood para tayo ang manalo sa performance. Hayop mag drums, ang galing ba naman.”

“Nabanggit niya nga, hindi daw siya sasali eh. Mukhang wala talaga sa mood…”

I stood up, which caught all of their attention. Tiningnan nila akong lahat.

“Puntahan ko muna si Dad,” paalam ko.

They all nodded and smiled at me. Man… This is harder than I thought. Magiging aso pa yata ako kakasunod nito kay Kael. But there’s something about it that makes me excited. Parang ang sarap patunayan na kaya kong baliin ang pasensya niya, hanggang sa wala siyang magawa kundi ang patawarin at pansinin ako.

Ayaw niya bang magkaayos kami for the sake of our parents? Para hindi na nadadamay si Dad at si Tito Rommel? Cuz I am clearly planning to lower down my pride and apologize here. Kaya sana, siya rin.

Ang kapal din ng mukha ko. I hurt him intentionally. Sure, I meant all of those words, but because I was angry as well. I was clouded by rage. Ngayon na pinaliwanag na ni Dad sa akin, willing naman akong ayusin ang sa amin din ni Kael.

I mean, I am fine if we won’t even become friends. Basta makahingi lang ako ng tawad. That’s it. I just want to clarify things too that I didn’t share his family problems with the boys. I kept it.

Bumalik ako sa bang house. Naabutan ko pa siyang nakaupo at tulala, ngunit nang napansin ako na pumasok, nagkunwari agad na abala sa pagkain. I cleared my throat and walked toward him.

“Hey,” I approached.

His jaw clenched, didn’t even glanced at me, but the way his expression darkened, I know he didn’t want me here.

Kahit alam kong magagalit siya, lumapit pa rin ako. I dragged the other chair and occupied it, leaned on it, and crossed my arms while spreading my legs.

“That poser account…it wasn’t really meant to prank you. I mean…” I looked at his plate. “In-add mo kasi. We just mirrored your funny chats….”

He stood up, ready to leave again with his plate. I stood up immediately and blocked his way.

“Listen first—

My words stopped when he pushed me away. I chuckled and looked at his back. Damn it. Why am I having fun with this? It’s really a turn-on when people know how to get mad at me.

“Come on, Mikael. If you want this done, talk to me. I’m doing this because my father told me to do so…” I playfully demanded.

Kaso mukhang wala siyang pakialam kahit ano ang sabihin ko ngayon sa kanya.

“Why don’t we bet?” I challenged. “Whoever win in the basketball game will favor the winner’s condition.”

Kahit papalapit na siya sa pinto, nagpatuloy akong magsalita.

“If my team wins, we’ll talk calmly.”

“And if your team wins, of course, I will follow your condition too.”

He didn’t even glanced at me while heading out.

“Or let’s say, I will follow everything you want…” And I know he clearly heard me.

When it comes to negotiation, I know I’ll always have it my way. Knowing I memorized him, he would be eager to win against me just to crush my ego.

Funny cuz the satisfaction of his anger fuel me to chase him even more, tame him, and win his trust again. If he won’t talk to me, then I’ll find a way to live under his rage…

Chapter 22

Ride

“You wanna join?” Halata ang gulat sa mukha ni Dad nang nasa loob na kami ng bahay dito sa site at sinabi ko ang plano ko.

“Yup. I wanna participate too. Medyo nabitin ako sa last game with the Cebu. Hindi man lang ako pinagpawisan…”

He looked worried, but the smile on his lips lingered.

“Saang team ka ba? Sumali ka sa team ng mga nasa Bang house para naman manalo ang mga ’yon. Puro magagaling kasi itong anak ng engineers at architects kaya hirap silang talunin. Baka manalo sila this time kung nasa team ka nila.”

Kael is a good basketball player. I’ve seen him play. Sadyang nauuna lang ang init ng ulo niya kaya pag nakakalaban namin sila, nauuwi lang sa suntukan dahil pinipikon ko rin. But if he focuses on the game, for sure he would be unstoppable. He probably just needs motivation…

“Basta walang suntukan ha?” he reminded.

“Wala…” I laughed.

“Siguraduhin mo. Kahit huwag na kayong magkasundo, huwag lang magsuntukan.”

Iiwasan ko na ngang pikunin. Kaso sa init ng ulo no’n, lahat ata ng gagawin ko, napipikon siya.

I stayed on the balcony of my room just to smoke for a bit when I couldn’t sleep after my talk with Dad. Binuksan ko ang text ni Katie sa iMessage at may suggestion na siyang dating app, which I downloaded right away.

Katie:

Put something on your bio na malalaman nila na bi ka. You can put “I like ass” just in case

And she’s darn serious about it. Magtatype na sana ng reply nang makita ko si Mikael sa labas ng Bang house, sa mismong likuran, nakayuko at naninigarilyo.

I crouched on the railings of my balcony and stared at him silently. Madali siyang ma-attach, pero matigas kung galit talaga. Ito ’yung mga taong hindi kana bibigyan ng chance na magbago, o makipagbati. Diretso na cut-off at silent treatment.

Sure, he can treat me like I am a nonexistent species in his world. But how long? Cuz I came here for one thing: to get his trust again and apologize sincerely. He might win against me for treating people coldly, but how long, Mikael? Can you do that forever? I bet not.

When he looked up and blew the smoke out, our eyes met. I puffed my cigarette and smirked a little.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay niya, ibinuga ang usok sa kabilang banda habang inaalis ang tingin sa akin. I blew out my smoke without taking my eyes off him. You’re so mad at me you don’t want your eyes to meet mine, huh? Cute.

Yumuko siya at doon na ibinubuga ang usok ng sigarilyo. For some reason, my dreams flashed in my mind, which made me cough a bit, shut my eyes, and laugh about it. Damn… I can’t really wait to try it.

He stood up, dropped the smoke and stomped on it, then went into the bang house. I’m really curious what’s on his mind every time he sees me? O baka naman, lumalayo lang agad siya dahil hindi niya nako-kontrol ang galit sa akin?

What would he feel if he found out about my dreams? We’ve already done all of the positions. Hindi ko nga alam paano ko patitigilin ang mga ganoong panaginip ko. Hindi naman na kami nag-uusap. Hindi ko na rin ginagalaw ang poser account. Maybe it will stop once I’ll bed one—I’ll experience sleeping with a man.

I’m just probably curious. Pag nakatikim na, baka huminto rin.

Umaga pa lang, pagkagising ko, nagdesisyon akong magjogging. I wore my AirPods and blasted all of Chase Atlantic’s songs, including PartyNextDoor, as I jogged outside.

Bumalik ako around 6AM at nakita na ang mga trabahante ni Dad, including Kael, na tumutulong sa pagbubuhat ng mga upuang kakadating lang sa isang malaking truck.

I jogged toward them. Ang mga trabahanteng nakasama ko sa pagpapack kagabi, ngumiti agad sa akin.

“Good morning, boss! Aga mo nag jogging ah?!”

I took off my AirPods and looked at what they were doing.

“Morning!” I looked at Mikael purposely. “Gusto niyo ba ng tulong?” tanong ko, medyo hingal pa at namaywang.

Kael walked past me coldly. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin saka ko muling tiningnan ang tatlo sa mga lalaking masayahin akong kinakausap.

“Hindi na! Kayang kaya namin ’to! Patuloy ka lang sa exercise, ser. Kami na ang bahala rito…”

Still, I jogged toward Kael to offer some help.

“Morning!” I greeted again. “Maaga kang nagising ah? Late kana nanigarilyo kagabi. Nakatulog ka ba?”

He doubled the pace of his steps. I doubled mine too without taking my eyes off him.

“I hope you won’t punch me during our basketball game… Ayaw kong magkapasa bukas.”

Still no answer. Huminto kami sa likod ng truck kaya nag-abang din ako.

“Uy, good morning, sir!” one of them, who’s inside the truck handing the stack of monoblock chairs to Kael, greeted me.

“Morning! Tulungan ko na kayo,” I offered.

“Huwag kanang magpasali ng pabigat lang, Greg. Baka bumagal ang trabaho natin,” si Kael na biglang nagsalita nang tinanggap niya ang inilahad na mga upuang naka-stack.

Nagulat ang lalaki, si Kael naman ay umalis din. Tiningnan niya pa ako at parang gustong pagtakpan ang ugali ni Kael. Despite what Kael said, I was eager to help, so I climbed up and joined him.

“Kaya na namin ’to, sir!” he insisted.

“Hindi ako nakapag-lift ng barbells. Ito nalang siguro ang alternative para sa muscles ko,” sabi ko.

“Oh! Sabagay. Bait niyo naman. Manang mana sa Papa ah?”

I grinned and started copying his movement. Kumukuha siya ng limang naka-stack na upuan, at ibibigay sa mga trabahanteng lumalapit. Binibilisan ko rin ang galaw ko para hindi na magalit ’yung isa. Umagang-umaga ang init agad ng ulo. He really can’t stand me. I’m this hot…

Noong bumalik si Kael, pumwesto agad ako para ibigay ang limang upuan, pero binawasan ko lang ng isa kasi mabigat. Ayaw niya ’yan, pinapagaan ko ang trabaho niya.

When he noticed that I was the one who was handling it for him, he stepped to the other side and gestured to Greg to give him another stack of chairs.

“Bilis, Greg,” he demanded impatiently.

I cleared my throat and handed him the chairs, but he ignored it, like I am an invisible ghost he could not even feel.

“Here…” I gently said. “Apat lang ’to. Hindi masyadong mabigat…”

“I-sampo mo na ’yung akin para matapos agad, Greg,” he said to the other one.

Eh, kung ihagis ko ’to sa mukha niya? No. Have patience, alright?

“Akin na, boss!” si Luya, just like what they called them, who grabbed the chairs in my hands since Kael refused to take it.

Binigay ko iyon, kaysa naman makipag-agawan din ako. Binigyan si Kael ng sampong naka-stack na upuan, at kung pwedeng upuan ko ’yung pinaka-dulo para lang kausapin niya ako at pansinin, gagawin ko siguro.

“Masungit talaga ’yon. Bagong gising kasi. Pero mabait ’yon, sir,” ang kasamahan ko sa loob ng truck nang umalis na si Kael, siguro napansin ang pagsusuplado sa akin.

He didn’t even look at me. Kahit daplis lang ng tingin, wala. No eye contact. At natapos nalang ang trabahong iyon, hindi pa rin ako pinansin.

I tried it again and decided to help them arrange the seats. Nandito na rin kasi ang event organizer at siniset up na ang malaking stage. May naghahakot na rin ng mga bigas para ilagay sa harap palabas sa Bang house, kasama noong mga home appliances na mukhang kasali sa raffles.

When he lifted a sack of rice, I decided to join him too. Sunod lang ako nang sunod sa kanya, sinusubukan siyang kausapin kahit para akong nakikipag-usap sa multo. Buti pa nga ang multo marunong magparamdam…eh si Kael? Dinaig pa ang malamig na bangkay sa sobrang tahimik.

Hindi ko pa naman nasubukang maghakot ng ganito kabibigat, pero para lang din naman itong barbells sa gym.

He seemed so used to it. Swabe niyang ilalagay sa balikat niya at dalawa pa minsan.

May lumapit pa sa akin, natatarantang kinuha ang binuhat kong sakong bigas.

“Ako na, ser! Mabigat ’to!”

“Kaya ko,” sabi ko, pinigilan siyang kunin iyon at nilingon si Kael na nakakalayo na.

“Bait mo naman, sir! Kung sasali ka sa performance at ikaw ang nanalo, hindi ka namin kukwestyunin! Ich-cheer ka pa namin!” si Julius, ang close kay Kael sa pagkakaalam ko kagabi.

I nodded and walked past him. This doesn’t even weigh too much. Mas mabibigat pa nga ang barbells na sinusubukan kong buhatin sa gym. They’re just overreacting.

They were all friendly to me, treating me with a special treatment because I am their boss’ son, unlike Kael, who’s only ignoring me, passing at me like I am just an air to him.

I even tried to catch up on his pace. Siguro nairita sa akin, lumipat sa pag-aarrange ng upuan kaya doon ulit ako bumuntot.

“Man… I’m sweating. This is kinda fun,” I conversed again and smiled at him while he’s putting white satin on the head of the chair for the front rows.

“Masaya pala ’yung ganito. I suddenly regretted why I didn’t attend the previous Christmas parties,” I added more just to make him feel that I am not judging this kind of work.

Kaso mukhang kabaliktaran yata dahil nagkasalubong ang kanyang kilay at gumalaw pa ang panga. Uh-oh. Did I offend him?

“Kumain kana ba? Diretso kayo trabaho. Do you want to have a breakfast first? Magpapaluto agad ako kay Manong Greg,” patuloy ko kahit naka-focus lang siya sa pag-a-arrange ng mga upuan.

Bago pa ako makapagsalita ulit, narinig ko na ang malakas na boses ni Paula.

“Sir Tyler! Naluto na ng chef ang breakfast mo. Pasok kana daw. Nakahanda na sa mesa…” Paula called.

Ang dami pang trabahanteng nakarinig, napatingin sa akin, at parang may kakaiba doon sa nakasanayan nila. They were all too sweaty from doing labor as soon as they woke up, and here I am being babied…

“Sabi ng Dad mo pilitin daw kita eh. Matigas daw ang ulo mo,” si Paula na nilapitan na ako at hinila papunta sa bahay.

Man… Why is Dad treating me like I am the son of the president or somethin’. I can cook my own breakfast. I can even prepare it for myself. No need to do all of this!

“Ano gusto mo, orange juice or pagtimpla din kita coffee?” Paula asked.

I shook my head. “Ako na. Mamaya.”

“Eh, ano ba gusto mo? Ako na! Baka hindi ka marunong…”

What? Why do they always think that I can’t do normal things for myself?

“How about my dad’s men? Nag breakfast na ba sila? Nagluto na ba ang cook? 7 AM na. They should eat too…”

“Ay hayaan mo ang mga ’yan! Sanay na ’yan. Kaya naman nilang kumain mamaya. Nagluluto na rin sa kitchen. Inuna kasi ’yung sa’yo muna…” She smiled.

Hindi pa sila kumakain? Pati si Kael? 5AM ako nagsimulang mag-jog, 6AM bumalik at nagsisimula na nga silang magbuhat ng kung ano-ano, tapos 7AM na, hindi pa rin kumakain? At mamaya pa sila kakain? What time? 8AM? 9AM?

I stood up. Natatarantang sumunod si Paula.

“Hinabilin ng dad mo na pakainin kita. Kumain kana muna. Anong oras na.”

Hindi ko siya pinansin at dumiretso lang ako sa labas papuntang kitchen. Noong makita ni Manong Edgar ang pagpasok ko, tinigil niya agad ang ginagawa at nangingiting lumapit sa akin.

The kitchen looked messy. May tatlo siyang helper, kasama rin si Aling Maria.

“Good morning. May gusto ka pa bang kainin? Ipagluluto ko,” Manong Greg said and smiled.

“Sasabay ako sa mga trabahante, Manong Edgar…”

“Huh? Mamaya pang 9AM siguro matatapos ang pagluluto. Kaya nga inuna na ’yung sa’yo…”

“Mamaya nalang din ako.”

I saw how worried he was. “Oh sige. Bibilisan ko. Nakapag kape naman na ang mga trabahante ng dad mo. Huwag kang mag-alala. Nag pandesal din sila kanina…”

“Even Mikael?” I asked.

“Si Mikael? Hmm… ewan ko lang kung nag kape ba ’yon at pandesal,” si Manong Edgar.

No. He doesn’t drink coffee. That’s what I know. Sumasakit ang tiyan niya. During our video calls, he shared with me it was hard to keep himself awake at night because he doesn’t drink any caffeine. Kaya pag nagpupuyat siya, nilalaban niya lang lagi ang antok.

I volunteered to make a Clubhouse sandwich instead. Si Julius ang inutusan ko para ibigay kay Kael, at hindi ko lang pinasabi na ako ang may gawa.

“Tinanggap! Kinain din. Nagrereklamo nga ’yon na matagal pa daw ang breakfast, kaso hindi siya makagawa ng snacks dahil diretso trabaho agad… buti gumawa ka ng sandwich! Hindi pa naman ’yon mahilig magkape. Naks…” Julius elbowed me and grinned.

“Yup. I know. Sumasakit ang tiyan niya.”

“Hindi rin no’n kaya uminom. Walang bisyo si brad,” he laughed.

“He smokes…” I laughed too, confident in my answer.

“Oo rin! Pero madalang. Depende kung may problema.” Tumango-tango siya.

Alam ko na marami siyang problema ngayon. At isa pa nga ako.

Around 8:30AM their breakfast was already served. Doon na rin ako sumabay kumain. But as usual, Kael is distant. Everyone is just too happy for the Christmas party later, and they were hopeful to at least win the raffle.

“Hindi ka talaga sasali sa performance, Mikael?” may nagtanong no’n.

I slowly chewed my food and looked at him, who was almost unreachable, away from us.

“Hindi. Kayo nalang,” he answered and shoved food in his mouth using his clean hand.

I slowly noticed I was the only one using a spoon. Lahat sila, nakakamay. Despite the labor earlier, their nails were all clean, they washed their hands earlier as well, and they seemed all used to eating using their bare hands.

Marunong naman ako magkamay, lalo na kung boodle fight. I’m not just used to eating without kitchen utensils. It seems too informal.

“Pero tutugtog pa rin kayo? Yearly naman inaarkelahan ni boss Frederich ang banda niyo, ’di ba? Malayo pa naman ang mga ’yon, taga Siargao…”

Banda? He has a band? At sila ang tutugtog?

Hindi sumagot si Kael, naunang matapos at pumunta sa kitchen sink, at hinugasan agad ang pinagkainin. Manang even presented to wash it instead.

Hindi ko pa nakikita si Tito Rommel. I asked my dad kagabi at sabi niya, nasa Visayas daw kasi ang project ni Tito Rommel. Pero mamaya, pupunta naman daw ito with his family.

My mother couldn’t make it for the party, ang sabi lang, sa Anniversary nalang ng company babawi, which is next year. Sa 24 pa ang flight ni Mommy, and the party is already tomorrow, which is 22. Dito kami mag-C-Christmas at plan din namin ng circle ko na mag Cebu pagkatapos since Shiloh and Brent are planning to visit Shiloh’s resthouse—the strawberry farm.

The Christmas party isn’t as formal and luxurious as the other business parties I attended, and this is probably the most different one where people were only dressed normally, parang nasa mga bahay lang, unlike those formal events where I’d always wear a tuxedo. Si Dad, naka puting t-shirt lang din. Afraid of overdressing, I only wore a buttoned-down white shirt and black shorts around 5PM to prepare.

The spacious center of the property turned into a venue. May tables na at chairs, sa harap ay ang set-up na stage, malalaking speaker for the music, a hired MC, which is wow…a gay. May mga wrapped gifts din sa stage, sa ibaba ay ang sako-sakong bigas, and those stand-by three motorcycles, 2 cars—probably a secondhand, and home appliances. May twenty ngang pa raffle din si Dad na android phones.

I can truly tell why father’s men loves him because he’s this generous. Kasi ang alam ko, iba pa ang bonus na matatanggap nila, at may 13th month pay pa, plus the noche buena giveaways, 1 sack of rice, raffle money, games with 50k cash for the first place, and raffles either you’ll get a phone, another cash, home appliances, a car or a motorcycle.

And I heard that once you are part of the basketball team, sagot na daw ni dad ang Nike shoes. I can’t believe he really loves his men.

“Ganito ka mapagbigay at mapagmahal sa mahihirap ang papa mo, Tyler,” Paula smiled proudly when I couldn’t stop looking at the entire set-up.

Mas naiintindihan ko kung bakit ayaw ni Dad sa matapobre. Ang simple niya lang din tingnan, naka-tsinelas pa! Hindi man lang siya nag-abala na mag sapatos. Purket wala si Charlotta…

Around 6PM, the places were now getting crowded. Puno na ang venue ng mga pamilya noong trabahante ni Dad. Lagpas 100 yata ang tao.

“Ayan ang anak ni sir?”

“Nag-iisang anak na lalaki daw ’yan eh…”

“Ngayon ko lang nakita.”

“Nagmomodel ba? Parang nakikita ko ’yan sa CK tapos naka-brief lang.”

What the hell? These whispers weirded me out. Pero pangarap ko ’yon eh, ’yung may billboard tapos naka-brief lang. Baka pag bilyonaryo ako, ma-bored, sa EDSA ako magpopost ng thirst traps. Imagine Kael’s horrified look…

Other than that, the luxurious cars were now entering the place too. Nagsilabasan ang mga Engineers at Arhitects ni Dad kasama ang mga asawa at anak nila na sa harap mismo naupo.

The girls were all dressed up elegantly, and the boys looked too formal, just the typical elites who remind me of my friends. It wasn’t a big deal to me, but now that we were mixed with the lower class, the way they looked at us screams fascination.

“This is my son, Tyler,” pakilala ni Dad sa akin.

“And Tyler, this is Engineer Chavez, Engineer Alonzo, Engineer Lopez, Architect Sanchez, Architect Gomez…” and so on. Kinamayan ko lang isa-isa kahit di ko na matandaan ang pangalan.

“Finally. Gustong gusto ko talagang ma-meet itong unico hijo mo…” one of the engineers said.

“Baka pwede nang matuloy?” one of the architects said meaningfully and looked at his daughter, who can’t take her eyes off me.

Pinapanood kami ng lahat. It’s like the lower class was watching the upper class’ nature to socialize, like a movie they knew they couldn’t relate to. For some reason, there’s a hollow in my stomach, and Kael’s judgments were already screaming in my head.

Dad should have told the architects and engineers to dress normally. I mean, they looked so fancy, flexing their branded clothes, as if they were tryin’ to slap their wealth on these less fortunate people. Parang gusto nilang makitang naiiba sila.

I don’t know if I am overreacting or if Kael’s judgment affected me, and I felt like these kinds of people would only mock them unintentionally.

Speaking of Kael…

“Oh? Nandiyan na pala si Rommel,” my father said, looking at the back.

Napalingon din ako. A newly arrived taxi, where a family went out, caught my attention. As far as I know, they have a car, but they didn’t even use it.

Si Kael ang sumalubong sa kanila. I saw Tito Rommel with a woman, and judging by her face, she’s probably Kael’s mother.

Tumayo ako at nagpaalam kay Dad na lalapitan ko si Tito Rommel. I should greet his wife.

Umalis na ’yung taxi, kausap pa ni Tito Rommel si Kael, ang mama niyang tiningnan kung gaano ka dami ang tao, saka ako napansin na papalapit.

“Tito Rommel,” I called.

Tito Rommel looked at me, eyes widening until he smiled proudly. Kahit si Kael, kahit ayaw lumingon, nasa akin na rin ang atensyon.

“Oh? Himala at nandito ka!” There was a big smile on Tito Rommel’s lips when I stopped in front of them.

“Gusto kong maki-party eh. Hindi masyadong busy sa sariling business kaya may panahon na,” sabi ko.

“Ito si Tyler,” pakilala niya sa asawa niya.

“Oh?” The woman smiled at me with widening eyes too. “Ang laki-laki mo na! Ang pogi pa!”

I smiled a little, held her left hand for a polite gesture, and gently stroked it to my forehead.

Kael looked at me with furrowed brows. Tito Rommel even side-eyed his son, like he wanted to check if he’s tamed or somethin’.

“Huling kita ko sa’yo, noong birthday ni Mikael at ang liit mo pa no’n! ’Yung sa bahay namin tapos nag-away kayong dalawa?” Natatawa niyang banggit at nilingon ang nagsusuplado at nakapamulsa niyang anak.

“Hindi ko na po maalala eh. Sabi nga rin ni Dad…” I chuckled gently.

“Ay, ang galing mo magtagalog ah? Mabuti at natuto ka rin! Nakwento nga ni Rommel sa akin, nasa gitna daw kayo ng pagkain, imbes na dasal, naging salsal daw…” she laughed.

I chuckled a little and looked at Kael, who just furrowed his brows, maintaining a scowl reaction.

“Sayang at hindi sumama ’yung dalawa, si Kittie at Kali! Edi sana makikilala mo rin,” si Tito Rommel na nailing.

“Bakit daw, Pa? Walang pasok ah?” si Kael na bumaling sa ama—seryoso.

“Ay si Kittie, tinatamad. Si Kali, ewan at may gala daw eh nanghingi ’yon ng limang libo sa akin. Pinilit nga namin ng Mama mo, ayaw talaga…”

“Kinuha mo sana ang iPad ni Kittie, si Kali, hindi mo binigyan ng pera. Hindi ’yon nagpaalam sa akin,” Kael said thickly.

“Hayaan na… Sabi ko naman, bumawi at sa Anniversary, dapat nandoon sila.”

Kael snobbishly shook his head and took out his phone. “Tatawagin ko. Susunduin ko ’yon.”

“Huwag na, ano ka ba! Hayaan mo na magsaya. Sunduin mo lang mamaya pag tapos na,” si Tito Rommel.

“Hindi, Pa. Baka nagsisinungaling lang ’yon. Sabi pa naman ni Kittie, nahuhuli niya ’yung may katawagan sa Messenger. Tinatawag daw na babe,” si Kael na halatang iritado.

“Para namang hindi ka nakaka-relate? Eh s’yempre in love, anak…” natatawang sabi ng Mama niya.

“Walang magandang dulot ’yang online, Ma. Ni hindi nga natin kilala ’yang nakakausap niyan. Hindi man lang bumisita. Baka lolokohin lang siya niyan.”

I cleared my throat and looked down, trying to put my attention on my shoes instead. Why am I so guilty? Parang ako ’yan ah?

“Tatawagan ko. Susunduin ko kung kinakailangan,” si Kael na desididong naglakad paalis.

“Hay naku… Kaya takot sa kanya ang mga kapatid niya eh. Ang higpit,” naiiling na reklamo ni Tita.

“He has a point, though. Online relationships are scary. You don’t really know who’s behind the account. Maybe he experienced it, and he doesn’t want his sister to…experience the ugly side of the internet,” I said, which made her expression calm down.

Bumuntonghininga ang mag-asawa. “Mas maganda kasi, huwag hinihigpitan para hindi nagrerebelde. Ganyan kaming mag-asawa sa mga anak namin. Medyo matigas ang ulo ng middle child. Babae rin. Kaya hinahayaan nalang namin basta magpaalam lang…” si Tita.

I looked at Kael, who’s probably waiting for a taxi. Wala kasi sa gilid ng daan ang property kaya mahirap maghanap agad ng masasakyan.

Hinatid ko muna si Tito at Tita sa mga upuan nila, saka ko nilapitan si Dad para kausapin. Tumingin ang mga babae sa akin, but it was my least concern at the moment.

“Dad. Can I borrow the Porsche key? I’ll just offer someone a ride… Babalik din kami agad.”

Chapter 23

Girlfriend

I have zero chance, but I still wanna try to test my luck. I slowly drive dad’s Porsche out of the property.

Lumingon si Kael sa kotse, tumabi sa gilid habang nasa tainga niya ang phone, halatang naiinip. I slowly stopped beside him and opened the window of my car.

“Get in. Lalabas din ako. Baka matagalan ka pa kung maghihintay ka ng taxi,” I offered.

I know he heard it too well because of how his brows furrowed again, like his natural reaction every time I open my mouth.

He stepped away from the car, so I slowly drove to follow his footsteps. May d-in-ial siya ulit sa phone niya at tinawagan iyon.

“Come on,” I urged. “Hindi ’yan sasagot so it’s better if you call her while we are on our way…”

His jaw clenched, he doubled his steps just to get away from me. Humabol ako ulit.

“Or you can drive? You want to drive?” I offered gently. “You can borrow this. I will lend you the key. My father won’t mind.”

Still, he refuses to acknowledge all of my attempts to help him. Kita ko na desperado siyang sunduin ang kapatid, but his pride is just too unbreakable that he would rather help himself than accept any help from someone he loathes the most.

“Kali,” he called thickly. Mukhang sinagot na ng kapatid ang tawag niya.

“Susunduin kita ngayon. Nasaan ka?” he asked and walked three times faster than earlier.

“Hintayin mo ako diyan. Huwag kang umalis,” he said and turned off the call.

“Is she okay? Nasaan daw?” I asked again, peeking my head out of the window.

But Kael is just too heartless that he started walking fast. Alam niyang mas convenient ako ngayon, at hindi basta-basta na may papasok na taxi dito, unless the guard already called for one. Kaso anong oras pa ’yon?

Or maybe, fate was really on his side cuz a taxi just arrived, may sakay na mukhang pamilya rin at ida-drop sa venue namin kaya iyon ang nilapitan niya.

I chuckled and ran my fingers through my hair while watching him get into the taxi. Fine, you are mad at me. I acknowledged that. But can you at least acknowledge my efforts too? O baka naman kulang pa?

Instead of giving up, I followed the taxi. Kung ayaw niyang sumakay sa akin, then fine. Let’s start the chasing. Nakangisi akong tumingin sa likod ng taxi at iniisip na nagmumura na siya ngayon kaka-lingon dahil sumunod ako.

Sinundan ko lang ang taxi hanggang sa huminto rin iyon sa pamilyar na buildings sa akin. Noong lumabas siya sa taxi, nilapitan niya ang babaeng nasa 5’4 ata ang height, maputi at naka half-ponytail ang buhok. I immediately knew that’s the sister he was talking about who seemed so spoiled.

I parked on the side in front of them. Ibinaba ko pa ang bintana para marinig sila.

“They’re gone, okay! Umuwi na. And I already told Mama and Papa na I’ll gala with my friends! Gosh!” rinig ko ang maarteng boses ng kapatid niya.

“Gala? Anong oras na? Hindi ka nagpaalam sa akin—”

“Cuz why would I, kuya?! You won’t allow me! Worse, mag-insist ka pa na you’re gonna sama kahit I’m with my friends!”

Wow. She sounded like Mica.

“Friends o boyfriend—”

“Gosh! You are so annoying and kulit! I told you nga I was with my friends! Can you please believe me just this once?!” She rolled her eyes until she accidentally saw me watching them.

Now I know why Kael hates the way I talk noon. So that’s how I sounded to him every time I’d speak in tagalog and english combined. Ayos naman ’yung kanya, ’yung akin lang, nabubulol pa ako sa tagalog.

Kael’s sister calmed down, looked at dad’s car, and then marched toward me.

“Hey! This is Dada’s car, ah? ’Yung naka park sa house nila?” And she glanced at her kuya and pointed to the car. “Kuya, ’di ba kay Dada ’to?”

“Dada?” I asked.

Tumingin na rin si Kael sa akin, nagulat na talagang nagawa ko pang sumunod. He looked pissed, ready to say foul words, but probably remembered his silent treatment that he held back instead.

“Oo! Dada. Dada Frederich,” si Kali.

“Oh… Yeah. My dad,” I responded.

Her eyes widened, and she crouched a bit to level my window. “Oh my gosh! Ikaw pala ’yon! Oh my gosh! You are so pogi like Dada! But you don’t look like him, pero oo nga ’no, same kayo ng color ng eyes! You are Kuya Tyler, right?!” She grinned excitedly.

I chuckled and nodded. “Yup. And you are Kali?”

Before she could even respond, her snobby brother already pulled her away from the car.

“Kali, tara na. Hinihintay tayo ni Mama at Papa sa site,” si Kael na mapaghanap na ang mga mata sa paligid at mukhang wala pa ring balak sumabay sa akin.

“Aw!” daing ng kanyang kapatid na halos hindi masundan ang malalaking hakbang ni Kael.

“Get in. Sumabay na kayo sa akin. Pabalik na rin ako sa site,” I insisted and unlocked the car.

Lumingon si Kali, huminto agad at malaki na ang ngiti sa akin.

“Sa taxi tayo,” si Kael na hinila lalo ang kapatid niya.

“Oh? So Kittie is right! You don’t get along with Dada’s son nga!” Nilingon niya kami isa-isa, natatawa.

He glared at his sister, who immediately regretted saying it. Pero mukhang makulit dahil hinila niya pa si Kael papunta sa kotse ko.

“’Di ba you are tipid? Then let’s accept Kuya Tyler’s offer na para hindi ka makagastos.”

“Kali,” Kael called warningly, but his sister just ignored him.

I opened the front seat. Itinulak pa ni Kali si Kael doon, pero ’yung kapatid niya, hindi talaga pumasok. Si Kali nalang ang pumasok sa front seat at muling tiningnan ang kapatid na nasa labas pa rin.

“Kuya, let’s go!” si Kali habang nagsusuot na ng seatbelt.

When the back seat’s door opened, I bit my lower lip. Here you go… I watch him in the mirror, who caught my eyes looking at him as I tried to stifle my smile.

The five seconds of eye contact somehow put me at ease. I cleared my throat and decided to drive. Mas mabilis pala siyang kumbinsihin gamit ang kapatid? Maybe that’s the reason why he attended the christmas party, because of his father too. Napapaamo pala ’to pagdating sa pamilya…

Now I know how to slowly tame him. I just needed to show him that I am genuine this time. Siguro kung kinuha ko ang tiwala ng mga pinagkakatiwalaan niya, baka dahan-dahan ko rin siyang mapaamo.

Tiningnan ko si Kali. She looked like her mother, combined with her father’s features. Maputi nga lang siya kumpara kay Kael, at halata din sa kanya ang Spanish features. Kung naging babae si Kael, baka magkamukha sila.

“Dada said you have yachts daw sa Cebu? Is it true? Like you owned yachts daw… Cuz my friends and I rented one sa Palawan eh. We did an island hopping last month. How much ’yung sa’yo sa Cebu? Does it cost thousands din ba?” tanong ni Kali.

“Yup. I’m actually planning to put one in Palawan. Maybe once summer starts,” I replied, looking up just to check on her brother in the back seat.

Kael was looking outside the window, arms crossed. When the streetlights hit the tinted window, the color of his eyes ignited. When he side-eyed me and caught me watching him, I slowly took my eyes off him. Gustong gusto ko talaga ang kulay ng mga mata niya.

“Really?! My friends love yacht parties! I told my Papa nga eh na sana ang afterparty ng eighteenth birthday ko sa Palawan na and we’re gonna rent yachts.” Kali crossed her arms and frowned.

The screams in my head were probably coming from Kael cuz I can definitely feel his frustration. Siguro kung hindi ko alam na wala naman silang financial problem, I would probably think it’s a normal complaint of a teenage girl who just wanted to make her 18th birthday memorable. Kaso marami silang pinaggagastusan eh.

“You spend more than your Papa’s earnings…” I commented.

Kali’s brows knitted. “Papa loves me. I know—”

“Oo nga, Kali. But did you ask your parents if they can afford it?” marahan kong tanong.

Naramdaman ko ang pagtingin ni Kael sa harap nang nilingon ko si Kali na medyo natitigilan.

“He probably doesn’t want to hurt your feelings that’s why he doesn’t complain, or he doesn’t share about financial problems cuz that’s the parent’s responsibility to provide for the needs of the family. But it doesn’t mean they can afford all of the shit you want.”

“My Papa can afford it. He earns a lot,” she said proudly.

“Tss,” si Kael sa likod.

Proud that he reacted like that, I feel like he is somehow siding with my opinion.

“Lalo na ngayon, madadagdagan kayo. You should think about your future sibling. Magiging big sis kana, kaya dapat magpapaka-ate kana rin,” dagdag ko.

“It’s okay! Kuya Mikael is a nursing student! He knows how to take care of the baby! Right, Kuya?!” She even glanced at the back just to grin at her brother.

Gusto ko pa sanang pagsabihan si Kali, pero wala. Iba ang utak ng batang ’to. Mukhang makikinig lang, pero ilalabas din sa tainga. Kaya siguro problemado lagi si Kael dahil alam niya, hindi naman nararamdaman ng ibang kapatid niya ang problema ng pamilya nila, o umaasa ang mga kapatid niya sa kanya dahil siya naman ang panganay.

Si Kael lang ang may totoong simpatya sa mga magulang niya.

Hindi na pala ako mag-aanak. Parang hindi ako pwedeng maging parent. Kung wala lang sa likod si Kael, sasabihan ko pa sana si Kali na mag-yate siya sa birthday niya at mag avail siya sa akin para naman first customer siya kung sakali! Edi ako ang masasakal ni Kael na ganito pa ako ka-bad influence sa kapatid niya.

And imagine, this is the middle child. Paano pa kaya ’yung bunso na sobrang arte rin daw? I cannot imagine it anymore. Si Kali pa lang, parang ang high maintenance na ng batang ’to. Para ngang monthly pa ’to nagpapaderma eh. Hindi lang din siguro suklay ang ginagawa at nagpapasalon treatment pa—parang si Mica. Those are expensive as hell cuz I’ve been there when Mica used me as her driver for a day just to attend her appointments.

Tapos ang kapatid, kung gusto ng pera, mas pinipiling pagtrabahuan iyon kaysa ang manghingi. Fuck. I remembered the flower again.

Si Kali lang ang madaldal, si Kael, sobrang tahimik. Sinasagot ko lang din ang kung anu-anong tanong ni Kali at medyo nakikitang magkakasundo kami sa ibang bagay.

Pagdating namin pabalik sa site, sa akin na mas dumikit si Kali, takot sa kapatid na mukhang naghahanap lang ng tyempo na pagsabihan siya. At dahil ilap sa akin si Kael, hinayaan nalang ang kapatid niyang dumikit sa akin.

“Kali!” her mother called worriedly when we walked to the front.

Nasa tabi ni Dad si Tito Rommel, kapwa din tumingin sa pagdating namin. On-going na ’yung performance at natatawa pa ang iba nang gumiling na ’yung close ni Kael na si Julius habang tumutugtog ’yung jumbo hotdog.

“Sinundo ka ng kuya mo?” Tito Rommel asked.

“Yes po. Pinagalitan ako,” she said gently while taking a seat beside her mother and hugging it sideways. “Buti nalang dumating si Kuya Tyler. He saved me from Kuya’s temper.”

“Sila ang sinundo mo?” my dad asked when I sat next to him.

“Yup.”

“Pumayag si Mikael?” Tito Rommel confirmed.

“Hindi, Pa. I insisted lang na magsama na kami kay Kuya Tyler. Kuya doesn’t want it pa nga sana…” si Kali.

“Sinamahan mo si Mikael?” Dad interrogated.

“I didn’t. Pumunta ako sa BGC kasi, may im-meet up sana, tapos nandoon din sila,” I explained.

“Eh, sabi mo may ihahatid ka?” si Dad.

“Oo nga, Dad. Susunduin ko sana sa BGC. Si Ron.” Kahit alam kong wala na sa Manila si Ron, umuwi sa kanila. “Papapuntahin ko sana dito. Kaso hindi tumuloy. Saktong nakita ko sila, ayon…” I reasoned so he would stop asking.

“Jumbo hotdog, kaya mo ba ’to?! Kaya mo ba ’to?! Kaya mo ba ’to?!” si Julius na kinuha rin ang atensyon naming lahat, sumisigaw sa mic at sinasabayan ng pagsayaw.

“Ser!” he called and walked toward me.

Natatawang tumingin si Dad sa akin. Julius gestured to join him, so I stood up. Nagulat ang lahat at naghiyawan. Natatawa akong lumapit, tinabihan si Julius at ginaya ang itinuro niyang steps. Ako pa ba ang hahamunin sa ganito?

Everyone was cheering loudly. My father even filmed it using his phone while he was laughing with Tito Rommel as I copied Julius’ movements and did my own version.

“Single po ba ang anak niyo, sir?!” ang bading na MC na isa ring sumisigaw na binigyan ni Dad ng thumbs-up kaya mas lalong umingay.

Mas dumami pa ang nagvivideo, ’yung iba, tumayo na at ngiting ngiti. Nahuli ko pa si Kael, nakahalukipkip sa upuan niya, tahimik na nanonood. Ginanahan tuloy akong sumayaw lalo kaya mas naging agresibo ang tilian ng mga girls.

I laughed along with Julius, tapped his shoulder, and shook my head when I realized I was stealing his spotlight already. Natatawa akong bumalik sa upuan ko, si Dad, nagawa pang guluhin ang buhok ko.

“Marunong ka naman palang sumayaw!” he laughed genuinely.

“Oo, Dad. Basic,” I shrugged proudly and laughed too.

“Akala ko hindi mo ma-eenjoy ang ganitong parties! Nakakasabay ka naman pala sa kalokohan!” si Tito Rommel.

“Mana sa ama, Rommy!” si Dad at natatawa silang nag-apir ni Tito Rommel.

Sa mga sumunod na performance, kahit ’yung ibang trabahante ni Dad, hindi na ako nahihiyang hamunin. Biniro ko pa nga noong natapat ang mic sa akin na may commission ako sa lahat ng mga nasalihang performance ko.

“Business-minded! Anak ka nga ni Frederich!” sigaw ng ibang trabahante ni Dad nang hindi pa ako pinapasali sa performance, tumayo na agad ako at nagbirong doon sumali dahil baka sakaling manalo.

Marunong naman akong makibagay. Lalo na kung sa kalokohan, I know I can always fit in. It was already natural to me to always blend in with my environment and adapt to it. Gano’n ang kuwento ni Mom sa akin tungkol kay Dad, kaya siguro lumaki rin akong ginagaya siya.

Lumingon ako sa likod para tingnan si Kael na humahalo sa mga trabahante ni Dad, nandoon sila sa pinaka likuran, may sarili silang table at upuan.

His family is here at the front, joining the upper class, while he was there with his friends, or he would rather blend in with the people whom he could relate to.

Tumayo ako ulit at nagpasyang humalo nalang din doon sa grupo nila Kael. My father even stopped me.

“Tyler. Saan kana naman? Stay put,” si Dad na mukhang nahihilo na sa akin.

“I’m just gonna pee, dad,” rason ko para lang pakawalan niya ako.

“Kuya Tyler! Where ka? I wanna sama!” si Kali na tatayo pa sana. Kapatid mo ang pupuntahan ko, diyan ka lang! Irita na nga sa akin ’yon, tapos magsasama pa tayong dalawa na problema niya?

“Pee, Kali! Stay there,” sabi ko at umalis din.

Pumasok nalang tuloy ako sa bahay para makita ni Dad na talagang iihi ako. I just checked myself in the mirror, admired myself for a while, and then went out.

At dahil distracted na si Dad sa harap, pati sa MC na nag-aannounce ng next performance, pasimple akong pumunta sa likod at nadaanan pa ang mga anak ng engineers at architects, nakatayo sa kani-kanilang naka-park na kotse at nag-uusap habang may sarili rin silang iniinom na black label.

“You’re gonna join the basketball team daw, bro?” one of the engineer’s sons approached me.

“Yup!” I smirked.

“You are part of the Green Archers, ’di ba? You won against the Cebu. That’s so cool, dude. I watched it live eh.” Isa sa kanila ang naglahad ng shot na tinanggap ko.

“Which team are you? You are automatically in our team, right?”

“Dunno… Still undecided. We’ll see tomorrow,” I replied.

“You should join our team, bro. We usually win against them. It doesn’t even sweat us,” said the one who’s leaning against the Fortuner.

“A hundred thousand isn’t bad. Kaso maliit lang ’yon eh. Sana nga taasan ng Dad mo so we could at least give our best shot, you know…”

They weren’t giving their best shot yet…

“Then why don’t you let the other team win? I think they needed the money more than you do,” I commented.

“A game is a game. Pera pa rin naman ’yan. Pambili ng shoes…” someone explained, which made my brows furrow a bit. That’s it?

I am competitive. Nasa US pa lang ako, alam ko na kung paano makipaglaro. Maybe I was slowly influenced by the past issue with my father that I’ve seen why some of the upper class were viewed as looking down on the lower class.

They’re right. A game is a game—a competition where you should not let your emotions get in the way and just focus on the goal. It’s really up to you if you have the empathy or if you would rather favor those whom you think deserve to win.

“Why don’t we make it 500k so we can enjoy the fun more?” I negotiated.

Their brows raised. Nagtinginan pa sila.

“I’ll donate a hundred thousand. You guys can donate fifty. It’s a win-win situation, right?” I looked at them one by one.

“Dude, we heard from your father you are good with negotiating. Now we can really tell it…” they laughed.

“I just wanna enjoy the game, alright? You guys were complaining about the prize, so why don’t we increase it? I don’t mind spending a hundred thousand cuz I know my team is gonna win…” I smirked meaningfully.

I sipped on my shot as the eyes of my father’s men, where Kael was, were looking at us. Nahuli ko rin si Kael na tinitingnan ang suot ng mga kasama niya, saka muling tumingin sa amin.

“I’ll just go to my father’s men…” I said and handed the shot back. “I’ll inform my father we will increase the prize so we can enjoy the game more.”

Tiningnan ng mga engineers ang trabahante ni dad saglit, saka ako tinanguan.

“Or do you wanna join them?” I invited.

Isa-isa silang umiling, natawa at tumingin ulit sa table nila. I glanced at them and saw Kael’s furrowed brows, who’s obviously observing us.

“We’re fine here, bro. They might not like it…” one of them said in a thick accent, which I remembered, Engineer Gomez’s son.

“No, deadass! They’re nice,” I answered in a thick accent and laughed too. But I get them. It wasn’t easy to socialize knowing you’re already misunderstood.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanila at nagpasya nang lumapit sa table nila Kael. Nawawala na naman siya doon pero nahanap ko agad na may sinalubong na kakadating lang na van. May naunang lumabas na babae at patalong niyakap si Kael.

“Uy, ser Tyler! Shot! Umiinom ka ba ng red horse?” si Julius nang makalapit na ako sa table nila, nakay Kael pa rin ang tingin na ngayon ay humahalakhak na.

“Upo ka dito, ser! Galing mo pala sumayaw! Napatili mo kami!” Isa sa kanila na pinaghila agad ako ng upuan.

“Sino ’yan?” tanong ko, umuupo na.

Lumingon si Julius sa sinalubong ni Kael. May tatlong lalaki na lumabas din galing sa van, puro may dalang instruments at mukhang ito na ’yung sinasabi nilang ka-banda ni Kael. My eyes remained on the woman who was giddily talking to Kael, and Kael was smiling at her.

Hindi ko pa siya nakitang ganyan ka saya, o ka laki ang ngiti sa isang tao. Ngayon lang.

“Ah. ’Yan ang ka-banda ni Brad. Tipo mo ba ang babae? Titig na titig ka eh,” natatawang puna ni Julius. “Ganda ’no? May lahi. Naging ex ’yan ni Mikael.”

Now that got my whole attention. He has an ex. Hindi niya ’yon nakwento sa’kin sa poser account ni Verena. So that’s his type in women… At mahilig naman pala sa kulot…

“Puro dayo sa Siargao ang mga ex niyan ni brad. Kung hindi dayo, taga Siargao mismo. Mahilig siya sa mga island girls na parang may lahi pero sobrang simple tingnan at ubod ng ganda. Ayaw niya nga lang sa city girls kasi maaarte daw,” patuloy na kwento ni Julius.

“Yup. I know,” I answered absentmindedly while Kael and his band are now walking toward our table.

Alam ko namang ayaw niya sa maarte, pero hindi ko alam na ganito mismo na babae ang tipo niya. Simple nga tingnan at ang lakas ng dating—parang ’yung kaibigan niya lang ding babae na boyish. But this one screams like the soft version of Verena.

My father’s men stood up one by one and did a handshake with Kael’s band. Mukhang magkakakilala na sila at ako lamang itong walang idea sa banda ni Kael.

“Oh? May bago? Ito ba ’yung anak ni boss?” the woman looked at me meaningfully.

“Oo ayan nga. Si ser Tyler! Bait niyan! Tumulong ’yan sa amin simula pa kagabi!” pagmamayabang nila habang ako na ang tinitingnan ng ka-banda ni Kael.

The three men offered their hands so I shook them one by one. They all looked friendly and just around our age too. Huling naglahad ng kamay ang babae na kinamayan ko at nginitian.

The woman chuckled and side-eyed Kael. She even elbowed him. Kael put his arm around the woman’s shoulder and cupped her small face while the girl giggled. What’s up?

Tumingin ako sa kamay ni Kael na nasa balikat ng babae, saka muling tiningnan si Kael. So he’s touchy?

“Kumain kana. Gutom lang ’yan,” si Kael na iginiya na ang babae paalis, sinenyasan din ang tatlong lalaki na sumunod sa kanya. He even glanced at us—only with my father’s men and gestured. “Pakakainin ko muna.”

They all nodded and seem like they’re used to them being that clingy. This is also my first time seeing Kael being clingy to a woman…

“They looked like a couple,” sabi ko kay Julius na natawa agad.

Kahit ang mga lalaki sa table namin, ’yung babae na ang topic at puring-puri nila. They all shared the same sentiment that the girl can pass as Kael’s girlfriend.

Girlfriend, my ass. Hindi siya pwedeng mag girlfriend dahil marami siyang problema ngayon. Alam ko hindi niya ’yan isisingit ngayon. Unless ’yung makakarelasyon niya, makakatulong sa kanya. Pero kung hindi naman at magiging pabigat lang din, manatili nalang siyang single.

“Bagay sila ’no? Lagi ko ngang sinusulsulan si brad na balikan niya si Tessa dahil bagay sila…” si Julius na ikinakunot ng noo ko.

“At anong sabi ni Mikael?” I confirmed seriously. 

“Tumawa lang si brad. Pogi eh ’no? Mabenta sa mga chix…”

Makikipagbalikan siya? I don’t think so. Naka move-on na ’yon. His heartbreak is Verena’s poser account—me. Baka nga hanggang ngayon nagmomove-on pa rin siya sa akin.

“Gano’n ang mga bagay sa kanya eh. Kulot…” si Julius na tumingin sa Bang house kung saan pumasok sila Kael lalo na’t nandoon ang catering service.

I unconsciously touch my own hair. Tumingin din tuloy siya sa buhok ko.

“Imagine kung naging babae ka, bagay siguro kayo ni brad? Baka naging kayo pa lalo na’t close ang pamilya niyo,” aniya.

“Kailangan pa bang maging babae para maging bagay?” biro ko at natawa.

Sinabayan niya ang tawa ko, ngunit kumunot ang noo. “Huh? Anong sabi mo?”

I tapped his shoulder and stood up. “Kain tayo. Hindi pa ako kumakain.” Gutom pala ako. Hindi ako kumain kanina…

Chapter 24

Rough

Hirap na ngang pansinin, may asungot pa. I couldn’t help but feel salty about the woman when I decided to go to the Bang house where the catering services for the employees were placed.

Nauna na ang tatlong lalaking ka banda niya na kumuha ng pagkain at nahuhuli lamang si Kael at Tessa dahil nagdadaldalan pa.

“Sa Siargao ba kayo mag N-New Year? Kasi kung oo, makikicelebrate ako sa inyo,” rinig ko ang usapan nila nang lumapit kaming dalawa ni Julius.

Siya na nga ang nag-abalang kumuha ng plato ko dahil distracted ako kakatingin kay Kael na hawak ang plato noong babae at kinukunan niya ng pagkain. Nasa tabi niya lang din ito, kinakausap siya at tinitingnan ang ginagawa ni Kael para sa kanya.

So he’s the type of person who stays friends with his exes? Bro is shamelessly waving his red flag. But this is evidence that he has no plans on being in a relationship with a woman because he is entertaining his ex. Kasi ang katulad ni Kael, mukhang maalaga naman sa relasyon at hindi hahayaang mag-overthink ang girlfriend niya.

Ini-entertain niya lang siguro dahil kasali sa banda o dahil tutugtog sila ngayong gabi? But the hug was uncalled for. Well, the woman obviously jumped on him, and as a gentleman, he hugged her back, or else the girl would end up falling to the ground.

“O eto sa’yo. Tara dito!” Hila sa akin ni Julius sa dalawang klase ng kanin, fried rice at plain rice ’yung isa, kaya natigil ang mga pinag-iisip ko, kahit ang tingin sa kanila, naalis ko.

Umiling ako, muling tumingin sa banda nila Kael. “Hindi ako nagkakanin pag gabi. Doon tayo sa beef,” sabi ko at naglakad papunta sa pagkaing kinukuha din ni Kael.

I cleared my throat as soon as I stood beside the woman. Lumingon siya sa akin at napangiti, si Kael, nagpatuloy na kumuha ng pagkain.

“Hi!” she greeted cheerfully.

I smiled back. “Hi. Ikaw ang main vocalist?” I conversed.

Kael side-eyed us while his hand was busy picking food for her. The girl nodded at me.

“Yup! Actually, dalawa kami. Si Renz ’yung isang vocalist.” Sabay turo sa isa nilang ka-banda na seryoso at mas matangkad kumpara sa dalawa pang kasama. “Guitarist ako pero vocalist din minsan. Halata ba?”

“Kinda. Sa rahan ng boses mo, halatang magaling kang kumanta,” I chuckled.

Her eyes widened, and she laughed. I grinned. Nga lang, hinila siya ni Kael at inilipat sa kabilang gilid ni Kael. Nangingiti kong tiningnan si Kael na nasa gitna na namin.

“So… you’re the drummer? Galingan mo. I’ll watch.” I smirked at him.

“Sobrang galing niyan!” si Julius na nasa gilid ko rin, may dalang sariling plato at gabundok na agad ang pinaglalagay na pagkain sa plato niya.

Tiningnan ko ang hawak ni Kael na serving spoon, noong ibababa niya na, sinalo ko nalang agad at hinawakan iyon, nasadya pang pati kamay niya, nahawakan ko. I’ve noticed how he froze a bit, looked at his hand as if something caught his attention.

I purposely grazed my hand on his skin toward the serving spoon, my eyes looking at him—observing his reaction. He immediately took his hand away from mine, like being this close to me burns his skin. Ngumuso ako at kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi habang wala sa sariling kumukuha ng maraming broccoli kasama ang dalawang piraso ng beef.

“Anong drinks mo, Tess?” si Kael na lumayo agad at dinala ang kaibigan niya sa drinks.

“Ice tea lang,” si Tessa.

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi, nagpigil ng ngiti. If I were him, I’d build armor for myself made of steel—something unbreakable. If he is not planning to entertain my apology, then he must try harder to run as fast as he can, cuz right now, I can almost touch his nape… I can almost catch him…

“Sa drinks naman tayo,” sabi ko kay Julius na kukuha pa lang sana ng beef, iniwan ko na. Bagal bagal eh.

“Bibilis niyo naman! Hindi tatakbo ang pagkain!” si Julius na natatarantang magsandok. Hindi nga tatakbo, pero si Kael, oo!

Muli akong pumwesto sa tabi ni Kael, kumuha rin ng isang baso at inilahad iyon habang papatapos na si Kael sa paglalagay ng ice tea sa baso ni Tessa.

“Cucumber drink, please…” I pleaded a little since I could no longer do it to myself. Puno na ang kamay ko. Alam ko namang hindi niya ako tutulungan, I’m just assuming here he would…

Tumingin din si Tessa sa akin. Naninimbang ang titig niya at para bang hinihintay kung pakikinggan ako ni Kael. But as usual, he only ignored it and left like he didn’t hear a thing from me.

“Cucumber sa’yo? O ako na! Kawawa ka naman,” si Julius na pinindot ang jar para malagyan ang baso ko.

Lumingon ako sa likod para sundan ng tingin si Kael kasama si Tessa, pati na rin ang kanyang bandmates na kanina pa sila hinihintay na matapos at sabay na lumabas. Tessa glanced back, so I took my attention back to the front and licked my lower lip while smiling.

“Ano ba kasing nagawa mo at ang lala ng pandededma ni Mikael sa’yo?” Julius asked, laughed a little, and seemed like he noticed the tension between me and Kael.

Kumuha siya ng panibagong baso at nilagyan din iyon ng ice tea. Hindi ko pa nasasagot ang tanong niya, nagpatuloy na siyang magsalita.

“Halatang-halata ang galit ni brad sa’yo. Kung pwede yatang ipanghalo ka sa semento, gagawin niya. Hindi ka rin takot lapitan ’no?”

Kahit ihalo niya ako sa semento, basta ba siya ang gagawa, ayos lang. Effort niya naman…

“Hindi rin. Utos kasi ni Dad na kaibiganin ko. Pinipilit niya ako. I have no choice but to follow it.” I chuckled.

“Utos naman pala ni boss! Cute niyo nga tingnan eh. Para kayong young version ng papa niyo. Sige, tutulungan kita kahit halatang nag-eenjoy ka. Ganyan pala makipagkaibigan ang mga imported, medyo…” he stopped for a while. “Medyo sweet, kahit sa lalaki.”

“Balik na tayo, baka maagaw pa ’yung upuan ko,” sabi ko at niyaya na siyang bumalik sa table namin, dami-dami pang sinasabi ayaw nalang akong tulungan.

Pagbalik sa table, may isa nang table na nadagdag at nakadikit sa table nila kanina para sa mga bandmates ni Kael na kumakain na rin. Napansin ko kung saan nakaupo si Kael, sa tabi ng upuan ni Julius, at ang tabing upuan ni Julius ay akin.

Tessa was now conversing with the boys playfully. Mukhang inaasar siya kaya natatawa, si Kael naman, nakikinig, nasasali rin ata sa mga biro nila kaya natatawa rin. Si Julius na umaamba nang umupo sa tabi ni Kael, pinigilan ko.

“Palit tayo,” I whispered.

Julius looked at me, knitted his brows for a bit, but eventually nodded his head. “Galingan mo ah? Pag ako nasuntok ni brad, at least worth it ’to kung ito lang ang solusyon para magkabati kayo,” he whispered back and gave way.

“Oo, imagine, hindi kana makakalimutan ni Dad dahil ikaw ang naging tulay para magkasundo ang anak niya at ang anak ng kaibigan niya,” I whispered back.

Ganadong ngumiti si Julius sa akin, mukhang tuluyang nakumbinsi sa pinagsasabi ko.

Nakangisi pa si Kael, galing sa topic nila nang lingunin niya kami ni Julius na nagpapalit ng pwesto. I put down my plate on the table and occupied Julius’ seat beside him. Napawi agad ang ngisi ni Kael, mabilis na sumeryoso at tiningnan si Julius na umuupo na sa upuan ko—sa gilid ko.

“Hindi ka kakain?” I asked Kael shamelessly.

But he just took his attention back to the topic and whispered something to Tessa. Si Tessa naman na tumatawa pa, lumingon sa kanya. I also noticed that his hand was placed on the top of Tessa’s chair, his frame is fully facing her side too, while the only thing I get was his broad shoulder and his back.

“Anong tutugtugin niyo mamaya, Tessa?” I asked her instead, tilting my head just to see her from Kael’s frame covering her.

Tessa’s head tilted. Mikael then leaned on his seat since Tessa pushed him a bit so she could see me properly.

“Mga old songs. Mahilig ka ba sa music?” she asked.

“Yup! What kind of old songs?”

“Mga OPM kami eh. Mahilig kasi si Mikael sa OPM music. ’Di ba?” Tessa smirked at him.

Mikael only crossed his arms. Muli akong tiningnan ni Tessa.

“Ikaw? Anong klaseng music ba ang hilig mo? Baka may request ka, pwede naming tugtugin,” si Tessa.

“Alam ni Mikael,” sabi ko at nakangiti siyang tiningnan. “I told you about it, remember?”

His jaw clenched, and he seems triggered that I mentioned it casually. He looked at me with controlled anger.

“Talaga? Anong hilig niyang music?” Tessa asked and looked at Kael, who’s trying to control himself.

“Hindi ko alam. Malay ko,” he answered coldly.

“Chase Atlantic, PND, Rihanna, Khalid… Kendrick Lamar…” I mentioned one by one. Of course he remembers it cuz I mentioned it in Verena’s poser account.

“Wow! Kendrick Lamar! Gusto ko rin siya eh. Anong favorite song mo sa kanya?” Tessa asked curiously.

I looked at Kael, who silently let us converse. “Love…”

He unconsciously side-eyed me. I licked my lower lip and laughed.

“Love by Kendrick Lamar ft. Zacari,” nangingiti kong sabi, nilinaw dahil parang kikidlatan na naman ako ng katabi ko.

“Oh? For your girlfriend?” si Tessa na halata ring interesado, nakasandal na sa lamesa ang mga siko, nasa akin na rin ang buong atensyon at hindi na makakain.

“Single. But if I’ll have one, I’ll use it as an endearment. Love…” I mentioned meaningfully.

Biglang tumayo si Kael kaya kapwa kami napatingin ni Tessa sa kanya. Ramdam ko na hindi niya nagugustuhan ang pinagsasabi ko kaya umiiwas na naman.

“Sa’n ka pupunta?” Tessa asked.

“Pupuntahan ko ang drums. Ich-check ko.”

Siniko ako ni Julius, pasimple akong pinaningkitan ng mata, mukhang napansing ginalit ko na naman si Kael. Tumayo rin si Tessa at sinamahan ito, ako naman, di na sumunod dahil mukhang magkakagulo na kung gagawin ko. He might lash out, and it’s not a good sight knowing there are a lot of people here. Lalo na’t sumunod na rin ang tatlo pa nilang kasama sa banda.

“Ikaw pala rason kaya badtrip siya,” si Julius na mukhang nahulaan na kung bakit nag-iiba ang timpla ni Kael simula noong nagpakita ako dito.

Honestly, I don’t wanna waste this chance to apologize to him. I know it’s already too late, since I should have done it the moment he showed up in the restaurant, but I wasn’t in the mood to hold myself accountable for that poser account.

When I opened it up to my mom during her birthday, she told me things that shook my composure.

“Apology is not forced. It must be given with sincere intention.”

That’s why I am ready to apologize now cuz I know, I meant it this time. But I wouldn’t lie to myself that I am low-key enjoying the slow process of being forgiven. I can do this for years, or even for a lifetime, if this is the punishment of what I did to him, then I’ll gladly suffer.

Ayoko nga na kumalma agad siya dahil baka…mamiss ko rin ang galit niya. There’s something about his rage that tickles me. Maybe it’s the thrill of how dangerous it would get, and you are just admiring it.

Noong nakita ko sa harap na naghahanda na para sa performance ng banda, mukhang tapos na ang performance ng mga trabahante ni Dad at pinagdedesisyunan na kung sino ang mananalo, bumalik agad ako sa upuan ko.

“Banda ’to ni Kael. You should listen. They’re good,” si Dad nang makaupo na ako.

Kali grinned at me. Nasa tabi ko na siya at mukhang nakipagpalit ng pwesto sa Papa niya.

“Kuya is a good drummer. He’s kinda popular because he’s a full package. Masungit nga lang,” kibit ni Kali.

Mas type ko nga ’yung masusungit na tao eh. Narealize ko kasi, ang chill ko. Bagay sa akin ang mga taong katulad ni Kael na masusungit.

Humalukipkip ako sa upuan ko, pinanood si Kael na umuupo na sa harap ng set ng drums, tinutupi ang bawat sleeves ng kanyang suot na itim na t-shirt habang kinakausap siya ni Tessa na nasa tabi niya at inaayos ang suot nitong electric guitar.

The one who’s probably gonna sing was Renz, who’s already adjusting the stand of the mic, while the two other men were holding their instruments too, probably a backup vocalist because of the mic in front of them. Meron ding stand ng mic sa harap ni Tessa, at si Kael lamang ang wala.

“He’s Mikael, right? That drummer?” rinig ko pa ang girls sa likuran ko, mga anak ng architects at engineers na pinag-uusapan iyon kaya nilingon ko.

Medyo nagulat sila. I smiled at them and they shyly smiled back at me. Kinuha ko lang agad ang tingin ko at seryosong tumingin ulit kay Kael.

“Bago natin simulan ang gabing ’to, boss…” Renz, who is the vocalist, looked at my father. “Salamat ulit sa pag-imbita sa amin…”

My father nodded and raised his thumb. Mikael looked at my father seriously, so I tilted my head just to capture his attention. Nang magkasalubong agad ang kilay niya noong ako naman ang tingnan, natawa na lamang ako.

“May bonus daw pag kumanta rin ’yung drummer!” may kung sino ang sumigaw hanggang sa marami na ring humiyaw.

Nilingon ko kung sino iyon kaso nagkakagulo na ang lahat. Even Tito Rommel laughed. Mukhang sanay na siya sa ganoong reaksyon lagi sa anak niya.

“Kahit alayan niyo ’yan ng isang milyon, hindi ’yan kakanta,” it was Tessa who answered and even chuckled a little. Speaking of…

“I heard ex daw ’yan ng kuya mo?” tanong ko kay Kali.

“Kittie told me they were just faking it. Pero I know he has exes in Siargao talaga. Mga years niya ring naka-relasyon.”

“Faking?” Kumunot ang noo ko. At years? What? That long? Anong ginagawa nila no’n sa relasyon para tumagal ng ilang taon? Mahilig pala siya sa long-term relationships?

“Oo. Sabi ni Kittie, it has something to do with Kuya’s friend, which is Ate Ancent…” si Kali na nasa phone niya ang atensyon, wala sa banda.

Mukhang ’yung bunso yata ang dapat kong kunin ang loob. Makakasundo ko naman siguro agad ’yon kung katulad lang din nito ni Kali ka arte. Madali lang naman kunin ang loob ng mga bata.

Gusto ko pa sanang magtanong pero nagsisimula na silang tumugtog. Tiningnan ko agad si Kael lalo na’t siya ang unang nagsimula. Swabe lamang ang paghampas niya, ang pagsabay ng katawan niya at ang ekspresyon niyang maangas tingnan.

The beat is catchy and chill. Their vocalist started singing, which I am not even familiar…

“Sandali nalang…”

“Do you know this song?” I asked Kali.

Umiling siya, nasa cellphone pa rin at naglalagay ng story sa instagram niya. “Nope. But I know it’s one of my kuya’s favorite song.”

“What title?”

“I dunno…” she shrugged.

I gasped. Kali is useless! This kid is busy with her outside life. Wala ’tong kwenta kung sakali mang gagawin kong espiya. Bulok magbigay ng details! Doon pa yata ako sa bunso magpapasipsip.

Muli kong tiningnan si Kael na kinakausap ni Tessa na natatawa, saka rin natawa si Kael, dala pa ang ngisi nang swabeng hinampas ang drums at binasa ang pang-ibabang labi. I licked my lower lip too. Man… that was hot.

Kaya naman pala maraming nagkakagustong babae pag tumutugtog ang isang ’to. He carries a natural charisma the way he plays his drums. Sa swabeng galawan, ngisi na may kaonting yabang, at malakas pa ang dating, sinong hindi mahuhulog.

Oo nga, sino nga naman ang hindi mahuhulog, ’di ba?

I mean it’s too obvious that he’s everyone’s type. Sinong hindi magkakagusto kung ganyan ba naman ang galawan…parang nang-aakit kahit hindi naman.

They switched to another song after it. And it’s frustrating that I really don’t know these OPM songs. Parang ngayon ko lang nakukwestyon kung may dugong Pinoy ba talaga ako.

The way he played his drums was slightly more intense compared to the first song. His head was banging a bit; his brows were furrowed, making him look furious as he vibed with the song through his body movement.

“Halika na…” kanta ni Renz sa mukhang chorus part ng kanta. “Doon tayo matulog… sa gabing hindi kita iiwan…”

For some reason, my Romblon trip with Kael flashed through my mind like a flashback, and the background song is none other than the one they were singing.

“Yakapin mo ako sa bahay-kubo…” Renz continued singing heartily.

Tila ba may naalala dahil sa pag-iba ng ekspresyon ni Kael. He unconsciously looked at me, until he caught me looking at him intently—without even blinking. Hindi niya agad inalis ang tingin sa akin kaya wala sa sarili kong napisil ang pang-ibabang labi, hindi mapigilan ang ngisi na talagang nagagawa pang tumingin sa akin…

“Pogi mo brad!” ang malakas na hiyaw sa likuran ni Julius, kaya lumingon ako at nakita silang may kartolina na inaangat at parang may fans club ni Kael dahil nagsisigawan sila doon.

“Itong mga ’to talaga…” si Dad nang lingunin niya rin at natawa.

“After this party, for sure marami na naman mag-aadd sa akin sa IG, and they will ask for my brother’s social media accounts,” si Kali na pagod na yata sa atensyon na nakukuha ng kapatid niya.

“May instagram ba ang kapatid mo?” tanong ko.

“Yup. Uh, I made one for him. Wait. Nabubuksan ko ’yon eh. I will follow you. Teka…” Mabilis siyang nag log-out sa Instagram niya kaya inilabas ko agad ang phone ko.

May silbi naman pala ang batang ’to kahit papaano. Akala ko pabigat lang.

They played more OPM songs, and most of them were really unfamiliar to me. Tanungin ko dapat si Rick sa mga ganitong klaseng kanta dahil parang mahilig din siya sa ganitong genre eh. Gusto kong pakinggan ang iba pa.

The whole event was fun, lalo na sa pa-raffles ni Dad. Na-enjoy ko naman siya kahit nanonood lang ako, nakikipag-usap minsan sa anak ng architects at engineers, saka ako ulit hahalo sa trabahante para makisabay din sa trip nila.

Si Kael, ilag pa rin. Pagkatapos nilang tumugtog, madalas niyang hinuhuli ang tingin ko, saka ko aalisin habang nangingiti. Masyadong bothered, ah? Ayaw pa kasing makipagbati sa akin.

There were a lot of kids too, and I also gathered them so I could give them a little gift. Pinapila ko at nagbiro pang pumila sila Julius sa likod na hinayaan ko nalang habang namimigay ako ng dalawang libo sa mga bata, pangdagdag sa christmas gift nila.

I even took a photo of us as I crouched down in the center, and they were hugging me as we all posed for the camera so I could show it to my mom.

Alas dos na noong matapos ang lahat. Abala na ang iba na magligpit, ang iba ay nagsisiuwian na, at ang iba ay nag-iinuman pa. Nauna na ngang umalis iyong banda ni Kael, ihahatid ulit ng van namin sa hotel kung saan sila mananatili, at nakita ko pa kaninang nagyakapan ulit sila ni Kael para magpaalam.

“Dad, ipasabay mo na ’yung family ni Mikael sa atin. Ihatid natin sila,” rinig ko ang suggestion ng babae, anak ni Engineer Chavez na isa ata sa mga nagkakagusto kay Kael.

Mabilis kong hinanap si Tito Rommel. Pumasok pa ako sa bahay at nakitang nandoon siya, kasama ang kanyang wife, si Kali na nasa sofa at pumipikit na, habang nag-uusap pa sila.

“Dad, ako na ang maghahatid kila Tito Rommel,” I suggested.

“Oh? Hindi ka pa ba pagod? Huwag na, Tyler. Nagtatawag na ata si Kael ng taxi,” si Tito Rommel nang tingnan ako.

“Kaya ko pa, Tito. Dad, gagamitin ko ulit ’yung Porsche.”

Nagtinginan si Tito at si Dad, makahulugan at parang hindi sanay. Lumabas agad ako para hanapin si Kael at pigilan nang maghanap ng taxi, saktong nakita ko sa may gate, kinakausap na ng anak ni Engineer Chavez.

I jogged toward them. Umiiling pa si Kael, mukhang may sinasabi sa babae na pinipilit siya at hinihila na ang kamay habang itinuturo ang kotse nila. Sadyang napunta lang sa akin ang tingin nilang dalawa nang tumigil ako sa harapan nila.

“Tito Rommel said, huwag kana daw humanap ng taxi,” sabi ko, diretso kuha sa ibang dala niyang nakalapag na hindi niya na napigilan. Mas mabuting ganito para hindi na makapanglaban.

“Oh… Ihahatid pala kayo.” I heard the disappointed tone of Engineer Chavez’s daughter when I turned my back while carrying the baskets toward the back of the Porsche.

Ihahatid ko kaya huwag na silang mag-abala pa. Kaya ko naman. Kaibigan din ng pamilya namin ang pamilya ni Kael kaya sagot namin sila.

“Pakisabi sa dad mo, salamat nalang. Mag-ingat kayo pauwi,” si Kael.

Binuksan ko ang likuran at doon nilagay ang basket na dinala ko. Binalikan ko si Kael at pinulot ang iba pa habang nanghihinayang ang anak ni Engineer Chavez at nagpapaalam na sa kanya. For sure he will decline the offer even if I didn’t interfere. I know him too well.

I mean, he must thank me that I save him from those kinds of offers. Baka nga mas ipinagpapasalamat niya sa isip niya ang pagiging papansin ko dahil may rason siyang nagamit para tumanggi.

Dinala niya ang natitirang gamit nila at lumapit na rin sa kotse. Inabangan ko siya hanggang sa huminto siya at inilapag iyon sa likuran.

“You’re quite famous with the girls here…” I crossed my arms and leaned against the side of the car, looking at his serious face.

Malamig niya akong tiningnan, nakaangat ang kilay at nagsusuplado pa rin. Hindi ba siya napapagod kaka-ganyan? I mean, it’s entertaining to watch, but he might get tired maintaining that facade…

“You have types here?” I asked and tilted my head, looking at him gently. “Maraming magaganda, but I know your types. You care less when it comes to someone’s beauty…”

He scoffed and smirked flatly. “Kapal din ng mukha mo ’no?”

My eyes widened in disbelief, not because I am offended but because he finally spoke to me. I’m fascinated! I made progress!

“Kung nandito ka para humingi ng tawad, kahit pa lumuhod ka, umiyak, magmakaawa, wala akong ibibigay na awa kahit kaonti,” he spat quietly.

I pinched my lower lip, stifling the smile on my lips as I playfully looked at the intensity of his eyes.

“Really?” I asked, the excitement was now laced in my voice.

“Dudurugin kita sa kahit anong paraan, tandaan mo ’yan…” bulong niya sa mas matigas na tinig.

My eyes drifted to his lips, but I immediately dragged them back to his eyes. Instead of feeling threatened, my stomach churned, and I am getting goosebumps with the rasp in his voice, the hate in his eyes, and the raw passion of his anger.

Ramdam ko ang irita niya sa ngiti ko, sa sabik na nararamdaman ko, lalo na’t hindi naman talaga ako takot sa kung anong gagawin niya. I am fucking thrilled!

“Can I suggest?” I leaned a little. “Don’t forget to wrap your hand around my neck if that day happens…”

His eyes widened a bit. Hindi niya inaasahang tatanggapin ko ang galit niya—yayakapin ang kahit anong ibabalik niya. I leaned more, my lips forming a satisfying smile.

“Cuz I like it rough…” I whispered hoarsely.

Chapter 25

Die

Imagine the silent treatment you’ve given to me, and in just a snap, I bent it. I wanna chuckle more and tease him to the core, but when he attempts to lift his hand, I alertly step backward and raise my hands in defeat.

“But not here, alright?” natatawa kong dagdag sa kabila ng nag-aapoy na galit sa mga mata niya.

Kung hindi lang namin natanaw na lumabas na sa bahay ang parents namin, hindi yata magpipigil si Kael sa akin.

Nilapitan kami ng parents namin, si Dad na tinapik ang balikat ko, si Kali na nauna nang pumasok sa back seat kasama ang Mama niya, habang si Kael ay kinausap pa ang Papa niya.

“Si Tyler na raw ang magmamaneho,” si Tito Rommel na talagang ipinagkasalubong ng kilay ni Kael.

May sasabihin pa sana si Kael, inilingan na ng ama niya, at rinig ko na pinakalma niya agad.

“Hayaan mo na… nagmamalasakit ’yan sa atin,” si Tito Rommel.

My father even looked at me concernedly. “Walang kalokohan… mahiya ka sa Tito Rommel at Tita Klarisse mo…”

I nodded. Hindi naman ako makikipagsuntukan, kahit pa siya ang gigil na gigil akong suntukin. I never attempted to punch him despite how angry I was with him after that Romblon trip. Kung naging bayolente ako, sagad na ang pasensya ko.

At kaya ko namang magpakumbaba ngayon dahil alam kong ako ang may kasalanan. Sadyang mayabang lang talaga ata ang dating ko kay Kael.

Sa backseat nag prisentang umupo ang parents niya kasama si Kali na nakasandal na ang ulo sa balikat ng Mama niya. Si Kael ang pinaupo sa front seat; halos manlaban ulit kanina, napilitan nalang siguro dahil kung siya ang masusunod, baka maglakad nalang ito pauwi.

His mom was having fun asking things and talking to me. Ganado rin akong sumagot para maka-close ko si Tita.

“Anong course mo?” she asked continuously.

“Business ad po…” I answered with a smile forming on my lips.

“Oh… business… Sabi pa naman ni Rommel, maalam ka raw sa business. Magaling ka. Namana mo yata sa parents mo,” si Tita.

“Yup. Baka gano’n nga po…” I chuckled a little, side-eyed Kael to check on him, who’s boredly looking outside the window with his signature thick furrowed brows.

“Dadagdagan mo ang business mo next year, ’di ba?” si Tito Rommel.

Our topic circulated around my business plans until we reached their main address in Imus, Cavite. Nauna pang lumabas si Kael, parang sabik na tumalon palabas at mukhang kanina lang nagpipigil kaya di makapaghintay bumaba.

I also went out to help with the things, but Tito Rommel already stopped me from doing too much. Si Kael, dire-diretso ring kinuha ang mga gamit, hindi man lang lumingon at ayaw pang magpatulong dahil siya pa mismo ang kumuha sa mga inambahan kong kuning gamit kanina.

Nagpaalam din naman ako. Gusto pa sana akong patuluyin ni Tita, kaso tumanggi na ako. Even Kael made an opinion about it, and I cannot help but smile.

“Baka mag-ingay ’yung mga aso. Gabi na. Dapat umuwi na ’yan,” halata ang tabang sa tinig niya, nakatayo sa may balkonahe nila, suplado ang ekspresyon at gusto na akong itaboy.

At dinahilan pa talaga ang mga aso…

Nilingon siya ng Mama niya at sinaway sa pamamagitan ng tingin. Noong tumingin ulit sa akin, ngumiti na ng marahan.

“Bumalik ka dito. Bumisita ka minsan…” she said gently. Medyo duda ako kung makakabalik ba ako.

I nodded and smiled. “Uuwi na po ako. Goodnight…” And looked at Kael too.

Si Tito Rommel, pagkatapos yatang ihatid si Kali sa kuwarto nito, lumabas ulit at dumungaw pa sa gate. Si Kael, umalis na sa kinatatayuan at pumasok.

“Mag-iingat ka pauwi ha? I-text mo agad ako…” si Tito Rommel.

Kung hindi ko lang alam na makikita ko pa naman si Kael bukas para sa basketball game namin sa site, baka magpanggap akong pagod at inaantok na para makitulog nalang sa bahay nila. Buti nalang…

Kinabukasan, pinapili na ako ni Dad sa susuotin kong jersey. He has customized jerseys for me just in case I wanna join the game. Kaso hindi ko talaga nagamit noon dahil madalas, busy ako. Ngayon lang nagka-interes dahil may pinapaamo akong galit na galit sa akin.

“Baka namimisikal ka ah?” puna ni Dad bago magsimula ang game at nagsusuot ko ang compression sleeves sa tuhod ko.

“Do I look like a dirty player, Dad?” I laughed and jumped a little to test if I could move properly.

Mas lalo siyang nag-alala. “Anak ka pa naman ni Teresse…”

“Under ka lang, Dad. Stop villainizing Mom,” I laughed.

Tumawa rin si Dad. “Uuwi nga ’yon. Sa 25, baka may gala ka? Your mom and I—”

Tumango agad ako at sinenyasan siyang huwag nang sabihin kung ano man ’yan. I don’t need to be updated on my parents sex life. Wala talagang kahihiyan sa akin at gusto yata nilang alam ko iyon para masolo nila ang buong bahay nang walang asungot.

Nakangiwi akong nagsuot ng sweatbands lalo na’t nakakainis din ang buhok ko minsan. I fixed it in front of the full mirror while I can see my father looking at me meaningfully, like he is about to send me into a war and he is not worried for me, but for the enemies who would face me.

He knows I am competitive. Lalo na’t sumali pa ako sa pustahan, nagdagdag, alam niyang seseryosohin ko ang game.

“Huwag kang mamimisikal,” muling paalala ni Dad habang naglalakad na kami papunta sa open space ng site kung saan naka set up ang basketball game namin.

Namilog agad ang mga mata ng mga engineers at architects noong makita kami, habang ang mga kaibigan ni Kael, ang taga bang house, naghihiyawan at napa-apir sa isa’t isa.

Kael looked at the jersey I was wearing as I jogged toward them with a grin on my face. I’m on his team. He has no choice but to work with me if he wants to score.

If he wants to score… I chuckled at the thought.

“Akala namin sa kabilang team ka?” tanong ng isa sa kanila, sa pagkakatanda ko, si Migo.

“Dito ako pinahalo ni Dad. Kulang daw kayo ng magaling eh,” sabi ko at tiningnan si Kael na mas hinigpitan ang sintas ng kanyang sapatos, nagkasalubong agad ang kilay sa huli kong sinabi.

My father, even Tito Rommel, and the rest of the crowd, including the engineers and architects, looked like they were watching a serious and interesting game the way they were discussing it while standing despite having their own chairs. Para bang alam nilang magiging mainit ang laro dahil naririnig nilang parte ako ng malakas na varsity team.

We discussed our positions thoroughly while the other team was glancing at me from time to time. They looked sporty, but I could feel that they didn’t expect I’d join the other team. Mukhang alam na nila na ipapanalo ko ang team namin dahil malaki ang naging pustahan namin.

Kabisado ko maglaro si Kael. He has that speed and body control—something you can’t oppose unless you go with the flow. At iyon ang gusto kong sabayan dahil alam kong hindi ko kayang higitan iyon.

That’s why when the game started, and the ball was immediately slammed by our opposing team, I could literally tell why they were having a hard time defeating them from the previous games.

Mga bihasa maglaro. Halatang sanay bilang varsity players, pero kaya namang sabayan ni Kael. Sadyang sa team niya, siya lamang ang mag-isang makakatapat sa kanila, wala pang nakakapantay ng liksi niya, kaya nahihirapan siyang maka-shoot dahil hindi magagaling sa depensa ang team.

Noong nagsitakbuhan na, lumebel ako kay Kael na nilingon agad ako.

“Bantayan mo ang galaw ko,” I said and jogged from where the ball is.

Gets niya na ’yon. I will match his speed, and I want him to at least trust me. Hindi ko alam kung susunod siya, pero sinubukan ko pa rin.

Kaya noong nagkaroon ng tsansang agawin ang bola, maliksi ko iyong naagaw, alertong tumakbo kung nasaan siya at sinubukan kong ipasa. Well, as expected, he barely uses his strength.

“Sa akin mo ipasa! Wala sa mood,” si Julius na tinapik ang balikat ko at mukhang ramdam niyang hindi gagana ang mga balak ko.

The opponent made a three-point shot after getting the ball from Kael’s poor defense. Nakatayo si Dad, seryosong nakikipag-usap kay Tito Rommel at halata sa kanila na nanghihinayang sa laro.

We can actually make a great duo if he cooperates with me. Sa aming team, madalang akong maging bangko dahil maliksi ako at kaya kong tapatan lahat ng galaw ng teammates ko. I can always match their strength. Kaya nga pag siniseryoso namin ang game, nagkakasundo kami at mas nakakarami ng puntos dahil kabisado na namin ang laro ng isa’t isa, at alam ko rin kung paano punan ang pagkukulang ng ibang teammates namin.

Kaya nga nagagalit si Rick pag hindi ko siniseryoso ang laro dahil maaapektuhan din sila. Hindi ko magagawa ang parte ko na may malaking ambag sa team namin.

Nang maagaw ko muli ang bola, swabe kong nilagpasan ang nagtangkang humarang, ipinadaan sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita ang bola at maliksi iyong sinalo sa likuran nito saka ako tumalon para mai-shoot iyon sa ring.

My father’s shout mingled along with the others when I made a two-point shot. Humalakhak pa siya, natutuwang pumalakpak at nilingon ang mga engineers at architects para yata ipagmayabang ako.

Lamang sa first quarter ang kabilang team dahil puro palpak ang mga pasa ko, na alam ko sanang may kakayahan si Kael na i-shoot iyon. He’s trying to reject the offer, and I can clearly sense it.

“Sa akin mo nalang ipasa ang bola, ser Tyler! Kaya ko!” si Migo na mukhang napansin na rin ang pagiging ilap ni Kael.

“Magaling naman ’to si Mikael. Wala lang sa mood,” si Julius na medyo hingal at pawisan na.

“Magaling nga, ayaw namang gamitin. It’s fuckin’ useless.” I smirked.

His jaw clenched, and I know I activated his anger again. Sa sobrang kabisado ko kung paano siya magalit, kahit ayaw ko dahil may kasalanan pa, alam kong kailangan ko ’yon ngayon. I need to inspire the beast out of him—unleash that potential he is trying to cage.

“Oy oy oy! Huwag ganon! Magkakampi tayo!” sita agad ni Julius.

“Basta stick lang sa plano,” they continued a serious conversation to divert the topic away from the tension between me and Kael, who’s not yet taking our eyes off each other.

Ipakita mo nga ang galit mo sa akin? Come on. You think I cannot handle that?

Noong muling nagsimula ang second quarter, muli akong lumebel kay Kael para kausapin siya saglit.

“You’re a spot-up shooter. I know you can shoot the ball while moving, wherever your spot is. You just need a good assistant. If you won’t take mine, we won’t win on this…”

I am still hopeful he might consider it in the second quarter of the game, but when he rejected my attempts to pass the ball to him, I knew it would take a lot of convincing to get his trust.

Tang ina! Nakakawala ng pasensya. Hindi ako nagyayabang kung wala akong ikakabuga. Kaya ko namang ipanalo, but compared to my skill, mas makakahabol kami kung si Kael mismo ang gagamitin ko para hindi sablay ang bawat tira. Dahil bukod sa kaya kong idistract ang kabilang team, maliksi kong maipapasa sa kanyang kinatatayuan iyon, kung saan wala masyadong harang, at kaya niyang i-shoot iyon kahit pa sa kinatatayuan niya.

Kung lamang pa rin sila sa third quarter, alam kong hirap na iyong mahahabol. Tss. Kael is fucking hopeless, so I just pass the ball to my other teammates but fail to make a shot.

“Damn it,” I cursed breathily and crouched between my parted legs.

“Sorry, boss! Malamya talaga ako tumira,” natatawang paumanhin ni Julius na nginisihan ko at tinanguan.

“Ako na ang titira. Ipasa mo sa akin,” sabi ko dahil naiirita na rin ako kay Kael. Pagpapahingahin ko muna at sa third quarter ko ulit susubukan.

Noong break time, nag-jog ako patungo kay Dad para uminom. Malaki ang ngiti niya sa akin habang tumitingala ako at ibinubuhos iyon sa bibig ko, sunod sunod ang pag-inom.

“Magaling ka ah? Navideohan ko nga, ise-send ko sa Mommy mo,” ani Dad, nakangiti.

“Mikael is not cooperating. Nakakawala ng pasensya. Pagsabihan mo ’yan,” sabi ko at nilingon si Kael na seryosong umiinom ng tubig, pawisan din.

“Hayaan mo na. Manalo man kayo o matalo, ite-treat ko pa rin naman kayo. Huwag mo nang pag-initan at baka magkagulo pa kayo,” si Dad.

No. I really want to win. I don’t want Dad’s consolation prize out of pity. Hindi ako sanay sa ganoon. If Kael won’t fucking cooperate, I will find a way to unleash that beast in him so he can devour the opponents, even if it includes sacrificing myself.

Ako pa talaga ang hahamunin niya sa ganito? My money is involved in this game! And I want him to see that I am willing to let him take a lead if he wants to! Ayaw niya ’yan…siya ang nasa ibabaw…at ako ang nasa ibaba niya?

I smirked at my thoughts when I remembered one of my dreams. Man… Tanghaling tapat at magkakaroon pa yata ako ng ibang problema bukod sa pagiging matigas ni Kael. Kung patigasan lang din naman…

I looked down on my pants just to make sure I am not having a boner in the middle of the game because of remembering my dirty dreams. I really need to take care of this as soon as possible…

Nagfocus ako ulit sa game. The opposing team was getting a bit exhausted from giving their best shot from the previous quarters. Akala kasi nila, mas mabuting tambakan nalang nang hindi na makahabol. Kaso masyado yata nilang sinagad kaya medyo malamya na ang kilos nila—halatang nagiging kampante na…

Well, that’s the opportunity I am waiting for. So I alertly steal the ball when someone attempts a shot, run to the other side of the court, and look for Julius.

Noong makita ko siyang humahabol, mabilis kong ipinasa ang bola sa kanya. Julius waited to catch it, but unexpectedly, like a thunder who just came out from the darkness like a flash, Kael caught the ball and made a shot from where he was standing.

My lips parted. Namilog ang mga mata ni Julius at gulat din. Kael smoothly jogged and gave a high five to our teammates when they cheered for him. He even smirked and made a swift side-eye to check my reaction.

Fuck. He grabbed my ball! No, he freakin’ stole the ball when I attempted to pass it to Julius! Gago ah? Noong pinasa ko sa kanya, ayaw niya. Ngayong ipapasa ko sa iba, saka niya babawiin? So he’s this possessive? Gusto kong humalakhak kaya kinagat ko nalang ang labi para pigilan ang ngisi ko.

The third quarter was way more intense compared to the first two quarters. Kael is slowly unleashing his strength, catching the ball I threw at him, and using his skill as a spot-up shooter to gain 3-point shots! Damn, man! He’s makin’ me fired up!

“Gago! Anim na puntos nalang ang lamang!” ang aming team nang matapos ang third quarter at malaki ang tsansang makakahabol kami sa fourth quarter.

“Galing palang duo ni Mikael at ni ser Tyler! Pwede na sa NBA!”

I grinned and looked at Kael, who was chugging down his water.

“Galing mo palang tumira…” sabi ko, nangingiting kinausap si Kael.

He choked on his water, which made everyone laugh. Natatawa kong inabot ang hawak niyang mineral water at dinala iyon sa labi ko, hindi maalis ang ngiti habang nakatingin pa rin sa seryoso at iritado niyang reaksyon.

I meant literally, but judging by his reaction, he misinterpreted it.

Doon niya lang napagtantong nasa akin na ang tubig niya nang ganoon ka bilis. Siguro na-distract sa sinabi ko, kahit ang tubig na inagaw ko, hindi niya na mabawi dahil ininuman ko na. At napansin pa yata ni Julius.

“Naks. Hindi laway conscious si ser Tyler! Hindi naman pala maarte…” puna ni Julius at makahulugang tinawanan si Kael.

When the fourth quarter started again, the tension in each team intensified. I can feel their sudden desperation to win the game. Agresibo na ang mga galaw dahil nadedepensahan na nila ang bawat opensa namin.

When I alertly stole the ball, I saw Kael shifting his stance alertly, his frame bracing for my attempts. Mukhang nabasa agad ang galaw namin kaya tatlo agad ang humarang sa akin, dalawa kay Kael, at pinipigilan kami sa aming balak.

Architect Gomez’s son was one who’s good at blocking my offense. Siya rin ang napapantayan ang liksi ng galaw ko, kaya hirap kong ipasa ang bola pag hawak ko na.

I tried shooting it, but the ball only jumped on the side of the ring. I cursed breathily, and even Kael glared at me.

“Ayos lang!” my father shouted, clapped, and even encouraged me not to feel bad.

Kahit ang teammates, tinapik ang balikat ko at pinapagaan ang loob ko maliban kay Kael na matalim ang tingin sa akin. I only smirked at him apologetically. Kung sinalo mo lang ’yung pasa ko noong unang quarters, edi sana mabilis tayong nakahabol…

We decided to change the plan lalo na’t pinag-iinitan na kaming dalawa ni Kael at kami na yata ang mahigpit na binabantayan. Luckily, our plan worked, and we made 2 consecutive shots coming from Migo. And can you believe it, dalawang puntos nalang at malalamangan na namin sila. Unless one of us makes a three-point shot, the only one who can make spot-up shots is none other than Kael, and we might really win on this.

The clock started running again. The last two minutes ticking on the clock felt like a bomb that was about to explode because of the way we played aggressively, shouting and alertly grabbing the ball, thirty seconds rebounding until I was able to grab it, ten seconds remaining as I looked for Kael, and five seconds as I tried to get away from the intense defense…

Four…

Three…

“Mikael!” I shouted desperately, throwing the ball at him until he caught it.

Two…

He made a jump where he was standing, threw the ball into the air while all of us followed the ball until the ring buzzed, and a silence of anticipation was bracing as we watched the ball make its way into the ring. He made a three-point shot!

My eyes widened as I dropped my jaw. He fucking made it! Sunod sunod na sigaw ang pumaibabaw hindi lamang sa teammates ko, kundi pati sa mga nanonood. Everyone was screaming and shouting.

Kahit si Dad, sumigaw at nagyakapan din sila ni Tito Rommel, tuwang-tuwa na nanalo ang team namin! Our team won for the first time!

Tumakbo ako papunta kay Kael, malaki ang ngisi nang banggain ko sa aking katawan.

“Hell yeah! Hell yeah!” I shouted happily and attempted a hug as I pulled his shoulder toward me.

Natatawa pa siya galing sa pagkakadumog din ng iba, ngunit nang napansing ako na ang humihila, nagbago ang ekspresyon at gusto akong itulak. Kaso mas dinumog kami ng iba pang kasamahan namin, pinalibutan at nagyakapan kaya halos bumangga siya papalapit sa akin.

Kahit ayaw madikit ni Kael sa akin, dala ng paandar ng boys, wala siyang nagawa kundi ang hayaan na muna na malapit ako sa kanya. And I fucking took that opportunity to put my arm around his shoulder and rested my palm on his chest while tapping it.

“Nice shoot, Mikael!” natatawa kong tingin sa kanya, at nahuling nasa labi niya pa ang ngiti galing sa pagkakapanalo nang tingnan niya rin ako.

“Tss. Anong Mikael. Hindi tayo close,” he corrected, but the smile on his lips made me grin.

“So what do you want instead? Love?” biro ko, sapat lamang na siya ang makarinig lalo na’t abala ang lahat sa hiyawan at yakapan.

His smile faded. I laughed and ruffled his hair out of spur-of-the-moment. Iritado niya iyong hinawi pero hindi ko na pinagtuunan ng pansin at nakihiyaw nalang kina Julius sabay sali sa yakapan habang tumatalon-talon kami.

It was one of those genuine moments where I know success is fucking worth it. Siguro dahil nakakuha ako ng ngiti sa kanya, kahit alam kong hindi naman iyon para sa akin, o siguro dahil na rin nakatawanan ko siya kahit sandali lang. It’s like hitting a lottery you didn’t expect you’d win.

The sons of the architects and the engineers took their loss professionally. Kung may hindi man daw uulitin, iyon ay makipagpustahan sa akin.

“Akala namin sa team ka namin, bro. That’s an unexpected move…” ang anak ni Architect Sanchez. “But nice game, bro! We enjoyed it!”

We did a handshake with each other.

“Next game, kayo na ni Mikael ang babantayan namin…”

“Si Tyler ang dapat mas bantayan. He fuels his strength. He’s behind his fury,” ang anak ni Architect Gomez ang nagsalita at makahulugan ang tingin sa akin.

I only arched my brow and laughed. Siguro mas desperado akong manalo ngayon dahil alam ko rin, deserving ang team ni Kael. And other than that…

“Hey.” I approached him when he wasn’t crowded anymore.

Nasa harap na ni Dad sila Julius kasama ang iba pang boys para sa panalo nila. Si Kael lang ang pumunta saglit sa bench para uminom ng tubig kaya sinundan ko.

He side-eyed me while chugging down his water.

“A deal is a deal, right? So… we both won. Susundin ko ang gusto mo, pero susundin mo rin ang gusto ko. I want to talk to you peacefully.”

He calmly put down the water and wiped off his wet lips. I stared at it for a while and looked at his eyes when he nodded a bit.

“Saan ba?”

My eyes widened. Oh shoot!

“Hmm… Rockwell? I will…schedule a dinner, and…we can meet there? I mean tomorrow!”

He nodded again. “Anong resto?”

“Mamou? The steak is quite good there. May gusto rin akong…ipatikim na paborito ko. You might like it. It’s my call, don’t worry…”

He nodded again calmly. Naglakad na siya palapit sa kasamahan namin kaya sinundan ko agad.

“What time?” I tilted my head while I couldn’t wipe off the smile on my lips.

Tiningnan niya saglit ang ngiti ko. I saw the satisfaction in his eyes—like watching me smile right now is interesting to him.

“Basta bukas,” he answered nonchalantly and found Architect Gomez’s eyes watching us talk.

“Okay. I’ll wait, then,” I said in my hopeful voice.

Noong humalo na kami, hindi ko na halos mabigyan ng atensyon kahit pa maraming sinasabi si Dad at naghihiyawan sila Julius. I was stifling my smile, unable to hide it, and I would shamelessly steal some glances at Kael, who’s laughing with the boys too. Pag titingin sa akin, dala niya pa ang ngisi niya kaya wala sa sarili rin akong mapapangisi.

Inaalis niya lang agad ang tingin kaya natatawa ako. You want to be discreet with me, and you don’t want them to think that we are slowly getting close? Maybe he wants to be low-key? Humalakhak ako sa mga iniimbento ko.

Magbabati lang naman kami. I mean, after the peaceful talk, makikipagkaibigan ako sa kanya. Tapos magiging close kami. Our parents will probably like the idea of us getting along. Edi pwede na akong dumalaw dalaw nalang sa bahay nila kasi hindi na siya magagalit. Magiging close na kami katulad ni Dad at Tito Rommel.

“Yup… That’s what gonna happen. We will bond more.” I nodded while buttoning my favorite navy blue dress shirt early in the morning after showering.

Wala siyang sinabing exact time kaya maaga akong nagbihis. Si Dad, aalis mamaya kasi susunduin si Mom sa airport. Sabi ko nga, hahabol nalang ako. Noche buena mamaya at dito sa Forbes Park lang kami maghahanda.

We aren’t really the traditional type. Ayos lang sa akin kahit sa labas ng bahay kumain, as long as we are complete. Hindi rin naman kami nagbibigayan ng regalo, but my parents would sometimes give me the luxurious things—something you can’t simply wrap.

Iniisip ko tuloy, kung aabutin man ng noche buena ang dinner namin mamaya ni Kael, ayos lang din. I grinned while thinking about it. I should buy him a gift or somethin’. Katabi lang naman ng PowerPlant Mall ang restaurant na gusto ko.

So around 11AM, nasa Mall na ako, pumasok sa Massimo Dutti para doon siya bilhan ng damit. I want to buy two pairs at least.

Around 12PM, nasa restaurant na ako. I decided to dine out so he can easily spot me. I ordered an appetizer first and a sandwich for my starter.

Dapat pala…kinuha ko ang number niya. I only told him we will meet in Mamou, Rockwell, and that’s it. Duda ako sa isang ’yon pero gusto ko pa ring subukan.

I tried opening Verena’s account again to check if he is online. I even took a photo of myself with the tall building in the background as I angled the camera a little low and glanced at the side, smirked a little, just enough to capture my side profile.

Nilagay ko agad sa Instagram story ko, nilagyan ng location, para naman kung sinilip niya, malaman niyang nandito na ako. Friend naman kami sa Instagram.

Around 3PM, I can already feel my hunger. Naubos ko na ang appetizer ko, at ilang beses ko nang tiningnan ang relo na suot ko. Am I too early? What if he meant dinner? Nah… noche buena na mamayang gabi. I don’t think he would consider having dinner with me…

Gusto ko sanang tumayo, kaso baka dumating siya, pag nakitang wala ako dito, mawalan ng pasensya, uuwi agad. Baka isipin niyang niloloko ko na naman, o pinaglalaruan. That’s the least thing I want right now.

I bit my lower lip as I tried to look at the surroundings. Around 5:30PM, the sunset was now prettily blending with the place, and the bush of leaves behind me was now turning golden. Kahit ang mga lights na nakasabit, bumagay na sa gintong kulay ng paligid.

“Sir…” one of the waiters approached me. “The weather is not good. Is it okay if we change your table and dine in instead?”

Doon ko tuloy napagtantong may tsansang uulan. So instead of dining in, pinili ko nalang yung sa mismong gilid pa rin para mabilis agad akong makita kung dumating man siya. Magkakasakit pa yata ako sa mga ginagawa ko.

When the rain started pouring around 8PM, I chuckled a little and realized he stood me up. Tigas talaga, ah?

I opened my messenger and noticed he’s online. Pinindot ko ang call, sumandal sa glass wall ng restaurant, at pinanood ang malakas na buhos ng ulan.

Luckily, he answered it. Medyo napangisi ako. I heard the silence of the background, while mine is definitely covered with the heavy rain.

“Sino ngayon ang uto-uto sa ating dalawa?” he chuckled in a low—insulting voice.

I swirled my tongue in my mouth, amused that he really planned it as his little revenge.

“Dapat nakipagkita ka sa akin. We should have settled it in something else. This one is kinda boring. It doesn’t even cut,” I complained, but my lips were stretching despite the coldness of the rain when the wind blew.

“Huwag kanang magpapakita sa akin,” he said with finality. ’“Yan ang kondisyon ko. Ayaw kong makita kahit ang anino mo.”

I chuckled again and rested the side of my head against my knuckles. “I like hard-to-get people. Just so you know, they turn me on…”

Natahimik siya saglit.

“Frustrating, right? If you want to find a way to crash me, get to know me, Mikael. Find my weakness…” I said cockily.

He grunted. And for sure, he is rolling his eyes right now. Dapat magpasalamat nga siya na binibigyan ko siya ng advice kung paano ako dudurugin.

I stood up when I realized the coldness of the rain was now creeping into my skin. I gave a tip to the waiter and went into the PowerPlant again.

“Kung alam mo lang, nandidiri ako pag malapit ka. Gusto kong masuka tuwing nakikita kita. Nakakadiri ka,” may desperasyon sa boses niya, kahit ang pait at galit, naghahalo.

I didn’t even digest his words; I only let it slide without comprehending the real message because I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

“Oh…so I’m making your stomach churn? Maybe you’ve fallen?” natatawa kong sagot, kahit alam ko, mabigat ang mga sinabi niya.

“Fallen, my ass,” he drawled with a rasp.

I shivered. And I know it wasn’t because of the coldness of the rain anymore…

“You like it when you’re the one who’s in charge? You like it when I kneel, I crawl…I beg? Kink?” I uttered hoarsely and laughed a little while heading to the parking space of the mall.

He laughed sarcastically. “Kung pwede lang hilinging mamatay ka agad ngayon, gagawin ko. Mawala ka lang sa buhay ko.”

I paused for a bit. Ngunit kahit napatid ng kaonti, mayabang pa rin akong nakipagsabayan sa kanya.

“Ganyan ka pala ka patay na patay sa akin?” I inserted playfully and copied his laugh despite how weak mine sounded.

I could feel him gritting his teeth right now, the veins on his neck probably popping out of rage, and the thirst to crash me into pieces is ruling over him.

“Die, Cervando,” he demanded heartlessly.

I only smirk, speechless. As much as I wanted to, if that would satisfy him, I’d do it submissively. But then, my mom’s words echoed in my mind. I am my mom’s strongest soldier—the only one who made it to life.

The desperation to hurt me back, huh? If I tell him right now my weaknesses, for sure, he won’t bat an eye to use it against me, just to kill me—to crush me.

Nakakapanghina rin pala kaaway ang isang ’to. Baka kahit malagutan kana ng hininga kakaluhod, hangga’t hindi ka pa natutuluyan, tingin niya, kulang pa rin ang paghihirap mo.

Pinatay niya rin agad ang tawag, hindi lamang ’yon, kahit ang account, mukhang deactivated na. How high is your wall, Mikael?

I opened my account and typed a message to my friends with a poker face.

Tyler:

Let’s go to Cebu tomorrow, guys. Let’s visit Shiloh’s farm. My call :)

Chapter 26

Interested

“Where have you been?” My mom asked as soon as I entered the house.

I smiled and went to her for a kiss on the cheek. Si Dad, mukhang nag-aalala pa at ngayon lang napanatag nang makauwi ako. Natagalan din kasi ako sa parking space since I zoned out for a while. Umuulan din kasi. I don’t want to drive while the weather is bad knowing someone just…

“T’was raining and you’re driving. Saan ka pumunta? Kanina pa kami nandito ng mommy mo,” si dad na kinabahan.

I shrugged it off.

“My friends and I are planning for a Cebu trip tomorrow. And…I have a connecting flight after my Cebu. I might go to France…” I opened up to divert their attention.

Kumunot ang noo ni Dad. Niyaya ko na sila sa table lalo na’t nakahanda na ang pagkain, ngunit hindi nila ginalaw para hintayin lamang ako. It’s already twelve midnight. I barely made it for Noche Buena.

“We’ll celebrate the New Year in Rome. Don’t forget,” my father reminded when we occupied the chairs.

“Yup. I’ll just take the train, dad. Malapit lang naman.” I smirked wryly.

My mother’s eyes lingered on me for a while. Her unreadable expression worried me, but I smiled it off and enjoyed the rest of the night with them.

Around 1AM, I went outside to sit alone in our gazebo. Dad and Mom were having their wine, and my own drink was placed on the center table as I was busy with my laptop to monitor my business.

Triple ang sales ko ngayon kumpara noong nakaraang taon. I can afford another yacht if I buy one as soon as possible. Ang nabili kong property sa Samal, sinisimulan ko na rin kasing pagkakitaan dahil may mga nag-iinquire na.

I leaned on my seat as I zoned out again. Next year, huling taon ko na sa kolehiyo. Truth is, I really don’t have the energy to stay here for good once I graduate. Pakiramdam ko, iiwan ko ang Pinas ano mang oras.

“Basta may bahay kubo…” paliwanag ko kinabukasan nang nasa gate na kami ng departure area, hinihintay nalang ang iba pa, at nagtanong ako kay Rick kung alam niya ba ang kantang ’yon.

Sabay kami ni Ron at Mica, si Rick ang sunod na dumating. We were waiting for the rest of our friends, including Mavric’s siblings. Sa kanila ako mas excited.

Nagreply kasi si Mavric kagabi sa chat ko sa GC at sinabing dadalhin niya ang dalawa, kahit sagot niya na ang expenses nila, kaya sabi ko, mabuti pa dahil gusto kong paiyakin si Riri.

“Kahit munti?” dugtong ni Ron sa sinabi ko kanina, ni hindi ko maintindihan.

“At ang halaman doon, ay sari-sari?” si Rick, seryoso rin hanggang sa nagkatinginan sila ni Ron at sabay na humagalpak.

Simula noong mapakinggan ko ang kanta, hindi na mawala-wala sa isip ko. Gusto ko sanang gamitin para sa story ko mamaya sa Instagram, kaso ibang bahay-kubo pa yata itong sinasabi ni Rick sa akin.

Pinagtitinginan pa kami ng ibang nakaupo, hinihintay ang flight nila, at sino itong matatangkad na gagong humahagikhik at ang ingay ingay.

Pag travels talaga, kaming tatlo ang laging nauuna. I don’t like being late. Mas gusto kong maghintay, kaysa ang ako ang hinihintay. Ayaw ko rin sa mga taong late, o pinaghihintay ako ng ilang oras. I think they have no time urgency, and they are the people whom I cannot work with in the future.

I was trained by my mother to always be on time. Para sa akin, wala lang naman, but when I started having my own business, being on time gives a good impression to your client—to a person specifically, a sense of trust that you are meeting up with serious people who don’t know how to waste even a single second.

And funny that I got stood up for eight hours. Eight long hours. I didn’t know I had a long patience to wait for hours, especially when I hated waiting for too long.

“No… that’s not the song,” iling ko, natatawa rin kahit hindi ko maintindihan ’yang kanta nila. “Banda ’yon. Tapos OPM.”

“Kailan ka pa nahilig sa OPM? Mga kanta mo halos R&B at hiphop ah?” puna ni Rick, nasa labi pa ang ngisi dahil sa kanta nila ni Ron, may suot pang neck pillow.

“May pinopormahan ’yan. Ganyan ’yan pag lumiko bigla sa mga hindi niya hilig…” natatawang si Ron, tiningnan saglit ang screen ng phone niya at inayos ang buhok dahil may dumaang chic sa harap na hinihila ang bagahe.

I was about to say something, but I spotted Mavric entering the gate with his two siblings. Kasama pa nila si Angela at Gabriella, mukhang nagkaabutan sa labas. Si Mica, nandito na ’yon eh, kaso nagrestroom muna.

“Kuya Tyler!” Riri shouted, ran to me, and giggled.

Natatawa ko siyang sinalubong at kinarga. She immediately showed her newly polished nails. Ang pangit pa ng pagkakagawa.

“Did you unwrap my Christmas gift?” I asked.

“Yup! I also brought the entire box so I can do it to your nails too!” At nandamay pa! Kung hindi ko lang mahal ang batang ’to…

“Kuya, I unboxed your gift too! Lala already set it up in my room! Let’s play COD very soon, okay…” si Jester na lumapit din kaya ginulo ko agad ang buhok, pinakita ang palad ko at patalon siyang nakipag-apir.

Close ako sa mga kapatid ni Mavric, lalo na kay Jester. Ang cute nga kasi parehas kami ng buhok at para tuloy kaming magkapatid. Pag nakita sila ni Mommy, for sure matutuwa din ’yon.

“Bakit nasa Rockwell ka kahapon?” tanong ni Mica nang bumalik na, nanliliit ang mga mata sa akin.

Nagchecheck-in muna ng gamit ang iba sa amin, lalo na ang girls na talagang maraming dinadala pag travels. I only bring my wallet with my cards and IDs in it, boarding pass, and my passport. Kada travel ko, ’yun lang ang naiisipan ko. Kung nasaan din kasi ako na lugar, doon na ako bumibili ng damit at toiletries. Para memories na rin sa mga pinupuntahan ko. Bukod doon, hassle kasi pag maraming dala.

“Meet up…” I answered Mica’s question and crossed my arms.

“Sumipot ba?” Mavric chuckled a little, who’s beside me, while Jester was standing between his legs and playing with my phone he borrowed.

Umangat ang kilay ko. I’m sure he was not there, but he seems to be insinuating something.

“After what happened with Rosie, I thought you would rest from flirting around!” si Mica na para bang kahiya-hiya na iyong huling eksenang ginawa ko kay Rosie, at hindi na ako umulit pa.

“’Yan mahihiya. Sa kapal ng libag niyan,” si Rick.

After Brent came out with Shiloh, the throne was suddenly passed to me. Mavric is just too low-key, or he’s too silent about his girls, but I know he’s hiding one.

“May kalandian nga ’yan, si Katie. Nursing student,” si Ron na ikinaliit ng tingin ni Mica sa akin.

“Wala talaga kayong pahinga pag usapang babae ’no?” puna ni Angela, nakaluhod sa harap ni Riri na nakaupo na at nilalagyan niya ng clip ang buhok.

Mabuti nalang, in-announce na ang boarding number namin kaya hindi na ako nakulit ng girls tungkol kay Katie. Anong sasabihin ko, na instead na kami ang naglalandian ni Katie, siya pa ngayon ang nagtuturo sa akin para maghanap ng bisexual sa dating apps.

Con arrived late. Kamuntik pang maiwan oh! Hindi pa naman kami sasakay kung wala pa ’yung isa. Biglaan din kasi ang desisyon mag Cebu at kahapon lang, wala sa plano dahil malapit na ang New Year at may kanya kanya kaming plans kasama ang family namin. Kaya sa airport nalang kaming lahat nagdesisyong magkita-kita sa sobrang biglaan.

Hindi ko pa natatanong si Shiloh tungkol kay Ria Ching. Ano kaya ang iisipin ni Shiloh sa akin kung sariling pinsan niya, naging fuck buddy ko ng ilang taon? Ria and I just stopped seeing each other cuz her parents are now fixing her into a marriage—typical Chinese culture to preserve their wealth and expand their connection.

When Ria pointed out Shiloh and his mother were abandoned by the Ching clan, I could clearly see it. Their house wasn’t as glamorous compared to the other Chings. It’s a two-story house, probably a middle-class type, unlike how the real Chings flaunt their mansions in Cebu.

Bahay nga nila Ria, halos pantayan ang bahay namin sa US. Ganoon ka-laki na parang isang compound.

I was trying to approach Shiloh to talk about his cousin, kaso si Brent, para talagang tuko at ayaw mahiwalay! Nagkaroon lang ako ng tyempo noong pumunta na kami sa rest house nila, medyo malayo sa city proper kung nasaan ang bahay nila, para bisitahin ang strawberry farm na pagmamay-ari ng Lola ni Shiloh at pamana sa kanya.

“And then I wanna bake a cake for Arki made of strawberries! Is it okay?” rinig ko ang boses ni Riri nang lumapit ako lalo na’t silang dalawa ni Shiloh ang magkasama, nakayuko at namimitas ng strawberries.

“I’ll help, Riri berry,” singit ko sa usapan nila kaya parehas nila akong nilingon ni Shiloh. I crouched down behind Riri until she stepped backward and leaned fully on my chest, making her frame look even small.

“Kuya Tyler, do you like strawberries? I wish I had a strawberry farm too. I told Kuya Shiloh I wanna live here,” she yapped cutely.

Ito rin ang kinaiinggitan ko talaga kay Mavric. May Riri siya, may Jester din. Magkakasundo kami ni Riri dahil madaldal, kung ano-ano ang sinasabi, at kung saan-saan pa nakakarating ang topic niya.

“And then a unicorn will show up, and I will go to heaven! I will say hi to Papa God!” At ayan na nga, nadamay na si Papa God.

“And Tali, Riri. Tell her to come down. I’m lonely here,” I chuckled a little.

Napatingin si Shiloh sa akin, mas lumambot ang mga mata, hindi na matuloy-tuloy ang pamimitas ng strawberry dahil sa sinabi ko.

“Tali? Who’s Tali?” si Riri na kunot-noong tumingin sa akin.

Inilabas ko tuloy ang phone ko para ipakita ang lockscreen ko na ultrasound picture ni Tali.

“She’s Tali. She’s supposed to be my baby sis, Riri. But she didn’t make it. She’s now in heaven…” Pakita ko sa phone ko at iniyakap ang kamay ko sa tiyan niya.

“Don’t be sad, Kuya Tyler. For sure, Tali is watching you always. She is your guardian angel. She will protect you always…” she said softly and touched my cheeks.

I nodded while faking a frown and talk to her in a childish way. “I deserve a strawberry cake, right? What if you bake a strawberry cake for me?”

“Okay! Riri will bake a strawberry cake for you!” At niyakap pa ang ulo ko at pilit akong pinasandal sa maliit niyang balikat.

Akala ko nagbibiro lang, kaso noong hapon na, at nagyayaya na sa kusina, seryoso pala talaga siya. Kahit ang mga girls, tumulong na rin, si Jester naman, kasama ang mga boys at tumutulong sa paglilinis para sa hihigaan namin mamaya.

Malaki-laki rin kasi ang resthouse nila Shiloh. Sa Lola niya raw ’to na namatay na. Marami siyang frames dito simula noong kabataan niya, na parang dito na siya lumaki dahil sa pictures niya simula noong bata pa, hanggang lumaki. Biniro ko pa nga si Brent no’n.

“Imagine bro, sa susunod na picture ni Shiloh, ikaw na ang kasama niya. Anong pakiramdam na pumalit sa pwesto ng Lola niya?”

“’Yung lamig siguro gabi-gabi pag tumabi ka kay Shiloh sa pagtulog dito, ’yung Lola niya ’yon,” si Rick kaya nagtawanan kami.

“Tapos biglang nagpakita kay Brent gabi-gabi ’no?” si Ron kaya ngumiwi na si Brent sa amin.

“Akala ni Brent si Shiloh pa ang niyayakap niya rito gabi-gabi, iba na pala,” si Mavric kaya humagalpak kami.

“Fuck you, guys,” si Brent na nakangisi, hindi mo na mapipikon dahil s’yempre, boyfriend na eh.

“Baka nga kahit makita niyan ang Lola ni Shiloh, magb-bless pa ’yan at magpapaalam. Malala na ’yan,” iling ni Sadie.

Humalakhak si Brent, pasimple pang niyakap si Shiloh patalikod at ibinaon ang mukha sa leeg nito. Ngumiwi tuloy si Rick, kahit kami nila Mav, nawala ang ngiti. Harap-harapan talagang ginagapang ang kaibigan namin!

But then, there’s something about their intimacy that I couldn’t stop thinking about. Maybe it was out of my curiosity to explore with men in bed, and I am becoming a little interested in how men-to-men relationships work too.

Paano ba ’yon?

“Normal lang naman. Kung paano ’yung relasyon ng straight, gano’n lang din,” si Shiloh nang magtanong ako lalo na’t nasa kusina din siya at tinutulungan namin si Riri sa cake na gusto niyang i-bake.

I badly wanted to ask about their dynamics in bed, kaso baka pag marinig ako ni Rick, lumipad lahat ng gamit dito papunta sa akin. I’m still horrified when he clumsily saw my safari. Ayaw ko nang maulit iyon. Lalo na’t kahit si Shiloh, alam ko na sensitibo rin sa ganitong usapin.

Baka sakalin din ako ni Brent.

“How did it start? I mean…how did you realize you’re…gay?”

“Naramdaman ko lang noong…nagkakagusto na ako sa lalaki…” He blushed a little, and his movement slowed down while cracking the eggs.

Nagkakagusto na sa lalaki. Of course. Obviously. That’s the first thing. But other than that…

“How about, uh, dreams? Have you experienced those?”

“Panaginip?” He looked at me curiously.

“Up! Kuya Tyler, up please!” si Riri na lumapit, nakataas ang dalawang kamay sa akin at gusto nang bumalik sa stool na tinatayuan niya kanina.

I crouched a bit, picked her up, and put her on the stool. I even locked her in my arms to prevent her from falling as I seriously looked at Shiloh again and nodded.

“Yup. Dreams.”

“Hmm… edi curious ka. Pag nananaginip naman kasi tayo, kadalasan, ’yung nasa likod ng isip natin, nadadala natin sa panaginip. Subconscious kumbaga. May nabasa kasi akong libro, na kung hindi mo aaminin sa sarili mo, subconsciously, ipapaalala sa’yo ng isip mo ang mga pilit mong kinakalimutan…”

I pinched my lower lip and looked at how Riri tried to put flour in a cup. Inalalayan ko saglit, lalo na’t ang girls, abala naman sa ibang ingredients at nasa kabilang sides, may topic at tawang tawa rin.

Hindi ko lang nakulit ulit si Shiloh dahil pinaligiran na ulit ng girls para ihalo ang buong ingredients sa mixing bowl.

Sa sala namin iyon tinikman nang makatapos kami ng isa at pinanood namin si Riri na nakaluhod sa center table, hinihiwa ang cake na kanina pa hinihintay ni Rick.

“Riri, ako na. Bagal bagal…” biro niya pa kaya natatawa naming siniko dahil inambahan ding kunin kay Riri ang spatula.

“Wait for your turn, Kuya Rick! Be patient, okay? Riri will give you one, just wait, okay?” marahang pangaral ni Riri kaya hindi na nanlaban si Rick at sinenyasan niyang maghintay gamit ang daliri.

“Ano ba naman itong golden retriever namin! Rick, behave!” si Sadie kaya humalakhak kami nang sinamaan agad siya ng tingin ni Rick.

“Dapat nga nasa labas ka nagbabantay. Ugali ba ’yan ng golden retriever?” si Gabriella.

“Ugali ’yan mismo ni Rick pag pagkain na ang usapan,” si Con.

“Ang sasama talaga ng ugali ni Con. Rick, patay-gutom ka raw,” dagdag ko na nasundan agad ng malakas na tawa dahil para na naman akong papatayin ni Rick sa talim ng tingin.

Simula noong na-brokenhearted ’to, lagi na naming pinagtutulungan. Kamuntik nang sirain ang kidney ko noong November. Buti nalang si Con nagpahinga ng kaonti, si Rick naman ang pumalit.

“Buti pa ang bata, ang haba ng pasensya. Mahiya ka naman, laki-laki mo nang tao…” natatawang kantyaw ni Mavric.

“Napaghahalataan talaga pag single. Halatang hindi inspired kaya laging galit,” si Ron na lumayo agad habang natatawa dahil gusto sanang abutin ni Rick.

“Okay! One for Kuya Shiloh!” si Riri na binabalanse sa spatula ang isang slice na nahiwang cake at inilipat sa platito ni Shiloh.

Pumalakpak si Shiloh, nakipag-apir kay Riri at humagikhik pa ang dalawa. Doon tuloy napunta lahat ang atensyon namin sa cake na isa-isang nilalagay ni Riri sa platito namin. Si Rick, kulang nalang makipag-agawan na ng spatula at dakmain ang isang slice ng cake sa sobrang inip.

Sa gabing iyon, si Shiloh ulit ang sinubukan kong lapitan at kasama na naman si Brent! Nasa kandungan niya si Riri habang si Shiloh, tinatalian ang buhok nito.

I cleared my throat and joined them. Tumingin si Brent sa akin, magkasalubong ang kilay.

“Sa US kayo mag N-New Year?” I asked casually.

“Yup. I’m gonna bring him. But we’ll head to Japan first, then we’ll go to the US after.”

“Japan? Anong gagawin niyo ro’n?” I asked curiously.

“For his ghiblis…” si Brent.

“What is ghibli?” tanong ni Riri.

“It’s a cartoon, Riri. You might also like it…” kalmadong sabi ni Shiloh.

Tumahimik ako saglit, naghahanap lang ng magandang tyempo. Kaso sa sobrang atat ko, kahit nandito si Brent, parang hindi na ako mapakali na hindi ito itanong.

“I have a question,” I butted in.

Si Riri na may sasabihin pa sana, tahimik din akong tiningnan. She’s pretty attentive, as what I observed. Alam niya paano tumahimik kahit masyadong madaldal ang batang ito.

“What is it?” si Brent, medyo nagseryoso.

“Dude, how do you apologize properly?” When I realized Brent didn’t even apologize to me after that fight we had during our first year, I rolled my eyes at him. “Nevermind. It’s for Shiloh.”

“Fucker—” Brent trailed off and realized Riri was with us, so he cleared his throat instead.

Ayaw ko ring magtanong sa ibang boys. They suck. Baka pag kay Rick ako magtatanong, sasabihin lang no’n na hindi niya pa nararanasan dahil lagi naman siyang tama.

“What do you think, Shi?” I asked persistently.

“Humingi ka lang ng tawad. Basta sincere…” ani Shiloh na ikinaismid ni Brent.

“Coming from you, huh? You don’t even know how to apologize even for the smallest things…”

“Eh ikaw naman nag-uumpisa lagi. Ikaw naman ang gumagawa ng sariling problema mo,” si Shiloh.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Riri. Mag-aaway pa yata ang dalawa at sa harap pa namin.

“How about you, Riri? Do you know how to apologize?” tanong ko at kami nalang ang mag-uusap dahil parang nag-uungkatan na ang dalawa.

“Yup. I know. I apologize when I make mistakes or when I unintentionally hurt people…even if I didn’t mean it.”

“Why would you apologize if it wasn’t your intention to hurt them? Isn’t that unfair?” I asked childishly.

Instead of being playful too, she just shook her head seriously.

“No. It’s not unfair, Kuya Tyler. Apologizing isn’t a competition. It’s your freedom. So I am always apologizing if I feel like I hurt their feelings because I can do it.”

Natahimik tuloy kaming tatlo at napatingin sa pagsasalita ni Riri.

“I don’t want them to feel bad, so if I could lessen it or erase it, I would apologize. It is easier than feeling regretful for not apologizing even if you have a lot of chances to do it…”

My lips parted. This kid is a genius. Ano bang pinapainom na vitamins ni Mavric sa batang ito at parang ang talino?

“Tama si Riri. Sana naman matuto ka sa bata,” si Brent na tiningnan si Shiloh.

Shiloh glared at him for a bit, but when his expression calmed down with a hint of guilt in his eyes, I felt like we both suck at apologizing. Pero kumalma ako kahit papano. I realized I wasn’t just the one who’s having a hard time or who needs a room of improvement. We all are. And it’s refreshing that everyone is flawed. Hindi pala ako nag-iisa.

“Just apologize as long as it’s not too late. I always apologize to Jester if he’s mad at me so he would just calm down…” patuloy ni Riri, na para bang madali lang ang humingi ng tawad.

“But what if he won’t accept your apology? What if Jester will just get even mad?” I asked curiously.

“Hmm… then I will ask him what he wants. If he says he wants me to get away from him, give him space, I will respect it. But I will wait until he is ready.”

I rested my elbows on the floor, my body reclined a bit as I thought about it thoroughly.

“Sino ba kasi ’yan?” tanong ni Brent.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that instead of answering his question, I fired another question.

“Dude, what do you think? Ang yabang ba ng dating ko?”

“Oo—”

“Makulit ka lang talaga,” si Shiloh, sumingit sa sagot ni Brent. “Kaya mayabang ang dating mo sa iba kasi hindi naman nila alam na makulit ka talaga.”

I shut my eyes and pushed my head back while chuckling. I knew it. Mayabang ang dating ng kakulitan ko. Kaya siguro hindi mukhang sincere kay Kael.

I cannot help it, alright. Nagseseryoso naman ako, pero hindi mo talaga makikita sa mukha ko. Kailangan ba pag seryoso, mukha ring seryoso?

Pag seryoso ako, galit na ako no’n. Kahit nga galit ako, hindi ko na siniseryoso ang mga nakapaligid sa akin dahil gusto ko nalang gaguhin sa galit ko.

“Pero tama si Riri, Tyler. Humingi ka lang ng tawad. Kung hindi niya tanggap, baka hindi pa siya handa. Hayaan mo munang kumalma siya, bigyan ng oras na iproseso niya ang galit niya sa’yo, saka mo ulit pag kaya niya nang ibigay.”

I nodded at Shiloh. Saka na ulit pag kaya nang ibigay. I realized I didn’t ask for his forgiveness; I desperately offered to be forgiven. Hindi ko nirespeto ang gusto niya, at sinunod lamang ang gusto ko kung paano niya dapat ako patatawarin.

“You found your match, eh?” Brent tilted his head and smirked at me. “Mukhang may bumabali na sa yabang mo ah?”

I rolled my eyes, laughed about it and rested my head on Riri’s legs when she straightened them. She ruffled my hair while Shiloh continued to tie the right side of her hair.

Si Brent, nakapwesto din sa likod ni Shiloh at nasilip ko pa ang kamay na nakayakap sa baywang ni Shi. Dito lang yata siya naging clingy kay Shiloh dahil hindi niya nagawa sa harap ng Mommy ni Shiloh kaya hinahayaan na rin namin. Kawawa na eh. Uhaw na uhaw na sa atensyon.

“Shiloh, kausapin mo nga muna si Mavric,” biglang lapit ni Rick, problemado at magkasalubong ang kilay, mukhang nawalan na ng pasensya.

Brent yawned and rested his head on Shiloh’s shoulder. “Thirdwheels…” he whispered sleepily.

At siya pa ngayon, huh? Magkakaibigan kaming lahat, at siya lang ang boyfriend ni Shiloh. Hindi niya ba naisip na siya itong nakiki-thirdwheel sa relasyon naming magkakaibigan?

“Ano bang meron dito? Sinong may problema? Ikaw?” si Rick na humalo naman sa amin.

“Kuya Tyler is having a hard time apologizing…” kuwento ni Riri lalo na’t pikit mata na ako at inaantok dahil sa pagsuklay ni Riri sa buhok ko.

“Send-an mo nalang ng lyrics ng The Reason by Hoobastank. Gets niya na ’yon,” ani Rick na ikinahalakhak ko. Gago. Kaya walang kwenta talaga ang mga advice namin pag kami kami lang dahil iisa lang naman ng bituka pagdating sa kalokohan.

“Oo nga pala,” si Rick na tiningnan ako. “Bahay Kubo by Hale. ’Yan ang hinahanap mong kanta.”

I immediately took my phone out of my pocket and listen to the song. Shoot! This is really the song I’m looking for! Sa wakas at magagamit ko na rin.

We did a lot of things in Cebu. For the first time, they got free access to my yachts after almost four years of friendship. Doon din kasi kami nagcelebrate ng sarili naming christmas party at nagbigayan din ng gifts.

“Ang nabunot ko ay si Tyler…” si Shiloh nang siya naman ang tumayo sa harap hawak ang regalo niya.

I stood up and shouted proudly. Tinapunan pa ako ni Brent ng kung ano habang natatawa akong lumapit kay Shiloh.

“Buksan mo,” Shiloh urged.

I nodded while smiling. I just tore the wrapped paper until half of the picture showed. My smile faded when I realized what it was.

“Wala akong ibang maisip dahil alam ko naman, kaya mong bilhin lahat. Pero naalala ko ’yung picture natin kaya…naisip ko…gawan ka nalang ng digital art kasama si…Tali.”

My shoulder loosened as soon as I unwrapped it fully. It was an art of me and my baby sis clinging to me while we both looked alike, not just our hair, but also our smile and the color of our eyes.

“Tapos… ito ’yung tatlo mong siblings din…” turo niya sa mga anghel na nasa itaas.

A five-year-old Tali, hugging my neck, our faces were both pressed against each other as we both grinned. And she’s also wearing a navy blue dress with puffed sleeves.

I caressed the frame, lost for a while, as I put my full attention on it. It was the best gift I received…

“Iiyak na ’yan… uy…” tukso ng mga girls sa akin kaya humalakhak ako at humingos, pinigilan nalang na masyadong maging emosyonal kahit gusto ko nang yakapin ng mahigpit si Shiloh.

Kahit yata nakaupo na ako no’n, pinagkakaguluhan nila ang art, nasa labi ko pa rin ang ngiti, at ilang beses kong tinitingnan ang frame.

“Shiloh’s art?” Mom asked as soon as I showed it to her when New Year came and we traveled to Rome to celebrate it.

Dinala ko rin siya noong napag-isa ako sa Paris. Kinunan ko ng pictures sa eiffel tower para naman may highlight din siya sa Instagram ko na kasama ko siya.

“Talented talaga ang batang ’yan…” si Dad na tiningnan din ang art at namangha.

“Does he have the copy? Let’s frame a bigger version and put it on the wall in our house,” si Mommy.

I know my mother’s fondness for paintings. Kahit hindi ko makita ang ngiti sa labi niya, kung paano nagtagal ang titig niya sa picture, alam ko, naghahalo rin ang emosyon niya.

Our New Year was way more intimate compared to the last one. We are now acknowledging that we lost not just one, but four in our family. I haven’t seen how my father mourned or how my mom broke down, but we are all slowly trying to cope with their death.

Death…

I chuckled while sipping on my wine after I remembered it. I opened the front camera of my phone and took a photo of myself sipping with a slight smirk on my lips while I was on the balcony of our room.

Inilagay ko agad sa Instagram story ko to post a caption.

Happy New Year! Cheers for another life!

I don’t wanna be dramatic about the word. Siguro kung hindi ko lang alam kung gaano ka selan at hirap ang naranasan ni Mommy sa pagbubuntis, kung paano hindi kinaya ng apat kong kapatid na na mabuhay sa tiyan niya, at isa sa surrogacy, hindi ako mapapatid ng kaonti sa sinabi ni Kael.

I admit it’s fucking below the belt. It’s even the lowest of the low compared to my insecurity, which he clumsily insulted, and this time, he meant the word.

Para bang kaya niyang maghukay ng sarili kong libingan, ibaon ako roon, at kung pwede, siya na rin ang maglagay ng lapida para lang masigurado niyang hindi ako makakatakas.

I looked up at the sky and realized one thing: he is willing to save lives as his dedication for being a nursing student, but when it comes to me, he would rather put me in my grave and bleed from his cut.

I would never win against him. No. I can easily win against him if I fight back, if I rule over that rage, put him underneath me, and hurt him back. That is so fucking easy. Walang wala lang ang mga salitang ’yon sa magiging ganti ko.

Pero hindi ko ginawa. O ayokong gawin may kakayahan akong higitan ang galit niya. Iyon ang natutunan ko sa una naming away noong mas pinili kong umibabaw ang galit sa akin.

My competitive ass is suddenly tamed; can you believe it? For the first time, I learned how to silence my mouth; despite the loud punch, I couldn’t put up a fight; hence, I lived underneath his fury.

Gusto kong matawa sa sarili, na kaya ko palang bumaba nang ganito ka baba, halos mabaon na sa lupa ang mga paa, hindi nanlalaban—kusang sumusuko.

I sipped down the entire wine left, clicked the dating app I downloaded days ago, and started creating an account for myself as Coast Alderidge to make it discreet. My profile was my back wearing a black leather jacket when I was smoking in the street of Florida.

I also added some pictures for my highlight if they viewed it. I just showed my back; no need to flaunt the face cuz I know I’m still good-looking even if it’s a back shot.

For my bio, I only put ‘roll with me’ and that’s it.

Looking for… well a bi? Iyon din ang nilagay ko. I am looking for a bi! Hindi pa nakontento, dinagdagan ko ng rainbow, para obvious. Kaso baka hindi gets ng iba kaya dinagdagan ko ng ‘interested in men, btw :p’

Interests: traveling, fashion, soccer, football, money, car racing, self-development. Whews. What a word.

About me… I typed chaud foutoir, a French word that also means hot mess. Hah.

Iyon nalang ang pinagkaabalahan ko noong January. Curious naman ako. Kaso iniisip ko…parang gusto ko rin ng distraction. Marami ring naka-match, kaso nanghihingi agad ng picture ko. Ayoko nga. Baka…same school lang pala at makilala pa ako.

Katie:

Balitaan mo ako! I’ll send more tutorials. Marami akong nahanap na magagandang videos while they’re doing the prep thingy. It might help you.

Tyler:

Nice! Thanks ;)

What a supportive girlie.

Nagbrowse agad ako ng pwedeng i-chat, and luckily, I found an interesting account. His name is Jasver Chua. Same age as me, and what’s interesting about him too, his featured photos weren’t showing his face either. Nice…

Ang profile picture niya, may pusa sa balikat niya, at nakatalikod din. The mess of his hair made me stare at it for a while, then I swiped for his other photos and I can already tell this one is smoking hot even if he’s not showing his face.

Hindi naman na importante ang mukha. I’m just here for a one night stand. Nothing deep.

Tiningnan ko kung ano ang hinahanap niya. He’s looking for… a fubu. Wow. He’s straightforward.

His interests made me smirk a little because I remembered someone. Surfing. Mountain climbing. Cars. Soccer. Music. So, he prefers outdoor sex, to be exact? Baka mahilig siya sa camping para doon sa bundok gawin? Cuz I like playing music when I’m doing the deed too. We might click on the music part.

I read his about me. He’s also specific. ‘I don’t fuck with liars.’

So what, right? Am just gonna lie I haven’t lied in my entire life. We’re just gonna fuck. Hindi naman kami aabot sa kasalan o seryosong relasyon.

Luckily, we matched. So I immediately hit the message button and typed for a chat.

Fubu? I’m interested ;)

Chapter 27

Wet

Hindi agad nagreply sa akin kaya nang entertain ako ng iba pang mga  nagmemessage. Most of them were men since that’s what I’m lookin’ for. But they bored me for a reason, and our convos were turning bland.

Some were shamelessly asking for a dick pic to confirm if I am a man. I would send a bulge of my sweatpants, of course, or during when I’m wearing my boxers. Kaso pag nagdedemand ng video calls, I’m out.

Imagine, what if si Coach Josson ’yung bigla kong nakita sa video call, edi grabe ’yung trauma ko. Hindi naman sa iniisip kong bisexual si Coach; I am just stating any possibilities if I open my camera and show my face. Ang malala, baka ’yung single dad tapos dad ng friends ko pa pala? I might get my ass off from this dating app and just touch some grass for the rest of my life.

It was the weekend when my dad invited me to play golf at Manila Golf and Country Club. He’s a consistent client there, so some who know him were shocked when he brought his son with him.

“Nadala ko na rin ang Mommy mo rito,” he smiled enthusiastically while he’s holding a golf club, standing in a perfect position, as I watched him make a powerful strike on hitting the golf ball.

Maganda ang weather. We are both wearing navy blue polo shirts, and I am just wearing white shorts, matched with my white Nike shoes and white cap, while he’s wearing black khaki pants. Napaghahalataan tuloy na mag-ama.

Sinundan ko ang paglipad ng bola, si Dad, nangingiting tumingin sa akin. “I’m a good player, but your mom is a hustler when it comes to this. Magaling ’yon…”

Sa totoo lang, boring para sa akin ang sport na ito. Pakiramdam ko, Tito na rin ako, o patungo nang tumanda pag nahilig nang mag golf. Wala pa nga akong anak…

My father guided me on how to play it right. Inaayos niya rin ang posture ko. Sinusubukan kong mag-concentrate, pero lumilipad din talaga ang isip ko.

“It’s okay. Ain’t bad as a first-timer…” si Dad na tinapik ang balikat ko nang pinalipad ko ang bola, hindi na halos makita kung saan pumunta.   

I took off my white cap and ruffled my hair. Naglagay ulit si Dad ng panibagong bola at siya naman ang pumwesto para tirahin iyon.

“Dad…” I called while his full attention was on the ball.

“Yes?” he answered distractedly; his eyes were glued to the front.

“Have you tried liking a man?”

“You mean romantically?” he confirmed, unfazed by my question as he tried to concentrate.

I nodded and smiled a little. “Yup. Like, you know, you’re interested to…” I cleared my throat. “Fuck one?”

His brows shot up, and he straightened up like my words got his whole attention.

“Hmm… Hindi pa naman. Mom mo kasi ang first time ko. I was a virgin back in the day when I met your mom… even my ass.” He smiled proudly.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. Tapos siya itong malakas ang loob na makipag one-night stand? My mother must be disappointed that he’s a first-timer.

“Have you tried?” He looked at me carefully.

I shrugged and smiled playfully. “Curious. And… I’m planning.”

His lips parted, he shook his head, and he looked at the golf ball.

“Are you sure about that?” Tiningnan niya ako sa kalmadong paraan.

I positioned myself on hitting the golf ball he didn’t hit. Isang malakas na hampas ang ginawa ko, tiningnan iyon, si Dad na sinundan din ang paglipad nito, saka muling ibinalik ang tingin sa akin.

“Yup. Just a casual fuck,” I said.

He nodded and put another golf ball on the ground. Kumpara kanina na na-distract ko, ngayon, bumalik na agad doon ang atensyon niya. Para bang mas matimbang sa kanya na makascore sa golf namin, kaysa ang pagtuunan ng pansin ang tanong ko.

“Ipakilala mo sa amin ng Mommy mo. Si Shiloh ba ’yan?” sa sobrang kalma ng pagkakatanong niya, parang tanggap niya agad kung si Shiloh man.

“Dad, what the hell?! He’s like a baby brother to me!” I shouted exasperatingly. Out of all people?! He’s like a baby to me. I can’t even corrupt his mind with dirty topics, nor think about him in sexual things!

Pag nandito si Brent, instead ang golf ball ang hahampasin, baka si Dad na. At hindi ko maimagine kay Shiloh. Siguro kay Mav oo, kung hindi lang kami magkaibigan. Parehas naman kasi kaming bastos ni Mavric at nagbibiruan ng green jokes.

“Oh? Then…” He stopped and looked at me like he found the right answer, and he needed to see my reaction. “Si Ron?”

Isang halakhak ang naibuga ko, hindi ko alam kung natatawa ba ako o may halo ring pandidiri.

“Dude!” I cringed. “He’s like a brother to me too! Wala akong papatulan sa circles ko! They’re like siblings to me! Damn, man!”

Humalakhak si Dad, hinampas ang golf ball at tumango sa akin.

“Sabagay…mukhang anak na nga rin ang tingin ko sa batang ’yon. Para rin kasing ikaw kausap. Makulit din.”

Tapos ang tingin ni Ron sa’yo, karibal niya noon kay Charlotta. Inside joke lang naman namin ’yon, kaso baka ibaon siya sa lupa ni dad kung nalaman niya ang kalokohan ni Ron na nagkaka-crush pala kay mommy.

My dad didn’t make too much fuss about my question. He knows me for being too liberated, knowing all my life I lived in the US. I adapted a lot of things there. Other than that, my parents are so open that I know these kinds of topics would not make them uncomfortable or disappointed.

If he’s worried about one thing, it’s the fact that I might not be able to give them a grandchild. Kaso sabi ko nga kay Dad, casual fuck lang ang hinahanap ko. I just want to taste, fuel my curiosity, and that’s it.

“How do you even do that? Fucking without falling in love. My younger self could never…” si Dad noong nasa club car na kami at siya ang nagmaneho.

“Napapanaginipan ko kasi, dad…” I said and crossed my arms. Ayaw ko nga lang sabihin na laman ng mga panaginip ko iyong anak ni Tito Rommel, at baka mas magulat siya, kaysa ang magulat na kaya kong pumatol sa lalaki.

“Hindi ako pwede sa ganyan. First and last ko kasi ang Mommy mo. Unang tikim, hulog agad. Wala akong experience, but your mom was so satisfied with my performance she married me right away—”

“Gross…” I looked outside with a sour expression. Hindi talaga natatapos ang usaping ’to.

“Mom mo kasi, player ’yan eh. Sa kanya ka nagmana…medyo loverboy ako.” He chuckled.

Wow. They’re a perfect match. They’re both unhinged. Maganda palang combo ang nonchalant at playful… And imagine, the playful one was less experienced while the nonchalant was the player.

I licked my lips unconsciously when one of my dreams flashed in my mind again. I have that favorite position, and once Jasver replies to me, I will probably suggest doing all the positions with him…

Jasver Chua:

Sched?

Kakatapos ko lang magshower no’n pagkauwi, nasa kama na at noong buksan ang phone ko around 10:30PM, may reply na siya 3 minutes ago.

Nice. He’s game. I smirked while typing a reply.

Coast Alderidge:

This week? Your place or mine?

He read my message.

Jasver Chua:

Yours.

Coast Alderidge:

Give me your number. I will send the address and the floor of my room, including the number. Just bring your ID. I will tell the guards you’re a visitor.

Jasver Chua:

095431xxxxx

I saved it. Mukhang parehas pa yata kaming tigang. Kaso naisip ko bigla ’yung paalala sa akin ni Katie, kilalanin ko raw at least.

Coast Alderidge:

Body count in men? Clean?

Jasver Chua:

I’ll bring my med cert. All clean. First time.

Umangat ang kilay ko. First time…

Coast Alderidge:

Cool! So we’re gonna diverginize each other’s ass, huh? It’s my first time too lol

Jasver Chua:

Sino ang nasa ibabaw? Ako ba? Haha

I laughed a little. Kung alam niya lang ang mga panaginip ko…

Coast Alderidge:

We’re both first-timers, but I already watched a lot of tutorials. I like being the top. I’m not average btw ;)

Jasver Chua:

Obviously. Half? What’s your nationality? Nagtatagalog ka naman, ’di ba?

Coast Alderidge:

Yup. Nagtatagalog. I’m fluent. Mahilig din ako sa OPM songs. My favorite recently is Bahay Kubo by Hale.

Geez! Pinoy genes acting up! I laughed at myself, proud that I can finally brag I am a Filipino not just by blood, but also by nature.

Coast Alderidge:

But I know how to speak French and Russian. Studied in the States, and I learned some words.

Jasver Chua:

Haha sa french kiss lang ako fluent

Humalakhak ako. This one is interesting! I like his vibe! Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang mapangisi at nag-eenjoy sa pag-uusap namin.

Coast Alderidge:

Turns me on lol I like kisses

Jasver Chua:

What’s your kink?

Coast Alderidge:

Dominance. I like being ordered what to do.

I think it’s really hot when they’re dominating me. Lalo na kung galit na galit… I smirked a little.

Jasver Chua:

May kink ako lately. Not sure if you’re gonna like it.

Coast Alderidge:

Hmm? Like?

Jasver Chua:

Chokes.

Fuck… we have the same kink! Hell fucking yeah!

Coast Alderidge:

I like rough sex. We’re destined :)

Jasver Chua:

Glassy eyes during bj haha fuck

My throat ran dry, and suddenly, I feel hot. Kakatapos ko lang mag-shower, ganito agad.

Coast Alderidge:

Man… I’m horny. Can you send vids please :(

Jasver Chua:

Send one too.

Coast Alderidge:

While getting off? Sure. Right now ba? Cuz I’m getting hard rn.

Jasver Chua:

Hindi ba ’to kakalat? I don’t trust the internet. Nabiktima na ako nito once haha.

Oh… so he has a traumatizing past? Wow. And he’s here again. Hindi ba siya takot na maulit? Hindi naman sa bibiktimahin ko siya, pero hindi ba siya nadala sa una niyang experience?

Coast Alderidge:

Pwede naman ako nalang ang mag send if you’re not comfy. I don’t mind seeing my dick pics in public. It’s just a male organ at the end of the day and most males have it bruh

Jasver Chua:

Gago hahahaha may point. Angas mo ah?

Coast Alderidge:

Dick privilege. Imagine if it’s the women’s genitals. For sure it’s gonna be a big fuss on the internet

Jasver Chua:

Oo rin. Pag sex tapes na kakalat, or nudes, hindi masyadong big deal ang genital parts ng lalaki, lalo na kung malaki. Pero pag girls, viral agad ’yan.

Jasver Chua:

Some would even make a comment about its color or if the woman is a virgin or not. Mga bobong walang alam sa human anatomy.

May sense… kaya ayaw ko rin nanghihingi ng nudes sa girls eh. But it really depends if they’re comfortable to send. I will just get off on it and delete it right away.

I can smell this one is smart.

Coast Alderidge:

I don’t understand why the internet always praises the dick and condemns the vagina of the woman. Like seriously, they’re both genitals.

Jasver Chua:

Double standards. Pag body count, cool sa lalaki pag marami. Pag babae, malandi agad. Haha. Tang inang mindset.

Jasver Chua:

Kaya gusto ko talaga may sex education sa Pinas eh. Para hindi nagiging bastos ang ganitong usapin, at hindi nagiging mangmang ang iba tungkol sa body parts. Sa sobrang relihiyoso ng Pinas, mga minor ngayon, walang sapat na alam na nakukuha kung bakit mahalagang matutunan ang contraceptions, menstration, at masturbation.

I’m here for a one-night stand, but wow, I found a gem. Alam ko naman ang mga ito, but it’s refreshing to learn new things. It’s feeding my self-development to improve more.

Jasver Chua:

Kaya lumulobo ang teenage pregnancy, kasi kulang sa kaalaman. Kaso tingin ng Pinas, pag may sex education, tinuturuan mo sa maagang panahon ang mga bata tungkol sa kabastusan.

Jasver Chua:

That’s the purpose of the school: to teach valuable lessons. May ibang parents, ayaw nagtotopic ng body parts, or sexual intercourse kasi stigmatized na bastos ang ganoong usapin. Imagine, ayaw mong magturo ng sex education sa Pinas, pero sa internet, kahit minor pa, ang bilis maaccess ang porn sites. And some minors would even watch it privately cuz they knew it’s something to be ashamed of, or something they think the parents would get mad if they found out they were engaging in those things.

He’s a nursing student. I can really tell. Ang haba ng pag-uusap namin tungkol sa topic hanggang sa bumalik ulit kami sa trauma niya sa internet.

Coast Alderidge:

You mentioned you have a trauma. May nagpakalat ng dick pics mo?

Jasver Chua:

Hindi ako mahilig magsend. Ginago lang hahaha. First heartbreak ko sa internet mismo

What the hell. May nauuto pala talaga sa internet? I suddenly remembered Kael. Kahit ’yung nararamdaman kong init, bumaba rin. Naaalala ko na naman ang kasalanan ko.

Coast Alderidge:

I’m sorry if it happens to you. I hope you recover :(

Jasver Chua:

Wala na ’yon. Hindi na nagparamdam. Mabuti nga. Tang ina niya.

Coast Alderidge:

Cuz it’s my turn haha wala na siyang babalikan. Is that your ex?

Jasver Chua:

Liligawan ko pa lang sana. Kaso prank lang pala. Literal na gago. Gumastos pa para lang sa wala.

Coast Alderidge:

DUDE DON’T TRUST THE INTERNET. Girls are really heartbreakers! I experienced it too bro… I got cheated on, and after that, I started playin around. Fuck relationships! I’d rather entertain fubus!

Jasver Chua:

Akala ko kasi genuine. Sa dami kong problema that time, akala ko nakahanap ako ng masasandalan at makikinig sa’kin. First time mo ngang mag-open up, tinarantado ka pa. Sinong hindi mat-trauma.

Wow. I cannot imagine the betrayal. Knowing I’m used to opening up, I might not recover if I found out all this time they’re stabbing me from the back.

Noong niloko nga ako ni Rebecca, sa sobrang turn off ko, ayaw ko nang magseryoso. Tikim tikim nalang. Huwag na makipagrelasyon.

Coast Alderidge:

That’s why you’re into fuck buddies now? Is she the reason why you’d rather fuck men than women? O may tinatakasan kang fixed marriage Hahahahaha

Jasver Chua:

Hindi naman. Pansexual ako. Hindi bi. I don’t care about genders as long as I like them. Baka kahit sabihin niyang bading siya, o trans, kahit ano, basta gusto ko siya, ’yun na ’yon.

Pansexual. That’s a new word to me. I only know bisexual.

Jasver Chua:

Paano maf-fixed marriage eh hindi naman pure Chinese. Design lang ’yan hahaha ewan ko sa Papa ko, Chinese ang apelyido kahit mukha naman kaming Spanish. Sabi niya, surname daw ni Lola. Basta mahabang usapan.

Coast Alderidge:

Spanish?! Dude, my type! Moreno with spanish features. Damn! Lights fucking on!

He reacted haha again. I typed for another chat to continue the topic since I’m curious about his recent heartbreak.

Coast Alderidge:

But what if she comes back? Are you gonna intertain her or…

Jasver Chua:

Kaya nga ako nandito kasi gusto kong kumilala. Naghahanap ng bagong fixation. Ayoko nang manigarilyo dahil kawawa na ang baga ko. Inaraw-araw ko na kakaisip sa ginawa niya

We are such a great match. Someone who’s brokenhearted by a woman and someone who’s trying to find a distraction.

Coast Alderidge:

Oh so you smoke too? I’ll give you one you can blow and it’s nine inch ;)

Jasver Chua:

Tang ina pass! Sakit niyan sa lalamunan

Coast Alderidge:

Why? Hahahahaha it’s gonna be worth it.

Jasver Chua:

Sanay na sanay ah? Akala ko ba first time.

Coast Alderidge:

I already tried fucking one in my dream. We did all the positions. And you know what’s weird? He’s not my type cuz we hate each other. Idk why I’m suddenly dreaming dirty stuff with him

Jasver Chua:

Ba’t hindi mo nalang gawin sa kanya?

Coast Alderidge:

If he wants to :(

Jasver Chua:

Baka siya ang iisipin mo habang ginagawa natin ah?

I laughed out loud. Sinusubukan ko ngang malayo ang isip ko kay Kael para ma-distract, binibigyan pa ako ng rason para isipin!

Coast Alderidge:

Don’t give me funny ideas bro. But if I’ll moan his name, just don’t take it seriously.

Jasver Chua:

Sanay na sanay ka ba sa fubu? Mukhang hindi ka madaling ma attach. Kasi ako oo. Kaya fubu nalang para no strings. Pure fuck lang.

Coast Alderidge:

Yup. I only had one rs but she cheated on me. After that, I’m used to fuck buddies. Hindi ako mabilis ma fall cuz most of the girls I bedded, they’re game too. No strings. You know those complicated ones? Chinese girls who can’t have a boyfriend because of their strict trads or nursing studs who are too busy and would rather engage in casual fucks. I’m that kind of a man. So in other words, I’m like a stripper who gives free services. Kung magpapabayad ako, yayaman siguro ako sa daming gustong tumikim sa akin :(

Jasver Chua:

Sad boy ng emoji hahahaha

Jasver Chua:

Pero sabagay, naiintindihan ko. Hindi nga lang ako relate dahil mas gusto ko, girlfriend o boyfriend ko talaga. Hindi ko kayang makipaghalikan nang walang label. Mandidiri ako.

Coast Alderidge:

We can skip kissing. Just pure fuck. But I’m really interested to taste your french kiss haha

Coast Alderidge:

And are you comfortable with our no-label setup? I don’t really like when my fuck buddies are uncomfortable. I prioritize consents, especially after care.

Jasver Chua:

Ayos lang. Fixation lang naman. Kailangan ko lang ng ibang pleasure para tigilan ko ang paninigarilyo. Gusto ko rin gawin ’yung kink ko.

Coast Alderidge:

Don’t worry, I’ll give you something you’d be addicted to. It’s one of my expertise.

I yawned when I noticed it was almost 1AM. Huling puyat ko, noong nakakausap ko rin si Kael sa Verena account. I visited my messenger to see if he had already restored his account, but it was still deactivated.

I opened my Instagram to check who viewed my stories. Meron kasi akong nilagay na picture. It was my mom with her back shot picture sipping on her martini while she was facing the glass wall of the restaurant, which showed the entire view of the city lights.

I only put a little caption ‘the bossiest person I know’ and used Desperado as the background song. Ang daming nagreply, nagtatanong kung sino. Some think it’s my girlfriend, which made me laugh. Knowing Mom looks like she’s just around her twenties when the truth is, she’s already in her mid-forties.

I froze a bit when I noticed a familiar name who viewed my story. The one word Mikael made me click for his profile. Nang tingnan ko, naka-private na. Mukhang inalis niya na ako sa followings niya. Tsss.

Pinabayaann ko nalang total ayoko munang mangulit. Three months. I’ll give him space for three months just like what Shiloh said to me, and then after that, I will ask for his forgiveness again. Hindi muna ako mangungulit, magpaparamdam, o magpapapansin. Besides, I’m having fun on the dating app with Jasver Chua. He’s kinda interesting.

We’re talking all night once I’m already in my bed and he’s also done on his schoolwork. He’s kinda aloof, and he doesn’t share things—even his course and his school. I don’t usually ask since I know he might have learned from his previous experience to not share too much.

We don’t talk about personal things too. The only thing we knew about each other was our names. Kahit nga social medias, ayaw niyang magbigay. Iniisip ko baka may girlfriend, pero halatang brokenhearted eh. Ang lala ng trust issue.

Noong matapos ako sa activities ko, siya agad ang m-in-essage ko. Online siya around 10Pm, which gives me a bit of nostalgia, but I wanted to shrug it off. Mahilig nga lang ’to magpuyat at inaabot kami ng 2AM kaka-usap.

Coast Alderidge:

You like cuddles?

Jasver Chua:

Hindi naman natin ’yon gagawin. We’re just fubus.

Coast Alderidge:

No kisses. No cuddles. Damn. You’re heartless :/

Jasver Chua:

Fucking clingy haha

Coast Alderidge:

Told my dad I’m interested in men. And guess what?

Jasver Chua:

What? Nagalit?

Coast Alderidge:

Nah. He said I should start getting serious. My parents dgaf with my sexual activities. They’re cool. How bout yours

Jasver Chua:

Wala rin. Magugulat siguro pero hindi rin bigdeal.

So we have the same case, huh. Our parents aren’t homophobic. Marami rin kasi sa mga Pinoy na may homophobic na parents dahil sa religion. Most of their beliefs here were driven by religion. Rare lang ’yung household na tanggap agad.

Coast Alderidge:

Three more days. Bring clothes. You’re gonna sleep in my condo for a week.

Jasver Chua:

I have classes.

Coast Alderidge:

After your class. Pwede namang sa akin ka umuwi gabi gabi and then we’ll do it. We can also fuck before going to our classes.

Jasver Chua:

Magtataka ang parents ko pag hindi ako uuwi during weekends.

Coast Alderidge:

You should introduce me to your parents then so we can do it in your room too haha

Jasver Chua:

Tss baka maingay ka. Tsismosa ’yung bunso.

He has a sister? Nice!

Coast Alderidge:

We’ll do it when everyone’s asleep then?

Jasver Chua:

During Sat, pwede ka sa amin para sakto Linggo kinabukasan.

Coast Alderidge:

Isang gabi lang? I won’t be satisfied with that :/

Jasver Chua:

Isang gabi hanggang umagahin hahaha

I twisted my tongue as I couldn’t control my smile. He’s rizzing me up so bad. If only he’s in front of me…

Unable to contain my feelings, I opened the front camera of my phone, covered my face while I smirked as I lay on my bed—my pearl white teeth showing—and I put it in my story; a black and white photo with a background song called Make It To The Morning by PartyNextDoor.

I can’t really wait to see him. I have zero expectations, whatever his face is, but I can sense he’s good-looking. Sa pictures niya, halatang malinis din sa katawan at may medical certificate pa siya. I know I’m clean, but to be fair, I also want to show him my medical certificate too.

Coast Alderidge:

I’ll send you something. Can’t wait to see yours ;)

Jasver laughed at my photo. I grinned while imagining his reaction. Sabi ko naman sa kanya, comfortable akong magsend ng ganito at ayos lang kung hindi siya magsesend. Ilang minuto pa bago agad siya nagreply.

Jasver Chua sent a photo.

My jaw dropped when it was his wet palm and the obvious bulge on his sweatpants. I turned him on, and he obviously touched himself! Fuck…

Jasver Chua:

Nakakabitin. Humanda ka sa akin sa personal hahahaha

Chapter 28

Talk

Ang sarap tuloy ng tulog ko. What ruined it was my dream with Kael again, and the weirdest part was Jasver sent a photo of himself jacking off, and I saw Kael’s face instead, until we ended up meeting up and doing it aggressively.

Baka dahil lang din sa sinasabi ni Jasver na baka ang pangalan ni Kael ang iuungol ko kaya kahit sa panaginip, nadala ko na naman. Kaya nga naghanap na ako ng iba para magawa, hindi naman ako tinitigilan ng mga bastos kong panaginip.

But I’m really curious if this dream will stop once I do it with Jasver. I’m quite bothered. Sa dami naman kasi ng kilala kong lalaki, I don’t understand why I did it with Kael instead in my dreams. Maybe my kink was unconsciously activated because we hated each other, and I’m turned on with people hating on me?

Man…

Dad:

Are you attending the Super Bowl? You like watching football right? I’ll buy three tix for us.

Kakabukas ko lang ng phone ko, message agad ni Dad sa iMessage ang sumalubong habang hinihintay ko ang order ko sa isang restaurant sa Rockwell.

Tyler:

Dude I thought you were busy with a big project?

Alam ko kasi, he secured a big project worth a hundred million. The construction is still ongoing—almost done, but my father seems to be distracted with something else. Ang rami niyang pinaggagawa instead na nasa site siya.

I mean, he has engineers and architects to monitor the project, and the foreman, not just Tito Rommel, kaya siguro panatag din si Dad.

Dad:

Your Tito Rommel is there. Btw, do you know the Tejanos? You and his son go to the same school.

Tejanos? I only know one.

So instead of replying, I clicked the FaceTime for a video call since I’m curious too. Mamaya pa namang 2:00 PM ang next subject ko at 11PM pa lang kaya pumunta muna ako sa Rockwell cuz my circle is busy too. Mamaya pa ang vacant time ni Ron, kahit si Mavric, nasa class niya pa.

“Tejanos? There’s a popular Tejano here. Rade. He has a sister too. Nasa nursing branch ng school. But they didn’t enroll this sem…” sabi ko habang pinapanood si Dad, nasa banyo, nagshishave ng mukha  niya at naka towel lang.

“Baka ’yan nga. I heard his dad disowned him for being gay. Not sure though, but…he found him with a man in a motel.”

My jaw dropped, and I saw my overreacting face highlighted on the camera. “Hell no?! Rade is gay?!”

“Baka katulad mo lang din, gustong tumikim, kaso nahuli mismo ng ama sa motel.” He explained calmly and shaved the other side of his jaw. “But the main question is, bakit nandoon din si Tejano. His cheating rumors are probably all true…” Dad chuckled.

Parang hindi kapani-paniwala. I can’t even picture it. Rade is bisexual? He likes men too? What the hell?

Gulat na gulat nga ako kay Brent, tapos ngayon, malalaman ko na baka si Rade rin? Can I even share this to my circle? Kaso ayaw pag-usapan ni Mavric ang mga Tejano eh.

“Dad! You know, he’s kinda sus! Malagkit makatingin sa akin ’yang Rade na ’yan. Since last year lalo na noong Halloween party! And to know he’s bisexual, it suddenly makes sense to me! I think he likes me!”

Oh shit! Sabi ko na talaga may laman ang mga tingin na ’yon! Hindi talaga mali ang kutob ko. Ramdam ko rin eh.

My father nodded continuously and washed his shaver. “Baka nga…”

“And he disowned his son? Bruh, that’s disappointing…”

“Naalala mo ’yung sinasabi ko sa’yong nangunguha ng malalaking clients? Siya ’yan. Marumi ’yan kalaban. I won’t be shocked if he’s not a great father too. Wala ’yung utak eh. Mukhang nalagyan na ng semento sa sobrang workaholic,” si Dad na ngayon ay naglalagay naman ng panibagong cream sa mukha, natatawa pa.

I smiled at the waiter who placed my baby back ribs and a lemonade and looked at my father again. Which means Rade’s father has a construction firm? Is that the reason why Rade also pursued engineering? Wow… It’s connecting.

“What’s so disappointing about having a son who’s also into men? I don’t get why there are parents who are making a big deal out of it. If I saw you in the motel with your fuck buddy and it’s a man, I would be proud! Imagine, my son can go both ways. Gano’n ba ka guwapo ang genes ko na kahit lalaki, nagkakagusto? It’s a compliment,” patuloy ni Dad habang abala na ako sa food ko.

Tiningnan ko ulit ang camera habang sumusubo at nakita si Dad na nagtanggal pa saglit ng towel habang nakatalikod, nakalimutan pa yatang naka on ang video niya, o wala lang talaga siyang pakialam. I coughed when I saw his butt.

“Dad, what the hell?” I coughed a bit and sipped on my lemonade.

Lumingon si Dad sa camera at natatawang inabot ang bathrobe. “Bakit ka ba kasi nakipag FaceTime? You should have called me…”

I crunched my nose and continued eating. Kumalma rin ang ekspresyon niya, bumalik ulit sa harap ng salamin at nagbukas ng isang box ng skin care. The familiar brand, which I would always see in my mom’s bathroom, is none other than l’Or de Vie by Dior. Halatang tumatanda na talaga pag focus na sa anti-aging at pampawala ng wrinkles…

His face turned painful, like he remembered something and looked at me seriously.

“Naalala ko kasi na nag-open up ka last week about your curiosity to try it with men too. Paano nalang kung hindi ako ng ama mo, at sa ganoong klaseng ama ka nag-open up. Thinking you’d get a rough beating hurts my heart…”

My shoulder loosened, and I grinned. “Love you, dad.”

He smiled at ease. “I love you. Don’t feel bad liking men. Ayos lang ’yan. If that fubu of yours didn’t work out, I’ll find you one. May mga kilala rin ako na bisexual ang mga anak nila and they’re just around your age too…”

And wow. Handa pa akong ibugaw. I continued eating while comparing my life right now with Rade. He gets abandoned by his father while I’m being treated with care. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung malas ba siya, o maswerte lang ako dahil ganito ang parents ko.

“Kaibigan mo ba ’yung Tejano? You should comfort him. It’s hard being abandoned by your own father just because you wanted to figure out things that are different from the society’s taste,” he uttered while applying another liquid on his face down to his neck.

“In-add ko ’yon sa Facebook kaso hindi pa ako nac-confirm. Busy ata…”

Kahit hindi naman ako nakakarelate sa problema ngayon ni Rade, naalala ko bigla iyong misunderstanding namin ni Dad na akala ko, pinapaboran niya ang ibang anak kaysa sa sarili niyang anak. Imagine my pain during that time. I loathed Kael so much that I ended up hurting him back with heavy words I don’t really mean because of my anger.

Nagawa ko naman kasing gumanti kay Kael dahil pakiramdam ko, pinagdadamot sa akin ni Dad ang gusto kong maramdaman bilang anak niya. If my father continues to favor him and doesn’t acknowledge where my pain is coming from, I might hate Kael to death and curse him for existing…

And for sure, Rade feels the same way right now. Misunderstanding lang nga sa amin ni Dad, ano pa kaya ’yung sa kanya na tinakwil siya mismo?

So after the call, I stalked his account on Facebook again. The friend request I sent to him is still pending, and I understand now why. He is loaded with family problems, and he has no time to check his social media. Baka naman sa Messenger lang din siya active?

Saktong may dumaan na meme sa Facebook ko. I watched it and laughed until I realized it might also cheer up Rade. So I sent it to his messenger and typed some words.

Tyler:

Rade check this out hahahaha it’s so funny, right?

As much as I wanted to tell it to Mavric about Rade, I remembered during Halloween how he pushed me and there was a glint of anger in his eyes. Medyo natakot ako doon. I value my friends so much that I don’t want to have a beef with them.

Hindi ko pa nakita si Mavric na magalit. He’s so chill. But compared to how chill I was, his chill is laced with mystery—something hidden. I can’t really tell if he’s mad or somethin’. Ang hirap basahin ng emosyon niya sa oras na ’yon kaya tumigil agad ako dahil baka nasagad ko na pala ang pasensya niya.

Naiisip ko rin kasi, baka may problema sa akin minsan. I’m too playful, and it might be annoying to some already. May ugali pa naman akong hirap makiramdam sa paligid ko. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang may mga galit sa akin, unless they will verbally tell it to me. Hindi ko naman kasi ino-overthink ang mga nasa paligid ko. I don’t dig deeper, or I have that it is what it is mindset.

That’s why I’m proud of the circle I’m in, cuz they always point out what I need to improve instead of backstabbing me. Bunganga pa lang ng girls, lalo na ni Mica na honest din sa akin, at pangaral minsan ni Brent, natatauhan agad ako sa mga mali ko, o mga hindi ko inaakalang sobra na pala.

Si Kael ba…maiintindihan niya kaya ang dahilan ko? If I genuinely apologized and admitted to him that I was hurt, that I only twisted my words in order to hurt him back, would he acknowledge my reason for doing it or blame me for the pain he knew he didn’t deserve?

Wala sa sarili ko tuloy na na-stalk at sa kalagitnaan pa mismo ng major subject ko. Reporting lang naman ang nangyayari sa harap pero masyado akong bothered na parang hindi ako mapapakali pag hindi ko nasilip ang Instagram account niya.

I clicked his profile on my search bar until his wall flashed. Wala siyang profile at kahit bio, wala. May followers siya na three hundred lang, malayong malayo sa fifty thousand na followers ko sa Instagram dahil sa basketball brawl noong December. May followings din siya pero nasa twelve lang, malayo sa akin na umabot na sa two hundred…at halos girls pa…

I should unfollow these girls. Baka ini-stalk ako at kung ano ano na naman ang iniisip noon sa akin.

I stared at the follow button and clicked it. Kaso nang maalalang magagalit lang siya, binawi ko agad. I also opened the message and typed for a chat.

Still mad?

But I said, I’ll give him space. Space ba ’to? So I ended up unsending it. Damn, man…

Minutes later, may lumabas na notification galing kay Jasver Chua kaya medyo na-distract rin.

Jasver Chua sent a photo.

I opened it and saw his hand holding a box of condoms. I smirked and typed a reply.

Coast Alderidge:

I have condoms in my condo. I also bought gels for lube. Just bring your clothes and your toothbrush, unless you wanna share toiletries with me? :D

Coast Alderidge:

You did the fasting, right? I also did it. I’ll treat you to a good lunch somewhere in Rockwell, dw. I’m prepared for our one week fucking.

Jasver Chua reacted haha on my chat as I was grinning.

Jasver Chua:

Bibilhin ko lang. Hindi tayo parehas ng size. At isang gabi na muna ako diyan. Saturday hanggang Sunday.

Coast Alderidge:

Aww :(

Jasver Chua:

Fubu ang hinahanap ko, hindi ka lived-in partner. Tang ina naman hahaha

I laughed too.

Coast Alderidge:

I’ll give you the passcode of my condo unit so you can come over anytime.

Jasver Chua:

Ang bilis mo namang magtiwala. Paano kung magnanakaw ako?

Coast Alderidge:

I only got a few gadgets in my condo. Laptop, iPad, computer set, some video game consoles, and cold cash I always put in my drawer for delivery orders. I always bring my wallet and keys. So if you’re gonna steal those, I think it’s not even worth it for being jailed. Plus the whole building has strict security and active CCTVs. Your personal information will also get recorded as a visitor with your valid ID. Up to you if you wanna ruin your image and your future.

Jasver Chua reacted haha on my chat again. I’m not even kidding. At ramdam ko naman na matino siya.

Jasver Chua:

Tigang na nga, makukulong pa. Ang may-ari ang gusto kong pasukan, hindi ang condo niya.

I licked my lower lip and bit it.

Coast Alderidge:

You wanna fuck me so bad? Hmm?

Jasver Chua:

Tang inang hmm yan bat ang lambing? Ayokong tigasan dito sa 7-Eleven haha

His tagalog curses really remind me of Kael. Kung hindi ko lang ’yon nakausap sa chats, iisipin kong siya ’to. But he doesn’t like dirty talk. He’s too serious and decent. Hindi rin kayang magpuyat. Jasver is too wild and nasty. Parang imposible na…ganito si Kael.

Cuz if he’s like this, it’s probably the end of me. Iniisip ko pa lang parang mamamatay na ako sa mga papasok sa isip ko. Imagine he is willing to do it with me, I might really fumble so bad.

Coast Alderidge:

I like how you cursed. Reminds me of someone I always fuck so hard in my dreams :(

Jasver Chua:

Gago haha. Gusto mo na nga akong tirahin sa likod, gusto mo pa ako gawing backburner.

Coast Alderidge:

Kaya nga pumayag kana sa kisses and cuddles. It will lessen your thoughts that I am just after your body, you know? Para naman you won’t feel bad after doin it with me

Jasver Chua:

No thanks. Pagkatapos din naman, uuwi agad ako.

Coast Alderidge:

Let me cook for you at least. I will really feel bad.

Jasver Chua:

Huwag na.

Coast Alderidge:

:(

Jasver Chua:

I hate clingy people too

Coast Alderidge:

No kisses. No cuddles. No aftercare. Mukha ba akong patay sa’yo kaya ayaw mong may maramdaman ako.

He only seen my message. Typing siya kanina pero nawala rin. Hinayaan ko nalang dahil sa texts nila Mavric at Ron na hinihintay ako sa parking space at gustong sa condo ko kumain.

“Bakit hindi pwede?” tanong ni Ron nang makapasok kami sa condo ko, at tinanggihan ko na bawal sila dito hanggang bukas.

“I have an important thing to do tomorrow,” I said, couldn’t maintain eye contact, took the remote off the table to open the blinds on the entire window glass, and walked to the kitchen island to open the fridge.

“Huh? Dito?” Ron asked cluelessly as I took out the glass pitcher.

Mavric crouched on the marble countertop as I placed the pitcher in front of him. Ron occupied one of the stools, looking at me suspiciously.

“May dadalhin ka dito? Fubu?” he suspected.

I cleared my throat and scratched my hair. Mavric chuckled.

“Huwag kanang magsinungaling eh ang halata mo pag hindi ka nagsasabi ng totoo,” Mavric pointed out and chuckled.

I know, right? I am such an open book, and they knew what’s behind my expressions. I don’t have deep secrets either cuz I yap about all of the nonsense things, even those bigger ones, instead of keeping them to myself. I mean, I like exposing myself. It’s engaging to hear some opinions.

I licked my lower lip and smirked a little. Kumuha si Ron ng isang baso at nilagyan iyon ng tubig.

“Yup, fubu…” I answered honestly.

“Eh ano naman ngayon? Takot ka ba na sumali kami?” Ron laughed.

Natawa rin kami ni Mavric. Gago. I’m not just sure if Jasver will like it if my friends are here. Baka hindi siya komportable. Hindi ko alam kung ano ’yung prank na ginawa sa kanya ng babae pero baka ma-trigger ko siya. And it’s freaking obvious what we would do. He’s gonna stay till Sunday so we can do it overnight. Kaya kung nandito ang dalawang ’to, baka mang-asar pa.

Hindi naman mahiyain si Jasver, halatang bastos nga ’yon at kayang makipagbiruan sa amin ni Mavric, kaso malala kasi ang trust issue kaya ayaw kong may maisip siyang iba. Mas mabuti na rin siguro kung…alam ng friends ko para makapagdahan-dahan din sila sa mga biruan.

“It’s a guy,” I confessed in the middle of Ron chugging down his water.

Sa gulat, naibuga niya ang tubig at naubo. Mavric and I groaned as we both stood up and stepped away from him. Kumuha tuloy ako ng table napkin sa drawer at binigyan din si Mavric na natalsikan ng tubig ni Ron.

“Gago, ano?” He looked at me unbelievably while I threw the whole table napkin tube on his face and he caught it.

“Lalaki. I’m quite curious. I wanna taste…” I said and smirked at them.

Mavric chuckled playfully. “Kaka-chat mo ba ’yan kay love last year?”

“Bisexual ka rin?!” gulat pa rin si Ron, habang si Mavric, kalmado ang tingin at nakangisi sa akin.

I shrugged and rested my elbows on the countertop. “Bro, I don’t know. I mean, yes, maybe, but I’m not sure if I’m open for a…relationship? I’m just curious how it works with men in bed. Wala ba kayong gano’ng curiosity?”

“Straight ako, bro! Sa daming magagandang girls, parang hindi ko kayang lumiko,” Ron defended, so I looked at Mav. Kahit si Ron, tiningnan din si Mav.

“Saan mo nakilala ang lalaki? Our school?” Mav asked, which caught my whole attention, including Ron, who looked at me again.

“Kailan lang? Baka noong roommates pa tayo ah?” si Ron kaya tinapunan ko ng durog na table napkin sa mukha at inilagan niya. Fucking feeling!

“Fuck you. You’re not my type, and I have a type.” I showed my middle finger.

“Baka kinikilig kana sa biruan natin ha? You probably meant half of your green jokes with me.” Mavric teased and smirked.

I smirked back and stepped closer to him. “What if, Mav?”

Itinulak ako ni Mav sabay halakhak naming dalawa. Pinulot ko ang table napkin sa sahig at tinapon iyon dahil ayoko ng makalat sa condo ko.

“Seryoso, dude? May picture ka ba? Patingin nga?” si Ron.

I took out my phone to show them his profile.

“Walang mukha? What if kina-catfish ka pala niyan tapos babae at pinagtitripan ka lang,” si Ron.

That’s impossible. Jasver sent a photo of him after jerking off. And with his past trauma, I don’t think he will end up mirroring his past experience…

“Ganito ang type mo? Medyo moreno? Sinong blueprint? Si Kael?” Mavric laughed.

Kinuha ko sa kanya ang phone ko nang maalalang hindi ko pa nadedelete sa gallery ko ang picture na s-in-end ko kay Jasver. He laughed when I did that, as if I am too obvious and he can smell the dick picture I am trying to protect in my gallery.

“Hindi ’yan papatulan ni Kael. Baka sa suntukan oo,” si Ron at sabay silang humalakhak.

Little did they know, I already did it with Kael multiple times in my dreams. Hah.

I laughed too and jumped a bit until I sat on the edge of the countertop while crouching on my parted legs to chat with Jasver. Si Ron at Mavric ang patuloy na nag-usap tungkol sa topic namin.

Coast Alderidge:

Hey. My friends might stay overnight. But I will make sure they’re gone tomorrow. Come over around 6PM.

“Ikaw Mav, kaya mo bang tumikim?” Ron asked as I was busy manipulating my phone.

Mav’s phone rang, so he stood up and told us to answer it since it was Riri’s call. Speaking of that kid, magb-birthday na ’yon this January. Ang mga girls, excited na um-attend sa birthday party ni Riri dahil ang theme ay puro Disney Prince at Princess. Even the food was all designed to her favorite characters in Disney. Kung may pinaka mag-eenjoy dito, ako ’yon dahil maraming invited na mga bata. Kami nga lang ang matatanda eh.

Gabi na noong nagreply si Jasver. We were in the middle of playing basketball when I put down the controller just to pick it up.

Jasver Chua:

Wala na sila around 6PM?

I knew it. He’s not comfortable.

Coast Alderidge:

Yup!

Kaya kinumbinsi ko talaga ang dalawa na bawal silang magstay dito hanggang 6PM bukas. Si Mavric, madali kausap. Kaso si Ron, masyadong curious. Pag kinumbinsi ni Ron si Mavric, mabilis lang din ’yan papayag. He thinks I am hiding something suspicious. What am I gonna hide?

Sa huli, hindi ko sila napauwi. But they promised they won’t cause too much ruckus, and they will stay in the other room. Mas mabuting ipakilala ko nalang din siguro eh friendly din naman sila at baka mag inuman nalang din muna kami para hindi awkward.

Early in the morning, I sent him the full details of my condo. Lumipat na rin kasi ako sa Rockwell at may kinuhang malaking condo dito sa One Rockwell East Tower. It’s big compared to my previous condo unit on Taft Avenue. Halos nandoon din ’yung iba kong condos na nabili at pinapa-rentahan ko.

Natawa nga si Dad noong pumunta siya rito pagkatapos naming mag-golf. Sabi niya, parang minaliit ko raw ang binili niyang condo unit sa akin kung saan ilang taon din akong nag stay. I still appreciate it cuz it gives me the memory of my teenage life here in the Philippines, but my adult self would probably complain about its small space.

Pinag-isipan ko ring mabuti kung kukuha ba ako ng ganito ka mahal at ka-laking condo. Mag-isa lang naman ako. But because of my big circle who likes to come over, the space is kinda worth it despite its luxurious price.

I always love Rockwell. BGC gives me the fun and the thrill to walk on its street, but Rockwell felt like a first love to me that I would always find its comfort.

I’m still planning where to stay once I graduate from college. Hindi ko alam kung saang bansa. Kung sa Europe part ako, ang hassle naman no’n at ang layo ko sa friends ko. Depende sana sa magiging wife, kaso parang malabo.

’Yung lupa nga namin sa Davao, hindi mabisi-bisita ni Dad. Sa daming properties, hindi na alam kung anong itatayo. Even the land I have in Romblon is my least priority. Mapupuntahan ko lang ’yon kung nandoon din ang parents ko kaya mas mabuting marentahan nalang din para umiikot pa rin ang pera.

Naligo na muna ako dahil malapit na rin mag 6PM. Tumawag pa saglit si Mom kaya nahahati na ang atensyon ko.

I was in the middle of taking a shower when I heard the doorbell. Shit. He’s already here! I turned the shower off, grabbed the white towel hanging on the rack, and wrapped it around my hips. Kinuha ko ang phone ko na nakalapag sa sink at tiningnan ang messages niya.

Jasver Chua:

I’m already here. Iniwan ko rin ang ID ko sa ibaba para makaakyat ako as visitor

Jasver Chua:

Nasa labas na ako. Umuwi na ang friends mo?

Dala ko ang phone ko nang lumabas, nakita pa si Ron na umambang pababa na sa hagdan at tumigil lang nang makita akong papalapit na sa pinto.

“Akala namin di mo narinig. Pagbubuksan ko na sana,” si Ron na babalik na sana sa itaas, kaso sumalubong naman si Mavric na pababa rin.

“Tapos na si Tyler? Naiihi ako,” si Mav na bumababa na.

“Kukuha nalang din ako ng snacks,” at sumabay pa siya kay Mavric pababa.

Pinagsesenyasan ko pang bilisan nila dahil papapasukin ko na. Magpapaalam pa ako kung pwede bang dito nalang ang dalawa dahil kung hindi, papaalisin ko talaga sila. Kung kailan may bisita ako, saka pa nila ’to pinaggagawa.

I grabbed the door handle, pressed the touchscreen security to unlock it inside, and pulled it open. Nilingon ko pa ang dalawang unggoy sa likuran ko habang hinihila pabukas ang pinto. Si Mav na pasimpleng sumisilip habang binubuksan ang pinto ng banyo, at si Ron na humahaba rin ang leeg kakalingon sa akin habang binubuksan ang fridge. These two dumb fucks!

I laughed and shook my head when they immediately pretended to be busy with what they were doin’. Dala pa ang ngisi nang tingnan ko ang lalaking nakatayo na sa harap ko, may dalang duffel bag, at matangkad din kahit papa’no.

“Hey, Jasver. I’m Coast Alde..” My words trailed off—my smile faded as soon as our eyes met and I saw…Kael.

His eyes widened too, mirroring mine, his lips parting in shock, as I stepped backward and muttered a curse breathily.

“Holy…shit.”

Kung kanina ay kalmado pa at seryoso ang naabutan ko, nang nakumpirma niyang ako nga, parang kinain agad ng dilim ang buong ekspresyon niya. Kael is really in front of me, wearing a black hoodie and his newly cut taper fade hair!

“Ay gago!” At ang pagkabasag ng pitsel sa likuran ko, alam kong nagulat din si Ron kahit hindi ko man siya lingunin.

Kael’s jaw clenched, his shoulder moved from intense shock as he glared at me furiously.

“Ikaw na naman?” He uttered disappointedly.

My breath hitched. Which means the one who…touched himself because I turned him on with my dick picture is none other than…Kael?

Masyado pa akong gulat, ngunit nang makitang mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang duffel bag, nabasa ko agad na iba ang iniisip niya—na katulad lang din ito noong nakipagkita ako sa kanya sa Rockwell.

“I…I didn’t know you were behind that…account… that you were Jasver Chua—Hey!” I immediately went out when he just walked out. I needed to explain, dammit!

Nailing siya, ramdam ko ang bigat sa bawat mabilis na hakbang niya habang sinusundan ko siya sa likod niya.

“Hey listen! I didn’t know! Fuck! I didn’t even imagine it would be you since you were not into hook-ups and dating apps! I swear I’m not up for any pranks or so! I was there for a one-night stand—Shit!” Nagulat pa ako nang makita ko sa isang full-length mirror na nakatapis lang pala ako ng towel.

I ran back to my unit and saw Ron and Mavric’s heads peeking between the ajar door. Ni wala akong oras para doon, pumasok lang agad, tumakbo sa kwarto para kumuha ng sweatpants at t-shirt, mabilis na nagbihis at muling lumabas. Kahit si Ron at Mavric, tulala at gustong magtanong, ngunit hindi ko na ma-entertain dahil kailangan ko siyang maabutan ngayon! I know he’s still waiting for the elevator, and I still have time!

Mabilis ang takbo ko habang sinusuot ang puting plain t-shirt, basa pa ang buhok, at nakitang pumasok si Kael sa isang kakabukas lang na elevator. Ni hindi na ako nag-abalang mag boxers!

“Hey!” I shouted as he clicked the close button.

“Listen! I didn’t know! Let’s talk about this calmly!” sabi ko habang tumatakbo patungo sa papasarang elevator.

“Fuck you,” his last words before the elevator closed.

Huli na para pindutin dahil nakababa na at nahampas ko pa ang elevator sa sobrang frustration. Fuck!

I ran downstairs for the lower floor and saw that the elevator stopped because a girl just entered. Papasara na iyon kaya muli kong tinakbo, saktong nahawakan ang gitna kaya muli itong bumukas.

I panted and stood straight as I entered right away. Kael’s eyes widened when our eyes locked again. I smirked a little, proud that I was able to catch him.

“Let’s talk, please, Jasver…” I pleaded.

Chapter 29

I’m happy to announce that Between the Rainbow is getting an audio adaptation available on Spotify! You can already listen to the teaser on Facebook. Just search Serye FM. Stay tuned, irys!

———

Kitten

Nagulat ang babae sa boses ko, nilingon din si Kael sa likuran niya. The door closed, but the tension between us stayed.

“I didn’t…” I licked my lips when I don’t even know how to assure him right now. “I didn’t know you were Jasver…”

His jaw clenched, and he looked away. Nasa likod kami ng babae, nasa five foot two, hindi na gumagalaw, at pakiramdam ko nakikinig lang. But I don’t really care. Sawang sawa na ako na lagi nalang akong napapasama sa mga mata niya, na kahit wala naman akong ginagawang mali, napapahamak pa rin ako.

“I meant all of…what I said earlier,” I continued.

He snickered and looked at me. “You meant? Ano ako, gago? Kilalang kilala kita mula ulo hanggang paa. Hindi mo pinaalis ang mga kaibigan mo dahil alam mong pupunta ako, ’di ba?”

My eyes widened.

“What? No!”

He chuckled sarcastically. “Ano? Topic niyo na ulit ako sa GC niyo? Na napatunayan mong bakla ako, kayang pumatol sa lalaki, at ang kapal ng mukha kong insultuhin si Shiloh?”

My jaw dropped. I cannot believe he immediately came up with this!

“Hindi ko ’yon gagawin—”

“Tang inang sinungaling. Ginawa mo na, baka nakakalimutan mo?” he cut me off aggressively, his jaw clenched so hard.

The girl glanced at us with her worried expression, so I calmed myself down. I licked my lower lip and paused a bit when the door opened, and three more people entered. Lumayo si Kael sa akin, umabante sa harap at namulsang tiningala ang pababang floor number. I stepped forward and positioned behind him.

“Listen…” I breathed a little, swallowed hard. “I didn’t send all of our topics in our GC. I kept your problem… I secured it cuz I know you shared a private matter…”

I can feel he froze a bit. Hindi ko man makita ang ekspresyon niya, lalo na’t nakatalikod, kaya nagpatuloy ako habang nasa buhok niya ang tingin ko.

“Sure, I leaked some of our convos in the GC, and we made fun of it too, but those were just your funny replies… nothing more. Noong nag oopen up kana, ako lang ang madalas magreply dahil…ako ang interesadong makinig…ako ang…interesadong kausap ka…”

My chest pounded a little, maybe because I was too nervous, and he might not believe all of this, but I am willing to tell him everything and even the truth with no trace of my own anger.

“I enjoyed talking to you, and none of my friends knew about our serious topics, how we stayed up till midnight to talk about your problem, how I watched you study while my camera was off; I kept all of it. I was having fun, sure, but I was also interested to continue cuz…I can see the real you…” I whispered.

The elevator is so silent, and even those who are inside don’t mind, but I know, deep inside, they’re curious. Wala naman akong hiya, kahit pa isipin nila ngayon na para akong nagmamakaawa kay Kael, ayos lang.

The elevator opened again. It was already on the twentieth floor when five more people entered. Mas naging siksikan, at kailangan niya pang umatras para pagbigyan ng space ang babae na pumwesto din sa harapan.

He felt my back. Tumingin ako sa pants ko lalo na’t hindi pa naman ako nag boxers. I cleared my mind so I wouldn’t think of anything despite how distracted I am with his scent, our closeness, and the fact that Kael is Jasver Chua fueled to my thirst more.

But that is not the main priority right now. I sighed breathily, and for sure, my breath unintentionally touched his nape.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered hoarsely and looked at his nape.

The urge to wrap my arm around his waist and rest my head against his head is strong, but I controlled myself. Nandidiri pa naman ’to sa akin…

May mga lumingon sa akin, at kahit si Kael, tiningnan nila. They might be thinking that we are this couple who got into a love quarrel, and I am trying to tame him right now. Kung pwede ko lang kaladkarin ang isang ’to pabalik sa condo unit ko, gagawin ko. Kaso alam kong sa aming dalawa, baka ako pa ngayon ang kaladkarin niya at itapon sa labas ng bintana.

“I intentionally told you I spilled your chats cuz I got into a misunderstanding quarrel with Dad. Akala ko, pinaboran ka niya at kinampihan. I got jealous. Kaya naging desidido ako na gantihan ka, saktan sa pagkikita natin, dahil sa inis ko kay dad, at sa galit ko noong…biniro mo ako tungkol sa pagiging only child ko. You triggered my insecurity…”

His face moved a little, probably wanting to glance at me, but he held back and just looked up to see the remaining floors.

“I genuinely want to apologize during the christmas party on the site, but…you probably misinterpreted my action?” I laughed a little, hurt that…I will always look bad in his eyes. “Gusto ko talagang humingi ng tawad no’n kaso palpak na naman…”

Just like what happened earlier. I know my friends don’t mean to make him feel bad, or they both didn’t know it was Kael who would show up, but then it still happened. Kaya sa halip na…genuine sana ang gusto ko sa amin ni Jasver, sa mata ni Kael, napasama na naman dahil sa nauna kong kalokohan noon.

I bit my lower lip frustratingly. Why am I always viewed as the villain in his eyes? I wonder…

When the door opened, he went out. I checked the floor, and it’s just the tenth floor. Siguro, nasikipan na at naiirita sa pagbulong ko sa likuran niya kaya mas pinili niyang lumabas agad. Lumabas din tuloy ako para sundan siya. Dire-diretso siya sa hagdan, kaya sumunod ako.

“My friends are only here, but they don’t mean any pranks. We have no plans to make a fool out of you. Believe me, I’m genuine this time–”

“Tss. Genuine… Baka akala mo hindi ko alam na nakipagpustahan ka sa mga anak ng engineers at architects? Kasiyahan mo ba lagi ang gamitin ang pera mo para makuha mo ang gusto mo? Para maisampal sa akin na kaya mong kontrolin ang nasa paligid ko?”

What? What the hell! Even that?! Bullshit! Dire-diretso siyang bumaba, kaya sumusunod ako. It was frustrating, but I had no choice. I need to deal with his anger before it builds up with another wall again. Baka pag pinabayaan ko, imposible ko nang maaakyat dahil sa sobrang taas. If I could break the other walls until I could finally reach him, I’d do it.

“I was trying to motivate them not to go easy on the game cuz I feel like the cash prize didn’t meet their standard to fuel them to give their best shot!”

“Sa tawanan niyo pa lang habang nag uusap kayo…halatang may laman. Akala mo siguro hindi ko pansin,” he answered thickly.

“Tawanan? We were having fun talking, and I even told them to join your table! ’Yun ang topic namin! Hindi ka namin pinagtatawanan! O kung sino man ang nasa table niyo!”

He laughed sarcastically and glanced back at me. “Ba’t ako maniniwala sa’yo? Sinungaling ka pa naman. Ganiyan din ang gawain niyo ng mga barkada mo. Lagi niyo akong pinagtatawanan. Tang ina niyong lahat.”

I couldn’t answer him cuz I know he’s right. Ilang beses na namin ’yung ginawa noon, kahit noong first year college pa lang dahil natatawa kami sa kayabangan niya, lalo na noong pinagkakalat niyang girlfriend siya ni Verena.

“Ayos lang na pagtawanan niyo ako sa lahat ng bagay, pero ’yung personal kong problema, at mismong mga burgis pa ang pinagtatawanan ako, nakakainsulto kayo. Palibhasa, ang dali lang sa inyo ng pera, lalong lalo kana,” patuloy niyang sinabi, mabibigat ang bawat paghakbang pababa, at kahit ang galit sa boses ay halatang-halata.

Kung iisiping mabuti, malayo ang agwat ng estado namin sa buhay. Without my parents money, I can still survive. Even if I don’t work for how many years, I can already live a stable and comfortable life, unlike him.

My insult during our Romblon trip affected him. Naisampal ko sa kanya kung gaano siya kababa; anak lamang siya ng trabahante ni dad. Na dapat alam niya na sa aming dalawa, ako ang nasa itaas at siya dapat ang lumuhod, siya dapat ang nagpapakumbaba, at siya dapat ang sumunod.

I don’t really know how to convince him that I didn’t leak his personal problem to my friends.

I strided down till I passed him, stopped in front, and panted a bit as I looked up. Tumigil din siya, nasa ikalimang hagdan, nakatingin sa akin sa ibaba niya.

I panted a bit and looked at him wearily. “Fine. Whatever you are thinking, fine…”

He looked at me seriously. His eyes remained sharp and untamed.

“I apologize for…everything… for making you feel bad, for making you feel stupid, for flaunting my money, for making you feel inferior between us, for being an asshole. I sincerely apologize for all of the pain…I caused… for being this…twisted,” I said desperately.

He looked away and put his knuckles into the pocket of his pants.

“I apologize for saying those hurtful words, for being clouded with my rage, and for lying… I apologize if I didn’t tell you earlier that I was behind Verena’s account. I’m sorry for taking advantage of your vulnerability…”

Tumingin siya sa mga mata ko. I sighed a bit, looked at him weakly, hopeful that this time, he would believe me. This time, he might spare me a bit of…sympathy.

“And I… apologize on behalf of my friends for…making fun of you. I know it became a boys fun, but yes, we crossed the line. It might be funny to our side since we always see you as someone who deserves every word for also insulting Shiloh, but Mica is right. We have no right to…hurt you back or insult you.”

He looked away, and for a second, I saw a guilt in his eyes. Hindi ko nga lang alam para saan, pero humalo iyon sa galit, pumapaibabaw saglit, at mukhang…may gusto siyang sabihin, ngunit pinipigilan lamang ang sarili.

“I’m so sorry…” I uttered sincerely, looked down, and thought if…kneeling down might be enough to make me look genuine. Will it be enough?

“Please, give me a little bit of your sympathy. I promise I won’t break it anymore. I won’t…”

His eyes widened unintentionally. His jaw clenched, and he couldn’t say anything. I looked at him submissively, and as much as I wanted to smile weakly at him, I maintained a desperate expression. I want us to…fix this. I want to be forgiven so bad, to reconcile with him, to finally end this war between us.

Bumaba siya sa hagdan kaya umangat ang tingin ko at nilingon siya. He passed at me, like I am an air to him. I sighed, shut my eyes, and controlled myself not to follow him anymore.

“I won’t… I won’t do it again. If I would…then I promise, I’d make sure I’d bleed to death willingly just to assure you that I regretted hurting you.”

My heart clenched, and the hollow on the stomach worsened. Alam ko na ito na ang pinakababa ko, pero kung hindi pa rin sapat, nakakatakot na kaya kong magkuhay at kusang ibaon ang sarili hanggang makita niyang…handa akong magpakumbaba.

Hindi ako makalingon, hindi ko rin alam kung narinig niya ba ang pahabol ko, ngunit sa tunog ng paghakbang niya palayo, alam kong humabol ang tinig ko.

I already apologized. I already said everything… I will leave the rest to him. Nasa kanya na iyon kung…magpapatawad siya, o kung paniniwalaan niya ako.

Gusto ko mang ipilit, medyo may narealize din ako. I will never look genuine in his eyes because he already painted me as the villain in his world. Kaya kahit hindi ko naman gustong maparamdam sa kanya na naiiba siya sa akin, dahil sa pagsira ko sa tiwala niya, sa mga naririnig niya, sa dating ko na parang mayabang ako dahil nga sa estado sa buhay, dumagdag iyon sa mga naiisip niyang pangit sa akin.

Kaya kahit anong pakumbaba ko, kahit pa lumuhod sa sahig, o ibaon ang sarili sa lupa, hinding hindi ko siya mapapaamo dahil siya mismo ang ayaw bumaba.

Hindi agad ako makabalik sa condo, naiwan sa kinatatayuan ko, umupo doon at tahimik na hinayaang mapag-isa muna. Kung dala ko lang ang wallet ko, I might go out for a walk and a good smoke. Kaso kahit nga boxers, wala ako!

Pero at least nakahingi na ng tawad, at nasabi ko na sa kanya lahat. Baka…sa susunod nalang ulit ako humingi, pag kalmado na. I’m just not sure how to assure him that my friends are there because they’re only curious, and I couldn’t push them out, and they don’t mean any pranks or somethin’ foul…

“Fubu mo si Kael?” Ron asked as soon as I entered.

Fubu. Damn it! Oo nga pala, tang ina!

“Ah!” I shouted dramatically, knelt down on the floor, and shut my eyes out of frustration. “What the fuck, dude?! I sent dick pictures?! I didn’t even know Jasver is none other than Kael!”

Sumabog agad ang halakhak ni Ron at Mavric, habang ako, sumisigaw sa halo-halong emosyon. I ruffled my hair, shut my eyes like my favorite basketball group just lost in their game, and I bet a million.

“Gago! Wala na bro. Sikat kana sa internet mamaya! Magviviral na ’yan!” Ron laughed hysterically, which made me groan.

I am not worried about that! Ang iniisip ko dito, sa lahat ng taong makakakita no’n, siya pa! Hindi ko alam kung parusa ba ’to ng langit sa mga kasalanang hindi ko nabayaran, o ayaw talaga ng tadhana na tumikim ako ng iba.

“Hindi mo naabutan, Tyler?” Mavric asked, laughing a little, but his question sounded curious.

“Fuck you, guys! He thinks I intentionally summoned him here to humiliate and make fun of him! He thinks I pranked him!” I shouted my frustration and glared at them.

“Ah…kaya pala nagtatanong ka kung paano humingi ng tawad… Sinusuyo mo ba?” Mavric tilted his head and chuckled meaningfully.

I stood up, took the soft pillow on the couch, and threw it at them. “How can I even apologize properly now if I just added another fuel to his anger? Fuck! I don’t even know he’s behind that account! We just suddenly matched! I didn’t know how it happened! I’m new to that app!”

“Noong nagswipe ka ba, nagmatch agad?” Ron asked.

“Yup. Cuz I messaged him right away after that.”

“O edi siya ang naunang nagswipe! Siya ang naunang maging interesado sa’yo.”

I calmed down a bit. Really? If that’s the case, then I can vouch that I have no idea it was him? Kasi paano ko naman ’yon malalaman? I don’t fucking know his full name! Hindi ko nga alam ang apelyido ni Tito Rommel. During the basketball games, he likes wearing black t-shirts!

“I have no idea he’s Jasver Chua,” I defended and blurted it out. I mean, I saw some similarities, but I didn’t expect Jasver is really Kael!

“Naging pamilyar lang sa’kin ’yan noong malaman ko na may Chua na pinsan si Arron. Natanong din ni Rick. Magpinsan ’yang dalawa eh,” si Mavric.

Pamilyar sa akin ang Chua. Kaso akala ko kasi, parehas sila ng surname ni Arron! Hindi pala.

Of course, Kael is not from our school, so it was really hard to know what his surname is. Kilala ko lang siya na Kael, iyon din ang famous name niya sa school. We used to play soccer, but I had no time to memorize all of them cuz I hated being in the Philippines that time. Kaya nga lagi akong may nakakaaway dahil bangag ako minsan maglaro, o wala sa sarili.

At isa pa, kahit alam ko na Chua si Kael, I would never expect it might be him. He’s so different from that account! Kahit haircut nga, iba. Alam ko rin kasi na hindi into fubu si Kael, o hinding hindi siya papasok sa ganitong set-up, lalo na sa dating apps dahil parang wala siyang oras sa internet, o hindi ganoon ka babad sa social media niya, kaya nakakagulat na talagang…siya si Jasver.

“Fuck it!” I sluggishly threw myself on the sofa. “I wanna die…” I whined dramatically.

“Matalino ka lang sa business, pero kung ilalagay ka sa kahuhuyan na walang kahit anong dala, isang minuto pa lang siguro, na food poison kana. Ni hindi mo nga alam paano ang magpaapoy gamit ang bato!” si Ron na gusto pa atang ipamukhang ang tanga ko para hindi maisip na baka si Kael man lang si Jasver.

I couldn’t digest what they were saying when I remembered his expression earlier as soon as he saw me. He’s really…Jasver Chua?

Wala sa sarili akong napangiti. Saktong sinilip pa ni Mav ang mukha ko, nakita akong ngumingisi, kaya mabilis akong tumingin sa kabila para doon isiksik ang mukha ko. I bit my lower lip and stifled my smile. He’s…supposed to be my fuck buddy?

I shut my eyes and sighed heavily. Oh, the things we might have done to each other if…we didn’t have this fucking beef. The hot scenes were already flooding in my mind, and I could feel my bulge getting harder. If these two weren’t here, I might have done a dry hump and imagined…I was doing it with him!

“Lumayas na nga kayo!” sigaw ko sa dalawa at pinagsisipa sila na nasa paanan ko. “Kanina ko pa kayo pinapaalis, ayaw niyo! Ngayon, mas lalo ’yung magagalit dahil naabutan kayo dito!”

“Kahit wala naman ata kami dito, magagalit pa rin ’yon. Makita ka lang no’n…” natatawang sabi ni Ron habang tumatayo na, mukhang handa nang umalis.

“Ayos lang ’yan. Napatigas mo pa rin naman… ang kamao niya nga lang—” Mavric laughed loudly and ran together with Ron when I attempted to throw another pillow.

Fuckers! Compared to earlier, mas madali silang nagsilayas sa condo ko. They’re not really helping, and I just want to…have privacy.

“Yeah. What a privacy,” I said after jacking off.

Naghuhugas ng kamay, hindi pa rin mapigil ang kakangiti, kahit na pangit ang nangyari sa aming dalawa ngayong araw. I turned him on. I can turn Mikael on! I chuckled and looked at myself in the mirror.

Ron:

Sorry bro. Nakadagdag kami ni Mav. Baka magalit ka. I’ll help you out to apologize. Sasamahan kita. Kahit ako nalang ang magpapasuntok kay Kael, kaya kong saluin ’yon para sa’yo!

At ang text ni Ron sa gabing iyon. Naiinis ako oo, pero…

I typed a reply on my iMessage.

Tyler Coast:

Samahan mo ako this week. Pupunta tayo sa Cavite.

Naiinis talaga ako sa dalawa, kaso hindi pa rin mabura-bura ang ngiti ko. Hindi ko alam kung…natutuwa ba ako sa nangyari kanina, o ito lang talaga ang hinihingi kong sign para…maamin ko sa sarili ko.

Pinlano ko agad kung kailan siya pupuntahan. Pinalampas ko pa ng ilang araw para hindi kunwaring atat akong pumunta sa kanila. Baka kung kinabukasan agad, sabihin niya…

“Baka naman hindi niya ’yon ikakalat. Kaso malaki ang galit no’n sa’yo eh,” natatawang si Ron, busy sa phone sa front seat ng aking kotse habang ako naman ang nagdrive.

“Sa akin lang ba?” Ismid ko at tiningnan din siya.

“May galit siya sa ating lahat. Pero mas malala sa’yo kasi ikaw madalas ang kausap niya!”

I pinched my lower lip and stifled my smile. Ang isa kong kamay ang nasa manibela, habang ang kabila kong siko ay nakapatong sa bukas na bintana.

“That’s why I really need to talk to him and make sure he deleted my dick pic. Baka gamitin niyang pamblackmail,” sabi ko, desperado ang tinig kahit na may iba pa akong pakay.

“I think he won’t stoop that low. It’s basic common sense that nudes must be kept privately,” he replied.

“Oo nga, basic common sense. Pero hindi lahat meron no’n, Ron. Sa isang taon, ilang nudes ang pinagp-pyestahan sa internet dahil biglang nileleak. I just want to make sure that he deleted it. Kahit wala akong pakialam diyan sa nudes na ’yan, I have a reputation to take care of. Mapapahamak ang business ko rito. Knowing most of my clients are girls, they might think I am a pervert or a creep…” sabi ko.

Kahit pa wala akong dignidad na ilaagaan minsan dahil isa rin naman akong bastos, pero iba pa rin talaga pag kakalat na eh. Iba pa naman ang internet ngayon, madaling mapaniwala ang mga tao kahit hindi naman totoo ang mga naka-post. Baka gawan ng ibang kwento at makarating pa sa ibang clients din ni Dad. Cervando pa naman ako.

“At boss ng papa niya ang Dad mo. For sure hindi niya ikakalat ang nudes mo,” si Ron na mukhang nababasa din ang tumatakbo sa isip ko.

Oo rin, may point si Ron. At wala lang naman talaga sa akin ang dick picture ko. I just want to…use this opportunity to build another connection with Kael—Mikael Jasver. His name is such a turn-on.

At sa ano, sa dick picture ko? Tang inang tulay ’to. Sa lahat ng magagamit ko, ito pa.

“Dito?” Ron asked as soon as I stopped the car in front of the familiar gate. “Taga Cavite pala si Kael…”

“Yup…” I nodded while looking at the familiar small house.

“Lalabas tayong dalawa? Dito lang ba ako? Kaya mo na ’yan!” si Ron na tiningnan ang mga halaman sa loob ng bahay, nagdadalawang-isip na agad.

I sighed and opened the door. Wearing my Ferrari jacket and a black inner T-shirt, I went out and looked around the place. I should doorbell.

Pinindot ko ang doorbell at namaywang na naghintay. Binaba pa ni Ron ang bintana, pinapanood lamang ako sa loob ng kotse.

The dogs started barking. Mukhang nasa cage dahil hindi makalapit sa gate.

“Tao po!” I shouted and pushed the doorbell again.

“Hayop ka daw sabi ni Kael,” natatawang si Ron, na kahit ako, napangisi dahil alam kong sasabihin talaga ’yan ni Kael sa akin.

“Baka walang tao. Wala ka bang number? Si Tito Rommel kaya ang tawagan mo?” he suggested while resting his arms on the open window.

Right. So I pulled out my phone and texted Tito Rommel. Nagtanong ako kung sino ang nasa bahay nila ngayon. Baka pala wala talagang tao.

Tito Rommel:

Nandiyan ata si Kittie at Mikael. Umalis ang Mama niya, may check-up. Kasama si Kali.

I typed for a reply.

Tyler:

Is it okay to come in?

I lifted my head and looked at the gate. Kaya namang akyatin. Baka kasi ayaw lang akong pagbuksan dahil galit.

“May lumabas!” si Ron kaya napatingin ako agad sa harap.

A girl, probably around thirteen or fourteen, went out and looked at me with her knitted brows.

“Yes?” she asked snobbishly.

This is probably Kittie! And wow, she has the same aura like Kael. Para siyang pinaghalong Kali at Kael…

“Hi! Where’s your brother?” I asked in a friendly tone.

She only raised her brow coldly. “He’s not here.”

May sasabihin pa sana, kaso pumasok na agad. My jaw dropped. Compared to Kali, who immediately approached me, Kittie is the opposite one. She’s a big snob like her kuya!

“Wala raw… Bumalik nalang tayo bukas,” si Ron na naniwala naman agad! Nandiyan ’yan sa loob.

My phone chimed, so I looked at the text and read Tito Rommel’s reply.

Tito Rommel:

Sige pasok lang

Now I have the consent to come in!

“Get out, Ron. Help me climb up,” sabi ko at binuksan ang pinto ng kotse ko.

“Seryoso? Wala nga raw kasi! Cavite ’to, dude! Baka mapagkamalan tayong akyat-bahay dito at mabugbog!” si Ron habang lumalabas.

“You just need to help me climb up. Pumayag na si Tito Rommel na pumasok ako,” sabi ko.

“Oo nga! Pero baka may mga kapitbahay na biglang magtawag ng barangay!” Nagrereklamo, pero tinutulungan na niya akong iangat. I pulled myself up, and I was about to jump in, but the door opened again, and the girl caught me climbing up on their gate.

“Ilang kilo ba ’yang bayag mo at ganito ka kabigat?!” reklamo niya habang tinutulak na ako paakyat at nahihirapan pa akong iangat ang sarili.

“Sige pa! Para namang hindi kita pinapakain kaya wala kang lakas! Iangat mo pa ako!” utos ko, inaabot ang dulo para doon humawak at mahila ko paakyat ang sarili.

Ron laughed when I fell on his shoulder. “Pag ako nalaglag dito, lagot ka kay Teresse!” I warned him, which made him focus.

Their gate was made of steel railings with sharp edges. Baka kung magkamali ka ng hawak, matutusok kana.

I was in the middle of almost reaching the top when Kittie went out again. Her eyes widened, and she called her brother. “Kuya Jasver! They’re climbing up! He’s climbing up the gate!”

I knew it! Nasa loob nga siya! Ayaw lang lumabas! Seconds later, Kael went out and walked to the gate. Akala ko papapasukin nalang ako, pero nang may tinawag, nagkamali ako.

“Ari, bite!” sigaw niya hanggang may puting maliit na aso ang mabilis na tumakbo palabas ng bahay—papuntang gate!

“Gago! Bite daw!” sigaw ni Ron at natataranta akong hinila pababa.

Nagmamadali akong bumaba, at sa kamalasan, sumabit pa ang jacket ko sa matulis na dulo ng gate kaya nahirapan akong bumaba.

“Ron, I’m stuck!” I shouted in a panic.

“Hubarin mo kasi! Bilis na! Wala pa naman akong injection ng anti-rabies! Ayokong mamatay dito!”

Nasa mismong gate na ang puting aso! Dammit, I have no choice! Mabilis ko iyong hinubad hanggang sa nahulog ako sa lupa. Ron ended up jumping onto the hood of my car and climbed up from the roof while I had no choice but to run!

“Buksan mo!” sigaw ni Ron habang hinahabol ako.

I took out my car key and pressed it while looking back until I heard my car unlock from the distance. Tiningnan ko ang asong hinahabol ako, agresibo ang tingin sa akin—galit na galit. The white pomeranian dog might be small, but its barks were outrageous, and the way it was chasing after me felt like a demon who was about to bite my ass into pieces.

May mga napatingin na sa akin, nagugulat at napapahinto dahil sa bilis ng takbo ko. Worst, may mga tambay na ring aso ang tumahol at nakisali sa paghabol!

A loud horn coming from my car made them stop chasing me. Mabagal na pinatakbo ni Ron ang kotse, binuksan ang backseat, kaya patalon kong pinasok at kamuntik pang makagat noong maliit na aso ni Kael!

Nagkatinginan kami ni Ron, parehas na hinihingal, hanggang sa sabay na humalakhak.

“Ayoko nang umulit, dude! Hindi na ako babalik! Hayaan mo na ’yang galit ni Kael! Dick picture lang ’yon! Kung ikakalat niya sa internet, huwag ka nalang magbukas ng social media ng isang taon!” biro niya habang hinahabol ko ang hininga, nakahiga sa back seat at natatawa sa nangyari.

“Nagbanta siya. Pag bumalik daw tayo, sa german sheperd at sa labrador niya na raw tayo ipapahabol!” patuloy ni Ron.

“Ayos lang ’yan! Edi pag nakagat sa isang paa, may isa pa naman,” sabi ko at mas lalo kaming nagtawanan.

“Kung german sheperd ang kakagat, baka ulo nalang ang ititira sa atin! Bahala ka, dude! Si Mavric naman ang isama mo!”

But I was really persistent. Kahit hindi na ako sasamahan ni Ron, babalik ako. That’s why on the next day, I attempted it again. But this time, I am alone, and I stayed in my car for a while.

Hindi rin ako sa labas ng bahay nila nagpark para hindi niya agad makita. Bumili rin ako ng drive-thru na isang bucket ng chickenjoy sa Jollibee para kung sakaling ipahabol ulit ako sa aso niya, may distraction ako kaysa ako ang kagatin.

Ilang oras na akong naghihintay hanggang sa may pusa na kakalabas lamang sa bahay nila. I immediately opened the door of my car. Tinawag ko ang pusa at ipinakita ang manok. When it ran toward me submissively, I hurriedly picked it up and put it in the front seat. Hah!

“May kasalanan sa akin ang amo mo. Kaya kung gusto ka niyang makita, sumunod siya sa gusto ko,” sabi ko sa pusa na abala nang kumain sa manok na ibinigay ko.

Imagine, pinagpalit siya ng pusa niya para lang sa isang kapirasong manok. Medyo kuting pa kasi, maliit at medyo nangangayayat pa nga. Hindi niya ba ’to pinapakain?

Dinala ko siya sa condo ko. May amoy nga at parang ilang araw nang nabibilad sa araw dahil madungis. Pinapabayaan pa ata ni Kael ang pusang ito!

Patuloy siyang kumain kahit nasa condo na kami. I picked the cat up and leveled its face to mine as I smiled. Kahit ang hawak na manok, hindi niya pinakawalan at patuloy pa ring kumakain. Ibinaba ko agad ito at nakangising is-in-end kay Kael ang picture sa Instagram account niya.

Tyler:

This is your kitten, right? If you wanna get it, come here.

Chapter 30

Persistent

I waited for an hour, but he didn’t read my message yet on his Instagram. Napaisip tuloy ako kung may pake ba siya sa kuting na ilang oras nang nawawala, o baka…abala siya ngayong hanapin?

“Hindi ka ata mahal ng amo mo,” sabi ko sa pusa na ngayon ay nakatulog na, niyakap pa ang buto ng natirang manok na kinain niya.

I showered when I suddenly felt sticky from what I did. I picked up an ungroomed kitten out of nowhere. Nangangati ako bigla. Pag nagising ang kuting mamaya, papaliguan ko rin. I can’t just let the kitten roam around my place looking like a stray cat.

“Shit!” At kakalabas ko pa lang ng banyo, nakita ko agad ang tae ng pusa sa carpet!

Buong buhay ko, hindi ako nakapaglinis ng tae ng hayop. I’m not that animal lover. I do appreciate them, but I never tried having one to take care of. And now…I need to deal with this shit. Literally!

“May pusa ka?!” Mica grinned as soon as I called her for a FaceTime while the cleaning service was already happening downstairs.

Pinalinis ko nalang ang buong bahay para rin sulit ang bayad. Ang kuting, gusto kong ilublob sa bath tub at paliguan, but I don’t have any toiletries for cats. Baka pag anong nangyari dito, lagot pa ako sa amo.

“Yup. You have a cat, right? I don’t have anything here for the cat. How can I train them to shit in toilet bowls? Cuz mine started shitting on my carpet…”

“Baliw!” natatawang sabi ni Mica, nasa salon at nagpapaayos ng buhok. “You need to buy a litter box for them! If they’re not yet used to shitting on the litter box, bili ka ng pampers.”

What the hell? May pampers din para sa mga hayop?

“Bilhan mo nga ako lahat. I’ll send you the money right now…” I said.

Her eyes widened, but at the same time, I know how to convince her.

“What am I, your personal yaya?!”

“I’ll buy that Gucci bag you kept on eyeing in PowerPlant…” I rolled my eyes.

Her intense, dramatic expression dropped right away, and she calmed down.

“Buti nalang kaibigan kita. Okay! Leave it to me. Bibilhin ko lahat.” At ang bilis talaga nitong utusan basta ba may suhol.

Kay Mica ko inasa lahat ang gamit ng kuting. Sabi ko, bilhin niya lahat, kahit ang pangligo, dahil ayaw ko namang mangamoy ang condo ko. Ayos na rin ’yon, para pag kinuha ni Kael, mabango siya.

Kaya nang dumating si Mica, medyo ginabi na, nagulat ako sa dami ng box na pinabuhat niya sa akin.

“Fifty plus thousand?! What did you buy? Kitten lang ’yon Mic Mic!” sabi ko habang nasa elevator na kami.

“Oo nga, pero lalaki naman siya at mapapakinabangan pa ’yan ng mga magiging anak niya soon. Bumili ako ng small crib niya! Tapos bumili rin ako ng food niya good for a month! Hindi lang cat food, may salmon din, and treats! Basta nandiyan na lahat. Bumili rin ako ng small stroller para magala mo siya every morning, at meron ding mga toys at clothes! Nilahat ko na para hindi ka mahirapan…”

Nakaligtas nga sa teenage pregnancy at walang ginagastusang bata, pero dito pala ako mahuhulog. At anong magkakaanak? Lalaki ata ’yung kuting eh.

Ibabalik ko pa ba ’to kay Kael? Para ko na ring pinag-aaral sa kinder sa sobrang laki ng gastos ko. Tapos kukunin niya lang bigla? Baka dito pa kami ulit mag away.

“Ba’t ang dungis ng mingming?! Did you just pick it up somewhere and decide to adopt it? It looks like a stray cat!” si Mica nang makita ang kuting na lumapit agad sa amin pagpasok sa condo.

“Aww… Your momma probably abandoned you and distributed you… It’s like a cat distribution system…” si Mica na marahang hinaplos ang ulo ng kuting na pumikit-pikit pa.

“Makakaahon kana sa hirap! Cuz you know the curly hair who adopted you is a millionaire. May unli treats kana! Yey!” she said childishly and shook the kitten’s little hand.

Geez. Nailing nalang ako at binuksan isa-isa ang box na pinagbibili niya. Kahit water fountain, meron. Tinulungan din ako ni Mica na i-set up ’yung tulugan niya, kahit playhouse tower hindi pinalampas ni MicMic. Balak niya pa atang bumuo ng isang subdivision dito sa condo ko para sa kuting.

Binigay niya rin sa akin ’yung number ng Veterinarian para makapag-schedule ako ng check-up para sa kuting bago siya umalis, may ka meet up pa daw. Kaya noong nakalmot ako habang pinapaliguan, bigla akong nag-alala. Dumugo pa naman…

I opened my Instagram account and saw Kael’s reply. Mabilis ko iyong binuksan habang nakangiti.

Mikael:

Siraulo haha. Sa’yo na.

Nawala ang ngiti ko at tiningnan ang kuting na mahimbing na ang tulog sa crib niya. Kawawa. Hindi na nga hinanap, inabandona pa. Kaya pala ang dungis dungis. Baka kasi matagal na ’tong pinalayas ni Kael sa kanila.

I took a photo of the small scratch I got from the kitten and sent it to him.

Tyler:

Your kitten scratched me. Did you train this to hurt me?

Mabilis siyang nagseen. Typing kanina, pero nawala rin. Napatingin tuloy ulit ako sa kuting. Hindi nga nakabuntis, pero may ganito naman akong kinuhang responsibilidad.

Natulala tuloy ako. Ano kaya ang alibi ko pag pupunta ako ulit sa kanila bukas? Well, the dick pic is still acceptable, but…

A doorbell suddenly caught my attention. Kunot-noo akong tumayo lalo na’t kanina pa umalis si Mica at halos 11PM na. Ang mga nasa list lang ang makakaakyat bilang bisita ko. Kung hindi circle of friends, imposibleng parents ko. Baka si Mica, bumalik lang at may nakalimutan?

So I stood up from lying on the couch and walked to the door.

“May nakalimutan ka—” My words trailed off as soon as I saw Kael, in his black hoodie, a paper bag in his hand, standing in front of my door snobbishly.

My lips parted. He glared at me for a bit, stepped in, which made me step from the side to give him space.

Dumaan siya sa gilid ko, naamoy na…hindi na Creed Aventus ang perfume, at dire-diretsong pumasok. I closed the door with my furrowed brows and glanced at him with my confused—shocked expression.

He’s here. Talagang…pumunta siya.

“Naks…” He stopped as soon as he saw the entire place of his kitten. “Ganda ng buhay mo dito ah?” he said and crouched a bit to touch the kitten’s head.

Nag-ingay agad ang kuting, parang sumisigaw dahil nakilala niya si Kael at magsusumbong pa yata. Dapat ako nga ang magsumbong dahil tumae siya sa carpet ko. Nagawa pang lumabas sa crib niya, ngayon ay nasa paanan na ni Kael, nakatayo at gustong magpakarga.

Kael picked it up gently. Ngumuso ako at lumapit. Hayop lang naman pala ang makakapagpaamo sa kanya…

O baka naman guilty ’to kasi kamuntik akong makagat ng aso niya kahapon?

“Bakit kalmot lang ang ginawa mo? Kinagat mo rin sana…” aniya na ikinangiwi ko.

“My friend said I might get rabies from stray cats. Is your kitten vaccinated?” I asked.

His brows knitted, and he lifted his head to look at me.

“Nasaan ang kalmot?” he asked seriously.

I showed my wrist. Kael then smirked and looked at the kitten proudly. “Very good, Milo…”

My jaw dropped. Ngunit kumalma agad ako nang marinig ang pangalan ng kuting.

“Milo. So his name is Milo. Ba’t ang dungis dungis niya? Hindi mo ba pinapaliguan? Halatang pinapabayaan mo. Mabuti pala na kinuha ko ’yan.”

Tumayo siya at ibinalik sa crib ang kuting.

“Hinugasan mo na ba ’yan?” Tingin niya muli sa pulso ko.

“Uh, not yet.”

He glared at me. “Bakit hindi? Hugasan mo!”

“Geez, calm down. Alright…” I laughed and walked to the sink, opened the faucet, and let the running water wash the dry blood off the scratch mark.

Akala ko ba gusto ako nitong mamatay? Tapos ngayong may kalmot lang ako ng pusa…ganyan na kung mag-alala. My hunch is probably right… I bit my lower lip while smiling.

“Done…” I said and saw him taking out a box and ointment I was not familiar with.

He threw the box, which I immediately caught it. It’s a gauze pad.

“’Yan ang ipangpunas mo hanggang matuyo,” aniya.

I curiously opened it and patted the pad on the wet skin of the scratch. Sumandal ako sa kitchen countertop at ginamot ang sarili.

“Lagyan mo nito.” Muli niyang inihagis sa akin ang ointment na hawak niya na nasalo ko ulit.

“I thought most of the nursing students were gentle with their patients. Why are you treating me harshly and letting me do this work?” I complained while opening the ointment.

He picked up the paper bag he brought and placed it on the sofa.

“Jacket mo. Baka gawin mo pa ’yang alibi para bumalik sa bahay.”

I chuckled. I was really planning…

Gusto ko sanang magtanong kung hindi na ba siya galit kaya…pumunta dito, o nandito lang dahil ibinalik sa akin ang jacket. Baka pag tanungin ko rin, mapikon na naman.

“So…you’re not mad anymore?” At hindi ko talaga kayang manahimik.

“Ano bang kailangan mo?” he asked and crossed his arms. “Tapos na tayong mag-usap ah? Umakyat ka pa talaga sa gate.”

“Well…” I scratched my head. “I wanna make sure you…deleted my dick picture…”

I saw the sudden shock he made, and he looked away immediately. He cleared his throat and made sure he looked serious and composed.

“Anong gagawin ko sa tite mo?” tanong niya na ikinanguso ko.

I laughed about it. Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin kaya pinigilan ko ang sariling matawa lalo at kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi.

“I mean…you might…spread it. I just want to make sure you didn’t save it and you have no copy. Galit ka pa naman sa akin. Baka ipagkalat mo?”

“Ba’t ko ’yon gagawin? Anong mapapala ko?” matigas niyang reklamo.

“Well, it’s probably a pleasure if you see me being humiliated on the internet cuz you hate me so much?” I chuckled again.

He smirked back and arched his brow. “Gawain mo ’yan ah?”

Man. Here we go again. Tapos na nga akong humingi ng tawad, aawayin na naman ako! Mikael is really a war freak. Gusto niya lagi ’yung ginagalit ko siya.

“At kung kumalat man, tatablan ka kaya ng hiya? Sa kapal ng mukha mo…” aniya habang nilalabas ang phone niya.

I chuckled again. Oo rin. We already talked about nudes on the dating app. Alam niya na hindi niya ako madudurog kahit doon. At alam ko rin na siya ang klase ng lalaki na hindi ikakalat ang ganoong pictures.

“Binura ko na. Uuwi na ako—”

“Wait. Let me see it first. I want to make sure,” I cut him off.

He glared at me as I walked toward him. I showed my palm eagerly. Kung may napansin man ako sa kanya simula noong christmas, para siyang napapaso pag malapit ako. Kaya minsan…kahit alam kong galit…nakakaganang lapitan.

“Binura na nga,” aniya sa matigas na tinig.

“I know you have trust issues with me, and I have them with you as well. You hate me, and for sure, you will use it against me—”

“Hindi ko nga gagawin. Kulit mo.” He rolled his eyes and walked past me.

“I don’t believe you. Remember, you are a nursing student, but you want me to die. You are willing to stoop so low, to go beyond your morals, as long as you can hurt me, right?” I pointed out and chuckled again.

Tumigil siya. I regretted saying it right away. Mag-aaway na naman kami. I should have kept my mouth shut!

I was nervous for his reaction. But when he started walking toward me and handed me his phone seriously, I calmed down.

“Bilisan mo. Para makauwi na ako,” he said impatiently.

I cleared my throat, took his phone as I stifled my smile, and clicked the gallery. I browsed for his photos. Tahimik niyang iginala ang tingin sa buong condo ko, kahit ang kisame, tiningala niya. Bukas ang mga blinds kaya kita rito ang mga bituin sa madilim na langit.

“Uh, you might like to eat? I’ll prepare a snack—”

“Bilisan mo na diyan sa phone ko,” he cut me off aggressively.

Man… Jasver is really Kael. They are both heartless. Ayaw nilang pinapakitaan sila ng kaonting kabutihan dahil mabilis maattach.

I nodded and looked at his gallery again. Naglakad pa ako sa sofa para seryosong maupo doon, at makita niyang focus na ako. Namulsa siya at sinuklay ang buhok paatras.

Tumingin ako sa ginawa niya, nahuli pa ako, kaya pasimple kong ibinalik ang tingin sa gallery niya, kagat ang pang-ibabang labi at nagpipigil ngumiti. He looks hot.

I froze a bit when something caught my attention. It was the photo he sent to my Coast Alderidge account. Iba lang ang s-in-end niya, ’yung basa niyang kamay, pero may…picture siya na…hawak din ang kanya. Ginaya niya ’yung s-in-end ko.

Worse, he also got a video…he got a video! Hindi niya lang s-in-end ’to, pero alam ko ang ginagawa niya kahit hindi ko i-play.

I swallowed a bit. I scrolled up immediately while I could almost feel the heat rushing through my veins. Hinawakan ko pa ang tainga ko, dahil pakiramdam ko, namumula ako sa init.

Pakiramdam ko, nakainom ako ng ilang shots ng tequila kaya parang ang init bigla. Kahit may consent naman sa kanya na tingnan ang gallery niya, parang…mali na makita iyon.

“Your socmeds… I wanna open it too,” I said seriously.

“Bakit pa?” He maintained his usual serious facade.

“Cuz you might have sent it to your other account? I wanna make sure…” I said drunkenly.

He rolled his eyes and walked toward me. Kinuha niya sa akin ang phone at magkasalubong ang kilay na pinindot ang phone niya.

I leaned against the sofa, slightly parted my legs, and watched him in front of me manipulate his phone.

Ano kayang…iniisip niya habang ginagawa iyon? I cannot believe that behind this strong personality of his, a serious gentleman in girls, is a freaky side hidden underneath.

His Jasver Chua personaly can definitely match my freak. Naiisip ko pa lang na palaban pala siya sa kama, parang nanghihina agad ako.

I took the soft pillow and put it on my lap to hide whatever triggers me to have a boner. I crossed my arms and looked up at him—silently watching him.

“Isa-isahin mo,” he said and handed back his phone to me.

Our eyes met. I stifled my smile, cleared my throat, and took his phone out of his hand. He heaved a heavy breath and shook his head.

“Bilis,” he commanded.

“Nabibitin ka ba?” I chuckled teasingly and clicked the first app I saw.

He glared at me. I looked at him playfully and pulled my attention back to his phone.

“Where is your Jasver side? I like him way better… I think we’ll click…” I murmured.

“Bilisan mo!” he demanded in a hoarse voice.

I laughed and nodded. “Oo na. Bibilisan na…” Saka ko muling tiningnan ang phone niya.

I scrolled on his messenger first. I realized it’s another account. Ang mga nandoon lang din, si Tito Rommel at mga kapatid niya. I spotted Ancent too.

I checked each conversation and the pictures he sent to them, and there’s none. Kung may…napansin man ako, ang convo nila ni Ancent. He sent a familiar picture of that Creed Aventus he was holding.

Nagbasa ako sa convo nila sa itaas hanggang nahanap ko ang picture.

Ancent:

Pahingi nga ng picture mo na may hawak ng perfume mo. Hirap kumbinsihin eh. Nagdududa na yata.

My lips parted. What are they talkin’ about? I scrolled down to read more.

Ancent:

Hindi ko na mabuksan ang account. Ikaw nalang ba ang kakausap?

Kael:

Ako na. Mukhang hindi ’to ang account na ’yon.

Ancent:

Paano kung nagpapanggap lang? Ako na ang kakausap! Hindi ka marunong bumanat eh. Saya pa naman niyan ka chat hahaha

Ancent:

Duda ako. Nasa circle ’yan noong Jarsdel. Mayayaman naman ata ang mga ’yon. Imposibleng pagkakitaan nila ang ganoong kabastusan.

Kael:

Mukhang babae ang nasa likod. Arte eh.

Ancent:

Para namang hindi rin ako tunog lalaki kausap sa chat! Huwag kang papaloko! Baka style niya yan! Baka ikaw ang susunod na mabibiktima niyan!

Ancent:

Huwag kang ma-inlove dyan. Baka siya ’yan. Isipin mong mabuti, Jasver. Ginawang business niyan ang nudes ni Verena! Nagpapanggap lang yan!

Kael:

Ramdam ko matino naman. Hindi ito ’yon.

What the fuck is this? I… I don’t understand. Ancent was part…she was the one who’s behind his account? And what nudes are they talkin’ about? This is not my dick pictures! Last year lang na convo eh.

He kept on defending me from Ancent’s speculations. Para bang malaki ang tiwala niya sa account na…hindi ko kayang gawin ang binibintang o hinala ni Ancent.

“Si Ancent ang nakakausap ko?” I pointed out unconsciously.

Kael licked his lips. “Nahanap mo ba ang nudes mo o hindi? Kasi kung hindi, aalis na ako.”

I stood up. I saw how he alertly looked at me, as if he were anticipating a punch from me.

“I think you need to explain something to me,” I demanded seriously and gave him a little sarcastic smirk.

“As far as I remember, you were the one who added the account first. You were the one who messaged the poser first…”

He clenched his jaw, and I’ve seen his Adam’s apple move when he swallowed.

“Ikaw ba ang naloko o…ikaw dapat ang manloloko pero naunahan ka lang?” I chuckled sarcastically.

He glared at me, and then he scoffed.

“Ba’t ako manloloko? Si Ancent ang kausap mo noong una,” he confessed.

My shoulder loosened. But…I don’t understand. Nag-oopen camera siya ah? Boses niya rin ang nasa voice messages.

“Nag-oopen camera ka gabi-gabi—”

“I took over,” he cut me off.

My eyes widened. He took…over.

“Akin ang account na ’yon. ’Yung mga funny replies, si Ancent ’yon. Hindi lang account na ’yon ang ginaganon niya. Marami. Lahat ng poser account ni Verena.”

What…the…hell…

“Why? Kalat sa school na ikaw ang may gusto kay Verena. Kaya bakit si Ancent ang gumagawa ng paraan?” I asked.

“Tingin mo talaga may gusto ako kay Verena? Eh hindi ko nga ’yon type.”

I blinked twice. Huh? Hindi niya type? Parang doon pa ako mas nagulat. May hindi type si Verena?

“Magkaibigan lang kami,” he added.

My eyes widened even more. He’s…he’s fucking friends with Verena?! What the hell? So what’s the purpose of those rumors?! Pinagkakalat niya ah?!

He put his hands on the sides of his waist and blew out an air of frustration. “Pinakalat lang ’yon dahil may gusto kaming hulihin. May poser account si Verena na nangch-chat ng boys na nagkakagusto sa kanya at nagbebenta ng nudes niya. Walang mukha ang mga nudes pero dala dala ang pangalan ni Verena kaya siya ang napapasama. Pinagkikitaan. May mga edited videos din.”

My eyes widened in disbelief. What?

“Sinadya ni Ancent na gano’n makipag-usap para sana malaman kung sino ang nasa likod ng account… para matanong namin kung…siya ba ang nasa likod ng nagpapakalat ng nudes ni Verena…”

What the fuck!

“Kaso nakumpirma ni Ancent na hindi ’yun ’yung account na ’yon kaya tinigilan niya na. Saktong ayaw mo lang tumigil kakachat at ako na ang nakakabasa gabi-gabi.”

I was processing everything as I silently listened, shocked and unable to digest all of it.

Kaya pala ibang-iba siya gabi-gabi.

“Naniwala ako…na hindi ikaw ang nasa likod no’n.” He chuckled weakly and licked his lips. “Hindi nga ikaw ang nasa likod…pero hindi ko matanggap na sa lahat ng pwedeng may-ari ng account, ikaw pa.”

My shoulder loosened. I slowly understand how deep the betrayal is when he even defended me from his friend. He is willing to…side with me.

Kahit hindi ko naman kaya ang binibintang nila, at sigurado naman kami ng mga kaibigan ko na ang poser account ni Verena ay pamprank lang sana kay Brent, when we use it to prank Kael as well, that’s when the fun wasn’t funny anymore.

So… Verena has this traumatizing experience with her poser accounts, and yet we…made one. Baka kahit ang circle ko, lalo na si Brent, hindi alam ito. But ignorance is not an excuse to set aside that we still did something out of line.

My mom is right. It was really a stupid stunt.

“Again, I apologized—

“At hindi ka ba naaawa sa sarili mo? Hindi mo na kailangang humingi ng tawad. May nagawa rin ako sa’yo. Pagkatapos ng sinabi ko noong pasko, bakit desidido ka pa ring humingi ng tawad sa akin?” May laman ang tingin niya sa akin, para bang…may nalaman siya.

Exactly. Kahit ako, gusto na ring pagtawanan ang sarili. Noong ininsulto niya ako sa Romblon, galit na galit ako. Pero noong inulit niya, mas mabigat kumpara sa nauna, hindi ako nagalit pero…nasaktan ako. Doon pa lang, alam kong delikado talaga ako kung…pinagpatuloy ko.

Kaso imposible nang tumigil. Alam kong hindi ko na kayang magpigil. Nahanap ko na lahat ng mga sagot, at alam ko na kung bakit…bakit ako nagkakaganito.

“Cuz…I want us to…to stop this fight…” I answered.

He laughed and shook his head, as if he wasn’t buying my excuse and he knew I wanted more than what I am saying to him right now. Shit.

He took his phone from my hand. “Wala sa phone ko ang nudes mo. Burado na. Binalik ko na rin ang jacket mo. ’Yang kuting, hindi ko ’yan kukunin. Tigilan mo na ang kakahingi ng tawad. Alam nating dalawa na hindi tayo magkakasundo.”

No… I don’t even know what I really want right now. After all the things I did, I don’t think I only want to be forgiven.

“Alam mo sa sarili mo na masakit ang sinabi ko sa’yo. Kung hindi ka lalayo sa akin, sa galit ko, baka kung ano ulit ang masabi ko—”

“Then I’ll take it,” I cut him off desperately.

Natigilan siya. He looked at me unbelievably.

“I don’t mind. If you are mad at me, I’ll…accept it.”

His lips parted. “Hindi ka ba napapagod?”

I licked my lips out of frustration. “I am willing to…let someone win against me…for the first time. I am willing to…surrender and accept my defeat. I am willing to lose…” I chuckled hoarsely as I could feel the beating of my heart pounding loudly in my chest.

“Yes, I wanted to be forgiven so bad; I wanted to fix this, but…”

“Uuwi na ako,” he said and rushed to the door.

Here we go again. Every time he knew I was able to destroy the wall he created, he’d immediately run. Parang alam niya na maaabutan ko siya, kaya mabilis siyang lumalayo.

He was about to open it, but I pushed my arm to close the door again and stood behind him, my hand locking him from escaping.

You masked it so right. You hide it so well. But I already know every bit of you after I was able to talk with your other side—Jasver Chua. Kung ikaw, kilalang kilala mo ako mula ulo hanggang paa, ganoon din ako. I finally know how to read what’s behind that rage of yours…

“You knew…for sure…” I whispered. “You noticed it, right?”

He remained silent. I chuckled a little.

“I was too obvious expressing it during the christmas party. And how many times did you…catch my eyes…like a hawk…watching you intensely?”

It might have been a lost hope I was about to abandon and a denial that my dreams were most likely just messing with my head—but when he showed up here, when I chased him, those confusions were like puzzles I solved and found the answer to my curiosity.

Hindi ko lang agad nakilala dahil…hindi ako kailanman nahulog sa kahit sino ng ganito ka lalim, lalo na sa isang lalaki.

“I wonder why…your kink was suddenly inspired by what I told you about that night. And what are you doin’ on the dating app, searching for…someone who resembles me?”

He glanced at me and found the proud—confident smirk I am wearing.

“Takot ka bang ibaba ang pride mo, o takot kang patawarin ako dahil alam mo…ako na naman ang mananalo?” I taunted.

His jaw clenched. I playfully looked at his rage, and this time, I can finally understand it.

“Did you confirm that the greatest enemy you created wasn’t me, but none other than yourself? Cuz how come… you built a wall so high…unreachable…and yet…I was still able to crawl into your system…into your head…” I leaned closer, whispering all of the evidence I recovered.

My eyes dropped on his lips as I laughed happily. “Paano ako ngayon titigil niyan kung alam ko, unti-unti kang bumibigay…unti-unting nahuhulog…”

His breaths were heavy, and the wrath in his eyes grew, but unlike in the past, when I would always feel nervous when he was angry, this time I knew it wasn’t for me. But it was for himself—fighting the impulse not to..fall for me.

“At inamin mo rin na gusto mo ako?” He smirked with satisfaction.

“Why would I deny something so obvious?” I smirked back, my lips playfully leaning toward his, but as soon as he tilted his head, avoiding mine, I laughed.

What a fucking tease…

“Do you want me to drive you home, hmm?” I whispered tauntingly.

He pushed me harshly. I stepped backward, pinched my lower lip while smiling, guilty that…I couldn’t stop myself from…falling even more.

“Bilib talaga ako sa kapal ng mukha mo,” aniya at binuksan ng tuluyan ang pinto, humahakbang na palabas. “Tabi nga. Uuwi na ako.”

Well, those were just my assumptions to keep myself motivated. Hindi naman masamang gumawa-gawa ng sariling kaligayahan sa isip ko. I believe in manifestations…

“Magpa-injection ka bukas. Dalhin mo si Milo,” he reminded, back in his usual serious facade…

I nodded. “Okay. Mag-isa lang kami? Hindi ka sasama?”

He glared at me. “Kaya mo ngang umakyat sa gate. Kaya mo na ’yan,” he hissed.

And wow. He’s a bit tamed. Since when? Did my…apology melt him? Bati na kami? He’s a bit harsh but there was something in his rage that is comforting…

“Ayaw mo bang…dito muna? Where’s Jasver? Baka gusto niyang umagahin dito kasama ako—”

“Gago,” putol niya at naglakad na paalis.

Sinilip ko ang pag-alis niya, naglalakad na palayo.

“Bye, Jasver…” I teased.

He raised his middle finger. I laughed and closed the door. Kinuha ko agad ang phone ko para ma message siya sa Instagram.

Tyler:

You look so good, btw. Thanks for dropping by to check on me :)

Nakita ko na binasa niya agad. Humalakhak ako nang nagreact siya ng middle finger sa message ko. What a love language. At least he is aware why I’m persistent…

Chapter 31

Fever

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my lips on that night. It was like waiting for something you knew you’d have soon, as long as you learned how to be patient. You knew there would be delays, but the fact that you will soon have it makes everything worth the wait.

Sa ngisi niya pa lang noong inamin ko na, para bang alam niya na, pero gusto niya lang kumpirmahin sa akin mismo. At kahit hindi ko naman sinabing manliligaw ako, parang pumayag siya.

Alam niya namang makapal ang mukha ko kaya ganoon na ang iisipin ko.

To be honest, that calmness in him alone is already fine with me. It’s such a rare moment to see him interacting with me with no insults and dramas. Kahit hindi naman tumagal ng isang oras ang pag-uusap namin at umalis din, parang isang taon ko nang dadalhin ang ngiti ko.

When I told him I am willing to accept his anger, even if it was the only thing left to grasp in him, I’d take it. At least he has feelings for me…galit nga lang.

Maaga akong gumising, pinaliguan muna ang kuting bago ako mag-shower. Compared to last night, Milo is now calmer. He’s just purring a little, looking at me pitifully, begging to stop bathing him for sure. Hindi pa yata sanay sa tubig ang isang ’to.

“Dito kana tatanda kasama ko. Huwag kanang bumalik sa amo mo. Kaso ayaw ka ring kunin sa akin eh. Baka mawalan daw siya ng rason na puntahan ako at mahalatang gusto niya rin akong makita…”

Milo purred at me. I couldn’t understand him, but he probably agreed right away and sealed a contract in exchange for unlimited treats and a lavish life. Kung marunong siyang mag-drive, baka kahit humingi siya ng sports car, bibilhin ko eh.

It took me hours of preparation. Pagkatapos akong maligo, kumuha ng puting buttoned-down shirt at shorts, nag-ayos ng kaonti, si Milo naman ang inasikaso ko. It was such a random moment—a strange one for me, who’s not used to taking care of something, but I found myself enjoying it. Lalo na noong sinusuotan ko na ng binili ni Mica na hoodie at may bear na design pa.

I laughed and held him up. He’s dressed in a beige hoodie with bear ears, making him look so cute. I am amazed by the color of his eyes because it’s golden brown. His color reminds me of a tiger, and even the patches on his skin. Bakit Milo ang pangalan niya, ba’t hindi nalang ginawang Tiger?

Namili pa ako kung sa stroller ko ba ilalagay, pero mas pinili ko na lang ’yung carrier bag niya para nasa style pa rin pag binitbit ko. Dapat pala bumili ako ng iba pang kulay para mabagay ko minsan sa suot ko.

I took a photo of him after putting him in the front seat, sitting silently, looking all over my place curiously. Siguro naalala niyang dito ko rin siya pinasok noong kinuha ko siya sa kanila.

Tyler:

Morning! We’re now on our way to the clinic!

I also sent him the picture of Milo, and then I took a photo of myself, and I sent it to him too. Hindi ko na hinintay na i-seen niya agad dahil alam kong mamaya pa ’yon kaya nagdrive na rin ako.

The session was pretty much fast. I also got three injections and was advised not to use too much force for a while. There might be side effects such as fever, but my main concern is…

“No alcohol for a month?” I echoed the doctor’s advice.

“Yes, sir…” she chuckled a little.

“Pati rin ba ’yung kuting, bawal din munang painumin?” I asked jokingly.

Her eyes widened, and she laughed. Kahit ’yung vet na abala kay Milo, tumingin din sa akin saglit at natawa.

“Mabuti at nagpa-injection kayo agad, sir… Mahalaga na magpa-injection agad, lalo na’t maraming namamatay sa rabies pag hindi agad naagapan.”

Well, I have no idea that a simple scratch can lead to infections. Pero mas mabuti ring nagpa-injection agad ako dahil baka pag nalaman din ’to ni Mommy at Dad, mag-aalala ang dalawang ’yon.

May mga binigay sa aking vitamins para kay Milo na pwede kong ihalo sa food niya. Meron ding mga pagkaing kailangan niyang iwasan para humaba ang buhay. Nagbiro pa nga ako…

“Ayos lang ’yan, doc. Naka nine lives naman ’yan…” And they laughed again.

Tatlong session ang ibinigay sa akin. Babalik ako next week para sa second dose. At sa susunod na week naman ang pang huling dose. Medyo kumikirot nga ang braso ko but I can still manage to drive using my left arm since the right arm was the one that got injected twice.

Tyler:

Both of my arms hurt. The vet said I should not use too much force and there might be a side effect such as fever. Man, how am I supposed to move around and cook for myself :/

I smirked after sending it on his Instagram and glanced at Milo, who was now peacefully sleeping inside his bag. Sana naman alagaan ako ng amo mo total kasalanan mo ’to kaya ako nasa sitwasyong ito. At sana nga lagnatin talaga at magtagal ng buwan para maalagaan noong isa kahit parang imposible. Baka tuluyan pa ako no’n…

Inihatid ko lang si Milo pauwi sa condo ko, nagluto ng beef para may makain siya at maihalo ko rin ang vitamins niya. May nakita rin kasing nutritional imbalance sa kanya, which he got from the previous food he ate. I wonder what kind of food. Knowing Kael, he knows a lot of shit since he is a nursing student, so it’s kinda weird that Milo got some minor health problems…

“Saan tayo kakain?” si Ron nang magkita kami pagkatapos ng minor subject ko.

Nasa school ako. I attended some of my afternoon subjects. May isa pa mamayang 6PM. I’m kinda worried for Milo. Naiwang mag-isa sa condo ko. Monitored ko naman sa CCTV, kumain lang kanina, naglaro ng kaunti sa play mat niya, at nakatulog din. Pero pag nasa class ako, naiisip ko baka nagluluto na pala ’yon sa kusina ko kaya napa-praning tuloy akong silipin kada minuto sa phone ko.

I mean, it’s probably those reels I’ve seen on the internet where the animals have these secret lives and they stop acting like animals. Magulat nalang ako, si Milo, baka nasa computer ko na at may hina-hack na malaking banks. May inside job pala…

“Kailangan kong umuwi. May naghihintay na pusa. Sa condo na tayo kumain,” I said.

Low bat din ako. I forgot to bring my power bank. Well, I have my Apple Watch as an alternative to check on important emails or to do some phone calls when my phone is dead. Ito rin ang madalas kong suotin lalo na pag nasa school dahil mas convenient.

“Imagine pag nalaman ni Tito Rommel at Daddy mo na nag-match kayo ni Kael sa isang dating app, siguro matatawa silang dalawa,” si Ron habang nasa elevator na kami, walang tao, kaya nakakapag-ingay kaming dalawa.

But instead of listening to his rants, my mind immediately wandered to that day I explained to Kael while we were in the elevator.

I felt our tension; even the heat of his body felt raw to me. Ang hirap ngang alisin ng tingin ko sa batok niya noong oras na ’yon dahil kung ano-anong isip ang pumapasok, at kailangan kong mag-explain.

“Kung wala kayong ganoong away ni Kael, o kung hindi talaga natin siya kilala, papatulan mo ba siya?” tanong ni Ron habang abala akong pisilin ang pang-ibabang labi ko, nagpipigil ng ngiti.

“Nakikinig ka ba?” He tilted his head and laughed at me.

“Yeah?” I laughed too.

“Tinatanong kita kung papatulan mo ba si Kael?” he asked again.

“If we don’t have any beef, a complete stranger and he has no feeling of hatred for me?” I confirmed.

Ron nodded. I laughed and shook my head. “Hindi rin…”

Cuz without our beef, that hatred, I don’t even think I’ll fall for him. He might not get my attention, and I might not consider his existence…

He nodded and calmed down. “Oo rin eh. Gets kita. Kahit ako, hindi ko siguro papatulan si Kael.”

“Hindi ka rin no’n papatulan, Ron,” I said and laughed.

The elevator opened, so we both went out. Our topic continued while I typed in my condo’s passcode and opened it.

“Bango, ah? Kumuha ka na ng helper?” Ron asked as soon as we both entered.

“I didn’t—” I stopped as soon as I saw Kael putting down the plate on the table.

Kahit si Ron, nauntog pa sa likod ko dahil tumigil ako at napamura. Kael looked at us, then looked at Ron behind me.

I cleared my throat and glanced at Ron. “Hindi ba may ime-meet up ka dapat ngayon?” At sana gumana ang utak niya para mabasa ang gusto ko ngayon.

“Ah…oo… Oo meron… Sige bro. Alis na ako.” He even cleared his throat and turned his back.

Sumunod ako. Lumabas si Ron, tiningnan ako ng makahulugan.

“Laking pusa naman ng naghihintay,” at bumulong pa talaga si Ron.

“Ililibre kita bukas,” sabi ko nang manahimik. Ganyan naman siya. Kailangan pang suhulan para lang tumino.

He stifled his laugh, shook his head, and gestured that he is now leaving. I sighed and closed the door.

Right. I remember I gave my passcode to Kael, and even my breaks. Alam ko, break time niya rin eh. I memorized it since we almost planned on spending our break times for our…fucking.

“You’re here…” I said and walked toward him calmly.

“Aalis din. Binisita ko lang si Milo,” he reasoned while taking off the apron.

I crouched and rested my elbows on the marble countertop.

“My arms really hurt. Thank you for dropping by. May class pa ako mamayang 6PM pero…para akong lalagnatin kaya umuwi na muna para makapagpahinga,” sabi ko habang nakatingin sa mga niluto niya.

“Hanggang dinner na ’yang niluto ko. Umiwas ka rin muna sa alak para mas effective ’yung vaccine sa katawan mo. Ang hilig mo pa naman uminom.”

I arched my brow since that’s what the doctor told me to do. Wow. He really knows a lot of shit in this field…

“Sit down and eat with me,” I offered.

Kahit alam ko namang manlalaban ’to, mas gugustuhing tumanggi, inimbita ko pa rin.

“May next subject pa ako,” he said and picked up his bag off the chair.

I raised an eyebrow. “As far as I remember, your last subject during Monday is until 3:30… I thought you don’t fuck with liars?” I chuckled tauntingly.

Natigilan si Kael.

“You know, it’s convenient for me if you become too attached to me. Don’t worry, you won’t even break if you fall too hard…” I smirked.

He scoffed and gave me a taunting smirk. Isinuot niya ang bag niya at mukhang aalis talaga.

“Gusto mo lang akong umagahin dito eh,” makahulugan niyang sinabi kaya mas lumawak ang ngisi ko.

“Why not? I know you’d love that too…” I chuckled.

“Magsabi ka kung nilagnat ka. Nasaan ’yung reseta sa’yo para sa pain reliever? Binili mo ba?”

“Uh… not yet.”

He glared at me. “Akin na. Ako ang bibili at ihahatid ko mamaya dito.”

Nice!

Umakyat agad ako sa itaas para kunin ’yung reseta saka ibinigay sa kanya.

As much as I want to attend my 6PM class, I decided to do an online class instead. I have an excuse since I just got vaccinated. Medyo kumikirot na rin ’yung braso ko at hindi ko na yata kayang mag-drive.

Si Milo, masyadong malikot at naglalaro sa play mat niya, madalas na nginangatngat iyong paborito niyang laruan na chicken joy. Akala niya siguro manok talaga.

Around 8PM, bumalik si Kael. May dala na siyang gamot. ’Yun nga lang, umalis din. Minomonitor niya lang ako pag pupunta, titingnan si Milo, tapos aalis na.

Hindi ko rin masyadong pinipilit. Hinahayaan ko lang kung ano ang gusto niyang gawin. Baka kasi kung masyado ko ring kinulit, mas lalong manlalaban. Hilig pa naman niyan umiwas.

Ganoon siya hanggang sa last session ko. Pupuntahan lang ata ako kung nasa bingit na talaga ng kamatayan, o isang hinga nalang siguro, malalagutan na ng hininga. Kung hindi ko sinasabing may sumasakit sa akin, hindi rin pupunta.

Saktong February, birthday pa ni Brent, tapos sa huling session ko, isang buwan ulit na bawal uminom. Iba pa naman ang mga demonyong ’to, pag inom, inom talaga. Baka kahit nakahiga kana sa kabaong, bibigyan ka pa rin ng shot kung magpa-pass ka.

“Vaccine lang ’yan! Malayo sa bituka,” si Ron nang magreklamo akong bawal talaga.

After the surprise for Brent earlier, which Shiloh planned himself, plus the dramatic tarpaulin with Brent’s face, we decided to just drink for a chill night. Hindi na nga lumabas para pumunta sa clubs dahil ayaw rin ni Brent at gustong kami-kami lang kasama ang girls na gustong sa pool nalang sila.

“Dude, if I get an allergic reaction and I die tonight, my mom will deadass kill you!”

Nagtawanan sila pero binigyan pa rin ako ng shot. Nandito kami sa gazebo, nakikita ang girls na nags-swimming habang dito kami umiinom.

“Seriously, bro… I’m not kidding. The doctor really advised me not to. Hindi ako nagbibiro. Bawal daw ang alak…” I explained and pushed the shot away from me.

I mean, kung ’yung doctor lang ang nagsabi, hindi ko susundin. Kaso iyon din ang banta ni Kael sa akin. Mas takot ata ako sa gagawin niya pag uminom ako, kaysa sa side effects ng alcohol sa katawan ko.

“Huwag na, Ron,” si Shiloh na pumigil.

Kinuha ni Mav ang shot na ibinaba na rin ni Ron at ininom iyon. Kumalma din naman ang boys at mukhang naniniwala na sa akin, o dahil lang bumoses na si Shiloh.

“Doctor ba ang may sabi o nursing mo?” si Mavric, nakangising ibinaba ang shot.

I licked my lips and laughed. Ron pointed at me and laughed too. Binatukan ko dahil baka kung ano pang masabi. Kahit alam ko namang amin-amin lang ’yon, talagang hindi niya papalampasing pagtawanan ako.

“Nursing niya…” natatawang sabi ni Ron.

Speaking of nursing…

I took out my phone when I remembered I messaged him on his Instagram account. Nagsabi ako na birthday ni Brent kaya after ng injection ko, diretso na ako sa bahay nila Angela dahil dito namin napiling tumambay. Dinala ko rin si Milo para naman hindi nakakulong sa condo ko at kawawa rin. Madalas nga ang kalaro, si Shiloh. Ngayon, nasa paanan din ni Shiloh at nginangatngat ang sapatos niya.

Binuksan ko ang Instagram ko at nakitang may messages nga siya.

Kael:

Uminom ka?

I typed a reply.

Tyler:

I didn’t.

Mabilis siyang nag-seen at typing na. May s-in-end siyang screenshot ng isang picture. It was me, chugging down a tequila and partying in Xylo while there was a “Happy Birthday, Brent Jarsdel” on the screen at my back. This was last year. A throwback!

Kael:

Tigas ng ulo ah?

Instead of feeling nervous, my stomach was twitching out of excitement. Where did he get the photo? I know it wasn’t a photo but a video; he just paused it and took a screenshot.

I stood up and cleared my throat.

“I’ll just go to the restroom,” paalam ko pero naunahan na agad ng mga tukso.

“Hindi pa nga lasing pero magd-drunk call na. Bagong sakit mo ba ’yan?” natatawang sabi ni Ron.

“Baka side effects ng vaccine,” si Con na naantala pa ang pag-inom para lang mang-asar.

“Magsesend ’yan…” si Mavric na natatawa rin.

“Anong isesend?” si Rick na nagkasalubong agad ang kilay.

“Kamao niya raw, dude. Tumitigas…” si Ron na inakbayan si Rick at siniko agad siya kaya nagtawanan silang dalawa ni Mavric.

I raised my middle finger and jogged to the door. Dumaan pa ako sa swimming pool, saktong sinabuyan ng tubig ng girls kaya medyo natalsikan. Niyaya nila akong mag-swimming pero tinanggihan ko at pumasok na muna sa bahay nila Angela.

I opened my Instagram app and pressed the video call. Inayos ko ang buhok at pinunasan ang leeg na basa ng kaunti dahil sa kalokohan ng girls habang pumapasok ako sa restroom.

Four rings until he answered it.

“Where did you get that picture?” I laughed as soon as I saw him in his room; the light was dim, his face in his usual scowl and furrowed brows.

“Akala ko ba sa bahay?” He confirmed his speculations.

“Bahay nga. I’m at Angela’s house. I’m in the restroom right now.”

“At uminom ka? Bawal kang uminom dahil—”

“I didn’t, alright? Baka pag ginawa ko, saksakin mo ako ng injection sa tigas ng ulo ko…” I cut off his aggressive reaction and laughed.

The way he looked at me, I know he misinterpreted it. Or…he suddenly thought of something else…

I smirked playfully. Pigil na pigil, ah? His Jasver Chua is probably activated. May kabastusan sigurong naisip.

He cleared his throat and shifted his position. “Si Milo?” And even his voice was hoarse.

“Oh. He’s outside. Panay takbo. Busog na rin. Naaaliw siya sa pool area,” sabi ko at sumandal sa sink.

He nodded, still wearing a serious expression. Natawa tuloy ako.

“Worried for your boyfriend?” I teased.

He let out an unexpected laugh. Sinabayan ko ang tawa niya, malawak ang ngisi dahil nabali ko ang pinapanindigan niyang seryosong ekspresyon.

“Tang inang boyfriend. Aanhin ko ’yan?” He rolled his eyes boyishly and put his hand from the back of his head.

When he licked his lower lip, I licked mine too and laughed. Nahuli ko pang dumaplis ang tingin sa labi ko at inalis lang agad.

“Uminom ka. Bahala ka. Katawan mo naman ’yan…” he said, pulling himself back to the topic.

“I didn’t drink cuz I know you’ll get worried…” I answered, my smile still kissing on my lips.

He scoffed again, but the smile was really taunting on his lips, as if he was having a hard time suppressing it.

“Ibababa ko na. Mag-aaral pa ako,” he said snobbishly.

“Wow. The old you who’s mad at me would probably just hang up the call. I see, you’re fallin’—”

And he dropped it. Humalakhak agad ako. Kagat ang pang-ibabang labi, nangingiti akong tumawag ulit. When he strictly answered it and showed his scowling face that he looked pissed, I laughed again.

“And the old Kael who’s mad at me would not even answer it—”

And he ended the call again. I laughed as I typed a reply.

Tyler:

Fucking cute. That’s why I like teasing you ;)

For sure, ayaw nang magreply kaya bumalik nalang ako ulit sa labas para makihalo kaso di na matanggal-tanggal ang ngiti ko.

Kahit huwag na siyang lumambot sa akin, magtigas-tigasan nalang. Talagang tinitigasan naman ’yon sa akin. Natawa tuloy ako at saktong katabi ko si Mavric kaya tiningnan ako. Hindi naman nagtanong nang sinabi ko, may naalala lang akong meme.

Days later, the last dose of my injection made me a bit sick. Hindi naman ako mainit. Pakiramdam ko lang mainit ako. O siguro nilagnat na ako kakahiling na sana magkasakit para mapuntahan ulit ni Kael. Two weeks na rin kasing hindi nagpapakita. O baka naman busy dahil Valentine’s at may ka-date?

Kinulit ko agad sa chat para ibalita…

Tyler:

I have a fever :(

I checked some of my unopened messages boredly. May mga girls na nagtatanong kung anong gagawin ko sa Valentine’s. Come to think of it, ang tagal ba rin pala noong huli ko. This is the longest time I’ve been celibate. Wow. Life changing.

Noong nagreply si Kael, binuksan ko agad at binasa.

Kael:

Tagos sa screen ang ngisi mo.

I laughed. He really knows me from head to foot, huh. I typed a reply.

Tyler:

Can’t cook :(

When he didn’t reply anymore, I knew he’s already on his way. Kaya nasa kama lang ako, nanatili sa kuwarto hanggang dumating siya, kunwari malala na ang sakit kaya kahit pagtayo, hindi magawa.

Tyler:

Can’t stand up. I’m here upstairs :(

Seconds later, I heard the heavy footsteps he made. Halatang napilitan pang umakyat.

Tyler:

First door. Just open it :(

When he opened the door, I made a fake cough and sniffed dramatically. He stayed in the doorway, crossed his arms, and leaned against the side of the door in his usual black hoodie and pants.

“May sakit pero ang lamig ng kwarto…” he pointed out strictly.

Man… he’s right.

“Turn it off, please,” I pleaded weakly.

Bumuntonghininga siya at pumasok. I watched him walk silently, his eyes looking at my place alertly.

“The remote is right there,” I said and looked at the side of my bed.

Tiningnan niya iyon. Kita ko pa ang pagkakasalubong ng kilay niya habang pinapanood ko ang kilos niya. Kinuha niya ang remote sa bedside table saka pinindot ang off.

“Walang date? Akala ko nakikipagdate ka. It’s Valentine’s…”

“Sa ating dalawa, mas gawain mo ’yan,” aniya.

“You’re right. Cuz if I’m not sick, I might take you out for a yacht date…” I murmured in a rasp.

“Kaya lumalala ’yang sakit mo dahil masyado kang mahangin.” He snickered and looked at me in his usual unreadable expression.

I shut my eyes and let out a childish laugh. Nanghihina akong natawa, nakangiti siyang tiningnan na seryoso lang akong pinapanood. Kahit dim ang kuwarto ko, nakikita kong nakatitig sa akin…

“Sobrang init mo ba?” he asked seriously.

“Check it.” I smirked playfully.

His brows furrowed, but I saw how desperate he was to confirm it. Na para bang hindi siya nagbibiro ngayon. He crouched a bit and gently rested the back of his palm against the skin of my neck.

Natigilan agad ako, hindi iyon inaasahan. Kung kanina, gusto ko siyang biruin, ngayon, parang ako naman ang nanigas. This is the first time he…touches me.

The heat rushing through my body is palpable; the beating of my heart was beating too loudly as well. Kung kanina, hindi ko naman masyadong ramdam na mainit talaga ako, ngayon, parang nasusunog ang buong kwarto ko dahil sa init.

I looked at him seriously as I swallowed hard. When he felt my Adam’s apple move, his eyes rose up and looked at me intensely.

“You like chokes, right? Aren’t you tempted to do it to my neck?” I asked boldly.

Muli siyang tumayo ng tuwid, binawi ang kamay at tumalikod na, halatang napapaso na naman sa akin.

“Ipagluluto kita ng nilagang baka. Ihahatid ko rito mamaya pati ang gamot mo, saka ako uuwi,” aniya habang naglalakad na palabas.

I followed his back using my eyes as I made a low chuckle.

“So Jasver Chua is a scam? I thought you were wild…” I taunted.

Nasa pinto na siya nang nilingon niya ako. Ang mayabang na ngisi sa labi niya ang agad kong napansin—ang kaunting mukha ay may anino ng dilim ng aking kwarto

“Magpagaling ka muna. Saka tayo magtutuos. Ayokong mahimatay ka kung gagawin natin habang may sakit ka.”

My smile vanished, and my lips parted unexpectedly. Now I regretted why I pretended I had a fucking fever!

Chapter 32

Promise

It was the greatest dilemma of my life. Hindi ako makapaniwalang mahihirapan akong mamili sa dalawang bagay. Una, kung ipagpapatuloy ba ang sakit-sakitan para lang maalagaan, o tumayo agad, ipakitang magaling na para lang matuloy ’yang hamon niya.

And can you believe it, I chose to rot in my bed instead, waited for him, and chose to experience his gentle care instead.

Well, I know that I have a high libido, and his provocative words were one of my dreams—a fantasy coming true, but I would rather settle in his calmness for a while. Minsan lang din kasi ’to.

Sex is good, alright; I won’t deny that. I even crawled to the dating app just to find someone who can satisfy my curiosity, but it was just a spur-of-the-moment thirst when you feel horny. Pagkatapos niyan, wala na. Balik reyalidad.

Siguro rin, kaya mas gusto kong ito nalang, ang maranasang inaalagaan niya ako, kaysa doon sa hamon niya, dahil mas uhaw ako sa handa niyang ibigay ngayon.

And come on, he might think I have no control. Oo nga walang kontrol, sa dami kong karanasan at ngayon nangungulila na dahil ilang buwan nang tigang, pero kung ayaw niya, edi ayaw ko rin. And he clearly said that to fucking edge me cuz he knows I was faking my fever!

Pinapahiya ko na nga ang sarili ko, ayaw ko namang ibaba ang dignidad ko at ipakitang wala akong kontrol sa sarili! And I have other plans, you know? I want to unleash that Jasver Chua he unintentionally introduced to me in the dating app. Gusto kong kusa siyang kumawala, kusang bumigay, kusang susunggab…

“Nginingiti-ngiti mo? Kumain kana,” si Kael nang muling pumasok sa kuwarto ko, at naabutan pa akong nananaginip ng gising.

Tinigil ko rin agad. Baka instead na ipakain sa akin ang sabaw na dinala, iligo pa sa akin para lang matauhan.

Kinuha niya ang bed tray, inilagay sa gitna ko, at doon din nilagay ang dala niyang food. Umupo ako nang maayos, sumandal sa headboard ng kama, at pinabuksan ang ilaw.

“Not that light. Press it again. I want the warm one,” sabi ko, medyo pumikit dahil masyadong masakit sa mata ang naunang kulay ng ilaw.

He looked amused when he pressed it again and the entire room changed its color.

“Pati sa ilaw ang arte,” he murmured.

Nasa pagkain na ang focus ko, lalo na’t masarap talaga siya magluto. Hindi ko alam kung anong nilalagay niya, pero sakto lagi ang timpla. Kahit sabaw pa lang ang tinikman ko, sa init ng hagod nito sa lalamunan ko, gagaling yata kahit ang peke kong lagnat.

“What do you usually put on the food you cook? It really tastes good…”

Kaso hindi siya sumagot kaya tiningnan ko. Naabutan ko siyang magkasalubong ang kilay habang nakatitig sa pader. I suddenly realized it…

The flower he gave to me, I preserved it and turned it into a large painting, which I commissioned from a painter in Rome my mom recommended to me. It was a 120x180 art painting, which cost 5,000 euros.

An impressionalism art inspired by Claude Monet’s paintings, and some of the parts were actually real leaves and petals from the flower he gave to me. And he recognized it for sure.

“I…preserved it. My mom is kind of obsessed with paintings, so when I was in Paris, France, I stumbled on her favorite painting, one of Claude Monet’s…so I got the idea to…turn those dried leaves and petals…into art instead. Pina-commission ko lang sa isang painter na kilala ni Mom sa Rome, at sinabi kong…gusto kong makitang buhay tingnan…kahit nadurog na…”

The dried petals and flowers just blended in with the sea of fully bloomed garden, which gave the illusion that the flower still survived…according to how it was taken care of.

His shoulder loosened. There was no hint of anger in his eyes, but his unreadable, serious expression made me worry a bit. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. Kung…nagustuhan niya ba, o naalala na naman na…may pangit akong nagawa sa kanya.

“Baka nga naalala niya,” si Shiloh sa first week ng March nang sa kanya ako magtanong.

That was the last time Kael visited me during February. Second week. Ngayon, halos four weeks na pero ayaw nang bumalik sa condo ko. Ako na tuloy ang nagpaplanong puntahan siya, o masyado na naman akong agresibo at baka mas lalong lumayo.

Puro lang din siya seen sa messages ko, kahit mga pictures ni Milo, wala ngang reacts. Pakiramdam ko inabandona niya na kaming dalawa. Ginawa lang akong pasyente sa ospital na kailangang i-monitor, at noong gumaling, saka rin pinabayaan.

Ilang beses ko na ngang naiisip na kung uulan man, maliligo ako. I wanna have a fever so bad. Cuz I know, he will rush to my condo unit and take care of me.

“What do you think? Galit ba? I turned it into a painting cuz I wanna preserve it. That’s all…” I sighed and leaned against my seat while we were having lunch somewhere in Rockwell.

Parehas kami ng breaktime kaya ninakaw ko muna sa boyfriend niyang may class pa. Wala na rin kasi akong matinong nakukuhang sagot kay Ron at puro lang naman talaga katarantaduhan ang alam namin kaya kay Shiloh ako ngayon nagtatanong.

Shiloh chewed his food cheerfully; his eyes looked satisfied with his order. Tinitingnan ko siya, hindi ko pa halos magalaw ang pagkain ko dahil hinihintay ang sagot niya.

“Baka na-overwhelm lang. Natanong mo ba?” he asked after chewing his food.

“Hindi ko rin matanong. Baka magalit lalo. You know Kael’s temper…” I laughed.

He stopped eating his food and widened his eyes. “Si Jasver?” he confirmed.

Ako naman ngayon ang nagulat. “You know Jasver?” And knowing he knows his second name, Kael rarely uses it in public…

He nodded and put down his spoon. “Nakilala ko lang din dahil friend sila ni Denver. Siya ’yung nakaangasan ni Brent noong basketball…”

“At ininsulto ka raw?”

He nodded. “Oo pero napag-usapan na namin ’yon. Friend din kasi sila ni Verena. Pati ’yung isa pang babae na si Ancent…”

What the fuck? He is literally friends with the entire circle of Verena! What kind of privilege is this? Tapos kami nila Brent noon, hirap na hirap makasundo ni isa sa circle ni Verena dahil maiilap sa amin.

Kasalanan din kasi ni Brent dahil halos nilandi ang buong department ng Fine Arts kaya nadamay din kaming lahat; suki din kami nila Mav sa nursing department. Ayaw tuloy kaming pansinin, si Shiloh lang.

I mean, I won’t be surprised anymore knowing Shiloh is naturally a social butterfly himself despite being introverted. Kaso first time din nila Verena na may papasukin sa circle nila na galing sa circle namin. Cuz most of those who are part of their circles aren’t part of ours. Example is… Rade.

Siguro rin nangongolekta sila ng mga introvert at hindi maiingay? Cuz our circle is well-known for being loud party animals.

“Pinakilala kasi siyang Jasver ni Denver sa akin. ’Yun ang tawag niya sa kanya. Magkapitbahay sila, at childhood friend din,” patuloy ni Shiloh. “Masungit nga siya, pero nagkakausap rin kami minsan dahil kay Denver.”

Denver…which is si Rin. Ang rason kaya halos walang pahinga kakainom last year. I didn’t hesitate to pick up my phone and open the Facebook app to add Denver. Close pala sila ni Kael? And knowing he calls him…Jasver. Childhood pa pala.

Bisexual pa naman si Denver. Si Kael, pansexual. Duda ako eh. Parang may something. Knowing Kali mentioned he has exes. Baka isa rin si Denver? Kaso imposible. Ex ng pinsan niya. Hindi naman siguro papatulan ni Jasver si Denver?

“Biniro kasi siya ni Denver na inaway daw ako, kaya sabi niya napikon daw siya sa inyo kaya pag nasa team ni Brent, inaangasan niya agad. Siya pala ang pinoproblema mo?” And there’s that obvious judgements in his eyes again, as if he caught me doing illegal things and he is ready to roast me innocently.

“Tell Denver to accept me, Shiloh.”

Luckily, he accepted me on that day too. Desperate to start a conversation with him, I put Rick on my story as bait. Baka magcomment siya at pagtawanan ang ginawang paglalasing ni Rick noong November. Kaso view lang ang ginawa. So I messaged him instead.

Tyler:

Hi Denver! Boto ako sa inyo ni Rick! Bagay kayo haha

The haha seemed too forced. Dapat pala naka capslock. I waited for his reply, kaso nauna pang dumating ang text ni Dad.

Required bang snob talaga pag nasa circle ni Verena? I feel like they all share the same vibe. Even Rade didn’t reply to my meme! Hindi yata sila lahat invested sa social media.

Dad:

Today is the delivery of your tuxedo. Those two suits are for your Tito Rommel and Mikael. Just text your Tito Rommel to pick it up, or tell Daisy to pick it up so she can deliver it to their house.

Oh, right. I almost forgot about the anniversary party of Dad’s construction company next month, which is in April. It’s a special and grand party since it’s the 20th anniversary… Nakakaproud at ang layo na ng narating ng ipinundar mismo ni Dad.

Speaking of suits…kaya pala tatlong tuxedo ang dumating. I thought akin lahat at mamimili lang ako kung alin ang gusto ko. Well, what a nice opportunity to summon someone here.

Tyler:

Hey. I got Tito Rommel and your tuxedo. You can pick it up here. Or do you want me to deliver it to your house? Can I come over?

Nagsend din ako ng picture para makita niyang nagsasabi ako ng totoo. Baka isipin niya gawa-gawa ko lang para makita siya.

Ilang minuto lang, nag-seen na siya. Hindi na naman nagreply kaya hinayaan ko muna. Kung hindi siya pupunta ngayong gabi, ako nalang bukas.

Around 11PM, someone rang the doorbell. Nasa shower pa ako, saktong kakatapos lang, kaya nagmamadaling magtapis ng tuwalya sa baywang at lumabas para pagbuksan siya. Nakita ko agad si Kael, naka-all-white uniform, suot ang itim na bag, at malinis ang pagkakaatras ng buhok sa likuran.

I was shocked to see him in his white nursing uniform. There was something about his stance that makes you stare at him obsessively. Natulala pa, kaya noong nagsalita, natauhan ako agad.

“Akin na. Kailangan kong umuwi agad…” aniya, halata ang pagod at pagmamadali sa boses.

“Come in. Kukunin ko muna sa itaas,” sabi ko at mas binuksan ng malaki ang pinto.

I wiped off the trickling water on my neck and watched him walk past me. Sumalubong si Milo sa kanya, patakbong lumapit at ang ingay ingay, may sumbong na naman kahit galing siya sa tulog.

He picked him up and walked to the sofa. “Inaaway ka dito?” he uttered softly, as if he was talking to a little kid.

Sinara ko ang pinto at pinanood siyang isinandal ang ulo sa sofa, pumikit, at halatang pagod. Si Milo, nasa kandungan niya at dinidilaan ang kamay ni Jasver.

“He missed you. Ilang linggo kang hindi nagpakita. He probably thinks you abandoned us…” I chuckled and walked to the marble countertop to prepare him a tea at least.

Hindi siya sumagot kaya nagpatuloy akong gumawa ng tea.

“Uh, have you eaten your dinner? I still have food left. Iinitin ko nalang—”

“Uuwi rin ako. Kunin mo na,” he said in his tired voice.

Kahit pagod, nanlalaban pa rin. Wow. The perseverance of a nursing student, huh…

“Chamomile tea. You might like this.” I placed the teacup on the table.

His half-lidded eyes barely opened, and he just went back to closing them again.

“Nag-abala ka pa,” he murmured in his usual cold, distant voice, which I already got used to. “Kunin mo na para makauwi na ako.”

What a high boundary. Kahit pa akyatin mo ’yan, kung wala talagang planong ibaba ni Kael ang boundary niya, walang mangyayari.

“Magbihis ka na rin. Malalamigan ka pa,” he pointed out.

My lips twisted uncontrollably. “Alright, nurse…” I chuckled submissively.

“May sariling nurse ka nga, nanghihina naman. Mas malakas pa ata ang pasyente niya. Hindi ko pa nga napapagod…” I chanted to myself while striding upstairs.

As much as I want to remind him about his joke last month, I think that’s the least thing on his mind right now, knowing he’s tired from school. Hindi nga nagpakita sa akin ng ilang linggo, baka pag biniro ko, ilang buwan na talagang hindi magpakita.

I went to my room to wear clothes first, just a simple t-shirt and sweatpants, and blow-dried my hair for a while. Dinala ko sa ibaba ang dalawang naka-plastic na tuxedo at nakitang nakapikit pa rin siya.

“You don’t reply to my DMs…” sabi ko at tiningnan ito. I slowly noticed his gentle breathing, and it seemed like he really fell asleep while crossing his arms.

I chuckled a little and decided to get a blanket. Baka kung gisingin ko, talagang uuwi, at sa daan pa ito makatulog. Komportable din namang higaan ang sofa, since it is also convertible as a sofa bed. Sinadya ko ’yan dahil ang hilig ng mga girls manood ng movie sa sala.

Milo started meowing, so I picked him up to hush him. “Sshh. Let’s go upstairs. Jasver is tired…”

I turned the lights dim so he can sleep peacefully. I glanced at him, smirked a little, and went upstairs with Milo. Susuotan ko pa ’to ng diaper dahil baka tumae sa kama ko. Ang ingay din kasi nito pag ramdam niyang nandito si Jasver.

Kinabukasan, hindi ko man lang naabutan. I checked the CCTV, and he left around 4AM. Nagising siya, nagulat na may kumot nang nakapatong. He just folded the blanket, took the tuxedo, and left like a ghost. Well, at least he picked up the sandwich I prepared for him, including the tea I put in the blue stainless steel water bottle.

I messaged him on my Instagram account right away.

Tyler:

How’s my tea? Like it?

Funny cuz he replied a week later. And his response was…

Kael:

Anong tea ’yon?

Tyler:

Come over. I’ll make one for you again :p

And that’s it. Pumupunta siya around 9PM, gagawan ko siya ng tea, aalis agad at next week na naman magpaparamdam para lang sa tea. So I tried giving him my whole box of tea to see if…he might make another alibi to come here. And which he did.

Kael:

Isasauli ko ang water bottle mo na kulay navy blue. Dior pa pala ’to. Wala akong pamalit kung sakaling nasira ko.

Tyler:

You should come over. Milo is a bit weak. I think he misses you…

Kael:

Baka ang amo?

Tyler:

:(

Those were our once-a-week conversations, and he would come over for many reasons. Pag tingin niya wala siyang gagawin, hindi pupunta. Kaya dapat laging may alibi, at hindi din dapat araw-araw para hindi halata. Kunwari once a week lang, o once a month para halatang walang pake.

“Tang inang once a month ’yan…” reklamo ko nang April nalang, wala pa rin!

Hindi nga lalagnatin kakahintay sa ulan dahil tag-init na naman, pero sa kalamigan pa yata ni Jasver magkakasakit.

I almost forgot that it was my birth month. Kung hindi lang pinaalala ng friends ko, nagtatanong kung ano ang plans ko, hindi ko pa maaalala na birthday ko pa pala dahil umiikot ang isip ko sa namamagitan sa amin ni Jasver.

I have no grand plans on my birthday. Dinner lang lagi with my friends and my fam. But most of the time, my friends would be using that opportunity to get free access to my yacht. Sakto ring naglagay na ako ng dalawa pa sa Palawan area, doon na rin kami nagcelebrate.

“Galing lang ’to sa income mo, ’di ba?” tanong ni Brent habang nasa yate na kami, madilim na ang gabi.

I refused to drink hard liquors, so we had wines instead. Baka kasi may mag-overreact na namang nursing sa tabi tabi na nagpaparamdam lang kung tingin niya, inaabuso ko ang katawan ko.

“Yup. Last year’s purchase, actually. Natagalan ko lang ipalagay dito since I needed to work on some papers for approval. Thank God someone helped me out so I could secure a space here for my yachts…”

“Curious ako sa kita mo, bro. I mean, I know yachts are expensive as hell, pero nakakabili ka ng higit sa isa. Installment ba ’yan? Hulug-hulugan buwan-buwan?” si Ron kaya natawa kami ng kaonti.

“Nah… I don’t actually do installments. Malaki rin kasi ang dagdag diyan—’yong interest, so it’s better if you buy it in full cash, mas tipid dahil may binibigay rin silang discounts sa’yo. Kung last year ang pagbabasehan ng kita ko, I earned eight digits… kasama na rin kasi ang business ko doon sa maliit na resort sa Samal at condominium rentals. Kaya nabili ko rin ’yung malaking unit ko sa Rockwell.”

They all looked stunned. We all came from a wealthy family, but my own businesses amuse them. Gusto kong matawa dahil para namang hindi sila galing sa mayayamang pamilya, pero siguro, iba pa rin na ako mismo ang naghirap para magkaroon ng sariling business.

I wonder how Jasver viewed my lifestyle. I hope he’s not intimidated…

“Imagine, bata ka pa lang, millionaire kana. Ang cool…” si Shiloh.

I laughed and shrugged it off. The title itself isn’t really a big deal to me, but I acknowledge it to credit my hard work. I’m self-made.

“Tapos minsan, kahit gusto mo, ayaw mo pang bilhin kahit afford mo naman. Ayan talaga ang napansin ko eh,” si Gabriella.

“Well, I’m saving for the bigger ones that’s why I’m not too greedy on the small ones.”

“Naks. Pag usapang business gumagana ng mabilis ang utak,” puna ni Rick kaya nagtawanan agad kami.

“Ang funny cuz I met one guy and business-minded din. He does business overseas at medyo obsessed about it. So I told him may friend din akong businessman, and he asked about you, so I made kwento, and did you know, he asked about your middle name. Imagine, mas naging invested siya sa middle name mo kaysa sa surname mo knowing your father is also a well-known businessman!”

“Grabe, Mic Mic. Pati middle name sinabi mo? Baka kahit family tree ko sinabi mo na,” I overreacted, which made everyone laugh.

“Well, that’s exactly the point!” She even stood up while holding her wine as if the topic were too intense and she needed to prove a point. “You didn’t tell me about your middle name! Are you related ba daw sa Alderidge bloodline in Monaco? Cuz they’re billionaires?!”

“Nah. They’re not my real grandparents. My mom is adopted, so yeah, I don’t really acknowledge them as real—”

“Which means you are still related?” si Angela na nagugulat, kahit ang boys, invested na.

“Gago, bro. Baka kahit ’yong dugo mo gawa sa ginto. I-check nga natin,” si Ron na nag-aamba pang lumapit kaya sinipa ko palayo.

“Pwede pala ’tong pagkakitaan,” si Rick na parang ibebenta pa yata ako.

“That’s the reason why you scream old money… cuz you are literally old money! Alderidge! A step-grandchild of billionaires in Monaco!” Mic Mic overreacted.

“That’s too dramatic.” I laughed.

They were too shocked about the origin of my middle name. Hindi ko rin kasi nakwento ’yon sa kanila. I mean, what for? My mom crawled to her fortune through her blood and sweat without using her bloodline’s money. So I don’t have the right to brag about my grandparents and dismiss my mom’s hardwork. I am an Alderidge because of my mom. Iyon lang naman ’yon.

They dropped the topic when I wasn’t too invested to talk about it, and the girls decided to swim. Our topic continued, and it was more emotional compared to earlier because Mavric opened up. And I realized it was his first time to talk about families too, since our topic was circulating about families.

Doon ako nagulat kay Mav. I know he’s secretive, but not this mysterious typa shit. Ang saya niya kasi tingnan o lagi naman kaming nagtatawanan kaya…hindi man lang namin naramdaman na may pinagdadaanan pala. And I was shocked that he hid it from us since last year during summer! What the hell, man? This jackass knows how to hide his shit with no trace of evidence!

“Umamin kana, Mav. Baka superhero ka rin sa gabi ah? Punitin mo nga ’yang shirt mo. Baka may tinatago kang superhero costume diyan,” biro ko pagkatapos ng agresibong sinabi ni Rick tungkol sa pagiging parent.

Mav just laughed. But it made me worry. Parang…hindi ko na alam kung genuine ba ang tawa niya minsan, o may pinagtatakpan lang.

I started overthinking about it until my mind wandered from Jasver. Nahulog agad ang isip ko sa kanya dahil parehas silang dalawa ni Mav. They like to run from things they don’t wanna face. But until when?

I hit the call button of his Instagram while I was alone outside, crouching on the railings, and the rest are now in the room of my yacht.

He answered it after two rings. I smiled right away.

“Ah… my chest hurts…” I complained dramatically.

Kung kanina, seryoso siyang tingnan, ngayon, medyo nakuha ko ang atensyon dahil sa pagkalma ng magkasalubong niyang kilay.

“Uminom ka? Kakainom mo ’yan,” he pointed out strictly.

“Nah. It was your fault. It’s my birthday, and you didn’t greet me.” I laughed a little, sounding like the most miserable man existing on earth.

He completely calmed down and sighed a little.

“Buti pa si Milo, kahit meow meow, naintindihan kong bumati. Eh ikaw, nakakapagsalita naman, pero hindi bumati…”

He slightly laughed, rolled his eyes, and tried to wear his usual facade. “Marami namang babati sa’yo. Para na ngang powerpoint ang story mo sa Instagram.”

I blinked twice. So he watched all of it? Sobrang dami nga, puro tags ’yon ng mga nakasama ko sa parties, mga kakilala ko, kahit ’yung ibang mga friends ko sa US, bumati rin.

“Iba pa rin kung galing sa’yo…” I whispered solemnly.

He smirked a little, like my misery pleases him. Heartless.

“A little greet will do, Jasver,” I said hopefully.

He licked his lips and looked away a little. His thick lashes were highlighted when he turned his face a bit, facing the ceiling. Pigil ang hiningang tinititigan siya, namamangha. When he did a side-eye and noticed I was watching him intensely, his brows furrowed a bit.

“Akala ko mangingibang bansa ka sa birthday mo?” he asked.

“Uuwi naman si mom this week for the party. Intimate dinners lang ang gusto ko pag birthday ko at ayaw ko masyadong gumastos. Sakto lang na…gusto ng mga friends ko sa yate mag celebrate kaya nandito kami ngayon sa Palawan.”

At mas excited pa nga ako sa party ng company this week dahil makikita ko siya ulit.

He nodded. “Libre mo? O libre nila?”

I laughed. “It’s my call.”

“Akala ko ba ayaw mong gumastos?”

“Hindi nga. It’s my yacht…” I chuckled a little.

His eyes widened a bit, but then he calmed down right away.

“Yaman…” he whispered, but there was a distant in his voice.

“Pwede nang bumuhay ng isang nursing kahit ako ang gusto niyang patayin…” pagpaparinig ko at humalakhak.

The familiar guilt in his eyes reflected. He swallowed a bit and looked away.

“Hindi ko ’yon sinasadya. Nadala lang sa matinding galit ko sa’yo kaya gusto kitang makitang masaktan. Naiirita ako sa ngisi at tawa mo eh,” namamaos ang tinig niya, ni hindi rin makatingin sa akin.

“Is that where you got that glassy eyes concept? You want to see me cry?” I smirked playfully to lessen his worries.

“Gago,” natatawa niyang sabi, napapikit pa sa pamumula.

“It’s my birthday. You have no gift?” I looked at him hopefully.

He calmed down again. “Ano bang gusto mo? Kaya mo namang bilhin lahat. Afford mo lahat.”

I licked my lips and laughed meaningfully. He shut his eyes and laughed as well. Mukhang nababasa niya ang iniisip ko.

“I am not materialistic. I appreciate intangible things too. Whatever you want to give, I’ll accept it…” I smiled.

Tiningnan niya ang ngiti ko ngunit iniwas din agad at pasimpleng hinagod ang buhok.

“Ano bang gusto mo?” he asked calmly while playing with his hair.

“A simple greet from you will do. Please?” I chuckled, convincing him.

He sighed again and cleared his throat. “Happy birthday, Tyler…”

My eyes widened, and even the sides of my lips stretched for a wide smile. I laughed happily and kissed the screen of my phone. He shut his eyes and even lifted his arm, as if he wanted to push me away.

“Tang ina naman…” he cursed hoarsely, and his little laugh mingled along with it.

I sighed, laughed along with him, and rested my head on the screen of my phone. The cold wind blows, but the warmth from his greeting ruled over.

“Parang bata…” reklamo niya, pumapalag na naman, pero may pigil na ngiti pa rin sa labi.

“I hope I can celebrate my birthday with you soon. I mean…just the two of us with Milo.”

“Tss. Birthday sex lang ata ang sadya mo sa akin.” He smirked tauntingly.

Humalakhak ako. “Well, it’s nice to blow out two candles. One on my cake and one on you…”

He scoffed while the smile was kissing on his lips. Hindi ko rin tuloy mapigilan ang malawak na ngisi, at sa halip na antukin, mas gusto pang magpuyat dahil nakakausap ko siya. Ang tahimik na nga ng friends ko at mukhang natutulog na rin yata sila.

Nangingiti niyang binasa ang pang-ibabang labi, malayong malayo sa galit na madalas niyang ibigay sa akin. I realized why…his walls were too high. Because he really falls so easily…

Mabilis pala talagang ma attach ang isang ’to. Baka kung… wala kaming pangit na nakaraan, o kung nag-umpisa lang kami sa dating app, hindi kilala ang isa’t isa, kami na siguro. For sure he won’t hold back to…fall for me.

“If you’re tired from running away, I hope soon you’ll run to me… and I promise I will be your greatest comfort…your shelter…”

My words snapped him back to reality until his smile faded slowly.

The unreadable expression was suddenly tainted with something foreign, a slight glimpse from a tilted mask, and I saw the controlled desperation to hold himself to remain at the top of his priorities.

“I’ll make sure you won’t regret giving me a chance to prove myself to you, Jasver…” I whispered sincerely.

Chapter 33

Kiss

The entire place turned into a luxurious venue for the grand party. Dad personally requested a well-known event organizer, Mr. Hermosa, who also caters to the showbiz industry’s big events, such as the grand ball of a famous television network.

There were white curtains hanging slantly over the ceiling, while the large chandelier made it look classy. The tables match the white satin chairs, and even the white flowers were properly thought to blend well with the table setting.

The cutlery also matched the plates, and the glasses of wine were perfectly aligned on the side of the plate, together with the table napkins.

My father said this grand party he held for the anniversary of the company cost seven digits. I cannot imagine, but I can properly tell why…cuz my mom is attending too. Dad doesn’t mind spending every penny just to match my mom’s taste in luxurious things.

Kahit gaano ’yan kaganda, gagawin lang ’yang playground ni Milo mamaya. Nakasuot pa naman din ’yon ng tuxedo at bow tie. First party niya rin ’to kaya hinayaan kong gumala. Madalas namang sumusunod lang sa akin, sa paanan ko madalas maglalaro, o kung pagod na, aakyat pa para makarga lang.

Pinakilala ko nga kay mom na apo niya noong dumating siya. Tinanggap niya naman agad si Milo, wala nang magagawa at kailangan niyang tanggapin na lola na siya.

“Grandma Teresse Charlotta…” I chuckled in front of her.

Inayos ni Mommy ang ribbon sa suit ko. She was wearing a black satin dress with a slit on the side, and even the high, slicked-back ponytail made her look stunning. The long diamond earrings match the diamond necklace wrapped around her neck, which I could properly tell why my father wants a grand party to match it to my mom’s taste.

“You look handsome with your hair,” she complimented.

I straightened my hair for this event and pushed it backwards. Medyo naging iba nga ang mukha ko. Kung sa libro pa ’to, para akong mafia boss na may kikidnap-in na babae at magiging leading lady ko dahil masyado akong intimidating tingnan.

“I look like your boy version, mom. Intimidating and snob…”

My mother raised her brow and tapped my shoulder.

“The last time I remember fixing your bow tie was when you were five and you were about to be introduced to your father’s men… You were so little that time, and you were wearing a white tuxedo with your pretty curls ’till your shoulder. You were pretty snob-looking as a kid too…”

I could barely remember it. I feel like my memories here in the Philippines when I was a little kid were completely wiped out.

“I don’t remember…” I said.

“Of course you don’t. You hated the Philippines so much. That’s the reason why you wanna come with me, cuz you hated being here…”

“Huh? Really? Why?”

My mom was about to answer it when Dad showed up in his tuxedo too. Parehas pa kaming nagkagulatan dahil sa look namin.

“Wow, I almost didn’t recognize you. Ang guwapo ah?” Ngisi ni Dad at tinapik ang balikat ko.

I smirked back. “Got my mom’s genes…”

“Well, I won’t argue with that, but I contributed a little too.”

Tumawa kaming dalawa ni Dad, pero napunta agad ang buo niyang atensyon kay Mom at nangingiti pang hinila ang baywang saka niya pinatakan ng halik sa labi. I rolled my eyes and walked out. They always love to display their thirst for each other…

The party then started, and the venue was now filled with the engineers and architects, including their wives, husbands, daughters, and sons. I already expected they would dress fancily, knowing they were too extra during the christmas party, and their luxurious jewelry right now didn’t surprise me anymore.

Well, aside from one thing…

“Sa wakas, nagmukha ka ring tao…” nangingiti kong sabi nang lapitan si Julius, naka-tuxedo rin at hindi pa yata sanay sa suot niya.

Tinitigan niya ako, nagkasalubong ang kilay, hanggang namilog iyon.

“Ser Tyler?! Ay gago? Mas naging imported ka tingnan kaya halos di kita nakilala! Gago…buhok lang ang binago pero mas naging masarap ka tingnan, ser!”

Humalakhak ako. “Bagay sa’yo ang suot mo.”

“Ay, ito ba?! Nakakahiya nga… Papa mo kasi ang nagpupumilit sa aming lahat na dapat naka-tuxedo rin kami. Biniro ko pa nga na baka gawin niya kaming waiter kaya naka-tuxedo dapat…”

“Nah… My father really wants all of you to enjoy this grand party…”

“Oo nga, ser. Pagkapasok ko sa venue, nakakahiya ngang mag-t-shirt lang. Pakiramdam ko nasa isang first-class party nga ako… First time ko ’to at nakakakaba pala… Parang anytime, hindi kami babagay nila Migo…”

Kami…

I smiled and tapped his shoulder. “This isn’t for the rich, Julius. This is to acknowledge the hardwork of every individual who’s part of this company. Don’t feel bad about yourself. You contributed to this success too…”

Namilog ang mga mata niya at humalakhak. “Naks. Full package ka talaga, ser. Pogi na nga, humble at mabait pa. Popormahan mo siguro ang kaibigan ko kaya nagpapasipsip kana naman sa akin!” bintang niya na hindi ko rin kayang itanggi kaya tinawanan ko nalang.

We were joined by the others as well. Mas umingay pa nga nang magulat sila dahil sa ayos ng buhok ko. They were a bit loud while praising me for my looks while I was praising them back.

“Sshh! Huwag tayong masyadong mag-ingay. Nandito pa naman pati ang mga big clients ni boss. Dapat formal tayo,” they hushed themselves.

Natatawa ako dahil lahat sila, kabado. Kahit sa table setting, nalilito sila. Panay ang tanong kung alin ba ang gagamitin, o kung bakit may iba’t ibang klase ng baso. I told them every little thing, since I also understand that they are not familiar with this kind of environment.

“Gagong table knife ’yan. Pwede namang diretso kagatin ang steak. Ba’t pa hihiwain?” pabirong reklamo nila na tinawanan ko.

“Kahit kamayin niyo na. Ayos lang ’yan. Kaartehan lang talaga ’to ni dad dahil nagpapa-impress kay mom…”

And right at that moment, my father finally entered the venue, together with my mom who’s slightly clinging to his arm.

Just like the normal reaction of my friends in the US, even Ron, the rest of the boys dropped their jaws as soon as they looked at her.

“Dito mo talaga malalaman kung sinong minadaling gawin ng Diyos, at sino ’yong paborito eh,” biro nila.

Dad gestured to me to come to our table, but I just gestured back to blend with the rest of the boys. Cuz I know Jasver will sit with them at the table, and that’s my main priority. Minsan ko na nga lang ’yon makasama, lalayo pa ba ako?

Nagsiupuan din kami. Katabi ko si Julius habang nangangati na akong tawagan si Jasver kung nasaan na.

“Oh, nandiyan na si Mikael…” ang mga boys kaya mabilis kong hinanap ang entrance ng venue.

Jasver, together with his parents, Kali, and the familiar face Kittie, entered. Wala sa sarili akong tumayo para salubungin sila.

Jasver’s eyes immediately found mine. His brows furrowed a bit out of unfamiliarity, but as soon as I smirked at him, his eyes widened. Hindi niya rin ata ako nakilala agad.

His get-up screams his simplicity. A black coat and a simple v-neck black t-shirt paired with slacks and black leather shoes. If there is one thing that made him probably look extra hot, it’s the fact that he is Jasver himself.

Bibigyan pa ata ako ng sakit sa puso ngayong gabi. Ang swabe na nga kahit simpleng t-shirt lang, ngayon na ang formal niya tingnan, pakiramdam ko, mas maraming magkakainteres sa kanya.

“Mano po…” I said as soon as I stopped in front of his mother, who is Tita Klarisse, wearing a long white dress and highlighting her big belly.

“Oh? Si Tyler pala. Halos hindi ko nakilala…” si Tito Rommel na natawa pa, naka-tuxedo rin, at puting t-shirt ang loob.

“You look so good, Kuya Tyler,” Kali complimented, to which I responded with a smile.

“You too, Kali…”

“Tyler, ito pala ’yong bunso namin. Si Kittie…” pakilala ni Tita sa babaeng nakatitig sa akin, hindi yata ako makilala.

“Say hi, Kittie,” Kali elbowed her.

“Hi,” she said nonchalantly, her eyes even wandering around the place.

May kasalanan pa ’to sa akin ah? Nasaan ba ’yon si Milo at ipapakalmot ko siya. Kaso kuting nila ’yon. Baka bawiin pa sa akin.

I cleared my throat and looked at Jasver, who just took his eyes off me. Tito Rommel then patted his son’s shoulder, as if he was trying to calm him down. Bati naman na kami. Hindi nga lang nila alam at tingin nila, magpapatayan agad kaming dalawa pag nagkikita.

I escorted them first to their table. Which is the table next to my parents in the front. Si Jasver, instead na doon umupo, sumenyas pa sa parents na hahalo lang sa boys.

“Tyler,” my father called, probably telling me to sit beside them.

“I’ll join later, dad,” sabi ko, nilingon si Jasver na papunta na sa table nila Julius.

“Stay here for a while. You need to be properly introduced…” si Dad na nagpupumilit at gusto na akong paupuin.

Ayaw ko pa sana, kaso noong si Mom na ang tiningnan ako, wala na akong nagawa kundi pumirmi muna. Kahit si Milo, nasa ilalim pa pala ng table namin at doon naglalaro.

I sighed and stayed for the introduction purposes. Nagsisimula na rin kasi ang MC at nagfa-flash na sa malaking projector ang cinematography ng business ni Dad and how it all started.

I boredly watched it at first, but when it showed some throwback pictures of my father working his ass off from a small storage room, picking up piles of boxes, I suddenly recalled how his boss treated him poorly… Alam ko rin na…gutom siya sa mga picture na ’yan dahil laging pinandidirian pag papasok sa kusina, na kahit tubig lang…

I glanced at my father, and I saw him smiling from ear to ear, whispering something to my mom, and he seems like he’s telling stories to her too behind those pictures. He is yapping happily despite the sad background of his story.

“Iron&Steel Constraction Inc., a construction company trusted by hundreds of clients over the years, behind its success was a simple man who once dreamed of building a small home for himself…was now providing comfort to hundreds of people…”

I smiled at my father proudly when the spotlight hit him, and everyone started clapping, while the cinematographic video continued to show clips of his leadership, dealing with the clients, closing big deals, and receiving rewards from the performance of his built construction company.

Nang matapos ang video, patuloy ang palakpakan, tinawag si Dad ng MC para umakyat at magbigay ng speech.

So he stood up proudly, a wineglass in his hand, smiling like it was his first time to get this acknowledgment.

“Again… Iron&Steel Construction Inc. won’t function without the hands of my hardworking employees…” he started his speech, gesturing to clap for his workers as well.

“I love you, boss!” sigaw ng pamilyar na tinig na galing pa sa table nila Julius.

The echoes of laughter mingled with the clapping. My mother smiled as well and glanced at the back, while my father lifted his head, sniffed a little, and looked at everyone humbly.

“It’s his first built family, before he built one for himself…” my mother whispered. “That’s why he loves his men so much…”

Mas lalo ko tuloy naiintindihan kung bakit mahal na mahal ni dad ang mga tauhan niya, na kahit sarili niyang anak, hindi niya palalampasin kung ininsulto ang mga ito.

“To my beautiful and loving wife… and to my único hijo…” my father continued his speech, summoning us to join him on stage.

Tito Rommel tapped my shoulder encouragingly and gestured for me to stand up. Tumayo tuloy ako at inalalayan si Mommy na tumayo rin, para sabay kaming umakyat ni mom sa stage.

The light followed us until we went up beside dad. The media immediately flocked below the stage and started getting pictures of us. Kahit ang projector, kami na ang naroon dahil nakatutok na ang camera sa amin.

These kinds of things weren’t new to me, since when I was young, especially during my stay in my mom’s shelter, she was always invited to big party events. Nasanay na ako sa camera minsan, o pag kailangan kong tumayo kung tatawagin ng parents para umakyat kasama sila.

“What can you say to your father’s achievement? And since you were the only child—the único hijo—is it okay to ask if you are planning to sit on your father’s position once he retires?” the MC asked.

Binigay ni Dad sa akin ang mic. The lights coming from the cameras intensified. I held the mic confidently as I chuckled a little and put my hand in my pocket.

“To be honest, I have no interest in running my father’s business, and they’re both fully aware of it…” I said in my thick accent and looked at my parents while the audience chuckled a little at my remarks.

“But if the time comes and my father needs me, I would happily serve the empire he once built from his sweat…because I know, like what my mom said earlier, this was his first home before he built one for himself. And it is an honor to be part of this growing family who strongly believes in my father’s strength….”

Everyone clapped. Tumayo pa sila Julius kaya napatingin ako sa table nila. I saw Jasver clapping and looking at me seriously, a controlled smile stretching on his lips.

I passed the mic to my mom so she could give a speech to my father too. Wala pa ngang nasasabi si Mom, malaki na agad ang ngisi ni Dad, napahawak agad sa baywang ni Mom. I rolled my eyes while looking at them, at sa tawanan, mukhang nakuha pa sa camera ang ginawa ko.

“I remembered when I first met you, you were supposed to meet up with a client and ended up on my bed instead…” my mom stated.

The crowd suddenly cheered loudly and clapped. Humalakhak si Dad at pabulong na humalik kay Mommy.

“Let’s skip that part, please, sweetheart…” bulong niya na narinig pa sa mic kaya nagtawanan ulit.

“Ayos lang daw kay boss mapakawalan ang isang big client, maganda naman daw ang pumalit!” At galing na naman sa table nila Julius ang sigaw na ’yon.

“If there is one thing I’ve fallen in love with you for, it’s probably your dedication to achieving success without pulling someone down. You were genuinely passionate, a man who purely wants a change, and gave a lot of opportunities to those people who once started like you. Iron&Steel might have successfully made its way to the top, but I will forever admire the man who kept his feet on the ground…”

I clapped along with the others. My father crouched a bit and kissed my mom’s lips, thanking her. Inabot niya rin ang balikat ko at tinapik para pasalamatan ako. Siguro naalala lang na nasa tabi nila akong dalawa.

“Love you, dad… I’m proud of you…” I uttered and gave him a little hug and tapped his back.

My father also acknowledged everyone who’s part of the company. He never missed thanking and giving credit, like each member of the family deserves a recognition to validate their efforts.

Pagbaba namin, hindi na yata ako makaupo pabalik dahil sinama na ako ni dad sa mga tables na pinupuntahan nila ni mom, at may mga kinakamayan na akong mga anak ng clients niya.

Patuloy ang pagsasalita ng MC, pinapakita ang mga malalaking buildings na nagawa ng kompanya, ang mga tinutulungang orphanage ni dad, at ang iilan sa malalaki nilang projects na kilala rin sa ibang parte ng Pinas.

But if there is one thing that was getting my whole attention, it was Jasver’s eyes, moving like a hawk, watching every movement I made. Noong nahuli ko ulit na tumingin sa akin, I flashed a smirk. Pag tingin niya, may makakahuli sa kanya na tinitingnan ako, o ako mismo ang nahuhuli siya, iniiwas niya agad ang tingin at pasimpleng itutuon ang atensyon sa topic nila sa table.

Our secret glances were a bit funny to me. Para kaming may tinatanong relasyon at kaming dalawa lang ang nakakaalam. Wala nang iba.

“That’s the reason why you’re familiar. You are part of Green Archers and friends with Jarsdel’s circle, right?” one of the daughters of my father’s client said after shaking her hand.

“Yup! Brent is quite the famous one…” I chuckled.

Those were some of my conversations with those girls. Either namumukhaan ako dahil part ng circle ni Brent, o dahil lang madalas dumaan sa social media ang circle of friends ko at may mutuals kami. A typical elites with common friends in big universities which is not surprising to me anymore.

Gustong-gusto ko nang humalo sa table nila Julius, kaya noong pakiramdam ko nakamayan ko na lahat, pwede nang takasan si Dad at hayaan nalang sila ni mommy na makipag-usap sa mga ’yan, pasimple na akong umalis.

Sakto lang na nadaanan ko ang table nila Engineer Lopez, kasama ang anak ni Architect Gomez, at iilan pang pamilyar sa akin at tinawag ako. I stopped, of course cuz I also want to give respect but Engr. Lopez pulled the chair for me so I had no choice but to stay for a while.

I took out my phone and typed a message for Jasver.

Tyler:

This sucks. I wanna sit beside you.

Ibinulsa ko ang phone at nilingon siya sa kabilang table na tiningnan din ang phone niya. Pero hindi nagreply at ibinulsa niya lang ulit.

“You know Micaella?” ang anak ni Ar. Gomez sa tabi ko kaya napatingin ako. “Quite a talkative girlie.”

“Oh… so you were the one who was curious about my middle name?” I chuckled. What a coincidence. Kaya siguro sa middle name siya nagtanong dahil alam niya naman ang background ko bilang Cervando.

“Yup. I do business overseas too. Alderidge is a famous low-key billionaire family in Monaco who adopts to continue the lineage of their wealth through fixed marriages. Hindi lang exposed publicly ang mga adopted kids nila, but I was assuming it’s related…”

I nodded and glanced at the other table again. Rinig naman ang boses namin sa table nila Jasver dahil ang lapit lang talaga, pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang tingnan siya.

“You have businesses, right?”

“Yup. A small business to fund my needs since my parents are kinda…” I shrugged and looked at him again uninterestedly.

“You wanna build your own brand, in other words… But are you planning to expand it? You lived overseas. Which part of the US?” ang anak ni Ar. Gomez na titig na titig sa akin.

“Miami, Florida…” sabi ko at muling ninakawan ng tingin si Jasver, pasimpleng tinitingnan ang sarili at magkasalubong na naman ang kilay.

It was a familiar gesture to me since I saw it last year during christmas when he looked at his friends after looking at me talking with the sons of the architects and engineers. Ngayon, inulit niya at…sarili na mismo ang tiningnan.

I twisted my tongue while trying to decipher what’s behind it. I hope I’m wrong.

“Hmm… Miami, Florida. Pinecrest? That’s the second private property there for wealthy people. Knowing your mom has achieved her name in Florida…”

Well, my mom is a real estate owner in Florida who earns seven digits a month. Kung isesearch siya sa internet, mabilis lang siyang mahahanap din. Those who are also part of our company know the work of my mom, aside from her surname.

“Kwento nga ng dad mo, kung pauuwiin niya ang asawa, kailangang higitan ang monthly income. Kaya nga ang sipag-sipag ng dad mo eh…” At kahit si Engr. Lopez, nakisali na sa usapan.

I laughed cuz it’s true. But then the topic is boring me out. I don’t wanna hear too much about my parents background because I’ve lived with it since birth. No need to shove it to me as if I am not fully aware.

Kaya ayaw ko rin masyadong humahalo sa party ni dad, nilalagay ako sa spotlight. Minsan, hindi ko na alam paano tumakas.

“For sure, ang dad mo, kung mamimili ng mamanugangin, he prefers someone who can contribute to the business… Gusto ka niyang I fixed marriage, ’di ba?” Engr. Lopez asked.

“My mother won’t allow it.” I chuckled and looked for something on the table. “I’m kinda thirsty…” Gagawin ko na sanang excuse para makaalis na sa table nila pero handa nang solusyonan ni engineer ang problema ko.

“Drinks? Wait…I’ll call a waiter,” si Engr. Lopez na naghanap agad ang mga mata sa mga waiter na pakalat-kalat sa venue.

I searched the entire place too, but some waiters were too far away, catering to the other tables, and some were distracted. Napunta ang tingin ni Engr. Lopez sa kabilang table at napangiti.

“Ito nalang…nauutusan naman ang mga ’to lalo na sa site…” si Engr. Lopez na ipinagsalubong ng kilay ko.

“Engineer… They’re not waiters… They’re here to enjoy the party as part of…”

“Mikael,” tawag niya, hindi na pinakinggan ang sinasabi ko at inilingan ako. “Ayos lang ’yan. Mabilis silang utusan.”

Worse, their table glanced at us. Kunot-noo lahat, ngunit handang tumayo kung ano man ang iuutos ng mas nakakataas na posisyon sa kanila…

“Mikael,” Engineer called again, like he was the most outstanding at their table, which is why he chose to call him.

Tumayo si Jasver at naglakad patungo sa table namin. My breath hitched for some reason. I think it’s not a good idea.

“Engineer?” he answered formally with a hint of respect.

“Kunan mo nga kami ng maiinom. Request a bottle of champagne, and bring an extra plate for Frederich’s son…” he demanded.

Nakita ko ang hindi inaasahang reaksyon kay Jasver. He didn’t expect it. Of course! There are a lot of waiters here assigned for these kinds of orders. He is here to enjoy the fucking party!

Bukod sa pinagtitinginan siya ng lahat ng nasa table namin, ramdam ko rin na gusto niyang sumunod agad para makaalis na.

“I’ll get it for myself…” Tumayo ako, ngunit umiling na si Engineer at hinila ulit ako paupo.

“Huwag kanang mag-abala. Nakakahiya naman sa dad mo kung pati drinks, ikaw pa ang kukuha.” Natatawang sabi ni Engr. Sabay tiningnan ulit si Jasver. “Mikael…”

Jasver nodded seriously. “Yes, engineer…” Saka ako tiningnan. “Ako na ang kukuha, sir…”

Sir. I wanted to laugh. Nagtanong pa siya kung meron pa bang utos, at saka lang umalis nang senyasan ni Engr. Lopez na ’yon lang.

Hah. I adjusted the bow tie of my suit for some reason. Tumingin ang anak ni Architect Gomez sa akin na nasa tabi ko lang, tinitimbang ang ginagawa ko.

I played with my tongue while I couldn’t process the topic. My father maintained his reputation for how many years, at hindi pa yata siya nagkaka-issue na masama ang ugali niya. Ngayong pinakilala ako, natatawa ako na isang sigundo lang, makakagawa ako ng eksena na sisira ng image ni dad, at bilang anak niya.

“They’re employees, part of the company. That’s the reason why my father hired a whole bunch of food service, including the waiters, to let everyone in the company rest, engineer,” I confronted Engr. Lopez.

“It’s okay… Alam naman nila ’yon. Ang pangit naman kung ikaw ang uutusan ko, hindi ba? Mas masaya ’yan sila kung sila ang uutusan natin kaysa ikaw ang gumawa,” he answered, dismissing my sentiment, and tapped my shoulder.

I licked my lips and smirked flatly. Just because someone is superior doesn’t mean they have the right to use their power to take advantage of those powerless…

Hindi ko alam kung nag-ooverreact lang ba ako, o talagang masama ang kutob ko sa nangyayari. Iba ang magiging tingin ni Jasver dito.

Kaya noong bumalik siya, dala lahat ng utos, mukhang kalmadong sinunod ang sinabi ni Engineer. Hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. Ni hindi siya makatingin sa akin, habang titig na titig ako sa kanya, at para bang hindi niya ako kilala.

“Salamat, Mikael. Bumalik kana sa table mo,” si Engr. Lopez smiled.

Jasver nodded and walked to his table, but someone just raised their hand to get his attention from the other table.

“Waiter… Can we request another bottle here, too?” At mukhang napagkamalan na rin siya ng iba.

This is fucking ridiculous. I stood up. Jasver, who was hesitant to move, was about to go to their table. I grabbed his hand as I smiled at the woman who called him. Of course, this jackass would not hesitate to help those who will call for help, but he is not here to cater to them! He is here just like them, sitting on the table and enjoying the party!

“He’s part of the company, ma’am. I will inform the waiters to accommodate you properly,” I said, smiling a little to at least show I was being friendly.

“Frederich’s son… What a gentleman,” puri sa akin ng isa sa kanila.

May mga nagtitinginan dahil na rin mas kilala akong anak ng may-ari ng kompanya. Sila Julius, ramdam ko na nag-aalala, pero alam ko, mas malala ang nararamdaman ni Jasver ngayon. Wala mang mali na tumulong, ngunit hindi siya nandito bilang waiter.

Binawi ni Jasver sa akin ang braso niya at bumalik sa table niya. At dahil nakatayo na ako, tinawag pa ako ng kabilang table.

I couldn’t concentrate on the entire event. Saktong binalikan ng tingin ang table kung saan ko siya huling nakita at wala na siya roon, I decided to leave my seat and excused myself from my father’s clients.

He’s probably outside trying to find a place to smoke. Lumabas ako sa venue, hinanap siya, at nagdesisyong pumasok sa bang house. That’s the most secluded place away from the venue right now. For sure he’s lurking there.

Kaya noong pumasok, nakita ko siyang nakaupo, hubad na ang coat at may hawak pang champagne flute. His head lifted when he noticed me entering, and the first thing I noticed was his eyes. My eyes widened when I saw the familiar bloodshot in his eyes that haunted me for how many months…

He sniffed and stood up, pouring himself another drink. “Ba’t ka nandito? Bumalik ka sa party. Hahanapin ka doon…” namamaos niyang sabi.

I walked toward him calmly to get the champagne flute out of his hand.

“You don’t drink…” marahang sabi ko.

Itinulak niya ang kamay ko. “Bakit? Dahil mamahalin ang inumin na ’to? Bawal sa akin?” He laughed sarcastically and sipped on it.

I pressed my lower lip when I realized what happened earlier made him look inferior to us. Tumingala siya at inubos ang inumin, inabot ang bote kaya iyon ang kinuha ko. He clenched his jaw and shook his head disappointedly. Kinuha ko sa kanya ang champagne flute, nilagyan iyon, at ako naman ang uminom.

He started pacing back and forth. His heavy breaths were too obvious as he tried to exhale it, sniffling the tears he refused to acknowledge together with his heavy steps.

“Galit dapat ako sa’yo. Bukod sa mayabang ang dating mo, ayaw ko rin diyan sa ngiti mo, o kahit diyan sa halakhak mo. Kaya bakit bigla akong magkakainteres sa taong kinamumuhian ko?” he confessed frustratingly as he continued facing back and forth again.

Gulat ako ngunit hindi ko magawang ngumiti dahil…para bang kahit ang mahulog sa akin, ikinakagalit niya. Na ayaw niya.

“Kaya hindi kita maintindihan…” Natatawa niya akong tiningnan, ramdam ko ang tabang at ang galit sa tinig niya nang huminto siya para tingnan ako.

I looked at him calmly, careful not to trigger him. Inilapag ko pa sa inupuan niyang table ang champagne flute para lang ibigay ang buong atensyon ko sa kanya.

“Ang daming ipinapakilala ng dad mo sa’yo. Mga ka lebel mo. ’Yung kaya kang pantayan… o kayang higitan ’yang luho mo. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan bakit…bakit ka namimili ng taong walang maibibigay sa’yo?” he chuckled a little, but the strain on his voice on the last part, and even the tears looming in his eyes, was too obvious not to notice despite the dimness of the place.

He sniffled and brushed his hair backwards, pushed his tongue against the side of his cheek until it bubbled as he laughed again.

“’Yong anak ni Architect Gomez, proud na bisexual ’yon. Matagal ko na ’yong naririnig sa site. Bukod sa marami rin ’yong business, galing din sa mayaman na pamilya. Kaya kang sabayan no’n. Papatulan ka rin. Halata namang may gusto sa’yo,” may tabang sa tinig niya, ngunit ramdam kong seryoso siya.

Is that the reason why you look at yourself, hmm? You think you are competing with him? You are jealous?

As much as I wanted to celebrate, but his jealousy is not something to be proud of. Ayokong makita siyang nagseselos kung…kung ganito kabigat iyon sa kanya.

“I don’t like him. Alam mo kung sino ang gusto ko…” I explained carefully, choosing the exact words to at least lessen his pain.

“Tang ina…” He laughed again out of sarcasm and put his hands at the back of his head.

“Ako ang gusto mo? Anong maibibigay ko sa’yo? Sige nga?” he demanded desperately. “Kung ako ang pipiliin mo, tingin mo kaya kong pantayan ’yang putang inang luho mo? ’Yang yaman mo? Eh tingnan mo nga, kahit bulaklak lang na gusto ko pang ibigay sa’yo noon, kailangan ko pang magtrabaho dahil wala naman akong sariling pera! Wala akong business! Kung may marami man sa akin, problema sa pamilya, responsibilidad, at sakit sa ulo! ’Yon ba ’yong gusto mong ibigay ko sa’yo kung pinili kita? Ano, magiging pabigat ako sa’yo?!” he shouted angrily.

“I didn’t ask you to give me anything, Jasver—”

“Kasi kahit may hingin ka, wala naman akong maibibigay! Walang wala ako ngayon!” he cut me off aggressively, the strain on his voice turning into a cry.

I looked at him submissively and turned my hand into a fist. I know this wasn’t the first time that I’ve seen him hurt, but I want this to be the last because I couldn’t stand it. Bawat luha, bawat nginig sa boses niya, para akong hinihiwa ng malalim.

“Hindi ako bagay sa’yo.” He chuckled weakly, and the tears streamed down his face. Yumuko siya, nanginginig ang balikat, tila hindi na kayang hawakan ang sarili at bumigay na sa pagpapanggap.

O masyado na lamang nanghihina kaya kahit gustuhin niyang pigilang mahulog ang sarili, wala nang natira pang lakas para kumapit man lang.

“Kung langit ka, singbaba pa ako ng lupa, ganoon ako ka baon na…hindi ko mapapantayan ’yang handa mong ibigay sa akin.”

I sniffled a little. As much as I wanted to look away, I couldn’t. I want to familiarize all of him. Even this side of him.

He sniffled, lifted his head, and licked his lower lip shakily. “Shelter my ass… How can you shelter me from the cold when I was the storm itself, huh…”

My chest clutched as I tried to lower my emotion, to control it, and let him rule me. Lahat ng mga sinabi ko sa kanya, may sagot siya, hindi niya lang kayang sabihin at inipon kaya…sumabog siya ngayon.

Akala ko, handa akong marinig ang mga tinatago niya sa isip niya. Pero ngayong sumabog siya, pinagsisisihan ko na.

“Pag tinalikuran kita, walang mawawala sa’yo. Pero kung nahulog ako, at ikaw naman ang tumalikod, walang matitira sa akin dahil ikaw lang naman ang meron ako.” He confessed frustratedly.

My mind was only glued to the main reason why he would rather be distant: he would rather…stop himself from falling in love with me.

“Ang layo ng mundo mo sa akin. Kung ako ang pipiliin mo, nakakainsulto ’yon sa mga engineers at architects na ang laki ng tingin sa’yo. Baka kahit dad mo, kahit mom mo, hindi papayag…”

“They have no power over me to decide who is better for me, Jasver. I choose whom I want to end up with, and I will do my best to deserve them even if they think I’m out of their league,” I uttered with diction.

He scoffed and glared at me. “Tingnan mo nga ’yang sarili mo? Ikumpara mo ako sa’yo para matauhan ka.”

Ganoon ka baba ang tingin niya sa sarili niya. Sa tingin niya, saka lamang siya magiging karapat-dapat sa akin kung napantayan niya ako o nahigitan sa kung nasaan man ako ngayon.

He looked at himself, dressed in a simple black t-shirt rolled till the edge of his shoulder, looking miserable in his bloodshot eyes. It was his insecurity talking, but if I needed to prove myself right now to assure him, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

I took off the most expensive thing I was wearing, which is my watch, and dropped it on the floor. Seryoso ko siyang tiningnan nang isunod kong hubarin ang coat ng suit ko, inihulog din iyon sa sahig, at hinila ang bow tie sa leeg ko.

“So you are willing to risk this if I would level your status?” I asked as I unbuttoned each of the buttons of my white dress shirt.

“Tell me, cuz I’ll strip everything, every fucking thing I have right now, Jasver,” I demanded desperately and unbuttoned the third button.

Natahimik siya, nag-iwas ng tingin at gumalaw ang panga.

“Just choose me. I don’t care whatever reasons you have in your mind, nor do I give a fuck about the opinions of others. If they would shame us for this love, then fuck them. I didn’t spend my life listening to others’ opinions and letting them control how I should live my life.”

My parents knew I would never let anyone meddle with my life choices. Kahit ang parents ko nga, hindi ako kayang pilitin, kaya bakit ako makikinig sa opinyon ng iba na wala namang ambag sa buhay ko?

Tumalikod siya at humakbang, mukhang pipiliing umalis nalang ulit kaysa ang manindigan sa tingin niya, hindi para sa kanya—hindi nababagay sa kanya.

“If you think running away from me, keeping a distance, would make me stop from choosing you, then even if you kill me right now, I’ll willingly wait for you in another lifetime and crawl back to you, even in the afterlife, just to fucking choose you again.”

His jaw clenched intensely. This isn’t just a submission but a devotion that I am willing to let him dominate me in all ways.

“All your life, you learned to carry everything, not just the problem of your family, the responsibility of being the eldest, and the dedication of a nursing student to give comfort to those who needed it. You were there for them… you always choose to set aside yourself, to sacrifice your needs just to prioritize them—a selfless person who thinks that choosing something for himself is already too much. It’s not. Don’t take this as a burden feeling, Jasver,” I stated thickly.

“If there is one thing you must selfishly own, it’s that you have that power to dominate the insecurities in your mind…”

He stepped more.

“I’m in love with you,” I confessed greedily. “I don’t want anyone else. Just you…”

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa paanan, iniisip kung sapat bang manatili lang sa kinatatayuan ko. Pagdating sa kanya, para bang ang haba lagi ng pasensya ko, na kaya kong maghintay kung hanggang saan lang muna, kahit minsan, pakiramdam ko, ang baba ko na.

“I’ve fallen, Jasver…” I whispered in defeat.

“Tang…ina…” he cursed, which made me lift my head until I saw him walking toward me.

Before I knew it, he already grabbed me by my neck and pushed me to the wall, which made me groan when my back hit the cold wall, until he took that opportunity to crash his lips to my parting lips.

My groan turned into a muffled moan as I breathily tilted my head and kissed him back. Kahit wala pa sa sarili, nagkakasalubong pa ang kilay, ngunit awtomatikong gumalaw ang labi ko, sabik at uhaw siyang hinalikan, sinabayan ang sunod-sunod na galaw ng labi niya sa akin.

I pulled his body close to mine and deepened the kiss. He shoved his tongue in, his hand sliding from my jaw down to my neck, until he firmly wrapped his fingers around it. Fuck.

“Kaya ang sarap durugin ng labi mo. Ang ingay mo…” he whispered as he kissed me hungrily and bit my lower lip.

Chapter 34

Warning: R18

——

Excuse

The desire ruled over me when his lips devoured me hungrily. Bawat galaw ng labi niya, ramdam ko ang sabik at gigil.

His tongue was sinfully claiming all the corners of my mouth, exploring it like there is no tomorrow. My tongue collided with his thirstily, and every time he’d thrust it in my mouth, I’d groan in too much addiction.

I’ve tried kissing before, but not like this. Para bang hihigupin niya kahit ang natitirang lakas ko ano mang oras, at mawawalan ako ng hininga dahil masyado siyang sabik.

Kahit gusto kong huminga man lang, may parte sa akin ang ayaw ding tumigil. Baka pag lumayo ako, mangulila agad sa labi niya.

His hand tightened around my neck as I pulled his body closer to mine. Nasa baywang niya ang kamay ko, dumulas lamang pababa, at itinulak siya lalo papalapit sa akin, na para bang hindi ako makontento sa pagiging malapit namin.

My breath was almost at the edge, but his kisses became more provocative. I sighed heavily when he tilted his head to the other side, getting that opportunity to breathe, until his lips pressed against mine again, his tongue attacking for another round.

I looked at him with my half-lidded eyes as I smiled sexily in the middle of his kiss, satisfied that I finally broke the glass wall he tried to cover to himself. He drunkenly opened his eyes as well, his kisses turning weak and sloppy, while I breathily chased it when he slightly pulled away.

“No… I want more,” I whispered and tilted my head dizzily, attempting to kiss him again.

He tilted his head, avoiding my attempts. My lips landed on the side of his lips as he side-eyed me. Instead of being disappointed that he seemed to be teasing me, I grazed my lips on the side of his jaw instead.

“What do you want, hmm?” I whispered and caressed the tip of my nose against his jaw, leaving it with small wet kisses to his earlobe.

He grunted and shivered. I smirked when I felt his reaction.

“I turned you on?” I chuckled and rained wet kisses down to his neck.

He lifted his head, giving access. I opened my mouth and scratched my teeth, lapping my tongue against the skin—sucking it. My hands crawled to his t-shirt, caressing his body as if I was trying to mark every part of him. If this is the last night, I’ll make sure my fingerprints are all over him.

“Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything,” I whispered submissively as I traced his neck with kisses and bit his chin.

His brows furrowed, and the lust was already etched on his dark expression—his eyes tantalizing with thirst. When his lips parted, I shove my tongue in, kissing him as we both breathe heavily without breaking our eye contact.

I pressed my bulge so he would feel it. He grunted and bit my lower lip, which made me whimper painfully. But it wasn’t the kind of pain that makes you weak; it was igniting the lust, feeding the thirst, and pushing me to the edge as if I wanted to just fuck him senselessly.

He put his hand back to my neck and pushed me away a bit. I was panting hard, looking at his red lips addictively, wanting more.

“May tao,” he said alertly.

“So?” I laughed and leaned forward, scoring another kiss.

He tilted his head to avoid my lips. I groaned and kissed his jaw instead, sucking his neck again. My ears were ringing from the intensity of our kisses, and I could barely hear anything aside from my pulsating bulge and the thumping of my heart.

Hindi ako kontento. Parang hindi ako titigil ngayon sa halik lang. I want more.

“May tao nga,” he hissed quietly when I didn’t pay too much attention.

I heard a familiar sound. The noise coming from someone’s stiletto was tapping on the floor in each step she made. Kinda familiar… but then again that’s my least concern!

Hinawakan niya ang kwelyo ng suot ko at hinila ako sa kabilang parte ng bang house. We slipped into the pile of sacks of rice as he pulled me close to him, like I was his illegal activity he needed to hide.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Jasver habang pinapakiramdaman ang paligid, tahimik at walang balak na magpakita. I could still feel the banging in my chest, and even Jasver’s heavy breath was palpable.

When the tapping of the stiletto was now fading away, we both confirmed she probably left.

“Let’s continue…” I pleaded and pinned my body on his.

Tumingin si Jasver sa labi ko hanggang sa hinaplos niya iyon.

“Tss. Dumugo,” aniya at pinisil ang pang-ibaba kong labi.

I opened my lips and stuck my tongue out as I played with his thumb. Nagkasalubong ang kilay niya at malalim ang paninitig sa akin. I smirked while shoving it in, sucking it a little teasingly.

“Ako ba ang first time mo o may pinagpraktisan ka na?” he whispered to confirm.

“I watched porn to learn a few things,” I answered playfully and laughed a little.

He licked his lower lip and scoffed a little, laughing a bit. Bumalik ang tingin niya sa ginagawa ko sa daliri niya, titig na titig. Naaakit sa titig niya, muli ko siyang hinalikan.

“Curious what I learned, hmm? If you wanna find out, then test it… Tell me all your fantasies, and I’ll happily obey it,” I challenged and crawled my hands to his chest.

“Luhod…” he whispered dominantly.

I shut my eyes from the intense pleasure that electrified my body. Damn…

My body automatically responded as I lowered down my knees and rested it on the ground. He watched me with confidence as he unbuckled the belt of his slacks, his eyes never leaving mine, while I was anticipating it.

Baka kahit utusan niya akong halikan ang mga paa niya, gagawin ko.

His slacks fell down to his legs, revealing his boxers. My throat ran dry when I watched his hand slip in and take his shaft out—hard and fully erect.

The white pre-cum was glistening on the tip of his pinkish dick, like it was aching to be licked. He cupped my jaw and caressed the tip of it on my lips.

Compared to my dreams where he was the one who was giving me head, I like this version because he is the one who is in charge, who is commanding.

Knowing this is his kink, glassy-eyes during blowjob, I was more desperate to submit to his lust, to let him fuck me in my mouth roughly.

I kissed its tip, my eyes glued to his, as I let my tongue swirl on the tip, mimicking how those previous girls gave me head.

His brows furrowed as he watched me intensely. Gusto kong matawa dahil mas nakikita kong hindi niya kayang itago ngayon na nasasarapan siya sa ginagawa ko, at kitang-kita ko iyon sa titig niya.

“Isubo mo,” he ordered.

I opened my mouth and leaned forward to shove it into my mouth. He’s big, but my determination is bigger than his, so I pushed it till my throat. Napapikit ako, gustong itulak iyon, ngunit pinigilan ko.

His fingers grabbed a handful of my hair and controlled it. He started thrusting it in my mouth, and the tip was already pushing my throat, as if it was trying to enter deeply.

He let out a heavy breath, his lips parting while watching me with lust. Nakatingin ako sa kanya, naluluha, lalo na’t sinasagad niya.

“Tang…ina…” he growled and moved roughly without breaking his eye contact with me; his fingers brushed through my hair for a better view of my face.

Kung agresibo ang halik niya kanina, mas agresibo ang galaw niya ngayon, na para bang wala na siyang kontrol sa sarili, nalulunod na sa init ng katawan—nababaliw sa sarap ng ginagawa ko.

Kahit alam kong masakit sa lalamunan kung isasagad ko, niyakap ko pa rin ang baywang niya at mas isinubsob ang mukha ko. He grunted and attempted to push my head by grabbing my hair, but he would just thrust it back as if he didn’t want it, but at the same time, he couldn’t resist being away from it.

His growls were aggressive and sent chills down my spine. Natumba siya, napaupo sa patong patong na sako ng bigas, ngunit ayaw bitiwan ang buhok ko lalo na’t ayaw ko ring lumayo.

I sucked him deeply; the tip was already penetrating my throat, but it was the least thing I’m concerned about. Gustong gusto kong gawin lahat ng gusto niya ngayon.

His position made it better, as I could finally spread his legs wide open for me while his body reclined.

“Gago. Ang sarap mo…” he moaned deliriously.

Fuck. My dick felt so tight as if it was about to explode without even stroking it. I didn’t know tasting him would drive me to insanity, and hearing his dirty talks would only worsen it.

My hands unbuckled the belt of my slacks as well, unzipped it, and pulled my shaft out as I touched myself. Hindi ko na kayang tiisin at parang lalabasan ako agad dahil sa namamaos na tinig niya.

We are both greedy for each other. Walang pagdadahan-dahan sa kanya, at wala rin akong balak na hayaan siyang manghina. Kahit malaki na ang apoy, sa halip na pakalmahin, mas lalo ko pang pinapaliyab.

Because I want him to feel that I want this more than how he wants me. I want to assure him that I am embracing this submission, and I am letting him dominate me.

His body arched when I shoved my face and pushed his legs to the side so I could eat him better. Ramdam ko ang nginig niya, may diin na ang bawat galaw at unti-unting nanghihina.

His fingers were firmly gripping my hair, as if he needed to make sure I wouldn’t escape, despite being chained to him.

“Tang…ina…” he whimpered breathlessly. “Malapit na ako…”

Before he could even reach his climax, I pulled it out of my mouth, hovered over him, and clasped our shafts together. Nanghinina ang tingin niya, wala pa halos sa sarili, ngunit sinabayan niya agad ang bilis ko.

“If only we were not in this damn place, I’d shove mine in yours and fuck you roughly right now. Damn…” I growled while rubbing mine in his.

He could barely respond; the veins on his neck were protruding as he shut his eyes and parted his lips to growl continuously. I kissed and sucked the skin of his neck while our hands were moving fast, our hips matching the pace of our movement.

I wanted to flip him over and shove it from the back, but I restrained myself. Calm the fuck down, Tyler!

This is better than my dreams. Para akong aakyat sa langit ano mang oras sa sobrang sarap, at kinikilabutan sa tuwing naririnig ko na hindi lamang ako ang nasasarapan, siya rin.

My mind was already blank. The only thing that mattered to me was the pleasure ruling all over my system, blinding me to the core.

Jasver yanked my head and shoved his pulsating shaft in my mouth until I felt him spasm. My whole body electrified as I reached mine too, and it splashed on the floor.

“Ah…gago…” Hinihingal at namamaos niyang daing, tuluyang napahiga dahil sa panghihina.

Nauubo akong hinaplos ang leeg ko nang maramdaman kung paano niya sinagad iyon kanina. Pakiramdam ko nabutas. He was damn aggressive!

I was panting a little while watching him catch his breath too. I am not fucking content with this! Kaso nga lang, ayaw ko namang dito sa bang house gawin. This is not the appropriate place for fucking.

Tiningnan niya ako at bumangon. He even cupped my jaw, as if he were checking some wound or something.

“Patingin…”

I opened my mouth, and he examined it guiltily. Nahulog ang tingin ko sa leeg niya at napangisi. Hindi lamang namumula ang leeg, may kagat pa sa may parteng collarbone niya.

“Malinis naman ako. Hindi ko lang naipakita ang medical certificate ko. For sure ikaw rin,” he confirmed.

“Yup. I’m all clean, nurse. I always do monthly check-ups right after engaging sexually just to make sure…”

Umangat ang kilay niya. “Monthly. Hindi weekly? Araw-araw ka yatang merong kinakama.”

“What? You’re too much.” Weekly, yes, but…“I haven’t done it since November! I’m six months celibate!”

Nagdududa ang tingin niya, tumayo at inayos ang suot niyang slacks. I also pulled mine up and zipped it while looking at his movement.

My dick was still pulsating. If only I could put mine in his mouth too, I’d do it. Kaso naalala ko, ayaw niya. And I cannot believe I am satisfied as long as I satisfied him.

I admit I have a monstrous libido. Most of my sexcapades were hot and wild. I love exploring in bed, and most of it was rough.

Ngunit iba ang nangyari kanina. Kahit ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko, mas pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin ang mga gusto niyang mangyari. I don’t even care if he would only use me like I am his fucking dildo or somethin’. Basta ba mas nasasarapan siya, cuz it’s such a turn-on when he’s the one who’s enjoying it more.

“Hinahanap kana,” he hissed and pushed my face away from him when I tried to score for another kiss.

Gusto niya nang bumalik kami sa party; ako naman ang may ayaw. Kung pwede nga lang umalis at iuwi siya, gagawin ko.

“Tsss. I hate the party. Hindi mo ako pinapansin.” I rolled my eyes while buttoning my coat.

Tumingin siya sa labi ko. “Anong idadahilan mo diyan?”

I licked and pinched it a little, but he slapped my hand away from it.

“Ah… I don’t know. Should I say you bit me?” I laughed.

He glared at me. Mas lumawak lang ang ngiti ko dahil may pulang marka sa leeg niya. Naitago niya ang ilan, pero may ibang marka na kapansin-pansin pa rin. We both looked messy.

“I hope we can continue after the party…” I said meaningfully.

Inalis niya ang tingin sa akin at patuloy na inayos ang sarili. Iba talaga ang kontrol niya, ayaw pang ipakitang interesado siya sa sinasabi ko kahit alam kong gustong gusto niya rin naman.

“Bumalik na tayo,” aniya at nauuna nang lumabas.

Sumunod ako at namulsa. “For sure you want more.”

“Tumahimik ka na. Ayoko nang tigasan,” he warned thickly.

I chuckled and sighed heavily. Damn, man… I cannot believe I’m this fucking submissive! Those girls I slept with would probably drop their jaws if they found out I have this side!

I bit my lower lip, trying to suppress my smile. This is better than those experiences cuz it involves raw emotions. I did it with him not because he turned me on but because I am passionately in love with him.

And knowing he is not affectionate…I felt his sincerity earlier. Walang kahit anong halong pandidiri. Para bang ilang araw na siyang nagpipigil at ngayon lang pinagbigyan ang sarili kung ano talaga ang gusto niya.

“Huwag kang masyadong dumikit sa akin…” Lumingon siya sa akin, nahuli pa ang ngiti ko.

I crouched and kissed him in the middle of his orders. Tumahimik siya, nagkasalubong lang ang kilay at hinayaan akong humalik.

“’Kay…” I smiled happily.

Wala namang tao kung nasaan kami, kakalabas lang sa bang house, pero halatang naco-conscious siya at tumingin sa paligid.

I clearly don’t give a fuck about it. The hell I care. My friends would probably support me on this, even my family. I don’t even think I will hide whatever we have right now, but as much as I am a shameless motherfucker who doesn’t mind if we’re exposed, I am worried for Jasver.

Kaya kahit gusto kong magkadikit lang kami lagi, wala akong nagawa kundi hayaan siya sa gusto niya. What a heartless jackass. Sana nga mamaya, sumama sa akin kahit parang manlalaban na naman ata ’yan.

“Where have you been? And what happened to your lips?” si Dad nang lumapit ako at iyon agad ang napansin niya.

Saktong nasa table na rin ng table namin ang parents ni Jasver. Nakaupo na siya sa tabi ng kapatid niyang si Kittie, nakatingin sa leeg niya na pasimpleng hinaplos ni Jasver, saka lumingon si Kittie sa akin.

I cleared my throat and licked it. “Ah… I accidentally bit it…”

And even my mother looked at me meaningfully. Si Dad, napatingin kay Jasver, at kahit si Tito Rommel, tiningnan din ang anak.

“Nag-away ba kayo?” my father interrogated.

“Dad, I said it’s no big deal,” I said while taking my seat in front of Jasver.

Problemado pa silang nagkatinginan ni Tito Rommel, na para bang may malaki silang problemang dalawa.

“You dropped it,” si Mom at ibinigay sa akin ang relo ko.

I took it from her hand curiously. Now that I remember, I heard the tapping of her stiletto in the bang house. Nandoon pala talaga siya.

“And you smelled sex,” she pointed out quietly.

I laughed. I’m not even sure if she’s joking about it, or if she really meant it. Well, it wasn’t the first time she caught me doing some nasty things…

Si Dad, parang iba pa yata ang pagkakaintindi at pinaghihinalaan nilang dalawa ni Tito Rommel na patago kaming nagsuntukan, o si Jasver ang pinaghihinalaan niyang may gawa nito sa labi ko. Even Tito Rommel kept on looking at his son, as if he wanted to confront him, but at the same time he couldn’t because of the ongoing event.

Mabuti nalang at napunta rin ang atensyon ni Dad sa pakikipag-usap sa mga clients. Kahit tapos nang ipalabas kanina ang pinagdaanan niya, nagpatuloy pa rin siyang magkwento.

“Si Rommel talaga ang tumulong sa akin noong nasa ibaba pa lang ako. Siya rin ang naghanap ng mga tauhan. Kaya nga sabi ko sa kanya, gagawin ko nalang siyang right hand ko. Kaso ayaw niya eh,” si Dad na ipinagyayabang iyon.

“Eh nakakahiya. Hindi ako degree holder. Hindi nga ako nakapagcollege. Baka pag nalugi ang kompanya, sa akin mo pa isisi,” natatawang depensa ni Tito Rommel.

“Sabi ko sa’yo ayos lang ’yon! Parehas lang naman tayo.” And he even looked at his clients while pointing at Tito Rommel. “Humble lang ’yan pero malaki ang utang na loob ko diyan…”

“Sariling sikap mo pa rin ’yon,” si Tito Rommel na natatawa pa rin.

I smiled while watching their fun conversation. The engineers and architects were listening carefully, laughing together with them, but my eyes would always pay more attention to Engr. Lopez.

“Tama naman si Rommel, Fred. It’s your own hardwork. Kung hindi mo naman din naisipan, wala ngayon ang Iron&Steel…” si Engr. Lopez.

My mother looked at the engineer. Si Tita Klarissa, ngumiti lamang at kinausap si Kali na abala sa phone niya.

“Tama si Engineer…” si Tito Rommel na idinaan iyon ulit sa tawa.

I noticed how Jasver’s brows knitted, and he watched his plate instead. I shifted on my seat and let my foot touch his underneath the table.

Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin. I cleared my throat and held the champagne flute to sip on it without taking my eyes off him.

“Kuya. I saw a kitten who looked like Milo. He’s wearing a tuxedo. He is here, kuya,” si Kittie na nasa tabi niya.

“Oh, you mean my cat?” singit ko. “You can visit him if you want…” I smiled.

“Milo, our neighbor’s cat is missing. His owner is looking for him,” she hissed snobbishly.

Huh? Neighbor?

“Hayaan mo na si Milo. Hindi naman ’yon pinapakain nang maayos at inaalagaan ng tama ni Rio,” si Jasver.

What? He is not the real owner of Milo?! What the heck, dude!

“But he is accusing me that I hid it from him! That I took revenge for what happened to Nuggets! He said ginawa ko raw na siopao si Milo!” she ranted angrily.

“Nuggets? Who is Nuggets?” I interrupted.

They both glared at me. Kittie looked annoyed while Jasver looked so done, and he wanted me to shut my mouth.

Kinuha nga lang ni Mom ang atensyon ko at mukhang naiihi si Kali, gustong magpasama sa akin sa loob ng aming bahay para doon umihi. Tumayo tuloy kami at lumabas sa venue.

“Grabe, ’no. Dada Fred is so rich! He can afford to throw big events like this! For sure this costs a million?” she asked while I walked her to our house.

Ngumiti ako at walang masabi. Wala yatang um-attend sa event na hindi iyon pinuna at hindi nagulat sa narating ni dad. I mean he really deserves it. But I’m kinda worried.

“Kuya Tyler, I have a question,” aniya.

“Yup? What is it?”

She looked hesitant. Kumpara kay Jasver na hindi ko mabasa, si Kali, parang ang transparent. I can sense she wanted to ask something, but she looked nervous.

“Uh… What if…may nangyari na you are not prepared for? I mean, it will ruin a lot of things, not just yourself, but also your future. What would you do?”

“Are you taking drugs? I hope not…”

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “No! Hindi naman kasi connected sa akin! I mean… I am just curious. I wanna know what you’re gonna do if you’re in that situation.”

Kumalma ako. Phew. As much as I wanted to tell her I’ve been there, I don’t want to spark her curiosity knowing she’s just turning eighteen. She might get curious.

“Just do the right thing,” sabi ko, na iyon lang ang nakayang pigain ko palabas sa isip ko. I’m not that good at giving advice, you know…

“Pero what if doing the right thing means hurting those people around you and…committing a crime?”

Oh hell no. This kiddo is about to do something illegal.

“Hmm…” Nag-isip isip ako. She looked at me with her hopeful eyes.

“If you didn’t do the right thing, you might also ruin your future?” she added.

Hold up, alright. Mahina ang kalaban, Kali! I am still trying to brainstorm, and she keeps on adding more problems!

“I think, in your case, the best thing to do is to always seek help from those who can guide you. Cuz you know, you’re just seventeen. Nandiyan ang kuya mo, ang parents mo. They’re gonna support you, for sure.”

Nahalata niya atang wala akong kwentang magbigay ng advice kaya tumango nalang kahit ramdam ko na hindi siya satisfied sa sagot ko. Nakakacurious tuloy kung ano ’yang problema niya, o kung problema niya ba ’yan at baka may napasukan siyang gulo.

At sana talaga hindi nagda-drugs ang batang ’to. Baka may bad influence na siyang friends.

Hinatid ko si Kali sa cr, nanalamin at nakitang medyo namaga nga ang pang-ibaba kong labi na may kaonting cut.

Our intense makeout flashed in my mind. Ayaw ko lang masyadong isipin dahil baka tayuan ako ano mang oras.

“Uh, Kuya Tyler,” si Kali nang kakalabas lang, mukhang tapos na. “Can I get your number?”

“Uh, sure. Wait…” I took out my wallet to give her my calling card.

“Call me if you need help, alright?”

She smiled at ease and nodded. “Okay, kuya!”

Mukhang hindi yata siya close sa kapatid niya. I don’t want to blame Kael for being strict, but maybe that’s the reason why Kali is also hesitating to open up to him?

Jasver:

Wala naman. Bakit?

Ang reply niya sa Instagram nang magtanong ako kung may nasabi ba na kahit ano si Kali sa kanya. Which means Kali doesn’t have a problem? Hmm. Baka naman sa kaibigan niya at hindi niya rin alam paano mag-advise?

“Oh, Tyler?” nangingiting tapik ni Tito Rommel nang pumasok siya sa bahay at nadatnan akong bumaba.

I went upstairs to take a shower for a while. The event is still ongoing, and I just told Jasver I want to take a bath. He even advised me to gargle.

“Uuwi na kayo, Tito? Ihahatid ko kayo,” sabi ko.

“Ay, hindi pa naman tapos, pero baka maya-maya, uuwi na rin. May dala naman kaming sasakyan kaya huwag kang mag-alala.” Saka niya tiningnan ang labi ko at halatang concerned. “Si Mikael? Nag-away kayo? Huwag kang mag-alala, pagsasabihan ko mamaya—”

“No, Tito. Hindi kami nag-away,” mabilis kong sabi dahil baka ako pa ang rason para mag-away sila.

Kumalma siya at medyo nagulat. “Talaga? May iba kang nakaaway?”

I laughed and shook my head again. “Nah… It’s personal, but it’s not something to be worried about…” Well, he’s deadass the father of the man whom you gave head, fucker!

“Oh… mabuti naman. Nag-alala kami ni Fred. Medyo nakakatakot pa naman ang mommy mo. Panay tingin din sa anak ko kanina…” he laughed and scratched his head worriedly.

Mukhang papunta siya sa comfort room kaya hinayaan ko muna. Noong lumabas pagkatapos ng ilang minuto, sinabayan ko na siya pabalik sa venue.

“Si Engr. Lopez?” Medyo gulat siya sa tanong ko.

I just ask what kind of person he is. I mean, I’m not trying to villainize him after what he did to Jasver earlier. I’m just a little suspicious why he seems too comfortable using his power as an engineer.

I know my father is too humble. Iba-iba naman kasi ang tao. But in the business world, after blending in with so many people who have the same goal as me, I knew that there are different kinds of greed just to obtain the power of being at the top.

“Hmm… Wala naman…” Ramdam ko na parang nag-aalangan pa siya. “Medyo ano lang…”

“Mataas ang tingin sa sarili?” I chuckled.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Bakit mo nasabi?”

I shrugged and put my hands in my pocket. “I’m also a businessman, Tito Rommel. My father’s field is also my expertise. I can immediately tell what kind of businessman you are by how you treat the people around you.”

Kita ko ang mangha sa tingin niya habang papasok na kami sa venue. Pumapaibabaw pa rin ang eleganteng tugtog galing sa violin at piano. My father also rented a violinist and pianist to play classical music cuz my mom is into it. Si Charlotta lahat ang dahilan ng event na ’to.

“Hawak niya ngayon ang malaking project ng dad mo,” Tito Rommel said.

“Really?” My brows furrowed to the core. I thought he was the one who was implementing it?

“Oo. Eh gets ko rin kasi ang Dad mo. Mas gusto niyang tutukan ngayon ang Mommy mo at kailangan niya ring magpahinga. Nandoon din naman ako sa site, kaso minsan, naipapadala ako sa ibang lugar para hawakan ang ibang maliliit na project ng dad mo. Itong malaking project, si Engr. Lopez na ang may hawak.”

My father is distracted right now. After he found out about my mom’s condition, I noticed he would rather fly out of the country to be with my mom instead of putting his full attention on his project.

“Ayaw ko ring kulitin ang dad mo, Tyler,” natatawa si Tito Rommel, pero ramdam ko na may laman ang sinasabi niya. “Mahal niya ang ipinundar niya, pero mas matimbang pa rin sa kanya ang pamilya niya—kayo ng Mommy mo. Medyo sinisisi niya rin kasi ang sarili niya na masyado siyang naging busy kaya bumabawi sa Mommy mo.”

I licked my lips. As I said to my father, I am not interested in our business. Pero hindi ko rin naman hahayaang mapunta lang ito sa kamay ng kung sino at sirain ang naitaguyod ng dad ko.

Baka sa May, dadalasan ko nalang ang pagpunta sa site para ako na muna ang magiging mata niya roon.

Ah… I should talk to my father about this. Hindi naman sa mainit ang dugo ko kay Engr. Lopez dahil sa ginawa niya kay Jasver, but he fully caught my attention. Iba ang naaamoy ko sa kanya.

I am not saying he needs to be humble like my father, but then again, a failure of someone’s leadership is also a failure of his team. Kung papalpak ang nasa itaas, madadamay ang nasa ibaba.

Pagkatapos ng party, nahuli ko pa ang tingin ng anak ni Ar. Gomez sa akin. He looked at my lips and looked at Jasver, who’s casually talking to the other boys. Nakita ko pang tinampal niya ang kamay ni Julius nang hilain nito ang damit niya at nangingiti siyang umirap.

Lumapit din tuloy ako para kunin ang atensyon niya, lalo na’t hindi na naman nagrereply sa akin sa Instagram.

“Uy, ser! Napano ’yang labi mo? Mukhang may gyera kang nasabakan ah? Sino ang kumagat?” tanong niya at malawak pa ang ngisi.

“Iba talaga pag mga guwapo. Suki sa girls…” hirit ng iba at tiningnan kami ni Jasver.

Jasver crossed his arms and looked at my lips. I slightly laughed and tapped Julius’ shoulder.

“Uuwi na ba kayo?” Then I looked at Jasver. “Ikaw… uuwi ka na?”

Sumagot ang iba; si Julius lang ang tawang tawa.

“Uuwi ka na raw ba, Mikael?” he repeated playfully.

Siniko niya si Julius at nagpaalam din sa boys. Ngumuso ako at sinundan siya ng tingin. Siniko naman ako ni Julius.

“Ihatid mo, ser!”

Well, Tito Rommel said may dala silang sasakyan eh. Pero sino ang magd-drive? Nakainom pa naman ng kaonti si Jasver. Nakaisip tuloy agad ako ng rason para sumama sa kanila kaya sinundan ko agad at nagpaalam sa kanila.

“I’ll drive your family home. You’re a bit drunk,” sabi ko nang humabol ako sa likuran niya.

Lumingon siya, nahulog na naman ang tingin sa labi ko, saka niya rin binawi agad at naglalakad na palapit sa parents niya.

“Daan ka rin sa bahay. Gamutin natin ’yang labi mo sa kuwarto ko,” mahinang sabi niya na nagpalaki ng ngiti ko.

Sinadya niya sigurong paduguin ang labi ko para may rason siyang gamutin ako at imbitahan sa kuwarto niya? What an excuse to low-key say he wants to spend a night with me…

Chapter 35

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“Next month…” rinig ko ang sabi ni Tita Klarissa habang nasa harap siya ni Mommy, mukhang nag-uusap sila kung kailan manganganak si Tita dahil nasa malaking tiyan niya rin ang tingin ni Mommy.

My mom’s eyes might be unreadable, but the way her expression softened a bit, I caressed her shoulder when I stopped beside her.

Hinaplos ko si Milo na hawak niya, natutulog sa braso ni Mommy. “He got tired… Kay Lola Teresita ka muna, Milo,” sabi ko at tiningnan si Mommy na umangat lang ang kilay.

“Lokong bata… Mana nga kay Fred,” natatawang sabi ni Tita.

“Ako na po ang magmamaneho sa inyo pauwi, Tita.” I offered.

“Huwag ka nang mag-abala, nandiyan naman si Mikael…” she gestured and shook her head for disapproval.

“Jasver is kinda drunk. He can’t drive,” I explained while my mother was looking at me quietly.

Kita ko na unti-unting kumunot ang noo ni Tita, kahit ang ngiti, nahaluan ng kaonting kuryoso. “Jasver…” she repeated curiously.

“Yup. He drank a bit…” sumbong ko.

“Oh… parang hindi ko napansin…” si Tita na nilingon din si Jasver na lumapit kay Dad at Tito Rommel, kausap pa si Engr. Lopez at isang client na pinakilala sa akin ni Dad kanina. “Hindi siya umiinom…”

I kissed my mom’s cheek and caressed her back. “I’ll just drive them home, mom…”

“Si Rommel na ang bahala… nakakahiya sa’yo, Tyler,” si Tita na umiling pa, tinitingnan si Mommy at kinakabahan.

I jogged to my father as well to bid goodbye and tell him I am gonna drive Jasver’s family home. Narinig ko pa ang sabi ni Tita kay Mommy.

“He’s so makulit… Uh, high energy…” si Tita.

Pumayag naman si Dad kahit parang labag sa loob niyang ipagsama kami ni Jasver sa iisang lugar; mukhang iniisip niyang magsusuntukan kami agad ano mang oras. But I insisted on that part until they had no choice but to let me.

“Ihahatid lang tayo. Ganyan talaga ’yan sa akin, clingy na bata… Pero huwag mong masamain, anak…” Narinig ko pa ang sabi si Tito Rommel kay Jasver habang sumusunod na ako sa kanila papunta sa pula na Fortuner, ang kotse nila.

I wanted to laugh about it. Close ako kay Tito Rommel, yes, but Jasver and I know what’s behind my persistency. He said he’s gonna treat my lips, and I’m a sucker for it.

Nasa kotse na si Kali at Kittie, si Kali na nakatulog, si Kittie naman na gising at tahimik. Si Jasver ang umupo sa front seat, tahimik lamang habang ang parents niya pa rin ang nakikipag usap sa akin.

It was so funny that this isn’t the first time I’ve driven them home. Mukha mang walang nagbago dahil sa lamig niya sa akin, pero alam naming dalawa na hindi na suntukan ang mangyayari kung iiwan kami ng parents namin na mag-isa.

“Ang ganda ng mommy mo ’no, Tyler,” si Tita. “Nakakaintindi pala siya kaonti ng tagalog? Marunong na rin ba siya magsalita?”

“Hindi pa gaano, Tita. May mga naiintindihan siya pero kaonti rin…”

“Matututo ’yan kung tumira siya sa Pinas ng ilang taon katulad mo. Tingnan mo noon, straight english ka pa, nakakaintindi pero hindi marunong magsalita. Tapos ngayon ang galing galing mo na magtagalog…” si Tito Rommel na nangingiti.

I chuckled and side-eyed Jasver to check on him. I caught him taking his eyes off me.

“Pinoy pero bulol sa tagalog,” si Jasver na hindi inaasahang magsasalita ng parents niya.

“Kuya naman…” natatawang saway ni Tita Klarissa.

“Eh kasi nga laking States anak,” si Tito Rommel.

“Kuya Jasver hates people who talks in a maarte way,” si Kittie na hindi pa pala tulog kaya tiningnan ko sa itaas ng salamin.

“Parang kayo ni Ate mo Kali, ’no? Kaya hindi naggi-girlfriend ’yang Kuya niyo kasi nai-stress sa inyong dalawa,” si Tita na pinisil ang pisngi ng bunso nila.

I cleared my throat and glanced at him intentionally. “Being single is fun. Just enjoy it…”

He glared at me for some reason. Ngumuso ako at ibinalik sa harap ang tingin. I am tryin’ to be discreet about our relationship, alright? I’m tryin’ to act cool!

“Eh ikaw, Tyler? Sabi ng dad mo sa akin, may lovelife ka na raw. Eh hindi ka rin mahilig sa girlfriend, ’di ba?” si Tito Rommel.

“Yup. I don’t want a girlfriend right now…” I flashed a proud smile.

Jasver crossed his arms and furrowed his brows.

“’Yung mga pinapakilala sa’yo ng dad mo kanina, bagay sa’yo. Ang yayaman din talaga tingnan…” si Tita Klarissa.

“They’re not my type. Ayaw ko talaga ng girlfriend, Tita,” agad kong paliwanag.

“Cuz you prefer a boyfriend?” si Kittie na nagsalita.

“Kittie,” saway ng Mama niya. “Girlfriend, hindi boyfriend.”

“He said he doesn’t like a girlfriend, which means he probably wants a boyfriend,” si Kittie.

“Kaka-roblox mo ’yan, Kittie,” si Tito Rommel.

“No, Papa. It’s not even an insult,” si Kittie.

“Eh lalaki naman kasi ang Kuya Tyler mo…” si Tita Klarissa.

“So? I am not talking about his gender. I mean, he might prefer a boyfriend. It’s about his sexuality.”

“Wala akong maintindihan, nak…” si Tita Klarissa na niyakap nalang si Kittie.

Tiningnan ako ni Tito Rommel. “Pagpasensyahan mo na itong batang ’to. Madaldal talaga ’to…”

“No, it’s okay, Tito. Ayos lang din sa akin ang ganyang topic. I am open about it.”

“See? I told you guys it’s okay,” si Kittie na umirap pa, gustong ibangon ang ulo pero pinahiga lang ulit ni Tita sa dibdib niya.

“Sabagay… wala namang mali kung gusto mo ng boyfriend. Kaso ang parents mo, nangangarap ’yon ng apo. Paano mo bibigyan kung boyfriend ang gusto mo?” Tito Rommel asked curiously.

I shrugged. “Si Milo.”

Tumawa si Tito Rommel ganoon din ang wife niya.

“Hindi rin naman mapilit ang parents ko. They’re both cool. They won’t pressure me if ayaw ko talaga, Tito,” sabi ko na ikinatango ni Tito Rommel, lalo na’t alam niyang tama ang sinasabi ko.

Jasver remained silent ’till we reached their home. I’m quite bothered about the topic, but I hope he didn’t put too much burden on it. I hope he didn’t let those words trouble him.

Si Jasver ang nagbukas ng gate at pinasok ko ang kotse. Inakay pa ni Tito Rommel si Kittie na nakatulog din, si Jasver naman na si Kali ang inalalayan papasok sa kwarto. Si Tita Klarissa ang inimbita ako papasok ng bahay.

“Hindi ko na yata kayang magdrive pauwi, Tito. Pwedeng dito nalang din ako matulog?” I yawned and looked at them sleepily.

“Dito na, Tyler. Gabi na. Mas mabuti pa nga na huwag nang umuwi at baka mapano ka sa daan,” si Tita Klarissa na hinila ako lalo papasok.

“Wala kaming guest room or guest house, katulad ng sa inyo, pero pwede namang sa kuwarto na muna ni Kali si Kittie at doon ka,” si Tito Rommel.

Tiningnan ko si Jasver na kakababa lang.

“Dito nalang ako sa sofa, Tito. Ayos lang sa akin,” sabi ko, kahit nagpapaawa ng kaonti sa isa diyan at baka matablan.

“Sa kuwarto ko na, Pa. Sa sahig siya,” ani Jasver, tumigil pa sa gitna at sumandal sa railings ng hagdan nila.

“Mikael,” saway ni Tita Klarissa.

“May kutson, ma. Kung ayaw niya, diyan siya sa sofa. Pag ’yan na dengue diyan sa sala, lagot kayo sa ina niyan,” aniya at supladong namulsa paakyat.

His parents sighed. Tito Rommel tapped my shoulder and smiled at me. Akala yata nila inaapi ako ng anak nila, pero ang totoo, kahit pa siguro wala silang alam sa mga away namin noon, sa sahig pa rin ako niyan patutulugin.

“Sumigaw ka lang kung inaway ka. Ako ang bahala sa batang ’yan,” si Tito Rommel.

I nodded seriously, but deep inside, Jasver would kill me first if I made too much noise. Sa huli, hinayaan din nila akong umakyat sa kuwarto ni Jasver. Sumunod pa sila, siniguradong nilapagan ako ng kutson ni Jasver sa sahig, may sariling kumot at unan.

His room is quite small. I’m not used to it. Naalala ko ang dati kong kuwarto sa nauna kong apartment na kinuha ni dad sa akin. But I know it’s enough to accommodate us two. Bukod sa malinis at sobrang organized, halatang malinis siya hindi lang sa katawan kundi pati sa gamit niya.

“Mikael…” tawag ni Tito Rommel sa anak.

“Ano bang gagawin ko diyan? Laki-laking tao niyan,” iritado niyang sabi at sinamaan pa ako ng tingin habang abala siya sa bedsheet ng kama niya.

“Hayaan na natin,” si Tita Klarissa sa asawa at hawak na ang doorknob para isara ang pinto. “Good night, anak… Tyler…”

“Good night po,” I greeted back.

Sumilip pa si Tito Rommel at nagthumbs-up. I laughed and nodded at him before the door fully closed. Lumapit agad ako at pinindot ang lock. Fuck, finally!

Kinuha ko ang unan sa kutson, pati ang kumot at nagtangkang ilagay sa kama niya kaso pinigilan ako.

“Tsss. Sa sahig ka nga. Masyado kang malikot katabi,” reklamo niya.

I blinked twice. “How did you know?”

“Sa Romblon. Nagkatabi tayo.”

Oh… Well, hindi ako aware na malikot ako sa kama pag tulog. But the boys are the living proof that Jasver is telling the truth. Sabi nila, nanyayakap daw ako at kahit paa ko, humahalik na sa mukha nila. Kaya nga nagugulat nalang ako pag nagigising ako, nasa sahig na. Tulog mantika rin ako at mahirap gisingin kaya kahit siguro ibalibag ako, hindi ko mararamdaman.

Kaya kahit siguro may gawin ang mga katabi ko, hinding-hindi ako magigising.

“Diyan ka sa kutson. Dito ako sa kama, kung ayaw mo, doon ka sa sofa sa labas,” aniya at itinapon pa sa akin ang towel hanggang sumabit iyon sa ulo ko. “Mag-half bath ka. Gamitin mo ang banyo ko. Sa ibaba na cr ako maghahalf bath.”

“I don’t have my toiletries. Kakagaling ko lang din sa shower kanina,” I explained.

“Kahit na,” giit niya. “Nasa kuwarto kita kaya sumunod ka.”

I laughed. “Kahit naman wala tayo sa kuwarto mo, I will still obey you…”

“Gamitin mo ang toiletries ko. Kung ayaw mo, edi magpunas ka nalang,” aniya at lumabas din.

How bossy. But then again, I have no choice but to follow him. Pagkapasok sa banyo, parang hindi ako makakahinga kung magtatagal ako. He has no bathtub, and the only thing you can do is stand up and shower na wala ring heater.

I slowly saw where his insecurity was coming from. Ilang beses niya na bang naikumpara sa isip niya ang mga nakikita niya sa lifestyle ko at lifestyle niya? His toiletries weren’t the branded ones too, since I am not familiar with them, unlike mine. I mean, I can already tell the luxurious ones cuz I’m a consumer myself.

But then again, I am willing to adapt it. Ayaw ko nga lang gamitin ang sabon niya cuz I value hygiene and common etiquette when it comes to toiletries. I just used his shower gel instead.

I went out with a towel wrapped around my waist. Wala nga pala akong damit. I was about to ask him about it when I saw folded clothes on his bed, and the mug I didn’t saw earlier on his bedside table was already there too.

“Ginger tea ’yan. Para sa lalamunan mo. Baka mamaos ka bukas,” si Jasver na nasa maliit niyang balkonahe, tapos nang maligo. Tapos na rin siya, naka simpleng cotton white t-shirt at gray sweatpants habang nakayuko roon at nililingon lang ako.

Ang pangit nga ng pakiramdam ko sa lalamunan ko. He probably prepared it downstairs after he took a bath.

I checked the folded clothes and noticed they’re probably new. May boxer pa.

“Are these new? Did you buy this for our supposed plans? I was planning to come over, right? We planned on doing it in your room too,” natatawa kong sabi habang hinihila ang towel paalis sa baywang ko.

His brows knit as I smirked at him and wore the boxer on. He shook his head and pulled his eyes back to the front. There’s nothing to hide here. Nakita niya na naman. Isa pa, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

“Do you have a blower?” I asked while wearing the black sweatpants he provided.

I noticed his frustrated gasp. “Wala. Ang kapatid ko meron pero tulog na. Sa towel mo nalang patuyuin ’yang buhok mo,” he suggested.

Dinampot ko ang towel, isinabit sa balikat ko, dinala rin ang mug, at pumunta sa balcony niya. He slightly moves to the side to give me space, or…he just doesn’t want to stand close next to me.

I sipped from the mug and rested my forearms on the balcony fence made of steel. I looked down and looked at their garden in front of their terrace. Kahit sa labas ng gate nila, may mga bulaklak din sila. I could really tell that it was well taken care of because of its design and how it looked so organized.

“Ang ganda tingnan ng bahay niyo,” I said and smiled as I sipped on my mug again.

“Kumpara sa bahay niyo, wala lang ’to,” he responded flatly.

“No, I mean, not physically. It looks lively and well taken care of. Halatang bahay talaga na may nakatira araw-araw.” I chuckled.

He slightly froze and glanced at me. My thumb caressed the mug.

“Our house might look fancy, luxurious, pretty, or whatever architecturally speaking you wanted to describe it, but it doesn’t look lively. It pretty much looks lonely, abandoned, and forgotten. Alam mo yung mga haunted house na ang lalaki tingnan sa labas pero parang mga multo ang nakatira?”

He remained silent, but his brows relaxed a bit from scowling earlier.

“Because if I were to choose between a luxurious house like a mansion and a simple house like this, I’d rather choose this.”

I sipped on my ginger tea when he didn’t respond.

“Ubusin mo na ’yan para makatulog ka na,” sabi niya at pumasok na ulit sa kuwarto niya.

So I gulped it all down and followed him right away. Pinaandar niya pa ang aircon, full blast, may kinuha sa drawer at nilingon ako.

“Dito sa kama,” he ordered.

I walked toward his bed. Umupo ako roon at inilagay sa bedside table niya ang mug. I watched him open the small ointment and held my chin like I was his patient.

I watched him silently while he was busy caressing the ointment on the lower part of my lips. Sinubukan ko pang isara ang mga labi ko at kagatin ang daliri niya kaso pinisil niya ang pang-ibabang labi ko kaya tumigil din ako.

“Umayos ka,” banta niya.

Titig na titig ako sa kanya, pinipigilan ang ngiti kahit alam kong pansin niya iyon.

“You kissed so good,” I pointed out when my eyes grazed on his lips.

He didn’t budge, like a professional nurse who was too focused on his job while I was his playful patient, trying to strike a flirty move for another round.

“You don’t have to put an ointment on my lips. A kiss will do—aww!” I laughed when he slightly pinched it.

“Ulol.”

“What? I mean, you know I like it rough. I don’t mind if you bite it again while we’re kissing…” I grinned.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay niya, naiiling na umalis sa harap ko, pinatay ang ilaw, at tanging lampshade lang ang binuksan.

“Ang ingay-ingay mo. Matulog ka na.” Saka siya humiga sa kama niya at itinuro ang kutson. “Sa sahig ka.”

Can’t believe I am treated like this. I murmured in my mind while laying down the mattress he provided on the floor.

Nakadikit sa kama niya ang kutson at nakatalikod siya sa akin. I slightly rose up and tried to see his face. Nakita ko siyang abala sa phone niya hanggang inilapag niya ulit at may tumugtog na doon.

Oh right. Isa sa pampatulog niya ay makinig ng kanta… He mentioned that to me.

“Matulog ka na,” he warned.

Kahit hindi naman siya lumingon, bumalik tuloy ako sa pagkakahiga at tahimik na tiningnan ang ceiling. An unfamiliar song started playing softly, and as usual, it’s a tagalog song.

“Ikaw na lang ang katabi, ngayong gabi… Oh pwede tayong magpabaga ’pag nanlalamig…” the intro of the sensual song I heard somewhere, but I couldn’t recall.

The song screams his vibe—his Jasver side. It’s like his new persona, a hidden side where the only one who has access is me.

“This song would be great during our intense fucking.” I chuckled when I remembered how we almost did it earlier.

I heard he let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Akala ko ba Chase Atlantic o PND listener ka.”

“Yup. I wanna do it with you while Church by Chase Atlantic is banging. Imagine how intense it would be…” I whistled and smirked while imagining it. At hanggang pangarap lang talaga muna ako ngayon.

“How ’bout you? I’m curious what’s the song that’s banging in your mind once we do more than what we did earlier?” tanong ko at nilingon siya na nakatalikod pa sa akin.

When he didn’t answer, I was about to let go of the topic until I heard his hoarse voice.

“Ito na kanta,” he said, talking about the ongoing song playing on his phone. “Ngayong Gabi by Al James.”

I swallowed a little and licked my lips. Knowing he has a song in his mind makes me wonder if he thought of us doing it every time he heard this song.

“Wow. Is this a low-key invitation that you wanna do it right now?” I laughed.

I heard his soft chuckle, but then he immediately coughed to hide it. Ang hilig niya talagang magpigil. Ayaw niya yatang matanggal ’yang angas na suot suot niya lagi.

“Are you sweet with your past relationships? I mean… how do you treat them?” I asked curiously.

Sanay naman ako na ganito siya. He has his ways to be gentle, but I’m curious if…he is also cold and a little heartless with the people he kissed and bedded.

“Or, you’re uncomfortable since I am a man and it’s your first time?” I chuckled.

Hindi siya nagsalita. Come to think of it, it’s my first time too. I’m not even aware in the first place that I am clingy. I thought it was normal. Not until I met people like…well, Rick and Jasver.

I understand Rick since he has a traumatic past, and being clingy with the boys felt a little off to him, even with the girls. He hates affection.

So I wonder if what’s his reason why he’s not clingy to me—or he hates affection. Dahil ba magkaaway kami noon, o dahil…may parte pa rin sa kanya ang hindi sanay at nandidiri?

“Nandidiri ka?” I cannot help but voice it out.

He shifted on his bed until he was now fully facing the ceiling as well.

“Ano bang gusto mo? Yakapin kita rito sa kama ko hanggang hindi ka na makahinga?”

I laughed. “Why not?”

His head tilted to look at me, and he let out an unexpected chuckle.

“Sanay na sanay ah? Palibhasa ang daming experience…”

“It turns you off? I’m sorry—”

“Labas na ako diyan. Gawain mo naman ’yan. Hindi big deal sa akin ang body count. Ang importante lang, ginawa mo sa responsable at malinis na paraan.”

I calmed down and nodded. “If you’re not comfortable that I’m…clingy, I’ll lessen it. You hate clingy people…”

He looked away and licked his lips. “Ayos lang.”

“Eh ba’t ayaw mo akong katabi?” At tunog miserable na kinakawawa talaga ako, kahit naiintindihan ko.

He glared at me. “Malikot ka nga. Isa pa, baka mag-ingay ka. Maririnig tayo ng kapatid ko sa kabilang kwarto. Kita mo naman ang daldal ni Kittie.”

“Mag-iingay saan?” I laughed meaningfully. “I only want to lie beside you. I didn’t say we’ll do it.”

“Mabilis akong tigasan,” pag-amin niya na ikinatawa ko.

“Then I’ll take care of it. I’ll give you head—”

“Gago!” Sabay tapon niya ng unan sa mukha ko. “Tumahimik ka na nga. Naninindig ang balahibo ko sa’yo.”

I hugged the pillow he threw and pressed my lips on it while looking at him playfully. He groaned a little and shut his eyes, licking his lower lip.

“Sa susunod na, ’yung tayo lang dalawa.”

I sighed, shut my eyes, and licked my lower lip too.

“Are we gonna uh…treat each other like a fuck buddy? I don’t really want a fuck buddy right now. I want a relationship.”

Natawa siya sa sinabi ko; siguro mukha akong nagmamakaawa na lagyan niya ng label ang meron sa amin.

“Sabi ng ayaw daw sa relasyon at nakita ko sa dating app, huh? Mukhang hindi naman relasyon ang hinahanap mo doon.” He smirked.

“Well… I changed my mind. I mean, you’re right. I cannot imagine myself kissing someone who’s not my girlfriend or boyfriend. If…I’ll do it again with you, I just wanna make sure that…we have a label.”

I saw how he raised his brow and shifted his body, facing my direction. His knuckles rested on the side of his head while looking down at me judgingly.

“And I think you wanted me as your lover. Cuz you said you don’t kiss people who aren’t your boyfriend or girlfriend, but you kissed me. Which means…I am your lover.”

“Ang ingay mo eh. Nanggigil lang,” he reasoned, but the smirk was already stretching on his lips.

“Tss. Liar. You don’t kiss people you don’t like. You are in love with me,” I declared.

He pinched his lower lip as he tried to maintain a scowl. He even furrowed his brows despite the smile twitching on his lips.

“Oo, pero wala sa isip ko ngayon ang relasyon na ’yan. May nararamdaman ako sa’yo pero hanggang doon lang ’yon,” namamaos ngunit matigas ang kanyang tinig.

My eyes widened. I know he already confessed, but to hear it again made me a little bit excited. Siguro dahil mas magaan at kalmado ang pag-amin niya ngayon kumpara kanina na nasagad lang.

“But you’re in love with me,” I elaborated.

He nodded. “Oo nga. Tang ina paulit-ulit.”

I licked my lips and attempted to climb up to his bed, but he just pushed me back till I fell on the mattress again.

“Diyan ka lang nga! Matutulog na lang titigasan pa…”

I laughed giddily, trying to crawl to his bed again. “Wala akong gagawin!”

“Ako meron, kaya diyan ka lang,” maangas niyang sabi at muli akong itinulak palayo.

I groaned out of frustration as soon as I lay back on the mattress. He is fucking edging me again! Ayaw tigasan, pero gusto niya yatang ako ang makaramdam no’n sa amin.

“Fine… Let’s maintain space for a while. No label for a while. But I hope you won’t…entertain other girls or boys… Cuz I won’t too…” I calmly explained despite the twitching of my dick. Dammit!

Tumahimik na siya. I licked my lips and looked at the ceiling to calm myself down.

“Man… I’m hard,” I complained and peeked through the blanket to see the bulging sight of the sweatpants I’m wearing creating a tent.

“Matutulog ka ba o gusto mong magpuyat?” There was a warning in his voice, but I know behind it was an impulse he’s trying to control.

“I’m not faking it! I’m hard…” I looked at him softly.

His eyes drifted down to my sweatpants I’m trying to cover with a blanket.

“Itulog mo nalang ’yan.”

As much as I wanted to request being blow by him, I realized I’m too big to fit in his mouth. I mean, sure, he can probably lick it, but I won’t be content with that. I might fuck his throat too deep till he’s gagging from intensity, and that’s the last thing I wanted.

Kahit parang langit sa pakiramdam kung isasagad ko hanggang lalamunan niya katulad ng ginawa niya sa akin, my size would probably hurt him.

“How about a goodnight kiss?” At sana, huwag siyang madamot kahit ito nalang!

I heard his little growl out of frustration. Nanlalaban na naman kung pagbibigyan ba ako o magdadamot kahit alam ko namang gusto niya rin!

“Just one kiss, please…” I begged and rose up from the mattress like a kid begging for attention.

He took a heavy breath, turned to my side, and crouched for a kiss. Nangingiti kong sinalubong ang labi niya hanggang dumikit iyon sa akin.

Mabilis siyang humiwalay at padabog pang bumalik sa pagkakahiga.

“Matulog ka na,” he warned hoarsely.

“I mean a french kiss?” I demanded and stifled my smile.

He grunted. “Bahala ka. Matutulog na ako…” namamaos ang tinig niya.

“Tsss. Heartless. I gave you head earlier to satisfy your kink, and now you’re acting like you are disgusted to kiss the lips that blow you…”

I heard his slow growl out of frustration. Hindi ko nga alam kung may halo bang tawa iyon.

“Huli na ’to. Pag di ka pa rin natulog…” reklamo niya habang lumalapit ulit ang katawan sa akin, ang makapal na kilay ay salubong at may banta sa tingin niya.

I rose a bit to welcome his lips on mine. He slightly cupped my jaw, like attempting to choke me but there was no force on it as he tilted his head and shoved his tongue again.

I smirked in satisfaction as I sucked his tongue and kissed him back. He kissed me a little deep, his brows still furrowed, his eyes open until they were slightly closing—looking at me in his half-lidded eyes like tasting me makes him drunk.

“Tama na…” he warned halfheartedly, but he just tilted his head, and he brushed his lips on mine again like a dessert he couldn’t stop from eating.

“Hmm?” I whispered and shoved my tongue in his.

His hand glided from my jaw until it went to my nape. May diin ang kapit niya roon, ayaw pa ata ako patakasin.

He grunted and pulled away, cursing breathily. Hinabol ko rin ang hininga ko, nanghihina ang tingin sa kanya, at nang tingnan niya ako, mabilis akong ngumisi.

I licked my lips out of satisfaction and chuckled addictively. His jaw clenched, he took the pillow on his bed and smashed it on my face.

“Gagong mukha ’yan. Ang uhaw tingnan,” he said roughly.

Kaya naman pala hirap mamigay ng halik dahil pag sinimualan niya, parang ayaw na tapusin sa sobrang sabik.

Humalakhak ako at niyakap ang unan niya. He shook his head, but I caught him biting his lower lip, trying to stifle the smile twitching on the side of his lips as well.

“Matulog ka na,” muli niyang sabi at humiga na.

“Sarap humalik, ah?” I teased.

“Kaya gustong gusto mo rin,” he teased back, but he was now scowling on his bed, arms were crossed like he didn’t want to spoil me, but he ended up giving one.

“I thought you hated kisses?” I chuckled.

He glared at me. “Oo nga. Pero mas ayaw ko sa maiingay.” And here come his multiple alibis.

“I’m still loud. Can you shut me up again?” I grinned.

“Ang tigas ng ulo mo,” he replied aggressively.

“May mas matigas pa bukod sa ulo ko. You wanna confirm? Touch it.” Hamon ko at mas nilakihan ang ngisi sa labi.

Naiiling siyang humiga na, tumalikod, at lumayo pa ng kaonti. I rose up for the nth time to see if he really wanted to sleep now.

“You’re already sleepy? We’ll sleep? No more?”

Hindi siya sumagot kaya humiga nalang tuloy ulit ako.

“Magkumot ka,” he said until his blanket went flying to me.

Nang bumagsak iyon sa akin, sumunod na naman ang isa pang unan. Baka pag nagreklamo ako, hindi na malambot ang itatapon niya sa akin at babagsak sa itaas ko.

Gusto ko nang matulog kaso ang dami-dami kong gustong sabihin. Kahit yata sakalin niya ako ngayon, mahirap talaga tumahimik.

“I’m curious, when did you realize you’re actually falling for me? I’ll be honest, during the christmas party, I could already sense something was not right. I was just there to beg for forgiveness, but when you stood me up, and I waited for how many hours and endured your harsh words, I slowly realized I’m in love with you…” I started yapping again.

Or maybe I developed a little feeling for him during those nights we were talking through our poser accounts. Siguro nawala lang agad dahil…natakpan na ng galit ko—mas naging matimbang ang sakit na naramdaman ko.

I smiled a little and used my hands as the pillow for my head while staring at the plain ceiling of his room. Naalala ko kung gaano kalamig no’n, kung gaano ako katagal naghintay, pero kung sinabi niyang pupunta na siya, kahit isang buwan siguro…handa akong manatili roon sa pwesto ko.

Maybe the feeling bloomed again; this time, it was begging to be acknowledged, to be seen… to be felt.

“Cuz how come I am willing to endure your words and let it slide without insulting you back? How come I’d rather respond gently and let you hurt me…”

Natatawa akong lumingon at tiningnan ang malapad niyang likod. “Hindi ko na magawang magalit sa’yo at saktan ka pabalik…”

Hindi siya sumagot kaya bago pa mapagsabihang ang daldal ko, tumigil na ako at pumikit na.

“Noong araw din na ’yon…” he said after how many minutes passed.

Inaantok kong binuksan ang mga mata para lingunin siya. Nag-iba na siya ng posisyon, nakadapa sa kanyang kama yakap ang unan at seryosong nakatitig sa akin.

“Sinabi ko ’yon para saktan ka, pero mas nasaktan ako noong sinabi ko ’yon sa’yo. Kinakamuhian kita, oo, pero kung may nangyaring masama sa’yo, handa kong…handa kong gawin ang lahat…maisalba ka lang,” namamaos niyang pag-amin.

Patuloy ang kanta sa phone niya. I am not familiar with it; it’s probably another OPM song, but this time, it’s an english song.

“You’re turning me on, you turn me around… You turn my world upside down…” the song played softly, which added to his emotional words, like it was really meant to play at this moment.

“Pero ayoko. Noong una, ayoko dahil ayaw ko sa’yo. Pero habang tumatagal, ayoko dahil alam kong hindi ako babagay sa mundo mo…”

I wanted to protest, but he continued talking.

“Kaso nandito na. Hinalikan na kita. Pinaramdam ko na. Kaya kong ipaglaban pero hayaan mo akong gawin ’yon sa paraan ko. Hayaan mo akong dahan-dahanin muna ang lahat.”

I calmed down and smiled. That’s the only assurance I want to hear, and it’s enough.

“Naging pansexual ako dahil sa poser account na ’yon. Doon ko ’yon unang nadiskubre. Doon ko nalaman na handa akong tanggapin ang nasa likod ng account, kahit lalaki siya,” patuloy niya.

My brows furrowed a bit. Kahit nga ipis ako eh.

“So… I was the…first man whom you romantically liked?” I mean, ako naman ang may-ari ng account ni Verena…

“Hanggang ngayon, ikaw pa rin naman…” he added seriously.

I swallowed hard as I could hear the loud thumping of my heart banging in my chest.

“Ayaw kong umamin sana. Babaunin ko nalang hanggang kamatayan. Kaso nasagad eh,” he uttered defeatedly.

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako na nagselos siya dahil napaamin siya, o mas gugustuhin ko na lang na hayaan siyang kusang magpanggap hanggang mapagod din kaysa makitang nasasaktan siya.

“Walang babagay sa akin kundi ikaw lang. Ayoko ng iba, ikaw lang. I hope my words are loud and clear. If it’s not loud enough, then I’ll shout it to everyone so they would fucking distance themselves from me,” I said sincerely, my eyes glued on his.

He smirked, but he immediately pressed his lips on his forearm while his eyes stayed on mine.

“Ang angas talaga…” he whispered tauntingly and sighed, but it wasn’t heavy anymore. It felt light, like he was at ease hearing those words.

“I’m telling the truth. You know I’m shameless. I could even put us on a billboard while kissing if you want to…”

“Gagastos ka pa,” saway niya ngunit nangingiti. And imagine it, he’s not worried about us kissing in the billboard but the thought that I’m willing to spend for us? Good Lord…

“Don’t underestimate the things I can do for us, Jasver, cuz if you said I’ll burn the world for you, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

He stared at me quietly in the dimness of his room. I’ve seen how his eyes touched what his hands couldn’t reach. I heard the words his lips couldn’t utter, and I felt the emotions he couldn’t express.

His silence was loud—like a storm in the night. And I knew I’d dance in the rain to prove that I can embrace its coldness.

“I hope my submission is already enough as evidence that your words matter to me. So please don’t feel low about yourself. Cuz in my eyes, no one could ever top you. In my world… it’s only you.”

Chapter 36

Warning: R18

Panic

I woke up from tickling bites and a slow growl coming from a dog. Sinubukan ko pang sipain ngunit bumalik lang at kinagat ang suot kong sweatpants, hinihila pa ito ng marahas.

I sleepily opened my eyes until I realized I am not in my room in Rockwell; I am in Jasver’s room!

“Fuck!” Natataranta akong gumapang papunta sa kama dala-dala ang unan, halos madapa pa, at takot na tiningnan ang maliit na aso na galit ang tingin sa akin. It’s the same dog, which is Ari! That demonic Pomeranian dog who almost bit my leg!

Ari was jumping aggressively, barking at me in her high-pitched voice while looking at me like I am her food for a month! Naka-pampers pa talaga, at may kulay pink na choker sa leeg. Tinapunan ko ng unan para umalis at idistract ito, kaya noong hinabol niya at sinundan, mabilis akong tumalon paalis sa kama at natatarantang lumabas sa kuwarto ni Jasver.

The blasting music welcomed me as soon as I opened the door, and I went out hastily. Halatang OPM ulit at hindi ko na naman alam ang title. But that’s not my priority right now.

Mabilis akong bumaba, nakita si Jasver na abalang mag-mop sa tiles nila, kaya siya agad ang nilapitan ko at nagtago sa likuran niya lalo na’t sumunod si Ari, tumatahol at hinabol ako.

“She’s trying to bite me!” sumbong ko, humawak sa t-shirt ni Jasver at ginawa itong shield para hindi makalapit sa akin ang galit na maliit nilang aso!

Jasver glanced at me, his amusement laced with a sour expression, like I am such a weakling for getting scared of a dog who seemed too angelic and playful.

“Liit-liit ni Ari tapos takot ka?” natatawa niyang sabi at may yabang pa sa tono nang magtago ako lalo sa likod niya, lalo na’t gustong lumapit sa akin ni Ari.

“Kamuntik niya akong kagatin!” I argued.

“Vaccinated ka naman. Hindi ka mamamatay kahit makagat ka niyan ngayon.” Sabay angat ng kilay na para bang ayos lang dapat sa akin na makagat.

My jaw dropped, and I frowned. Sumipol si Jasver, itinuro ang sofa, at parang masunuring tumakbo si Ari doon, patalong umakyat. Wow…

“May pagkain na sa kusina. Kumain ka na doon,” aniya at ipinagpatuloy ang pagm-mop niya, nagawa pang paluin ang paa ko. “Ito, suotin mo.” Sabay hubad ng suot niyang indoor slipper.

I slipped my foot in one by one while looking at Ari, who barked at me again when she noticed I looked at her. Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa dulo ng t-shirt sa likod ni Jasver dahil pakiramdam ko susugurin niya ulit ako ano mang oras.

“She’s barking at me,” I said worriedly.

“Gustong makipaglaro,” paliwanag niya at patuloy nang nag-mop, kaya wala sa sarili rin akong sumunod sa kanya lalo na’t ayaw kong bitiwan ang t-shirt niya.

“Bumitaw ka na,” giit niya sa mahinang boses at tinampal na ang kamay ko. “Baka kung ano pang isipin ni Kittie…”

“Kittie is not even around…” I worriedly followed him. Naiiling siya, pinagpatuloy ang pagm-mop, kaso hindi maka-concentrate at palingon-lingon sa akin.

“May pagkain na nga sa mesa,” giit niya. “Ang hirap mong gisingin kanina. Maagang umalis si Papa, hinabilin ka sa akin, si Mama at Kali, umalis din. Si Kittie, lumabas.”

“Let’s eat together,” I invited.

“Maglilinis pa ako,” he mumbled and continued mopping the other parts of their floor as I followed him around again, my hand not letting go of the edge of his t-shirt. “Kumain ka na. Malilipasan ka na ng gutom. Halos alas dyiz na…”

I rubbed my right eye and yawned a little. Anong oras ba kaming nakatulog kagabi? Inumaga kami kakausap. Usap lang…

“Then I’ll wait for you,” I replied.

He sighed defeatedly, picked up the bucket, and walked to the door. Sumunod ako, at nang buksan niya ang sliding door sa likod ng bahay, sunod-sunod na tahol ulit ang bumungad. Two dogs ran toward him, tails wagging and tongues out.

Mas nagtago ako sa likod ni Jasver nang lumapit pa ang dalawa sa akin at inamoy ako. I panicked a bit, gripped his t-shirt even more, and cursed breathily. They’re both big! A Labrador and German shepherd, dammit!

Jasver smirked at me and walked continuously. Nabitiwan ko siya at naiwan akong inamoy-amoy ng dalawang aso, nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko.

“Holy shit!” I cursed out loud and shut my eyes when the German shepherd just stood up, its nails already digging into my sweatpants. “Jasver!”

“Judo…” Jasver whistled, and the German shepherd ran toward him, followed by the other dog.

Yumuko siya at nangingiting ginulo ang balahibo ng German shepherd na lumapit habang dinidilaan na siya sa mukha. Kahit ang isang aso, lumapit na rin sa kanya.

“Kaamoy ko ba? Huwag niyong kagatin, wala tayong pera pampa-ospital diyan. Masyado ’yang mahal,” sabi niya sa mga aso, akala mo talaga wala ako rito.

“Masyado mong mahal?” I corrected and chuckled.

Umismid lang siya ngunit hindi naman tinanggi. Hindi na nanlalaban, ah? Sumusuko na ata talaga sa akin…

So I walked toward them and crouched down bravely. I ruffled their furs as well.

“Judo…” tawag ko at mayabang ding hinawakan ang ulo, kahit pakiramdam ko, anong oras ay mawawalan na ako ng isang kamay.

But then the german shepherd just licked my face as well.

“Anong pangalan nitong isa?” tanong ko at tiningnan ang Labrador na masayang sinisiksik ang sarili sa akin, gusto ring mahimas sa ulo.

“Colt…”

“Colt!” I repeated cheerfully and patted the Labrador’s head too.

“Tell them I’m your boyfriend.” I grinned at him.

“Ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo. Ipakagat kita eh,” banta niya ngunit may halong yabang na ngiti sa labi.

“Kagat, huh?” I looked at him meaningfully.

“Kumain ka na nga. Kung ano-ano pa ang sinasabi.” He stood up while I laughed at him.

But then I suddenly realized it. Magkaamoy nga pala kami dahil parehas na perfume ang ginagamit noon. That’s probably the reason why his dogs kept on sniffing me instead of barking at me. Which means…I’m friends with his dogs. I’m now considered as…well…part of the family?

“I need to shower first. Can I borrow another pair of clothes? I mean, I don’t mind if it isn’t brand new. I’m not used to eating right away without taking a shower first…” sabi ko nang tumayo rin at sundan ulit siya papasok sa bahay nila.

He gestured to me to go upstairs. “Maligo ka. Ipapasok ko mamaya.”

I nodded and smiled. “Good morning, by the way…”

His brows knitted, he nodded nonchalantly and didn’t respond to my greeting. I chuckled as I walked to the stairs, but when Ari barked again, I hastily ran upstairs. Judo and Colt are both friendly. And imagine it, sila itong malalaki, pero si Ari na sobrang liit, akala mo sinasaniban ng dyablo kung makatahol sa akin. It’s probably Kittie’s disciple.

Inayos ko na muna ang pinagtulugan ko, folded the blanket, and stacked up the pillows on Jasver’s bed. Inayos ko rin ang nagusot na bedsheet nang tayuan ko iyon kanina, at kahit ang tinapon kong unan, kinuha ko at ipinatong sa iba pa.

His room smells good. Ngayon ko lang mas nabigyan ng pansin. He got few things, just his bed, a black curtain shielding the light coming from the sliding door of his balcony, a gray furnished wardrobe cabinet with a mirror attached to its body, a black carpet under his bed, white marble tiles, and white walls.

Even the clothes were perfectly folded in his white laundry basket placed on the side of his door, a shoebox where he also stored his few shoes, and a white fan placed on the side of the bed. Ang bedside table niya na kulay puti, ang tanging laman ay lampshade. Sa ibabaw naman ng headboard ng kama niya, nandoon ang shelves ng mga libro at maayos din na naka-arrange.

Tinest ko pa ang kama niya kung mag-iingay ba… Well, I know myself when it comes to bed. The last time I did it with a girlie, I almost broke the mattress. Naisip ko kasi, kung ganoon ako ka gigil sa mga girls na wala naman akong nararamdaman, ano pa kaya kung sa kanya mismo?

Nasa banyo na ako no’n, kahit ang sink, nagawa ko ring hawakan—I mean just in case, alright? Natigil lang ako nang kumatok siya.

“Nagdala ka ba ng tuwalya? Ito ang gamitin mo.” I heard his voice outside.

I opened the door of his bathroom and saw him handing the white towel. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa katawan ko. I smirked and pulled him in.

“Are you done showering?” I asked while he was in his snob facade again. “You felt sticky from cleaning, for sure. Why not shower with me?”

“Kagabi ka pa. Pag tayo nahuli ni Kittie…” he complained in a trailing voice while his eyes dropped on my chest.

Akala ko manlalaban pero mukhang planado niya pa yatang bigyan ako ng towel para masamahan ako rito… I chuckled at the thought.

“She’s just a kid.” I shrugged and pulled him to the shower.

He pulled his t-shirt from his back and pushed his sweatpants off him, leaving his boxers on and the obvious bulging in his underwear. I laughed when he’s really right. Mabilis siyang tigasan…

“Nandito ang toothbrush mo, itong plain black. Binilhan kita kaninang umaga,” he said at binuksan ang maliit na drawer sa gilid ng salamin at ipinakita sa akin.

The black electric toothbrush is very different from the simple white toothbrush placed on the side of his sink.

“Looks expensive. You should have bought me something cheap…” Namaywang ako habang pinapanood siyang ibalik iyon.

“Gumagamit ka ba ng Dove? Plain naman ’to at ’yong fragrance-free ang binili ko dahil baka may allergies ka. Hindi ko alam ang skin type mo,” he said and handed the box of a white Dove soap.

I took it from his hand and smiled genuinely. He bought me a soap too…

“Can I keep this? I don’t mind using your shower gel…” I chuckled happily.

His forehead creased. “Binili ko nga ’yan para may magamit ka kung nandito ka sa kuwarto ko…”

Kung nandito ako sa kuwarto niya. Which means this isn’t the first time, huh?

I stepped toward him, his eyes drifting to my lips as he remained where he was standing until I tilted my head and brushed my lips on his.

“Thanks…” I whispered while smiling.

“Para sabon at toothbrush lang, ang saya-saya mo na…” wala sa sarili niyang sabi, salubong pa ang kilay at namamaos ang tinig habang nakatitig sa labi ko.

I laughed heartily until I noticed him leaning forward, tilting his head, and kissing me while his brows were still furrowed.

I didn’t respond, just watched him knit his brows, and he looked at me intensely. Sunod-sunod niyang hinagod ang labi niya sa labi ko, malalim ang paninitig, tinitingnan kung bibigay ba agad ako kahit pasimple niya nang nilalalaliman ang mabababaw niyang halik.

I leaned backwards, avoiding his lips just to tease him. Sumunod agad ang labi niya sa akin, ang kamay niyang hinawakan ang panga ko para mapirmi ako at muli akong hinalikan. I laughed. He can’t stand it when I was the one who was edging him, huh?

“Akala ko ba dadahan-dahanin?” I reminded while smirking.

“Dahan-dahan naman ah?” At kahit ang kamay niya, dumulas na paibaba.

“You’re turning me on.” I scowled.

He sucked my lower lip and wrapped his hand around my shaft. My lips parted when I grunted and squinted my eyes a bit, looking at him helplessly.

He shoved his tongue in and deepened the kiss; his hand stroked me fast until his kisses were now getting intense and wild.

Kagabi ko ito gustong-gusto; ngayong payapa akong naliligo rito, siya naman ang susugod-sugod. Nakita lang akong nakahubad, naging sabik agad…

Bumundol ng marahas ang likod ko sa tiles, sunod ang ungol na nahaluan agad ang halinghing dahil sa sabik niyang halik, lalo na’t binibilisan niya ang galaw ng kamay habang dinidiin ko siya sa katawan ko.

“Sshh. Huwag kang maingay,” he whispered in my lips and turned on the shower to cover my whimper.

The sound coming from the shower mingled with the sound of our colliding kisses. My hand was already on his butt cheek, pulling his boxers down until his shaft was now twitching on my lower abdomen.

He grunted and left my lips right away; his kisses were now sliding down to my neck, nibbling it a little hard.

“Kagabi pa ako nanggigigil sa’yo,” he groaned, as if I had already taken away his remaining patience.

My hands were aching to do something. The porn videos I watched on how to pleasure a man’s butt for preparation were now playing on my mind like a list I should follow.

“I wanna finger your ass,” I whispered frustratingly and attempted to press it to give him a signal as I pinned him more to my moving body. “Can I, hmm?”

He slightly whimpered and sucked on my neck like thirstily. “Nasa labas ang gel…”

Then…

“Turn around, love. I wanna rub…” I whispered and nibbled his earlobe.

His dick twitched on my lower abdomen while I could feel him shiver.

“Baka ipasok mo. Huwag dito,” giit niya sa mahina ngunit may sabik sa tinig.

“I won’t… I’ll just pleasure myself, and that’s it. I promise…” I begged while his teeth were now crashing on the skin of my shoulder.

Noong tumalikod siya, para na akong nawala sa sarili. He pushed his boxers down halfheartedly until I ended up stepping on them to push them to the tiles and slightly pushed his other foot to the side to give me proper access to his legs.

I positioned the tip of my dick and thrust it in between his legs, which made me whimper. He grunted and looked down. I moved fast for a nice view of my dick sliding into his legs. I pushed him to the wall and moved fast.

Pikit ang kanyang mga mata, parte ang mga labi, nakadiin sa tiles, mahigpit kong hinawakan ang magkabilang baywang niya para makagalaw ako ng mabilis.

“Like it?”

“Ang bilis!” he hissed, so I moved a little slower.

“Bilisan mo,” he complained and glanced at me.

I bit my lower lip, my hand crawled to cup his jaw, while my other hand rubbed his nipple. He cupped our dicks together as I rubbed it on his.

He grunted and lifted his head up till it rested against my shoulder as I moved fast. Huwag raw maingay pero siya itong hindi na mapigilan ang daing kaya ang kamay kong nakahawak sa panga niya, gumapang na sa labi at tinakpan iyon.

“Kuya?” We heard Kittie’s voice outside his room.

I side-eyed him, smirked a little, and joined his hand tightened around our shafts as I slowed down again. Inalis ko ang kamay sa labi niya at pinaglaruan ang dibdib niya.

His hand crawled to my nape until he gripped my hair while grunting weakly.

“Shh,” I whispered and laughed.

He pulled my head to his until I felt his lips on mine. Our moans collided with each other as we kissed slowly, until it turned intensely deep. Mahigpit pa rin ang hawak ng kamay niya sa buhok ko, at sa tuwing lalayo ako para huminga, muli niya akong aatakihin ng halik.

“Tss.” Naiiling niya akong tinapunan ng tuwalya na tumakip agad sa mukha ko. “Magbihis ka na.” Irap niya ngunit may pigil na ngiting humahalik sa labi paglabas namin sa banyo niya.

I couldn’t stop smiling after what happened in his bathroom. Kaya kahit paglabas, hindi na mabura-bura ang ngiti ko kakaisip.

“Bawal ka talaga dito sa bahay. Wala akong magagawang matino pag nandito ka,” bulong niya, naiiling habang nagbibihis ngunit pigil din ang mga ngiti.

“Yeah?” I laughed while pulling up the pants he lent to me. “All that self-control you did last night, and you still ended up falling into my traps… Admit it. I am a living temptation you can’t resist.”

“Yabang. Umuwi ka na mamaya. Baka magtaka sila kung bakit kinukulong kita rito buong araw sa kwarto ko.” At halatang pilit lang na inaangasan ang tinig kahit namamaos na.

Well, Kittie is really pretty attentive. I just noticed it when I went downstairs after Jasver told me to come downstairs after him. Pagbaba ko, titig na titig siya sa akin na para bang may tinatago ako na gusto niyang hanapin. And boy, she’s really the nosy type who sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong.

“You took a bath together,” rinig ko na sabi ni Kittie kay Jasver na mukhang kinakausap ang kapatid na buhat-buhat na iyong dyablo nilang maliit na aso.

“Sa ibaba ako naligo,” si Jasver na nagpapaliwanag. Liar!

Kittie shook her head. “No. I was here the whole time. You went downstairs with your wet hair, and then later on, he went downstairs with his wet hair too.”

And what an observant kid! Mahirap pa yatang isahan ’to. Kaya pala ito ang pinoproblema ni Jasver kaysa kay Kali na may sariling mundo.

I saw how Jasver’s cheek bubbled. I cleared my throat. Lumingon si Jasver sa akin at pasimple akong sinamaan ng tingin. Pwede naman kasing sabihin na nagtitipid ng tubig.

Compared to Kali, Kittie is distant from me. Pag titingnan ako, lagi rin akong sinasamaan ng tingin. Hindi ko nga alam kung may atraso ba ako sa kanya o galit siya dahil nasa akin si Milo?

And because of her, Jasver doesn’t want me to come over often because Kittie is insinuating something. Pag nandoon din ako, bantay-sarado ni Kittie ang mga galaw ko, kulang nalang sumunod sa akin at magtanong ng kung ano-ano.

“Oh? Nandito ka pa! Masyado mo ba akong miss kaya napapadalas ka rito?” natatawang sabi ni Tito Rommel nang dalawang araw lang ang lumipas, bumalik ako ulit. Kunwari lang na naiwan ang damit ko.

Hindi naman nila kami nahahalata, bukod kay Kittie na parang iba ang tingin sa aming dalawa ni Jasver. Kahit si Ari, palagi pa rin akong tinatahulan at amoy niya yata na patay na patay ako sa amo niya.

Tyler:

Family bond. I hope soon we can also watch football together :)

I sent the photo to him on the next day. Dad bought a ticket so we could watch the Super Bowl with Mom. I knew Dad was doing this to bond with me, but I couldn’t help but think about spending time with Jasver too.

“Come on, man!” sigaw ni Dad, frustrated na tinanggal ang cap nang maka-score ang kabilang team, nakisabay sa sigawan ng crowd.

I laughed and fixed my own cap as I glanced at my mom, who was seriously watching the game as well; her white cap didn’t even hide her usual expression. This isn’t her cup of tea, but she just joined us since my dad insisted.

“Told your dad to bring Rommel’s son instead, but he told me you’d get upset. Are you?” she confirmed.

I blinked twice, a bit stunned. Nagulat lang ako na…naisip niyang hindi ako magagalit. I mean Mom is always ahead of dad most of the time when it comes to reading my movements. Pero nagugulat pa rin talaga ako pag alam niya agad ang tinatago ko.

“I’m sorry for shouting, hun…” si Dad na hinalikan ang ulo ni Mom at mahinahong umupo ulit sabay lingon sa akin. “Ang intense pala pag actual game talaga. I only watch it on TVs…” Ngisi ni Dad sa akin.

I shrugged and played with my phone. I can’t enjoy it right now since my attention is glued to the Philippines.

“S-in-uggest ni Mom na si Jasver ang dalhin mo, dad. Ba’t hindi mo na lang sinama? I mean, obviously, this isn’t mom’s…” I even looked at mom pitifully, like she was tortured here listening to this wild crowd.

“Oh, yeah! She suggested it. But you know, I don’t want you to feel that I’m inserting him with our bonds. You always come first. Wala kang kahati…” He smiled proudly and tapped my shoulder.

“No, deadass! It’s perfectly fine, dad! I’m fine getting to know Tito Rommel’s son—”

“No, son… I don’t want you to feel that way again. This is our bond.” At ang laki pa ng ngiti ni Frederich, na sa wakas, may nagawa siyang tama sa buhay ko.

Dude…

I licked my lips out of frustration. Napatayo ulit si Dad, pumalakpak at tumango-tango nang makascore na ang kanyang team. He is enjoying it.

Kung kailan gustong gusto ko nang ka-bond si Jasver, ngayon naman, parents na namin ang pinaglalayo kami sa isa’t isa dahil tingin nila, magseselosan lang ulit pag pinagbigyan nila ng atensyon ang isa sa amin.

Hindi rin naman kasi nila maiisip na ang dating galit na galit sa isa’t isa, hindi makahinga pag nasa iisang lugar, ngayon ay nangungulila na pag hindi magkadikit, o labi na ang nagkakabanggaan at hindi na ang mga kamao. It’s like these things only happened in movies, and the writer plotted it accurately for two enemies to end up together. Kaya nakakagulat talaga na nangyayari siya sa totoong buhay.

Jasver didn’t reply the whole time. Nasa hotel na kami malapit lamang sa stadium nang tiningnan ko ulit ang phone ko. AM pa sa Pinas ngayon ah?

Replies lang din lahat sa story ko ang meron sa Instagram lalo na’t nilagay ko ang picture naming tatlo, ako ang may hawak ng phone, si Mom sa gitna, si Dad naman na malawak din ang ngiti. Mom’s navy blue satin top matched my cap, including Dad’s navy blue polo shirt. Halatang pamilya talaga dahil nagmatch pa.

I called Jasver on his Instagram account to reach out, but he didn’t pick it up. Na-seen niya ang picture na s-in-end ko kanina, pero wala nang reply.

Worried for him, I called Kali instead. Two rings and she answered it.

“Kali…” I called concernedly as I crouched on the railings of the balcony. “Where’s your brother?”

“Kuya Tyler? Oh… Uh…” Rinig ko ang kaba sa boses niya. “Nasa sala siya with Papa and Mama. They’re uh…”

“What happened?” I asked curiously.

She sighed heavily. “Uh…si Mama…It’s about Mama… She got scammed and she lost… a hundred thousand…”

What?

“Sabi niya, a woman offered on the internet and showed some evidence na it’s not fraud or what. She trusted her, but then after depositing the money, the woman suddenly ghosted her…”

Napatayo ako nang wala sa oras.

“Worst… Mama invited some of our neighbors, and…uh…they got scammed too…”

Fuck. Now I know why Jasver is not responding to my chats!

“They’re all downstairs, talking about it. Papa told them he will give their money back, kaso they insisted on getting it as soon as possible…” her voice croaked.

“Alright, calm down. I’ll end this and call Tito Rommel.”

“Okay…” she whispered. “Kuya please, help Papa and Mama…”

“I will, Kali.”

Pagkapatay ng tawag, si Tito Rommel agad ang tinawagan ko. Ang tagal niyang hindi nakasagot, pero nang tinawagan ko ulit, sinagot din.

“Oh? Tyler!” Ang masiglang boses ni Tito Rommel, na kung hindi ko siguro nalaman kay Kali ang nangyayari sa bahay nila, hindi ko paghihinalaan na may problema sila ngayon.

“Kumusta ang football? Excited pa naman si Fred na maka-bond ka! Sino ang nanalo?” sunod-sunod niyang tanong.

“Is everything okay, Tito Rommel? Kali told me—”

“Ang daldal talaga ng batang ’yan!” Halakhak niya. “Huwag kang mag-alala, nasolusyunan ko na. Ito kasing Tita mo, na-scam sa internet. Akala niya doble ang ibabalik, kaso ayon…” Idinaan niya iyon sa tawa kahit alam kong mabigat iyon. “Magfocus lang kayo diyan ni Fred! Kaya ko na ’to…”

“How much? I’ll send it to your bank account, Tito—”

“Ay huwag na, ano ka ba! Kaya ko na ’to. Mababawi rin naman itong pera… pag nakabayad ’yung malaking project ng dad mo, mababayaran ko rin. Atat lang talaga itong mga kapitbahay eh nandamay pala itong si Klarisse! Masyadong nagtiwala sa internet…”

“How much, Tito Rommel?” I insisted. “I can deposit two hundred thousand right now to your bank account.”

“Huwag na nga—”

“Pa?” rinig ko ang boses ni Jasver sa kabilang linya, mukhang naghihinala.

“Ay si Engineer, tumatawag! May pinapa-follow up, anak… Sige na, pumasok ka na doon.” And even his father needs to lie just to assure his son he is not talking to me right now.

“Aalis na raw sila. Babalik sila bukas,” si Jasver sa seryosong tinig.

“Oh sige. Papasok ako maya-maya. Tatapusin ko lang itong tawag… Sige na…”

I shut my eyes out of frustration. I should really go home. He needs me.

“Tyler,” tawag ulit ni Tito Rommel sa mahinang boses. “Huwag mo na lang banggitin sa dad mo. Isa rin ’yon, makikialam. At huwag mo nang isipin ito, ha? Baka kasi ano ulit ang isipin ng anak ko pag tinanggap ko ’yang offer mo. Iniiwasan na namin ng dad mo na magkainitan kayo… Kaya ko naman ’yung bayaran. May ipon naman ako eh. Hay, ito talagang Tita mo…nagpapaniwala agad sa internet.” Idinaan niya ulit iyon sa tawa.

As much as I wanted to help, it seems like Tito Rommel doesn’t want me—nor Dad—to meddle with their family problem. Hindi ko rin masabi kay Dad dahil ayaw naman ni Tito Rommel.

Alam ko pa naman kung paano pinoproblema ni Jasver pag usapang pera. Kahit hindi niya sabihin sa akin ngayon, dala rin na…ayaw niyang maging pabigat sa akin, o isipin na baka dinadamay ko siya kung gusto kong tumulong, alam ko na mabigat ito para sa kanya.

Ilang oras na noong nagreply siya, kaya tinawagan ko agad. Wala pa akong tulog at hinintay ko lang talaga siya.

“Are you okay?” I asked right away.

“Oo. Hindi na kita dinisturbo kanina para maka-focus ka sa family bond niyo,” he explained, like how Tito Rommel masked it earlier too.

It was already at the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell him Kali told me about their family problem—how his mother got scammed, including their neighbors—but I controlled myself. I felt like he would get mad if I snooped around.

“Diyan ka na muna. May gala pa kayo bukas, ’di ba?” And funny how he can carry it so well…

I know he wants to take it slow, but I hope he doesn’t put too much boundary between us. I hope he can share things with me without worrying that sharing his problems with me equates to being a burden…

“Yup!” I grinned pretentiously. “But I’m kinda bored, you know… I missed you. I missed your lips on mine. I missed your touch… I missed everything. Ah, I wanna go home…” I grunted problematically.

Hindi sadya ang pagkakatawa niya, siguro nadadramahan sa asta ko. “Sa phone na lang muna. Dating gawi. May video ako rito. Baka gusto mo…”

I lifted my head right away. “I’m not in the mood for that.” Halata kasing gusto lang ako i-distract!

“Edi, anong gusto mo?”

“Maybe to work with our differences? I want you to share things with me, whatever is bugging your mind. I want you to treat me like someone you can run to when you feel like everything is too heavy to carry. I want you to be vulnerable with me, because I will give you access to see my weaknesses too,” I answered truthfully.

Dumaan agad ang pagdududa sa mukha niya. “Ikaw ba ang katawagan ni Papa kanina?”

I laughed. “I mean, I don’t wanna meddle but…I hope if I lend a hand to help, you won’t take it as a burden…”

“Pagod lang akong makarinig na umaasa ang buong pamilya namin sa inyo. Na…hinuhuthutan namin kayo kaya…ayaw kong nakikialam ka o ang Dad mo sa problema namin pagdating sa pera,” he confessed honestly and looked away.

“What?! Where did you even get that?”

He shrugged. “Sa tabi tabi.”

Tabi-tabi. I have a hint but I don’t have a solid evidence.

“I am your partner. What are you gonna do with me then? Your problem is now mine too—”

“Anong partner?” he cut me off and laughed a little. “At kaya ko naman dalhin. Kaya nga ayaw kong…may relasyon tayo dahil madadamay ka sa mga problema ko. Ayoko.”

I sighed defeatedly. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Magfocus ka sa bond niyo ng Dad mo. Minsan mo lang ’yan nararanasan.”

I rolled my eyes and grunted. Ito rin ang mahirap eh. Hindi ako makapanlaban pagdating sa kanya. Naalala ko ’yung ginagawa niyang pagpapaamo sa mga aso niya, at parang isa rin ako na isang salita lang, aamo agad!

I thought I was a fucking bossy, confident boy who doesn’t follow orders?! Stand up, man! Why am I even planking on the ground—kissing his feet?

Wala tuloy akong magawa, at kahit kinabukasan sa galaan namin, tumatakbo ang isip ko sa problema nila. Lalo na’t gusto kong tumulong pero ayaw naman ni Jasver.

Kaya noong pauwi, saktong tiningnan ang phone ko ay may message si Kali. Two hours ago. Kuya Tyler lang ang sinabi niya at hindi na nasundan.

“Baka dumiretso ako sa site,” si Dad nang magland ang eroplano, iyon agad ang sinabi habang kunot-noong nakatingin sa phone.

Kaming dalawa lang ang umuwi lalo na’t nagpaiwan si Mom sa States. Gusto ko mang tanungin si Dad kung anong meron, lumilipad na rin ang isip ko sa ibang bagay.

Dad and I parted ways and I didn’t hesitate to drive my way to Tito Rommel’s house. Kali is probably overthinking it.

Nasa may gate pa lang ako, nagdo-doorbell, nakita ko agad si Jasver na karga-karga si Kali na walang malay. I saw the panic in his eyes, including Kittie, who ran to the gate just to open it.

“Si Kali! Isugod natin sa ospital!”

Chapter 37

Trigger Warning: Mention of Abortion

Emergency

I immediately opened the back seat of my car to offer them a ride. Jasver didn’t hesitate to slip in, together with Kali, who looked lifeless in his arms because of her pale lips.

“Kuya, sama!” natatarantang sigaw ni Kittie pero inilingan agad ni Jasver kaya tumigil lang ito sa may gate, nag-aalalang nakatingin sa amin.

“Lock the gate, Kittie!” I shouted before slipping myself into the driver’s seat.

I have a lot of questions. I’m worriedly curious what happened to Kali. She fainted? Why? But I focused on driving first to rush them to the hospital as soon as possible.

“Ba’t mo ’yon ginawa, Kali?” tanong ni Jasver, may kirot ang tinig at nababasag.

Tiningnan ko siya sa itaas ng salamin. The sides of his eyes were now filled with tears. He sniffled and didn’t leave his eyes on his unconscious sister as he caged her in his arms.

He might have portrayed a tough personality, but this image of his would always make me realize he’s just hiding in his facade to look dominant.

“What happened?” I interrogated and looked at the front.

“May ininom siyang tabletas… nakita ko sa kuwarto niya,” he explained firmly.

“Tablets? What kind? She fainted?”

Jasver gritted his teeth. “Alam ko ang mga gamot na ’yon.”

“Then what are those?”

Nakita ko ang galit sa mukha niya nang tingnan ko ulit siya sa itaas ng salamin.

“Alright, calm down. We’re almost there,” I said and drove past the other cars.

He doesn’t want to spill it. I could sense that he has an idea, but he’s afraid to confirm it. Kahit noong nakarating sa ospital, karga niya si Kali, saka ko lang napansin na naka-indoor slipper lang siya.

Inilagay agad si Kali sa stretcher at sumunod kaming dalawa ni Jasver hanggang sa maipasok siya sa room. Pinagbawalan nga lang kaming pumasok kaya naiwan kaming dalawa sa labas.

He breathed out of frustration and mumbled some curses and shut his eyes. I tap his shoulder to comfort him.

“She’s gonna be fine…”

Umiling siya, hilaw ang tawa, at tiningnan ako. “Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung may nangyaring masama sa kanya.”

“Stop blaming yourself—”

“Edi sino? Sino ba ang panganay? Ako pa rin ang masisisi dito nila Mama at Papa dahil ako dapat ang nagbabantay kay Kali,” saka niya marahas na inalis ang kamay ko sa balikat niya.

My hand fell and took it away from him. Nagpalakad-lakad siya, tinitingnan ang pinto ng room ni Kali, hindi makalma at hindi rin makausap ng matino. As much as I wanted to talk to him, he seemed clouded with his guilt.

Kahit ako, may parte sa akin ang nagu-guilty. Cuz what if I viewed her message as soon as possible? She tried to ask for help because I told her to call me if she needed me.

“Kali messaged me two hours ago,” I blurted out while leaning against the cold wall of the hospital, my hands in my pocket.

Si Jasver na nakatayo sa may room, sumisilip, wala sa sariling napalingon sa akin.

“Anong sinabi niya?”

I shrugged and smiled wryly. “Just Kuya Tyler. Cuz I told her to message me if she needs my help.”

Guilt spread all over his eyes. Binawi niya ang tingin at ibinalik sa harap.

“That’s why I rushed to your house to at least check on her,” I explained calmly.

Nanatili siyang tahimik; mukhang pinoproseso pa ang sinabi ko. That’s why when he uttered some words again, it was clear enough, and it echoed because I was waiting for his response.

“Umalis ka na. Kaya ko na ’to,” he commanded.

I stared at his back blankly. The words stuck in my mind, unable to process it. Or I could barely find the exact meaning despite hearing it from him most of the time.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. And for once, after being under his words, I’m starting to question how things would work if my actions would weigh more than what his mouth could roar.

I walked toward him and hugged him from the back. He stiffened. I rested my chin on his broad shoulder and ruffled his hair.

“Your coldness yearns for my warmth, for sure…” I whispered and smiled a little.

He unconsciously glanced at me, his walls too high, slowly crumbling down as it reflected in the glint of his eyes. I see through you, Mikael Jasver.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay niya, at ang tapang ay halos manghina rin sa mismong harap ko.

“Loosen a bit. Paano mo aalagaan ’yang pasyente mo kung pati ang nurse, mukha na ring patungong pasyente tingnan?” I chuckled.

“Tss…” He rolled his eyes, but his lips stretched for an unexpected smile.

I sighed and kissed his shoulder. Ramdam ko ang unti-unti niyang paghinahon, lalo na’t bumaba rin ang tensyon sa balikat niya.

“Dito ka pa talaga sa ospital naggaganyan,” reklamo niya pero hindi ako magawang itulak.

“Pasyente ka ba? Hinang hina ah… The old Kael would probably just push me away from him…” I teased.

“Malamang. Ayaw ko sa’yo noon eh. Lagi mo akong kinukumpara sa dating ako, eh wala naman akong nararamdamang iba sa’yo noon. Galit lang.”

I tilted my head and smiled. “Ngayon ba, marami na? Hindi lang galit?”

“Ang hilig mo talagang palakihin ang ulo mo. Gusto mong inuulit-ulit sa’yong sabihin,” he answered in an annoyed tone.

“Well, it’s not like I am doubting you. I am just trying to remind myself that you can finally admit that you are in love with me. I want to remind myself that you don’t…hate me anymore.”

Kumalma ang ekspresyon niya, kahit ang titig sa akin, hindi ko na naman mabasa.

“I should buy us food while waiting. Have you eaten?”

He shook his head calmly. “Hindi pa…”

“Then, I’ll buy us some food.”

“Lalabas ka?” he asked, his eyes rattled a bit.

Napangiti ako sa kaunting pagkakasalubong ng kilay niya. “Babalik ako agad.”

He calmed down and nodded. I smacked his butt and chuckled. Nailing siyang tumawa sa akin, itinulak na ako. “Bilisan mo.”

Humalakhak ako at naglakad na paalis. Gusto ko pa sanang biruin, pero ayos na sa akin na kumalma siya ng kaunti.

I went out to at least buy us food and decided to buy him a pair of shoes too. But then I forgot to ask him what his shoe size was, so I took out my phone and decided to message him.

But then I was suddenly bombarded with messages by Ron, so I curiously opened it. Masyado kasing marami at nakakabother kung bakit ganito siya bigla.

Ronan:

Bro!!!!! Totoo ba?

Ronan:

Gago. Ang lala. Anong nangyari?

He forwarded a link coming from an app, so I curiously opened it until a video from the news flashed on my screen.

The bold title of the news made me stop walking.

Ginagawang gusali sa Quezon City, gumuho; mahigit sampong trabahador, sugatan!

I clicked the video and watched the news seriously.

“Gumuho ang bahagi ng itinatayong hotel sa Quezon City ngayong Biyernes ng umaga. Ayon sa mga awtoridad, natabunan ang mahigit sampong construction worker na nagtatrabaho sa site. Kaugnay niyan, live mula sa Quezon City, nagpapatrol, Loren Cristobal.”

“Kris, ayon sa PNP, labing-apat na construction worker ang nadamay dito sa insidente, at ayon sa Quezon City pulis, na-rescue na ang mga trabahante at kasalukuyang nasa ospital matapos matabunan nang bumigay ang bahagi ng ika-apat na palapag ng itinatayong gusali dito sa Quezon City. Sa imbestigasyon ng pulisya, bumigay agad ang kakatayong gusali at marahil ay hindi kinaya ang bigat, o may kinalaman ito sa materyales na ginamit na hindi pa nakukumpirma at patuloy pang iniimbistigahan…”

This is my father’s…project. With the slides of pictures being shown, I knew this was one of my father’s big projects!

“Sa ngayon, sinusubukan pang hingan ng pahayag ang construction company na nangangasiwa sa nasabing gumuhong proyekto dito sa Quezon City. Balik sa’yo, Kris…”

My feet immediately ran back to the parking lot, and I called my father. I cursed when he didn’t pick up the phone and realized this must be the problem when he said he needed to go straight to the site, dammit! I should have asked him what’s up!

I tried calling my father again as soon as I slid myself into my driver’s seat. But then, my phone just turned off. Fuck, I forgot to charge this earlier! Ginamit ko ang Apple Watch ko na nandito lang din sa kotse ko, doon tinawagan si Dad, but he wasn’t picking up his phone!

I could barely understand the news because of the deep tagalog words, but with the pictures they showed, my father’s project collapsed! Paano ’yon nangyari?

I cursed breathily as soon as I saw the media standing outside the big gate of my father’s construction site.

Hinarang agad ako ng security guard kaya kailangan ko pang ibaba ang windshield para lang ipakita ang sarili ko. His eyes widened as soon as he saw me.

“S-Sir…”

“Where’s my dad?” tanong ko.

Sumingit sa gilid niya ang mga media, sunod-sunod ang paglapit, at may kumukuha pa ng video.

“Sir! Anong masasabi niyo sa gumuhong gusali sa Quezon City?”

“Sir! May naging kapabayaan ba sa pamamalakad, o tama nga ang lumalabas sa imbestigasyon na may kinalaman ito sa materyales na ginamit?”

“Lumayo kayo!” The security guard started pushing them away, gesturing for me to close the window of my car while two of the security guards were now opening the gate to let me in.

Maybe the only thing that kept my mouth shut was the fact that I wasn’t part of this business. If I answered some questions on behalf of my father with the poor information I only had, it might only add fuel to the fire.

I drove through the opened gate and looked at the side mirror. Sumisigaw pa rin sila, kumukuha ng videos, at desperadong pumasok na hinarang lang ulit ng guards.

I parked my car, went out, and went straight to my father’s office. May mga nakakita pa sa akin, pero sa nangyayari, hindi na nag-abalang lumapit dahil din sa pagmamadali ko.

“Sir,” gulat na tingin sa akin ng isang babaeng nagbukas ng office.

“I saw the news,” agad kong sabi at pumasok para hanapin si Dad.

My father, sitting down on his chair while he’s in deep thought, didn’t even look at me. Tumingin ang iba sa akin at tiningnan ang dad ko.

“Dito ka umupo…” Ngumiti sa akin ang babae at hinila papalapit sa akin ang isang swivel chair.

“Dad.” I walked toward him. “The news… What’s happening?”

My father sighed and clasped his fingers. Tiningnan ko ang iba pa na hindi na makatingin sa akin.

“The client, Mr. Lim, terminated the whole contract… He’s now demanding to pay the loss…” My father chuckled and shook his head. “He’s thinking that we used substandard materials to build the project. I knew that those were good materials, son. Ako ang nakipagnegotiate sa supplier… I checked it myself…just to make sure…”

Nagulat ako. Terminated. That project is damn big! A hundred million, which means it’s a complex building! Wala na ngang kikitain si Dad dito, siya pa ang nawalan ng project, ngayon, siya rin ang pinagbabayad? Bullshit!

My father sighed and leaned against his swivel chair, his hand playing with the ballpen absentmindedly.

“The collapse is already proof that Mr. Lim is right. Our team probably used substandard materials.”

“Then how come hindi nagcollapse ang buong building, Dad?”

“Someone in our team changed the materials to substandard. Kaya ang parteng pinaggamitan no’n ang gumuho. Someone corrupted the project…”

Corrupted.

“Who’s the purchasing officer in charge?” I asked desperately.

My father touched his lower lip and pinched it hard. He has an answer but he refused to say it…

“Si Rommel…” isa sa babae ang sumagot.

I froze. Tito…Rommel?

My father sighed and looked at the woman standing on the side of the closed door. “Nasaan na sila, Paula? Sabihin mo kay Rommel, iwanan niya ang project kay Luis. Kailangan ko siya dito.”

“Nasabihan ko na, sir. Pati si Engineer Lopez, na-contact ko na.”

“’Yung sa hospital bills, covered na ba? Sino ang pinapunta mo sa ospital para i-check ang mga trabahante na nadamay?” sunod-sunod na tanong ni Dad.

“Si Alex at Dina, sir. So far, isa lang ang nasa malalang kondisyon. Ang iba, nasa maayos nang kalagayan pero patuloy pa rin na inoobserbahan…”

My mind was only glued to Tito Rommel’s name. He was in charge of…purchasing… I pinched my lower lip until I realized this was what Dad did earlier too, before Tito Rommel’s name was spilled.

Iniisip ba ni Dad na…maaaring si Tito Rommel ang nasa likod ng…pagbili noong substandard materials? That he corrupted the project?

“Dad,” I called worriedly.

My father didn’t look at me and continued to talk to them to make sure that the said construction workers were fully prioritized.

My heart was aching. Hindi ko kayang isipin na…si Tito Rommel ang nasa likod nito. Sure, he was in charge of purchasing those good materials, but he knew that using substandard materials would lead to losing the credibility of the construction company once it collapsed because of its poor function! Wala nang client ang magtitiwala kung ganitong materials lang din naman pala ang mapapala nila!

My father already built his name and provided hundreds of pieces of evidence that he can be trusted over the years, which means the root of this problem wasn’t on the higher-ups. It was below, the ones whom my father trusted…to manage it…

And behind this, all fingers were pointing at someone he trusted the most! Someone I already looked up to as a second father!

“Nagkakasalubong na ang kilay mo,” puna ni Dad nang hawakan ang buhok ko at guluhin.

Hindi ko namalayang natulala na lang ako, nakaupo na rito sa sulok, at may sariling mundo. The office was now empty. I even needed to peek through the curtains to see if it’s already dark. Dumidilim na…

I watched my dad pour a hard liquor into the rum glass. “It’s too early to judge, but you know, at the back of my mind, I am still trying to defend him. Sure, if your Tito Rommel is behind this, I can forgive him. He’s been serving this company ever since it was built. Marami siyang naitulong sa akin, at kung siguro, kinailangan niya ng malaking pera, nakaisip ng ganito, maiintindihan ko.”

My breath hitched. Umiling ako dahil hindi ito kayang gawin ni Tito Rommel! Sure, their family is fucking loaded with problems, but their main concern is not to include us!

Kaya hirap na hirap si Jasver na humingi ng tulong sa pamilya namin dahil…ganito. Dahil pakiramdam nila, inaabuso nila kami.

“But you see, hindi gano’ng Rommel ang kilala ko. Marami ang nadamay sa gumuhong parte ng building. Kaya hindi ko alam kung…may hindi ba sinasabi si Rommel sa akin, o mali ako ng pinagkakatiwalaan…” saka niya dahan-dahang ininom ang hawak na baso, nasa malayo ang tingin.

“You should calm down, dad. Interrogate Tito Rommel first. Ask him who is the supplier. Baka hindi lang ikaw ang naloko, siya rin. He is a foreman, dad. Alam niya ang mangyayari sa building kung pumili siya ng substandard materials para makatipid at may maibulsang pera. Lalo na’t nabanggit ni Tito Rommel sa akin, ina-assign siya ng isang engineer sa kabila mong projects—” I stopped as soon as what happened in the party flashed on my mind.

My father sighed again, sipping on his shot seriously. Parang ayaw niya nang mag-isip pa sa daming nangyayari.

“Saan ka nga pala galing?” Tiningnan niya ako.

“Oh, Kali was rushed to the hospital…” I trailed off as soon as I realized…

Si Kali! Bibili lang dapat ako ng pagkain, babalik agad, kaso sa sobrang alala ko kay Dad, dumiretso ako sa site.

Ngayon naman, si Dad ang gulat. “Si Kali? Anong nangyari? Kaya pala hindi ma-kontak si Rommel.”

Fuck! Right.

“Yes, dad. Something happened to Kali, but we already rushed her to the hospital. I’m not really sure what happened, but I’ll check on her again later…”

Bumuntonghininga si Dad. “Kawawa naman… Dagdag alalahanin na naman ’yan sa Tito Rommel mo.”

I was aching to tell my dad I should leave and check on Kali, but my feet stayed on the ground. My father needs me too. Wala dito si Mommy; I am the only one who can comfort him. I know he already provided solutions to the lapses of their construction company, but I don’t want to abandon him and give comfort to people I should give to my family first.

Jasver might have been waiting for me, but if he heard the news, he probably got an idea why I disappeared. Nang maaalala ko ang tingin niya kanina, noong nagpaalam akong umalis para bumili ng pagkain, kita ko ang nabuhay na tiwala sa kanya.

I charged my phone first so I could find a way to contact him. Kaso noong sinamahan ko ulit si Dad, nakinig sa mga plano niya habang nagmemeeting siya, nawalan din ako ng oras na hawakan man lang ang phone ko.

“Sleep, son. It’s already morning…” Tapik ni Dad sa balikat ko nang hindi pa rin ako lumabas sa office at nakikinig lang.

I yawned a little. “I’m fine, dad. Kukurutin ako ni Charlotta kung iiwan kita dito.”

My father laughed. “Kaya nga kita pinapatulog dahil lagot din ako sa Mommy mo kung napano ka.”

I laughed a little and shut my eyes. Kung may dapat na matulog dito, si Dad. I can take care of myself. Pero dahil gusto niya na akong palabasin, kinuha ko na lang din ang oras na ’yon para silipin sila Jasver. I should check on them and probably talk to Tito Rommel…

Paglabas ko sa gate, nakakagulat na kahit mga media, nandoon rin at nagcamping pa yata! Hindi ko na binuksan ang windshield at dire-diretso lang na nag-drive kahit sunod-sunod na click galing sa kanilang malalaking camera ang ginawa nila.

Fuck. Wala pa akong ligo! Naligo na lang dapat ako eh. Doon na lang siguro sa bahay nila Jasver.

I parked the car on the side of their house and went out. Nagdoorbell agad ako. Ang lumabas ay si Kittie. I smiled as soon as she saw me. She frowned and walked to the gate.

“Good morning, Kittie.”

“What’s good in the morning?” She rolled her eyes and opened the gate for me.

“Nakauwi na si Kali at Kuya mo?” tanong ko.

“Yup. Papa’s not yet home,” paliwanag ni Kittie habang sinusugod ako ni Colt at Judo kaya binigyan ko muna ng atensyon.

“You left Kuya,” she pointed out.

“Ah…” I chuckled a little. “May emergency kay Dad.” I stood up and walked with her.

Hindi na siya nagsalita pa, binuksan lang ang pinto, saka ko agad nakita si Kali na umiiyak sa sofa, si Jasver na nakatayo at galit ang tingin sa kapatid, si Tita Klarisse na nasa tabi ni Kali at nag-aalala itong tiningnan.

As soon as Kali saw me, she stood up, her eyes swollen from heavy crying, and ran to me.

“Kuya Tyler!”

Jasver’s eyes widened at me; his expression was now ruled with rage. Hindi ko alam kung anong meron pero nalilito kong tiningnan si Kali na mahigpit akong niyakap at umiyak sa dibdib ko na parang bata.

“Kali, what’s wrong?” I asked cluelessly and hugged her back.

Ang bigat-bigat ng iyak niya, na kung hindi ako dumating, patuloy siyang aapihin at walang kakampi dahil sa higpit ng yakap niya.

“Hintayin muna natin ang Papa mo… Tama na, anak… Huwag mo nang tanungin kung ayaw niyang magsabi sa atin. Ang mahalaga…ligtas na siya ngayon,” si Tita Klarisse nang gusto sanang lumapit ni Jasver sa akin.

“Anong ginawa niya?” I asked.

“Sinubukan niyang magpalaglag,” Jasver explained seriously. “Buntis siya.”

Chapter 38

Trigger Warning: Mention of Abortion

Least

My eyes widened, and I looked at Kali, who doesn’t want to face all of them. Kali tried abortion? And she messaged me for what? To…abort her child? She wants me to…help her abort her child? Is that it?

Why…why did she think I would help her out with this? What about…what about my mom…who yearns for…for a child…and yet…she endured three miscarriages. What would she think if her child, a miracle baby who survived, helped a teenage kid abort the fetus in her womb?

I was baffled. It was something I don’t even think I could meddle with, nor something I could lend a hand to too easily.

But Kali hugged me tightly, like I am her savior, her only hope.

“Anong nangyayari dito?” Ang boses ni Tito Rommel, halata ang pagod sa byahe, nadatnan kami lahat sa sala.

Tumingin si Tito Rommel sa akin, kahit kay Kali na mahigpit akong niyayakap, tiningnan niya.

“Rommel…” Nag-aalalang lumapit si Tita Klarissa kay Tito Rommel, kahit hirap maglakad dahil sa malaking tiyan.

“Klarissa, anong meron? Kailangan ko pang pumunta sa site… May meeting,” si Tito Rommel na tiningnan ako. “Tyler… ba’t ka nandito? Kailangan ka ng Dad mo ngayon…”

“Bakit? Anong nangyari, Pa?” tanong ni Jasver, biglang naging alerto ang boses.

This isn’t the right time to…insert our problem in their ongoing problem. Pero…si Tito Rommel ang hinihintay ni Dad ngayon na magpakita sa office, magpaliwanag, at ang…iniisip na nasa likod ng paggamit ng substandard materials.

“I’ll call Dad, Tito Rommel. I’ll tell him you can rest for a while and…” No, that’s not even the case here. There were fourteen injured men! Tito Rommel needs to be there as soon as possible!

Fuck. This is insane. I couldn’t even tell him properly about it. Clearly, his family needs him right now. Kali just tried to abort a child and almost lost her life for risking herself with tablets that weren’t even given by a legalized doctor.

Kali needs a father figure right now to calm her down, not just a person who’s not even part of the family.

“Bakit? Ano bang nangyayari dito?” muling tanong ni Tito Rommel at tiningnan sila isa-isa.

“Papa, Kali is pregnant,” si Kittie ang biglang nagsalita na ikinagulat naming lahat.

I was waiting for Jasver or Tita Klarisse at least, but Kittie just blurted it out while handing a glass of water to her father.

“Ano?” Gulat na tiningnan ni Tito Rommel si Kali na nakayakap pa rin sa akin. “Buntis? Buntis ka, Kali?”

“Yup. She is. Kuya and Kuya Tyler rushed her to the hospital yesterday because she drank tablets and tried abortion,” si Kittie.

Nanghihinang napatingin si Tito Rommel kay Kali. I saw how Tito Rommel opened his mouth, but he couldn’t say anything. He’s shocked.

“Anak…alam mong kasalanan ang pumatay,” si Tito Rommel na muling nagsalita. “Tinangka mong patayin ang bata sa loob ng tiyan mo?”

“Iyon nga ang sinasabi ko sa kanya, Rommel!” si Tita Klarisse sa nag-aalalang boses. “Pinagsabihan ko na sana naisip niyang buntis din ako. Pero kahit magiging apat na sila, naisip ba natin na ilaglag itong pang-apat? Hindi. Mali ang ginawa niyang patayin ang batang—”

“Fetus, Ma, Pa. Fetus,” pagtatama ni Jasver sa kanila sa matigas na boses.

I looked at him quietly.

“Fetus na patungo sa bata, anak! At tinangkang ipalaglag ng kapatid mo. Isang sanggol na inosente at walang kasalanan…idadamay—”

“Fetus pa rin, Ma. Unborn baby. Wala pa mang pinatay si Kali, pero sarili niya ang inilagay niya sa peligro. Sarili niya ang kamuntik niyang mapatay, hindi ang bata na nasa loob ng tiyan niyang embryo pa lang naman,” giit ni Jasver at pinutol si Tita Klarisse.

“Kuya… parehas pa rin ’yon,” his mother argued. “Ang fetus na magiging bata… na isisilang niya, na magiging anak niya. Kung problema sa pera ang iniisip niya, magagawan naman ’yan ng solusyon. Isipin niya rin sana na may kapatid rin siyang nursing student… Ikaw na mas maraming alam… Sana kinausap ka niya kaysa ang magpadalos-dalos…”

Kittie crossed her arms and stand beside Jasver. She looked at her sister with the same rage in Jasver’s eyes.

“Kali, naisip mo ba ’yon? Nursing student ang Kuya mo. Nag-aaral siya para makatulong sa isang tao, para iligtas ang buhay ng isang tao, at kasali ka roon, anak… Lumapit ka sana sa Kuya mo na mas alam ang gagawin…” si Tita Klarisse nang tingnan si Kali na sinisiksik pa rin ang mukha sa balikat ko.

I caressed Kali’s back.

“That’s why I didn’t tell it to Kuya because I know he would only blame me for not listening to him! Pagagalitan niya lang ako—”

“Bakit, Kali? Ano bang dapat kong gagawin sa’yo?” singit ni Jasver at natawa pa ng kaunti kahit ramdam kong galit pa rin siya.

“Tang ina… nagawa mo pang humingi ng tulong sa iba? Dahil ano, takot ka na harapin ako? Takot kang may magsasabi sa’yo na mali ang ginawa mo? Takot kang walang magtatanggol ng mga mali mo?”

My shoulder loosened for Kali.

“I couldn’t think of any other ways to get rid of this! I wanted to ask Kuya Tyler but I realized I would only drag more people into my own problem! I realized I am slowly becoming the person you hated the most! I realized I am not just a burden to myself but also a burden to everyone!”

I silently listened. Cuz to be honest, Kali didn’t know this kind of topic weighs on me like a trauma.

“Oo nga, tama si Mama at Papa na may pera naman tayo at mahahanapan ng solusyon ito! But my main problem is in me! Ako ang magiging ina, and I am not ready for it! Worst, wala siyang Papa! What kind of family will I explain to my child once they grow up? Paano kung nabu-bully siya dahil doon? What would I even do to secure my kid mentally and emotionally when I am lacking emotional intelligence? Worst, I couldn’t even provide that motherly figure to my child, because I am a child as well!”

“Matututunan mo naman ’yon, Kali… Ako, noong pinagbubuntis ko ang Kuya mo, takot din ako dahil first time ko, pero habang tumatagal, natuto rin ako, anak… Ganoon na pag ina ka na… Gagawin mo ang lahat para sa anak mo… Magiging mature ka, para sa anak mo…” kumbinsi ni Tita Klarisse.

“I will risk my ignorance on raising a child just to be praised for being a noble mother in everyone’s eyes for not aborting it, but at what cost?!” she screamed.

Natahimik si Tita.

“Yes, abortion is a sin as you and Papa view it! But raising a child with a mother that has no emotional intelligence, an immature teenager, and the absence of a father figure is the most cruel thing in a child’s life, Mama! And I don’t want to commit more sins…watching my child…get paid for something I should be the one who’s paying for…” Kali cried.

“I don’t wanna be a mother! I don’t want to put another burden on this family because I know we are loaded right now! You got scammed, Papa is loaded, and Kuya is still a student! Worst, I am just seventeen! And the father of this child is a minor too! He doesn’t want this! If I didn’t abort this, I would only become a burden—”

“Burden? Ngayon mo pa naisip ’yan, Kali? Sige nga, sabihin mo sa akin, magkano ang gusto mo sa debut mo? Magkano ang laging hinihingi mo para sa panggala mo? Magkano ang lahat ng luho mo kahit lagi kong sinasabi na hindi sa lahat ng oras, may trabaho si Papa?” Jasver demanded desperately.

Kali didn’t answer. Jasver let out a breath, licked his lips, and shook his head disappointedly.

“Susuportahan kita kung ginusto mong magpalaglag, Kali! Dahil oo, bata ka pa! Minor de edad! Tama ka. Kahit pa may pera tayo pambuhay diyan sa magiging anak mo, papayag ako sa gusto mo dahil katawan mo ’yan at wala ka pa sa tamang edad para maging ina, pero ang ikinakagalit ko dito ay hindi mo inagapan! Hindi mo sinubukang iwasan! Hindi ka nag-ingat!”

I gritted my own teeth. Gusto kong pagalitan si Kali, na sabihing tama ang Kuya niya, pero alam kong doble na ngayon ang nararamdaman niya.

“Hindi mo man lang naisip na walang matinong doktor ang maglalaglag ng batang ’yan sa tiyan mo dahil ilegal ’yan dito sa Pinas! Walang ospital ang tatanggap sa gusto mo! Mapipilitan kang pumunta sa mga ilegal na hindi naman rehistrado at hindi siguradong ikakabuhay mo!”

Kali slowly cried in my chest. Kahit ang parents ni Jasver, natahimik. His voice was roaring, and no one wanted to meddle.

“Buong buhay ko, Kali, iniwasan ko lahat lahat ng maaaring magdadagdag ng bigat sa pamilya natin! Hindi ako nag gi-girlfriend dahil ayokong makabuntis ng maaga! Hindi ako nanghihingi ng kung ano-ano sa magulang natin dahil ayokong makadagdag sa gastusin! Kahit may mga araw na naiinggit na ako, na sana hindi na lang ako naging panganay para malaya ko ring magawa ’yang ginagawa mo nang hindi nakokonsensya! Na sana…nag-iisa na lang akong anak nang hindi naipagkakait din sa akin ang mga gusto ko dahil lang panganay ako!”

I looked at him weakly. Nakatingin naman siya sa kapatid na nagtatago sa akin. I remembered his frustrations in the past, and I feel like among his family, I am the only one who knew about his silent struggles…

“Pero ikaw…pinagbibigyan ka sa lahat, Kali. Hindi lamang iyon, palagi kang pinapangaralan! Tapos sasabihin mo sa akin na naisip mong ipalaglag dahil ayaw mong makadagdag? Dahil tingin mo, maipapasa sa akin ang responsibilidad at nagmamalasakit ka? Na naaawa ka na kay Papa kakatrabaho at kay Mama?”

“Kung iniisip mo pala na magiging pabigat ang bata sa tiyan mo kaya gusto mong ipalaglag, bakit hindi mo man lang muna naisip na magbubunga ’yan noong ginawa mo nang walang ginagamit na proteksyon, huh? Menor de edad ang boyfriend mo, ikaw rin! Saka mo lang naisip ang lahat na mali na pala noong nagbunga na?”

Kali’s cry echoed and gripped the cloth of my shirt from the back. “I’m sorry…Kuya… Nagpanic ako kasi… I don’t want to cause more burden because I know I am already a burden myself…”

“Kung namatay ka kahapon sa mga bisig ko? Kung hindi kita agad nadala sa ospital, tingin mo matatanggal mo ang bigat na haharapin namin sa kabaong mo? Tingin mo pasasalamatan kita na mas pinili mong sarilihin ’yan dahil ayaw mong makadagdag ng problema?”

“No… I just…thought it would work since there are a lot of comments on the internet providing that they… successfully aborted it… and I trusted it… I…I didn’t know those tablets would… would almost end my own life… I got desperate, Kuya… I don’t care whatever it would cause me as long as it was taken out of my body!”

This whole family is a victim of the internet; I cannot believe it. I wanted to tell her she’s stupid, but I remembered that during her age, I was making mistakes too.

I touched my head when my vision got a little bit blurry. Fuck, I’m feeling dizzy, and my head is kinda pulsating. The abortion keeps on ringing through my ear, and I feel like I’m gonna pass out any minute. They are talking about it like…it can be carried too lightly when it was heard. But for me, it was…heavy.

The silence felt like they already heard Kali’s side, and they were now brainstorming for ideas to solve it. Si Jasver, sa matinding galit, parang pilit na lang kinakalma ang sarili.

“My mom… My mom can help Kali…” I blurted out.

Tumingin silang lahat sa akin.

“My mom can refer her to her doctor for a proper checkup. Whatever happened to the fetus in her womb for attempting to abort it, it will put Kali’s life at risk. The best option right now is to seek help from those who are more experienced and knowledgeable about it. To those we think can handle this properly, because clearly, all of us care for Kali, but only Kali…can really decide on this. She is the one who’s gonna carry the child; she is the one who’s gonna give birth,” I stated.

Jasver looked away and turned his hand into a fist.

“She already committed a mistake, yes, but let’s not rob her of the chance to…at least change…and grow from it… Let’s not take away all her dreams and give her a responsibility she’s not ready for just because we think she asked for it.”

Naging magaan ang iyak ni Kali. Even the tension earlier subsided little by little. Nag-aagaw na ang antok, gutom, at pagod sa akin. But I held on to that little energy I had to at least…help them out.

“Tyler, makakaabala kami sa inyo—” si Tita Klarisse na umiling.

“If there is one person who is capable of helping Kali right now, it’s my mom, Tita. I understand that this is not our family’s problem to meddle with, but if we don’t help each other, we will end up losing chances to solve these problems…”

Tita Klarisse sighed and nodded defeatedly. “Sige, mabuti pa… Ayokong…mastress din ako rito at baka mapaanak ako nang wala sa oras. Makakadagdag pa ’to sa problema… Kuya… ayos lang ba?”

Jasver swallowed hard and nodded slowly without looking at me.

“Tito Rommel, go to the site now. My father needs your help too. I tried to calm him down, but I know you’re the only person who is capable of handling his emotion right now.”

“Oo nga pala… Sige sige at aalis na tayo. Kali…” Tiningnan ni Tito si Kali na nakaupo na ngayon, binibigyan ng basong tubig ni Kittie at hindi na umiiyak.

“Kali, I will be back tomorrow once I called my mother. As of now, stay here with your mother,” I reminded gently.

“Yes Kuya Tyler…” Kali nodded and smiled a little.

“Ako na ang magd-drive para sa inyo,” si Jasver na naunang lumabas.

I know I crossed the line. Ayaw niyang pinapakialaman siya. But my mind is already clear. It is up to him now…

“Babalik din ako, Klarisse. Tutulong lang ako sa site…” si Tito Rommel.

Ibinigay ko ang susi kay Jasver. He took it from my hand without even looking at me. Pumasok ako sa front seat, si Tito Rommel naman ang sa back seat.

“Napanood ko ang balita. Alalang-alala ako… Mabuti na lang at wala namang namatay,” si Tito Rommel.

“What do you think is the main reason why it collapsed, Tito?” I asked innocently.

“Materyales ’yan, Tyler. Ang Papa mo na lang siguro ang kakausapin ko,” si Tito Rommel na mukhang ayaw ring ikwento ng buo.

“Gumuho ang building? Anong building, Pa?” tanong ni Jasver at tumingin sa itaas ng salamin.

“Ay hindi naman buong building. May ibang parte lang noong malaking project ni Mr. Lim. Kaya siguro ako pinauwi para tumulong doon sa site… eh ang raming nasugatan, lagpas sampo. Teka at tumatawag si Fred…”

My father didn’t tell him yet that Mr. Lim already wants to terminate the contract, huh?

“Oh? Papunta na kami ni Tyler sa site. Nasa bahay kasi at nadatnan ko doon… Ah… kinamusta pala si Kali? Oo, nakausap ko na rin. Ayos naman na. Diyan ba? Ah…meeting? Nandiyan din si Mr. Lim? Naku…” Natatawa pa si Tito Rommel habang kausap si Dad sa phone. “Sige, sige. Sasabihin ko kay Tyler.”

As soon as the phone call ended, I glanced at his back.

“Sabi ng Dad mo, umuwi ka na lang daw muna. Wala ka pa pa lang tulog! Kaya naman pala ang putla mo! Magpahinga ka na rin. Kumain ka na ba?” tanong ni Tito Rommel.

I shook my head and chuckled. Jasver glared at me.

“Mikael, ihatid mo ’to sa condo niya, o sa bahay nila. At huwag mo nang painitin ang ulo…”

“Tss. Kahit wala ’yang gawin nakakainit na ’yan ng ulo,” he answered thickly.

“I’m fine, Tito. And yes, I will just go home and have some sleep. Tell Dad I’ll go to the site tomorrow,” I answered.

Nang makarating sa site, I saw how shocked Jasver was from the medias camping outside the gate. Compared to my reaction when I first saw it yesterday, he’s way dramatic.

“Pa… Talaga bang…ayos ka lang dito?” tanong ni Jasver nang bumaba si Tito Rommel at tumigil pa sa driver’s seat dahil kinakausap siya ni Jasver.

“Oo anak! Sige na, ihatid mo na si Tyler pauwi. At huwag mo nang tarantaduhin para hindi kayo nag-aaway. Mainit rin ang ulo mo. Huwag ka nang makipagsabayan. Sinusubukan niya lang tumulong…” Saka ako tiningnan ni Tito Rommel at iritado rin akong nilingon ni Jasver.

I looked at Tito Rommel who smiled at me. “I-text mo ako mamaya kung nahatid ka na ni Mikael…”

I nodded and smiled back. Noong nagpaalam na si Tito Rommel, tumahimik na lang ako sa driver’s seat. I yawned sleepily and I closed my eyes while he’s driving.

“May problema ka pala. Hindi mo sinabi…” he pointed out as soon as we went inside my condo.

Hindi kami nagsasalita buong byahe kanina. I was too tired, and he is probably hating himself for involving me in his personal problems until he slowly realized I am having a bad day too.

Clearly, I wanted to avoid talking to him. Mainit ang ulo niya at pagod ako. Hindi kami magkakaintindihan. Baka may masabi lang ako na…sampal para sa kanya.

“Wala ka pang tulog. Ganito kalaki ang problema ng Dad mo at nagawa mo pang…nagawa mo pang pumunta sa bahay, kaysa unahin ang problema ng pamilya mo,” he hissed.

“I told you, I care for you—”

Nailing siya. “Ito ang sinasabi ko sa’yo. Wala akong ibang maibibigay kundi problema—”

“Oh, fuck it!” I laughed sarcastically. “What kind of love are you looking for, Mikael?” I asked and smirked at him without humor.

“What? You are only in love when it’s convenient? When it’s making you happy? When it’s light to carry? Because if that’s what your love is, then get the fuck out of my life!” I pointed at the door. “Fucking leave. I don’t want your gentle ass in here.”

He looked at me unbelievably. I walked past him and opened the door. I’m damn tired, and all I want right now is to sleep! I don’t need him lecturing me about his ideals in love cuz I can’t clearly change that!

“Can’t you see it? May problema rin ako ngayon. And you are right. I will only drag you on this because I am that kind of person who loves loudly. I don’t mind even if the world is colliding in front of us, as long as I am safe with you! I don’t mind if the heavens roar loudly, as long as you are with me! And you are not fucking ready for that kind of noise.”

Bumaba ang balikat niya. I know he’s mad because I involved myself in their family problem, but that is the only choice left for them! They cannot solve it on their own! They are now too loaded!

“Ayaw mong dumepende sa akin kung may problema ka, kaya ano ang gusto mong maramdaman ko ngayong ako ang may problema at gusto kong yakapin ka?” I looked at him sharply. He looked away and clenched his jaw.

“I never asked to be loved gently, Mikael. I never asked for your calmness. It was your own ideals in love…and I am not up for that bullshit. I don’t care whatever storm you are, I’ll take it warmly. I don’t care how loud your thunders would roar, I’ll live under it. If you cannot love someone even at their worst, then what’s the fucking point of risking this?” I asked seriously.

“Leave, and I’ll take care of my own problem. Let’s not exhaust ourselves from something we are not both ready to commit,” I opened the door more.

Natahimik siya. I looked at him seriously to make a point here. That’s why when he moved forward, his feet walked toward the door, I already accepted it.

Kung hindi ako maninindigan sa gusto ko, hindi ko mapapatunayan sa kanya kung anong klaseng pagmamahal ang kaya kong ibigay sa kanya.

That’s why when he stopped in front of me and rested his head on my shoulder, I froze a bit. Sunod-sunod ang paglabas ng hikbi niya at nanginginig na umiyak sa balikat ko, na parang kanina niya pa iyon hinahawakan at ngayon lamang sumabog.

“Pagod na akong dalhin lahat… nang mag-isa… Pagod na pagod na ako,” bulong niya sa namamaos na boses.

He…surrendered. He finally accepted he…needed a shoulder to lean on…

“Tang ina… Inggit na inggit ako sa’yo dahil mas tumakbo si Kali sa’yo para manghingi ng tulong kaysa sa sariling kapatid niya. Gustong gusto ko rin siyang yakapin kanina, sabihin na nandito ako para sa kanya, pero hindi ko magawa. Ang hirap hirap.”

I slowly wrapped my hand around his waist, my other hand gently ruffling his hair.

“Pero nakita ko ang mga naging mali ko…noong niyakap mo si Kali. Dahil hindi ko ’yon kaya. Hindi ko kailanman nayakap ang mga kapatid ko. Hindi ako naging malambing o agaran nilang matatakbuhan at mapagsasabihan nila ng mga sekreto. Hindi ko…kayang gawin ang mga bagay na…nahanap ni Kali sa’yo kaya sa’yo siya komportableng humingi ng tulong…”

I sighed and shut my eyes as I hugged him tightly.

“Hindi ko…kailanman naranasang…yakapin ang ibang tao para lang iparamdam sa kanila na…nandito ako para sa kanila. Kaya inaamin ko, noong niyakap mo ako sa ospital, doon ko naramdaman na…gusto ko pala,” natawa siya, pero ang nginig sa boses ay nag-aagaw sa kanyang iyak.

“Gustong gusto ko ang ganoon… Gusto kong mayakap…kahit ayaw ko roon. Gusto kong…tingnan na mahina rin ako kahit nagpapakatatag ako. Gusto kong…manatili sila sa tabi ko kahit…itinutulak ko sila paalis…”

My shoulder was now wet from his tears, but it was my least concern. He can use it as his shoulder to cry on, and I won’t even dare to move it away from him…

“Gusto kong…dumepende ka rin sa akin ngayong may problema ka. Gusto rin kitang yakapin katulad noong ginawa mo noong problemado ako at isang yakap lang…” he chuckled weakly while sobbing.

“Don’t you realize you yearn for people to depend on you because it’s your own reflection?”

He only sniffled and stood in front of me, his hands loosely hanging at his sides, unable to hug me despite his desperation to be hugged so tightly.

“Kahit pa lumayo ka sa akin, hindi matatapos ang problema. May pag aawayan tayo, may hindi pagkakasunduan, may mga ganitong araw na parehas tayong problemado. Pagkatapos ng problema na ’to, tingin mo wala ulit sa susunod?”

He shook his head weakly.

“I have no experience, I know. But I want us to work on it every fucking day, deal with our differences, rather than drawing a line because we think we are a burden to each other. Lean on me, and I’ll lean on you. Let’s talk it out, solve it together…and become each other’s source of strength. Can we…do that?”

He nodded and pressed his face against my neck. Ayaw daw sa clingy… nanlalaban lang pala lagi sa sarili. I smiled and caressed his back gently.

He sniffled and sighed heavily. “Tang inang problema ’to. Ang sarap-sarap humithit ng isang paketeng sigarilyo, pero kawawa na ang baga ko. Gusto ko na lang magwala, magbasag, o ilabas lahat ng galit sa sobrang gulo ng isip ko. Gustong-gusto kong saktan ang sarili ko… Ni wala pa akong kain buong araw…kakahintay sa’yo…”

Wala pang kain… Wow… I’m suddenly distracted.

“I was actually planning to go to Palawan once you storm out of my condo and breathe there…” I slowly grazed the tip of my nose against his jaw.

He lifted his head and looked at me. I smirked.

“That’s my own way to release stress. Unless, you wanna blow off steam together? Or you want something else in mind?” I leaned my face close to his. Basa pa rin ang mga mata niya, pero unti-unti nang nabubuhayan ng loob.

“Nursing student ako. Alam ko na may benefits ang sex lalo na kung stress ang isang tao…” he lectured like that’s our only option right now and we can both do it because we are both stressed.

I leaned closer and brushed my lips lightly on his. His lips parted right away but his eyes lingered on mine drunkenly.

“Yup. We are both stressed, Jasver. I’ll wreck that ass of yours if you want to… I’ll give you pain, fuck you senselessly until you can’t walk… I can wreck you better than how you plan it… And in return, you are submitting to my kink…to my own pleasure of rough sex… It’s a win-win situation for both of us,” I whispered on his lips.

At sumama pa nga yata to sa akin pauwi dahil… gusto niya akong masolo. Pero gets ko rin na ayaw niyang umuwi.

“Ba’t ang galing mong mang dirty-talk?” He shivered and shut his eyes. He even pressed himself to me so I could feel how hard he is right now.

“What? It’s not even dirty talk. I’m proposing an idea we can both do. Do you want it? Can I fuck you from behind until you scream all of your problems away?” I scraped my teeth on his skin and sucked on it.

“Lungkot lang ang nararamdaman ko kanina…ngayon libog na. Gago ka talaga. Kung hindi mo mapapanindigan ’yang hamon mo, ako ang gagawa niyan sa’yo…” banta niya ngunit may ngisi na sa labi.

I pushed him to the wall and kissed him hungrily. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure that’s the least thing you can do tonight aside from getting up…”

Chapter 39

Warning: R-18

Lucky

“Wala ka pang tulog. Masyado ka nang mahina,” reklamo niya, ngunit sa sunod sunod na palitan namin ng halik, alam kong tanggal na lahat ng pagod ko.

Sure, I’m tired because of what happened to my father’s company and from hearing Kali’s personal problem, which a bit triggered my trauma, but I know that I won’t sleep a wink at all. I want to blow off steam, and this is actually the best way to relax and be relieved from stress.

“Why? Are you worried I cannot fuck you properly?” I asked and pulled him to the kitchen so we could drink water at least.

“Baka himatayin ka. Gusto kong maglabas ng stress, hindi magdagdag ng panibagong problema,” giit niya ngunit dumidiin na sa akin ang kanya sa likuran.

I opened the fridge and pulled out a tumbler. I chugged down the bottle of water and poured another one for him. When he took it from my hand and chugged it down as well, my lips grazed his neck, and I scraped my teeth on its skin.

“Do you want me to sleep, hmm?” I asked and nibbled his chin.

Nauubo niyang naibaba ang baso at napasandal sa countertop. He grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked it for an entrance of his lips to my mouth.

“Paano ka pa makakatulog kung tinitigasan ka na sa akin?” he said and kissed me deeply while my hand was now on his nape—my fingers crawling through his hair.

I chuckled at it because I am clearly hard as a rock right now. Bukod sa alam kong walang disturbo sa unit ko, sa halik niya pa lang, talagang mas pipiliin ko ito kaysa ang matulog at magpahinga.

“Sa kwarto tayo,” he breathed.

I stepped backward and pulled him upstairs, but our lips were tangled with each other, kissing savagely like there is no tomorrow.

I stumbled on the couch until he ended up hovering over me. But we continued kissing like nothing could ever take away our attention from each other. My hands cupped his butt cheeks and pushed him close to my bulging pants.

He was hard as a rock as well. Kung uhaw ako sa kanya ngayon, mas halata ang sabik sa mga halik niya.

My head rested on the headrest of the sofa while Jasver’s lips devoured mine, his hand unbuttoning my shirt recklessly.

His kisses were greedy and full of needs. My kisses were deep and full of thirst. I grunted when he bit my lower lip while my hips were already dry-humping his hard-on.

Dumaing siya at marahas na nahila ang shirt ko hanggang sumabog ang mga butones. My lips parted and pressed his ass to my bulge as I mercilessly moved to tease him.

“Nasa’n ang gel?” he asked impatiently while his lips were now grazing down to my jaw.

“Upstairs…” I mumbled and rocked him fast.

“Bagalan mo. Ayoko pang labasan…” nanghihina niyang daing ngunit sumasabay din sa diin ang katawan niya sa akin.

So I stood up and pulled him to the stairs. Natumba pa siya sa hagdan ngunit mabilis na nakahawak sa railings, at nasalo ko naman ang baywang niya. But instead of pulling him up, I pulled down his pants until he completely took them off.

“Gago, sa itaas—Ah!” He grunted and pushed his head back as soon as I shoved my mouth on his twitching shaft.

Hawak niya ang buhok ko, ang isang kamay ay nasa railings, sinagad ko agad at hindi na hinintay na umabot kami sa kuwarto. I don’t mind using the entire place for our fucking.

Gusto niyang itulak ang ulo ko palayo sa kanya, ngunit sa tuwing pakiramdam niyang lumalayo ako ng kaunti, hihilain niya pabalik ang buhok ko, at kahit ang baywang niya ay umaangat para lang maisagad niya iyon pabalik sa akin.

This is his favorite; I know it too well. The moment I gave him head, I saw how he’s a slave to it. It was like a hidden desire I untangled, and the beast in him wanted to completely devour what I could offer.

The tip was now penetrating my throat, almost gagging from it, but my head just bobbed up and down. His dick wasn’t just pulsating, but it was also getting larger, making my mouth full.

He drunkenly looked at me, his hand gripping a handful of my hair, and seeing my eyes looking at him made his hips rock fast until he’s now fucking my mouth with no restraint.

My eyes rolled back, my throat stretching from the entrance of his thrust, liquid dripping from my mouth, but I took it all until his body convulsed and his cum spread like an explosive bomb in my mouth.

He was panting hard while watching me swallow it for him, and I licked my lips with satisfaction. Namilog ang mga mata niya, parang nakakita ng multo sa ginawa ko.

“Let’s continue upstairs…” Bumangon agad ako, muling hinalikan siya sa labi, at hinila rin ang sarili patayo. He unbuckled my pants until they fell down to the floor, which I left, and I stepped closer to him until his back hit the door of my room roughly.

“Mine…” I said and thrust my dick between his legs, pushing it till the tip kissed the entrance of his hole.

He pressed both of his thumbs to my chest, drawing circles around my aroused nipple while his teeth were nibbling and sucking my neck. I rocked him dryly; my tip was now pressing on his butthole, attempting to thrust it in, but I would just let it slide between his butt cheeks.

He shut his eyes and licked his lower lip. “Ang sarap, tang ina…”

“May mas isasarap pa ’yan mamaya,” I chuckled and opened the door of my room.

We continued kissing while walking to the bed. Bumagsak siya at hindi na nakatayo pa nang yumuko ako. Sunod-sunod siyang hinalikan, ang isang kamay ko ay hinila lamang ang drawer sa ilalim ng kama at kinuha ang gel at isang box ng condom na nandoon.

I opened the gel while our tongues were now colliding. His hand reached for my shaft, wrapped his fingers around it while his thumb teased the tip. My hand was busy with the gel, while Jasver took the initiative to open a condom and put it on mine.

His back fell to the mattress of the bed when I hovered over him, and my hand just pushed his other leg to the side until he was widely open for me. I shoved two wet fingers and wrapped my other hand around his waist to control his movement.

His brows furrowed as he looked down to watch it. The gel made my fingers slip so easily into his ass. My dream…hell yeah!

“I waited for this day…” I said with satisfaction. “Laman ’to ng mga panaginip ko. Hindi lang isang beses, kundi ilang beses na natin ’tong ginawa sa panaginip ko,” I confessed.

“Wala akong mga ganitong panaginip…pero noong kinikilala kita sa Coast, aaminin kong…tinitigasan ako pag naaalala kita sa kanya.” Pumikit siya at binasa ang pang-ibabang labi.

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Kung kanina, kaya ko pang kontrolin ang sarili, ngayon ay nagliliyab na ako sa init.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I watched his reaction while my fingers were now moving. I know the G-spot is there; I just need to hit it.

Bumaba ulit ang tingin niya, ang paghinga ay bumibigat, kahit ang daing ay sunod-sunod na hanggang sa namalayan kong bumibilis na pala ang kilos ko.

I added one more finger, which made him flinch a bit. Bumabaon na ang mga daliri niya sa likod ko, ang kanyang mukha ay nakasiksik na rin sa leeg ko, at ang ungol niya ay halos kumakanta na sa tainga ko.

I’m worried, alright. I shoved three fingers like this isn’t his first time. But I needed to prepare him for a bigger one, or else it would really hurt. Kaso kahit alam kong masakit ’to, ni hindi siya nagrereklamo, hindi ko alam kung nagtatapang-tapangan ba, o talagang nasasarapan siya.

His legs trembled and his toes curled from the speed of my fingers, and the way my middle finger pressed his g-spot made his back arch. My lips parted, and I can already feel my dick twitching just by watching his reaction.

When the tip of his dick splurted out a white liquid, I pulled my fingers out, directed the tip to his hole, and pushed it in. His mouth dropped open, my lips parted and shivered when I felt how tight he was.

“Tang…ina…” he growled with a rasp.

I shut my eyes when lust lorded over me. Hindi ko inaasahang magiging ganito siya kasarap, na kahit hindi pa ako gumagalaw, lalabasan na agad ako. Fuck!

I knelt down on the mattress of the bed and thrust continuously while his dick twitched more, prolonging and adding more pleasure to his climax earlier.

He squirts in each thrust, and the white liquid kept on splurting out like a fountain as I moved fast. I bit my lower lip and watched his glassy eyes roll back to his head; his lips remained parted, and the lust was screaming on his entire face.

“Gusto mo ’to, hmm?” tanong ko at mas isinagad, nakangising tinitingnan ang nababaliw niyang ekspresyon.

“Gustong gusto. Bilisan mo pa,” halos magmakaawa ang boses niya kahit hindi na ako halos matingnan ng maayos dahil napapapikit agad siya.

His hand reached for my nape, he pulled himself up, and he kissed me deeply. I reclined my body, my arm tightened around his waist, and I rocked him fast. Nanggigigil niyang kinagat ang pang-ibaba kong labi, habang nawawalan ako ng pakialam kung dumugo man ang labi ko lalo na’t malapit na rin ako.

When I reached my first climax, I immediately grabbed another condom, put it on, and flipped him over.

Nanghihina siyang bumagsak sa kama, hinahabol ang hiningang lingunin ako. I reached for my other phone on the bedside table, clicked my playlist, and played “Church” this time.

Humalakhak si Jasver. “Gago…”

I kissed his nape and chuckled too. “Breathe, I’ll fuck you from the back this time,” I said and hovered behind him.

“Ayoko sa posisyon na ’to. Ang sarap tingnan ng hayok mong mukha. Ang hirap mong tingnan,” reklamo niya.

“Really? Ang sarap ko bang panoorin?” Nangingiti kong tanong, dinadaanan ng halik ang labi niya, at inaambahang ipasok ulit kahit pinapadulas ko lang sa gitna ng mga hita niya.

“Oo, uhaw na uhaw ka. Ang bilis kong labasan…kakangisi mo…”

I chuckled and pushed it in again. Our lips both parted, eyes glued to each other, until his gaze was now drunkenly looking at me. I slowly pulled out, brushed my lips on his lower lip, then rammed it back again until his brows furrowed and he whimpered weakly.

“You like this?” I asked and grazed the tip of my nose on his.

“Sobra. Tang ina, libog na libog ako sa’yo…” namamaos niyang sabi.

I slowly pulled out, then rammed it roughly again. He grunted and could barely look at me.

“You want me to fuck you so bad, hmm? You want my dick in and out? Like this?” I tasted his lips a little, then left it behind when I slowly pulled it out again.

“Isagad mo pa. ’Yan lang? Wasakin mo ako. Magaling ka roon, ’di ba?” he taunted, leaning closer for a kiss, so I leaned forward and met his lips crushing to mine as I made another ruthless thrust.

“Ayos lang?” tanong ko, ginaganahang kausapin siya. “Ganyan? Gusto mo ’yan, hmm?”

His hand reached for my hair until he gripped it and pushed me to his face. His lips brushed with mine indulgently with his furrowed brows.

He moaned in my mouth and shut his eyes. “Sa sobra mong sarap, paano kita tatanggihan?”

“Don’t close your eyes. Watch me…” I whispered to his lips, pulled it out slowly, then slammed it back again.

He grunted and looked down. And because I was just hovering behind him, he could barely see it, so I shifted our position.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, he was sitting on my lap while we were both facing the full-wall mirror in the front. And with the light coming from the window, it gave me enough sight to watch everything clearly.

I kissed his shoulder while my eyes watched his reflection in the mirror as I rocked him slowly.

“Watch everything while I fuck you from behind…” I ordered.

Jasver let out an annoying, smug smile and chuckled. “Ang sarap talaga panoorin ng gago… Uhaw na uhaw…”

I bit my lower lip and started thrusting again.

“I’ll give you a full show you can’t stop watching even if you can barely open your eyes…” I smirked confidently.

Desire ruled over me. It wasn’t the thought that I can finally fuck him; it was the fact that I can pleasure him, wreck him, and mold him like he’s meant to break only to me, and I am the only one who can fix him back again.

Every time the tip of my dick would penetrate too deeply, I would shiver. His insides felt so hot and tight. I wanted to do it a little longer to prolong fucking him, but my hips just couldn’t stop from thrusting it fast. I felt like an animal who just tasted raw meat after being vegan for so long, and now I couldn’t stop myself, dammit!

I felt like this was the first time I discovered pleasure in sex, that this is what it feels like to fuck someone—to taste heaven.

I growled in each thrust, my ears ringing from its intensity, and my body was almost convulsing. Hindi ko nga alam kung dahil ba sa pagod kaya pakiramdam ko, isang pikit na lang, aakyat na ako sa langit, o talagang nawawala na ako sa sarili kakagalaw.

“Ang bilis!” he screamed, but I couldn’t process if he was pleading to slow it or if he was demanding more.

“Mabilis? Hmm?” gigil kong tanong, kagat ang pang-ibabang labi at walang awang binilisan lalo.

His mouth dropped open, unable to utter a proper word. I cupped his jaw and put two fingers in his mouth as I watched my length disappear every time I entered him like a train in a hurry.

He sucked my fingers and bite them like he could no longer hold his sanity because I am literally driving him crazy.

I could hear him growling; his whimpers sounded hoarse and loud. When I watched him in the mirror, he looked like he was possessed by a demon, and he could barely act straight.

“Touch yourself while I’m fucking you. Stroke it fast, love…” I said and guided his hand to his length.

“Ako pa talaga ang uutusan mo. Gawin mo,” he commanded thickly.

Goddamn! He really knows how to dominate me even if I was the one who’s in charge here. My hand immediately wrapped around his shaft and stroked it for him. The chorus of Church by Chase Atlantic was now booming, and it just made the atmosphere three times hotter.

“Ah…fuck.” I chuckled as I watched him in the mirror looking at me helplessly, his eyes pleading for more.

He rested his head on my shoulder, which gave me access to kiss him, our moans colliding with the loud clapping coming from my thrust.

“Tang ina… Hindi ko na kaya,” he grunted weakly.

His body shivered, and even his hand joined my hand to stroke himself. I reclined my body, my hand left his shaft and went to his hips to hold him firmly as I bit my lower lip.

“Kailangan ko lang pa lang isagad lagi para mag-ingay ka?” tanong ko at mas binilisan ang galaw.

His back fell to my chest, his dick twitched until a hot liquid splurted out, but I was too far gone to even stop. I rocked him hard and fast until I needed to put him in a headlock so he wouldn’t rise above me, and I could pound on him better.

The pleasure intensified, and even my moans were uncontrolled as I gritted my teeth and gave all of my energy left to fuck him blindingly.

Kaya kahit nilabasan na siya, may panibagong sumabog ulit, at ang ungol niya, mas lumakas, halos nanginginig ang buo niyang katawan sa ibabaw ko.

His hand found my hair until he gripped it, like his life depended on it, and he needed to hold on to something that would lead him back to his sanity.

We watched it splashed all over his stomach while I continued rocking him, and I was also on the brink of tasting my own climax. When I felt I was almost there, I pulled it out, took the condom off, and splurted out mine as well in between his legs.

We were both panting while our dicks were twitching and releasing too much liquid. Even if I was already tasting my orgasm, my hips continued to thrust it in between his legs, and the thirst to just ram it back to him once again is just too strong.

“Gago… Nakikita ko na ata ang kalawakan… Dumidilim na ang paningin ko…” reklamo niya habang hinahabol ang hininga, basa na dahil sa pawis.

“This is the longest orgasm I did…” I said breathily while my member kept on twitching and splashing out white liquid. “Ah…it feels so good…”

He could barely stand up, so I just grabbed us some water, and then we continued doing it in the shower again. Compared to his sink in his bathroom, mine was wide enough to place his other leg on it, while his other leg was his only support, as I pushed his back so he could bend over, and I fucked him from behind again.

But this time, two of my fingers joined my dick. We were roughly doing it than our first two rounds, and he was three times louder than earlier.

I noticed no matter how hard it was to keep his eyes open, he would always look at me in the mirror, like seeing me added to the pleasure he was feeling.

I thought after those rounds, I had already drained out his energy, but when we did it in the bathtub, his strength doubled, and it seemed like he wanted to dominate me this time.

His hand was wrapped around my neck, pinning me from trying to rise, while both of my hands were on his waist to pin his body from escaping every time I pounded. I wanted my lips on him so bad, but he wanted a full sight of my face while I was banging him. My eyes rolled back to my head, my lungs almost losing air to grasp because of his choke, but my hips couldn’t let go of the intense pleasure in each thrust I made.

Hindi na ako makahinga, ngunit masyadong masarap ang naaabot ko na kahit mamatay man ako ngayon, ayos lang. I don’t fucking mind dying for him right now!

When his hand loosened from my neck, I let out a loud growl from my release as well. It was like I battled life, survived death, and tasted heaven in a blink of an eye.

Nakangisi siyang nanonood sa akin, hinihingal at manghang-mangha sa ginawa kanina. “Gago, ang sarap mong tignan…”

Damn, that was fucking intense! I didn’t know that I have zero survival instinct when it comes to sex. Cuz I would rather continue fucking him, despite losing air, while he was waiting for the right moment to save me from his own chokehold, to let me crawl back to life when he’s almost my cause of death…

“I think I’m gonna pass out,” I whispered while panting hard; my body was still convulsing.

His face was pressed against my neck while he was catching his breath as well.

“Mapapatay ata natin ang isa’t isa kung magpapatuloy pa tayo…”

“I think we overdid it. I’m drained…”

“Kung makakantot, akala mo wala ng bukas!”

I paused for a bit, my brows furrowed cluelessly.

“What the fuck is kantot…” I blurted out weakly, unable to process the word since my mind is still blank.

Humalakhak siya at kinagat ang leeg ko. “Ikaw ’yan. Masyadong halimaw sa kama.”

Natawa rin ako, pikit ang mga mata, at niyakap ang baywang niya. Kung may sapat lang siguro akong tulog, hindi pagod, baka kaya ko pa siyang buhatin pabalik sa kama at doon ulit… But our four rounds knocked me out. Knowing we both like doing rough things such as chokes, gripping hairs, and deep throats, we might end up killing each other if we don’t stop.

We showered and fell into bed. He even volunteered to change my bedsheet,which resembled a donut filled with glaze… Damn. Even my mirror got stained when Jasver splashed on it earlier. Gusto niya pa nga sanang bumaba at magluto pero pinigilan ko na at nag-order na lang kami. Tatakas pa talaga kahit nanghihina na!

“Maglilinis ako sa ibaba. Nandoon ang mga damit natin,” he insisted and attempted to rise up again.

“Let’s cuddle please…” I mumbled and hovered over him again just to pin him down to my bed.

“Tang ina, ang laki ng kama mo pero ako ang gusto mong higaan. Umusog ka,” he hissed but I just wrapped my arm around his neck and pressed my face on the side of his face.

“You hate this? What? You only like being close to me when I’m making you feel good? What am I, your fucking dildo?” I asked sleepily.

“Mas malaki ka pa kaysa sa dildo,” he chuckled hoarsely and rested his hand on my back and turned his other hand as his own pillow so I could rest my head on his arm. “Laki-laki mong tao pero ang clingy…”

I kissed his neck which made him groan. Humalakhak agad ako nang maramdaman kong nanigas ang kanya. Kahit naka sweatpants na kami pareho, ramdam ko agad iyon dahil nasa hita niya ang hita ko.

“Cuddle pa ba ’yan! Gusto mo lang ulit umisa eh. Matulog ka na!” pagalit ngunit namamaos na sumali ang halakhak niya.

I could barely feel myself after that, and I just dozed off to sleep in the middle of talking to him. Kung may gumising man sa akin kinabukasan, it was Milo’s continuous lick on my face until I realized he’s here. Which means…

I hurriedly stood up, grabbed something I could wear on my upper body, and went downstairs while carrying Milo. Ang nagkalat na mga damit sa sahig, wala na.

I found my mother, in her black coat and half-ponytail, sitting on the high chair of my countertop, where Jasver was placing the food in front of her.

Ibinaba ko si Milo na tumakbo agad sa play mat niya. Dinala kasi siya ni Mommy noong pumunta kami sa States. Ngayon, nagkalaman na at kahit ang pabango ni Charlotta, dumikit na sa kanya.

Mom looked at me meaningfully, her eyes seeming to insinuate something. Lito akong lumapit, hinaplos si Mom sa siko at yumuko para humalik, habang si Jasver, tahimik na nakatingin sa akin.

“Mom…” I called curiously. “You’re here…”

“I heard the news about your father’s project…” she said while her eyes dropped on my neck, which I absentmindedly caressed.

Oh, right. Other than that, I also…told Kali… But this is not the right time to open it to her right away. Tiningnan ko si Jasver; mukhang maayos naman dahil nakakatayo at nakapagluto pa. I mean, after what we did last night, I was expecting he would rot in my bed for how many days.

“I’ll head to the site later and talk to your father. You can drive me first to the site, then let’s drive him to the hospital since he seems…not to be feeling well.” My mother looked at Jasver.

“Huh? You’re sick?” I asked worriedly.

“Pakiramdam ko lang mainit ako. Pero kaya naman. Hindi na kailangan…” Jasver reasoned and cleared his throat.

“He could barely walk earlier. He must have exhausted himself…” Then my mom looked at me like I was behind it.

Jasver swallowed a little. Ngumuso ako at pinigilang matawa dahil sinamaan niya agad ako ng tingin. My mother, who was busy with her food, seemed unfazed about us or why Jasver was here in my condo. But I know her too well.

“Kumain ka na,” si Jasver na naglapag ng plato para sa akin.

“Join us,” Mom invited. “Eat first so you can drink medicine afterwards.”

Jasver nodded and sat quietly. Tinabihan ko siya at gusto siyang tanungin ng kung ano-ano. Gusto ko ring hawakan sa leeg kaso alam kong lilipad ang kamay ko pag gagawin ko ’yon ngayon sa kanya sa harap ni Mommy.

I shove a spoonful of food in my mouth and grunt when it tastes three times better than what I used to. O baka rin dala ng gutom, ngayon lang mas nakakain ng maayos kaya ang sarap kumain ng marami.

“You haven’t taken a bath yet. Were you that hungry?” My mom pointed out until I realized it too.

Jasver silently ate his food—the guilt in his eyes was too obvious. I chuckled and glanced at him. Gusto ko sana siyang asarin sa harap ni Mom kaso tinapakan niya agad ang paa ko at pasimple akong sinamaan ulit ng tingin.

“Mom, I was worried sick for Dad that I forgot to eat yesterday…”

Her eyes dropped on my neck boldly again, like a slap to me that I am such a shameless bastard for fucking someone instead of prioritizing food.

My mom isn’t someone you can easily lie to. Kaya nga noon, hirap akong itago ang mga kalokohan ko dahil alam niya agad. So instead of being secretive, I am open to her about anything, because what’s the use of hiding your shit when your mom has supernatural powers like a witch, right?

“She’s cool,” sabi ko kay Jasver nang nauna kami sa kotse ko, hinihintay lang si Mom na matapos at tatlo kaming pupunta ngayon sa site para makibalita kay Dad, ganoon din si Jasver kay Tito Rommel.

We decided to bring Milo to our lakad today. Sabi kasi ni Mommy, pag nakikita ni Milo na basa ang buhok, alam niyang may lakad at gusto niyang sumama. Kaya noong matapos akong maligo, sunod si Jasver, nagpabuhat na siya at kinagat pa ang isang laruan niya; mukhang sasama na may dala-dala rin siyang gamit niya. We put him first in the car first while Jasver and I waited for Mom outside, talking a little about my mother’s suspicions.

“Pakiramdam ko nga alam niya…” kabado niyang sabi, hinaplos ang batok at malalim ang iniisip nang mauna kami sa parking space. “Ako ang bumukas ng pinto kanina dahil tulog mantika ka at ang hirap mong gisingin. Tumingin agad siya sa leeg ko…”

“This isn’t the first time she witnessed the aftermath of my sexual activities… For sure she has an idea about us. And I won’t keep us a secret from my parents. If they ask me about you, of course I will honestly tell them I’m in love with you, that you are my…”

Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa. He’s waiting for my answer. Kung sasabihin kong boyfriend, kahit ang dami na naming ginawa kahapon, hindi pa rin niya siguro ako tatanggapin bilang boyfriend.

“I mean, we are both adults, and we know what we’re doin’. I’m already at the right age to decide for myself.”

He nodded and licked his lower lip. “Oo rin. Siguro magugulat lang sila sa atin, pero…kung tinanong ako ni Mama o ni Papa, hindi ko naman itatanggi.”

I grinned at him. “Hindi mo ako itatanggi? Kaya mo na akong ipakilala? And what? That I am your…stress reliever?”

Umirap siya pero may hindi mapigilang ngiti sa labi. “Pero pag humupa na ang problema ng pamilya natin. Huwag na muna tayong sumingit. Saka na pag wala na lahat ng problemang ’to…”

Wow. Which means we will continue whatever we have right now?

“You are not gonna abandon me? We can…continue this?” I happily reach for his waist to pull him toward me, but he only pushes me a bit. Hinabol ko ang kamay niya at nangingiting hinawakan ang daliri niya.

“Hindi kita kayang iwan. Mas gusto kong…kasama kita rito. Gusto kong nasa tabi mo ako kaya sisikapin kong manatili rin sa tabi mo.”

My lips parted. He looked away and caressed his nape without pulling his hand from me.

“Kahit mahirap mamili…sisikapin kong…piliin ka… dahil alam ko, ako ang una mong pipiliin kahit pa marami kang pagpipilian. Alam ko, ako ang una mong tatakbuhan, kahit pa marami kang masasandalan,” bulong niya sa namamaos na tinig.

Sa ilang buwan na mas pinili kong isantabi ang sarili pagdating sa buhay niya, sa wakas…nakita niya rin ako.

“You are in love with me,” I whispered unbelievably.

He chuckled and nodded. “Oo nga. Patay na patay sa’yo…”

I leaned closer and brushed my lips on his. It was a swift kiss. He only lets my lips taste him for a bit, then he slowly pushes me away. I licked my lower lip and chuckled. I’m beyond content. I don’t care whatever label we have right now, but his feelings for me are enough to assure me that I own a piece of him…

“Pag tayo nakita ng Mommy mo…” banta niya kahit nangingiti ng kaunti.

“So?” I crossed my arms and leaned against the hood of my car.

Namulsa siya sa khaki shorts niya na pinahiram ko at swabe ring sumandal sa kotse ko. Suot niya ang shirt na…binili ko sa kanya sa gabi noong Christmas na ’yon. Suot ko rin ang damit na kasama kong binili dahil gusto kong ibagay ang damit ko sa kanya.

Seryoso niyang tiningnan ang suot niyang sapatos. “Nahihiya ako sa kanya. May mga…nasabi ako sa’yo na…hindi ko alam gano’n ka laki ang epekto sa’yo. ’Yung problema ni Kali, alam ko…mabigat ’yon para sa’yo. Pero sinubukan mo pa ring tumulong. Sinubukan mong tumindig para sa kapatid ko, kahit alam mong…masakit ang ginawa niya.”

I wonder what my mom said to him…

“To be honest, if I were Kali, I wouldn’t abort it. Hell, that’s my fucking dream. Every child deserves to live, because not all women are given a chance to have children. Not all women can survive pregnancy.”

Tahimik niya akong tiningnan, lalo na’t halatang hindi siya pabor sa sinabi ko. I shrugged and sighed defeatedly.

“But after what happened to my mother, I learned that the only person who can make decisions about a woman’s body is the owner herself. Because why would society allow a fetus to live if it risks the mother’s life?”

He stared at me quietly.

“Kali is selfish for doing it. But if she doesn’t do it for herself, who will? No one…”

Cuz I know even her parents were against it. They wanted to save the fetus in her womb, but who’s gonna save Kali, who also needs saving?

“My mom did everything to save those fetus, Jasver. Sinarili niya kahit alam niyang maiintindihan namin siya kung…pinili niya na lang ipalaglag agad. But instead of giving up trying, she tried another procedure. Imagine…four times, and yet…all of it failed…” Natawa ako pero hindi na makitaan ng saya sa mukha.

“I admit, Kali has the privilege my mom was seeking for. But my mom also has the privilege Kali is lacking… and they’re both brave for choosing what’s best for them, which shouldn’t be questioned anymore.”

He nodded seriously. “Tuwing duty ko, nakakakita ako ng mga babaeng iba’t iba ang pinagdadaanan dahil sa katawan nilang hindi nila kayang kontrolin. May iba, nasira ang matres dahil sa abortion. May iba naman, nalalaglagan dahil hindi kaya ng katawan na mag-anak. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan ang bansang ’to na ayaw i-legalize ang abortion, pero hindi naman nagtuturo ng sex education sa mga paaralan para sana magabayan man lang ang mga batang ignorante sa ganitong usapin. Ang taas ng kaso ng teenage pregnancy, pero mas gugustuhin ng bansa na manatiling moral sa mata ng simbahan, kaysa magbigay ng solusyon kung bakit pabata nang pabata ang nabubuntis buwan-buwan.”

I silently stared at him, my lips curving for a proud smile. Man… I’m speechless.

“May araw rin sa akin ang nakabuntis kay Kali. Hayop na gagong ’yon… Humanda siya.” He clicked his head seriously.

I caressed his hair. “Kali is very lucky to have a brother like you…”

His snobbish expression turned a bit soft. He even side-eyed me and let out an unexpected chuckle when he looked at my face.

“Tss. Alisin mo nga ’yang kamay mo sa buhok ko. Iba ang naiisip ko…” sampal niya paalis sa kamay ko sa buhok niya pero nangingiti na sa akin. This green minded!

Chapter 40

Together

“Are you sure you are not planning to go to the hospital?” I asked as soon as we followed my mom, who is now walking to the office of my father.

Magulo pa rin ang media sa labas. Mom seems unbothered about it, or she’s just trying to stay composed. I know my parents face different problems in their workplace, but this is the first time that it was televised. This is the first time there were casualties involved.

Umiling si Jasver. “Nabinat lang pero ayos lang. Uminom na rin naman ako ng gamot.”

I looked at him pitifully. It was all my fault. I mean, sure, he wanted some distractions because of the ongoing problems of our family, a pain that would pleasure him, but I didn’t expect he would end up getting a fever from it.

“Let’s just skip doing it for a month. Maybe we can do it again next month?”

“Sa hayok mong ’yan? Araw-araw nga akong naglilinis dahil parang kahit nasa gubat tayo, kaya mong gawin agad.”

I chuckled a little. “I sounded like a creep. Of course, I don’t want it if you’re not in the mood—”

“’Yun nga ang problema dahil gusto ko rin,” putol niya na ikinangiti ko. Kung hindi lang may mga nanonood, lalapit na ako para makahalik…

Nakita kami ng mga trabahador ni Dad na papunta na sa office. Kahit si Julius, lumalaki ang mga mata nang makitang kasama ko si Jasver. His eyes even drifted to the way Jasver walks. Well, he’s normally walking, but he’s a bit slow compared to his usual pace.

Gusto ko nga na maiwan na lang sana siya kanina sa kotse pero nag-aalala siya sa Papa niya kaya desididong sumama.

“M-Mrs. Cervando…” nauutal ang secretary ni Dad nang dumating kami sa labas ng office. “Mr. Cervando is currently in the meeting, ma’am? Do you want me to call him?”

“No. I’ll join and listen,” si Mom na ikinagulat ng secretary.

She cleared her throat and nodded. Sumunod ako kay Mom, si Jasver, sinenyasan ko ring sumunod sa akin. I wanted to listen, at least. I know that I am not part of their company, but I want to hear what really happened.

Pagkabukas ng pinto, si Dad, na nasa swivel chair, galing ang tingin sa harap ng projector at tinitingnan ang chart, napunta ang tingin sa amin ni Mommy at medyo nagulat.

My father rose up a bit from leaning against the swivel chair and stood up for my mom. My mother gestured to him to stay still and walked to the chair the secretary pulled for her.

“Continue,” she gestured and looked at the projector.

Tahimik kaming umupo ni Jasver sa gilid, kahit si Tito Rommel, taka ang tingin sa amin kung ba’t pa kami pumasok. Maybe Dad’s secretary got so intimidated by my mom’s presence that she let us sit with them.

“Pwede naman sigurong pakiusapan si Mr. Lim na papalitan na lang ang area na nag-collapse? A termination of the contract is too much. Malaking proyekto ito, Mr. Cervando… We can assure him that our main priority is replacing the supplier of the substandard materials used and making sure to regain the public’s trust for the ongoing commercial project through our past projects…”

My father sighed defeatedly. “He already wants to terminate it. He lost his trust. I can’t argue with that anymore. He’s on the way together with his lawyer to end this contract legally.” My father shrugged.

“Sinong supplier ba ang ipinalit, Engineer Lopez?” One of the engineers asked.

I crossed my arms and stared at the engineer mentioned critically. Kahit si Jasver, seryoso ring napunta ang tingin sa kanya. My mom’s eyes just side-eyed him, who’s sitting on her left side.

Engineer Lopez cleared his throat; his expression turned sour. “Nagtiwala ako sa supplier na ’yon dahil kakilala ni Rommel… Sure, I am liable whatever happens in the site, pero pagdating sa materials, wala na akong control doon.”

Lahat ng tingin ay napunta kay Tito Rommel.

“’Yung dating supplier, hindi na kayang i-supply ’yung kailangang materyales at saktong lumapit sa akin ’yung supplier, may pinakitang certificate…” Tito Rommel explained briefly.

“Kaya mo nirekomenda sa akin,” si Engineer Lopez ang dumugtong.

Tito Rommel nodded guiltily. I saw my father’s unreadable expression. Even Jasver bowed down his head and clasped his fingers nervously.

“Rommel naman… napapahamak ako sa desisyon mo eh. Eh s’yempre, inaprobahan ko agad dahil malaki na ang tiwala ni boss sa kanya. Kanang kamay ba naman… malapit sa pamilya… hindi ko na pinagdudahan pa na baka may iba siyang plano sa ini-rekomendang supplier. Eh nalaman ko sa mismong supplier, tumatanggap pala siya ng pera…binabayaran siya…”

Everyone looked shocked. Kahit ang ulo ni Jasver, napabangon.

“Tinanggap ko dahil para ’yon sa pagrerekomenda ko sa kanila sa ibang…contractor,” kinakabahang sagot ni Tito Rommel.

“O baka naman sobra iyon ng materyales dahil mas pinili mong ipabili iyong mura lang, kaya substandard materials ang dumating sa atin,” giit ni Engineer Lopez na lalong ikinaputla ni Tito Rommel.

Nagkamot ng ulo si Tito Rommel. “Hindi naman ’yon suhol o ano. Bayad ’yon sa serbisyo ko para hanapan sila ng iba pang kliyente—”

“Supplier na naging rason kaya gumuho ang parte ng malaki nating proyekto dahil sa rekomendasyon mo, Rommel. Hindi lang ang mga trabahanteng nasa ospital ngayon ang nadamay, bukod sa gustong i-terminate ang kontrata, wala tayong makukuha ni piso sa proyektong ito, tayo na nga ang lugi, nilagay mo pa sa alanganin ang lisensyang pinagtrabahuan ko ng ilang taon,” galit na sabi ni Engineer Lopez.

Tito Rommel bowed down his head apologetically. My father remained silent, and he seemed to be digesting each word thoroughly.

“Lisensya ko bilang engineer, ang pinag-aralan ko ng ilang taon, ang nakasalalay dito,” ulit ni Engineer, mas may diin at tiningnan si Dad. “Eh si Rommel, ano bang mawawala sa kanya? Bukod sa experience lang naman sa site ang lamang niya, hindi siya gumastos ng pagkalaki-laki para lang sa posisyon niya ngayon dahil kusa ’yang binigay sa kanya. Hindi niya pinaghirapan ang posisyon niya kung credentials lang naman ang usapan dito…”

I saw how Jasver’s jaw clenched hard. His expression looked dark.

“Let’s not go there, Engineer. Stick to the main problem,” si Dad na inilingan ni Engineer Lopez.

“Boss, ito na ang tamang panahon para marinig mo ang hinaing namin. Masakit itong sabihin dahil alam ko, malapit si Rommel sa’yo. Pero hindi ko kayang lunukin na matatanggalan ako ng lisensya dahil lang sa kapabayaan ng isang foreman na wala namang pinag-aralan, na nakapasok lang mismo sa posisyon niya ngayon dahil may koneksyon sa’yo. Unfair eh. Tatanggalin ako sa trabaho dahil sa kapabayaan ko sa site, pero si Rommel na mismong nagrekomenda ng supplier na pinagkatiwalaan ko dahil may tiwala ka rin sa kanya, hindi mo tatanggalin sa trabaho dahil ano… malapit sa’yo? Eh paano kung kinurakot niya nga kaya tayo nabigyan ng substandard materials? Lalo na’t alam naman ni Rommel na hindi siya ang makukwestyon sa materyales kundi ako dahil ako ang nag-aproba.”

I felt Jasver’s heavy breathing. I gritted my teeth and furrowed my brows. Each side was valid, both at fault, but what was infuriating was…their backgrounds were compared.

Jasver’s father nodded and looked at my father. He even smiled weakly. “Oo, sir… Medyo unfair nga kung…matatanggalan man ng lisensya si Engineer Lopez dahil sa nirekomenda kong supplier at masisibak siya sa trabaho, dapat lang na…ganoon din ako. Lalo na’t…ako rin ang puno’t dulo. Wala eh… Hindi ko talaga alam na…mali pala na supplier ang pinagkatiwalaan ko… Aaminin ko, may pera akong tinanggap galing sa supplier, pero dahil iyon sa pagrerekomenda ko sa kanila, sa sarili kong sikap, hindi dahil tinipid ko ang materyales para may malaking pera na maibubulsa.”

My father shifted on his seat, pinching his lower lip… Tito Rommel looked at everyone with a smile on his lips apologetically.

“Pasensya na kung nadamay kayo. Aaminin ko, medyo nasilaw ako sa pera noong sinabi ng supplier na babayaran ako kung irerekomenda ko sila sa ibang kliyente. Buntis ba naman si misis, may anak sa kolehiyo na pinapaaral at nagbabalak huminto, s’yempre…medyo naging desperado. Hindi na ako nakapag-isip kung…lehitimo ba ang mga pinakitang certificate… Eh sa….nabasa ko…mukha namang…totoo…”

“What’s lehitimo?” I whispered to Jasver.

“Legitimate,” he answered back hoarsely without looking at me.

Oh, which means, Tito Rommel got tricked…

“Kaya nga hindi ko tinanggap na ilagay ako ni sir sa mas mataas na posisyon dahil kahit may mahaba naman akong experience sa site, matagal nang construction worker, aaminin ko, wala akong credentials. Hindi ko ’to pinag-aralan…kumpara sa inyo na…ilang taon ang inilaan sa kolehiyo para makuha ang lisensya niyo. Sa hirap ba naman ng buhay noon…wala nang panahon mag kolehiyo eh,” idinaan iyon sa tawa ni Tito Rommel kahit ramdam ko ang bigat sa mga salitang sinasabi niya.

My father’s eyes softened, and even his shoulders relaxed. My chest felt heavy. Jasver bowed his head more and touched his hair. I looked at my father hopefully. For sure, he is now having a hard time deciding. Honestly speaking, Engineer Lopez has to be blamed for what happened at the site, but he is right too. He has no control over the materials.

“Oo nga, Rommel. Wala kang credentials. Naaawa kami sa’yo na nagawa mong tumanggap ng pera dahil sa hirap ng buhay mo ngayon. Pero hindi pwede na isawalang-bahala ang kinahinatnan sa site dahil lang sa rason mo na may pinapakain kang pamilya. Kami rin, meron. Lahat naman tayo, nagtatrabaho tayo para sa maraming bagay. Kung ikaw, may pangangailangan, kami rin. Pero ang mali mo, dahil sa isang desisyon, madadamay kami, madadamay ang lisensya at trabaho ko,” si Engineer Lopez sa matigas na boses.

Tito Rommel smiled and nodded. “Pasensya na talaga, Engineer…”

“Labas lang ako, dito ka lang,” bulong ni Jasver saka tumayo at hindi na nagpapigil umalis.

I watched him walked out. Si Dad, napatingin din sa paglabas ni Jasver. I cannot digest everything properly too. Or I knew it at the back of my head, but there was a part of me that was in denial. Tito Rommel…he’s…guilty.

I wanted to butt in to correct Engineer Lopez’s words and defend Tito Rommel, but I guess this isn’t the right time to wear a cape and play the hero in someone’s life. This is the time where you need to open your ears, listen to each side, and side with the truth. Because sometimes, we really don’t know who the real villain is unless we catch them red-handed.

“Walang tatanggalin sa trabaho. Babayaran lahat ng danyos at papalitan ang supplier…” my father said after a long silence.

Nah… This doesn’t look good. Baka ma-bankrupt ang kompanya kung hindi magbabawas si Dad, lalo na’t walang kakayahan ngayon ang kompanya dahil ubos ang pondo sa nawalang malaking proyekto. Imagine… a hundred million project?

I know my father too well. He doesn’t like complicated things. If the client decides to leave, he will immediately approve it without a proper negotiation. Ayaw niyang pinipilit ang mga bagay-bagay. Kaya medyo nagtataka nga ako ba’t nagtagal siya sa business world.

My father shifted on his seat and looked at the chart. “Sapat ba ang natitirang funds para makaahon tayo sa tatlong buwan na pagkakalugi, Jane?”

“Dalawang buwan lang ang kaya nating pondohan, mula sa pagpapasahod ng buong empleyado, pagbabayad ng danyos sa gumuhong gusali, at may mga kasalukuyang proyekto pa na kailangan ding pondohan, sir… Hindi kakayanin ng kompanya ang isa pang buwan at baka…kailangan nating magbawas muna ng trabahante at…ikansela ang ibang proyekto para maiwasan natin ang bankruptcy.”

I looked at my father, who looked more worried when the woman mentioned cutting off some workers. Kulang sila ngayon sa trabahante dahil na rin sa nag-collapse na building, which means they needed to hire another worker, unless they will pull out those other workers from their ongoing projects instead of hiring a new one. ’Yun nga lang, ’yung mga kabilang project naman ang mapapabayaan.

“I’ll shoulder the monthly finances of the company for the meantime,” my mother blurted out.

I was suddenly pulled back to reality. Of course… My mom is here! Of course!

My father looked at my mom and shook his head, but my mom continued to talk.

“Dad, no need to cut off some workers. Ako na lang din muna ang sasahod sa kanila sa susunod na month,” I offered as well. Well, damn, I needed to let go of my savings for now…

My father’s lips parted. Gusto niya pa sanang magsalita kaso kinain na agad ng boses ni Mom ang atensyon ng lahat.

“So the main root of the problem is the supplier, is that correct?” my mother asked seriously.

Engineer Lopez shifted on his seat and nodded, including the other engineers. They’re now looking at Mom like she’s a newly elected CEO to take over because of the way they look intimidated and alert.

“Which led to Mr. Lim’s termination of contract and the collapsed building?” my mom added, summarizing it all from her own understanding.

“And dishonesty, Mrs. Cervando…” Engineer Lopez added.

When my mom looked at Engineer Lopez, my father started loosening his tie. I even shifted on my seat because I know my mom too well. She’s gonna give him a good debate. What a wrong move, Lopez.

“Dishonesty of Rommel and your incompetence as an engineer. A failed teamwork in other words…”

“Mrs. Cervando, I have no control over the materials—”

“Which you immediately agreed on? With no…testing of the materials when it arrived on the site? Were you on the site all the time?” My mother looked at him critically.

Engineer Lopez’s eyes weren’t steady. He looked cornered and nervous. “W-Well… I trusted Rommel’s choice, Ma’am… It was a last-minute decision… and I don’t want to cause any delays… that’s why… I approved it right away…”

“Then that means your main priority is to finish the project according to its given time, to show your competency as the head engineer of the project…is that it?”

Engineer Lopez smiled. “Yes…”

“At what cost, risking the lives of your workers without testing the materials first because it will only cause delays? You approved Rommel’s suggested supplier because he is close to my husband, for what reason again?”

Engineer Lopez seems to be in a hot seat. Kahit mga engineers at architects, ramdam ang tensyon sa mga tanong ni Mom.

“Because I also trust Rommel’s…choice…” Nah, wrong answer, Engineer!

“What’s your position again?” my mom asked.

“Engineer…” humina ang boses ni Engineer Lopez.

“Engineer… Hmm… the one who must be meticulous in approving materials to ensure safety… which for sure was taught in your five-year course? Unless you skipped classes.” My mother raised a brow.

Some of the engineers looked away, and others bowed down, as if they didn’t want to meet my mom’s eyes so she wouldn’t acknowledge their presence. Si Tito Rommel at Dad, nagkakatinginan lang ng tahimik.

“That’s why…I… I am also apologizing for my mistake, Ma’am. But Rommel recommended the supplier—”

“A foreman who has no power over approving materials. Let’s be honest here, Engineer Lopez, Rommel thought the supplier could be trusted, the reason why he recommended it. And you approved it right away because you are afraid to question his choices, knowing he is close to my husband. You let your emotion rule instead of using that knowledge you got from obtaining your license on how to build structural integrity.”

Engineer Lopez nodded and swallowed. Si Dad, tumingin na lang sa itaas ng ceiling, parang naghahanap ng ibang pagkakaabalahan para hindi madamay sa sermon.

Mom straight out looked at my father. “Tell Attorney Cordova to file a legal violation against that said supplier for supplying substandard materials, which led to the collapsed building and injuries. They must be investigated thoroughly so they will be banned from operating or supplying materials for a failure of safety standards.”

Engineer Lopez looked at my mom unbelievably. My father nodded obediently and gestured to Jane.

“Are you sure about that, Mrs. Cervando? What if they fight back and they blame us for not…testing it first? I mean…I’m honestly…scared because I was the one who failed to test the materials…” si Engineer Lopez.

“I understand your concern, but suppliers are also responsible for following standards and testing. What they did, selling us substandard materials, clearly didn’t pass safety standards, knowing we paid for high-quality materials. Or did we?” Then my mom looked at all of them again like a mouse she is trying to trap for lurking.

“We did, Ma’am. The supplier, based on the financial report, received an exact amount for high-quality materials…” si Jane ang nagsalita at pinakita sa chart ang naging takbo ng finances.

“Also, investigate each of the workers who is part of this big project. I know that this might sound offensive, that the company feels like doubting you, but clearly, we need to make sure if our only problem here was the supplier tricking us into giving substandard materials or someone corrupted the project that resulted in getting…substandard materials.”

I tried to stifle my smile, but I couldn’t help it. Dad looked surprised too. Another of Charlotta’s badass moments…

“What do you mean, Mrs. Cervando?” one of the architects asked curiously.

“Substandard is only substandard if the quality did not meet the intended quality given the price. Our company paid for good quality materials, but how come we were supplied with substandard? Was it the supplier’s fault…or was it our company that didn’t give the exact amount needed?” Mom eyed everyone suspiciously while clasping her fingers below her chin.

I saw my father staring at my mom seriously. Damn, man. You’re drooling.

“Once we can solve this problem and regain the trust of the client that this won’t happen again, I will start negotiating with Mr. Lim to rebuild the collapsed area.”

“He doesn’t want to negotiate,” my father answered thickly.

“I’ll speak to him personally then,” my mother argued.

My father frowned. “Charlotta… I’ll take care of this.”

“You suck at negotiating, Mr. Cervando. I’ll handle the talking,” my mother roasted bluntly. Uh-oh…

Nagtinginan ang iilan. I stood up to save myself from my parents’ dramatic scene. I’m suddenly regretting why I am here…

Nang buksan ko ang pinto, may nakatayo na sa harap na kakadating lang at hinatid pa yata ni Jasver na nasa likuran nila. The familiar man, who is Mr. Lim, together with his lawyer, entered.

Pinalabas na rin ang iba pa. Naiwan na lamang sa loob si Mommy at Dad kasama si Mr. Lim.

“Uwi na tayo, Pa?” marahang anyaya ni Jasver nang tinapik ni Tito Rommel ang balikat ng anak niya.

“Huwag ka nang mag-alala. Gano’n talaga sa trabaho. Ayos lang ako… kakausapin ko pa ang mga trabahante.”

“Let’s wait for the investigation, Tito Rommel,” I said to cheer him up.

Ngumiti siya at ginulo ang buhok ko. Kaso nang maalalang nasa tabi si Jasver, binawi agad at pasimpleng sumeryoso sa anak.

“Umuwi ka na. Hindi ka raw umuwi sabi ng Mama mo. Saan ka ba natulog? Kasama mo si Ancent?” Ako ang kasama…

“Nagpahangin lang sa tabi-tabi…” What an alibi, Mikael.

Kita ko ang pagbaba ng tingin ni Tito Rommel sa leeg ni Jasver. Hinaplos agad iyon ni Jasver at siguro nahalatang may sumisilip na pulang marka.

“Saan ka ba nagpahangin at parang nilamok ka?”

Tumingin-tingin ako sa paligid. Malaki pala talaga ang site…ngayon ko lang mas napansin.

“Hihintayin kita, Pa. Sabay na tayong umuwi,” si Jasver na hindi na sinagot ang tanong ni Tito Rommel.

“Oh sige… Kakausapin ko na muna ang mga trabahante.”

Sa sobrang distracted ni Tito Rommel, ni hindi niya na napansin na magkasama kaming dalawa ni Jasver na magkaaway naman sana. Dinala ko siya sa bahay sa site para makapagpahinga siya dahil pansin ko talaga na nanghihina.

“Next time, we should do it a little gently,” I said and handed him a glass of water.

Tumingin-tingin siya sa paligid, at nang mapansing walang tao, tinanggap ang baso ng tubig na inabot ko. I sat next to him and watched him chug down the water.

“Are you okay?” I asked softly. “I know you are worried for your father, but I believe he is just a victim of that supplier who tricked him.”

Ibinaba niya ang baso at pikit matang inihiga ang ulo sa sofa. I watched his side profile with amusement and traced the bridge of his pointed nose using my pointing finger.

“Hindi na bago sa akin ang minamaliit lagi si Papa ng isang engineer dahil lang malapit siya sa Dad mo. Hindi niya naman pinagyayabang na siya ang kasama ng Papa mo noong tinatayo ang kompanya. Siya ang naghanap ng mga trabahante at siya rin ang isa sa umaalalay sa mga engineers dahil buong buhay niya, sa construction site na siya nagtrabaho. Pero tingin ng ibang engineer sa kanya, sipsip siya sa Papa mo kaya laging sa kanya napupunta ang ibang malalaking project. Kahit ang totoo, talagang magaling humawak ng trabaho si Papa kaya pinagkakatiwalaan siya…”

I slowly listened and watched him talk. He’s getting comfortable telling me things, and I appreciate it so much.

“Noong nagtalo kami ni Papa, ang dami-dami kong sinabi. Lahat ng hinanakit ko. Kahit ’yung pangmamaliit sa kanya sa trabaho, na kung pwede, umalis na lang siya sa kompanya niyo dahil siya lagi ang nagmumukhang sipsip sa Papa mo, na hinuhuthutan namin ang pamilya niyo. Sa sobrang galit ko sa’yo no’n, kahit ang inuuwi niyang pera dito na galing naman sa pamilya niyo, ayaw ko,” he chuckled a little.

“Tito Rommel mentioned that to me. He almost punched you?”

He nodded and opened his eyes to look at me. “Oo. Papa mo pa ang nag-comfort sa akin no’n… Papa mo rin ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung bakit ganito siya makatulong sa pamilya namin. Kaya ang sakit marinig na…baka dahil kay Papa…guguho ang ipinundar ng Papa mo.”

I stared at him silently.

“Lagi kasing binabalewala ng ibang tao sa site na dugo at pawis din ang itinaya ng Papa ko sa kompanyang ito at hinding hindi siya gagawa ng isang bagay na ikakasira ng kompanya. Ang kinakabahala ko lang kanina kung…pinagdududahan din ba ng Papa mo si Papa. Iniisip ko pa lang, nasasaktan na agad ako.”

I cannot put words in my father’s mouth. Hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ngayon ni Dad, lalo na’t si Tito Rommel ang dinidiin ni Engineer Lopez. Kung matatanggalan ng lisensya si Engineer Lopez dahil sa palpak na nangyari, parang gusto niya ring siguraduhing tatanggalin din ni Dad si Tito Rommel na nagrekomenda mismo ng supplier.

“If they break their friendship over this, then let’s come out and reveal our relationship. Pangarap pa naman nila maging magbalae… Why don’t we get married right away to fix their friendship?” I grinned.

Kahit pa nakasimangot, wala sa sarili siyang natawa at itinulak ako palayo. “Gago. Wala ka talagang kwenta kausap minsan.”

I chuckled and nuzzled my face against his neck. Iritado niya akong itinulak, tumingin pa sa pinto kung sarado ba. I sighed heavily and closed my eyes.

“I’m worried too… Your father means a lot to me, and I don’t think I would recover if…he indeed corrupted the project. But I will hold on to that side of him I know very well. He is not greedy.”

Hinayaan niyang mahiga ang mukha ko sa leeg niya, hindi na gumalaw. I smiled and kissed the skin of his neck which made him grunted. I laughed.

“Umalis ka nga. May sakit pa ’yung tao, dadaganan mo lang ulit.” Sabay tulak niya sa akin.

“We didn’t cuddle earlier. Come on, don’t be too hard on your boyfriend…” Lumapit ako ulit, kaso hinawakan niya lang ang mukha ko at pinigilan akong lumapit.

“Ang assuming mo. Lumayo ka.” Pero kung makatulak, wala namang lakas.

Humiga ako sa mga hita niya at padapang niyakap ang baywang niya. Sinubukan niya lang ulit itulak ang ulo ko, pero hindi gano’n ka lakas at halatang nagpapanggap lang na nanlalaban hanggang nanatili na lang sa ulo ko ang kamay niya.

“We’ll get through this…” I yawned and closed my eyes sleepily. “Our family will get through this together…”

Chapter 41

Lovers

I didn’t know how the negotiation with Mr. Lim turned out, but the way my father makes a fuss about it, he didn’t like it.

“You called me Mr. Cervando in front of everyone like I am not your husband,” ang boses ni Dad nang papasok sila sa bahay, kasama si Tito Rommel, habang si Jasver ay nagkukunwari agad na nasa kabilang sofa.

My mother put Milo down. Kinuha ko agad at baka madamay pa. Pagala-gala na nga ’to sa site, lagi pang nakabuntot kay Mommy.

“I value professionalism when it comes to work. You should understand that,” si Mom na dire-diretso ang lakad habang bumubuntot si Dad sa kanya hanggang nasa sala na sila ng bahay.

Tito Rommel scratched his head and looked at me meaningfully. I only shrugged because I’m used to them fighting over the smallest things.

Hindi makausap ang dalawa. Si Tito Rommel, ako na lang ang kinalabit at gustong ipasabi kay Dad na uuwi na sila ni Jasver. I insisted on driving them home, but Jasver doesn’t want me to leave my parents, who are both debating about the negotiation.

Hindi ko matanong-tanong si Dad pero panay ang dabog niya tungkol sa negotiation ni Mom kay Mr. Lim. Minsan hindi ko na alam kung dahil ba nagdedemand na si Mr. Lim ng mas malaki bukod sa napagkasunduan, o may iba pa.

Thank God classes are over and summer is already approaching. Bukod sa init ng panahon, nakikisabay din ang problema ng pamilya namin. At ang patuloy na pagdadabog ni Dad.

“I said I’ll pay the entire termination contract. He lost his trust, and I fully understand it. No need to demand more negotiation from you.” At umagang umaga, iyon na agad ang agahan ko nang bumaba na, kakatapos lang maligo, boses nilang dalawa ang bumungad.

We’re at Forbes Park. Noong nagdesisyon si Dad na iuwi rito si Mommy sa Forbes Park namin na bahay, sa kotse pa lang, nagtatalo na sila. Ngayon naman, nagtatalo ulit!

“Morning!” I greeted and smiled at them while taking my seat. Nakita ko pa si Milo sa high windows at nasa labas, may hinahabol na butterfly sa fountain area at patalon-talong inaabot ’yon.

“You should be thankful that Mr. Lim is open for negotiation. He is willing to give you a chance to prove to him that the supplier tricked us or one of your employees was behind it—”

“Chance my ass…” My father snorted and rolled his eyes snobbishly. “He’s a widower, and there’s a rumor about our shaky marriage. Of course, he’s open now for negotiation because he thinks he can use it as a bridge to flirt with you… He’s probably thinking he already found someone to replace his dead wife.”

Naubo ako habang umiinom ng tubig. What the hell? Am I hearing Dad’s jealous ass as my breakfast? He couldn’t even acknowledge the elephant in the room, and he’s sticking to his personal grudges.

My mother clearly ignored Dad’s dramatic explanation as she calmly ate her sliced tomato paired with sliced avocado, toasted bread, and chopped baked carrots. Kahit ang maid na nagse-serve ng pagkain ko, ramdam din ang tensyon kay Mom at Dad na pasimple kaming nagtitinginan.

“I’m getting chills… it’s probably Mr. Lim’s dead wife eavesdropping and glaring at us…” I jokingly eyed the area to join their banter.

But they completely ignored my joke. I wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up in another divorce drama cuz my father is truly acting like Mom stepped on him this time if she won’t agree to his plans.

“We have a son, and you still think I’ll let a man flirt with me?” And even in the car, they’re still arguing about it. Si Milo na nasa lap ni Mommy, tahimik lang na nakatingin sa bintana, malamang nabibingi na rin ’yan.

For God’s sake, I should have used my car instead. Kaso gusto kasi ni Dad na siya na ang magmaneho. Papunta kami sa bahay nila Jasver dahil sinabi ko kay Mom kagabi ang tungkol kay Kali, and now, they couldn’t let go of this topic for three days in a row! And mind you, this is just one of their petty World War Three fights.

“Mom has a high standard in men, dad. I think she wouldn’t like him…” I joined the topic to at least calm his jealous ass.

My father looked at me in the mirror. “She likes Chinese men, Tyler… One of these days, we might only exist in your life as co-parents.”

Bruh… Can’t believe Dad is dramatic. So I’m not supposed to have German blood but…Chinese blood? Sounds cool, but…

“So Mom and I have the same taste? I like people with Chinese blood too. Not the pure ones, but you know, they have a little Chinese blood in them…” I grinned.

“She flirted with a Chinese engineer; that’s why she has some knowledge about it. Your mom was a notorious playgirl back in the day…” Dad blurted out bitterly, ignoring my kwento.

“Do you have a first love, mom?” I asked.

“Yup. A Chinese…” At si Frederich, labas sa ilong na yata ang pagkakasagot. Kaya naman pala pinag-iinitan si Mr. Lim…

I texted Jasver to at least share my parents drama.

Tyler:

Geez. My parents are kinda fighting. Haha. My father’s jealous ass is blasting all over the car. I’m hearing his bitterness singing lol

Tyler:

My dad is making a fuss about Mr. Lim and Mom’s negotiation. I found out mom’s into chinese men hahaha we have the same taste :p

Nagreply agad si Jasver habang patuloy si Mom at Dad sa pagtatalo. Kalmado ang mga sagot ni Mom, pero si Dad, halatang pinaparamdam kay Charlotta na nandidilim ang paningin kay Mr. Lim.

Naniningkit na ang mga mata ni Frederich kada banggit kay Mr. Lim. Ayos na ’yan. Mukha na siyang Chinese, pag galit nga lang.

Jasver:

Kakatapos ko lang magluto. Tindi rin ng Dad mo. Kaya niyang makipag-away sa Mommy mo? Kung ako ’yan tatahimik na lang ako.

Jasver:

May lahing Chinese si Mica ah? Girl bestfriend mo ’yon. Ba’t di mo nagustuhan? :)

“We fuck like rabbits all damn night when we’re together, and you’re still thinking like these men around me can make my legs shake…” my mom responded nonchalantly, which distracted me.

Nasira ang mukha ko at parang gusto ko na lang maglakad papuntang Cavite o mag taxi. I really can’t deal with their topic. It’s too much for me.

Natahimik si Dad. Ako naman dito sa likod, nandidiri. Why did I leave my AirPods? I should have brought it with me…

I typed a reply for Jasver absentmindedly while I continued cringing at my parents’ topic.

Haha I used to like her. I tried to shoot my shot but her demonic friend Sadie got in the way that’s why we didn’t click and just ended up being friends :/

“Fine. Negotiate with Mr. Lim. But after this, we’ll get married again,” my father said thickly.

Kasal na naman? Nalulugi na nga ang kompanya niya?

“Alright. If you want, we can hire Mr. Lim as your best man,” my mother teased.

What a pain in the ass…Sabay pa kami ni Dad na tiningnan si Mom, sabay din na nasira ang mukha. But then I know Dad is just making a fuss about this. My mom clearly just wants to help cuz we all know how my father can’t handle serious negotiations. Mom is the best option to talk to Mr. Lim.

Thank God they stopped bickering with each other as soon as the gate opened and Dad drove into their parking space. Pinagsabihan ko rin kasi ang dalawa baka mapaanak nang wala sa oras si Tita Klarisse pag narinig ang away nila.

Paglabas ko ng kotse, si Colt at Judo, patalong lumapit sa akin na ikinatingin pa ni Mom at Dad.

“Oh? Mukhang nakagaanan ka agad ng loob ng dalawa ah?” Nangingiting puna ni Tito Rommel habang sinasalubong ang parents ko na pumapasok na sa terrace.

“Mukhang mas madali pang makasundo ni Tyler ang mga aso kaysa sa panganay mo…” biro ni Dad at sabay silang nagtawanan ni Tito Rommel, akala mo naman hindi ko sila naririnig.

“Sila kasing dalawa ang literal na mga aso. Buti nga at kalmado na ngayon ang dalawa…” bulong-bulong pa si Tito Rommel kay Dad habang pinapanood nila akong dalawa na pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang dalawang malalaking aso.

“Eh hinabol daw ’to ni Ari noong pumunta dito?” si Dad na humalakhak.

“Oo… Nakwento nga ni Kittie. Umakyat ba naman sa gate kaya itong si Mikael, alam mo naman ang ugali…pinalabas si Ari para itaboy itong si Tyler,” naiiling si Tito Rommel habang humalakhak naman si Dad.

“Ang mahalaga, hindi na nagsusuntukan…” ani Dad.

Hearing how Tito Rommel and Dad conversed put me at ease. Pinoproblema kasi naming dalawa ni Jasver na baka maapektuhan sila sa problema sa site, lalo na’t si Tito Rommel ang nadidiin. But then the way they playfully talk to each other made me recall Tito’s words when he told me that they’re both chill.

“Tumaba si Milo! Balita ko nag-US ’to ah?” Ngiti ni Tita Klarisse nang haplusin ang ulo ni Milo habang karga pa rin ito ni Mommy, ang paborito niya at ayaw na ata sa akin.

Ari, the demonic dog carried by her master, who’s looking at me darkly, barked at me. Kita ko pang sinamaan ng tingin ni Milo si Ari. Kung ibababa ’to ni Mommy, kakalmutin siguro ’yan ni Milo.

“Ah… Oo nga pala. Parehas sila ng perfume na binibigay ko noon,” natatawa si Dad at tumingin sa akin. “Pag binibigyan kasi kita, binibilhan ko rin siya.”

“Kuya Jasver doesn’t like that perfume anymore, Dada. But he still smells like one because—”

“Ma, nakahanda na ang lamesa. Papasukin mo na sila dito. Mainit diyan sa labas,” singit ni Jasver, saktong kakalabas lang, naka sleeveless shirt at black shorts, sabay akbay sa madaldal niyang kapatid na tumahimik din naman agad.

May nag-doorbell kaya tumingin ako doon at nakita ang isang bata, may hawak na dustpan. Pinapasok na kami ni Tito Rommel sa loob habang si Kittie naman ang lumapit sa gate. Si Kali, malaki agad ang ngiti habang inaayos ang mesa.

Tito Rommel and Dad were normally conversing, laughing at some silly topics about Milo’s first travel, while Tita Klarisse and Mom were now talking about Tita Klarisse’s expected delivery next week.

I am actually excited for the baby. Lalaki daw eh. Pinag-uusapan nila ngayon ang pangalan at gusto nila na letter K ulit. I suggested Kaizer kaso umubo si Dad at inilingan ako dahil may naisip na raw na pangalan si Jasver. Mukhang ayaw nilang pagmulan na naman namin ’to ng away pag pinaboran ang gusto ko.

“What name?” I asked Jasver casually.

Si Tito Rommel na susubo na sana, nag-aalala pang tiningnan ang anak. Dad sipped on his water while his eyes were alertly watching Jasver’s reaction.

“Kian…” sabi ni Jasver.

“Kian’s too common.” I snorted and laughed. “Ayaw mo sa Kaizer?”

“Kaizer is cool. I like it,” kampi ni Kali sa akin.

“Then name that to your baby. I like Kian,” si Kittie na sumabat kaya napatingin na ang lahat kay Kali na agad nawala ang ngiti.

Parang biglang naalala ng lahat ang tungkol kay Kali, lalo na’t ito naman talaga ang dahilan kaya kami dumayo. Nag-aalala rin kasi si Dad kay Kali kaya nagdesisyon silang pumunta na lang kaming lahat para makibalita sa mismong plano.

“Sino ba ’yung nakabuntis? Boyfriend mo, Kali?” tanong ni Dad lalo na’t tumahimik ang lahat.

Kali slowly nodded. “But…we already broke up—”

“He ghosted her, Dada,” sumbong ni Kittie na sinamaan pa ng tingin ni Kali.

“Hay naku…mga kabataan ngayon. Ibang iba sa henerasyon natin,” naiiling na sabi ni Tito Rommel nang tingnan si Dad na natawa lang ng kaunti.

“And what’s your plan now?” si Mom na tiningnan si Kali.

“She tried to abort her child…” si Tita Klarissa ang nagpaliwanag kay Mommy. “But we don’t like. I don’t like. It’s not…uh…the child’s fault.” At tiningnan ni Tita Klarisse si Jasver. “Tama ba ’yung sinabi ko, Kuya?”

“Fetus nga, Ma,” pagtatama ni Jasver.

“I understand,” si Mom na tumango. “You want Kali to keep the fetus because aborting it means sinful…based on your beliefs.”

Tita Klarisse nodded. “Yes. I mean… abortion is murder… The baby is…kawawa…”

Jasver sighed as if he’s now too tired from lecturing his mother. I mean, I understand why she thinks it’s a murder because these kinds of topics are not welcome to be discussed publicly in the Philippines nor taught in school.

“Have you asked Kali if she is ready as a mother?” my mom asked calmly.

“Eh nandiyan na kasi… The baby, in her stomach. It’s there,” sali ni Tito Rommel.

“Kali,” my mother called.

Kali swallowed hard and looked at us. I smiled at her.

“Abortion is not legalized here in the Philippines. My parents are fine keeping the fetus; Kali is not. She is not ready; that’s why she attempted to abort it through drinking medicines, which almost put her life in danger,” Jasver explained, who seemed stressed from hearing his parents’ words.

“Kaya naman kasi naming buhayin eh. Mahahanap din ang pera. Mabigat lang sa amin na gusto niyang ipalaglag. Hindi kami pabor ng Papa niya. Kaso… gusto niya. Pero paano namin ’yon susuportahan kung ikakapahamak niya rin,” si Tita Klarisse na tiningnan si Kali.

My mom nodded, showing that she understands her. She even put her spoon down and took the napkin off the table to wipe her lips.

“And what are your thoughts about it, Kali? Your parents are willing to raise the child…”

Natahimik ulit ang lamesa, lahat ay nakatitig kay Kali. She looks cornered and unable to answer my mom’s question.

“How old are you again?” Mom asked.

“Turning 18 next week po…” Kali answered softly.

“Too young to become a mother. Are you prepared for a lifetime responsibility? Are you prepared to carry it for nine months and raise it once you deliver it? Are you prepared to be a mother?”

Kali lowered her head and shook it slowly. “I’m…not. I understand it was my fault po…I didn’t use contraceptives…but I am too young to become a mother.”

“Kali, nandito kami… Tutulong kami ng Papa mo sa pag-aalaga. Nandiyan din si Kuya mo,” si Tita Klarisse.

Jasver sighed and sipped on his water. Gusto ko sanang bumoses, kaso nang si Mommy na ang nagsalita, nanahimik na lang ako.

“It’s easy to say that, Klarisse, but we should remember that Kali is a child. Our main problem here is a child bearing a child. As parents who care for our children, we can easily say we can raise their child for them. But can she handle the aftermath of pregnancy? Postpartum depression? Hormonal changes of the body after giving birth? A reality that you are now putting your child as your priority instead of yourself?”

Natahimik si Tita Klarisse at nag-aalalang napatingin kay Kali.

“Motherhood is a beautiful thing, but not everyone can be a mother, especially when you are forcing a child to become one, a teen who’s not financially stable, or a woman who’s not mentally ready.”

Kali’s head slowly rose up, like she finally found someone who can voice out what’s on her mind.

“I wasn’t given a chance to become a mother again, even if I want to. I’d trade everything to have them back because I know I am capable as a mother. I can sustain their needs, and I can raise them both mentally and emotionally, but my main problem is my body. I’m physically fragile.”

“But if you are going to ask me if I support women aborting a fetus, I’d say yes. It will only be a sin if you raise a child when you are not capable of being a mother. Because in reality, we are forcing a woman to bring a life into this world while taking away another life—hers.”

“Cuz once you are a mother, you pause living your life according to how you like it. You are now forced to prioritize your child. You are now given a lifetime responsibility you can’t escape once you deliver it. So if you are going to become a mother, you should ask yourself not just once, but a hundred times if you are capable of being one.”

I sniffed and smiled at my mom proudly. I patted her head, but she slapped it off, which made me frown. Natawa si Tita Klarisse at Tito Rommel. Kahit si Dad, may ngiti na rin sa labi.

“Love you, mom… I’m proud you’re a great mom to me…” I blurted out shamelessly and combed her ponytailed hair instead using my fingers.

Kali unexpectedly smiled while looking at me being clingy to mom.

“Hindi siya nahihiyang mag-I love you, Kuya, oh?” nangingiting sabi ni Tita Klarisse kay Jasver na magkasalubong lang ang kilay.

“Mana kasi ’yan sa akin. Makapal ang mukha,” si Dad kaya natawa si Tito Rommel.

“Sa akin mana ang panganay ko eh. Mahiyain…” Hagikhik ni Tito Rommel.

Unlike how my mom handled my dad’s problem, she’s soft on discussing things with Kali. She even told them if Kali really wants to abort it, she will bring Kali with her to the US for a legal procedure—a doctor who has a license to do it.

Dad was pretty quiet about it. Hindi ko nga alam kung ano ang opinyon niya, o ayaw niya lang din makialam dahil nga nag-aalala rin siya sa akin. Tanggap ko naman na only child ako, pero iba pa rin talaga kung may kapatid…

Kaso parang hindi talaga komportable si Kali na pag-usapan iyon sa harap ng lahat. Kaya noong matapos kumain, inaya pa ni Tita Klarisse si Kali sa kuwarto kasama si Mommy, at doon sila nag-usap na sila sila lang muna.

Naiwan kaming boys sa table lalo na’t si Kittie, mas piniling makipaglaro kay Milo na hindi malapitan ni Ari, medyo natakot yata sa kanya. Buti nga.

“Ibebenta rin namin ’yung lupa namin sa Siargao. Ayaw kasi sana ni Mikael eh napamahal na rin sa amin ang lupain na ’yon pero sunod-sunod na talaga ang problema at ang daming bayarin…” Napakamot si Tito Rommel sa ulo niya at naiiling na ngumiti.

“Malaki rin ang lupa na ’yon…” si Dad na napapaisip. “Sigurado ba kayo? Pamana ’yon ng namatay na Lola ni Mikael sa kanya, ’di ba?”

I looked at Jasver, who refused to hold eye contact with me. Daplis lang halos ang tingin niya sa akin minsan, o kahit titig, talagang ayaw.

“Si Mikael din ang nagdesisyon. Balak niya na ngang huminto para magtrabaho muna dahil buntis itong si Kali, pero sabi ko, kaya ko naman. Basta mag-focus lang siya sa pag-aaral…igagapang ko silang lahat hanggang makapagtapos sila sa pag-aaral. Alam mo naman, ayan na lang ang pambawi natin sa sarili natin na hindi nakapagtapos…” natatawang kuwento ni Tito Rommel.

Hihinto talaga siya? Pwede ko naman siyang pag-aralin ah? Pero alam ko rin na hindi siya basta bastang papayag. I typed a reply for Jasver, who’s silently staring at the wine glass.

Tyler:

How much is the land?

“Pupuntahan niya ’yon sa susunod na buwan—bibisitahin. Balak sana naming umuwi lahat, kaso sa nangyari, at bagong anak pa lang si Klarissa, dito na lang siguro muna kami. Si Mikael lang ang uuwi sa Siargao para asikasuhin ang pagbebenta ng lupain,” patuloy na kuwento ni Tito Rommel.

Tiningnan ni Jasver ang phone niya. He stared at it suspiciously, like I am a scammer who’s about to scam him because of my message. He put down his phone and crossed his arms, looking at our fathers talking continuously.

“Itong si Tyler, mahilig ’tong bumili-bili ng mga lupain. Noong nakaraan, bumili ’to ng lupa sa Samal. Anong lupain nga ’yon, Tyler?” My father looked at me, who was attempting to sip on his wine.

“Resort, dad. Just a small one…” I said.

Namangha si Tito Rommel at tumango. “Maganda kasing pagkakitaan ang lupain talaga dahil habang tumatagal, mas nagmamahal sila.”

“Yup. And I am actually eyeing another land in Siargao to put my other yachts. I’m also planning to…buy a land there.” I smiled.

“Oh? Talaga?” si Tito Rommel na mas namangha, ngunit siguro, naaalalang hindi naman kami magkasundo ng anak niya, ang ambang sasabihin, pinigilan.

“May buyer na ba ng lupain, Mikael?” pasimpleng tanong ni Tito Rommel sa kanyang anak na magkasalubong na naman ang kilay.

“Kung walang nahanap na buyer…baka pwedeng si Tyler na lang ang bumili. Mas mabuti na ’yung sa malapit niyo lang na pamilya ang may hawak ng lupa na may sentimental value,” pasimpleng hirit din ni Dad.

Tumango si Tito Rommel. “Oo rin. Pero hindi nakapangalan ’yon sa akin. Kay Mikael. Kung…papayag siya.”

Tatlo na kaming nakatingin ngayon kay Jasver. I smiled at him.

“We can be business partners if you want. Pwede ko siyang patayuan ng business at hati tayo sa kikitain. But of course, I’ll involve legal contracts so you won’t think I will scam you or somethin’,” I said and laughed a little.

Nagtinginan si Tito Rommel at Dad, pigil ang mga ngiti at ayaw ipahalatang nagugustuhan nila ang pagiging kalmado namin.

“Pwede…” Tumango tango si Dad. “Baka sa business pala kayo magkakasundong dalawa?”

“Ano, Mikael? Payag ka?” si Tito Rommel.

“Anong klaseng business ba ang balak mo?” seryosong tanong ni Jasver sa akin.

Tito Rommel and my father eyed each other with a stifled smile. They seemed enjoyin’ the calmness between their sons who’s secretly fucking behind their backs. What a twist.

“Yacht parties for rentals. Kung lupa naman, lalo na sa Siargao na kilalang maraming turista, a resto bar is probably a nice business there. Malaki ba ang lupa niyo? Maybe I can build a resort? I’m really plannin’ to build one… Isa sa pinag-iipunan ko.” I sipped my wine glass and eyed him seriously.

“Resort… Magastos ’yon…” si Tito Rommel na napatitig sa kawalan. “Pero ’yung lupa namin sa Siargao, malapit lang sa beach. Kaya nga itong si Mikael, pag nandoon, nagpapabanda. Pinagkikitaan niya. Ang dami ring dumadayo doon eh. Madalas babae. Puro siya ang sadya…” Hagikhik ni Tito Rommel na ikinaangat ng kilay ko.

Jasver cleared his throat and poured himself a wine. And now you’re drinkin’…

“Babaero ba ’tong batang ’to? Parang hindi… Itong si Tyler… ayaw ko na lang magsalita. May pinagmanahan ba naman…” si Dad na talagang hinalungkat pa ang akin!

“Hindi. Pero nagkaka girlfriend ’yan sa Siargao. Sino-sino nga ang mga ’yon, Mikael?” Tingin ni Tito Rommel kay Jasver na napainom na.

Sino-sino. Marami pala talaga…

I leaned against my seat, parted my legs a bit, and crossed my arms while grinning. I’m actually having fun listening to his past cuz he doesn’t share or… I haven’t asked about it yet.

“Tagal na ’yon, Pa,” he shook his head and placed the glass of water calmly, unable to look at me.

“Pero naka-tatlong girlfriend ka rin, ’di ba?” At ayaw pang pakawalan ni Tito Rommel ang topic. Nakatatlo naman pala?

My father silently listens while smiling. Jasver licked his lower lip and nodded a little.

“High school pa ’yon. Limot ko na… Busy na ngayon sa college kaya wala nang oras mag girlfriend,” he defended.

“Pero ang babait ng mga nagiging girlfriend nito,” si Tito Rommel na tiningnan kami ni Dad, may pagmamalaki sa tinig. “Lalo na ’yung kulot…laging pumupunta sa bahay. Mga may lahi din kasi madalas ang nagiging ka-relasyon niya. May iba, LDR pa. Pero pag bumibisita, sa bahay agad namin dumidiretso at nagbabakasyon… Nag-alala pa ako noon na baka makabuntis to ng maaga dahil binabahay niya eh…pero nakakagulat at ’yung pangalawa ko pa pala ang mauuna…”

Binabahay… Tapos ngayon, pahirapan pa akong dalhin sa bahay nila. I moved my lips, and Jasver looked at me alertly. I even shook my right leg as I nodded with Tito Rommel.

“Ang ganda ng ganyang relasyon…legal sa parents,” sagot ni Dad sabay tingin sa akin. “Hindi maka-relate si Tyler. Tago ’to lagi eh. Pero nahuhuli naman ng Mom niya. May isa kang naging ex, ’di ba?”

“Yes, Dad. She cheated… Kaya ayaw ko na ng girlfriend eh. I used to play around but not anymore… I’m quite serious at the moment.”

My father nodded and looked at Tito Rommel with a proud smile.

“Hindi ’to mahilig ngayon sa girlfriend. Iba ang gusto…” my father said coolly.

“Itong si Mikael din. Walang balak mag girlfriend. Pero sabi ng bunso, meron daw eh… Hinihintay na lang namin na dalhin niya dito sa bahay.”

“Kahit itong si Tyler, hindi pa pinapakilala sa akin ’yung pinaghihinalaan ng Mom niya. Ayaw namang sabihin…kilala ko raw. Kaso di ko alam sino. Hula ko kaibigan niya eh…” My father even looked at me suspiciously.

“Kilala ko ba ’yan, Tyler? ’Yan ba ’yung chinita na kaibigan mo o…” hula ni Tito Rommel na ikinaangat ng kilay ni Jasver.

“Hindi nga raw mahilig sa girlfriend, Pa. Ayaw sa babae,” si Jasver ang dumugtong at medyo napatigas ang boses.

“O edi ano…lalaki ba?” Tito Rommel asked casually.

“Yup.” I chuckled coolly.

“He’s into men. Kaya nga sinubukan ko itong ireto sa anak ni Architect Gomez eh. Bisexual ’yon. Kaso itong si Tyler, ayaw…” ani Dad.

“Ah, si Bryse… Mabait ’yon na bata… Bagay sa’yo ’yon, Tyler.” Ngiti ni Tito Rommel sa akin.

Jasver’s brows furrowed completely. “Hindi naman, Pa.”

“Huwag mo nang tarantaduhin. Baka magkainitan na naman kayo…” pangaral ni Tito Rommel.

“He’s not my type, Tito Rommel…” I corrected while smiling.

My father sipped on his wine while Tito Rommel looked curious. Jasver remained serious, almost scowling on his seat.

“Huh? Edi sino? Ano ba ang mga tipo mo sa lalaki?” Tito Rommel asked.

“Your son…” I answered honestly.

Jasver looked away and cleared his throat. Si Dad, naubo sa wine niya. Si Tito Rommel, natawa pa ng kaunti.

“My son? Katulad ni Mikael?” he laughed.

“I mean, your son, Tito. I like your son…”

His smile vanished gradually. My father’s jaw dropped.

“Si Mikael?” Tito Rommel confirmed.

“Yup. We’re…dating.”

Pagalit ngunit hindi naitago ni Jasver ang ngisi sa labi nang sinipa niya ako sa ilalim ng mesa. “Gago. Hindi pa nga. Huwag kang atat.”

Nagkatinginan si Tito Rommel at Dad. They looked at each other until my father stood up first.

“Balae?” He pointed at Tito Rommel.

Tito Rommel then stood up out of excitement. “Balae!”

“Hindi pa kami!” Jasver explained, but our fathers were now hugging each other while tapping their backs happily.

At parang mas gulat pa sila sa amin ni Jasver, kaysa ang isipin na parehas kaming mahilig sa lalaki.

“Anong nangyayari? Ba’t kayo nagsisigawan?” Biglang lumabas si Tita Klarisse; kahit si Mom, sumunod at nalilito dahil sa kaingayan ni Tito Rommel at Dad.

“May relasyon ang dalawa!” Tito Rommel pointed at us proudly.

I laughed and sipped on my wine. Kumalma agad ang ekspresyon ni Tita Klarisse.

“Akala ko naman kung ano na!” si Tita Klarisse na hinawakan ang dibdib. “Eh halata naman… akala ko alam niyo na ring dalawa?”

“Ma, hindi pa kami,” giit ni Jasver pero hindi pinansin ni Tita Klarisse.

“Sumbong ni Kittie, naka-full blast pa daw ang aircon ni Mikael noong sa kuwarto niya natulog itong si Tyler. Eh nag e-electric fan nga lang ’yan… Tapos tinatawag pa siyang Jasver ni Tyler. Doon na ako nagduda no’n lalo na’t ayaw naman sana nila sa isa’t isa…”

“Balae!” Muling sigaw ni Dad at nakipagkamay ulit kay Tito Rommel na kinamayan agad siya.

“Balae!” Tito Rommel shouted too.

“Which means Kittie is right?” si Kali na medyo nagulat.

“Even Colt, Judo, and Ari knew. That house climber likes Kuya…” Kittie looked at me darkly.

“Hindi pa daw kami, Tita…” natatawa kong sumbong lalo na’t nagkakamot na ng batok si Jasver.

“Ay doon na rin naman kayo patungo. Ewan ko nga kay Kuya, hindi pa pinapakilala na boyfriend niya eh halatang halata na silang dalawa…”

“Eh kilala niyo naman na ’yan. Ba’t pa ipapakilala?” Jasver crossed his arms snobbishly.

“Pero ang mga ex…binabahay…” I arched my brow.

Jasver looked away and stifled his smile. “Seselos pa… nandito ka na nga sa bahay…”

“Anak ko nga ’to. Seloso!” My father cheered, joined by Tito Rommel’s laugh.

“Hindi na kailangan ng DNA! Anak nga ni Fred!” Halakhak ni Tito Rommel.

Jasver scratched his nape, trying to act cool and serious, while I was grinning from ear to ear.

“Welcome kang pumunta dito lagi, Tyler,” si Tita Klarisse.

“Aaraw-arawin niyan, ma…”

“Eh araw-araw kitang gustong makita. You can’t blame me…” I said smoothly.

Tito Rommel and Dad started laughing loudly. Jasver furrowed his brow, but he couldn’t stifle his smile anymore.

“Ganyan din ako bumanat noon kay Teresse eh. Anak ko nga!” pagmamayabang ni Dad.

“’Yung panganay ko, mahiyain pa. Pero mana din ’yan sa akin. Hintayin mo lang…pag ’yan dumiskarte…” Papaupo na ulit si Tito Rommel.

“Ba’t pa didiskarte, Pa, eh akin na nga?” Jasver said cockily, which fueled our parents’ reaction to become dramatic.

I licked my lower lip and chuckled too. Umirap si Jasver, ngunit nasa labi na rin ang mayabang na ngisi.

“Mayabang! Anak ko nga!” Turo ni Tito Rommel, tumayo ulit at nakipag-apir kay Dad. “Ganyan ko rin nakuha si Klarisse noon eh! Dinaan ko sa yabang!”

“Heh! Kaya ang dami-dami nating anak dahil sa paganyan-ganyan mo!” Halakhak ni Tita Klarisse at tiningnan si Mommy. “Did you know? Tyler and Mikael…uh…lovers?”

“Ma, hindi nga lovers!” pagtatama ni Jasver pero natatawa na. Ngumuso ako at hindi na maitago ang ngiti habang si Dad at Tito Rommel, nagtatawanan pa rin.

“Yes…” My mother nodded calmly. “Our families are not just friends anymore. We are now soon to be in-laws…”

Dad and Tito Rommel bumped each other’s shoulders again. “Balae…” they called each other playfully while laughing.

Chapter 42

Date

The main priority was supposed to be talking about Kali’s situation, but it seems like the topic about our past triggered us to reveal.

Our parents, especially our fathers, were too giddy about it. Kahit sinasabi ni Jasver na hindi pa naman kami, sa isip nila Dad, bukas na bukas, pwede na kaming ipakasal agad.

Mom and Tita Klarisse were the ones who were calm. Natatawa pa si Tita sa akin dahil alam niya kung gaano namin ka ayaw ang isa’t isa. Even our trip to Romblon became their topic, and they kept on talking about it, asking us how we ended up as lovers—at hindi pa naman daw nga sabi ni Jasver.

“Kamuntik magpatayan tapos malalaman mong sila pala?” my father blurted out and laughed along with Tito Rommel.

Medyo natawa rin ako. I mean, I didn’t expect the sudden turn of events. It just happens. Hindi ko rin naisip talaga na magugustuhan ko si Jasver, o magkakagusto ako sa lalaki. Now that we are being interrogated about this, I slowly reflected on the past too.

My first relationship was a little wild, immature, and teenage moment. I clearly didn’t know how it would work.

Ngayon lang ako naging ganito ka sabik pumasok ulit, at kahit ang mga simpleng bagay noon na pinagtatawanan ko pa dahil corny sila, ngayon, gusto ko ring maranasan.

I wanted to experience kissing publicly—with no lust involved, holding hands, dinner dates, celebrating monthsaries, or even just a simple good morning. I wanted to giggle in the middle of the night with him, to cuddle in one bed, to watch him cook, and to do all of the corniest things ’till we’re old.

But I’m being quite salty… Kaya kahit ang matulog sa bahay nila, di ko ginawa at sumama pauwi sa parents ko. Hindi rin naman ako pinilit…

“She decided to let us adopt the child,” Mom said, which shifted the entire attention to Kali.

Alalang-alala ko ang reaksyon ko. I was teary-eyed and I hugged Kali right away. Hindi lang dahil pangarap ko iyon, kundi dahil…binigyan ni Kali ng pagkakataon si Mommy na maging ina ulit.

No one forced her. In the middle of our parents giggling about Jasver and my nonexistent relationship, Kali dropped that decision.

Kung may pinanghahawakan mang lakas ngayon ang parents ko—ang pamilya namin, iyon ay ang madadagdagan na kami ng isa sa susunod na taon.

“I offered it to her because I know you want to take care of that child too. She has two options: either to abort it or to let us adopt the child, and we will shoulder everything—even her expenses during her pregnancy. And she chose the latter,” my mom explained while we were on our way home and I was still asking her about Kali’s decision.

I don’t clearly understand what made Kali change her mind. But I noticed during the playful bickering of our parents about my relationship with Jasver, I caught her giggling and laughing. She’s happy watching us.

Alam ko na hindi pa handa si Kali, na ang pagbubuntis ay hindi para sa kanya, lalo na’t bata pa. But she will risk it; she wants to deliver it because she believes that if there is someone who is more capable of being a mother, it is my mom.

Being a mother is a choice. And no one must force a woman to become one…unless she is ready.

“Oh my gosh, he yawned!” Kali giggled when she was the one who carried her brother this time.

Umagang-umaga sa Lunes na iyon, nabalitaan namin na isinugod na si Tita Klarisse sa ospital at nanganak na. Kali and I have been keeping in contact lately for updates. Ako na rin kasi ang nagsabi kay Mom na sagot ko na muna si Kali sa pagbubuntis niya. Kaya ako agad ang nauna niyang sabihan, saka ko sinabihan ang parents ko.

“Kuya Tyler, carry him!” si Kali na biglang inilapit iyon sa akin.

Hindi ako kailanman nakakarga ng ganito kaliit na baby kaya kabado ako nang hinawakan ko iyon. But my heartbeat is raising too fast—thumping out of excitement as I slowly took it from Kali’s arms.

“Pag ’yan nalaglag mo,” puna ni Jasver kaya tumawa ang mga parents niya.

“Alalayan mo, Kuya!” si Tita Klarisse na nanghihina pa sa kama, pero abala sa pagkain dahil puno rin ang mesa niya ng dala kong food.

Jasver was beside me, watching me alertly. I scooped the baby in my arms like the most fragile thing I’ve ever held; his head rested on my forearm as he cutely yawned again.

“He looks like a worm…” I whispered to Jasver and chuckled.

“Sana di ’to maarte pag laki,” si Jasver na hinawakan ang kamay nito.

“Ang anak ni Kali na magiging Cervando, ’yon ang magiging maarte for sure…” I smirked at him.

“Kamukha niya si Mikael noong baby pa. Hulma pa lang ng kilay na salubong, Mikael na Mikael na eh,” si Tito Rommel na nanatili lang sa tabi ni Tita Klarisse, sinusubuan ang asawa.

Dapat pala ito na lang ang in-adopt namin. Imagine if Jasver and I both raise it? We’ll look like the parents of this kid. Kamukha niya ang Daddy niya—hindi pa nga daw kami.

I chuckled from my illusions and crunch my nose while crouching a bit to kiss the baby’s forehead. Doon ko lang din napansin ang ginawa ko, nakalimutang hindi ko nga pala ’to kaano-ano pero kung makahalik…

“He smells like powder,” sabi ko kay Jasver na naabutan kong titig na titig sa akin.

Kumurap siya at tumingin ulit sa kapatid niya. “Bagong silang eh. Tingnan mo, pag laki nito, mga nasa limang taong gulang, amoy araw na kakalaro sa labas.”

My parents arrived late, though. Nauna kasi ako sa ospital. Doon na sila dumating noong tulog na ang baby.

“Kinarga kanina ni Tyler, balae,” kuwento ni Tito Rommel kay Dad.

“Ang bilis na talaga ng panahon ’no, balae? Biruin mo, noong mga bata pa sila, pinag-awayan din nila si Kali…” hirit ni Dad at natawa na hindi ko masyadong narinig dahil nangingiti kong tiningnan ang pictures na kuha ni Jasver noong hinawakan ko ang kapatid niya.

The baby was suddenly the breathe of fresh air after a heavy storms our family were facing. Distracted ang mga Chua sa bagong silang na sanggol, kami naman, distracted na sa problema sa kompanya.

Pero kung may agaw pansin man, iyon ay hindi na sumisipot sa meeting si Engineer Lopez. Naririnig ko kay Tito Rommel, nanginginig daw ang lahat sa tuwing magpapatawag si Mom ng meeting at kahit wala naman silang kasalanan, dahil kay Mom, parang may tinatago raw silang ilegal kahit wala naman.

She fully took over. Si Dad, kung may mas pinoproblema, iyon ay ang negotiation pa rin kay Mr. Lim.

“Do me a favor, son. Ikaw na lang ang makipag-negotiate kay Mr. Lim. Besides, you’re also good at negotiations, right? Why don’t you handle this and show me that talent of yours?” At tingnan mo nga, idadamay pa talaga ako sa problema nilang mag-asawa!

“Dad, I’m just a son. I don’t wanna hear Mom’s sermon. Sakit sa tainga,” sabi ko at umiling, ayaw makisali.

He puts his two hands at the side of his waist problematically. Gusto kong matawa na talagang mas problemado siya ngayon kumpara noong ilang milyon ang nalugi dahil sa pagbagsak ng building.

“Just join them while they’re negotiating. Makinig ka. Pwede ring ikaw ang taga-lagay ng tubig sa baso ni Mom pag nauhaw siya para kunwari may silbi ka,” I insisted and laughed.

His expression worsened. “Para naman akong third wheel. Noong ako ang nagselos…iniwasan ko agad. Pero ang Mommy mo, may gana pang ituloy kahit alam niyang nagseselos ako. Tss. She doesn’t really love me…”

I wanted to laugh at his misery, but somehow…I kinda relate. Oo nga ’no? When Jasver got jealous of Architect Gomez’s son, I reassured him. Now that I was the one who got jealous with his multiple exes, he didn’t…assure me.

Kung kanina, si Dad lang ang natutulala, nadamay na rin ako at napaisip. Parehas kaming salubong ang kilay at natahimik.

“Oo nga pala… Pupunta si Mikael sa Siargao. Sasamahan mo ba? Samahan mo! Baka mabenta niya sa iba ang lupain. Just buy it,” si Dad na lumawak agad ang ngiti nang mabanggit si Jasver.

Nagpapasuyo pa nga ako…

After that dinner, I got salty about his exes. Hindi ko naman dinidibdib o ano pero…hinihintay ko na magpaliwanag siya sa pinagsasabi ni Tito Rommel. Kaso nanganak na lang si Tita Klarisse, kahit kaonting paliwanag, wala akong natanggap.

Sure, legal na kami sa parents namin. Both of our parents were celebrating it like one of these days, we’ll get married. Anong pakakasalan kung hindi naman pala kami?

I looked at my phone, and there are no messages from him. Hindi rin ako makapunta-punta sa kanila ngayon dahil umaalalay ako sa site at sinasali pa ako ni Dad sa problema niya kay Mr. Lim. Kung kailan pwedeng pwede na dumalaw, saka naman hirap.

“Sumama ka, Tyler. Samahan mo si Mikael…” At kahit si Tito Rommel, noong nagkita kami sa site, iyon din ang sinabi.

Natatawa ako rito kay Dad at Tito Rommel. Pag nagkakasalubong sila, o kahit nagkakatinginan lang, malalaki agad ang ngiti at magtuturuan sa isa’t isa sabay sabing balae. Kahit ang mga trabahante ni Dad, nakakarinig na.

I typed a text for Jasver right away when I got home.

Tyler:

Pupunta ka sa Siargao? Sasama ako.

At ang tagal pang nakareply. Tatlong oras yatang nagtimpla ng gatas.

Jasver:

Huwag na. Saglit lang ako doon.

I suddenly remembered Tessa and how he seems touchy with her. ’Yun ba ’yung tinutukoy ni Tito Rommel na kulot na ex? Kaso iba rin ang sabi ni Kali eh. Si Kittie kasi, hindi ko talaga magawang makausap. Nandiyan pa madalas ang bantay na si Ari na tatahulan agad ako pag lumapit ako kay Kittie.

I just opened my Facebook app and saw Mavric changing his profile picture. Mabilis akong nagcomment habang nakangisi. Noong nagreply siya, doon agad ako nakaisip ng pwedeng alibi para mag-Siargao.

Hah. Kung hindi niya ako isasama, ako na lang ang pupunta.

Alam ko naman na ayaw niya sa clingy. Alam ko rin na gusto niyang dahan-dahanin. Pero napapaisip kasi ako lalo na sa sitwasyon ni Dad kay Mom kahit alam ko naman na mahal ni Mommy si Dad. Pero kung hindi rin ipaparamdam ni Dad na nagseselos siya, na may problema, hindi siya susuyuin ni Mom.

Bago lang kami ni Jasver. Sure, he doesn’t even acknowledge us as lovers yet, but I wanted to really…experience being part of his world. I want him to include me.

“Baka naman kasi sa kama lang kayo mutual?” si Ron na kausap ko kanina pa habang kumakain kami at nasa yate na, hindi ko napigilang magtanong kung normal ba ang sa amin ni Jasver.

I missed them. Ilang araw akong distracted sa site; hindi na sila halos nakakamusta, at ngayon lang ulit nagsama sa advance birthday celebration ni Mavric kasama ang mga kapatid niya.

Ron knows about Jasver. Hindi ko na ’yon maitatago pa. Wala rin akong balak itago. Parang niyakap na lang din ni Ron iyon at tinanggap.

“He said we’ll take it slow. Dude, we’re now legal. Our parents knew,” I explained firmly while we were watching Shiloh and Riri crouching down in front of a bucket filled with shells.

“Take it slow ba talaga?” Natatawang hirit ni Ron kaya humalakhak din ako at siniko siya. Kita niyang seryoso ang problema ko, kung ano-ano ang iisipin!

“Edi sundan mo! Simple as that! I mean, one thing to know if someone likes you is to test how they’re willing to be with you! Gano’n kasi ’yon eh. Akala ng boys, pag nagbibigay ng flowers, nangyayaya mang date, o nagbibigay ng gifts, kontento na kami doon. We appreciate showing up! We appreciate unexpected gestures! Alam mo ’yung hindi mo na kailangang sabihin o magpaalam, ipaparamdam na lang nila sa’yo at magugulat ka na gusto mo pala ng gano’n…” si Mic Mic nang siya naman ang makausap ko kahit walang ideya kung sino ang tinutukoy ko.

“Magsama kayong dalawa ni Mavric!” sigaw bigla ni Rick nang dumaan siya sa tabi ko at narinig ata ang pag-uusap.

“Wow, Tyler! Girlfriend ba ’yan? Ikaw, maggi-girlfriend?” biro ni Angela at humalakhak pa, na parang hindi iyon kapani-paniwala.

“Boyfriend,” I said and smirked.

The girls then shook their heads like they couldn’t really take me seriously. Ang mga boys, natawa lang din.

“Si love ba ’yan, Tyler?” Mavric laughed.

Ayaw kong ipahalata na problemado ako sa lovelife ko—kahit wala naman daw kami, pero napapaisip talaga ako.

Am I too clingy? Bawasan ko ba ’to? Gusto niya ba na pag lakad niya, dapat lakad niya lang?

Tyler Coast:

I’m here in Siargao, and I don’t know where this place is. We celebrated Mav’s birthday in advance. Nagyaya siya kaya sinama namin ang buong gang at uuwi na sila. Can I drop by?

And after those hesitations, I really cannot help but go wherever he is right now. Nandito na rin naman kasi ako sa Siargao at nandito rin siya. Edi sabay na lang kaming umuwi pa Manila sa susunod.

Ang friends ko, hindi na masyadong nagtanong dahil sinabi ko, family business. Alam din nila kung gaano ako ka-distracted ngayon sa business ni Dad. Well, I cannot tell them yet, knowing Jasver doesn’t consider me as his lover.

Jasver:

Saan banda? Susunduin kita.

See?! I knew it! It’s fine being with him! I grinned while sending my location to him. Nasa airport lang naman ako, pinanood ang mga friends ko na nagsipasok na.

Hinintay ko lang siya. May mga van driver pang lumalapit sa akin, may pinapakitang signage, at inaalok akong sumakay.

“Sir, General Luna, sir?” Nakangiti niyang tanong.

I only shook my head and smiled back. I took a photo of the I Love Siargao and decided to put it on my Instagram story while waiting for Jasver.

Ilang minuto rin, may dumating na naka-itim na motorbike. When it stopped in front of me and Jasver looked at me in his usual cold stance, I blinked twice.

He’s wearing a sleeveless black shirt paired with khaki shorts, while I’m completely in my buttoned-down white shirt from what I wore on the yacht paired with black board shorts.

“Sakay sa likod.” He tilted his head roughly for a command.

I’m completely speechless. I’m not even sure if he’s happy to see me or…he didn’t want me to be here.

“Wala kang gamit na dala?” tanong niya, salubong ng kaonti ang kilay.

I shook my head. “I don’t bring anything when I’m traveling. Just my phone and wallet…”

Umangat ang kilay niya at pinanood akong sumakay sa likod niya. Hinawakan ko pa siya sa balikat para makaupo ng maayos at tahimik niya akong pinanood.

“Sabay na tayong uuwi pabalik sa Manila?” I asked calmly as soon as I settled down on his back.

“Pwede, sa Huwebes pa naman ako uuwi.”

What the hell is that?

“Thursday,” agap niya nang pansin niyang natatagalan akong sagutin iyon. “Tagal tagal mo na sa Pinas bulol ka pa rin. Lunes, Martes, Miyerkules, Huwebes, Biyernes,” he chanted like I am a kid he’s trying to teach some Tagalog words.

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his waist. Tinampal niya iyon at inalis.

“Kamay mo. Baka kung ano pang mahawakan niyan at madisgrasya tayo. Sa likod ka humawak.”

Humalakhak ako at sa likod na lang humawak. Today is Sunday. Which means I only have four days left to spend it with him here in Siargao. Ang bilis lang.

“Hindi mo ako sinama. Kinikita mo siguro ’yung mga ex mo dito,” parinig ko habang umaandar na siya.

“Paano kita isasama kung kailangan ka sa site ng Dad mo? May malaking problema sa kompanya niyo. Isa pa, hindi naman ako magtatagal dito. Aasikasuhin ko lang ang pagbebenta…”

Right… but still… I’m a little bit salty about it. Hindi niya man lang ako niyaya. O kahit text wala.

“I told you to sell it to me so we could start a business together. You know, it’s our family business…”

He looked at me in the side mirror. “Family business… Iniisip mo ba na anak natin si Kian?”

Kaizer Kian Chua is the complete name of his baby brother.

“You know, I’m actually excited for Kali’s baby. Bukod sa magiging Cervando siya, ako ang mag-aalaga next year paglabas, cuz you know, mom’s not twenty-four seven around. Ga-graduate na rin ako… Ako ang mas mag-aalaga sa kanya.”

“Kung babae ’yon at mana kay Kali, puputi ang buhok mo. Baka sumuko ka agad kakabantay lalo na pag lumalaki na,” aniya.

“That’s why I want to have a sibling because I wanna play with them. It’s fun!” I laughed.

Tumingin siya ulit sa salamin, pinanood lang ako saglit, at ibinalik agad ang atensyon sa harap. May biglang lumebel na van sa amin at nakabukas pa ang mga bintana nila; medyo maiingay din ang mga sakay kaya nilingon ko.

“Ito na ba ang Afam Bridge, kuya?!” sigaw ng isang babae, at tumawa pa ang driver.

“Ang popogi!” Kaway ng girls sa amin.

I laughed at them and licked my lower lip happily. May nagsisilabasan pa ng phone at vini-videohan yata kami.

“Sir! What’s your Facebook? Are you single?”

“Totoo nga! Ang daming kano sa Siargao! Makakaahon na ako sa hirap! Malalahian na rin sa wakas ng maganda ang pamilya namin!”

Jasver slightly slapped my leg, and his eyes looked at me in the side mirror again.

“Dito ka humawak. Baka malaglag ka,” sita niya at kinuha ang kamay ko pabalik sa tiyan niya.

I bit my lower lip while smiling and hugged him from behind. I even leveled my face on his, which he side-eyed snobbishly while I was laughing.

The giggles of the girls turned into muffled shouts. Binilisan niya ng kaonti at nilagpasan sila, tiningnan lang ulit sa salamin, at hinayaan na ang kamay ko na nakayakap sa kanya.

All of my worries vanished like they never existed. I mean, it’s just a petty jealousy. Kung ganito si Jasver, for sure, I won’t worry about his exes because he will treat me differently.

Bago pumunta sa kanila, may dinaanan kaming pagkainan na nasa gilid gilid lang din. The simpleness of the place is very different from the city I used to. Walang malalaking buildings. Kanina, halos mga puno lang ang nakita ko. Ngayon na nasa gitna na kami ng General Luna, may mga nahihintuan na kaming pagkainan.

Gumagabi na. Pansin ko, halos may mga lahi rin ang kumakain, at ayon sa kuwento ni Jasver sa akin, marami daw talagang dumadayong katulad ko sa Siargao.

“Para na ngang inangkin ang Siargao sa sobrang daming banyaga dito. Ang iba, mababait, pero may iba, nangmamaliit ng mga pinoy. Ang kukupal pa,” patuloy niyang sabi habang sinasalinan niya ng tubig ang baso ko.

He ordered simple dishes. Kinakain ko dahil kinakain niya rin. I couldn’t even name some of them.

“Kumakain ka naman ng isda, ’di ba? Fried tilapia ’yan. Isawsaw mo dito sa soy sauce na may kamatis at calamansi, masarap.”

At kusa niya pang hinimay iyon saka nilalagay sa tuktok ng kanin ko. When it comes to hygiene, I am very strict to food. Pero sa linis ng kuko niya, at sa pag-aalalang baka matusok ako ng tinik ng isda, ginawa niya para sa akin.

“Yup. I do eat fish. It’s a healthy source of nutrients, especially the eggs—caviar…”

Nagkasalubong ang kilay niya at bumagal ang pagnguya. He looked at me unbelievably.

“But I like this one, too! Masarap din!” sabi ko at sumubo.

“Hirap mong pakainin. Mukhang sanay sa lutong chef ang tiyan mo.”

“Just remember that I survived my first few weeks here in the Philippines because of the food you cooked for me…” I smiled proudly while stuffing food in my mouth.

“Pero karinderya ’to. Alam ko namang malinis dahil suki ako dito at masarap din ang luto nila, kaso baka manibago ang tiyan mo…”

“I’m fine, nurse…” I playfully replied.

Umirap siya at napangisi. “Ako naman ang magluluto sa susunod na mga araw. Huwag mo lang masyadong damihan.”

What’s fascinating is that he also insisted on paying for our food. Gusto ko sana ako kaso diretso niyang binayaran.

Patuloy kaming nag-usap kahit nasa motorbike niya na kami ulit, at kinukwento niya na mabenta raw ako rito sa mga babae, lalo na kung pupunta ako doon sa tinatawag na Afam bridge.

“Pupunta tayo doon?” I asked, which made his expression sour.

“Gusto mo bang iligaw kita dito sa Siargao?” may pagbabanta sa boses niya. “Anong gagawin mo doon?”

I chuckled and inserted my hand in his shirt. Yumuko siya, tiningnan iyon saglit, at iritado akong tiningnan sa salamin.

Mabagal lamang ang pagmamaneho niya lalo na’t gabi na rin. Matao na rin ang lugar at may mga souvenir stores na kaming nadadaanan.

“Anong gagawin mo doon?” he asked; this time, he’s completely serious.

“I just want to stroll around and spend time with you. That’s it.” I shrugged.

His judging eyes slowly calmed down, and his serious expression dropped from intense to relaxed.

“Kung gala lang, may maganda akong lugar na alam. Doon ako madalas pumupunta pag gusto kong takasan ang ingay ng General Luna. Sa Northern Coast ng Siargao… Sa San Isidro. Doon ako laging nagsu-surf.”

“Really?”

He nodded; the obvious excitement was now evident in his cognac eyes.

“Punta tayo doon bukas. Magugustuhan mo do’n. Nakapunta ka na sa Bali, ’di ba? Hindi naman sa kinukumpara ko pero may mga nagsasabing parang gano’n ang vibe niya. Pero isa sa dahilan din kaya nagustuhan ko, tahimik doon kumpara rito sa General Luna.”

“When I got mad at you during our Romblon trip, I flew to Bali to relax… to free my mind from thinking too much.”

He looked at me in the side mirror again; his brows were completely furrowed despite his amusement.

“Hirap mo namang kaaway. Ba’t hindi na lang dito sa malapit? Ba’t kailangan pang lumayo?” seryoso ngunit kalmado siyang natawa.

“It’s already a habit when I’m overstimulated. Flying overseas calms me down, eases my mind, and gives me time to reflect, sort out my emotions, and, you know, relax. It’s like you are grabbing an opportunity to unwind because you can do it, and you are free to choose wherever you want to release your frustration.”

“Ang hirap mo namang suyuin pag ganyan.” His brows knit, but he remained relaxed.

I kissed his nape and caressed his stomach. “Why? Are you willing to chase me once I run away? Ikaw…manunuyo?”

He didn’t answer it. Natawa ako sa tanong ko dahil alam ko naman kung sinabi niyang umuwi na ako, uuwi rin ako agad. I won’t give him too much headache about this matter cuz I know he’s not yet financially stable right now.

“Kung aalis ako, magpapaalam naman. Just wait for me to come home once I cool down,” I whispered assuringly.

He remained relaxed, and he looked at me again in the mirror.

“Punta tayo sa Trogon’s Perch bukas para naman makagala ka rin dito at mapuntahan mo ang mga paborito kong lugar,” anyaya niya, mas may buhay na ang boses.

I couldn’t help but grin at him. Finally, I can spend time with him alone. Sa dami ng nangyari sa pamilya namin, sa sinasabi niyang bagalan muna namin, at sa pagtanggi na hindi muna kami, o walang label, ito ang nagpapakalma sa akin.

“You’re gonna date me, hmm?” I giddily asked and scratched his stomach lightly.

“Anong date? Igagala kita. Ipapasyal,” he corrected with conviction.

“It’s already considered a date cuz it’s just the two of us, and we’re gonna kiss and cuddle there in your favorite place…” My hand even crawled till I reached his nipple and pinched it.

Humalakhak si Jasver, hindi ko alam kung nakiliti ba, o natatawa sa pinagsasabi ko lalo na’t gumalaw din siya ng kaonti. But what’s addictive about it is the fact that he wasn’t scowling or giving me a glare, just a laugh in a most genuine way.

“Kiss and cuddle… tapos maya-maya, titirahin mo na bigla sa likod…” pairap niya iyong sinabi ngunit nangingiti.

Ako naman ang humalakhak. “I can also do it in the front, you know…”

Jasver licked his lips and shook his head. Pinisil ko ulit ang nipple niya. He let out a chuckle, but he didn’t budge.

“Pag tayo nabangga…” banta niya, ngunit naglalaro ang pilyong ngiti sa labi.

The air here is completely different from the city. But one thing is for sure, I will make a lot of good memories here with him…

Chapter 43

Kiss

“Mikael!” Ang bumungad nang kakababa pa lang namin sa motorbike niya. There was a band happening, playing softly in a place where there are a lot of tables filled with people. I’m not even sure if they’re Mikael’s friends or just mere visitors.

“Ito ang lupa namin,” he stated and stood beside me while eyeing the whole place. “Tuwing Summer, dito ako madalas…”

It was indeed nearby the beach. I can hear the soft crashing of the waves covered with the loud voices of his friends—or some outsiders who are here to visit him.

“Naks… nandito ang kano,” the familiar girl, who is Tessa, laughed at me.

Jasver was approached by a lot of people. Nakangisi niyang binunggo ng balikat ang ibang lalaki, may mga kinamayan, kinausap, at ’yung iilan na girls, humahagikgik pa sa kanya.

“First time mo dito?” Tessa interrogated, a stick on her hand, and she’s probably planning to smoke. Hindi pa sindi ’yon.

“Not really…” I said while I couldn’t take my eyes off the way Jasver was greeted by the others. “May ibang parte ng Siargao na ang napuntahan ko to party.”

“Hmm… hometown ’to ni Mikael. Dito na rin halos lumaki. Taga rito kasi ang Lola niya…”

Jasver glanced at me and tilted his head to go near him. Ngumiti sa akin si Tessa at sinabayan akong lumapit sa kanya.

“Tyler. Kaibigan ng pamilya namin. Anak ng amo ni Papa,” pakilala niya sa akin.

Everyone’s attention was now turned to me. May mga naglahad ng kamay at may mga girls na napapangiti. So I’m just…really a friend, huh.

“Akala ko sa Afam Bridge mo nakuha…” someone said and laughed.

Pinaghihila ako ng upuan ni Jasver habang may yabang sa ngisi niya at nasa nagsabi ang atensyon.

“Ito-tour ko pa ’to bukas,” aniya habang umuupo na ako, si Tessa, nangingiting tumabi sa akin.

“Ano ’yan, tour guide at tourist bond?” Halakhak ni Tessa. “Ganda naman ng bond niyo…”

“Aasarin mo pa. Pag ’yan dinibdib niya…” banta ni Jasver kaya natatawa akong tiningnan ni Tessa.

“Do you surf?” tanong niya.

Papaupo na sana si Jasver kaso may bagong nagsulputan, mga babae, at tinawag siya. He stood up and tapped my shoulder to get my attention and pointed at the girls, which I nodded at with my brows furrowed.

“Dunno…” I answered absentmindedly to Tessa’s question while my eyes were glued to Jasver in front of the girls, who were giggling while talking to him.

He talks calmly, brows still furrowed, but it seems like the girls don’t mind his snobby demeanor as they happily converse with him. Like they’re used to him being that way, and they’re not intimidated at all. They all find him the center of attention.

Umiling si Jasver, namaywang at nilingon ang banda ko, may sinasabi sa kanila. The girls then pouted and frowned at him.

“Kilala siya rito sa Siargao. Tourist attraction.” Tessa chuckled.

I slowly noticed she is now watching Jasver as well because I couldn’t take my eyes off them. Sa kanya tuloy ako tumingin.

“He’s famous. I can see it very well…”

“Oo rin. I mean, sa looks pa lang, halata naman kung bakit dinudumog at dinadayo. Hindi mukhang foreigner, pero alam mong may kaonting lahi ng Espanyol eh. Pero isa rin talaga sa dahilan ay mabilis siyang lapitan dito. Matulungin…”

I looked at Tessa quietly.

“Pumayag lang ’yan na magpabanda dito para may mapagkitaan kami. Maingay man sa General Luna, pero hindi pa rin talaga ’yan mahilig sa parties. Hindi masyadong umiinom. Kaya ang gusto niyan, doon lagi tumambay sa kabilang parte ng Siargao dahil tahimik.”

“He mentioned it. Sa San Isidro…” I said.

She chuckled and nodded again while pouring a liquor in the glass.

“Umiinom ka ba ng beer? Pwede ka bang uminom o…kailangan ko pang magpaalam kay Mikael?” she said meaningfully with a smile stretching on her lips.

“Bad influence ka talaga,” sita ni Jasver na nakalapit na at inilayo sa akin ang baso na kakalapag lang sana ni Tessa sa harap ko.

“Strict mo naman na tour guide. Hayaan mo ang turista na mag-enjoy! Kulang na lang bakuran mo,” hirit ni Tessa, ngiting ngiti.

Jasver roughly pulled the chair beside me and occupied it. “Pag hindi ’to babakuran, maliligaw ’to.”

“O baka naman maaagaw?” Tessa inserted and laughed.

Jasver glared at her. Tessa playfully pointed at his face while she was teasing him continuously.

I realized that the band in the front were his bandmates. Sila sila lang, pero sapat na ang ingay para madala ang mga dumadayo.

“Huwag mong painumin. May lakad kami nito bukas,” si Jasver na inangatan pa ako ng kilay.

“Who are those girls?” I couldn’t help but interrogate him about them. Nasa kabilang table na ’yung mga kinausap niya kanina.

Tessa cleared her throat and sipped on the drink instead, looking at the other side. Si Jasver, nagkasalubong ang kilay, tiningnan ulit ang mga girls sa kabilang table, saka muling tumingin sa akin.

“Ah… tagarito. Iniimbitahan ako sa kabila. Sabi ko, dito lang ako.”

“Huling balik mo kasi rito, noong Summer pa. Isang taon ka halos hindi nagpakita. Daming nangulila…” singit ni Tessa.

Jasver snorted and brushed his hair backwards. May sasabihin pa sana, nang muling may lumapit na lalaki, tinapik siya sa balikat kaya tiningala niya.

“Tara sa kabila, Mikael. Manlilibre ng isang kahong san mig si Lordes kung dumayo ka raw. May foam party din mamaya doon! Sama ka…”

Mikael shook his head and smiled a little. “Ibubugaw niyo na naman ako. Mga gago…”

Humalakhak ang lalaki at bumaling sa akin. Nagulat siya at napangiti.

“Isama mo ’tong kaibigan mo! Baka maka tatlong case tayo kay Lordes kung nakita niya ’to. Pogi nito ah? Green eyes pa oh! Anong nationality mo, bro?”

Jasver then slightly pushed him away. Nanatili ang ngiti ng lalaki kaya hindi ko nasagot dahil si Jasver na agad ang bumoses.

“Isasali niyo pa sa kalokohan niyo,” matigas niyang sabi habang nakangiti pa rin sa akin ang lalaki.

“Palibhasa kasi nandiyan si Trina kaya hindi mo na kailangan ng babae! Eh kami na mga single na inom lang ang nagpapasaya at mga girls, hindi namin palalampasin ang ganitong pagkakataon.” Sabay tingin sa akin. “You understand me? I’m right, ’di ba?”

“Who’s Trina?” I asked.

Jasver made a deep inhale while Tessa choked on her drink.

“Init! Papahangin nga muna ako…” si Tessa na nagmamadaling tumayo at gusto lang yatang umalis kahit mahangin naman dito.

“Trina! Ex ni pareng Mikael!” Ngiti ng lalaki at muling inakbayan si Jasver na itinulak lang siya ulit.

“Makikita mo ’yan dito. Basta pag kulot ang buhok, maputi, ubod ng ganda, may tattoo sa dibdib, babae ’yan ni Mikael—”

“Tang inang babae. Wala akong babae rito. Doon ka nga! Umalis ka na. Ang ingay mo,” taboy ni Jasver habang natatawa siyang tiningnan noong lalaki lalo na’t inambahan pa siyang sisipain ni Jasver kaya lumayo siya lalo sa table namin.

“Mamaya! Susunduin kita ulit dito! Isama mo ang kaibigan mo para makalibre tayo ng drinks kay Lordes! Magpapa-foam party siya dahil sa’yo kaya sumipot ka!” Ang lalaki na lumalayo na sa amin.

Jasver glared at him, then relaxed himself and turned to me. I smirked at him.

“Babae mo naman pala…” Asar lang sana pero tunog matabang ang pagkakasabi ko.

His cheek bubbled; he looked away, but then he cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure.

“Ex na nga. High school pa lang noong naging kami. Sadyang kilala lang din siya dito sa Siargao kaya binibig deal nila na naging kami kahit mga bata pa naman kami no’n…” He licked his lower lip again and rested his hand on the back of my chair, his frame fully facing me.

“Binahay mo ba naman…” I chuckled and looked at the ongoing band playing some Tagalog shit I’m not familiar with.

His brow arched. “Kung makapagsalita…akala mo hindi mo kinaibigan si Mica dahil lang wala kang tsansa sa kanya. Girl best friend pa ah?”

My eyes widened in disbelief. Where the fuck is that coming from?

“It’s a platonic friendship—”

“Pero nagustuhan mo?” he chuckled and smirked sarcastically.

“Yo…chill!” I laughed absurdly. “The girl’s literally having a crush on you. You think she’s gonna flirt with me when her taste is literally you?” I said with an accent, crossed my arms, and looked on the other side.

Nakita ko pa si Tessa na natatawang bumulong sa kausap niyang babae, nakatingin sa amin dito.

Mikael just snorted. “Kahit na. Pictures niyong nakakandong siya sa’yo. Pictures niyong nakadila ka sa pisngi niya. Pictures niyong nakasakay siya sa likod mo. Kahit ’yung marka ng ngipin mo sa pisngi niya, meron ding picture. O kahit ’yung kinarga mo siya at nilagay sa balikat.” At para bang matagal na hinanakit niya ’to at ngayon lang niya inilabas.

I’m guilty because that’s been my relationship with Mica over the past years. Oo, aaminin ko na sa lahat ng girls sa circle namin ni Brent, kay Mica ako mas maraming gano’n pero dahil para na kaming magkapatid. We can relate to each other. She’s also an only child who yearns for a sibling. Sadyang kapwa lang kami liberated kaya ’yung mga gano’n, hindi namin nalalagyan ng malisya.

“They don’t mean anything sexual. She’s like a sibling to me. Look at the other pictures of my friends in the US, whom I also considered as friends, and you’ll see worse than that. It’s a sign of affection. Well, you can’t relate cuz you’re allergic to sweet things…” I smirked sarcastically and glanced at him.

Kita ko na natigilan siya. Kahit ako, natigilan din sa sinabi ko. We looked at each other like we’d seen a ghost.

“Sa partner ko lang ’yon kayang gawin. Hindi sa kaibigan,” he mumbled.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. “You’re not that clingy to me. Sa kama ka lang naman talaga clingy.”

His brows completely furrowed, like I said something offensive—something shocking to him. He paused for a bit, and then he tried to relax.

“Kaya ba tinatawag mo lang akong love kung nasa kama rin tayo? Kung tinitira mo ako?” He smirked back, proving a point.

My lips parted. “Well, I thought you would only…love that endearment once we’re doing the deed.”

He snorted boyishly and rolled his eyes at me. “Isa ka rin. Love kung nasasarapan, Jasver kung wala sa kama.”

Man… I didn’t realize that.

“Mikael…” At may tumawag na naman sa kanya. But this time, ’twas his bandmate.

“Nagrerequest sila ng drums daw! Pagbigyan mo na,” the vocalist said, and all of them cheered for him.

He shook his head to decline the offer, but the girls were now cheering and clapping, and the others were coaxing him to stand up.

“May bisita ako. Hindi pwedeng iwan,” paliwanag niya.

“Pagbigyan mo na,” I said.

He raised his brow at me. Gusto niya pa yatang pumalag kaso may humila na sa kanya patayo kaya sumenyas na lang sa akin na saglit lang daw.

I watched him go to the front. Bawat nadaanan niya pang table, pinapansin siya at kinakausap. May mga nililingon siya, tinatawanan at iniirapan, pero swabe lagi ang galaw niya kaya halos ang gaan niya tingnan kahit suplado ang ekspresyon.

Nakipag-usap sa kanya ang mga bandmate niya habang umuupo na si Jasver sa harap ng drums, hawak na ang dalawang stick, at may sinasabi lang sa bandmate niya.

My phone chimed, so I looked at it for a while. I got a text from Kali.

Kali:

After your Siargao daw with Kuya you have a connecting flight pa US? You are coming with us right? Papa is gonna sama kaso sabay siya with Dada.

Oh… it’s for her checkup. Mom wants her personal OB to check on Kali’s condition to see if her body will have complications during the pregnancy, knowing she tried abortion.

Pwede naman dito. Pero ’yun nga, kung ikakapahamak ni Kali, the only option is abortion. Si Jasver din ang nagsuggest no’n kay Mom na baka ang bata sa loob, naapektuhan dahil sa ginawa ni Kali, o baka, si Kali ang magkaroon ng complications dahil sa tinangka niyang gawin.

I don’t have proper details for it, but my mind was only glued to Kali, then the baby. Can’t heavily relate, but I’m treating it with a little care because if there is one thing I could only offer, it’s empathy.

Kali:

Kuya I’m scared huhu Tita said I needed to make sure I didn’t get HIV din daw kaya I need multiple tests. What if I got it pala? What will happen to the baby?

Kali:

I’m bout to flip huhu helpppp ;(

I typed for a reply.

Tyler:

Unprotected sex, Kali. Para makasigurado lang naman. I’m not sure if I’m gonna make it since your brother said we’ll come home on Huwebes pa.

Kali:

Huwebes?! The tagalog is very Kuya! Gosh you’re low-key adapting him! Not Tuesday?

Inalala ko pa ’yung itinuro ni Jasver sa akin na Tagalog ng Tuesday.

Tyler:

Matres is too early. I might go to the US around Friday or Sat? Idk yet up to your brother. We’ll bond :D

Kali:

I’m still flabbergasted that you and Kuya are together. But i don’t think its Matres? Isn’t it Marites?

Marites… Oh yeah. It sounded like that.

Kali:

Kuya I’m nervous talaga. What if what I did will have complications pala and I won’t be able to deliver the baby? I don’t wanna disappoint Tita Charlotta and the baby Im bout to deliver :((

Kali:

I don’t wanna be a mom I wanna gala and enjoy my teenage life pa :((

Wow. Very fresh eighteen. Alam mo na may mas matimbang nang iba kay Kali dahil kahit ang eighteenth birthday niya na magarbo sana, hiniling niya na kahit next year na lang. Ayaw pa ring pakawalan. But I decided to give her one after the flight.

Natatawa ako dahil noong seventeen ako, ayoko rin ng responsibilidad sa business ng pamilya namin. All I did was attend car races and parties and enjoy my teenage life to the fullest until my mom knocked some senses outta me.

I guess being young is really a headache. But that is the age where young ones must also act as teenagers, explore things, and learn from their mistakes. It’s like you are now discovering new things, getting into trouble, and tasting how life is when you’re having too much fun.

When you were a kid, adults viewed you as a messy, wild child who dared all of the demons as your friends—or you were the demon yourself. But now that I am an adult, that teenage life that’s a headache to some shaped me as who I am now. I gained lessons and firsthandexperience that I am about to tell to my future kids what it was like—either i’ll allow them or strictly tell them not to.

Kaya ngayong adult na ako, saka lang din ako kumalma. Sa daming kalokohan ba naman ang napasukan ko noong teenager pa lang ako, masasabi kong masaya naman pero hindi ko na rin uulitin. I don’t wanna experience any more real bullshit.

Kali sent a photo of her zoomed-in face, dramatically crying with no tears on it. Man, I know it’s a preggy thing with hormones kicking in, but I feel like she’s me.

I typed a reply.

Tyler:

That’s why you should be monitored by an OB, Kali. If the baby will grow up healthy in your stomach and you won’t get complications from keeping it for nine months, then it’s a go signal. But if its not, then we will prioritize you. Not the baby. Don’t feel bad.

Tyler:

And Mom is right. Safe abortion is a relief. Not a guilt. Whatever the result of your checkup, whatever your decision is, we will support you.

Kali:

I’m overthinking kasi huhu Kuya is assuring me rin bout my body but I think I’m gonna crash out every second >,<

Kali:

I’m curious what the baby would look like. Have you seen my baby pics? Do you wanna see my baby pics?! Kuya I think you will have a baby fever once you see my baby pics!

Kali:

Ahhhh I’m bout to flip!!! I wanna eat steak rn kaso you are not here din :(

Nagsisimula na ang banda, pero nagsend na muna ako ng pera kay Kali para maka-order na lang siya. Hindi siya pwedeng lumabas nang walang kasama. Baka mapano.

What I noticed is that Kali talks like me—acts like me sometimes. I kinda view it as normal, but then, from Jasver’s perspective, I slowly realized why he was having a hard time handling the teenage Kali.

Tumigil din siya kakatext kaya nagkaroon ako ng time na makinig na sa band. Surprisingly, they’re playing an English song. I’m not sure if it was because there were foreigners listening too or…

The intro is quite calm, with Jasver drumming smoothly, nodding his head while swiftly hitting the drums with the sticks.

The song is kinda familiar. But it’s really not my genre. It’s like rock music—more on Rick’s taste in music.

When the chorus hit and I saw him mouthing the lyrics, I think he knows the song.

“If I could…then I would… I’ll go wherever you will go…” the vocalist sang while Jasver’s drumming intensified.

“Way up high, or down low…I’ll go wherever you will go…” At kita kong sinasabayan niyang kantahin iyon, hindi man marinig, pero makikita mo sa labi niyang kabisado niya.

I crossed my arms and watched him drum seriously. Swabe ang galaw niya lagi, alam ng katawan niya kung paano sasabayan ang pagd-drum niya. Nagkakasalubong minsan ang kilay niya, sumiseryoso, pero sa tuwing titingnan siya ng guitarist, lilingunin niya at ngingisihan na parang nag-uusap sila gamit ang pagtugtog.

“I’ll stay with you for all the time!” kanta ng vocalist na sinabayan ng malakas na hampas ni Jasver sa drum at tumingin sa akin.

“If I could, then I would, I’ll go wherever you will go! Way up high, or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go!” the vocalist sang emotionally, while I could still see Jasver’s lip-syncing it.

When he looked at me and caught me staring at him, he let out an unexpected laugh and dropped his eyes on the drums, biting his lower lip to stifle his smile.

I snorted and laughed, too. Akala niya siguro madadaan niya ako sa ganyan para mabura ang narinig ko kanina tungkol kay Trina.

“Ang ganda ganda ng kanta pero ang isip mo, nasa ex ko? Hindi ko nga ’yon naiisip…” aniya nang nasa likod na ulit ako ng motorbike niya at papunta na kami sa sinasabing bar noong kaibigan niya.

Dumating kasi kanina ’yung lalaki at pinipilit siyang pumunta sa foam party. I told Jasver I wanna go since this is not the first time I have attended their parties. I already tried this with the gang years ago—during my second year of college.

Dumayo kami noon dito sa Siargao para lang pumarty. Pero hanggang General Luna lang din kami at ’yung Cloud Nine lang ang binisita.

“Busy ka rin kanina sa phone mo. Sino ’yon?” biglang tanong ni Jasver nang hindi ko sinagot ang sinabi niya.

“Kali. She’s crashing out. Ang dami niyang iniisip. She bombarded me with messages at tumahimik lang noong pinakain ko ng steak. I ordered one for her.” I chuckled.

His suspicious expression calmed down right away, but it was now laced with concern.

“Kaya gustong gusto ka no’n dahil ganyan mo siya tratuhin. Pero baka naglilihi na rin siya,” he calmly pointed out, and I slowly noticed something.

The last time we talked about Kali, he was beyond angry at her but, at the same time, jealous of me cuz he couldn’t even hug his sister. But the way he mentioned her right now, it felt smooth—soft like a pillow.

“Are you completely okay with her decisions?” I slowly realized something. “Are you okay with the setup? I mean…compared to the both of us, you’re her brother.”

“Bago pa kayo pumunta sa bahay, nakausap ko na siya ng masinsinan—sa kalmadong paraan. Iyon ata ang unang beses na mas natingnan ko si Kali na malaki na—hindi na talaga bata.” His lips stretched for a smile, but he was serious with it. “Tingin ko diyan, batang paslit eh. Hindi kailanman lumaki. Siya ’yung sinusundo ko pa sa labas ng bahay—tataguan at tatakbuhan pa ako dahil madungis na, kailangan pang piliting paliguin muna, lagyan ng polbo sa likod kasi amoy araw na. Sobrang kulit ba naman.”

I slightly smiled. I can clearly imagine his furrowed brows and the little Kali running while giggling—hiding from him.

“Sakit ’yan sa ulo. Kahit sa matatamis na bawal sa kanya, ipipilit talaga. Hahatian pa ako para pumayag lang ako. Sa akin kasi siya mas takot—hindi sa parents namin. Kaya noong nabuntis siya, ako ang mas nasaktan sa amin—noong tinangka niyang magpa-abort, ako ang nadurog. Dahil buong kabataan niyan, ako ang nag-alaga sa kanya. Alam mo ’yon, hindi ako makagala—makalabas, dahil may babantayan akong kapatid. Hindi naman sa gusto ko ring gumala o lumabas, pero alam ko na ako ang mas tumayong magulang diyan kay Kali. Na kahit minsan, may mga anyaya na gusto kong siputin, pero dahil sa kanya, mas pinili kong maging responsableng kapatid, mas pinili kong samahan siya sa bahay pag wala ang mga magulang namin. Kaya nga ang mga kaibigan ko, ako na lang ang dinadayo lagi sa bahay eh. Di ba naman makalabas dahil may makulit na babantayan.”

A brother’s sacrifice… I remembered that day he lashed out in front of me, and Kali hugged me for protection from his deafening rage.

“Ngayon lang nagsink-in sa akin, noong eighteen na siya, na malaki na pala talaga ang bubwit na uuwi lang sa bahay kung may napaiyak na sa labas, magtatago pa sa likod ko at didilaan ang mga kalaro niya…” he laughed, reminiscing about it.

“I can feel you’re strict but also overprotective of her…”

“Oo rin. Pero sa mga desisyon niya, suportado ko naman siya. Noong nag-usap kami, mas nalinawan din ako kung bakit ako nasa kurso ng medisina, kung ano ang pinapatunayan ko sa sarili ko—kung bakit ako nagpupuyat gabi-gabi kaka-aral, o kung bakit hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa kahit gusto kong sukuan minsan ang mga duty ko. Unang beses ’yon…na nayakap ko siya bilang kapatid, inalu at umiiyak sa balikat ko, parang noong bata lang siya, laging nagsusumbong na may umaway—umiiyak kasi nasasaktan…” His voice turned weak and hoarse.

“And did you hug her back? Did you whisper things to her?” I asked—proud he was able to do that to Kali.

“Oo rin. S’yempre, umiiyak na nga sa akin, tinukso ko pa na buntis lang kaya emosyonal kaso basag din ang boses ko no’n kaya tinukso din ako. Kaya noong malaman ko kay Mama na nagtatanong si Kali ng kung ano-ano kay Tita Charlotta kaya nagdesisyon ang Mommy mo na ibigay din ang gusto niya, alam ko, dahil ’yon sa mga pinaliwanag ko kay Kali. Siguro, nagkaroon din siya ng matinding repleksyon sa sarili niya.”

Well, that’s probably the reason why my mom offered something to her she’s curious about. Knowing my mom, who has gone through different kinds of pain—she knows where Kali is coming from.

She supported her decision—and will support her to undergo abortion if her body will not be able to handle pregnancy.

Imagine the sudden shift: a teenage girl—crying for help, choosing something illegal here in the Philippines because she doesn’t have a choice—has slowly found another way, something she can live with, something she decided after heavily reflecting and exploring other possibilities.

“Kaya kung ano mang desisyon ang kaya niyang panindigan, kung lalamunin man ng kinahinatnan ng desisyon niya, gusto niya…iyong mabubuhay siya ng payapa at kontento. Dahil ’yun naman talaga ang mahalaga kaya tayo takot gumawa ng desisyon. Lalo na’t hindi naman agad natatapos ang isang bagay dahil lang winakasan mo. Mananatili ’yan sa isip mo, at nasa iyo na lang ’yon kung gaano ka katatag para manindigan. Kaya nga sa ganitong usapin, walang tatama. Dahil tanging ang may-ari lang naman ng katawan ang may kontrol—o makakasagot kung may prelibihiyo ba siyang malalapitan para sa desisyon niya sa katawan niya.”

“When I didn’t know about my Mom’s condition, I didn’t totally get why there are girls who decide to abort a child—something I am insecure about because I am an only child, and I do believe those kids must be given a life they deserve to live. But when I found out about my mom, everything changed. If aborting a baby would make my mom live longer, then that is all that matters.”

“Ang safe abortion, lalo na sa legal na paraan, depende pa rin sa isang babae kung may kapasidad ba siyang dalhin ito lalo na’t may mga side effects din naman talaga—sadyang mas pabor lang ako dito lalo na’t pro-choice ako, dahil alam ko, kung ilelegalize lang ng bansa natin, marami tayong doktor na mas magagabayan ang mga kababaihan—hindi nalilimitahan ang access nila sa healthcare.”

“Eighteen years old na, oo, legal na edad, pero hindi ibig sabihin legal na rin para maging ina. Ngayon na may naiisip siyang ibang paraan, nagbabakasakali, kung wala ang mga ito, kung wala ring tulong sa pamilya niyo, mapipilitan din naman ’yan si Kali na magbuntis dahil walang rehistradong doktor ang gagawa ng gusto niya dito sa Pinas—at ’yan ang masaklap na reyalidad, lalo na’t wala kaming sapat na pera rin ngayon katulad ng kaya ng pamilya niyo na lumipad at maghanap ng rehistradong doktor para sa safe abortion, idagdag pa ang paniniwala ng mga magulang ko.”

“Pero nakakita siya ng suporta, hindi lang sa pamilya namin, kundi pati sa pamilya niyo—sa Mommy mo na handa siyang ilipad sa ibang bansa para malaya niyang mapili ang gusto niya. Malaya niyang ma-access ang healthcare na hindi kayang ibigay ng bansa natin sa mga kagaya niya.”

One thing I also found out: Kali is gonna take online classes while she’s pregnant so she will not stop school and we will shoulder it. I mean, clearly, the main reasons why women want abortion are either they’re too young, they don’t want to be a mother yet, it’s a high-risk pregnancy that will put a woman’s life in danger, they don’t have the emotional capacity, or they lack financial stability.

And she probably considered adoption—another possibility—because she knew she had the privilege to access it. And my mother willingly offered it too.

Because if all of these things were out of her grasp, for sure, Kali, a teenage girl, would choose where she knew what’s the best for herself. Getting rid of that fetus that’s about to take away her life once it’s out.

“Kung wala ang tulong niyo, kung walang ganito, alam kong isa lang ang patutunguhan ni Kali. Dadagdag siya sa mga batang ina sa Pinas, walang malapitang ospital na tutulong sa kanya para magpalaglag—ang tanging solusyon—maging batang ina dahil iyon ang mas legal na paraan sa bansa natin. Mapipilitan lang din kaming igapang sa hirap ang anak niya, at siya, mapipilitang maging batang ina na bunga ng ginawa niya.”

Hindi ko man lang naisip ’yan. Oo nga pala, walang abortion dito sa Pilipinas.

That’s the real problem of teenage pregnancy arising. It’s not really about women choosing many options; it’s about how a country caged a woman to stand firm with only one unacceptable responsibility—a child being a mother.

“Ang pinagkaiba lang niya sa mga batang inang iyon dito, may pribilehiyo siya—may koneksyon—may suporta hindi lang pinansiyal—pati emosyonal. Higit sa lahat, may kakayahan siyang bigyan ng pribilehiyo ang anak niya na maaaring rason kaya ayaw niyang ipa-abort dahil alam niya, may isang babae na handa ring maging ina—isang babaeng gustong maging ina.”

Bruh, I’m getting a nosebleed from his chosen terms, but to summarize it all, he’s right.

And what a privilege to have him as my future partner, huh. It’s like free access to information about health care. I mean, I will have my own nurse who personally cares for me…

“Kinukulit nga ako ni Kali na sumama agad ngayong Tuesday, but I declined it cuz we’ll bond tomorrow. I can’t wait for it. Masosolo kita, imagine it?” I grinned and put my arm around his shoulder as soon as we arrived at the bar his friend was talkin’ about.

Just like what happened earlier, there were a lot of people who called for his name, and some even cheered that he’s really here.

“Mikael is back, ladies and gentlemen!” At kahit ang DJ, in-announce iyon kaya ang daming lumingon. “Our sexiest moreno is finally in the house…”

Jasver raised his middle finger to the DJ who opened with the song Yo Voy, a Spanish song, which made everyone shout because of its catchy beat. His name was already plastered on the LED screen to welcome him.

“Gago talaga. Kaya pinagpipyestahan ako dito dahil sa mga pakulo ng kumag na ’to,” natatawa niyang sabi at nailing na pumasok sa malapit na restaurant.

“You actually suit every Spanish songs. You suit my favorite songs…” bulong ko dahil ang ingay din.

Binasa niya ang labi, kahit medyo dim, titig na titig sa labi ko, pero nailing lang din at binasa ang nakangiting pang ibabang labi.

“I know this place. I was here two years ago with my gang,” bulong ko sa kanya habang pumapasok na kami sa loob at parang may festival sa dami ng tao. “I didn’t know you’re quite famous here…”

“Dito na ako lumaki eh. Kakilala ko lahat ng mga nagheheld lang din ng parties dito. Kaya umay na umay ako sa parties sa Manila dahil araw-araw ganito sa Siargao.”

That’s what I knew about him too. He doesn’t like attending parties. Kahit bars sa Manila, hindi rin. That’s what I heard from Mic Mic that’s why she sees him as a total package.

There are a lot of Europeans I spotted, just like years ago. It’s also the reason why I know I can blend well. Pakiramdam ko, nasa ibang bansa ako. But there were Filipinos too, mostly small girls.

“Mikael! Oh my gosh!” Halos tili ng isang babae ang bumungad ulit, nagmamadaling lumapit at ngiting ngiti.

He was immediately surrounded by girls in the front. Nabitiwan ko siya at napaatras ng kaonti dahil dinumog ba naman. Some girls were looking at me, their eyes twinkling, and then they would giggle at Jasver, who would glance at me as well.

“Ipakilala mo ako, please!” Halos magmakaawa sa kanya ang babae na inilingan niya lang.

“May magagalit. Huwag na. Bisexual din ’yan. Hindi ka papasa,” Jasver said, his voice sounded territorial.

“Ay?! Bakit?! Bakit ka bading?! Hindi ka mukhang bading!” the woman overreacted.

“Should I kiss Mikael to look like one?” I chuckled shamelessly and looked at Jasver, who only raised his brow at me.

Chapter 44

Foreign

The dramatic gasp of a woman is just too obvious. Gulat siya at natulala, na kahit hinila na ako ni Jasver paalis sa harap niya, nakapagpaalam na kami, nandoon pa rin siya, parte ang mga labi at nakasunod ang tingin sa amin.

“Ginulat mo,” Jasver pointed out, but the calmness in his voice made me think he wasn’t mad about it.

“You know I’m shameless. If everyone asks me right now if I’m in love with you and I need to prove a point, I’ll kiss you.”

Jasver licked his lips; his brows were furrowed again, but there was an amusement in his eyes.

“Liberated ka talaga, ’no? Mahilig ka sa PDA,” he said.

Well, I know I’m liberated, but…oh right.

That’s when I slowly realized…we are different in expressing our love. I’m aware I am all out when it comes to my partner. I’m not even the low-key type of boyfriend. I don’t mind anyone looking at me kissing my partner or clinging to them like we are the only people existing.

Kaya siguro unti-unti rin akong kumalma nang maisip na…magkaiba kaming dalawa. I’m bold. He’s not quiet, but it was enough to make a noise when he wanted to express himself.

We haven’t really talked that deep about our differences or what our love languages are. Sinusubukan ko lamang siyang kilalanin araw-araw para madiskubre ko ang ibang parte niya na hindi ko pa alam.

Pansin ko, marami siyang nasasabi kung tungkol sa pamilya—sa kapatid—pero pagdating sa sarili, parang halos nakalimutan niya na kung sino siya.

Napansin ko ’yon noong kausap ko siya sa Verena account. He talks about his family problems like they are the center of his life—he lives with them. Nakalimutan niyang magkwento kung sino talaga siya—o wala siyang masyadong nababanggit pagdating sa sarili niya.

During our second talking stage, on that dating app, sosobra lang din pag usapang kurso niya. Madaldal siya pag alam niya na may laman ang sinasabi niya.

And now that we are here, getting to know each other—I almost forgot how we started. I almost forgot the gap we only tried to fill little by little, until we’re now slowly making progress.

Kaya pala gustong dahan-dahanin…hindi dahil naninibago, pero baka dahil…gusto niya ring kilalanin ulit kung paano siya gagalaw sa relasyon namin.

But can he even handle my jealous ass? Kung magpapadala ako sa damdamin ko ngayon, baka siya rin ang kawawa.

“You don’t like PDA? Oh right. Isn’t it weird if your family friend suddenly kisses you?” Natawa ako, pero pasimple ding binubuksan ang topic na ’yon nang nasa gilid kami ng countertop.

“Kaya naman kitang sabayan kung saan ka mas komportable.”

My brows arched. “Really?” I leaned closer to him confidently.

“Magsaya ka. Hindi ’yung ako ang pinagtutuunan mo ng pansin…” Nangingiti pero hindi umaalis ang titig niya sa akin.

“Well, I am here because I want to spend time with you. I am here because of you…”

He slightly chuckled, his breath kissed my lips. “Sumunod ka talaga dahil nandito ako…” It was almost a whisper to my lips when I brushed my lips on his.

“Bakit? Ayaw mo? I’ll leave…” I whispered back, my lips slightly tasting his.

“Nandito ka na, mang-iiwan pa talaga…”

His hand remained crossed, my hand resting on his side to lock him. I only flicked my tongue when he opened his lips and tilted my head to the other side to deepen it a bit.

“Ay pucha…” A frantic reaction coming from a familiar voice made me stop.

Drunken from the kiss, Jasver side-eyed who it was and licked his lower lip. I even stood up straight from crouching a little just to look at his friend and licked my lower lip too.

“Nakakadisturbo yata ako! Mikael…doon lang kami sa table ha! Lapit lang kayo…sama mo ang…” He looked at me with confusion and a small panic in his eyes. “Friend mo.”

Jasver nodded calmly. “Susunod kami.”

Tumango ang lalaki, ngumiti ng hilaw, nagkamot ng batok, at tumalikod na. I even saw him glancing one more time to confirm whatever is making him confused.

“Hindi sanay ang mga ’yan na makita akong PDA.” He chuckled, but he seems fine with it.

“Baka nagulat dahil nakikipaghalikan ka sa pinakilala mong kaibigan ng pamilya niyo pero hinahalikan mo.” Muling tingin ko sa kanya, nakaangat ang kilay pero sa labi niya nakatitig.

He snorted and rolled his eyes boyishly. “Ano naman ngayon? Wala na ’yon sa kanila kung sino ka sa buhay ko.”

It calms me down a little. He loves differently. He is willing to adjust to my love language and lets me get comfortable expressing it because he will also allow me.

He’s not clingy, but he has his ways to touch you—to show affection.

We joined the table of his friends a minute later. May laman agad ang ngiti sa akin, kahit si Tessa, nandoon din sa table nila. Tessa smirked at me like I had made a success.

“Mikael, boyfriend mo?” one of the boys asked shamelessly as soon as we took a seat. Para bang may naibulong sa kanila kaya ngayon, nacucurious.

“Turista Alvin! Ayaw mo namang maniwala!” si Tessa ang sumagot habang umuupo kami.

His friends looked curious, but every time they would look at me, they felt like they needed to control themselves from asking too much or overreacting.

“Ayos ’yang ganyang relasyon eh… Lalaki sa lalaki. Pwede pala na hindi mukhang binabae ang isang lalaki. Sino ang babae sa inyo?” That man who saw us kissing asked.

“Siguro mga Mama nila?” Tessa joked. “Malamang, wala! Ano ba namang tanong ’yan, Jefferson! Lalaki sa lalaki nga na relasyon tapos maghahanap ka kung sinong babae. Uminom ka nga. Kulang ka lang ng alak eh.” Saka niya inilapit ang baso na may alak.

I chuckled at Tessa. She seems fun and carefree here. I didn’t know she was this playful.

“Eh, s’yempre nagtatanong ako! Malay ko ba! Pero bro…” Ngiti sa akin ng lalaki. “You good here, bro?” He even showed his thumb to me. “You have fun, ha? Mikael… he will tour you around.”

Jasver laughed at him. Kahit ako, natatawa sa pagsasalita niya.

“Marunong ’to magtagalog,” si Jasver.

His friend’s eyes widened amusingly. “Ay talaga?! Hayop! Ikaw talaga! Pinahirapan mo pa ang ugat sa ulo ko! Kitang nagtitipid ako sa ingles para sa future American wifey ko!”

“Paano kayo magtatagal niyan, Jefferson?” si Tessa.

“Sus! Edi google! Pero pwede naman ’yon, suplado kunwari para madalang magsalita. Parang si Mikael. Yiee… Pero kita ko ’yon kanina ah? Binata ka na talaga, pre…” asar niya.

Humalakhak ang lahat habang tinapunan naman ni Jasver ng durog na tissue ang lalaki. I wanted to join the teasing, but I realized I’m just a newbie here. Baka ang asar ko, nakakapikon na…

Biglang siniko ni Tessa at may nginuso. A newly entered group of friends with foreign blood. But what caught my attention was the perfect description of that ex of his because of the tattoo on the girl’s chest. The well-known ex…

My smile gradually vanished until I ended up licking my lower lip. Si Tessa, tawang-tawa na naman kay Jasver. This girl, seriously.

“Uwi na kayo? Umuwi na kayo…” hirit niya habang si Jasver, sa akin nakatingin.

“Uwi na tayo?” he asked concernedly. Bakit uuwi?

“Why?” I chuckled.

“Dami kasing tao. Alam mo na…” Tessa was making her way out to explain things, but it was already too late; their group found us.

“Mikael?” tawag ng babae, mabilis ang lapit sa table namin. “I knew it! You’re really here!”

Isang sulyap ang ginawa ni Jasver sa akin, hindi agad nakatayo, pero umikot ang babae at talagang lumapit lalo sa kanya.

“Noong nakaraang araw pa, Trina,” Jasver answered casually and rested his hand on my left leg.

Bumaba saglit ang tingin ko doon. His fingers slightly scratched my knee to play with it. Si Tessa, sumilip pa sa akin at binigyan ako ng ngiting mapang-asar.

I glanced at Trina and couldn’t help but look at her. She’s 5’5 or so. Mestiza. She’s not even that average because if I were to bump into her in Siargao back in the days when I was into girls—single and not interested in Jasver—I’d probably hit on her.

Kaya pala hindi niya type si Verena dahil ganitong girls ang gusto niya. Verena’s sex appeal felt masculine sometimes—too sexy and intimidating. While I noticed, most of his exes radiate an air of sunshine—they are playful-looking.

He likes pretty women—very pretty.

“Walang kupas talaga ang ganda nito ni Trina—aray.” Biglang ungol ng isa sa lalaki, si Alvin, nang sikuhin noong Jefferson.

“See you around…” The woman tapped his shoulder, to which Jasver only nodded and turned to me right away.

Natahimik sa table namin. His friends were simply sipping on their drinks for a distraction. Jasver tilted his head to cover my vision while I was busy looking at his ex, who made a last glance at our table and giggled to her friends.

“Kung ako ’yan, lalakarin ko pauwi ang Manila… Tumapik pa talaga,” bulong ni Tessa na hindi nakaligtas sa akin.

“Uwi na tayo,” anyaya ni Jasver.

Umiling ako at natawa. “No, deadass…”

Nagtinginan ang friends niya. “Ano raw?”

“Ano ba sa tagalog ’yan? Patay na pwet?” bulungan nila.

“Lalim ng ingles niya.”

“Feeling ko sabi niya, hindi ayos lang ako… eh ano ngayon kung sumulpot ang ex, eh future naman ako?”

“Ang haba Alvin! Para namang hindi!”

Jasver looked at them, laughed a little, then looked at me worriedly. Siniko siya ulit ni Tessa at pinagtawanan.

“Ayusin mo. Gayahin mo galawan ng ex ko… Daanin mo sa lambing,” bulong ni Tessa na hindi ko na masyadong narinig.

“Wala kaming contact ni Trina. Ngayon lang din nagkita,” paliwanag niya kahit hindi ko hinihingi at nakikipagngisihan sa mga kaibigan niya dahil sa biruan.

“I’m not asking,” I replied and laughed a little, almost hoarse.

Mikael stared at me, weighing my reaction. I masked it while laughing with his friends, joining the funny topic, and indulging myself with the alcohol.

“Baka malasing ka,” puna niya, nasa hita ko pa rin ang kamay niya at namamahinga.

“I’m a heavy drinker. Ten shots won’t pass me out,” I said nonchalantly and gulped down my shot again.

“Palaban. Ganyan din ako pag nagseselos eh…tumatapang…” parinig ni Tessa na ikinakunot ng noo ni Jasver.

The salty feeling was now coming back. Wala naman siyang masyadong ginawa, pinansin lang dahil pinansin siya. Or maybe it was an inevitable emotion when you tend to meet someone who once shared a deep bond with someone you’re in love with.

I couldn’t blame it on him. Of course, I invited myself here. Ako ang pumunta. Kaya kung ano man ang meron dito, handa dapat ako.

“Mabait naman ’yon si Trina. Pero noon, banned ako sa bahay nila Jasver; ayaw akong papuntahin dahil tambay lagi sa kanila. Pinagseselosan kasi ako…” At kahit ang mga bulong kanina ni Tessa sa akin, tumatatak.

Tambay kasi malamang, binahay. Tapos ako…

I can’t believe Frederich’s genes are now acting up. The jealousy is immeasurable. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ko itinulak lahat palabas sa isip ko, o may kaonti akong pinanghahawakan na bukas…kami lang din dalawa.

Bukas, masosolo ko rin siya.

Maybe I am just overreacting—or it was coming from a past experience where you felt like you would be replaced any time soon. Na kahit parang wala namang ginagawa, sa likod sa isip ko, baka hindi ko lang alam…baka…pinagtataguan lang ako.

“Lahat ba ng girls dito, ex niya?” I chuckled playfully when Tessa invited me to join the foam party.

Mikael wasn’t into it. I joined Tessa because I wanted to have fun and to divert my attention.

“Ako hindi. ’Yung kaibigan niya ang ex ko. Kilala mo si Ancent?” She gave me a meaningful fruity smile.

Napunta sa kanya ang buong atensyon ko. My lips even parted. She’s a…what?

“Bisexual? Yes!” Humalakhak si Tessa. “Magkalahi tayo. Kaya amoy na amoy kita eh. Bango…”

What? She…knows? I mean, obviously, because she’s Jasver’s friend. Baka ako pa ang laging pulutan ng dalawa.

Sumigaw si Tessa at sinabayan ang beat ng kanta. Si Jasver, biglang lumitaw. I sipped on my drink when I realized I brought one.

“Anong alak ’yan? Baka hard na ’yan.” He pulled my cup toward him to smell it.

“Hayaan mo uminom! Hindi na ’yan bata! Bini-baby mo. Baby mo?” Tessa teased, and she started laughing more.

Itinulak niya pa sa noo si Tessa kaya napaatras kaonti. “Hindi ko nilalasing tapos ikaw ang lalasing…”

“Lasing na ’yan! Pero tingin ko hindi sa alak…” Tessa mischievously laughed.

I gulped down the entire shot so he won’t make a fuss about it. Tumingin siya sa akin, mas nakita sa mukha ang pag-aalala.

The salty feeling lingered a little longer. Akala ko kanina nabura na, na biru-biruang selos lang at hindi gano’n ka lalim. Pero ngayon, parang totoo na yata.

Seriously, man… Frederich’s genes acting up…

Siguro dahil na rin nag-expect ako na akin ang buong atensyon niya dito sa Siargao. Hindi ko naisip na may makikihati pala, o may aagaw na talaga.

“Iuuwi ko na, Tessa. May maghahatid naman pauwi sa’yo, ’di ba? Mauuna na kami.” And after an hour of staring at me, unable to solve whatever he thinks our problem is, his main solution is to go home.

Tumango si Tessa at umiling. “Huwag mo akong alalahanin. Sa ating dalawa, ako ang mas nag-aalala sa’yo.”

Jasver snorted at her. Tessa wave her hand at me. “Bye! See you!”

“Ibibilin kita kay Jefferson. Ipapahatid kita,” he said to Tessa while he’s now dragging me from somewhere.

This kind of friendly gesture is fine with me. I like Tessa as well. But that simple interaction he had with his ex made my lungs wheeze.

“Tahimik mo ah?” puna niya nang nasa likod niya ako. Siya ang nagdrive dahil nakainom ako kahit ang totoo, hindi naman tumama. Iba ang tumama sa akin. Mas malakas pa sa alak…

Pinakilala niya naman ako. Siguro…hindi lang ako kontento. Tang ina. Ako ang nagsasabi na ayos lang dahan-dahanin, ngayon ako ang atat.

Paanong hindi maaatat kung nalaman mong buong Siargao pala ang kahati mo? Kahit saan ba naman pumunta, pinagkakaguluhan—o may ex na kinakausap pa rin siya.

Iniisip ko pa lang na ’yung ibang ex niya, nandito rin, parang ayoko na bumalik dito at burahin na lang ’to sa mapa.

“I drained my energy,” I answered and faked a yawn.

“’Yung ex ko na ’yon, hindi ko na kinakausap. Baka kasi iniisip mo may koneksyon pa kami. Pag nandito lang talaga ako sa Siargao, namamansin. Casual. Walang malisya.”

I know, alright. Damn it. It’s obvious in the way he conversed nonchalantly. It’s just my insecurity acting up that I saw the woman who is linked to him.

“I don’t mind…” I blurted out emptily.

“Magulo talaga dito sa General Luna, matao. Sa Pacifico, tahimik doon. Akala ko mahilig ka sa matatao eh palagi ka ring nagpaparty sa Manila?” tanong niya at tiningnan ako sa salamin.

I faked a yawn again. I don’t wanna talk, really. I want to communicate it, but the energy is not there. I wanted to build a healthy relationship with him, but I feel like pointing it out would only stir up some problems and ruin his mood.

I was starting to trace how we built our connection. We were tied with the noise of our families and found comfort with each other. We talked most of the time about our families, his attention was centered to his sister—to his family.

I know he couldn’t prioritize me right now. I know his forgets sometimes to ask me about things because he is already used to taking care of himself—he’s used to being independent. Kaya siguro, tingin niya, ako rin.

Kaya siguro…hindi niya pa ako nakikita bilang ako.

“Inaantok ka na? Baka malaglag ka,” aniya at inabot ang ulo ko hanggang hinayaan niya iyong sumandal sa balikat niya. “Babagalan ko lang. Matulog ka.”

At konting lambing lang, konting pakita ng malasakit, nadala din ako. Am I this…petty?

Compared to their house in Manila, they live a pretty simple life in Siargao. Gawa sa kahoy ang sahig at parang hindi modernong tingnan iyon. It felt like those houses in horror movies; it’s just that it seems like a rest house.

Siguro gawa ng kaonting tampo, pagkatapos kong maghalf bath, nakatulog din agad ako. I just woke up around 5AM, and I found him packing some things.

“Agahan natin sa Pacifico. Mas maganda rin ngayong magtravel habang maaga pa.”

My usual energy was now back to 100. Ngayon na talagang lakad na lang namin, bawing bawi na hindi kami halos nagkaroon ng oras kagabi. But I do understand it since they haven’t seen him for a year. Jasver is allowed to bond with them. Kaya siguro ayaw niya rin akong dalhin sa lakad niya rito dahil ganito pala siya ka-busy.

My favorite part is probably our time during the travel. Pinapahawak na ako sa tiyan niya, at mahaba rin ang byahe.

“May sinabi ba si Tessa?” tanong niya nang natatawa kong halikan ang leeg niya.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Mukhang wala ka sa mood kagabi pag-uwi. O pagod ka? Ang ligalig mo rin kasi. Naka-ilang inom ka pa.”

I realized…he doesn’t really know me that much unless I communicate to him that I’m…jealous.

“Why? Are you planning to fuck last night? Kaya ba gusto mo akong iuwi agad?” I smirked and jokingly unzipped his shorts.

Bumaba ang tingin niya. “Ngayon ka pa gaganyan na nasa gitna tayo ng kalsada. Kagabi na nasa kuwarto…”

Well, I’m salty. I didn’t want to do anything and pretended I was sleepy until I dozed off to sleep right away.

“Friends don’t sleep with each other. What we did last night is a form of friendship. We slept peacefully—no sex involved.” I smiled innocently.

Nagkasalubong ang kanyang kilay at parang hindi sang-ayon.

“Tama lang din. Tuturuan kita mag-surf kaya dapat lang na may lakas ako.” At manlalaban din talaga…s’yempre maangas eh.

I raised my hands and stuck my tongue out to feel the cold wind. The only thing you could see on the sides were the palm trees in front of the blue sea and its white waves slowly crashing to the shore.

Tiningnan niya ako sa salamin, titig na titig. I laughed and touched my hair being played by the breeze. Nahawa siya sa ngiti ko at nailing.

“Mahilig ka rin sa pictures, ’di ba? Kita ko sa highlight mo sa Instagram. Kukunan kita ng picture doon sa lighthouse.”

“I want a photo with you kissing me at the lighthouse…” I whispered and hugged his neck loosely, my head resting on his shoulder.

Tumawa siya pero tumango. “Pwede rin…”

“For our lock screen,” I added more.

“Dami mo namang gusto. Mahilig ka rin pala sa ganyan? Hindi nga ako naglo-lock ng phone. Hassle minsan.”

Wow. Kaya pala nauuto ’to sa internet eh. I almost forgot that part. He’s not too invested in his phone.

“How about a wallpaper?”

“Basta black and white. Sakit tingnan sa mata pag masyadong matingkad ang kulay.” At kahit ba naman dito, magkaiba kami.

“Ganyan ba tayo ka patay sa isa’t isa kaya naka black and white?” biro ko at humalakhak.

Compared to last night, my mood was completely light as soon as we arrived at San Isidro. Tama nga siya, tahimik dito sa Pacifico. The lighthouse looked dramatically pretty in front of the beach when we entered the resort’s restaurant for a clearer view of the blue sea.

The place looked peaceful. With the soft hum of the sea breeze, the melancholic sound of the waves, and the warmth of the place—I immediately found comfort to it.

Kung ano mang nangyari kahapon sa General Luna, para akong nilalambing ngayon ng katahimikan ng lugar.

We checked in because he said the sunrise on the balcony of the room is amazing and I might like it. Natatawa ako sa mga rason niya. He’s like a kid who wants to show his favorite places because he thinks I will like them too.

Mukhang old school pa yata ang isang ’to. Kaya pala masyadong nabibilisan sa akin. He seems like someone who would court a lady for years out of respect and formality. While I’m the kind of man who likes to put an immediate label and just work out our differences along the process of our relationship.

Ang laki pala ng pagkakaiba namin. If we’re in the movie, I’m probably that city boy, and he’s from the province. Or the popular one meets the nerdy type—he’s not even that nerdy.

“Dito, mas tahimik. Walang disturbo,” he said meaningfully and put a rolled pasta on my plate.

Dito na kami nagbreakfast. He made me try some of his favorite food, and he also let me order what I wanna try so I could have a taste of the others as well.

Iyon nga lang, siya ang magbabayad. I’m kinda conscious ordering because he’s insisting on paying for it. Hinahayaan ko lang din dahil alam ko, gusto niya.

“Dami mong babae sa General Luna ah?” I pointed out playfully. Gusto ko rin talagang dalhin na lang ng pabiro…baka gumaan din.

“Mga kakilala lang. Ewan ko sa mga ’yon, parang nakakakita lagi ng rebulto dahil sa reaksyon,” naiiling niyang sabi, nasa pagkain ang tingin.

“Pero wala naman akong nagugustuhang iba. Ikaw lang,” pahabol niya na ikinangiti ko.

“Ako lang? Tunog napipilitan pa ah?” I teased, which made him slightly kick me underneath the table.

He put another rolled pasta on my plate; this time, it’s a seafood pasta.

“Masarap?” he asked curiously as soon as I tasted it.

“It tastes fine. Maybe I’m trying to find a little more spice to it, but overall it’s fine…”

“Ito naman…” Lapit niya sa Beef Udon. “Kumain ka ng marami.”

“What’s this? The bottom feeding his top because you’re fasting? Are you planning to do it here?”

“Pinapakain ka lang kung saan-saan na dumadating ang isip mo,” iritado ngunit natatawa na lang siya sa akin.

Most of his orders are pasta. He knows I love pasta. Pero dahil rin sanay ako sa iba’t ibang luto, siguro hindi na ako nagugulat man o may lasa akong hinahanap talaga.

After eating, he took me to the side of the swimming pool on its boardwalk for photos.

“Para malagay mo sa highlights mo. Ang hilig mo sa gano’n…” aniya nang hawakan ang phone ko, gusto akong kunan ng picture.

I sat on the edge of the boardwalk, facing the blue beach with white waves softly crashing to the shore, while on the side is the clear view of the lighthouse.

I rested my hands and just made a glimpse at the back for the photo. With the wind blowing softly, I slowly smiled. I saw him click on it with fascination, his lips laced with a small smile.

“Tang ina, video…” Halakhak niya kaya ang ngiti ko, nahulog din sa halakhak at hinawakan ang buhok kong hinahangin.

“Ulit… Tingin ulit sa akin.” He chuckled and probably clicked the camera this time.

Marami siyang kuha. S’yempre, hindi ako nagpahuli; gusto ko rin siyang kunan kaso ayaw niya. Hindi mahilig. Now I slowly realized why most of his photos taken by Ancent are just stolen photos of him.

Gusto ko sanang mag-picture na kaming dalawa sa itaas ng Lighthouse kaso ang gusto ni Jasver, pag lumabas na ang sunset. Hihintayin pa mamaya… Iyon din ang magiging unang picture naming dalawa.

“I tried surfing once, but I immediately gave up on it. It’s not for me,” natatawa kong kwento nang papunta na kami sa dagat, dala-dala ang surfboard na gagamitin.

We are both topless, just wearing swimming trunks, while I was extra dramatic for wearing my shade cuz it’s hella hot.

May mga tao pero kaonti lang. Bilang lang din sa daliri ang mga nandito, at apat o lima lang ang nagsu-surf.

“Why don’t you surf first, then I will watch you?” hamon ko at ibinaba ang surfboard sa buhangin para upuan iyon.

“Tss. Kaya nga kita dinala dito para turuan…” Iritado ngunit may ngiti sa labi niya habang nakatayo sa harap ko, at natatawa ko siyang tinitingala.

“Pampagana muna bago magpaturo. Gusto kong makita kung magaling ba talaga ang magtuturo sa akin. Baka puro yabang lang…” Ngisi ko.

He snorted and looked at the other side with an obvious challenging look—his lips stretching deviously. Gusto na yata ako nitong pakitaan…

“Baka tigasan ka ah?” At siya pa talaga ang nagsabi?

“Baka nga ikaw ang tinitigasan sa akin. Kanina ka pa titig na titig…” I folded my legs while he was standing in front of me, so I rested my elbow on the sand to recline my body.

His cheek bubbled, and he even tried to look away. “Magsusurf na nga mang-aakit pa.”

“What?” I asked innocently and tilted my head.

He let out a chuckle and brushed his hair backwards. “Hayop na mukha ’yan…”

I think he really needs to go to the water now. Pinilit ko pa talaga saka niya lang pinakawalang yayain ako. When he decided to surf, I took my phone out to take a video of him. He put down his surfboard on the water, planked on it, and paddled forward using his hands to meet the big waves approaching.

I know how surfing works. I’ve seen most of the experts in surfing ride the waves like they were just walking on cloud nine. Kaya noong tumayo si Jasver, tuwid at malakas ang kumpyansa sa sarili na hindi siya malalaglag, namangha ako.

I even caught him glancing and pointing at me before he maneuvered his surfboard and rode the waves without losing his balance. Yabang!

Another thick wave approached him. Malaki iyon dahil nakita kong nilamon siya—hindi na halos makita bago siya yumuko ng kaonti. But when the wave slowly subsided, I saw him standing up again.

“Oh…I knew it. He’s gonna be here.” A soft voice caught my attention.

Nasa labi ko pa ang ngiti nang lumingon ako sa nagsalita at nakita ang pamilyar na babae kagabi—ang ex niya na si Trina.

What on earth… Sino bang kaaway ko ngayon ang nagdadasal na sana pangit ang araw ko? Pakiramdam ko nananadya na ang tadhana eh.

Wearing a baby pink two-piece bikini and holding a surfboard as well, my smile vanished a little. Wow, I’m meeting the ex in person.

“His favorite spot to surf,” I pointed out without losing my smile. I should be friendly, alright?

“Yup, I know,” she said in an accent and chuckled. “This was our favorite spot back in the days when we were together. We used to surf here a lot…”

Haha.

“Oh, Trina, right? I’m Tyler.” I offered my hand for a handshake. Baka sabihin bitter…

She shook my hand and smiled back. “Let’s surf? You should join us… I learned to surf because of him. He’s such a good coach…”

And even the dotted freckles on her rosy cheek made me stare at it for a while.

“Wow. That’s inspiring…” I smiled back when I felt like my words didn’t even make sense to me. Labas na sa ilong ang sinasabi ko.

Jasver probably noticed his ex that’s why he swam back to the shore. Tumalon pa sa surfboard niya at nagmamadaling umahon.

When Trina saw him walking toward us, she waved her hand excitedly. Dala ni Jasver ang surfboard, isang pasada sa basang buhok paatras, at magkasalubong ang kilay na tinanguan ang ex.

Tiningnan ko saglit ang katawan niyang nangingintab pero inalis din. I’m suddenly conscious that his ex is here, and he looked like…a fuckin’ model.

“I assumed you’re gonna be here, and I’m right. Things don’t really change, huh?” Trina blurted out as soon as Mikael stopped in front of us.

“You’re with your friends?” tanong ni Jasver at inilahad sa akin ang kamay.

“Oh yup…” Then Trina looked at me while talking because Jasver already looked at me. “They’re still at the restaurant…” Medyo humihina na ang boses niya.

“Mag-surf na tayo,” si Jasver sa akin. “Hindi na ako nag-eenjoy na ako lang ang nagsu-surf.” Sus…

I put my hand on his, and then he pulled me up. Pinagpagan niya ang siko ko para alisin ang dumikit na buhangin. Siya rin ang dumampot sa surfboard ko. I glanced at Trina, who watched us silently. Sinabayan niya pa kami papunta sa dagat.

I mean, I am open to getting to know his exes. They seemed friendly, and they don’t mean anything to Jasver anymore. Gusto kong intindihin iyon.

“Don’t worry about making mistakes. He has patience even though he doesn’t look like one…” Trina chuckled when she dropped her surfboard and planked on it.

“Get lost, Trina.” Jasver even splashed water on her, which made her giggle, and paddled to meet the waves.

I giggled as well, joining the fun. I mean, come on. I’m fuckin’ here.

Umangat ang kilay ni Jasver sa akin. “Dapa dito,” tapik niya sa surfboard na hinahawakan niya.

“Ikaw din pala ang nagturo sa ex mo?” I asked with an obvious smirk on my lips and planked on the surfboard. Recycled memories ba ’to?

“Oo noon… Mag paddle ka.” At parang ayaw pang pag-usapan… Umiiwas.

I paddled a little; my eyes were now glued to Trina riding the wave smoothly—not as perfect as how Jasver had done it earlier, but I could see his signatures on her movements.

They bond a lot. This place isn’t his favorite—it’s theirs.

Hindi ko na tuloy maiwasang isipin kung ano pa ang pinaggagawa nilang memorya dito noon, na dating place na yata nila. O baka nga…kahit nagsu-surf, naghahalikan?

Gago. Hindi pa nga ako lumulublob sa dagat, nakainom na agad ako ng maalat.

“Tanggalin mo ’tong shades mo, mahuhulog ’to sa tubig…” Sabay kuha niya paalis no’n at nakita pang nakay Trina ako nakatingin.

He glanced at her once, then looked at me.

“Anong tingin ’yan?” He splashed my face with water.

I avoided it and laughed, but I immediately furrowed my brows when he also did this to her earlier. Am I just what, a deja vu?

“Dito sa akin ang tingin. Kung saan saan pa napapadpad. Sa ilalim ng dibdib mo ilagay ang mga palad mo kung aahon ka. Para pag itinulak mo ang sarili mo patayo, hindi mahirap…”

I do know how the basics of surfing work. But then again, I’m not that pro. That’s why when I pushed myself up and I saw the wave approaching, unable to ride on it, I jumped off the surfboard.

Rinig ko ang halakhak ni Jasver nang mahulog ako sa tubig at nilangoy agad ako.

“Ba’t mo inilagan?” natatawa niyang tanong at kinuha ang surfboard ko.

I pinched my left ear with my pinky finger and laughed too. Hindi ko rin alam ba’t ako tumalon eh.

“Ayos ka lang? Kakasimula pa lang natin…” ngisi niya at nasa harap ko na.

Sumulpot ulit si Trina, nakatayo sa surfboard niya at natawa sa akin; siguro nakita ang ginawa ko kanina.

“You need a lot of practice…”

And you need to shut your mouth. Gusto ko sanang iboses pero hindi na lang; baka sabihin, nananalo na ang dugo ni Charlotta sa akin.

I know it’s a playful, harmless laugh—a friendly one—but I couldn’t help but put meaning to it. I’m offended. There was a looming insecurity in my chest that she was watering in every movement she made.

Akala ko hindi ako inggitero…pero parang marunong pala akong mainggit.

“Mikael, your brows. Show him a little sympathy and don’t be too hard on him! You weren’t like that when you were teaching me back in the days…” Trina teased while squeezing her hair.

Kung ako ang mang-aasar kay Trina, mapipikon ’to. But then I know I’m being petty. It was a personal grudge speaking. Charlotta’s blood mixing with my father’s gene is really a ticking bomb. Hindi na nga ako makahinga sa selos, kailangan ko pang pigilan ang sarili na may masabing masama.

“Ulit. Ayos lang ’yan. Beginner eh. Matututunan mo rin ’to kung dinalasan mo…” Mikael said calmly when he looked at me again, reassuring me.

“Parang sa inyo ni Trina?” I laughed, trying to bicker about it playfully, and planked on the surfboard again.

“Trina ka nang Trina. Kung hindi ka komportable dito, pwede tayong lumipat sa Cloud 9. Malalaki rin ang alon doon. Sadyang gusto ko lang dito kasi—”

“Kasi favorite place niyo? Kinda cool, huh.” I smirked coldly, put my palm under my chest, and pushed myself up.

Naitayo ko ang sarili. I saw Trina ride the wave smoothly I was preparing myself for. I knew I couldn’t make it, but maybe out of the desperation to do it too, I am willing to crash with the wave.

My shaky feet were unsteady. Alam kong isang hampas ng alon, mahuhulog ulit ako. But when the wave approached, I saw Mikael on my side riding with his surfboard, taking my hand, and stepping off his surfboard to join me. He was now behind me, his arm snaked around my waist to at least maintain my balance.

“Isteady mo ang katawan mo. Pakiramdaman mo ang tubig,” sabi niya kahit nahulog din naman kami agad dahil hindi ko nabalanse ang sarili nang humampas ulit ang alon.

Pero dahil hawak niya ako, swabe lang ang pagkakahulog namin at hindi nahanpas ng alon.

“Sumakay ka na lang siguro sa akin,” he chuckled as soon as our head rose out of the water.

I rolled my eyes and pushed his chest. “Yabang. Matututunan ko rin ’to…” Nangingiti kong sabi.

“I was like that too when I started! It’s okay! You can do it!” I heard Trina.

My smile vanished slowly. Sulpot nang sulpot. Nasa’n na ba ang mga kaibigan niya para hindi kami ang madalas niyang kausapin? Ililibing ko na ’to sa buhangin pag hindi ako nakapagtimpi.

I know it’s a friendly remark, but I’m really salty. But then I don’t wanna overreact cuz I know this feeling is just coming from the bitterness of jealousy.

Yeah, whatever.

Ayoko rin namang maging toxic na partner—seloso. Dugo talaga ni Frederich ang lakas. Hindi naman kasi ako seloso. Hindi ako ganito ka seloso noon sa unang relasyon ko—kaya siguro hindi ko rin namalayan na ang girlfriend ko, nasa kama na ng iba.

But then I do trust Jasver more than my past ex. I should really control myself because clearly, Trina seems friendly.

Well, I’m fucking not. I don’t need new friends.

Noong malapit nang lumabas ang sunset, niyaya ko na si Jasver paalis, na magbibihis na kami para makapag-picture.

“Heto. Blower.” At paglabas ko ng banyo, nauna bago siya, iyon agad ang ibinigay niya.

“Hinanda ko ’yan dahil alam ko ’yan agad ang hahanapin mo. Baka kasi wala rin silang built-in blower…”

I can’t help but smile on it. “Bilis na. We’ll take photos at the Lighthouse…” Hampas ko sa pwet niya.

He smirked back and slapped my butt too. Lumabas ako at hinintay na lang muna siya sa boardwalk. Gusto ko ring magvideo sa paligid para may ma-post sa Instagram. Saktong nadaanan ako ng grupo ni Trina.

“Goodbye! Where’s Mikael…” Hinanap niya saglit at bumagal din ang paglalakad. Kahit ang mga friends niyang girls, nakangiting tumingin sa akin.

“He’s changing. Do you want me to pass a message to him?” Total huli na eh.

“Oh… Ask him if he still has a copy of our photo together in the lighthouse. It’s a bit sentimental to me… I mean, no harm intended because I heard he already has a partner. I just value our friendship now, and I wanted a piece of that photo as a remembrance…” She smiled.

No harm intended, pero bumaon ang saksak. I should have shooed her away instead of giving her a chance to speak. There are really opinions not worth listening to. Was that even relevant? Now my peace is ruined.

I smiled and nodded. “I’m that partner. And yeah, no harm intended too, but if I were to see that photo, whatever friendship he wants to keep with you, I’ll burn it.”

Her smile gradually vanished. I smiled and laughed.

“I mean the photo, alright. Not you…” I smirked.

She blinked twice and without a word, she immediately walk toward her friends. I crossed my arms and watched her glanced at me for the last time. I waved my hand.

I’m not even sure if the picture still exists or what, but I’m highly disrespected that he didn’t even tell me this fuckin’ place is filled with memories with his ex.

I turned my phone off and inserted it into my pants. Remembrance, my ass.

I’ve never been this jealous. Sure, it’s already from the past, and I am just probably making a big deal out of it, but my emotion was like waves smashing against me—unable to even ride on it.

Kung kagabi, parang kaya ko pang tiisin, panoorin ang nangyayari, o umintindi, pero ngayon, parang nilamon na ako.

My mind was clouded with something very foreign—intensely destructive insecurities—until I found myself zoning out, my eyes glued to the view of my window seat on the plane. I only left him a message and told him I went home. Hindi ko nga lang sinabi kung saang bahay…

Tyler:

Magpapahangin lang saglit :)

Chapter 45

Boyfriend

The travel gave me a whole time to reflect alone. This is the best part when I am traveling with my overwhelming emotion. I can give myself time to untangle each piece by myself and make room for another side.

Bukod sa walang pipigil sa akin na isipin ang dapat isipin, nagkakaroon din ako ng oras na pakalmahin ang sarili. Cuz what I fuckin’ hate the most are people dismissing my emotions and giving unsolicited advises.

Kung nanatili ako roon, I might only end up confronting Mikael, like what happened during our Romblon trip. Baka kahit anong paliwanag niya, hindi na matimbang sa akin.

I wasn’t the kind of person who could be calmed by just words. Kung galit na ako, alam kong ’yun na ’yon. Either you leave me alone, or I’ll leave. That’s the best option. Cuz hell will surely break loose if one decides to argue with me. And sure, I’m gonna win the argument, but at what cost, right?

Pinanood ko na lang din isa-isa ang mga kuha niyang videos at pictures. Saktong ’yung video ang nag-play at rinig ko ang halakhak niya. Ngumuso ako.

Am I too liberated for him? Or he’s too traditional for me.

But looking back from that Romblon trip, and I flew in Bale just to cool down, I realized the slow transition of my feelings for him. When he hurt me around December and I flew to France to mend my broken heart, I had that courage to embrace my feelings for him. I slowly accepted I was falling.

And now that I am flying out of the country, assuring him that I would just get some fresh air, it was I knew to myself, this isn’t just a sweet downfall—but a willingness to kneel down, to live under your pride.

Ganito na pala kalalim. Umaalis man, pero hindi katulad noong nasa Paris ako na walang mapanghawakan, ngayon, kahit bigo at wala pa rin namang mapanghawakan…panatag akong may uuwian.

The trip somehow calmed me down. The turbulence made me a little sick, but my mind seems too invested in what happened in Siargao.

Ronan Slade:

Gago? Nagchat sa akin si Kael. Tinatanong kung nasaan ka. Sabi ko nasa Siargao. Tapos sinagot ako na wala ka ron.

Ronan Slade:

Kasama mo pala siya?! Haha may nalaman ka ba bro? Saang bansa ka na naman nagpahangin?

Ronan Slade:

Medyo kinabahan ako sa chat niya. Ang kalmado pa kaya mas lalong nakakakaba.

Kalibelly:

Kuya Tyler where are you? Kuya is asking.

Kalibelly:

Did you two fight? Dada and Papa are now talking about you. Mama said you are matampuhin daw. Dada said you are like your Mommy kasi.

Dad:

Where are you? Nag-away kayo ni Mikael?

Tito Rommel:

San ka? Hanap ka ni Mikael. Miss ka na ata hehe

MicMic:

OH MY GOD. YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH KAEL?!!!!! YOU FREAK!!!!! YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?! HE JUST CHATTED ME ASKING WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!

Jasver:

Wala ka dito sa Forbes Park.

Jasver:

Wala ka rin dito sa site.

Jasver:

Wala ka rin daw sa Resthouse niyo sa Romblon.

Jasver:

Nasa Davao ka ba? Samal?

Jasver:

Wala ka rin daw doon.

Jasver:

Nasa Miami ka ba?

Jasver:

Mag-usap tayo sa personal.

Jasver:

Uwi na.

Sunod sunod ang pagpasok ng notifications nang mabuksan ko ang phone ko. Kakatapos ko lang din mag-half bath at nasa kuwarto na ng bahay ko.

The maids didn’t expect I’d show up earlier than expected. Akala nila mauuna pa si Mommy. Sabi ko nauna na ako. Baka sila Mommy, bukas pa ang dating.

I sat on the edge of my bed, crouched on my spread legs, and typed a reply. Tumutulo pa ng kaunti ang tubig sa buhok ko, at tuwalya lamang ang nakatapis sa pang-ibaba ko.

I typed a reply to Jasver first. The interval time of his replies made me realize he probably went back to Manila right away. Did he even sleep a wink?

Tyler:

Give me 5 to 7 business days. I’ll come home once I cool down haha

Siya lang ang ni-reply-an ko. I tossed my phone on the bed and stood up and took the football off the bedside table. I made a little jump and shot it to the imaginary ring. It’s freakin’ good to be back…

I wore an oversized navy blue V-neck jersey t-shirt and black shorts, blow-dried my hair, sprayed a little perfume, and went out of the room.

“Since when did Mom drive an Audi?” I blurted out as soon as I opened the garage and saw a brand new car together with two more old cars of hers which are the Supra and Benz, and the Fortuner for the maids to run some errands.

“Your father gifted it to her last year, sir…” the maid said and handed the key to me while I was watching the car with amusement.

Buti pa si Charlotta, ang daming kotse. Samantalang ang anak niya sa Pinas, nagtitiis sa BMW, at sariling pera ko pa ’yon, ah?

I looked at her Supra and chuckled to myself. ’Twas the reason why I got kicked out here. Iniisip ko pa kung hindi ba ako pasaway, hindi niya ako itatapon sa Pinas? Kaya itong Audi naman ni Mom ang papakialaman ko. Bagong bago tingnan eh. Nangingintab pa.

I wanna stroll around the neighborhood to kill some boredom. Although I kept my communication with my friends here, we went silent for some unknown reason.

Man… I’m suddenly craving Nobu. Nabitin ako sa mga pinakain ni Mikael sa akin sa Siargao na seafood—naumay din sa pagkain sa plane, ngayon naman, tumutunog ang tiyan ko at naghahanap ng Japanese food.

Nadaanan ko ang bahay ng isa sa mga kaibigan ko rito sa Pinecrest. Nakita ko si Jared sa front yard at nagka-carwash ng sports car, napalingon din sa dahan-dahan kong pagpark sa harap ng gate.

“You dumb fuckass!” He pointed at me, jaw dropped, and ran to the gate.

I chuckled and went out. Their remote-controlled gate opened sideways until he ran to me and threw himself completely to me.

“You gotta be kiddin’ me, man?! You’re alive!” At sa higpit ng yakap, tapik sa likod ko na kulang na lang matatanggalan ako ng baga, papatayin pa ata ako ng isang ’to.

But then I chuckled and let him process it. He even kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair.

“I was about to pull up the whole gang, but I am not sure if everyone’s still here. Are they still breathin’?”

“Nah…I’m callin’ the whole gang! You have to lock in on this, bro!” He pointed at me and ran back to the front yard.

I know the drill, alright. Once he called everyone, it just meant we were throwing a random party either at my place, or it could be at someone’s pad.

Iba rin talaga ang hangin pag nandito ako sa Miami. I feel like becoming my old self, running back to where I usually came from. The noise, wild child, and carefree me are suddenly unleashed. This time, I’m just a bit tamed and in control of my actions.

I spent the whole day catching up with my homies. Puro pa tags agad sa Instagram kaya dire-diretso ko nang nilalagay sa story ko.

I also put a photo with my gang, a group picture with them carrying me sideways and tongues out. I used the song Just A Lil Bit by 50 Cent and captioned it with bussin’.

“Have you heard about Jennie?” Jared opened up when I laughed after Peter jumped fully naked into the swimming pool.

“Jennie…” I smiled and pulled back my attention to him.

“Yup! She’s now making names in Hollywood! She got featured once in Times Square, bro. Times Square! She got a whole-ass billboard wearing Calvin Klein!”

My brows shot up, and I looked at Peter, who rose out of the water and chased after Dwayne.

“Cover that damn ass five inches, bro! Can’t barely see cuz it’s hella cute!” I shouted.

He showed his middle fingers and threw himself into the water again. Si Jared, natawa ulit pero ayaw pakawalan ang topic dahil nagpakita pa talaga ng picture.

“Here. You gotta win this chic back, Tyler. She even asked for your socials. Told her you’re busy in the Philippines and she told me to tell you to hit her up once you’re back.”

I looked at the photo he showed and nodded. She indeed looks fine. I mean, she always does. That’s the reason why I was pissed Jason got her too. But then…

“Good for her. But she’s not my type. I’m into men now.”

Jared laughed at me. “A dude over Jennie? Bruh… you gotta be shitting with me. What kind of weed did you inhale in the Philippines? You seem high or somethin’…”

“I’m serious. He knocks me off my feet…” I mumbled and chugged down my drink.

“A beefcake?” he interrogated curiously.

“Sort of…” I said in an accent and chuckled.

Mikael’s build isn’t really too muscular. But you could still tell he’s physically active, either in the gym or doing other things. Athletic din ’yon. Sadyang mas matangkad lang talaga ako kaysa sa kanya.

I spent almost three days in the neighborhood until Mom sent me a message. Pinapauwi na ako dahil nasa bahay na raw sila. Gusto pa sanang sumama ng mga kupal pero sinabihan ko na huwag na at baka kung saang bansa na naman ako ipapatapon dahil sa kanila. Their sports car only trailed behind me and made a loud honk to bid goodbye as I slowly entered our wide gate.

I parked Mom’s car on the side of the fountain and gave the key to the driver so he could park it back in the garage for me. The maid opened the glass door and told me they’re in the pool area, lalo na’t kita ko rin si Dad sa transparent glass wall sa labas, topless, naka-shades at mukhang nagbabarbeque dahil sa hawak na tong.

I walked into our primary living space and stepped out of the sliding door to go to our swimming pool area near the guest house, where our summer kitchen was located.

Si Milo na nakahiga sa lounger, umangat ang ulo at nakahikab na tumayo, mabilis na nag-ingay nang makita ako. Bihis na bihis pa sa fitted navy blue na damit at may kasama pa talagang ribbon tie nang lapitan ko ito, umupo sa lounger, at kinarga.

Kali, who’s in the swimming pool, swam to the edge to get close to me.

“Kuya Tyler!” Kali shouted. “Your bahay here pala looks like a mall! It’s huge!” si Kali na ngiting-ngiti.

“Nasa kapitbahay ka? Your mom told me. She tried to track down the location of her Audi…” si Dad

“Yup. I’m with Jared and the rest of my gang…” I explained while ruffling Milo’s hair, who’s purring in my arms.

“And oh, Mikael’s with me…” Sabay lingon ni Dad sa barbeque area ng summer kitchen. “Kahapon kami dumating, ’yung Mommy mo at si Kali, noong nakaraang araw pa. Your Tito Rommel didn’t make it so I brought him instead. Mabuti na lang, noong nakaraang taon pa naayos ang papers nitong batang ’to. Hindi na nahirapan noong nagpresintang sumama…”

My eyes immediately went to the barbeque area and I saw his familiar stance grilling some meat while looking at me carefully.

The smokes were slightly giving some intensity to his serious expression while he was wearing a black sleeveless shirt, his hair was a bit messy, and his thick brows were furrowed again.

My lips parted. Kali giggled and pulled herself out of the water. Naglakad siya papunta sa lounger, kinuha ang towel, at silang dalawa ni Dad ang makahulugang nagtitinginan.

My father cleared his throat, and I saw how he boldly pointed at me while looking at Mikael using his lips—pouting them like a fish while sending his obvious secret signals.

Kahit si Kali, sinenyasan din ni Dad. Mukhang planado pa yata ang lahat ng ’to ah? At pati yata si Milo, kinasabwat din dahil hindi man lang nanlaban na sumama kay Kali nang kinuha siya sa akin.

“I’m just gonna get dress,” si Kali na nagmamadaling pumasok at sinundan din agad ni Dad.

“I’ll just go to your mom. She’s in her office. I’ll check on her…” si Dad na pasimpleng senyas ulit kay Jasver at kitang kita ko sa gilid ng mga mata ko.

I silently watched the pool and remembered what happened in Siargao. Naglakad si Mikael papalapit sa akin dala ang plato at inilagay ’yon sa mesa sa gilid ng lounger na inuupuan ko.

I asked for 5-7 days. Kalmado naman na ako, nakapag-isip-isip na…pero hindi ako makapaniwalang…sumunod talaga.

This isn’t the Jasver I know. Or…maybe I expected a little less of him because I didn’t know he would put too much effort into…fixing this jealousy he didn’t mean to make me feel.

“Saan ka natulog?” tanong niya, kalmado ang boses.

“My friend’s house. We did a little party to catch up.”

He nodded, but I can feel how unconvinced he was just by looking at his furrowed brows. I stood up when I suddenly felt sticky. Nakaligo naman na ako kanina pero naiinitan na naman.

“I’ll just shower in my room. I’m a bit sweaty,” I said and moved a little.

Pansin ko ang agarang pagsunod niya kahit nakakaisang hakbang pa ako.

“Samahan na kita,” he said with determination and followed me.

I had no choice but to let him. Ramdam ko rin kasi na desperado, o hindi iyon tanong kundi desisyon niya mismo.

Hindi na ako pumasok sa loob pa at sa spiral na hagdan na lamang dumaan na konektado rin sa terrace sa second floor ng bahay kung nasaan ang kuwarto ko. I usually use these stairs when I’m trying to sneak in when Mom’s waiting for me in the primary sala.

He silently followed me like we were about to do something that would put us both into trouble if we got caught.

There was an overwhelming feeling, a sudden shift of emotion where you are suddenly being spoiled, but you wanted to hold your horses because you were craving more, you were greedy for more…

As much as I wanted him to tour around first, I just opened the sliding door of my wide balcony and let him in.

His eyes roamed around. I took the remote off the table and opened the interior lights on the sides of the ceiling. Hindi ko na binuksan ang chandelier dahil masyado nang masakit sa mata.

Pumasok ako sa walk-in closet. He followed me silently. Sumandal siya sa gilid ng marble countertop kung saan nakadisplay ang iba’t ibang klase ng perfumes ko kasama ang nakalinyang relo.

“Maligo ka muna,” he said calmly and stared at my shirt. “Mukhang nakainom ka.”

“Just some few shots…” I answered while unbuttoning it one by one.

He nodded and watched my fingers unbuttoned it clumsily. Maybe frustrated about it, he grabbed my hand and pulled me in front of him until I was already standing in between his legs.

My fingers stopped when his fingers joined mine, and I watched him do it. He looked at me once, but then his eyes dropped on my chest.

“Naligo lang ako, nakaalis ka na agad…” he confronted calmly.

I put my hands on the side of my waist. “I don’t wanna argue about it.”

He chuckled a little. “Akala mo naman hindi tayo nagsimula sa ganyan…”

“I don’t wanna ruin your mood. I don’t wanna spoil the moment. Minsan lang tayo magkaroon ng gano’ng lakad… Hindi pa nga lakad dahil ako lang ang sumunod…” I said and smirked bitterly at him.

There was a smile kissing on his lips—almost a smirk too. “Kaya nga hindi kita dinala sa Siargao dahil may iba akong plano. At naisip ko kasi, sawa na ako sa lugar na ’yon. Kung dadalhin man kita, kung ipapasyal man, baka sa ibang lugar na lang. Kaso sumunod ba naman…kaya naisip ko na ipakita na lang sa’yo ang mga lugar na gusto ko ro’n…”

“Gusto ng mga ex mo?” I chuckled sarcastically.

He sighed and licked his lips. “Wala na akong kopya noong picture na hinihingi sa’yo ni Trina…”

I looked away and gritted my teeth. How did he know about it? That girlie talked to him?

“She had a photo with you at the Lighthouse, where I also want a photo with you. I hate it. I feel like I’m sharing memories with your past lover…” I whispered.

“Paborito ko na talaga ang lugar na ’yon simula noong bata pa ako. Hindi ko rin naisip na baka ikakagalit mo pag nalaman mong may memorya ako ro’n kay Trina dahil hindi naman ’yon mahalaga sa akin.”

I remained a stoic expression. Ni hindi niya matagalang tingnan ang mukha ko, bumababa agad pero dahan-dahan lang ulit na dadalhin sa mga mata ko pag seryoso ko siyang titingnan.

“Dinala lang kita dahil gusto kong makilala mo rin ako. Gusto kitang ipasyal sa mga lugar na mahal ko. Ang kaibahan niyo lang ni Trina noon, alam niya na gusto ko ro’n kaya sinasamahan niya ako. Gusto niyang matutong magsurf dahil hilig ko. Pero iba ang atin. Iba ’yon kay Trina.”

I silently listened. I already made room for his side during my trip, and my brain is acknowledging it now little by little. But then the bitter feeling is still there…

“Tss. She kept on rubbing it in my face that she shared a lot of memories with you there. I fuckin’ hate it. I hate that I wasn’t the first one you brought there. I hate that you didn’t tell me. I hate that I am only existing on the things that you already shared with someone else…”

His fingers dropped and glided from my arm to my hand. I could feel his fingers slowly filling the gap of mine—playfully holding my hand like he was making sure he could pull me back to him if I stepped away.

He nodded a little. “Masakit nga…”

“Ibinahay mo, kilala ng mga magulang mo. Kilala sa buong Siargao na ex mo. How am I gonna pretend it’s fucking fine with me when I’m sharing memories with her…when I feel like repeating the ones you shared with her… I fuckin’ feel like a duplicate—a replacement from something you once had with her.”

Ngumuso siya, ngunit ang titig niya ay seryoso at nakakapaso.

“Kahit ako…mapapaalis eh. Ang sakit nga…” He nodded again, which made my brows furrow more.

“Pakiramdam ko nakikihati ako… Lagi na lang…” I mumbled and rolled my eyes bitterly.

My lungs wheeze. My breath was nearly trapped in my throat. I wanted to growl each word, but the way he stared at me, the way his fingers held my hand, and the way he locked me in his legs put me at ease that he could hear the silence in my rage.

“Kawawa naman… para palang inapi-api sa Siargao nang walang kalaban-laban. Di ko man lang naipagtanggol…” namamaos ang malambing na boses niya. “Ano pa…”

I was a bit distracted by this tone, but I didn’t want to falter from that.

“Tss. I am not the jealous type, but I couldn’t control it. Of course, we have no label. I am just a family friend you were fucking secretly…” I confessed honestly.

“Mali ko…” he answered in a hurry. “Nakalimutan ko na hindi pala pwede sa’yo ang nakasanayan ko dahil…may trauma ka rin sa huling ka relasyon mo. Ayaw ko mang iparamdam sa’yo na may lugar pa si Trina—o kahit sino sa mga ex ko sa buhay ko, kinulang ako sa pagpapaintindi. Kinulang sa salita…”

I couldn’t even look at him. The salty feeling is coming back, and I hate it. I fuckin’ hate it.

“Bago sa akin ang relasyon natin. Ngayon ko lang din naisip na hindi pala ako gano’n ka galing sa salita. Kung sa mga nauna kong ka-relasyon, hindi ko nakikita na pagkukulang ko iyon dahil bumabawi naman ako sa ibang paraan, pero pagdating sa’yo, gusto ko agad baguhin.”

I looked at him seriously. The warm color in my walk-in closet blended well with his cognac eyes—his thick and curvy lashes were adding wonders to his soft gaze…almost pleading to hear him out.

“Akala ko sapat na pag sinabi ko sa’yo ng isang beses lang…hanggang sa naalala kong gusto mo pala ’yung inuulit-ulit sa’yo. Gusto mo palang naririnig. Kaya ko namang sabihin pero minsan, hindi ko magawa dahil mas komportable akong iparamdam na lang.”

I looked away again and licked my lower lip. Ayokong madistract sa mga mata niya kahit parang gusto kong tingnan ulit.

“Tradisyonal ako. Liberated ka. Hindi sa ayaw ko na hinahalikan mo ako sa maraming tao, hinahawakan ang kamay mo sa harap ng mga kaibigan ko, o paulit-ulit na ibulong sa’yo na ikaw lang—walang iba, pero kung…sa ganoong pagmamahal kita mapapanatag sa akin…sa ganoong pagmamahal kita mapapanatili sa tabi ko, gagawin ko… Babaguhin ko ang mga nakasanayan ko magtagal lang tayo…” namamaos niyang sabi.

I looked at him silently again. His other hand pulled me close to him, and he rested his forearm on the marble countertop without leaving his eyes on me—the softness of his gaze was now yearning.

“Hindi ko pala kaya kung umalis ka…mamamatay ako sa pangungulila.” He chuckled a little.

I snorted and rolled my eyes—looking away. “I told you to wait for me once I come home—”

“Hindi na nga makatulog sa isang araw…pitong araw pa kaya?” He snorted too.

His eyes dropped to my hand; his fingers were playin’ with mine. He rubbed the back of my hand and sighed.

“I’m sorry, love…” he whispered sincerely.

Alam ko, pabulong iyon. Pero dahil sa katahimikan, rinig na rinig ko.

Love…

He even held my hand, kissed the back of my hand, and inhaled like he had been aching to do it for so many days of longing.

“Hindi ko ramdam na sobrang bigat na pala sa’yo ng naiparamdam ko sa Siargao, dahil akala ko…bumabawi naman ako. Sinisigurado kong naaalagaan naman kita. Naipaparamdam ko naman. Pero wala ka nga palang mapanghawakan… Bukod sa sinabi ko ring dahan-dahan muna, hindi ko rin napagtuunan ng pansin ang pagseselos mo. Hindi ko naisip na…tatablan ka pala. Sa taas mo ba naman sa mga mata ko.”

“I’m not as high as you think. That’s your fucking effect on me—that even the confidence I built turned into dust.”

Ngumuso siya, pigil ang ngiti kahit may kaonting ngisi na sa labi, titig na titig habang nakatingala sa akin, at ang daliri, patuloy na humahaplos sa likod ng kamay ko.

“Akin na, bubuohin ko ulit…” he whispered with a slight smile lurking on his lips.

Gusto kong humalakhak, pero ayokong matawa dahil baka sabihin niya…ang bilis kong lumambot. Kaunting suyo lang, kaunting ngisi, nakalimutan na halos kung bakit ako nandito ngayon sa Miami.

“Pwede na bang humalik?” he asked playfully, his smirk still playfully kissing on his lips.

“You can’t kiss a family friend.” I even tried to take my hand away from his grip, but he tightened it, his lips stretching for a playful smile.

“Boyfriend,” he emphasized.

Hah.

“Tss. Then tell that to your exes, especially to Trina,” I blurted out thickly.

“Sige. Pag bumalik ako sa Siargao, kahit hindi pa nagtatanong, kakalabitin ko. Sasabihin ko boyfriend kita…” And he sounded so playful, dammit!

I snorted and shook my head. He sighed heavily and rested his head on my shoulder. His arm slowly crawled until he hugged me.

“Akala mo ba hindi kita luluhuran kung kailangan ko ring magpakababa para lang makita mong kaya ko ring bumaba?” seryoso at namamaos niyang bulong, humihigpit ang brasong nakayakap sa akin.

My chest was hammering. Hindi ako halos makapagsalita. Kinikilabutan ako sa mga sinasabi niya; higit sa lahat, nagugulat ako na kusa siyang yumayakap.

“I didn’t expect it…” I whispered weakly, almost melting down—almost giving in.

He lifted his head while his chin rested on my chest. “Bakit? Sa tingin mo ba ’pag umalis ka, hindi kita hahabulin?”

My lips parted. I wanted to say something, but I ended up licking my lower lip again.

“Kung kaya mong gawin sa akin, kaya ko rin. Gano’n kita ka mahal na kahit pakiramdam ko hindi ko kaya, kakayanin ko… Gagawin ko…” halos bulong lahat, ngunit may diin sa bawat salita niya. “Ilalaban ko….”

Chapter 46

Warning: R-18

Encrypt

I fucking melted. Siguro dahil hindi ko inaasahang bababa siya kung nasaan ako, o…mas magpapakumbaba siya dahil lang alam niyang umaangat ang galit ko.

It wasn’t what we used to. We are both thunders—a violence you can’t easily tame. Kaya nga ayaw namin sa isa’t isa noon dahil hindi niya kayang tagalan ang pang-aasar ko para galitin siya lalo.

But can you believe it… Mikael Jasver Chua, the self-proclaimed storm—learned how to tame his own thunders?

But maybe I was a little greedy,  because all of that talking felt like I needed more of it. Hindi naman sa gusto kong abusuhin, pero hindi siya ganito lagi.

Bukod sa ang kalmado ng salita niya, pilyo ang mga ngiti na para bang nag-eenjoy siyang suyuin ako—lambingin ako. Man…I wanted to punish him or make him feel frustrated to the point he begs for my attention even more…

“Maliligo na ako,” I uttered and walked to my shower room.

That’s why when I showered and left the door open, to see him leaning against the open door, arms crossed and eyes glued to every movement I made, I knew he was willing to submit and surrender.

’Yung galit ko kay Trina, dala lang ng selos kahit halatang palakaibigan naman siya. Alam ko. ’Yun lang naman ’yon. Kung wala akong alam na ex niya ’yon, kung si Tessa ang gagano’n sa akin, hindi ako makakaramdam ng ganoon. Kaso iba talaga pag nakita mo ’yung taong alam mong una niyang minahal…unang pinangakuan ng kung ano-ano, unang ibinahay.

Tang inang ibinahay ’yan. Hindi talaga mawala-wala sa isip ko.

“Tsss…” I pressed one of the buttons attached to the wall until the ceiling started producing a shower.

“Bati na…” he said guiltily while pinching his lower lip, lips still stretching for a smile.

I looked at him in the mirror. He laughed. I snorted. Fuck it. I’m not even sure why he kept on smiling or what’s funny about this.

Hindi ako nagsalita at pinagtuunan ng pansin ang pagligo. I let the water trickle down my body until I was fully soaked while he kept on watching me.

Inabot ko ang shower gel at pinatay ang shower. I squeeze it to my palm until his palm joined. I glanced at him. Nasa likod ko na siya.

“Ako na…” he insisted softly.

I squeezed it to his palm and looked away. He rubbed both of his hands until he made a foam. Isang hagod sa dibdib ko, alam kong kailangan kong tatagan na huwag manghina.

His thumb pressed on my nipples while he watched me intensely—naninimbang ang tingin at halatang nanunukso ang galaw ng mga daliri. Fucking great. His nursing side is acting up. Concern lang siguro sa pasyente niyang nagtatampo.

“May ganito rin ba sa program mo? You seemed used to taking care of people…” I pointed out bitterly.

“Sa Retdem ko noon?” he answered, which I’m not even familiar with. “Meron. Pero at least ’yung partner ko, cooperative at hindi nagsusungit. Hindi kagaya mo…”

I scowled at him and looked away again. His hand glided down until I felt his hands on my buttocks. I’m tempted, alright. The caressing of my skin was very stimulating, but my bitterness is punching the lust igniting, controlling the fire to rule over me.

“Puro na ako clinical duties ngayon. Depende kung anong klaseng pasyente ang aalagaan…” At tiningnan pa ako ng makahulugan na para bang isa na ako roon.

“How do you communicate with your patients? You seem less with words…”

“Madali lang naman kausapin kung pasyente talaga dahil saulo ko na ang mga sasabihin. Madalas sa hinahandle ko, tahimik at mababait eh. Nahihiya lagi sa akin. ’Yung CI ang terror pero madalas ding kontento sa performance ko. Pagod lang talaga at ngalay ang kalaban ko sa duty. Patatagan din ng loob na magtagal ng ilang oras dahil ayoko namang ako ang ma-admit sa ER at pumalit sa pwesto ng mga pasyente ko.” He chuckled.

I was a bit distracted with his hands roaming around my body, but I could not help but look at him when he chuckled a little.

“Are you gentle with them?” I asked.

He nodded. “Oo. Kailangan eh. Kahit pa katulad mo na parang matigas ang ulo, kailangang pakisamahan talaga. Hindi pwedeng sabayan…”

I arched my brow. He planted a kiss on my shoulder first, then the tip of his nose glided to the length of my neck until I felt his lips on my jaw. And now he’s being clingy.

“Nakakapagod maging nursing student,” patuloy niyang kwento kahit ang lapit na ng mukha niya sa akin. “Buti na lang may nahanap na akong human injection pad na pagpapraktisan para sa skin test, may mauuwian na pagkatapos ng duty, may mapagkukwentuhan na rin…” And what does he even mean by his human injection pad?

When his lips almost landed on mine, I purposely tilted it to the side to avoid it. Marahan siyang humalakhak sa pisngi ko, muling hinagod ng halik ang panga ko hanggang tainga.

“Tigas ah?” he chuckled against my ear.

“I’m not in the mood for fucking,” I said with conviction despite the pulsating feeling igniting on my dick.

“Pero ayos lang ’to?” he whispered and rained small kisses on the side of my jaw.

I couldn’t even shake my head, cuz hell yeah, I freaking like it. I like the kisses, the soft touches, and even the gentleness of his voice.

“Boyfriend duties, huh…” I pointed out.

“Mahirap na…baka pag hindi naalagaan ng tama hiwalayan agad ako. Para saan pa ang pagiging nursing student ko kung papalpak naman sa’yo…” he bragged playfully, put another foam to his palm until his hand slowly stroked it to my erect member.

My jaw clenched in anticipation as I tried to not focus on it because he’s purposely edging me as well. Inisip ko pa ’yung nangyari sa Siargao para maging matatag kaso ang labi niya ay mapangahas nang humahalik-halik sa leeg ko.

His hand left my member and reached for the hand shower steel. I pressed it on the wall until its water started splashing out.

He bathed me gently. Madalas niya akong titingnan, at pag nakitang masungit pa rin, ngingiti at mas rarahan ang galaw. Iniisip ko tuloy kung tatagalan ko pa ba ang tampong ’to dahil parang masarap manuyo ang isang ’to.

But then, I was also aching to respond to his movements. I was aching to equal his smiles with a playful smile, to laugh with him when he’s chuckling against my ear, and to kiss him back when his lips are taunting on my neck till my jaw.

Kaso mukha naman akong uhaw at sabik nito kung hindi ako magpipigil.

“Matampuhin ka pala?” nangingiti niyang tanong at itinapat sa balikat ko ang tubig.

I crossed my arms and scowled. “Why? You hate it?”

He chuckled. “Gusto ko nga eh. Masarap ring makita na seryoso ka, nagkakasalubong ang kilay at malamig tumitig. Nakakalambot…”

I arched my brow snobbishly. “At pag palabiro ako, saka ka lang titigasan?”

Humalakhak siya. I twisted my lips to stop myself from laughing and just furrowed my brows again.

“Tinitigasan na nga…” He pressed himself to me, his lips brushed my lower lip, and then dropped to my chin, scraping his teeth on it—slightly biting it. “Kaso nagtatampo eh…”

I dropped my eyes on his bulge, and he was now rubbing it to mine, his eyes watching me submissively—full of pleading.

When I looked at him again, his face leaned close to me. “Pwede nang humalik? Baka sakaling ito lang ang gamot para tuluyang mawala ’yang tampo mo…”

“Sige nga,” hamon ko.

He smiled, tilted his head, and he brushed his lips with mine. He kisses me slowly, with patience lingering in each movement of his lips, like we own each moment left.

I’ve never been a slow kisser. I only kiss to fuck. Cuz most of my experience, after my ex-girlfriend, was already rooted in lust. Either a one-night stand, flings or with my fubus.

I never kiss to express my sincere emotion. I only kiss because it was part of the heated process of sex and nothing more.

But the kiss he was giving to me felt genuine, sincere, and full of affection. Iba siya sa mga nauna naming halikan; walang pagmamadali.

“Gusto mo ’to?” His mouth landed on my nipple, his teeth scraping on it while he swirled his tongue, and his other hand thumbed my right nipple.

I grunted a little and closed my eyes. I could hear his heavy breath laced with his whimpers while sucking and kissing it. Man, he’s makin’ me horny.

Hinawakan ko ang baywang niya para idiin siya sa akin, tuluyang naputol ang pasensya na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I grinded a bit, making sure my erection would hit his bulge as I rubbed it slowly.

“Akin lang ’to…” I said possessively.

He grunted and looked down as I grind on it teasingly. “Sa’yong sa’yo lang ’yan titigasan… Kahit araw-arawin mo, hindi ako tatanggi.”

I brushed my lips on his lower lip, inserted my tongue a bit, then pulled away a little. “You miss this?” I asked.

“Ba’t ang bagal?” he sounded frustrated.

“Bakit? Ayaw mo ba? Hindi ka nasasarapan pag mabagal?”

“Sanay ba naman sa bilis mo. Mas nasasarapan ako kung agresibo ka dahil na rin gigil na gigil kang tingnan.”

So it’s actually my horny expression he likes the most, huh.

“Take off your shirt,” I commanded.

Umangat ang kilay niya. But then he just pulled it from behind and dropped it on the floor.

“Sa ibaba?” He asked.

“No, I am not planning to penetrate you so leave it on,” I said which made him grunt. “I wanna hear you plead for it first…”

“Tang…ina…” Humalakhak siya. “Parusa ba ’to?”

I chuckled and brushed my lips on his neck. “Magmakaawa ka muna. Sabihin mo na sarap na sarap ka sa akin. Na gustong gusto mo ’to.”

He smirked and grind back. “Ang sarap sarap mo…”

I thumbed both of his nipples, my teeth scraping on the skin of his neck as I continued rocking him.

“Masarap ako, hmm?” I whispered on his lips and licked his lower lip.

His lips parted, and he whimpered breathily while his brows were now furrowed. I smiled when I knew what I said triggered him.

“Gago. Nalilibugan ako lalo pag sinasabi mo ’yan.”

“Ang alin? Na gusto kitang tirahin sa likod hanggang sumigaw ka sa sobrang sarap?”

He grunted and looked at me helplessly with a smirk on his lips. “Gawin mo.”

“Sayang, wala akong gel. Wala rin akong condom dito sa banyo. Paano na ’yan, nurse?” tanong ko at sinabayan ng marahang paggalaw, sinisiguradong dumidiin ang akin sa kanya.

“Edi daliri. Itatlo mo.”

Humalakhak ako sa labi niya. Nakangisi pa rin siya pero ramdam ko na hindi siya makapaghintay dahil panay ang tingin niya roon.

“Pagod din ang mga daliri ko…”

“Paisa na lang ako sa bibig mo?” he whispered in agony.

“Baka maisip ko ’yung nangyari sa Siargao at makagat ko sa’yo?”

Humalakhak siya sa tainga ko. “Edi ako na lang ang susubo? Gusto mo?”

That piques my whole interest. That’s why when he knelt down, my eyes widened.

“Isusubo ko,” he said submissively.

My lips parted. I have never imagined he would do this to me, knowing our dynamics in bed. He is dominant—the bossy one who only wants to command, and now, on his knees, he kissed my leg like a submission that he can worship me like this.

I gritted my teeth when watching him makes me want to explode right then. Nasa akin ang mga mata niya habang ang labi niya, nanunukso nang humahagod sa hita ko, at ang kamay, dinadaanan na ng haplos ang akin.

I watched him with satisfaction, an intimacy that I didn’t expect to exist on his. His hand wrapped around my shaft, the tips of his fingers barely touched each other as his lips kissed the tip.

My lips parted, and I gritted my teeth again. His eyes glistened with delight while his lips brushed my length; his tongue was already licking the skin. When his lips landed on my balls, his tongue flickered.

I let out a whimper and parted my lips. I grabbed a handful of his hair and brushed my fingers through it, pushing his face to my shaft.

“Mukhang sarap na sarap ka ah?” He pointed out when he looked up and caught me watching him hungrily.

“Paanong hindi masasarapan kung dinidilaan mo…”

His eyes remained on me, and his tongue travelled from the balls up to my length, while his hand caressed my legs to stimulate me even more. He put the tip of my dick to his lips, sucked it a bit, then swirled his tongue on it.

“Gusto mo bang isagad ko?” he asked tauntingly.

“Mabubuhay ka pa kaya?” I chuckled when I realized I might hurt his throat.

He smirked back, his lips brushing my length again while looking up at me. “Tingin mo ba hindi ko kayang laliman? Nakaya nga ng pwet ko…”

I let out a laugh because I found it hilarious. Matapang talaga ang isang ’to kahit sa kama. Kahit nakaluhod na, gusto pa ring ipakitang palaban.

“Then open your mouth wide. I’ll fuck it roughly.” I yank his hair for a clearer view of his face looking up at me.

He let out a smirk before he opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out playfully. Fuck.

I guided the tip first to his lips and made a shallow thrust while watching his lips slightly close to wrap it around my shaft; his tongue was flickering to welcome my entrance.

My thumb caressed his cheek, biting my lower lip, as I watched his eyes roll back when the head of my dick hit his throat.

Ayokong isagad kahit nadedemonyo na akong gawin. I didn’t shove half of my dick in yet, and now he is already struggling. What more if I inserted—

“Ah!” I grunted out of pleasure when he pushed his head down until my dick penetrated his throat. Fuck!

I shut my eyes, my hand gripped on his hair, lifted my head, and licked my lower lip as I started thrusting mine in his mouth.

His other hand crawled to my chest and thumbed my nipple, while his other hand coaxed my foot to rest on his bulge until I could barely feel myself in each ruthless thrust I made while he was also grinding on the palm of my foot.

“You blow so good, love…” I whimpered deliciously.

I could hear him gagging, but my growl overpowered it, and every time I would feel his throat, my eyes would roll back, almost seeing stars in the middle of it, like I was about to transcend to the galaxy.

“I’m almost…” I growled and looked down until I realized half of my dick was now disappearing, his mouth looked so full, and his eyes were twinkling with tears.

My mouth opened. I bit my lower lip; my hand brushed his hair backwards to get a full view as I fucked his mouth roughly and pressed down my foot to his member.

He shivered and pulled out his shaft until I saw the white liquid glistening on the tip. I rubbed it using my foot, while my hand controlled his head. His messy, horny expression made me smirk. What a fucking sight.

When I felt my climax, I pulled it out and splashed it all over his face as he coughed and touched his throat. I pulled him up, pushed him to the wall, licked two of my fingers, and shoved them into his ass.

“You miss this? You miss me so bad?” I asked and moved my fingers.

He grunted and turned his face to the side to look at me with a satisfied smile on his lips. “Hindi lang nangungulila, tigang na rin… Siguraduhin mong manginginig ang mga hita ko sa sarap, ah?”

“Sisiguraduhin kong titirik ’yang mga mata mo…” I whispered to his lips and licked his lower lip.

We looked at each other and laughed a bit.

“Bati na kayo?” Dad asked shamelessly when he noticed our eye contact and constant smiles during dinner.

I twisted my lips while the lewd scene in my shower room kept on flashing in my mind. I couldn’t help but think about it because I could still hear his moans when I fingered his ass roughly while the water was trickling down all over our bodies.

“Are you gonna sama sa amin tomorrow or mag gala kayo ni Kuya? Cuz Mommy Charlotta said you might want to gala with Kuya eh…” si Kali na nasa tabi ni Mommy.

“Yup… I’ll tour him around..” Saka ko itinapat sa kanya ang steak para masubuan ko. “Try this one with this sauce, Kali. I think you might like it.”

Jasver watched it silently. Ngumiti si Dad sa akin. Kali’s eyes widened, and she nodded at me.

“Dalawang babae na ang sinusubuan mo, hindi lang Mommy mo… Next time, magiging tatlo na ’yan…” Dad pointed out and chuckled.

Sinusubuan ko rin si Mic Mic pag gusto niyang makikain sa mga pagkain ko, pero ayoko nang sabihin dahil baka iba ang isipin ni Jasver.

“And Kuya too!” Kali said.

Iba ang sinusubo sa akin ng Kuya mo, Kali. I wanted to mention that, but I held back while my mind immediately recalled how I fucked his throat until his face was covered with my cum.

Nagkatinginan ulit kami ni Jasver. He only ate his food quietly, but the way he locked gazes with mine felt like he was sending those lewd things into my mind, that he was thinking what I’m thinking right now as well.

“Oo nga pala, ’yung guest room sa kabila, walang ilaw at hindi gumagana ang aircon. Baka sa kuwarto mo na lang si Mikael. O…magkaaway pa rin kayo?” si Dad na talagang may sariling planong niluluto para lang magbati kami.

Naalala ko ’yung nasa Romblon kami na walang kama ang ibang rooms. Baka kusa pang tinanggalan ni Dad ng bumbilya ang ibang mga kuwarto rito, o putulan ng kuryente ang guest house para lang makumbinsi niyang sa kuwarto ko na lang din matulog si Jasver.

“He’s sleeping in my room tonight…” sabi ko.

My dad smiled beamly. “Mabuti naman. At huwag mong pahigain sa sahig ah? Baka magkapulmunya pa ’yan… Malamig pa naman sa kuwarto mo… Baka kawawain mo.”

“When I was in his room, he let me sleep on the floor, Dad,” sumbong ko. “Ako ang kinakawawa niyan.”

His brow shot up intriguingly. Mikael put down his utensils and sipped on his water, ready for his defense when Mom looked at him.

“Malikot kasi matulog…” aniya at hindi man lang makatingin kay Mommy. “Pero may kama at kumot ka naman.”

“Don’t worry, I did worse than that. He once slept in the swimming pool area when he came home late,” si Mom na ikinalaglag ng panga ni Kali, si Dad naman natawa.

“I slept in the lounger cuz mom locked the guest house as well. Hindi kasi ako nagpaalam na uuwi akong late…”

“Narinig mo ’yon, Kali?” Jasver looked at his sister meaningfully.

Kali pouted and scrunched her nose. “Well, you…almost did that to me too!” Tiningnan ako ni Kali, halatang magsusumbong. “You know what, Kuya Tyler? There was one time I went home late cuz I sneaked out, and then Kuya told me to sleep in the cage with Colt and Judo! Thank God wala tayong swimming pool or else doon mo rin siguro ako papatulugin!” At mukhang ka-uri ko pala talaga ang batang ’to pagdating sa sakit sa ulo.

My mother shot her brow up. She looked at Jasver proudly. Nakahanap pa yata si Charlotta ng pamalit na sa akin…

Humalakhak si Dad. “Tapos dumagdag pa ang anak ko sa buhay mo, Mikael. May dalawa ka nang sakit sa ulo.”

Hindi ako sakit sa ulo kay Jasver. Baka sakit sa pwet siguro… I licked my lower lip and cleared my throat to stifle my smile. Nahuli niya pa ang ngiti ko at halatang nabasa niya agad na kabastusan ang naisip ko dahil nailing na lang siya.

Pero kung…may label na pala kami, boyfriend ko na nga siya? Kung gano’n…pwede na kayang magpatayo na lang kami ng sarili naming bahay? I mean, I have a lot of properties, including the penthouse I bought in Rockwell, but I realize I wanted something cozy, something we both like…

Kung ibinahay niya ’yung mga ex niya dati, dapat ako rin. Kaso naisip ko, kung sa akin siya uuwi lagi, sigurado akong hindi siya papayag dahil kahit nabibigatan siya sa responsibilidad niya bilang panganay sa bahay nila, sigurado akong hindi niya rin kayang iwan at talikuran ang pamilya niya.

Pero ayos lang naman din sa parents niya kahit lagi akong pumunta sa kanila. But Jasver doesn’t like it. Ayaw niyang pinapapunta ako sa kanila. That’s why I’m getting salty because he’s treating me differently compared to how he treated his past relationships.

Ayaw ko na ngang isipin, naiisip ko pa rin talaga. Kaya kahit nasa kuwarto na kami, dala-dala ko na naman iyon.

“Where are you comfortable sleeping? I have another bed I can place on the floor, and you can have my bed—”

“Dito na sa kama mo. Malaki naman.”

I shut my mouth and blinked twice. Wow.

I nodded and turned off the warm light and opened the dim light instead, which illuminated the sides of the ceiling. Humiga ako sa malaking kama; si Jasver, humiga rin at panay ang lingon sa akin.

Napaisip ako bigla. He is trying to adjust to my love language. Hindi siya sanay sa pagiging liberated ko kaya gusto niyang sabayan. I mean…I can also deal with his love language. Ayos lang naman sa akin kung ayaw niya masyado sa clingy, o hindi kami ganoon ka bulgar sa public.

I immediately got distracted when he went closer to me; his hand was now hugging my stomach, and his breath was also tickling against my nape.

“Nagtatampo ka pa rin?” he whispered.

I shook my head. “Hindi na. May mga iniisip lang.”

“Ano?” His voice was just too raspy not to notice.

“Our differences. You said you are willing to change and adapt to mine. I can also do that, you know…”

He chuckled a little. “Tapos isang pikit ko lang, nasa ibang bansa ka na agad?”

“I am not mad at Trina. Of course you can have girl friends because I have them too. I know that kind of friendship. Pero kung hindi ka komportable sa meron kami ni Mica, i-aadjust ko naman. For sure she doesn’t mind it too. Kaya lang naman kami gano’n dahil parehas kaming single. Walang magseselos at alam naming wala kaming mababastos na partner dahil wala kaming dalawa no’n.”

“Basta huwag lang ’yang halikan sa labi. Bahala na kung gaano kayo ka-clingy sa isa’t isa, o kung gaano ka ka-liberated. Pero ayokong may kahalikan ka,” giit niya, may tigas sa tinig.

“You mean a smack on the lips with my friends? I don’t do that. That’s kind of romantic to me already… A kiss on the cheek is fine…and mostly a dab.”

“Halik talaga. May kasamang dila.” At may pinanghuhugutan pa yata siya.

“Nah. I only do that to my partner…or well…I used to do that with my past flings too.”

I felt him snort when his hot breath kissed my nape.

“Meron pa ba hanggang ngayon? Pati…dito?”

I shook my head. “Wala na. I have no contact with them anymore either.”

He sighed and pressed his lips on my nape. “Siguraduhin mo…”

I chuckled. Man, is that a threat or what?

“Wala na nga. I only had one ex here, and she’s not part of my circle. From what I heard, she’s not in Miami anymore. She studied out of the country somewhere in Canada…”

“Baka may videos pa kayo sa internet na naghahalikan. Idelete mo na,” matigas at pagalit ang pagkakasabi niya.

“Wala na rin…”

“Tss. Baka pinopost o inistory pa rin ng iba mong kaibigan. Hindi mo lang alam.”

I glanced at him curiously. I saw the darkness masked in his serious face. Despite the dimness of the room, he couldn’t cover the darker shade of his scowl.

“What do you mean?”

“May nakita ako. Isa sa mga kaibigan mo. May kahalikan ka. Babae. Jennie ang pangalan.”

Uh-oh. The details. I licked my lips and took my phone off the bedside table. Tahimik niyang pinanood na buksan ko ang phone ko. His hand was still wrapped on my stomach while my back was fully pinned on his chest.

He pressed his lips on my nape while I could feel his face peeking through my shoulder, silently watching the screen of my phone.

“Whose friend?” I asked.

“Nasa story mo, ’yung Jared.” And wow, he memorized the name too.

I clicked the icon of my profile and tapped my stories one by one. Sa dami ba namang mentions sa akin…

When I stumbled on Jared’s mention, a video where they threw me into the pool, I clicked his icon until we ended up on his wall.

I clicked his story. May mga tags siya sa akin, pero meron ding hindi.

“Nasa highlights,” he pointed out.

What? He stalked Jared? I mean…I shouldn’t question that, but…he really stalked my friends?

I clicked the first highlight. Nakita ko agad ang pamilyar na video. And damn it! It’s the video of me and Jennie kissing!

“Tumingin ka pa talaga sa cam, huh. Iniisip ko niyan baka sa sobrang galit mo sa akin, gumaganti ka na naman…kaya nanlumo ako. Baka…dahil sa  selos mo kay Trina, gusto mo ring ibalik sa  akin.” He chuckled weakly.

My body relaxed. There was a pain tugging in my chest, something I knew how it felt.

“This freak… I was only seventeen here. This is a throwback video. Hindi ko alam na nasa highlights niya pala. Fuck.” I grunted and decided to message him.

I didn’t hesitate to type a message for Jared.

Tyler:

Fuck you, Jared. Delete this video or you’ll catch a fade, dude!

“Lalim, anong sinabi mo?” he asked curiously.

“It’s a slang term for ‘I’ll beat him up,’” I explained and glanced at him guiltily. “Kailan mo ’to nakita?”

“Noong isang araw pa. Sabi ng Mommy mo, nasa kapitbahay ka eh. Bukod sa pinapanood ko rin ang stories mo na puro parties, akala ko ’yan ’yung oras na ’yon… Hindi ko na napansin ang date… Sa ikadalawang beses lang noong binalikan ko ulit para tingnan.”

“And you…didn’t tell me right away?”

He rolled his eyes. “Isisingit ko pa ba ’yan kung galit ka pa? Baka isipin mo binabaliktad kita.”

I turned quiet. Iniisip ko rin kung magagalit ba ako kung inuna niya ’yon kaysa ang suyuin ako.

“’Tsaka ayokong maulit ’yung sa Siargao. Hindi ko napansin na big deal na sa’yo kaya panay ka tanong. Naagapan ko siguro kung hindi ko muna siningit ’yung sa inyo ni Mica.”

He…immediately learned from his previous mistake. I like it.

“Kaya mas naintindihan ko ang pagseselos mo nang makita ko ’yon. Iniisip ko na lang na hindi mo kayang gawin…o alam ko na alam mo ang pakiramdam na niloloko ka patalikod.”

“I might have played a lot of times in the past, but I have a clean record. I never cheated,” I explained firmly.

He sighed at ease and kissed my nape again. “Naisip ko ’yung mga away natin noon…na pag may nagagawa ako sa’yo, higit ang sakit na balik mo. Kaya…akala ko…gusto mo akong gantihan…gusto mo akong saktan kasi nasaktan kita.”

“I am in love with you. Kaya kitang saktan noon, pero noon ’yon… Kahit pa durugin mo ako ngayon, wasakin ng pinong-pino…tatanggapin ko.”

And how ironic when we used to hurt each other in the past, with him wanting to shatter me and me wanting to match his wrath. But now he is willing to fix me, and I am submissively telling him that I am willing to break just for him.

I curiously watched all of my stories. Tahimik na siyang nanonood sa likuran, nakadiin pa rin ang labi sa batok ko.

“Ka-aura mo halos lahat pero iba ang dating mo. Nangingibabaw…” he pointed out.

“Really? What’s my aura? Sobrang yabang ba at halatang pinaka-siraulo?” I chuckled and slightly rose up my head so I could rest it on his biceps.

His arm locked my neck; my lips were already pressed on its skin.

“Halatang hindi basta-basta na mayaman lang. May dating. Halatang frat boy,” he emphasized.

I arched my brow. I didn’t know he views me more than how I view myself. I mean, I know I look good, I dress well, and I’m fancy sometimes. But to hear it from his perspective is refreshing. Parang ang guwapo ng dating ko sa kanya.

His finger joined my hand and scrolled down on my wall. He clicked an old picture of me I uploaded a year ago. I was sitting on the couch with a smug expression, in a manspread position, with my pinkish tongue out, and the three buttons of my navy blue shirt were open, showing the lace of my silver necklace. Naka-taper fade din ang hairstyle ko, at dahil naka-flash ang picture, halata ang kulay ng mga mata ko.

He even clicked the heart, which made me chuckle.

“You like this photo?”

“Unang kita ko sa picture na ’yan, gustong gusto ko ilagay ang kamay ko sa leeg mo para lang magmukha kang maamo. Tumutugtog din lagi sa isip ko ’yung kantang Angel by Shaggy lalo na pag ngumingisi ka. Yabang ng dating eh.”

Humalakhak ako. Oo nga naman. Mayabang talaga ang dating ko—halatang mataas ang confidence at hindi maamo. I got my mom’s aura, like a demon disguised in a playful facade. That feeling when you know you’re fucked if you mess with me…Phew.

But wow. Angel by Shaggy. I can’t believe  he knows some english songs.

He caressed my face in the picture and breathed heavily; his lips slightly brushed against my nape with thirst.

“Tang inang mukha talaga. Nakakagigil…” he whispered hoarsely while his arm tightened a little around my neck.

“And this is your boyfriend? Who would even dare to compete? Ganitong mukha ang halatang pinag-aagawan eh…” I grinned smugly.

“Nag-iisa lang ’yan, pero ang kamao ko doble. Subukan lang talaga…” may pagbabanta pa sa tono niya.

I chuckled and bit the skin of his arm. He grunted a little, caressed the tip of his nose to my nape, and planted a kiss on it again.

“Bati na?” he whispered gently.

I calmed down and nodded.

“Sa susunod na may hindi tayo pagkakaintindihan, pwede bang sumama na lang ako sa travel mo? Ayos lang kahit di mo ako kausapin. Nag-aalala ako kapag umaalis ka…” And na-trauma pa yata sa pag-alis ko.

“I didn’t stay away because I cannot stand when you’re around while I’m mad. I needed to stay away to protect you from me. You know my mouth when I’m mad… baka may masabi ako na mas malala kumpara sa away natin.”

Cuz I want him to remember the things why he’s in love with me… And I will encrypt more of them over and over in his life…until the loudness of our fight turns into whispers…unheard and easily forgotten…

Lalo na’t alam ko, mas madali ang umalis kaysa ang manatili.

He quietly pressed his face against my hair and inhaled it. “Baka pwede kong idaan sa halik para matahimik ’yang bibig mo?”

“Tss. Edi kawawa ka sa akin. Gusto ko rin talagang matutong kontrolin ang sarili ko pag galit ako. Para kung may bibilangin ka man na masasayang alaala sa relasyon natin, gusto kong marami kang mapanghawakan para manatili…” sabi ko.

I heard him chuckle hoarsely. “Ang angas mo na ngayong magtagalog ah… Noon kamao ko ang tumitigas pag nagtatagalog ka. Ngayon… iba na.”

We spent the rest of the night talking, cuddling, and planning things for our Miami trip. Balak ko rin siyang ipakilala sa friends ko rito, lalo na’t maraming invites ang mga friends ko, such as yacht parties and a friendly race. Other than that, I’m also planning to tour him around so we could bond here too.

“Dada, I think bati na talaga sila,” I heard the loud whisper of Kali early in the morning when I joined Jasver in our summer kitchen to grill some meat. Medyo nakahiligan din kasi ni Kali. Puro steak siya lately…

Paanong hindi mahahalatang bati na kung naabutan nila akong sinusubuan ng karne ni Jasver. We are both trying to taste it to check if the seasonings we put in are good. Masarap naman.

I caught my dad taking a picture of us. Kahit si Jasver, nahuli ’yon. Nailing pa siya.

“Si-send niya ’yan sa balae niya. May GC na sila,” aniya. “Si Papa at Papa mo, mas pinroblema pa ang away nating dalawa kaysa sa problema nila sa kompanya. Kahit si Mama alalang alala eh… kulang na lang ipost ka sa Facebook at manawagan kung nasaan ka.”

I looked at my mother in the lounger, busy with her laptop and an AirPods in her ears. She’s probably entertaining a client. Si Charlotta lang ata ang pinaka-chill sa pamilyang ’to.

Milo meowed at us, looking at the meat Jasver was feeding to me. Ngumiti siya at yumuko para bigyan din si Milo.

“Taba taba mo na. Mukha na ngang puputok ’yang tiyan mo tapos kung makasigaw ka, akala mo ginugutom… Mana ka na sa isang amo mo na ang ingay ingay…” At kahit si Milo, hindi man lang ligtas sa sermon niya.

I took a photo of him crouching down, feeding Milo with the meat, and put it on my Instagram story with a simple caption ‘love’. Soft launch na muna. Saka ko na ihahard launch kung ibabahay na rin ako…

Chapter 47

Trade

—— Warning: R-18

I tour him around using my mom’s Supra. Nakwento ko rin sa kanya isa-isa ang mga kalokohan ko, kung ano ang buhay ko rito noon sa Miami, Florida, habang nasa front seat siya, bukas ang hood ng kotse, nakasandal ang braso sa bintana, at nangingiting nakatingin sa akin dahil sa mga kwento ko.

“I grew up wild. The street is actually my playground here. My life in the Philippines with my circle tamed me a bit, meanwhile my life here screams like I am always high or somethin’.” I chuckled while glancing from time to time wearing my sunglasses, and the wind kept on playin’ with our hair.

“Baka nagdodroga kayo ah? Legal ba rito?”

“Even if it’s legal, my mom will beat the shit out of me. Hindi nga mamamatay sa droga, papatayin naman ni Charlotta…”

“Patay ka rin sa akin,” he threatened and arched his brow.

Humalakhak ako. It’s good hearing that he’s worried for me, instead of wishing me to die or somethin’. Look how far we’ve come…

The Unforgettable by French Montana blasted all over the car. I vibe along with it with a little headbang, singing along with the song. When I side-eyed him, I caught him taking a video of me using my phone he was holding.

“And you are unforgettable, I need to get you alone…” I sang playfully with a smirk on my lips, side-eyeing him.

He chuckled a little. “Angas…”

I maneuvered the car to the other side and chuckled too. “We don’t have a picture together yet. Meron na sana kung hindi lang sumulpot ’yung ex mong may lahing Jollibee—” My words were cut off when he took one of my hands and kissed its back. Now he mastered how to tame me, because what can I even say after that, right?

“Kakabati lang…” he reminded. “Isa pa, magpipicture tayo buong araw hanggang ma-full storage itong iPhone mo.”

I calmed down and stifled my smile. Naging abala rin ang atensyon niya sa phone ko, kinunan pa ng picture ang kamay kong hawak niya at natatawa siya mag-isa. He probably realized I’m too clingy.

Papunta kaming Miami Beach lalo na’t mamaya, may yacht party si Tifanny, isa sa circle namin. What I also loved in there were their restaurants.

“You must try their truffle cacio e pepe. It’s one of my favorite pastas. If you tried the truffle pasta in Southbank BGC, this one’s the creamier version…” I started yapping while the waiter was guiding us to our table at Forte de Marmi restaurant.

“Si Kali ang mahilig gumala at kumain sa BGC o Rockwell. Hindi ako pumupunta ro’n dahil alam ko mahal ang mga kainan,” he explained while eyeing the surroundings with his furrowed brows.

I suddenly remembered something. “Hindi mo ako sinipot no’n sa Rockwell…” I chuckled a little.

I saw the guilt in his eyes while pulling the chair for me. Umupo ako. Umupo rin siya sa tabi ko, pero dahil sa topic, hindi niya magawang alisin agad ang atensyon sa akin. His frame was fully facing my side, in a manspread position, while his left hand rested on the top of my chair—lips curling a bit out of guilt.

“Hindi mo kasi siniseryoso ang galit ko. Totoong galit na galit ako no’n sa’yo tapos pakiramdam ko, nilalaro mo lang ako,” marahan niyang paliwanag.

I picked up the menu, and he looked at it as well, but he would just drag his soft gaze back to me.

“Have you even…thought of…falling for me if we don’t have that beef? Let’s say, during that time we were talking in your Verena account…what if I revealed myself as me?”

He rested his forearm on the table, his knuckles pressed against the side of his head while looking at me, his fingers at my back softly scratching my nape.

“Handa nga ako kahit sino pa ’yung nasa likod ng account na ’yon. Kung ikaw ’yon, hindi ako galit sa’yo, hindi kita kilalang mayabang, laging nakakaangasan sa court, baka hindi kita tatantanan hanggang hindi nagiging tayo. Ayos na rin. Pasok na sa type ko.” He chuckled playfully.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung manghihinayang ako o ano. But maybe everything happens for a reason. We are here because of what happened in the past. As much as I wanted to change it, what’s important to me now is the present—us.

“Don’t worry about the expenses here. It’s my call.” I handed the menu to him.

“Pamilyar din sa’kin ang lugar. Mukhang may picture ka nito na p-in-ost mo sa IG mo. May caption ka kasi ro’n na nagmarka sa’kin…” He laughed a little.

Bruh… He doesn’t dwell too much on his social media accounts, but he’s like this?

“What caption?” I asked.

He opened the menu and looked at it curiously. I know what to order for us since I already memorized most of my favorite food here. But I also want him to try the other food, like what he did to me in Siargao.

“Gago…” he gasped. “Thirty-six dollars para sa isang grilled octopus… Buo na ba ’to? Nasa two thousand ’to, ’di ba? Curious kasi ako noon sa dollars na kinukwento sa akin ni Papa, tapos kino-convert ko.”

“That’s actually pretty lame. I kinda don’t like it because it was less seasoned, but yeah, it’s around two thousand.” I shrugged and smiled.

“At buo na? Kasi kung buo ’to…”

I laughed. “Just half of the tentacles. I mean two of them at least with a salad on the side…”

His eyes were obviously scanning the whole menu, not to choose, but for sure, to judge the dollars indicated for each food.

“Truffle cacio e pepe…” At mukhang nahanap niya na rin ang pasta na sinasabi ko. “Fifty-six dollars… hayop nasa mga three thousand na ata ’to. Anong pasta ’to? May ginto bang kasama?”

Natatawa ako sa kanya, pero alam ko rin kung bakit ganito siya. He’s not used to spending too much money on things, and he thinks he can find something cheaper.

But then, I wanna spoil him. I want to make him forget his responsibility for a while, that he doesn’t need to worry about anything because he’s with me.

“Again, it’s my call. You didn’t let me pay in Siargao, and you made me try all of your favorite food, so I’m letting you try mine too without spending a dollar from your pocket.”

He licked his lower lip and looked at me worriedly. “Lugi. ’Yung truffle pasta mo pa lang eh ’yun lang ang nagastos ko sa isang kainan natin… tapos dito, isang dish pa lang. Tubig na lang akin.” He even closed the menu and put it down jokingly.

“Order anything, love. It’s my call, really…” I insisted.

I noticed his pause when I called him love. Gusto ko sanang biruin na baka tigasan siya rito pero hindi ko na lang ginawa.

He snorted and opened the menu again. “Kaya pala iniiyakan mo ang five hundred pesos a day mo sa Pinas. Kung ganito ba naman ang nakasanayan mong lifestyle dito…talagang maiiyak ka sa five hundred eh pang isang kain mo pa lang pala ’yon. Hindi pa nga kasya pang pasta man lang.”

“Exactly, right? I’m not overreacting at all. I’m just not used to the sudden shift of my environment. Mom’s really heartless.”

He ordered a few dishes. Pakiramdam ko nga namimili pa siya ng pinakamura, ’yung nasa twenty dollars lang. Kailangan ko pang magrecommend ng pwede niyang tikman para lang makumbinsi kong huwag siyang ma-conscious sa price dahil afford ko naman.

I understand where his worries were coming from. But then…

“And this money I’m gonna spend is the fruit of my hard work—my business. Not my parents’ money or anyone’s. So don’t feel bad at all. Feel bad when it came from someone’s pocket or some sort of confidential funds…” I chuckled meaningfully.

“Pera mo nga. Pero nakakakonsensya pa rin kasi pinaghirapan mo—galing sa dugo at pawis mo. Hindi naman ako katulad ng mga anak ng corrupt na politiko na walang konsensya at ang kakapal pa ng mukhang ibalandra sa social media ang luho nila,” he answered while we were already waiting for our food to be served, which made me laugh from the latter part.

This is what I am amazed by. Maybe, the only ones who know how important money is are those who came from rags and those who really work hard to earn it. The upper-ups spend their money without thinking about it too much—or where it was coming from—because they know they have a source of income that will fund their luxurious lifestyle.

“Well, that’s why we should be business partners. You are the owner of the land, and I am the owner of the business I’m ’bout to build, and then we’ll manage it together. We’ll get thirty percent each as our profit, then thirty percent will go to the business itself to fund it, and ten percent for others, such as emergency funds and the like. How ’bout that?”

“So hindi mo na bibilhin ang lupa?” He seemed to be insinuating something.

“My deal is to actually pay for rentals of the land instead of buying it so you can get money out of it monthly, lalo na’t magandang investment ang lupa habang tumatagal. Huwag mong ibenta. Kaya instead of selling it to me, my advice is to let me rent it.”

“Hindi ka ba lugi no’n? Rerentahan mo na nga, pero makikihati pa ako pati sa business na itatayo mo…”

“That’s the point of being business partners. Kasi hindi lang ako ang kikilos. Ikaw rin. So if you want to get your thirty percent, you need to work with me.” I smirked and leaned against my chair confidently.

“Isa pa, it’s your territory. Without you, my marketing strategy might flop. So working with you is like getting free marketing, knowing you’re already well-known there, and most people who know you would probably recommend it—another word-of-mouth marketing that plays a big part in expanding the target audience of your business…” I shrugged confidently.

His lips parted with amusement. “Kaya naman pala ang galing sa business…manggagamit pala.”

Humalakhak ako. “I’m quite guilty, but yes, it’s one of my resources to expand my connection.”

We just stopped talking about it when our food was served. I rolled the pasta around my fork and fed it to him. Tinitigan niya pa, nagdadalawang isip kung kukunin ba ang tinidor sa akin o isusubo niya na. This one is obviously allergic to affection.

“Open your mouth,” I said and laughed.

He snorted with a smile on his lips. “Para namang bata kaya susubuan…”

“This is actually one of the things I want to do with you. I wanna do all the cringiest stuff until I would no longer get jealous of other couples cuz I know I’ve done it with you.”

He calmed down and probably realized it. That’s why when he leaned closer, opened his mouth, and furrowed his brows, I laughed a little. Natatawa rin siyang nailing, hinaplos ang pang-ibabang labi, at nag-iiwas ng tingin.

“Cringe nga… Pero sige. Gawin natin lahat. Baka pag mainggit ka sa iba, awayin mo pa ako bigla…” he laughed a little.

I put the fork in my mouth and lick its sauce while smirking playfully at him.

“You think I’d suddenly create dramas all of a sudden? I’m not that petty…” I explained and rolled another pasta for him.

“Hindi nga petty, pero kung makaalis, kulang na lang mag-world tour…” he murmured while slicing his steak, and he put it on my plate.

“Blame Charlotta. It’s her genes acting up.”

Umismid siya pero inilapit ko ulit sa kanya ang pasta para hindi na makapanlaban. Sasagot pa talaga eh.

We also took pictures together. He was the one who was holding it with a curious face on how to do it properly and pressed the button multiple times in a clumsy way, which made me laugh because he really looks like he’s not used to it.

“Sa dami mong naging ex, tatlo pa, hindi mo man lang pinagpraktisan para sana expert ka na ngayon sa akin,” biniro ko pa.

“Hindi rin kasi ako mahilig magpicture. Medyo nagugustuhan ko lang dahil mahilig ka…”

Nag-order din ako noong pistachio gelatto since this one is the must-try dessert you should not miss once you’re dining in. Sabi ko nga, gusto ko siyang ipatikim kay Shiloh dahil magugustuhan niya ’to for sure, kaso ang problema ko naman, paano ko dadalhin si Shi sa Miami nang hindi masisira ang friendship namin ni Brent. Cuz that fuckass would surely throw tantrums once I snatch Shiloh for a week.

“Close niya si Denver, ’yung childhood friend ko na nasa tabi lang din ng bahay namin. Siya ang nagpakilala sa’kin niyan…” he said when I took him to another restaurant, which is in Watr, located at the rooftop of the 1Hotel.

“Yeah. I know. Shiloh also mentioned it to me. Denver, your cousin’s ex…” I mentioned meaningfully.

The waiter guided us to our table beside the glass wall with an overlooking view of the beach. May gusto rin kasi akong ipatikim sa kanya rito, at dito rin ako noon madalas tumambay. Kanina niya pa hawak ang phone ko kaya isang click sa camera, itinapat niya agad sa akin.

I only smiled, crossed my arms to pose nonchalantly, and then continued to yap about the topic he didn’t answer.

“And now one of our friends is courting Denver. Alam mo ba ’yon? Did Denver tell you about it? Close kayo for sure…” At gaano ba sila ka-close? Because Denver’s a soft masculine compared to Shiloh. He’s like Mavric’s soft version.

He was busy on my phone, nodded a little, then took another picture of me. So I leaned against the sofa in a manspread position and smiled.

“Hindi ako boto ro’n. Homophobic daw ’yon sabi ni Arron. Nakakasuntukan ko pa ’yan noon dahil mainit din ang ulo. Gago rin ’yang kaibigan mo. Pinormahan ba naman habang nasa relasyon pa ’yung tao…” Sinamaan niya agad ako ng tingin, na para bang kasabwat ako.

I pinched my lower lip and cleared my throat. Why am I suddenly dragged down by my friends’ mistake?

“I have no idea he tried to shoot his shot while Denver’s in a relationship. But yeah, gago rin talaga kung gano’n nga ang nangyari. I kinda sympathize for Arron…” I nodded, trying to be serious.

“Kaya masarap din talaga sapakin ’yang mga kaibigan mo—lalo ka na noon. Ang gagago niyo. Kabi-kabilang girls ang nilalandi, kung hindi nilalandi, nanunulot naman. ’Yang kaibigan mo, siguraduhin niya lang na maganda ang intensyon niya kay Denver kundi sapak siya sa akin.”

“Nah… aside from Con, that friend of mine is the least to play around when it comes to relationships. Wala ’yung record na may nilanding girls—pero may pangit na rumors sa kanya dahil gh-in-ost niya ang babae. But that’s it. I can vouch that Denver is in good hands.”

I cannot let go of the topic. I’m quite really curious about Denver being his childhood friend. Gusto ko ngang i-close ’yon kaso hindi nagrereply eh. Para ring ’yung Tejano…

“Ah si Rade,” si Jasver nang makalabas na kami sa Watr at nakwento ko rin habang naglalakad-lakad kami. “Nakakasama ko ’yan sa Judo noon.”

“You know what? He’s sus. I think he has a crush on me. Lagkit makatingin eh. Pero ang lakas talaga ng pakiramdam ko na crush ako no’n…” I yapped while intertwining our fingers, and he arched his brow at me.

“Crush ka o gusto kang durugin. Linawin mo kung anong klaseng crush ’yan para walang gulo.”

I wore my glasses and laughed. “Mukha ngang may pagtingin sa akin.”

“Oo meron nga. Nandidilim daw ang mga mata sa’yo…” he added teasingly and let go of my hand. Tiningnan ko agad kung nasaan hanggang swabe niyang ipinadulas sa baywang ko at doon ako hinawakan.

“Tama na nga ’yan. Baka pag nakasama ko ulit ’yon sa Judo, aksidente ko pang masapak dahil diyan sa mga hirit mo.”

“He’s really cool. Gusto ko ’yang kaibiganin eh. Kaso mailap. I even sent memes to him, but he didn’t reply. Kahit confirm sa Facebook hindi rin. Sobrang busy yata.”

Hindi niya naiwasang matawa at pasimpleng ibinaon ang mukha sa leeg ko. “Kawawa naman… gusto lang makipagkaibigan ayaw pang pagbigyan…” namamaos niyang bulong, natatawa pa rin.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled too. “Ipakilala mo rin ako sa childhood friend mong si Denver para friends din kami.”

“Okay. Kahit sa buong Cavite na para mas marami kang friends,” he answered playfully while laughing.

Around 3PM, my friends were already messaging me for Tiffany’s yacht party, which they also included to welcome me home. Geez.

“Hintayin na lang ba kitang matapos? Baka ma-distract ka pag sinama mo ako.” At mukhang aatras pa ata ’to.

He looked worried for some reason. There’s this familiar flicker in his eyes that I somehow familiarized with the way he would sometimes look at himself. I smiled and held his hand. His eyes dropped on it as I pulled him to walk with me.

“Just dab them up with either a handshake, fist bump, or shoulder bump. I mean, the usual way you interact with the boys. Then for the girls, my friends usually wave their hands. Don’t worry, they’re just like my circles in the Philippines too…”

Nakikinig siya, pero magkasalubong talaga ang kilay at kabado. Kahit nga ang kamay niyang hinahawakan ko, hindi niya na ata namamalayang mahigpit niya na ring hinahawakan.

Maybe he’s also worried because this is my world—far from what he’s used to. Most of my friends scream my vibe. Gano’n nga siguro, you stick to people you can relate to—the reason why he thinks he couldn’t fit in is because he couldn’t relate to us.

But he isn’t here to join us, to fit in; he is here to be introduced as my partner—to know my friends. The only thing he needs to do is to exist beside me—to enjoy the moment. Nothing more.

“Your what?!” Tifanny screamed; the curls of her blonde hair got disheveled when she pressed her hands against her head. “Boyfriend?!”

“Seriously?! Oh my gosh! Jared told me about it! I expected a twink and not a…” Lanie, the brunette with a wine in her hand, looked stunned as well.

“Bro is gay, but bro’s got a taste…” Evron chuckled and gave me a high five, then he grinned at Jasver, offering his hand for a handshake. “Sup, man… just wanna let you know you got a picky eater motherfucker…”

Siniraan pa talaga ako! Gusto ko sanang sipain pero kinamayan na ni Jasver.

“I know how to cook. Not a problem at all…” he responded seriously, which made everyone gasp and hype us up through shouting. Pinagkaguluhan pa ako ng mga girls kaya natawa na lang din ako.

My worry for him completely vanished when I noticed he’s slowly getting comfortable around my silly friends. Most of em are in different races, and I’m glad none are homophobic. He was even praised by them when I let him drive our shared jetski; I was on his back, and he was faster than some of my friends.

“I grew up in Siargao. I’m an island boy. The sea is actually my playground,” he answered Luca when my friend asked him why he’s good at jetskis.

“We understand you, Tyler. We totally get you…” Tifanny laughed meaningfully and slapped my chest.

And he is telling me he doesn’t fit when he knows how to make himself stand out? Damn hot.

After Tifanny’s birthday, dinala ko siya sa mismong circle ko na talaga. Mom let me borrow her car since I told her it’s just a friendly race.

We usually do it on an empty road course at Homestead Miami Speedway with consent from Jared’s brother, the one who lets us crash in during the night and use the whole venue for our legal and safe races.

“Puro sports car… mga kaibigan mo halos ang nandito?” Jasver asked while he was now looking at the parked cars with amusement. I suddenly remembered his Jasver Chua account, and one of his interests is cars.

“Ang angas. Dream car ko ’yang itim na Nissan Gtr eh. Corvette Mustang…M3, M4… Gago may Dodge Hellcat din,” puna niya isa isa sa mga nakapark na sports cars.

There are literally sports cars parked everywhere. Girls and boys flocking around with a red cup in their hands and the blasting music of Supermassive Blackhole by Muse. Nag-uusap pa ang iilan nang lingunin nila ang agaw-pansin na pagpasok ng kotse ko at may ngisi agad sa labi ang iilan, nakilala ang madalas kong gamiting pang-race—na dumating na ako.

“Yup. Mostly from the neighborhood… We do races for fun, but it depends if there’s a bet involved. Huling race ko, nanalo ako ng isang grand—fifty plus thousand, tapos tinapon na ako ni Mom sa Pinas,” kwento ko habang papalapit na kami sa friends ko na nakatingin na rin sa amin.

“Ang angas naman ng bonding niyong magkakaibigan dito. Nakakahiya sa bonding namin sa Cavite na sindi sindi lang ng gin ang afford tapos chichirya lang ang pulutan,” biro niya na ikinatawa ko rin.

We went out together. I saw how Jared slapped Peter’s stomach and elbowed James’ arm as they all walked toward me while the girls were glancing—looking curious with a smile on their lips.

My friends’ eyes landed on Jasver curiously. I already mentioned that I am interested in men, which they didn’t believe me, and they thought I was just trying to ignore Jennie.

“Guys… This is Mikael Jasver, my boyfriend,” I introduced smoothly.

They all grinned and turned their whole attention to Jasver.

“So this is the beefcake…” Peter chuckled meaningfully and offered his hand first. “Sup, bro. Do you know how to race?”

“I don’t have a flashy car to join you,” Jasver answered humbly and made a low chuckle, which made my friends laugh.

“That’s why he pulled a racer boyfriend instead,” I added to join their conversation.

The boys shouted to cheer for me, hyping me up. Kulang na lang itapon ni James ang sarili niya sa akin kaya itinulak ko agad. Gago.

“How did you got this dude?” Jared whispered to me and put his arm around me.

I crossed my arms while our other friends were busy offering their hands to Jasver, and Jasver side-eyed me, looking at Jared’s hand around me.

I was about to answer him when Jasver also offered his hand to Jared for a handshake. Natatawa tuloy na inalis ni Jared ang kamay sa akin.

I introduced him to everyone, and they immediately welcomed him. Noong una, katulad noong sa party ni Tifanny na hindi niya alam paano makihalubilo, pero dahil madalas kausapin ng friends ko at maalam din si Jasver sa kotse, ngayon, nagiging natural na sa kanya na makipag-usap. Tuwid naman pala mag english. Ang seryoso niya rin magsalita at tunog natural.

“We’ll dip out after one race, guys. Unless you can beat me on this, and I’ll stay for a couple of hours…” I said before slipping myself into the driver’s seat of Mom’s Supra.

Sunod-sunod agad ang busina nila kaya natatawa kong hinila ang seatbelt.

“Magdahan-dahan ka lang,” sabi niya nang yumuko sa bintana ng kotse ko at sumandal para kausapin ako saglit.

“We both know I’m not a slow rider…” I said meaningfully, my left hand resting on the steering wheel as I leaned closer and brushed my lips against his.

My friends screamed when they saw us kissing. I laugh against his lips, side-eyeing them, wanting to pull out, but Jasver pulled the neckline of my Ferrari jacket and deepened the kiss, inserting his tongue in my mouth while his hand was now cupping my jaw.

When he finished kissing me, he licked his lips with satisfaction, stood up, and tapped the roof of my car while pinching his lower lip playfully. What a tease…

“Patunayan mo. Bumalik ka sa akin nang walang gasgas…”

My lips parted. I cannot believe I am considering slowing down and driving safely because someone is worried for me. Jasver—my boyfriend, is worried for me…

It was a friendly race, but I was taking it a bit seriously to put on a show since my boyfriend was watching. I drifted swiftly till my car made two 360-degree turns. I laughed and whistled to myself. It’s good to be back in Miami, baby!

I saw the amusement in his eyes after I finished the race earlier than my friends. I wasn’t too aggressive during the race because I felt like I would give him a heart attack if I did some stunts using my car. Lagot ako sa personal nurse ko pag sumobra ang laro.

Just like what I said to my friends, we dipped out early and didn’t join the afterparty. Alam ko rin kasi na hindi ‘yon makakatulog ng maayos si Mommy lalo na’t nagpaalam ako nang maayos na isasali ko sa race ang kotse niya pero isang race lang, uuwi agad. I’m just makin’ sure I am true to my words this time.

“Kaya pala takot na takot Dad mong hayaan kang magmaneho. Kung gano’n ka ba naman kabilis magpatakbo…” Jasver commented as soon as I parked Mom’s car in the garage of our house.

“I missed racing. Pumupuslit lang ako noon lagi kasi ayaw ni Mom. Ngayon na halata niyang kaya ko na yata ang sarili ko, hinahayaan na ako,” sabi ko habang inaayos ang buhok sa salamin.

He opened the compartment to get my phone out until a handcuff fell down. Nasalo ko pa ’yon at sabay naming tiningnan.

“Ba’t may handcuffs?” he asked curiously.

“I dunno… This is my mom’s car and…” I paused when I realized something. Oh hell no.

“Ba’t siya may handcuffs?” he asked concernedly.

I looked at him meaningfully until I laughed. He blinked twice, unable to process it. He doesn’t know how kinky and wild my parents are. Kinda gross, but yeah, I am fully aware why my mom owns this kind of stuff because this is not the first time I’ve seen something, and it’s always in her car.

“Ay gago…” And maybe he slowly realized it too, which made him laugh.

“Curious how handcuffs work?” I asked meaningfully.

“At dito talaga sa kotse? Ang sikip dito…” He roamed his eyes around.

Kinuha ko ang kamay niya. I handcuff his left hand.

“Tapos sa isang kamay mo rin ’yung isa?” He chuckled.

I kissed him and put his hand behind him while my frame was hovering over him.

“Anong gagawin mo?” he asked while laughing.

“Sshhh. Let’s try something…” I laughed too and reclined his chair until his body reclined as well. I put his other hand behind and handcuffed it too.

Mariin siyang pumikit, binasa ang labi, at natawa. “Akala ko ba tapos na ’yung parusa?”

“I wanna see you plead for pleasure. It turns me on,” I said while kissing him.

He kissed back while my hand was already on his bulge, palming it. He grunted against my mouth until I felt his bulge harden.

I left his lips and kissed his jaw while my hand left his bulge and crawled in his shirt.

“Hawakan mo ulit,” he uttered hoarsely.

“Later…”

He shut his eyes, licked his lips frustratingly, and then tried to wiggle his hands, but to no avail.

I pulled up his shirt, looked up, and then stuck my tongue out and sucked his nipple. His brows completely furrowed, his expression darkened, and lust ignited in his eyes as he watched me thirstily.

“’Yung isa mong kamay…sa ibaba…himasin mo,” nagmamakaawa ang tinig niya.

I crawled my other hand, but instead of palming his bulge, I unzipped his pants instead.

“Love…” he called with a laugh.

“Yes, love?” I answered as I sucked his other nipple, pulled down his pants including his boxers, and then used the tip of my fingers as I slightly scratched it on his length teasingly.

His jaw clenched hard, his hips arched a little, and the tip of his dick turned wet.

“You want my mouth here?” I slowly grazed the tip of my fingers continuously on his pulsating dick, making him shiver.

“Dilaan mo na. Hindi ka ba naaawa. Nanginginig na nga…” aniya at muling inangat ng kaonti ang balakang.

My lips grazed down to his stomach until my head reached his lap. His hip slightly arched again, and he grunted a little when he could barely move it.

I let my tongue graze on its length, which made him whimper. But instead of giving him head, I let my lips land on his legs instead, sucking his groin.

“Tang…ina…“Humalakhak siya. “Pag ako nakawala rito…ikaw naman ang kakawawain ko.”

“Sasarapan ko na nga, ako pa ang ngayon ang mapapasama.” I chuckled and let the tip of my nose graze on his length until I reached the tip and opened my mouth. His lips parted in anticipation, and his eyes watched me intently until I shoved the tip in first.

“Isagad mo…” he whimpered hoarsely.

I brushed my hair backwards, pushed his other leg to the side, and attempted a deep throat.

His hips immediately responded until he was now thrusting his dick, fucking my throat with no restraint until I left it purposely.

He grunted and shut his eyes frustratingly; veins on his neck were protruding and lips parted. He looks miserably hot.

“Love!” he growled impatiently.

I unzipped my pants, pulled mine out, and sat on his lap as I touched myself while hovering over him. His jaw clenched while watching me dizzily.

“Ipasok mo…” he pleaded weakly while arching his hips just to press his bulge to me.

“Saan ko ipapasok, hmm?” I whispered on his lips and let my dick rub on his.

His hips moved fast aggressively, and he crushed his lips on mine. I wanted to tease him and pull away again, but he suddenly rose up from the chair until I completely sat on his lap, and I felt his dick between my legs.

He pinned himself to me; his hips moved fast, and I could now feel the tip of his dick on my butthole, attempting to penetrate me, but he would only let it slide on my legs. Dammit.

“Huwag kang gumalaw. Baka maipasok ko,” he whispered and buried his face on my neck, sucking it hard.

I pressed myself more against his lap and touched myself a little fast, while my other hand was now pressed against the glass window, my back fully resting against the compartment of the car.

I pulled my t-shirt up, which gave him a signal to crouch and suck my nipple. Wala siyang kahit anong mahawakan dahil naka-handcuff kaya ramdam ko ang gigil ng labi niya nang sinipsip niya iyon.

I clasped our dicks together and made a fast stroke to let us finish so we could continue in my room right away. Siya ang gusto kong bitinin, ngayon pati ako, nabibitin na rin!

“Nauuntog ka na. ’Yung ulo mo,” he growled when he rocked himself fast.

I bit my lower lip, stroked our dicks together, and didn’t mind my head because I don’t want to fucking stop either.

“’Yung ulo ko muna sa ibaba. Lalabasan na ako,” I growled back and shut my eyes.

He grunted, and I felt his hot release. Tumalsik pa sa mukha ko ang iba, hanggang sumunod din sa akin, na tumalsik din sa amin. We were panting hard, bathed in sweat, and my handprint was now etched on the glass window of Mom’s car.

“Look…” I laughed and pointed it out.

Nang makita niya ’yon, kahit hingal pa, naliligo sa pawis ang mukha, natawa rin siya.

“Kunan mo ng picture. Maganda ’yan pang post sa Jasver Chua ko na dump account…” He smirked playfully.

I couldn’t imagine our position in my mom’s Supra. Ayos sana kung sa BMW ko sa Pinas at baka hindi ako nagpigil kaso baka makasira pa kami sa loob ng kotse ni Mom. Pakakawalan ko na sana siya kaso…

“The key is not here,” sabi ko nang hindi mahanap ang susi sa compartment.

“Edi nasa’n? Baka nahulog lang din. Tingnan mo…”

Hinanap ko sa paanan, kaso talagang wala. Kahit sa sulok-sulok ng kotse. I hate to admit what’s on my mind right now, but…

“I think my parents have it…” sabi ko nang bigo ko talagang mahanap kahit saan.

Namilog ang mga mata niya at ibinagsak ang sarili ulit sa upuan. “Gago nakakahiya. Putulin mo na lang ang kamay ko. Ayos na siguro ’to kaysa malaman nila ’to.”

“No, deadass. It’s fine. I’m just gonna get the key, then I’ll tell some white lies that we are playin’ some games and there’s a dare that I needed to put you in handcuffs—”

“Baka kung parents ko pa mauuto mo. Pero parents mo, mommy mo? Putulin mo na nga lang ang kamay ko!” Natatawa siya pero halatang kabado.

Kahit tama siya na hindi ko mauuto ang parents ko, umakyat pa rin ako sa kwarto nila habang naiwan si Jasver sa sala. Imagine I knocked on their door in the middle of the night and told them I accidentally put Jasver in a handcuff and I need the key?

Dad laughed straight out about it while Mom looked at me suspiciously. Tinapik tapik pa ni Dad ang balikat ko, ngiting-ngiti, na para bang proud siya sa akin.

“This kind of incident really happens. Well, at least we didn’t catch you red-handed doing that play you were talkin’ about in the car. Just make sure to delete the CCTV footage, alright?” natatawang sabi ni Dad sa gabing iyon nang ibigay niya sa akin ang susi.

Si Mom, hindi na bumoses. Thank God! Because I don’t wanna hear her voice right now. Her judgmental eyes are enough. Kaso pagbaba ko, si Kali nasa sala na.

“Why are you in a handcuff?” tanong niya, kahit si Milo, nasa paanan na rin ni Jasver, tinitingala ang amo niyang guilty.

“Kali. You’re daydreaming. Go back to your room…” And that’s the only alibi I said to her. Thank fucking God it’s Kali! I cannot imagine if it’s Kittie.

Hindi ko alam kung nakalimutan niya na ba, o nawala rin sa isip. Kaso si Dad, mapang-asar talaga.

“Mukhang napasobra ang laro niyo kagabi?” At tinanong pa talaga ni Dad habang kakaupo lamang ni Jasver sa lounger kinabukasan.

He cleared his throat and attempted to stand up, so I sat on his lap and fully rested my back against him. Tatayo pa sana, bumalik na lamang siya sa pagkakasandal at nahihiyang tumingin sa ibang direksyon.

“I wonder why it’s in my mom’s car. The maid told me you were the last one to use the Supra, noong pabalik balik ka raw rito. Which means that’s yours, Dad?” I asked nosily.

“Nagtanong pa talaga…” bulong ni Jasver, gusto pa yatang takpan ang labi ko dahil pumulupot na sa leeg ko ang braso, at ang kamay ay nakahawak na sa panga ko.

“Pampagana lang habang nagmamaneho. Malikot kasi ang mom mo. Kailangang itali minsan.” Sabay tingin niya kay Jasver na inuupuan ko. “Kaya ikaw Mikael, bili ka rin ng sarili mong handcuff para hindi maging malikot ’tong isa. Huwag kang papaagrabyado…” At nag-advice pa talaga.

Jasver chuckled a little. “Naisahan nga po ako kagabi. Sige, sa susunod…”

My father laughed out loud. Natatawa kong nilingon si Jasver. Sa susunod, huh…

I noticed he’s slowly becoming comfortable being clingy to me as well in front of my parents. Noong una kasi, kailangan ko pa ’tong lapitan para lang gumalaw-galaw sa tabi ko. O siguro nasasanay na rin siya dahil minsan, sinusubuan niya rin ako kahit nandiyan si Mom, hindi na nahihiya.

We had another trip together with Kali and Milo. Si Mom and Dad, may ibang inasikaso kaya sa sumunod na araw, kami-kami na lang. Balita ko, healthy daw ang result ni Kali. Sabi ni Jasver, baka raw babae dahil ang blooming ni Kali. Gusto ko nga rin babae dahil lalaki na ’yung bunso niyang kapatid.

“Edi if girl siya, ano ang name niya? Mommy Charlotta told me I can name the baby if I want to, so I decided I’ll let you name it instead,” Kali said while we were at the Brekell City Center so we could shop.

Karga ni Jasver si Milo na naka-shades pa talaga, lumilingon-lingon din ang ulo at tumitingin-tingin sa paligid. Hindi pa nagtuturo kung anong ipapabili, undecided siguro kung ipapabili na lang ba sa akin ang buong mall para may playground siya rito sa Miami.

“Pinaglilihian mo na yata ’yan. Ako ang paglihian mo para hindi sakit sa ulo ang mamana niyan,” si Jasver na ayaw pa yatang sa akin magmana kung sakali man.

We took the escalator to go to the second floor. Pinauna ko si Kali, si Jasver naman ang pumwesto sa gilid ko at inilagay ang kamay sa likuran ko.

“Tali sana kaso pangalan ’yon ng fourth sibling ko. Pero gusto ko, malapit lang sa pangalan niya. O pwede rin malapit sa pangalan mo…” I suggested.

“Then how about Telly? I think Telly is a cute name for a girl. Then if he’s a boy, then…Jasler? Para combination ng name niyo ni Kuya?”

“Pangalanan na lang ng Totoy ’yan kung lalaki. Kung babae, Nene. Para hindi na mahirapan. At least tatak Pinoy ang pangalan kung palalakihin man sa States,” si Jasver na sabay naming inilingan ni Kali.

“Ate Ancent is not here, but you sounded like her…” si Kali na hinawakan na ako sa braso.

Speaking of that girlie, gusto ko rin ’yung makaclose eh. Kaso may beef si Micmic sa kanya dahil kay Rosie. Hmm, Rosie…

“Let’s buy something for Kittie, Kali…” anyaya ko nang makita ko ang Chanel store at nilabas ang wallet ko. I opened it, and I was about to pull out my card when I saw my baby sis’ polaroid picture.

“Kittie likes Chance perfume!” si Kali na nauuna nang pumasok sa store.

I pulled out the Polaroid picture and showed it to Jasver.

“This is T—”

“Si Tali. Dala-dala mo ’yan kahit saang lugar ka magpunta. Kita ko ang mga pictures niya sa highlight mo,” dugtong niya.

I nodded and chuckled a little. “My supposed sibling. Last year lang kaya masakit pa rin isipin. Imagine, ako lang ang naka-survive. What if I didn’t too? What if…one of those supposed siblings of mine survives instead of me? Cuz if I needed to trade my life right now just to let one of them live, I’d do it…”

Malalim ang titig niya—makahulugan. There must be playin’ in his mind right now, but I couldn’t read it while he stared at me quietly. Hindi ko alam kung tinakot ko ba siya o naawa na ’to sakin dahil ang desperado kong pakinggan.

“Pagbalik natin sa Pinas, asikasuhin natin ’yung business. Ipatayo mo ang gusto mong ipatayo sa lupain namin. Maging business partners tayong dalawa para makapag-ipon na ako…” rinig ko ang sabi niya nang sundan namin si Kali na nakapasok na sa store.

Chapter 48

Family Business

We did a lot of things in Miami. Bawing bawi sa tampo ko sa Siargao at nahahalata kong clingy na siya sa akin. But the handcuffs incident really traumatized the shit out of him kahit na tinatawanan lang talaga kami ni Dad, ako naman, sanay na.

Meanwhile, mom revealed who’s the real under when I offered to hold her Dior bag, and I joked about the handcuffs while we were shopping for the last day trip.

“Is there a pair of handcuffs in your bag too?” I asked and put my arm around her shoulder.

“I only have the key. You should check your father since he’s the one who’s always in a handcuff…” she answered bluntly, and despite the shades she was wearing, I could still feel her intense gaze.

I can’t forget how my smile vanished and I looked disgusted from it. Ayaw ko ngang isipin na si Mom ang ginagano’n ni Dad, ngayon naman, malalaman kong si Frederich pa pala ang nakaposas? Imagine your big body, your six-foot plus height, your proud 8-inch dick, and yet your wife dominates you in bed like you’re her little toy. Dumbass.

At nagyabang pa si Dad sa amin ni Jasver na pinoposas niya si Mommy pag malikot, huh. He’s really not beating my allegations as Mom’s walking dildo.

“Kung gaano ka pihikan ang pamilya namin sa ganitong usapin, pamilya niyo naman ang halos walang preno. Ni hindi nga pwedeng makarinig ng mura sa bahay o kahit anong usaping bastos, tapos ang pamilya niyo, ang casual lang sa isa’t isa…” si Jasver nang sinabi ko sa kanya ang sinabi ni Mom.

Pakiramdam ko tuloy, ang bastos-bastos ng tingin nila sa pamilya namin kumpara sa pamilya nila. My father, who’s proud of his 8-inch dick, and my mother, who’s casually dropping that she’s into wild kinks. Tita Klarisse and Tito Rommel would definitely get horrified listening to my parents.

Si Jasver, halatang nakaka-adapt, o sanay na sa ganitong usapin dahil din siguro nursing student. He doesn’t see it as something disgusting or taboo to mention. O baka nga, hindi alam ng parents niya na may side ang anak nila na ibang-iba sa seryoso niyang image.

I also discovered he gets dizzy during takeoff, which is why he needed to drink meds first before boarding. Pinipilit ko pang matulog sa balikat ko; kulang na lang tanggalin ko ang ulo para lang kusa siyang sumandal hanggang sa nakatulog din siyang gano’n.

While he was asleep on my shoulder, I checked all of the photos in my gallery, and most of ’em are either stolen pictures or taken in a candid way. Kahit noong sa race, may video siya. Meron ding picture na kakalabas ko lang sa kotse at kita ang ngisi ko sa labi. I looked so enthralled in most of his captured moments—either I was eating, laughing, on the lounger with Milo on my lap, or standing in the street of Miami, and I was looking back at him with a smile on my lips while the view in front of tall buildings looked cinematic.

Meron kaming picture, nahihiya siya tumingin sa camera kaya salubong ang kilay at nasa kabila ang tingin. Nakuha ang kalahati kong mukha na nakasiksik sa leeg niya at pabiro kong kinagat iyon. The angle was taken below our chin, which captured the nice sunset view behind us. He made it as our wallpaper and put a solo pic of mine as his lock screen while I was wearing my Ferrari jacket, and I just leaned against the hood of my car, waiting for the others while crossing my arms, and my friends’ cars were also captured.

“I sent it to Kittie, and look at her reply, Kuya…” si Kali na nasa harapan ng seat namin, pinakita sa akin ang phone niya.

It’s also a stolen photo of us. Nasa sofa kami ni Jasver, nakaupo ako sa kanya—halos higaan na siya, si Jasver na nakayakap sa baywang ko, nakuha sa picture na kagat-kagat ang balikat ko at parehas na nasa phone ko ang atensyon namin.

And Kittie only replied… “Cringe.”

That kid… Kung gaano ka supportive at fan si Kali sa amin, si Kittie, number one hater at may recruit pang dyablo na alaga niya na ayaw rin sa akin. I should really find a way to get her trust and that demonic dog of hers…

As soon as we were back in the Philippines, the first thing we did was to plan out the business I’m ’bout to build on their land. Isa sa mga architect ni Dad ang gumawa ng design, at naghanap lang ako ng engineer na mapagkakatiwalaan para maghandle ng project. Si Tito Rommel din ang nagpresintang tumutok na hindi ko na tinanggihan pa.

And speaking of engineer…

“Nangibang bansa…” si Tito Rommel nang magtanong ako tungkol sa kompanya ni Dad—lalo na kay Engineer Lopez. “Simula noong pinaimbestigahan ng Mommy mo ang bawat may hawak ng project, umalis siya agad. ’Yung supplier kasi na nagsupply sa atin, umamin na kinasabwat pala ni Engineer Lopez. Mommy mo kasi, nagsampa ba naman ng kaso sa supplier…ayon napaamin nang wala sa oras…”

I fucking knew it. There’s something fishy about him. That fuckass is corrupt.

“Halata naman kasi na may kakaiba kay engineer, Tyler. Kaso alam mo ’yon, ayaw kong manghimasok kasi hindi ko rin alam dahil baka ikapahamak din ng pamilya ko. Alam mo naman pag ang isang tao may gustong pagtakpan at nahuli, hindi malabong may idadamay ’yan lalo na’t malaking pera ang sangkot. Milyon milyon…”

I am beyond livid. This is the kind of rage I don’t think I could easily ignore and shrug off. Lalo na’t alalang-alala ko kung paano niya idiniin na si Tito Rommel ang dapat sisihin sa pag-collapse ng building na ikinapahamak ng mga trabahante ni Dad.

Halos ma-bankrupt si Dad dahil sa ginawa niya, at ang laking nawalang pera kay Dad. Maraming kamuntik matanggalan ng trabaho at mawalan ng tiwala sa construction firm na nadungisan ang pangalan dahil sa corrupt na kagaya niya.

Worse, he was also behind why Jasver and the rest of his friends at the site felt inferior. Na wala silang laban dahil makapangyarihan at mapera—nasa itaas. Fucking thick-faced. He’s at the top because his greed put him there.

“Naaawa na nga ako sa anak ko…” Natatawa si Tito Rommel pero ramdam ko ang bigat. “Ayaw ko siyang pagtrabahuin dahil responsibilidad ko ’yon bilang ama niya. Ayokong problemahin niya ang dapat magulang ang pumu-problema. Kaso itong si Mikael, may sarili talagang isip. Kaya kahit alam ko naman na marangal ang trabaho sa construction site, nasasaktan akong makita siya rito. Kasi hindi naman dapat. Nandito ako para itaguyod sila, hindi para hilain sila kung hanggang saan lang ako.”

My shoulder weakened. The flickering in his eyes screams the agony of a hardworking parent who fights fairly to survive life, and yet these corrupt people use them as a ladder to climb up so easily…

Greed sickens me. It doesn’t just kill hope; it also takes away a good future.

“Baka sa halip na mapadali ang trabaho, matagalan pa dahil alalahanin ka ng lahat,” si Jasver nang sinabi kong tutulong din ako sa Site.

My mother successfully convinced Mr. Lim, and he is now considering my father’s construction firm to fix the collapsed area and replace it with high-grade materials. Kaya siguro tulala si Dad noong isang araw dahil tingin niya, nasakop na siya ng Chinese na tipo raw si Mom.

“I know how construction sites work, alright?” I convinced, and smirk.

“Baka isang pikit ko lang, nasama ka na sa buhos sa sobrang ligalig mo…” Iling niya, ayaw pa rin pumayag.

Kulang kasi sa trabahante si Dad dahil nagpapagaling pa ’yung iba kaya isa si Jasver na nagpresintang tumulong kasama sila Julius. And of course, I wanted to help too. My father straight out agreed, while Jasver felt like I’ll only put myself in danger. Ayaw niya.

“I will make sure I won’t bother you. I will be busy at the site too,” I explained.

He sighed out of frustration, hands on the side of his waist again, and the obvious furrowed brows give me an idea he’s so done with my stubborn ass.

“Maalikabok, mabibigat din ang trabaho, at mainit. Pagpapawisan ka na nga ro’n, baka mangati ka pa at hindi sanay sa ganoong lugar. Ayos sana kung sanay ka katulad ko, pero hindi,” giit niya.

Man…I suddenly feel like Frederich doesn’t care about his son this deeply. Kasi bakit siya pumayag na magtrabaho ako sa site na hindi man lang inisip na baka mauntog ako ro’n at mawasak ang bungo ko, o matabunan bigla ng semento, o di kaya ay sumabit sa mga bakal?

“Baka habang naghahakot rin ako ng mabibigat, saka ka aandar at manghihingi ng halik. Pagpipyestahan tayo sa Site pag naghalikan tayo ro’n…”

And he is willing to give me a kiss if I ask for one, huh? Knowing our first make-out happened at the Site too…

“I’m professional when it comes to workplaces. I’m a businessman. I’m not like my dad, who whines when Charlotta’s attention is stolen by his other clients… And don’t worry, I won’t exhaust myself that much. Pipiliin ko ang magagaan na trabaho…”

Umangat agad ang kilay niya. “Siguraduhin mo. Saka ka na dumikit-dikit sakin pag wala nang trabaho. Baka sa halip na semento ang asikasuhin ko, pagpupunas pa ng pawis mo…”

I laughed about it. He really thinks I can’t survive a day without clinging to him? I’m already contented when I’m also existing in his world.

Even my dad was shocked to know that I am willing to help and stay in Quezon City for a while. Pwede ko namang ihatid-sundo si Mikael, but my dad doesn’t trust my driving skills! Ayaw niyang araw-araw akong magdrive—o ako mismo ang magdrive dahil malayo rin daw.

“Kasama ka rin? Kaya mo bang mabuhay sa Site?” gulat na tanong ni Tita Klarisse nang hintayin ko si Jasver at nag-iimpake ng mga damit na dadalhin niya sa Quezon City.

“I will observe the others, Tita. Kaya ko naman siguro…” I chuckled confidently.

Karga niya pa si Kaizer at pinapaarawan sa may garden nila. Si Judo at Colt, nakapalibot sa akin at nilalaro ko rin paminsan-minsan.

“Kuya…bantayan mo roon si Tyler. Baka mapano ’to. Hindi pa naman ’to sanay sa Site…” bigla niyang sabi nang lumabas si Jasver, may dalang duffel bag at nakabuntot sa kanya ang dalawang babaeng kapatid.

Kittie glared at me and then looked at her mother. “He’s old enough to take care of himself, Mama. Kuya is not his babysitter.”

“Hindi nga pero boyfriend, Kittie… Normal lang ’yon pag mahal mo ang isang tao…” Tita Klarissa smiled at her daughter, who only rolled her eyes.

“He will leave Kuya again. This isn’t the first time…” I heard her murmur and throw another death glare at me.

Jasver patted Kittie’s head, which made Kittie’s eyes soften when she looked at her brother.

“Isumbong mo sa akin kung lumabas si Kali. ’Yung aircon mo, patayin mo agad paggising mo. Ikaw ang magdilig dito sa labas, si Kali ang magpapakain kay Judo at Colt. Huwag niyong pagtrabahuin si Mama…”

“Kaya ko na, Kuya! Mai-stress lang ako kung si Kali ang maghuhugas. Mababasag lahat ng plato natin!” natatawang sabi ni Tita, sinasayaw-sayaw ng kaunti ang sarili, at kita kong humikab si Kaizer, ininat ang maliliit na kamay pati ang mga paa.

Nilapitan ko si Jasver para kunin sa kanya ang duffel bag. Sumabay si Kali sa akin, nakasimangot.

“Saturday pa kayo uuwi ni Kuya? Are we gonna gala ba sa Sunday? Sabi mo we’re gonna kain sa Mamou…”

“Yup, preggy belly… We will. With Kittie,” and glanced at her, who was seriously listening to Jasver’s orders. When she heard I mentioned her name, she rolled her eyes at me.

“Okay! We’re gonna Facetime Kuya ha!” si Kali na tumayo sa gilid ko habang pinapasok ko na ang duffel bag ni Jasver sa likod ng BMW ko.

“Ingat kayong dalawa, ha? Kuya, ang likod mo…baka pag pawis na pawis ka na, makalimutan mo. Uubuhin ka talaga. Magdala ka ng polbo—”

“Ano ako, si Kian na popolbohan pa?” putol ni Jasver kay Tita na tumawa agad at pasimple ang tingin sa akin.

“Nahihiya si Kuya kasi naririnig mo na binibaby siya. Ayaw niya sa gano’n eh…”

“Don’t worry, Tita. I’ll watch him. Ako ang mag-aalaga sa kanya sa Site.”

Jasver snorted. “Sa’yo pa talaga nanggaling, huh? Eh ikaw nga ang mas kailangang bantayan sa ating dalawa.”

Kittie glared at me again while holding Ari in her arms. I smiled at her and patted her head, which made Ari bark at me. Si Jasver, nilapitan ang ina, at rinig kong kinausap si Kaizer. Yumakap din si Kali sa baywang ko para magpaalam; kulang na lang sumama sa amin.

“Kian, huwag iyak nang iyak tuwing madaling araw. Huwag puyatin si Mama. Saka ka na umiyak buong gabi kung nandito ako sa bahay…” marahang sabi ni Jasver habang hawak ni Kaizer ang daliri niya.

I even saw him crouched a bit and kiss the forehead of his little brother. His mother smiled and looked at me. I smiled too. I can feel how Jasver loves his family despite the heavy responsibility of being the eldest. Kahit nasa kotse na kami, ang isip niya, naiwan pa rin sa bahay nila.

“Nag-aalala nga ako. Kakapanganak lang ni Mama, wala siyang katulong sa bahay. Eh si Kali, hindi pa naman ’yon maaasahan sa gawaing bahay, pero sana kahit sa pagbabantay na lang kay Kian…” aniya nang palabas na kami sa area nila at ako ang nagda-drive.

I remembered that day when I slept at their house. Maaga siyang nagigising, naglilinis agad sa buong bahay, at siya rin ang nagluluto. Kaya siguro ganito siya mag-alala na iiwan ang mga kapatid niya sa bahay ng ilang araw lang naman dahil siya halos ang kumikilos.

“I really admire you as their brother—as the eldest of the family. Ang sarap mo maging kapatid…” I smiled genuinely.

His worried expression shifted as he side-eyed me and gave me a playful smile. “Masarap ding boyfriend…”

I laughed and pinched his leg. “Sobrang sarap nga…”

Kinuha niya agad ang kamay ko, natatawa sa sinabi ko, at hinawakan iyon para hindi na gumalaw-galaw. Dala ko pa ang ngisi sa labi nang may makitang papasok pa lang na kotse sa area nila, bumagal ang pagmamaneho at nagbaba ng salamin. Oh shit…

Rick’s curious face facing outside the window of his car, brows knitted, hawk-like eyes looking at us suspiciously, like he caught me red-handed, made my smile vanish. So I slowed down as well while we were locking gazes for seconds.

“Ba’t ka nandito?” he asked, tilting his head to look at the passenger seat. Nang mamukhaan agad si Jasver, para bang nakahanap agad siya ng sagot sa mga tumatakbo sa isip niya.

“Sinundo ko…” I explained and glanced at Jasver, who was looking at Rick with an unreadable, serious expression.

“Pupuntahan mo si Denver?” I chuckled.

He nodded and looked at Jasver again. I could feel the build-up of tension in the way their eyes locked. They only nodded at each other seriously for acknowledgement.

“Ah…siya pala ang may-ari noong kotse na nakita kong nagpark sa labas ng bahay namin… Akala kasi ng ibang kapitbahay, kaibigan ko raw. Narinig pa ni Mama kina Aling Grace na kasama raw no’n si Denver na pumunta sa tindahan at bumili ng isang case na Red Horse. Binayaran rin daw ang buong utang nila Denver sa tindahan,” kuwento ni Jasver.

Wow. The only news I got from Rick is he’s busy with gigs. Mahilig kasi ’yon sa electric guitar kaya noong sinabi ni Ron na naggi-gig na raw, hindi na ako nagulat.

I don’t really have any proper news about my friends’ shit lately. Bukod sa naging abala agad kami ni Jasver sa site because of my father’s business, tutok na rin ako sa ipapatayo naming business sa Siargao. My mind’s too occupied to even snoop around.

“Matipid ’yan eh. Hindi ’yan basta-basta gumagastos unless kakain siya. See? He will take good care of your friend…” I answered and maneuvered my car to the other lane.

“Alam niya ba ang tungkol sa atin?” he asked.

“He caught me one time watching gay porn…” Natatawa kong kwento habang ang isang kamay ay abala sa manibela, at ang isa, nilagay ko sa likuran ng kanyang upuan.

Magkasalubong pa ang kilay niya at wala sa sariling natawang nilingon ako, pero ibinalik lang din sa harap.

“May ideya na ’yon sa’yo. Polsci student daw ’yon sabi ni Arron. Mahirap lusutan ’yan…”

“Who said I’m planning to hide us from my friends? Mavric, Ron, and Shiloh are already aware about us. And now Rick. Con isn’t that dramatic type; magugulat siguro oo, but that’s it. Maybe the only ones who would freak out are the girls, especially MicMic…” Napatingin siya sa akin pagkatapos kong banggitin ang huling pangalan.

Oh hell no. Si MicMic. That brat will seriously overreact.

MicMic:

Yey!!! I thought nakalimutan mo na ako?!?!

Her reply when I told her I bought something for her when I was in Miami. Wala ka ngang kapatid, pero may maluho kang kaibigan. Kaya hindi ko ramdam noon na kailangan ko ng girlfriend eh. Kay MicMic pa lang ubos na ang pera ko.

T-in-ext ko agad nang dumating kami sa site. Compared to my father’s main site, this one looks cramped because of the ongoing construction. May mga trabahante nang kumikilos at kung saan-saan din nakapwesto ang mga construction vehicles. I also spotted Tito Rommel giving orders while he was wearing a safety hat, and a new engineer was beside him.

Tyler:

May ipapakilala rin ako haha. I’m dating someone.

MicMic:

Dating? Not flirting? Wow. That’s a new word comin from u

MicMic:

U know what? Inis ako. I’ll tell you abt it sa personal na.

Lumingon si Tito Rommel sa amin. His serious expression quickly shifted into a grin. He waved his hand at us while Jasver was trying to park my BMW alongside others. Nang lumabas si Jasver, kinuha niya agad sa balikat ko ang sinuot kong duffel bag niya at tiningnan na ang Papa niyang tinuturo ang bang house.

“Sino ’yan?” Jasver asked when he caught me typing a reply for MicMic while we were now heading to the bang house.

I looked at the bang house. Compared to the bang house of my father in Manila, their bang house here is quite small. Gusto ko ngang kumuha na lang ng malapit na apartment kaso ayaw naman ni Jasver. Ako lang daw ang trabahante na naka-BMW na nga, naka-apartment pa.

“Oh, it’s MicMic. I told her I’m dating. Ibibigay ko ’yung binili natin sa Miami. She will like it,” sabi ko habang pumapasok na kami sa loob.

“Halata nga. Maarte rin ’yon eh.” Saka niya nilapitan ang dalawang kama na mukhang hindi nagagalaw lalo na’t ang iba, halatang may may-ari na.

“I remember you told me you don’t wanna date her because she’s high maintenance…” sabi ko, pinaglaruan sa kamay ko ang phone ko.

He nodded again while his eyes were still glued to our bed. “Oo rin. Baka hindi kasya sa kanya ang isang allowance ko. Kaya hindi ko ’yan ginulo o pinakitaan ng motibo kahit ramdam ko minsan na gusto niya akong kausap.”

“You let her borrow your hoodie. She made an assumption on that part.”

“Malamang natagusan. May mga kapatid din akong babae kaya alam ko ang bagay na ’yan. ’Yun lang naman ’yon. Kahit hindi siya ’yon, pahihiramin ko pa rin naman ng hoodie…” paliwanag niya habang abalang buksan ang malaking drawer at pinasok ang duffel bag niya sa walang laman na space.

Well, as MicMic’s friend, I’m thankful he was a gentleman to save her on that day.

Nilingon niya ako bigla nang napansing nanahimik ako. “Bakit? Ayaw mo ba sa gano’n? Baka mamaya mawala ka na naman ah? Sabihin mo sa’kin para naman mailugar ko ang gano’n kong ugali.”

I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. “I think it’s fine with me. May ganyan din kasi akong ugali, lalo na sa friends kong girls, especially kay MicMic. But I know how to adjust so you won’t feel like I’m treating them the way I’m treating you as well. Kasi ayoko ring makita na hindi ka lang pala sa akin ganito, sa iba rin.”

“Hindi ako seloso,” he admitted and walked toward me. “Depende na lang kung alam kong may gusto sila sa’yo at nasa kanila ang mga wala sa akin. Kung kaibigan mo lang, walang kaso sa akin.”

Well, I already cut off ties with those girlies I flirted with from the past. Naka-unfollow na rin sila sa socmeds ko, o hindi na friends.

“I’m not the jealous type either. Nagselos lang talaga ako kay Trina because she’s your ex. Pero kung sila Tessa, Ancent…I’m fine with them too…”

He arched his brow meaningfully and rested his hand on the side—locking me. “Wala akong problema sa MicMic mo. Pero hindi ko itatanggi na nagselos ako sa kanya. Sinabi mo ba namang gusto mo noon…”

“Oh…” I chuckled and caressed my nape when I realized I hadn’t addressed that part yet. “I’m sorry. But don’t worry, I’ll limit my—”

“Tss. Huwag na,” he cut me off. “Nakikita ko kung paano mo itrato si Kali at ang Mommy mo kung paano mo rin tinatrato si MicMic. Baka pag sinabi kong ganito ganyan, edi para ko na ring sinabing kahit sa Mommy mo, nagseselos ako. Normal sa’yo ang pagiging clingy eh. Halatang lumaki kang normal lang ang affection, ibang-iba sa akin.”

I pinched my lower lip and couldn’t hide my smile. Napatingin siya sa labi ko, salubong pa rin ang kilay habang nagpapaliwanag.

“At gusto ko rin ang ganyang ugali mo. Kung may babaguhin ka, baguhin mo ’yung tingin mong ikakasira ng relasyon natin. Pero kung wala namang epekto sa atin, manatili kang ganyan.”

I slowly crawled my hand around his waist, a proud smile taunting on my lips. “Galing ah? You’re now talkative…”

He snorted, lips stretching for an unexpected smile.

“Keep talking, love. I love this side of you…” I whispered, leaned closer, and grazed the tip of my nose on the side of his jaw.

He tilted his head a bit, giving me access to taste his lips. “Sinong hindi mahahawa kung ang boyfriend masyadong madaldal?”

I laughed and buried my face against the side of his neck. I felt his hand on my nape; his fingers slightly crawled through my hair.

“I like how you’re open to talk to me about this. I know I acted immature when I got jealous, but thank you for handling me gently. Thank you for reassuring me…for acknowledging my emotion. You made me feel loved and seen…” I closed my eyes, tightened my grip around his waist, and sighed against his shoulder peacefully.

His fingers calmly ruffled the soft curls of my hair—playin’ with it. “Marami rin akong natututunan sa’yo. Marami akong nadidiskubre sa sarili ko na kaya ko pala, o may ganito pala akong ugali. Medyo nakakatanggal ng angas pero gusto ko kung ano man ’tong parte sa akin na ikaw lang ang nakakahila palabas,” he whispered gently with a slight chuckle on it.

“You know, I’m actually proud of us because we started out as enemies. We are used to each other’s rage; we live with it. And now that we are in love with each other, it’s like we are trying to tame a thunder to whisper gently as we both heal in each other’s arms.”

Marahan siyang humalakhak, nangingiting idiniin ang labi sa gilid ng ulo ko. “Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ko nakayang saktan ka noon. Pero alam ko, ang dating ako, hindi niya rin alam kung paano kita nakayang mahalin ngayon…”

Ah…so this is what they call a plot twist in movies, huh? It’s a cliche story, but I know ours is worth watching for…

“Mahal mo ako, hmm?” I asked tauntingly.

He shut his eyes and licked his lips with an unsuppressed smile on his lips. “Shh, huwag dito…” namamaos niyang sagot.

“Mikael, nandito—” Julius’ familiar voice trailed off together with the sudden opening of the door. I lifted my head and saw his shocked face, his lips parted open.

Tumingin si Jasver sa kanya, dala pa ang ngiti sa labi. Gumalaw siya para harapin kaya lumuwag ang yakap ko, pero tumalikod lang si Jasver sa akin kaya muli kong ipinatong ang ulo ko sa balikat niya at niyakap siya ulit patalikod.

“Naks… nagkabati na…” Ngisi ni Julius, gulat ng kaunti ngunit nilamon agad ng saya ang mukha. “Ito na ba ’yung bunga ng ambag ko noong Christmas?” natatawa niyang tanong.

“Saang kama ka ba? Wala ba rito?” turo niya sa dalawang bakante.

“Ay wala! Dito kami nila Peter.” Turo niya sa ibang kama. “Bakit? Dito rin matutulog si sir? Mukhang halata nga na ayaw humiwalay sa’yo…” Sabay tingin niya sa kamay kong nasa baywang pa rin ni Jasver.

It wasn’t the first time he teased us. Lalo na’t araw-araw sa Site, pag makakakuha siya ng tyempo, ngingisi siya ng makahulugan sabay ‘yiee.’ He is one of Jasver’s closest friends, and I’m glad he approved of us right away.

Sinisigurado ko ring hindi ko talaga nadidisturbo si Jasver pag nagtatrabaho. Akala tuloy ng iba, magkaaway pa rin kami. Pero may iilan sa kanila, nakakapansin na medyo lumalambot na raw si Jasver sa akin. Paano ba naman kasi, nagbuhat lang ako ng mga semento, sinapawan agad ako at kinuha sa akin.

“Parang noon lang, kulang na lang ikaw ang isemento ni Mikael. Pero ngayon, parang kami pa yata ang isesemento niya pag hinayaan ka naming magbuhat ng kung ano-ano…” At dadagdagan pa ng asar ni Julius kaya talagang nakakahalata na ang iba.

“Pero bilib din talaga ako rito kay ser,” si Luya nang makisali ako sa kanila at namigay ng sandwich para sa break time. “Isipin mo ’yon, anak ka ng contractor na mayaman, pero nandito ka sa mismong proyekto ng dad mo at tumutulong.”

“Mana kay Sir Fred,” si Peter. “Kaya maswerte kami talaga sa Daddy mo dahil alam naming hindi lamang kliyente ang nakakatanggap ng magandang serbisyo mula sa kanya, kundi pati na rin kaming mga manggagawa. Itong pakikihalubilo mo sa amin, sir, malaking bagay na. Nararamdaman namin na may natitira pang mga kagaya niyo na may malasakit talaga sa mahihirap…”

It’s actually heartwarming to hear this kind of recognition. I’m proud that my father is looked up to and served as a good role model and an inspiration to them. And I am beyond proud that I am walking on his path; I am praised for having his good qualities.

My friends decided to throw another party before class starts again. And I cannot believe this is my last year as a college student while my mind was already focused on the business Jasver and I were working on together.

Ang tagal ko rin palang hindi na naka-party. Huli ko ay noong circle ko lang din ang mga kasama ko.

“Kayo-kayo na lang. Sa bahay lang ako. Aalagaan ko si Kian para makapagpahinga naman si Mama sa pag-aalaga sa bubwit na ’yon. Nagyayaya rin ’yon si Kittie na manood ng movie at mukhang nagtatampo na dahil masyado akong busy sa’yo,” aniya nang imbitahan ko siya na baka gusto niyang sumama sa akin.

Gusto ko rin sanang sumali sa movie marathon nila kaso hindi ko pa nakukuha ang loob ni Kittie. Baka kung makisali ako, isipin niyang kinukuha ko na ang buong atensyon ng Kuya niya.

Wala akong problema kay Kali dahil malapit naman siya sa akin. During her birthday celebration, she even ranted that she is happy her Kuya got me as his boyfriend. Hindi ko alam kung inuuto lang ba ako ni Kali para malibre ko lagi o sadyang nagkakasundo rin talaga kami sa bagay-bagay.

Meanwhile, Kittie is really the hardest one to please. Naaalala ko ’yung mga panahong literal na galit sa akin si Jasver. Manang mana si Kittie. Kahit niyayaya siya naming sumama pag kakain sa labas dahil naglilihi si Kali, gustong kumain ng steak, ayaw niyang sumama. Kunwari babantayan daw si Kaizer kahit ang totoo, ayaw niya lang dahil kasama ako.

“Mahilig ’yan sa Roblox. Nakakalaro no’n si Shiloh eh. Hindi ko nga lang alam paano ’yon nilalaro pero noong nagtanong kasi si Shiloh sa akin kung may kapatid ako na mahilig sa games, sinabi ko si Kittie,” kwento pa ni Jasver habang stuck kami sa traffic, pauwi na no’n sa Cavite at galing sa Quezon City.

And wow, kahit si Kittie kaibigan ni Shiloh? Grabe din talaga ang isang ’yon. Sabagay, kahit nga si Riri, kasundo niya. Kaibigan siya ng lahat, pati ni Milo.

That’s why during the party, I approached Shiloh about it. Which I confirmed from him—they’re really playing together.

“Paano ba ’yan, Shi? Turuan mo nga ako…” sabi ko kahit abala siya noong kumain ng chicken wings at may hawak pang shake na gawa na naman ng boyfriend niya para hindi siya sumali sa inuman.

“Akin na ang iPad mo. Idodownload ko tapos gagawan kita ng account,” sabi niya sabay punas sa sauce na dumikit pa sa pisngi niya.

I didn’t participate too much with the ongoing party, even with the body shot. Si Mavric pa ang inalay ko para lang makatakas sa mga girls na ako ang nire-request. Siya na lang total wala naman ’tong girlfriend. Baka pag sumali ako, malamig na bangkay na ako bukas.

But if there’s one interesting thing that happened at that party, it’s none other than…

Tyler:

LOVE U WON’T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE!!!! TEJANO IS FUCKING DATING MY FRIEND MAVERICK EVANDER!!!!

Tyler:

GINAWANG UPUAN NI EVANDER SI RADE WHAT THE HELLY BROOO!!!! GAY AF!!!!

I was flabbergasted. I cannot believe it. Hindi ko pa ma-process noong sinabi ni Mavric dahil akala ko, sa akin may gusto ’yang Rade eh. At imposible kasi. Parang hindi ko ma-imagine eh galit ’yang Tejano sa amin…

And how come I didn’t sense it? Am I this…oblivious? Kahit si Brent at Shiloh, hindi ko nga napansin na nasa harap ko na at nakakasama ko pa lagi, si Mav pa na masyado ’tong magaling magtago.

Wait a damn minute. Kung hindi naman pala siya galit kay Mavric, o sa circle namin cuz he’s now dating my friend, then…why does he look at me like that? Imposible ring may galit sa akin, eh wala naman akong maalalang may pinag-awayan kami niyan. Hindi pa nga ako na-aaccept sa Facebook…

Love:

Anong gay af? Afam?

Nahaluan ng tawa ang gulat ko habang abala ang girls na magpakilala kay Rade na hindi ako matandaan. Hindi ba siya aware sa business ng Dad niya? O baka rin limot niya na.

Love:

Nakailang inom ka na ba? Susunduin kita mamaya.

Love:

Nagsend nga ng picture si Asher. Daming tao.

I typed a reply right away while they’re now inviting Rade to join us for a drink at the gazebo near the swimming pool area.

I was grinning from time to time. Nagbubulungan pa kaming dalawa ni Ron nang makaupo na at napapahagikhik hanggang sa naibubuga ko sa mukha niya ang inumin ko. Nakita ko kasi na nilalapit ni Rade ang mukha niya kay Mavric at bumubulong pa yata.

“Gago ka! Ang dugyot mo!” Tulak niya sa akin habang nauubo ako. Fuck. I am not used to it. Rade Tejano is shamelessly flirting with my friend Mavric.

“I’m shocked, alright.” Then I looked at Rade. “Akala ko kasi talaga ako ang crush mo. Lagkit mo kasing makatingin sa akin. Ilang beses kong nahuhuli, bro…”

My friends laughed loudly; some were cringing out of embarrassment because the girls were now shouting and almost falling from their seats, and the boys were throwing light stuff at me. Natatawa kong pinagsasalo ang iba, kaso ang ilan talagang tumama at siniko pa ako ni Ron.

“Alam naming makapal ang mukha mo Tyler pero maawa ka naman sa amin! Huwag mo kaming ipahiya!” pagmamakaawa ni Gabriella.

Rade Tejano only arched his brow at me. He’s speechless, probably too shy to admit he got a simple crush on me because he doesn’t want to offend Mav? I mean, he’s not my type because I like Jasver, but I do appreciate those people who have feelings for me. Can’t really blame them…

“Ang kapal talaga ng mukha oh! Pektusan mo nga sa ngalangala Rade, ako ang hahawak sa ulo niyan,” maangas na utos ni Rick, natatawang tinapunan ako ng walang laman na cup.

“Epekto ata ng travels niya. Sa dalas na pagsakay sa eroplano, ayon parang laging jetlag mag-isip,” natatawang sabi ni Con.

“Kaya sabi ko sa’yo ’di ba? Sa akin mo lang ikwento ’yang mga naiisip mo kasi ako lang ang makakaintindi sa’yo,” si Ron na inakbayan pa ako.

“Sometimes, I don’t really know what kind of brain cells your brain has. Minsan pang out of this world na,” si MicMic na akala mo naman hindi rin assuming na crush daw siya noon ni Jasver porket tiningnan lang.

Kahit si Mavric, humahalakhak. “Fuck you, Evander. You are aware about mine, and you are keeping yours with Rade Tejano. Akala ko pa naman bestfriend tayo. I’m seriously dropping our friendship,” I said in a dramatic tone.

“’Yan ba ’yung sinasabi mo na you’re dating? Who? Ba’t hindi mo dinala?” MicMic interrogated curiously.

Natatawang itinuro ni Ron ang mukha ko. I elbowed him and laughed. Mavric smirked while Rick rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Shiloh whispered something to Brent. Ang girls, nagtitinginan at lito.

“Dalhin mo kasi rito. Si family business ’yan ’di ba?” Mavric chuckled meaningfully.

“Family business. Ulol. Kahit sa Cavite umabot doon ang gago…” Iling ni Rick.

I pinched my lower lip while laughing. Si Ron, tawang tawa. Nagawa pa nilang mag-apir ni Mavric. Natatawa rin si Con kahit salubong ang kilay at walang maintindihan, at si Brent, ngumingiti-ngiti pero panay bulong kay Shiloh.

“Meron pala talaga? ’Yung love ba ’yan sa story mo? Eh…lalaki ’yon, ’di ba?” Angela asked.

“What love? I didn’t see it!” si MicMic.

“Oo meron ’yon eh!” Sheena’s eyes widened. “Hala…lalaki rin sa’yo, Tyler?”

“Duda rin ako sa picture na ’yon eh. Sa dami kasing tag kay Tyler ng mga friends niya sa Miami, ’yun lang ang may caption na love. Foreigner ba ’yon, Tyler? Half? Likod pa lang, halatang guwapo eh,” si Raya.

Ron and Mavric were both laughing. Kahit si Rick, nakailang kamot na sa leeg niya at naiiling na lang.

“Kilala mo, Shiloh?” Angela asked.

Shiloh nodded. Brent arched his brow and I saw how he pinch Shiloh’s waist. Natawa tuloy si Shiloh.

“Hulaan ko? Isa ’yan sa crush ng girls ’no? Duda ako eh. Parang sinulot niyo na lahat,” si Gabriella at sinamaan ulit ng tingin si Mavric na natatawa sa tabi ni Rade.

“Ang hilig niyo talaga manulot!” Sheena yelled.

“Uy Rick oh. Mahilig ka raw manulot…” biro ko kaya iritado akong tiningnan ni Rick na ikinatawa agad namin.

“Anong sulot? Ulol.” And he even raised his middle finger.

Hindi na ata ako tatantanan ng girls. Pakiramdam nila, nag-iimbento ako. Ayaw maniwala. Do I look like a scammer?

“Susunduin ako no’n mamaya… Pupunta siya,” sabi ko para lang pakalmahin ang girls.

“Really?!” si Mica na ngiting-ngiti kaya humalakhak ulit si Ron.

“Kilalang kilala mo ’yon, Mica!” aniya.

Chapter 49

Privilege

“Nandito siya kanina. Kaso may sinundo. Kaibigan niya,” si Rick nang tanungin ko kung nasa’n na si Denver.

Surprisingly, there are a lot of new faces who attended the party compared to our usual. Most of those new faces belong to Verena’s circle. Mailap sila noon; luckily, they’re now joining us because of Shiloh—or they’re also friends with Shiloh.

Love:

Kasama ko si Ancent. Sumabay.

I typed a reply while grinning. Iritang tumingin si Rick sa akin na nasa tabi ko lalo na’t abala si Shiloh at Brent sa isang topic na sila-sila lang ulit ang nagkakaintindihan. Si Ron naman, mukhang pumasok saglit sa loob kaya nawala sa tabi ko.

Tyler:

Dalhin mo si Arron. Sabunutan daw sila ni Rick!

Natatawa kong ipinakita kay Rick ang reply ko sa text ni Jasver. Ang amba niyang pag-inom, hindi natuloy dahil nagkasalubong pa ang kilay at inambahan akong sisikuhin.

“Gago! Sige. Papuntahin mo. Nang mabangasan ko,” hamon ni Rick, tumango pa sa akin.

“May laban ka na kahit papa’no, Rick. Medyo mahaba na rin ang buhok mo.” I put my arm around his shoulder while laughing. Binasa niya ang labi, iritang tumingin sa kamay ko, at gusto pa akong itulak.

“Kalbo ka mamaya kay Mica pag nalaman niyang inahas mo siya.” And coming from someone who also got Angela’s past crush, huh?

“Mas bagay naman kayo ni Denver. They broke up because they’re not meant to be. You have my full support, Rick…” I added.

“Papunta na ba rito? Childhood crush pa naman ’yan noong isa,” seryoso niyang kuwento at ininom na ang hawak na drink.

“Who?” I laughed, trying to confirm it.

“’Yang Jasver mo. Crush ’yan ni Rin noong bata pa raw siya,” he answered thickly. “Noong nasa Cavite ako, nakita ko ’yan… magkatabi lang kasi ang bahay nila.”

My brows shot up. Nanatili ang ngisi sa labi ko. He shook his head, put down his drink, and then crossed his arms. Magkatabi ang bahay nila? I thought that was an abandoned house or somethin’ cuz it looks too dark and gloomy. May nakatira pala ro’n?

What a small world. Their circles used to hate our circles. Kung hindi yata dumating si Shiloh sa circle namin, hindi naging tulay, baka ngayon, kahit anino ng mga ’yan, hindi makikita sa parties namin.

Because even the girls feel like they’re too much for them. The girls in their circles behave like Verena or have the same aura as Verena. Huling kita ko ro’n kay Ancent, na kaibigan din pala ni Verena, malakas ang dating kahit maangas ang pormahan.

But I wonder if the girls knew about Verena’s issue? Knowing they have wide connections, they probably heard about the nudes scandal?

The girls were still loud, figuring out who’s my lover. Nasa pool area na sila, hindi nalalayo sa gazebo kung nasaan kaming boys. May iilan din na naliligo ro’n, at ang iba, nasa loob ng bahay habang pumapaibabaw sa buong lugar ang kantang Ayo ni Chris Brown. Gabriella and Angela were comforting her, telling her to get ready. Kanina pa nila binibiro.

“Imposible! Kael could never! He hates them! He hates him! And he is straight!” rinig kong pinaglalaban talaga ni MicMic habang nasa lounger siya, may hawak na cocktail drink.

She forgot that Mikael chatted her to find me? Wow. She must be too occupied lately, huh? I wonder what’s up with her life lately. I bet that’s another failed meetup. I know this girlie too well.

“Pero what if nga? Tingnan mo nga ang crush ko, Mica? Tingnan mo si Tejano! Si Rade! Nasikmurang patulan si Mavric?! Sa lahat ng nasa circle natin, si Mav talaga?!” si Gabriella sa madrama niyang boses.

Rade and Mavric excused themselves earlier to go to the bathroom. Sasamahan niya raw umihi. Ilang minuto na, hindi pa rin nakakabalik ang dalawa.

“Rade is blind, obviously! Kaya nga naka-glasses siya at hindi nakita ang red flags ni Mav. But Kael isn’t! For sure he won’t fall for someone he loathes the most!” si Mica na pinaglalaban pa.

“Hindi ka ba nagbabasa ng libro, Mica? Uso kaya ’yon sa books… Enemies to lovers…” Raya joined the convo.

“I don’t care! We’re not in the book! And I’m not a fan of that genre! This is a real-life situation!”

Kung makapag-usap ang girls tungkol sa amin, akala mo wala kami sa iisang circle. I am suddenly horrified listening to MicMic’s threats, like I am about to lose my hair once she finds out the truth.

And I cannot believe our circles—especially the girls—are roasting us like choosing us seems a downgrade. Una si Shiloh kay Brent. Then now, Mavric. I found out they all roast Rick, whom they also met earlier when he introduced Denver to them before Mavric exposed Rade. And for sure, Mica will be the fan club of my haters once she finds out that the lover I am talkin’ about is none other than his past crush.

Love:

Hindi ’yon sasama. Nakailang baso ka na?

His reply after a minute. So I clicked the camera app and stuck my tongue out, while Rick, who’s by my side, raised his middle finger to pose for the picture.

“Sisend mo ba ’yan kay Arron? Kasi kung oo, samahan mo ng kamao ko,” singit niya nang tingnan ang screen ng phone ko.

Natatawa akong nag-type ng reply kay Jasver.

Tyler:

Lost count. But I’m not yet drunk. Send picture too. I miss you :(

“Hayop na emoji. Grabeng kabadingan ’yan. Papunta na nga rito, hihingan pa ng picture!” Rick said aggressively after reading the text I sent. “Korni ng gago…”

Pag ito nakita kong sweet kay Denver, lagot ’to sa amin ni Ron.

Minutes later, Jasver really sent a photo. It was clumsily taken, with him holding the phone, and in the backseat of his car is none other than his girl best friend. Ancent, wearing a black sleeveless shirt, in a manspread position, made a gang sign together with her tongue out. And woah… is that…a lip ring on the side of her lower lip? Hindi ko pa agad namukhaan dahil ibang iba siya noong huling kita ko. But phew, what a style.

Love:

Nandito na kami. Ayaw lumabas ni Ancent.

His text a couple of minutes later made me stand up, chug down my drink, and then excuse myself to go to the parking lot.

“Saan ka pupunta, Tyler?” Angela asked when I passed them.

“Sa boyfriend?” I laughed at them.

“Seryoso pala talaga siya?” I heard the girls talking about it.

“Ano pustahan? Crush ni Mica noon ang ipapakilala niyang boyfriend!” And Sadie is really shameless to include gambling just to prove a point.

Pagdating ko sa parking space, saktong pumasok na rin ang kotse niya kaya sinenyasan ko pa kung saan magpapark. Nang tumigil, lumapit ako sa driver’s seat at binuksan ang pinto. Lumabas siya habang bumababa naman ang salamin sa backseat, at ang nakangising mukha ni Ancent ang bumungad.

Jasver looked at the pool area and rested his hand on my back. I heard some dramatic gasps coming from the pool area, and obviously, sila MicMic ’yon.

“You might want to join the girls?” I invited Ancent.

“Huwag na. Baka sungitan lang ako sa loob,” she said and laughed a little.

“The girls are pretty friendly.” Well, aside from MicMic, because that girlie low-key hates Jasver’s girl best friend.

“Iinom ka pa ba? Iuuwi na kita. Nakakailan ka na,” si Jasver na kinuha ang atensyon ko.

Nilingon ko ang gazebo hanggang sa nakuha ng atensyon ko ang pool area dahil sa pagtayo ni MicMic na nakaupo lang sana sa lounger; ang red cup na hawak ay nabitiwan niya habang tawang-tawa ang girls, lalo na si Gabriella, Sadie at Angela.

“You freak?!” Mica mouthed and pointed at me ballistically.

“Sugurin mo, Mica! Kaladkarin mo rito tapos ilunod natin sa pool,” ang matinis na boses ni Sadie na umabot talaga rito.

“Sabi ko ’di ba?! Raya, kalkalin mo kung sino ’yung crush mong lalaki noon. Si Ron manunulot niyan! Ganyan ’yan sila eh. Huwag ka nang magtiwala kahit pa straight ’yang si Ron,” si Gabriella.

“Sabunutan mo nang tumuwid ang buhok niyan,” si Sheena.

“Pulling his hair isn’t enough. I need a gun!” Mica screamed.

I licked my lower lip, chuckling from the dramatic reaction of the girls, and looked at Jasver again, who just furrowed his brows.

“MicMic is gonna kill me,” sumbong ko.

“Isako mo, Jasver. Kasya ’yan sa likod ng kotse mo tapos pausukan natin. Tingnan natin ang kamalditahan niyan…” Ancent suggested.

Nakangising inilingan ni Jasver si Ancent. I bet they both hated each other. This girlie doesn’t like MicMic as well.

“Magpaalam muna tayo bago umuwi,” I suggested and held his elbow to get his attention.

Bumaba ang tingin ni Ancent sa kamay ko at napangisi sa amin. Jasver nodded at me and looked at his friend. Niyaya kong lumabas para sana maipakilala ko sa girls gano’n din sa boys kaso ayaw niya.

I brought Jasver to the pool area first. But then MicMic dramatically attacked me, which made me run a bit. Sinundan pa kami ng tingin ni Jasver habang kinakausap na siya nila Angela. Narinig ko pa ang hiyaw ng mga boys sa gazebo at chini-cheer pa yata si MicMic na saktan ako.

“How dare you?! ’Yung crush ko pa talaga noon?! And you didn’t tell me earlier?!” sigaw niya, hinubad na ang heels at ibinato sa akin.

“I bought those YSL heels, MicMic!” I reminded her and caught her heels.

Her dramatic expression dropped. Even her attacks calmed down a little. Nilapitan ko siya at inabot sa kanya ang heels niya.

“And it’s almost your birthday. I’ll buy you a whole box of YSL make-up, I swear!” I smiled encouragingly and lifted my left hand to show to her I meant it.

“Anong tingin mo sa akin, madadaan sa suhol?!” she groaned out of frustration and then reached for my ear. I am wearing a small hoop earring for fuck’s sake!

“Siblings by blood my ass! Ica-crash-out ko na ang pangalan mo sa diary book ko! Starting today, hindi na tayo twins! Kinakahiya na kita!” What the hell, bruh?

“MicMic, my ear!” I shouted and flinched while crouching just to stop her from putting too much pressure on my ear. “Aw!” This missy will deadass kill me.

Tumakbo tuloy ako ulit papunta kay Jasver na kinakausap ng girls pero pinanood lang kami ni MicMic at nagtago sa likod niya. Parang nasaniban si MicMic ng sampong demonyo at galit na galit.

“Anong nangyari?” tanong ni Jasver nang hawakan ko ang tainga ko at medyo nasaktan.

“Tingin nga?” Sinilip niya ang tainga ko at seryosong tiningnan iyon. He examined it carefully while the girls were staring at us.

“She almost pulled my earring. Ganyan talaga ’yan pag galit…” I laughed while he was caressing my hoop earring.

Mica calmed down when Jasver glanced at her in a serious way. She suddenly looks tamed, like a demon who got its angel wings. She cleared her throat and frowned at me.

“I thought you two hate each other…” She put her hands on the side of her waist.

Hindi siya halos pinansin ni Jasver dahil laging nakukuha ang atensyon niya sa tainga ko, titingnan ulit, at hahaplusin para lang siguraduhing namumula lang talaga at hindi dumugo.

“May gayuma talaga ang boys. Kahit ngayon nga, palaisipan pa rin sa akin bakit nahulog si Denver kay Rick. O kaya si Shiloh kay Brent. Tapos si Rade kay Mavric… Hindi ba sila aware na ang dudugyot ng boys sa circle natin?” si Sadie na harap-harapan talagang naninira oh.

“Long story short, we fell for each other…” I grinned at them.

“Nagyayabang pa Mica oh! Hahawakan na ba namin? Kumakapal lalo ang mukha!” Patricia cheered.

Mica leered at me and attempted to step toward me. “You thick-faced asshole! And you have the nerve to tell me I had low standards for having a crush on him in the past? How dare you?”

Jasver put his arm around me. Napaatras tuloy ulit si MicMic, hindi na ako kayang lapitan. She even frowned more.

“Kumbinsihin niyo nga ’yung kaibigan ni Jasver na makiparty sa atin. Nandoon sa kotse. Puntahan niyo,” utos ko para makawala na kami sa girls at hinila ko na si Jasver papunta sa gazebo.

Some of those invited were cluelessly ogling at us, and some were whispering out of curiosity.

Dinala ko na agad si Jasver sa gazebo para makapagpaalam sa boys na uuwi na rin ako. Saktong nakabalik na sila Rade at Mavric, si Rade na tumigil pa at nag-usap agad sila ni Jasver.

“Sinundo ko. Baka magmaneho habang lasing,” aniya kay Rade at tiningnan ako na ikinatawa ni Mavric sa akin.

“Asher’s inside with the others,” Rade said.

“Friends niyo, bro? Namention nga rin ni Jasver kanina sa text. ’Yun ba ’yung kasama mo?” I said in a friendly tone, trying to converse with him.

“Kahit umagahin, hindi ka naman nalalasing. Ngayon na ilang shots lang, may sundo na agad…” asar ni Mavric sa akin kaya napunta tuloy sa kanya ang atensyon ko.

“Pinigilan ko nga uminom, bro,” si Ron na nakatingin kay Jasver sa maamong paraan nang pumasok kami sa gazebo. “Nakakailang baso na siya pero ayaw magpaawat…”

Con’s lips parted in shock. “Sila?” bulong niya nang tingnan si Shiloh.

There was a tension in the way Jasver looked at the boys. The first one who offered his hand was Brent. Tinanggap ni Jasver, hanggang sunod-sunod na, kahit si Con na lito pa ang tingin sa akin ay kinamayan na rin siya.

“Paano naging kayo no’n?” Con asked on the next days, especially on the first day of school. He still couldn’t believe it. “Akala ko biru-biruan lang ’yung sa poser account…”

Just like the girls who couldn’t believe it, Con seems lost as well. Of course, who would believe he’s now my boyfriend, right? Kasi tama naman ang mga girls, iba ang away namin ni Jasver noon.

“Para akong nagising sa bangungot na panaginip sa sobra ko ring gulat noon na naglalandian sila,” natatawa pang sabi ni Ron.

At kahit nga si MicMic, ilang araw na lang ang lumipas after that party, hindi pa rin makapaniwala. Ayaw pa rin maniwala.

“Ginayuma mo siya! He hates you! That’s not possible! If you hate someone, you hate them! Paano mo biglang magugustuhan eh hate nga! Unless you made him drink a potion to fall in love with you!” Iyon ang mga inaakusa niya sa akin.

“It’s possible, MicMic. It actually happens….”

“Para mo na ring sinabing maf-fall ako sa girl bestfriend ni Kael! Because I hate that girlie so much! And hinding hindi mangyayari na maf-fall ako sa mga taong ayaw ko,” she reasoned.

“Believe me, ganyan din ako a year ago…” I chuckled, which made her turn ballistic again.

Ewan ko kung galit ba siya dahil si Jasver na crush niya ang naging boyfriend ko, o dahil lang ayaw niya sa girl best friend ni Jasver kaya kumukulo ang dugo niya.

Later on, she calmed down and asked how Jasver and I ended up as lovers. Kunwari lang talaga ’yang galit-galitan para mabilhan ko ng mga hilig niya kahit ang totoo, wala na siyang pakialam doon. But she’s really shocked about it, and I can feel her low-key support. Nag-aagaw lang talaga ang irita niya kay Ancent.

I cannot believe her beef with Ancent a year ago still exists. Sabi nga ni Jasver, pagbatiin na lang daw namin ang dalawa. Isama namin sa dates namin hanggang sa magkasundo.

Ang dami ko ring nalaman kahit ’yung kay Rosie na akala ko, babae niya. Hindi naman pala. I’m quite surprised, but then I’m slowly convincing myself I’m oblivious. Or it was because I really don’t overthink things. Bakit ko nga naman pag-iisipan ng masama o kung ano-ano ang nasa paligid ko, right?

“Tapos ma-in love si Ancent kay MicMic, ’no? Knowing she’s bi and she likes girls…” I joked and laughed about while we were on our way to pick up his sister Kittie.

“Ayaw rin ni Ancent do’n. Iba raw ang kaartehan. Madalas ang tipo no’n, katulad ni Tessa. Simple lang, hindi maarte.”

“Ganyan ka rin noon eh. Ayaw raw pero ngayon…” I teased and smirked.

Isang sulyap sa akin, angat ng kilay, saka niya swabeng dinala ang tingin niya sa harap.

“Pero ngayon, sarap na sarap na sa’yo?” dugtong niya sa seryosong paraan kaya humalakhak ako, lumapit ng kaunti, at hinalikan siya sa leeg.

He tilted his head a bit, slowed down, and ruffled my hair. Saktong malapit ang noo ko sa kanya kaya pinatakan niya ng halik.

“Clingy talaga. Pag tayo nabangga…” marahan niyang sabi kahit nakahawak na agad ang isang kamay niya sa panga ko.

I slightly scraped my teeth on the skin of his neck. He grunted, but I could feel the smile lingering on his lips despite his thick, furrowed brows.

“Sinusulit ko lang kasi mamaya, may magdadamot na naman sa’yo. Selosa ang kapatid mo eh. Hanggang ngayon, ayaw pa rin sa akin.” I chuckled and pulled away.

“Lalambot din ’yan. Pangit kasi ng tingin niya sa’yo,” he said calmly and rested his right hand on my left leg. “Noong katawagan kita, nagtataka siya bakit hindi ka raw naka-open cam. Lagi niyang sinasabi baka raw poser ka. O baka raw lalaki. Kaya noong nalaman niyang galit ako sa’yo, galit din siya sa’yo. Napatawad na kita, pero ’yan, mukhang hindi pa rin.”

Maybe Jasver didn’t punish me enough in Kittie’s eyes; that’s why she’s giving me a hard time right now. Kaya pag sinusundo namin, umaalis ako lagi sa front seat at hinahayaan siyang doon umupo. Binibilhan din namin ng pagkain muna, pero madalas, ayaw niyang kainin kung hindi sasabihin ni Jasver na pera niya ang pinambili at hindi galing sa bulsa ko.

“By the way, Kittie… I have a Roblox account. You might want to play with me?” I bragged and showed my iPad while I was in the back seat of their car, and she’s now occupying the front seat.

“Go to the settings, then delete your account,” she replied coldly.

Si Jasver, tumingin sa itaas ng salamin para tingnan ang reaksyon ko. Natatawa ako pero pinakita ko pa rin sa kanya ang iPad ko.

“What’s your Roblox? I’ll add you.” I handed it over, my head tilted a bit to see her reaction.

She gave me a quick side-eye, brows furrowed and expression laced with annoyance. “I don’t play Roblox anymore. Too childish.”

This kid is a liar. Paanong hindi ko alam eh ganitong ganito rin si Jasver noon lalo na pag galit. Kahit ang kapatid niya, tiningnan siya.

“Nagroblox ka kagabi ah?” At nilaglag pa nga ng Kuya niya.

“I already deleted the app. Besides, Kuya Shiloh is too busy right now,” she answered calmly.

“I’m not too busy. We can play,” sabi ko at nakitang umirap ulit siya sabay tingin sa labas ng bintana.

“Next time, Kuya, I’ll just commute,” she blurted out bitterly, which made me purse my lips. Kung nandito lang si Milo, pinakalmot ko na ’to. Maldita.

But then I don’t wanna lose hope. I have a lifetime left to get her trust again. Kung ’yung kuya niya ngang matigas noon napalambot ko, siya pa kaya na mana lang din sa kuya niya?

Kung noon, sa circle lang umiikot ang mundo ko, sa mga girls na nakakalandian ko minsan, ngayon, madalas na kami ni Jasver ang magkasama. And my friends don’t really mind. They were slowly getting used to his presence, lalo na’t minsan, pinupuntahan ako sa school pag may kailangan ako at siya ang naghahatid.

Love:

Halik na naman? Halos mamaga na nga ang labi kagabi kakahalik, ngayon gusto mo ulit?

Reply niya sa text ko nang sinabi kong bigyan niya rin ako ng halik pag ihahatid niya ang naiwan kong water bottle sa kuwarto niya. I cannot get enough, alright? I’m always tempted to kiss him when I have the chance to do it.

Tyler:

Selfish. You don’t love me anymore :(

Love:

Sige mamaya. 1 hour french kiss :*

I caressed the screen of my phone while grinning. Nahuli ko pa si Mavric sa akin, nakatingin at naiiling na ngumiti.

“Ganyang ngiti rin ’yung kinakausap mo pa lang siya sa poser account ni Verena eh,” si Mavric na naiiling.

“Kaya natuluyan ang gago eh. Kunwari pang na-click…” Iling ni Rick na mukhang hindi pa rin nakakalimutan ang nakita niya sa Safari ko.

“Advance study lang daw, Rick, para pag napasabak sa nursing, pumasa,” si Ron kaya tatlo kami nila Mav na tawang-tawa.

Si Con na papasubo pa lang sana, binaba ang kutsara. “Pang stalk ko pa naman ’yung account na ’yon pag bina-block ako ni Serene…”

“Paano na lang kaya kung hindi naisipan ni Con na gumawa ng account?” si Ron na napaisip.

“Edi hindi sana natutulala mag-isa si Tyler at napapangiti bigla,” si Mav na ikinahalakhak ko. Gago.

Natigil lang talaga ang asaran nang dumating si Jasver at binigay sa’kin ang water bottle ko.

“Thanks, love. You owe me a one-hour french kiss later,” I said in front of everyone.

My friends stifled their smiles. Si Ron payuko-yuko pa, kunwari seryoso kahit alam kong natatawa ang hayop na ’to. Si Mav, kunwari tumingin sa malayo at nasa langit ang atensyon. The only ones who looked serious were Brent and Rick.

Jasver nodded seriously. “Huwag mong kalimutang uminom ng tubig. Ayokong makipaghalikan sa dry lips mamaya.”

My grin turned wide. The boys couldn’t help but make a loud cheer from it. Jasver turned his back and left like he didn’t drop a bomb, which caused the loud noise of my friends. Pumaibabaw pa ang mura ni Rick.

“Hayop na buhay ’to. Hindi ako gumising nang maaga para marinig ’yang kakornihan niyo,” si Rick na padabog pang tinapon ang wallet sa table.

“Inom ka rin ng tubig, Mav, baka mag dry ang lips mo at hindi ka halikan ni Rade…” asar ni Ron.

“Kahit walong basong tubig pa ang inumin ko araw-araw, makita ko lang ’yon, uhaw na agad ako,” he bragged which made us laugh. Yabang din eh.

It was always like that. Either they would only listen to our conversation to hype us up, or they would only nod at Jasver. Sometimes they would give him a dab too.

The tension between them was slowly subsiding, and I could feel how my circles were making a step to get to know him too.

“Nagbabasketball ka pa rin, bro?” Ron asked when I brought Jasver again to join us at Con’s place.

“Hindi na masyado. Busy sa night shift,” si Jasver na seryosong tiningnan ng mga boys.

“During your free time? We have an open play—just a scrimmage as usual. Maybe you might want to play with us,” si Brent.

“Kasali si Rade. Sali ka rin,” si Rick na tunog nanghahamon dahil sa maangas na boses.

“Linawin mo, Rick. Baka isipin niya hinahamon mo ng suntukan,” sabi ko kaya natawa kami, si Jasver, salubong pa rin ang kilay sa tabi ko.

“Sinuntok mo pa naman siya noon. Magsorry ka raw, Rick…” asar ni Mav.

“Naka-buzzcut pa siya no’n. Parang pasensya niya rin, maiksi,” sabi ko at sumandal sa gitna ni Jasver lalo na’t nakaparte ang mga hita niya, at ang ulo ko, nakahiga na rin sa balikat niya.

“Oo nga. Laki-laki mong tao tapos basagulero. Kaya napagsasabihang masasamang tao ang mga kalbo dahil diyan sa ugali mo eh…” si Ron na ikinahalakhak namin. Lumipad pa ang susi ng kotse ni Rick dahil binato niya kay Ron na nasalo niya agad.

“Hayop kayo. Akala mo talaga walang ambag sa away eh kayo nga ang pasimuno. Nakikiawat lang ako,” si Rick na isa-isa kaming tiningnan.

Jasver couldn’t help but slightly chuckle about the topic as he wrapped his arm around my chest. Wow. For the first time, we made him laugh. This is actually one of the reasons why I want him to blend in with my circles. Gusto kong maging komportable siya sa kanila, gano’n din ang friends ko sa kanya.

“Pero ’yung dump account ni Verena, Kael, si Con talaga ang pasimuno no’n. Nadamay lang kami,” si Ron at nagmamalinis na agad.

Binato siya ni Con ng soft pillow. Natatawa iyong sinalo ni Ron.

“Ginawa ko lang naman ang dump account na ’yon para kay Brent,” Con reasoned, which made us look at Brent.

“Kasalanan talaga ni Brent, love. We just participated because we want to prank him on that dummy account of Verena,” sabi ko at tiningala siya lalo na’t nakahiga pa rin ako sa balikat niya.

Jasver then looked at Brent, who brought his eyes to Jasver and arched his brow after smiling from his phone. Wala kasi rito si Shiloh, nando’n sa girls. Hiniram na naman nila kaya hindi tuloy mabitaw-bitawan ni Brent ang phone niya.

“Nursing, right? What year?” si Brent na seryosong nagtanong kaya kumalma tuloy ang tawanan.

“Last year ko na…”

“Oh? After niyan, may plano ka bang sumabak sa Med school?” tanong ni Ron na nagseryoso na rin.

“Depende. Masyado nang mahal eh. Pero kung may budget, gusto ko.”

My friends slowly nodded. It’s quite new to us to hear such a thing. Masyadong mahal…

“May business na ’to eh,” I bragged. “Nirerentahan ko ’yung lupain nila sa Siargao. Ongoing na ’yung construction. Kilalang kilala rin kasi siya sa Siargao kaya madali na lang makahakot ng customers. Doon kami nakatutok ngayon.”

“Ayan na ba ’yung family business na sinasabi mo?” Mavric chuckled meaningfully.

Tumawa rin ako. Si Frederich na ang bahala ro’n sa site. Pero tuwing summer, balak naming dalawa ni Jasver na magtrabaho ulit kay Dad para maka-bond ko rin paminsan-minsan sila Julius.

At kung kailan kalmado na si Mr. Lim, si Dad, mas naging problemado pa. Mga seloso nga naman…

“Ingat ka diyan sa boyfriend mo, bro. Scammer ’yan,” banta ni Ron kaya humalakhak ulit kami.

Naungkat pa tuloy ang baho ko sa circle namin. But Jasver seems to enjoy listening to my friends’ rant. Natatawa siya minsan at pasimple pang ibabaon ang labi sa ulo ko kaya ramdam ko ang halakhak niya.

I’m happy he is now included in our plans. May balak kaming magkakaibigan mag-Japan. Nainggit kasi kami sa pinaggagawa ni Brent at Shiloh noong silang dalawa ang nag-Japan kaya nagplano na rin na kaming lahat naman. Plano ko ring isama si Kittie dahil hindi siya nakasama noong nag-Miami kami.

Parked outside the hospital building, I went out of my car when I saw him together with his block mates.

It became my daily routine to fetch him. May mga araw na sa condo ko siya inuuwi, pero may mga araw rin na sa kanila kami umuuwi.

“Mauna na ako. Nandiyan na ang sundo,” paalam niya.

“Pagod na nga sa night shift, wala pang sundo na naka BMW at 6 plus footer,” rinig ko ang iilang reklamo ng kaibigan niya.

Tiningnan tuloy ako ng mga blockmates niya, sunod ang kotse ko. They look intimidated, which is why I waved my hands at them and smiled. Doon din sila nagngitian at kumaway pabalik na kahit si Jasver na naglalakad na papalapit sa akin, nilingon niya pa sila.

“Kaya pag sinusundo mo ako, ang daming nakabaang para makita ka sa labas. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako na kalat dito na boyfriend kita, o maiirita dahil pinagpipyestahan ka lagi…” At ang paulit-ulit niyang reklamo kaya minsan, ayaw niyang sinusundo ko siya.

But then I don’t really care. I’m here to fetch my boyfriend. That’s it.

“Ikaw lang ba? Pakiramdam ko nga ’yung ibang girls na nag-aabang pag susunduin kita, sinisigurado lang na tayo pa rin para alam nila kung kailan ka na single ulit. They probably want to shoot their shot…” I said and ruffled his hair.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, hinuli iyon. Pinatakan niya iyon ng halik at bumuntong-hininga.

“Sakit ng katawan ko,” reklamo niya agad nang makalapit. “Nakakaawa rin ’yung pasyente kanina…”

“Tell me about it while I’m driving. Let’s just head to my condo, then I’ll cook for you…” And of course, his chamomile tea…

Pikit-mata siyang sumandal sa passenger seat nang makapasok kami sa kotse ko, ramdam ko ang pagod niya. Ako pa ang humila ng seatbelt niya hanggang sa dumilat siya at bumangon. He rested his head on my shoulder and sighed heavily.

“You’re tired, hmm?” I whispered and kissed the side of his head.

He sighed heavily. “Sobra. Nakakapagod, tang ina… Mapapakwestyon ka talaga lagi kung ba’t itong kurso na ’to ang naisipan mo. Pero wala eh, sa huli, babangon ka pa rin para lumaban ulit,” reklamo niya sa namamaos na boses.

“In the future, I know you will save so many lives, but right now, surviving is already evidence that you once saved yourself too. So be proud of your hard-work today…” I reminded gently.

Ramdam ko ang pagngiti niya lalo na’t ang nakadiin niyang labi, bahagyang gumalaw. I crawled my hand around his waist and scratched his back softly.

“Alam na alam talaga kung paano tatanggalin ang pagod ko…” he murmured and chuckled a little as the vibration of his hot breath kissed my skin.

“Tanggalin ko pa lalo, hmm?”

Humalakhak siya, nakangising itinagilid ang mukha, ang isang kamay ay nakahawak na sa leeg ko, at hinagod ng halik ang labi ko.

“Tanggalin mo nga,” he taunted back while kissing me lightly, his cognac brown eyes slightly peeking through his half-lidded eyes.

“Kasama rin ba ang damit?” biro ko at marahang tumawa sa labi niya.

His thumb slightly caressed my throat. I flickered my tongue on his and kissed him deeply. Nasa labi niya pa ang ngisi, gano’n din ako, pero palaban ko siyang hinalikan, hindi dahil may gusto akong patunayan, kundi dahil gusto ko ang pakiramdam na malaya ko siyang nahahalikan ng ganito.

Kaya gustong gusto ko siyang sinusundo eh. Bukod sa kaya kong tanggalin agad ang pagod niya, ganito rin ang salubong niya—sabik at laging nangungulila sa labi ko.

Oh, what a privilege to kiss Mikael Jasver, and what a flex to be kissed back by him.

Chapter 50

This is the last chapter. Thank you for being patient, irys! See you in the epilogue! Happy reading! —

Papers

“He doesn’t know how to cook. You’re the one who’s always cooking for him,” rinig ko ang bulong ni Kittie sa kapatid niya.

We decided to go home to Cavite. Isang linggo na rin kasi siya sa condo ko kaya naisipan naming dito naman sa bahay nila dumiretso pagkatapos ko siyang sunduin sa duty niya. Kittie, who found out we’re going home at midnight, decided to wait for us, or for his Kuya.

And now, she’s here in the kitchen with us, scowling in her pink pajamas, elbows resting on the table; on the side was her iPad, while her long jet-black hair was down, and her cognac eyes, like her Kuya’s, are now criticizing my cooking to the core.

“I know, Kittie. Those were the days I was having a hard time figuring out how to adjust here in the Philippines. But I already know how because I’m practicing to cook your Kuya’s favorite meals too,” mahinahong paliwanag ko.

Ako ang nagluluto para sa amin pag pagod na si Jasver. Kahit gusto niyang siya ang nagluluto lagi, gusto ko namang ako minsan para hindi mukhang kinakawawa siya sa relasyong ’to.

“And what are his favorite meals?” she asked critically, crossing her arms.

Tiningnan ni Jasver ang niluluto ko. Pinapaupo ko nga kasi pagod, pero hindi talaga mapirmi.

“Shrimp in coconut milk…bicol express, and bitter melon with lots of eggs…” I bragged.

“Bitter melon?” Kittie furrowed her brows.

“Uh, what’s that in Tagalog again, love?” I looked at Jasver, who’s now flipping the steak to the other side.

“Ampalaya,” he corrected.

“Oh yeah, ampalaya.” I grinned at Kittie. “With his salted shrimp paste specialty.”

“With bagoong,” si Kittie na sumabay pa ang boses sa akin kaya mas nagkasalubong ang kilay niya. “It’s called bagoong,” she corrected.

“Yup. That’s what I said. The salted shrimp paste…” I nodded at her.

“Nagtatalo pa kayong dalawa eh parehas lang din naman kayong hindi kumakain niyan,” singit ni Jasver, pero ang kapatid niya, walang balak tumigil kakatanong sa akin.

“How about his favorite dessert?” And this kid is trying to trick me, huh. Her brother doesn’t really like sweets…

“Hmm, nothing. He only likes fruits—

“What fruit?” she added critically.

“Watermelon, pineapple, and mango, especially the green ones,” I answered confidently.

Napapatingin na sa amin si Jasver. I smiled with satisfaction. I know where Kittie is coming from, and I can assure her that her brother is in a relationship with someone who memorized not just his flaws but also his favorites. Kahit pa siguro bigyan niya ako ngayon ng test paper at fill in the blanks lahat, I can answer it correctly, with an added side comment to justify my answer.

“Wala talagang araw na hindi kayo magdedebate pag nilagay kayo sa isang lugar,” si Jasver na pinatay ang stove, kinuha ang wooden chopping board, at doon nilagay ang steak. I watched him pour down the remaining sauce while its smell scattered all over their kitchen area.

“You love grapes, right? Your brother mentioned it, especially strawberries dipped in chocolate. Sila Shiloh, may farm sila. Next time, we can visit it, then let’s harvest strawberries…” nangingiti kong sabi, palingon lingon kay Kittie na ibinuka na ang bibig kanina para makipagtalo ulit, pero siguro nang marinig na alam ko rin ang paborito niya, natahimik.

Kumuha si Jasver ng tissue at nilinisan ang stove, pati ang ginamit na pan, nilagay niya sa sink para hugasan agad. I opened the drawer and took out a knife to slice the steak. Si Kittie, salubong pa rin ang itim na makapal na kilay at nagsusungit ang mukha.

“Tingnan mo ang hinihiwa mo. Baka masugatan ka,” sita ni Jasver at tumayo na sa likod ko, ang isang kamay, nakahawak na rin sa kutsilyong hawak ko para alalayan ako. Kahit si Kittie, pinanood ang pag-alalay ni Jasver sa akin.

I took a small slice of steak using my hand and fed it to him. His tongue licked the juice on my fingers, and he nodded at me.

“Hmm, masarap ’yung timpla. Pwede na mag-asawa,” he commented, which made me laugh.

“Pasok na bang ibahay?” Ngiti ko, kumuha ng tinidor, tinusok ang isang piraso, at binigay kay Kittie. Si Jasver, tiningnan pa ang kapatid na tinitigan muna ang binigay ko, kaya binawi ko agad at hinipan na ikinatawa ni Jasver.

“Sa akin hindi mo hinipan,” he pointed out while smiling.

“Akin na, hihipan ko,” I said meaningfully and laughed. Nailing siyang napangisi, binasa ang labi, at lumapit para patakan ng halik ang labi ko.

“Mamaya ka…” he whispered against my lips.

“Ew,” we heard Kittie grunt. “You’re a nursing student, Kuya. You know that there’s a lot of bacteria in saliva—”

“Here, Kittie.” I handed the fork back to Kittie, who slowly reached for it. Lumaki ang ngiti ko. She looked away and furrowed her brows as she slowly bit it.

“Tastes bad,” she commented forcefully.

“Tastes bad, pero noong nakaraan, nagtanong pa ’yan kung kailan ka magluluto ulit ng steak dito sa bahay,” bulong ni Jasver sa akin sa kapatid niyang manang mana sa kanya ang ugali. Kaya nga kahit busy sa school, naghahanap talaga ako ng paraan na makauwi rito sa kanila dahil gusto ko ring masanay si Kittie sa akin.

Umaamo na ng konti si Kittie. Gusto ko tuloy pag-aralan ’yung paborito niyang comfort food na lasagna para pag nandito ako sa Cavite, magawan ko siya. Kahit si Kali, napapansin na rin na hindi na masyadong nagsusungit sa’kin ang kapatid niya.

“She’s really maldita. She’s a snob too. She’s just like Kuya kaya sometimes I feel like I am the black sheep of this family, eh,” si Kali.

Oo rin, Kali. Ang troublemaker mo. But then I am not in the position to shove things and act like I’ve never been a troublemaker myself. She’s young, and she’s learning. Buntis pa naman ’to. Bawal din ma-stress.

One time, Kittie suddenly spoke to me randomly, and of course, I was shocked she approached me first. Hawak ko pa si Kaizer no’n, kinakausap ko sa pambatang boses nang bigla siyang lumapit dala ang iPad niya at tinatanong niya sa akin kung ano ang account ko sa Roblox.

“And one more thing, if you make my Kuya cry again, I’ll make sure you won’t step your feet into our house forever.”

“Alright, big girl…” I smiled at her, which made her glare at me.

“And I’ll unfriend you on Roblox too,” dagdag niya bago tumalikod na ikinatawa ko at nangingiting tiningnan si Kaizer.

“Sungit si ate ’no? Buti pa si Kaizer, painom-inom lang ng gatas tapos iiyak gabi-gabi…” I uttered childishly while Kaizer was looking at me, his little hand gripping my pointing finger.

Kahit naman nagbabanta si Kittie, para sa akin, kalahati no’n ay tanggap niya nang ako ang boyfriend ng kapatid niya, o nagsisimula na siyang magpatawad. Alam kong hindi siya makakalimot sa mga mali ko noon, because I regretted why I hurt his brother too. But if there is something she doesn’t need to be worried about, it’s the fact that I would never hurt his brother again.

Para kaming walang permanent address ni Jasver, to be honest. Kung hindi kasi sa condo ko o dito sa Cavite uuwi, sa Forbes Park naman para mabisi-bisita ko rin ang parents ko na paminsan-minsan lang may free time. ’Yang free time pa na ’yan, usapang selosan lang din ni Dad sa kliyente niyang si Lim.

“Your mom’s meeting up with Lim tomorrow. I said I’ll join the meeting. Of course, I am the CEO; I should be there too.” Katulad na lang ngayon na pinauwi niya kami ni Mikael, akala ko kung ano na ang meron pero nahihirapan lang pala siyang mamili ng susuotin.

“Pero kung makapagbihis, akala mo date ang pupuntahan,” I blurted out and crossed my arms as I watched him try on tacky clothes.

“Can’t decide which one is better,” he said, ignoring my opinion while looking at himself in front of the full-length wide mirror. “Gusto ko sana ’to kaso baka mukha akong businessman na nalugi sa sobrang sikip niya.”

“Dad, you look like a giraffe in that shirt. Change to a white v-neck t-shirt, then pair it with a navy blue coat,” I suggested when his choice of clothes made me cringe a bit.

“Talaga? Hindi ’to bagay sa’kin?” kumbinsi niya at abala pa ring tingnan ang sarili sa salamin.

“For casual, but you’re gonna represent yourself there as the CEO, so intimidate Lim through your presence. Para naman ma-impress siya na hindi basta-basta tingnan ang asawa ni Charlotta.”

He nodded right then and took the turtleneck off him. “Ang dalas na ni Lim sa Site. Noon, hindi naman ’yan pumupunta, ngayon na Mom mo ang nagche-check minsan, pumupunta siya,” he blurted out bitterly.

Man, I’m glad the company is slowly rising from its million project loss. And instead of being thankful that he is now slowly building the collapsed building and his tainted image from the public is now restored, here’s my dad, blurting out his secret animosity on his big client who’s rumored to have a crush on his wife.

“Baka happy crush niya lang siguro si Mom, Dad. Kasi tingnan mo nga, sa maalikabok na site, makikita niya si Mommy do’n, fresh na fresh tingnan. Sinong hindi matutuwa, ’di ba…” I commented and looked at their wedding picture framed in a glamorous way because of its huge size.

My father’s expression soured. Topless pa na namaywang, akala mo handa na agad makipagwrestling dahil lang sa narinig.

“Matanda na siya. Kung gusto niyang humaba pa lalo ang buhay niya, umiwas siya sa happy crush na ’yan o isa siya sa ipapa-semento ko sa site.”

“Dad, seriously… I’m cringing out.” I grunted out of shame. Ibang hiya talaga pag naririnig mo kung gaano ka-corny ang parents mo.

“Charlotta Lim. Ang pangit pakinggan. Charlotta Cervando—”

“Pangit pa rin pakinggan, Dad…” putol ko at humalakhak, ayaw niya talagang magpaawat. “Teresse Charlotta Alderidge is way better…”

My father looks at me seriously—his furrowed brows tell me he’s really overthinking something.

“Can he even match my woman’s freak? Can he put a piercing on his dick to match my woman’s Christina piercing—”

“What the hell, bruh?! Don’t give me nightmares!” I cut him off desperately and walked out. “Just wear what I told you to wear, Dad.” He’s always stressing himself out when it comes to his woman, seriously…

Bumaba ako lalo na’t nagdesisyon si Jasver na doon ako hintayin. Nasa hagdan pa lang ako, nakita ko na siya sa ibaba, nakatayo at tinitingnan ang malaking frame ng pamilya namin.

I smiled when I remembered the first time I saw him here. Nakatayo rin siya no’n, nakatitig sa family picture namin. I jogged downstairs and walked toward him. Isang haplos sa baywang niya, tumigil sa kanyang likuran at hinalikan siya sa gilid ng ulo, doon ko siya nadisturbo at kalmadong lumingon sa akin.

“Anong problema ng dad mo?” he asked worriedly.

“Oh, it’s not that deep. He’s having a hard time choosing what to wear.” I chuckled and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Talagang mas problemado pa ang Papa mo diyan ’no, kaysa iyong kamuntik na ma-bankrupt ang kompanya niya?”

Exactly. Siguro rin hindi naman talaga takot si Dad na maghirap dahil doon siya galing; ang sinigurado niya lang na mapopondohan pa rin ng kompanya ang pagpapasahod, walang matatanggal sa trabaho maliban doon sa corrupt, at walang namatay sa pag-collapse ng building. Kahit kamuntik na siyang malugi, malaking pera ang nawala, mas problemado pa siya noong nalaman niyang may mga nasaktan.

“Well, he’s worried Mr. Lim will look hotter than the original husband who just inserted himself in their meeting.”

Natawa siya at muling ibinalik ang atensyon sa malaking frame. I looked at it too. My mother is sitting on the red baroque chair wearing a black satin dress with a slit on the side; her legs are crossed. On her left side was my dad, who’s resting his hand on the upper head of the chair wearing a black tuxedo, and I was on the right side in a tuxedo as well with a bow tie on my neck. My curls were almost touching my shoulder, and I looked so snobbish because I wasn’t smiling at all, like my mother. Si Dad lang ang mukhang kalmado kahit seryoso rin sa camera. The gray background added to the dimness of the place, making us look like we’re part of some sort of royal family.

“Ang layo-layo ng aura mo sa mga childhood pictures ko. Kung hindi stolen pictures ko na naglalaro ng tumbang preso sa labas ng bahay at suot ko pa ’yung dalawa kong tsinelas sa bawat siko ko, amoy araw naman tingnan kasama ang mga kalaro ko…” he pointed out and chuckled a little.

Now that he mentioned it…I noticed he’s far different from his childhood, or he has the most intimidating aura now compared to the softness of his parents.

“I wanna see your childhood pictures too,” bulong ko sa leeg niya.

“Bata pa raw ako, maligalig na raw ako sabi ni Mama at Papa. Pero noong nasundan, naging tahimik na at seryoso. Nagpapaka-Kuya na raw…” kuwento niya habang nangingiti akong nakikinig, titig na titig sa kanya.

“Wow. We’re opposite. My mom said I was a snobby kid. I rarely smiled. But growing up in the States, I slowly adapted some of my friends’ fun, and I became extroverted too.”

“Baliktad nga tayo… Ako ang makulit noong bata ako, pero dahil nasundan din agad, ayon, halos taong-bahay na lang dahil abala nang bantayan ang batang kapatid,” he chuckled softly.

I sighed and tightened my hug. “And now, someone’s willing to look out for you too. I will make sure you are babied too…”

Humalakhak siya, nangingiting nilingon ako. Akala ko may sasabihin, pero binasa niya lang ang labi at nailing.

“Imagine it, you’re not just loved by me, you’re also spoiled and babied. It must be nice being my boyfriend, huh…” I whispered and bit his earlobe playfully.

He closed his left eye, but the smile on his lips lingered. “Ikaw rin naman, ah? Alagang alaga ka na nga, busog ka pa sa pagmamahal. Mas binibaby pa nga kita kaysa kay Kian.”

Alagang alaga nga, ako ba naman ang pinagpapraktisan niyang pasyente niya. Ang sakit-sakit pa ng skin test minsan pero hindi ako makareklamo kasi ayaw ko rin namang bumagsak ang future nurse ko.

Our lives have been calm lately, including our families’ problems. His parents were now able to pay their debts, and Jasver no longer needed to sacrifice his education just to give way for his other siblings. Kali’s doing great on her online classes, and we would sometimes dine out when she’s craving steak or pasta.

If there is one thing I cannot let go, it’s the fact that those who corrupted our project got away so easily and are probably living their lives outside the country.

It’s disheartening to see that the upper class can easily get away with their crimes, while the poor ones are immediately locked up and heavily punished.

Natanggalan nga ng lisensya at naalis sa pwesto, may kasong haharapin pagbalik sa Pilipinas, pero ang ninakaw—ang ibinulsa, hindi na maibabalik.

“Sa Siquijor?” ulit ni Jasver nang banggitin ko ang plano ng circle ko sa month ng September. We are now heading to the parking lot of the school, and most students are looking at us curiously because my arm was around his shoulder and my hand was resting on his chest.

It was Rick who insisted on the trip because he told us Denver loves to visit the beach. Kaya ang naging plano ng lahat, doon na rin kasama ang partners namin. The Japan trip is around December, with the kids. This trip is only intended for us to get to know our friends’ partners and let them bond with us.

“Yup. Sabi kasi ni Rick, parang malas daw si Denver sa pagpaplano pagdating sa dagat. Hindi lagi natutuloy kaya siya ngayon ang nagpaplano. Remember last week? When you were also with us…”

Last week ’yon na biglaang plano noong dinala ni Rick si Denver. Tinukso pa namin ni Ron dahil nagyakapan ang dalawa at nasa bahay kami nila Angela.

“Patingin nga,” naalala ko ang panggagaya ni Ron sa boses ni Denver, pasimple ring inabot ang phone ko.

“Huwag na, mahal…” panggagaya ko rin sa boses ni Rick sa mahinhing paraan at pabirong niyakap si Ron sa likod.

The girls laughed out loud. Si Denver, natawa na lang din sa kalokohan namin. Rade was on the lounger, and beside him was none other than Jasver, who’s calmly watching me and Ron. Kita ko pa na nilingon siya ni Rade, may sinabi, saka sila nag-usap habang hindi naaalis ang tingin ni Jasver sa akin.

“Hayop kayong dalawa!” sigaw ni Rick, balik angas agad kahit nakayakap pa rin kay Denver sa likuran. “Kaya ayokong dalhin dito dahil ang kukupal niyo eh.”

“Kiss nga kung totoong mahal talaga?” hamon ko kay Rick kaya kahit ang girls na nasa pool, naliligo, natatawa sa akin at pinapanood na namin ang magkasalubong na kilay ni Rick.

“’Yung may tunog, ah?” dagdag ni Ron kaya nag-apir agad kaming dalawa habang naghahanap na ng kung ano ang tingin ni Rick; handa na yata kaming tapunan ng kung ano mang makikita niya.

“Kiss daw…” Denver joined the teasing and glanced at Rick, who was still hugging him from the back.

“At sa harap ko talaga, huh?! Sa mismong bahay ko pa?!” Angela shouted.

“Ikulong mo sa banyo, Angela,” si Gabriella.

Ilang minuto kaming nagtatawanan, inaasar ang dalawa. When Rick glanced at Denver, we started shouting dramatically. Kaya ang dalawa, nang magkatinginan, nahihiyang humalakhak.

“Tang ina talaga… Uwi na nga tayo,” natatawang baon ni Rick ng mukha niya sa leeg ni Denver.

“Binata na talaga ang bulldog na ’yan! Marunong na lumandi,” asar ni Sadie kaya iritadong bumangon ang ulo ni Rick para lang samaan ito ng tingin.

“Wala ’to. Kinakahiya ka yata sa amin, Denver,” iling ni Mavric, nasa lounger din at malawak ang ngisi.

“Anong kinakahiya?!” palaban na sabi ni Rick at muling tiningnan si Denver sabay hawak sa baba nito. “Tingin sa akin, mahal. Minamaliit ako ng mga ’to. Papakitaan ko…”

All of us boys cheered loudly while the girls screamed hysterically except for Jasver and Rade, who calmly watched. Tumawa si Denver, naiiling na binasa ang labi at lumingon kay Rick. When Rick tilted his head and planted a soft kiss on Denver’s lips, we ballistically shouted.

“Ayoko na, Lord! Kidlatan mo nga ang mga bading na ’to!” sigaw ni Raya.

Nagtatalon talon kami ni Ron, nagyayakapan sa saya at tawang-tawa sa ginawa ni Rick. When Rick attempted to pick up something while laughing, we immediately ran to the side of the pool, and I hid behind Jasver’s lounger.

“Pari na lang ang kulang, handa nang mag-I do…” biro ni Con na nasa gilid ng pool at doon nakaupo habang may hawak siyang Heineken beer.

“Hawakan mo nga sa tainga ’yang boyfriend mo, Kael. Kung hindi ko ’yan matatansya, masasapak ko ’yan,” birong banta ni Rick.

“Suntukan, suntukan…” Mavric cheered, which made Rade shake his head while smiling. And wow, Rade. For the first time, I’ve seen you smile, talagang ngayon pa na tinatapon ako ng boyfriend mong makipagsuntukan kay Rick?

Kinuha ni Jasver ang kamay ko at hinila lang ako papunta sa kanya kaya natatawa akong umalis sa likod ng lounger, umupo sa kandungan niya at humiga sa balikat niya. His arm wrapped around my chest, pinning me not to rise anymore.

“Kulit mo, ah…” he whispered and pressed his lips against the side of my head. “Kaya pala kasundo mo sa kalokohan si Ron, huh…”

“And Mav too. But he’s a bit tamed lately. Sabi nga ng girls, para kaming may iisang bituka. I can relate to them more than Con, Rick, and Brent, who’s quite the chill and serious one. But they also know how to join the bickering; sadyang kaming tatlo talaga ang nagkakasundo sa kahit anong biruan at kalokohan,” I yapped while his hand was busy cupping my jaw, staring at me deeply.

Natawa siya sa akin at tumango. “Sige… Si Mav rin…” marahan niyang sabi.

“Si Tyler naman ang asarin niyo eh ang lakas niyan mang-asar!” Biglang sigaw ni MicMic kaya napunta ang atensyon ng lahat sa kanya. At sa kanya pa talaga galing, huh?

“Sige nga, asarin niyo nga ako?” hamon ko sa kanila, nakangising tiningnan ang boys. Can they even roast me like how I roast them? Nah… I doubt it.

“Yabang…” Mavric chuckled, who’s just sitting next to our lounger. “Rinig na rinig pa naman namin sa loob ng yate ang tunog ng halik mo sa phone mo noong birthday mo. Si love ba ’yon? O iba?”

The boys immediately cheered and shouted, while the girls cringed from it while laughing. I only grinned and crossed my arms.

“Hayop ang cringe! Ka-lalaking tao hahalik-halik sa screen ng phone niya?!” sigaw pa ni Rick para lang sulsulan ang hirit ni Mav.

“Huwag ganyan! Huwag niyong asarin!” si Ron na umiling-iling pa. “Pag ’yan nagalit…” Then Ron looked at me. “Pero para kay Tyler, mas maganda pa rin si love magalit…”

Everyone burst out laughing. Napatayo pa si Mav sa pagkakaupo para lang makipag-apir kay Ron. Hinila lang siya ulit pabalik ni Rade sa kandungan niya kaya natatawang umupo ulit si Mav. Tiningala ko si Jasver para tingnan kung tumawa rin ba at naabutan kong napangisi na, pinipigilan lang matawa.

“They’re bullying me, and you’re laughing too…” I arched my brow.

Sumeryoso agad siya at mabilis na ipinagsalubong ang kilay. “Mamaya sa’kin ang mga ’yan. Pupuruhan ko isa-isa.” Hah.

Tawang-tawa pa rin si Ron kaya siya naman ang inambahan kong aasarin. “Fuck you, Ron! Pag ikaw—”

“Bro!” Ron quickly walked toward me, arms wide open apologetically, while the dipshit was faking a serious face. “Best friend tayo, bro! Kakampi mo ako lagi! Hinding hindi kita kayang traydorin!”

But when he looked at Jasver, who’s now looking at him as well, he stepped backward and raised his hands in defeat. Pinisil ko ang ilong ko at humagikhik.

When I saw how Brent laughed together with Shiloh in the gazebo, I arched my brow.

“Kung makatawa si Brent…akala mo hindi lumuhod luhod. Baby… please…” I teased, which made Brent’s smile fade.

“Gantihan mo, Brent!” si Raya. “Sabihin mo, manahimik ka, eh sinulot mo lang naman ang crush noon ng girl best friend mo.”

“Edi tahimik din ’yan si Brent kasi sinulot niya lang din naman sa akin si Shiloh!” Sadie shouted, which made us all laugh.

“Girls, si Rick pasimpleng baon agad sa mukha niya kay Denver, oh. Nahihiyang masali na sinulot niya rin ang crush noon ni Angela!” I pointed out, which made Rick glare at me while the loudness of my circle’s laugh tripled.

“Laki ng ngisi natin, Mav, ah? Parang may nakakalimutan ka yata?” Gabriella asked sarcastically kaya halos ang sakit na ng tiyan ko kakatawa, na kahit si Jasver at Rade, natawa na rin sa amin.

It was refreshing to see some of my circle in our lover era, especially Rick, because we’re used to his intimidating and serious demeanor. Nakakagulat na pagdating kay Denver, nagkakapakpak bigla at nawawala ang angas. Can’t believe he has this side…

“Mag Siquijor tayo. Hindi nakasama si Denver sa birthday ni Mav eh. Ngayong buwan,” iyon ang sabi ni Rick sa araw na ’yon, kaya ang friends ko, pumayag agad.

“Kailan ba? Para mabakante ko rin ang mga gagawin ko sa araw na ’yan,” si Jasver nang makarating kami sa parking lot.

“Hmm, he said after the birthday celebration of Denver’s brother. Siguro last week ng September kasi sa third week daw ang celebration eh. He also rented my yacht in Palawan…” I bragged.

Nailing siyang napangiti. “Kaya tingin sa’yo ng mga kaibigan mo scammer ka dahil pati sila, pinagkakakitaan mo. Ginagawa mong kliyente.”

Now that he mentioned it, I slowly remembered my reason why I want to be friends with Brent. Noong pinakilala niya ako kay Ron, hindi ko naisip na doon din pala magbabago ang buhay ko rito sa Pinas. And I can’t believe I am now making plans with them; I am now making memories with them.

“But I love all of them like my siblings. ’Yung bond namin, para nang magkakapatid. Problema ng isa, problema na rin naming lahat. Kaya kahit gusto kong nagtatravel mag-isa, iba pa rin ’yung travels na kasama ko rin sila at kompleto kaming lahat. Hindi ko nararamdamang only child ako dahil sa kanila…”

His eyes softened at me. Pinasok niya lang sa backseat ang duffel bag ko na kanina niya pa dala-dala, saka muling ibinalik sa akin ang atensyon.

“Sa totoo lang, kung hindi naging tayo, hindi ko pakikisamahan ’yang circle mo. Alam mo namang mainit ang dugo ko sa inyo noon, kahit si Arron na pinsan ko ayaw rin sa inyo. Pero dahil mahal mo sila, unti-unti ko ring kinikilala isa-isa para mabura na ’yung pangit na pagkakakilala ko sa kanila noon.”

Pakiramdam ko nga, maling galaw lang ng kaibigan ko, handa agad ’tong makipagsuntukan. Parang umaamo lang dahil sa akin…

“Introduce me to your circle in Cavite too. I want to meet all of them too…”

“Hindi naman kami parehas sa circle mo na madaling magtipon-tipon. Kailangan pang pagplanuhan ang amin, o dapat may okasyon para matuloy talaga.”

The heck is tipon-tipon? But he said I can meet them this month, and he’ll try to summon everyone since they’re also invited to someone’s birthday—in their neighborhood. Tambayan daw ng friends niya ang bahay nila. Maiingay ’yon sa gc nila eh. Nakikita ko lagi sa phone niya.

If Jasver’s doing his best to get to know my circle and socialize, I want to show him that I can also do that in his environment. I want to know every small detail about him, not just about him but also about the people he loves being around.

Aside from Cavite, I am slowly making an impression on his friends in Siargao too. And every time we’d stroll around there using his motorbike, when the people approached us, he would smoothly mention me as his boyfriend.

“Ay boyfriend mo pala? Akala namin Kano na magtatayo ng business sa lupain niyo! Pero boyfriend mo pala?!” Malawak na ngiti ng lalaking may-ari ng tindahang binilhan namin.

“Nagtatagalog ’to. Pinoy. Hindi lang halata,” si Jasver.

“Magandang umaga po…” bati ko para ipagmayabang ang dugong Pinoy, s’yempre.

“Ay Pinoy nga! Marunong magtagalog!”

“Magaling ’yan magtagalog…” Jasver arched his brow meaningfully, which made me chuckle a little. Pag sa kama nga lang?

At nakakatuwa na hindi pa nga tapos ang construction, halos lahat na nasa Siargao, hinihintay na iyong magbukas dahil napapabalitang sariling business ni Jasver. I can really feel he’s also a tourist attraction here, or the people love him because he’s been good to them.

And every time I am in Siargao, the people, most especially those who are close to Jasver, would now low-key tease us.

“Ano ’yang itatayo niyong dalawa? Bahay?” asar ni Jefferson nang tingnan nila ang ongoing construction at tumutulong na rin.

“Business ’yan. Wala pa ang bahay namin. Saka na pag mayaman na ako,” si Jasver ang sumagot.

“Ano ’yan, bahay-bahayan ng family friend mo?” biro ni Alvin sabay tingin sa akin. “Bro… you love Siargao so much? You’re always here. Or you’re only here for Mikael?”

“Tantanan niyo ang boyfriend ko,” si Jasver na itinulak niya pa sila paalis sa harap namin.

His friends’ eyes widened, but there was an obvious grin plastered on their lips.

“Ano? Ano? Ingles ba ’yan sa lalaking kaibigan kaya boyfriend? O boyfriend na boyfriend?” Alvin interrogated with an obvious taunt.

“Family friend lang ’to noong summer ah? Kaya pala naririnig ko ro’n sa kabilang tindahan na may Afam ka raw. Pucha, Mikael! Iniwan mo naman kami sa pangpang! Nagpromise pa tayo sa isa’t isa na kung may Afam ang isa, may Afam din ang lahat! Nasaan ngayon ang amin at ba’t lumalamang ka?” si Jefferson na ikinangisi ko kay Jasver.

“Bro…do you still have friends, bro? Women, bro? Americans? But I also like Asians. As long as it’s beautiful, bro!” si Alvin na nagbiro pang aakbayan ako pero itinulak na agad ni Jasver.

Jasver picked up something on the ground—a piece of wood from the construction, which made his friends run while laughing.

I laughed and watched his friends glance at us as I hugged him from behind and rested my chin on his shoulder. Jasver pointed at them using the wood.

“’Yung sweldo niyo kakaltasan ko. Dami niyong satsat pero trabaho ang konti…”

His friends cheered loudly when I pressed my lips on the side of Jasver’s head and they saw it. Nailing si Jasver, hinaplos ang buhok ko at kalmado akong nilingon kahit salubong pa ng kaunti ang kilay.

“Mga tarantado talaga ’yon pero matitino naman…” he explained.

“Sige lang, pag naging close ko sila lalo, lalamangan ko ’yang katarantaduhan nila…” I chuckled.

Natawa siya sa akin. “Malamang. Kung pakupalan lang ang usapan…” nangingiti niyang hinawakan ang leeg ko, pasimple iyong hinigpitan.

“Lamang na lamang ako?” I whispered against his lips with a smirk on my lips and gave him a shallow kiss.

Humalakhak siya sa labi ko, itinagilid ang ulo, at gumanti ng halik.

“Akala ko restaurant ang tinatayo rito. Hindi niyo naman sinabing kalandian niyo,” si Tessa na biglang nagpakita, natatawa sa amin.

We decided to make it as an intimate restaurant, a chill place to drink, especially at night. There is gonna be a live band too, and the exterior and interior design were properly made by an architect according to our suggestions. Sa ngayon, nakikita na ang exterior design dahil halos tatlong buwan na rin ang construction at matatapos na rin sa susunod na buwan, sa mismong birth month niya pa.

I also decided to put at least two yachts for some yacht party inquiries. Ubos na naman ang savings, pero sa tuwing naiisip ko na marami pa akong source of income, kumakalma rin.

“Kahit cashier lang, Mikael! Hindi naman ako mangungupit. Anong tingin mo sa akin, si Jefferson,” si Tessa na lagi ring nakikigulo sa amin.

“Hindi pa nga nagbubukas, baka malugi na agad ang negosyo dahil sa inyo,” iling lagi ni Jasver sa mga kaibigan niya.

I am always entertained by his friends and how they’re willing to help Jasver without asking anything in return. Nagbibiro nga lang sila minsan ng kung ano-ano, pero pag trabaho talaga, talagang seryoso silang tumutulong.

His life in Siargao is simple yet entertaining. And now that I am slowly being part of it, I cannot help but appreciate our differences. Kahit sabihin niyang langit ako at singbaba siya ng lupa, pero hindi ko sinabing kailangan niyang tumingala para lang makuha ako.

“Coast is the name of my yacht business, which I got from my second name,” sabi ko nang mapag-usapan naming dalawa kung ano ang magiging pangalan ng restaurant namin.

We were on the yacht while talking about it. We just finished swimming and did some snorkeling earlier. Tuyo na ang mga buhok namin, nakapagbihis na siya ng buttoned-white shirt, buttoned-down navy blue shirt naman ang akin at parehas kaming naka summer shorts. I am just too extra for wearing a ray-ban.

I even posted some photos on my Instagram account. Puro kuha niya. Merong topless ako, may suot na snorkel mask, at kita ang malapad kong likod habang kumikintab ang asul na tubig. My favorite picture was taken by a timer, and it was us sitting on the edge of the yacht while I’m glancing at the camera, sticking my tongue out, and Jasver’s looking at me with a slight smile on his lips.

“Pwede namang ’yan na rin, para connected pa rin sa’yo,” si Jasver na nasa tabi ko, nakatalikod sa view at nakasandal ang mga braso sa steel railings ng yacth.

We can literally see the almost finished construction of our business because it’s just facing the beach, and the coconut trees around it make it look chill. The other walls were made of glass to appreciate the view of nature, including the waves crashing on the beach. There’s also an outdoor dining area and a wine cellar in the middle, where the counter is also located.

Its color consists of only three hues. Dirty white, beige, and black. It looks traditional because of the wooden tables, but the white rock walls make it look European.

Next time, gusto kong padagdagan ng lagoon, pero saka na pag kumita para doon na lang kukunin ang funds para sa extension nang hindi rin kami malugi kung labas lang nang labas ng pera kahit wala pa ngang kinikita.

“Nah… I want your name on it too. Or it’s connected to the both of us. I want you to become part of it too. Again, this is not just my business, this is ours. This is our business,” I corrected.

“Family business?” ulit niya, may ngisi sa labi at titig na titig sa akin habang hinahangin ang kanyang buhok.

“Well, technically. And imagine it, love, we’ll have our own kids in the future. I mean, for now, I am contented with Kaizer and Kali’s future baby. But if you like, and once you are ready, I want to have kids with you too. I want us to take care of our kids, our children…”

“Bahay-ampunan ba ang tingin mo sa sarili mo at ang hilig-hilig mo sa mga bata?” he asked, but his lips were slightly stretching for a stifled smile.

“Kung ayaw mo ng marami, let’s have at least one? Kahit ako na ang mag-alaga. Siguro pag nasa early thirties na tayo? Malayo pa naman…”

“Bakit? Gusto mo ng marami? Kahit isa na lang, tapos kung mana sa’yo, para na rin tayong may sampong anak niyan dahil mana ang kakulitan sayo…”

“Sige. Eh…bahay? Anong klaseng bahay ang gusto mo?” He slightly caressed his nape.

My brows arched in amusement. “I want it placed in front of the beach, like this kind of setup too. Glass walls, two-storey, a garden in the front yard, and a front porch. Tapos may playground. Sa likod ng bahay, nandoon ang pool sa gitna ng garden, tapos may gazebo sa gilid…”

“Ano ’yan, resort?” His nose crunched, but then he nodded at me. “Ano pa…”

“Then we’ll raise Colt and Judo together. For sure may mga anak na rin ’yan, pati si Milo. Mukha kasing fuckboy ang isang ’yon. Nangangapitbahay na nga para lang bisitahin ’yong pusang babae sa kabila. Makakabuntis pa yata ’yon ng maaga. Magiging Lolo na tayo…” Iling ko.

“Ang dami ko palang bubuhayin nito, ’no?” At kung makapagsalita siya, tingin niya sa akin, walang mga negosyo?

“May pinagmanahan ang pagiging fuckboy ni Milo,” dagdag niya na ikinaliit ng mga mata ko.

“Don’t blame me. She’s always with his grandma Charlotta lately. I’m a lover boy now…”

Napangisi na lamang siya at nailing. Meanwhile, the topic stayed in my mind. I can even build us a house tomorrow if he wants. My income can already raise kids too. But of course, I don’t want to make him feel like I am the superior one here when it comes to finances. I know it’s his insecurity, but at the same time, I want to respect his ability to finance us both and that he is capable of being one too.

Natulala siya saglit sa harap, halatang may malalim na iniisip at nagiging seryoso na ulit. “Isipin mo, kung mag-M-Med school ako, ilang taon pa ’yon. May residency pa ’yan… Tapos ang gusto ko pa naman, pediatrics. Hindi naman sa sobrang hilig ko sa mga bata, pero sa dalas ba namang mag-alaga sa mga kapatid simula noong bata ako, parang nakikita ko talaga ang sarili ko bilang pediatrician…”

“Hmm… I think you’ll suit it too. I’ll support you in whatever you want for yourself. You can still prioritize your goals while you’re in a relationship with me. And don’t worry, I’ll take care of our baby while you’re busy in your residency?” I said, my gaze drawn to his palm as his fingers played with mine and we both watched it.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay niya. “Edi sinong mag-aalaga sa’yo?” he asked, lifting my hand and tenderly kissing my fingers, his cognac eyes intently fixed on mine.

I burst out laughing. Sinabayan niya rin ang tawa ko, ang mainit na hininga ay humalik na rin sa balat ng kamay ko, pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niyang hindi umaalis sa akin.

“Seryoso ako. Baka mapano ka pa kung wala ako sa tabi mo at may inaalagaan ka pa talagang chikiting,” nangingiti niyang sabi, muling binaba ang kamay ko pero hawak niya pa rin.

“I’m a grown-ass man, love. I’m not a five-year-old kid…” I said and rubbed his thumb with mine.

He snorted and raised his head, gazing at the blue sky and the burning heat licking our skin in the midst of the day. His Adam’s apple moved until his gaze dropped and found my eyes looking at him.

“Mahal nga talaga kita,” he said like a sudden realization and laughed at himself. “Ni ayaw kong pumasok sa Med school dahil bukod sa mababa naman talaga ang sweldo ng mga health workers dito sa Pinas, pakiramdam ko mag-aaksaya lang ako ng pera lalo na’t wala akong malaking budget para roon na dapat nagtatrabaho na agad ako sa mga panahong ’yan. Pero isa na rin sa inaalala ko, paano ka habang wala ako sa tabi mo? Kaya mo ba ang sarili mo? Makakakain ka kaya ng matino habang busy ako? Oo nga, malaki ka na, pero hindi ko maiwasang…mag-alala sa’yo.”

My smile lingered on my lips as I stared at his serious face while he was ranting about his big problem. Is this the old Mikael who wished me to die? He seems familiar by face but strangely different from his past self.

“Ngayon na nakikita kong kaya mo naman palang mag-isa, o sanay ka naman na mag-isa dahil nga only child ka, businessman pa at kayang magtravel na ikaw lang sa iba’t ibang bansa, naisip ko…sa ating dalawa…ako yata ang hindi kaya na wala ka,” aniya at hinila ako, na para bang hindi sapat na magkatabi lang kami.

I could almost hear the defeat in his voice, that finally, he admitted to himself he…needs me. I stood up in front of him, rested my hands on the railings to lock him in my arms with our faces level.

“Ikaw ang mukhang clingy tingnan. Pero ang totoo, sa ating dalawa, ako ang mas takot na mawala ka sa’kin…na para bang…ikakamatay ko pag iniwan mo ako,” he chuckled weakly and glanced at me with his tantalizing cognac brown eyes.

“I will never leave you. I know this is too early to say, knowing we just started as lovers three months ago, but I’ve never been so sure in my life, not until…I started planning my future with you.” I leaned closer, my nose grazing on the side of his jaw. “I don’t care whatever awaits us, but I am sure that this lifetime of mine is also yours…and I will willingly spend it with you…” I whispered.

He side-eyed me and licked his lower lip. “Naalala ko na lagi mong bukambibig na binabahay ko ang mga ex ko. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako sa’yo dahil iba yata ang pagkakaintindi mo ro’n pero sa totoo lang, wala pa akong mga ari-arian ngayon para ibahay ka.”

My brows knitted a bit, but then he pulled out something from his pocket and showed me…a ring.

“Ito pa lang ang kaya ko ngayon.” He showed the silver ring, and for sure, he made it customized because I saw his name engraved on it. “Pero galing ’to sa dugo at pawis ko, galing sa…pagmamahal…galing sa sariling sikap ko…”

“Love, I didn’t…” I gasped unbelievably, unable to process my words. He’s…proposing? Is this a fucking proposal? What the…fuck, Mikael Jasver Chua!

“Promise ring na lang muna…” He lifted my hand and slowly inserted it into my left ring finger. “Pag yumaman ako, papalitan ko ’to ng mas mahal…mas engrande, mas karapat-dapat sa kamay mo. Pero sa ngayon, ito na muna…kasi ito pa lang ang kaya ko,” he uttered genuinely, lifted my left hand, and

The heat of the sun behind him shone, and the blue sea being kissed by it sparkled, but my eyes were only glued to his tantalizing cognac eyes and to his lips stretching for a smile that captured my whole attention.

“When did you…plan to buy this?” I asked.

“Noong sinundan kita sa Miami, akala ko nagpapadalos-dalos lang ako sa mga naiisip ko. Pero sa araw-araw nakikita kita, nakakasama, doon ko nakita na gusto kong…nasa tabi kita habangbuhay.”

My lips parted. The feeling felt foreign. It was almost unrecognizable. I’ve never felt so lost in my life, not until…he found me, claimed me as his, and loved me. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman na ganito pala ang pagmamahal…pwede kang wasakin sa kalagitnaan, pero may kakayahan ding buohin ka sa dulo.

I never prayed to be loved like this. But right now, I might pray for the rest of my life just to have it every day, over and over, until heaven writes our own fate…that we are only meant for each other.

“And I didn’t tell you to give me the whole world. I only want to be part of your world, Jasver…” I whispered in a rasp, my chest banging loudly from excitement.

He held my hand, his eyes deeply stared at me, and kissed where he put the promise ring. “You are not just part of it. You are the world, Tyler…”

My lips parted. Mariin siyang pumikit at nagmura; siguro na-realize niya rin agad na hindi siya ganito—ngayon lang.

Humalakhak din ako, inilapit ang mukha sa kanya, at hinagod ng halik ang kanyang labi. Natatawa siyang humalik pabalik, nasa akin pa rin ang tingin, habang sunod-sunod ang halikan namin.

We were laughing in the middle of the kiss, but I know that was the happiest day of my life because I wasn’t just given a ring; I was given a genuine love—a promise that this won’t end in just words; this will be written on marriage papers soon.

Epilogue

This is the end of the story. Thank you so much for loving Tyler and Mikael’s chaotic story. Happy reading, irys!

———

Warning: R-18

Loudest

“Ako ang mundo mo, hmm?” ulit niya sa sinabi ko.

May gano’n talaga siyang ugali. Pag sasabihin ko ng isang beses, kung masyado siyang masaya, napapansin kong uulitin niya, at gustong ipakumpirma sa akin. Baka kahit segu-segundo kong ibulong sa kanya, hindi siya magsasawang marinig iyon nang paulit-ulit…

I smiled and caressed his cheek gently using my thumb. Titig na titig ako sa mga mata niyang nagbabago ang kulay lalo na pag natatamaan ng sinag ng araw. The brownish green with inner rays of golden sun would always capture my whole attention, hypnotizing me to just stare at him obsessively.

Kapag tumatawa siya, kumikinang din ang mga mata niya. The brownish green would turn into warm brown…and there’s a flickering in his eyes that would make you mirror his smile, too.

“Minsan mundo, madalas sakit sa ulo,” nangingiti kong sabi na ikinahalakhak niya, humagod na ang labi niya sa akin, at ang matamis na ngiti ay hindi mabura-bura.

I equaled it, eyes open, my lips still mirroring his smile, and I can’t even take my eyes off him. Hindi ko alam kung ginayuma niya ba ako kaya natunaw ang matinding galit na nararamdaman ko sa kanya, o gano’n ka lalim ang pagkakahulog ko na kahit ang nakabaong poot sa nakaraan ay napalitan ng matinding atraksyon.

Pumasok kaming dalawa sa loob ng yate, natumba na sa kama pero sunod-sunod ang halikan, at kahit ang kamay ko, hindi na mahiwalay sa batok niya lalo na’t ayokong lumayo siya sa akin. Sa tuwing hinahalikan niya ako, parang apoy lagi na tinutupok ang buong katawan ko, mahirap nang pigilan kahit pa buhusan mo ng maraming tubig.

O siguro rin, dala ng saya, kahit ang huminga man lang, ayaw ko nang pagbigyan at hayaan ang sarili na mamatay kakahalik sa kanya.

I gave him a promise ring, a simple gift from my hard work, but it serves as a devotion that my love is stronger than grief, beyond resentment, and more powerful than…hate.

Hate…

Tandang tanda ko ang galit ko sa kanya, lalo na’t noong magpakita siya sa parking lot, noong inamin niyang siya ang nasa likod ng poser account na gabi-gabi akong sinasamahan sa kalungkutan at nakikinig sa mga problema ko, hindi ko matanggap.

Sa lahat ng tao, bakit siya pa? Bukod sa mayabang, alam kong minamaliit niya ako lagi. Hindi pantay ang tingin niya sa mga kagaya kong malayo ang estado ng buhay sa kanya. At iyon ang ipinamukha niya sa akin sa mismong araw na ’yon.

Hindi lang ako, kundi pati ang puso ko, dinurog niya. Na katawa-tawa para sa kanya ang makita akong handang lumuhod kung sino man ang nasa likod ng account na nakakausap ko gabi-gabi.

I was in love. I was in love with the personality he created! I was in love with the unknown behind that poser account of Verena! And he…ruined it.

It was the deepest betrayal I tasted. Gusto ko siyang saktan higit pa sa pisikal na kayang gawin ng kamao ko sa kanya. Gusto ko siyang ibaon sa lupa, maghukay ng sarili niyang libingan, at ilagay sa kanyang puntod ang bulaklak na pinag-aksayahan kong bilhin para sa taong pinaglalaruan lang pala ako.

I loathed him to death. Gusto ko siyang durugin sa mismong kamay ko, makita sa mukha niya ang sakit, na hindi niya na masusuot pa ang mayabang niyang ngiti.

Gusto ko siyang makitang nasasaktan.

“Kuya…” rinig ko ang tawag ni Kittie sa akin.

Humingos ako, pinalis ang mga mata, at kinuha ang tuwalya para makaligo. Si Kittie na nakadungaw sa pinto ng kuwarto ko, tahimik akong pinanood. Kakadating ko lang, pero narinig niya yata ang tahimik kong iyak sa kuwarto kaya nag-alala agad siya.

“Why are you crying? You got…rejected? That person…didn’t…like the flower we chose?”

Humingos akong muli at tiningnan siya. “Tama ka nga… Manloloko nga…” pag-amin ko at idinaan sa tawa kahit nabasag lang ang tinig ko.

Ilang beses na rin ba akong binalaan, hindi lamang ni Kittie, kundi pati na rin ng mga kaibigan ko. But I didn’t listen. I hold on to that genuine connection I thought we had at night… na akala ko, sa wakas, may taong nakikita na ng mga itinatago ko. May taong kusa kong pinagsabihan nang hindi ko naiisip na baka magiging pabigat ako.

Wala akong pinagsasabihan ng problema ko, o hindi ko ugaling nag-oopen up sa ibang tao, kahit pa sa mga kaibigan ko. Ayokong pinag-uusapan ang mga iyon dahil hindi naman din masosolba, pero dahil naroon siya gabing nanghihina ako, kuryosong nakikipag-usap sa akin sa mga oras na maraming bumabagabag sa isip ko at pinapatay ko ang sarili sa paninigarilyo, siya ang nakita kong sandalan kahit sandali lang.

Kaya ang malamang nasa likod ay ang taong pinapakisamahan pa ni Papa, ang anak ng amo niya na malapit sa pamilya namin, hindi ko tanggap. Insulto sa akin na itinuturing siyang parte ng pamilya namin, na ang perang bumubuhay sa pamilya namin ay mismong ama niya—konektado sa kanya.

“Hindi ka raw kumakain? May sumbong si Kittie na…brokenhearted ka raw,” dungaw ni Papa nang magkulong ako sa kwarto, nagngingitngit ang tingin sa librong inaaral kahit hindi ko makalimutan ang nangyari sa parking lot.

“Saka na ako kakain kung hindi na pera nila ang umiikot sa bahay natin,” giit ko sa matinding galit na nararamdaman.

“Kung dahil ito sa away niyo ni Tyler noong nakaraan, anak, mali ka sa iniisip mo sa kanya. Hindi siya matapobre—”

“Hindi? Wala siyang pinagkaiba sa mga taong nangmamaliit sa’yo simula noong bata pa lang ako, Pa!” sumabog ang boses ko sa matinding galit, na kahit hindi naman iyon ang puno’t dulo nito, pero ayokong sabihin sa kanya, o aminin na…nahulog ako sa account na hawak ng putang inang anak ng kaibigan niya.

Nagulat si Papa sa pagsiklab ng boses ko. Kung kanina ay nakatayo lamang siya sa hamba ng pinto, ngayon ay pumasok na lalo na’t marahas din ang pagkakatayo ko galing sa upuan para harapin siya.

“Kilala ko ang batang ’yon, Mikael. Nagalit lang ’yon sa’yo dahil biniro-biro mo. May nasabi ka siguro na ikina-offend niya—”

“Talaga ba? Sige nga, Pa, sabihin mo kung bakit sinabi niya sa akin na isa lang naman ako sa trabahante ng Papa niya. Kung gano’n mo siya ka-kilala, kung nagmamalasakit siya sa’yo, sabihin mo sa akin kung bakit sa kabila ng nagawa mo para sa pamilya nila, para sa kanya, bakit ganoon ka liit ang tingin niya sa akin na mismong anak mo sana?”

His lips parted. Sinubukan niyang magsalita pero kumunot ang noo niya, walang nasabi.

“Tang ina niya. Ako na mismong anak mo, hindi mo nga ako naipagluluto! Ako na panganay sa bahay na ’to, hindi mo madalas makasama, pero siya, siya na inalagaan mo noong itinapon siya rito, siya na nagpapakilos sa’yo kahit pagod na pagod ka na sa trabaho, siya na inaalala mong paglutuan kaysa magpahinga, minamaliit ang anak mo! At ngayon, ipagtatanggol mo siya dahil ano, Pa? Dahil mas inalagaan mo siya kaysa sa akin? Mas inasikaso mo siya kaysa sa akin?”

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. Bumukas ang pinto at nakita kong sumilip ang ulo ni Kittie, pero wala na akong pakialam kung marinig ng pamilya ko lahat lahat ng sasabihin ko.

“Hindi ako kailanman nagreklamo sa responsibilidad ko sa bahay na ’to, Pa. Kahit gusto kong hilingin na sana, nag-iisa na lang din akong anak para natatamasa ko ’yang tinatamasa ng anak ni Tito Fred, dahil ang bigat-bigat na araw-araw ay kailangan kong gampanan ang pagiging panganay ko, lalo na’t nakatatak sa akin ang sinasabi niyo ni Mama na panganay ako, ang dapat na nag-aalaga sa mga kapatid ko, ang mas nakakatanda, ang tatayong mga magulang nila kung wala kayo rito sa bahay, pero insulto sa akin na makitang pinapaboran mo ang ibang anak kumpara sa anak mo na buong buhay, ginawa ang lahat para sa ikakabuti ng pamilyang ito!”

Namaywang si Papa, mas nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Lagi mong bukambibig na proud na proud ka sa anak ni Tito Fred, samantalang ako, na halos gumigising ng umaga maipagluto lang kayo, hinihintay ka gabi-gabi kahit napupuyat na maipagluto ka lang, hindi mo nakita! Pero pagdating sa lalaking iyon, parang kahit simpleng bagay na gawin niya, kulang na lang pa-lechonan mo! Anong pinagkaiba ko sa anak ni Tito Fred na mas may simpatya ka pa sa kanya, mas naalagaan mo pa siya, kaysa sa anak mong buong buhay niya, pasan-pasan ang responsibilidad ng pagiging panganay!”

“Hindi naman sa gano’n, anak…”

“Hindi? Eh ’yon ang nararamdaman ko, Pa! Kung totoong may pakialam ka sa nararamdaman ko, umalis ka sa pagtatrabaho sa pamilya nila. Kung totoong hindi mo naman hinuhuthutan si Tito Fred katulad ng mga sinasabi ng mga kapitbahay rito, lumipat ka ng trabaho.”

“Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo, Mikael?” Ngayon ay may kaonting diin na ang boses niya. “Pinapaalis mo ako sa trabahong bumuhay sa ating lahat? Sa trabahong nagpapaaral sa inyo? Sa trabahong sumalba sa atin sa hirap—”

“Sa trabahong naging rason kaya ang tingin sa’yo ay nanghuhuthot, Pa. Sa trabahong naging rason kaya minamaliit ka ng mga engineer sa site, tinatawag na manggagamit, may kapit, at mukhang pera. Naririnig ko iyon lahat, Pa. Simula bata pa lang ako. Ni isa, walang nakakakita sa dugo at pawis na ipinangpuhunan mo sa trabaho dahil malapit ka sa amo mo! Malapit ka sa pamilya! Malapit ka sa anak na matapobre!”

“’Yang mga binibigay ng amo mo sa akin, ibalik mo lahat sa kanya. Hindi ko kailangan ng suhol para maging alipin din ng anak niya katulad mo—”

“Tumahimik ka na!” si Papa na lumapit, ang kamay ay nasa ere na rin, hanggang sa kabadong inawat ni Kittie.

Parang nabasag ang puso ko. Galit niya akong tiningnan, itinuro. Nanginginig ang kamay ni Papa, at ang mga mata ay namumula. Hindi ko alam kung dahil din ba sa galit o dahil masakit din ang nasabi ko.

“Kung tingin mo pagpapaka-alipin itong ginawa kong pagpapakahirap para lang maitaguyod kayo, edi sige! Dahil gagawin ko ang lahat para lang mabuhay kayo, Mikael! Dahil ayokong matulad kayo sa akin, na foreman lang, at minamaliit dahil hindi nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral! Kaya kung pwedeng igapang ko kayong lahat, kahit ako ang magmukhang katawa-tawa, manggagamit, o marumi, gagawin ko iyon para lang maiangat ko kayo! Para lang hindi ko kayo maisama sa putik kung nasaan ako!”

Kumuyom ang kamay ko, nag-igting ang panga, habang sa gilid ng aking mga mata, nanginginig na rin ang balikat ni Papa. Kahit ang mga mata na kanina pa nagbabadyang may tumulo dahil sa pamumula, bumigay na.

“Masakit na naririnig mo ang mga iyon… na kung pwede lang hilinging maging bingi kayong lahat at ako na lang ang makarinig no’n, gagawin ko. Dahil triple ang pagkakadurog ko sa tuwing naiisip na nasasaktan kayo… lalong lalo na ikaw na nagpapakatatag para sa mga kapatid mo.”

Humingos ako at matapang na tumitig sa kawalan habang umiigting ang panga.

“Kung ang dahilan kaya hindi ka kumakain dahil galing ito sa pera ng kinasusuklaman mong anak ng amo ko, sana maisip mo rin, na galing din itong pera sa mismong pagsisikap ko. Sa maghapong pagbibilad sa mainit na araw sa site. Sa maghapong pagtitiis na hindi nakakasama ang pamilya ko dahil alam ko, may maiuuwi akong pagkain kapalit lahat ng paghihirap na ito. Hindi ito pera nila, Mikael. Pera ito mula sa dugo at pawis ng ama mo…”

Tumakas ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. Kahit kanina pa man umiiyak, nang tumalikod si Papa, lumabas ng kuwarto ko, bumuhos iyon lalo. Si Kittie, bigo akong nilingon, nanlambot ang tingin. Mariin akong pumikit, umupo sa dulo ng kama, at nakayukong hinawakan ang ulo habang umiiyak.

“I hate whoever hurt you, Kuya. And I won’t forgive them so easily,” bulong ni Kittie na hindi klaro sa akin.

Alam ko na ang nasabi kong masakit na salita kay Papa, dala lang din ng pagkasuklam ko sa anak ng amo niya. Lalo na’t kung may nakakaintindi man sa kanya sa unang araw pa lang, tahimik na nilulunok ang masasakit na salitang tinatapon sa kanya, ako iyon.

Kung alam ko lang na mabigat ang responsibilidad ko pagtanda ko, sinulit ko pa sana ang pagiging bata ko.

Lalo na’t bata pa lamang ako, kitang-kita ko na lahat ng ’yon…

“Luto na ba?” tanong ni Ancent, nasa tabi ko, nakikisilip habang abala akong ihalo ang niluluto.

“Hindi pa. Kuha ka pa ng maraming dahon…” utos ko.

“Baka kulang ang kahoy,” siksik ni Denver sa tabi ko, yumuko pa ng kaunti para hipan iyon.

“Amoy malansa. Dagdagan natin ng bulaklak,” si Revi na mabilis tumayo para pumitas na sa aming hardin.

“Lagot! Lumabas ang Papa ni Denver!” nagmamadaling tumayo si Ancent, na kahit ako at si Revi, nagkukumahog din na umalis sa pwesto, pati ang kahoy na pinanghahalo ko sa lata na pinaglulutuan namin, tinapon ko agad.

Si Revi naman ang sumipa sa lata, at ang lamang tubig na umuusok pa dahil sa init kasama ang mga dahong galing lang din sa hardin namin ay natapon din.

Nakatakbo kaming tatlo papasok sa bukas na gate ng bahay namin at mabilis na pumasok sa bahay. Mabilis kong nilingon si Denver na hindi nakasunod; hawak na ng Papa niya sa braso niya, ang sigarilyo sa labi ay inalis at inapakan, sabay kuha ng isang kahoy na pinaglalaruan namin para ipalo sa anak.

“Hindi ba’t sinabi ko sa’yo na huwag kayong maglulutu-lutuan malapit sa bahay?!” galit na sabi nito habang tahimik namin siyang pinapanood na hinampas ng nipis na kahoy sa pwet niya.

“Dapat sa susunod, sa likod na lang tayo ng bahay niyo, Jasver,” sabi ni Ancent habang tanaw ko ang apat na taong gulang na si Denver, halos kaedad ko lang, na kinakaladkad na papasok sa bahay nila.

Takot kaming lahat sa Papa ni Denver. Isa siya sa mga kalaro namin na madalas pinapagalitan. Si Denver din kasi ang napagkukunan namin ng mga lata dahil marami sila no’n; mahilig ang pamilya nila kumain ng mga delatang pang-ulam.

Kumakain din naman ako. Pero madalang lang kasi si Mama mahilig magluto. Simula rin noong naging malaki ang kompanyang pinagtatrabahuan ni Papa, nakapundar sila Mama at Papa rito sa Cavite ng malaking bahay, at guminhawa na rin ang buhay namin.

Hindi iyon ang unang beses na nagtatakbuhan kami pag nandiyan ang Papa ni Denver. Lalo na kahit sa tumbang preso, pag ginagamit ni Denver ang tsinelas ng Papa niya pang-asinta sa lata at susugurin ang anak sa pinaglalaruan niya, nadadamay ang lata na ginagamit namin dahil niyuyupi ng Papa niya.

At mas lalong nakakatakot ang ama niya pag lasing ito dahil hinahabol pa kami ng sinturon dahil akala niya, kami si Denver. Kung may natatawa man, si Ancent dahil pabiro niyang sinasabi na nakikipagpatentero raw sa amin.

“Pawisan ka na oh! Sinuot mo pa sa siko mo ’yang mga tsinelas mo! Amoy-araw ka na tuloy…” si Mama sa harap ko habang abalang lagyan ng polbo ang leeg ko na kahit ang mukha ko, namumuti na, akala mo binabad ako sa harina.

“Mikael, ano ’yung sumbong ulit ng Papa ni Denver na naglalaro na naman kayo ng apoy sa labas ng bahay?” si Papa na kakapasok lang, may dalang supot ng Jollibee, iyon agad ang tanong sa marahang tinig; walang wala sa singhal at agresibong boses ng Papa ni Denver.

Isa sa ipinagpapasalamat ko na hindi katulad ni Papa ang Papa ni Denver. Pero isa rin sa ipinagdadasal ko na sana, Papa na lang din ni Denver ang Papa ko. Kahit umiinom paminsan-minsan si Papa pag may okasyon, hindi ko kailanman nakitang naninigaw o nagagalit ng matindi sa akin. Humahalakhak lamang siya, o nakakatulog agad.

“Kakauwi nga lang nito eh. Kung hindi ko pa sinundo sa labas ng bahay, gagabihin ito kakalaro,” natatawang si Mama.

“Edi hindi pala makakatikim ’yan ng spaghetti sa Jollibee kasi may kasalanan na naman?” biro ni Papa habang lumalapit na.

“Sabihin na ba natin?” nangingiting tanong ni Mama habang kinukuha ko na sa kamay ni Papa ang supot ng Jollibee. Paborito ko kasi ang spaghetti nila.

“Pakainin mo muna…” si Papa na umupo sa balikat ng sofa.

Tandang-tanda ko ang reaksyon ko no’n. Habang kumakain ako ng Jollibee, sinabi ni Mama na buntis siya at magiging Kuya na ako. Tuwang-tuwa ako dahil magkakaroon na ako ng kalaro kahit sa gabi.

When I was almost turning five, two months before my birthday, my mother gave birth to my little sister, and we named her Kali as her nickname. Chalice Blair Chua.

“Huwag mo hawakan! Mabaho ang kamay mo. Bawal daw ’yan hawakan sa mukha kasi magkakarashes,” saway ko kay Revi nang inambahan niyang pisilin ang pisngi ng kapatid ko habang pinapatulog namin sa crib.

Nakadungaw kaming apat sa natutulog kong kapatid. Maaga silang pumunta rito para makita si Kali, at kami ang pinagbabantay ni Mama minsan pag abala siya magdilig ng halaman. Meron naman kaming katulong, pero nag-iisa lang kasi ’yon at may kalakihan ang bahay namin dahil may second floor pa kaya umaalalay si Mama sa magagaang gawain.

“Tingnan mo nga ang kamay ko kung mabaho ba?” Pakita ni Ancent sa kamay niya kay Denver.

Nang inamoy naman ni Denver, tumawa agad si Ancent. “Hindi naman…” si Denver.

“Inamoy niya eh sabi ko tingnan lang,” natatawang sabi ni Ancent sa’kin.

“Shh! Ang ingay niyo… Tumatalsik pa ang laway niyo sa kanya. Pag ’yan nangati mamayang gabi at umiyak, kayo ang may kasalanan,” banta ko at pinagtutulak sila ng kaonti palayo sa crib.

“Ang arte mo, Jasver. Sige ka, lalaki ’yang sobrang arte,” si Revi.

Aba, dapat lang na maarte siya para hindi agad siya magboyfriend. Kaso iniisip ko, ayoko rin siyang lumaki na parang sobrang arte, katulad na lang ng bata ngayon na nakikita ko, kaedad ko lang yata at anak ng kaibigan ni Papa—anak ng boss niya sa pinagtatrabahuan niya.

Dinala ako ni Papa sa party ng kompanya nila. Nasa harap kami nakaupo kaya kitang-kita ko ang batang lalaki na magarbo ang suot habang inaayos ng maganda niyang Mommy ang ribbon sa may leeg niya. Maputi, matangkad ng kaunti sa akin, at halos balikat na ang kulot niyang buhok. Kung may nakakamangha ay ang mga mata niya dahil iba ang kulay nito sa nakasanayan kong makita sa mga kalaro ko; sa kanya ay halos berde na nag-aagaw ang kayumanggi. Halatang hindi Pinoy.

Tiningnan ko ang suot niyang sapatos. Leather. Kahit ang pulso niya, may gold na relo. Bakit siya may relo? Bata lang siya, ah? Marunong na siya bumasa ng relo? Ako nga may relo pero umiilaw pa ’yon at Ben-10 ang strap.

Pero nakakatakot ang mga mata niya, at kahit ang ekspresyon niya, hindi palakaibigan. Katulad sa Mommy niya.

“Mukha siyang babae dahil sa buhok niya, Mama. Hindi ba uso ang gupit sa ibang bansa?” bulong ko kay Mama na tinakpan agad ang bibig ko at inilingan ako para patahimikin.

“This is my wife, Teresse Charlotta Alderidge, and our unico-hijo, Tyler Coast…” pakilala na hindi ko halos maintindihan dahil nag-iingles na ang kaibigan ni Papa.

Seryosong tumayo sa gitna ang batang lalaki, tiningnan kami, pero hindi kumukurba ang labi. Tiningnan ko ang damit ko kumpara sa kanya. Naka-t-shirt lang ako, may tatak pang batman sa gitna, tapos shorts, at hawak ang maliit kong pulang laruan na kotse.

“Mama, nabobored na ako. Lalaro na ako,” bulong ko at umalis sa kandungan ni Mama.

“Sa malapit ka lang, ah?” si Mama nang sundan ako ng tingin at tumakbo agad ako paalis.

Boring eh. Hindi naman dapat ako sasama kaso sabi kasi ni Papa, may Jollibee raw rito mamaya at mga laruan. Kaso wala naman. Niloko lang yata ako para sumama ako. Gusto niya rin kasi na makita ko ’yung anak ng amo niya; lalaki rin daw kasi at dapat makasundo ko.

Pumasok ako sa parang bahay lang din na malapit lang sa party. Pagkapasok, may nakita akong hagdan papunta sa second floor. Pero ang kumuha ng atensyon ko ay ang mga nakahilerang laruan sa ibaba na tinambak lang.

Mabilis kong nilapitan at dinampot ang nakakahong mga laruan. Ganda nito ah?! Ito siguro ’yung sinasabi ni Papa na para sa akin! Nangingiti akong umupo sa sahig at binuksan ’yon para malaro ko nang may biglang kumuha no’n paalis sa kamay ko.

“You’re not supposed to touch what’s not yours,” biglang litaw ng batang pinakilala kanina, ang anak ng amo ni Papa, na ngayon ay nasa harap ko na.

Kahit hindi naman siya gano’n ka lapit sa akin, ang paligid na hindi naman mabango kanina, biglang nag-iba ang amoy. At…ano raw?

Tumayo agad ako at ngumiti sa palakaibigang paraan. “Makikipaglaro ka? Marami rito oh… Buksan pa natin…” Dampot ko sa iba pang kahon kaso marahas niya na akong itinulak palayo, na kahit ang sarili kong laruan na kotse, tumilapon sa sahig.

“I said don’t touch what’s not yours,” mas lumakas ang boses niya na hindi ko maintindihan, pero ang makita ang galit sa tingin niya, kinabahan ako… Ayaw niya…ayaw niya yatang hawakan ko ang mga laruan. Pero sabi ni Papa…may laruan ako rito…

Dinampot niya ang laruan kong kotse kaya nilapitan ko agad siya at binawi iyon. “Akin ’to.” Hinablot ko sa kamay niya ang sarili kong laruan.

“That’s mine. Give it to me.” Agresibo niyang inagaw iyon sa kamay ko.

Kahit hindi ko siya maintindihan, alam ko na gusto niyang kunin sa’kin kahit ang laruan ko. Marahas kong kinuyom ang kamay ko habang pinipilit niyang kunin sa kamay ko ’yon kaya tinulak ko siya at tumakbo palabas. Kaso bigla niya akong naabutan, hinila ang t-shirt ko kaya natumba ako.

“Give it back!” sigaw niya habang tinatago ko sa likod ko ang nakakuyom kong kamay, at nakapatong na siya sa itaas ko, halos nakayakap na rin para lang kunin ’yon sa akin.

“Akin nga ’to!” sigaw ko pabalik, at ang isa kong kamay ang ipinangtulak ko sa dibdib niya.

“Mikael, bitiwan mo!” rinig ko ang sigaw ni Papa. Sa taranta ko na baka papagalitan, lumuwag ng kaunti ang hawak ko sa kotse ko hanggang nakuha niya.

Nag-aamba na siyang tumayo kaya hinila ko ang buhok niya lalo na’t hawak niya na ang laruan ko. Umingay ang paligid dahil sumigaw din siya. Hinila ko lalo ang buhok niya at pilit inabot sa kanyang kamay ang laruan ko. Ang isa niyang kamay, itinutulak ako sa dibdib ko at bumaon pa ang kuko niya sa leeg ko.

“Tyler!” may tumawag din sa pangalan niya—ang Daddy niya.

“Mikael,” si Papa na inawat ako palayo sa bata, ganoon din ang isa pang lalaking matangkad, hinawakan na rin ang bata palayo sa akin na galit na galit.

“He stole my toy! The one Dad gave to me!” sigaw niya nang lumapit din ang Mommy niya.

“Mama!” Itinuro ko siya pabalik, napansing may hibla pa siya ng buhok sa mga daliri ko, at naiiyak dahil hindi ko nabawi ang kotse kong laruan. Nakuha niya. “Kinuha niya sa akin! Si Choo Choo!”

“Si Choo Choo, ’yung laruan niyang dala na kotse, ’yung maliit na kulay pula, kinuha raw,” sumbong naman ni Mama kay Papa na lito akong tiningnan.

“Tyler, I think that’s not yours. Give it back,” ang Dad niya na inilahad sa kanya ang kamay at gustong bawiin.

Kita ko ang iling niya na ikinainis ko lalo. Kahit ang Mommy niya, yumuko na sa harap niya, kinausap siyang mabuti pero ayaw niyang ibigay. Tumingin sa akin ang Mommy niya, sa takot ko, niyakap ko si Mama, ibinaon ang mukha ko sa mga hita niya, at doon sumabog ang iyak ko.

Halo-halo ang emosyon ko. Sa sobrang galit ko, hindi ko kayang hindi maiyak dahil pakiramdam ko, wala akong magagawa—wala akong laban. Kinarga ako ni Papa kaya itinago ko ang mukha ko sa balikat niya. Hinaplos ni Papa ang likod ko, pinapatahan ako, pero galit na galit ako na iniyak ko na lang. Hindi naman kanya ’yon ah? Bakit niya kinuha?

“Bibilhan na lang kita ng maraming laruan ha? Mas malalaki pa sa maliit na kotse na ’yon. Anong gusto mo?” tanong ng Daddy noong batang lalaki sa akin, sinusuyo ako, pero umiling ako at umiyak lalo. Hindi ko kailangan ’yang maraming laruan na ’yan! Si Choo Choo ang gusto ko!

“Oh, ano raw gusto mo, Mikael? Sige na, tahan na…bibilhan ka na raw, oh?” si Papa na ibinulong ’yon sa akin.

“I’m really sorry. I’ll try to talk to him again later and convince him to give it back. He probably confused it as his father’s gift because it resembled just like his other father’s gift…” rinig ko ang malamig na boses ng babae.

“It’s okay! It’s my son’s…uh…favorite…favorite toy!” si Mama.

Inis na inis ako. Ayoko nang bumalik doon. Ni hindi rin ako kumain, kahit pa in-orderan nila ako ng maraming Jollibee. Nasa kandungan lang ako ni Mama, nakabaon sa leeg niya ang mukha ko buong oras, na kahit basa na ng uhog at luha ko, ayokong iangat.

“Eh bakit iimbitahan pa ’yon eh inaway ako no’n?” At sa mismong birthday ko, dadalo pa raw sila.

“Kasi nga, makikipagbati na sa’yo…” Haplos ni Mama sa pisngi ko.

“Makikipagbati o kukunin niya lang ang ibang laruan ko?”

Naiinis ako. Ayoko siyang kasama sa birthday ko. Pero dahil sabi ni Mama, sila ang gumastos ng mascot na si Jollibee at pupunta raw sa birthday ko, pumayag tuloy ako.

Iyon ang naging sentro ng birthday party ko sa bahay. Ang terrace namin ay napuno ng decorations, mga balloon na may happy birthday na nakasulat, pati ang mga bisita kong bata, nakasuot ng party hats na may mukha ko.

“Si Jollibee!” sigaw bigla ng lahat nang pumasok ang mascot, may dalang cake, at sa likuran, nakasunod ang bagong dating na pamilyang kanina pa hinihintay nila Mama at Papa sakay sa mamahaling kotse na pinagtitinginan ng mga kapitbahay.

“Wow, si Jollibee! Sayaw ka nga ng spaghetti pababa?!” hamon pa ni Ancent.

“’Yan ba ’yon?” bulong sa akin ni Revi nang parehas naming tingnan ang batang lalaki na seryosong pinanood ang kasiyahan ng mga batang dinumog si Jollibee. Kinwento ko kasi sa kanila na may nagnakaw ng laruan ko, lalaki at kulot ang buhok.

Kahit noong unang kita ko sa kanya, alam kong naiiba siya sa aming lahat. Ngayon pa na mas maraming bata sa birthday ko na kaedaran namin, kita ko ang gaslaw ng mga kilos ng iba, maliban sa kanya na nakatayo lang, seryosong nanonood, at hindi makitaan ng interes sa mga mata, na para bang naiiba kaming lahat sa kanya.

“Wow. Iba ang kulay ng mga mata niya, ah? Umiilaw siya, parang si Denver din. Kahit ang buhok, parang lumiliwanag. Babae ba ’yan…o lalaki?” tanong ni Ancent sa akin.

“Lalaki,” sabi ko.

Tiningnan ko ang sumisilip na relo sa pulso niya. Kung noong birthday ko, gold na relo ang suot niya, ngayon itim naman. Ang suot niya ay khaki na pants at navy blue na longsleeves habang may suot pa siyang puting panloob na nakalabas ang kwelyo nito. Ang bango at presko niya tingnan.

“May check pa ang gilid ng sapatos niya oh? Lagi siguro siyang tama sa kanila,” natatawang puna ni Ancent, mukhang nakatingin din sa ayos niya.

“May superpowers siguro ’yan para tamang landas lagi ang madadaanan niya at hindi siya maliligaw,” bulong pabalik ni Revi.

“Maganda siya na pogi kahit masungit tingnan,” si Denver.

Umismid ako. “Pangit ugali niyan. Mang-aagaw ng laruan…”

Tinawag ako nila Mama at Papa, gustong hipan ang kandila sa cake na hawak ni Jollibee. Paglapit ko, ginulo pa ng daddy noong lalaki ang buhok ko at binati ako. ’Yung batang kulot, sinamaan ako ng tingin kaya pasimple ko ring sinamaan ng tingin.

“Wear this, Tyler,” natatawang sabi noong Dad niya, inaambahang ipasuot ’yung birthday hat pero kita kong nandiri at itinulak niya palayo.

Hindi ako natutuwa na nandito siya, sa totoo lang. ’Yung Dad niya, halatang mabait kasi niregaluhan ako ng malaking sasakyan na pwede kong i-drive. ’Yung mommy niya, seryoso lagi at hindi palangiti, halatang sa kanya mana ang anak niya, pero buti pa siya bumati. ’Yung anak, hindi. Hindi ko siya bibigyan ng cake mamaya.

“This is our second child. Her name is Kali…” pakilala ni Mama sa pamilya nila, kahit ang batang lalaki, kuryosong napatingin sa kapatid ko at lumambot agad ang tingin.

“Bilis niyong makadalawa ah? Sige lang, hahabol kami…” ang kaibigan ni Papa na ikinahalakhak ni Papa at Mama.

“Sundan na rin kasi si Tyler. Malaki naman na,” sabi ni Papa.

“Pag nanghingi ’yan ng bunso. Sanay pa kasi na only child. At busy rin kaming dalawa ni misis…”

“Mom, it’s a baby…” Ngiti noong bata at tiningala ang Mommy niya.

At pansin ko, kahit saan si Mama umupo, sinusundan niya. Kinakausap na rin siya ni Mama, lalo na’t tinititigan niya si Kali.

“Hi Kali…” rinig ko ang marahang sabi niya nang lumapit ako.

Hinaplos niya ang buhok ni Kali. Pasimple kong itinulak iyon. Tumingin siya sa akin kaya ako ang humaplos sa buhok ni Kali at nginitian ang kapatid ko.

Inilipat niya ang kamay niya sa kamay ng kapatid ko. At si Kali, dahil hindi suot ang gloves niya, hinawakan niya ang daliri noong bata at inaambahan niya pang ipasok sa bibig niya kaya itinulak ko ulit, baka kung saan saan siya humawak at magkasingaw pa ang kapatid ko.

“No…” Iling ko, kinuha ang kamay niya paalis sa kapatid ko. “Don’t touch…” sabi ko para mas maintindihan niya, total ’yan ’yung sabi niya sa’kin sa mga laruan niya.

“Hayaan mo na, Kuya…” nangingiting sabi ni Mama nang mapansing itinulak ko ang kamay noong bata na mang-aagaw ng kotse ko.

Tinanguan niya ang batang lalaki na inambahan ulit agad na hawakan ang kamay ng kapatid ko.

“Huwag na, Mama. Magkakarashes si Kali,” sabi ko, muling itinulak ang kamay niya, at kahit ang dibdib niya, itinulak ko na rin palayo kay Kali!

“Huwag nga! Kulit mo!” sigaw ko. “Baka pati kapatid ko, agawin mo!”

Kita ko na nagulat siya sa sigaw ko, napatingin sa paligid at nahiya. Binawi niya ang kamay at umatras. Kahit ang parents niya na kausap si Papa, napatingin na sa akin.

“Sshh, Mikael. Huwag ganyan… Bati na kayo. Huwag mo na awayin,” sabi ni Mama habang kita kong nilapitan siya ng Mommy niya, hinawakan ang kamay, at dinala pabalik sa table nila.

“He’s crying?” tanong ng Daddy niya sa Mommy noong bata.

“A bit. The kid doesn’t want him to touch the baby,” sabi noong Mommy ng bata na hinahaplos na ang likod niya.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Nakatayo siya sa harap ng Mommy niya at ang kalahati niyang katawan ay nakahiga sa kandungan nito, ang ulo, nakatingin sa banda namin nila Kali, at kita ko ang luha sa mga mata niya at labi niyang nanginginig. Nang makita niyang tiningnan ko siya, kinusot niya ang mata niya at tumingin sa kabilang banda.

“Inaway ni Mikael?” Lapit ni Papa nang tiningnan niya rin ’yung bata.

“Ayaw niyang ipahawak si Kali,” si Mama.

Tahimik kong hinaplos ang ulo ng kapatid ko. Si Papa, yumuko na sa harap ko, seryoso ang tingin.

“Mikael, huwag mong awayin si Tyler. ’Yung Papa niya oh, binigyan ka ng regalo…” Hawak ni Papa sa kamay ko.

“Gusto mo ba na ganyan ang ituro mo kay Kali pag lumaki siya? Palaaway?” si Mama.

Umiling ako. Ngumiti si Papa. “Huwag na mag-away, ha? Sige na, isali mo na sa laro niyo nila Ancent para bati na kayo…” udyok ni Papa sa akin, ipinagpipilitang kaibiganin ko ’yung bata. Itinulak niya pa ako papalapit sa bata, eh ayaw ko sana kaso natatakot ako sa mommy niya.

“He said he wants you to play with his friends outside,” sabi ng Mama niya habang hinahaplos ang kulot nitong buhok dahil nakayakap pa rin sa kanya at ibinabaon ang mukha sa kandungan niya.

“Tyler, you play with Mikael… He wants you to be his friend now,” ang Dad niya naman ngayon ang nangumbinsi.

Umahon ang ulo niya, tiningnan ako. Kita ko ang mga butil ng luhang dumikit sa mahabang pilikmata niya at nangingintab. Pula rin rin ang kanyang ilong, ganoon din ang kanyang pisngi. Nilingon ko si Mama at Papa na sinenyasan akong dalhin sa labas kung nasa’n sila Ancent, nagtatakbuhan at naglalaro.

“Laro tayo,” napilitang sabi ko at kinuha ang kamay niya para hilain siya palabas, kahit ang totoo, gusto ko na siyang pauwiin.

Humingos siya, tumayo nang tuwid, at hinayaan akong dalhin siya sa labas. Nilingon ko siya at sinubukan kong kausapin kahit ayaw ko siyang makalaro.

“Play,” sabi ko, halos labag pa sa loob.

Tumango siya, kinusot ang mga mata pero matalim ang titig sa akin—parang may halong galit. Nagulat ako sa tingin niya, na kung walang nakatingin sa amin, siguro ay susuntukin niya ako.

Sinabi ko agad kina Ancent na magtumbang preso kami kasi mas masaya ’yon. Binigyan ko rin siya ng tsinelas ko.

“This and…that?” Turo ni Denver sa lata at ipinakita rin ang hawak na tsinelas. Siya ang pinakausap namin dahil mas maalam siya mag-ingles. “You punch.”

Ako ang nagbantay sa lata. Naunang tumira si Revi pero hindi niya natamaan. Noong si Ancent, lumipad lang sa gilid, si Denver ang sumunod at hindi niya rin naasinta hanggang sa siya na.

Yumuko ako sa mga hita ko, tinanguan siya para asintahin na ang lata. Tumingin siya sa akin, saka sa lata. Nakita naming bumwelo siya, pero nang lumipad ang makapal niyang tsinelas ay sa mukha ko mismo tumama. Sa sobrang lakas no’n, napaupo ako sa sahig at hinawakan ang ilong ko. Dumaing ako, tinakpan ’yon lalo na’t parang may tumulo na.

“Hala dumugo!” sigaw nila Ancent.

Tiningnan ko ang kamay ko at dumugo na. Ako…ako ang tinamaan niya. Hindi ang lata. O baka naman…gumanti siya kasi hindi ako pumayag na ipahawak si Kali, at sa galit niya, ito ang ginawa niya.

“Isumbong natin!” si Revi na nagtatakbong pumasok papunta sa gate namin.

Sa galit ko, sinugod ko siya at sinuntok din sa mukha niya. Saktong kakalabas lang ng mga magulang namin at iyon ang naabutang makita habang nasa sahig na iyong bata, nakatingin sa ilong ko. Alam kong gumanti siya, lalo na’t nakatitig lang siya sa akin, na para bang tama lang na dumugo ang ilong ko.

“Umuwi ka na! Hindi ka na invited sa birthday ko! Ayokong makipagkaibigan sa masasama ang ugali kagaya mo!” Tulak ko sa kanya sa galit ko.

“Denver, ikaw ang magpaliwanag! English-speaking din ang Mommy niya!” si Ancent nang lumapit na ang parents namin.

“Him!” Itinuro ni Denver si Tyler. “Punch! Slipper!”

“Diyos ko, ang daming dugo! Anong nangyari?! Rommel, si Mikael!” natatarantang tanong ni Mama nang yumuko siya sa harap ko at pinunasan ang dugo sa ilong ko gamit ang t-shirt ko.

“Mama, natanggalan ba ako ng ipin? Bungal na ako… Pangit na ako,” iyak ko.

Nakita kong ipinahawak pa ni Papa si Kali sa Mama ni Denver na imbitado rin at natatarantang tumakbo rito.

“I didn’t punch him! ’Twas the slipper, Mom!” Iling noong bata.

“Sinuntok daw ni Tyler, sabi ng mga bata,” ang Dad niya nang makasalubong si Papa na papalapit na sa akin.

Umiiyak ako sa sakit at takot dahil tuloy-tuloy ang agos ng dugo at pinagkakaguluhan pa nila akong lahat, kahit si Mama nagpapanic na. Pakiramdam ko, ang liwanag na nakikita ko, si Lord na.

Sa halip na masaya ang birthday ko, nagkagulo pa dahil dumugo ang ilong ko. At ’yung bata, pinagalitan ng Daddy niya. Buti nga.

“Nagkulong sa kuwarto buong gabi. Sabi nga ng Mommy niya, baka rin na-trauma dahil dumugo ang ilong ni Mikael. Natakot yata kaya iyak nang iyak sa Mommy niya na bumalik na sa States. Ayaw niya na raw rito sa Pinas,” rinig ko kinabukasan ang sabi noong Daddy niya nang bumisita sa amin.

“Ang lakas siguro ng suntok niya kaya dumugo ang ilong ni Mikael. Baka dahil doon sa laruan na pinag-awayan nila noong nakaraan kaya gumanti,” si Papa.

“Baka nga… Ayaw kasi no’n na pinapakialaman ang mga regalo, lalo na kung bigay ko. Eh kumusta si Mikael?”

“Ayon… galit na galit din kay Tyler. Sabi niya nga, huwag na raw pabalikin dito sa bahay.”

“Makakalimutan din siguro ng dalawang ’yan pag lumaki na sila. Alam mo naman, away bata…”

At sa mga sumunod na araw, nabalitaan ko na lang din kay Papa na bumalik na raw sa States ’yung bata kasama ang Mommy niya, ayaw na raw bumisita sa Pinas ulit, o tumira rito. Dito pala sana sila titira na, kaso panay iyak na raw ’yung bata gabi-gabi, nangungumbinsi umalis.

At ’yung Daddy noong bata, taon-taon, nireregaluhan na ako ng mga laruan. Madalas din siyang bumisita sa bahay, kakausapin ako.

“’Yung anak ko, malaki na rin. Sumali sa football. Napag-usapan nga namin ng Mommy niya na sundan na siya kasi nanghihingi na ng kapatid. Hindi nga namin mabigyan-bigyan ng regalo sa Christmas kasi ang laman ng medyas niya, baby sis daw. Katulad ni Kali…” kuwento niya sa akin.

“Eh, bakit hindi niyo bigyan para may kalaro na siya at hindi siya naiinggit sa akin?” sabi ko.

“Kung gano’n lang ’yon kadali…bibigyan agad namin.”

Ang swerte ko pala dahil nabigyan ako ng kapatid. At hindi lang isa dahil noong elementary na ako, nasundan ulit isa pa si Kali na halos apat na taon lamang ang agwat sa kanya. Si Kittie, ang bunso.

Nagtataka nga ako kung bakit gano’n kadali para sa mga magulang ko na bigyan ako ng kapatid, habang iyong kaibigan ni Papa, na mas maraming pera, hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin nila nabibigyan ng kapatid iyong nag-iisa nilang anak na may pangit na ugali.

Simula rin kasi no’n, hindi na talaga siya bumalik sa Pilipinas. Naririnig ko na lang ang kwento lagi sa kanyang Papa, pero habang lumalaki ako, nakakalimutan ko na rin ang rason bakit kami nag-away no’n, basta ang alam ko, ayaw ko sa kanya. Galit ako sa kanya.

“Jasver! Laro raw tayo! May lata na ako!” Pinakita ni Denver sa akin ang hawak niyang lata, kaso umiling lang ako.

“Kailangan kong bantayan si Kittie! Kayo na lang muna,” paalam ko.

“Huh? Eh noong nakaraan, hindi ka rin nakipaglaro sa amin…” Simangot niya, humawak pa sa magkabilang bakal ng gate namin at idinikit ang mukha niya. “Laro na tayo… Ayoko makipaglaro sa kanila kung wala ka…” kumbinsi niya.

Doon ko rin unti-unting napansin na hindi na pala ako nakakasabay sa mga kaibigan ko sa labas para makipaglaro simula noong nasundan si Kali. Hindi naman sa gusto kong maglaro lagi, pero nakakainggit din pala pag…naririnig mo na nagkakatuwaan ang mga kalaro mo sa labas, tapos ikaw, nasa loob lamang ng bahay niyo.

Ayaw ko ring iwan lahat kay Mama ang pagbabantay sa mga kapatid ko. Ayaw ko siyang mapagod. Eh Kuya naman na ako. Sabi nga ni Mama, malaki na ako…kaya dapat, magpaka-Kuya na ako.

“Big boy na si Kuya, ’no? Kaya si Kali na muna ang binilhan namin ng bagong laruan. Hindi ka naman na naglalaro,” si Mama nang bilhan nila si Kali ng isang pink na bike at may basket pa sa harap.

Totoo naman. Hindi na ako bata. At ang dami ko ring laruan na bigay noong kaibigan ni Papa kaya pag si Kali na ang inuuna ng parents ko, naiintindihan ko.

“Mama, si Kali na lang muna ang bilhan niyo ng bagong gamit ngayong pasukan, eh magagamit pa naman ’yung bag ko.” At kahit ako, nasanay na ring magpaubaya palagi para matulungan ko sila Mama at Papa na makapagtipid dahil dalawa na kami ni Kali ang mag-aaral.

Tama lang na magtiis ako, kasi kuya ako at panganay rin. Sabi ni Papa, pag panganay ka, dapat isipin mo lagi ang kapakanan ng mga kapatid mo.

Kahit sa Siargao, kung lalabas man ako, dala-dala ko si Kali lagi. Bukod sa mahirap siyang bantayan, noong naging apat na taong gulang na siya, sobrang likot niya.

“Kamuntik daw malunod si Kali dahil nangunguha ng shells sa tabing dagat, Mikael. Nasa’n ka ba noong oras na ’yon? Hindi ba…sabi ko, huwag mong ialis ang tingin mo sa bata mong kapatid kung dadalhin mo siya ro’n?” marahang pangaral ni Papa na ikinayuko ko.

Gusto ko kasing pag-aralang matuto mag-surf. Pero hindi ko magawa-gawa dahil kailangan kong bantayan si Kali.

Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na may nangyayari kay Kali pag nalilingat ako ng tingin. Lalo na’t doon sa Cavite, napapaaway ako madalas sa kapitbahay dahil palaaway rin itong kapatid ko, o lapitin ng gulo. May nakasuntukan pa nga ako dahil umiyak si Kali at nagsumbong sa akin. Sa huli, ako rin ang napagalitan kasi nabungal ko iyong nakasuntukan kong lalaki sa sobrang inis ko.

Si Kali sa tabi ko, tahimik na tumingin sa akin. Nang lingunin ko siya, ngumiti siya at niyakap ako patagilid.

“Sorry, Kuya. Papa is mad…” sunod ni Kali sa kuwarto ko.

“Huwag masyadong maging makulit para hindi ako mapagalitan, ha?” Karga ko sa kanya, inilagay siya sa kama ko lalo na’t nakaugalian niya nang manood ng movies kasama ko.

“Okay, kuya. You are not mad at Kali? Are we friends na?”

Natawa ako sa sabi niya. Kinurot ko ang pisngi niyang namumula at inayos din ang suot niyang headband. Ipinakita ko ang pinky finger ko kaya nangingiti niyang inilingkis ang hinlalaki niyang kamay doon.

“Kapatid mo ako, Kali. Kakampi mo ako sa lahat ng bagay…”

Kaya kahit pakiramdam ko hindi ko na nagagawa iyong mga dating ginagawa ko, katulad ng pakikipaglaro sa mga kaibigan ko, ayos lang dahil mas importante na sa akin na mabantayan si Kali at Kittie. Mas importante sa akin ang kapatid ko.

“Yan daw ’yong mayaman na amo…ang may-ari ng construction company na pinagtatrabahuan ni Rommel,” rinig ko ang bulung-bulungan ng ibang kapitbahay nang lumabas ako at agaw-pansin ang Porsche na nakapark sa garahe namin dahil bumisita ang kaibigan ni Papa.

“Kaya ang swerte ni Rommel eh. Hindi na kailangang magkanda-kuba kaka-trabaho dahil pinapaboran ng amo. Ang liit lang ng bahay nila noon, pero ngayon nakapagrenovate na. De-kotse na rin.”

“Kung hindi dahil sa amo niyan, mas mahirap pa siguro silang tingnan kaysa kila Ramil.”

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko. Mulat ako noong bata pa ako na galing kami sa hirap, ngunit dahil sa pagsisikap ni Papa, nakaahon rin kahit paano. Pero dahil malapit si Papa sa amo niya, na kaibigan niya mismo kahit noong walang wala pa ito, tingin ng lahat dito, kaya lang kami may kaya dahil kaibigan ni Papa ang amo niya, hindi dahil…masipag si Papa.

At sa mga lumilipas na taon, naiinis ako lagi sa sabi-sabi rito. Na nakikita ng ibang kapitbahay na kumakabit kami sa yaman ng amo ni Papa, na hindi kami makakatayo sa sarili naming mga paa pag wala ang amo ni Papa.

Tinatawag ng iba na…manggagamit kami. Kaya kami mayaman dahil…manggagamit at may kapit.

Kahit gabi-gabi, hindi muna ako natutulog para hintayin si Papa na bagong dating, pagod na pagod galing sa trabaho, halos sa sofa na makatulog. Ako pa ang naghuhubad ng sapatos niya, ako ang nag-iinit ng pagkain para makakain muna siya, at ako rin ang naghihilot ng balikat niya para maibsan ko man lang ang pagod niya.

“Huwag na tayong maghire ng katulong, Papa,” alala ko noong 9 lang ako, at iyon ang munti kong hiling sa kanya. “Kaya ko naman ang gawaing bahay. Para makatipid-tipid din tayo sa gastusin. Ang perang ipinapasahod niyo sa katulong, itabi mo na lang. Hindi ko na rin gagastusin ang baon ko at iipunin ko para sa inyo ni Mama.”

Napangiti si Papa at nilingon ako sa likod habang nakaupo ako sa ulo ng sofa at abalang hilutin ang balikat niya.

“Tunog kuripot ka na, ah? Diyan pa naman yumaman si Fred. Sa sobrang kuripot no’n sa pera, kahit sarili pinagdadamutan. Kailangan ko pa ’yung bilhan ng sapatos minsan noon para lang may bago siyang masuot dahil kahit bumubukaka na ang ilalim, pag pwede pang gamitin, gagamitin niya…” natatawang kwento ni Papa.

Kumurap ako. Kuripot siya pero…ang dami-dami niyang binibigay sa pamilya namin. Lalo na sa akin.

Tuwing birthday ko, hindi niya ako nakakalimutang bigyan ng regalo. Madalas, laruan noon. Pero ngayong lumalaki na, pansin ko, mga damit at perfume na dahil sa masamang ugali noong anak niya.

Kaya kahit minsan, gusto ko na enggrande rin ang birthday ko, mas gusto ko na lang simplehan. O kahit cake na lang eh, sapat na ’yon para hindi na gumastos ng malaki sila Mama at Papa. Hindi ko na rin kailangan ng mga regalo dahil sagana naman ako sa mga laruan, eh. Halos ang iba pa nga, pinapalaro ko na rin sa mga kaibigan ko sa sobrang dami.

“Kahit pansit na lang ipakain mo sa amin, pampahaba rin naman ’yon ng buhay! Pero samahan mo ng panulak, ah!” si Ancent. Kahit ang mga kaibigan ko, nakontento rin sa plano ko sa birthday ko.

Kaso ang mga magulang ko, hindi yata marunong magtipid. Si Kali na bata pa lang, sinanay nila sa enggrandeng birthday taon-taon. Madalas na may birthday party. Kaya para mapagbigyan taon-taon ang birthday ng kapatid ko, nagpaparaya ako. Kay Kali na lang na birthday ang gastusan nila at kay Kittie.

“Ayos lang ’yan anak… eh baka mainggit si Kali sa mga kaibigan niya na may mga birthday parties tapos siya wala. Baka ma-bully pa,” ani Mama nang sinabi kong sa susunod na birthday ni Kali sana, simplehan na lang total bata pa naman. Lalo na’t pwede namang ang 18th birthday niya na lang ang bonggahan.

“Masasanay ’yan, ma. Baka pag lumaki ’yan, kung kailan hirap na tayo sa pera, kung ano-ano na lang ang hingiin niyan at hindi na natin kayang ibigay. Ayos na ’yung natikman niya ng isang beses,” sabi ko.

Tumawa si Mama at naiiling. “Ay ewan ko sa’yo Kuya…hayaan mo na ang kapatid mo. Kaya naman natin. At memories din ’to pag laki niya!”

Kaya itong si Kali, hindi nahihiyang manghingi sa parents ko ng kung ano-ano. Napapansin ko na iyon noong 9 years old na siya. Gusto niya ’yung iPhone na bagong labas dahil madalas sa kaklase niya, nakabili. Siya lang ang napag-iiwanan.

“Please, Papa! Please! My friends have it while I’m stuck with this boring old version!” rinig ko ang reklamo niya habang nakayakap patagilid kay Papa, ang baba ay nasa balikat ni Papa.

“Hindi pa ’yan sira, Kali,” saway ko at seryosong inilapag ang snacks sa bilugang mesa dito sa sala.

“It is, Kuya! The battery is already decreasing!”

“Magkano ba ’yong bago?” tanong ni Papa na ipinagsalubong ng kilay ko.

“Pa, huwag na. Hindi niya kailangan ng bago. Nagagamit pa ’yan nang maayos!” giit ko.

“It’s around fifty to sixty thousand, Papa! Please! I promise I’ll do well in school!”

“Sige sige. Usapan natin ’yan, ha? Mag-aaral nang maayos…” si Papa.

“Okay! I love you so much! Thank you!”

Ito ang mahirap. Gusto mong disiplinahin ang kapatid mo, pero kunsintidor ang mga magulang mo. Lalo na’t ayaw nilang higpitan talaga si Kali dahil madalas daw, ang mga batang hinihigpitan, nagrerebelde.

Kaso ang problema dito, hindi lang naman kasi si Kali ang anak. Kung bibigyan nila ng ganyan si Kali, s’yempre, maiinggit ang bunso. Kaya sa halip na si Kali lang, kahit si Kittie, nabilhan din ng bagong iPad para hindi magselos. Tahimik lang ang isang ’to pero maldita pa naman din…

Ayos lang naman sa akin ang ganito. Ayos lang na nabibigay nila ang luho ng mga kapatid ko. Pero hanggang kailan? Wala naman kasi kaming generational wealth para maging ganito ka kampante na gumastos—na kahit ilang libo pa ang gastusin buwan-buwan, ayos lang dahil hindi naman mauubos ang pera, o may pagkukuhaan naman.

Pero bukod sa trabaho ni Papa, may business ba kami? Wala. Si Papa ang nagdodoble kayod para tustusan lahat ng gastusin sa bahay, at nadedestino na rin sa ibang lugar malayo sa amin dahil binibigyan siya ng malaking proyekto ng amo niya.

Kaya para matulungan siya, sa bahay ako bumabawi. Alas kuwatro pa lang ng umaga, gising na ako. Maliligo na at magluluto para sa mga kapatid, saka ko rin sila gigisingin mga bandang alas singko. Kahit hindi magising nang maaga si Mama, hindi siya mamomroblema dahil pati mga baon ng kapatid ko, kung may tira ako, iyon na rin ang ibinibigay ko bukod sa mga snacks at lunchboxnila na ako rin ang naghahanda. Bago rin umalis sa bahay, sinisigurado ko pang naka-off na ang aircon ng mga kuwarto nila, kahit ang mga saksakan at ilaw ay nakapatay na.

At habang lumalaki ako, nadadala ko ang ugaling pagiging masinop sa pera, na bawat sentimo ay may halaga at hindi dapat sayangin.

“Oh? Ang laki mo na ah? Ito na ba ’yung panganay ni Rommel?” nangingiting tanong ng asawa ni Manong Edgar nang dalhin ako ni Papa sa Christmas party ng kompanya na taon-taong may nagaganap na magarbong event noong fourteen na ako.

Nagmano ako sa matanda. Ngumiti siya sa akin. Halos kilala na ako ng lahat, lalo na’t close nga si Papa sa amo niya.

“Ang bilis mong tumangkad, parang ’yung anak ko lang din…” ang amo ni Papa nang natyempuhan ako, tumigil sa harap ko, at nangingiting ginulo ang buhok ko. “Buti at nagustuhan mo ang bigay ko…” Sabay tingin niya sa suot ko ngayon.

Nahihiya akong ngumiti. “Salamat po…”

I’ve known him since I was a kid. If there is one thing I like about him, it’s his humbleness as someone who’s already on the top. Lalo na’t hindi naman lahat ng umaangat ay iiwanan ang sariling mga paa sa lupa. Madalas, ang mga umaangat, nakakalimot bumaba…o ayaw nang lumingon sa pinanggalingan. Pero siya, hindi lamang nakasayad ang mga paa sa lupa, kahit ang mga tuhod ay nakaluhod. And I admire him for that.

“Paborito talaga ni boss ’yang batang si Mikael…” rinig ko bigla ang bulung-bulungan.

“Eh s’yempre, may kapit ang tatay eh. Papaboran din talaga ang anak…”

“Kung ako rin naman si Rommel, talagang kakapit ako sa boss ko kung kapalit no’n ang maginhawang buhay ng buong pamilya ko. Kaya si Rommel lagi ang nakakakuha ng malalaking proyekto eh. Si Rommel lagi ang inuuna ni boss…”

“Wala pa ’yang pinag-aralan, ah? Pero daig pa ang engineer sa lakas ng kapit. Mismong boss ba naman…ngayon akala mo kung sino makaasta eh foreman lang naman sana…”

Nagulat ako sa mga narinig ko. Kahit hindi iyon ang unang beses na pinaparatangan kami dahil lang malapit si Papa sa boss mismo, masakit na marinig na laging…naisasantabi ang sariling paghihirap ni Papa. At ang masakit pa, sa mga ka-trabaho lang din ni Papa galing ang mga iyon.

Tumatak sa akin ang lahat at baon-baon ko lagi ang mga naririnig ko hindi lamang sa mga kapitbahay, kundi pati na rin sa mga katrabaho ni Papa, kahit sa mga engineer na minamaliit siya. Iyon ang naging inspirasyon ko para mag-aral nang mabuti.

“Kuya? Let’s watch a movie? Can I sleep in your room too?” si Kali na sumilip sa kwarto ko habang abala akong magbasa ng libro.

Gusto ko sanang maging engineer din katulad ng gusto ni Papa dahil sabi niya nga, madali na lang iyon sa akin lalo na’t contractor ang kaibigan niya, na boss niya rin. Pero para sa akin, ilalagay ko lamang ang sarili ko sa lugar na hindi makikita ang pagod at hirap ko. Ayokong maging anino ng nino mang nasa itaas…

“Next time, Kali. At mainit dito sa kuwarto ko. Mag-electric fan lang ako. Malaki ang kuryente natin ngayon. Kailangan nating magtipid…” sabi ko habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa notebook ko.

Plano ko kasing kumuha ng scholarship sa kolehiyo, pero sabi ni Papa, may scholarships na binibigay ang amo niya sa bawat anak ng mga trabahante. Kaya kailangan kong ma-maintain ang malalaking marka para makapasok.

Pag-aaral ang inatupag ko noong senior high na, at kaunting pag-gi-girlfriend din sa Siargao. Kapitbahay lang namin iyon sa Siargao, si Racia, natipuhan ko dahil na rin simple at maganda.

“Hold my hand, Mikael,” utos niya habang namamasyal kami at maraming tao.

Sa totoo lang, ayoko sa PDA. Nakokornihan ako. Pwede namang saka na maglalampungan pag kami-kami na lang dalawa. Hindi naman sa ayaw kong hawakan ang kamay niya, pero ayoko iyong agaw-pansin na mga magkasintahan at pinagtitinginan talaga. Siguro na rin dahil mas gusto ko pa rin ang tradisyunal na relasyon, old-school kumbaga.

“Maya na… pag tayo na lang dalawa,” I said to calm her down.

“Hindi ka ba proud sa akin na girlfriend mo ako? Eh wala ngang nakatingin sa atin eh!” Ngumuso siya.

Gusto kong matawa sa paratang niya. Kailangan bang ipagsigawan na proud ako na girlfriend ko siya sa lahat ng tao?

Kaya pag-uwi ko ulit sa Cavite, naninibago na ang mga kaibigan ko sa akin. Siguro dahil tumangkad ako, o dahil lumaki ng kaunti ang katawan ko.

“Bakit? Anong meron?” taka kong tanong nang magkayayaang magsoccer. Hinubad ko ang t-shirt, naupo sa field, at ginamit iyong pamaypay habang nag-iiwas ng tingin si Denver; namumula pa yata ang mukha dahil sa init ng panahon.

“Mas lalo kang gumwapo, boy. Dahil ba ’yan sa gupit mo o dahil minsan ka na lang namin makita? Binata at lalaking-lalaki ka na tingnan,” si Ancent na nakayuko, hinihingal pa ng kaunti at napapangisi sa akin.

Tinapik ko ang tiyan ni Revi para makahingi sa tubig na iniinom niya. Itinukod ko ang isang kamay sa likod, kinuha ng isa kong kamay ang inilahad na tubig ni Revi sa tumbler niya, saka ako tumingala para ibuhos iyon sa bibig ko. Si Denver, tumingin ulit sa akin kaya nahuli kong titig na titig, baka gusto ring makiinom kaya hindi ko inubos.

“May girlfriend ka na ba ro’n? Kaya siguro tuwing summer, mas gusto mong doon na lang,” si Revi na nakangisi sa akin.

Inilahad ko kay Denver ang tubig na wala sa sarili niyang kinuha. “Meron…”

“Meron?!” si Ancent na ikinaubo pa ni Denver sa gulat kaya tiningnan siya saglit ni Ancent.

Binasa ko ang labi at tumango. “Oo. Si Racia,” kuwento ko.

“May picture ka? Maganda ba? Patingin nga,” si Revi.

Kinuha ko tuloy palabas ang pitaka ko para ipakita sa kanila na pinagkaguluhan agad nila. Si Ancent, pinakita pa kay Denver na kunot-noo ring tiningnan ni Denver.

“Bakit ka nag girlfriend agad?! May magseselos niyan na kaibigan natin!” natatawang sabi ni Ancent na ikinakunot ng noo ko. Si Denver, tumingin din kay Ancent, siguro kuryoso kung sino ang tinutukoy ng babaeng ’to.

“Sino?” tanong ko, kinuha sa kanyang kamay ang picture ni Racia at baka magusot pa.

Tiningnan ni Revi si Denver kaya taka ko rin siyang tiningnan. Namula siya, nagkasalubong ang kilay, at pinisil ang tainga. Kung hindi lang ako inakbayan ni Ancent at natawa, hindi malilingat ang atensyon ko.

“Ako, boy. Hindi mo na ba natatandaan noong mga bata pa tayo? Pag naglalaro tayo, ako pa ang mama tapos ikaw ang papa? Akala ko nga, pag lumaki na tayo, liligawan mo agad ako!”

“Tss. Hindi ako pumapatol sa kaibigan. Pag kaibigan, kaibigan lang. Isa pa, ang bata-bata pa natin no’n,” sabi ko at itinulak siya palayo sa akin. At ito pa talaga ang gagawin kong girlfriend; eh mas lalaki pa nga ’to pumorma sa akin.

“Aray ko naman…hindi ka pala pumapatol ng kaibigan? Sakit naman niyan?” daing ni Ancent pero pasimpleng natatawa.

“Sayang, pre. Tipo pa naman kita… Akala ko pwede tayo kahit lalaki tayong dalawa.” Ngisi ni Revi na talagang sinipa ko dahil inambahan pang hahaplusin ang pisngi ko. Hayop na ’to.

Kahit papauwi na kaming apat, ayaw pa rin nila akong tantanan sa girlfriend ko. Hanggang sa kaming dalawa na lamang ni Denver ang naglalakad dahil magkatapat naman ang bahay namin, iyon pa rin ang topic.

“Niligawan mo?” kuryoso niyang tanong.

“Oo naman. Sabik yatang magkaroon ng poging boyfriend kaya sinagot agad ako…” seryoso kong sabi, inilagay ang mga kamay sa likod.

Natahimik siya at hindi yata natawa sa biro ko, kaya tiningnan ko siya sa gilid ng aking mga mata, at pansing marami na ring nagbago sa kanya. Bukod sa naging tahimik ng kaunti, marunong na siyang manamit at amoy polbo pa lagi.

“May nilalagay ka sa pisngi mo?” Sinubukan ko pang burahin at tiningnan ang kamay ko pero wala naman. Kanina pa ’to namumula eh. Kaya nga akala ko may kolorete sa mukha o ano…

“W-Wala ah?” At mas lalo siyang namula kaya nagtataka ko siyang tiningnan.

“Ano ’yan, nagb-blush ka sa’kin?” I chuckled a little to tease him. “Gano’n ba ako ka guwapo sa gupit ko?”

“Gago,” natawa rin siya. “Yabang mo talaga. Namumula lang ang pisngi ko dahil sa init kanina, pinag-iisipan mo agad na dahil sa kagwapuhan mo?” Sabay tulak ng buhok niya paatras at tingin sa malayo.

Ngumisi ako at inakbayan siya. “Arte ah? Baka nakakalimutan mo, ako pa rin ang nagpapakain sa’yo noong mga bata pa tayo. Imbes na mag-isa kong kinakain ang biling Jollibee ni Papa, hahatian pa kita.”

Umirap siya pero nangingiti. “Edi pag uwi mo sa susunod, ililibre kita para hindi mo na ’yan isumbat sa akin.”

“Anong isinusumbat? Eh halos kapatid na rin ang tingin ko sa’yo. Bago pa man dumating si Kali, parang nauna pa kitang inalagaan eh.” Lalo na’t bata pa lang kami talaga ni Denver, madalas ko nang makita na halos hindi siya nakakakain sa bahay nila kaya nangangayayat tingnan. Kaya pag may pagkain ako noon, hinahatian ko siya lagi, o sa bahay ko na rin pinapakain. Buti na lang, nakakaluwag-luwag na sila ngayon.

His smile faded. Siniko niya ako kaya naalis tuloy ang akbay ko, hindi pa rin makatingin sa akin. “Anong kapatid? Ayaw kitang maging kapatid. Baka hindi ako magka-girlfriend sa sobrang higpit mo.”

“Bakit? May girlfriend ka na ba? Bawal ka pang mag-girlfriend, ah?” sabi ko at iniwasan niya agad ang mga mata ko.

“Pagbalik mo ulit dito, magugulat ka na lang. Kaya ko ring maggirlfriend kahit ayaw mo…” seryoso at may paninindigan pa sa boses niya. Naiinggit lang yata ang isang ’to sa akin na may girlfriend ako kaya nakuryoso na rin.

Kung si Denver ang magkaka-girlfriend, ayos lang sa akin eh halatang matino naman ’to, huwag lang si Ancent. Lalo na’t iba talaga ang babaeng ’yon. Hindi naman sa wala akong tiwala sa kanya pero kawawa ang magiging boyfriend niyan. O boyfriend ba talaga ang gusto kung sakali man?

Dear baby,

Sorry, Mikael. Break na tayo. Mahal kita, pero na-realize ko na hindi ka ma-effort, at feeling ko kinakahiya mo ako. Kahit bulaklak man lang sana. Wala. O kahit man lang i-date ako sa labas. Para mo lang akong tropa katulad ni Tessa na kaibigan mo. Edi sana tinropa mo na lang din ako. Ayaw ko na :(

Love,

Racia <\3

Ang laman ng letter ni Racia sa mismong anibersaryo namin na ipinadaan pa kay Tessa. Nasa harap ko siya, habang nakaupo ako at seryosong binabasa ang sulat-kamay ni Racia.

Nagulat ako sa totoo lang. Sinabi ko naman sa kanya na hindi ako mahilig sa PDA, pero hindi iyon dahil kinakahiya ko siya.

“Sabi ko sa’yo, bilhan mo ng bulaklak eh anniversary niyo naman! Nainggit ’yon sa bestfriend niya dahil pinuntahan sa Valentine’s sa classroom at sinorpresa ng malaking bulaklak! Tapos ikaw, walang binigay!”

Naipikit ko ang isang mata, isinilid ang sulat-kamay sa pantalon ko, at tumayo. De bale na nga. Kung gusto niyang makipagbreak…edi sige.

Tumabi si Tessa sa akin, siniko ako. “Ano, puntahan natin sa classroom? Bilhan mo ng malaking bouquet! Magkano lang naman kasi ’yon!”

“Huwag na. Uuwi na ako.”

Masakit naman pero…naiintindihan ko rin. Hindi ko pa kaya ang mga gusto niya eh. Mas mabuti ngang maghiwalay na lang muna. May pera naman ako kaso…

“Oh? Nasa’n na si Racia?” tanong ni Mama.

Umiling ako. “Nakipaghiwalay, ma. Ligo lang ako…”

“Ay Tita, hindi niya kasi binigyan ng bulaklak!” natatawang balita ni Tessa dahil sumunod pa talaga pauwi sa bahay.

“Huh? Sayang naman… ang dami pa namang niluto ni Kuya. May kandila pa ’yang binili para sa dinner nila sa dalampasigan para doon daw sila hanggang hating-gabi.”

“Ay ma-effort naman pala, tahimik lang!”

Hindi ko na pinakinggan ang sinabi ni Mama at naligo. Si Tessa, kinumbinsi pa ako sa araw na ’yon na ipakita kay Racia ang effort ko, o papupuntahin niya sa bahay pero nawalan din ako ng gana. Hindi man ako nakabigay ng bulaklak, pero bumabawi naman ako sa ibang paraan, ah? Ayos na dapat ’yon. At ’yang bulaklak, malalanta rin naman ’yan. Mas mabuti pa ang pagkain kasi mabubusog ka.

“Pero gusto ko kasi, lagi tayong magkasama. Gusto ko, kung nasaan ka, nando’n din ako…” At ang sumunod na girlfriend ko noong seventeen ako, si Cara, turista na napamahal sa Siargao dahil sa akin, mas clingy kumpara sa nauna.

“Ayoko ng gano’n. Edi mabilis kang mauumay sa akin? Baka magsasawa ka agad…” nangingiting bulong ko, kahit nakasimangot na siya sa akin.

“Eh kaya nga kita boyfriend kasi sa susunod, magiging asawa na kita. Dapat masanay ka na sa akin na lagi tayong magkasama! At hindi pwedeng bitbit mo lagi si Kittie sa date natin. Paano kita masosolo? Paano tayo maghahalikan? Paano…” Kinagat niya ang labi at tiningnan ang 8-year-old kong kapatid, abala sa iPad niya at magkasalubong pa ang kilay.

Binasa ko ang pang-ibabang labi, napaangat ang kilay. Nasa duyan kami, nakakandong na nga sa akin, pero lumilipad sa kung saan-saan ang isip niya. Kinalabit niya pa ang kapatid ko na tahimik na lumingon sa kanya.

“Kittie, next time, can you give me and your kuya some privacy?”

Humalukipkip ako, swabeng inilagay sa baywang niya ang kamay, at tamad na pinanood ang pakikipag-usap niya sa kapatid kong inangatan agad siya ng kilay.

“Okay. Then stop calling him when he’s spending his time with me as well. Give him some privacy, too…” ang seryoso at kabaliktaran kong kapatid sa Ate Kali niya, ang matabil ang dila na si Kittie.

Cara’s eyes widened, and she looked offended. Namimilog niya akong tiningnan habang nakatuko ang mga kamay niya sa kandungan ko, napaahon ng kaunti at napasimangot.

“Inaway niya ako…”

I laughed lazily and put the strands of her hair on the side of her ear. “Huwag kasing mauna…”

Akala ko noong una, biru-biruan lang noong nakakaaway niya si Kittie, pero patagal nang patagal, seryoso na yata ang away nila. Na kahit ang kapatid ko, ayaw na ring bumibisita si Cara sa bahay. Buti na lang iyong sumunod kong girlfriend, mabait at kasundo si Kittie. Madalas din sa bahay namin at may lahi rin, katulad ni Cara. Mas mahinhin nga lang si Trina, mas palakaibigan din, hindi nga lang nakakapagsalita ng tagalog pero nakakaintindi.

“We look so cute in this photo,” Pakita niya sa picture na kinuhanan sa Lighthouse at kasama namin ang buong pamilya niya.

Understanding si Trina kumpara sa mga nauna kong ex. Naiintindihan niya ang kalagayan ko, lalo na’t hindi ko rin maiwan-iwan minsan ang mga kapatid ko dahil na rin itong middle child na si Kali, nagsisimula nang magdalaga, at ayaw kong malingat ang tingin ko.

Kaya kahit masakit sa loob na minsan ko lang nadi-date sa labas, ginagawan ni Trina ng paraan at bumibisita lagi sa bahay para hindi ako ma-kunsumisyon. Napagkakamalan tuloy na binabahay ko sa dalas na rito sa bahay…

Kung may ayaw man ako sa ugali niya, masyadong selosa. Pati ang mga babaeng pumupunta sa gig gabi-gabi na isa sa pinagkukunan namin ng pera ng mga kaibigan ko, pinagseselosan niya.

Revi:

Boy, uwi ka na. Ang dalawa mong kapatid, natuluyan na.

At sa mga sumunod na summer, nakakagulat na si Ancent at Denver, sila na. Gago. Hindi ko alam kung pinagtitripan ako ni Revi, o sa sobrang dalang ko sa Cavite tuwing tag-init, napag-iiwanan na ako sa mga nangyayari sa buhay nila. Kaya pag uwi ko, nang matyempuhang nasa bakuran si Denver, lumabas agad ako ng bahay para sana gulatin.

“Bakit si Ate Ancent ang gi-in-irlfriend mo eh si Kuya Jasver ang crush mo?” rinig ko si Rio habang papalapit na ako sa pader.

“Tigilan mo ako, Rio. Pag nakaabot ’yan kay Jasver…” ang banta ni Denver.

Patalon kong inakyat ang pader hanggang nahulog ako sa bakuran nila. “Ang alin?” tanong ko at inangatang kilay si Denver na nagulat sa akin; kahit ang walis tingting na hawak, nabitiwan niya.

“Anong crush?” tanong ko lalo na’t mali pa yata ang pagkakarinig ko.

Nag-ambang magsalita si Rio, kaso pinalo ni Denver ng walis tingting ang pwet. “Pumasok ka na nga sa loob ng bahay, Rio!”

Nagtatakbong pumasok sa loob si Rio, nilingon pa kaming dalawa, sabay ngisi ng mapang-asar sa kapatid niya.

“Kayo na raw ni Ancent, ah?” tanong ko at humalukipkip sa pader.

Nagpatuloy siyang magwalis sa parteng wala namang kalat. Namumula na naman ang tainga niya. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang isipin na iyong mga pagkakataong namumula siya lagi ay dahil…

“Crush ko na kasi ’yon noong mga bata pa tayo. Hindi ko lang sinasabi,” aniya.

“Talaga? Akala ko ako?” natatawa kong biro.

“Eh bakit? Kung ikaw ba…papatulan mo ba ako?” biro niya pabalik.

Pakiramdam ko tuloy, itong biro niyang ’to, may laman dahil sa narinig ko kanina.

“Ba’t kita papatulan eh halos kapatid na ang tingin ko sa’yo? At ’yan na ba ang natutunan mo kay Ancent?” Lalo na’t sa aming lahat, si Ancent ang matinik bumanat talaga. Nahahawa na yata siya o…

Ayokong bigyan ng kahulugan ang narinig. Ayoko ring sirain no’n sa isip ko ang meron kami simula noong mga bata pa, lalo na’t hindi ko rin talagang ugaling mahulog o magkagusto man lang sa mga kaibigan ko. At medyo weird din na…lalaki si Denver…o baka naman…hindi siya straight at bisexual siya?

“Ang anak ni Fred, pinauwi rito sa Pinas… Mukhang sakit sa ulo ng ina doon sa ibang bansa kaya dito na ata papaaralin. Sinundo ko nga ’yon sa airport… ang tangkad at ang guwapong binata. Hindi na gano’n ka haba ang buhok niya noong bata pa siya pero palangiti na. Hindi na masungit,” kuwento ni Papa nang umuwi na ako sa Cavite habang abala ko sa phone at nirereplyan si Trina na ka-ldr ko na naman.

“Hindi pa rin pala nabibigyan ng kapatid ’yon?” tanong ni Mama na nasa tabi ni Papa.

“Hindi. Masyadong lulong sa trabaho si Charlotta. Eh si Fred, tutok din sa kompanya… Walang oras ang dalawa para mag-alaga ulit ng bata…”

Nagsalin ako ng tubig at inilagay sa tabi ng plato ni Papa. Tumingin siya sa akin at napangiti.

“Pinaalala ko nga sa kanya kung natatandaan niya pa ba na sinuntok ka niya noong mga bata pa kayo at kamuntik ka niyang mabungal dahil sa away-bata na dahilan…pero hindi na raw.”

Nanatili akong tahimik. Wala akong pakialam sa kanya kamo. Hindi ko na nga halos maalala ang mukha no’n. Kung may natira man, mababaw na galit na lang siguro.

“Nakakaintindi siya ng tagalog?” nangingiting tanong ni Mama.

“Konti. Pero hindi marunong magsalita ng tagalog. Nabubulol…” sabi ni Papa at kinuha ang tubig para makainom, ngunit hindi pa natuloy dahil natatawa siyang nagkwento ulit. “Tinawag niya pa akong ‘bra’ no’ng sinundo ko siya sa airport kaya sabi ko tawagin niya akong Tito Rommel. Hirap na hirap akong mag-english lagi pag kausap ko ’yon. Hindi ko nga alam kung natatawa ba siya sa akin dahil natutuwa siyang kausap ako o dahil bulol ako mag-english.”

Tumawa si Mama. “Bra? Naririnig ko rin ’yan kay Kali. Baka makakasundo niya si Kali…”

“Kupal siya kung tinatawanan ka niya dahil lang bulol ka sa english, Pa. Eh siya nga, may lahing Pinoy pero bulol sa tagalog,” iritado kong sabi na ikinatingin ni Mama sa akin at marahang tinampal ang siko ko.

“Bibig mo, kuya…”

“Mukhang masayahin na ang batang ’yon tingnan ngayon kasi ang dalas na ngumisi. Gulat nga ako na sa inyong dalawa, ikaw ngayon ang lumaking masungit. Nagkapalit pa yata kayo ng ugali…” si Papa.

Eh, ikaw ba naman bagsakan ng maraming responsibilidad, panganay sa dalawang spoiled brat na kapatid, hindi ka kaya makukunsumisyon?

“Turuan mo kaya magtagalog, Kuya? Para naman matuto…” nangingiting si Mama.

“Pwede rin…” saka ako lumabas sa kusina pero may pahabol na sinabi. “Nang masakal ko.”

“Kuya talaga!” saway ni Mama.

Alam ko kung gaano ka-abala ang mag-asawa. Kaya nang si Papa na ang umaasikaso sa anak nila, hindi na ako nagtaka pa. Nakakabanas na imbes magpahinga na dapat, nasa kusina siya, hinahanda pa ang umagahan noong kupal na hindi marunong magluto. Laki-laking tao pero iba pa ang pinapagawa sa mga bagay na dapat ay kaya niya.

At mayaman naman sila, ah? Hindi ba pwedeng maghire na lang sila ng ibang babysitter noong anak nila? Kaya ayoko talagang palakihin sa luho ang isang bata dahil lalaki rin silang walang ibang alam sa gawaing bahay, kahit pagluluto man lang, hindi alam—parang si Kali. Ngayong tinapon siya rito sa Pinas, iba pa tuloy ang naabala niya dahil walang ni isang alam sa gawaing bahay.

Ako tuloy ang nagprisentang magluto ng mga kakainin noong kupal na ’yon para hindi na alalahanin ni Papa. Isa pa, sakit din sa mata na…makitang pinaglulutuan ni Papa ’yon. Ako nga na sariling anak natutong magluto para hindi na sila mag-abalang paglutuan ako pag gusto kong may kainin, tapos itong kano…nagpapaluto pa kay Papa. Ang kapal din talaga ng mukha.

Papa:

Sinend ko sa’yo ang gustong pagkain ng anak ni Fred. Ikaw na ang bahalang magbudget nito, anak.

Magkasalubong pa ang kilay ko nang binasa ang gusto niyang mga pagkain. May schedule pa ’yan, ah?

Breakfast niya, dapat pancakes, bacon, and eggs daw, pero dapat omelet o frittata. Nakakahiya naman sa fried egg na agahan ko, scrambled egg sa lunch, tapos boiled sa gabi. At ang sosyal pa ng pancakes kung pwede namang pandesal na lang ang agahan. At anong bacon? Mag hotdog ka.

Kahit juice niya, may schedule din. MWF, orange juice. TTF, apple juice. Sabagay… Masarap nga naman ang Nestea na apple flavor at Tang na orange. Buti hindi niya dinagdagan ng wine, edi may kapares na sana ang Tang niya ng alcohol, gin nga lang.

Sa lunch, chipotle—tang inang chipotle, nangangarap pa yata ’to ng gising. Hindi pa talaga nakontento at dinagdagan pa ng Mexican food. Mag-shawarma na lang kamo siya.

Burger daw pero walang ketchup. Ah, angel’s burger na ’to. Pizza, all meat. Salad. Pwede na ang pizza ni Pareng Alberto. Mura pa ’yon.

Dinner niya mashed or toasted potatoes. Medium rare steak pa. Ito pa yata ’yung kulang na lang kagatin mo na ang baka kasi may natira pang dugo. Mag Jollibee kamo siya. May beef steak na siya, may mashed potato pa.

Pasta, burger, steamed broccoli, at baked chicken pa talaga. Ayos rin. Chooks to go na ’to. Masarap din ’yon kahit walang sauce. Tapos lalagaan ko siya ng broccoli para sa side dish niya. Edi tapos ang dinner! Para nang last supper niya.

Buttered shrimp… at may baked scallops pa talaga siyang inihabol. Anong baked scallops, mag tahong ka!

Nang tingnan ko ang budget, napamura ako sa limang daan. ’Yon lang. At nagrequest pa ’yan ng snacks, ah?

Sa steak pa lang sumabit na ang limang daan niya eh. Paano ko ’to ibabudget? Kaya ang naging solusyon ko tuloy, kunin ang isang linggong budget niya para makapag-grocery ako sa lahat at maluto ko ang iba araw-araw. Bumili ako ng steak, pero ’yung ribeye kasi mura lang. Gusto ko sanang timplahan ng Nestea kaso sabi ni Papa ang sensitibo raw ng tiyan no’n, baka sa halip na makatipid ako, mapapagastos pa pang-ospital.

“Hindi mo na sana pinatulan,” pangaral ni Denver nang mapaaway ako sa team mates namin, bagong salta, at kamuntik na siyang tamaan kung hindi ko lang nasipa palayo ang bola.

May dalawang sports ako. Basketball at Soccer. Tutok nga lang ako sa soccer ngayong Grade Twelve dahil hilig din ng mga kaibigan ko. Kaso napaaway pa dahil may tangang naglalaro kanina.

Nakatatak pa rin sa akin ang mukha niya sa galit ko. Kayumanggi at kulot na maliwanag na buhok lalo na kung natatamaan ng sinag ng araw, at ngisi niyang may halong panunuya. Halatang banyaga dahil na rin sa kulay ng mga mata…halos gintong araw kung titingnan, pero berde kung malapitan. Pamilyar na…hindi ko lang maalala.

Lalo na’t nang pagsabihan namin, nagawa pang ngumisi, na para bang kaya niya kaming lahat kahit pagtulungan namin siya. At paanong hindi ko papatulan kung ang ayaw ko sa lahat ay ang mga ganyang ugali.

“You know what? I hate playin’ with girls. But I’ll let you pass because you’re a cutie…” At kahit sa basketball noong college na, talagang nakakaangasan ko siya lagi dahil mahilig mang-asar.

Pilyo lagi ang ngisi niyang nakakapikon tingnan. Napapatitig ako lagi sa puti niyang ngipin dahil gusto kong lagasan sa tuwing nagsasalita siya. Gwardyado niya madalas ang galaw ko, at sa tuwing hawak ko ang bola, siya ang maliksing dumidepensa sa akin.

“Ah, kaya pala naka-blush-on ka ngayon? At ang pula ng labi, ah? Anong shade ’yan?” insulto ko.

“Oh, so you’re staring at my lips? Curious what’s the taste? You wanna kiss me, hmm?” panunuya niya.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko at ang bolang dini-dribble, marahas ko nang itinapon sa dibdib niya. Natatawa siyang napatayo ng tuwid, umatras, at itinaas agad ang kamay habang inabot ko pa ang jersey niya.

“Chill…” he chuckled playfully.

Inawat agad ako ng team ko, siya naman ay hinila rin palayo sa akin. Swabe niyang binasa ang labi, hindi nabubura ang pilyong ngiti, at natatawang pinasadahan ng haplos ang kulot na buhok.

Kaya pag grupo nila ang nakakalaban, awtomatikong may nakakainitan na ako sa team nila. Sa dami ba naman ng atraso sa’kin, bawat nasa team nila, tinitingnan ko na bilang kalaban. Na pag nasa laro, awtomatiko ko nang iniinsulto, makabawi lang sa kakupalan nila.

“Uy! Ang popogi nila oh!” si Tessa na may itinurong grupo na sumali sa foam party nang nasa Siargao ulit ako sa summer na iyon.

Nakasandal sa barandilya sa loob ng bar pero tanaw mo ang dance floor, mabilis kong nahanap ang tinutukoy niya dahil sila rin yata ang pinagkakaguluhan ng girls, kahit ang mga foreigners na babae, nangingiting nakikipag-usap sa kanila.

Tumugtog ang pamilyar na kanta ni Shaggy at sumabog ang intro ng Angel. Isa sa kanila ang swabeng gumiling, iniangat ang pulang cup na hawak, at nakangising kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi. Umangat agad ang kilay ko. Nandito rin pala ang mga kupal na ’to?

“Pogi nung kulot oh?” si Tessa habang seryoso kong pinanood ang grupo nilang sumasayaw, natatawang nag-uusap, at agaw-pansin ng lahat dahil bukod sa mga topless na nga, matatangkad din.

“Mga babaero ’yan,” I commented seriously.

“Halata naman, Mikael. May dalawang uri naman kasi ng guwapo. Katulad mo na walang pakialam kahit pagkaguluhan ng girls, o katulad nila na alam nilang guwapo sila kaya sila pinagkakaguluhan ng mga babae.”

“Ano ako, artista? Ano ba dapat ang reaksyon ko diyan?” paliwanag ko, magkasalubong ang kilay.

“Oh, ’di ba? Kaya siguro hindi ka babaero dahil hindi mo alam na gano’n ka ka-guwapo, o hindi ka babaero dahil gano’n ka lang talaga ka-walang pakialam sa girls… Siguro kung magkakaroon ka ng pakialam, mapapansin mo na maraming patay na patay sa’yo. Maraming may gusto sa’yo.”

Umismid ako, ibinalik ang tingin sa grupo nila, at nakitang sinasabayan na nilang kantahin ang chorus, na kahit iyong kulot, nakangisi na sa isang babae. Mga babaero nga naman…

Wala sa isip ko ang ganoon, siguro dahil puro mga babae ang kapatid ko, o dahil na rin hindi ako alipin ng tawag ng laman. Aaminin ko, masarap naman talaga. Kung pwede lang araw-arawin, o segundo-segundo, pero siguro, dahil mas matimbang sa akin ang sariling hangarin—ang makapagtapos at magtagumpay, mas uhaw ako sa pangarap ko.

If I’ll be tempted with a girl, it’ll be either because they’re simple or because they’re emotionally intelligent.

“Opposite tayo ng type,” si Denver nang mapag-usapan din namin, nagpapahinga sa field pagkatapos maglaro ng soccer, at babae ang naging topic dahil na rin hiwalay na sila ni Ancent.

“Mga tipo ko ang kagaya ni Ancent eh. Boyish. Malakas ang dating nila sa akin,” aniya at tiningnan ang isang babae sa field na ngayon ay naglalaro ng soccer kasama si Ancent.

“Mga girl version ba ni Jasver, Denver?” Revi inserted playfully and chuckled.

Tiningnan ako ni Denver. Patuloy kong hinipan ang loob ng jersey ko, init na init dahil pawisan din kakalaro kaya wala sa sarili ko rin siyang natitigan.

“Oo rin…” he admitted and chuckled boyishly. “Lakas ng dating eh. Sa mga relasyon, sila kasi ang akala mo nasusunod kung titingnan dahil maaangas, pero ang totoo, sila pala ang under… understanding.”

“Para mo na ring sinasabi na ako ang under, ah?” Angat ko ng kilay.

He licked his lips with a playful smile. “Si Ancent ang tinutukoy ko kasi siya naman ang nakarelasyon ko. Bakit ka guilty? Naka-relasyon ba kita?”

Napapaisip na tuloy ako sa sinabi ni Tessa. Madalas akong walang pakialam sa paligid kaya may hindi ako napapansin. Ako lang ba o…pati si Denver, nagbago na rin. May senswal na sa titig niya, kahit ang maliliit niyang ngiti, minsan, pilyo rin. Malayong malayo siya sa kalaro ko noon, madalas madungis at hinahabol ng tsinelas ng Papa niya.

“Pero tingnan mo ngayon si Ancent. Mukha pa lang parang hayok na kumain ng babae,” biro ni Revi kaya nilingon namin ulit sa field na nakangising nakikipaglaro sa isa ring babae.

Na-distract saglit, pero nahuli kong ibinalik din agad ni Denver sa akin ang tingin. Nang tingnan ko siya, binasa niya ang labi at pasimpleng nag-iwas ng tingin. Naging madalang na rin ang pagsabay niyang mag-soccer, habang ako, mas madalas na sa basketball din.

“Balita ko boyfriend ka raw ni Verena?” tanong ng pamilyar na mukha sa akin, na nakaukit na rin sa isip ko dahil madalas ko rin talagang makainitan ang isang ’to. Big deal pala talaga si Verena?

Alam ko na pinagtatawanan ng grupo nila ang kumakalat na tsismis sa amin ni Verena. Inaasahan ko na talagang kakalat dahil iyon ang mismong plano, pero itong mga gagong ’to, masyado atang malalaki ang ulo na tingin nila, walang babagay na iba kay Verena kundi nasa circle lang nila.

Kaya noong dumugo ang ilong ko dahil sa pagtama ng bolang marahas niyang pinalo papunta sa mukha ko, nagkagulo kaming muli.

“Bro, don’t cry!” sigaw niya habang pinipigilan ako ng teammates kong lapitan siya dahil gusto ko sanang puruhan. Ang mga mata ay nagkunwari pang pumungay para magmukhang naaawa, pero humahalik sa labi niya ang ngising pinapakulo lagi ang dugo ko.

Hindi ako nakakaramdam ng matinding galit sa mga nakapaligid sa akin, ngayon lang. Sa kanya lang. Kahit ang halakhak niya nang ilingan siya ng mga kaibigan niya pero nangingiti sa kanya, pinanggigigilan ko.

Kung pwede ko lang ibaon sa hukay, talagang gagawin ko. Tang inang gago.

“I heard what Tyler did. I’m sorry… he’s really an idiot sometimes,” hingi ng tawad ng babae niyang kaibigan sa sumunod na araw na nursing student din kagaya ko, si Mica.

Tumango ako, z-in-ipper ang bag, at tahimik na umalis sa harap niya na kahit sulyap, hindi ko pinagbigyan. Ayokong maugnay kahit sino sa circle nila. Kahit naririnig ko na may crush si Mica sa akin, binalewala ko iyon. Hindi ko binigyan ng kahit kaunting interes.

“Kung ako sa’yo, i-girlfriend mo ’yang Mica tapos sirain mo ang friendship nila. Edi nakaganti ka rin,” ani Ancent na nasa likod ng bio ko.

Close siya kay Verena. Wala naman kasi akong pakialam sa social media ko. Kaya noong nakisuyo si Ancent na ilagay si Verena bilang bio, hindi ako pumalag.

“Lagyan mo ng padlock sa gilid para may dating!” alala ko ang suhestyon ni Revi nang abala si Ancent na ayusin ang Facebook ko habang may binabasa akong libro. Nasa bahay kami; dumayo ang dalawa para lang sa plano na ’yan.

“Tapos mang-add tayo ng mga sikat sa berdeng school para kumalat. Kilala naman si Kael do’n. Isa-isahin natin ang poser ni Verena para mahuli natin ang nasa likod ng nagpapakalat ng nudes niya,” ani Ancent.

Nailing ako. Nakilala ko si Verena dahil kay Ancent. Magkaibigan ang dalawa. Kaibigan din ni Verena si Rade, na kakilala ko sa Judo.

“Hayop. Ang asim ng amoy ng Facebook mo, boy! Kahit sinigang mahihiya eh!” natatawang kantyaw ni Revi na hindi ko pinagtuunan ng pansin habang silang dalawa ni Ancent ang tawang-tawa sa sofa, nakasabit pa ang mga hita sa balikat at sa likod niya ay si Revi na nakadungaw sa ginagawa niya sa phone ko.

“Ayan, in-add ko na lahat ang poser account ni Verena. Ime-message ko isa-isa…” si Ancent na nagtatype na at binabasa niya pa. “Hi idol… tapos samahan natin ng wink emoticon para kunwari lalaking lalaki…”

Bobo lang siguro ang mauuto sa account na ’yan.

“May nagreply! Gago, may kumagat! Panis!” Halakhak ni Ancent.

Sinuot ko ang reading glasses at binuksan ang laptop para may i-search. Nakikita ko silang dalawa sa gilid ng mga mata ko, naghahampasan at humahalakhak, at mukhang nirereplyan na ni Ancent.

“Si Denver? Wala sa kanila?” tanong ko nang tingnan si Revi.

“Ah wala… mukhang nasa pinsan mo. Kaso busy daw ’yon, ’di ba? Tumatanggap ng gig…”

Tumingin si Ancent sa akin, umaangat ang kilay. “Bakit? Namimiss mo ba ang ex ko?”

Umismid ako at kinuha ang unan sa kama ko para ibato kay Ancent. Sinalo niya iyon at ginawa ring unan.

“Kaya hindi na ’yon sumasabay dahil sa’yo eh. B-in-oyfriend mo ba naman. Na-aawkward na ’yon sa atin dahil ex ka niya,” sabi ko.

Tumikhim si Revi at tiningnan ang kisame ng kuwarto ko. Si Ancent, ngumuso at halos madrama ang pagkakabuntong-hininga.

“Sayang… nagplano pa kami na isang dosena ang anak namin. Tapos titira kami sa tabing-dagat at mag-aalaga rin ng aso. Pinangakuan niya pa akong pakakasalan niya ako…” kahit seryosong sinasabi ’yon ni Ancent, hindi ko magawang seryosohin talaga. Mukha niya pa lang… “Isend ko kaya kay Arron ang mga text noon ni Denver sa akin?”

Umiling ako at napangisi. Noong summer at naghahanap si Denver ng makakasama sa gig niya, niyaya niya ako. Kaso nasa Siargao ako no’n kaya si Arron ang sinabihan ko total marunong din naman ’yon mag-drum. Gulat na lang ako nang biglang nagsend ng picture si Arron sa akin; nasa unit siya ni Denver, kumakain silang dalawa, at magulo pa ang buhok ni Denver, halatang kakagising lang.

“Ikaw ang niyaya no’n ni Denver mag-drum, ’di ba, Jasver?” tanong ni Revi.

Tumango ako. “Oo…”

Nagkatinginan sila ni Ancent. Itinuon ko ang atensyon sa libro kahit nahihimigan kong may alam ang dalawang ’to na hindi sinasabi sa akin.

“Boy, sabihin nating…what if…” si Revi na tinitimbang pa ang sasabihin. “What if…ikaw ang tumuloy no’n?”

Kaya nga si Arron ang ipinasa ko dahil do’n sa narinig ko. Hindi naman sa ayaw kong magustuhan si Denver. Nirerespeto ko kung…may gusto siya sa akin. Kaso mas matimbang sa akin ang pagkakaibigan namin. Ayokong umamin siya sa akin, o magkaroon siya ng rason na iwasan ako dahil lang may alam ako.

Kilala ko ang sarili ko. Kung ayaw ko sa tao, o kung ano man ang una kong impresyon sa kanila, mananatiling gano’n ’yon sa ilang taon. Hindi ako mahuhulog sa kanya. Sigurado ako. Lalo na’t ang tingin ko rin talaga kay Denver, kaibigan lang. Hindi na lalagpas ’yon. Kahit kaunting pagtingin, wala…

Ayaw ko rin siyang ilagay sa posisyong i-rereject ko siya. Mahihiya na ’yon lalo sa akin. Ayos na ’yang si Arron ang boyfriend niya; kung nagkasiraan sila at nag-break tapos hindi na magpansinan, walang masasayang na friendship dahil hindi naman magkaibigan ang dalawa.

“Busy ako no’n,” I answered nonchalantly, my eyes glued to my books.

“Ngayong nalaman mong bisexual si Denver, anong nararamdaman mo? Paano kung crush ka niya? I mean, pwede rin namang si Revi, pero paano kung…nagustuhan ka niya? May pag-asa kaya?” si Ancent na siniko rin ni Revi at nangingiting inilingan.

“I mean, sinasabi ko lang. Kunwari lang naman…” agap ni Ancent.

“Kapatid ang tingin ko sa kanya. Hindi naman ako katulad sa’yo na pumapatol sa kaibigan lang dapat.” Angat ng kilay ko na ikinahalakhak ni Revi.

“Edi sorry kung pinatulan ko! Mapagmahal kasi akong kaibigan. Hindi ako katulad sa’yo na matigas ang puso.” Iling niya at humiga sa unan.

Kung hindi lang namin narinig ang sigawan sa ibaba, hindi mapuputol ang topic. Tumayo ako at umalis sa upuan lalo na’t nag-aaway pa yata si Kali at Kittie sa sala. Sa tahol pa lang ni Judo, Colt, at Ari, alam kong sinusubukan nilang awatin ang dalawa.

Nagulat ako nang makitang nagsasabunutan nga. Si Kittie, dalawang kamay ang may hawak sa buhok ni Kali, at si Kali, natumba na sa sahig at isang kamay lang ang may hawak sa buhok ni Kittie. Mabilis akong bumaba para awatin ang dalawa. Si Judo at Colt, sumali pa sa akin at isa-isa rin nilang pinagkakagat ang mga damit nila para ilayo lalo ang dalawa sa isa’t isa.

Maliliit na bagay lang madalas ang pinagmumulan ng away nitong dalawa at nauuwi sa kalmutan o sabunutan. Kahit malayo ang agwat ni Kali kay Kittie, palaban din kasi ang isang ’to at may bungangang nakakasagad kaya itong si Kali, napipikon din agad.

“Freak!” sigaw ni Kali, namumula na ang mga mata sa galit at naiiyak.

Kittie looked at her sharply. Ang nakakuyom niyang kamay ay may hibla pa ng buhok ni Kali; si Kittie naman, mukhang may kalmot pa sa leeg dahil sa haba ng kuko ni Kali.

“Ano bang nangyayari dito?” tanong ko na sunod-sunod agad ang tahol ni Judo at Colt, mukhang gusto ring magsumbong.

“She attacked me, kuya—”

“She broke my iPad,” putol ni Kittie.

“I accidentally dropped it because you are too selfish to let me borrow it for a while! I told you I just needed to message someone since my phone is charging—”

“Message your boyfriend?” si Kittie.

Kali’s eyes widened. Kahit ako, natigilan. Tiningnan ko si Kali.

“May boyfriend ka?”

“Yes, Kuya. She has a boyfriend. I even caught her in front of her phone, showing her chest to someone—

“Shut up, Kittie!” si Kali na sumugod ulit, galit na galit na inabot si Kittie na umatras lang habang sinalo ko si Kali sa baywang para pigilan.

“Kali,” I called thunderously. “Akin na ang phone mo.”

Her jaw dropped. “Kuya, she’s lying—”

“Lying? That’s why you are desperate to borrow my iPad so you can flirt more with your boyfriend who’s too thirsty—”

“Bitch!” sigaw ni Kali.

“Bitch? Who’s flaunting her boobs on the camera?”

“Tama na ’yan. Akin na ang phone mo, Kali,” giit ko.

She looked at me unbelievably. Isang galit na tingin ang ibinigay niya bago padabog na umakyat sa hagdan. Tiningnan ko si Kittie na matapang pa rin ang tingin at nakakuyom ang kamay. Bumuntonghininga ako at sinundan si Kali para makuha rin ang phone niya. Kung ano-ano na pala ang pinaggagawa nitong batang ’to. Kaya pinapatayan ko ito ng wifi tuwing gabi eh.

“Totoo ba ’yung sabi ni Kittie?” seryoso kong tanong nang pagkapasok, umiiyak na ibinigay ni Kali ang phone niya sa akin.

Hindi siya nagsalita at umupo sa harap ng computer niya. Lumapit ako sa fan niyang hindi man lang inalis sa saksakan kahit hindi naman naka-on. Ang basurahan niya na may pads niya pa, kinuha ko rin para mailabas na dahil puno na rin.

I slowly realized, this isn’t the room I used to… O dahil na rin siguro simula noong nagdadalaga na si Kali, hindi na ako ang pumapasok sa kuwarto niya. Ang mga stuff toy na nakasanayan ko, napalitan na ng nakahilerang make-up at perfume. Ang mga sticker at poster na nakadikit noon sa pader ay napalitan na ng polaroid pictures kasama ng mga kaibigan niya. ’Yung picture naming dalawa, wala na…

Hindi ko namalayang…nagdadalaga na pala siya. Ngayon ko lang din naalalang hindi na siya pumupunta sa kwarto ko para magyaya ng movie marathon. Bigla na siyang nagbago. Lumalabas-labas na, nagmimake-up at nag-aayos na.

“Kali, alam mo na pwede ’yang kumalat. Sino ’yang sinisend-an mo? Ipabura mo ’yan. Baka hindi mo ’yan mapagkakatiwalaan,” giit ko.

“Wala nga, Kuya! Hindi ako nagsesend!” namumula niyang sabi.

“Kailan ka pa nagboyfriend? Ni hindi mo man lang pinakilala sa akin, o pinapunta rito sa bahay. Seventeen ka lang,” giit ko.

“Seventeen na ako!” she emphasized. “Not a five-year-old kid you can cage here! My friends have boyfriends, and their family is fine about it! At bakit ko sasabihin sa’yo eh alam ko, magagalit ka lang.”

“Kailan mo sasabihin? Pag nabuntis ka na?”

“What? Ew!”

“Anong ew, sinasabi ko sa’yo ang pwedeng mangyari kung pumasok ka sa pagboboyfriend. Masyado ka pang bata para diyan, Kali—”

“And you got exes when you were my age, tapos ako, hindi pwede? Why? Because I’m a girl and you’re a boy—”

“Dahil hindi lahat ng lalaki, katulad ko mag-isip,” giit ko. “Alam ko ang takbo ng isip ng mga lalaking nasa edad mo, Kali. Diyan ako galing. Kaya kung pwedeng higpitan ka, gagawin ko.”

Pero sa sumunod na mga araw, nagugulat na lang kami na tumatakas na pala siya gabi-gabi dahil binawian ko ng cellphone at sinusubukan pang akyatin ang gate para lang pumasok.

“Ibalik mo na lang ang phone niya, Kuya,” ani Mama nang ang solusyon na naiisip nila sa pagtakas ni Kali gabi-gabi ay paluguran ito sa mga kapritso niya.

“Sige na, Mikael. Ibalik mo na. Baka ma-stress pa ang Mama mo. Bawal ’yan mag-alala,” si Papa na nakisali na rin.

Kumunot ang noo ko nang mapansing…Jollibee ang nasa mesa namin ngayon.

“Sana ang susunod, hindi magmana kay Kali. Lalaki sana ulit para parehas ni Kuya…” nangingiting sabi ni Mama.

“Buntis ka, Ma?” I asked worriedly.

Nagulat si Kali, malawak ang ngiti. “You’re pregnant, Mama?”

Tahimik na tiningnan ni Kittie ang reaksyon ko. Tumawa si Mama at Papa. Nagtitili naman sa excitement si Kali.

“Ma, Pa… bakit sinundan niyo agad? Pinagtapos niyo na sana muna ako,” sabi ko.

“Eh ano pang magagawa namin ng Papa mo, Mikael? Nandito na. Biyaya ito, anak… Bigay ng Diyos. Hindi dapat natin ito tanggihan…” si Mama.

Alam ko na magkaiba ang paniniwala namin. Relihiyoso ang mga magulang ko habang ako ay mulat sa ganitong usapin dahil parte ng kurso ko. Oo, may kakayahan ang pamilya namin na magpakain ng bata, pero sa lumulobo naming pamilya, ang madagdagan ng panibago ay hindi na biyaya kundi…kalabisan.

“Kuya is worried because he will pause his life again to take care of the baby,” boses ni Kittie.

“Kaya siguro nag-nursing si Kuya niyo dahil nasanay na mag-alaga sa inyo simula pagkabata…” natatawang sabi ni Mama.

“Kaya ikaw Kali, kung hindi ka marunong sa contraceptives, o kung paano gumamit ng condom, huwag ka nang pumasok sa pakikipagrelasyon lalo na’t sa edad mong ’yan, makukuryoso ka na talaga—”

“Kuya, I’m not stupid to know that kind of thing! No need to remind me, okay! It’s cringe,” namumula at halatang hindi siya komportableng pag-usapan.

Paanong hindi magiging cringe eh hindi ba naman sanay. Hindi naman kasi natotopic sa pamilya namin ang ganitong usapin. Wala kang maririnig na kahit anong tingin nila ay bastos.

Mga kapatid ko, hindi nga siguro alam kung paano ba talaga nabubuntis ang isang babae, maliban na lang kung ituturo sa school. Pero kahit naman sa mga paaralan, limitado lang ang nababanggit at hindi binibigyang importansya ang usapin tungkol sa reproductive health; kung nabibigyan naman ng importansya, madalas sa kabataan, binabalewala iyon dahil hindi rin binibigyang pansin sa mismong bahay nila kung gaano kahalagang matutunan ang tungkol sa iyong katawan.

Nagsisimula dapat sa tahanan ang pagtuturo. Kaso kahit masturbation nga, maselan pag-usapan sa bahay. Kaya itong si Kali, bukod sa babae at nahihiya rin sa aking mag-open up, nag-aalala ako na ang pagiging konserbatibo ng pamilya namin ay hindi magagabayan ang pagiging mapusok niya.

Simula noong araw na ’yon, mas naging mahigpit ang pagtutok ko kay Kali. Kahit ang pulang marka sa leeg niya na kunwari niya pang itinago gamit ang concealer, hindi nakaligtas sa paningin ko.

“It’s a mosquito bite nga!” At lagi niyang itinatanggi iyon, na para bang hindi rin ako mapusok noong nasa ganyang edad ako.

At sa tuwing pag-uusapan namin, laging nauuwi sa away o pagtatalo. Kaya kahit gusto ko siyang pagalitan, para sa ikakatahimik ng bahay, pinapalampas ko na lang.

“Nakakaapat ka na, ako, isa pa rin talaga. Ang hirap din kasing sundan ng lalaki naming anak,” rinig ko ang kwentuhan ng amo ni Papa nang mag-inuman silang dalawa sa terasa sa Linggo ng gabing iyon.

“Sundan mo na kasi. Gustong gusto pa naman no’n na may kapatid…” si Papa.

Ano ba ang masarap sa pagkakaroon ng kapatid? Kung alam niya lang, maswerte siya bilang only child. Stress lang ang pagiging panganay.

“Si Misis ang masusunod eh. Pag ayaw niya, wala akong magagawa. Naubos na yata ang pasensya no’n sa nag-iisa naming anak eh para rin ’yong si Kali. Noong seventeen ’yan, nakikipagkarera pa raw ’yan sa daan. Bukod do’n, may kaibigan ’yang nagda-drugs. Hindi nga lang namin alam ng Mommy niya kung pati ba siya, lalo na’t nakuhaan ’yan ng party drugs ng Mommy niya mismo.”

“Gano’n pala siya ka lala sa ibang bansa? Pero dito, mukhang matino siya. Nakahanap yata siya ng matinong kaibigan,” si Papa.

“Oo. Na-busy na rin siya sa business niya. Kaya hinahayaan namin ng Mommy niya. Hindi namin masyadong pinipilit o pinapangunahan. Baka kasi bigla-biglang lumiko at bumalik sa dating gawain. Mai-stress lang lalo si Misis.”

“Mabait naman na bata… sadyang madali lang yata siyang maimpluwensyahan sa mga kaibigan niya, parang itong si Kali na kahit hindi naman namin tinuturuan ng kung ano-ano rito sa bahay, nagugulat na lang kami sa sumbong ni Kittie. Ewan ko ba, akala ko lalaki ang mahirap palakihin dahil madaling maimpluwensya, pero sa nakikita ko, mukhang dito ako kay Kali tatanda agad…” natatawang iling ni Papa.

“At meron ka pang susunod na isa pa,” halakhak ng amo ni Papa, habang papalabas na ako dala ang pulutan nilang niluto ko.

“Magtubig din kayo, Pa, para iwas sakit sa ulo bukas,” sabi ko at nilapag din ang isang pitsel ng tubig.

Nangingiting tumingin sa akin ang amo ni Papa. Tumingin ako.

“Magandang gabi po…” Bumaling ako sa nakasuot ng navy-blue na polo shirt at madalas kong makita ang tatak kabayo sa mga regalo niya rin sa aking damit.

Tumango siya sa akin. “Balita ko nagkakasagutan daw kayo ng anak ko sa cellphone ni Rommel?”

I cleared my throat and caressed my nape. Nahihiya ako sa kanya, s’yempre, kahit gago ’yang anak niya.

“Ayaw mong maging kaibigan ang anak ko?” tanong niya habang si Papa ay inilapit sa kanya ang pulutan.

“Hindi kami magkakaintindihan. Mukhang maarte po kasi ang anak niyo…” Bulol na nga ’yon sa tagalog, lifestyle niya pa lang, base sa mga kwento ni Papa, alam ko agad na hindi kami magkakasundo.

Humalakhak siya. “Maarte nga ’yon. Kinalakihan kasi ang ina niya na isa ring magarbo. Kung ako siguro ang nagpalaki no’n dito, isasanay ko ’yon sa site para magka-interes sa business, kaya ngayon, kahit bisita doon, ayaw niya…”

Sa ugali pa lang no’n sa tawag, halata naman na alta.

“Marami yung business, Mikael,” pagmamayabang ni Papa. “Masinop ka sa pera. Marami kang matututunan sa batang ’yon kung paano humawak ng negosyo.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakakapangliit lagi sa tuwing…nababanggit siya ni Papa.

“Gusto ko ngang huminto sa pag-aaral at magtrabaho, eh ayaw niyo naman,” sabi ko.

“Huwag ka nang huminto. Sumama ka sa akin paminsan-minsan. Bibigyan kita ng trabaho para may pera ka,” alok ng amo ni Papa.

Tumatak iyon sa isip ko at hindi na nawala-wala dahil na rin sa naririnig ko sa mga magulang ko sa sumunod na araw.

“Malaki-laki pala ngayon ang kuryente natin. Nagtaas din ang bilihin. Ang sampong libo na grocery minsan, hindi na kasya pang-isang buwan. Alisin na lang kaya natin sa Kumon si Kittie? Pinag-iipunan pa natin ang gusto ni Kali sa debut niya pati ang pagpapanganak ko. Ang hirap din kasing bawasan ng baon ni Kali, magdadabog ’yon. Tapos may dadagdag pa sa gastusin natin sa susunod na taon, Rommel…”

“Eh, anong magagawa natin, nandiyan na. Baka swerte rin sa atin ang batang ’yan, kaya huwag ka nang ma-stress. Baka paglabas niyan, salubong din ang kilay katulad ni Mikael at magdamdam dahil kung ano-ano ang sinasabi natin,” natatawang sabi ni Papa, kahit ramdam ko ang bigat no’n.

Kaya hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na magpaubaya ulit, katulad lamang noong mga panahong may ipon ako lagi, sa halip na gastusin, binibigay ko sa kanila para makatulong.

“Anong hihinto?” si Papa nang sabihin ko iyon. “Hindi ka hihinto, Mikael.”

“Si Kali na lang muna ang pagtapusin ng Grade Twelve, Pa. Magtatrabaho na muna ako para makatipid-tipid din tayo at mapag-ipunan ang pagpapanganak ni Mama, para rin makatulong ako rito sa bahay lalo na’t buntis si Mama. Hindi pwedeng walang maiwan dito kay Mama.”

“Hahanapan ko ng paraan, Mikael. Malapit ka nang grumaduate. Ako na ang bahala…” si Papa na mas ipinag-alala ko lang lalo.

“Bakit pa ba kasi…sinundan niyo, Pa?” mahina kong tanong.

Bumuntonghininga siya. “Nandito na, anak. At kaya ko naman kayong buhayin lahat. Kahit nga isang dosena pa kayo. Huwag mo nang alalahanin. Ako ang bahala sa ating lahat.” Ngiti niya at tinapik ang balikat ko.

Kahit sinabi niyang huwag kong alalahanin, hindi maalis-alis sa isip ko. Dumadagdag pa ang mga kapritso ni Kali, mas umiinit lang ang ulo ko.

“Yup! Papa already promised. I’m so excited na nga kahit next year pa. I requested din sa Okada ang venue—”

“Okada, eh, ang mahal diyan. Hindi natin ’yan afford,” singit ko na ikinaupo ni Kali sa sofa, mabilis na pinatay ang tawag.

“Kuya! Stop embarrassing me! Pag narinig ka talaga ng friends ko—”

“Kali, hindi mo kailangang makipagsabayan sa kanila. Hindi natin afford ’yon. Matuto kang ibaba ang luho mo sa kung saan lang ang kaya natin—”

“But it’s my eighteenth birthday! Minsan lang ’to! At next year pa ’yon! Makakapag-ipon pa si Papa.”

“Mag-iipon sila para sa pagpapanganak ni Mama, sa gastusin sa bago nating kapatid. Kaya huwag mo munang isingit ’yang birthday mo. Pwede pa naman ’yan—”

“Nakakainis ka talaga! Lagi ka na lang killjoy! No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend kasi annoying ka na.” Padabog siyang tumayo at inirapan ako kaya marahas kong hinawakan sa braso para hilain pabalik nang mag-ambang umalis.

“Anong sabi mo?” Nakakainit ng ulo na wala akong girlfriend dahil inuuna ko silang alalahanin kaysa pagbigyang kumilala ang sarili ko.

Her eyes flickered in anger laced with nervousness. “I-It’s true, Kuya. Lahat ng gusto ko, you always make me feel like wanting them is too much.”

“Dahil too much naman talaga, Kali. Binibigay na nga halos lahat sa’yo, pero ikaw, hindi ka marunong makontento. Sumobra ka.”

“Kasi ayaw kong ma-left out sa school, okay?! Ayaw kong wala akong friends! All of them are talkin’ about travels around the world and fancy dinner tapos ako, wala! You don’t know the feeling of being left out, Kuya! Kaya so what if I want to at least feel like I belong!”

“At hindi mo iniisip ang kapalit no’n? Hindi mo iniisip ang sakripisyo at paghihirap na gagawin ni Papa para lang matustusan ang mga luho mong ’yan? Kailangan bang isiksik mo ang sarili mo sa kanila kung pwede namang maghanap ka ng ibang kaibigan na—”

“And you think gano’n ’yon kadali? Marami akong haters sa school, Kuya! Everyone’s eyes are on me! Kaonting galaw ko, pinopost ako sa social media! Everyone’s waiting to ruin my name, my reputation, just because I have this pretty face! And it’s frustrating na minsan, I feel like I needed to create a likable identity just to stop them from saying mean things to me!” iyak niya at binawi ang braso sa akin.

“And you will never understand where I was coming from because you will only see it as pag-iinarte!” she cried and ran upstairs.

Natahimik ako. Gusto ko siyang sundan, pagalitan lalo, kaso natatakot din na may gagawin na naman siyang ipag-aalala nila Mama. Lalo na si Mama.

Kaya ang galit ko kay Kali, ang problema ng pamilya, ang pressure na pagsabayin ang pag-aaral at bigat ng responsibilidad sa bahay, nagkapatong-patong na hanggang sa nahuli ko na lang ang sarili na naninigarilyo.

Isang kalabit sa lighter, ang apoy ay itinutok ko sa dulo ng hawak ng sigarilyo at hinithit iyon. May mga kaibigan akong naninigarilyo, at natuto na rin siguro ako dahil sa panonood sa kanila. Kahit hatinggabi na, lumabas ako para makapaglakad-lakad at magpahangin.

Huminto ako sa gilid at yumukong hinithit iyon, binuksan ang phone ko, at saktong naiwan sa messenger ko ang account kung saan patuloy na kinakausap ni Ancent ang poser ni Verena. Out of curiosity, I started back reading.

Papahithit na sana, nang matawa ako sa reply niya kay Ancent. Kaya niyang sakyan ang mga corny na hirit ng babaeng ’yon. Saktong gising pa yata siya lalo na’t may s-in-end na video. Mukhang story noong Tyler na mayabang.

Ngumiwi ako nang panoorin siyang guwapong guwapo sa sarili, nagli-lip sync at panay ngisi. Asim.

Verena:

Is this true? Kalandian mo talaga si Rosie? Kalandian ata ’yon ni Tyler eh. You know Tyler? Yung hot na basketball player at curly hair?

Naks. Pinabango pa. Sa madaling salita, sakit sa mata.

Problemado na nga, tapos ganito pa ang topic. Pero dahil ayaw ko ring malunod sa mga iniisip ko at na-distract na rin naman, nireplyan ko. At katulad ng sabi ni Ancent sa kanya, expressive siya kausap. Parang nadudulas sa sariling bibig.

“Halatang alta ’yan,” si Ancent nang mapag-usapan namin iyon kasama si Verena. “Nabanggit niya na magboboracay, tapos ’yung circle noong Jarsdel lang ang nagboracay ngayong week. YSL mon paris ang perfume, tapos halatang maputi kasi nabanggit niya na kung morena siya, magsusuot pa rin siya. Biniro ko rin ’yan ng jeje songs, hindi niya alam,” natatawang sabi niya.

“Edi babae?” Verena confirmed, nakahalukipkip sa upuan niya.

“Halata naman. Pero ang tanong, siya kaya ’yon?”

Natahimik sila habang isa lang ang pumapasok sa isip ko na pasok sa sinasabi ni Ancent. Mahilig sa YSL na brand, navy blue ang mga damit, maputi, at hindi maalam sa pangkantong kanta. Kung nasa circle noong Brent…

“Si Mica lang naman ang babaeng nasa circle namin na mahilig sa YSL na perfume. ’Yung YSL Mon Paris…” kumpirma ni Shiloh na naging kaibigan din ni Denver, ang isa sa nainsulto at nayabangan ko sa basketball court at may hawak na snack na bigay ko dahil mahilig pala siya sa matatamis.

“Kung sa lalaki naman… si Tyler ang mahilig sa navy blue na mga damit, at madalas na pinapahiram niya si Mica kasi close sila, parang magkapatid,” patuloy na paliwanag ni Shiloh.

“Tyler?” Ancent laughed. “’Yung boy bestfriend na nakakaaway ni Jasver… Crush ko pa naman ’yon noong soccer days. Ang cool niya kasi manamit. Pogi rin kahit parang kitikiti sa sobrang liksi.”

Nakakadiring isipin kung siya man ang nasa likod ng account pero marahan kausap eh. Halatang humble, down to earth, at understanding. Imposibleng ’yang Tyler ’yon.

“Tapos lalaki pala sa circle nila ’no? ’Yung kalbo pa,” ani Revi kaya nagtawanan, pero hindi ko magawang matawa dahil ayoko namang siya ang nasa likod ng poser account na ’yon.

“Mabait si Rick,” depensa agad ni Shiloh at inilahad sa akin ang snack. Mukhang gustong mamigay kaya umiling ako dahil nalalasahan ko pa ang mint sa mouthwash ko.

“Homophobic nga lang,” si Denver.

“Kung nasa circle nila, malabo na ’yan ’yon. Mayayaman ang mga ’yon. Hindi na mag-aaksaya ng oras sa pagbebenta ng nudes ng iba para lang magka-pera,” dagdag ni Ancent.

“Mababait naman ang girls. Lapitin lang sa gulo pero hindi sila mga bully o nagsisimula ng away talaga basta huwag mo lang awayin o pakialaman ang isa sa kanila,” si Shiloh.

“Pero nakakainggit din ’yang circle niyo, Shiloh,” si Ancent. “Pag usapang travel at gala, laging natutuloy.”

Malaki rin naman ang circle namin, pero hindi naman kasi mahihilig mag-bar. Kung iinom man, sila Ancent, dadayuhin na lang ako sa bahay; sa balkonahe sila mag-iinuman, at ipagluluto ko ng pancit canton na calamansi at itlog. Depende pa sa iinumin kung magkano ang pera. Kung nakakaluwag, Alfonso. Kung gipit, gin.

Makaka-afford lang ng mamahalin kung sumasama ang mapera sa amin na si Rade, pero hindi rin ’yon umiinom katulad ko. Wala rin silang aasahan sa akin dahil tagaluto lang ang maiaambag ko. Kung meron mang malakas gumimik sa amin, ’yong Arcena.

Sa gabi-gabi na kausap ko ang nasa likod ng poser account ni Verena, kahit sinabi na ni Ancent na tigilan na lalo na’t hindi naman siya ’yung nasa likod ng nagbebenta ng nudes ni Verena, nalilibang ako sa mga chats niya.

Masaya siya kausap—magaan ang mga pinipiling salita kaya nakakaengganyong replyan. Siguro dahil na rin tinambakan ako ng maraming alalahanin sa bahay, kapag nakakausap ko siya, naaalala ko kung paano huminga man lang at ngumiti. Nakakalimutan ko ang mabigat na responsibilidad sa bahay.

Verena:

Morning! Don’t forget to wear your smile today. If you have no reason to smile, then think of me! ;)

Natawa ako, bagong gising at nauna pang damputin ang phone ko kaysa bumangon. Rereplyan ko muna baka magtampo pa…

Kael:

Morning! Haha napangiti mo na :) Magbreakfast ka bago pumasok. Punuin mo rin ng tubig ang tumbler mo. Stay hydrated.

At kahit bago matulog, siya rin ang kausap ko. Marami siyang advice sa akin na nagpapagaan ng loob ko. Nakikita niya ang mga tinatago ko.

Verena:

Don’t deprive yourself to breathe, too. If your family deserves it, then you deserve it too. You can sometimes exist without worrying about anything, and that’s okay. That is not laziness. You are allowed to put everything down when it feels heavy to carry.

Verena:

Don’t worry, I’ll exist in your life to remind you how to be gentle with yourself.

Napisil ko ang pang-ibabang labi, nakasandal sa railings ng balkonahe ng kwarto ko, pero hindi mabura-bura ang ngiti.

Kael:

Kahit ikaw na lang ang matirang marahan sa buhay ko. Hindi ako magrereklamo :)

Verena:

But what if I like rough things?

Napalunok ako. Sa tinagal-tagal naming pag-uusap, hindi kami napapadpad sa ganito. Ayaw ko namang isipin niya na ganyan ang habol ko sa kanya. Ang anghel niya sa isip ko, parang sinag ng araw na nakakasilaw, ngiti na umaabot sa mga mata, at boses na marahan. Kaya kahit parang nanunuklaw na ahas ang temptasyon sa sinabi niya, mas pinili kong umatras.

Kael:

Shh, let’s change the topic please…

Mariin akong pumikit at nangingiting hinalikan ang screen ng phone ko. Nakakagigil din talaga kausap minsan ang isang ’to. Kung nasa harap ko lang, nakulong ko na siguro sa mga bisig ko…

Kael:

Saka na pag boyfriend mo na ako. Papatulan ko ’yang mga ganyang topic mo hahaha

At pag usapang boyfriend, bigla-bigla ’yang hindi magpaparamdam. Takot din eh. Akala niya siguro nagbibiro ako, o lolokohin ko siya. Hindi naman. Kaya kong patunayan sa kanya na seryoso ako, na hindi lang sa internet ang mga salita ko; kaya ko silang isabuhay at panindigan.

“Ngumingiti na tayo ah?” puna ni Ancent nang mahuli niyang nakatitig ako sa screen ng phone ko at hindi ko namalayan ang ngiti.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, but my chuckle exposed me.

“In love ka ba?” she confronted. “’Yung poser na account lang naman ang madalas mong nakakausap. Ni hindi mo pa nga alam kung sino ang nasa likod niyan… Paano kung ’yung Mica talaga ’yan? Arte no’n… lapitin pa ng gulo.”

Kaaway ni Mica si Rosie, ang kalandian niya. Ako pa ulit ang nadamay dahil sa pagkikita ng dalawa pero sanay naman ako sa ganoong rumors at madalas, wala rin talaga akong pakialam.

“Baka mapatino ko? Titino ’yan pag ako ang naging boyfriend,” I said cockily.

Hindi ko tipo si Mica, o sadyang masyado siyang magarbo para sa akin. Pero kung siya ang nasa likod ng poser account, matitipuhan ko naman siya agad.

“Ayaw mo sa mga high-maintenance na babae ah? Taga Salcedo Makati pa raw ’yon at may kumakalat na rumor na nakikipag-car fun daw sa loob ng isang sports car… Kahit ang best friend no’n na lalaki, naka-BMW… Lugi tayong mga taga-Imus Cavite na kung may rumor man, nananaksak pa,” natatawang iling ni Ancent sabay pasada paatras sa hanggang balikat niyang wolfcut na buhok.

Kaya hindi ko matipu-tipuhan si Mica dahil napapaligiran din siya ng mga taong ayoko eh. Estudyante pa lang pero may BMW na. Naka-insecure nga naman kung ’yung magiging girlfriend ko, may boybestfriend at hatid-sundo pa siya. Baka mabaliw lang ako kakaisip pag silang dalawa lang ang magkasama.

“At sa playgirl no’n? Wala yatang lalaki ang makakadisiplina sa ganyang klaseng babae. Hihiwalayan lang ’yan agad, kung hindi naman, baka tumanda nang maaga sa kunsumisyon,” patuloy ni Ancent, naiiling na isinubo ang tokneneng na nabili namin sa kanto.

Oo rin… Mukhang marami-rami nga akong naririnig sa babaeng ’yon na ipinagkikibit-balikat ko lang dahil buhay naman nila ’yan. Pero kung siya ito, ayos lang kahit makunsumisyon…basta ba huwag maghanap ng iba.

Verena:

Sure. Babantayan ko ang babae mo :)

Si Verena nang malaman kong pupunta sa house party noong malaking circle nila Brent. At nang-asar pa talaga. Baka kasi maglasing sa party, o mapa-sobra. Gusto ko lang siguraduhin na hindi siya lalagpas kaya pinasuyo ko kay Verena.

Verena:

Kulit nito. Ikulong ko na lang ba sa CR?

Ang sunod niyang chat na may kasama ring video. Hindi kasi sinasagot ang calls ko. Nawiwili na yata kakainom. Matigas din talaga ang ulo eh. Naka-ilang tawag pa talaga ako bago niya sinagot. Binuksan ko tuloy ang camera ko para naman hindi madistract diyan sa party. Baka maagaw eh.

May parte sa akin ang nakukumbinsi na siya si Mica, lalo na’t sabi niya, letter C ang simula ng isa niyang pangalan. Celani. Pero sa mga reply niya, mukhang nahihimigan ko na hindi siya. Sinabi ba namang bagay raw ako kay Mica at maganda raw.

Siya nga ang sabik kong kilalanin, tapos itutulak pa ako sa hindi naman siya? Kung nasa harap ko lang ’to, mahahalikan ko pa siguro para lang maramdaman niya kung sino ang gusto ko. Kung hindi siya, huwag na lang.

Verena:

Nasa pool area siya ng ilang oras. Liligawan mo ba ’to? Haha. This girl’s a migraine kind of headache.

Kung may napagtanto man ako sa chat ni Verena, iyon ay hindi tugma ang oras na kausap ko siya sa call, at ang pagiging babad ni Mica sa pool. Ibig sabihin…hindi si Mica ang nasa likod ng poser account.

Sino?

“Baka inaantok ka na,” sabi ko sa call, naka-open ang camera at naka-off naman ang kanya. Pinapanood niya akong mag-aral hanggang sa dinamay ko siyang magbasa rin ng libro niya para parehas kami ng ginagawa.

Verena:

Not yet pa. Pero I’m already yawning. Your face is keeping me awake haha

Napangiti ako at tiningnan tuloy siya sa camera kahit hindi ko naman nakikita. “Baka titig na titig ka lang pala sa akin. Distraction pa yata ako sa’yo…”

Verena:

Inspiration! That’s the right term, love…

Umangat ang kilay ko sa huling salita. Kung naging kami na, o kung sinagot niya man ako pag nanligaw na ako, “love” ang magiging tawagan namin.

“Did you see her face na, Kuya?” tanong ni Kittie nang nandito siya sa kuwarto ko, dala ang iPad niya.

Nakita niya kasi kanina na ka-video call ko pero naka-off ang camera. Sanay naman na ako kung nahihiya pa siyang ipakita ang sarili sa akin, o kung magsalita man lang.

“Hindi pa nga. Pero mahiyain eh. Ayaw kong pilitin baka i-ghost ako niyan…” paliwanag ko.

“In Roblox, there are boys pretending to be girls. They’re catfishing to hide their real identity…”

Napaisip tuloy ako hanggang isinaboses ni Kittie ang tumatakbo sa isip ko.

“What if she’s a guy? What if you are talking to a boy? What if…she couldn’t reveal herself because she’s afraid to show she’s actually a guy like you?”

Walang kaunting galit na umahon sa akin. Wala ring panghihinayang, o kahit pandidiri. Kung…lalaki siya, edi ano pang magagawa ko? Ayos lang sa akin.

“Ayos lang siguro,” I admitted and shrugged it off.

“Na…she’s a guy? You are willing to date a guy?” Kittie clarified, at kahit ang buong atensyon, nasa akin na dahil binitiwan niya ang iPad niya.

Marahan akong tumango kahit nag-iisip pa rin. Kaso lalaki ba ’to? Tunog babae kasi minsan kausap sa chat. Maarte din, pansin ko.

Kaso kung lalaki at nasa circle noong Brent, sino? Gusto kong ipagdasal na sana, iyong Shiloh na lang. Matatanggap ko pa. Kung hindi, sana ’yung pinaka-matino. Pero meron bang matino bukod sa kaibigan ni Denver na si Shiloh?

I am expecting the worst case. Baka nga ’yung kalbo—’yung nakabuzzcut. Siya na ang malalang naiisip ko na nasa likod ng poser account. Huwag lang…huwag lang iyong kulot na guwapong guwapo sa sarili dahil mawawasak ko talaga ang mukha niya.

“Nakita mo na ba ang mukha?” ang unang concern ni Ancent nang magtanong na ako sa kanila kung saan maganda dalhin pag first date. Pinaplano ko na ring bilhan ng bulaklak dahil sisimulan ko nang manligaw.

“Sanayin mo sa simpleng dates, boy. Patikimin mo ng mga tusok-tusok sa gilid-gilid. Tokneneng, isaw, fishball, o doon kayo sa tindahan ni Aling Grace. Kung short ka sa budget, ipalista mo muna. Papayag ’yon.” At wala talagang kwenta ang opinyon nitong si Revi minsan. Edi kung nagka-diarhea, mamroblema pa ako sa hospital bill.

“Paano kung lalaki ’yan?” Isa sa mga kaibigan ko, si Asher.

Tinitigan nila ako nang matagal. I only shrug. “Tanggap ko siya. Manliligaw pa rin ako.”

They look at each other until they cheer and shake my shoulder. Nakangisi akong nailing, tinulak ang kamay nila palayo sa akin, at binasa ang labi. They were all looking forward to the success of our meetup. Tatlong taon na rin kasi ang nakalipas simula noong huli kong lovelife.

“Huwag ka niya kamong sasaktan at lolokohin, boy! Dahil pag napadpad siya sa Cavite, butas ’yang tagiliran niya,” banta pa ni Revi na natatawa kong sinipa. Tarantado rin. Hinhin nga no’n kausap tapos manloloko pa? Imposible.

At ano ba kasing kinakatakot niya sa akin na hanggang ngayon, ayaw niyang sabihin kung sino siya? Hindi ko naman siya sasaktan ah. Gusto ko talagang manligaw.

Noong nautusan ng amo ni Papa na ipagmaneho ang anak niya sa Romblon, kahit hindi ko kasundo ang isang ’yon, nilunok kong makasama para lang may panggastos ako sa sariling plano ko sa amin kung sino man ang nasa likod ng account.

Kaya nang pumunta ako sa Forbes Park Makati, nalula ako sa laki ng bahay nila. Triple pa yata sa laki ng amin. Namangha ako sa hardin dahil may pool sila, sa gilid ay may fountain, at tanaw ang makukulay na mamahaling isda na lumalangoy, habang sa kabilang banda ay may malaking gazebo.

Pumasok ako sa bahay at pinaghintay sa sala. Kung may agaw-pansin man, iyon ay ang malaki nilang picture frame. Tinitigan ko iyon nang halos hindi ko na matandaan ang mukha ng batang lalaki na alam kong nakaaway ko noon.

Seryosong mga mata. Magarbong suot. Nakatayo sa gilid ng nakaupo niyang ina, at diretso ang tingin sa camera na para bang kaya ka niyang bilhin dahil sa titig niya. Kaya ang dumating na anak ng amo ni Papa, ang kinaiinisan ko noon pa man, ay iisa.

Kung kanina ay desidido ako dahil marami akong rason kung ba’t ako pumayag na ipagmaneho at gusto kong kumita ng pera, ngayon na siya pala ang ipagmamaneho ko, ang makakasama ko sa Romblon, parang gusto kong umatras.

“’Yung away niyo noong mga bata pa kayo, matagal na ’yon. Limot na nga yata ng anak ko. Kung naalala man, hindi naman siguro siya gano’n ka kupal para palakihin ang away na ’yon. Teka, kakausapin ko at baka makumbinsi ko pa ’to.” At ang sabi ng Dad niya nang tawagan ako kahit gusto ko nang umatras.

At anong hindi gano’n ka kupal? Hindi niya yata kilala ang anak niya. ’Yan ang pinaka-kupal na nakilala ko. Kung ilalagay niya kami sa iisang lugar, sigurado akong magpapatayan kaming dalawa niyan.

“Mabait naman ’yan, Mikael. Kilalanin mo rin para magbago ang tingin mo sa kanya.” Kahit si Papa, nang tawagan ko, desidido rin na makasundo ko ang isang ’to.

Kaya nang ipagmaneho ko siya, nagugulat ako na hindi man lang kami nababangga kahit nandidilim talaga ang tingin ko. Kikilalanin ko ’to? Para saan? Ano pang kailangan kong makita na hindi ko nakita sa isang ’to? Bukod sa kapal ng mukha, guwapong-guwapo sa sarili, mayabang na ngisi, at ang laki ng bilib sa sarili.

Tumahimik lang siya sa byahe noong pinaghintay ko sa kotse at nakatulog siya. Kaya buong byahe papunta sa lupain nila, nakakabinging katahimikan ang pumaibabaw dahil tulog ang maingay.

He was crossing his arms, his head was clumsily rested on the left side of his shoulder, and his red lips were parted a bit while the curls of his brown hair were now disheveled. Sobrang amo tingnan…hindi maikakailang may itsura nga naman dahil ang tangos din ng ilong kahit sa side view. Kahit ang kurba ng pilikmata niya, mahaba at makapal, bagay sa kapal din ng kilay niya. Tss… pangit!

Nililingon ko paminsan-minsan, akala mo tupa na mabait kung tulog, pero parang kahel na pusa kung gising sa sobrang ligalig. Kung may nagpapakalma man, iyon ay ang iniisip ko na may kapalit itong sakripisyo na ’to. May panggastos ako sa pinaplano kong meet-up namin noong nasa likod ng poser account ni Verena. Kaya nang mapag-isa sa harap ng dagat, naninigarilyo, nireply-an ko ang naiwan na message niya.

Verena:

Baka kung sino ang lalaki? Kasi what if…lalaki din ako?

Kung lalaki siya, tingin niya may pakialam ako sa bagay na ’yon? Matagal ko nang hinanda ang sarili ko sa posibilidad na baka nga, kaya siya natatakot magpakita ng mukha dahil lalaki siya.

At tatanggapin ko siya nang buong-buo.

“Ibaon ko, hmm?” bulong niya nang maramdaman kong ipasok niya ang kanya.

Kahit yata mag-ingay ako rito, walang makakarinig dahil nasa gitna kami ng dagat—nasa yate, at walang makakadisturbo ni isa.

I looked down and watched his shaft enter; its length disappeared when he pushed it deeply. Dinala ko agad ang tingin sa mukha niya, tiningnan siyang sarap na sarap—ang titig ay halatang uhaw sa akin.

Kaya kahit ang sakit, hindi ko alintana. Nakikita ko lang na nagkakasalubong ang kilay niya, titig niyang namumungay, at labi niyang pumaparte; parang mababaliw ako kung malilingat ang tingin ko.

“Isagad mo,” bulong ko sa labi niya at hinagod iyon ng halik. Alam ko na marahas siya sa kama, pero kahit pa wasakin niya ako, basta lang makita ko ang sarap sa mukha niya, iaalay ko ang sarili ko.

Pinatalikod niya ako. Hindi pa ako nakakahinga, ipinasok niya na ulit. I grunted when he slammed hard and fast. Ang kamay niya ay nakadiin na sa ulo ko, kaya nag-aagaw ang paghinga at sarap sa akin. Alam kong halimaw siya bumayo, pero alam niyang nasasarapan din ako kapag ganito siya karahas.

“Gustong gusto mo ’to, hmm? ’Yung pinapatay kita sa sarap,” bulong niya, na kahit nag-iinit na, pakiramdam ko, lalabasan agad ako.

“Nakakalibog ka talaga. Ang halimaw mo bumayo…”

He chuckled and inserted his tongue into my mouth for a French kiss.

“Lalabasan ka na ba?” bulong niya sa labi ko.

Nag-igting ang panga ko. Parang may kuryenteng dumaan sa buong katawan ko na kahit napapapikit na sa sarap, namumungay ang mga mata kong tiningnan ang mukha niya, nangingiti sa akin.

“Tang inang mukha, nakakagigil…” Abot ko sa mukha niya at hinaplos ang labi niya gamit ang hintuturo kong daliri.

He opened his mouth and sucked on it deliriously. Kahit ang dila niya, pilyong humagod habang nakangisi siya sa akin at binabayo ako nang mabilis.

My lips parted. Fuck. Hindi ko talaga kayang tagalan pag tinitingnan ko siya. Kahit ayaw ko pang labasan at gusto kong tagalan, sa tuwing mapapatingin ako sa mukha niya, parang sasabog agad ako. At talagang alam niya ang gagawin, lalo na’t habang nilalabasan ako, bibilisan niya iyon lalo at sisiguraduhing sunod-sunod na talsik ang magagawa ko.

“Ah… Ang sarap sarap mo pakinggan…” namamaos niyang daing, napapapikit ang isang mata at binibilisan ang galaw.

Inalis ko ang sarili sa pagkakabaon sa kanya nang labasan na, tinanggal ang condom na suot niya, at bumaba sa kama para luhuran siya. When I pushed my mouth onto his fully erect shaft, his hips immediately responded.

I carried both of his legs and hung them on my shoulders for a deep throat. Mahigpit ang hawak niya sa buhok ko, ang balakang ay sunod-sunod din ang galaw, habang nanghihina siyang naitukod ang siko sa kama at hindi kayang alisin ang tingin sa akin nang tingnan ko siya.

“Jasver…” he begged, his glassy eyes looking at me pleadingly.

I know how pleasure works. Kabisado ko ang katawan niya. I crawled my hand to his nipple and played with it using my thumb. Mariin siyang pumikit, nanghihinang napahiga sa kama, ang balakang ay binayo ng mabilis ang bibig ko hanggang napapapikit na ako sa sagad no’n. Pero ang marinig na nasasarapan siya, namumula ang mukha at naglalabasan ang ugat sa leeg, hindi ko mapigilang idiin lalo sa lalamunan ko.

“I felt like we are a newlywed couple who just got married,” bulong niya nang mamahinga kami sa kama at itinataas niya ang kamay, nakangiting tinititigan ang bigay kong promise ring.

At nakakatawa dahil pansin ko sa araw na ’yon, ilang beses niyang titingnan ang daliri niya, mapapangiti, at triple na ang pagiging clingy sa akin. Kahit segundo ko lang na hindi mahahawakan ang kamay, hahanapin niya agad at hahawakan ulit habang humahaplos ang hinlalaking daliri sa daliri ko.

“I’m worried for him, love. I was with him when it happened. Kung yayayain ka ni Arron, samahan mo…” At kahit ang mga munting hiling niya, hindi ko matanggihan.

Naalala ko pa kung ano ang rason. Buwan ’yon ng September at pinakilala ko si Tyler sa ibang mga kaibigan ko sa Cavite lalo na’t nandoon din ang lahat dahil may nagpapakain sa kabilang bahay—may birthday.

Everyone’s intimidated to even shake his hand, except for Ancent. Nasanay na rin yata siya rito dahil madalas niyang mahuli sa bahay pag dinadala ko. Kinunan ba naman ni Ancent ng picture ’yong nagpapakain ako kay Judo at Colt habang naroon din si Tyler, nangingiting hinahaplos ang ulo ni Judo.

Ancent:

May bagong nadagdag pala sa mga aso mo, Jasver? Anong breed ’tong kulot? Nangangagat din ba ’yan?

Iyon ang s-in-end niya kaya sa tuwing sinasabi ko na busy ako at huwag muna silang pumunta sa bahay, iniisip agad nila na busy raw ako sa isa ko pang aso. Tapos ngayong nakikita na nila sa personal, umamo agad na para bang hindi nila inasar sa GC.

Noong ihahatid ko na dapat ang plato na pinaglagyan ng handa, nadatnan ko ang suntukan at iyakan sa kabilang bahay. Kaya simula ng araw na ’yon, mas doble na ang pag-aalala ni Tyler sa kanya. Pag nalaman niyang naglalasing, siya mismo ang sumusundo, at sasamahan ko siya.

“Umuwi na tayo, Rick. Nakakailang baso ka na ba?” tanong niya at inagaw ang baso na hawak nito.

Tahimik ko siyang pinapanood na pigilan ang kaibigan niyang itinulak siya palayo—iritado. He calmly smiled at the bartender and gave his card.

“I’ll pay for his bill. Stop giving him drinks anymore.”

“Ba’t ka ba nangingialam? Umuwi ka na nga!” irita niyang kuha pabalik sa baso sa kamay ni Tyler.

“No, Rick. You’re drunk. I’ll drive you home. Denver won’t show up here and pick you up—woah…” alertong napaatras si Tyler nang umahon si Rick sa pagkakatayo at hinawakan ang kwelyo niya.

“Isang banggit pa sa pangalan niya, wasak sa’kin ’yang bibig mo,” banta niya at nasa kwelyo na ang kamay. At sa harap ko pa talaga, ah?

Isang hakbang palapit, napaatras agad siya nang itulak ko siya palayo kay Tyler. “Alisin mo ’yang kamay mo at baka maputol ko,” banta ko pabalik, sinuklian ng nagbabantang titig ang mariin niyang tingin.

Seryoso siyang humakbang papalapit, marahas akong itinulak, at nakangisi akong tiningnan. “Tapang ah? Kaya mo ba ako? Sige nga…” nanghahamon niyang tango sa akin. Tingin niya hindi ko siya kayang puruhan?

“Chill!” Pumagitna si Tyler at natatawang tinapik ang balikat ni Rick. Itinagilid ko ang ulo ko para hulihin ulit ang tingin niya, na kung itutulak niya pa ulit, kamao ko na ang makakausap niya.

“Alright. We won’t bother you anymore. But drink moderately. Call me… I’ll be at the other table!”

Tiningnan ako ni Rick kaya seryoso ko rin siyang tiningnan. Sa pulang ilaw sa loob ng bar, alam kong walang didilim sa tingin ko sa kanya. Tinapik ni Tyler ang balikat ko at inakbayan ako.

“Calm down, love…” bulong niya sa tainga ko habang naglalakad na kami paalis sa harap ng kaibigan niya.

“Siya ang kumalma kamo. Baka hindi ko siya matansya pag sinaktan ka niya,” iritado kong sabi.

Humalakhak siya sa tainga ko at kinagat iyon. I squinted my eyes a bit, but the anger on my face lingered. Nakakapikon din. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang eksenang iyon sa bar, tapos ngayon…nasa harap ko pa, miserableng nagkukwento dahil lasing na.

“Gabi-gabi ko siyang napapanaginipan…” si Rick na tulala sa kawalan.

Madalas lang akong makinig sa mga kwento niya, nakahalukipkip sa upuan at pinapanood silang dalawa ng pinsan ko na mag-inuman. Kung hindi lang ako kinukulit ni Tyler na samahan ang isang ’to para mabantayan na rin, hindi ako mag-aaksaya ng oras dito. Kaso mas mag-aalala lang din ako kung nadadamay din ’yung isa sa pag-aalala rito sa kaibigan niya.

“Ikaw, Kael…” tingin niya sa akin; madalas akong isali sa usapan pag lumalalim na ang pagkukwento niya. “Kung sa’yo ’yon nangyari, aalis ka rin, ’di ba? Iiwan mo rin? Kahit mahal na mahal mo?”

I nodded nonchalantly. “Oo…” Sang-ayon ko dahil baka pag umiling ako, maging gulo pa at mauwi sa debate.

Pigil ang ngisi ni Arron sa akin sabay simsim sa inumin niya. I glared at him. Rick caressed his shaved head—naka buzzcut na ulit.

“Kaya minsan, gusto ko na lang mabagok para makalimot…” Iling niya, nagsalin ulit ng panibago sa baso niya.

“Kasali ba diyan kung paano mo ako inagawan?” biro ng pinsan ko na sinipa ni Rick.

“Gago. Hindi ko inagaw sa’yo. Kusa akong pinili no’n!” At pang-ilang beses ko na ba ’tong naririnig na pinagtatalunan nilang dalawa? Eh parehas na rin naman silang ex na.

“Pinili ka kasi pinilit mo eh,” si Arron.

Tiningnan ako ni Rick, tumayo, at itinuro ang pinsan ko. “Hawakan mo nga ang pinsan mo! Bubugbugin ko!” Pero natumba din naman sa kalasingan kaya kaming dalawa pa ni Arron ang tumayo para saluin siya.

“Inom pa. Kulang ka pa yata sa alak. Nakakatayo ka pa eh,” natatawang sabi ni Arron.

“Huwag mo nang painumin, Arron. Kita mong lasing na lasing na, patatagayin mo pa talaga. Papatayin mo ba ’yan?” pigil ko dahil isa na naman ako sa sasakit ang katawan kakabuhat niyan mamaya.

Kung hindi lang kaibigan talaga ni Tyler…pero unti-unti na rin akong lumalambot sa dalas ng mga gabing pinapakinggan siya, pinapanood siyang umiyak sa harap namin ni Arron, at makakatulog sa sobrang kalasingan.

Love:

Tell him I miss our bonds.

Umismid ako. Bonds…

Nagtype ako ng reply.

Mikael:

Nangungulila ka pa sa kanya kaysa sa akin?

Mamaya…pag nakatulog ’to sa kalasingan, mahahagis ko ’to nang malakas. Pasensyahan na lang siguro kung may mabaling buto o ano…

Love:

Haha. I miss your kisses :(

Eh sino ba naman kasing pinagtutulakan akong sumama? Bumuntonghininga ako, pinindot ang voice message, at pinatakan siya ng ilang halik. Si Rick na nagdadrama, napaahon ang ulo, si Arron naman na iinom pa sana, nakangiwing tumingin. I looked at them seriously and acted nonchalant about it as I arched my brow.

“Ilugar niyo naman ’yang kabadingan niyo! Respeto sa umiiyak oh! Mga walang puso,” iritadong reklamo ni Rick na pinatagay lang ulit ni Arron.

Kaya sa tuwing uuwi ako, bubungad si Tyler na makikibalita, parang dala-dala ko ang sakit na kahit hindi naman kami naghiwalay, iniisip ko pa lang na iiwan niya ako balang araw, ang hirap agad huminga. Kaya kahit hindi naman aalis sa tabi ko, mahigpit ko siyang niyayakap sa kama, takot siyang bitiwan dahil baka gigising na lang din akong wala sa tabi ko.

Lalo na’t may ugali rin talaga ang isang ’to na pag galit, mang-iiwan…katulad na lamang noong unang matinding away namin noon sa Romblon.

Nagising ako sa kama na yakap-yakap niya na ako. Ang mukha niya, nakasiksik na rin sa batok ko. Kahit ang mainit niyang hininga, humihilik ng mahina, ramdam ko sa batok ko.

“Gago!” Iritado ko siyang itinulak palayo at napabalikwas sa kama. Tumihaya siya at tulog pa rin. Sinampal ko ang pisngi para sana gisingin dahil gusto kong komprontahin at tanungin kung bakit siya nanyayakap, kaso hindi talaga nagising. Mukhang tulog na tulog.

Hinaplos ko ang batok ko at napansing basa pa iyon. Kadiri! Dumikit pa yata ang laway niya! Kaya kahit 4AM pa lang, tumalon na ako sa dagat para maligo. Iniisip ko pa, baka pagkatapos ng Romblon trip namin, makakasundo ko na siya kahit paano. Kaso mali ako.

Siguro nga, lumagpas ako sa sinabi ko. Hindi ko siya kilala nang lubusan at inakala kong may mga biro na masasakyan niya agad total mapagbiro naman siya. Pero hindi. Lalo na’t ang sinabi ko, hinigitan niya. Na kung sinaksak ko siya nang mababaw at nakaligtas siya ng buhay, sisiguraduhin niyang ang saksak niya ay babaon nang sobrang lalim, higit pa sa sakit na ipinaramdam ko.

“Nag-away kayo ng Papa mo? Hindi mo raw iniimikan…” ang amo ni Papa nang magdesisyong kausapin ako, sinamahan kong uminom.

Nananalaytay pa rin ang galit sa akin. Pagkatapos ng pagtatalo namin ni Papa, ilang araw pa rin akong hindi umiimik sa kanya.

“Nag-away rin kami ng anak ko.” Ngiti niya pero hilaw. “Nakakagulat din na…may ugali siyang gano’n at hindi ko alam. Matigas kung magalit. Mahirap paamuhin.”

I gritted my teeth. I don’t want to involve myself anymore with his son. Gusto ko siyang isumbong ngayon, ilantad ang katarantaduhan ng anak niya, kaso naiisip ko kung gaano rin ka laki ang magiging ganti niya sa akin pabalik.

At ayoko na ng ganoon. Ayokong may rason siya para lang balikan ako, o magkaroon ng panibagong koneksyon. Gusto kong ang nangyari sa parking lot ay magiging marka na lang ng sugat na nagawa namin sa isa’t isa kahit…ako lang naman ang duguan sa aming dalawa.

“Alam mo, noong nagsisimula pa lang ako, iginapang ako ni Rommel para lang matuloy ang pag-alis ko sa ibang bansa para makuha iyong malaking kliyente. Siya rin ang naghanap ng mga tauhan ko noong naging contractor na ako. Binigyan niya ako ng trabahante na mga kakilala niya rin. Wala akong kakayahang mamuno, sadyang madiskarte lang, pero araw-araw, pag naiisip kong may naniniwala sa akin—ang Papa mo—gusto kong umangat para sa kanila.”

Guilt slowly consumed me. Siguro sinumbong ako ni Papa sa kanya na…gusto kong huminto na siya sa pagtatrabaho sa kanila. Kaya ngayon, pinapaintindi niya sa akin kung anong klaseng relasyon ang meron sila.

“’Yang ama mo, wala ’yang ibang inisip kundi ang kapakanan niyo, lalo na ikaw na panganay niya. Gusto ka niyang makapagtapos dahil iyon ang pangarap niyang hindi niya nakamit sa hirap ng buhay namin noon…” kuwento niya.

“Pero wala siyang ibang bukambibig kundi ang anak ng ibang tao,” giit ko, inilabas ang sariling hinanakit sa ama. “Lagi niyang binabanggit na mabuti pa si Tyler, may business, maalam sa pera. Tapos ako na sarili niyang anak, ang nagpapakahirap para sa kanya, hindi niya man lang magawang purihin. Tapos ang iba, pinaglulutuan pa kahit pagod siya. Sinong hindi makakaramdam ng inggit? Nakakapangliit…”

Kumurap siya. “Oh…sabagay. Mali nga naman si Rommel. Masakit nga naman…” Tumatango siya, nagsalin ng maiinom sa sariling baso at kunot na ang noo. “Pero mahal na mahal ka no’n. Sa ibang bagay niya lang siguro kayang iparamdam… Ganyan din kasi ako sa anak ko…”

“Kung kaya niyang iparamdam sa ibang tao ang ganoong suporta, bakit hindi niya kaya sa akin?”

Tumango siyang muli, tila may napagtanto. “Oo nga rin naman… Tama ka rin. Mali niya nga… Pero huwag ka nang magtampo sa kanya. Kung ano man ang nasabi ng anak ko sa’yo na masasakit na salita, ako na rin ang humihingi ng tawad. Ma-pride din kasi ’yon. Pero…nasaktan din talaga siya sa biro mo.”

I chugged down my own beer. Singtaas na ng langit ang galit na nararamdaman ko para sa anak niya, at walang kahit anong salita ang magpapababa sa akin para intindihin siya.

“’Yong anak ko, oo mayabang ang dating, mapagbiro at may ugaling hindi mo magugustuhan, pero kung nagalit siya, talagang…nasaktan siya. Sa dalang ba naman no’n magalit. Oo may mali rin siya, pero siguro nga, mali rin ang nasabi mo sa kanya. Kahit kilala naman kita simula noong bata ka pa, alam kong hindi mo rin ugali ang maunang makipag-away, pero nasaktan mo rin talaga ang anak ko nang hindi mo sinasadya…”

Inaako ko ang mali ko, pero hinding hindi ko bubuksan ang pinto ng kapatawaran para sa anak niya. Insulto sa akin na nakaya niya pang magpakita nang parang wala lang sa Disyembreng iyon, ngumingisi na akala mo natutuwa ako sa kanya, at malakas na loob na kausapin ako.

Kahit ang pagtulong niya sa amin na maghakot ng mga gamit para sa event sa Christmas party, hindi ko ramdam na bukal sa loob niya. At nagawa niya pa talagang mag-enjoy, huh? Ginagawa niyang laro ang araw-araw na ginagawa ng trabahador, na para bang gusto niyang ipamukha sa amin na magaan lang ang ganitong trabaho.

“Init ng ulo mo ah?” Nangingiting akbay sa akin ni Julius. “Dahil ba ’yan sa anak ni boss? Mukhang gustong makipagbati sa’yo… Nag-away kayo?”

At kahit ang mga kaedaran kong trabahante ng Dad niya, nakakapansin na sa pagiging papansin niya sa akin. Kung pwede ko lang ipanghalo ’yan sa semento, talagang gagawin ko para matigil lang siya kakabuntot sa akin. Kung ang lahat ng naroon ay pinapaboran siya, pinaluluguran ang kapritso niya, pwes hindi ako kabilang do’n.

“Nandito raw ang anak ni boss? Ang guwapo raw, Mikael,” ang cook sa site na si Manong Greg.

“Guwapo ba ’yon? Eh ang pangit nga. Kaya siguro sila nagugwapuhan dahil may lahi at maputi. Pero pangit,” sabi ko.

Hindi na magbabago ang pananaw ko sa kanya. Kahit pa maligo siya ng pabango, mabaho pa rin ang tingin ko. Kahit luhuran siya ng lahat, mananatili akong nakatayo, kahit pa mangalay ang mga paa, paninindigan ko ang galit ko sa kanya.

“’Yan ba ’yon?” tukso ni Tessa nang makita ang anak ng amo ni Papa.

Nakwento ko sa kanya ang kagaguhan niya. Sinabi ko na nagpanggap na babae at niloko ako. Kaya ngayong nakita niya sa personal, namamangha siya. Alam niya rin kasi na…may nakakausap akong poser account. Sa kanya ko komportableng inamin bukod kay Kittie at Ancent, na baka nga, pansexual ako. Kaya nang inamin kong iisa ang poser account at ang anak ng amo ni Papa, inaasar-asar niya na ako ngayon.

“Kung hindi ka galit diyan, pasok na pasok ’yan sa tipo mo kung naging babae ’yan. Kulot na nga, may lahi pa. Parang mga ex mo…”

“Tigilan mo ako, Tessa,” banta ko dahil hindi ako natutuwa diyan sa mga hirit niya.

“Hindi mo ba napapansin? Iba makatingin. Malagkit. May laman din. Paano kung…nahulog pala ’yan sa’yo noong nag-uusap kayo?”

Nahulog? Kung malinaw pa sa alaala ko lahat ng sinabi niya sa parking lot. Pinaglalaruan niya lang ako dahil galit siya sa pag-insulto ko kay Shiloh. Tatanggapin ko sana iyon bilang ganti kaso nang sinabi niyang pati ang mga chats ko na personal ay pinagtatawanan nila sa GC nila, doon ako nasagad. At hindi ko siya kayang patawarin agad sa ginawa niya. Hindi ko kayang balewalain at isantabi ang sakit…lalo na’t malinis ang hangarin ko sa mga panahong kinakausap ko siya.

Minahal ko siya nang walang panghuhusga.

“Nakatingin na naman oh… Kanina pa ’yan. Baka nga pinagseselosan na rin ako. Amoy na amoy ko na may gusto ’yan sa’yo,” bulong ni Tessa nang yakapin niya ako at uuwi na sila pagkatapos tumugtog.

Napansin ko rin naman. Iba nga siya makatitig. Gusto ko mang balewalain, pero habang nasa stage ako kanina, nakaupo siya at pinipisil ang pang-ibabang labi; pinapanood akong magdrum at sobrang lalim ng titig niya. Ibang iba sa galit na nakasanayan ko.

Gusto kong humagalpak. Kung nahulog siya sa akin, kawawa siya. Bibigyan niya lang ako ng rason para saktan siya, na kahit ’yang puso niya, dudurugin ko ng pinong-pino.

“Can I suggest?” Umabante siya, naglalaro ang pilyong ngisi sa labi at sumayaw ang sabik sa kanyang mga mata. “Don’t forget to wrap your hand around my neck if that day happens… cuz I like it rough.”

At sa kabila ng poot sa mga sinabi ko—sa pagbabanta ko—mas nanaig sa kanya ang tuwa, na para bang ikakaligaya niya ang mamatay sa mismong mga kamay ko. Ang tindi rin.

Hindi ako nilubayan ng titig niya sa araw na ’yon, na kahit sa isip ko, tumatak iyon. Hindi niya siniseryoso ang galit ko. Na kahit yata alam niyang nakatutok na sa kanya ang baril at isang kalabit ng gatilyo ay kaya ko siyang puruhan, ngunit matapang niya laging inilalapit sa akin ang kanyang sarili, na kahit ang dulo ng baril…handa niyang idiin sa kanyang dibdib, nakangisi sa akin…handang mamatay para sa aking galit.

Hah… This is not…how I expected his anger to feel. This is full of submission, knees almost on the ground, and eyes yearning to be seen. And he thinks I’ll fall for this trap? He thinks I’ll hold back to hurt him?

“Frustrating, right? If you want to find a way to crush me, get to know me, Mikael. Find my weakness…” hamon niya sa phone call, kahit ilang oras ko siyang pinaghintay at hindi sinipot.

Sukdulan na nga yata ang galit ko, dahil kahit ang mga salitang alam kong hindi dapat ginagamit para magbanta sa iba, hindi ako magdadalawang-isip na gamitin iyon sa kanya. Na kung may mas isasakit pa man, parang bomba kong ihahagis sa paanan niya, at idadalangin na pag sumabog iyon, sana kahit anino niya, hindi makatakas sa galit ko.

“Die, Cervando,” I uttered heartlessly.

He paused. And I watched him lose the spark in his eyes. His smirk lingered, but that was the coldest smile I’ve seen that touched his lips. Pinatay ko ang tawag, pinaandar ang kotse paalis, lalo na’t gusto ko lang talaga makita kung paano siya madudurog sa sinabi ko.

Kung may kirot man akong naramdaman, siguro ay dahil lumagpas na ako sa moralidad ko para lang masaktan ko siya. Na kahit hindi ako ganitong klaseng tao, dala ng pagkamuhi sa kanya, kaya kong lunukin ang mga bagay na akala ko, hindi ko kayang kainin.

“Sinarili niya, Rommel… Kaya pala hindi namin mabigyan-bigyan ng kapatid si Tyler dahil…ilang beses na siyang nakukunan. Hindi niya sinabi sa akin ang lahat. Hindi na kaya ng katawan niya ang magkaroon ulit ng anak…” rinig ko ang hinaing ng amo ni Papa nang sa New Year, bumisita siya at nag-inuman sila ulit.

Nabigla ako. Ang isip ko, mabilis na naalala ang galit sa mga mata ng anak niya nang…biruin ko siya tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng kapatid.

“Pinalad pala si Tyler, kung gano’n? Miracle baby pala siya,” si Papa na ikinababa ng balikat ko.

“Kaya gusto kong bumawi sa batang ’yan, eh. Pakiramdam ko, maraming taon akong sinayang para man lang kilalanin siya. Kaya siguro gano’n ang galit niya sa akin noong pinaboran ko si Mikael dahil nag-iisa na nga lang…pakiramdam niya, nakikihati pa rin siya.”

“Kailangan mo talagang bumawi, Fred. Ganyan din ang ginagawa ko ngayon sa anak ko. Tumatanda na tayo. Ayokong sa huling hininga ko, galit at hinanakit lang ang maaalala ng anak ko sa akin,” si Papa, na pansin kong bumabawi rin naman talaga sa akin nitong mga nagdaang araw simula noong alitan namin.

Humalakhak ang amo ni Papa, pero humingos din kalaunan. “Hindi magiging matimbang sa akin lahat ng naipundar ko, lahat ng meron ako ngayon, kung mawawala pala silang dalawa sa akin, Rommel. At ang asawa ko, pinagkaitan ako na…samahan siyang magdalamhati sa mga nawala naming anak…”

Ni hindi ko na kayang pakinggan ang iba pang pinag-uusapan nila. Kahit ang maghatid ng pulutan, hindi ko na ipinagpatuloy at bumalik na lamang sa kwarto ko. Itinapon ko ang sarili pahiga sa kama at naiisip kung…ano ang nararamdaman niya sa sinabi ko noong Christmas.

Pero ito naman ang gusto mo, ’di ba, Mikael? You aimed your words like a gun loaded with bullets. And now that you confirmed your shots fired, you should celebrate that you finally found his weakness. You finally…twist the knife where it hurts the most.

I gritted my teeth frustratingly and shut my eyes. Tang ina rin. Bakit ako masasaktan sa pananakit ko na sinadya ko? Tumayo ako, binuksan ang drawer, at nakitang wala na roon ang isang pakete ko ng sigarilyo. Hinanap ko pa, pero talagang wala. Nakailang sigarilyo na rin ba ako noong nakaraang taon? Ngayon, gusto kong may maramdaman man lang na kahit ano, maiwala lang sa isip ko ang konsensyang ito.

“Masarap makipag-usap sa strangers. Nakakalibang. Gawin mo rin minsan,” rinig ko ang boses ni Ancent, na hindi ako nagdalawang-isip gumawa ng account sa isang dating app.

I’m too stressed to even pretend to be a miserable man on the internet and look for a true love. I only want one thing. Siguro nga, dala ng problema sa pamilya, mga nangyayari sa paligid, at galit ko sa isang tao, nakalimutan ko nang…tigang na pala ako.

I never tried one-night stands. Madalas sa experience ko, sa mga naging girlfriend ko. Huli ko rin si Trina. Pero may tumatatak lagi sa isip ko na…hindi ko kayang baliwalain. At habang nagb-browse ng mga suggested accounts, isa ang pumukaw ng atensyon ko. Nakatalikod sa profile, may suot na itim na jacket, kulot at maliwanag na buhok…

His words during Christmas echoed, and I am horrified that I got a boner from thinking about it. Gago. Hindi ko siya pinagnanasaaan kailanman. Pero ang mga tingin niya sa akin noong araw na ’yon, nagiging senswal na sa isip ko. Kahit ang uhaw niyang titig, nagpapatuyo ng lalamunan ko.

Dahil ba…ngayon lang nagsisink-in sa akin na siya ang nasa likod ng poser account ni Verena? Siya ang nakakausap ko gabi-gabi? Kaya kahit galit, may naiwang atraksyon?

Thinking about his brownish green eyes turning warm brown and glassy, his playful smile twisting for a helpless cry, and his disheveled hair in my bed is like a satisfaction I craved to witness. Ang halakhak niya, mapapalitan ng hingal, at kahit ’yang yabang niya, pagmamakaawa ang papalit pag…pinahirapan ko siya sa kama.

Mariin akong pumikit, nakikiliti sa bilis ng galaw ng kamay ko, at sa mga iniisip na magagawa ko iyon sa nakilala ko sa internet kahit ibang mukha ang nakapaskil sa isip ko.

Jasver Chua:

Nakakabitin. Humanda ka sa akin sa personal hahahahaha

I sent him a photo of the mess I made after touching myself. Gusto ko sanang i-send ang video, kaso iniisip ko, masyado naman akong mapagbigay nito. Ayos na iyong mabaliw siya kakaisip kung ano ang ginawa ko, para manggigil siya sa akin sa personal at hindi ako tigilan. Ngumuso ako, pigil ang ngiti habang binabasa ang uhaw niyang reply sa picture ko.

Coast Alderidge:

If only I could lick it for you…

Jasver Chua:

Kung pwede ko lang din isagad sa lalamunan mo, gagawin ko.

Coast Alderidge:

Fuck my mouth roughly please

My mouth ran dry, and I cannot stop thinking about his messy image in my head. Kahit ayaw ko siyang maisip kay Coast, mukha niya ang nakapaskil at pinanggigigilan ko.

Jasver Chua:

Ang sarap mo ngayon sa isip ko

Coast Alderidge:

Mas masarap ako sa personal ;)

Kaya hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o magagalit na sa ikalawang beses na may ipinakita akong ibang parte ng pagkatao ko, na may mga pantasya akong hindi ko magawang ipasilip sa nauna kong nakausap na poser account ni Verena, iisa ulit silang dalawa.

“Please, give me a little bit of your sympathy. I promise I won’t break it anymore. I won’t…” And the proud and mighty Tyler Coast Alderidge Cervando was almost on his knees, looking up at me with those submissive eyes.

Para akong nasa langit, sinasamba ng mababang uri, nakatingala at gusto akong abutin, pero hinihiling na lamang na kusa akong bumaba, kusa siyang dinggin, kusang…angkinin. Kita ko sa mga mata niya ang pigil-hininga niyang pagsusumamo, at rinig ko sa mga salita niya ang…desperasyong mapatawad.

It was the lowest sight of the proud Tyler Cervando, who doesn’t know how to kneel, and yet, he’s now begging? Ngayon, nagkukumahog ka nang ipakita sa akin na talo ka na, na hindi ka na lalaban pa, na nasa paanan mo na ang sariling armas na ilang beses mong ginamit sa akin para lang saktan ako. At nababaliw na yata ako dahil pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko sa kotse, kailangan ko pang hawakan ang sarili ko para lang mailabas ko ang namumuong kiliti sa tiyan ko.

Kung kailan…hindi niya na ako tinitira ng kung ano-anong masasakit na salita, saka ako natamaan?

“Kuya, someone is looking for you…” balita ni Kittie sa sumunod na araw. Alam ko rin talaga ang ugali ng isang ’yon. Parang spoiled brat kung umasta. Hindi ka niya titigilan hangga’t hindi niya nakukuha ang gusto niya.

“Sabihin mo wala ako,” sabi ko, pero ang kupal, inakyat pa ang gate.

Akala ko, tumigil na. Kaso natahimik lang pala ng ilang oras dahil kinabukasan, nagawa pang i-hostage si Milo. Sa halip na magalit, natatawa na lang ako sa katangahan ng isang ’to. Minsan hindi talaga siya marunong mag-isip. Ginagawa niya lang ang gusto niyang gawin kahit nagmumukha na siyang tanga.

“Jacket mo. Baka gawin mo pa ’yang alibi para bumalik sa bahay.” At ako naman na mas tanga, nagawa pa talagang pumunta sa condo niya para masiguradong hindi na impeksyon dahil nakalmot ni Milo.

Ayos na rin na siya ang nag-aalaga sa kuting dahil mabibigyan niya ng magandang buhay, hindi katulad ni Rio na masyado pang bata para mag-alaga ng hayop at ang pinapakain niya pa ay mga delata. Kung ano ang ulam niya, gano’n din ang sa pusa. Magkaka-UTI pa ’yang si Milo dahil hindi napapakain nang tama.

Bibisita-bisitahin ko rin naman nang mapanatag si Rio na naaalagaan nang tama si Milo at ako ang magiging saksi. Kailangan ko ring siguraduhin na pinapakain ba talaga total ako ang may kasalanan kaya nandito si Milo…kaya dapat lang na dalawin ko rin.

Alam ko ang ginagawa ko. Pero palagi iyong nakakulong sa likod ng isip ko, ayaw kong komprontahin, gusto ko lamang hayaan at ipagkibit-balikat kahit ang malilit na bagay, ginagawa kong dahilan para bumalik doon at madalaw siya.

Kung hindi naman nagpapakita sa condo niya, babad naman ako sa social media accounts niya. Na-isa-isa ko na yatang tingnan ang mga highlights niya sa Instagram, kahit ang mga naka-tag na kaibigan niya rin, binibisita ko rin at hinahanap ang mga videos na naroon siya, o kahit picture na naka-tag sa kanya.

Kita ko kung gaano kaiba ang estado ng buhay niya sa akin. Isang kurap lang yata, nasa ibang bansa na siya. Madalas sa mga friends niya, may lahi rin. Kung wala naman, halatang mga sikat sa school, influencer, o modelo.

Nakaka-attend din siya ng Coachella, at may picture siya ng isang sikat na Black American singer. Meron din siyang picture na nanonood yata siya ng F1; nakatayo siya sa dagat ng mga taong nakaupo sa bleachers, suot ang Ferrari jacket niya, at nakalabas ang dila na nag-gang sign habang kita sa background ang paligsahan ng kotse. Merong nasa yate siya, halatang sa ibang bansa rin, at topless na nagva-vibe sa isang kanta.

Ang mga concerts na pinupuntahan niya ay puro international na mga Black American singer din bukod kay Eminem, na may video siyang sinabayan ang pag-rap nito at may humahagikhik sa kabilang camera.

Ang kukulit niya lahat sa videos na ’yon. Laging humahalakhak, ngumingisi, o naririnig ang ingles niyang makapal na accent. Meron ding may kausap siyang Russian na ikinamangha ko dahil nag-uusap sila. Gusto ko pa sanang pakinggan at itranslate sa Google pero para naman akong baliw nito at nasobrahan na.

May isa siyang picture na mukhang nasa Miami siya dahil na rin sa location. Restaurant iyon. May caption na kumuha ng pansin ko. Nilagyan niya ng ‘to my future loml, you will love the food here’. Tatandaan ko ang resto na ’to…

Bukod do’n, puro rin extreme ang sports niya. Mukhang captain pa siya ng isang malaking football team sa school nila dahil siya ang may hawak ng trophy. May picture siyang nag-skydiving siya, meron ding snow skiing, cliff diving, at drag racing na hindi sa malls na mga laro kundi sa mismong malawak na racetrack talaga at totoong sports car ang sinasakyan niya—Supra pa. Alam ko naman na mayaman sila, pero ang makita mismo sa mga videos, nakakalula pala. His playground is not for everyone. It’s only for people who can afford it.

Kaya nang pati sa account ni Mica ay napadpad na ako at halos magkakaparehas lang din ang lifestyle ng dalawa, nakaramdam ako ng insekyuridad. Dinagdagan pa ng ex niya na nahanap ko rin ang account at may malaking billboard na—modelo ng Calvin Klein—mas lalo lang akong nanglumo. Ganito ang mga tipo niya? Ganito ang mga bagay sa kanya.

Walang wala talaga akong binatbat. Parang kung nagkatuluyan kami, bigla pang bumaba ang standard niya. Ano bang…ano bang maipagmamalaki ko na magiging bagay rin ako sa tabi niya? At habang patagal nang patagal ang pangangalkal ko, mas nanliliit ako sa sarili ko. He’s not just out of my league; he’s not meant for me.

Kaya noong makita ko ang pamilyar na bulaklak na pinaghirapan kong bilhin at naging mamahaling painting na sa kuwarto niya, doon ako tuluyang napatid. Hindi lamang siya ang nahulog…kundi pati ako. Doon ko tinanggap na may nararamdaman na nga ako, pero doon ko rin inaming…talo na ako.

Kilala ko ang sarili ko. Hindi ako nahuhulog sa mga taong may unang impresyon na sa akin. Ilang beses ko na ’yong napatunayan. Pero itong pagkakahulog ko sa kanya—sa taong kinamumuhian ko, halos isumpa ko at pagtirikan ng kandila—hindi ko man lang napaghandaan.

Kilala ko ba talaga ang sarili ko? Bakit pagdating sa kanya, nawawala ako lagi sa huwisyo? Noong galit na galit ako sa kanya, kaya ko siyang itulak sa bangin. Ngayong nagugustuhan ko siya, kaya ko ring tumalon at siguraduhing hindi siya babagsak nang mag-isa. Gano’n ako ka hulog sa kanya na…nakakatakot.

Ayaw tanggapin ng isip ko. At mas lalong ayaw kong ipaglaban. Anong maisusukli ko sa kaya niyang ibigay sa akin kung walang wala ako ngayon? Hindi ako bagay sa katulad niya.

Bakit ako mahuhulog sa taong alam kong nakatira sa ibang mundo—malayong malayo sa akin? At nakakapangliit na kung ako man ang pinili niya, magmumukha lamang akong dumi sa…nakakasilaw niyang mundo.

“I’ve fallen, Jasver…” he confessed.

Love was probably greater than my hatred when it made its way to rule over me—to risk it all just to selfishly own him. Gusto ko siyang markahan, na walang ibang makakahalik sa kanya ng ganito kundi ako lang. Walang makakabali ng kompostura niya, ako lang.

Ako lang dapat.

“Luhod,” utos ko, gustong makita na kaya niyang tanggaping talo siya, kahit alam ko, mas talo ako dahil nanalo na ang gusto ng puso ko.

Kung sinabi niyang…ilalaban naming dalawa, kahit sugatan ako, nanghihina at pagod, ilalaban ko. Kung sinabi niyang ako lang, kahit pakiramdam ko hindi ako sapat, bubuohin ko ang mga parteng may kulang…maibigay ko lang sa kanya ang lahat ng meron ako.

Mahal ko siya, higit pa sa galit na ipinaramdam niya sa akin… higit pa sa pagkadurog na kahit nagkapira-piraso na, unti-unti niyang nabubuo.

At ang kinatatakutan ko, ang maraming rason kaya ayaw ko siyang papasukin sa buhay ko dahil baka maging pabigat lang ako sa kanya, unti-unti nang lumulutang.

My mother got scammed. And Kali, my sister, committed an illegal abortion.

Parang pinagsakluban ako ng langit at lupa nang makita siyang walang malay sa kuwarto niya, may tabletas na nagkalat sa sahig, at kahit ang bote ay nabasa ko ang pangalan. Paano ko hindi makakalimutan ang tabletas na isa sa…ininom ng pasyenteng…namatay noong duty ko dahil sa impeksyon?

Nanginginig ko siyang kinarga, ang natitirang lakas ay nakalaan para masalba at maisugod siya sa ospital, kahit pakiramdam ko, mas mauuna akong mag-aagaw buhay dahil sa kaba at takot na baka sa isang iglap, mawala siya sa amin.

Wala akong kwentang kapatid. Iyon agad ang tumatak sa akin. Dahil sa halip na sa akin siya tumakbo para manghingi ng tulong, isa ako sa…iniisip niyang makakalala sa sitwasyon niya. Gano’n na ba ako sa masamang kapatid na kahit ang pagtakbo sa akin ay hindi mo na magawa, Kali? Gano’n na ba kalayo ang loob mo sa akin?

“Anak… ba’t mo naman ’yon ginawa?” tanong ni Mama, namumugto pa rin ang mga mata kakaiyak nang maiuwi na namin si Kali sa bahay at tahimik siyang umiiyak simula pa kanina.

Hindi ko siya iniimikan. O naiwan pa rin ang isip ko sa mga dahilan niya kung bakit hindi niya ako nakikitang makakatulong sa kanya. Lahat ng sakripisyo ko, lahat ng pagpapaubaya, ni isa man lang doon…hindi niya nakita?

“Lahat ng pangaral ko, Kali, lahat ng paalala, ni isa man lang do’n, hindi mo nagamit?” I blurted out sharply. Gusto kong kausapin siya nang dahan-dahan, ngunit nagtatalo ang simpatya at galit sa akin, na hindi niya ako nakitang unang pagsumbungan sa kabila ng pagsasantabi ko sa sarili para lang mauna siya…buong buhay ko.

“Sino ang nakabuntis sa’yo?” tanong ko, na kung sasabihin niya kahit ang address, talagang pupuntahan ko agad ngayon. Kaya kahit anong pilit sa kanya, panay siya iling, umiiyak, at ayaw umamin.

“Kuya Tyler!” sigaw niya, mabilis ang tayo at tumakbo papalapit sa kakarating lang.

It was like a cinematic play to me. A five-year-old Kali, pulling her hands from my grip, running away in fear. Gusto ko siyang hilain pabalik, pagalitan lalo, at ipamukha na simula bata pa lamang siya, ako na ang tumayo niyang magulang. Ako na ang nag-aalaga sa kanya. Ako…ako ang laging nandiyan. Kaya bakit…bakit mas matimbang ang ibang tao? Bakit parang naging anino lamang ako ng mga sakripisyo ko?

Hindi ba naiisip ni Kali na sa lahat ng tao rito, sila Mama at Papa na mas nakikita ang pagpapa-abort niya kaysa ang maisip na ang buntis ay isang bata? Kung may nakakaintindi sa kanya, kung may mas alam, hindi ba’t…ako iyon?

Kung ginawa ito ni Kali noong mga panahong kinamumuhian ko si Tyler, baka abot langit na ang insekyuridad ko. Pero ngayon na nawala ang galit sa akin, gusto kong malaman kung…ano ang ipinakita sa kanya na ikinagaan ng loob niya. Ano ang dapat kong baguhin?

“Where’s my…” Ang mommy ni Tyler sa umagang iyon nang pagbuksan ko ng pinto dahil tulog mantika pa ’yong isa. Nang bumaba ang tingin niya sa leeg ko, mabilis akong tinubuan ng hiya at naalala ang titig niya sa akin noong event din sa site lalo na’t ilang beses ko siyang nahuling nakatingin sa akin.

“He’s…still asleep. Come in, Ma’am…” Bukas ko nang mas malaki sa pinto.

Pumasok siya at napunta agad ang tingin sa sahig. “Seems like you are now having fun with my son. Good thing you two are now getting along very well…” makahulugan niyang sabi at muling tingin sa leeg ko.

Tumikhim ako, mabilis na naglakad para pulutin ang mga damit, at saktong kumirot pa talaga ang balakang ko na napadaing ako at napahawak sa likuran.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Hiyang hiya ako at pasimple na lang na tumango kahit parang gusto ko na lang magpalamon sa lupa. Gago. Ba’t pakiramdam ko pa yata…alam niya? Kung si Mama, kaya kong pagsinungalingan at mauuto ko sa ganito; siya, parang hindi maiisahan.

Naalala ko tuloy ang isa sa mga kuwento ng asawa niya sa akin noong dinadala niya ako sa travel niya para magluto at doon ako kumikita. Bukambibig niya lagi ang asawa’t anak niya kaya pakiramdam ko, marami na rin akong alam sa Mama ni Tyler. Pinagluto ko tuloy ng pasta dahil mahilig daw siya sa fettuccine pasta. Hindi rin mahirap maghanap ng ganoon sa kusina ng condo ni Tyler dahil sagana siya sa iba’t ibang klase ng pasta.

“You know how to cook fettuccine alfredo?” Puna niya habang nakaupo na sa countertop.

“Yes, Ma’am. Your husband mentioned it to me, and this is one of your son’s favorite pastas, too…”

She stared at me critically. Her eyes were hawk-like, deadly, and cold. Kaya ngayong titig na titig, kinakabahan at alerto ako sa kilos ko. Pero gusto ko ring iparamdam na…hindi niya kailangang mag-alala sa anak niya dahil kaya ko siyang alagaan.

“My son’s a pain in the ass,” she mentioned meaningfully. Gusto ko sanang gatungan na literal nga dahil halos wasakin niya ako kagabi, pero sinarili ko na lang iyon.

“It takes a lot of patience to understand him. He may be childish, immature, and even dumb, but I am an overprotective mother. I may not tolerate whatever his wrongdoings are, but I will not allow anybody to hurt him.”

Natuyuan ako bigla ng laway. Hindi naman tago sa pamilya namin ang mga alitan at away namin noon. Pero naiintindihan ko kung saan nanggagaling ang pagmamahal niya bilang ina…

“And I have high standards for his partner…” dugtong niya, na iyon ang gusto niyang sabihin simula’t sapul. Mukhang ito na yata ang madalas kong nakikita sa TV ah? Mga mayayamang magulang na handang magbigay ng milyon, layuan mo lang ang anak nila…

Baka magka-baon-baon din ako nito sa utang pag sinabi niyang mayaman dapat ang makakatuluyan ng anak niya. May lupain naman akong namana sa lola ko at nasa Siargao pa nga. Pwede ko ’yong tayuan ng business. Hindi rin siya lugi sa’kin dahil masarap ako magluto. Marami rin akong alam sa gawaing bahay. Kung itsura naman ang labanan, kahit wala akong pakialam, ipagmamayabang ko ’tong mukha ko. Magandang lahi ang maibibigay ko kung sakali mang gusto niya ng magaganda at guwapong apo. At kung maka-Diyos naman…kahit araw-araw akong lumuhod sa simbahan, gagawin ko.

“What is it, Ma’am?” tanong ko nang matagalan siyang sumagot.

Umangat bigla ang kilay niya. “Why are you curious? Are you his partner?”

Napaawang ang labi ko. Hindi ko inaasahan. Parang…hinuhuli pa yata ako nito. Pero siguro, ito rin ang magandang tyempo para umamin.

“I love your son, Mrs. Cervando…” I confessed honestly.

“I know,” she answered confidently; her expression remained calm and unreadable.

Tiningnan ko ang pan, pero bumalik ulit sa kanya. “I don’t have my riches yet, but I promise, I will give your son a life worth living for…”

There was a flickering of amusement in her eyes until the side of her lips raised for a smirk. “To be loved back by the people we love is already a luxury. You already have one…”

Ngumuso ako at tuluyang kumalma. Hindi man ako inalok ng milyon ng Mommy niya, pero pakiramdam ko, may kayamanan akong nakuha galing sa kanya. At iyon ang hinding hindi ko tatanggihan.

Bukod sa Mommy ni Tyler, kahit pala si Mama ay nakakapansin na.

“Saan ka nagpalipas ng gabi? Ang sabi ng Papa mo, hinatid mo raw pauwi si Tyler. Magkasama ba kayo buong gabi?” Iyon agad ang bungad niyang tanong nang umuwi na ako.

“Oo, Ma…”

Kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya, pero ang labi, kumurba. Kahit wala siyang sabihin, nakapaskil na sa mukha niya na may alam siya—o may napapansin.

Nagpasya tuloy ako na pumayag nang ibenta ang lupain sa Siargao para ang pera na matitira ay ipangnenegosyo ko na. Kailangan ko nang source of income na pang matagalan lalo na’t ayoko rin naman talagang ang ipanggagastos sa mga dates namin ay sa sarili niyang bulsa. Pansin ko na mahilig siya sa travel kaya baka pwede kaming magtravel sa malalapit lang muna na lugar dito sa Pinas.

“K-Kuya…” taranta niyang tingin nang kumatok ako sa kuwarto niya, makalipas ang ilang araw pagkatapos ng matinding gulo sa bahay. Bago tumulak sa Siargao, ilang araw na namang mawawala rito, ayokong hindi man lang kami nakakapag-usap nang maayos.

The panic in her eyes told me she was expecting another scold from me. Doon ko rin napagtanto na naging madalas ang pangaral ko at nakalimutan ko nang maging marahan o magkausap man lang kami sa mahinahong paraan.

Maybe it was what she needed the most right now. Kaya siguro mas nakita niyang kay Tyler tumakbo dahil alam niyang hindi no’n palalalain ang nararamdaman niya.

“Mawawala ako ng ilang araw. Magiging maayos ka lang ba rito?” I asked gently and distracted myself on her wide vanity mirror to fix my disheveled hair.

“Yes, Kuya…” paliwanag niya, nakaupo na ngayon sa dulo ng kama niya at pinaglalaruan ang mga daliri.

Humarap ako at humalukipkip na isinandal ang sarili sa table ng vanity mirror niya.

“Alam mo na ba ang mga gagawin mo at hindi?” I asked calmly.

She looked at me, but then her eyes dropped to her fingers nervously. Kinalma ko lalo ang ekspresyon ko.

“Yes, I won’t go out and will stay here. Besides, with my decision to…let Kuya Tyler’s family adopt the baby, the least thing I can do right now is to…behave.”

Bumuntonghininga ako. Wala akong problema sa desisyon niya kung iyon ang gusto niya, at may kakayahan din ang pamilya nila na buhayin ang bata. Ang akin lang dito, masyado pa siyang bata para sa lahat ng ito. Kahit na magdi-dise-otso na siya, ang mga ganitong bagay ay hindi dapat muna nararanasan ng mga teenager pa lamang.

Hindi naman ang babae ang mismong kalaban—kundi ang bansa na nililimitahan ang isang babae kung hanggang saan lang dapat ang serbisyong pangkalusugan niya.

Ito ’yung nakakalimutan ng mga nasa paligid natin. Nasaang bansa ba tayo? Kahit pa gugustuhin ng isang babae, kung hindi suportado ng gobyerno, wala silang magagawa at mas pipiliin na lamang na maging batang ina. Hindi dahil iyon ang tama, kundi dahil iyon lang ang tanging paraan na isinusubong solusyon ng isang konserbatibong bansa.

Kaya kahit sabihin mo sa isang babae na mas tama ang aborsyon, kung nasa lugar siya na ilegal ang tingin dito, para mo na rin siyang pinipilit na ilagay sa peligro ang buhay niya.

I slowly walked toward her and sat on her side. Ipinagsalubong niya ang kilay niya. Yumuko ako sa nakaparteng mga hita at tiningnan siya.

“Hindi ka na pala talaga baby ’no?” I pointed out and chuckled a little.

Her eyes widened when she looked at me. I saw how her eyes pooled and tears started pouring out of her eyes. Hindi ko alam kung emosyonal ba dahil buntis, o dahil…ito rin ang unang beses na kinausap ko siya nang may rahan at pag-iingat.

“I’m sorry, Kuya… I… I failed you… I failed everyone…” Nanginig agad ang balikat niya at tinakpan ang mukha gamit ang dalawang kamay.

I pulled her head to my shoulder to at least hush her. Yumakap siya ng patagilid at mas humagulhol. I chuckled and caressed her back.

“I promise…after this, I will make you proud. I will make our parents proud…I promise I will fix the dream I ruined…” iyak niya.

“Ang desisyon mo ngayon, Kali, hindi madali lalo na’t sanay ka sa mga nakatinging mga mata sa’yo. Sanay ka laging nahuhusgahan. Sanay ka na laging may nasasabing pangit sa’yo. Pero huwag mong patayin na mangarap ulit dahil lang tingin mo, nasira mo na ang pangarap na binuo namin para sa’yo. Pwede kang mangarap ulit para sa sarili mo…”

She cried heavily in my arms like a little kid who finally found her way home after being lost. Kaya kung…dito siya mas may kontrol, kung dito niya nararamdaman na may nagawa siyang tama sa kabila ng mga maling pumatid at nagpabagsak ng kumpyansa niya, kung ito ang hakbang niya para mapatawad ang sarili sa pagkakamali at makabangon muli, susuportahan ko ang desisyon niya.

“Tahan na. Napaghahalataan talagang buntis. Emosyonal,” biro ko pa kaya tiningala niya ako.

“Your eyes are bloodshot, too! You are not pregnant, pero you are crying din!” maarte niyang sabi kaya kinurot ko ang pisngi. Mangangatwiran pa talaga.

Niyakap niya akong muli at humingos. “Thank you, Kuya… I know we fight a lot, and I said mean things to you, pero kahit mabigat sa’yo, you always prioritize me before yourself… You are right. I’m…too much. I abused the kindness of our parents because of my desperation to fit in…”

“Tama ka rin naman, Kali. Hindi ko naiintindihan saan nanggagaling ’yang frustration mo na makisabay sa mga kaibigan mo. Pero sana mas makita mo kung maganda ba silang ehemplo sa’yo…kung napapagaan ba nila ang isip mo, o nakakadagdag lang sa insekyuridad mo…”

“What the heck is ehemplo? I’m crying na nga kasi I feel bad. Ngayon naman, I’m crying na rin kasi you’re talking deep tagalog words!”

At kaya rin siguro nagkakasundo si Kali at Tyler dahil ang dami nilang pagkakaparehas. Noong sumunod siya sa akin sa Siargao, natatawa ako na hindi siya mapirmi at mabilis pa yatang mangulila. Pero kinuha ko rin ang pagkakataon na ’yon na ipakita sa kanya ang kinagisnan ko—kung saan ako madalas tuwing summer.

Kaya noong bigla siyang nawala sa paningin ko, kinutuban agad ako. Alam kong…umaalis siya pag nasasaktan siya. Sinubukan ko pang tanungin ang mga kaibigan ko sa Siargao, pero walang ni isang nakakita sa kanya.

“Jasver, I think…I did something wrong…I think I…offended your boyfriend,” si Trina, ang ex ko.

Kumalabog ang dibdib ko. Wala pa lang siyang sinasabing rason, alam kong baka iyon ang dahilan kaya bigla na lang siyang hindi na mahagilap sa Siargao.

“I approached him on that day and told him to tell you about…our picture in the Lighthouse. It’s a sentimental photo to me…and I…I think he misinterpreted my approach. I didn’t know he’s…your lover. I thought he was just a friend…I mean, I didn’t expect you to be bisexual. I’m…sorry… “

Gusto ko siyang pagsabihan kung bakit kailangan niyang banggitin iyon, pero mas pinili kong tumakbo papuntang sakayan para makabalik agad sa Maynila. Inisa-isa ko agad tanungin ang pamilya namin kung nakauwi na ba siya, kaso lahat sila, walang ideya, kahit ang mga kaibigan niya, pinagtanungan ko na.

Ronan:

Hindi na kami magkasama, bro. Nagpaiwan siya sa Siargao eh.

Mikael:

Wala siya ro’n.

Ronan:

Huh? Nandoon siya. May story ’yon na nasa Siargao siya.

Uminit agad ang ulo ko. Wala nga.

Mikael:

Wala nga. Magtatanong ba ako kung nandoon siya?

Ronan:

Sige sige hahaha chachat ko bro, sasabihin ko hinahanap mo :)

At kahit si Mica, isa rin.

Mica:

Oh… I’m not with him at the moment eh. You are friends with Tyler pala? Since when?

Hindi ko na agad nireply-an pa. Kahit sa site, pumunta na rin ako para makasigurado kung nando’n kaso kahit si Julius, hindi raw natyempuhan.

“Ba’t mo hinahanap? Noong nakaraan lang…paika-ika ka pang maglakad sa tabi niya ah? Ngayon, ang bilis mo nang makatakbo para hanapin. Yiee….” At nang-asar pa talaga. Pipilayan ko ’to.

Tinadtad ko siya ng mensahe. Gusto kong tawagan kaso out of coverage pa. Baka naka-airplane mode?

Uwi na…

Anong gusto mo? Ibibigay ko lahat umuwi ka lang sa akin…

“Ano ba kasing huli mong sinabi, Kuya?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Mama habang nakaupo sa sofa, nakayuko sa nakaparte kong hita at hawak ang ulong pumipintig. Hindi ako makatulog nang maayos sa pag-aalala, ngayon, nadatnan na ako ni Mama rito sa sala na gising pa rin.

Nang iinit ang sulok ng mga mata ko. Ang dami-dami kong naiisip. Marami akong pagkukulang, alam ko. Lahat ng mga naging kasintahan ko, kahit maayos na nagwakas, pero lahat ng iyon, dahil sa kakulangan ko.

“Mahirap talaga kalaban ang batang ’yan lalo na pag galit,” si Tito na nandito na rin sa bahay namin dahil nag-alala nang malamang iniwan ako sa Siargao.

“Ime-message ko. Sasabihin ko miss na siya ni Mikael. Baka matablan,” si Papa na kahit si Tito, kinuha na rin ang phone niya.

“Tatanungin ko ang Mommy niya. Baka alam niya kung nasa’n…”

“He likes leaving Kuya…” si Kittie na humikab pa suot ang pajamas niya, nakaupo sa sofa at sa kandungan ay si Ari.

“Gano’n talaga ang batang ’yon, Kittie. Mana ’yan sa Mommy niya pag nagtatampo, umaalis ng bansa. Kaya nga laging nakahanda ang passport ko kasi kung hindi mo susuyuin, maninigas ’yan lalo…”

“Bigyan mo nga ako ng picture ni Tyler, Kuya. Ipopost ko sa Facebook. Baka may nakakita sa kanya…” si Mama na gusto kong pigilan dahil sasamahan niya pa ’yan ng relihiyosong kanta na hindi naman konektado sa post niya.

“Pag galit siya, kung ano man ang sasabihin niya, makinig ka na lang sa kanya, Mikael. Huwag mong sabayan. Kung pwedeng sumang-ayon ka sa bawat sasabihin niya para hindi kayo lalong mag-away. Pag galit ’yon, hindi pwedeng mas galit ka rin…” pangaral ni Papa.

“Mukhang tama nga ang hinala ko. Nauna na siya sa Miami…”

Nireplyan niya lang ako, nanghihingi ng ilang araw, pero sa mga napanood ko sa story niya sa Instagram, parang hindi ko kayang maghintay.

I remembered his confession in the elevator. He purposely hurt me in the parking lot because he was mad at me. Kaya ngayong galit siya ulit, parang may gagawin siyang

Kaya kahit ang plano ay si Papa ang sasama para sa checkup ni Kali, ako ang nagpresinta. Pumayag agad sila para lang mapauwi ko, lalo na’t ayoko rin talagang patagalin ito. Baka kung ano-ano nang naiisip niya.

Nasa airport na ako noong iniisa-isa ko iyong mga stories niya. Wala akong pinalampas. Kahit mga nata-tag, binibisita ko rin ang wall. Lahat ay close sa kanya—clingy sa kanya. Kaya noong nahanap ko ang isang video na nasa highlights ng kaibigan niya, parang nanikip ang dibdib ko.

May kahalikan siya. Hindi lang…basta-bastang halik. Kita ko ang dila nila, kung paano nanatili ang ngisi niya sa labi at ang senswal na paglihis ng tingin niya sa gilid para tingnan ang camera. Kahit pa kita niyang may nakavideo, mas ginanahan niyang halikan ang babae—mas nilalaliman pa.

My throat felt like there was a barbed wire rolled around it, clenching my breath to reach my lungs.

“Is that…Kuya Tyler? He’s…kissing someone else?”

Tumayo pa ako, wala sa sariling naglakad sa CR dahil parang hindi ako makahinga, at iniwan ang phone ko sa upuan. Naghilamos ako, hinabol ang hininga, at gustong burahin ang video na paulit-ulit nang nagpi-play sa isip ko.

Gumaganti ka ba? Sobrang sakit ba ng naiparamdam ko sa’yo sa Siargao na ganito ka lalim ang balik ng pananakit mo?

I sniffed and decided to buy a mineral water for myself. Tinapik ni Tito Frederich ang balikat ko at pinisil iyon. Ramdam ko na kahit siya, apektado na sa inaasal ko.

“Kuya, check the date of the video. Baka hindi siya recent…” payo ni Kali.

Kaya kahit nasa eroplano na, hindi ko mapakawalang tingnan ang highlight hanggang sa napansin ko ang date. Tama nga si Kali, hindi recent.

Para akong nakahinga nang maluwag. Ikakamatay ko pa yata itong pagseselos ko. In-off ko pa ang phone ko, isiniksik sa bulsa dahil namamatay na ang ilaw para sa take-off, nahihilo hindi lang dahil sa pag-angat, kundi dahil na rin sa video.

Kung kailangan ko siyang bigyan agad ng mapanghahawakan niya, lahat ng meron ako ngayon, isusuko ko para sa kanya. Kung may ayaw man siya, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na baguhin. Kahit inamin kong talo na ako, kung hindi pa rin sapat ang pagluhod, kahit halikan ko ang mga paa niya para lang maramdaman niyang nakadapa na ako sa lupa, gagawin ko.

Humanda siya. Pag nakaapak ako sa Miami, sisiguraduhin kong mabubura ’yang mga nakaraan niyang videos sa kung sino mang mga huli niyang nakalandian dahil papalitan ko ng akin.

I will make sure that my thirsty kisses will be documented with him too, and his friends will only remember how I marked him mine.

“Look, love…” Ipinakita ni Tyler sa akin ang Instagram stories ng friends niya na ikinaangat agad ng kilay ko. “They took a video of us kissing. Are you comfortable being documented? I’ll tell them to delete this if—”

“Hayaan mo na. Hindi naman ako mahilig mag social media. Kahit ilagay ’yan nila sa highlights nila, ayos lang…” seryosong sabi ko, kunwari wala masyadong pakialam pero s’yempre hindi pinahalatang gumana rin ang tunay na pakay ko. Sana nga mag-viral pa eh…

I want to dominate his world slowly. Na kahit umalis man siya sa susunod, kahit hindi ako kasama, maaalala niya ako roon hanggang wala siyang magagawa kundi umuwi pabalik sa akin dahil sa pangungulila. Ang lakas mong umalis, huh…

“Are you gonna propose?” Kittie asked curiously while I was busy eyeing the rings. Pagkauwi galing sa Miami, ito na agad ang laman ng isip ko.

“Promise ring, Kittie…” Na kahit alam kong walang wala lang ’to sa kaya niyang ibigay sa akin, pero alam kong malaking bagay na ito para sa kanya dahil ito pa lang ang meron ako…

“I don’t like him for you. Why are you in love with him when he’s just hurting you? When he’s just making you cry?”

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. Naalala ko kung gaano niya rin ka-ayaw noon sa ex ko na lagi niyang nakakaaway, sinusungitan, at iniirapan. Pero si Tyler, walang ibang ginawa kundi ang ngitian ang batang ’to at pagtiisan. Hindi siya natatablan sa mga ginagawa ni Kittie, na para bang naiintindihan niya ang galit ng kapatid ko.

“Kilalanin mo, Kittie. Mukha lang ’yong tarantado…” Pero tarantado naman talaga. “Pero kung kinilala mo, maiintindihan mo bakit mahal ko siya.”

“I don’t want to…” Umirap siya. “I still hate him. He needs to grovel. You forgave him so easily. If you are gonna marry him soon, then I will keep my eye on him and test him every day. For sure he will grow tired, and he will leave again…” At parang pahihirapan niya pa yata.

Pero sa sobrang tigas no’n baliin, nakalma ako. Mahirap ’yong matinag. Marunong siyang manindigan, marunong ipaglaban ang gusto niya kahit pa isigaw ng lahat sa kanya na hindi iyon para sa kanya.

Gusto ko ngang itali agad, kaso ayokong madaliin. Saka na pag milyonaryo na ako. Sa ngayon, ikukulong ko na lang muna sa mga bisig ko…

“Peekaboo!” ang tinig niya pagpasok ko sa kuwarto. Kakatapos ko lang magluto, at nakadapa siya sa kama ko; sa ilalim ng dibdib niya ay ang kapatid kong si Kian na sampong buwan na, malakas at malutong ang hagikhik habang hawak niya sa bawat kamay ang kulot na buhok ni Tyler.

Muli niyang ibinaon ang mukha sa tiyan ni Kian at aahon ulit sabay kiliti niya sa leeg ni Kian. Ang kapatid ko, mas humagikhik lalo.

I smiled and joined him on the bed. Humilata ako habang patagilid na nakaharap sa kanya. May date dapat kami ngayon na kami lang, kaso gusto niya talagang umuwi muna rito sa Cavite para kay Kian. Ngayon, pinanggigigilan niya na ng ilang oras.

Humalakhak siya nang hinila na ni Kian papalapit sa kanya ang mukha niya, at gusto na yatang kagatin siya sa noo, nanggigil na rin sa kanya. Tinanggal ko tuloy ang kamay ni Kian na sobrang higpit ang pagkakahawak sa buhok niya na may iilang hibla na siyang hawak nang matanggal ng tuluyan.

“Kaizer, say Kuya Tyler best kuya…” kausap niya sa pambatang boses kaya nangingiti kong hinampas ang pwet niya.

“Pag ’yan english agad ang mother tongue, ikaw ang bubuhay niyan hanggang college,” banta ko kahit alam kong kaya niya rin talaga ’yon, at baka nga, kusang loob niya pang gagawin.

“Love, Kali is giving birth next month. I’m really excited…”

Tingnan mo nga. Gusto niya na ngang araw-araw namin dalawin si Kian, kahit ang baby na nasa tiyan pa ni Kali, pinaghahandaan niya na rin. Noong binilhan niya ng mga gamit at kasama ako, parang hanggang kolehiyo na ang gusto niyang bilhin.

Kaya ngayong lakad namin, sinigurado ko talaga na sagot ko ang lahat. Malaki-laki rin kasi ang kinikita ng business namin. Ang 10 percent sa thirty percent na profit ko, pinangdidate ko sa kanya.

Nanganak si Kali ng babae, si Telly. Emosyonal siya noong inakay ang sanggol; nahihirapan pang hawakan kaya ginabayan ko, habang may binubulong-bulong siya at hinalikan ang noo nito.

“Sorry, ah? I know they will take good care of you! Money will never be a problem, and you will be surrounded by people who love you very much. You will have an amazing Kuya like me, too! I hope you won’t hate me once you grow up… pero this is all I can do for you as a mother… a sacrifice I need to endure for your own good.”

Hindi iyon madali para sa pamilya namin. Kahit si Kali, sumailalim pa sa therapy para hindi maapektuhan ng kung ano-anong negatibo ang isip niya. Hindi problema ang gastos dahil pagdating kay Kali, sagot lahat ng Mommy ni Tyler. Nahihiya na nga ako ro’n pero gusto kong respetuhin ang proseso ng dalawa.

Naiintindihan rin ng mga magulang ko ang desisyon ni Kali. Hindi lang pera ang kulang, kundi…ang kakayahan mismo ni Kali na maging ina. Ngayong may magandang oportunidad na naghihintay sa bata, na makukuha niya lahat ng karapatan niya, alam kong iyon ang desisyon na kaya niyang indahin ngayon.

“Mom quit her job to take care of Telly, can you believe it?” balita sa akin ni Tyler, lalo na’t si Telly, nasa US na. Kahit ang Daddy niya, nandoon din. Itong si Tyler, kakagraduate lang ngayong taon, susunod din sa kanila pero bibisita lang.

“One happy family sila ro’n sa US, tapos ang anak nila, naiiwan dito nang hindi man lang nila kinukumusta. Porket ang dalas ko sa Cavite, tingin yata nila nagpaampon na ako sa inyo at may sarili na rin akong pamilya rito…” At kahit kailan talaga, ang drama nito.

Nagluluto ako, pero nasa likod ko siya, nakayakap, at ang baba niya ay nakasandal sa balikat ko. Nasa condo niya kami, uuwi rin mamaya sa Cavite dahil gusto niya raw bisitahin ulit si Kian.

“Pero uuwi raw sila pag one year old na si Telly. Dito nila planong handaan… Cute nga no’n eh… Kulot ang buhok niya, may waves. Tapos ang mga mata, mana sa inyo, mas ginto nga lang ang kanya.”

“Sobrang cute nga rin ni Kali noong baby pa ’yan kaya ang dalas kong mapaaway diyan…”

“Man… I really want to have our own kids in the future. I want a baby girl with cognac brown eyes and curly hair. Our son will have my eyes and your jet-black hair…”

Pinag-iisipan ko pa rin talaga kung mag-eenroll na ako sa med school next year. Kaya ko na rin namang paaralin ang sarili ko dahil may business kami na lumalago rin sa Siargao. L’amour , a french word for love. Iyon ang naisip niyang pangalan ro’n.

Ang nagiging target nga naming dalawa ngayon ay bumili ng lupa sa susunod na taon din. Siya, gusto niya sa ibang bansa. Ako, gusto ko naman dito lang ulit sa Pinas. Pinag-uusapan pa naming mabuti dahil parang hindi ako sanay na nawawalay ako sa pamilya ko.

“You can build your own clinic after you graduate from your med school if you wanna use your program, you know… Imagine, sa labas ng clinic mo, mababasa ang Dr. Mikael Jasver Chua. Tapos sa kabila ay tatayuan ko ng business para magkatabi pa rin ang pangalan natin…” He smirked proudly at me while driving.

Kung ano-ano na lang talaga ang pumapasok sa isip niya. Pero nasasanay na rin ako. Ayaw ko nga lang sumang-ayon dahil talagang gagawin niya ’yan. Pinipili ko lang iyong matitino niyang plano.

Pag park sa bahay, patay ang ilaw sa labas. Tulog na ba sila? Binuksan ko ang gate lalo na’t may susi naman ako.

“Maybe they’re all asleep?” hula niya na halatang nagsisinungaling dahil sa halatang pagpapanggap.

Kaya noong buksan ko na rin ang pinto, si Tyler ang bumukas ng ilaw sa sala, nagulat ako bigla sa sigaw at ang pagputok ng sunod-sunod na confetti. Huh…

“Happy birthday, Kuya!” sabay-sabay nilang hiyaw, habang si Kittie pa ang may hawak ng cake.

“See, Kuya Tyler! I told you he would forget about his birthday!” si Kali na malaki ang ngiti.

“Birthday ko ngayon?” I asked cluelessly. Oo nga pala, November ngayon…

“Ayaw mo kasing nagbibirthday eh! Sabi ko kay Tyler, hindi ka na mahilig maghanda, pero nagpumilit na isurpresa ka!” si Mama na ngiting ngiti.

Nilingon ko siya sa likod ko. Yumuko siya at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. “Happy birthday, love…”

Humagikhik ang pamilya ko. Si Papa, nagvivideo pa yata at malaki ang ngisi. Alam ko kung para saan ’yan.

Hindi ko maproseso nang maayos nang may ibinigay na siya agad sa akin. Tumili si Kali. Kunot noo kong tinanggap ang susi.

“My gift… and it’s actually already parked outside.”

Nalaglag ang panga ko. Ang bigay niyang susi, walang iba kundi…

Pinagtutulak ako ng pamilya ko palabas hanggang nasa terasa na. Binuksan ang ilaw sa garahe at may nakita agad ako na agaw-pansin. Ang gusto kong sports car, ang Nissan GTR, nakapark sa garahe namin at may pulang ribbon pa sa ulo…

Nagtitilian ang pamilya ko, habang ako, gulat at nakatitig sa kotse na kumikinang na sa mga mata ko.

“Nabanggit mo noong nasa Miami tayo. I’ve noted the things you mentioned as your favorites…” aniya sa likuran ko.

“Ang mahal nito,” sabi ko kahit na alam kong ang ganitong bagay, afford niya lalo na’t black card user siya.

“Well, it’s your favorite car. I’m quite jealous I’m not your favorite car…” bulong niya ng makahulugan kaya natawa ako at naiiling na lang.

Mas maligalig pa ang pamilya ko. Titig na titig ako ro’n, hindi makapaniwalang akin talaga ’yon.

“Thank you, love,” wala sa sarili kong sabi.

Parang may napukaw sa akin na kabataan ko. Rinig ko sa isip ko ang bungisngis ng batang Mikael, ang mahilig mangolekta ng mga sasakyan, at ngayon…may sarili nang sports car. Hindi ko nga lang pinaghirapan, pero dahil bigay mismo ng taong importante sa akin, mas naging mabigat ang sentimental value niya.

“Hindi mo ba naalala na…pinag-awayan natin ’yung laruan kong Nissan GTR noong mga bata pa tayo?” tanong ko dahil iyon ang isa sa hindi ko rin makakalimutan talaga. Kami na lang dalawa sa garahe dahil pumasok sila para ihanda na ang salo-salo. Hinahaplos ko ang bawat parte ng kotse, pero halos kabado pa akong idampi ang kamay ko at baka magasgasan ko.

“I don’t remember that part, but your father mentioned we punched each other?”

Hindi ko na rin naman talaga tanda ng buo. Pero alam ko, isa iyon sa pinag-ugatan.

“Basta tanda ko, ninakaw mo ’yong laruan ko…” I chuckled. “Tapos ngayon, nakakatawa lang na ikaw rin ang may bigay nitong Nissan GTR…”

Lumapit siya lalo sa akin. Maingat akong sumandal sa katawan ng kotse. Itinuko niya agad sa bawat gilid ko ang mga kamay, yumuko ng kaunti para lang magkalebel ang mukha namin.

“Do you have more wishes?”

Humalakhak ako. “Ano pa bang hihilingin ko na wala sa akin ngayon?”

“That’s it? You still have millions of wishes from me that I’ll gladly give to you. I’m like your genie who can grant you everything…” Nangingiti niyang inilapit ang tungki ng ilong sa akin.

“Meron na ako lahat…” I whispered while smiling, tilted my head, and brushed my lips on his.

Rinig namin ang katuwaan ng pamilya ko sa loob, nang gumanti siya ng halik, mas nangibabaw sa akin ang tunog ng palitan ng mga labi namin.

“You have another gift you can actually unwrap this time…” bulong niya, at sa ngisi pa lang, alam ko na agad.

“Mamaya na. Pag tayo na lang dalawa…” bulong ko pabalik.

“You two always kiss everywhere,” ang boses ni Kittie nang lumabas at naabutang magkalapit ang labi namin. “The table is ready. Mama said we’ll eat…”

Natatawa tuloy na tumayo nang tuwid si Tyler at nilapitan si Kittie para kurutin sa pisngi. Tinampal ang kamay niya at inirapan sabay martsa papasok. Nahuli akong pumasok dahil pinatay ko pa ang ilaw sa garahe at siniguradong naka-lock din ang gate.

Pagpasok, nadatnan ko si Mama na pinaghihila ng upuan si Tyler at karga niya na agad si Kian. Si Kittie, pasimpleng nilagyan ng plato para kay Tyler. Si Papa naman, nilalagyan na ang plato ng pagkain habang si Kali ang nagsasalin ng juice sa baso niya.

Buong kabataan ko, para na ring naging tatay sa akin si Tito Fred. Noong nalaman din ng mommy niya na kami na ng anak niya, para niya na akong itinuring din na anak. Kaya masarap sa pakiramdam na makitang mahal na mahal din siya ng pamilya ko.

“Kuya! Halika na! Upo na rito!” tawag ni Mama kaya kahit si Tyler lumingon.

“Come here, love,” he called.

Lumapit ako sa pamilya ko at natawa rin nang ginamit pa ni Tyler ang pambata niyang boses para kunwari ay bumati rin si Kian sa akin.

“Happy birthday, Kuya! Mahal kita pero mas mahal ko si Kuya Tyler…” na nasundan agad ng halakhak ng pamilya ko. Kahit noong umupo na kami lahat, hindi pa rin humuhupa ang ingay dahil sa mga hirit ni Tyler.

Noong napapadalas na siya sa bahay, naging triple na ang ingay sa bahay namin. Pero hindi dahil sa away ng mga kapatid ko, sa galit ng panganay pag nakukunsumisyon, at sa problema ng pamilya, kundi dahil sa tawa mula sa mga biro niya—sa pagpapasaya niya.

Their rumble, louder than thunder, is the warmest melody in my ears that I won’t get tired of listening to.

But my love for him—stronger than hate…will always be the loudest.